#i have problems with trust. i am so scared

[squirmydonnie]

Vent art:

TW: belt

CW: nudity

I apologize if somethings wrong

My hands keep disappearing. I call it that. But it's not really that way. It's more like my fingers fell kind of numb and uncomfortable. It happens when I feel too much anxiety.

But that's mostly unrelated to this.

I have been having a difficult time. I try to get the same feeling on both of my hands or fingers. It has to be even. It's not hard to keep up with. But its very annoying. It doesn't quite matter what it is. Anything I touch needs to feel the same. On both hands or on the same finger.

This applies to other things as well. Like blinking and moving.

Though its not the worst. And even though I have a hard time at school its difficult when i come home it feels so unpredictable. Even though I know all these ways I can act. I just don't quite know what to do with myself.

I try not to make it any kind of deal at all. I find it hard. But I don't want to.

I got a mirror for my birthday. Which was something I had really been wanting. But the first day my dad put it there. I was pretty freaked out.

I still daydream. Though not as much and not to such I high degree. No Cookie 12 daydreams. And if they have to be there. It's just Cookie and that's it.

Daydreaming means for me that I can still interact with things, but not with myself. So when I do, i wouldn't ever look in the mirror or at a picture of myself. Because its just too much. It takes me out of it and its frustrating. So I put one of my sweater over it. I'm not used to seeing a different angle of my room either. So that freaked me out.

I moved the sweater up today. And I want to keep the mirror up. I like looking at myself. But only when I want to.

Idk.

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]

I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.

Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.

Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.

I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.

On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.

These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[followfire]

Just had something happen to me which was very close to a situation I often have nightmares about, and I thought those nightmares were a bit over the top, like, you know, the way dreams tend to be...

Well turns out the dreams weren't exaggerating at all. In fact it's worse in real life. The nightmares were the game turned on easy mode. :)

[timeskip]

My first ADHD evaluation appointment is in a couple days and I feel like a fakerrrrrrr even though I've thought I've had ADHD for literal yearssssss why does this happen

[downfallofi]

It really sucks when a barista at the little stand you get breakfast from most days of the week who you normally have a good vibe with is shitty about a homeless person right in front of you and now you don't even wanna get your coffee there.

[neverendingford]

.

[a-murmur-of-a-prayer]

I am going to move away from my college town, the state I've lived in for almost 20 years, and most of my friends in a week. I've known it was coming for a while, I've known I needed to move out of the state for longer (the climate makes my mental health worse and my town kind of sucks) but now that it's so close I don't know how to feel. On the one hand, this means I will be able to get a longterm job I enjoy, enjoy warmer weather, meet new people and be close to my family...but on the other hand, my friends I have here have sort of become like another family, and I'll be leaving everything I'm used to.

Plus there's the fact that I'm leaving now because I was laid off, so it sort of feels like it's not really my choice.

[dngrcpckwithmurdericing]

Having a serious George Michael moment at two am.

[cicidraws]

You drink caffeine that may or not may affect you, effectively russian roulette, now you're experiencing these heart attack symptoms but don't go for check ups because you're too lazy to and you won't act on this either. I accept you have health issues and mental trauma but FFS your father must be having a nervous breakdown with your behaviors

whoever you are i hope you choke. but sharing anything about me on the internet with people who dont know what i go through or who i am, of course im gonna get shit like this

[chainsawworld]

Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

[cerealbishh]

"You get to see her understanding of how things really are. And so that becomes much more present on the surface. (...) In this season, we get to see her fall deeper in love with him but also navigate those challenges. And also becoming an anchor for Rhett but also struggling with his decision, 'Is this what I want for my future as well, as much as I love this man?'." - Isa in an interview with The Knockturnal(x)

[sensitivegoblin]

My sisters boyfriend is being a massive dick and I just have to sit by and watch her cry

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[glittertimes]

Anytime I am being prideful or confident I am doing it in a silly goofy way and never genuinely thinking I’m better than people but it still seems to upset people like let me live!

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

when you feel like you're fine in isolation but as soon as you interact with nice people who seem to like you you're like oh maybe I'm not perfectly well adjusted actually