#i have no self respect anymore
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Being normal about Noel/Kayne, challenge level: impossible
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turtleblogatlast · 7 months ago
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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cent-scratchnsniff · 9 days ago
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 6)
I think the main thing we were supposed to see as Star's character flaw wasn't that he was acting proud/arrogant/reckless/badass (I mentioned that it's fine for him to act that way because he deserved it after everything good he did and obviously I still mean it 110%), but how that proud, charming guy was never the real him. He literally lost himself trying to feel worthy and please everyone in town. For years he's been acting the role (for a noble cause) but the price was him losing touch with the nerd he is.
Yet STILL, if only everyone had been a bit more gentle with him, I bet he'd have toned it down during the WE section, and even before that. But they all decided to let him know the truth at the worst possible time, right when he was supposed to make Clover his deputy. Right after they attacked the kid because they were jealous. It was supposed to be the PEAK of Starlo's day and they randomly threw the "we never liked any of this" bomb at him instead of trying to talk it out BEFORE things escalated. I'd be pissed too.
Oh yeah...
... his brother doesn't take him seriously apparently and doesn't realize that staying positive and strong 24/7 is tougher than it looks, especially with Starlo's insecurities (and yeah being a farmer is hard work, but so is being in Star's position; on the contrary, it's even TOUGHER) ...
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Orion should try being an entertainer for a day and see what it's like, let alone doing it for years
...Solomon says how Star thought him and Crestina didn't support his life choices...
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... and how he rarely talks to his family...
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...and it suddenly came to me: in all these years, they didn't ever bother telling him that they did support him? They didn't bother trying to reach out to him more? Understand his passion (Ceroba doesn't get it either; once again, I don't blame Starlo for caring about Clover so much, that kid understood)? Have an honest talk?
No wonder Star stopped interacting with them for the most part. Maybe him feeling worthless came from his family? Who knows (or he was bullied as a kid for being a nerd). In any case, he clearly had to deal with these feelings by himself.
This man's been through some stuff.
P.S. I know he has flaws like everyone, but you've gotta ask yourself the important question: WHY? where did all this come from? But clearly nobody in his life ever asked themselves this. So it all kept building up till he almost killed his deputy for... status. He was SO desperate to feel valued and get his friends back (who made him feel less alone.. but ultimately just left when he needed someone the most, at least ONE person) that he was ready to go all the way to achieve what he'd been lacking his entire life: *feeling like he MATTERED.*
I wonder If he'll ever go 100% back to being his true self. Slim chances :'( this is him now. Half farmer half sheriff
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morganaseren · 2 months ago
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Snippet Sunday
Tagged by: @blackjackkent Sorry this took so long!
Tagging: @illusivesoul, @writer86, @noeldressari, @this-is-something-idk-what, and @jellydishes No pressure if you don't want to participate of course!
Pairing: Leliana/Niamh Cousland
Rating: Teen
AU: We'll Lose Their Grip in Waters Dark
Note: Brief NSFW content will be under the cut.
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Niamh had always been a light sleeper.
Strictly regimented days within the Circle had long conditioned her to the... unique displeasure one would receive from the Templars were she and her fellow mages ever caught sleeping too deeply past the dawn. Granted, the surface beneath her was far warmer than the cold, coarse sheets she had grown used to. Her brows furrowed at that before she forced away the thick veil of slumber surrounding her.
She woke slowly to find herself in a soft bed curled up against Leliana’s side. The other woman's arm had cradled itself around Niamh's back sometime in the middle of the night while a hand rested itself against her hip—not with the sense of entitlement or possessiveness she had known of the Templars who desired her time and more than a little of her attention. Rather, Leliana's touch always brought thoughts of comfort and a silent reassurance.
Of course, as a mage, Niamh was more than capable of protecting herself, and Leliana had always made it abundantly clear that she had a wealthy respect and acknowledgement of her abilities. In Orlais, however, and beneath the Chantry's seat of power no less, it was better to err on the side of caution than risk displaying her magic too forwardly even were it in defense of herself. Thus, it wasn't uncommon for Leliana to step in on her behalf, and there were few who would dare test their mettle against Divine Justinia's Left Hand—the formidable shadow behind the Sunburst Throne.
And Niamh supposed it was futile of her to deny the burst of thrill she felt in those moments when she saw Leliana so fully in her element. Even beneath the dark cowl of her uniform, there was little hiding the malevolent danger lurking within the depths of those glacial blue eyes if met under the right provocation.
The other woman was a dagger's edge enrobed in silk.
Shifting her thighs together, Niamh looked up slowly to see her lover was still asleep, cheek resting against the pillows as her chest rose and fell in even intervals. Somewhat disappointed, and perhaps reluctant to greet the day herself, Niamh soon laid her head back down. With a seeming abundance of time on her hands, however, her mind set itself to wandering. As such, she found her fingers idly exploring the gentle lines of Leliana's stomach—testament to the physical work required to maintain herself in her profession.
Although not a warrior like the Seeker or the abundance of guards the Divine kept within her company, Leliana's skill with both bow and blade afforded her a strength that couldn't be underestimated. Such qualities combined with her overall agility led her to being able to outmaneuver far larger and physically-imposing opponents. That was reflected well in the collection of muscles in the woman's otherwise lithe frame.
"Good morning, Mon Amour."
Niamh looked up with a jolt to see sleepy blue eyes regarding her with an equally drowsy smile.
"Did you sleep well?"
"I... yes," Niamh managed to squeak out with some measure of embarrassment and more than a little bit of guilt for having woken her lover, but Leliana merely seemed pleased to have her in her arms.
"Très bien." Leliana's smile slowly transitioned into a very satisfied smirk then, causing Niamh's mind to momentarily draw blank at the sight. "I would not have let you rest so soon last night had I known I'd leave you so wanting come morning..."
Niamh could feel the way her face began to immediately flush with heat at her lover's amorous words, and her blush only intensified as she recalled last night's activities.
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She remembered the way her hands had braced themselves atop Leliana's shoulders while the other woman reclined herself against the piles of pillows at the headboard. Bare as they both were, it was difficult not to feel the warmth of Leliana's body so close to her own. However, Niamh also recalled the feeling of supple leather along Leliana's hips as her knees brushed against them while attempting to seat herself fully down into her lover's lap.
It was a somewhat trying exercise if only for the fact that it was new for them together.
As charismatic as Leliana was, Niamh was certain she'd had her fair share of partners prior to meeting her along with the experience to go along with such encounters, especially in a place so hedonistic as Val Royeaux.
Still, Niamh had worried she was taking too long.
As such, there were instances where she wanted to hurry the pace, but Leliana was nothing if not observant. She'd stop Niamh every time with a firm grip on her waist—keeping her in place—if she felt she was pushing herself too hard or too fast. While there was no disguising the clear desire in her lover's eyes, Leliana was content to let Niamh take her time and adjust to the size of the length inside her. The latter was certainly made easier with each murmured praise that spilled from Leliana's lips.
Thus, with each slow rocking motion, Niamh had achieved her goal, and she couldn't help but tip her head back with a low moan when she had finally taken all of Leliana. Her mind filled with hazy pleasure, and Leliana's words were a gratifying buzz in her ears as calloused hands ran themselves slowly up and down her sides. Almost unconsciously, she tried to rise herself up again to recapture that initial jolt of pleasure, but Leliana easily kept her seated atop her lap. Niamh was putty in her hands as she was drawn forward into a kiss.
"Slowly, Mon Ciel Étoilée," she purred against her lips. "We have all night after all..."
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"I hope you weren't waiting too long for me to wake." Leliana raised her head enough to press a long kiss to the crown of her head.
"No, no," Niamh assured, gently clearing her throat as if the sole action would be enough to rid her of more pleasantly-distracting memories. "I only woke up a few minutes ago myself."
"Wonderful. Well then. Shall we get ready for the day, or..." Her gaze then drifted down to Niamh's lips, and from such a close distance, she could see how the bright blue sapphire of Leliana's eyes darkened with sudden, building interest. "May I interest you in anything else while we're here?"
Niamh racked her mind for their itinerary of the day, and she was able to recall a piece of parchment on Leliana's desk that had been encoded with the necessary details—a brief, precise language that Leliana had taught her with implicit trust. "I... don't believe we're needed until much later?"
He lover's grin widened then, and Niamh felt the press of a hand against her hip. While it was a minor struggle with the sheets still twined around them, Leliana had soon expertly rolled her beneath her, reversing their position while looming over her with a wicked smile of promise that sent her heart racing.
"Then allow me the pleasure of spoiling you for the remainder of the morning..."
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theoryandahalf · 2 months ago
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When your parents make you and your siblings match for the family Christmas photo:
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Bonus photos of Ash being iconic:
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jemmo · 7 months ago
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i really wanna give podd a round of applause bc he’s managed to make ter a character that i hate so specifically and immensely
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melivora · 3 months ago
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Not 2 be controversielle, but the fact that it takes the potential banning of abortion for certain women to stop sleeping with randos/men who aren't committed to them is pretty sad
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faaun · 7 months ago
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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simpotat · 4 months ago
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Kind of funny how someone you started out admiring intensely can fall so hard in your eyes
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smile-files · 2 years ago
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(click pictures for better quality - and please read the tags after if you can!)
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(read more below)
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#dandy's doodles#bfdi#battle for dream island#bfdi teardrop#bfdi td#bfdi flower#kin#why do i keep making teardrop comics? who knows#but yeah sorry for the bad quality and general doodley-ness. this was all very gestural. just trying to get a feeling out y'know#teardrop has been mean for the sake of competition... but now...#well. she never would've thrown lolly or gelatin under the bus because she was already so close to them#flower wanted to be friends - but wasn't. so td was willing to use her friendliness to her advantage...#i'd imagine after the fact that teardrop would feel kinda bad?#like oh maybe i am doomed to be self-serving and hostile and antisocial forever?#there's something to be reconciled here. between teardrop's desire for friendship and her desire for competition/victory#td will always want to win. they always want what's best for themselves#but now that bfb is over the competition with those folks is gone. there's no winning over them anymore#so perhaps in that little timeframe between the end of bfb and the start of her time in tpot td has the choice to be friends?#also at this point teardrop would totally have massive respect for flower for winning. so that's another point for flower-td friendship#and y'know... somebody just learning to listen to people... somebody just learning to be listened to... oh it's beautiful is it not?#and i don't know. i just feel like these two really would want to be friends but they each have these barriers#for flower: oh! i've been so pushy! i've passed her boundaries! i've presumed we're friends when that might not be true!#and for teardrop: oh! i've been so mean! i've taken advantage of her! i've made her think i don't want to be friends at all!#sorry i don't really know how to put this relationship into words but yeah. yeah :)
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widevibratobitch · 8 months ago
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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jrwiyuri · 2 months ago
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Is any other jrwier actually a bit obsessed with how much of Grefgore has been changed by his forced devotion to Shilo (and likely in some way previously to the Queen) and how little of Grefgore probably exists in him anymore because he’s supposed to be a servant? Or is that just me..?
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nonbinarymarygoore · 17 days ago
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This year I am going to stop begging for scraps of attention from people, I am someone who is worthy of love and affection and not in a half-assed way
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snekdood · 27 days ago
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saw the other day someone say that "mary sues are for people who think everyone should treat them like they're the best ever" and buddy, trust me, at no point am i under the delusion that people will be nice to me in a normal and sufficient way. this is how i *wish* people treated me, not how I expect them to or think they should. trust me i know humanity sucks and will never be cool and nice, dont you worry, dont need to prove my point more, making me retreat even more to a fantasy world because clearly there's nothing here in humanity for me so w/e
#the crime of wanting friends and to be treated normally... ooooh how horrible.......#like i personally dont go as far as to make my self insert the most important most liked person or w/e but ik people think having#characters that treat me with basic respect. actually are concerned for my wellbeing. check up on me. want to be around me-#is apparently unreasonable to want from other people or something not sure.#apparently the bare minimum in friendship is still too unreasonable. cool.#anyways i hope humanity burns. and no beating me over the head wont make me stop saying that it'll make mE FUCKING SHOUT IT BITCH#humans: *beating me*#me: *makes up fantasy world where im liked*#humans: lmao lol rofl why do u think people should treat you well *keeps beating me*#me: *retreats even more aggressively to the fantasy world and tells them to go fuck themselves with something sharp*#humans: how dare you tell me to go fuck myself! lets keep beating you!!!#*rinse and repeat forever apparently*#i believe chimps are our closest relatives. like it makes sense. the worst ape had to be our closest relative. of course.#the one thats willing to tear its own kind apart over minor shit? yeah i believe it#but man do i wish we were closer related to bonobos sometimes........#bonobos are all peace and love w/o preaching about it like chimps- i mean humans do#if this is how its gonna be and humanity just kinda sucks how can you blame me for retreating. if this is the highest the bar goes then#fuck humans man im sticking with animals. at least they actually make sense.#i get ALL of the basic friendship needs i need from dogs. i SHOULD be able to get it from humans but bc we're closer related to chimps#we just suck more and are more cliquey so im not expecting it anymore. i dont expect niceness anymore. there you go humans. gratz.#you beat the hope in me for you out of me. i hope its what you wanted you fucking waste of space ass creature that only consumes and never#gives. anything other than the closest relatives to chimps would have made a better 'evolved' species.
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seventh-district · 2 months ago
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tfw u finally go to make urself a dinner plate and some nasty ass man walks into the kitchen, picks up the entire serving bowl of creamed corn and puts his filthy mouth on the bowl like it’s a giant cup and tilts it straight in. multiple times. 🙃
#could you not wait long enough to get a fucking spoon and your own bowl like a civilized human respectful of other people#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#food mention#yeah no it’s cool it’s fine it’s not like i wanted to eat some too or anything#it’s not like that’s one of the only vegan dishes here that i can therefore eat haha no it’s fine#i guess a normal person wouldn’t let it bother them but my OCD is having none of it. that corn is Tainted with your Mouth Germs now#oh what you want one of the last rolls that i was gonna eat? yeah no that’s cool man that’s fine eat as much as you want! :)#i hate the holidays more and more every year. nothing but stress and for what. i don’t even like these people#but whatever i guess i shouldn’t bitch about it when i choose to remain here#as if everyone with a shitty family has the power and ability to just Leave. i don’t think you realize the extent of my disability#but fucking whatever#someone put dirty plates in the cabinet with the clean ones#someone put the turkey in with a sink full of dishes#someone put the mashed potatoes in the bread box#i’m not even exaggerating#ahhh the joys of being the only sober person here. man what the actual hell. what level of intoxication must one reach to do this shit#whatever it’s fine i just have to learn to stop giving a fuck. let them be stupid and live with the consequences.#it’s late and i’m getting a stress headache. time to go brave the kitchen once more and actually get food this time#then i can be miserable in bed. but with food :) and eat myself sick as a shitty form of self-soothing#but it’s fine today bc it’s literally Eat Too Much day in the US so for once it’s kinda normal#then be too tired and depressed to make myself brush my teeth. and therefore contribute to my dental issues. two birds and all that#am i even making sense anymore. im so tired. of being a person. and like. existing#but im grateful to have food and running water and electricity and a place to sleep and everything else i take for granted#so i should just focus on that and try to ignore all the bad#ough i feel sick. okay Food Time fr this time. let’s hope no one’s in the kitchen now
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