#i have no insightful meta analysis or anything

[raspberrybluejeans]

pacing around my house like a caged animal thinking about taako and lup and barry

[rosebridal]

narrative foil antagonism at its best

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x01 - A Diamond of the First Water (Part 1)

An Introduction

Dearest Gentle Reader... ;)

Well, okay, looks like there a good handful of you for this idea! Yay!

I did want to preface this with a couple of notes first, though if you want to skip to the show meta, head straight for the 'read more' below...

My intention with this project is to explore the individual stories as well as the romantic relationship between Penelope Featherington (who is my favorite character on the show) and Colin Bridgerton. So, I'll be looking at every episode of the entire show and kind of go through their character arcs with a fine tooth comb. The first two seasons I plan on batching scenes together while Season 3 might end up almost scene by scene because it is so rich and dense with story.

The whole point is that I enjoy meta and media analysis and breaking down stories and looking at stories from every angle possible. I am usually pretty positive, but that doesn't mean even my favorites are not exempt from a critical eye from time to time. And I'm not hesitant to explore character, story, and production flaws when discussing things. I do, however, try to remain respectful.

While this is primarily Pen and Colin focused, I'll probably still end up opinioning on other things I like as well (and do have respect for other characters and ships on the show).

The only book I've read is The Duke and I. I don't plan on doing any book to tv analysis, but I do hope to get through Romancing Mister Bridgerton before I get to Season 3 so I can point out Easter Eggs.

I'm also no historical scholar. So, probably won't be doing any kind of historical analysis either. Sorry.

I'm a multi-fandom blog, and have lots of projects I'm working on, so I plan on rotating through them. Plus, I have a full time job and family and friends, which means please be patient as I work on the project. It's a labor of love! But maybe a slower one. <3

Not here to discuss the actors', creators', crew, etc's personal lives. While I may put in a tiny BTS tidbit I've picked up, I have no intention or desire to talk about anything but the story.

I always enjoy talking with you guys about things, my meta is only one interpretation of what's going on, and I'm always open to discussions! However, I block or ignore any kind of wank, so please be civil. :)

Tag : the lady whistledown papers (in case you want to follow along or black list it away)

Okay, let's dig into some meta!!

Episode 1 : A Diamond of the First Water (Part 1)

So, it may be something that's easily forgotten or overlooked, but the very first thing we hear when we open the show is Lady Whistledown's voice -- which of course, is really Penelope. Since it's the delightful Julie Andrews doing the voice, it doesn't really feel like it's an 18yo girl's commentary about life in the rich part of London society in the early 1800s, but here we are. It's all done to build a bit of mystery around Lady Whistledown.

But what I think is more fascinating is the fact that the show opens -- not with the Bridgertons but the Featheringtons. They are our starting point. They are our dysfunctional family unit that we may closer resemble in our own lives that we get to peek in on before heading over to the esteemed, charming, and seemingly perfect Bridgertons.

The Bridgertons might be the protagonists of the show -- but Lady Whistledown and (by extension) Penelope Featherington is our framing device. She sets up the world, gives us the expository layout of the land and gives us an insight into the world. So it makes sense that we're starting in Penelope's home -- the person, like the audience, who gets to look into the Bridgerton home, but not actually be a part of it (yet).

When we open, we get a great introduction to the Featheringtons, and in a quick few shots - learn a lot about of them.

First of all, the narration -- while I'm not going to take note of every single narration throughout the whole show, it is important to remember that it's Penelope who is ultimately speaking. And when we open the show -- the first thing she does is blast her own family.

Why? Because it's her only way to push back. Look at what's happening in this scene? Prudence is being forced into the tightest corset ever imaginable as Penelope (and Phillipa) look on in horror. Penelope is still young (she is 18yo) and is being thrust into the market earlier than she wants so that her mother can have all of her daughters out in society at the same time.

Unlike what we'll find over at the Bridgerton family household, the Featheringtons are ruled by a seemingly iron fisted mother who only wants her daughters to marry rich so she can retain her lifestyle and place in society while her father is uninterested in anything other than himself.

Later in season 3, she'll mention that this particular issue is her first issue. So, it's no surprise that she starts writing just as she's coming into society. It's her way of coping and her way of expressing herself. But, I'll also remind everyone, while she is incredibly savvy at her craft, she's also still so young, and not entirely aware of the power she's going to wield.

As for Pen herself -- she's genuinely concerned about her older sister. We don't get a sense of their dynamic yet, but at least we get to see Penelope's kind hearted nature. Prudence looks like she's being down right tortured by her 'tasteless, tactless' mama. And nothing about this is appealing to Penelope.

(As an aside -- this also sets up a couple of things for the show -- for one, throwing us into the historical nature of the show, as well as adding a slight bit of comedy to the over-the-topness of Portia's insistence. The show is telling us that, yeah, there are crude and unpleasant things going on, but we're not taking ourselves too seriously, so neither should you.)

Next, we shift over to the Bridgerton household, but I want to point out something first... Notice how the Featherington door knocker from earlier was much more adorned and intricate? The Featheringtons are more concerned with status and money and appearing as if they're better off than they really are, while the Bridgertons don't need nor want to show off in the same way. It's a neat little detail.

Also, the bee imagery for the Bridgertons always is amusing. Symbol of death there ;) In case you were wondering - the Featherington symbol is the butterfly.

So, it's important to note that the Featheringtons are the next door neighbors of the Bridgertons, and it's of no surprise that Penelope would, after disparaging her own family, turn her attention to the family that has captivated her most of her life.

Okay, I kind of love these paintings as an introduction to the Bridgertons. (Are there ones for Gregory and Hyacinth?) I think it's a fun touch to the whole historical setting of the show. And it makes them look as if they're these frozen, idyllic pictures and who are not exactly real. Which is great when combined with the Lady Whistledown dialogue going on how wonderfully attractive they are - because it sets us just slightly apart from them.

Like I said above - Penelope is on the outside, and as we move in, so are we, but we get to finally move in to see real people behind the paintings. (Also - omg, the look on Eloise's face is priceless and I love it)

Also. A+ casting, guys. I really believe they're all related. ;)

I also love the juxtaposition that when we first hear the Bridgertons talking, unlike their perfect, picture-esque counterparts in the paintings, we get Eloise complaining. (Look, I love Eloise a lot -- and she's the third in this crazy triangle, so we'll be talking a bit about her, too.) We also get a bit of chaos as the camera descends the stairs, with Gregory running around them and the banter between the sisters.

It's all great, quick character set up as each of the Bridgerton siblings gets a little beat in this sequence.

And... we get our first glimpse at Colin!

And here's the thing about Colin. He's the third son. Anthony may not be around at the very moment, but he's very much a father figure to a lot of them and is in a different place being the oldest and actual Lord of the Estate. His role is much different. And then there's Benedict - who is that second in command while Anthony is away. Benedict, though is the artsy one and the experimental one and is a bit more aloof in nature. Which brings us to Colin... Who doesn't have the same set in stone sense of purpose Anthony does nor the happiness of just floating through life the way Benedict does.

And so, this scene has a couple of tidbits to kind of illustrate his place in this huge household. He's says he'll go get Daphne (who is currently hiding out in her room, and whom everyone has been arguing about). Colin does like having purpose, and does like to help whenever he can.

And then there's his banter with Benedict about how he's better liked by Daphne than him. It's a great little moment, not only the show again allowing to us to know that we should not be taking this historical show too seriously, not only showing us the beloved sibling antics (which -- i really love all the sibling dynamics in this show), but also showing that Colin has a bit of a cheeky side, and isn't afraid to bring a bit a levity to the situation when he can.

Also, a tiny tidbit in relation to the book, Colin and Daphne (being close in age) are rather close in the book. We don't necessarily see it in the show due to the nature of wanting to highlight Anthony more, but I feel like these lines are a little nod to that, too.

Of course, then, Eloise screams at the top of her lungs, which is a moment I still laugh at. I love that while Benedict's jaw is dropped, Colin is entirely amused by her, as I'm sure she livens the entire household up.

We get both households coming out of their houses, and we get this sweet little moment where we see that, not only are they neighbors, but Penelope and Eloise know each other and are friends.

I love that Penelope is so overjoyed to be looking over to the Bridgertons that she kind of freezes in excitement and has to be ushered along.

Also as the camera pulls back, we see Eloise reading a Lady Whistledown pamphlet! The first time we see someone do so!

You guys remember Disney's Sleeping Beauty? There's a moment when they enter the castle the three good fairies are announced. The dude who announces the Featherington sisters reminds me of that -- introducing Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather! (Don't even come at me, it's my favorite Disney movie)

Anyway... we get LW's narration that this is a pivotal moment for London society at the time -- when the girls are presented to the Queen and enter the marriage mart. Basically, it's a coming of age for young women. And while Prudence might have the most embarrassing moment by fainting (I mean - who's to blame her, really) Penelope looks so awkward going out there -- before her time, really not emotionally ready, and just not graceful in the way that the other girls, including even her sisters, just are.

Okay, so it's not really our first Polin moment, but there is a pseudo moment buried in here.

But first - I want to acknowledge that Penelope, feeling out of place, and at ill-ease with her surroundings, throws a glance over to Eloise. I love Eloise's truly perplexed look as she watches her friend go through something that neither of them really want -- as if trying to grapple how any of this is real. Penelope and Eloise's bond is incredibly important to both their characters and the show (and is something I enjoy as much as I love all the Polin).

As for Colin standing over there in the corner... No, there's not really anything to pull out here. But! There is going to be a moment in season 3, when Colin is writing in his journal, where it's clear that he's thinking about this moment, and describing watching her as she heads towards the queen. It's a cute callback to this moment, and even if we don't really see it -- it's still there. He's still noticing her, even if it's very, very subtly.

LW continues her narration about how important the Queen's opinion is of the ladies of society, and how important it is to make a good impression. But fascinatingly, Penelope is too busy looking at the ceilings and being in awe of her surroundings to really take notice of what the Queen is doing. She's a bit, understandably, shocked. (and another great comedic moment as Portia kind of knocks her back into focusing.)

It's great for setting the atmosphere of the show, but also allowing us, through Penelope, to take in our surroundings and be in awe of what we're witnessing.

It's also, I'll add, to be an awkward contrast to when Daphne comes in and is completely flawless in her entrance. Penelope is our side character. She's not our main character. And main characters are supposed to have a level of perfection to them. (Or so we're been accustomed to believe.) I think one thing I'm happy to see on the show is that, while we're still going to get a lot of romance story tropes, the show does try to dismantle a few of the stereotypes as we go along.

Also, two quick smaller notes... we don't really get to see Colin's reaction to Daphne -- Anthony and the sister are too in the way, and he doesn't have much of a discernable reaction when we do see him. And, the narration makes note that Daphne is going to burn quickly, which honestly made me laugh a little.

And.... that takes us up to the credits! Which is where I'll be stopping for now. Since this is the first episode and an introduction to the world, there's actually lot of both Penelope and Colin in it, so there's a lot to go through... stay tuned ;)

[adachimoe]

Hello! Fairly recent follower here who has been rabidly consuming your various post about P4/Adachi. Thank you for sharing so many cool scans/resources and for providing insightful analysis! I was wondering, have you ever written up anything about Adachi's relationship with Dojima and Nanako--and if not, would you mind sharing your thoughts? I keep seeing people say he doesn't actually care which is kind of wild to me!

Hi there! Glad you enjoy the content!

To date, I've only posted about his relationship with Nanako and Dojima once before, and it's a breakdown of the brief line when he first introduces himself to Nanako and the protagonist at the Dojima house.

This line was unfortunately completely different in English. The line was rewritten, the delivery is very flat and unplayful; Adachi sounds more like he feels threatened/scared of Dojima. But the Japanese voice acting and what he's saying (pretending to be Dojima's wife lol) and the situation made me feel that, even in April, Adachi must have had some level of rapport with Dojima.

Like you, I've also seen some insane shit. E.g. "At the hospital, I bet Adachi leans over Dojima's bed and whispers about how he hopes Nanako dies"??? What the hell that is an insane take LMAO. I've also seen people say that Adachi's arc in Arena Ultimax and what he says about Dojima in his narration means that Adachi got "woobified". Which, like, what?

Honestly, a lot of this also seems to go hand in hand with people not understanding the plot of Persona 4. Some people walk away from this game thinking that Adachi is the one who put Nanako into the TV (???), or that Adachi "picked" Nanako to be on the TV and thus targeted by Namatame (???). Thus, they interpret him to be more antagonistic towards Dojima and Nanako. Persona fans are not beating the "can't read, didn't play the game" allegations.

I think Adachi's relationship with Dojima and Nanako in the games can be described as, "Not really understanding what you have until it's too late". It's not something he necessarily sought out (e.g. he wants to be a hotshot detective with a hot wife, not "Dojima's Bud"), so he takes it for granted. After you beat up Adachi in the TV World and bring him out to Junes, his expression and inability to say anything when he finds out that Dojima hasn't completely given up on him really speaks for itself. And this continues into Arena Ultimax.

The 2010 Persona 4 audio drama also helps build upon his relationship with Dojima and Nanako. He is involved (and even pats himself on the back for his participation lol), yet at the same time, he also un-includes himself: When he tells the protagonist that he helped Dojima *spend time with his family*, it's like he is putting up a boundary between himself and them, counting himself outside of their family circle.

Golden further builds on this with his Social Link and his new interactions with Nanako. He clearly cares enough to watch his mouth around Nanako, catching himself before he says something that might upset her. Plus the extended letter he sends at the end, he really does spell out that, "Wow I kinda miss you all now huh funny how that works".

And if you've not seen it yet, the Adachi Q&A from the Stalker Club has some meta answers from Atlus regarding why Adachi took to Dojima when he first came to Inaba. I get the impression that Adachi is not a person who has many people that care about him, or feels like there aren't many. Thus the gestures Dojima showed him -- especially after a low point in his life, having been transferred to a small city and all -- probably meant a lot to him.

If you follow the line of thought about Adachi's cat / mouse game being bullshit, his real goal being ruining Namatame's life, and him not ever watching the Midnight Channel, then Adachi's Social Link seems complimentary to the sequence of events on November 5th.

Under this lens, it would mean that Adachi doesn't know Nanako was on TV, and he understands (or has assumed) that the Investigation Team have been saving people but he doesn't quite know the precise details. Naoto calls and reveals that Nanako is gone. Adachi shows some hesitancy towards Dojima jumping to action, and he's hesitant to let the Investigation Team go. But he does eventually cave and lets them leave. Not just because he wants them to find Namatame (which would be beneficial to him), but also because he now understands what's happened and knows that Nanako is in danger.

On the flip side, I'm not huge on the Golden anime's depiction of Adachi which puts a great deal of emphasis on his relationship with the Dojima family. While his relationship with them is certainly an undeniably important part of his character in general, the Golden anime changes his character in a way that I don't vibe with.

"Adachi willingly goes into the TV World without being exposed as the murderer due to feeling guilty about Nanako getting involved" is a very different character than "Dipshit suffocating in society while trying to get away with murder so he can still belong to society". Really, the Society!! thing, and how he just seems to feel stuck in the adult world; not advancing but not removing himself either, is a major factor as to why I like his character, and I feel that aspect of him was completely removed/downplayed/something for the anime.

Like, I found these 3 panels from the Persona 4 manga (which also adds in some emphasis on Adachi's relationship with Dojima and Nanako) to be more effective and poignant than whatever the Golden anime was trying to do. Even just the top panel by itself tells a story that someone might be able to discern things from without knowing anything about Persona 4. It is absolutely possible to depict this aspect of Adachi without fundamentally rewiring him.

Anyway this got long lol. Thanks for the ask!

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Hello! Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language-...

Soo... I'm kinda new in fandom (I watched full AoT in April 2024) but I wanna know more abt Eruri. I read all page in shipping wiki about Eruri and some of smartpass au (but... Not much). But I'm Still unsure. Is there anything you would recommend to read from official/canonical things? Idk-... I JUST WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING ABT ERURI😭😭😭

I'd like ANY recommendations, it would really help me 👉🏼👈🏼

Thanks!!!

Hello and a very warm, if belated, welcome to the Eruri fandom!  Your English is perfect, no need to apologise at all.  The good news is that there is a HUGE archive of Eruri meta and information here on tumblr that fans have created over the years.  A lot of it is old now, because it was written at the time the manga was being published, but that doesn’t make it any less relevant, quite the opposite in fact! There is a treasure trove of canon information and analysis here that some newer fans may not be aware of.  I have an old Eruri Starter Pack post and also a Meta Rec post, some of the blogs recommended here are no longer active but it’s well worth browsing through their archives.  

My own meta is tagged Eruri Relationship,  Erwin Meta,  Levi Meta. Other people’s meta that I’ve reblogged is tagged Amazing Meta.   @tsuki-no-ura is the most active meta blogger on tumblr these days.  They are incredibly generous, patient and insightful with their translation skills. Diving into their blog is endlessly fascinating and educational. @momtaku’s blog is still one of the most comprehensive in the fandom and all her posts are tagged and organised.  @yusekni translated a lot of the supplementary material such as the Smartpass stories, guidebooks and fan Q&A’s.  Don’t miss the Smartpass Erwin and Levi Up Close interviews (part 1 / part 2). @ningen-suki also shared a lot of great information from the Japanese side of the fandom. @erbeansandravioli’s Eruri Receipts post is very old now, but it’s still a great source. 

If you haven’t already read the SnK and ACWNR mangas, read them now! Erwin and Levi’s relationship has so much more depth and nuance than in the anime.  I can also highly recommend reading the official Answers book and Character Encyclopaedia which include key information from Isayama himself about Erwin and Levi’s characters, motivations and relationship.

Hopefully that will keep you occupied for a while! If you're looking for anything in particular, or you've got any questions, please don't hesitate to ask ♡

[drconstellation]

Dr Constellation's Good Omens Master Post of Metas

(Updated 4 June 2024)

See my Google Doc for a full list of Tumblr posts of interest.

Future Echos of the Past

The story of the Great War in Heaven as it appears in the present

#1: The Great War of Tadfield Manor #2: The Newton/Crowley Mirror/Parallel in S1 #3: "Not Even At Gunpoint"

Archangel Gabriel

Supreme Archangel Gabriel often stands on the demonic left-hand side in scene blocking, rather than the angelic right. He’s also fond of taking center stage! Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S1 Study S2 Study Part 1: Ep.1 The Arrival and Ep. 2 The Clue S2 Study Part 2: Ep.3 I Know Where I'm Going and Ep. 5 The Ball S2 Study Part 3: Ep.6 Every Day First-Order Archangels Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel

Gabriel and Crowley act as both parallels and foils to each other in S2. In Part 1 we look at some of the ways they are alike.

First-Order Archangels Part 2: Foils of War

Part 2 takes a look at where Gabriel and Crowley oppose one another, as well as highlighting some parallels between their respective partners, Beelzebub and Aziraphale.

First-Order Archangels Part 3: Seeing Eye To Eye

Gabriel and Crowley both have an interesting connection to time.

The Assistant Book Seller

Jim’s knitted vest holds a wealth of symbolic information - and a surprise nod that you didn’t expect.

Giles the Herald

An interesting parallel to Gabriel at the end of S1.

Aziraphale's Edinburgh Journey

Part 1: Detective Aziraphale

One of the reasons Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh is because it is a narrative parallel to Crowley’s trip to Heaven. There are also a couple of other things we need to consider, too.

Part 2: Aziraphale-Beelzebub Parallels

While Gabriel is Crowley’s mirror in S2, Beelzebub is Aziraphale’s. And there is a third character that makes an interesting mirror-triangle analysis that combines and reflects both major characters together as well.

Part 3: Stocktaking in the Basement

Aziraphale does a lot of reflection about the past while he’s on his trip to Edinburgh. How can this help him in the future?

Part 4: Judgement Day

Aziraphale's trip to Edinburgh - and most of S2 - is filled with hints and references to the Second Coming. Gabriel's statue is one of them, but it has another role as well (and it's not for hiding anything under, sorry.)

Part 5: I Know Where I'm Going

Named after a Powell and Pressburger film, and an old Scottish folk song, this title sets the theme for Ep. 3 in S2. It's a discussion about Fate versus Free Will, the dangers of trying to escape fate, and looking at things from a different angle.

Archangel Rings

All the Archangels have golden rings, as well as Aziraphale. Find out what they reveal about each character.

The Golden Lions of Heaven (includes Aziraphale's Lion ring) Michael the Watchful Uriel's Star Ring The Brutal Truth about Sandalphon's Ring

A Companion to Owls minisode

Goats, Crows and The Flood

Crawley turns Job's goats into crows to save them. Why crows? And how does this link to the Flood?

Angelic Sheep and Demonic (Scape)Goats

Understanding the link between goats and demons gives you a deeper insight into Crowley's story - and also some of Aziraphale's.

Come Back When You Can Make A Whale

Take a deep dive into the Book of Job - and find out what it might be foreshadowing for S3

Aye, a Newt

Why Job’s children are turned into geckos, and a S1 connection.

Crossing the Threshold

Inside the Dirty Donkey

We’re going to the pub! What secrets does the Dirty Donkey hide behind its name?

Lifting the Veil on the Bentley

Peering behind the meaning of the Bentley’s number plate.

Memento mori

This is one of the major themes of the series - Remember that you die.

Obligatory Reminders and Crossing the Lines

Have you been wondering why Shax tries to do a mail delivery to Crowley as he escorts the shop keepers to safety from Aziraphale's Eldritch Ball? It seems a pretty random thing to do at that moment.

Stand-Alone Metas

The Ineffable Ducks

What are all those ducks doing? Ever got the feeling that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you…?

The Altar of Eccles Cakes

The Eccles cakes don’t look like they are doing much, but they are there for a reason - so is some of the other food you see.

The Cupperty Ceremony

Every bit of food and drink in both seasons has a metaphorical significance. Tea is no exception. It’s one of the few times an eastern philosophy creeps into Good Omens, but still meets with a western ideal.

When Crowley Met Jesus, and The Other Demon at Golgotha

Aziraphale suggests not one but two demon names to Crowley when they meet at Golgotha. Together they make a clever joke about the Third Temptation that most people miss.

Being Kind to One Another

Some clever and subtle word play on kind, linked between two scenes in the S1E3 Hard Times cold opening.

Once and Future Royalty

There’s a King Arthur and Camelot sub-theme running through parts of S1 And S2. Grab your coconuts and saddle up for a crazy ride through time and space!

Portable People

Crowley's yeeting them around while stress-cleaning the bookshop, Jimbriel is trying to sell them to the investigating archangels, and Muriel just wants to read them all. Should we give a second thought to any of these books?.

Bebop and the Book

Why can Anathema always put her hand on the right card at the right time?

Chiastic Structure of S1

Chiastic structure is a literary device where the story line is mirrored in reverse around a central point. S1 has an amazingly detailed chiastic structure, which actually reveals and confirms some meta speculations!

Chiastic Structure of S2

S1 was a fantastic example of a mirrored story line. S2 …isn’t. But there are still a substantial number of chiastic pairs to be found.

Liberty versus the Tree of Life

A philosophical look at the choices between coffee, freewill and death compared to access to the Trees of Knowledge and Life in the Garden of Eden.

Taking Things At Face Value

How our internalized values influence the way we judge people, often based on their outward appearance alone.

The Rules of Engagement

The Technicalities of Licenses, Permits and the Limits of Authority in Good Omens

A Tale of Two Peacocks

A look at the relationship between Gabriel and Michael: what they think of each other, and how they act as foils to each other.

If you are looking for more metas there is a group effort on this google doc here: Good Omens Crackpotting Theory Tracker This brings a lot of ops together in the one place.

[platoapproved]

heyyy I just discovered your blog and am really a fan, especially of your analytical takes of iwtv, so I wanted to ask if you have recommendations of blogs/tags where one can find more analysis (yk, the type, posts that are basically essays and *will* tear your heart out). Cuz it's almost always a lil bit of luck to find bangers in the tags

This is honestly so flattering and kind of you, I really do not think of myself as like, a very analytical person or someone who has anything unique or interesting to say about IWTV. I talk about it because I'm thinking about it CONSTANTLY but... anyway, thank you!

I don't really know of any blogs that are mainly essays and analysis? I follow lots of fun people who post a variety of stuff and there is meta in there.

@armandposting knows so much about the books and often posts meta / thoughts that tear my heart out.

@asthedeathoflight often has analysis of stuff that I love (sometimes as posts and sometimes in the tags)

@dreadfuldevotee also has written some wonderful analysis that I enjoyed tons

There's probably loads of other folks I'm forgetting. I'm following so many eloquent and insightful people... when I was first diving into IWTV fandom I just looked at the tags on gifsets I made and saw who had interesting stuff to say and just .... followed all of them lol. So that is one way to find blogs who are engaging in fandom stuff in a way that you like? Look at the tags on a gifset you like or a piece of meta and see who is saying what and go make friends.

💚! I hope this is helpful!

[moiraineswife]

Moiraine And Lan - The Inability To Communicate Trauma

Hello friends. It has been quite some time. Quite some time since I have: absolutely lost all my fucking shit over my blorbos at great length via a long and quotation filled tumblr meta. Fear not: the status quo of the universe returns, and I am once again: back on my bullshit (literally hours before the next episode airs and this gets drowned/replaced with New Content. Because I’m smart like that). ANYWAY.

Today we’re going to discuss: Mo and Lan and the singular moron-flavoured braincell they share, bond or no bond. More seriously, however: I’ve noticed a few bits of commentary/takes/analysis of the current state of their…well state, let’s be frank here, and realised that my contrary ass has: Different Opinions. So I figured I’d share them. Bc that’s what I do.

(Obligatory disclaimer that there is no right or wrong way to interpret something - that’s why it’s an interpretation, and this is not a call out or a “oh wow you’re wrong and here’s why!!!!” post directed at anyone or anything. Just my observation that I am going against the grain of what I’ve seen and thus throwing out: a new chew toy for us to gnaw on).

Also: please do note that this post will cover, rather extensively/in-depth, the trauma arc that Lan and Moiraine are going through at the moment and will contain trigger warnings for: depression, PTSD, trauma response, rape (in the context of the analogy that Verin presented), suicide, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt (again: all in the context of the show/previous events), and everything related to the topics that have been raised in the first two episodes for these characters. Be safe and tap out if you need to!

So. Obligatory wiffle aside: what shall we discuss? In a nutshell (bc I’m real good at that) I’m covering how, as I see it/am fascinated by it: the responses that they’re having to each other at the moment are mirrors/insights into the responses that they’re each having to the recent traumas that they’ve both suffered. In more depth/the points where I think I differ from the norm we’re going to cover: 

1)-why Lan is: not an idiot, actually. I see it as him being still perfectly capable of READING/understanding Moiraine without the bond; what he’s having difficulty with is COMMUNICATING with her without the bond

2)- that Moiraine is actually: ALSO failing dismally at communicating with Lan, and that she’s doing: a real fucking bad job of manipulating him. (is she HURTING him? Yes. 100%. Is she MANIPULATING him into doing what she wants? Given that she clearly wants nothing more than for him to: leave her, and that after 5 solid months he has: not left, I’m just going to put out the idea that maybe she’s not quite meeting her all of her targets in this area.

3)- wow they’re both doing incredibly stupid things, and they’re doing them for the same incredibly stupid reasons, and they are, in fact: INCREDIBLY THE SAME. See: singular moron-flavoured brain cell. This manifests slightly differently, due to their own individual traumas influencing the specifics of their actions/thought processes - but the general underlying thesis is the same for both.

The TL;DR here is that: these weirdos still know each other, and love each other, and understand each other without their bond. Can they communicate any of what they want to communicate in any kind of effective way? No. No they cannot. They BOTH suck. (I say that with legitimately all the love in the world).

So. Let’s start with Lan. Purely because I think my takes on him are the most Spicy/differ the most from everyone else’s and, let’s be honest, everything here feeds into everything else and this is going to get complicated where I start SO. Drama first. (I think it’s what they would want).

Okay so first and foremost I want to try and establish/explain what I mentioned at the outset of this thing which is: Lan is not blind, he’s not stupid, and he is not suddenly completely and utterly incapable of understanding a single feel that Moiraine feels if he can’t feel it with her via bond.

The largest and most obvious piece of evidence for this feels like the best one to start with and, for me, this is the fact that: HE DIRECTLY AND COMPLETELY CALLS HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT, TO HER FACE, TWICE!!! 

“Don’t smile at me. You can shut me out, try to drive me away, but don’t you dare smile at me. As though everything is fine. As though you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

This is from episode 1, where he finally snaps at her after she gives him that fake ass little smile and is like ‘is an aes sedai not allowed her secrets’ when he tries to talk to her/get her to explain: literally anything to him. And THAT is what pushes him over the edge. 

She has been cold. She has been dismissive. She has flat out ignored him like he’s not even present. He has taken it all. Not happily, and with obvious frustration, but he hasn’t said a peep. Not when she gives him one brusque, dismissive one-word orders (“door”) like a dog. Or when she deliberately turns away from him and refuses to so much as look at them - he endures all of that and just takes it and let’s her do it. Because he understands that this is her current expression of: not being fine. 

If she WAS fine, she would not be doing these things, and he knows that, and I think sees it as something like a storm to weather? It is something that will pass (he hopes) if he has the patience and the strength to wait it out. When she smiles at him? When she tries to make a JOKE out of what she’s doing? Out of the secrets that she’s been keeping from him - secrets like the fact that she was planning on going to the Eye of the World to die without him - THAT is not acceptable. She’s smiling at him and trying to joke with him as though they’re still capable of that - as though they can still tease each other the way they did, as though things are fine, both in herself, and between them, and they are NOT. When she’s treating him like a slave, or a stranger, or an annoyance - that is strangely better - because it’s this unspoken acknowledgement/agreement (the only one they’ve been able to achieve) that this is because things are not fine. She treats him badly because she’s not fine, he KNOWS she’s treating him badly because she’s not fine - is a strange kind of shared truth. Like sarcasm - something said/done where both parties know that the meaning/intent is completely different. Smiling, joking, pretending she’s fine? That is an insult, because he knows damn well she is NOT in that place.

Okay, so let’s look at the second instance of this, which occurs in episode 2 (oh how quaint) and is as follows: 

L: “Then tell me! You and I have walked this path together. Every step, every choice, every sacrifice.”

M: “We have never walked this path together. You have never seen the forest for the trees because I have never shown it to you.”

L: “I know what you’re trying to do. You can’t push me away.”

Again, as with the previous scene, he tries to get her to talk to him, to stop keeping secrets from him, to share this with her and let him help her carry her burdens the way they always have. She puts him walls, she, again, tries to force distance - she tells him that they have never been together as he says. And he calls her out. AGAIN. He knows what she’s trying to do. It hasn’t changed. She’s still just doing the same thing she’s been doing from the start of episode 1 - trying to force him away, because she’s desperate, and she’s suffering, and she doesn’t have anything else but this - even if he knows what she’s doing, even if it hasn’t worked so far. 

Both of them are guilty of this - both of them get one idea stuck in their minds of how to handle this situation/how to fix everything, and they both refuse to change. They both dig their heels in, plant their stakes, pick their hills to die on, and are refuse to budge for love, money, or common sense. For Lan it’s in trying to get her to talk, to open up, to push back on the destructive coping mechanisms she’s got - trying to force her to include him, tying to force her to include herself and come to dinner with them etc. For Mo it’s this: it’s pushing him away, because she is no longer worthy of him (and believes she never was) and protecting him.

(to continue this: unhinged adventure, pls continue under the cut!)

So she commits to this, even if she honestly knows it probably won’t work now, either. (she empties her entire quiver on him in this scene, and the atomic bomb she had in her back pocket too for good measure. These things she’s been holding back in reserve, the last cards to play - that she misled him about Rand’s death, that she has discovered they (and notice that she still says “we” when she talks about this - even though she went to the Eye alone, even though she made that choice alone, even though she rejects the idea that they have been together on this quest, as he says - when she is not actively choosing every word to hurt him, she thinks of them and what they’ve done as an unconscious “we” and a unit) have freed Ishamael/possibly other Forsaken - one after the other, meant to just overwhelm him and be the final coup de grace. And it STILL doesn’t work. She unleashes everything she has on him and he STILL insists that he’s not leaving her. And it’s because he knows - as he just said - what she’s doing, and why. And he will not let her. And he says that to her “I’m not letting you walk away from me again” - because the last time he did: she went to the Eye to get herself killed. And it’s only by some miracle and twist of cruelty that she was left alive to suffer instead.

Also I’m going to take a brief sidebar here, before we move on to Further Evidence/thoughts on this. But I think that it’s really important to consider LAN’S trauma in what he’s doing and why? Like, I think people are doing this for Mo already? They recognise that she wouldn’t be behaving this way if she 1)- wasn’t trying to protect Lan (her intention) and 2)- wasn’t suffering the effects of her trauma/being cut off from the Power at the Eye. Lan is a little less obvious (both in that his trauma is not a single fixed point/event that’s very obvious and easy to refer back to; and that he’s a bit less blunt Lan Mo’s “brick to the face” techniques and motivations) but, as I said at the start: his reactions to Mo are a direct reflection/window into his own trauma responses.

So, as I just mentioned - Lan is SO adamant about not leaving Moiraine, not giving her the opportunity to distance them/push him away - because the last time she did that, in just nudging him, like, an inch to the left, she used that to mask their bond and skip off into the Blight to go get herself killed with Rand. And there is: no doubt, and no question, and no room for wiggling or negotiation on this. They BOTH were FULLY aware that that was a suicide mission. The first thing he says to her when he finds her is “you’re alive” - because he was sure that history was repeating on him.

Because I think that it’s very important to not just consider Mo’s actions here, I think it’s important to remember Lan’s experience with Stepin as well. The two played out very similarly for him/parallel each other almost exactly. They both talked to him about Nynaeve, encouraging him to seek a love and a life with her. They both manipulated him/the circumstances to make it impossible for him to try and protect them - Stepin by drugging him, and Moiraine by masking the bond so he was unable to sense her, so that they could leave him. They both had clear plans and intentions - and both of their ultimate goals was for it to end in their death (obviously the REASONS behind this are very different - Mo was trying to save the world; while Stepin’s had already ended). But in both cases, Lan wakes up alone, realising that they’ve left him, realising, instantly, what they intend to do and in both cases: he was too late and he feels that he failed. Stepin he finds dead - and the only reason that he DOESN’T find that has happened to Mo is not because of something he did, it’s not because he got to her in time, it’s not because he protected her, it’s not because HE did anything at all - it’s just because some whim of cruelty decided to spare her. And these two events happen within, like, a week of each other I want to say? Like that’s…That’s an incredibly damaging and traumatising thing to go through ONCE - but back to back? How guilty must he have felt? How ANGRY with himself? Because how could he not have learned? How could he have let this happen AGAIN?

Of course he’s terrified now. Of course he’s terrified that if he leaves she’s going to die. Of course he refuses - past the point of any sense or reason - to just back down and leave. He is certain that if he does it will mean the death of the person that he loves the most in this world. And it will be HIS fault. She’s being cruel to him, she’s pushing him away, she’s ignoring him, she’s ordering him around, she’s deliberately pushing every button he’s got, and stabbing her knife in every sensitive spot she’s discovered over the last twenty years. And what kind of weak, selfish, useless person would he be to let that be all it takes for him to just say ‘well fine, I’ll just abandon you and let you kill yourself without me’. He cannot fail again. He WILL NOT fail again. He has been here, history is repeating on him again and he will not let it. Whatever she says to him. However she hurts him. Whatever he has to endure to weather this storm with her he will. Because none of this pain even comes CLOSE to what it will be like if he leaves her and she hurts herself and that is entirely his fault.

(Note: I do not actually think that Moiraine is actively suicidal at this point. As Verin notes - she chooses to fight every day. She wakes up, she fills her buckets, she puts one foot in front of the other and she clearly keeps going. It’s wobbly, and it’s messy, and she’s clearly grieving and depressed and traumatised - but she is not suicidal. Does LAN know that? Can Lan, without the bond, and with Stepin, and the Eye, haunting him even begin to scrape together the required rationality to see that? No. Lan sees Moiraine as being in just as much danger as she sees him being in and all he can do, all he has left to do in this world is protect her. And so he will).

To conclude the wrap of: the most painful breakup scene in the history of the world (for me and my present blorbos at this present moment in time, anyway) I want to just talk about the infamous “we were never equals”. And a lot of it has been covered, and I agree with the takes that Moiraine does not believe herself equal to Lan (and never did (SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!? IN MY CODEPENDENT PLATONIC SOULMATE RELATIONSHIP!? NOOOOO!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) and that is how she’s able to say this oath wise. I just want to touch on the fact that some people seem to be like ‘bro how can u not see what she’s saying DIRECTLY TO UR FACE, BRO!? COME ON LAN. LISTEN!!!!’ and like. So, to bring up a controversial and possible shocking observation: Lan is, in fact: still a human being! Emotions are messy, and logic is a fine and wonderful thing from a couch, yelling at your tv screen, and with the delightful ability to rewind and replay conversations/moments in time to be able to link them together nicely.

But Moiraine has been cruel to him for months at this point in an effort to drive him away. And, as discussed - he knows what she’s doing. He knows WHY she’s doing it. He is enduring it and putting up with it and stomaching it without throwing things at her because he knows it’s an expression of pain and is a reaction to what she’s been through. But he’s also hurt by it. Not least because: even if she’s only SAYING these things to hurt him/drive him away - she still believes them enough that they’re true for her to be able to actually get them out of her mouth. That HURTS. That’s going to break you down, that’s going to GET to you, that’s going to be thing that keeps him up at night and just echoes in his head over and over again and like - my man’s self-esteem and self-worth wasn’t actually sitting up at the peak of Dragonmount BEFORE 5 months of this, like dear Light people.

To have the person you love the most in this world tell you that “I don’t want my saddle to slip” (I don’t trust you to do this for me), to have her admit that she deliberately misled him, that she has actively kept important, possibly world-changing events from you, that she says, to your face - the thing that you are MOST afraid of, the thing that tormented him via Machin Shin, the thing that torments him still about Stepin - that he FAILED her? For her to believe that so firmly that it’s truth to her? Of course he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her? Of course he’s willing to take what she says at face value. SHE CAN’T FUCKING LIE!!!! And the set-up to this is so important, because she goes right for the jugular in this scene, and she does so repeatedly, in quick succession.

So she hits him with: ‘actually I lied when I said before that WE were going to the Tower - I’m going on my own without you. We yote a forsaken out into the world OOPS. -I refuse to explain anything to you. -We have never been walking this path together. -I have never showed you everything, I have always hidden things from you. -OH also ur lil sheepherder dude is actually: not dead and never was, I #lied to ur face abt that. -I am loyal to the Dragon - and ONLY him. -You can’t protect me anymore without the bond. -No, you’re not my Warder, you failed me, and I would be dead in spite of you if not for the help of people more competent than you. -ALSO here’s our good buddy Alanna and I am going to THREATEN TO HAVE HER TAKE YOUR BOND BY FORCE IF YOU KEEP REFUSING ME and I arranged this ahead of time to make this right. ALL of this gets dumped on his head in the space of LITERALLY AROUND TWO MINUTES. Like damn Mo the bloody Fades were less efficient than that.

He has just had all of that thrown in his face - the things she’s been holding back, keeping in case she needed them - her lying to him, her isolating him, her NEVER walking this path with him or ever showing him all that she saw, telling him that he is not her Warder anymore, that he has FAILED to protect her, that she will have him bonded against his will just to get rid of him. And he stands there on the ground, while she gazes down at him from on top of her horse (which she mounted - for the first time we’ve seen on screen - without his aid (which is a GUTTING little touch, because we see him smoothly and seamlessly help her mount a couple of times in season 1)) and she just says, to his face, the TRUTH, as he asked for: they were never equals.

And she can say that because she believes that he is better than her, and we know that, but can you blame him for not quite catching that in the moment????? She’s just told him that he’s a failure, that she’d be dead and he didn’t do a damn thing to protect her, that she will have someone bond him forcibly - and in this moment she just says what he’s been thinking for months, for YEARS honestly, given what machin shin torments him with “you can’t protect her. You’ll watch her die.” Of course he believes it. He is ALREADY taking an irrational level of responsibility over all of this, over what he perceives as his failures.

Adeleas calls him out for this and tells him he’s taking it too personally (and he IS) - he is assuming responsibility for not preventing something as though that means that he caused it. And again: this is a trauma response. This is an overreaction to a perceived series of circumstances that led to the death of a friend he’s had for possibly decades, to the one person he is supposed to protect, who he let go on a suicide mission alone so that he could get fucking laid, who he let slip away from him AGAIN to get attacked by Fades - where he failed her FOR A THIRD TIME. But like…He starts this little conversation off with her by apologising because he didn’t sense the Fades. He has: absolutely no way, reasonable or other ways, to sense INVISIBLE CREATURES THAT MOVE THROUGH SHADOW without the bond giving him the ability to do so. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. It has no logic to it at all and that’s the POINT. He is not capable of logic about this situation. He is blaming himself for everything - every single thing he can think of, whether it’s reasonable or not, is his fault, and his responsibility - he should have sensed the fades, he should have sensed her leaving, he should have stopped her going to the Eye, he should have stopped her from being cut off. He is trying to assert control, he is trying to assign blame and reason to the things that have happened to him - to the losses he has suffered - so that he can stop suffering them. And he can’t. He can’t. It happens over. And over. And over. AND OVER again. The trolloc blade that hit Moiraine in the Two Rivers and nearly killing her. Logain’s shield exploding and the axe handle piercing her side and nearly killing her. Being drugged by Stepin who killed himself while Lan was absent. Letting himself be distracted by Nynaeve while Mo went to the Eye. Missing Mo leaving AGAIN and her being attacked by the Fades. Actually getting there while the attack was in progress finally at LAST being able to DO something, to STOP something - and he can’t even fucking manage that. Over and over and over he fails people and he loses them and it’s his fault and he can’t stop it. He’s been retraumatised by circumstance, and is now retraumatising HIMSELF by adding even more perceived failings to the existing tally. Of course he believes her. He’s just been waiting for her to say that to him from the day they bonded. NO ONE IN THIS DYNAMIC HAS ANY SELF-ESTEEM. LIKE THEY STARTED WITH ZERO TOTAL AND SOMEHOW IT’S GOTTEN WORSE.

Okay so shifting focus slightly for the last thing I want to say about Lan, but still related, because: the problem (for me) is not that they cannot read/understand each other, it’s that they cannot COMMUNICATE with each other. And there is a distinction here. Lan’s issue is not lack of understanding where Mo is at - he sees her suffering, knows she’s not fine, understands she is reacting to the loss she endured at the Eye, he gets that. He’s known her for twenty years - bond or no bond - he knows what pain looks like when he sees it in her eyes. That’s not it. What he’s struggling with, and what he’s frustrated by is that they are not TALKING. He knows how she’s feeling - he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to TALK about that with her. He doesn’t know how to fix it because she refuses to engage with it at all - and they’re SO bad at this that they don’t even get to the part where she can ignore him trying to talk abt the actual problem, bc she just nips it in the bud and ignores him/deflects him from the opening bland ‘small-talk’ set-up questions to start making forrays into that. 

Because before all of that would have happened instinctively via the bond - she feels the bad feels, he knows why, he sends the required good feels back/makes her tea/gives her an extra blanket/just responds without having to think about and, and this is the key point: without having to talk. Because, let’s be real here: these idiots BOTH suck at talking about their emotions/needs. Genuinely think they would both just lie on the ground and fucking die rather than say ‘I need a bandage because I’m BLEEDING PROFUSELY FROM EVERY ORIFICE.’ Because they’re deeply repressed, traumatised people who were never given the tools/language/space they needed to be able to safely and healthily learn to express their feels (but that…is a different piece of meta for another day). 

THE POINT IS: we’re now going to turn to my beloved, my man, my favourite, the myth, the legend, the ICON: Tomas and his tomatoes. And by this I do of course mean that we’re doing a deep dive of the scene where Tomas gives Lan some advice after they go out to the (absolutely THRIVING - good job my man) garden to pick some tomatoes for dinner (or at least….Tomas goes out to pick tomatoes for dinner; and Lan goes out to brood in his proximity while he does so. ) But eh. Tomayto, tomahto….) ANYWAY: 

So this scene gives Lan a chance to talk about losing the bond - and I think that is important as well? Likely obviously Moiraine is Going Through It here, and Lan hasn’t been cut off from the Power/isn’t dealing with that experience but WE DON’T PLAY TRAUMA OLYMPICS IN THIS HOUSE!!! PAIN IS PAIN AND IT SHOULD ALL BE VALIDATED AND DEALT WITH IN A CONSTRUCTIVE AND POSITIVE WAY. Ahem. Anyway. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: QUOTE TIME AGAIN;

“The bond made things easier. It was like a friend walking along with us chatting away so we never had to.”

I think this is a really interesting (and honestly fascinating) way to describe the bond - to personify it and see it as another individual existing between them and making things easier by doing the things that they both struggle to do - use their goddamn words. 

“She’s tired, she’s hungry, she’s angry, she’s afraid. Now silence.”

This part, too, I think is really telling. Because if I had to put money on it and pick out the Top 4 Feelings Moiraine Is Having I think I could do a lot worse than ‘tired, hungry, angry, and afraid’. He KNOWS how she’s feeling. He can read that in her still. He doesn’t need the bond to tell him that. That’s not what he’s missing. He doesn’t need the bond to point out what she’s feeling to him, and he doesn’t miss that aspect, he misses the ‘chatting away’, he misses the noise, he misses the COMMUNICATION, and he is struggling with the silence.

THAT is what the bond used to do for them - it used to ‘chat away so they never had to’. A friend, a helper, who facilitated between them and allowed them to communicate when they couldn’t speak/didn’t have the words. We see this over and over and OVER again in season 1. They have whole ass conversations without making a single peep. Most notably in extremely tense or emotional moments - Kerene’s funeral and the look they share, Lan struggling with Stepin’s grief, coming to Moiraine, kneeling beside her, holding her hand - so much happens in that scene in particular. Without saying a word he communicates an exhaustion, a fatigue, a grief and a sorrow - a need for comfort and support - and she gives it. At Stepin’s funeral - the lookk that he gives her, the way he seeks her in the crowd, again needing her strength, which she gives to him through their bond and across a room. THAT’S what’s gone. That’s what he keeps trying to get back. 

Because he gives her that same look - that same obvious cry for help and look of desperation at the end of ep 1 with the Fade battle. He is WRECKED he is DONE, he’s disarmed, he cannot stand, he can barely crawl - he NEEDS her, he needs her strength, he needs her help. She tries to channel - she reaches for the power, as she would once have reached for him through their bond - and it does not come. It is not there. It cannot help them. And the words that he speaks to her then echo a repeated sentiment he’s had for her throughout: “what aren’t you telling me?”

The bond isn’t there to talk for her anymore. And she refuses. Consistently. Verin and Adeleas comment on Bayle visiting - and Lan notes that she doesn’t tell him any more than she tells them. After Bayle is gone, Lan tries to small talk, he slaps on a casual little smile and he asks a mundane ‘let’s start the ball rolling on that conversation thing’ question, easy to answer, nothing tense, nothing painful, a very common “how did it go?” she ignores him. He presses further - asks who that person was? She gives him the bare minimum (and doesn’t answer the question he’s ACTUALLY asking) and then he tries to push again - what did she want. At which point she hits him with that fake smile and the ‘can an aes sedai not have her secrets?’ - and he’s not even really asking for much. He’s not asking what he actually wants to ask which is: how are you? Are you okay? What can I do? What do you need? What are you thinking? And this idea repeats - in ep 2, when he tries to point out it takes 8 aes sedai to cut someone off, she snaps that he has no conception of the power the forsaken have - so he snaps at her to tell him then. And she refuses. 

They are both FEELING - and their feelings are seen. Lan sees how Mo struggles he sees how she shuts herself away, he sees that she’s not eating, and not sleeping, that she’s frustrated, and she’s frightened. Mo sees that she’s hurting him, she sees that he’s frustrated as well. They know this. But they’re not TALKING. They’re not COMMUNICATING. And at the dinner sequence - this is what Verin, Adeleas and Tomas try to give them advice about - their history is the “common language” that they are; maybe he needs to listen to what she IS saying and not try and demand her to say other things. They don’t know how to talk about things like this - they’re not good at that ANYWAY - but with each other? When they’ve never had to before? When for once, for the first time for both of them, it was effortless to share these things and communicate these deep insecurities and emotions that they struggle to give to others? THAT’S what they’re lacking and that’s what the biggest problem is.

Alright let’s leave poor Lan be for now, I have tormented him enough. On to Momo. This will (hopefully, dear god) be shorter, because people have covered Mo before. We know that she’s traumatised, we know she’s trying to push Lan away to protect him, we know she’s trying to regain control, she feels powerless, she feels helpless, she is trying to deal with something life-altering, something that made her vulnerable and helpless, she’s being reckless with her safety, she’s taking foolish risks etc etc.

The point I want to touch on here is the idea around her ‘manipulating’ Lan, because I usually see this go hand-in-hand with the Lan stuff I talked about already. Largely: how ironic that without the bond Lan doesn’t understand her/cannot read her, but Moiraine is doing it so well with him and i must: respectfully decline to go along with that perspective. And this is (I imagine u know what im going to say now) *inhales deeply* because they SUCK AT COMMUNICATING!!!! 

It doesn’t really MATTER that he is trying to open her up/communicate that he loves her, and he’s there for her, and he wants to support her; while she is trying to communicate the same - she loves him, she cares about him, she wants to protect him. They are both: failing dismally. Lan’s incessant pestering of Mo to talk to him is just making her clam up more and more because she can’t and what’s more: she doesn’t bloody want to. She wants to shove her trauma under a rug in the corner of Verin’s study, and then she wants to drag a bookshelf over the top of it, and then she wants to fill the bookcase with books, and then she wants to put a whole bunch of extra things on top of the bookcase, and then she wants to flee the country and forget that any of that ever exists because she does not want to deal with it. And Lan keeps pushing. He keeps trying to make her talk, because he’s desperate, and he misses the chattering of their friend the bond, and he wants to help, her wants her to let him back in, and it’s just pissing her off. Which is what the cottage squad calls him out for (when will Mo get her ‘come to jesus’ talk?? For Fairness? Like i need this too).

So Lan is coming at this: far too softly, and far too indirectly in a lot of ways. He never asks about what he actually wants to ask about. He talks about the weather, or how shiny Aldieb’s coat is this morning, or how nice and red and juicy Tomas’s tomatoes are. He never actually just says what he wants to say which is: “I love you, and I’m worried about you, and I’m failing you more and more every day and I’m sorry and I need you” he pussyfoots around it and avoids it and lets her shut him down because that hurts and, well, he deserves that hurt so alright then.

And then there’s Mo. Who has managed to somehow twist the logic of the universe so that she can say “I love you” by, uh *checks notes*: Not saying anything at all/ignoring him. Or by saying things like “you failed me” instead. Because she is just THAT powerful. Okay I’m being a bit sarcastic here, clearly, but she has convinced herself (based on how her trauma is affecting her) that she: 1)- does not deserve Lan/is not worthy of him and so he should leave her so he can be happy and 2)- she needs to protect him and so he should leave her and go and be safe.

Maybe she tried to articulate this at some point? Sit him and down and be like ‘okay Allan so I know u have a lot of trauma abt, like, being abandoned/being left behind so ppl u love can go do themselves great harm but…it would REALLY be just swell for me if u left me all by myself while i go through possibly the worst things that’s ever happened to me: alone. Okay? Okay.” However I doubt this. Bc, as previously and repeatedly discussed: these two can’t communicate for SHIT right now.

I think she probably made some sort of roundabout suggestion? Like she didn’t directly say ‘you need to leave me because reasons’ but she probably…asked him to go the White Tower and watch over Nyn and Eggy, or maybe go with Perrin and the Shienarans to help, or even ‘hey remember Mat? The little scrungly one?? I wonder where he is’ and he just told her ‘absolutely fucking not’ (or words to that effect) so she had to try something else instead. Which is: being mean af.

So far so good and I think we’re all (relatively) in agreement to this point. But then people think…She’s being successful here? And she’s reading him well - largely because she knows EXACTLY what to say to hurt him? And yes, she absolutely does, I will 100% give you that. Blade directly to the heart each and every time, she never misses. HOWEVER. This is not the actual point. Causing Lan pain is not her endgame - it’s actually just the painful middle step that’s hurting her too to try and get her to her endgame.

Manipulation essentially involves doing ‘y’ (in this case being deliberately cruel/causing Lan pain) to make the person do ‘x’ (in this case: push Lan away and make him leave her), in theory/if it’s super successful: without the person realising that you’ve orchestrated this/making it seem like it was all their idea/decision. This is, uh, not working too great. It’s been 5 months and Lan is probably less likely to leave her now than he was when she started (because he now has 5 months worth of knowing that she is actively trying to get him to leave so she can do the Light only knows what and if that’s what she wants him to do while she’s in this state then it’s absolutely the last thing that he feels he should do - so in that sense this has actually backfired kinda spectacularly on Mo. Because: SHE’S COMMUNICATING JUST AS BADLY AS HE IS!!!!!!!!!! Just. On the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum to him. Because they’re drama and aesthetic that way.

And the added bonus content of this is: she CAN do this. She can (and does) manipulate people spectacularly well. Take Bayle for example (god she needed that little win SO badly, bless her and her buckets). She wanted: to see/examine the broken heartstone - but what is she actually going to DO with it? She doesn’t want to put it in a fancy display case or collect it, she wants to know WHY it broke. So what she ACTUALLY wants from him is information. Information such as: the poem. So she haggles with him on the thing she actually wants - makes him feel like he’s getting a win when he agrees to budge on that, far cheaper, item - but then he counters and says that he won’t move on the heartstone chunk itself - which she has no interest in. So she gets her essential infodump poem for a bargain price, and takes Bayle down like six pegs in the process. 10/10, excellently managed misdirection, making him do all the work and lowering the price of the poem so she didn’t even have to ask for it, and making himself look like a plonker into the bargain. Delicious. She CAN manipulate people - she just cannot manipulate Lan (not in this instance/about this anyway) because she’s as wrongfooted as he is, and is scrambling as much as he is without the bond, to try and find a language she never thought she’d need to try and speak with him.

And so if we now consider BOTH of them: they’re in this very weird space here, where the traumas that they have suffered, and the reactions they’re having are placing them in this fundamental position of opposition. Because their needs/the things they believe/have convinced themselves they have to do put them in direct conflict with one another. They’re like an immovable object meets an unstoppable force, right? And this idea reveals itself in several smaller ways - eg: Lan thinking that Mo needs company and to not isolate herself to get better; while for Mo that just feels completely intolerable and she wants to be alone and in Her Space, her study, where she is in control and can pretend to her visitors/informants that all is well and nothing has changed. But I think the biggest point it revolves around/where it’s most obvious is that, ultimately, their absolute overall goal is to protect the other person?

The difference/tragedy of this is that: Moiraine believes fundamentally that Lan is in danger WITH her, and that she has to make him leave in order to protect him. Lan believes fundamentally that Moiraine will be in danger WITHOUT him and that he has to stay in order to protect her. And this is the hill they’ve both chosen as their last stand/thing to die for. So she is going to push him and push him and push him, and she is going to hurt HERSELF by being crueller and crueller and crueller to him to protect him. And all the while he is going to endure and endure and endure and let himself be hurt to protect her.

AND THEN IT GETS WORSE (or better if ur twisted and u enjoy these kinds of parallels the way i do) because: they are both stubbornly trying to protect the other; but they’re also both feeling like they’re martyring themselves/are hurting themselves more and more to do so. She feels like he is being stubborn and forcing her to hurt him more and more every day - which she does not want to do - when he could just go, just let this end, just leave her the way she clearly wants him to! But this will make her stronger. She will be stronger for this, for having let him go, and for knowing that at least she managed to protect him. So she will just keep going - tomorrow, that will do it, he has to break tomorrow, he has to finally break tomorrow. And this goes on. The next day. Maybe the next day. The next–

And then HE feels like he is enduring, and that the pain she is inflicting on him is his cross to bear, and he has to endure it because he will NOT leave her, no matter what she throws at him. And it’s almost a test of his will and his love and his devotion (even though I think he knows it’s not: but it’s kind of become his own little personal quest. Because yes. Yes he SHOULD suffer this way. She SHOULD hurt him like this. He deserves it after how he failed her. He has to take this pain. He has to prove what he’s willing to go through for her, prove how dedicated he is, how much he will suffer for her, how even she cannot break him). And he too is thinking that next day it will get better. If he can just endure, just survive this onslaught, it will end. It will get better. She will get better. This will pass. He just has to prove his strength and last as long as he needs to in order to see that through.

And, to bring us back to the start of this extremely long and rambling essay I present you my final, deeply insightful, deeply professional, deeply ~meta~ thought which is that: they are BOTH. SO. FUCKING. S T U P I D!!!! (in a genuinely really interesting and complex and  fascinating way, as i have hopefully discussed/explained - the idea that their lost bond/connection makes them mirror/echo each other but now in a destructive way? That instead of seamlessly and instinctively meeting each others’ needs they are both unconsciously and unintentionally triggering the other person’s trauma and making things WORSE? What an absolutely fascinating take/an incredibly subtle but profound way to show the depth of exactly what they’ve lost/how much it has affected them while ALSO rooting the entire thing in their individual traumas, experiences, and characters - like who ever wrote/conceived of this NEEDS A GODDAMN RAISE I SWEAR) But also yes they are: morons. Absolutely. Without a doubt. One singular moron brain cell that ping pongs between the two of them but is, fundamentally: the same. Absolutely fucking delighted. Can’t wait to see where this goes from here. Join me again in the future for me: ‘wow Rowyn that’s a whole lotta thoughts u got there buddy’.

Also I swear I’m friendly and I like engaging/talking with ppl! Pls feel free to comment/reblog/message!!! And do note that if u reblog i WILL read and appreciate ur tags bc im: one of those Old People. 

OKAY BYEEEEEE!!!

[lilyspider]

Who is Afraid of Whom?

Subtitle: Korekiyo is an unreliable narrator Read as: Please for the love of god stop taking everything Korekiyo says at face value and be willing to look at the Shinguuji's dynamic with a bit more complexity instead of blaming Miyadera for everything. I've teased this for a bit but I've been working on a very long meta write up of a reading of these two following the canon text as much as possible while providing my own insights. This is Part 1 of X (I'll update this when I finish this series and add links as I continue.) Content warnings for discussions of abuse and incest.

To begin, I understand that this is a controversial topic. If you believe Korekiyo to be the victim of years of abuse, whatever I write here will probably come off as heartless apologism for the “worst Danganronpa character.” I hope that if this analysis at any point causes you genuine emotional distress or discomfort that you just close it. If you choose to continue reading it, then I hope you can give me the benefit of the doubt for where I’m coming from and save any judgment for the end. 

For the sake of simplicity, I am going to be referring to Korekiyo’s sister by the fan name Miyadera. I unfortunately do not know which individual deserves the credit for this name as it was coined back before the localization, but I do know it is an alternate reading of the characters in Shinguji, 真宮寺. 宮 is Miya and 寺 is tera. 

宮 could be literally translated to palace or shrine, but is usually only reserved for Shinto shrines. 寺 is used only for Buddhist temples. I have a post explaining more about this [here].

I’d like to start by debunking what seems to be a rumor/misreading of the text that has become canon to many people. Many fans I’ve seen believe Korekiyo is the only victim in the dynamic or that he is afraid of his sister. What is provided for evidence is usually how nervous Korekiyo seems during the trial once he’s on the ropes and the tulpa manifests. 

On that note, I want to clarify that I will be referring to the Miyadera that speaks through Korekiyo as a tulpa. I have seen some interpretations that treat their situation as more like a dissociative disorder, but I will not be touching on that or give that reading any credibility as I find it to be a bit disrespectful. The killer/villain with dissociative identity disorder is also a bit of an overplayed trope.

If you’re not familiar with what a tulpa is, I’ll provide a very simplified definition here. If anything I say seems to be unclear, you’re free to do your own research. If I get anything wrong, please don’t hesitate to correct me!

Tulpas have a Buddhist origin and were believed to be a manifestation that guides someone who has not reached nirvana yet. The simplest way to describe them would be as a spiritual guide. 

Other forms of tulpas are not from one specific religion and have a connection to theosophy. 

Theosophy is another very complex concept that I’ll simplify as a belief in a spiritual reality/separate realm that can be reached through meditation, revelations, or other states of heightened awareness and or emotions. These tulpas are believed to be connected to or have come from this other realm.

The final type of tulpa I’d like to discuss is a significantly more modern concept and is connected to groups that refer to themselves as tulpamancers. For people in this group, a tulpa is completely divorced from all spirituality and is treated more psychologically. These manifestations are much more deliberate as these individuals try to create tulpas of one specific person. It is usually done to cope with loneliness or other problems like anxiety. There are also instances of people claiming to have had romantic or sexual interactions with their tulpas. 

I believe the writers took inspiration from all potential manifestations of tulpas when they wrote the Miyadera tulpa. The most modern take and tulpamancers probably had the most influence. Korekiyo does share his experience of when the tulpa of his sister first manifested, but I would like to look into that in detail later. I plan on discussing all information about Korekiyo and Miyadera that’s revealed in FTEs, Salmon Team, and other similar events in the same section. 

Back to Korekiyo’s fear, the insistence that Korekiyo is afraid of Miyadera and even the tulpa of her never seemed to click for me. Chapter 3, especially the trial, are the parts of Danganronpa V3 I am the most familiar with. Korekiyo is most certainly panicking when his plans are unraveled, but none of that fear seemed to be caused by the presence of the tulpa. He is also able to relay his story about Miyadera after the trial with perfect clarity. For people who read Korekiyo as a victim, this probably doesn’t seem like solid proof. His erratic behavior and validating his experience could just be seen as a trauma response. 

In order to refresh my memory, I decided I’d be revisiting the trial and the scenes that follow it. I will not be looking too deeply at the first half of the trial since the tulpa has no presence, and Korekiyo does not reference his sister at all. A lot of this analysis is being done as a reaction to replaying and rewatching content in the game so my takes will be fresh. 

If I need to revisit the first half of the trial for parts later in this analysis, I will do so.

Korekiyo’s calm facade finally breaks once it becomes obvious that admitting he murdered Tenko put him into a corner and also implicated him in Angie’s killing. 

Korekiyo's specific quote when the tulpa cuts in is “I will not fear. I will not back down.” The tulpa is then revealed. I specifically attribute the above quote to Korekiyo and not Miyadera because it’s not spoken in the voice that is used for Miyadera in the rest of the trial. 

I have heard that it is easier to tell the two apart in the original Japanese text because they have different speaking styles, but I’m not familiar enough with Japanese to cite too much from the original text. I don’t want to potentially muddy the waters due to a mistranslation on my part. Thankfully, for the rest of the trial, it’s usually very clear which one of them is speaking. 

The first instance of the Miyadera tulpa appearing is when Korekiyo is under extreme stress, and her main goal is to help bring him down from this intense emotional state. It’s the first thing she does before addressing anyone else in the trial. 

If I was a bit less diligent, I’d stop this section here and say the argument that Korekiyo is afraid of the tulpa is debunked. However, I’d like to be as thorough as possible so we’ll continue on with this topic. 

Miyadera’s words encourage Korekiyo to keep arguing for his innocence in the murder case. The rebuttal that follows is done by Korekiyo alone. 

Miyadera appears once again when Korekiyo’s rebuttal isn’t enough to prove his innocence, and they have definitive proof that he murdered Angie. 

The lines that follow are somewhat controversial, and they are the ones I believe are misinterpreted the most often. Miyadera says: “You mustn’t raise your voice. You mustn’t stutter. You mustn’t lose composure. You mustn't become flustered. You mustn’t waver.” 

For some reason, this is seen as Miyadera scolding Korekiyo and as clear evidence that she abused him in the past. However, in the full context of the scene, it’s pretty obvious that Korekiyo is losing the ability to argue for his innocence without panicking. Miyadera is reassuring him that he doesn’t need to worry about everyone else in the trial, calling them a “sorry lot”. 

Miyadera is saying that as long as Korekiyo remains calm then he should be able to make an argument that will prove he’s not guilty. Her appearance is only for his benefit as he is able to continue speaking more concisely each time after she speaks.

Once he gets back on his feet, Miyadera gives him further encouragement and praises him.

One could argue this is an instance of emotional manipulation (though I’d have to wonder why she would be manipulating him for an outcome that’s in his best interest. We can return to this later), but I believe it does prove that he is not afraid of her. Without her encouragement, the latter half of the trial would have been significantly shorter. I doubt Korekiyo would have been able to argue for his innocence with the panicked state he was in. 

The next scene is another line I see as being wildly misunderstood to the point where I wonder if anyone discussing it has actually seen it in context.

In a lot of fanworks, for some reason, “Come on, apologize” is treated as something Miyadera has said to Korekiyo as another instance of scolding him or pushing him into a corner. Though it’s pretty clear in the context of the scene that Miyadera is angry at Shuichi and tells him to apologize for continuing to accuse Korekiyo. 

During the argument armament, Miyadera continues to encourage Korekiyo during his final pleas for his innocence. Even the final point that Shuichi has to prove wrong is her defending him. 

I will admit that Korekiyo’s reactions to being put on the spot are very intense. Both the English and Japanese VAs did an amazing job selling his distress! I’m just not sure how any of that is attributed to Miyadera’s presence. 

It’s a completely incorrect reading of the trial that’s unfortunately been spread around even further by the wiki and other pages making this exact claim. There are people who don’t play through the entire game themselves or rely on reading fan wikis and write-ups for refreshers if they haven’t played in a while. If it’s been a long time since you’ve played V3, and you end up relying on one of these inaccurate fan descriptions, you might remember Korekiyo’s strong emotional reactions and Miyadera’s regular cut ins. It’s possible that you won’t remember the exact specifics, but since the vibes seem to match that kind of interpretation, you'll leave the fan wiki article convinced that Korekiyo was afraid because of Miyadera’s presence. 

The trials in V3 are very long, and Miyadera doesn’t appear until the two hour mark. If someone was a bit unclear on how their interactions went or forgot the specifics, I wouldn’t blame them. The problems truly arise when it comes down to this complete misinterpretation that only works when these lines are removed from the original context. 

Before we make further progress and get to the post trial conversations, I wanted to address another theory that doesn’t really hold water. 

Some people believe that Korekiyo’s murders were actually committed by the Miyadera tulpa. This seems to be a way for them to absolve Korekiyo of blame and force it all onto his sister. It’s an interpretation pretty common if someone has already decided Korekiyo is exclusively the victim and all wrong-doing is Miyadera’s fault. 

To me, this doesn’t make sense for a few reasons. 

First of all, Danganronpa is a generally straightforward narrative that makes big or shocking reveals very obvious. If this was a case of a separate personality or tulpa being the one forcing Korekiyo to kill women, then it would have been spelled out directly. 

During the trial, Korekiyo does act a bit confused and denies all of the accusations levied against him, but isn’t that common for every culprit in the series? The killer breakdown is something that’s kind of seen as iconic. 

The over the top reactions and reveal of a new set of sprites for a character are a key part of every trial. Again, pretty much every culprit denies their guilt until they’re backed into a corner, so Korekiyo’s situation isn’t unique at all. 

If we put the tulpa back into the full context of the trial and the murders as a whole, we’ve already established Miyadera’s presence is meant to soothe and comfort Korekiyo. She appears whenever a situation is too stressful for him to handle. One might argue that committing the murders would be an intense burden, and that would probably be the case for any character except Korekiyo. 

As early as Chapter 1, Korekiyo makes references to murder and other pretty morbid topics. He comments on how Gonta’s physical strength would make it easy for him to harm someone. In the early parts of Chapter 3, he threatens to rip out Kokichi’s nerves after he mishandles the gold katana. 

I would believe that the Miyadera tulpa played a direct role in the murders if Korekiyo displayed any signs of being uncomfortable around violence or blood. Since he doesn’t and also was very invested in the mechanics of the seesaw trap, I have no reason to believe Miyadera was the true killer. 

I also believe that if she did play a bigger part, then the final image at the end of the closing argument would have shown her face or maybe both Shingujis back to back.

The Miyadera tulpa also tells Korekiyo it’s time for him to admit defeat when there are no further arguments to be made. If she was truly the one responsible, wouldn’t she apologize to Korekiyo for committing murders that led to his downfall? 

Korekiyo is the one who takes responsibility before the voting starts and is completely calm by this point. He directly says the only thing he regrets is not being able to make one hundred friends, which is a reference to how many women he killed. 

While an exact number isn’t given, he does say he was very close. That probably pushes the total number of victims to somewhere between 80 and 90 if killing Angie and Tenko wasn’t enough to reach his goal. 

My analysis of the trial basically concludes here, and I believe I’ve provided enough evidence to prove that Korekiyo doesn’t show any fear towards Miyadera. A majority of arguments meant to prove Miyadera is the abuser and Korekiyo is the victim usually rely on this point. In the next post I will breakdown the post trial conversations and then circle back to Korekiyo's behavior at the beginning of the game. If you've made it this far, thank you so much.

[atamascolily]

As someone who makes fanvids and AMVs, I spend a lot of time looking at media in unconventional ways--cycling the same clips over and over again, jumping around in a non-linear fashion rather than watching straight through in chronological order, etc, etc. Usually, this is in service of getting shots to line up with the music or finding that one snippet that perfectly illustrates a lyric, but it also means I spend a lot of time engaged with the source material at a level of repetition and detail that most viewers do not indulge in.

I thought nothing would be able to top that level of granularity, but then I started making text post memes by juxtaposing media screenshots with clever and witty posts made by strangers on the Internet. Instead of watching the same clips over and over again, I was now watching specific individual scenes shot by shot, searching for the perfect frame to pause and screenshot. Suddenly, I was engaged with the source material on a whole new level, staring at stills I have never really looked at before, despite having watched them in motion a billion times already.

This was especially true of Madoka Magica and even more true for Rebellion, where the animators had lovingly incorporated whole new levels of detail I had never encountered before--some of them so complex and intricate, they could only be fully appreciated as stills, either because they were only on screen for an instant or because there was so much action/other stuff going on in the foreground that drew my eye when I was watching casually or for plot. (As much as I love subtitles, they did not help with this, since their presence meant my eyes were also naturally drawn to the bottom of the screen as well instead of focusing on the background.)

I started documenting my PMMM observations here on Tumblr, partially because it was low-stress and informal fun, and partially because this site has such excellent and convenient image hosting (for now, anyway) that it's really easy to discuss and compare multiple images at a time, which I think is more effective than reams of text at proving my points.

When I look at a screenshot, I have two major questions in mind:

1) What am I looking at? 2) What does it mean?

The first question is one of observation and identification. This part is usually straightforward, but can be more complicated if the animators are drawing on an element of Japanese culture that I'm not already familiar with. The answers to this question vary considerably depending on context, but they're usually not a source of tremendous controversy among the fandom; they are fairly objective, with a definitive right or wrong answer.

The second question, however, is more complicated and subjective. This is where analysis and interpretation come in--of the shot itself, the scene in which it occurs, and how it fits into the installment/series/franchise as a whole. It's entirely possible for different people to have wildly different takes on this, and multiple readings can and do exist simultaneously.

In my meta writings, I usually attempt to answer both questions: first, by pointing out details that I think are interesting, and then by offering my interpretation of them. Rebellion in particular is so visually dense that it's possible to randomly pause at any scene and find something new; no matter how much I watch it, there is always more to analyze.

To be clear, I don't think that watching Rebellion frame by frame is inherently better than watching the whole thing straight through, just that different perspectives and insights are possible. In this sense, both Madoka Magica TV series and Rebellion are inherently fractal in nature, with meaning multiple levels and layers regardless of scale. Unlike real-life fractals like the Mandelbrot set, however, there is a clearly defined limit to this--I doubt once you zoom into the pixel level there is anything to find, but hey, you never know with SHAFT.

I generally prefer to work with material that has already been released rather than stuff that hasn't, but I try to ground my predictions in my observations as much as possible--by which I mean, consistent with the show's themes and motifs on both a macro and micro level. That in itself doesn't guarantee that they're right, but I like to think they are plausible, which is all you can really hope for with that sort of thing. And of course, all my analyses and predictions tell you as much about me--how I see the world and what I value--as they do the work itself.

I used to joke that I was working on an honorary master's in media studies and Rebellion in particular, but after looking back at my output over the last six months, I'm not so sure that's a joke anymore...

[consistentsquash]

5 Meta recs for Friday!

Happy Friday!!! <3 I read some really good meta on one of my fav author's writing process yesterday. So Meta Recs Friday! :D

My Writing Process by @squibstress

My name is Squibstress, and I am an unrepentant pantser.

This post is super poignant and really funny. It really shows fandom esp writing fic can be a lonely hobby and a social hobby at the same time. Also it's a super insightful look at not just the writing process because it's also about how the author thinks about the readers/reading experience.

I love, love, love the thoughtfulness Squibstress has for making reading more accessible. This is something you really only get in fandom. This extra attention to detail because it's a community and fandom is a garden <3 Personally I use a screen reader a lot and I can really tell the difference between fics which are going the extra mile for accessibiity on that.

Also TIL one of my fav authors is a pantser :D

Snarry-a-thon Recs by @danpuff-ao3

This is an incredible rec lists effort. Danpuff is making rec lists for Snarry-a-thon one of the longest running HP slash fests ever <3 Normally I don't have rec lists for meta posts but I feel this is such a brilliant meta level list. It's an amazing look at HP slash fandom evolution and also Snarry evolution. Insane levels of genres/tropes/characterization coverage! If you want to get a big picture Snarry fandom fic history this is the rec list for you!!

About Laugh and Forget (1) by @saehaerys

I am a big sucker for meta esp for fic meta for my fav fics. Laugh and Forget is a really dirtyhotbadwrong and super intense House of the Dragon/ASOIAF darkfic. PforPheobe's writing gives me serious Master and Margarita vibes because of that combo of darkness/humor/intense emotion. I have a Big Crush on their writing. Like I am not even a het incest reader but they sold me with their super dark emotional stories.

A bit under a year ago, one day in February, I had a horrible idea that Jaehaerys had coveted Saera and in his terrible covetousness he messed it all up, sending her away for cold repentance, and she fled from his face in mischief and utter disillusionment of their bond. It became increasingly unbearable for me to regard this passage of faux history.

I love fics written by authors with 100% commitment and love with their biggest Canon Feelings/Character Feelings inside it. This fic totally has that vibe. Really raw and super emotional.

The Lightning Struck Tower: “It is My Mercy, Not Yours That Matters Now” by @ashesandhackles

I really love the canon analysis meta from AshesandHackles. Honestly I am not a big reader of HP meta because it's a pretty old fandom and I feel like I don't really see a lot of value in meta at this point. But Ashesandhackles is brilliant at analysis and I feel like I just find new things to love about my fav characters and their parallels when I am reading their meta.

Harry recognises the flaw in the ending chapters of Deathly Hallows, and wins the Elder wand with an Expelliarmus too. Interestingly, it’s a spell Harry learnt by observing Snape in Duelling Club with Lockhart.

This one has incredible, incredible analysis of Snape, Harry and their relationships with Dumbledore. This is definitely not a shipping meta but I feel it's like 10x more powerful than a shipping meta because it just uses the canon to show the similarities/difference between the characters.

Re: Metrics by eldritcher

This is a funny and poignant personal post on writing stats/fandom stats.

Participating in fandom while refusing to buy into fandom's current metrics is a difficult position to take, because it's led to edgy questions now and then re: what keeps me in fandom since my metrics are pathetic (not my wording; my cousin deems anything below five-hundred kudos pathetic). 

Artists/authors have a lot of emotional connection with stats for lots of valid reasons. I feel bad when my fav authors are worried about stats but also I totally get it. Eldritcher is pretty idgaf about stats except comments because they love being super chatty and meta on comments. But also it's totally impossible to ignore other stats sometimes. The meta has an interesting point. If you are somebody who cares a lot about your progress, then you got to measure something. But like what's the right thing to measure?

[vacantgodling]

re. about

REN -> renjamin when you want to scream my name like a disappointed and scandalized parent, rimz for cool kids, R.A.A for formal stuff (OFFICIALLY!!!!!)

26 -> 10.02 i age up

black, transmasc (he/him) & queer (achillean/mlm 🌲🍵☁️🧊🈳)

also been dating the love of my life for 6 years now & we make stories together. check them out here! -> @mothgrudge

neurodivergent, surprising no one

since tumblrs dying find me elsewhere here

also here’s a general psa for youngins that want to follow me. if you’re like 16-19 please read this first. i’m not making a rule or anything that i don’t want youngins following me but like please understand i’m an adult and i’m not tailoring my space to you.

you’ll rarely find me outside of tumblr but i offer art commissions, i have a discord (i don’t really do huge servers they make me anxious but 2-6 people is chill) & i have an art insta. i also have a pinterest for my wips. u can also technically add me on battlenet but i only play overwatch (tis my special interest). i also have a bluesky now if anyone else is on there LMAO

re. wips

i have a LOT of them. but the main one you truly need to know about is:

THE FALL OF GALERÉ BOOK I: PARAMOUR || “saved” from an imminent social death through arranged marriage, HYACINTHUS SHRAPNEL is whisked away to The Chateau aux Aisles D’or, where an unlikely sexual relationship with his butler AMON leads to far more than he bargained for. -> wip intro & powerpoint intro || character intros || gunn sibling kin assigner || s: paramour (main tag) || writing recaps

however i will talk about my other wips at random. you can find a full masterlist of all my wips and ideas HERE!

i also have a wip sampler series where i’m posting passages that encapsulate major vibes or themes of my wips. part one is here!

re. navigation

talking -> musings and personal thoughts

about renjamin -> insight to me / who i am

ren analysis -> when i get meta about my wips

ren mix -> a treasure trove of my music taste

ren polls -> any polls i make

ren reads -> for my ramblings and analysis as i try to get back into books

friends tag -> talking with friends or boosting my friends work

others work -> boosting other writeblrs work

hall of fame -> praise / things that make me happy that i want to keep

ren writing -> all of my writing in one place

ren poems -> all of my poems in one place

ren fic -> all of my fandom related writing in one place

short stories tag -> micro or flash fiction bits and bobs

ren art -> all my art

q eh you eh -> queue

sex mention -> tag for any sexual content.

worldbuilding -> all of my worldbuilding notes across all my wips

find the word tag -> for this game specifically so i can find it

last line tag -> for this game specifically so i can find it

ren hot cakes -> specifically for my overly opinionated opinions

writing recap -> tracking my writing journey so i can hold myself accountable

to read -> others works that i need to get around to reading

rens ocs but sims -> for when i make my ocs in the sims lol

ren plays -> me talking about video games but it’s usually overwatch

[gffa]

dunno if it helps with the brain circus but i like glancing at the star wars meta when i originally followed for the dc comics discussion

youre really eloquent and insightful when doing the analysis so im really happy to see whatever you get into

Aww, this is really sweet and it does help with the brain circus! I do sometimes feel torn between how I really like the corner of fandom I've tucked myself into here, I like the people that I'm friendly with, but that sometimes I feel it does hold me back from talking more with DC people, because the blog is still more Star Wars than it is anything else and that's a lot to ask DC-only people to put on their dashes, even if I do take fairly consistently. On the other hand, I guess I'll keep reframing it in my head that I'm luring some DC fans in and yelling at you all about how much I love the Jedi AND trying to lure Star Wars fans into DC, like you're already used to the hell pit that is SW canon/fandom, you'll be fine in DC, come join me, I have lots of hilarious comic moments, gorgeous art, fic recs, and character relationships that will make you want to punt yourself into the sun because they're so unhinged and unhealthy but also amazing! Joinnnnnn ussssssss.

[qqueenofhades]

AHAHA! YOUR GOOD OMENS S2 META AND FIC HAVE MADE ME SCREAM AND THANK YOU FOR WRITING AND SHARING!!!

YOUR ANALYSIS IS SPOT ON AND EVEN MADE ME REALIZE NEW THINGS THAT TWIST MY HEART EVEN MORE!! I AM IN AGONY AND LOVE IT HERE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

I must ask because I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the matter (although feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to/don’t think there’s anything to it) (and also if perhaps you spoke about it in your meta post and I unfortunately missed it): What do you think of the recurring theme of Aziraphale and “Forgiveness/Forgiving people”?

I’m guessing most everyone remembers “May you be forgiven” from the bandstand scene from season 1, and season 2 opens with Aziraphale “forgiving” Maggie’s debt (which I believe he later tells Crowley is for “only selfish reasons of course” and is quite happy about it.) He also mentions he’s quite good at forgiveness… and then I’m forced to think of reminded of the “I forgive you” at the end. I think it’s interesting that he says “I” at this moment… and can’t help but wonder if this is a heat of the moment aspect or something that taps into something much… deeper. Subconscious perhaps. Also the idea of what exactly he is forgiving. Is it really “forgiveness” for a kiss or… forgiveness for something else????

I want to scream into the woods for YEARS

Anyways!! Just curious!! Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and insights, I love to see them!!!

Aha, thank you so much! And yes, GOD YES, I absolutely DO HAVE THOUGHTS (TM) about Aziraphale and Forgiveness. It is one of the things that I could have gotten to in my previous meta, but didn't, in the interest of it not being twice as long as it was. But. Yes.

I think we're meant to read the theme in two senses: one, about Aziraphale's struggle with his identity as an angel, and two, about Aziraphale's struggle with his queerness (in this case, queer being his attraction to a male-presenting demon, but gender isn't at all the thing that's keeping them apart; it's definitely the demon part). Aziraphale likes forgiving people because he's an angel, but as he says re: Maggie, it is selfish. It is a quick and easy way for Aziraphale to demonstrate Goodness, it requires very little sacrifice from him, and he can do it whether or not the person in question wants it (in re: the Final Fifteen, where he just twists the knife further after the kiss). In the case of Maggie, it will get him slavish gratitude, he feels Good, he assumes the other person feels Good too -- success all around!

Except of course, Aziraphale is doing the kind of (inadvertently) hurtful weaponizing that we often talk about in regard to the cultural expectation that you have to Forgive people who have badly hurt you, usually your parents. Consider all the advice that you "need" to forgive them, it's on you to forgive them, you're a bad person if you don't -- even though in the case of toxic or abusive parents/family, they usually don't demonstrate any remorse at all. As discussed in my earlier meta, this is especially, painfully pertinent to Aziraphale because a) Heaven is the toxic family/partner, and b) they have, indeed, not demonstrated any remorse at all. Instead, they only keep tightening the noose, emotionally manipulating and gaslighting him even more, and otherwise showing no signs of ever letting up. They want Aziraphale to apologize for what he is, what he does, what he loves -- they want him to ask them for forgiveness, and they'll make a show of granting it, but only with serious strings attached. They've already convinced him to come back to heaven, only for him to realize they haven't changed at all and still want to unleash the Apocalypse. Aziraphale's own forgiveness, despite his best intentions, is still toxic and performative because this is where he learned how to do it, and Heaven's forgiveness of any kind is only ever an emotional manipulation. So he's doing it as an emotional manipulation of his own, even if he doesn't really mean to. Etc. etc. children of abusive families having to unlearn a shitton of toxic traits/emotional reflexes, and Aziraphale is still very tied to it.

As for his "forgiveness" of Crowley after the kiss, there's a few things going on there. First, he's panicking, he doesn't know what to do, he's terrified of actually, fully choosing Crowley at that moment and therefore openly defying Heaven, and so he just reaches for it as a security blanket. He thinks it'll comfort Crowley by somehow magically telling him, "I don't hold that against you and I know why you did it, I want you too but I can't admit that," but while this might be what Aziraphale means, it's not at all what he communicates. Instead it comes off as condescending, sanctimonious, No Homo, and seemingly ultimate proof to Crowley that Aziraphale doesn't return his feelings and views the kiss as some kind of sacrilege that he, the Bad Old Demon Attempting Fleshly Temptation would otherwise be blamed for -- unless, of course, O Holy Aziraphale is so good as to forgive him for doing it. No wonder Crowley tells him not to bother. Everything that is encapsulated by that statement, and what it means for their relationship, is everything he cannot stand.

I also think we're supposed to read it in light of the also-previously-discussed metaphor for religion, queerness, and what religion, especially fundamentalist organized religion, does to queer people. In so many cases, any explicit queerness, or attempt to act on that queerness, in a religious framework, is met with this exact kind of pitying condescension: "I'll pray for you" or "I forgive you for your unseemly queer desires, as long as you repent," or "love the sinner, hate the sin" or other pious platitudes that don't represent any real acceptance and only serve to increase the hurt (not least because "love" is always in very short supply). So for Aziraphale to say that to Crowley, even if that's not really what he means, is the ultimate gut punch. It's not a coincidence that he's offered what he thinks is the best plan -- Heaven! Them as angels together! Returning to serve the terrible system in the fanciful idea they can make it Better! -- and Crowley rejects that unsatisfying and impossible framework in favor of that desperate, wild, angry kiss. It's the antithesis of what Aziraphale is offering, but he can't accept what Crowley's offering instead because it likewise is so far beyond anything he has comprehended or feels ready to take, and... ouch.

Anyway, I also don't think it's a coincidence that the next time we see them in s3 (/stares pointedly at Amazon), Aziraphale will be the one in the position of needing forgiveness -- real forgiveness -- from Crowley, and both of them damn well know it. And how they get there, and how they negotiate to the point where they reach it, will be the emotional key of that final act, and for their happy ever after.

[shihalyfie]

Have you seen the new 02 movie? Expecting a post about it would be unreasonable with how it basically just came out, but i like your analysis and would love to talk about the movie in dms or something if you have!

I have seen the movie! I will say that right now, I don't want to write any detailed analysis posts or meta until the movie is out on streaming/home video (Blu-ray) or at least until there's some reliable way for me to check back on its contents. I don't trust the vagueness of human memory, and unlike with Kizuna where we had a novelization with a near-perfect transcript of the dialogue, we only have testimony from people who have seen the movie to work with. So I'm afraid to say that I can't give any really detailed insights on the movie at the moment, and that anything I do say needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

However, I am willing to at least have some general chit-chat about it! Any posts about the movie's contents for now will be under the tag #02tb spoilers, with as much of it under a read-more as possible. I also do at least plan on making an FAQ post like I did for Kizuna, answering general questions on what to expect for people who are curious about the movie (with no or mild spoilers). (Edit: I did!) And of course, you can bet I'll at least be organizing my thoughts until I can write more detailed stuff later! I'm afraid to say I probably won't be able to write as much on it as I did for Kizuna because I'm much busier than I was back then, but I'd at least like to do something. (I am at least glad to see that it doesn't seem I'll have to retroactively revise any of my older posts...)

If you don't mind, I'll go ahead and pin this post so people know my stance going forward!

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

Introduction post!!

Kia Ora!!!!! My name is Eric! My main account is @wisecrackingeric-2 where I am most active and post art!!!!! You may also know me as the person who hosted Serennedy Pride Week 2024!!

[if you have the time, PLEASE pretty please check out all the amazing art and writing under the tag everyone is SO DAMN TALENTED]

This is a side account dedicated to all things Luis Serra Navarro- I’ll be posting my own analysis, theories, character explorations and other general goofy posts!! I’ll also be reblogging posts about Luis I find informative or insightful, and some art as well!!!

This blog is meant to be a space to share theories, headcannons, and general positivity around Luis Serra Navarro, but also serves as a bit of a place to house any popular analysis/headcannon posts!!! So if you’re looking for something in particular, you’ll probably find it here!! Otherwise if you have a post you really enjoy but haven’t seen here, please please please feel free to send it to me!!!! I’ll also be posting about the ship serennedy quite often, and I’ll post about trans-related stuff every now and then!!

I most likely won’t be responding to anything on here, so if you URGENTLY need me for something, go to my main account!!!!! I also do NOT give permission for my posts to be screenshotted and reposted on other sites such as twitter or TikTok!!!!!

Please don’t interact with my account if you are a t3rf/here to try and “disprove” headcannons or erase important information, super hardcore pr0sh!p/fandom discourse blog/ship discourse blog/anti queer/race discourse, if you consistently whitewash Luis in any way shape or form and/or ignore POC voices, call Luis a ‘predator’ or a creep, or if you’re just going to be racist/transphobic/bigoted in general or if you’re only here to try and ‘prove me wrong’ or start and argument!!! And most obviously, if you come here and try to spout negativity about Luis, I will simply block you!!! This isn’t a discourse/meta analysis blog, this is just for fun!!

Also please don’t follow me if you’re an 18+/NSFW blog!! I’m not comfortable with sexual jokes!

Tl;dr: I love Luis a lot and he is always on my mind, so I made a blog dedicated to posting silly stuff about him!!!! Please don’t take my stuff TOOOOOOO seriously!!!

Hashtags I use for navigation under cut!!

#serennedyprideweek: the tag I used to host the Pride-themed Serennedy ship week in June 2024!!

#othersposts: other peoples posts!

#luisposting: my own posts/text posts!

#sillyposting: posts that are lighthearted or aren’t meant to be taken seriously!

#ericsart: Art reblogged from my main account!

#othersart: Art from other people!

#reblog: exactly what it says on the tin!

#serennedy: all things Serennedy-related!

#trans: for trans related stuff specifically!

#asks: for posts answering asks!

#important: important posts!

#to do: stuff I plan on responding to!

#Don Quixote 1957: for things about the 1957 Soviet Russian film Don Quixote by Orson Wells!!

#otherstags: for tags other people have added!

And finally, if you’re looking for a good end-all analysis video on Luis, I can’t reccomended HeroFatBrett’s video ‘Luis Serra — How RE4Remake Transformed Him Into The Series’ Most Tragic Hero’ enough!!! Unfortunately it won’t let me add links but you can find it on both of their YouTube channels!!!!!