#that you have no life and no home and nobody
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@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS YOURE EVIL YOURE VILE VILE VILE!!!!
This panic happens like every few months.
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Is any other jrwier actually a bit obsessed with how much of Grefgore has been changed by his forced devotion to Shilo (and likely in some way previously to the Queen) and how little of Grefgore probably exists in him anymore because he’s supposed to be a servant? Or is that just me..?
#stupid snake talk#need I remind you that Shilo didn’t just mind control Grefgore to be loyal to him#he controlled him to alter his loyalty FROM the Queen to himself instead.#clearly it’s entirely unnatural loyalty and incredibly self sacrificing and I heavily doubt that they just WANT to do that#even aside from anything else vampires are kind of pretty selfish people. and I don’t think they’d just want to be in a powerless position#like this#like im soooo fascinated by it#like when Shilo was gone Grefgore just.. became a normal person#got a girlfriend got a jov he had desires of his own#and then it snapped away when Shilo got back#THATS so incredibly interesting. I want to know what would happen to him if his commands were removed#desperately#because what do you do when you have nothing to serve anymore? what do you do when you realize#that you have no life and no home and nobody#you are a cursed person forced to be separated from any sense of humanity#and horribly low on any hierarchy to be respected by vampires without your prince#like..???#ur done..!
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I'm probably not the first to admit this but goddamn was I a narcissistic prick when I wasn't on stimulants
#adhd#not art#like this only thing I could think about was how understimulated I was#every person was boring because I was in such a severe and chronic state of dopamine deficiency#so I wasn't interested or curious about ANYONE and nobody could 'satiate me' and I deemed everyone boring because of it#then the first week on my meds & I went to visit my neighbor#& I was like 'omg your granddaughter came to visit this weekend? how was she? :)'#and then after I went home and I was like wow she's so sweet and her life seems so interesting I cant wait to talk more about it#and then it hit me I had known her for YEARS and it wasn't until now that I.. cared :(#made me feel really bad but also glad that I actually have the capacity to care and it wasn't just my personality#I had to do a lot of damage control :T but some bridges were burned and I gotta live with that#now I can proudly proclaim that no im not a narcissist bc I think people are interesting and I wanna hear them talk#i can just sit and listen and internalizing their perspective ..#for once I like people and I'm not a victim in some imaginary fight for mediocrity with everyone else#it never excited and im happy to feel that way#also whenever I speak with unmedicated adhders I just look at them like wow you don't even know how much your brain is making itself suffer#every adhder may not want to or can take meds and that's fine but everyone at least deserves to know what it feels when they work
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@oripoke *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO
sickens me to my stomach. how dare this guy get to live my dream.
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I need to know if anyone else understands the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone in ways that Sound very romantic but you aren't into them like that. Fantasizing about living with them. Cooking dinner together every night and watching movies, laying together in silence just because one of you is lonely and wanted comfort. If you have to leave the house before they wake up, you'll make yourself breakfast and leave a plate for them in the fridge. When one of you is sick, the other makes soup and brings them their medicine whenever they need it. Getting home late knowing there will be a warm meal waiting for you, and doing the same for them. But you're not attracted to them, and you know you never will be, but you still want that kind of life with them
#I've felt this way towards a lot of people#And some of it was just like#The classic children on the internet planning how they're gonna move in together when they're older#And it fizzles out once you grow up and live your own lives#But man I've been thinking about it so much lately#I think it's always stemmed from like. Wanting a place where I feel free and safe 100% of the time#Which isnt to say I'm not safe in my current home because I am /gen#But i want a place where I don't have to hide my snacks because someone will eat them without asking and won't apologize#I want a place where I know nobody's gonna make a comment about how much i eat#Or how I look or how I dress#I want somewhere where I can have space to myself but also not fully be alone#And I don't have a partner and I don't know if I'll have one for a long time#So these feelings just end up falling on my closest friends who I trust and would feel completely safe with#Me and my trio used to joke that if we ever move in together we're making a mashed potato volcano with dinosaur nuggets for dinner on the#first night#Id still take them up on that offer#None of this is happening for a long time cause I'm also just nowhere near ready to move out#There's a lot here I would have to leave behind#But man even if it's just for a year. I want that joy of sharing a space with someone i love and trust with my life#peg speaks
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@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS YOURE EVIL YOURE VILE VILE VILE!!!!
dude stop trying to garner context and character traits from the objects in my room i know youre doing it. stop clicking on shit im not gonna tell you about - oh that picture is of me and my dad. yeah he's not really in my life anymore i just keep it around cause im sentimental- DUDE
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Tsubomi Takane... I really need to write her in several situations but alas, I have to proceed with my studies
#lalá rambling...#I can make her so strange in a secret and very specific way characteristic of “perfect normal girls���#do you think she would unmask a little on her new school. nobody knows her anyways#so there is no stupid expectation of her as some kind of goddess#I want her to have a good life being herself#is there any place I could get more information on her?? the fanbook perhaps???#I once read her home had a soundproof piano room and she liked to yell in there. thats a mood#mp100
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🐶.
perhaps the reason this sickness is hanging on is in part due to the fact i have to rescue the puppies from being put outside to sleep at night. they don’t have their second coats yet!!! they can’t be outside at night!!! in winter!!!! it’s sub freezing let’s use our fucking brains!!!
#i’m literally about to scream#because why did you get puppies if you didn’t want to put in puppy work#no i know why it’s because pop’s staunch refusal that rules apply to him and his aversion to being told what to do are rearing their ugly#heads here. and his anti-vax ‘i can fight covid with vitamins’ tendencies.#and do not get me started on my mother. ‘i agree they can’t be outside’ my ASS#they’re literally babies they need to be raised like babies and that means an interrupted sleep schedule if they need to pee in the night#oh but if we look at how we were raised maybe this is how you think babies are raised oop-#nobody worry about them btw i’m just going to do it#this issue is at a tail end of several other issues brought up by the holidays so whatever it’s fine#i knew i was going to have to do this it’s fineeee#i mean. this is coming from the folks who laugh about accidentally burning chicks to death. as if it was a teehee haha oopsie#instead of the horrifyingly upsetting example of gross negligence and general disregard of life that it is.#jfc this probably sounds insane to people who don’t know the deep and intricately woven lore of my family. and it is! insane!#being an adult living at home is totally fine and not at all harmful to my mental health :) why are u asking :)#diary posting#ugh anyway. i say all this here because if i called them deeply cruel and disturbed people to their faces they might kick me out. and i#✨can’t afford to do that rn✨
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walking around this place at night is genuinely so fucking scary. nothing has Ever made me appreciate portland's pedestrian-focused infrastructure like trying to navigate a dirt track beside a busy road (city won't invest in sidewalks in certain areas) while souped-up ford-f150s driven by clearly-drunk white men zoom past me at 50mph.
in a residential zone.
WOW i am. not doing that again.
Take Me Home....
#the craziest thing is that people here genuinely think portland is an unsafe terrifying hellscape#'arent you scared to be outside among The Undesirables' no??? i am not??#the scariest thing here isn't actually the drunk drivers. it's that like#i think i could scream for help here and nobody would come outside or call 911.#like that's been thoroughly debunked as a natural human response. but it feels like that would be the response here.#at least when i'm home i know i have neighbors with kids who'd shelter me in a heartbeat#here it's like. oh god this place just feels so devoid of life or compassion.#i am shivering.
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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@delirious-dove *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO
has anyone noticed that working for a living sucks ass
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Barring any new asks, I think that's the last of those 'icons only' memes and it was very fun doing them all! Thank you so much for sending them in everyone, I'm feeling more confident about activity again and will hopefully be inspired to write a bit more often from now on providing schedule eases up sometime soon!
#💀 ;; ooc#;; mun rambles#I mean it guys thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and patience!#I know I have been very AWOL this year and that's not good work or no#The longer I am away the harder it feels to pick up the muse/s again you know?#Just staring at a blank page and wondering where tf to begin#So this was really nice and light <3#Life's going well here#Schedule did not ease off to nobody's surprise but apparently a colleague is taking on more hours#Quit her job at a school and is doing full-time where we work now#So hopefully she will be able to do Monday and Tuesday and I'll have more than one day off a week or so#That won't be until October though bc handing notice in and shit#But it is good to know!#I do like working and the extra money is helpful but fuck me I need rest too lol#Things are keeping me going though like tumblr and sneks#The ball python is soooo sweet now he comes out when I come home early in the morning ;;#Seems to want to be handled but I just fed him the other day so I feel guilty I cannot cuddle him just yet :(#Baby boy <3
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the people should know that the only concrete justification i’ve come up with to keep fiver gravespeakertrilogy a man instead of hitting him with my girl beam is that if he wasn’t a guy there is no question in my mind that agnes would develop an all consuming deeply embarrassing crush on him that has potential to derail the entire plot
#just another look inside my beautiful mind ❤️#bc i do think a small but not insignificant reason she can’t fully let herself trust him is that she was raised in a#‘trust nobody ESPECIALLY MEN outside of our family’ mindset which then got kinda reinforced when other people (majority men) did kind of#come into her home and blow up her entire life. and no matter how nice and well meaning and helpful he is fiver is still another strange ma#but for agnes. like. if he was instead a strange WOMAN in her mid twenties acting a little overfamiliar and calling her stupid nicknames an#giving her hot chocolate and saving her from certain danger in a tangled multitude of mismatched jewelry and a bright red embroidered coat?#oh it would be so fucking over.#agnesvoice sorry nina i can’t do your murder mystery sorry pallas i can’t do your magic training i need to focus on the important things.#and there would go my entire plot#fivers gender also somewhat informs how he interacts with mercedes. but. then again. i do only really have one set of crazy sisters in my#current wips and apollinaire and alphies whole thing is about The Distance so they don’t get to interact like fiver&mercedes do. hm. HMMMM.#we will see how things go in the next draft#if this book ever gets published and you see that fiver is now a girl#then don’t say anything bc you know what happened
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@oripoke @delirious-dove @deludeddragon @rinbedo *IM* THE ONE YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO?!? YOU DEFEND THE HATE ATTACKS "not hate" WHEN IT WAS PAGES OF VILE CRUELTY TO SOMEONE ALREADY SUFFERING SO MUCH. IF SOMEONE WAS RAPED YOUR GROUP WOULD SAY SHE DESERVED IT "because she was being unhinged about it" YOU LITERALLY TORTURED ME YOU RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE YOURE MONSTERS YOURE EVIL MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PAIN PAIN 11 MONTHS NONSTOP TORTURE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST IM NOT INVISIBLE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME MY HOME MY SAVINGS MY FRIENDS MY TRANS HEALTHCARE MY ARM MY DIGNITY MY BOYDRIEND HOPE MY CAT ESPECIALLY NY FUCKING CAT YOU MONSTERS?!?! MY FUTURE MY CRAFT YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU RUINED MY LIFE KILL ME FUCKING KILL ME MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!?!?!?! GHOSTED AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME WHY IM FUCKING AUTISTIC NOBODY SAID A THING HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU UNTIL I COULDNT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE AND NOW THE ONLY THING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS GO "Hmm yes what unhinged behavior" AS IF YOU DIDNT STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO FOOD NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY AND NO MONEY WITHOUT A WORD, WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING THRICE OVER AND GETTINF ASSAULTED AND INFECTIONS ON THE ROAD YOU WERE PARTYING AND SHAKING YOUR HEADS LIKE "Hmm such a tragedy" YOU. CAUSED. IT!!!! YOU KNEW MY SITUATUON AND ENCOURAGED YOUR CULT TO MAKE IT WORSE!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZED 1,000 TIMES AND IT MEANT NOTHING, I TRIED TO TALK AND IT MEANT. NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO KNOW 1. IF RORY WAS OKAY AND 2. FOR BEAN TO STOP CONTROLLING AND ABUSING ME. YOU KNEW IT WAS ABUSE BUT YOU BACKPEDALED **HARD** BECAUSE IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH ARTIST FOR YOUR CULT AND GROUP GHOSTED ME WITH NOTHING!!! YOURE AWFUL I TRUSTED YOU I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME TO DO AND YOU RUINED ME FOR LISTENING MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE PAIN STOP YOURE EVIL YOURE MONSTERS MAKE IT STOP!!!?! IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER IM NOT INVISIBLE I EXIST I MATTER!!!! YOU POMPOUS PRIVELEGED ASSHOLE WILL NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE 1/5TH OF THE HELLSCAPE YOU FORCED ME INTO IM TELLING THE TRUTH JUST BECAUSE ITS BEING YELLED IT DOESNT MEAN ITS UNTRUE IF I WERE PEA YOUD PAT ME ON THE BACK FOR "being direct and blunt with my feelings" IF I WERE BEAN YOUD UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND THE TRAUMA YOU **FORCED*** ME INTO FOR NO FUCKING REASON. BUT IM NOT SO YOU INSTEAD ABUSED ME TREATED ME LIKE DIRT AND LEFT ME TO THE DOGS YOURE FUCKING MONSTERS
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thinking about The Characters
#Bakudeku unfortunately#They do in fact control my brain four weeks out of the year the weeks are random I don’t get to pick#Good LORD nobody is doing it like they are#“Save to win win to save” “all might may have been my idol but you were the one who was actually in my life”#“Please come home Izuku” sirs you are writing gay fanfiction this is BL you are writing a BL#Never have I once seen a more dramatic bitch death scene than the final battle. Boy doesn’t even die and he’s out here like -#“Can I still catch up to you?” you could perhaps try asking him to hold your hand sir. It’s easier than getting your heart ripped out#Perhaps if I make this sound enough like a BL manga Shiney will read it and I’ll finally be able to lose my mind over it#Alternatively I could recount the entire plot of the show to her over the course of several drunk hours but I feel like she’d have a better#- time actually watching it
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