#i have no right to talk i became a fan in like 2021 but still

[hilacopter]

Starship OST is so underrated cries and throws up

[maycat-19-142]

Hi, I hope you’re doing well ! Can you write a headcanon of a Mingi X idol reader where their relationship is not discovered by fans buuut where fans ship them together because ateez and g/n are close friend and they are very similar in their personalities, like they both are sexy on stage and flirty with the fans but when they are doing like variety shows, interviews or they are only with the members they are both u know, like shy and sweet ? Idk if it’s clear TwT

Mingi when your relationship is already supported but unknown

A/n: I hope you enjoy this and thank you for the request

⚠️: There is a chance of fem coding, but it is gender neutral to the best of my ability, kisses, pda, I kinda jumped from thing to thing. Sorry if it is confusing. Talk of alcohol (drunk idol diary show)

Oh where to begin

[Y/g] and ateez meet early in the idol world

You are a late 2017 group, and ateez is mid to late 2018 group

Yet it was so common to see the 2 bands together

All the members of [y/g] had ateez members there were close to

You, one of your bandmates and mingi, were the "deadly trio"

Killer stage presence and looks but actually really chill people

You became official when mingi was mid hiatus in 2021

He had been working on himself when you got a call from yunho asking for you to go to KQ

When you show up, you see a healthier looking mingi and flowers

He hands the flowers and you talk for a while about life

And he confesses to having feelings for you. He is so scared when you don't reply immediately but the kiss between his eyes tells him everything

You are sworn to keep it low

And your band mates those who have been there for you for so long in your life are so happy

Finally, the morons in love see the other is just as down bad

One of the things that changed when you became official was the way he looked at you

Soft and sweet eyes meet yours often

You have dates at dorms or entertainment buildings

His favorite thing ever is to sit on the roof of your company and star watch in to the late hours of the morning

You hate to see him over work himself. Sometimes he'll be to stubborn to stop working and another ateez member is like "I'll call y/n or y/g"

That gets him to chill a bit

Comebacks are the worst and best

You are doing what you love but within seeing eachother for weeks at a time

Mingi lives for if you have comebacks at the same time

Seeing you on stage happy flirty look, dancing with basically your siblings brings him so much joy

Same things for you

Watching him in hin element is the best

Definitely hugs backstage with both your members laughing at you

He is so clingy, will hug you close, hand always on you if there is no press around. Even if he'll still try

Tours are the worst for yall

Especially different timezones

Calls and texts when ever

When the family shipping first comes out he is horrified

Had they found out

Nope just fans being shippers and seeing yall close

Definitely kinda cringes at the ship name at first

But he gets used to it over time

Slowly, your relationship is snift out by fans

And most found through the fact you had an identical hoodie to his stains and all

Then, the way he watched you on stage at an award show showed more than he thought

Definitely worried about your safety and how everyone will take the news

When it finally comes out both of you are so so scared

And it goes well

Shows and events start asking for yall and you're groups together

Went on a drunk idol diary, and he basically fell asleep on your shoulder halfway through, and you just keep hanging out with the host

Shows are always fun with ateez teasing you and your band and right back at them

It is so sweet

Have a good day and night 🌙

Pixie out 🧚‍♀️

[petercapaldi-press]

INTERVIEW

'This is my tribute to 1980s Glasgow,' says Peter Capaldi

March 22, 2025

By Teddy Jamieson

We begin - and this may not totally surprise you - with a bit of swearing. There’s a line on your new album, I say to Peter Capaldi, that I have to ask about. At one point you sing: “I talk a lot and know f*** all.” Now, tell me, Peter, is that you singing in character or are you talking about yourself?

Sitting in his agent’s office some 400 odd miles south of me, Peter Capaldi - formerly the expletive machine that was Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It, formerly a Timelord, formerly of Glasgow but long resident in London - smiles before admitting, “Yeah, that’s true. I do. That’s me.” 

But then he adds, “It’s a lot of people really. That’s quite common.”

Yes, Peter Capaldi has made a record. Another one. After 2021’s Saint Christopher he returns this month with Sweet Illusions which has - as you now know - sweary bits (though, actually, not that many) and guitars and synthesisers and songs called things like The Big Guy and Bin Night.

It’s not really what you expect 66-year-old successful actors to do. Especially 66-year-old actors who are still busy with the day job. Right now Capaldi is shooting a second series of his Apple+ police series Criminal Record and you’ll see him soon in Black Mirror.

Today, though, he’s talking to me, and, yes, he’s talking a lot. About music and acting and ageing and anything else that comes to mind. 

We start with the music. Even though he has previous experience as a musician - back at the start of the 1980s he was in a band with future comedian Craig Ferguson called The Dreamboys - it was still something of a surprise when he released his first album. Clearly, it didn’t scratch the itch and now he’s back with another.

The explanation is simple enough. “I enjoyed doing the first one so much I just wanted to carry on doing it,” Capaldi explains.

“When I was a kid, if you wanted to record an album you had to be signed to a record label. I essentially do this myself. I have collaborators who I work with, but essentially if you have a computer and you’ve got GarageBand or Logic you can start to put songs together.

“I take it seriously but lightly, if you know what I mean,” he adds. “My intention is not to have a new career or be a pop star. It’s just a creative thing that is very accessible.”

It was his friend and producer Dr Robert - once of The Blow Monkeys - who first encouraged Capaldi to start writing songs. And now Capaldi can’t stop.

“I read that the only way you get a good song is by writing a hundred terrible ones. I think I’m still working my way through the hundred.”

That’s self-deprecation at work. Sweet Illusions is far from rubbish. Ask him to describe what it sounds like and he says, “It’s fairly nostalgic guitar and synth tribute to eighties Glasgow. That’s what I think it is. Because I’m really picking up where I left off,” referring to his Dreamboys days 40 years ago. 

But it’s also the work of a man in his mid-sixties. It’s unlikely that the twentysomething Peter Capaldi would be writing a song called Bin Night after all.

“I’m a big fan of bin night. The night, not the song,” he quickly adds. “Because the world is chaotic, and terrible things are happening, and there’s only five minutes you get when you can exercise any control over your fate. And that’s bin night. If you get your bins together and you get them all out, you think, ‘Well, I’ve done something constructive.’”

More than that, though, Bin Night is also a love song to his grandchildren. “I became a grandfather. I wanted to do a lullaby because I have babies back in my life again.”

There is a lot of love on the album, it’s worth saying. If you have a tendency to conflate Capaldi with the parts he plays you might be surprised by quite how romantic it is. As he sings at one point, love is all that matters.

“Yeah, it’s love that matters. That’s not a new line to have in a song, but you can do it in a song and it’s easier than doing it in a film or on stage. You can fill things with your own emotions.”

It’s possibly worth remembering at this point that Capaldi has been married to his wife Elaine Collins, herself an actor and now a TV producer, since 1991. They have been through the highs and lows of a life in acting together.

That twentysomething singer in The Dreamboys, I say, does he feel very far away from you now, Peter?

“Not very far. I mean, physically, yes. Because I’m an actor I get to see how I look and I’m always horrified to see this old guy with white hair. I don’t know where he came from. I don't imagine myself as that, but the parts I get are like that. I don’t feel that old.

“The younger one is still there. The optimism is a bit more crushed. I went to the art school and at the time there was a great ethos of just having a go. It wasn’t just the art school. I guess that’s what the whole post-punk thing was, so I still carry that.

“It doesn’t matter if what you do is great, what matters is you tried.”

The son of Nancy and Gerald John, who ran an ice cream business, Capaldi’s desire to be creative can be traced back to childhood in Glasgow.

“I could always draw from when I was little. I remember my granny felt that drawing was an Italian thing. She was talking about Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, not the son of an ice cream van vendor.

“But when I was little I remember I had a shoe box and - this is how long ago it was - I cut the front off of it and made a wee studio in it. It was Ready Steady Go, a programme that was the precursor to Top of the Pops, and I drew little people; little John, Paul, George and Ringo, and a camera and all that.”

What he wanted back then, he says, was not to be an actor or a musician. It was simpler than that. “I wanted to be on the telly. I wanted to be part of that whole thing.”

What eventually happened was that he met the film director Bill Forsyth who gave him a role in his film Local Hero.(Image: unknown)

"I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him and a lot of people wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him,” he says of Forsyth. “My career is thanks to him.”

Everyone asks you about Doctor Who and The Thick of It, I say, but what I really wanted to speak to you about was Ken Russell’s incredibly camp 1988 vampire movie Lair of the White Worm which also starred Hugh Grant and Amanda Donohoe. What was it like working with Russell, the master of excess?

“It was great. We laughed so much. Hugh Grant was so funny. Such a smart, witty guy. He’s great company. Great cast all together, happy days.”

As for Russell himself, “he’d be fine in the morning and then at lunchtime he’d go into his trailer and he would emerge as the enfant terrible of the sixties. I don’t know if he had been quaffing champagne, or what had gone on at lunchtime, but he was mad then. He would push the cameraman off the camera and he would take over.

“I remember he was very serious about that film. It subsequently became well known as a comedy, but that wasn’t intentional at the time.

“It was a wee bit weird. I’d stumble onto a stage in Shepperton and there were some quite racy sequences that didn’t appear in the film being shot.”

Capaldi had his own ambitions as a director. In 1992 he wrote and starred in the romcom Soft Top, Hard Shoulder alongside Collins and a year later he wrote and directed the short Franz Kafka’s It’s A Wonderful Life which won him an Oscar at the 1995 Academy Awards. At which point he was being courted by the Weinsteins and a career as a Hollywood hot shot seemed just a contract away, only for the Weinsteins to renege on the offer.

“I think it was for the best,” he says now. 

“At the time it was difficult. The rug’s pulled from under your feet. But if I’d done that I wouldn’t have gone back to acting and I’ve enjoyed acting so much since then.”

Still, a year to the day after winning an Oscar, he told Kirsty Young on her Radio 4 show Young Again in 2024, he was shooting a local dog food commercial.

“We had to shoot it within the range of the M25, the ring road that goes around London, but the product was from Cornwall,” Capaldi recalls when I bring it up. “I had to find a farm and a field and a dog because we didn't have enough money to go any further than that

“And the client, who was from Cornwall, said the soil was the wrong colour. ‘This is brown, the soil in Cornwall is red.’ What am I supposed to do with that information? So I thought I don’t want to spend my life doing this, apologising for the earth.”

What followed were what we might call his Midsomer Murder years; guest parts in TV series and small parts in films. 

“I think I was a bit disappointed,” he says of that time. “You start to go, ‘Oh well, I’m not going to do those great parts or whatever. I’m just going to be a bellringer in Midsomer Murders.’ And there is a delight in that, a grace and a dignity in that. And I love that in actors. They really get knocked about. They’re up and down. They’ve got mortgages to pay and look after their kids. I can see it in their eyes.”

Of course at that point he was also sharing a house with another actor. 

“That was where Elaine’s production career started because there was a period there where I really wasn’t earning anything. She made some enquiries with some friends who were working in production and she got a job reading scripts and doing reports for the BBC. And they were so impressed by her they said, ‘There’s a job going.’ A script assistant or something in the drama department. ‘Would you come in and try and go for it?’ “That’s how she eventually ended up becoming a producer.

“She’s my boss just now,” Capaldi says, referring to Criminal Record. How is that?

“She’s great. The show that we’re doing now I really enjoy doing. It’s very demanding,very modern, and the subjects that it deals with are hard. 

“And that all comes from her. Crime wasn’t a particular interest for her, but she’s extremely well read. People would come into the house and go, ‘Oh Peter, all these books, you must be very well read.’ I have to go, ‘They’re Elaine’s books. They’re not mine. My books are the Doctor Who annuals over there.’”

Have you written a song for her yet, Peter?

“Many songs. Many, many songs on the album.”

It was being cast as Malcolm Tucker in Armando Iannucci’s scabrous political sitcom The Thick of It that heralded the second act of Capaldi’s career. Those fey, gangly, awkward young men he played in his twenties were now pushed aside as he became the fire-breathing spin doctor with a caustic line in sweary putdowns.

“That’s just what life does to you. I couldn’t have played that part until the time I played it,” he suggests. He needed to have experienced the “various kickings” life had in store for him, he says, to be able to play Tucker

“I knew by the time I came to play that part that things could go wrong. I was tougher, I was a different person. That helped ignite Malcolm.”

It is now 13 years since he said goodbye to Tucker, eight years (and two Doctors) since he handed the keys of the Tardis to Jodie Whittaker. Capaldi has now moved into the veteran-stroke-legend part of his career. Or, as he would have it, his don’t-give-a-stuff years.

That’s what’s great about being in your sixties, he says, you don’t care anymore.

“Physically, you can’t escape the fact that things can get a little bit tougher. But, as yet, that hasn’t really impacted me. I get a bit knackered, more knackered than I used to.”

He pivots to the personal. “I love having grandkids. I love … I wouldn’t call it wisdom …There’s a kind of understanding, a perspective, about what’s important and what’s not important which you don’t have when you’re younger and I welcome that very much. You don’t waste your time. You’ve only got X amount.”

He smiles again. “It’s funny, my wife …” he begins, “I’ve never been obsessed with death or the ending of life. I think she’s been obsessed with it since she was a kid.

“So, it’s only recently I’ve begun to realise, ‘Oh, right, so this doesn’t go on and on and on. There’s a point where this ends.’ And if you’re lucky it ends neatly.

“So I am conscious of that, but it just makes me want to enjoy life more, be a part of life. 

“I’m very, very lucky because the shows that I’ve been involved in - obviously Doctor Who, but also The Thick of It -  have a large appeal to young people. So I have a lot of young people talk to me. And also with the music, I’ve got a band who are all so much younger than me and it's great to be part of all that, to be in that world.

“And it's very stimulating rather than just locking the doors and saying, ‘I'm going to be old now.’

“Is it a struggle? I don't know. It’s a struggle sometimes because it's physically a bit tougher. But I don't find that I struggle psychologically. Other than the ticking clock.”

Towards the end of last year Capaldi returned to playing music live with a gig in Stereo in Glasgow. He’s not sure if he’ll do many more.

“I’m not trying to have another career, so I don’t really want to have a big tour. I don’t want a pile of people I have to answer to. So, we’re going to do Belladrum Festival in August and that’s great. The big band’s are on the big stage and we’re on a little stage and that’s perfect. 

"And hopefully we’ll do a couple of gigs before that as well.”

Maybe you could see the current chapter in Peter Capaldi’s life as a sort of homecoming. He’s reconnecting with that young musician he once was. And he is also reconnecting with his own origin story in Glasgow.

“I’m in Glasgow much more now than I have been for years. My daughter, who was born and raised in north London, has moved to Glasgow with my grandchildren. Because although she was a north London girl her granny was in Glasgow and she’d come to Glasgow to see her granny who’s no longer with us. So she’s very familiar with the place. She loves Glasgow, she loves the scale of it, the kids love it, so we’re spending a lot more time there.”

There’s a sense of circularity in that, he admits, and a reminder of the city that made him who he is.

“I love Glasgow. The thing is you carry it with you anyway. Glasgow is part of me and I’m happy about that.”

Peter Capaldi talks a lot and, it turns out, he does know a thing or two. Whatever he might sing.

Sweet Illusions comes out on the Last Night From Glasgow label on Friday. 

Credits:

With thanks to the Lord Palmerston Pub, Dartmouth Road, London.

Blue shirt and both suits by Edward Sexton, plum shirt by Paul Smith. 

Paul Stuart's Assistant: Elvis Elliott

[imaginespazzi]

Part 1: Don't Be A Stranger

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

But if (my) world was ending, you'd come over right?

(In which UCLA anon's roman empire became this writer's roman empire and we've finally reached the beginning)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Fluff

Words: 8.4 K (other parts will be shorter....maybe)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Gonna keep this as short and sweet as possible but we've finally, finally gotten to the UCLA fic. A huge shout out to UCLA anon, because this is their master idea. Couple of things, I've never been to LA or UCLA and therefore some things are out of whack. The timeline is also a little out of whack but I swear I will try to keep it as consistent as possible. In the mean time, just ignore some of the inconsistencies pretty please. As always, feel free to let me know what's bad, what's good and what else you'd like to see. I hope y'all enjoy this first part and let's get another W today!

August 2021

where are you 

i literally have to be at the airport in an hour paige where are you 

dude 

are you on your way?

you better be driving and that’s why you’re not answering 

PAIGE

i’m sorry about last night i shouldn’t have said that 

but you said a lot of shit too so call it even?

this isn’t funny where are you?

i have to leave in 15 mins 

are you actually not coming?

wtf????

this is actually bullshit

get over yourself bueckers 

wow 

fuck you

just landed 

thought you might like to know 

sorry my plane didn’t crash i guess 

September 2021

dude enough okay 

can you just call me back??

i just wanna talk 

i know you're mad i get it but i miss you   

November 2021 

hi i’mma be in dc over christmas

nvm 

idk why i’m trying again  

maybe i should block you 

this is kinda pathetic of me what the fuck 

December 2021

i thought i saw you today but idk

couldn’t have been you cause if it was 

would you really not even say hi?

i’m done trying paige 

merry christmas i guess

March 2022 

i misz you 

lyke a wot

love uuuuu pppppp

even if ur a bwtich 

pkese pick up 

ignore that 

people drunk text exes apparently i drunk text you 

wait 

i don’t need to tell you that 

you already ignore it all anyways

 

August 2022 

i heard about the acl 

i’m sorry 

idk if it means anything, but if you wanna talk

nvm 

***

September 2022 

When the doorbell rings, on a quiet Thursday afternoon during a rare moment of alone time, Paige expects it to be a lot of people. One of her parents deciding that they actually weren’t going to leave her alone. Someone else in her family showing up out of the blue to provide comfort. Maybe one of her teammates popping up to keep her entertained. She even thinks it might be some random fan who got too invested and figured out the address for her air BnB. It’s the saddest testament to how broken they are, that the idea of it being Azzi Fudd standing outside her door, never once crosses her mind. But there she is, when Paige opens the door, dressed in ripped jean shorts and a light blue tank top, the girl that had been her best friend, and maybe a little bit more. 

Silence stretches between them as Azzi fidgets with her hands and Paige continues to stoically stare at her. It’s been almost a year since they’ve seen each other, even longer since they’d last shared a happy smile. And you’d have to go back to before she’d told her about her future plans, to find the last time Azzi had properly looked Paige in the eyes.  

“Hi,” Azzi says finally, mustering up a small smile. Paige doesn’t know if hearing that voice, soft and subdued but still so familiar, fixes a crack or breaks her heart even further. She wills herself to be polite in response, to match Azzi’s polite greeting with a greeting of her own. But there’s clear discord between her mouth and her head, because her words are harsh and hollowed. 

“What are you doing here?”

Azzi swallows, smile disappearing as she immediately digs her fingernails into her palms and Paige feels the guilt settle into her stomach. It’s like the night before all over again. If she closes her eyes, Paige can still hear her voice loudly echoing in Azzi’s childhood bedroom. She can hear the angry words that she’d hurled at her best friend, each one like a well-aimed arrow piercing the other’s girl's heart and tearing into Paige’s own soul. Some would call what she’d done self-preservation. She’d call it her biggest mistake. 

“I um-,” Azzi sucks in her bottom lip, “I was in the area and thought, maybe I’d check in.”

“How did you even know where I was?” Paige hates how cold and accusatory her voice sounds. It’s a version of herself she doesn’t quite know how to deal with, one that hasn’t ever appeared for anyone other than the girl in front of her, “I know I didn’t tell you.”

Any semblance of calm is gone from Azzi’s face, as she seems to realise that she’s not going to be getting any cordiality from her old friend. 

 “And we’re off to a great start,” she mutters under her breath before replying to Paige’s exact question, “no you didn’t. Your dad-”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yeah. I mean you know Drew looks up to Jon and José so much and they still talk and stuff and he came over- Drew I mean- and then your dad was there and we just got to talking and you came up and yeah. He told me and well I live here, kinda, so I thought- well I thought maybe you’d like some company?”

As Azzi’s rambling explanation comes to an end, Paige doesn’t miss the tinge of hopefulness in her voice at the last bit. The younger girl shuffles her feet, as she stares at the blonde expectantly. 

“I don’t-” Paige struggles to draw in a breath as the voices in her head argue, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her words are met with silence as Azzi stares at her blankly. 

“I- you,” she blinks rapidly, clearly at a loss for what to say at the blatant rejection, “I can’t come in?”

“It’s just- I’ve had a lot of people visit you know,” Paige bullshits, suddenly feeling very exhausted, “and my family were here a couple days and my friends are coming soon and-”

“And I’m neither of those things,” Azzi says, her tone low and breathy. 

“That’s not what-”

“It is,” Azzi closes her eyes for a brief second, when she opens them, the flash of hurt in them feels like a dagger through Paige’s chest, “it is like that and it is what you meant and it’s- it’s fine.”

“Az-” Paige chokes out, feeling her lungs collapse when the other girl moves to leave, “please,” and she’s not even sure she’s asking for, but it’s not this. It’s never been this.

Azzi stops and when she turns back around, there’s a determined look on her face.

“I just-” she rubs her face, composing herself before focusing her eyes on Paige, “you’re the strongest person I know. And you’re going to come back from this, better than ever. I know it. The whole world knows it. Because you’re Paige Bueckers. You’re something else.  You’re the hardest worker, you’re just- you’re the best.”

“You don’t-”

“Just- just let me finish okay and then, then I’ll go or whatever but Paige, you’re all of those things you know? Strong, brave, the best fucking player- but, it’s also okay if sometimes-, if sometimes you aren’t. It’s okay because this- this is hard, I know it is. So if sometimes you’re not strong or-, or brave- or not feeling like working hard- it’s okay. And if there are moments where you- where you want to give up, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you- it doesn’t make you any less than what you are. It just makes you human, and it’s okay you know- to be human. It’s okay if- if you hurt and it’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s- it’s okay.”

The two girls stare at each other, eyes shining with tears, as Paige let’s Azzi’s words wash over her. She’s been told a lot of platitudes about her injury, from her coaches to her teammates to her family. And she knows she has plenty of people in her corner, who root for her and who genuinely do believe she’ll have the greatest comeback ever. But the motivational speeches get draining after a while and all she’s wanted to do for the last couple of weeks is wallow. Then she felt guilty about wallowing, that little voice in her head yelling at her to be productive and work on getting back to herself because that’s what everybody expected. Paige hadn’t even realised how badly she needed someone to give her permission to not be okay, not until the only person who’d ever known that part of her, had finally said the words she so desperately needed to hear.

The thing is, when she was younger, Paige used to keep everything bottled inside. She’d always been hyper aware of her privilege and her problems had always just seemed so insignificant in front of her parents’ or her friends. So she’d kept them to herself, trapping herself in a web of her own burdens that sometimes threatened to strangle her. And then she’d met a girl at a USA basketball camp when she was 15, a girl who had gently flicked her fingers and Paige’s walls had fallen like dominoes. She hadn’t even known she was drowning, until Azzi had shown up with a lifeboat.

“I just-,” Azzi breaks Paige out of her trance by breaking the eye contact between them, “I didn’t know if anybody had said that to you yet and I just- I wanted you to hear it.”

In the span of a minute, a thousand and one phrases take birth in Paige’s mind and then die on the tip of her tongue. She opens and closes her mouth, trying to express even one of the myriad of emotions that are swirling like a tornado in her brain. But nothing comes out except a litany of incomprehensible noises. And Azzi seems to find the wrong answer in the silence, giving the blonde a timid nod. 

“Take care of yourself P,” her voice catches on the familiar nickname, as she shoots Paige a sad smile, before beginning to walk away. When Azzi chose UCLA, she’d lit Paige's heart on fire. So, Paige had drowned their friendship. And while all this time Azzi has struggled to breathe, Paige has burned but god, is she so fucking tired of it. 

“Fuck, Azzi wait,” Paige curses, hobbling to catch up to the brunette, who stops with a sigh but doesn’t make a move to return. Stubborn as always, Paige thinks, continuing her way over. When she does catch up, she’s not fully sure what to say and so,  “I uh- I’m out of milk.”

Azzi raises her eyebrows in question, crossing her arms protectively around her chest. 

“I can’t drive,” Paige explains slowly, “or walk obviously.”

Realisation dawns on Azzi’s face, “you’re asking me to drive you to the grocery store?”

“I guess,” Paige shrugs, trying to be nonchalant. 

“Seems like the kind of favour someone asks of their family, or their friends,” Azzi emphasises bitterly, never one to let go of an opportunity for sarcasm. 

Paige flinches, “right, I kinda deserved that one.”

She gets a raised eyebrow in response that very much says “ya think?”

“I’m trying here,” she says quietly, and Azzi’s hard demeanour softens, “I’m raising a white flag Az, calling a truce or whatever but it kinda needs to go both ways.” 

“What do you think me coming here was supposed to be?” the younger girl says exasperatedly, but she’s smiling again. It’s the third one Paige has gotten out of her today, and finally, she smiles back. They look a little foolish, standing in the apartment hallway, cheshire-cat-grinning at each other like idiots, but it feels like something has clicked into place again.  

“I’ll go grab my wallet, you go heat up the car.”

“It’s like 110 degrees dude.”

“Bro shut up, you know what I mean,” Paige huffs and when it makes Azzi laugh, she feels like she’s floating. It’s not as if she hasn’t been happy in a year because won’t you look at that, her world did keep turning after that one decision. But this is different. She feels airy and light, like she could jump off a cliff and fly instead of fall. 

“Well hurry up, I have things to do outside of just being your chauffeur.”

“Poor passenger princess, how the roles have reversed,” Paige mocks and it earns her an ever so familiar fond eye roll and for the first time in a year, she feels free. 

***

When she gets downstairs, Azzi’s leaning against her car door, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes. The hot California sun shines brightly against her tan skin, and Paige’s heart stutters because fuck, Azzi is golden. She looks every bit reminiscent of the girl Paige still has memorised and yet, every bit the promise of a girl Paige wants to learn by heart. 

“Nice car,” Paige smirks, alerting the younger girl of her presence.  

“It does the job,” Azzi says, looking up with a smile of her own, opening the passenger door for Paige to get in, “not all of us are raking in NIL deals to get the big guns, but we make do.”

“Steph Curry brand ambassador say what now?” the blonde girl teases as she slides into the car. When she looks up, Azzi’s frozen in place, “what?”

“Nothing I just-” she’s wearing sunglasses, but Paige knows Azzi's trying to avert her gaze, “I’m kinda surprised you know that.”

It’s Paige’s turn to look away, their newfound comfort giving away to that old awkwardness, “I keep up with most basketball news.”

To Azzi’s credit she doesn’t push. Instead, she makes her way into the driver seat without another sound. She’s about to connect her phone to the aux but Paige beats her to it. 

“Hey,” Azzi squeals, making grabby hands, “my car, my rules, my music.”

“Nuh-uh injury privileges,” Paige gloats, sticking out her tongue. 

“That’s not a thing.”

“Is too.”

“Fine, we’ll listen to your crap music.”

“I resent that,” Paige retorts, as Drake blasts through the speakers. The sound of it makes Azzi groan, and she dramatically bangs her head against the steering wheel. Paige spends the rest of the car ride singing at the top of her lungs. Azzi spends the rest of the car ride alternating between shaking her head and joining in with the singing. It’s like they’re back in 2020 all over again, back before they found themselves in the whirlwind of life, back when they were just Paige and Azzi.

*** 

Their trip inside the grocery store takes less time than the ride to get there, even if Paige takes her time dilly-dallying in the dairy section, pretending she’s going to get anything other than just regular milk. She’s overly conscious of the fact that their time together might be coming to an end, that this time she might actually have to deal with saying goodbye. But she’s not ready to go back to missing Azzi just yet. 

“Maybe you can show me your dorm,” she says quietly, once they're both back in the car, playing with the hem of her shirt. Beside her, Azzi draws in a sharp intake of breath, clearly not having expected Paige to want that of all things. In all honesty, the idea of stepping into the world that had stolen Azzi from her is not all that appealing to Paige but she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer. 

“You wanna see my dorm?” 

“A chance to see how the non-blue blood peasants live? I’d never pass it up.”

“Non blue blood,” Azzi scoffs, "Ever heard of John Wooden?”

“I was talking about women’s basketball but yeah I have heard of him. I won the award last year. Over you,” Paige smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Not everyone’s a phenom their freshman year,” Azzi retorts fondly, unable to mask the hint of pride in her voice. 

“Well we’ll see this year-” Paige stops herself, cold seeping into her lungs, as she remembers why she’s in the stupid state of California in the first place. The lighthearted mood in the car goes tumbling out the window as her words hang like a dagger in the air. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, trying to wrap that one syllable in comfort. She reaches out to touch the blonde’s shoulder but must think better of it because her hand hovers mid-air for a second, before she pulls it back. Paige is suddenly hyper aware of the fact they haven’t touched yet. It’s a reminder of the fact that whatever progress they’ve made today, there’s still so much they haven’t even begun to unpack. 

“It’s fine,” Paige’s voice is steely, “just drive.”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, before simply nodding and starting the ignition. She’s clearly holding back and Paige doesn’t know how to feel about it. There’s a part of her that wants Azzi to push her to talk like she would before, but there's another part of her that knows this new rope they’re trying to string between them is fragile. 

They ride in silence to Azzi’s apartment, both of them too caught up in their own thoughts to bother with music this time. As the UCLA campus nears, Paige can’t help but hate it just a little bit. She’s aware she’s being petty. Acting like Storrs, Connecticut is some hub of beauty is probably a stretch of the imagination for anyone but she’s determined to dislike this place out of principle.

“Hmm not too shabby but like where’s the fucking cows?” Paige jokes, as the car comes to a stop in front of Azzi’s apartment building. She steps out gingerly, pretending to inspect her surroundings, making tsk-tsk noises at the most random things. 

“I’ve seen your apartment Bueckers, don’t even try,” Azzi retorts. 

It shouldn’t surprise Paige to see one of Azzi’s teammates when they enter her living room. It’s just like UConn really in the sense that there’s always someone there when you walk in but something about seeing Charisma Osborne just chilling in Azzi’s space suddenly makes it more real that the younger girl is definitely a UCLA Bruin. 

“Oh,” Charisma gives Paige a once-over, clearly not having expected to see her, “hi Paige.”

Paige waves, shuffling her weight on her crutches, unsure what to say. It’s not like she doesn’t know Charisma, they’ve literally won a gold medal together for USA basketball. She’s even met the girl a couple of times after and she likes her, she does. But her bitter brain is focused on the fact that this is one of those girls who had gotten Azzi as their teammate, one of the girls who got to see Azzi everyday. All things Paige had not gotten. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing company Az,” Charisma says pointedly, looking at Azzi and Paige bristles at the use of the nickname. She’s being all sorts of ridiculous but at least she’s self-aware of it. 

“Last minute decisions,” Azzi replies airily. The two girls lock eyes and Paige can tell they’re having some sort of unspoken conversation and now the green-eyed envy monster is out in full force. 

“I insisted on seeing her dorm,” she says finally, breaking into whatever staring competition the two UCLA guards are having. 

“It’s not a problem,” Charisma reassures, standing up from her position on the couch, and coming over to give Paige a tentative hug, “I just didn’t know you were coming. But it’s good to see you, Paige.”

“Yeah,” Paige tries to muster up a proper smile as she leans in to return the hug but it comes out more like a grimace, “you too.”

“We’re gonna go chill in my room,” Azzi says, beckoning to one of the doors in the hallways and Paige obediently follows her, waving a half-hearted goodbye to Charisma. She’s secretly pleased to have Azzi back to herself. 

The room is nothing out of the ordinary except it has Azzi all over it. She’s in the pink comforter that is thrown haphazardly over a clearly not made bed. She’s in the unicorn plushies laid delicately over a dark blue couch. She’s in the little flower stickers that outline the mirror on the far side of the room. There’s a wall dedicated solely to pictures and fairy lights on one side and Paige is immediately drawn to it. A familiar ache reverberates in her chest as her eyes flicker over the pictures of Azzi’s family. She’s missed them. Then there’s the photographs of Azzi in her UCLA uniform, her teammates surrounding her and Paige has to resist the dangerous urge to rip those off the wall. Be happy for her happiness, the logical part of her brain yells, not seeming to realise she’d left any chance of that in the dirt a year ago. As she tears her eyes away from those offending pictures, they land instead on a whole other set of photographs and she feels her heart catch in her throat. 

It’s a set of three images of her and Azzi, taken at various moments. Paige brushes her thumb against the one of the two of them with their arms around each other at the Minnesota  state fair. Azzi’s beaming at the camera and Paige is beaming at Azzi. They look so young, so naive, so happy. 

“I’m on your wall,” Paige breathes out, turning to face her best friend, “Fuck, I’m on you wall.”

“Of course you are,” Azzi affirms, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but she shuffles nervously, giving away the reality behind her stable demeanour. 

“I never answered your texts. I didn’t call you back,” Paige lists quietly as the first tear falls from her eyes; she’s been holding them back all day, “and I’m on your fucking wall.”

Azzi looks away, unsure how to deal with the fact that apparently they’re no longer tip-toeing around the past. She doesn’t know how to tell the blonde that there had never really been a second thought about whether or not those photos were going up on the wall.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs finally, “you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“Ride or die,” Paige repeats in a whisper before she all but throws herself at Azzi, practically moulding herself into the younger girl’s body. Caught off guard, Azzi stiffens for a second, before relaxing into it. It’s late outside and the sun has set, but in this moment, the world shines the brightest it has in a year as two stubborn girls finally find their way home to each other. 

***

That night, Azzi asks her tentatively if she wants to stay over and of course Paige agrees. Lying awake next to a familiar stranger, she lets herself finally remember the day things had first started unravelling.

November 2020

“You’ll probably get one of the upstairs apartments, so we probably won’t actually be living together which is good because can you imagine if I had to see your goofy ass 24/7?” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her forehead, as she leads Azzi into her room.

She’s too caught up in her excitement having Azzi at UConn, and planning what’ll happen next year, to notice that the girl in question isn’t participating at all in her enthusiasm. Paige has been waiting for what feels like a year (in reality it’s only been a few months) to finally have her best friend come visit. The minute the car had pulled up, she’d taken it upon herself to start her sales pitch all over again, missing the sympathetic smiles she’d gotten from the rest of the Fudd family as she pulled Azzi away to show her the glories of the campus. 

“Did you see my assist to Christyn today?” Paige gloats, falling onto her bed with a smirk. 

“It was pretty great,” Azzi concedes. 

“It was fucking perfect thank you very much. I set her up perfectly, exactly how she likes it.”

“Right.”

“And then did you see how excited the team was for her? For everyone? Never gonna find a greater group of girls.”

“They seem wonderful P.”

Paige furrows her eyebrows as she catches Azzi still lingering by the door instead of joining her on the bed. The brunette fidgets with the sleeve of her sweater, chewing on her lips.

“Are you allergic to my bed?” Paige waits for some smartass response. When she doesn’t get one, she frowns, instincts going haywire, “Az, you good?”

“I- '' Azzi looks away, swallowing nervously, “I need to tell you something and I- I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.” 

“You get a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something in the last few months that I don’t know about?” She says it light-heartedly enough, but the thought of it sends a sharp sting through Paige’s heart. In hindsight, she thinks maybe she could have dealt with it having been that. 

“What? No. Just- just don’t- dont take it personally okay. Like you can be upset about it but- but don’t hold it against me yeah? My parents- they said- they said you’d get it. You’d be upset but you’d- you’d get it because you- you get me right?”

Paige’s chest hammers as she watches the younger girl draw in a deep breath, “you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I’mcommittingtoUCLA” Azzi says all in one breath, the words blending together. 

She’s sure she’s heard it wrong. There’s no way. After all this time, after all their conversations, all the pitches, how hard she had worked, there was no way this was going to be the end to all of Paige’s efforts. 

“What?” she whispers, crossing her fingers that she has in fact misheard. 

When Azzi averts her eyes, she knows she hasn’t, “I’m committing to UCLA.”

The first time Paige and Azzi met was somewhat awkward, what with Azzi’s shyness and Paige being slightly overeager to make a new friend. When they’d become bus buddies, they’d progressed to being casual acquaintances who could small talk and share smiles. And then the flight back to Minnesota happened and everything had changed. Every moment after was filled with conversation or laughs or a comfortable silence. Until this one, where the sudden silence between them foreshadows an ominous future.

“Say something,” Azzi says finally, her voice shaking. 

Paige stares at her for a second before, “you named your dog Stewie.”

“What?”

“You named your dog Stewie. After Breanna Stewart who played at UConn. It’s not-” Paige wracks her brain, hands flying animatedly “it’s not Meyers or something, after someone who played at fucking UCLA. You named your dog after a UConn great. How are you going to take him to UCLA with you?”

Azzi stares at her, clearly not having expected that level of questioning of all things. Who could blame her when Paige herself feels a little insane. 

“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with me? Ha ha ha very funny,” she claps deliriously,  “hilarious prank seriously, like hats off you’ve outdone yourself but enough okay? Say sike right fucking now.”

Azzi makes a strangled noise, “it’s not a joke Paige. That’s- that’s my decision.”

“Then change it,” Paige yells, catapulting off the bed.

“Paige-”

“Have you told UCLA yet?”

“I wanted to tell my family and you first.”

“Oh wow, how kind of you. How fucking generous of you to do that Azzi,” Paige bites back sarcastically and Azzi flinches. 

In a flash, Paige’s expression goes from angry to desperate, “you still have time to change your mind . Please just- just think about it again okay? You still have so much time and you know what, stay here for a couple more days. Spend time with the team, with the coaches, with me and you’ll see-. UCLA just sounds nice you know? California, the sun, I get it, of course it’s tempting. But just- just stay here okay? And you’ll see this is where you belong,” she leaves the, with me, unsaid. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s voice cracks. She takes a step toward her and then pauses. It’s the first time in a long time that Azzi’s hesitated when it comes to Paige. It won’t be the last. And when she looks at Paige through her long eyelashes, tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes, Paige knows she’s lost. 

“No,” she’s pacing now, chest heaving up and down in a combination of frustration, anger and misery, “this is not fucking happening. We’re not doing this. I made you a whole recruitment video. Did you watch it? Do you know how long it took me to make it? Has the last year been a fucking joke to you?”

“Of course not-”

“Don’t even. Because clearly- clearly it has. Must’ve been hilarious watching me beg and plead with you when you already fucking knew you were going to committ somewhere else.”

“That’s not fair,”  Azzi’s voice rises at the accusation, “I had no idea where I was going until a couple of weeks ago. You can’t seriously think that low of me.”

“Not fair? You know what’s not fair, Azzi? We’ve been talking about playing together, about finally being on the same team, the same fucking state, for years. What’s not fair is you throwing all of that away on a whim.”

“I’m not committing to UCLA on a whim. This is my whole future we’re talking about. You don’t even know how much thought I’ve put into it. And I’m choosing what’s best for me. You can’t hold that against me Paige. You can’t.”

They stand on opposite sides of the room, taking in harsh staggered breaths and glaring at each other. The tension in the room is electric as the string connecting them frays. Paige and Azzi bicker, they don’t argue. Or at least, that’s how it used to be. 

“Az?” their stare down is broken by a knock on the door as Katie Fudd lets herself in. Immediately, as she stares between her daughter and the girl who’d become just as important, Katie knows what has happened, “we’re going back to the air BnB, are you staying here?”

The answer should be obvious, like it used to be. Of course she would stay here. It was meant to be a no-brainer. But before Azzi can say that, Paige intervenes and the string snaps. 

“She’s going with you,” the blonde says firmly, before turning her back. She won’t let Azzi see the tears, she won’t. For her part, the brunette stares at Paige’s back silently for a couple of seconds, before a mask of determination slips on. 

“Fine. If that’s what you fucking want,” Azzi sneers before brushing past her mom, eager to get away and hide her own tears. 

When Paige turns back around, Katie is already looking at her. The older woman walks the length of the room and pulls the younger girl into a hug that she readily melts into. Paige sniffles as Azzi’s mom soothingly rubs her back. 

“We’re driving back tomorrow morning,” Katie whispers quietly into Paige’s hair, “I know you’re mad sweetheart but come say goodbye okay?”

And she does. She shows up with only half an hour or so remaining before Azzi leaves, but Paige shows up. They hug stiffly, exchanging maybe a sentence or two but in that moment it’s enough. They’ll call later when Azzi gets home and it’ll be awkward for a little bit but they’ll break through. They’ll figure out a way to go on without having to talk about the “big thing”. They’ll hold on as long as they can, until they can’t anymore. 

***

September 2022

After the night Paige stays over at Azzi’s apartment, they're attached at the hip for the next few weeks, just like old times. They’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. Azzi shows up without fail every day after practice to pick Paige up from her rehab, and then the rest of the younger girl’s time is Paige’s. The first time she’d seen the brunette leaning casually against her car, Paige had had to stop herself from jumping into her arms. She’d played it as nonchalant as possible, joking about Azzi being stalker, but inside, she could feel it again, the dangerously familiar tap of this is all I’ll ever need. 

On days Paige doesn’t have rehab, Azzi still shows up right on time on her doorstep with a board game or food or something.  It’s gotten to the point where every time the doorbell rings, Paige opens it expecting Azzi. The couple times it’s not, she tries and fails to hide the disappointment on her face. It earns her an eye roll from the delivery guy but it’s worth it for the laugh it elicits from Azzi when she tells her the story. They fall back together as if they’d never fallen apart. And what’s more terrifying than finding out that she’d never truly gotten over old Azzi, is realising how easy it would be to fall in love with new Azzi. 

When Caroline, Nika and Piath come to visit the weekend after, all three of them can immediately tell that something's changed. Their teammate seems lighter, as if she’s finally found a sense of calm. But their incessant prodding and raised eyebrows are only met with shrugs from a tight-lipped Paige. It isn’t until Azzi calls, and Nika snatches the phone out of Paige’s hands, gasping at the callerID, that they finally figure out why their point guard has a new kick in her step. 

“You should invite her out with us tonight,” Caroline is the first to speak, giving Paige an encouraging smile. 

“Carol,” Nika hisses, “we can’t just invite the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Paige defends immediately, “we don’t even have a rivalry with UCLA.”

Nika scoffs indignantly, “of course she is. She picked a different school over us. Over UConn! That’s weird. Who even does that?”

“Lots of people do,” Caroline, who occasionally texts Azzi (albeit she’s kept that somewhat of a secret), supplies helpfully, shrugging when the Croatian glares at her. 

Piath nudges Paige when she notices the other girl has gone quiet, “ignore Nika. She doesn’t mean it, you know that. If you wanna invite her, invite her.” 

And she does, she wants to so badly. It’s insane really because it hasn’t even been a full day since they’d last seen each other but Paige swears something inside her has been missing since. There’s something awfully terrifying about letting Azzi back into the UConn version of her world, the world that the younger girl had once rejected. Still, if they’re going to try this again, she supposes sooner or later, it’ll have to happen. 

“Put her on speaker,” Nika orders when Paige grabs her phone back from her. 

“Nika,” Caroline, younger only by age, warns, pulling the other girl away, “we’re supposed to be cheering her up, not making life harder.”

Azzi answers on the third ring, her voice teasing  “miss me already?”

Yes, Paige thinks, sometimes I think I miss you even when you’re right here next to me, sometimes I think I’ll miss you forever. But she doesn’t say any of that. 

“Not a chance,” she scoffs instead, “besides you called me first.”

“Butt dial.”

“Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

“Shut up,” Azzi laughs and Paige is glad her teammates aren’t here to see the goofy grin that appears on her face at the sound of it, “I just wanted to see if we were doing something tonight?”

“Yeah- umm- you remember I told you about the girls coming down this weekend. They- uh- they wanted to go out tonight and uh- you could come along?” 

There’s a pause on the other end and Paige knows Azzi’s going through the same thought process as her. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your time with your team P-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Paige cuts in immediately and although she figured her teammates were definitely eavesdropping, Nika cursing about her being “pussywhipped” followed by in-sync shushing from Piath and Caroline, gives them away. 

On the other end of the line, Azzi’s quiet again, “it’s okay P, you go have fun with your friends. We don’t have to spend every night together. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What she doesn’t say is that maybe they need to learn how to live like that again, how to live apart again. Paige is almost done with the LA part of her rehab, something both of them are still in denial about. It’s only a matter of time before they return back to their two separate worlds and neither of them are sure they’ve managed to repair their friendship enough to not slip back into their foolishness again. 

“But I wanna see you tonight,” Paige whines, her tone teetering on the edge of sounding like a desperate girlfriend, “please.”

“Paige-”

“Pleaseeeeeee. I’m literally injured and begging Az, it’d be mean to say no.”

“What does your injury even have to do with any of this?” Azzi sighs exasperatedly, “but yeah okay fine calm down Bueckers. Send me an address, I’ll be there.”

“You don’t wanna come pregame here?” 

“Dude, let's not push it, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay see you,” Paige pauses, “hey Az?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy you’re coming tonight.”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

***

Azzi Fudd is a menace. See, people often get fooled by her soft-spoken nature and shy demeanour, but Paige has been around her long enough to know the truth. In the beginning it was the witty quips the younger girl always had ready whenever they were having some ridiculous argument. After that, it was the direct pranks that wreaked havoc on Paige’s life. But tonight, in Paige’s opinion, tonight is Azzi’s worst offence. She had to have done it on purpose, had to have known the sheer effect it would have on Paige to see her dressed like that. The red criss-cross tank top fits her like a mould and the way her ripped jeans shorts cling to her hips leaves little to the imagination. Her diamond belly button piercing shines against her skin, taunting Paige. She wants to touch, she wants to feel, she wants to do all the unspeakable things in her mind but she’s forced to just watch. 

What she hates most though, is that everybody else is watching too. Since Azzi’s walked into the club, Paige has had to fight the urge to strangle every stranger who had given her best friend an appraising once-over. Some of them let their eyes linger long enough to give her time to plot out the perfect murder strategy (it’s the only way she can stop herself from actually committing a crime tonight). And, as Azzi dances with Caroline, hips swaying to the beat and holding the other girl a little closely, Paige has the irrational urge to hit sweet, kind Caroline of all people. 

The thing is, Azzi’s been a little too attached to Caroline since she got here in Paige’s opinion. And she gets it. Piath, bless her soul, is trying but has always been a little awkward around new people. Nika is definitely not trying, loyally holding onto a grudge on behalf of Paige. Which leaves Caroline, who’s already familiar territory and the younger girl has grasped onto her like a lifeline. But enough is enough Paige decides, as she slips out of her seat with a determined look. Smoothly, she cuts right in between Caroline and Azzi.

“Nika’s a little wasted and I don’t want to deal with,” it’s a blatant lie but Paige knows appealing to Caroline’s more motherly instincts will get her what she wants. She gets a raised eyebrow in return, her teammate clearly catching her ruse because Nika looks visibly fine. But it works anyway and Paige gets Azzi to herself. She reaches for the other girl’s hand, twirling her just so she can hear that stupid silly laugh, and then pulling her back so she’s facing Paige. 

“You having fun?” 

“Always have fun with you P,” Azzi replies. She’s clearly tipsy but there’s no hint of insincerity in her voice. It makes Paige’s breath hitch. 

“Yeah?” she whispers, taking a step closer, “more than with Carol?”

Azzi giggles, “more than anyone.”

The song in the club changes and as the crowd adjusts to it, someone jostles Azzi and immediately Paige grabs at her hips to steady her. As she finds her balance, Azzi’s giggles subside, realising just how close she is to the blonde now. They’re stuck in slow motion as the world dances around them. The combination of adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her veins is what convinces Paige to test the limits. One hand still squeezing at Azzi’s bare waist, revelling in finally getting to touch, she brings up her thumb to trace around Azzi’s lips. The younger girl gulps, but when she doesn’t try to move away, confidence pulses through Paige. Her heart is beating frantically out of her chest, years and years of want and need that she’d shoved as far away as possible, desperately fighting to get to the surface. 

Pushing herself closer, so their chests are now pressed to each other and Azzi’s hands have no choice but to latch onto her biceps, Paige places a delicate, teasing kiss to the corner of Azzi’s lips. She wishes she could record the whine it elicits and listen to it on loop for hours. Smirking, she moves to place another one on the other side, this time pressing her lips a little harder, a little longer. Azzi’s eyes are closed shut, hands gripping onto Paige so tightly, she knows there’ll be a mark on her biceps tomorrow. She cups Azzi’s face with both hands now, her own eyes shutting involuntarily, as she finally, finally brushes their lips together. 

This time, the strangled noise that leaves Azzi’s throat, is one Paige wishes she could forget as the younger girl rips herself away from Paige, the force of it creating almost a foot of distance between them. It doesn’t take long for the familiar sting of rejection to make itself home in her heart. Azzi’s eyes are brimming with tears as she manically shakes her head. Without a word, she rushes through the crowd, making a beeline for the exit, leaving Paige confused and craving for another taste. 

***

It takes Paige a second to gather her thoughts before following the brunette. She ignores the confused glances from her teammates, making some bullshit excuse about fresh air as she fights her way outside. When she gets there, Azzi’s leaning against the wall, eyes closed as she takes in long deep breaths. 

“That’s not usually how girls react when I try to kiss them,” Paige says after a second, trying to make light of the situation, even if her heart is heavy with anxiety. 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Azzi scoffs, “you kiss a lot of girls don’t you.”

“Yeah and most of them kiss me back,” Paige bites back. 

She’s taken aback by the fire in the darker-skinned girl’s eyes as Azzi finally opens them, heaving herself off the wall. 

“I won’t be one of your groupies Paige. I won’t be one of your desperate one night stands. I won’t be just some other hookup. I won’t!”

Frankly she’s a little offended Azzi would even think that of her. She’s aware of her reputation. In fact she’d probably fed into it a little bit, exaggerating her escapades to Azzi on the phone her freshman year, when they had been on the verge of combusing and she’d been desperate to get a rise out of the younger girl. Last year though, last year was different. But Azzi doesn’t know that. 

“I don’t want you to be any of that,” she replies feebly. 

“Then what, do you want me to be?” Azzi’s voice rises with each syllable. 

Paige stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. The truth is she wants Azzi to be everything. The truth is, Azzi already is everything. Except there’s too much between them and she just can’t say it. They stand in silence until Azzi finally breaks it.

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life,” she says miserably, “and that might be the worst thing ever you know? Because it’s not real. You’re gonna go back to your world and you’ll- you’ll stop replying to my texts and you’ll stop- you’ll stop calling me and I- I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“That’s an awful lot of assumptions you’re making about me,” Paige is on defensive mode now, feeling a fight brewing. 

“Because that’s what happened. Go back through your fucking phone Paige. Look at all the times I tried. And all the times you never did. You just- you cut me out Paige.”

“That’s not fair. You chose fucking UCLA. Over me.”

“No,” Azzi corrects immediately, anger seeping into her tone, “I chose UCLA over UConn. You made it about yourself.”

Paige swallows back a bitter response in favour of trying to prevent a full-fledged argument, “okay, okay let’s not- let’s not do this okay. It’ll be better this time- I- I won’t ignore your calls or texts or you okay? Just- can we just go back inside please?”

“That’s the thing,” Azzi’s anger is gone, replaced by a sad wistful smile, “I don’t know if I believe that you will,” a single tear rolls down her cheek, “I- I don’t fully trust you and you haven’t fully forgiven me. So where do we go from here?”

It’s a lie what they say about the truth setting you free, Paige thinks as Azzi’s words squeeze at her heart, because all it’s done is unleash shackles of despair that holds them both hostage. It had been easy the last couple of weeks, to pretend the last year had never happened. It had been easy for Paige to pretend that she was over what happened, to ignore the part of her brain that still felt so utterly betrayed. 

“Azzi, what are you saying? You don’t- you don’t wanna be friends?” Paige feels nauseous even saying it. 

“No I-” Azzi chews at her bottom lip, “I’m saying this- us- we’re too fragile to complicate even more. I barely- fuck- Paige, I barely survived losing my best friend. I don’t think I could survive losing something more.” 

The worst thing about it all, is that it makes sense. And really, Paige doesn’t know what she’d expected to happen if Azzi hadn’t pulled away when she did. They’d kiss, maybe give in and do more and then what? Shake hands and walk away? Or make false promises that would ultimately lead to resentment? No, Years and years of something deserved better than either of those masochistic endings. It makes sense, it does but it doesn’t mean Paige has to like it. 

In front of her, all the fight evaporates from Azzi’s body, as the younger girl leans back against the brick wall of the club, sliding down and pulling her knees to her chest. She looks every bit as miserable as Paige feels and all the blonde wants to do is wipe away the stress lines creasing against the younger girl’s beautiful phase. She moves to sit down next to her best friend, shuffling so their shoulders are pressed together and intertwines their fingers together. A sigh of relief escapes her when Azzi doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she squeezes their hands tighter, as if she’s scared that if she lets go, Paige will disappear. 

“You didn’t lose me you know,” Paige says softly after a second, nudging Azzi’s shoulder when the other girl lets out a noise of protest, “I know, I know it feels like you did. It felt like that to me too except- every time something good or bad happened to me, I heard your voice or- or maybe I just really wanted too. We got lost a little bit but I didn’t- I didn’t lose you and you didn’t lose me. There’s a difference. I don’t think we could ever lose each other like that. Not really.”

When Azzi turns to look at her, the golden glow of the street lights illuminate the emotions in her eyes. She gives Paige a soft smile, “well Bueckers, if basketball doesn’t work out, maybe you have a future in poetry.”

“I could do whatever I wanted,” except what I want to do the most. 

It doesn’t take long for the Uber Azzi’s already called to start pulling up and that familiar ache of longing creeps into Paige’s spine. She knows tonight isn’t their final goodbye; they still have a couple more days. But those days will be spent ignoring and pretending, unlike tonight and the firm grip they have on reality. They rise off of the cold pavement together, dusting themselves off. It takes a second of awkward glances before they’re surging into each other’s arms, squeezing each other so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Paige wills herself not to cry, hiding her face in the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers, unsure if it’s more for her benefit or Azzi’s. 

The unwanted beep of a car is the only reason they reluctantly pull away, hurriedly wiping away unshed tears, they pretend the other can’t see. Azzi musters up a brave smile, before slowly moving away and it takes everything in Paige not to crumble and begs her to stay. Azzi’s halfway to the car when she turns back and it feels like Paige can breathe again. The brunette’s face is conflicted for a second before turning determined, as she starts walking back up. 

“Az-”

Paige’s confusion is stifled as Azzi fists her shirt, pulling her into a searing kiss. It’s desperate and needy and it’s only a few seconds before the dark-haired girl is pulling away again, but it sets Paige’s entire world off balance. 

“I just-” Azzi’s breathing is rapid and uneven, “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen and- just- fuck- I just-,” she blinks up at Paige, “I hate- I hate leaving things unfinished and for fucks sake if you don’t call me back this time Bueckers- just- don’t be a stranger.”

Paige doesn’t get time to answer, she doesn’t think she could even if she did, because Azzi scurries away almost immediately. She stops when she gets to the car, turning back to give Paige one final look, a look that will haunt Paige forever, before getting into the backseat. As Paige watches the back of Azzi’s uber gets smaller and smaller, her tongue darts across her lips as she tries to memorise the faintest taste of Azzi’s strawberry-flavoured lipstick. And she knows, she’s so utterly and completely and terribly fucked.

[peppertaemint]

Let's talk about Taemin and Key of SHINee wearing the Scottish fashion house Charles Jeffrey Loverboy, an openly queer unisex brand. There’s a lot of talk about whether idols know who they are wearing and, when relevant, do they understand the meaning of what they are wearing. We know there are clear examples of artists not understanding what they’re wearing. Indeed, 23-year-old, non-English-speaking Taemin admitted in 2021 that he had no idea the fly of his pants read “Open Here” during View era. Yet, a lot has changed this 2015/16. Taemin’s English is quite proficient. And what about Key, who has studied English since he was a child? I think we can consider understanding the words and understanding the context or broader meaning behind words or, as the case may be, symbols, which can be universal.

Taemin in the Advice album photobook, 2021.

The Charles Jeffrey Loverboy brand is no ordinary brand. It’s a spunky, fun and edgy unisex brand with genuine British flavour. From London Fashion Week's write up:

"Looking back to look forward, the collections re-render historical references as intrinsically modern while paying respect to an ancestral line-up of costumiers, performance artists and queer icons. Jeffrey’s nightlife-influenced thirst for experimentation, and belief in the validity of mistakes, result in a colourful tension between control and chaos.

"LOVERBOY’s roots are fixed in London’s queer nightlife scene, having been born in 2014 as both a fashion label and a cult club night. The LOVERBOY parties, first staged while Jeffrey was studying for his Masters in fashion design at Central St Martins in London, were attended by the city’s up-and-coming artists, performers, musicians, drag queens and poets, many of whom became Jeffrey’s future muses and creative collaborators."

Live performance of Advice, 2021.

The tartan in these looks is known as the loverboy tartan. In the current collection, they have an “odorable” loverboy tartan raincoat with giant floppy bunny ears. I’m too lazy to link it, but do look it up and peruse the punk-meets-whimsy items on the website.

Taemin’s stylist for Advice was Kim Wook. You can read an interview with Kim Wook in translation here. Wook talks about he and Taemin wanting to do something impactful before Taemin entered the military, and they settled on working with silhouettes that are usually seen on female dancers. I could do a whole post on Taemin’s styling for Advice (maybe I will!), but to connect things back to the brand at hand, the flamboyantly unisex Loverboy brand seems to be at home with the goal of Advice’s styling. Advice was Taemin’s way of saying “I will go my own way and trust myself over others,” and I don’t think the androgynous or even gender-fluid looks he presented are a coincidence; Wook’s interview shows that it isn’t. These looks feel like a push forward for Taemin, and he’s been clear in saying Advice was a breakaway from his past. Act I and Act II were leading to this moment.

Taemin has been wearing Charles Jeffery Loverboy upon in return in 2023. I think the most significant choice is the non-binary shirt he wore a fan meeting during Hard era. The t-shirt is a jab at conservatives’ obsession with the love lives and indeed, bathroom usage, of LGBT+, saying, “They’re happy and satisfied. Are you?” There is a also a good-sized, unmistakable non-binary symbol on the shirt. I hadn’t seen this symbol before but it was still easy for me to comprehend. As an artist who is increasingly wearing gender-fluid outfits, it is likely a conscious choice to wear a shirt that supports non-binary rights.

Now, we can’t forget fashion-forward, English king Key in all of this. Key has always had a love and fascination with fashion; we saw in One Fine Day his interaction with a local London fashion brands. He’s a man who knows his fashion houses, so it seems unlikely he wouldn’t know about the Loverboy brand or its ethos as a unisex brand.

Key primarily wore Charles Jeffrey Loverboy accessories for his Gasoline promotions in 2022. The adorable hat with ears is statement wrapped in cuteness, that speaks to the camp motif present in both Key’s body of work and the Loverboy label’s. It’s cute, but not too cute. It’s loud but soft, and the Loverboy stamp is there for all to see. I think that Key embodies what LSF wrote about the Lovery label as “a colourful tension between control and chaos.” Key is never afraid to experiment, and he can go from creating iconic androgynous silhouettes reminiscent of ancient gods and Beyoncé to the retro-camp shown below that almost looks like it could be at home in a Ghostbusters film. Almost.

There are contexts where, like the above, it is more than reasonable to assume that the artists understand what they are wearing and that the choices made are conscious and in some cases made with the goal of the comeback in mind. And there are situations where it’s possible or even confirmed by the artist that they didn’t know what they were wearing or what it meant. I think it can become an obsession for some to want the styling to be conveying a secret code. With the case of Charles Jeffrey Loverboy, there’s no code and it’s not secret. It’s simply known and recognised by those who know, which is enough.

[just-an-assbutt]

Fred Vasseur: The possible Champion-maker?

Okay, this is an analysis I did, it’s kinda crazy, but I don’t know, maybe anyone else agrees. It basically hypotheses how a series of conversations and decisions could lead to a Ferrari Championship soon and how Fred Vasseur has a pivotal role on everything.

Hang on, it’s a long road.

Where did this come from?

In 2022, Charles was close to win the championship. He started off the season amazingly, pressuring the new world champion and earning Ferrari valuable points. But the second half of the season was a disaster masterclass: between Charles’ mistakes and Ferrari’s terrible decisions, the championship slipped away. There was a breaking point that I believe gave Charles the last push:

This was terrible. Ferrari had screw up and after that Mattia had the audacity to scold him like a child on international television. He knew he wasn’t Nepo Boy, but he probably never expected to be disrespected like this so lightly. To give more depth to this analysis, let’s talk a little bit about who appears to be Charles Leclerc.

A kid with a dream

Charles Leclerc was born on October 16, 1997 in Monte Carlo, Monaco, to a hairdresser mother and cars enthusiast father. His mother, Pascale and his father Hervé got together when her oldest son, Lorenzo, was around 2 years old. From this union came Charles and younger brother Arthur. Hervé was not only a fan of racing, he got as far as driving in F3, but he had to drop that dream. Living in Monaco without being as wealthy as the top of the food chain, Hervé relied on Charles’ grandparents to sponsor Charles’ racing career. The grandparents were wealthy and while Charles and Arthur were little, they were able to support both of their grand kids.

Time passed, Charles ended up being great, and the wealthy grandparents weren’t wealthy enough for the next step. So Hervé decided to get his son a sponsorship, he contacted his friend Bianchi, who had his son Jules in a great position with Ferrari Academy at the moment. Jules was a star in the making, so when he approached Ferrari to take a look at Charles, they said yes. Like that, one of the Leclercs got the money and support needed, the other had to wait. Arthur ended up having to quit karting for some time because the money they had wasn’t enough. His background marked something, he would never be one of them, so will have to work hard to be someone.

At this stage of life, Charles learned something: The only way up is surrendering yourself with the right people.

The teammates

Charles made it to Ferrari in 2019, to take the still warm seat that the last champion of Ferrari left, Kimi Räikkönen. But the big shoes weren’t the difficult part, Sebastian Vettel, four times World Champion with Red Bull Racing, became his teammate. Even though DTS made it look worse than it was, it’s still true that the two drivers pushed each other a lot, which was great to bring better results. The car was not the greatest, but it still delivered and the drivers got the chance to do their jobs. And they did it great, compared to what the standard could be next to the Mercedes-Hamilton dominance. In the two seasons they raced together, Charles proved Sebastian that he was different, that he had that something that made him special. Even though Charles out performed him, Sebastian really grew fond of him.

In 2021, Sebastian moved to Aston Martin and Charles got a new teammate: Carlos Sainz Jr. Things got complicated for Charles here. With Sebastian, Charles had something important which was pull. Even if the other had been with Ferrari for years, Charles was the little prince in the making. He may didn’t have many sponsors, he may have come from a less privileged background than Sebastian, he may not be a World Champion, but he had made contacts inside Ferrari with his hard work. Once he’s father got him Jules, Charles made a lot of friends thanks to his raw talent, dedication, discipline and determination. But he didn’t actively searched for contacts that could make his career better.

When Carlos Sainz Jr. son of Rally World Champion Carlos Sainz Sr. came in the picture, Charles learned the hard way that he was not playing at the same level. Carlos had a lot more sponsors, experience and better friends. Carlos grew up filthy rich and privileged, he was friends with the best there is in motorsport, he was the incredibly talented son of a Champion and he was given the best opportunities since he was in the womb. Charles didn’t have that and when the time came, it made a difference. The sponsors that gave Ferrari the money weren’t interested in him, they were looking at Carlos, and the fact that the Spaniard was not a bad driver didn’t help. When Charles started leading the championship in 2022, Carlos was way behind him, and the money weighed heavily compared to Charles’ talent. Mattia Binotto made the decision of developing the upgrades of the car towards Carlos’ preferences on the second half of the season, breaking up the relationship he had with Charles.

The right man

Even though second place is not bad, Charles couldn’t help but see Max Verstappen, long time rival, become World Champion twice, being the same age than him. When things got bad in 2022, Charles decided to listen to his father’s teachings, because the only way up is with the right people. He spoke to Fred Vasseur, who used to be his Team Principal in Alfa Romeo when he first started. If we look at it from outside, Fred was essential in Charles pass to Ferrari, helping him look good with a car that wasn’t the best. They were a good team together, so if we can see that from outside, he surely noticed that himself. Fred was the start of a change that would make Charles worthy of his Ill Predestinato title. Fred had half a year to pull all of his strings and get things done, starting by convincing Ferrari to let go of Binotto and hire him. Charles only had to be a good soldier and do what he was told.

The trifecta of a Champion

I. The person:

Charles had a persona outside the driver and something important is to understand that that persona along the racing driver is what gets you the best sponsors and connections. But your personal life can also be distracting, so sometimes you need to let go of people you may don’t want to, but have to. Charles broke up with a girlfriend he had for 3 years, whom he shared an apartment with and who seemed to be the one. People liked her and his cute ‘normal boy’ life was good to attract fans, but a girlfriends consumes time and attention which doesn’t translate in money. Probably, one of the first things that Fred told him was “loose the girlfriend”. Why? Because he was a 24 years old and he had to focus on his career, he didn’t need a personal life, at least not a real one until he got things done. Here is where Charles public persona started to grow. In December of 2022, Charles dumped his girlfriend, who he may have loved, but not as much as his (and his family’s) career. He became more popular thanks to being single and since the sport was raising in popularity too, he benefited from that.

He started to get assisted in everything that meant PR, he got a better stylist, made better investments with his money and got a girl that wouldn’t take up time. I really like Alex, but you’ll understand with this analysis why I think they might be PR. Regarding the clothing, he started showing off great labels on his instagram page and that gave him engagement. This helped his overall popularity even more and raised his value outside the track and the motorsport world. His millions came to good use when he decided to invest in a good PR team, but not only that, he created his own ice cream brand, why do that? Easy, he needs the money and the contacts that come with enterprises. This deal gives him a secure income outside the motorsport industry and the chance of becoming the business man that can interact with the others (that put their money on drivers and teams) it gives him the status in the business world.

But all of this falls off with the wrong girlfriend. Charles made a bond with his fans through his ‘normal boy’ image, the boy who played games, dated a hometown girl and had a hairdresser mom. Along with his loyalty to Ferrari, this type of image is something difficult to drop out from. People associate humbleness with core traits of a person, dropping that would mean becoming a sell out or worse, a traitor to his working-class fellow fanbase. He can’t date a model, he can’t date a famous girl, because it’ll look bad, but he can’t also date for real because he was told not to. So his PR agency got him the perfect one: Alexandra. She’s an elegant hometown girl, who has her own family money and career, and manages a low profile. She’s everything he needs, she can enjoy the lifestyle, make good money, keep up her career and he doesn’t need to worry about her and their relationship. She’s not dependent on him and she knows the upper class world and how to handle it. She doesn’t need maintenance or training and she knows how to play her part. She also seems very friendly and they probably get along well, which makes things easier. It’s a win-win situation, he keeps his image and she can enjoy the lifestyle while still doing her things.

Leo was the latest winning move, Charles is old enough for kids and people expect that from him (it works with Max’s image) but he’s not going to have a kid with Alex, so a puppy is the best next move. It gives him the chance to shine on a better light and he likes dogs, so it all works out well. His fatherly ways towards younger drivers, like Ollie or Aurelia, also help a lot to sell this image of maturity and leadership. He’s the driver number one, the loyal boy to Ferrari. This added to the ‘Lestappen Gate’ from 2023 only reinforce the idea of Charles being Ill Predestinato. He fights for the championship, he’s a team player, he takes the youngsters under his wing and when the chance to a seat on Red Bull’s rocket ship arose he still stayed loyal to Ferrari. He started to become an icon.

He has it all: the popularity outside motorsport, the contact with the business world, the love from his fans and the loyalty from the Tifosi.

II. The team:

Fred got Charles on the right path to freshen up his public image and raise his value, now he had to give him the team to pull off a championship. 2023 was still a season of change, but the first win in a long time came in Singapore, ruining a perfect season from Red Bull and giving a little peek of what they were on to. But the win came with the wrong driver, for Fred’s whole project at least, and it made the rest of the steps a little bit messy. For everything to work, Fred needed Charles and a legend. Why? Because he needed to be able to have a win-win situation at hand. Making Charles the first world champion since 2007 would be great, but making a legend in motorsport do it instead also works. The main point is to win again, and do it with a ground breaking gameplay, so either the Golden Boy wins or a legend retires in greatness. Carlos Sainz Jr. has to go.

Fred talks with Toto Wolff, Mercedes Team Principal and Lewis Hamilton. Toto needs the seat for a younger talent (probably Kimi Antonelli) and Lewis is ready for the last bit of his career as a driver. Fred’s proposal is perfect, Toto gets his young lineup and Lewis gets the chance to pull a Schumacher. The news gets leaked very early on, probably by the Sainzs who lost in all of this scheme and need to better up Carlos’ image to get a new seat, and the whole deal backfired a bit. They solved it, Carlos understood that playing the cards he was playing wasn’t good for his career and Ferrari’s PR team worked hard to solve the problem. Now Fred has the legend and the kid, he needs to work inside the garage. He did a literal purge of incompetence, better mechanics, better engineers, better staff, better everything. He got the sponsorship from HP, that gives Ferrari everything it needs to never have to look at a price twice. It pays Lewis and it can pay a posible Adrian Newey. He took out Xavi and brought Bryan, a guy that was already on the team and that could be the thing Charles needed to perform better. The pitstops became faster and cleaner. The strategies got more efficient.

He started building a new, better team. One that can bring Charles to the top or Lewis to a path of redemption before retirement.

III. The car:

There’s just one thing missing in all of this, which is a championship winning car. The SF-24 is not a bad car, that’s among the many reasons why Carlos won in Australia and Charles in Monaco. Also why they been getting a lot of podiums and Ollie could pull off such a great race. But for it to be the best car, Fred needs two things: 2026 regulations and Red Bull to fail. Here comes the last part of the project that Fred still hasn’t accomplished yet and where this analysis shifts to a more speculative approach. 2026 regulations assure Ferrari a new opportunity to build a better car, their remarkable quality is the engine, which is what makes a difference in Qualifying for both Ferrari and Hass. But the car has some issues with aerodynamics, they solved that a bit, making the SF-24 a lot less of a tyre eater than the SF-23, but it still can get better. Solving this issue could guarantee a great qualifying pace and great race pace, converting that into wins with the right strategy.

But the regulations aren’t the only thing that could help, they also need get someone that can make that ideal car a reality. Adrian Newey is the man for that, not only because he’s the best, but also because taking him to Ferrari would mean that Red Bull loses one of his biggest assets, naturally leading to a drop in performance. This closes the gap and can even mean surpassing Red Bull, which is the dominant team at the moment. McLaren kind of hick-hacked this part of the project, bringing a great car this year, but Fred still has the chance to come out victorious by the end of 2025. If he gets Newey by the end of 2024, he can assure the downfall of Red Bull and the championship-winning car for 2026.

A man with a plan

If everything plays out as I stipulated, Ferrari could win a championship in 2026, even maybe 2025. This win can’t only be seen as simple success, it’d be a historic achievement in Ferrari’s lifespan and a game changer for everyone involved, specially Fred. Whether the championship is won by Lewis or Charles, the man that brought it home would be Fred. As Schumacher-Todt did before, F1 would never forget this moment, Ferrari winning again after almost 20 years.

All of it thanks to a man with a plan.

Let me know what you guys think!

[dgtn]

Hey all! So I wanted to take a few to introduce myself. Another blogger did this a few days back and I was just like omg I need to do that too!

So my name is Diane and I am at midlife now in terms of age. I have been married for over 20 years and have 2 amazing kids, a young man and a daughter.

We live in Tennessee. I love so many different genres of music - my playlist has everything from BTS to Carrie Underwood, Troye Sivan, Coldplay, Bon Jovi, Metallica, Aretha Franklin…you name it…it’s probably on my list!

Outside of BTS and Jikook I love spending time with my family, health, fitness, and making jewelry, and yes that includes BTS themed jewelry of course 😏

My favorite shows to watch are crime dramas and anything sci fi. I’m a huge Star Wars fan (I still remember going to see A New Hope when it came out!)

I have 5 fur babies- 4 dogs and a cat. We also have a gecko.

I am a cancer survivor, coming up on 8 years now. I've also had brain surgery - crazy crazy!

So now that that’s out of the way….let’s talk BTS.

I’ve always heard the saying: you don’t find BTS, BTS finds you when you need them. This is true for me too (more on that later ).

I discovered BTS when I heard Butter for the first time back in 2021. I thought it was a catchy song and wanted to know more about the band behind the song. And so it began. I looked up BTS on the internet and the first member I came across? Jimin of course. My first thoughts were my god he is gorgeous. And his voice - are you kidding me! I’ve been around a long time and I have never heard a voice like that! So of course I needed to know more. Next came Jungkook. Uh….wow! That man is beautiful too! And his voice! I mean come on!!!! I had never heard of kpop before BTS so I had no idea about the world of kpop or any of its inner workings.

So into the world of BTS I dove. I went on line and started watching their music videos and started listening to more of their music and really really liking it. I slowly discovered the world of BTS online; Bangtan Bombs, In The Soop, Lives, Run Episodes, etc. Of course, watching all of these...I started to wonder, what's up with Jimin and Jungkook? Definitely caught a different vibe from them. So.....started watching jikook videos. Then, I discovered GCFT - and that sealed the deal for me. No looking back from that point. I remember the first time I watched it (yup, like yourself Ive watched it way more than once!!!) I was blown away and my reaction was "these 2 are in love with each other".

I absolutely love love love Jimin and Jungkook (as I’m sure you can tell from my blog!). I love them as individuals and I love them as a couple. They have something SO very special together and I just get so much joy out of seeing their relationship now and how it has grown over the years. They went from seriously crushing on each other in the early days of BTS to being in a long term fully committed monogomous relationship. I do believe that they are in this for life and have committed to each other for life. What that exactly looks like I'm not sure as they are still "In the Closet". My hope for them is that one day they will be able to show us their love for each freely and openly.

So getting back to BTS and how they found me when I needed them. I am officially mid life, in my 50's. I have always been a stay at home mom. My son is high functioning autistic. Throughout his schooling we really struggled with finding the right fit for him academically. When we moved to TN we eventually decided to home school him which became a huge priority of mine. Homeschooling was not easy. When he graduated high school it was such an accomplishment. I will admit that it also left me very emotionally drained. Being a mom in general is really hard (best job in the world!!!). We always put our children first before everything else; it's just what we do.

As my children have grown and continued to become more independent I actually started thinking about what I want to do for me. It's a foreign concept because as a mom I've never really thought that way. That was right about the time I discovered BTS (see where I'm going with this?). Their message of love yourself, take care of yourself, was something that really resonated with me. I know it might sound crazy but that "glow up" that some people have experienced through BTS happened to me too. I have found the time to "love myself" as BTS says. I am really putting myself first for the first time in my life. I am still here for my family 100% but I am also finding the time to take care of myself :) I am on that journey to find balance in my life and BTS has most definitely played a big role in that!

I absolutely love BTS as a band and as individuals. I have really enjoyed getting to know them and I look forward to sharing my love of BTS and jikook with all y'all for years to come :) I have met some wonderful people through Tumblr; some of whom I have become very close to and consider dear friends; and I feel so grateful and blessed to have these peeps in my life. I am really excited to see what the future holds for these 7 incredibly talented young men who came into our lives.

One thing for sure, The Best is Yet To Come.

Xoxo 😘

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Excuse me “Carlos was ahead of Charles last year”??? You do realise Charles got p2 in the wdc in 2022 right? P3 was checo. Charles was leading the wdc at the beginning of the season that year. Until max and rb got their car together and overtook them in the standings.

Yes Carlos might have been the only non rb winner last season but other drivers said that you can drive significantly slower than the rest of the pack and still lead because they can’t overtake. And that happened in Singapore. And if Singapore would have suited the rb19 max or checo would have won that race too.

Carlos was only ahead of Charles at the beginning of 2023 because Charles had lots of issues with his car. Non driver related issues. Ferrari had to change his pu or something after the first race in Bahrain because the car wasn’t working at all. Charles had a penalty through Ferrari in the second race in Jeddah. Charles had lots of bad luck over this season. He had dnf, dns and dsq. All in one season. Carlos had a dns and a dnf. Carlos got null points in 4 races while Charles got zero in 6 races.

It’s not a good look for Carlos to still fall behind Charles in the standings when he scored points in more races.

Carlos would never be allowed in the same team again as max. There is a reason max was promoted to red bull mid season in 2016. And that reason as well as his talent were the tension and fights in toro Rosso between sainzs’ and verstappens’. And there would be the same problem as in Ferrari for Carlos. Carlos likes the opposite of max. And red bull will do anything to make the car amazing for max.

I don’t think Carlos’ fans want him to be absolutely humiliated by max as a team mate. They are already throwing a fit when Charles fans aren’t appreciating their star driver.

Carlos would have a similar season like checo and everyone was talking about how humiliating last season was for him when he was argumentatively in the best car. There was a fight for p2 still until shortly before the season ended because check kept on screwing up. Carlos’a season would look similar to checos season last year because they have a similar driving style.

Did you miss that Charles has one five races? 3 of them in 2022? He got a grand slam as well that season.

And no that’s not the difference between them. By the way did you know that Carlos is racist as well? Said some things about Chinese people in particular.

Oh and Carlos is a nepo driver. He got his seat in toro Rosso because Carlos sainz senior is sponsored by red bull. Carlos was constantly rumoured to Audi because guess what. His father drivers for them. Carlos got most of his things in formula 1 handed to him by his fathers connections.

Charles on the other hand doesn’t have that. Hell jos verstappen praised his talent back in karting and was reportedly saying Charles would make it to f1 one day.

To compare Charles and Lewis in the last two seasons: Charles managed to win 3 races in those two seasons. How many did Lewis win since 2021? Right, none. How many races did max win in 2022 and 2023? 34. How many did Carlos win? 2. Those odds favour the new Ferrari duo massively. Yes Lewis has 7 titles I’m not forgetting that. But just looking at the facts that if you add up the points of Charles and Lewis from 2022 and 2023 Charles beat Lewis as well. Meanwhile max became world champion in those seasons and beat every other driver. Meanwhile Carlos was beaten by all three mentioned drivers. Not a good argument for him.

And let’s not forget this sport is absolutely brutal. And the news of Lewis to Ferrari was leaked and every team involved kind of had to announce what was happening.

And did not something similar to this happen when Carlos signed with Ferrari?

And it’s interesting how many rumours about Charles have been made up from Spanish press. Meanwhile no other countries journalists have started rumours about Carlos like the Spanish do about Charles. I also heard that the news got leaked to the Italian press about Carlos leaving by Spanish media. Makes you wonder doesn’t it? So many things got broken by Spanish media because their sources are either the saint family directly or people close to them. Meanwhile other drivers and their personal teams don’t leak anything to the media.

Not to forget that sainz senior tried putting pressure on Ferrari by talking about how Carlos will leave the team for Audi soon enough. He said that in interviews.

Oh and Carlos never was a team player. He always did things he thought would benefit him. He screwed over Charles multiple times. Even when he was told they are team orders. While Charles complied to them and even did things to benefit Carlos. He never got the same sentiment back. Carlos is a selfish driver and just because the radios of him basically calling out Ferrari and telling them to shove their pit stop in that moment are funny, doesn’t mean he gets his own strategy right. As his fans like to say Carlos is a better strategist than the people on the pit wall. If they truly would be as stupid and incompetent as all fans say, they would have long lost their jobs. I’m not saying they never screw up, but if they were truly as bad at their job they would have long been fired.

And well all this talk about Carlos might leave Ferrari and goes to Audi and the pressure the sainz family tried to put on Ferrari through that was enough for the team and they basically said if you have other teams that want him, fine you can join them! He won’t give him a new contract.

And to be honest my problem with Carlos is his attitude and that he thinks he is the second coming of Christ.

*furiously scribbling down notes in my laboratory journal*

[juliapark13]

jungkook himself admitted in their early debut years that the hyung he feels most comfortable talking to is jimin. jikook have always been close on an emotional, deeper level than taekook ever were. and taekook were close at their early years; closer than they were in 2016-2020.

tkkrs say that jikook started doing fan service in what? 2015? 2016? when they (not) so 'suddenly' became closer and jk stopped pushing jimin away in front of cameras? ok then explain to me why jk has been sneaking into jimin's bed at night prior to 2015, even when him and taehyung were supposedly closer? why did jk go to jimin for comfort or when he needed a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear to talk to, when tae was right there and they were supposedly the bestest friends at the time? or was teenager kook a liar doing fanservice at that time too?

i'll give you a hint, tae and jk are not on the same emotional wavelength. their friendship is superficial, they have fun playing together, hanging out with friends together. similar to jinkook i would say, minus the age gap. but when they (in this case, jungkook) need to really talk to someone, or just bask in the comfort of someone's proximity, they go to jimin. both of them.

jungkook used to sneak into jimin's bed as a teenager, he found the most comfort from talking to jimin. he feels the most connected to jimin on stage (his words from 2020 interview) and he still sneaks into jimin's room (2021 vmk vlive) past midnight and multiple times a day just sitting there doing nothing. it's almost like *gasp* he feels comforted by having jimin in his proximity!

almost every weverse live he did this year he looked... lonely. like he had a lot on his mind and didn't have someone to talk to. (if you're an empath that was easy for you to see) but tae was available, they went out all the time (with friends) and yet... jungkook came back home feeling empty, having a lot on his mind, and can only be comforted by army's presence (he said this himself i'm not making shit up). he spent 3 hours live wth armys on white day, and even cried at the end, but tae was in korea at the time. his mood was sour on the premiere day live, he spent over 15 minutes in silence, he didn't wanna look at the comments, he even got pissed at the aurora lights and turned them off; even though he was with tae a few hours prior. why couldn't he just talk to tae about whatever it is that was bothering him? how are armys, that he can only communicate with through a screen, gonna offer him more comfort than his supposed best friend (or boyfriend, according to tkkrs)?

i don't think i have to tell you whose comfort he actually needed at the time but that person—coincidentally—wasn't in korea on both occasions.

jk looked much brighter in his last live though, he looked happy, healthy, eating good, working out (again, his words), he even had his lights on! both the regular ones and the aurora lights! which is a rare sight to see. he did this live a day after his comfort person left korea, so as usual he came to hangout out with his second best. army. it's crazy what having an emotional connection with someone can do to your mental health.

FACTS

Thank you.

But I think Jungkook and Jin are emotionally closer than tk.

Jungkook and Jimin have unmatched emotional connection. ♡

[5and3nevermind]

Sorry, I'm lost. I heard that Nervermind's tattoo is from a Nirvana song.

Why would Jimin tattoo Nirvana's nevermind song? He's already mentioned this song as one of his favorites? (I'm new to the fandom, sorry if you've already answered that question).

And my God! how much noise just because of a tattoo, what madness! Why are they so mad about it? LOL

Hi anon! Welcome!

Nirvana’s Nevermind isn’t a song; it’s their second album, which was released in 1991.

Jimin has never talked about his tattoo and what it is referencing, but I am not aware of any evidence to suggest that it has to do with the Nirvana album, nor have I ever heard Jimin talk about that album being special to him. (Of course, it’s possible I missed something. If so, please feel free to send it my way.) Anyone stating definitively that the tattoo is about the album is speculating (and working really hard to disconnect the tattoo from Yoongi’s song).

Anything is possible, but we have to weigh the evidence we do have regarding the tattoo (and of course all of these things come from official content, meaning Jimin shared this knowingly)…

1. Jimin wore “nevermind” henna during a BTS performance in 2014. If the henna was about the Nirvana album rather than foreshadowing of an upcoming BTS song, why would he do that? Why combine that henna with another henna that said “HYYH” and was absolutely BTS foreshadowing? To me, it seems more likely that the henna is about Yoongi’s song than about the Nirvana album, in this context. ☑️

2. Less than a year later, in Nov 2015, Intro: Never Mind was released. In the book Beyond the Story (2022), the song was discussed and Yoongi stated that it was very specific to his motorcycle accident in which he injured his shoulder years ago.

3. Jimin got a tattoo in late 2018 that looked almost exactly like the 2014 henna, to the point that many fans at first assumed it was henna again. However, as time went by, it became clear that Jimin had gotten a permanent tattoo. So, we can assume that the meaning of “nevermind” in 2018 was the same as it was in 2014, right? A new meaning would likely lead to a new look/style of tattoo. If it was unlikely for Jimin to reference the Nirvana album in 2014, it would still be unlikely later. ☑️

4. Jimin has mentioned his preference for Intro: Never Mind. He has also said it’s the one song that most reminds him of Yoongi. ☑️

5. When Yoongi discussed writing Intro: Never Mind at Festa 2021, Jimin smiled and pointed to his tattoo. This indicates to me a connection between the tattoo and the song. ☑️

6. In the SMF pt 2 music video, Jimin wore a shirt with a cut-out/hole strategically placed so that his tattoo was visible. SMF pt 2 was titled in such a way because Yoongi had released a song called Set Me Free in 2020. So, we have the tattoo that’s the title of Yoongi’s 2015 song in a music video named after Yoongi’s 2020 song? Imagine the coincidence if the tattoo was about the Nirvana album instead. What would the odds be of that? Astronomical, I’d say. ☑️

7. In the SGMB music video, released just a few months ago, we see the Never Mind references continue with the inclusion of a blue butterfly. (A blue butterfly appeared in the HYYH Never Mind comeback trailer, released in 2015). We also see two birth flowers in the music video: one for October (Jimin) and one for March (Yoongi). ☑️

Part of the reason some people get so upset about a tattoo is because deep down they know the significance of this. There are some people in the fandom who can’t even admit that Jimin and Yoongi are close, that they’re friends. So, Jimin holding a special place in his heart for Yoongi’s song—which he wrote, produced, and performed—is contradictory to their beliefs.

[katareyoudrilling]

Hi Kat

'Shared Document' has its Fan Fiction Birthday on 28th August 🎂

Happy birthday!

Tell us something about that fic, anything you like, and we'll help blow out the candles and wish it many happy returns!

You can save this ask until the actual date or reply whenever you like.

Omg, really?? It’s been two years??

It feels longer ago, honestly lol

To celebrate Shared Document’s birthday, I’ll tell the true story that inspired it…

In early 2021, I had just started writing smut and just started falling for the one and only Pedro Pascal. We were still a year away from me joining tumblr. Also, I was in my second year as treasurer for my kid’s elementary school PTA (don’t worry, we weren’t *that* kind of PTA)

One day, I’m just minding my business when I get an email from another PTA board member. The email says “Katie, what’s this?” followed by a couple of sentences from something I was writing.

I’m sure you can all imagine the full body panic that took over me. I immediately wrote her back explaining that I had taken up “creative writing” over the pandemic and it was from something I wrote (the sentences weren’t explicit but it was pretty clear what type of thing they were from). I apologized profusely and said how I had no idea how I could have emailed that to her.

She responded back that it was ok and not to worry, but that I hadn’t emailed it her… I had put those sentences in a shared google doc she had sent out the night before

☠️☠️☠️

Cue hyperventilating.

Here’s what happened— she was getting everyone in a leadership role with the PTA to fill out our job descriptions in a Google sheet so that we could start recruiting volunteers for the next school year. I had quickly filled in my responsibilities and remember doing some cut/pasting and the doc being weird about it. Turns out I had cut those sentences from my fic earlier in the day and had accidentally pasted them in the doc.

I was MORTIFIED. She had deleted it from the doc but I was able to see who had been in the document during the time it was there… and it wasn’t just me. No one ever said anything, but I was panicked for a while. She ended up moving out of our district that summer and I haven’t seen her since, which is a shame, I really liked her. She did say that she would like to read more, so I sent her Reunion later that year when I finished it and she enjoyed it.

I was able to laugh about the whole incident pretty quickly and knew it would make a great story one day. Fast forward to spring of 2022– I am finishing my time on the PTA board, we have resumed in-person meetings, and I have been on tumblr for a few months. Four of us go out for drinks after a PTA meeting and start talking pandemic hobbies. I revealed mine. They all wanted to read my stuff but I wasn’t sure they were ready for it. (I didn’t tell the shared document story until I was officially done with the PTA and then only to a few people. It definitely got a good laugh and some dropped jaws when I did)

My writing is an open secret now among my extended friend group. My closest friends (2 of which were at that table when I shared my pandemic hobby. That night was in many ways the start of our friendship) have read some of my stuff and so have some who weren’t there that night.

The third at the table wanted to read but he is a dad and I told him I wouldn’t send smut to another woman’s husband lol, but if he had his wife ask me, I would send it to her and she could decide. That hasn’t happened yet lol. She and I are getting to be friends now and I can’t imagine him admitting to her that he knew about my hobby years ago and wanted to read it. He told me he tried to find my tumblr, but as you all know finding anything on tumblr is a fools errand. He’s never going to find and I don’t think he’s tried since right after that night.

I wanted to use the story as the base of a fic but really struggled with how to do it until one day I had the idea that became Shared Document! The story is a funny one for me, but reader gets a much more satisfying ending 😏

Thanks for helping me celebrate!

[mischas]

hi, i just finished season 3 after avoiding the show for almost a year (pure dread @ knowing what happens) because going pages-deep into your blog made me remember how much joy i got from these characters. i started watching in 2021, and always came back to your page because you care so deeply for Marissa's arc, Mischa's self-advocacy as an actress, and the heart this show has despite it's bizarrely evil showrunner/crew. i learned how awful the work environment was for Mischa through your posts, and it makes the s3 finale 50x more devastating. but you & your mutuals have created a lovely little community for The OC, safe from the weird fandom/cultural misogyny around Marissa, and i just wanted to say thank u!

Hi sweetheart just know this message made me cry when I read it the other day lol 😭😭 In a very nice, good way of course. So thank you for sending this in!! I'm so, so glad that Marissa fans can find a little nook of comfort over here after all these years. I know it's a comfort to me. It's such a shitty feeling when the thing you love so much turns out to suck massively. And that most of the people who made it sucked then and suck now too. It's been such a weird few months of revelations. I'm lowkey scared of what the next year holds in that regard. But excited that MB's opened the lid on some stuff.

It made me a little sad that you learned so much from this blog when this shit should be blared from megaphones in show-centric spaces, but I'm not surprised. It's been Marissa/Mischa fans vs the world since 2003, tbh, and I'm really not exaggerating. I'm glad that people can pick up on things I say plainly and the other stuff underneath too. I acknowledge this is a super, super niche topic and not everyone has the same fixations I do, lmao. But still. This show was a phenomenon. It's essentially why we have the Kardashians in our lives. Perhaps why Bravo is the empire it is today. Why indie rock became mainstream for a time. The core four were on Entertainment Weekly. MB was on nearly every magazine cover imaginable promoting the show. How TPTB fumbled that bag so excellently plays on my mind a lot.

As for how it makes 325 even worse...... yes. I can't even talk about it much. Let alone what they turned it all into after. Another thing I'm scared of learning more of is the decision-making there. Think there are still things that will shock + disgust. Like MB having a sober coach toward the end of her tenure and them making her pretend to do coke on camera. Right before they fire her! Though ofc Stephanie and Josh don't have the balls to do it themselves and Josh can't even face the Bartons on the 325 set. Disgusting people who have only failed upwards and continue to do so. I will never get over this!

[always-rolling-my-eyes]

I don’t know if someone’s already replied because I just saw it now but this is why people are attacking Joe:

Joe and Sophie got together in 2016, when she was 20 and he was 27. After a year of dating, they got engaged. Then, in 2019 Sophie had a big year because both the last season of Game Of Thrones and Dark Phoenix were coming out. That also came with a lot of hate, because both of those were bad but also because Daenerys stans decided to hate on Sophie because they disliked Sansa. They also created fake drama between Emília and Sophie, so she got a lot of hate. Sophie also got a lot of hate from Priyanka stans who kept comparing them.

Through all of this, Sophie mentioned having mental health issues and deleted her twitter account. She also mentioned deleting the Instagram app from her phone.

In 2019, they got married and in early 2020 there were rumors of her being pregnant. The pandemic happened and they had a child. In 2021, she did The Staircase, and then she took another break to have baby number 2. She’s now back to work on a TV show called Joan.

If I remember correctly Joe has been working and touring through a lot of this. So it seems like she had a hard time with her new found fame (she had been famous for years but she became a lot more well known in 2019) and decided to take a step back and start a family with him.

I think it’s worth mentioning that she has said that her family and friends are all in the UK and she was trying to convince Joe to move back there. This year she has been spending a lot of time in the UK, even before she started filming, so I think it’s possible she really wants to move back there.

It all seems a bit tragic to me. She has struggled with depression and an ED throughout her whole life because of GOT, and she’s spent all her 20s dating a man almost 10 years older than her, taking a step back to have his children while he kept working, living far away from her family and friends, etc. and now, when she goes back to the UK and gets back to work, his team (it had to come from there) acts like she abandoned her children and like Joe deserves a gold medal for being a father.

I’m not saying their relationship was toxic, but I do think it maybe wasn’t the healthiest for her. She’s also talked about Joe helping her with her mental health struggles, but maybe that led to some dependency that wasn’t great. Specially since he apparently broke up with her right before they got married because of her mental health. I had misunderstood that interview and I thought she was saying they had broken up for 24 hours right at the beginning of their relationship, but apparently it was right before the wedding in Las Vegas.

All in all, I think Joe shouldn’t have gotten with someone as young as her. I usually don’t mind age differences when both people are in their 20s, but I do think she was probably too young. I think he tried to help with her mental health but I don’t think it was the healthiest. I think she has given up more for him than he has for her. It’s sad that they tried to make her look bad with the divorce news.

I also fully believe the news, but I also believe they could work it out and then fans will pretend it was all fake. But I do believe they’re on the brink of divorce but still willing to work it out if possible. That’s why neither were wearing their rings but now Joe is wearing it again. I think they’re still trying to make it work but they’re also speaking to lawyers.

If they do get a divorce custody will probably get messy, since she’ll probably want to take the kids to the UK and he won’t

Sorry for all of that! I don’t know if it makes any sense!

Wow, I had no idea all of that went on between them and I actually also had no idea of their age difference, that’s a little 😬 especially when combined with her mental health issues. Definitely seems like there was an imbalance of power there (if true, just my opinion)

But it looks like Joe just filed for divorce and I agree with you, I think custody will get messy because every article / report / detail we have seen so far about this break up seems to be coming from his camp and trying to make him look good (agree with you on that completely, as if watching your own kids makes you father of the year 🙄) so he is already on the offense. I just hope their kids don’t suffer as a result of all this but unfortunately, we see how this stuff goes

Thanks for all the info, anon 💗

[bewitched-bullet]

Hi. I've been trying to follow #a scandal in tumblr but I'm still confused.

I've been following the John/Sherlock blogs for about 18 months or so. And in the beginning of my following, both characters seemed like they were posting as if they were both in 2021-2023 (Rosie when mentioned, was portrayed as 6-7 years old, current events were mentioned, etc.). It was mainly John and Sherlock interacting, mostly cases and domestic life type posts. Which was great. It even was entertaining and fun when Mycroft and Greg joined in, especially when it was related to a case. Mrs. Hudson, Rosie, Molly and Jim weren't as fun, and they posted sporadically and didn't add much to the whole experience.

And in the beginning (of when I started following) both John and Sherlock (characters) acted closer to the canon BBC characters, although with some small changes of course (most likely the mods personalities showing through). But while John continued to post as though he was a middle aged dad, working as a doctor, in love with Sherlock and publicly saying as much, and participating in cases, Sherlock started changing (I'm not sure if regressing is the right word?). Focusing more on drugs, acting shocked and disgusted at any mention of sex/attraction, not knowing what well known common slang meant, fighting with anon asks about absolutely nothing and not interacting as much with anyone except John and Jim. Which contradicted how he acted to start on the blog, as well as the canon character. BBC Sherlock was a drug user but didn't constantly talk about or persue drugs, he said he wasn't interested in sex, but he wasn't naive about it (as the comment to Donovan in the first episode about her knees showed, as well as being well aware of what Irene's activities were and what she was blackmailing the royal with), and he wouldn't have hung out with Jim just because he was bored.

The two blogs seemed to be on different pages (as far as the rp went) and it became confusing to follow. I went from a daily reader to weekly or even longer on occasion. Which bummed me out because I had enjoyed it a lot. But 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's just online fun, right?

I come back after a week or so of not reading, to find the whole "break-up" with Sherlock, making it seem like the whole rp blogs were finished and done. Which seemed really odd after the whole "love confession" from Sherlock that John had pinned for like a month. And also a surprise to not only followers but Sherlock as well.

Then all of the further mod drama blowing up, when as far as I remember, there hadn't been any kind of mod/rl posts before about any conflict between them. I honestly don't remember seeing any posts from the mods on the John/Sherlock blogs, ever. As far as I know, that's pretty normal for rp blogs, at least the few I've ever read. Mod interaction happened by DM/messaging/Discord etc.

I did send a few asks to both characters over the time that I followed, as myself and anonymous at times, but didn't really get super involved. I've never communicated with the characters or mods other than the asks. So it seemed weird that when all of this drama started, I get a message from the John mod, telling me how the other characters mods are trying to destroy his blog, threatening him, trying to turn his followers against him, and how it was ruining their life. Asking me to post support for him. I didn't know what to respond as I didn't and don't have a clue as to what's going on behind the scenes. So I didn't. I really don't understand who is who that is involved in all of this, (blogs/mods, Dump, Greg mod, etc), and not informed enough to "pick a side".

I appreciate that you are trying to clear the confusion up for everyone that enjoyed the blogs, and bring to light any bullying that is going on. I really don't have a dog in the fight, I was just here for the fun, and I don't know enough about either mod to have an opinion on whose the bully.

Just sharing a POV from a casual fan and how extremely weird this whole thing is. 😊

PS I do enjoy your blog and interactions that were on the Sherlock blog before. The puzzles and mysteries were interesting!

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I think I started following in…October? Right around the time I broke my back and had nothing else to do but be bed-bound and twiddle my thumbs. I wish I had more knowledge on how tumblr works so I can better assist folks in navigating the search. The best I can suggest, to get chronological order of the journey, is to scroll my page till you hit, I think, March 4th or 5th. And I posted, wtf happened—I was gone over in left field, minding my business and I come back and shit had hit the fan.

That’s when I received my first ask to go back and look, so I went to town on some digging.

And god, it was confusing, sus, and at first just some light observations and criticisms on how to run a role play (am an active DM and I agree with your assessment ). When I created the tab #a scandal in tumblr, it was supposed to be a tongue in cheek reference to the Sherlock Holmes case A Scandal in Belgravia. But then it took a turn and the tag was no longer tongue in cheek.

Anywho, I am sorry that a mod attempted to personally get you to “chose a side.” That had to be a 🤨 moment.

I don’t expect you (or anyone) to enter a dog into the fight (save that puppy), just to simply observe and make an informed decision that best fits you. I certainly don’t expect people to be like me. I may be intelligent but I’m a dummy for willing painting a target on my back. And wouldn’t want anyone else to do this. (Though I do appreciate my dark “acolytes” ™️ by harriett mod)

I’m glad you have enjoyed my small corner of the inter-webs and my little 20 question mysteries. Once this is over, I hope I can make things enjoyable again…after I eat some grass and touch some food.

[acourtofthought]

I love your blog. I'm a huge fan of Elucien and I look forward to their story, although, I admit I do not think their book is next. Selfishly, I'd love both books back to back, but I know Sarah does not write as quickly as she once did, now that she has a growing family. I sure miss the TOG/early ACOTAR days. YES, Elucien are in in the book and SJM plots major seeds of their future in ACOSF, but in terms of the plot in "present" terms, Azriel, Nessian and the Valkyrie make most sense in the chain of events. Sarah said Nesta's story is not over and it make most sense now that we know she will have some involvement in CC3, the 8 point star was always a huge clue, and because she has a budding friendship with Az, and Az may be Gwyn's mate, her story would continue in a Gwynriel book, not an Elucien book. It just seems SJM main focus right now is the crossover and the characters most likely involved. Of course, we have yet to read the book and Elucien could be involved, not sure how, SF made it obvious they'd go to spring court and travel, but we never know. I'd be ecstatic if we got some elucien clues.

SJM is managing a lot of characters' a lot of plots, it not unheard off to put some initial favorites and plots "on hold" when new ideas come to mind.

I think some people are not ready to admit SJM is favoring other characters and plot lines more right now, it does not mean she does not love Elucien, I'd be so sad if she didn't do them justice, and if I'm being honest with myself, I rather she write their story when she is inspired and focused on THEM vs this crossover! Gwynriel make sense in the crossover, she set up the leg work for them to be involved, so I can envision it. Whereas Elucien, I just can't right now. I get what you're saying about how would Elucien be set up in a Gwynriel book, well, that is kinda why I think the rumors of a novella could be true, one to set up a tandem. But if not, I can still see Gwynriels book next, a Novella of some sort, then Elucien, but she is signed up for more books, so things could change.

But just given her recent interviews its night and day how she talks about Az. All she said about Elain recently was we'd see some form of her, and she did not sound excited at all, I think she was annoyed and not personal about Elain, but still, the interviews promoting ACOSF, before and after, she was overjoyed talking about Az. She specified his crumbs. If it was Elain and Lucien, I'd imagine she'd start to tease and hype readers, not keep it so secretive while talking about someone else, it makes no sense. When has an author ever kept the next main characters from conversation and major present plot lines?

He just seems to be a character she's grown attached to recently, maybe because she was able to write him into some of these CC3 plot lines, because you are right, before he did not have any major plots outside loving Mor in the triology! He seems to be the perfect candiante to work into the crossover and maybe that is when expanding his character and wanting to tell his story grew! She's done it before, she originally only planned for Chaol to have a short novella but she was so excited to tell his story it became a novel, he met the love of his life and I think it is some of her best work, even though it delayed KOA. I kinda look at Elucien as KOA.

With all that, if we do get an Elucien book next I would be happy! Like I said I love Elucien, Elucien was my first fave ship aside from Feysand, so I've been looking forward to their story for a very long time, so it is a win win for me no matter what, but if you held a gun to my head and asked me who's book I think is next, it is Gwynriel just given recent interviews since 2021 and the books right now.

I think you're in good company and that's what a lot of Elucien's / Gwynriels also feel so there's a good chance I'm the one viewing this all wrong. I won't bore you with all the ways I see it differently because I know I've done that with a lot of my recent posts. And I do see where the Gwynriel as ACOTAR 5 arguments come from, I'm not going to sit here and pretend they aren't completely valid. Really, it's a me issue. When something doesn't add up in my mind, I become very fixated on it, trying to twist it and view it from every which way until it all makes sense to me. And when I take at all the info, past interviews and plotlines, and add into it what we know of Elain as sort of this "mystery" as well as the only female to have a bond immediately snap, Elucien next and Gwynriel setting up the next round of ACOTAR books related to the crossover is how my puzzle pieces finally come together. But, the way my brain works is not any more valid than the way someone else's brain works (it's just different). And there's a good chance that SJM's thought process is more in line with what the masses are thinking and I'll end up the odd one out. I'm ok with that though. I want to put out my ideas just in case but if I'm wrong, it's no big thing and I'll be happy for everyone who ended up predicting it correctly.

[icharchivist]

wait crotchery again what do you mean gbf is an adults only game, i thought it was just some character collect-n-battle kind of thing?? am i missing something here

I meant by that that the rating had changed from Teens and Up to Mature in the app store basically.

GBF is still a Gacha RPG Visual Novel first and foremost. you go through a main story and side stories event in Visual Novel form, you have to fight battles to get further into the plot, and to collect items that'd make you stronger, and for that you need to collect the gacha characters who each have features to approach the fights in the game.

The change in rating was done because GBF became increasingly more gore as the years went by and eventually started to tackle more and more serious subject. Sexuality is not the main reason of the rating going up, but it sure didn't help.

When GBF started back in 2014 it was rated Teen And Ups. In events from 2014 to 2018 the gorest you'll get is like, if someone gets stabbed their sprite will tremble and the description will tell you a quick thing about what's going on. Sexually speaking we had characters like Metera who were extremely flirty and would moan to fluster you but that's a bit standards even by gacha standards.

in 2018 What Makes the Sky Blues part 2 came out, with a huge gamble: Visually showing a major character death by showing his beheaded head, and having Belial as a major antagonist while he is always talking about sex. Even the English translation actually toned down his speech by a lot. ("so you're here for the sodomy?" was translated "oh you're ready to get down and dirty with me?" for example).

It was a major gamble at the time that was extremely well received by fans and it encouraged the company to do more and more as time went by. Villains introduced since Belial have had a tendency to be trying even more of the edge to see how far they can get away with. Gore scenes are visually illustrated on the screen as vividly as possible for a Visual Novel. Beheading, and such.

It culminated eventually in 2021 when the character of Ferdinand was introduced, a cannibal abuser and groomer who moans everytime something goes his way. (a throughout explanation of Ferdinand can be found here). At the same time, Lobelia (a serial killer who has orgams everytime he tortures people because he gets off on the sounds of screamings. he's a friend btw.) got a summer skin in which tapping on the screen will have you hear a woman screaming to her death as she's eaten by sharks.

I think those were two of the major points which had the censors especially decide to do something (especially the Lobelia thing that actually was quite the scandal at the time), though technically it's been a while since this type of things have been going on in the game. (it just that it was quite the timing, i think the rating really went up a few weeks after Lobelia's skin came out and a couple month after Ferdinand was introduced/right before he became a major focus also).

And that's when the app stores all decided to raise the content from Teen And Up to Mature, specifically, +17 people.

So at least it's Rated so that young players shouldn't play GBF.

GBF is mostly a browser game though (the app is only available in Japan but genuinely it's easier to play on browser, both on computer and on phone), so it's not really something Granblue concerned themselves with.

But as it is, the moment they had their rating raising, they kinda went, well, fuck it, if our attempts at being PG are not good enough, then YOLO.

And it's when we started to have extremely sexual units and arts. Summer Belial's crotch. Valentine Wilnas's ass. Yukata Ilsa or Yukata Narmaya.

So what i meant by adult game is in the sense that the rating is actually not recommanded for teens, and that the game is going ham to prove it, but it's mostly in question of gore and questionable content. Sexual stuff are still also a reason but it's actually not the major reason for it all.

But. We know for a fact it all started with Belial. he was considered the riskiest move from the company they almost scrapped him at the time. but since he was so well received, they decided to keep pulling those risks and here we are now.

And that's what you missed on granblue fantasy o7