#i have so many emotions fuuuuck

[klonoadreams]

Is shanks going to leave mako and uta with luffy? Does this mean they'll be part of the asl siblings? How do you think harp will feel about the free grandkids dropped on his doorstep?

Uhh...yes and no. Yes for Mako, no for Uta. Garp just hella annoyed about Mako like, why did you give me this little criminal as she's gnawing on his fist. But he loves her anyways, thinks she might be more understanding than Luffy, realizes that oh no, there's two of them. And Garp just goes "Fuck me side ways." and proceeds to just get her gifts cuz he has a softer spot for her, but also hoping it keeps her from biting him because DAMMIT, he doesn't want to spend the evening pulling out the fragments of her teeth out of his fist and clothes - he can't ignore it like others do. THE SENSATION FUCKS WITH HIS SENSORY ISSUES.

This is what I call the Mihawk approach, where you effectively bribe Mako with candy and little gifts to get her to behave. She'll be a little shit still, but she'll hold back here and there. :V

Anyways, I just finished watching One Piece RED and I'm devastated but also, this is where the butterfly comes through for Uta.

Remember, because Shanks was in the West Blue for a while, taking care of Mako, he and his crew didn't come across baby Uta. So Uta had a very terrible time with the pirates she was with, as she was just effectively used to earn money for her singing and otherwise do chores.

She ends up still with the Red Hair Pirates and otherwise adopted by Shanks, when they come across her and the pirates that have her try to start shit with them. and Mako is just "Keep, keep!!" like she sees this filthy little girl who is older than her, and she senses so much HURT, that she's just "hey, come with."

And of course, it takes much, much time for Uta to wind down since she's in fight or flight mode, much like Sanji. Which is why the two definitely get along.

though, by the time Shanks heads to Foosha, it's just Robin, Uta, and Mako that's left on the ship. Sanji's left for the Orbit, and Law has, unfortunately, gotten his Ope Ope no Mi to save his life (with a cost).

We still got what happened on Elegia, except you got Mako and Robin who were there to help out when shit went down, so they know exactly how Uta's devil fruit works, but they don't know the real truth behind the destruction.

what you effectively got is survivors on the island, but more of a Naruto post Kyuubi attack, with some people being in the know about Uta and the attack, and those that don't, keep their distance from her because of what they see from others, and even if that wasn't the case, the fact that she came from Shanks, who took the blame for it, then...YEAH.

Uta's not in a good headspace, but...she's a lot less idealistic and a bit more stable in that sense, but she GENUINELY wants to help people because she's BEEN through what they've been through this time from her own experience. The wake shrooms just do a damn good job at making her less emotionally stable, the more that she eats after all.

and because I say so, she gets to live. SHE GETS TO FUCKING LIVE, the difference of having people to communicate around with knowledge of the devil fruit, thus also cutting the time it took a bit more. So she gets to fall asleep after all is done. And just rest up.

I'M STILL HURT, UTA WAAHHHHHH

Mako and Uta are both alike, in that they've both been left behind by Shanks. but the difference is that Mako kept her dream, while Uta moved on from hers. When they meet up again, you can definitely imagine the slight betrayal, like "WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ME TOO"

"HE LEFT ME BEHIND TOO. HE LEFT THE BOTH OF US BEHIND."

and they're both crying and hugging. They're especially close sisters god dammit.

[paratimeline]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS WEEK'S BOONBOOMGER EPISODE

[altruisticenigma]

Post-EMDR Rambles; none of this is coherent at all but this needs to go somewhere

Cold, frosty, foggy mornings waiting for the bus.

The way the landscape felt under my feet and legs when I walked- hills, dips, how uneven it was.

The feeling of peeling paint chips underneath my hands. The smell of the barn- how drastically the workshop smelled differently from the main room. The feeling of petting the cats. The image of the uneven concrete, and the bird bath among the fronds of the hot poker plants. The feeling of the rough concrete underneath my hands and legs from the "front porch," and how it felt like it was always damp, no matter what.

The rocks alongside the flower bed, and how I'd walk along them- if you were careful, you could walk from one side of the house to the other. My feet always found the natural path easily. That one rock on the side of the driveway. How much I would sit on it. The look and the feeling of the sap from the huge pines surrounding the house.

I thought a house was supposed to be haunted, not a house haunting me. I can't tell if I'm trapped there, or if it is a comfort beckoning me back home. I remember the feelings- the smells, the textures, the sights- as vividly as I had lived them. But unfortunately I remember the violence of you at the same time, and it makes no sense. It's a home; you were the worst thing to happen to me. Why are those two things getting so muddled in my mind like one big chaotic, violent fucked up flashback? Is there anything you didn't get your fucking hands on?

[moooncats]

✿ Pick A Card : Your Toxic Traits ₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄ᗣ‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎ ✿

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✿ Pile 1 ✿

Popular Loner

Detatched as fuuuuck. 💀 Oof pile 1, I'm hearing you convey the same energy as an Aquarius/Libra. You don't have to be that particular sign, but you do display simmilar traits. With that pile 1, you are very smart and you know that in some situations your words may cut like a knife... and yet you still full send them lmfao. This pile is goofy af, on top of that you are very hard to get a hold of. Deadass I'm seeing you tend to fall off the face of the planet, then randomly reactivate your social media's and positing again to see who missed you or whats buzzing. 🐝 ✨️ I'm hearing "Whats the tea 🍵?¿" Your card Pile 1 was the Queen of Swords. Althought it may seem like a favorful card, this is actually far from the truth. You are so in touch with your logic based brain that you are failing when it comes to connecting to your own emotions. They are turned off so you can percieve things as they actually are and continue to stay on the high pedstal that you put yourself on. Pile 1, I'm seeing here that so many people want to collaborate with you, but you love them at a distance. You rarely do anything else that isn't hanging out with your family doing errands, or working and stacking up silently. This may also be my piles who work from home. You prefer to be secluded in your own energy and most don't know that much about you. You may also be very "vocal" when it comes to your social media. This can lead to "trolling" or "fights" that happen. Pile 1 lets be honest, you like to stir the pot lmfao. Messsyyyy.

✿ Advice From Spirit ✿

Your Angel guides and spirits think you'll grow out of this phase. So that's good news right there pile 1. You may be on the Younger side, or have a youthful way of thinking. Honestly, you as a person is very likable. You tend to gravitate people towards you just from vibes alone, and people love that about you. I'm hearing, "You need to rationalize better, and use honesty in your everyday life with straightfowardness". With this type of living, your encounters will become enriched with trust from your own judgment and maintain integrity in your day to day life. I'm also hearing "Be there for people more, open up your boundaries and live life day by day, be present". Once you genuinely want to spend time with more people, you will reach the point of your life where you can be of guidance to others. Just like how the Queen of Swords was. Less Arguments, and more Growth. 🌱 (:

Channeled Songs:

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✿ Pile 2 ✿

Fight Club

"THANK GOD I AIN'T HAVE TO SMACK A B**** TODAY"

Why do you feel the need to even have to fight if you'll always come out right in the end? Like whats the use... I'm seeing someone who likes to get receipts, facts, everythinggggg before they start to go psycho mode and yell at people to defend their own ideals. Pile 2, your card was 5 of Swords. I'm hearing Smack a Bitch by Rico Nasty.

Especially when she say's "Don't work at MAC, but I'll beat a bitch's face". Bwahahaha Pile 2 you are fighters let's go! It reminds me of something my gamer girl friend always says "Violence is always the answer". While it may seem true to you; ya do know that sometimes it's better to let things settle and silence is always an answer as well? Why must you add more flames into the conversation just to set everything and everyone on fire? Contemplate on that thought pile 2 lmfao. You may think that you're very defensive and you wouldn't hurt a fly but babyyyy Tarot ain't lying here Lmao. Lemme call you out (with love ofc haha ♡). Pile 2 you are seen as a hot pan. Filled with oil and if one spec of water touches you, you'll go ape shit hahah. People around you have learned to just keep you happy and fed so you don't go all aggro on them. They know you hold grudges secretly until you kinda just dgaf then full send all those emotions that were held deep inside. Honey, you have to do some shadow work before you make everyone around you run. Trust me being lonely is not a flex. As human beings, we need to be surrounded by each other to function properly.

✿ Advice From Spirit ✿

Please look within yourself and ask for help from your loved ones. I'm hearing "We just want to know that you are okay". Giiiiirl, soooo many people are trying to reach out to you- yet you give them the cold shoulder and take on all this pain as your own... it is not. You are amazing, wonderful, LOVED. You have people around you who want to help, let them pile 2. I'm seeing that they are your soul tribe, and they will help you through the grief and pain you are going through. Your Angel Guides and Spirits want you to gain Fortitude during these times, it is great to be resillient and compassionate during these times. They also want me to bring up shadow work. It will help you a lot on your jouney here on earth. Please start journaling all those past trauma's so they can heal and you can be more level headed and yourself. (: Heres a hug pile 2, you'll get through it one day. ♡

Channeled Songs:

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✿ Pile 3 ✿

Depersonalization

You are it baby. Honey, You're a star did you know that?

All eyes are on you. You may have already known that from a young age, but I'm seeing here that you tend to dim your light so others can shine more. Why do you do that? Stars are meant to be seen. You are supposed to be guiding people, but instead you're making others guide randoms and they have nothing in common? Lmfao I'm seeing you being extremely friendly to everyone and when one bad person says something wrong about you, your whole friend group is broken up cause you trusted too easily and you made someone else their star. Giiiiirl get it together. You are deadass the main character without even trying, yet you feel insecurities that aren't even there. Seriously who says one star is better than the other? They are all equally beautiful. And like a snowflake, no two are like the other. Your card was The Star pile 3. ⭐️✨️ You are constantly putting bad eggs on the pedastal while you reduce yourself down to less than that of dirt. It's so sad to hear and see pile 3. People can clearly see that you are insecure, and you like to hold feelings like jealousy because you feel a sense of incomplete. Oof that was really deep pile 3, please let me know if I hit a nerve. This is coming from love I promise. ♡♡♡

✿ Advice From Spirit ✿

Pile 3, never let your dreams die. You know that you are on the right path when you are following it with clear conscice intentions. Your spirit already knows what to do. Just tap into your intuition and follow it. Embrace your unique talents and always let them shine brightly. Have faith in the universe and you will forever shine brightly like a star in the night sky. ♡ Please start listening to empowering songs that will make you feel amazing and great. I added in two from my playlist for you pile 3. Please make sure to read the lyrics and use it as a daily affirmation. You will 100% feel the difference in 2 weeks max. ♡

Channeled Songs:

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Mahalo for reading this! If you enjoyed it please leave a like and comment down below. Comments always make my day honestly. ♡ I hope what I said did not offend people. It was advice sent from spirit with love. ♡ You are all amazing, wonderful, rad individuals! (: Remember to drink and stay hydrated baby bats! 🦇 ^-^ Moooncats out! 🚀⭐️✨️

[catastrophicalcat]

Catwoman's Love Interests, Ranked

No. 1. Batman. Predictable? Perhaps. Correct choice? Absolutely. They work purrfectly together. I may roll around to write a similar post for Bruce, but from Selina's perspective, he is an equal to her, values her independence, and helps her believe in herself.

(From the double date in Batman (2016) # 37, where Lois is wearing Selina's outfit)

No. 2-10. Selina herself. She is independent! But seriously, one of the things I loved the most from her 90s run was how not romance-focused she was! It was a lot of fun and refreshing to see female main character just not give a fuuuuck about romance.

(Look at her, just slapping this creep away as a squirrel laughs at him! From Catwoman (1993) #30).

No. 11. Christopher Castillo "Blondie". From Selina's adventures in Rome, the Blond was enamoured, charming, and helpful. Also, it wasn't clear if the attraction was truly reciprocal, or if Selina just got a fun vacation boy toy.

(Catwoman, When in Rome #6)

No. 12 Dean Hadley. I am not sure he really qualifies as a love interest, since I don't think that Selina was into him, but at least he died heroically trying to protect her.

(Can't compete with Batman, dies tragically, from Catwoman (2018) # 34)

No. 13 to 20. Selina on her own some more! Can't get enough of this girl on her own! Love the storyline where she unknowingly has a crush on a serial killer in a dog mask. You know what she did when she found out the truth about her crush? That's right, clawed the shit out of him!

(Catwoman (1993) #53. I think this storyline counts as her loving herself than being into this guy - she barely had any qualms about dumping him once she found out; none of that "but maybe I can fix him" for this cat!)

No. 21. The Riddler. Shocking choice, I know! But I'm thinking here of the Lonely City version - Batman is dead, time has passed, he made amends, they found each other. Doesn't work in other continuities, was fun here.

(Catwoman: Lonely City #3. The reveal that Eddie was a coke addict makes SO.MUCH.SENSE).

No. 22. James Thien. I guess he was fine. I didn't like it because her interest into him was really jarring - this was during the post-wedding break-up period when Selina was generally falling apart. But James was neither fish nor fowl. There wasn't enough development for her to be genuinely interested in him, and her interest was portrayed more like genuine interest than a random hook-up.

(Literally, I think that this is all the development there is! And then I don't remember what happened to him. Maybe he also died? That kind of seems to happen to her love interests a lot. Catwoman (2018) #12)

Nos. 22-90. Selina on her own some more! And Eiko. And others. Never enough of Selina being on her own! I also think that Eiko goes somewhere here probably, if not in my earlier "Selina on her own spot" - I just haven't read the New 52 run so I dunno. Other possible contenders in this range:

Onyx (but I don't think they had enough development)

The Trickster (Reddit tells me he's a Catwoman love interest but I don't remember it so it must have been neither good nor bad)

Spark (also new 52, so I dunno).

OK, this is where we get to bottom of the barrel, where unfortunately most other folks are. BTW, what's up with Selina having so many relationships with older mentor figures?

No. 91. Frank Baz. Some mafioso with whom Selina was hanging out in Italy. Ranked so low since he seems like a bad guy, there was a big age difference with her being really young, and he didn't do that much.

No. 91. Slam Bradley Sr. I think that Brubaker did a decent job making the romance between Selina and Slam Sr. work. I like how the run addressed how messy this relationship was, and how Slam was kind of preying on Selina's vulnerable emotional state. (Slam shouldn't have won that argument, but at least it was raised!) But unfortunately this is ranked so low since Slam becomes kind of a chump later on in the run and Selina's relationship with his son makes this very creepy.

(From Catwoman (2001) #17. Their relationship was actually pretty good in the beginning, but quickly got icky...)

No. 92. Wildcat/Ted Grant. I really like the backstory of Selina learning boxing from Wildcat. It's a sweet little bit setting up her eventual super-heroics, plus, Wildcat is awesome! He's a grumpy old man who is respected by everyone, even Batman (whom he also trained). Which is why I hated when Wildcat/Catwoman wrote her to have a crush on him. Gross! Did I mention that he's old?

(Catwoman/Wildcat #3. The art in this book is really 90s)

No. 92. Slam Bradley Jr. I totally get that hot people in costumes would have one night stands on rooftops after adrenaline rush situations. And the poor guy died right after sleeping with Selina! Nonetheless, ranked so low because it's sooo weird since she slept with his dad - which I think he knew - plus I'm pretty sure that their relationship started really antagonistic. Principles before hoes, bro! Also, not his fault but I don't like how he messed up Helena's paternity story some more.

(Catwoman (2001) #61. No idea why Selina tells the dad the story about how she banged his son?)

No. 93. Cat cult person who kidnapped Selina, dressed her up as princess Leia, and tried to marry her. Forgot this dude's name. Considering the stuff he did, he was a pretty nice dude. But - the stuff he did is pretty despicable!

(Catwoman #31. I really hated this storyline, so I feel like he should be lower, but I also really hated Stark and Valmont, so where can it go? Also not sure that kidnapping and forced marriage qualifies as a "love interest"; may rethink including him altogether but I also wanted to emphasize how much I don't like Stark or Valmont).

No. 94. Stark. Criminal who took Selina under his wing when she was still an underage sex worker, and slept with her. He's also a murderer. Pretty gross person overall, really creepy relationship.

(Selina's Big Score)

No. 95. Valmont. I really hate Valmont, OK? I wrote a whole giant post already about how much I hate him!

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale Analysis... 2/2 - 1/2

jesus, imagine getting your entire life force RIPPED out your body, and being able to look back at it. i feel like this is only a taste of what the dissassembly drones went through during transformation.

uzi desperately trying to scoop her core back into her gaping open chest will haunt me for life, i think. and her hands haven't regenned yet, leaving her to scramble even more. absolutely. horrific. probably gonna be the most gruesome moment in this series for me altogether. didn't even notice N getting yoinked away there lol

this whole sequence as well… we, or N starts hearing a second voice while she repeats “let me in,” but who is it?? the actual cyn? one thing i know for sure though, is here is where N starts to get his past flashbacks, specifically of being torn apart and transformation. fuuuucked. up

i realize now that Uzi’s protecting her core from Cyn’s callback pings in all the times she’s grabbing at her chest, but at first i really thought she was terrified of losing her core again. which: UNDERSTANDABLE GIRLIE!! MY heart?? broke.

so, N did see the actual Cyn while he got tore open. and now he’s having proper trauma flashbacks and getting back bits and pieces. this absolutely breaks my heart, seeing how desperately panicked he gets, watching memories of what i’m only assuming is V being transformed. my sweet baby. for a moment i thought for sure he was going into a full panic attack. it’s a good thing hand holding pulled him out of a full on episode, but i think this man deserves a nice big breakdown after everything to process all the shit he’s been through. pretty sure V needs the same thing, having held onto these memories a whole lot longer. post series group therapy sesh?

i think i'm gonna hear CALLBACK PING in my nightmares, actually.

AND THIS IS WHERE I FUCKING CRY!!! after everything, after learning J was never on their side, V breaks. she needs to let everything out in the open to N. her apology and genuine emotion is so, so important to me… she LOVES him! always did! and it fucking hurt to have to hide like she did, only for it to all be a trick! she wanted to be honest with him this whole time, but she was so scared! she felt like she HAD to resort to acting resentful towards him and pushing him away! it gets me so, so bad.

and then N sacrifices his own safety to save her.

also teefs.

sorry

oh god. when V realizes that she’s only led N to his death… and that this long ago promise was only one big trick… everything falls down around her. she desperately grasps at being able to fix this. she blames herself. as Eternal Dream plays in the background… it was always their song, man. it was always V singing to N. so many of the lyrics fucking HURT now, putting it into this bittersweet context.

“let my body keep you warm, let my essence be your breeze, can you hear me calling? please look out for me. can you set me free?” it was always a love letter to N. (platonically. i see it platonically, better yet, in a sibling way.) the wishes she had for him to know everything. for them to be together. for her to not have to hide. to go home, to be set free from her neverending dream. it’s all so horrible and lovely and poetic to me. she deserves everything. they deserve everything.

and then her expressions as Cyn’s about to eat N’s heart, agonizingly slowly, staring her straight in the eyes so mockingly to pour salt in the colossal gaping wound. HEGGDHHSGSGGH💔

on a side note, i find it so interesting how, seemingly, a drone’s core magnetically gets yanked back to the body as soon as it gets a tiny chance. very ehm… helpful.

bi uzi tho. QUEEEEEEN PROUD OF HER FOR COMING OUT 💜

“glad you’re not dead or whatever.” waaaahahahh. they care for each other. bwuhuhuhh.

here, howd she stop letting the callback ping effect her….? just from being cringe and free?…. queen i guess?

also, she can effectively control the solver without cyn making it go crazy anymore. is this a result of just practicing and gaining more control over it? she’s just built different? or another plot hole? shrug noise. i said i was oddly okay with the plot holes, so that stands true here too.

nori already flinging herself into mom mode with her terms of endearment had me CRYING BRO!!! development!! she went from “i caused every horror in her life,” i gotta stay away from her, to HELL YEAH THAT’S MY DAUGHTER, KICKING ASS!! mom of the year ❤️

the entire fight scene was SO GOOD!!! i need AJ Dispirito’s “Bite Me” song injected into my bloodstream RIGHT NEOOWW!!

i’m obsessed with seeing them hold hands to calm each other down after a moment that affects one of them. it’s my favorite thing. we came so far from episode 6…… wipes tear

the lyrics focused on these two here is interesting to me… V saying to let her go, Uzi saying she’s not worth saving… either i’m looking too deep into it or OUCH GUYS NOOHOHO, MY SWEETIES

this had to be giffed. also, i love these scenes breaking the immersion several times and showing that all this time the nightcore is just playing through uzi’s ipod in the distance. absolutely genius.

i’ll admit, i was so confused from the black hole scene at first. but now i understand somewhat. after uzi grabbed her core and formed a [null,] she essentially had cyn’s life force. all those times she got away by turning herself into a black hole and floating off... that was essentially HER. in the void here, cyn had to try and get it back to come back to the living, like a drone putting their core back in their chest but in a weird, eltrich cyn way, i guess? instead of her core, its the manifestation of the solver itself? cyn’s and tessa’s bodies are so far gone, that all that’s left is the solver? and as soon as uzi saw what was happening, she knew she couldn’t have it back.

she fucking eated it…. homph. that was not on cyn’s bingo card. the eyes are HILARIOUS

awwwww husband wife reunion! she is so uzi’s mother.

and now, before we get into the end of things, my vizzy propaganda. not only did lizzy KNOW that v wasnt dead, and distracted j for her, but now, in @ottterpops' words, the sentinel is just like the pet she doesn’t want. its her and v’s daughter now, it’ll grow on her for sure : )

and now, my chosen video! :D

EVERYTHING about this scene, N calling for her, the HUG, him squeezing the LIFE out of her, her noises of getting choked and giggling, sent arrows straight through my heart, THEYRE SUCH CUTIES AAUHHHHG!! n spinning her around and throwing her in the air, her tackling v, ugh! THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY LITTLE ENDING!

she’s a fucking mary sue guys, ohhhh my lord. the eyes are so so cool though, they literally look like a sunset. she is living her best mary sue life now, jesus christ. she deserves it ❤️

uzi, uzi my beloved. she feels like a dear, dear friend, my sweet little emo who goes through the horrors and comes out of it with all her unhinged goofy cringe. i love her so, so much, and i’m SO fucking proud of these three. they deserve the happiest little life together.

and lastly, end credits!!! during the series rewatch, my friends and i joked that the finale should involve n getting to play a game of cards with everyone. and HAHA SKFHSJCKSJDHDJS

oh they’re def watching a scary movie… look at the way they hold onto each other, i’m done 😭😭 if i redraw anything, it’s gonna be this first tbh.

i ran out of space for images again, but! the solver still being alive in uzi is so good, she’s gonna be a real pain in the ass… the implications this brings up is so fun to think about, ugh the possibility for spinoff series is crazy! i’ll be waiting with baited breath for more content from glitch, whatever it may be! i’ll be happy!

alright, this is probably the longest frickin post i’ve ever made. but god, did i love this show. i’m so grateful my friend got me into it, and i can’t wait to continue loving it, rewatching it and messing with my stories for as long as that’s gonna last.

thank you Murder Drones, Glitch, and Liam Vickers. now to waste money that i don’t have on merch!! 💫

[overwhelmed-overweight]

hey, i really appreciated the post you made on BED. describing ana habits w bed as pouring oil over a fire is so accurate. do you have any more relevant tips to lose weight? or to break the cycle? im really struggling.

I'm glad (and sad tbh) so many people felt seen by that post!

Honestly I could write a book on how to lose weight, both from a scientific nutritional and psychological standpoint, but the reality is that I haven't even succeed in my own efforts yet lol. Any "proven"(?) tips I could give would be ones that y'all have probably read and heard hundreds of times over.

But I have a feeling this post is gonna get long, so the rest will be under the cut!

In my opinion, the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it is meeting yourself where you are.

For example, lately I'm dealing with intense stress (family issues, getting ready to sell our house and move to a big city, financial issues, job hunting, a late period...) and it makes it hard to identify emotional eating triggers or fight off addictive tendencies and impulses as a result. It's taking everything in my power and more to not bully the shit out of myself.

As easy as it is to be hard on yourself when facing BED, it only makes things worse. If stress is one of the biggest triggers for BED and you place extra stress on yourself for binging, it ends up being counterproductive as fuuuuck. I know yall know, but it's worth reminding. I know I'm going to binge lately, so instead of fighting it for now I'm just doing damage control.

In terms of tips, I've got a couple that help me personally

Keep a lot of fresh produce and other "safe foods" prepped. I'm a slut for strawberries, air fried tempeh, frozen grapes, rice & gochujang with seaweed, stuff like that.

WATER. This might be an odd one, but before eating anything I'll drink some ice cold water because if I can feel the water hitting my stomach and making it noticeably and entirely cold inside, it means I'm not that full and should/can eat a little. If it's just a little cold, it means I'm mostly full. Preloading with water also keeps me from eating quite as much as I otherwise would.

(TW: sex) If you're so inclined, do something sexual. A lot of the time when I try to figure out what I'm really craving when I'm about to binge, I notice an itch for bold physical stimulation (usually flavor + chewing) and the calming effects that flood my body when that need is met. Masturbation helps me a lot tbh, sometimes I'll make it a whole thing and put on makeup and lingerie. It's not foolproof but it has helped me avoid binges before (especially if you have an enthusiastic partner like mine lmao)

I might edit this post as I think of things. I just want to make sure I'm putting healthy information out there :')

[thatstonedwriter]

⋆｡˚ 「 Family History 」 ⋆｡˚

◉ Sinopsis; Blitz tells Loona about the Circus Fire...

◉ A/n- this scene takes place following the events of the party in the Queen Bee episode. Tbh I'm not quite sure how much Loona canonically knows about Blitzø's past, so this is written under the assumption he hasn't said anything to her at all. This is also my first attempt at a longer fic (other than the song drabbles), so hopefully all goes well.

◉ Warnings; mentions of injuries (severe burns), trauma, vomit, swearing

___˙•˚∘✮🌙ᯓ🪐˙•˚∘___

It's not often Blitzø is genuinely vulnerable. It doesn't come easily to him, knowing that talking about his mistakes could mean his worst fears coming to fruition- that everyone he loves will see him the way he sees himself.

After taking care of Blitzø, Loona goes to her room, closing the door and sitting on her bed.

What did he mean about "dying alone"? Sure, Loona has been around Blitzø enough to know he has something going on, but it's not like either of them has sat down to have in-depth emotional discussions. Now, Loona thinks maybe they should.

Loona's snapped out of her thoughts when she hears Blitzø in the living room.

"Fuuuuck.. I did need to throw up."

She chuckles lightly, debating on going out there to clean up and make sure Blitzø was alright- but then she hears him snoring and decides whatever mess is out there can be cleaned in the morning.

Of course, Loona comes to regret that sentiment. Cleaning dried puke off the floor first thing after waking up isn't how she wants to be spending her time. On the couch, Blitzø groans in his sleep, rolling over, only to fall off the couch and land on the floor.

"You're so lucky I'm almost done cleaning or you would've landed in your own puke," Loona snickers.

"Ugh.. Fuck. Thanks, Looney.." Blitzø groans, bringing a hand to his head and wincing. "Shiiit.." Blitzø stumbles as he stands up, falling back onto the couch and sighing as he gets comfortable again.

"There's pain meds and some water on the side table for you.." Loona says as she finishes cleaning up. "You should take it easy today. You went pretty crazy last night." As Blitzø reaches for the pill bottle and water, Loona sits on the opposite end of the couch, casting a concerned glance at him.

"You uh.. Wanna talk about why you drank like five gallons of Beelzejuice?"

The question is more loaded than she realizes, and it hangs between them like a dense fog. That fog had always been there, but only now is Loona realizing how much it obstructed her view of Blitzø. She knew he crossed himself out of pictures, joked about his relationships and therapy, and had.. unusual coping mechanisms- but she never considered why. Loona had no reference for how fucked up either of them were, because they'd both been through so much.

"Dad...?" That tentative question is enough to get Blitzø's attention. His neck practically snaps with how fast he turns his head, but upon seeing the worry on Loona's face, the excitement of being called "dad" wore off, and a new, hauntingly familiar feeling began to creep into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Looney," Blitzø's voice wavers. "It was just.. a rough night."

"You'd said that.. but I'm worried about you. I should know what's going on so I can help you. Loona's eyes dart towards the photos on the wall, and she sighs. "Please?"

Blitzø breathes in deeply and turns to face her. "I.. went to Ozzie's. With Stolas.. and I ran into a couple people I used to know..."

There were so many questions Loona wanted to ask- when had he invited Stolas on a date? And why? Who does Blitzø know that would even be working at Ozzie's? As curious as she is, she doesn't want to get side-tracked.

"Who was it?"

Another loaded question. For a moment, Blitzø doesn't answer. It was bad enough seeing Verosika when she'd been working at their building over spring break. How was he supposed to tell Loona that a pop star he dated- along with his former best friend who he never told Loona about- verbally harassed him in song at a nightclub? A nightclub he was at with his... Stolas- all because he wanted to stalk Moxxie and Millie.

"It was- um- ugh, fuck it. I ran into Verosika and my old friend, Fizz. It wasn't- I didn't know they'd be there."

As interested as Loona would be in hearing about what happened with Verosika, she'd never heard Blitzø mention any past friends before.

"Fizz?"

"Yeah, Fizzarolli. I was in the circus with him for a long time, but.." Blitzø's vision gets blurry as tears well in his eyes. He's quick to wipe them away, clearing his throat, "But that was a long time ago and that asshole doesn't know anything about me anymore!" Deep down, Blitzø knows it isn't true. Even after fifteen years of not speaking, Fizz probably knows Blitzø better than the I.M.P squad.

Loona racks her brain for any memory of Blitzø bringing up this "Fizzarolli" but nothing. But if he's on par with Verosika in Blitzø's mind, he must be pretty important. There are still so many questions jumbled up in her head- and before Loona can think about it, she turns to Blitzø and asks,

"What.. happened.. between the two of you? Why haven't you brought him up before?"

Of all the questions Blitzø dreaded, those were the top two. He tenses, and this time, the tears form and fall faster than he can wipe them away. His chest begins to heave as his eyes dart around the room. "It- It was all my fault.. He has every right to hate me for what happened. But still, for him to fucking take those shots at-"

Blitzø slows down when he feels Loona's hand on his back. "Woah slow down.. what happened?"

Blitzø sighs, scooting further away. It's probably time Loona knew the truth...

"Fifteen years ago, when I was still in the circus, I- I was trying to give Fizz a letter. Fuck," he groans, "It was an accident! I didn't do anything, I just-" Loona stops him. "Hey, you're getting ahead of yourself. It's okay."

Blitzø nods, still not able to meet her gaze. "It all happened so fast. I didn't give Fizz the letter- I shoved past this guy- I didn't see he had candles.." Blitzø decides to leave out the facts that 1, the letter to Fizz was a confession, and 2, it was Fizz's birthday when Blitzø caused the fire.

"The next thing I know.. the tents are up in flames. I went to go back for Fizz, but then," his hand comes up to the scar covering the side of his face, "I tried- I tried to get help but my family's tent was on fire. I had to find-" Blitzø chokes back a sob and wipes his face again. Loona gets up, grabbing some napkins from the kitchen and handing them to Blitz before joining him on the couch.

"I started the fire that burned down the circus. Fizz.. his injuries were so, so bad. I wanted to visit him in the hospital but he didn't want to see me.. and I guess I can't blame him. I wouldn't want to see me either.."

He sniffles, staring down at the floor. He may have adopted Loona, but she's an adult- and could walk out at any time. After this? Why wouldn't she? A moment passes before she speaks up.

"But it was an accident."

"What?"

"You didn't start that fire trying to hurt anyone. It was an accident- a big one- but still."

"I know, but-"

"Listen," Loona said sternly, just to get Blitzø's attention. Once she does, Loona softens her tone, "what happened sucks, and I don't even think you told me everything." She shoots him a knowing glance, to which Blitzø shrugs. "Either way, that doesn't define you. You.. you're good.. and you matter to a lot of people.. so don't act like you're some irredeemable monster! You made a mistake.

Blitzø doesn't say anything. He's not sure if what he heard was real or a projection of what he wanted to hear. But then Loona brings him in for a tentative hug, and he knows for sure; he's not alone. He's not going to be left. Loona doesn't hate him the way he hates himself.

Blitzø's arms tighten around her as he begins to cry.

"Thank you, Looney.. I love you so much.."

He can't see it, but Loona smiles, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too, Dad."

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Danganronpa THH - The toll of the memory wipe

Had this stewing for a long time and now, I shall talk about this. Ahem! So, it is very apparent that like, everybody in Danganronpa gets screwed. Every student, dead or surviving gets messed up in some way. This applies to both being in the killing game and just backstories too. However, I wanna specifically talk about the brain wiping aspect here with the survivors in THH. Yeah. They got FUUUUCKED. Even though they DID escape, there is no guarantee that they will ever get the majority of their memories back. That was a pretty fundamental part of their lives. The full transition in a sense from being a teen, a still minor, to adulthood. Or like, high school to the real world. And they will never fully be able to remember that. There's more to this though! For instance, we know they got SOME memories back like with Kyoko and the majority of the stuff she dealt with in the past. She's a bit more of an exception though as you can tell she had some ideas of her past still remaining. Like how she still did detective stuff despite forgetting so much about herself. It was just like it was in her nature to do that kinda stuff. The others though at least have the recollection of them speaking with the headmaster and all. However, that's just that one part that's known and some other things. Some mundane memories are potentially lost or maybe even some other things too that the survivors might not want to forget for sentimental reasons. Also, we don't know how vivid or how foggy these memory recollections may be and there's a good chance there could be the misremembering of things too in some cases. And, let's say that they all DO remember everything by some miracle. They are still never getting that back even more than before. Like, it's not just them not being able to say the things they wanted to say during the killing game or apologizing for stuff like most of them apologizing for how they treated Sakura or looking back and feeling bad for how they handled Taka after Mondo died. I mean, not many of them really reached out to him while he was in immense grief though we don't know how many of them would even know what to do. Only Makoto kinda reached out and that's entirely if the player choses for him to do so. In the scenario where all 6 (not counting Syo cus memory's intact as Toko's alter) are able to remember EVERYTHING Junko stole from them, by the time they remember it all, it's too late. And, imagine if their pre-tragedy selves were a bit different due to certain circumstances in their lives like if something bad happened or if they got some good news going on or just like, emotional development and maturity. All of that got derailed, backpedaled, or lost forever. Also, going back to the maturity side of this, remember. They may all be adults now but, they didn't even KNOW they were because of what Junko did. They all just thought that they were high school teens in this shitty predicament being stuck in a place that may be Hopes Peak, may not be. They all still acted like teens too whether they'd like to admit it or not. So, once the survivors have that realization, that's gotta hit kinda hard too. Also, they could potentially have some developmental problems. Would not be surprised. Then there is also thinking of specific characters dealing with all of this. Makoto now is a big figure as the Ultimate Hope so he doesn't have much time to dwell on the fact that, just a bit ago, he still thought he was a teen and is now put in this big leadership role to fix the world. That's a lotta pressure for anyone. Or just them all being in the future foundation and all and having little to no room of error in regards of fixing the world. And gosh, I could go on and on about this. And I wonder too. Do any of the survivors have a bit of spite for Syo? Like, Syo's got her memories still intact and didn't tell anyone about this. I can see Makoto being understanding about this though. He's understanding like that he could probably get Syo being confused and only knowing so much anyway due to being hidden.

[abovecalamity]

Idk idk. I’m just letting this out now.

I’m so damn tired of having the same conversation over and over with my father over him swooning over fucking jkr’s writing in hp every other week. Yes, I often end up crying after, because this was a big fucking part of my childhood and a big shared passion of me and my father for so many years and I can’t help a part of me still being attached to it, mostly to the memories of him reading it aloud to me in funny voices every evening for a really long time. Then me reading it to my brother years later. Then me discovering the joy of reading it in English, OH it was such an important part of why I began to love learning English more thoroughly. My first steps into fanfiction, my most common daydreams. I’ve let it go now. Can’t really control the happy nostalgia part but FUUUUCK this. We’ve had convos about her and yet he likes to quote hp so often that I always get reminded of the time I used to do that too, happily.

I can’t separate all my emotions concerning it in a healthy way. But he’s always going on about separating her from the story, always going on about how he loves it for the hp universe. I’m probably deleting this again but I just feel like I’m somewhat ??grieving?? the time where I would carefree love the story with my dad together and I can’t 100% move on without him doing that too AHHHHHH.

I know it’s also part of growing up to realise it’s not going to be that easy. He won’t agree with me on this. He will still love her writing despite what she is. I just- I don’t feel like he understands what’s going through me about this all the time.

[vergess]

So, have you watched the new Doctor Who episodes? What do you think of them if yes?

Yes

I LOVED IT ALL SO MUCH

Hugely relieved that the nostalgia tour is now over; I don't think my neurons could tolerate much more of it

I think my favourite is still The Star Beast because I enjoy when Doctor Who gets all hamfisted about social issues. I'm a sucker for that!!

But oh man, oh man, the Giggles!!! The music sequence! The ending!!! AHHHHH

And then the fucking. The direction on Wild Blue Yonder, fuuuuck. Like, I expected the actors to be amazing; it's Tennant and Tate. To describe them as "good actors" does not capture the skill that they have specifically in working together.

But I was blown away by how well it was directed!! The fucking scenes where you as an audience member are realizing "wait, that's not how the Doctor talks to Donna normally.... WAIT THAT'S NOT THE DOCTOR AT ALL" just. Delicious. Perfectly done. Which is extra wild to me when looking at the dirctero's other credits which are ummm. Not that good, shall we say.

And THEN you find out that the torso-and-head framing of each camera shot was So On Purpose and it just!!!

It was all so good.

Oh man, I know I'm the specific target demographic being pandered to (queer millennials who loved Eccleston, obsessed over Tennant, enjoyed Smith, wandered off during Capaldi, and bounced off Whittaker).

I was always going to love it. It's designed to make me love it!

it's designed to bait with nostalgia. I know that. I recognize it.

But the thing is? Oh my god, the thing is, instead of a nasty little trap, the bait was just to get you SO HYPE for Gatwa.

And it worked. I'm so much more excited for his run than I was beforehand. Like. WAY more hype.

I was excited enough for him that I knew I would watch his Christmas special and probably the first 1-3 episodes of his run.

Now? Just from the little sample we got of the way Gatwa will be carrying this role, in the context of the more child-friendly* approach that earmarks Davies as a Doctor Who showrunner?

I'm SO fucking COMMITTED. I wanna see where they take him. I have always preferred the... the times when DW is like... Cringe? But earnestly cringe? Hamfisted social messages. Monsters that sound absurd until you see then. Monsters that stay absurd even as you're hooked. AMVs as threats.

All that shit is MADE to please me specifically.

AND BUDDY!!!!!!!!!! I AM PLEASED!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot WAIT to see the Situations they're going to put Gatwa's doctor in and watch him get out of them. He has the perfect level of charismatic charm and genuine emotion.

Normally I need to see the Doctor and his Companion interact before I can get a sense of the pathos the actor will bring to the role and how they work off the writing and direction.

But shiiiiiiit, Gatwa came out swinging and I already have SUCH high hopes.

And this hasn't even gotten to how fuckin' diverse the backgrounders were in these specials. They really said, "okay, we have filled these scenes out with too many unmarked people, we need to dial that down." And I know, I know, packing your background with diverse actors (race, gender, ability, etc) while you foreground two white, abled actors that were brought in specifically to be nostalgia bait is, like, on paper it's a bad look.

But they gave those backgrounders each a lot more charm and character in their writing than I was expecting. Everything from Sgt Singh's suspicion loosening to military obedience and Shirley saying "don't make me the problem just go" to Rose reframing her mother's tic into a statement of her own independent power.

(Yes I know Davies has a thing about how he writes moms but listen I'm going to let him have that one)

And fuuuuuuck meeeeee, but they just KEEP saying trans rights, even after The Star Beast ended.

I just really, really enjoyed all 3 so much.

*Child-friendly isn't the right term, but I've gotten through the whole post and I can't figure out better phrasing. What I mean is, under Moffat and Chibnall, Doctor Who was not for children. The show didn't go out of its way to exclude them, but it certainly didn't try to provide education, entertainment or even engagement for them.

Doctor Who is not "a kids show" but critically, it shouldn't be "an adult show" either. It functions at its best as a family show. Something you can watch with your parents and your kids both on the same couch, and everyone enjoy it. This is an absurdly difficult line to walk. It's why Disney had so many years of failure before the renaissance.

And one of the ways people fail to walk that line is by treating children as an afterthought (Chibnall), or not at all (Moffat). Meanwhile, Davies's previous stint as Showrunner did a phenomenal job of bringing up The Horrors in ways that would put adults on edge while letting Children also enjoy the ride.

And the same is true of these 3 episodes.

I think "can kids get really into it too" is an extremely important benchmark for this type of scifi (and, I think it's part of why many modern Star Trek properties are so fucking tedious).

[whatwouldmickeydo]

Hey Leah! How are you doing? What’s on your mind today?

Hi bb!

Today I am thinking about 11x06, and it’s all @smokey-mickey’s fault for their most recent post as well as our beloved Rita @sickness-health-all-that-shit for her GORGEOUS gifsets of that episode

Like, can you believe from that episode we got THIS and this and THIS??

I mean fuuuuck did we get to see Mickey go through so many complicated feelings and emotions surrounding his father, and some of it with just a single look!

I don’t know if I’ll ever emotionally recover from the way he looks when he’s got that gun on Terry’s face - he wants so badly to just have this man out of his life, this person who’s caused him so much physical and emotional and psychological pain. No one would mourn him being gone. No one would miss him.

And yet Mickey chooses to be the bigger person, to be better than that.

Do we ever think that if Mickey had been alone in that scene whether or not he would have done it? I don’t think he would have, but the fact that Ian is right there as this grounding factor, pulling him back to reality calmly and patiently, being this supportive and loving partner while he watches his husband go through so much turmoil… I am forever in love with this moment, as heartbreaking as it is.

Anyway, I’m not over it never gonna be over it gonna think about it for the rest of my life probably

[holyshit]

hi kay

i finished s1 the leftovers and i have so many questions!!!! i LOVED the s1 finale it was insannnneeeee good i shouldve made popcorn. and right now i'm at s2 where kevin + nora are moving in to the new town (and kevin is going Through So Much) i really love the new side characters! please tell me i won't be hurt once again by them </3

i hope u have a good night now <3 xoxo

ahhh exciting!!!!!! s1 finale was such a wild ride- like those last 3 episodes in general are A Lot and leave me in shambles every time. like i can cry even just thinking about some scenes lmao like kevin talking to matt at the diner (i think?), like fuuuuck. season 2 is probably my favourite season overall, i love it dearly, and something i love about this show is how completely different each season feels while still keeping its same emotional core, if that makes sense. it feels like a fully different show sometimes while still affecting me just as much if not more. like a lot of people don't like season 1 (which?? i don't get?? but also i love being sad) but then fucking love season 2. however it very much will hurt you again i'm sorry </3. like a lot a lot. and definitely let me know when you get to episode 8 because it is SPECIAL. you'll know it when you see it sdkjgndjkf. anyway thank you & hope you are doing well, i miss youuuu!!!

[animereviewsbykyranskye]

Reviews while I watch Trigun Stampede: Episode 6-9

I am so far behind on all of these. I just burnt myself out on anime, hopefully we can slowly catch up on everything. Let’s start with a show I’ve really been enjoying. 

This man is going to die. Oh the mystery dude got shot a bunch. And drank something. Why are his eyes red???

The site I watch on now has a section to show where the opening is, nice! I missed this opening. They really went all out with these sand physics. 

We still don’t know about Vash’s arm from what I remember. 

They really said fuck it, Make him hella pretty and give off extreme amounts of gender envy. 

Actually, why does he look the same after 20 years? 

THIS IS SET ON EARTH??? How is everything covered in sand? Actually it might not be. The land masses just seriously resemble earth and the voyage is reminiscent of the trip taken for the Dutch East Indian Spice trades. 

New villain. Why is Wolfwood helping Vash again? Isn’t he with his brother?

Epic fight scene is short and epic. 

Wolfwood knows the villain. 

Backstory time! Pretty characters. I love this art style. How the hell did he land like that. They make friends with the birbs. 

OH GOD THAT TRANSITION GAVE ME A FRIGHT.

Here they come!

They surf the sand, sick. 

More backstory! Livio didn’t even come to say goodbye. 

By god he was experimented on. This is a terrifying sequence. 

So the liquid helps him heal? 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUCK. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING THIS EPISODE????

WHOS THIS NEW GUY?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

This man has trauma! And yet him and Vash are still protecting each other. 

Man, this new guy is hellishly powerful. 

----in between episode thoughts----

I did not expect this much character development one episode after introducing him, da heck. This episode was so dark. I can’t wait to do a full rewatch of this show when it’s all released. If it continues like this then this will hurt so damn much. 

----Episode 7----

More stakes with less than a minute in. 

Oh no. He must kill his brother!

XD The news reporters were kidnapped to be news reporters. Best. Aw, she’s crying. 

Somber music incoming. 

I wonder how much medicine he still has. 

AAAAAAnd Vash is stopping him from killing his brother. Classic. And the bug is dead. New bug. 

This man takes the time to light a cigarette. Aw. He remembers the smell. 

Yeah, he’s dead. Shame, poor Wolfwood. 

Hi

This man just kicked down a metal door. 

All the people on this ship must be seriously panicking right now. 

What does wolfwood think he’s going to do? 

Roberto is so done with all of this. 

HEH? How the fuck did they push that?

New plot point. Vash’s arm is damaged. 

He is going to mess with the plant. Time for the space knowledge. Oooo. The plant is opening. There is something in the plant!

That is a really big sandstorm. 

WHAT DID HE DO?? IS VASH A PLANT? AHHHHHHHH??????

----between episode thoughts----

I have nothing to say. I want to immediately go to the next episode but I need snacks. 

I has snacks. Let’s do this. 

----Episode 8----

Backstory! And they have weird markings from the neck down. Immediately confirmed. The twins are plants. So why is the brother destroying/taking the plants?

What happened? They were so happy...

Trauma. 

This poor child. Imagine being a reason all your people are dead. 

So Vash is as human as plants can get. 

Awwwww. 

Is he tallying days?  And he can feel the plant’s emotions and thoughts. 

He ate! And he’s making friends and helping. Things are going to go to shit aren’t they?

The jacket!!

Yeah things are going to go to shit. 

Nooooo. Things are going to shit. Don’t run away Vash! He took the photo of his twin!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, do we not get to see more??? We need to know what happened. And how he lost his arm! Ahhhh. Don’t stop it there. 

Yay!

Oh god. Dead plants. And the brother.

Not yay.

----between episode thoughts----

Well that was a rollercoaster, that’s for sure. First wolfwood backstory and now Vash’s. So much is happening. Do we know how many episodes this show is meant to have yet?

----Episode 9----

Not the piano again. Why does Nai also give Gender envy, this isn’t fair. 

Aww, they’re playing together. But Nai doesn’t want to play together. Damn good music though. 

Oh god, they’re killing them. 

Question, how does Nai look human? Like nothing is covering the other parts of him like Vash does? Wait no, Vash looks the same. Confused now. When did they manage to not have all the other parts, or were those just clothes. 

OH god. Nai is cool but also terrifying. Origin story of the villain. 

And that’s where the gun comes from. 

Wait does Vash actually kill her? Nevermind. Nai will. 

I mean Nai technically still cares about him. 

HEH????

A gate?? There goes the arm. 

AND THE GUN!

Okay. He’s not destroying them. But trying to eliminate humans to build a world of only plants. 

So Bard made the arm for him. 

This man is over 150 years old??

So the people of this world don’t know about flora? 

Has Meryl and Roberto been captured?

Okay, so different planet. Just looks like earth. 

That’s a lot of plants. 

----after thoughts----

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[raccoongodapollo]

1. i do with my mom, i'm going to have to cut my father out of my life like badly matted fur.

2. my fiancé

3. many things. most often and strongly losing a friend who took her own life and not having the courage to reach out sooner.

4. very.

5. I'm engaged.

6. in my sleep or by that one gas that kills you painlessly

7. two corndogs and some vanilla flavoured milk.

8. never

9. near constantly

10. somewhere around a year ago, i think.

11. yes, my fiancé and i have strong, very platonic feelings for my two best friends <3 love you dorks only one might see this lmao

12. heha yea. used to regularly. think the longest i ever stayed up was like 60 or 70 something and i almost offed myself lmao

13. my father. and the fucking clown guy that goes around my fiancé's apartment complex with a horn. and my fiancé's bio parents (terrible awful abusers, grandmother adopted them.)

14. yes. my friends who i don't see as often as i'd like because it's summer. and eli, RIP.

15. he's not mine he's my mom's and therefore my brother. i love him very much and he's very mean unless you feed him treats lmao. his name is little bits.

16. my ears hurt and im tired and lonely and wishing my friends were here to talk to me and give me their attention lmao.

17. yes i think? Can't remember i've made out like everywhere except an airplane.

18. only in person, love them otherwise.

19. FUCK YES.

20. my fiancé's living room right before i left

21. sleep, apply for work, play Minecraft

22. ABSOLUTELY NOT NO NO NO NU UH I'D RATHER DIE THAT KID WOULD END UP SO FUCKED UP

23. yes and just on my earlobes, saving up for more though >:}

24. maaaaath. love that shit.

25. yes. said friend who took her own life, fly high.

26. mmm chicken wings and cuddles

27. yea, but he cheated on me sooo

28. by every. single. one. of my exes.

29. yes my fiancé gets very overwhelmed very easily and will burst into tears at even the slight inconvenience or bad thought but i support them the best i can. some people just cry easier and that's okay, i love them no matter how often or strongly they express their emotions <3

30. ear hurts for no reason and now my foot is super numb too lmao

31. yes <3

32. greeeeen and also blaaaaack

33. absolutely. took me forever to actually start really fully trusting my fiancé and im starting to fully trust my besties.

34. uh i had a stress dream about school that was weird and the rest have been nightmares so bad im genuinely afraid to sleep alone for fear of waking up and then hyperventilating myself back to sleep. /gen

35. my fiancé.

36. probably yea. i think so anyways.

37. forget because i have memory problems 😎

38. yea, probably. can't remember most of it though.

39. uuuuuuh like 12 i think. 12 or 13.

40. no not yet

51 - okay so what the fuck happened to the 40s they're gone but uh chicken wings. specifically mild boneless ones from pizza hut. basically just saucy chicken nuggets, and are god.

52. fuuuuck no life is a game of random chance and the fates like to fuck with me in a recognizable pattern (when im happy everything falls apart shortly after achieving this state :])

53. cry and eat mac an cheese while inviting one of my friends to a festival next year

54. NO. NO. CHEATING IS NEVER OKAY. CONSENSUAL OPEN RELATIONSHIPS AND POLYAMOURY AND ALL THAT IS NOT CHEATING BUT CHEATING IS NEVER OKAY. BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP OR SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR CHOSEN PARTNER WITHOUT CONTENT FROM SAID PARTNER IS CHEATING AND IT IS BAD.

55. no people consistently describe me as sweet. unless im grumpy or with family who i dislike. then i am Very mean unless i like you, then im just a bit grumbly lmao.

56. over 10 lost count after that lmao

57. yes <3

58. cooooooold

59. never experienced it cuz i live in earth's hellhole but probably

60. yes. obviously. lmao

61. it's comforting, not necessarily cute. creepy if you're not careful

62. food and sleep and weed (cbd and thc) and my fiancé and my friends and cuddles and head pats and raccoons and frogs and ducks and possums and-

63. yes i am traaaaans woo hoo

64. nope not if i was with them we're extremely physically intimate constantly

65. panic get confused and reject them. if they're my bestie then they sure as hell know im engaged

66. lmao they know im suicidal but not what my favourite colour is so

67. my friend who works at a place that im going to apply to cuz they're hiring

68. my fiancé

69. yes lmao but not in the conventional way

70. yes. my two best friends and my fiancé. probably also my mom but she would NOT consent to that. actually none of these people would but shhhh

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[32flavorsotbbg]

8.26

I don’t even know what to type lmao

He texted earlier confirming the gym. I kept it short. He sent me a tiktok… I just reacted. It was a video from a guy he had mentioned before. I didn’t take it as an invitation to talk.

I’m just trying to be respectful.

I don’t know if I have words. I’m a teensy bit stoned.

I wish I could say I was mad or something. I wish I could say I was hurt.

I’m more perplexed lmao and mostly by myself. There are so many things I like about him, but um. How sustainable are they? Are they enough?

I hate that I do this. He probably hates that he does it too. When a situation is clarified like that, it’s harder to see what it was before. Who wants to regress from 4k?

I’d rather put the feelings away for now. I don’t want to live in the in-between. Point blank.

I don’t know how a nice way to put that is. I guess I don’t really care now and in that, I wonder if this was a strategic move at all. To snap me out of it and get me to feel/act? normal.

I wonder if it’s a problem that I have to get high to access my right mind. How do I even know what’s right? I guess I don’t… and that’s why it’s easy to surrender. Do I still wanna chew on it?? Yeeerrpp. Do I care what happens? Not really.

I’m grateful for the experience. I can see it again. I can see what I’m doing. I know what not to do going forward.

I do have to remind myself tho… constantly.

I’m simply not going to do too much for just any old body. It has to be proven. Outside of the energies I pick up, it all has to be tested against TIME. I certainly hate it lol but like what am I supposed to do? Get knee deep in shit with someone who wants to be alone?

I was a fucking nightmare on the inside after Izier. No one could have come along and loved me properly. I would have looked at it so crooked. I wouldn’t have been able to see it for what it was.

But you know what, fuck a what if lol for real

Because that didn’t happen, no one came along to save me. He’s gotta feel every ounce of this to know what is waiting on the other side. And I’m not talking about with me. Fuuuuck me lol I’m talking about with himself. There’s so much peace on this side of that pain. The person you want/ed doesn’t want you, that pain.

There’s so much peace on the other side of “okay, fuck it”…. in a positive way, in a nasty way, in a spiteful way, in a loving way. Just letting your emotions be what they are and not judging yourself and not holding yourself back. Or judging yourself and holding yourself back, and then seeing that and learning from it, not letting it hold you down with guilt forever. Fuck!

I am a very loving and kindly person, I hate when that is taken for weakness. I hate feeling like I shouldn’t be proud of what I have to offer. But you know what? I don’t give a fuck about what I offer lmao I’m just the way I am. I know that is a huge asset. I couldn’t give a single solitary flying shit. I love with no expectation of receiving anything in return.

Which is why I won’t be cold. I won’t be anything other than what I’ve been, because that’s who I am. But now we’re on friend mode to the god tier. That’s the only difference.

There is no going back on that. I don’t have feelings outside of friendship now. I’m not going to look at the floor anymore, I’m not going to look at him in any particular way, I’m just going to maintain a wholesome demeanor. Like his kinda alt Mormon friend. That’s enough outta me. Fuck it.