#i have no right to talk i became a fan in like 2021 but still

[hilacopter]

Starship OST is so underrated cries and throws up

[caesium-55]

—seven days. [ vii ]

pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.

summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.

author's note: that's it folks. welcome to the end. peace out (my hand is hurting like a bitch) NOT EDITED NOT BETA READ EXCUSE THE MISTAKES

tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1 @evie-119 @spideylovin @harianaswhore @formulaal @landorris @onecojg @leclercdream @vicurious28 @c-losur3 @spookystitchery @0710khj @strollnstroll @justab-eautifulmess @ssrcsm i hope i didn't forget anyone

masterlist.

max: ANSWER ME

max: [NAME] I SWEAR TO GOD

max: I’LL FLY TO TEXAS RIGHT NOW I SWEAR

max: THIS IS ALL FUN AND GAMES FOR YOU ISNT IT

max: YOU FUCK ME AND THEN YOU LEAVE

max: YOU'RE ALL FUCKING THE SAME ALWAYS LEAVING ME

max: FUCK YOU [NAME]

max: TALK TO ME YOU COWARD

max: EXPLAIN YOURSELF

max: IM GOING INSANE HERE

Max has visited your apartment a total of two times since he’s given you the keys. The first time—Max remembers it was in early January 2020. You held a housewarming party disguised as a little lunch get-together as a thank-you for his gift. Daniel and him as well as two of your former roommates, Max recognizes them as Julia and Kendall from the PR team, are the only ones invited. You cooked pasta. Your mother’s recipe, you claimed. It easily became one of Max’s favorite dishes in the world and he requests you to cook it from time to time.

The second time, Max remembers going there again after the Monaco Grand Prix 2021. It’s been only a week after your breakup with Leo and four races before the incident with the Hamilton fan in Silverstone. The team holds a dinner to celebrate Max taking P1 and usually, you’re present in these types of things—the after parties and team dinners and all forms of team celebrations in general because you like celebrations but you're nowhere to be found.

Max finishes dinner quickly and excuses himself to Horner. He grabs a beer and drives himself to your apartment, because he knows you’re definitely not staying in the hotel with the team.

When you’re sad, you tend to hide away. It's an annoying habit. You make it your career to dig your nose into everyone’s problem—Max’s most especially—and provide everyone with the help you can offer. It's your love language, Max thinks, to be insanely helpful to everyone but the moment that the places switch and you’re the one who needs help, you run away because you refuse to bother everyone else with your problems despite the amount of people who are willing to return the favor you gave them in the past. It is very hypocritical of you.

He knocks on your door. Four slow knocks followed by three quick ones, so you’ll know it's him. It's an established pattern, a system that works for both of you. You shout for him to wait and Max does so, observing the details of the woodwork in front of him as he waits patiently for you. You have a very nice door.

You open the door. Max’s brows raised slightly at the sight of you. You're still in your Red Bull polo shirt but instead of the pencil skirt you were wearing during the race, you wore short shorts instead. Black, fitted, and they stop a little above your mid-thighs. You're barefoot, too. No YSL heels in sight.

Max turns into a lovely shade of pink. You don't notice it.

You have long legs despite being 5’5” only, which gives off the illusion that you’re very tall when you're actually not. Your body ratio consists of seventy-five percent legs and twenty-five percent upper body. You have lean legs. It's full of childhood scars—thin white lines that are barely noticeable because of how old they are. You have well-built calves and dainty ankles, which look weird but also look right, and your feet are veiny, jagged lines of green blue on skin. Max thinks it's because you wear heels every day.

“Somethin’ wrong, man?” your voice sounds nasal, hoarse, and deep at the same time. Your eyes and nose are red and Max knows full well that you’ve been crying over Leo again and yet you carry yourself as if you're fine, standing in front of him with your shoulders straightened and your tone professional.

Max never liked the bitterness that washes over him whenever he sees you with Leo. But at that moment, he’ll rather endure the bitterness that chokes him until he thinks he’s about to pass out if that makes you alright, if that makes you stop crying.

“I have beer.”

It's a lame thing to say. He should have said something better. He should have asked if you’re alright, should have asked why you were crying, should have asked if there's anything you need him to do just so you’ll feel better. But his mind blanks and he just thrusted the beer forward.

You smile, shaking your head. You take the beer from his hands gratefully, “I have pasta. Wanna go in?”

It's a fair trade. You love beer. He loves your pasta. And so, he entered your apartment.

He faces your door for the third time in 2023. A million thoughts run around his brain per second as his eyes train on the wood patterns of your front door. Dread pools in his stomach as he holds the door knob. He only holds it, not twisting it and pushing it open just yet.

Max is stalling. He knows that. He shouldn't be stalling. He knows that, too.

He dreads what's waiting for him on the other side of the door. He can hear your voice in the back of his skull, saying, “Pussy. You risk your life and drive a rocket ship for a livin’ and you’re afraid of openin’ a damn door?”

Max takes a deep breath and opens the door. Silence and emptiness greets him.

Your apartment has always been bare. You refuse to buy carpets, curtains, houseplants, decorative furnishings or anything that can make your loft apartment seem like someone actually lives there.

(“It's expensive here,” you said.

“I’ll pay,” Max offered.

“No,” you shook your head. “I’ll just bring something from home.”

You never did.)

Max’s feet lead him to your living room. Dust accumulates on top of your glass coffee table and couch. Max remembers them coming along when he bought the apartment. You never got them changed.

His brows furrowed when his eyes landed on the familiar looking box that sits atop the coffee table. He strides towards it, head tilting to read the little pink sticky note attached to it. It reads: Sorry Max, I can't steal more from Kelly.

Max’s entire world crumbles down. He opens the shoe box and sees the shoe, arranged carefully in place.

He hurriedly reaches for the folder next to it and reads the writings inside.

Max, I know you’d be the one who’d find this one day. By that time, I’ll be in Texas already. I don't know if I’d have told you that I resigned already. If I didn't, that's because I’m a pussy. Sorry.

Anyways, I will say this as straightforwardly as I can because I think I had been a pussy long enough.

I resigned, Max. I won't be your manager by 2024.

Max keeps re-reading the last two sentences just to make sure he’s reading it correctly.

I resigned, Max. I won't be your manager.

I resigned, Max.

resigned.

Max hurls the shoe box and it zooms in the air and hits the wall. He fists his hair and pulls. A scream erupts in his throat. The neighbors are going to file a noise complaint but Max cannot bring himself to care. He’s the one whose heart is breaking here.

He grabs the folder. Max feels something fall on his foot. He looks down.

A beaded bracelet. Navy blue and red—the color of Red Bull. There are three white beads in the bracelet and on those three white beads are the letters M and V—his initials—and the number 1—his current number.

Max drops on his knees. He picks up the little thing with trembling hands. He brings the bracelet to his chest and Max falls apart. This time, you’re not here to hold him together.

max: hey im planning to visit the US

max: do you think you can show me around?

Logan Sargeant is a good driver. That's a given. It's his profession. But the way he drives; it's making Max sleepy.

“So….” Logan begins awkwardly. “I’m assuming you're visiting Texas because of [Name].”

Max nods, “Yeah.”

“You're not mad at her, are you?” Logan asks. “For resigning?”

“She told you?”

So you told the American boy but not him? Max cannot help but be offended now.

“Well, I kinda assumed? Liam mentioned it to the other day, who heard the news from his cousin.”

Max’s brows furrow.

“Lawson?”

“Yes, Lawson.”

Max remembers the kid all too well. Liam Lawson has overtaken him in Singapore after all. It's embarrassing. Watch out, Max, you teased him. Liam’s out to get you.

“Liam probably heard it from Leo.”

“Leo?”

Logan is mentioning too many names. Well, it’s just two but two is still many for his brain to comprehend right now.

“Yeah, Leo and Liam are cousins.”

Max pauses.

“Leo and [Name] still talk so I guess [Name] told Leo, who must have mentioned it to Liam, who then mentioned it in the groupchat with me and Osc—are you okay?”

Max tries his hardest not to scream.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, voice tight. “I’m fine. How far are we from Austin?”

They drive past a sign that says “Welcome to Austin.”

“Well, it looks like we’ve just arrived.”

Max is once again offended that Logan knows where you live while he doesn't. Vista Del Pueblo, Logan tells him the name of the place as they hop off the car. It's funny how close you lived from the Circuit of the Americas. No wonder you always requested to be home after the Austin GP before flying off to the next city.

The two-storey yellow and red brick house is empty. Despite that, it looks like a perfect picture of a happy childhood home. The backyard and the patio is wide. Beside the driveway stands an olden tree. Below the tree is a reclining chair that looks like it has gone through a dust storm and a thousand rains.

“It’s empty,” Max announces. Logan nods.

“Yeah.”

Logan ends up approaching an old woman in the neighboring house who was sweeping dust off her porch and asks her if she knows the [Last Name] family’s whereabouts.

“They haven't returned home since Christmas,” she replies. “Everyone in the neighborhood tried contacting them but no one got through. Ever since Julio died… It's like the entire family followed after him.”

Max and Logan stiffen, shocked at the news that's just been revealed.

Julio died….?

Max needs to find you. Urgently. He needs to see if you're okay.

The sun retires for the night and Max decides that it's time for Logan and him to retire as well. Logan drives them to a hotel and Max pays for two rooms despite Logan insisting that he can pay for his own. They grab dinner at the hotel restaurant, in a private area that Max paid for.

“You’re not angry at her, aren't you?” Logan asks for the second time that day. His plate is half empty. Meanwhile, Max’s plate is barely touched. His appetite significantly decreased. He keeps thinking about you, worried about how you're coping with Julio’s death. You are never the best person when it comes to dealing with pain. Physical pain, you can handle. You’re barely fazed when you burn your hand in the oven, when you hit your hip at the corner of the table, when you accidentally get scratches and you don't even notice it until someone points out the blood that terrifyingly drips down your arm. Max can still remember how you dealt with your breakup with Leo. All those nights crying, the unhealthy fixation in work so you won't have any space feeling human emotions, the moments where you disconnect with reality that Max has to pull you out of many times. The death of a father is a million times worse than a breakup. Max imagines a thousand scenarios in his mind. He needs to be with you right now. He needs to make sure you're alright.

“I hope you're not. You obviously are but I still hope you're not,” Logan continues. “She was always going to leave, you know? She told me in January. She told me that she needs to—

Max accidentally throws the glass of water he was holding. It falls onto the floor. The sound of shattering glass echoes throughout the room. Logan stares at Max with his eyes wide. A cleaning crew comes in a hurry and cleans it up. Max doesn't apologize, he only says, “send me the bill later” and sends the crew out. He turns to Logan.

“She needs to what?”

“You're angry.”

You reminded me, Max said in his mind.

“And?” Max raises his brow. “She needs to what?”

Logan lets out a shaky breath, “She needs to become an engineer or else she’ll never forgive herself.”

Manager. Engineer. What's so damn special about that engineering position anyway? Why are you so hell bent on leaving Max? Red Bull pays you more than an engineer. Hell, Max is even willing to raise your salary to the same amount as half of his annual salary in Red Bull if it keeps you from leaving him. Max is willing to pay for your student loans and refund everything you paid to USC during your college years.

Max pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh. He’s feeling too many emotions all at once.

“I think it's best if you talk to Leo?” Logan suggests. Max appreciates that he’s trying to be helpful but mentioning Leo brings nothing but more anger in him. Fucking Leo. Why does he know where you are? He’s your fucking ex for god’s sake. Why are you even still talking to your ex? “He’s close with [Name]. I think he can help you.”

Max contemplates.

He doesn't want to ask fucking Leo.

And he’s not that desperate to seek help from him.

Logan writes his number on a table napkin. Max pockets it.

After dinner, Max sits inside his hotel room. He dials the number Logan gave him because if he’ll tell you where you are, he can swallow his pride for a day. It takes three redials and two rings before Leo answers.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Leo Stark?”

“Yes, this is he. May I ask who’s calling?”

“It’s Max Verstappen.”

Silence.

“Hello, are you still there?”

Max hears a loud crash followed by a series and a whole lot of ruffling, “Sorry about that. Do you mind repeating that?”

“Max Verstappen.”

“Ah, so I’m not hearing things. I thought I was hearing things. Sorry. Do you wish to talk to James Vowles? I can transfer the call to him.”

“No,” Max says. “I want to talk to you. It's about [Name].”

“Oh.” A pause. “You're going to ask me where she is, aren't you?”

“You're smart.”

“Well, mate, too bad. I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t?”

“I can��t,” he echoes. “I mean I can but I won’t.”

“So you know where she is.” It's not a question. Something bitter rears its ugly head in his stomach. His bitterness and anger now dwarf his worry for you in size. Fuck Logan for reminding him that you always wanted to leave. Fuck Leo for knowing where you are.

“I’m going to ask again and you better give me the answer I want. Where is she?”

“The answer you want?” Leo clicks his tongue. “It’s always what you want. Have you considered what she wants? Does [Name] even want you to find her?”

“You don't know what you're talking about—”

“I do,” Leo interrupts and the way he sounds so sure of himself aggravates Max. “I do, mate. Believe it or not.”

“I see what's happening here,” Max sneers. “I’ve heard you and [Name] broke up because she was prioritizing me over you. Is this it? Are you doing this out of petty jealousy?”

Leo sighs, “You’re making this about you again.”

Max opens his mouth to retort but Leo cuts him off, “Let me get this straight with you, mate. When we were still dating, not once have I been jealous of you. I understood that she works for you and that she has to put you first in certain situations. After all, you’re her job. I’m just the home she returns to after work.”

Max’s jaw clenches. Leo was her home. It was the truth no matter how much Max hated it. Leo does not stop there.

“I have no issue with her focusing on you. The only problem I have with it is her tendency to focus more on you than herself. If you come to her at a very vulnerable time, especially now, there’s a chance that she’s going to focus on you again. She deals with grief in a very unhealthy way and I don't want her to do that. Not when she needs to properly grieve for her father.”

Leo sighs again.

“So please, mate, just this once. Think about what she needs right now and it’s not you.”

You don't need Max.

But Max needs you.

That is one of the most painful truths he’s ever been given.

“She’ll come back. She always does. It may take months. Years, even. Just… Let her grieve and let her pick herself up. There are people who don't want help because they need to do it themselves or else it won't feel fulfilling. [Name] is no different. Also, I’ll be honest with you, mate. I don't want you coming to her before she achieves her dreams. You’re so used to [Name] giving you everything you want that you forgot that she, too, is someone who needs and wants and dreams. She just wanted to be an engineer.”

“And how is this my fault?”

“You knew what she wanted. You agreed to help her achieve it. You didn't allow her to move to Renault. You told her that you’ll ask your team principal after you win and you did win but you didn't keep your end of the bargain.”

“I—”

“Who are you to control her dreams? If you love her, you would have asked Horner, at least. She knows you never asked Horner. Maybe she would have never resigned if you tried to talk to Horner, but you let your selfishness win.”

Max feels all breath punched out of his lungs.

“You had the power to ask your team principal yet you didn't and she has to watch you achieve your dreams while she can't. Unfair, don’t you think?”

A pause.

“Just start considering what she feels, mate. That's all.”

“I am considering her. Always.” This is the closest to a love declaration he can admit out loud. The purest form of love is consideration, they say. When someone thinks about how things would make you feel, pays attention to detail, holds you in regard when making decisions that could affect you, keeps promises so you won’t be disappointed, that's when you know they love you.

“Are you really?”

Is he really?

“Take care of her for me, Verstappen. Even from afar. You can do that.”

The call ends.

Max stares blankly at the wall, still holding his phone against his ear. Then, he hurls it across the room. He aggressively drags his hand through his face.

Max flies back to Belgium after Austin to spend the rest of his off-season with his mother and sister. He apologizes to Logan for his behavior. Logan is a kind man, he forgives easily. He drives Max to the airport.

The next day, an article is posted, titled—AN UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP: MAX VERSTAPPEN OF RED BULL RACING AND LOGAN SARGEANT OF WILLIAMS RACING SPOTTED DRIVING AROUND AUSTIN.

On New Year's Eve, Kelly messages Max. He can't say that he’s surprised. In truth, he’s been expecting her to message him, whether it's to beg to take her back or to curse him out or to tell him something about Penelope or it's to inform him that she's going to pick up her things in Max’s penthouse in Monaco.

kelly: i sent someone to pick up our things in your place

max: okay

kelly: also

kelly: *sent a photo*

kelly: she apologized for something that's not her fault

kelly: you have a good one

The photo is a screenshot of Kelly’s conversation with you, dated December 30. That was yesterday.

you: sorry about the breakup

you: i didn't know about the shoes

you: i didn't take it

you: im so sorry

you: i hope you're not too hurt

kelly: i think i’m the one who’s been taking him from you

kelly: take care of him for me

you: thank you for loving him

you: but i can’t do what you're asking

you: not anymore

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Max looks up to see his mother’s worried face.

“Oh, uh,” he closes his phone and almost drops it. Fucking clumsy fingers, fucking messages, fucking pain. “Nothing, Mum.”

His mother does not look convinced.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? No need to hide it. You may be a world champion now but you’ll always be my baby,” she says. “What does [Name] always say? Even champions are allowed to cry.”

At the mention of you, Max looks away.

“Tell me. Is it Kelly?”

The last time Max cried in his mother’s arms was when he was eleven. Jos always said boys should never cry. That boys who cry are weak. And weak people do not become champions. Max wanted to be a champion so he never allowed himself to be weak. Weakness only becomes a weakness if it is known so he learned to bottle it up over the years and all the bottled grief became anger. Hence, the birth of his serious anger issues.

He’s twenty-seven now with three WDC titles under his belt. He’s outgrown both of his parents in terms of physical size and in career accomplishments but when his mother’s arms wrapped around him, he allowed himself to become a little boy again. He allowed himself to be weak.

“She left me, Mum,” Max whispers, hugging her mother close. Sophie rubs his back in soothing circles.

“You’ll find someone, Max,” his mother assures.

“I don't want someone else,” he says. “I want [Name].”

“Oh.”

Sophie blinks.

“Max, you—”

“Please, don't make me say it, Mum,” Max pleads, squeezing his eyes shut. A lone tear drips down his cheek. “Don't make me say I’m in love with [Name].”

Max sends an email to Christian that he’s not going to take a manager in 2024. Christian tells him it's a bad idea, that he needs a manager because he’s becoming busy with his schedules and everyone wants a piece of time with the third-time world driver’s champion but Max cannot care less. If it’s not you, he’d rather have no one at all.

Max wants to learn how to get used without you on his side. He did a little reflecting over pre-season and realized how he had become so dependent on you. He learns the functions of a Google calendar and how to use a Notion page.

Max just knows 2024 is going to be a shitty year for him.

Bahrain, Max remembers, is your favorite track. He doesn't know why you like Bahrain. Bahrain is hot. Bahrain is not as exciting as other race tracks. Personally, he prefers Spa-Francorchamps.

He also remembers that you like watching the air show. You never said it outright but you always have this smile on your face while watching the jets painting the sky with colors so Max kind of figured.

Max snaps a picture of the jets in the sky. He opens his Instagram and searches for your name in his message list. When he presses his conversation with you, the first thing that greets him is his spam of angry messages. All delivered, all unread. The last message, Max remembers, was sent when he visited Austin with Logan to search for you.

max: SO YOU TOLD LEO BUT NOT ME? DO I EVEN MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU?

His finger hovers on the send button. He lets out a sigh and he pockets his phone instead.

Daniel approaches Max after Max wins Jeddah.

“Hey, have you been talking to [Name]?” he asks.

“Not lately,” answers Max. Not since she left me, Max thinks.

Daniel scratches his nape. “I think she's angry at me.”

“You’ve been talking?”

Now, Max is offended. So you talked to Leo, you talked to Kelly, you talked to Daniel, but you made no effort to talk to him? When was he going to get a message from you?

“Well, I kinda…” Daniel pulls out his phone. “I just checked up on her? And she replied like a week later. She sounds kinda angry? I don't know. Do you think she sounds angry?”

Daniel shows Max his last conversation with [Name].

daniel: hey!

daniel: heard from max what happened

daniel: we miss you! you should visit come by in bahrain! the opening is gonna be sick

you: can't sorry

daniel: aww how about jeddah

daniel: i’ll fly you out don't worry about traveling commercial

you: idk man

you: might be too much noise and distraction for you

you: good luck in jeddah tho

A very passive aggressive reply.

“Yeah, she is,” Max supplies.

Max wins Bahrain. Max wins Jeddah. Australia, on the other hand, is a funny story. First, the Williams team pulls an annoying move. Poor Logan. He had to give his car to his teammate and sit out of the race.

Max visits him after the news was officially announced. He finds the American racer in his driver room, sitting sadly on the bed with his head bent low, after asking a rookie Williams mechanic, who trembled at the sight of him.

It's a pitiful looking room. Max has a villa for a driver room. Logan doesn't even have a closet for his overalls, just a rack held together by hopes and dreams. The bed is so tiny and narrow that Max is sure he wouldn't even fit if he lies in there unless he assumes a tight fetal position.

“You’re here,” Logan stands from the bed, eyes wide in surprise. He hasn’t expected Max to visit him out of all the people in the grid. Not even his own teammate performed that courtesy. “Uh, I don't have anything. Here, have my seat. Do you want me to grab—”

“It's fine,” Max holds his palm up. “Sit back down, Logan.”

Logan slowly sits back down and moves to the side so Max can have a space to sit on. Max occupies Logan’s given space beside him. Their shoulders and elbows are touching.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Logan nods.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Max nods, but he doesn't believe him. Comfortable silence wraps the entire room. It lasted less than five minutes.

“You should break the car,” Max suggests seriously. “So no one can drive it, too.”

A soft laugh escaped Logan’s throat.

The door swings open and enters Leo, who freezes when he sees Max Verstappen sitting next to Logan. He looks at the two F1 drivers then back in his hand, where he was holding a large Stanley cup and two styro cups.

“Great, I only brought two cups,” he says, kicking the door behind him to close it. “Should have told me the world champion is coming. I would have brought the expensive wine.”

“What do you have there?”

“Beer,” Leo lifts the Stanley cup and gives it a small shake. “Transferred it to a Stanley cup so no one would notice.”

“James wouldn’t be happy,” says Logan, frowning.

“We’re not happy with him either,” Leo retorts, pouring the beer into the two cups. He hands one to Logan and another to Max.

“I suggested breaking his car,” Max inserts, accepting the cup. He still feels a bit weird to be hanging out with Leo like this. He’s angry still, but he’s not as angry as he was in Austin. Leo’s words, though Max would never admit it out loud, made sense. You left because of Max’s own selfishness. He was the one who had cut your wings and thought that his gesture was out of love when in fact, it was an action born out of his desperation and his fear of being left behind by you.

“Should I?” Leo humors his suggestion, shrugging his shoulders.

Logan sighs, shaking his head at the two. He can’t believe they're both older than him but still wield that petty immaturity.

“Please don't.”

Second, the RB20 has brake issues in Australia so Max ends up retiring in the middle of the race. Max hears everyone cheer at his retirement. That's when you know he’s good. When everyone wishes for his downfall. Everybody in Red Bull grows wary watching their prized driver stomp inside the garage, looking like he has a lot to say to the mechanics. His head is as hot as the burning car at the pit.

Max hears two people whispering amongst themselves:

“Mad Max is back.”

“Where's [Name] when you need her? He’s going to get blow up at us now.”

“[Name] really is a saintess because she’s the only one who can handle him when he’s angry.”

“I never appreciated her efforts before but I am now. I hope she never left.”

Max hopes she didn't, too. Out of all the people in Red Bull, he’s the one who wishes that she hasn't left the most. Now, he’s even angrier.

Max wins P1. If he doesn't, it's a DNF. The problem is the reliability of the car, not him. Never him.

He steps foot in Austin soil again on October 15th for the 19th race of the season, eager to win another P1 and increase his chance of snatching his fourth consecutive world driver’s championship title.

Fortunately, the RB20 doesn't fail him mid-race. The Dutch national anthem is heard all around the Circuit of the Americas and Max retires to the garage, too tired for any form of celebration. He wants to change out of his racing gear. He still has to fix his Google calendar and check out a few things in his Notion page. Who knew being your own manager can be so tiring?

Kendall comes by, a camera in hand. She snaps a quick picture, only one take because she knows Max hates taking pictures. Max believes you mentioned it to her before and has asked her to take the pictures quickly so he wouldn't get annoyed. You were always too thoughtful, always mindful of the little details. Perhaps, it was why he fell in the first place.

Max pivots on his heels to leave after he hears the camera click.

“Oh Max,” Kendall stops him. “[Name] came by earlier. She said congratulations.”

Max entire world stops spinning. Everything else became a mass of white noise.

“Where's she?” Max demands.

“She left already, said she’s got somewhere to be—”

Max sprints to his driver room, grabs his keys and ran all the way to the parking lot where his car was parked, not minding the screams and the questioning stares he received from the people he ran past them to his car. His mind only focuses on one thing—he has to get to you.

He drives down to the familiar road that he and Logan drove in last December 2023. He's racing against time and like all races he'd participated in, he hopes to win. He hopes that he’ll be able to see you. Max arrives at the red and yellow brick house in Vista Del Pueblo, jogging up until the front door and knocking. Four slow knocks followed by three quick ones, so you’ll know it's him.

No one answers. Max jogs up to the window at the front and peeks inside. The house is still empty as it had been in December.

Max's shoulders sagged.

He wasn't fast enough.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 1: Don't Be A Stranger

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

But if (my) world was ending, you'd come over right?

(In which UCLA anon's roman empire became this writer's roman empire and we've finally reached the beginning)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Fluff

Words: 8.4 K (other parts will be shorter....maybe)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Gonna keep this as short and sweet as possible but we've finally, finally gotten to the UCLA fic. A huge shout out to UCLA anon, because this is their master idea. Couple of things, I've never been to LA or UCLA and therefore some things are out of whack. The timeline is also a little out of whack but I swear I will try to keep it as consistent as possible. In the mean time, just ignore some of the inconsistencies pretty please. As always, feel free to let me know what's bad, what's good and what else you'd like to see. I hope y'all enjoy this first part and let's get another W today!

August 2021

where are you 

i literally have to be at the airport in an hour paige where are you 

dude 

are you on your way?

you better be driving and that’s why you’re not answering 

PAIGE

i’m sorry about last night i shouldn’t have said that 

but you said a lot of shit too so call it even?

this isn’t funny where are you?

i have to leave in 15 mins 

are you actually not coming?

wtf????

this is actually bullshit

get over yourself bueckers 

wow 

fuck you

just landed 

thought you might like to know 

sorry my plane didn’t crash i guess 

September 2021

dude enough okay 

can you just call me back??

i just wanna talk 

i know you're mad i get it but i miss you   

November 2021 

hi i’mma be in dc over christmas

nvm 

idk why i’m trying again  

maybe i should block you 

this is kinda pathetic of me what the fuck 

December 2021

i thought i saw you today but idk

couldn’t have been you cause if it was 

would you really not even say hi?

i’m done trying paige 

merry christmas i guess

March 2022 

i misz you 

lyke a wot

love uuuuu pppppp

even if ur a bwtich 

pkese pick up 

ignore that 

people drunk text exes apparently i drunk text you 

wait 

i don’t need to tell you that 

you already ignore it all anyways

 

August 2022 

i heard about the acl 

i’m sorry 

idk if it means anything, but if you wanna talk

nvm 

***

September 2022 

When the doorbell rings, on a quiet Thursday afternoon during a rare moment of alone time, Paige expects it to be a lot of people. One of her parents deciding that they actually weren’t going to leave her alone. Someone else in her family showing up out of the blue to provide comfort. Maybe one of her teammates popping up to keep her entertained. She even thinks it might be some random fan who got too invested and figured out the address for her air BnB. It’s the saddest testament to how broken they are, that the idea of it being Azzi Fudd standing outside her door, never once crosses her mind. But there she is, when Paige opens the door, dressed in ripped jean shorts and a light blue tank top, the girl that had been her best friend, and maybe a little bit more. 

Silence stretches between them as Azzi fidgets with her hands and Paige continues to stoically stare at her. It’s been almost a year since they’ve seen each other, even longer since they’d last shared a happy smile. And you’d have to go back to before she’d told her about her future plans, to find the last time Azzi had properly looked Paige in the eyes.  

“Hi,” Azzi says finally, mustering up a small smile. Paige doesn’t know if hearing that voice, soft and subdued but still so familiar, fixes a crack or breaks her heart even further. She wills herself to be polite in response, to match Azzi’s polite greeting with a greeting of her own. But there’s clear discord between her mouth and her head, because her words are harsh and hollowed. 

“What are you doing here?”

Azzi swallows, smile disappearing as she immediately digs her fingernails into her palms and Paige feels the guilt settle into her stomach. It’s like the night before all over again. If she closes her eyes, Paige can still hear her voice loudly echoing in Azzi’s childhood bedroom. She can hear the angry words that she’d hurled at her best friend, each one like a well-aimed arrow piercing the other’s girl's heart and tearing into Paige’s own soul. Some would call what she’d done self-preservation. She’d call it her biggest mistake. 

“I um-,” Azzi sucks in her bottom lip, “I was in the area and thought, maybe I’d check in.”

“How did you even know where I was?” Paige hates how cold and accusatory her voice sounds. It’s a version of herself she doesn’t quite know how to deal with, one that hasn’t ever appeared for anyone other than the girl in front of her, “I know I didn’t tell you.”

Any semblance of calm is gone from Azzi’s face, as she seems to realise that she’s not going to be getting any cordiality from her old friend. 

 “And we’re off to a great start,” she mutters under her breath before replying to Paige’s exact question, “no you didn’t. Your dad-”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yeah. I mean you know Drew looks up to Jon and José so much and they still talk and stuff and he came over- Drew I mean- and then your dad was there and we just got to talking and you came up and yeah. He told me and well I live here, kinda, so I thought- well I thought maybe you’d like some company?”

As Azzi’s rambling explanation comes to an end, Paige doesn’t miss the tinge of hopefulness in her voice at the last bit. The younger girl shuffles her feet, as she stares at the blonde expectantly. 

“I don’t-” Paige struggles to draw in a breath as the voices in her head argue, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her words are met with silence as Azzi stares at her blankly. 

“I- you,” she blinks rapidly, clearly at a loss for what to say at the blatant rejection, “I can’t come in?”

“It’s just- I’ve had a lot of people visit you know,” Paige bullshits, suddenly feeling very exhausted, “and my family were here a couple days and my friends are coming soon and-”

“And I’m neither of those things,” Azzi says, her tone low and breathy. 

“That’s not what-”

“It is,” Azzi closes her eyes for a brief second, when she opens them, the flash of hurt in them feels like a dagger through Paige’s chest, “it is like that and it is what you meant and it’s- it’s fine.”

“Az-” Paige chokes out, feeling her lungs collapse when the other girl moves to leave, “please,” and she’s not even sure she’s asking for, but it’s not this. It’s never been this.

Azzi stops and when she turns back around, there’s a determined look on her face.

“I just-” she rubs her face, composing herself before focusing her eyes on Paige, “you’re the strongest person I know. And you’re going to come back from this, better than ever. I know it. The whole world knows it. Because you’re Paige Bueckers. You’re something else.  You’re the hardest worker, you’re just- you’re the best.”

“You don’t-”

“Just- just let me finish okay and then, then I’ll go or whatever but Paige, you’re all of those things you know? Strong, brave, the best fucking player- but, it’s also okay if sometimes-, if sometimes you aren’t. It’s okay because this- this is hard, I know it is. So if sometimes you’re not strong or-, or brave- or not feeling like working hard- it’s okay. And if there are moments where you- where you want to give up, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you- it doesn’t make you any less than what you are. It just makes you human, and it’s okay you know- to be human. It’s okay if- if you hurt and it’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s- it’s okay.”

The two girls stare at each other, eyes shining with tears, as Paige let’s Azzi’s words wash over her. She’s been told a lot of platitudes about her injury, from her coaches to her teammates to her family. And she knows she has plenty of people in her corner, who root for her and who genuinely do believe she’ll have the greatest comeback ever. But the motivational speeches get draining after a while and all she’s wanted to do for the last couple of weeks is wallow. Then she felt guilty about wallowing, that little voice in her head yelling at her to be productive and work on getting back to herself because that’s what everybody expected. Paige hadn’t even realised how badly she needed someone to give her permission to not be okay, not until the only person who’d ever known that part of her, had finally said the words she so desperately needed to hear.

The thing is, when she was younger, Paige used to keep everything bottled inside. She’d always been hyper aware of her privilege and her problems had always just seemed so insignificant in front of her parents’ or her friends. So she’d kept them to herself, trapping herself in a web of her own burdens that sometimes threatened to strangle her. And then she’d met a girl at a USA basketball camp when she was 15, a girl who had gently flicked her fingers and Paige’s walls had fallen like dominoes. She hadn’t even known she was drowning, until Azzi had shown up with a lifeboat.

“I just-,” Azzi breaks Paige out of her trance by breaking the eye contact between them, “I didn’t know if anybody had said that to you yet and I just- I wanted you to hear it.”

In the span of a minute, a thousand and one phrases take birth in Paige’s mind and then die on the tip of her tongue. She opens and closes her mouth, trying to express even one of the myriad of emotions that are swirling like a tornado in her brain. But nothing comes out except a litany of incomprehensible noises. And Azzi seems to find the wrong answer in the silence, giving the blonde a timid nod. 

“Take care of yourself P,” her voice catches on the familiar nickname, as she shoots Paige a sad smile, before beginning to walk away. When Azzi chose UCLA, she’d lit Paige's heart on fire. So, Paige had drowned their friendship. And while all this time Azzi has struggled to breathe, Paige has burned but god, is she so fucking tired of it. 

“Fuck, Azzi wait,” Paige curses, hobbling to catch up to the brunette, who stops with a sigh but doesn’t make a move to return. Stubborn as always, Paige thinks, continuing her way over. When she does catch up, she’s not fully sure what to say and so,  “I uh- I’m out of milk.”

Azzi raises her eyebrows in question, crossing her arms protectively around her chest. 

“I can’t drive,” Paige explains slowly, “or walk obviously.”

Realisation dawns on Azzi’s face, “you’re asking me to drive you to the grocery store?”

“I guess,” Paige shrugs, trying to be nonchalant. 

“Seems like the kind of favour someone asks of their family, or their friends,” Azzi emphasises bitterly, never one to let go of an opportunity for sarcasm. 

Paige flinches, “right, I kinda deserved that one.”

She gets a raised eyebrow in response that very much says “ya think?”

“I’m trying here,” she says quietly, and Azzi’s hard demeanour softens, “I’m raising a white flag Az, calling a truce or whatever but it kinda needs to go both ways.” 

“What do you think me coming here was supposed to be?” the younger girl says exasperatedly, but she’s smiling again. It’s the third one Paige has gotten out of her today, and finally, she smiles back. They look a little foolish, standing in the apartment hallway, cheshire-cat-grinning at each other like idiots, but it feels like something has clicked into place again.  

“I’ll go grab my wallet, you go heat up the car.”

“It’s like 110 degrees dude.”

“Bro shut up, you know what I mean,” Paige huffs and when it makes Azzi laugh, she feels like she’s floating. It’s not as if she hasn’t been happy in a year because won’t you look at that, her world did keep turning after that one decision. But this is different. She feels airy and light, like she could jump off a cliff and fly instead of fall. 

“Well hurry up, I have things to do outside of just being your chauffeur.”

“Poor passenger princess, how the roles have reversed,” Paige mocks and it earns her an ever so familiar fond eye roll and for the first time in a year, she feels free. 

***

When she gets downstairs, Azzi’s leaning against her car door, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes. The hot California sun shines brightly against her tan skin, and Paige’s heart stutters because fuck, Azzi is golden. She looks every bit reminiscent of the girl Paige still has memorised and yet, every bit the promise of a girl Paige wants to learn by heart. 

“Nice car,” Paige smirks, alerting the younger girl of her presence.  

“It does the job,” Azzi says, looking up with a smile of her own, opening the passenger door for Paige to get in, “not all of us are raking in NIL deals to get the big guns, but we make do.”

“Steph Curry brand ambassador say what now?” the blonde girl teases as she slides into the car. When she looks up, Azzi’s frozen in place, “what?”

“Nothing I just-” she’s wearing sunglasses, but Paige knows Azzi's trying to avert her gaze, “I’m kinda surprised you know that.”

It’s Paige’s turn to look away, their newfound comfort giving away to that old awkwardness, “I keep up with most basketball news.”

To Azzi’s credit she doesn’t push. Instead, she makes her way into the driver seat without another sound. She’s about to connect her phone to the aux but Paige beats her to it. 

“Hey,” Azzi squeals, making grabby hands, “my car, my rules, my music.”

“Nuh-uh injury privileges,” Paige gloats, sticking out her tongue. 

“That’s not a thing.”

“Is too.”

“Fine, we’ll listen to your crap music.”

“I resent that,” Paige retorts, as Drake blasts through the speakers. The sound of it makes Azzi groan, and she dramatically bangs her head against the steering wheel. Paige spends the rest of the car ride singing at the top of her lungs. Azzi spends the rest of the car ride alternating between shaking her head and joining in with the singing. It’s like they’re back in 2020 all over again, back before they found themselves in the whirlwind of life, back when they were just Paige and Azzi.

*** 

Their trip inside the grocery store takes less time than the ride to get there, even if Paige takes her time dilly-dallying in the dairy section, pretending she’s going to get anything other than just regular milk. She’s overly conscious of the fact that their time together might be coming to an end, that this time she might actually have to deal with saying goodbye. But she’s not ready to go back to missing Azzi just yet. 

“Maybe you can show me your dorm,” she says quietly, once they're both back in the car, playing with the hem of her shirt. Beside her, Azzi draws in a sharp intake of breath, clearly not having expected Paige to want that of all things. In all honesty, the idea of stepping into the world that had stolen Azzi from her is not all that appealing to Paige but she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer. 

“You wanna see my dorm?” 

“A chance to see how the non-blue blood peasants live? I’d never pass it up.”

“Non blue blood,” Azzi scoffs, "Ever heard of John Wooden?”

“I was talking about women’s basketball but yeah I have heard of him. I won the award last year. Over you,” Paige smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Not everyone’s a phenom their freshman year,” Azzi retorts fondly, unable to mask the hint of pride in her voice. 

“Well we’ll see this year-” Paige stops herself, cold seeping into her lungs, as she remembers why she’s in the stupid state of California in the first place. The lighthearted mood in the car goes tumbling out the window as her words hang like a dagger in the air. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, trying to wrap that one syllable in comfort. She reaches out to touch the blonde’s shoulder but must think better of it because her hand hovers mid-air for a second, before she pulls it back. Paige is suddenly hyper aware of the fact they haven’t touched yet. It’s a reminder of the fact that whatever progress they’ve made today, there’s still so much they haven’t even begun to unpack. 

“It’s fine,” Paige’s voice is steely, “just drive.”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, before simply nodding and starting the ignition. She’s clearly holding back and Paige doesn’t know how to feel about it. There’s a part of her that wants Azzi to push her to talk like she would before, but there's another part of her that knows this new rope they’re trying to string between them is fragile. 

They ride in silence to Azzi’s apartment, both of them too caught up in their own thoughts to bother with music this time. As the UCLA campus nears, Paige can’t help but hate it just a little bit. She’s aware she’s being petty. Acting like Storrs, Connecticut is some hub of beauty is probably a stretch of the imagination for anyone but she’s determined to dislike this place out of principle.

“Hmm not too shabby but like where’s the fucking cows?” Paige jokes, as the car comes to a stop in front of Azzi’s apartment building. She steps out gingerly, pretending to inspect her surroundings, making tsk-tsk noises at the most random things. 

“I’ve seen your apartment Bueckers, don’t even try,” Azzi retorts. 

It shouldn’t surprise Paige to see one of Azzi’s teammates when they enter her living room. It’s just like UConn really in the sense that there’s always someone there when you walk in but something about seeing Charisma Osborne just chilling in Azzi’s space suddenly makes it more real that the younger girl is definitely a UCLA Bruin. 

“Oh,” Charisma gives Paige a once-over, clearly not having expected to see her, “hi Paige.”

Paige waves, shuffling her weight on her crutches, unsure what to say. It’s not like she doesn’t know Charisma, they’ve literally won a gold medal together for USA basketball. She’s even met the girl a couple of times after and she likes her, she does. But her bitter brain is focused on the fact that this is one of those girls who had gotten Azzi as their teammate, one of the girls who got to see Azzi everyday. All things Paige had not gotten. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing company Az,” Charisma says pointedly, looking at Azzi and Paige bristles at the use of the nickname. She’s being all sorts of ridiculous but at least she’s self-aware of it. 

“Last minute decisions,” Azzi replies airily. The two girls lock eyes and Paige can tell they’re having some sort of unspoken conversation and now the green-eyed envy monster is out in full force. 

“I insisted on seeing her dorm,” she says finally, breaking into whatever staring competition the two UCLA guards are having. 

“It’s not a problem,” Charisma reassures, standing up from her position on the couch, and coming over to give Paige a tentative hug, “I just didn’t know you were coming. But it’s good to see you, Paige.”

“Yeah,” Paige tries to muster up a proper smile as she leans in to return the hug but it comes out more like a grimace, “you too.”

“We’re gonna go chill in my room,” Azzi says, beckoning to one of the doors in the hallways and Paige obediently follows her, waving a half-hearted goodbye to Charisma. She’s secretly pleased to have Azzi back to herself. 

The room is nothing out of the ordinary except it has Azzi all over it. She’s in the pink comforter that is thrown haphazardly over a clearly not made bed. She’s in the unicorn plushies laid delicately over a dark blue couch. She’s in the little flower stickers that outline the mirror on the far side of the room. There’s a wall dedicated solely to pictures and fairy lights on one side and Paige is immediately drawn to it. A familiar ache reverberates in her chest as her eyes flicker over the pictures of Azzi’s family. She’s missed them. Then there’s the photographs of Azzi in her UCLA uniform, her teammates surrounding her and Paige has to resist the dangerous urge to rip those off the wall. Be happy for her happiness, the logical part of her brain yells, not seeming to realise she’d left any chance of that in the dirt a year ago. As she tears her eyes away from those offending pictures, they land instead on a whole other set of photographs and she feels her heart catch in her throat. 

It’s a set of three images of her and Azzi, taken at various moments. Paige brushes her thumb against the one of the two of them with their arms around each other at the Minnesota  state fair. Azzi’s beaming at the camera and Paige is beaming at Azzi. They look so young, so naive, so happy. 

“I’m on your wall,” Paige breathes out, turning to face her best friend, “Fuck, I’m on you wall.”

“Of course you are,” Azzi affirms, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but she shuffles nervously, giving away the reality behind her stable demeanour. 

“I never answered your texts. I didn’t call you back,” Paige lists quietly as the first tear falls from her eyes; she’s been holding them back all day, “and I’m on your fucking wall.”

Azzi looks away, unsure how to deal with the fact that apparently they’re no longer tip-toeing around the past. She doesn’t know how to tell the blonde that there had never really been a second thought about whether or not those photos were going up on the wall.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs finally, “you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“Ride or die,” Paige repeats in a whisper before she all but throws herself at Azzi, practically moulding herself into the younger girl’s body. Caught off guard, Azzi stiffens for a second, before relaxing into it. It’s late outside and the sun has set, but in this moment, the world shines the brightest it has in a year as two stubborn girls finally find their way home to each other. 

***

That night, Azzi asks her tentatively if she wants to stay over and of course Paige agrees. Lying awake next to a familiar stranger, she lets herself finally remember the day things had first started unravelling.

November 2020

“You’ll probably get one of the upstairs apartments, so we probably won’t actually be living together which is good because can you imagine if I had to see your goofy ass 24/7?” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her forehead, as she leads Azzi into her room.

She’s too caught up in her excitement having Azzi at UConn, and planning what’ll happen next year, to notice that the girl in question isn’t participating at all in her enthusiasm. Paige has been waiting for what feels like a year (in reality it’s only been a few months) to finally have her best friend come visit. The minute the car had pulled up, she’d taken it upon herself to start her sales pitch all over again, missing the sympathetic smiles she’d gotten from the rest of the Fudd family as she pulled Azzi away to show her the glories of the campus. 

“Did you see my assist to Christyn today?” Paige gloats, falling onto her bed with a smirk. 

“It was pretty great,” Azzi concedes. 

“It was fucking perfect thank you very much. I set her up perfectly, exactly how she likes it.”

“Right.”

“And then did you see how excited the team was for her? For everyone? Never gonna find a greater group of girls.”

“They seem wonderful P.”

Paige furrows her eyebrows as she catches Azzi still lingering by the door instead of joining her on the bed. The brunette fidgets with the sleeve of her sweater, chewing on her lips.

“Are you allergic to my bed?” Paige waits for some smartass response. When she doesn’t get one, she frowns, instincts going haywire, “Az, you good?”

“I- '' Azzi looks away, swallowing nervously, “I need to tell you something and I- I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.” 

“You get a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something in the last few months that I don’t know about?” She says it light-heartedly enough, but the thought of it sends a sharp sting through Paige’s heart. In hindsight, she thinks maybe she could have dealt with it having been that. 

“What? No. Just- just don’t- dont take it personally okay. Like you can be upset about it but- but don’t hold it against me yeah? My parents- they said- they said you’d get it. You’d be upset but you’d- you’d get it because you- you get me right?”

Paige’s chest hammers as she watches the younger girl draw in a deep breath, “you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I’mcommittingtoUCLA” Azzi says all in one breath, the words blending together. 

She’s sure she’s heard it wrong. There’s no way. After all this time, after all their conversations, all the pitches, how hard she had worked, there was no way this was going to be the end to all of Paige’s efforts. 

“What?” she whispers, crossing her fingers that she has in fact misheard. 

When Azzi averts her eyes, she knows she hasn’t, “I’m committing to UCLA.”

The first time Paige and Azzi met was somewhat awkward, what with Azzi’s shyness and Paige being slightly overeager to make a new friend. When they’d become bus buddies, they’d progressed to being casual acquaintances who could small talk and share smiles. And then the flight back to Minnesota happened and everything had changed. Every moment after was filled with conversation or laughs or a comfortable silence. Until this one, where the sudden silence between them foreshadows an ominous future.

“Say something,” Azzi says finally, her voice shaking. 

Paige stares at her for a second before, “you named your dog Stewie.”

“What?”

“You named your dog Stewie. After Breanna Stewart who played at UConn. It’s not-” Paige wracks her brain, hands flying animatedly “it’s not Meyers or something, after someone who played at fucking UCLA. You named your dog after a UConn great. How are you going to take him to UCLA with you?”

Azzi stares at her, clearly not having expected that level of questioning of all things. Who could blame her when Paige herself feels a little insane. 

“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with me? Ha ha ha very funny,” she claps deliriously,  “hilarious prank seriously, like hats off you’ve outdone yourself but enough okay? Say sike right fucking now.”

Azzi makes a strangled noise, “it’s not a joke Paige. That’s- that’s my decision.”

“Then change it,” Paige yells, catapulting off the bed.

“Paige-”

“Have you told UCLA yet?”

“I wanted to tell my family and you first.”

“Oh wow, how kind of you. How fucking generous of you to do that Azzi,” Paige bites back sarcastically and Azzi flinches. 

In a flash, Paige’s expression goes from angry to desperate, “you still have time to change your mind . Please just- just think about it again okay? You still have so much time and you know what, stay here for a couple more days. Spend time with the team, with the coaches, with me and you’ll see-. UCLA just sounds nice you know? California, the sun, I get it, of course it’s tempting. But just- just stay here okay? And you’ll see this is where you belong,” she leaves the, with me, unsaid. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s voice cracks. She takes a step toward her and then pauses. It’s the first time in a long time that Azzi’s hesitated when it comes to Paige. It won’t be the last. And when she looks at Paige through her long eyelashes, tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes, Paige knows she’s lost. 

“No,” she’s pacing now, chest heaving up and down in a combination of frustration, anger and misery, “this is not fucking happening. We’re not doing this. I made you a whole recruitment video. Did you watch it? Do you know how long it took me to make it? Has the last year been a fucking joke to you?”

“Of course not-”

“Don’t even. Because clearly- clearly it has. Must’ve been hilarious watching me beg and plead with you when you already fucking knew you were going to committ somewhere else.”

“That’s not fair,”  Azzi’s voice rises at the accusation, “I had no idea where I was going until a couple of weeks ago. You can’t seriously think that low of me.”

“Not fair? You know what’s not fair, Azzi? We’ve been talking about playing together, about finally being on the same team, the same fucking state, for years. What’s not fair is you throwing all of that away on a whim.”

“I’m not committing to UCLA on a whim. This is my whole future we’re talking about. You don’t even know how much thought I’ve put into it. And I’m choosing what’s best for me. You can’t hold that against me Paige. You can’t.”

They stand on opposite sides of the room, taking in harsh staggered breaths and glaring at each other. The tension in the room is electric as the string connecting them frays. Paige and Azzi bicker, they don’t argue. Or at least, that’s how it used to be. 

“Az?” their stare down is broken by a knock on the door as Katie Fudd lets herself in. Immediately, as she stares between her daughter and the girl who’d become just as important, Katie knows what has happened, “we’re going back to the air BnB, are you staying here?”

The answer should be obvious, like it used to be. Of course she would stay here. It was meant to be a no-brainer. But before Azzi can say that, Paige intervenes and the string snaps. 

“She’s going with you,” the blonde says firmly, before turning her back. She won’t let Azzi see the tears, she won’t. For her part, the brunette stares at Paige’s back silently for a couple of seconds, before a mask of determination slips on. 

“Fine. If that’s what you fucking want,” Azzi sneers before brushing past her mom, eager to get away and hide her own tears. 

When Paige turns back around, Katie is already looking at her. The older woman walks the length of the room and pulls the younger girl into a hug that she readily melts into. Paige sniffles as Azzi’s mom soothingly rubs her back. 

“We’re driving back tomorrow morning,” Katie whispers quietly into Paige’s hair, “I know you’re mad sweetheart but come say goodbye okay?”

And she does. She shows up with only half an hour or so remaining before Azzi leaves, but Paige shows up. They hug stiffly, exchanging maybe a sentence or two but in that moment it’s enough. They’ll call later when Azzi gets home and it’ll be awkward for a little bit but they’ll break through. They’ll figure out a way to go on without having to talk about the “big thing”. They’ll hold on as long as they can, until they can’t anymore. 

***

September 2022

After the night Paige stays over at Azzi’s apartment, they're attached at the hip for the next few weeks, just like old times. They’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. Azzi shows up without fail every day after practice to pick Paige up from her rehab, and then the rest of the younger girl’s time is Paige’s. The first time she’d seen the brunette leaning casually against her car, Paige had had to stop herself from jumping into her arms. She’d played it as nonchalant as possible, joking about Azzi being stalker, but inside, she could feel it again, the dangerously familiar tap of this is all I’ll ever need. 

On days Paige doesn’t have rehab, Azzi still shows up right on time on her doorstep with a board game or food or something.  It’s gotten to the point where every time the doorbell rings, Paige opens it expecting Azzi. The couple times it’s not, she tries and fails to hide the disappointment on her face. It earns her an eye roll from the delivery guy but it’s worth it for the laugh it elicits from Azzi when she tells her the story. They fall back together as if they’d never fallen apart. And what’s more terrifying than finding out that she’d never truly gotten over old Azzi, is realising how easy it would be to fall in love with new Azzi. 

When Caroline, Nika and Piath come to visit the weekend after, all three of them can immediately tell that something's changed. Their teammate seems lighter, as if she’s finally found a sense of calm. But their incessant prodding and raised eyebrows are only met with shrugs from a tight-lipped Paige. It isn’t until Azzi calls, and Nika snatches the phone out of Paige’s hands, gasping at the callerID, that they finally figure out why their point guard has a new kick in her step. 

“You should invite her out with us tonight,” Caroline is the first to speak, giving Paige an encouraging smile. 

“Carol,” Nika hisses, “we can’t just invite the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Paige defends immediately, “we don’t even have a rivalry with UCLA.”

Nika scoffs indignantly, “of course she is. She picked a different school over us. Over UConn! That’s weird. Who even does that?”

“Lots of people do,” Caroline, who occasionally texts Azzi (albeit she’s kept that somewhat of a secret), supplies helpfully, shrugging when the Croatian glares at her. 

Piath nudges Paige when she notices the other girl has gone quiet, “ignore Nika. She doesn’t mean it, you know that. If you wanna invite her, invite her.” 

And she does, she wants to so badly. It’s insane really because it hasn’t even been a full day since they’d last seen each other but Paige swears something inside her has been missing since. There’s something awfully terrifying about letting Azzi back into the UConn version of her world, the world that the younger girl had once rejected. Still, if they’re going to try this again, she supposes sooner or later, it’ll have to happen. 

“Put her on speaker,” Nika orders when Paige grabs her phone back from her. 

“Nika,” Caroline, younger only by age, warns, pulling the other girl away, “we’re supposed to be cheering her up, not making life harder.”

Azzi answers on the third ring, her voice teasing  “miss me already?”

Yes, Paige thinks, sometimes I think I miss you even when you’re right here next to me, sometimes I think I’ll miss you forever. But she doesn’t say any of that. 

“Not a chance,” she scoffs instead, “besides you called me first.”

“Butt dial.”

“Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

“Shut up,” Azzi laughs and Paige is glad her teammates aren’t here to see the goofy grin that appears on her face at the sound of it, “I just wanted to see if we were doing something tonight?”

“Yeah- umm- you remember I told you about the girls coming down this weekend. They- uh- they wanted to go out tonight and uh- you could come along?” 

There’s a pause on the other end and Paige knows Azzi’s going through the same thought process as her. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your time with your team P-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Paige cuts in immediately and although she figured her teammates were definitely eavesdropping, Nika cursing about her being “pussywhipped” followed by in-sync shushing from Piath and Caroline, gives them away. 

On the other end of the line, Azzi’s quiet again, “it’s okay P, you go have fun with your friends. We don’t have to spend every night together. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What she doesn’t say is that maybe they need to learn how to live like that again, how to live apart again. Paige is almost done with the LA part of her rehab, something both of them are still in denial about. It’s only a matter of time before they return back to their two separate worlds and neither of them are sure they’ve managed to repair their friendship enough to not slip back into their foolishness again. 

“But I wanna see you tonight,” Paige whines, her tone teetering on the edge of sounding like a desperate girlfriend, “please.”

“Paige-”

“Pleaseeeeeee. I’m literally injured and begging Az, it’d be mean to say no.”

“What does your injury even have to do with any of this?” Azzi sighs exasperatedly, “but yeah okay fine calm down Bueckers. Send me an address, I’ll be there.”

“You don’t wanna come pregame here?” 

“Dude, let's not push it, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay see you,” Paige pauses, “hey Az?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy you’re coming tonight.”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

***

Azzi Fudd is a menace. See, people often get fooled by her soft-spoken nature and shy demeanour, but Paige has been around her long enough to know the truth. In the beginning it was the witty quips the younger girl always had ready whenever they were having some ridiculous argument. After that, it was the direct pranks that wreaked havoc on Paige’s life. But tonight, in Paige’s opinion, tonight is Azzi’s worst offence. She had to have done it on purpose, had to have known the sheer effect it would have on Paige to see her dressed like that. The red criss-cross tank top fits her like a mould and the way her ripped jeans shorts cling to her hips leaves little to the imagination. Her diamond belly button piercing shines against her skin, taunting Paige. She wants to touch, she wants to feel, she wants to do all the unspeakable things in her mind but she’s forced to just watch. 

What she hates most though, is that everybody else is watching too. Since Azzi’s walked into the club, Paige has had to fight the urge to strangle every stranger who had given her best friend an appraising once-over. Some of them let their eyes linger long enough to give her time to plot out the perfect murder strategy (it’s the only way she can stop herself from actually committing a crime tonight). And, as Azzi dances with Caroline, hips swaying to the beat and holding the other girl a little closely, Paige has the irrational urge to hit sweet, kind Caroline of all people. 

The thing is, Azzi’s been a little too attached to Caroline since she got here in Paige’s opinion. And she gets it. Piath, bless her soul, is trying but has always been a little awkward around new people. Nika is definitely not trying, loyally holding onto a grudge on behalf of Paige. Which leaves Caroline, who’s already familiar territory and the younger girl has grasped onto her like a lifeline. But enough is enough Paige decides, as she slips out of her seat with a determined look. Smoothly, she cuts right in between Caroline and Azzi.

“Nika’s a little wasted and I don’t want to deal with,” it’s a blatant lie but Paige knows appealing to Caroline’s more motherly instincts will get her what she wants. She gets a raised eyebrow in return, her teammate clearly catching her ruse because Nika looks visibly fine. But it works anyway and Paige gets Azzi to herself. She reaches for the other girl’s hand, twirling her just so she can hear that stupid silly laugh, and then pulling her back so she’s facing Paige. 

“You having fun?” 

“Always have fun with you P,” Azzi replies. She’s clearly tipsy but there’s no hint of insincerity in her voice. It makes Paige’s breath hitch. 

“Yeah?” she whispers, taking a step closer, “more than with Carol?”

Azzi giggles, “more than anyone.”

The song in the club changes and as the crowd adjusts to it, someone jostles Azzi and immediately Paige grabs at her hips to steady her. As she finds her balance, Azzi’s giggles subside, realising just how close she is to the blonde now. They’re stuck in slow motion as the world dances around them. The combination of adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her veins is what convinces Paige to test the limits. One hand still squeezing at Azzi’s bare waist, revelling in finally getting to touch, she brings up her thumb to trace around Azzi’s lips. The younger girl gulps, but when she doesn’t try to move away, confidence pulses through Paige. Her heart is beating frantically out of her chest, years and years of want and need that she’d shoved as far away as possible, desperately fighting to get to the surface. 

Pushing herself closer, so their chests are now pressed to each other and Azzi’s hands have no choice but to latch onto her biceps, Paige places a delicate, teasing kiss to the corner of Azzi’s lips. She wishes she could record the whine it elicits and listen to it on loop for hours. Smirking, she moves to place another one on the other side, this time pressing her lips a little harder, a little longer. Azzi’s eyes are closed shut, hands gripping onto Paige so tightly, she knows there’ll be a mark on her biceps tomorrow. She cups Azzi’s face with both hands now, her own eyes shutting involuntarily, as she finally, finally brushes their lips together. 

This time, the strangled noise that leaves Azzi’s throat, is one Paige wishes she could forget as the younger girl rips herself away from Paige, the force of it creating almost a foot of distance between them. It doesn’t take long for the familiar sting of rejection to make itself home in her heart. Azzi’s eyes are brimming with tears as she manically shakes her head. Without a word, she rushes through the crowd, making a beeline for the exit, leaving Paige confused and craving for another taste. 

***

It takes Paige a second to gather her thoughts before following the brunette. She ignores the confused glances from her teammates, making some bullshit excuse about fresh air as she fights her way outside. When she gets there, Azzi’s leaning against the wall, eyes closed as she takes in long deep breaths. 

“That’s not usually how girls react when I try to kiss them,” Paige says after a second, trying to make light of the situation, even if her heart is heavy with anxiety. 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Azzi scoffs, “you kiss a lot of girls don’t you.”

“Yeah and most of them kiss me back,” Paige bites back. 

She’s taken aback by the fire in the darker-skinned girl’s eyes as Azzi finally opens them, heaving herself off the wall. 

“I won’t be one of your groupies Paige. I won’t be one of your desperate one night stands. I won’t be just some other hookup. I won’t!”

Frankly she’s a little offended Azzi would even think that of her. She’s aware of her reputation. In fact she’d probably fed into it a little bit, exaggerating her escapades to Azzi on the phone her freshman year, when they had been on the verge of combusing and she’d been desperate to get a rise out of the younger girl. Last year though, last year was different. But Azzi doesn’t know that. 

“I don’t want you to be any of that,” she replies feebly. 

“Then what, do you want me to be?” Azzi’s voice rises with each syllable. 

Paige stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. The truth is she wants Azzi to be everything. The truth is, Azzi already is everything. Except there’s too much between them and she just can’t say it. They stand in silence until Azzi finally breaks it.

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life,” she says miserably, “and that might be the worst thing ever you know? Because it’s not real. You’re gonna go back to your world and you’ll- you’ll stop replying to my texts and you’ll stop- you’ll stop calling me and I- I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“That’s an awful lot of assumptions you’re making about me,” Paige is on defensive mode now, feeling a fight brewing. 

“Because that’s what happened. Go back through your fucking phone Paige. Look at all the times I tried. And all the times you never did. You just- you cut me out Paige.”

“That’s not fair. You chose fucking UCLA. Over me.”

“No,” Azzi corrects immediately, anger seeping into her tone, “I chose UCLA over UConn. You made it about yourself.”

Paige swallows back a bitter response in favour of trying to prevent a full-fledged argument, “okay, okay let’s not- let’s not do this okay. It’ll be better this time- I- I won’t ignore your calls or texts or you okay? Just- can we just go back inside please?”

“That’s the thing,” Azzi’s anger is gone, replaced by a sad wistful smile, “I don’t know if I believe that you will,” a single tear rolls down her cheek, “I- I don’t fully trust you and you haven’t fully forgiven me. So where do we go from here?”

It’s a lie what they say about the truth setting you free, Paige thinks as Azzi’s words squeeze at her heart, because all it’s done is unleash shackles of despair that holds them both hostage. It had been easy the last couple of weeks, to pretend the last year had never happened. It had been easy for Paige to pretend that she was over what happened, to ignore the part of her brain that still felt so utterly betrayed. 

“Azzi, what are you saying? You don’t- you don’t wanna be friends?” Paige feels nauseous even saying it. 

“No I-” Azzi chews at her bottom lip, “I’m saying this- us- we’re too fragile to complicate even more. I barely- fuck- Paige, I barely survived losing my best friend. I don’t think I could survive losing something more.” 

The worst thing about it all, is that it makes sense. And really, Paige doesn’t know what she’d expected to happen if Azzi hadn’t pulled away when she did. They’d kiss, maybe give in and do more and then what? Shake hands and walk away? Or make false promises that would ultimately lead to resentment? No, Years and years of something deserved better than either of those masochistic endings. It makes sense, it does but it doesn’t mean Paige has to like it. 

In front of her, all the fight evaporates from Azzi’s body, as the younger girl leans back against the brick wall of the club, sliding down and pulling her knees to her chest. She looks every bit as miserable as Paige feels and all the blonde wants to do is wipe away the stress lines creasing against the younger girl’s beautiful phase. She moves to sit down next to her best friend, shuffling so their shoulders are pressed together and intertwines their fingers together. A sigh of relief escapes her when Azzi doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she squeezes their hands tighter, as if she’s scared that if she lets go, Paige will disappear. 

“You didn’t lose me you know,” Paige says softly after a second, nudging Azzi’s shoulder when the other girl lets out a noise of protest, “I know, I know it feels like you did. It felt like that to me too except- every time something good or bad happened to me, I heard your voice or- or maybe I just really wanted too. We got lost a little bit but I didn’t- I didn’t lose you and you didn’t lose me. There’s a difference. I don’t think we could ever lose each other like that. Not really.”

When Azzi turns to look at her, the golden glow of the street lights illuminate the emotions in her eyes. She gives Paige a soft smile, “well Bueckers, if basketball doesn’t work out, maybe you have a future in poetry.”

“I could do whatever I wanted,” except what I want to do the most. 

It doesn’t take long for the Uber Azzi’s already called to start pulling up and that familiar ache of longing creeps into Paige’s spine. She knows tonight isn’t their final goodbye; they still have a couple more days. But those days will be spent ignoring and pretending, unlike tonight and the firm grip they have on reality. They rise off of the cold pavement together, dusting themselves off. It takes a second of awkward glances before they’re surging into each other’s arms, squeezing each other so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Paige wills herself not to cry, hiding her face in the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers, unsure if it’s more for her benefit or Azzi’s. 

The unwanted beep of a car is the only reason they reluctantly pull away, hurriedly wiping away unshed tears, they pretend the other can’t see. Azzi musters up a brave smile, before slowly moving away and it takes everything in Paige not to crumble and begs her to stay. Azzi’s halfway to the car when she turns back and it feels like Paige can breathe again. The brunette’s face is conflicted for a second before turning determined, as she starts walking back up. 

“Az-”

Paige’s confusion is stifled as Azzi fists her shirt, pulling her into a searing kiss. It’s desperate and needy and it’s only a few seconds before the dark-haired girl is pulling away again, but it sets Paige’s entire world off balance. 

“I just-” Azzi’s breathing is rapid and uneven, “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen and- just- fuck- I just-,” she blinks up at Paige, “I hate- I hate leaving things unfinished and for fucks sake if you don’t call me back this time Bueckers- just- don’t be a stranger.”

Paige doesn’t get time to answer, she doesn’t think she could even if she did, because Azzi scurries away almost immediately. She stops when she gets to the car, turning back to give Paige one final look, a look that will haunt Paige forever, before getting into the backseat. As Paige watches the back of Azzi’s uber gets smaller and smaller, her tongue darts across her lips as she tries to memorise the faintest taste of Azzi’s strawberry-flavoured lipstick. And she knows, she’s so utterly and completely and terribly fucked.

[peppertaemint]

Let's talk about Taemin and Key of SHINee wearing the Scottish fashion house Charles Jeffrey Loverboy, an openly queer unisex brand. There’s a lot of talk about whether idols know who they are wearing and, when relevant, do they understand the meaning of what they are wearing. We know there are clear examples of artists not understanding what they’re wearing. Indeed, 23-year-old, non-English-speaking Taemin admitted in 2021 that he had no idea the fly of his pants read “Open Here” during View era. Yet, a lot has changed this 2015/16. Taemin’s English is quite proficient. And what about Key, who has studied English since he was a child? I think we can consider understanding the words and understanding the context or broader meaning behind words or, as the case may be, symbols, which can be universal.

Taemin in the Advice album photobook, 2021.

The Charles Jeffrey Loverboy brand is no ordinary brand. It’s a spunky, fun and edgy unisex brand with genuine British flavour. From London Fashion Week's write up:

"Looking back to look forward, the collections re-render historical references as intrinsically modern while paying respect to an ancestral line-up of costumiers, performance artists and queer icons. Jeffrey’s nightlife-influenced thirst for experimentation, and belief in the validity of mistakes, result in a colourful tension between control and chaos.

"LOVERBOY’s roots are fixed in London’s queer nightlife scene, having been born in 2014 as both a fashion label and a cult club night. The LOVERBOY parties, first staged while Jeffrey was studying for his Masters in fashion design at Central St Martins in London, were attended by the city’s up-and-coming artists, performers, musicians, drag queens and poets, many of whom became Jeffrey’s future muses and creative collaborators."

Live performance of Advice, 2021.

The tartan in these looks is known as the loverboy tartan. In the current collection, they have an “odorable” loverboy tartan raincoat with giant floppy bunny ears. I’m too lazy to link it, but do look it up and peruse the punk-meets-whimsy items on the website.

Taemin’s stylist for Advice was Kim Wook. You can read an interview with Kim Wook in translation here. Wook talks about he and Taemin wanting to do something impactful before Taemin entered the military, and they settled on working with silhouettes that are usually seen on female dancers. I could do a whole post on Taemin’s styling for Advice (maybe I will!), but to connect things back to the brand at hand, the flamboyantly unisex Loverboy brand seems to be at home with the goal of Advice’s styling. Advice was Taemin’s way of saying “I will go my own way and trust myself over others,” and I don’t think the androgynous or even gender-fluid looks he presented are a coincidence; Wook’s interview shows that it isn’t. These looks feel like a push forward for Taemin, and he’s been clear in saying Advice was a breakaway from his past. Act I and Act II were leading to this moment.

Taemin has been wearing Charles Jeffery Loverboy upon in return in 2023. I think the most significant choice is the non-binary shirt he wore a fan meeting during Hard era. The t-shirt is a jab at conservatives’ obsession with the love lives and indeed, bathroom usage, of LGBT+, saying, “They’re happy and satisfied. Are you?” There is a also a good-sized, unmistakable non-binary symbol on the shirt. I hadn’t seen this symbol before but it was still easy for me to comprehend. As an artist who is increasingly wearing gender-fluid outfits, it is likely a conscious choice to wear a shirt that supports non-binary rights.

Now, we can’t forget fashion-forward, English king Key in all of this. Key has always had a love and fascination with fashion; we saw in One Fine Day his interaction with a local London fashion brands. He’s a man who knows his fashion houses, so it seems unlikely he wouldn’t know about the Loverboy brand or its ethos as a unisex brand.

Key primarily wore Charles Jeffrey Loverboy accessories for his Gasoline promotions in 2022. The adorable hat with ears is statement wrapped in cuteness, that speaks to the camp motif present in both Key’s body of work and the Loverboy label’s. It’s cute, but not too cute. It’s loud but soft, and the Loverboy stamp is there for all to see. I think that Key embodies what LSF wrote about the Lovery label as “a colourful tension between control and chaos.” Key is never afraid to experiment, and he can go from creating iconic androgynous silhouettes reminiscent of ancient gods and Beyoncé to the retro-camp shown below that almost looks like it could be at home in a Ghostbusters film. Almost.

There are contexts where, like the above, it is more than reasonable to assume that the artists understand what they are wearing and that the choices made are conscious and in some cases made with the goal of the comeback in mind. And there are situations where it’s possible or even confirmed by the artist that they didn’t know what they were wearing or what it meant. I think it can become an obsession for some to want the styling to be conveying a secret code. With the case of Charles Jeffrey Loverboy, there’s no code and it’s not secret. It’s simply known and recognised by those who know, which is enough.

[just-an-assbutt]

Fred Vasseur: The possible Champion-maker?

Okay, this is an analysis I did, it’s kinda crazy, but I don’t know, maybe anyone else agrees. It basically hypotheses how a series of conversations and decisions could lead to a Ferrari Championship soon and how Fred Vasseur has a pivotal role on everything.

Hang on, it’s a long road.

Where did this come from?

In 2022, Charles was close to win the championship. He started off the season amazingly, pressuring the new world champion and earning Ferrari valuable points. But the second half of the season was a disaster masterclass: between Charles’ mistakes and Ferrari’s terrible decisions, the championship slipped away. There was a breaking point that I believe gave Charles the last push:

This was terrible. Ferrari had screw up and after that Mattia had the audacity to scold him like a child on international television. He knew he wasn’t Nepo Boy, but he probably never expected to be disrespected like this so lightly. To give more depth to this analysis, let’s talk a little bit about who appears to be Charles Leclerc.

A kid with a dream

Charles Leclerc was born on October 16, 1997 in Monte Carlo, Monaco, to a hairdresser mother and cars enthusiast father. His mother, Pascale and his father Hervé got together when her oldest son, Lorenzo, was around 2 years old. From this union came Charles and younger brother Arthur. Hervé was not only a fan of racing, he got as far as driving in F3, but he had to drop that dream. Living in Monaco without being as wealthy as the top of the food chain, Hervé relied on Charles’ grandparents to sponsor Charles’ racing career. The grandparents were wealthy and while Charles and Arthur were little, they were able to support both of their grand kids.

Time passed, Charles ended up being great, and the wealthy grandparents weren’t wealthy enough for the next step. So Hervé decided to get his son a sponsorship, he contacted his friend Bianchi, who had his son Jules in a great position with Ferrari Academy at the moment. Jules was a star in the making, so when he approached Ferrari to take a look at Charles, they said yes. Like that, one of the Leclercs got the money and support needed, the other had to wait. Arthur ended up having to quit karting for some time because the money they had wasn’t enough. His background marked something, he would never be one of them, so will have to work hard to be someone.

At this stage of life, Charles learned something: The only way up is surrendering yourself with the right people.

The teammates

Charles made it to Ferrari in 2019, to take the still warm seat that the last champion of Ferrari left, Kimi Räikkönen. But the big shoes weren’t the difficult part, Sebastian Vettel, four times World Champion with Red Bull Racing, became his teammate. Even though DTS made it look worse than it was, it’s still true that the two drivers pushed each other a lot, which was great to bring better results. The car was not the greatest, but it still delivered and the drivers got the chance to do their jobs. And they did it great, compared to what the standard could be next to the Mercedes-Hamilton dominance. In the two seasons they raced together, Charles proved Sebastian that he was different, that he had that something that made him special. Even though Charles out performed him, Sebastian really grew fond of him.

In 2021, Sebastian moved to Aston Martin and Charles got a new teammate: Carlos Sainz Jr. Things got complicated for Charles here. With Sebastian, Charles had something important which was pull. Even if the other had been with Ferrari for years, Charles was the little prince in the making. He may didn’t have many sponsors, he may have come from a less privileged background than Sebastian, he may not be a World Champion, but he had made contacts inside Ferrari with his hard work. Once he’s father got him Jules, Charles made a lot of friends thanks to his raw talent, dedication, discipline and determination. But he didn’t actively searched for contacts that could make his career better.

When Carlos Sainz Jr. son of Rally World Champion Carlos Sainz Sr. came in the picture, Charles learned the hard way that he was not playing at the same level. Carlos had a lot more sponsors, experience and better friends. Carlos grew up filthy rich and privileged, he was friends with the best there is in motorsport, he was the incredibly talented son of a Champion and he was given the best opportunities since he was in the womb. Charles didn’t have that and when the time came, it made a difference. The sponsors that gave Ferrari the money weren’t interested in him, they were looking at Carlos, and the fact that the Spaniard was not a bad driver didn’t help. When Charles started leading the championship in 2022, Carlos was way behind him, and the money weighed heavily compared to Charles’ talent. Mattia Binotto made the decision of developing the upgrades of the car towards Carlos’ preferences on the second half of the season, breaking up the relationship he had with Charles.

The right man

Even though second place is not bad, Charles couldn’t help but see Max Verstappen, long time rival, become World Champion twice, being the same age than him. When things got bad in 2022, Charles decided to listen to his father’s teachings, because the only way up is with the right people. He spoke to Fred Vasseur, who used to be his Team Principal in Alfa Romeo when he first started. If we look at it from outside, Fred was essential in Charles pass to Ferrari, helping him look good with a car that wasn’t the best. They were a good team together, so if we can see that from outside, he surely noticed that himself. Fred was the start of a change that would make Charles worthy of his Ill Predestinato title. Fred had half a year to pull all of his strings and get things done, starting by convincing Ferrari to let go of Binotto and hire him. Charles only had to be a good soldier and do what he was told.

The trifecta of a Champion

I. The person:

Charles had a persona outside the driver and something important is to understand that that persona along the racing driver is what gets you the best sponsors and connections. But your personal life can also be distracting, so sometimes you need to let go of people you may don’t want to, but have to. Charles broke up with a girlfriend he had for 3 years, whom he shared an apartment with and who seemed to be the one. People liked her and his cute ‘normal boy’ life was good to attract fans, but a girlfriends consumes time and attention which doesn’t translate in money. Probably, one of the first things that Fred told him was “loose the girlfriend”. Why? Because he was a 24 years old and he had to focus on his career, he didn’t need a personal life, at least not a real one until he got things done. Here is where Charles public persona started to grow. In December of 2022, Charles dumped his girlfriend, who he may have loved, but not as much as his (and his family’s) career. He became more popular thanks to being single and since the sport was raising in popularity too, he benefited from that.

He started to get assisted in everything that meant PR, he got a better stylist, made better investments with his money and got a girl that wouldn’t take up time. I really like Alex, but you’ll understand with this analysis why I think they might be PR. Regarding the clothing, he started showing off great labels on his instagram page and that gave him engagement. This helped his overall popularity even more and raised his value outside the track and the motorsport world. His millions came to good use when he decided to invest in a good PR team, but not only that, he created his own ice cream brand, why do that? Easy, he needs the money and the contacts that come with enterprises. This deal gives him a secure income outside the motorsport industry and the chance of becoming the business man that can interact with the others (that put their money on drivers and teams) it gives him the status in the business world.

But all of this falls off with the wrong girlfriend. Charles made a bond with his fans through his ‘normal boy’ image, the boy who played games, dated a hometown girl and had a hairdresser mom. Along with his loyalty to Ferrari, this type of image is something difficult to drop out from. People associate humbleness with core traits of a person, dropping that would mean becoming a sell out or worse, a traitor to his working-class fellow fanbase. He can’t date a model, he can’t date a famous girl, because it’ll look bad, but he can’t also date for real because he was told not to. So his PR agency got him the perfect one: Alexandra. She’s an elegant hometown girl, who has her own family money and career, and manages a low profile. She’s everything he needs, she can enjoy the lifestyle, make good money, keep up her career and he doesn’t need to worry about her and their relationship. She’s not dependent on him and she knows the upper class world and how to handle it. She doesn’t need maintenance or training and she knows how to play her part. She also seems very friendly and they probably get along well, which makes things easier. It’s a win-win situation, he keeps his image and she can enjoy the lifestyle while still doing her things.

Leo was the latest winning move, Charles is old enough for kids and people expect that from him (it works with Max’s image) but he’s not going to have a kid with Alex, so a puppy is the best next move. It gives him the chance to shine on a better light and he likes dogs, so it all works out well. His fatherly ways towards younger drivers, like Ollie or Aurelia, also help a lot to sell this image of maturity and leadership. He’s the driver number one, the loyal boy to Ferrari. This added to the ‘Lestappen Gate’ from 2023 only reinforce the idea of Charles being Ill Predestinato. He fights for the championship, he’s a team player, he takes the youngsters under his wing and when the chance to a seat on Red Bull’s rocket ship arose he still stayed loyal to Ferrari. He started to become an icon.

He has it all: the popularity outside motorsport, the contact with the business world, the love from his fans and the loyalty from the Tifosi.

II. The team:

Fred got Charles on the right path to freshen up his public image and raise his value, now he had to give him the team to pull off a championship. 2023 was still a season of change, but the first win in a long time came in Singapore, ruining a perfect season from Red Bull and giving a little peek of what they were on to. But the win came with the wrong driver, for Fred’s whole project at least, and it made the rest of the steps a little bit messy. For everything to work, Fred needed Charles and a legend. Why? Because he needed to be able to have a win-win situation at hand. Making Charles the first world champion since 2007 would be great, but making a legend in motorsport do it instead also works. The main point is to win again, and do it with a ground breaking gameplay, so either the Golden Boy wins or a legend retires in greatness. Carlos Sainz Jr. has to go.

Fred talks with Toto Wolff, Mercedes Team Principal and Lewis Hamilton. Toto needs the seat for a younger talent (probably Kimi Antonelli) and Lewis is ready for the last bit of his career as a driver. Fred’s proposal is perfect, Toto gets his young lineup and Lewis gets the chance to pull a Schumacher. The news gets leaked very early on, probably by the Sainzs who lost in all of this scheme and need to better up Carlos’ image to get a new seat, and the whole deal backfired a bit. They solved it, Carlos understood that playing the cards he was playing wasn’t good for his career and Ferrari’s PR team worked hard to solve the problem. Now Fred has the legend and the kid, he needs to work inside the garage. He did a literal purge of incompetence, better mechanics, better engineers, better staff, better everything. He got the sponsorship from HP, that gives Ferrari everything it needs to never have to look at a price twice. It pays Lewis and it can pay a posible Adrian Newey. He took out Xavi and brought Bryan, a guy that was already on the team and that could be the thing Charles needed to perform better. The pitstops became faster and cleaner. The strategies got more efficient.

He started building a new, better team. One that can bring Charles to the top or Lewis to a path of redemption before retirement.

III. The car:

There’s just one thing missing in all of this, which is a championship winning car. The SF-24 is not a bad car, that’s among the many reasons why Carlos won in Australia and Charles in Monaco. Also why they been getting a lot of podiums and Ollie could pull off such a great race. But for it to be the best car, Fred needs two things: 2026 regulations and Red Bull to fail. Here comes the last part of the project that Fred still hasn’t accomplished yet and where this analysis shifts to a more speculative approach. 2026 regulations assure Ferrari a new opportunity to build a better car, their remarkable quality is the engine, which is what makes a difference in Qualifying for both Ferrari and Hass. But the car has some issues with aerodynamics, they solved that a bit, making the SF-24 a lot less of a tyre eater than the SF-23, but it still can get better. Solving this issue could guarantee a great qualifying pace and great race pace, converting that into wins with the right strategy.

But the regulations aren’t the only thing that could help, they also need get someone that can make that ideal car a reality. Adrian Newey is the man for that, not only because he’s the best, but also because taking him to Ferrari would mean that Red Bull loses one of his biggest assets, naturally leading to a drop in performance. This closes the gap and can even mean surpassing Red Bull, which is the dominant team at the moment. McLaren kind of hick-hacked this part of the project, bringing a great car this year, but Fred still has the chance to come out victorious by the end of 2025. If he gets Newey by the end of 2024, he can assure the downfall of Red Bull and the championship-winning car for 2026.

A man with a plan

If everything plays out as I stipulated, Ferrari could win a championship in 2026, even maybe 2025. This win can’t only be seen as simple success, it’d be a historic achievement in Ferrari’s lifespan and a game changer for everyone involved, specially Fred. Whether the championship is won by Lewis or Charles, the man that brought it home would be Fred. As Schumacher-Todt did before, F1 would never forget this moment, Ferrari winning again after almost 20 years.

All of it thanks to a man with a plan.

Let me know what you guys think!

[dgtn]

Hey all! So I wanted to take a few to introduce myself. Another blogger did this a few days back and I was just like omg I need to do that too!

So my name is Diane and I am at midlife now in terms of age. I have been married for over 20 years and have 2 amazing kids, a young man and a daughter.

We live in Tennessee. I love so many different genres of music - my playlist has everything from BTS to Carrie Underwood, Troye Sivan, Coldplay, Bon Jovi, Metallica, Aretha Franklin…you name it…it’s probably on my list!

Outside of BTS and Jikook I love spending time with my family, health, fitness, and making jewelry, and yes that includes BTS themed jewelry of course 😏

My favorite shows to watch are crime dramas and anything sci fi. I’m a huge Star Wars fan (I still remember going to see A New Hope when it came out!)

I have 5 fur babies- 4 dogs and a cat. We also have a gecko.

I am a cancer survivor, coming up on 8 years now. I've also had brain surgery - crazy crazy!

So now that that’s out of the way….let’s talk BTS.

I’ve always heard the saying: you don’t find BTS, BTS finds you when you need them. This is true for me too (more on that later ).

I discovered BTS when I heard Butter for the first time back in 2021. I thought it was a catchy song and wanted to know more about the band behind the song. And so it began. I looked up BTS on the internet and the first member I came across? Jimin of course. My first thoughts were my god he is gorgeous. And his voice - are you kidding me! I’ve been around a long time and I have never heard a voice like that! So of course I needed to know more. Next came Jungkook. Uh….wow! That man is beautiful too! And his voice! I mean come on!!!! I had never heard of kpop before BTS so I had no idea about the world of kpop or any of its inner workings.

So into the world of BTS I dove. I went on line and started watching their music videos and started listening to more of their music and really really liking it. I slowly discovered the world of BTS online; Bangtan Bombs, In The Soop, Lives, Run Episodes, etc. Of course, watching all of these...I started to wonder, what's up with Jimin and Jungkook? Definitely caught a different vibe from them. So.....started watching jikook videos. Then, I discovered GCFT - and that sealed the deal for me. No looking back from that point. I remember the first time I watched it (yup, like yourself Ive watched it way more than once!!!) I was blown away and my reaction was "these 2 are in love with each other".

I absolutely love love love Jimin and Jungkook (as I’m sure you can tell from my blog!). I love them as individuals and I love them as a couple. They have something SO very special together and I just get so much joy out of seeing their relationship now and how it has grown over the years. They went from seriously crushing on each other in the early days of BTS to being in a long term fully committed monogomous relationship. I do believe that they are in this for life and have committed to each other for life. What that exactly looks like I'm not sure as they are still "In the Closet". My hope for them is that one day they will be able to show us their love for each freely and openly.

So getting back to BTS and how they found me when I needed them. I am officially mid life, in my 50's. I have always been a stay at home mom. My son is high functioning autistic. Throughout his schooling we really struggled with finding the right fit for him academically. When we moved to TN we eventually decided to home school him which became a huge priority of mine. Homeschooling was not easy. When he graduated high school it was such an accomplishment. I will admit that it also left me very emotionally drained. Being a mom in general is really hard (best job in the world!!!). We always put our children first before everything else; it's just what we do.

As my children have grown and continued to become more independent I actually started thinking about what I want to do for me. It's a foreign concept because as a mom I've never really thought that way. That was right about the time I discovered BTS (see where I'm going with this?). Their message of love yourself, take care of yourself, was something that really resonated with me. I know it might sound crazy but that "glow up" that some people have experienced through BTS happened to me too. I have found the time to "love myself" as BTS says. I am really putting myself first for the first time in my life. I am still here for my family 100% but I am also finding the time to take care of myself :) I am on that journey to find balance in my life and BTS has most definitely played a big role in that!

I absolutely love BTS as a band and as individuals. I have really enjoyed getting to know them and I look forward to sharing my love of BTS and jikook with all y'all for years to come :) I have met some wonderful people through Tumblr; some of whom I have become very close to and consider dear friends; and I feel so grateful and blessed to have these peeps in my life. I am really excited to see what the future holds for these 7 incredibly talented young men who came into our lives.

One thing for sure, The Best is Yet To Come.

Xoxo 😘

[sageistri]

https://x.com/raplinebase/status/1780250714406850972?s=46

this is going to be more about bts in general so i understand if you dont want to post. i just want to get it out of my system. the teaser for the bts popup thing and the tweet above brought so many things that I’ve disliked/nearly loathed about how bighit has treated bts image/brand in the last 2 years to the forefront of my mind. first, the whole anthology nonsense which was a cheap copout before enlistment. i fully understand that the members were exhausted and needed a change but hybe/bh went about it so wrong and though it may sound extreme i feel that it will have been at the expense of bts’ legacy in years to come. BH/Hybe has been sloppy when it comes to BTS for a while now because they knew they could get away with it financially but seeing so clearly now that it could likely cost them their legacy is so frustrating. No one can deny they had a great run from 2019 to 2021. It was perfectly reasonable for them to have a break before MS and for that time to be used for each of them (or some) to flesh out their solo work. But the way Proof era was handled so sloppily pisses me off. It was kicked off in such a grandesque way with the teaser at the end of the last PTD concert only to be followed with the dissapointment of it being an anthology with only three new songs that had leaked like a year in advance 😩. Then hyping up some big reveal for their anniversary day only for it to be the disastrous June 14th video that ended up reading like a disbandment announcement and became a PR debacle.

I need to talk about the June 14th incident because it simply perplexes me in a number of ways. First of all, I completely understand why the members were emotional about the change/the news they were sharing because a) they knew they’d be dissapointing some people b) i cant imagine how emotionally and physically drained they must have been at the time it was filmed. Obviously, when you’re that exhausted you’re simply prone to get more emotional so I can’t blame them for not seeing how the information would be received from an objective POV they were just relieved to get it out. But their team on the other hand… why the F$&@ did they think it was a good idea for that information to be delivered that way??? Where was the rationality? Where was the coolheadedness? As someone with an interest in PR, it honestly keeps me up still lmao. From a PR standpoint, it was catastrophic and the fact that their team could not foretell the reaction would be chaos from fans and the media goes to show how mediocre their team was at the time. Hell, their stock never fully recovered after that even with Jimin giving it the big boost later. Which they somehow also managed to fumble. But i digress…

2022 was the year for bts to go out with a bang, they simply could have put out a 5-6 track mini album and wrapped it up w a pretty little bow at the Busan concert and even with never reuniting again (which they obviously would bc money) it would have been a nice satisfying ending. But no it was a mess that turned into a series of terrible decisions one after the other and now they’re stuck with Voldemort and will inevitably sell out in 2025 with more Bieber rejects and Golden 2.0 to prove they didn’t “lose relevancy” after the military. Oh brother. Its really not that deep in the grand scheme of things but so dissapointing, unnecessary, and infuriating. Especially bc I will likely still be there to watch it all unfold bc it doesn’t look like my obsession with Jimin is going away any time soon… *sighs*

You're right and I have talked about this before.

I saw other armys quoting that tweet and talking about how epic it was, but it only reminded me of how much of a fumble that whole era was.

If you actually think about it, the last time BTS had a full on era was 4 years ago with mots7.

Dynamite was an English single, BE never even felt like an actual era because of how it was marketed as as some emotional pandemic inspired project with a ballad as the title track. The whole of 2021 was filled with English singles and collabs and in 2022 we had proof with another ballad as the title track. Since 2020 all BTS releases have either been English singles or Korean releases that are clouded with some emotional connotation which kills the hype and excitement around it. And I saw someone say at this point they wouldn't be surprised is bts' first comeback as a group is some emotional fan song about how they miss armys and themselves during their time in the Military, and I wouldn't be surprised if that ends up happening. Like for once can y'all just give us a normal Korean comeback with an upbeat title track and choreography?

The hype around what could have been their best and most successful Korean album yet being wasted on a repackage and a title track like yet to come could have been overlooked if they had made run BTS the title track, but alas. It's almost like bighit and BTS equates emotional and sentimental to boring and lackluster.

Doing all that at the concert only for the whole era to be a burst, the only good thing to come out of proof was run BTS.

[juliapark13]

jungkook himself admitted in their early debut years that the hyung he feels most comfortable talking to is jimin. jikook have always been close on an emotional, deeper level than taekook ever were. and taekook were close at their early years; closer than they were in 2016-2020.

tkkrs say that jikook started doing fan service in what? 2015? 2016? when they (not) so 'suddenly' became closer and jk stopped pushing jimin away in front of cameras? ok then explain to me why jk has been sneaking into jimin's bed at night prior to 2015, even when him and taehyung were supposedly closer? why did jk go to jimin for comfort or when he needed a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear to talk to, when tae was right there and they were supposedly the bestest friends at the time? or was teenager kook a liar doing fanservice at that time too?

i'll give you a hint, tae and jk are not on the same emotional wavelength. their friendship is superficial, they have fun playing together, hanging out with friends together. similar to jinkook i would say, minus the age gap. but when they (in this case, jungkook) need to really talk to someone, or just bask in the comfort of someone's proximity, they go to jimin. both of them.

jungkook used to sneak into jimin's bed as a teenager, he found the most comfort from talking to jimin. he feels the most connected to jimin on stage (his words from 2020 interview) and he still sneaks into jimin's room (2021 vmk vlive) past midnight and multiple times a day just sitting there doing nothing. it's almost like *gasp* he feels comforted by having jimin in his proximity!

almost every weverse live he did this year he looked... lonely. like he had a lot on his mind and didn't have someone to talk to. (if you're an empath that was easy for you to see) but tae was available, they went out all the time (with friends) and yet... jungkook came back home feeling empty, having a lot on his mind, and can only be comforted by army's presence (he said this himself i'm not making shit up). he spent 3 hours live wth armys on white day, and even cried at the end, but tae was in korea at the time. his mood was sour on the premiere day live, he spent over 15 minutes in silence, he didn't wanna look at the comments, he even got pissed at the aurora lights and turned them off; even though he was with tae a few hours prior. why couldn't he just talk to tae about whatever it is that was bothering him? how are armys, that he can only communicate with through a screen, gonna offer him more comfort than his supposed best friend (or boyfriend, according to tkkrs)?

i don't think i have to tell you whose comfort he actually needed at the time but that person—coincidentally—wasn't in korea on both occasions.

jk looked much brighter in his last live though, he looked happy, healthy, eating good, working out (again, his words), he even had his lights on! both the regular ones and the aurora lights! which is a rare sight to see. he did this live a day after his comfort person left korea, so as usual he came to hangout out with his second best. army. it's crazy what having an emotional connection with someone can do to your mental health.

FACTS

Thank you.

But I think Jungkook and Jin are emotionally closer than tk.

Jungkook and Jimin have unmatched emotional connection. ♡

[5and3nevermind]

Sorry, I'm lost. I heard that Nervermind's tattoo is from a Nirvana song.

Why would Jimin tattoo Nirvana's nevermind song? He's already mentioned this song as one of his favorites? (I'm new to the fandom, sorry if you've already answered that question).

And my God! how much noise just because of a tattoo, what madness! Why are they so mad about it? LOL

Hi anon! Welcome!

Nirvana’s Nevermind isn’t a song; it’s their second album, which was released in 1991.

Jimin has never talked about his tattoo and what it is referencing, but I am not aware of any evidence to suggest that it has to do with the Nirvana album, nor have I ever heard Jimin talk about that album being special to him. (Of course, it’s possible I missed something. If so, please feel free to send it my way.) Anyone stating definitively that the tattoo is about the album is speculating (and working really hard to disconnect the tattoo from Yoongi’s song).

Anything is possible, but we have to weigh the evidence we do have regarding the tattoo (and of course all of these things come from official content, meaning Jimin shared this knowingly)…

1. Jimin wore “nevermind” henna during a BTS performance in 2014. If the henna was about the Nirvana album rather than foreshadowing of an upcoming BTS song, why would he do that? Why combine that henna with another henna that said “HYYH” and was absolutely BTS foreshadowing? To me, it seems more likely that the henna is about Yoongi’s song than about the Nirvana album, in this context. ☑️

2. Less than a year later, in Nov 2015, Intro: Never Mind was released. In the book Beyond the Story (2022), the song was discussed and Yoongi stated that it was very specific to his motorcycle accident in which he injured his shoulder years ago.

3. Jimin got a tattoo in late 2018 that looked almost exactly like the 2014 henna, to the point that many fans at first assumed it was henna again. However, as time went by, it became clear that Jimin had gotten a permanent tattoo. So, we can assume that the meaning of “nevermind” in 2018 was the same as it was in 2014, right? A new meaning would likely lead to a new look/style of tattoo. If it was unlikely for Jimin to reference the Nirvana album in 2014, it would still be unlikely later. ☑️

4. Jimin has mentioned his preference for Intro: Never Mind. He has also said it’s the one song that most reminds him of Yoongi. ☑️

5. When Yoongi discussed writing Intro: Never Mind at Festa 2021, Jimin smiled and pointed to his tattoo. This indicates to me a connection between the tattoo and the song. ☑️

6. In the SMF pt 2 music video, Jimin wore a shirt with a cut-out/hole strategically placed so that his tattoo was visible. SMF pt 2 was titled in such a way because Yoongi had released a song called Set Me Free in 2020. So, we have the tattoo that’s the title of Yoongi’s 2015 song in a music video named after Yoongi’s 2020 song? Imagine the coincidence if the tattoo was about the Nirvana album instead. What would the odds be of that? Astronomical, I’d say. ☑️

7. In the SGMB music video, released just a few months ago, we see the Never Mind references continue with the inclusion of a blue butterfly. (A blue butterfly appeared in the HYYH Never Mind comeback trailer, released in 2015). We also see two birth flowers in the music video: one for October (Jimin) and one for March (Yoongi). ☑️

Part of the reason some people get so upset about a tattoo is because deep down they know the significance of this. There are some people in the fandom who can’t even admit that Jimin and Yoongi are close, that they’re friends. So, Jimin holding a special place in his heart for Yoongi’s song—which he wrote, produced, and performed—is contradictory to their beliefs.

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Excuse me “Carlos was ahead of Charles last year”??? You do realise Charles got p2 in the wdc in 2022 right? P3 was checo. Charles was leading the wdc at the beginning of the season that year. Until max and rb got their car together and overtook them in the standings.

Yes Carlos might have been the only non rb winner last season but other drivers said that you can drive significantly slower than the rest of the pack and still lead because they can’t overtake. And that happened in Singapore. And if Singapore would have suited the rb19 max or checo would have won that race too.

Carlos was only ahead of Charles at the beginning of 2023 because Charles had lots of issues with his car. Non driver related issues. Ferrari had to change his pu or something after the first race in Bahrain because the car wasn’t working at all. Charles had a penalty through Ferrari in the second race in Jeddah. Charles had lots of bad luck over this season. He had dnf, dns and dsq. All in one season. Carlos had a dns and a dnf. Carlos got null points in 4 races while Charles got zero in 6 races.

It’s not a good look for Carlos to still fall behind Charles in the standings when he scored points in more races.

Carlos would never be allowed in the same team again as max. There is a reason max was promoted to red bull mid season in 2016. And that reason as well as his talent were the tension and fights in toro Rosso between sainzs’ and verstappens’. And there would be the same problem as in Ferrari for Carlos. Carlos likes the opposite of max. And red bull will do anything to make the car amazing for max.

I don’t think Carlos’ fans want him to be absolutely humiliated by max as a team mate. They are already throwing a fit when Charles fans aren’t appreciating their star driver.

Carlos would have a similar season like checo and everyone was talking about how humiliating last season was for him when he was argumentatively in the best car. There was a fight for p2 still until shortly before the season ended because check kept on screwing up. Carlos’a season would look similar to checos season last year because they have a similar driving style.

Did you miss that Charles has one five races? 3 of them in 2022? He got a grand slam as well that season.

And no that’s not the difference between them. By the way did you know that Carlos is racist as well? Said some things about Chinese people in particular.

Oh and Carlos is a nepo driver. He got his seat in toro Rosso because Carlos sainz senior is sponsored by red bull. Carlos was constantly rumoured to Audi because guess what. His father drivers for them. Carlos got most of his things in formula 1 handed to him by his fathers connections.

Charles on the other hand doesn’t have that. Hell jos verstappen praised his talent back in karting and was reportedly saying Charles would make it to f1 one day.

To compare Charles and Lewis in the last two seasons: Charles managed to win 3 races in those two seasons. How many did Lewis win since 2021? Right, none. How many races did max win in 2022 and 2023? 34. How many did Carlos win? 2. Those odds favour the new Ferrari duo massively. Yes Lewis has 7 titles I’m not forgetting that. But just looking at the facts that if you add up the points of Charles and Lewis from 2022 and 2023 Charles beat Lewis as well. Meanwhile max became world champion in those seasons and beat every other driver. Meanwhile Carlos was beaten by all three mentioned drivers. Not a good argument for him.

And let’s not forget this sport is absolutely brutal. And the news of Lewis to Ferrari was leaked and every team involved kind of had to announce what was happening.

And did not something similar to this happen when Carlos signed with Ferrari?

And it’s interesting how many rumours about Charles have been made up from Spanish press. Meanwhile no other countries journalists have started rumours about Carlos like the Spanish do about Charles. I also heard that the news got leaked to the Italian press about Carlos leaving by Spanish media. Makes you wonder doesn’t it? So many things got broken by Spanish media because their sources are either the saint family directly or people close to them. Meanwhile other drivers and their personal teams don’t leak anything to the media.

Not to forget that sainz senior tried putting pressure on Ferrari by talking about how Carlos will leave the team for Audi soon enough. He said that in interviews.

Oh and Carlos never was a team player. He always did things he thought would benefit him. He screwed over Charles multiple times. Even when he was told they are team orders. While Charles complied to them and even did things to benefit Carlos. He never got the same sentiment back. Carlos is a selfish driver and just because the radios of him basically calling out Ferrari and telling them to shove their pit stop in that moment are funny, doesn’t mean he gets his own strategy right. As his fans like to say Carlos is a better strategist than the people on the pit wall. If they truly would be as stupid and incompetent as all fans say, they would have long lost their jobs. I’m not saying they never screw up, but if they were truly as bad at their job they would have long been fired.

And well all this talk about Carlos might leave Ferrari and goes to Audi and the pressure the sainz family tried to put on Ferrari through that was enough for the team and they basically said if you have other teams that want him, fine you can join them! He won’t give him a new contract.

And to be honest my problem with Carlos is his attitude and that he thinks he is the second coming of Christ.

*furiously scribbling down notes in my laboratory journal*

[katareyoudrilling]

Hi Kat

'Shared Document' has its Fan Fiction Birthday on 28th August 🎂

Happy birthday!

Tell us something about that fic, anything you like, and we'll help blow out the candles and wish it many happy returns!

You can save this ask until the actual date or reply whenever you like.

Omg, really?? It’s been two years??

It feels longer ago, honestly lol

To celebrate Shared Document’s birthday, I’ll tell the true story that inspired it…

In early 2021, I had just started writing smut and just started falling for the one and only Pedro Pascal. We were still a year away from me joining tumblr. Also, I was in my second year as treasurer for my kid’s elementary school PTA (don’t worry, we weren’t *that* kind of PTA)

One day, I’m just minding my business when I get an email from another PTA board member. The email says “Katie, what’s this?” followed by a couple of sentences from something I was writing.

I’m sure you can all imagine the full body panic that took over me. I immediately wrote her back explaining that I had taken up “creative writing” over the pandemic and it was from something I wrote (the sentences weren’t explicit but it was pretty clear what type of thing they were from). I apologized profusely and said how I had no idea how I could have emailed that to her.

She responded back that it was ok and not to worry, but that I hadn’t emailed it her… I had put those sentences in a shared google doc she had sent out the night before

☠️☠️☠️

Cue hyperventilating.

Here’s what happened— she was getting everyone in a leadership role with the PTA to fill out our job descriptions in a Google sheet so that we could start recruiting volunteers for the next school year. I had quickly filled in my responsibilities and remember doing some cut/pasting and the doc being weird about it. Turns out I had cut those sentences from my fic earlier in the day and had accidentally pasted them in the doc.

I was MORTIFIED. She had deleted it from the doc but I was able to see who had been in the document during the time it was there… and it wasn’t just me. No one ever said anything, but I was panicked for a while. She ended up moving out of our district that summer and I haven’t seen her since, which is a shame, I really liked her. She did say that she would like to read more, so I sent her Reunion later that year when I finished it and she enjoyed it.

I was able to laugh about the whole incident pretty quickly and knew it would make a great story one day. Fast forward to spring of 2022– I am finishing my time on the PTA board, we have resumed in-person meetings, and I have been on tumblr for a few months. Four of us go out for drinks after a PTA meeting and start talking pandemic hobbies. I revealed mine. They all wanted to read my stuff but I wasn’t sure they were ready for it. (I didn’t tell the shared document story until I was officially done with the PTA and then only to a few people. It definitely got a good laugh and some dropped jaws when I did)

My writing is an open secret now among my extended friend group. My closest friends (2 of which were at that table when I shared my pandemic hobby. That night was in many ways the start of our friendship) have read some of my stuff and so have some who weren’t there that night.

The third at the table wanted to read but he is a dad and I told him I wouldn’t send smut to another woman’s husband lol, but if he had his wife ask me, I would send it to her and she could decide. That hasn’t happened yet lol. She and I are getting to be friends now and I can’t imagine him admitting to her that he knew about my hobby years ago and wanted to read it. He told me he tried to find my tumblr, but as you all know finding anything on tumblr is a fools errand. He’s never going to find and I don’t think he’s tried since right after that night.

I wanted to use the story as the base of a fic but really struggled with how to do it until one day I had the idea that became Shared Document! The story is a funny one for me, but reader gets a much more satisfying ending 😏

Thanks for helping me celebrate!

[bm-blog01]

Why Kanthony is loved: The acting

This was originally going to be one post looking at the reasons that the popularity of Kanthony has endured for so long, however, due to some incredibly well thought out responses, and the in depth explanations I received, this is now a series of posts, beginning with the acting.

It is fair to say that going into Season 2 Kate and Anthony were one of the most anticipated couples in Bridgerton, if not the most anticipated, with The Viscount Who Loved Me being one of the most popular books in the Bridgerton series. After the release of Season 2 it became clear very early on that Kanthony would be a hard pairing to beat in terms of popularity within the fandom, from Social Media posts to YouTube videos many viewers who had never read the books, and weren't keen on Anthony in Season 1, were posting that they were obsessed with Kanthony. Over a year after the Season 2 release and Kanthony is still garnering high levels of engagement, and many fans and viewers are still talking about them, and engaging with Social Media posts about them.

When the official Bridgerton Social Media pages released a video to announce the beginning of filming for Season 3, for the first few days the conversation online was not as much about Season 3 or Polin, as it was about Simone Ashley being noticeably absent from the video. About a week after the video dropped Simone Ashley and Jonathan Bailey both posted a picture on their Instagram Stories of them holding hands, with a simple caption 'Kanthony reunited', Simone also posted a picture of herself with a plushie corgi. These pictures went viral, and as with the absence of Simone from the filming video, the confirmation that Kanthony were reunited became the conversation online, including in online entertainment (and non-entertainment) publications.

But what is it about Kate and Anthony that makes them so popular, and keeps their popularity enduring? I know why I like them, but I was wondering what it was about them that had other people obsessed, so I decided to ask, and the results were, in general, unsurprising.

Overwhelming one of the main reasons cited was Jonathan Bailey and Simone Ashley who brought these characters to life onscreen for us, so what is it about Jonathan Bailey and Simone Ashley that has people obsessed with Kate and Anthony? Two things were raised by everyone who responded, the chemistry and the acting.

The chemistry between Jonathan and Simone is electric, it is something that is undeniable, and one of the things that makes watching them onscreen together a complete joy. Right from the first moment that we see Kate and Anthony onscreen interacting (the horse ride in Hyde Park) we can feel the chemistry that these two have, but even before that many fans were commenting on their chemistry. A photo posted to IG mid 2021, the Tudum event 2021, and the date announcement were all early looks at how Jonathan and Simone were with each other, and on each of these occasions the chemistry between them was noticeable. For many fans these glimpses just whetted the appetite for more of what we were seeing.

But the chemistry is only a part of the equation, their ability to understand their characters and bring their emotion to the forefront without big speeches, or over dramatic acting, is something that really is a skill. Both Jonathan and Simone are able to use the nuances of their expressions to convey the emotions of Anthony and Kate, and make the viewers feel that emotion with them, but three things specifically really came through when people discussed the acting.

The subtlety of Simone's acting in the bee scene, as well as Jonathan's, how they both shifted their expressions - and the tone of the scene - so quickly. Jonathan accurately portrayed a man having a panic attack, whilst Simone's expression went from irritated, to confused, to understanding in quick succession. For many this scene showcased their understated and nuanced acting.

The 'YATBOME' scene came up as another instance in showcasing the nuances of Simone's expressions, but also the voice control that Jonathan Bailey has. One respondent stated that a friend who is an actor said that Simone's part in that scene was one of the hardest things to do because she is mostly reacting to what is said, and for the majority of the scene the camera is on her reactions. That her expressions displayed Kate's emotions shows a skill that many actors do not express. But it is not just Simone's nuanced expressions in this scene that gets a mention, but also Jonathan's voice control during the scene, how his voice, tone, inflection and volume changes in a very controlled manner.

The overall way that they were both able to convey the angst, longing and passion of Kate and Anthony, and build the tension through their body language and acting, without touching was another aspect of their acting that had some fans enthralled with their performance. One person pointed out that it was different to a lot of media today, which is very physical and sex driven.

For so many, the acting of Jonathan and Simone is the overriding factor of why they love Kate and Anthony onscreen, their ability to portray the emotions of the characters, to be believable with their own struggles of duty vs desire, and their ability to be able to bring these characters to life as multifaceted people and not make them caricatures of the uptight English Lord and fiesty, angry woman that he 'tames'.

For me personally, so much of why I love the acting is expressed here, the nuances of their expressions, the chemistry, their ability to bring these characters to us and make us feel their emotions, and the way they compliment each other in terms of their acting. The casting was spot on for them, and that Simone Ashley is tall is an added bonus because for me, this was a visual/physical representation of the characters equality in the story.

Feel free to leave a comment and say why you love Kanthony. Part 2 of this series will be out later today (AEST) or tomorrow morning (AEST).

[russilton]

I always wanted to see more Val & George their dynamic is so interesting to meee . We need more of them

YEAHHHH fuck I ADORE Val and George and their fans are usually very polarised groups so you don’t tend to see much talk about them- but they are deep and compelling to ME and that alone means I will ramble about them for hours.

I mean George has been with Mercedes as long as Valtteri- that’s not hyperbole, George was in the garage on the night of AD 2016 (there is a reason he doesnt like Nico and if y’all keep saying he should use Nico as a mentor im going to start slapping heads), and was signed as merc’s official junior in 2017 at the same time as Val became Merc’s second driver- while George’s first few years were obviously split between his junior catagory work and becoming more and more integrated into mercs testing structure and engineering meetings- he was there, the whole time, to witness Val doing what he dreamed of some day, and it gave him some small chance follow an older drivers lead in settling into such an imposing team.

In every way Val was George’s unintentional role model, Williams to Merc - but you would struggle to hear him admit it because they spent 2021 practically at each others throats for the seat george would kill for and Val wasn’t even sure he wanted anymore… but George is still the same guy who would make posts on Instagram just to congratulate Val on getting re-signed. Yes Lewis was who George idolised, but Val was within reach, and they acted like siblings. Siblings in the true, struggle to get along but would kill for each other way that strict parenting cultures.

Imola is a prime example to me, it’s why so many people think they hate each other- fair enough but what I see instead is proof of that bond in its most strained state- George made a move that was risky and needed the other driver not to react the way Val did- he TRUSTED Val not to do that to him- but George didn’t account for the rain and the added difficulty and that’s what made them collide. I genuinely think that’s why George is so much angrier than normal- to him its not JUST him being taken out of a chance to show up Val (though it is also that, George isn’t a saint and all drivers are ego monsters), it was that Val reacted in a way he hadn’t accounted for and George felt betrayed and stupid for it. That’s why he slaps at Val after let’s remember, checking valtteri was okay. He checks on Val and when he gets the okay confirmation, the anger bubbles over and he slaps out like a child.

It’s petty, childish and dumb, but that’s what siblings are. They squabbled, George mouthed off, got a smack from his psuedo parent, and went to apologise- which Val promptly left on read and ignored and they went back to working.

The fight for the merc seat had them praying for each others downfall that year, but by the next, they were finding each other in drivers parades to chat, repairing that conversational lapse, and staring after Lewis together. Val had the unique experience of being teammates with The Lewis Hamilton and George clearly looked to him slightly on how to do this right, how to be a good teammate. Off track they were better to each other (it probably helped Val that George got humbled a couple times and reined himself in) and on track… I’ve talked about this before but George used to drive against Val differently to anyone other than maybe max but for whole different reasons- with Val it was about beating someone he could tease, but having the trust that Val would pull it off if he failed even after imola. I STILL think about Georges failed overtake in Singapore 22 when he breaks late and misses the corner trying to overtake val, and val just swerves round him. It was such a dumbass move! But thats George and Val!

On track George is desperate to be a little better, to show hes just as good as him, and off track he still seeks him out as a friend. George wants to beat val because he does at his core admire him- and thats why I fucking love them.

[always-rolling-my-eyes]

I don’t know if someone’s already replied because I just saw it now but this is why people are attacking Joe:

Joe and Sophie got together in 2016, when she was 20 and he was 27. After a year of dating, they got engaged. Then, in 2019 Sophie had a big year because both the last season of Game Of Thrones and Dark Phoenix were coming out. That also came with a lot of hate, because both of those were bad but also because Daenerys stans decided to hate on Sophie because they disliked Sansa. They also created fake drama between Emília and Sophie, so she got a lot of hate. Sophie also got a lot of hate from Priyanka stans who kept comparing them.

Through all of this, Sophie mentioned having mental health issues and deleted her twitter account. She also mentioned deleting the Instagram app from her phone.

In 2019, they got married and in early 2020 there were rumors of her being pregnant. The pandemic happened and they had a child. In 2021, she did The Staircase, and then she took another break to have baby number 2. She’s now back to work on a TV show called Joan.

If I remember correctly Joe has been working and touring through a lot of this. So it seems like she had a hard time with her new found fame (she had been famous for years but she became a lot more well known in 2019) and decided to take a step back and start a family with him.

I think it’s worth mentioning that she has said that her family and friends are all in the UK and she was trying to convince Joe to move back there. This year she has been spending a lot of time in the UK, even before she started filming, so I think it’s possible she really wants to move back there.

It all seems a bit tragic to me. She has struggled with depression and an ED throughout her whole life because of GOT, and she’s spent all her 20s dating a man almost 10 years older than her, taking a step back to have his children while he kept working, living far away from her family and friends, etc. and now, when she goes back to the UK and gets back to work, his team (it had to come from there) acts like she abandoned her children and like Joe deserves a gold medal for being a father.

I’m not saying their relationship was toxic, but I do think it maybe wasn’t the healthiest for her. She’s also talked about Joe helping her with her mental health struggles, but maybe that led to some dependency that wasn’t great. Specially since he apparently broke up with her right before they got married because of her mental health. I had misunderstood that interview and I thought she was saying they had broken up for 24 hours right at the beginning of their relationship, but apparently it was right before the wedding in Las Vegas.

All in all, I think Joe shouldn’t have gotten with someone as young as her. I usually don’t mind age differences when both people are in their 20s, but I do think she was probably too young. I think he tried to help with her mental health but I don’t think it was the healthiest. I think she has given up more for him than he has for her. It’s sad that they tried to make her look bad with the divorce news.

I also fully believe the news, but I also believe they could work it out and then fans will pretend it was all fake. But I do believe they’re on the brink of divorce but still willing to work it out if possible. That’s why neither were wearing their rings but now Joe is wearing it again. I think they’re still trying to make it work but they’re also speaking to lawyers.

If they do get a divorce custody will probably get messy, since she’ll probably want to take the kids to the UK and he won’t

Sorry for all of that! I don’t know if it makes any sense!

Wow, I had no idea all of that went on between them and I actually also had no idea of their age difference, that’s a little 😬 especially when combined with her mental health issues. Definitely seems like there was an imbalance of power there (if true, just my opinion)

But it looks like Joe just filed for divorce and I agree with you, I think custody will get messy because every article / report / detail we have seen so far about this break up seems to be coming from his camp and trying to make him look good (agree with you on that completely, as if watching your own kids makes you father of the year 🙄) so he is already on the offense. I just hope their kids don’t suffer as a result of all this but unfortunately, we see how this stuff goes

Thanks for all the info, anon 💗

[somuchcoffeeandwine]

All right, fellow MCU fans

So, after seeing the Marvels today, it got me thinking. Now, you probably don't know who I am. But I do happen to be a writer. Not a very good one mind you (several people would say otherwise, but shush, give me my self-loathing) Phase 4 (and the current parts of 5) is not that great. So I want to rewrite the Multiverse Saga. Yes. The entire thing. Even though it's not finished.

Very long blocks of text below. It's really the only thing that keeps me organized. Please read it though if you are interested. It'll be split up into sections, for somewhat easy perusal.

Now, I know this is an ambitious project, and one not done. I am no stranger to things like this, see my own game/show I'm making. (This is the only time I'm going to mention it. But I am pretty proud of it) So, for my very small amount of sanity, I'm stopping it at The Marvels, and Loki season 2 (Oops, still not finished with it yet). And I wanted to ask people what they thought was lackluster, or mediocre. Not the Marvel I and many other people grew up on. I do understand that it was flawed before, but when I recently rewatched most of them, I found that my childhood love for them had blossomed into something new. I was 6 when the first Avengers came out. I learned how to shoot a bow because of Hawkeye in that movie. And I think it deserves better, especially after watching the Marvels.

Now, this means everything after Endgame. So from Black Widow to The Marvels in terms of the movies, and the Disney+ series from Wandavision to Loki Season 2. I have a feeling it's going to take me a second to get through the remaining 5 episodes of Loki S2. My family wants to watch it with me, and they're all decently busy... Anyways, that's 10 movies, and 9 series. Although I don't accept Secret Invasion. Like at all. Anyways.

I have yet to decide what I'm going to publish this on. Probably A03, just because that's easiest for me. And I can organize much easier. Do let me know what you think.

So, before I get into the problems I've identified, feel free to stop here, and reblog or ask me your problems with the aforementioned shows and movies. I'm talking writing or character problems, as we've seen in the series. I am a fan of the comics, but you can divert from that, or stick to them.

Oh, and if you say something like "Make it more queer", I am a raging bisexual enby. I will already be making it queer as fuck, and can be convinced to ship pretty much anyone, if I can get a good reasoning behind it. Minors should be shipped with only minors. That's one of my few rules, if you send anything to me. So yeah, I'm doing genderfluid Loki.

Thoughts on everything:

This is just here so that I don't get a ton of repeats. I'll go movies first, then the TV shows.

Black Widow (2021) - Honestly, this is too late of a movie. Natasha deserved this before Endgame or Infinity War came out. But release dates aside, Taskmaster needs more screentime, and a chance to show how menacing they are. Natasha also needs more time with her family, and the parents need to be fleshed out a bit more. Belova is far too smart to be tricked by the lady in the post-credit scene.

Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings (2021) - I don't have any major problems with this movie. The Great Protector, or the dragon, and the supernatural creature, I think he's called Dweller In Darkness, kinda felt a little blank, and the Dweller shouldn't have died, only been pushed back. And I don't like Katy that much. Trevor is much better comedic relief in my opinion.

Eternals (2021) - Oh boy, where do we start with this one? You know it's bad if I can't remember any of the main characters names besides Ikarus. And that's because I was laughing my ass off at him throwing himself into the sun. There was also the Celestial I think it was? Anyways that thing broke islands up, and then just became a massive statue, and like no one mentions it? I don't remember much else about this movie, even after having watched it like 3 times. Oh, and the Ebony Blade was shown off. I like that if they can do something fun with that.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) - Dr. Strange feels a little shoe-horned in. The whole sanctum being overtaken by snow was pretty clever, but Strange being a father figure to Peter is not super well established. Could be fixed with a couple of rewrites. Or Strange and Stark being together. Peter is a dumbass, and the reason for him starting the whole plot... is so dumb. I understand, teenagers can be stupid, hell, I go to public high school, but Peter's shown he's a lot smarter than this. But I do like the crossover (Dafoe as Green Goblin my beloved) and the fact that the other Spidermen get to say goodbye in one last movie. Anyways, Ned's wizard connections need to be elaborated on as well.

Doctor Strange: Multiverse Of Madness (2022) - Alright, getting my biggest problem out of the way first. Wanda's corruption arc should have been shown. It should have been developed through the movie, and Wanda should have been with Strange and America. She can still be evil, and die after she realizes her actions, but this basically destroys the point of Wandavision. She was willing to say goodbye. Wanda has been a favorite of mine for years, and I read her comics religiously as a child. We need to see the power of the Scarlet Witch. What it did without Wanda. Her "No More Mutants" line sent chills down my spine the first time I read it. Sam Raimi directed this movie. Strange and Wanda should have had more horrific shit. And that one Strange with 3 eyes should have been the one from What If. We need horror in this. America also needs to be more fleshed out. I do love her, but we get like one scene of her being traumatized of basically growing up nowhere. Her moms get to stay though. I'm just going to ignore the last post-credit scene, because... that's setting something up I'm not sure of.

Thor: Love & Thunder (2022) - First up, Gorr has a great setup. He needed more screentime though. We need to see more of his god killing. They should rightfully be shitting their pants over this man. Thor leaving to save Sif was a good move, but that joke ruined the tension. She should have died there, proof of the god killer. Jane Foster is perfectly fine, and her arc is a lovely send-off. I would have loved some more stuff about the kids, especially Heimdall's. I don't even remember his name. He should have been shown doing something in Jane's return to Asgard, something that showed off his parentage. The meeting of the gods is a great scene, but there should have been people who spoke up, and then promptly getting thrown out, or even getting killed. Even more of a reason for Thor and crew to convince him. I think everything else is pretty good. Also Valkyrie is perfect in this movie. Bi queen. And her Loki knives are lovely.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) - I actually think this one just needs a couple of little tweaks. I understand why they couldn't have T'Challa show up in the spirit world, and Killmonger was great, but I still think something between the siblings would be good. Fuck, I love the funeral scene. It was a lovely sendoff to both T'Challa, and Chadwick. Namor seems a little rash though. Might just be the comics leaking through on that matter but I do like the Mayan inspirations in the movie!

Antman: Quantumania (2023) - I'm not really sure on this movie. I don't like Janet in this movie. She feels too secretive. She could have told them plenty, even lied that Kang had gone home. He'd gotten out somehow. Kang didn't seem scared enough of the others, but that might just be me thinking of that. Oh, and MODOK sucked. He shouldn't be a joke. But Darren could have done something else, because he is in there.

Guardians of The Galaxy V.3 (2023) - Perfection in every way. I'm not changing anything unless it involves getting everything I'm incorporating in. And the Christmas Special is also great.

The Marvels (2023) - Spoilers! Kamala needed more screentime, she just generally felt disconnected from the plot besides her bangle. And I also wanted a more menacing villain. That's been the problem with them recently. They don't make me think that they could actually beat them. I like everything else though. Flerkins were great as usual. I love these stupid creatures so much. That one scene was beautiful.

Now to the shows! These are going to be so much shorter.

Wandavision (2021) - I think this is good. No notes.

Loki S1 (2021) - Good, besides the Sylvie/Loki romance. They are siblings. I'm not sure if there's anything else that I really had a problem with. It's been a moment. Which is a shame. I love Loki (Also bi confirmation! I love it!)

The Falcon & Winter Soldier (2021) - I also think this is good, besides maybe having some problems with the villain. Bromance all the way.

What If...? (2021) - Also pretty good. Little self-contained story. I like the zombies.

Hawkeye (2021) - I also think this one's pretty well written. Macaroni is constantly referenced in my house. Lucky is also a pretty boy.

Moonknight (2022) - Honestly, god tier. Anyways, no one mentioned the stars literally turning in Egypt. But maybe it was just the people thinking that they were drunk as shit and seeing something.

Ms. Marvel (2022) - Second favorite being Moonknight. I also don't remember anything glaringly wrong.

She-Hulk: Attorney At Law (2022) - Besides the tone of the show being inconsistent as shit, I think this show should have dove into some of the topics it brought up more. It just seemed a little surface level. Maybe a WWDITS style mockumentary would work better.

Secret Invasion (2023) - THIS ENTIRE SHOW SUCKS ASS. THIS WHOLE THING WAS DONE SO BADLY. I am not taking anything from this show

Loki S2 (2023) - Too distracted by another season 2 coming out, so I have yet to finish. I have heard it's good though. I've seen the first episode, and it's going pretty good so far.

Well, you made it to the bottom! Yay!

...This took me an hour to write. I did get the doc set up. And got a bit of an outline set up.

[bewitched-bullet]

Hi. I've been trying to follow #a scandal in tumblr but I'm still confused.

I've been following the John/Sherlock blogs for about 18 months or so. And in the beginning of my following, both characters seemed like they were posting as if they were both in 2021-2023 (Rosie when mentioned, was portrayed as 6-7 years old, current events were mentioned, etc.). It was mainly John and Sherlock interacting, mostly cases and domestic life type posts. Which was great. It even was entertaining and fun when Mycroft and Greg joined in, especially when it was related to a case. Mrs. Hudson, Rosie, Molly and Jim weren't as fun, and they posted sporadically and didn't add much to the whole experience.

And in the beginning (of when I started following) both John and Sherlock (characters) acted closer to the canon BBC characters, although with some small changes of course (most likely the mods personalities showing through). But while John continued to post as though he was a middle aged dad, working as a doctor, in love with Sherlock and publicly saying as much, and participating in cases, Sherlock started changing (I'm not sure if regressing is the right word?). Focusing more on drugs, acting shocked and disgusted at any mention of sex/attraction, not knowing what well known common slang meant, fighting with anon asks about absolutely nothing and not interacting as much with anyone except John and Jim. Which contradicted how he acted to start on the blog, as well as the canon character. BBC Sherlock was a drug user but didn't constantly talk about or persue drugs, he said he wasn't interested in sex, but he wasn't naive about it (as the comment to Donovan in the first episode about her knees showed, as well as being well aware of what Irene's activities were and what she was blackmailing the royal with), and he wouldn't have hung out with Jim just because he was bored.

The two blogs seemed to be on different pages (as far as the rp went) and it became confusing to follow. I went from a daily reader to weekly or even longer on occasion. Which bummed me out because I had enjoyed it a lot. But 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's just online fun, right?

I come back after a week or so of not reading, to find the whole "break-up" with Sherlock, making it seem like the whole rp blogs were finished and done. Which seemed really odd after the whole "love confession" from Sherlock that John had pinned for like a month. And also a surprise to not only followers but Sherlock as well.

Then all of the further mod drama blowing up, when as far as I remember, there hadn't been any kind of mod/rl posts before about any conflict between them. I honestly don't remember seeing any posts from the mods on the John/Sherlock blogs, ever. As far as I know, that's pretty normal for rp blogs, at least the few I've ever read. Mod interaction happened by DM/messaging/Discord etc.

I did send a few asks to both characters over the time that I followed, as myself and anonymous at times, but didn't really get super involved. I've never communicated with the characters or mods other than the asks. So it seemed weird that when all of this drama started, I get a message from the John mod, telling me how the other characters mods are trying to destroy his blog, threatening him, trying to turn his followers against him, and how it was ruining their life. Asking me to post support for him. I didn't know what to respond as I didn't and don't have a clue as to what's going on behind the scenes. So I didn't. I really don't understand who is who that is involved in all of this, (blogs/mods, Dump, Greg mod, etc), and not informed enough to "pick a side".

I appreciate that you are trying to clear the confusion up for everyone that enjoyed the blogs, and bring to light any bullying that is going on. I really don't have a dog in the fight, I was just here for the fun, and I don't know enough about either mod to have an opinion on whose the bully.

Just sharing a POV from a casual fan and how extremely weird this whole thing is. 😊

PS I do enjoy your blog and interactions that were on the Sherlock blog before. The puzzles and mysteries were interesting!

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I think I started following in…October? Right around the time I broke my back and had nothing else to do but be bed-bound and twiddle my thumbs. I wish I had more knowledge on how tumblr works so I can better assist folks in navigating the search. The best I can suggest, to get chronological order of the journey, is to scroll my page till you hit, I think, March 4th or 5th. And I posted, wtf happened—I was gone over in left field, minding my business and I come back and shit had hit the fan.

That’s when I received my first ask to go back and look, so I went to town on some digging.

And god, it was confusing, sus, and at first just some light observations and criticisms on how to run a role play (am an active DM and I agree with your assessment ). When I created the tab #a scandal in tumblr, it was supposed to be a tongue in cheek reference to the Sherlock Holmes case A Scandal in Belgravia. But then it took a turn and the tag was no longer tongue in cheek.

Anywho, I am sorry that a mod attempted to personally get you to “chose a side.” That had to be a 🤨 moment.

I don’t expect you (or anyone) to enter a dog into the fight (save that puppy), just to simply observe and make an informed decision that best fits you. I certainly don’t expect people to be like me. I may be intelligent but I’m a dummy for willing painting a target on my back. And wouldn’t want anyone else to do this. (Though I do appreciate my dark “acolytes” ™️ by harriett mod)

I’m glad you have enjoyed my small corner of the inter-webs and my little 20 question mysteries. Once this is over, I hope I can make things enjoyable again…after I eat some grass and touch some food.