#i have no idea what to make of them so i resort to bullying their lack of content

[thecatkennel]

attempts at those three bozos from the prologue

[sirensea14]

SMILING CRITTERS X BULLIED!READER

Scenario: you are friends with the smiling critters and one day, they found out you were being bullied (lets say there are (3) bully npc's in the cartoon lol)

These Cartoon counterparts seem to be a bit... ooc...

Warning: bullying, violence, "worst case scenario" added for dogday, craftycorn roasting, hoppy choosing violence and rejecting humanity, catnap being catnap, writing may be a bit sloppy and weird lol

A/n: this had got to be one of the most random ideas i had

DogDay

As the leader of the Smiling Critters and your friend, he tries to resolve this in a peaceful manner. He confronts the bullies with you tagged along and attempts to make them apologize to you and wants them to compensate by cleaning the school, canteen and the garden by a whole week.

Of course, the bullies won't do it, so he goes to the teachers to address the problem.

The bullies are punished and will have cleaning duties for more than a week.

Worst case scenario (because i wanted to /j):

If the bullies resorted to violence in an attempt to scare DogDay, he fought back and defended you. You ran for help but one got out of his reach and punched you, he bit the one/s he's fighting and rushed at your aid and barked at the bully. "DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY FRIEND AGAIN!!"

The bullies got scared and ran to the clinic but DogDay barked and chased them until they were punished by the nurse and teachers.

You asked DogDay if he was okay, he grinned at you with a thumbs up, saying, "Of course I am! I will never let anyone dim you down!"

You smiled at his conviction, you were happy that you had such a sunny friend.

Bobby BearHug

After knowing you were being bullied, she immediately went to confront them. You were so scared and you didn't want her to get hurt, but she reassured you she can handle it and winked.

Reaching the bullies' spot, she confronted them. The bulkies glared at you and you cowered behind the bear's back, "So i heard you were bullying my friend? You better pay for that. You must apologize to my friend, now" She hissed, crossing her arms. The bullies simply laughed.

Bobby didnt hesitate to punch the bully on his face. His nose bled. Bobby was a sweet soul, but she's a bear, a predator, a tough cookie to crack. "DO I HAVE TO REPEAT WHAT I SAID?! APOLOGIZE TO MY FRIEND. NOW."

The bullies apologized while trembling in fear. "You can go back to whatever business you are doing now," she said in sweetly, though, there was venom to it, "Dare try to bully my friend once more and I will make sure to tear your limbs apart, skin you alive and--"

You tapped Bobby's shoulder before she went on full detail. "Whoops!" She giggled, scratching the back of her head looking at you. "Now, GO HOME." She pointed out at them, "Please!" of course, she never forgets her manners. That's not very Bobby if she didnt mind her manners, even to her enemies.

KickinChicken

Oh expect this bird to not handle things peacefully, especially with you being hurt. You were away from him, doing your own things. He went to the bullies, but of course, he can't go alone. He knows he can't handle them so he asked DogDay and Hoppy to hop along with him.

Hoppy looked like she was about to murder someone... a baseball bat was with her. DogDay and Kickin talked it out first with the bullies. But when they wouldn't budge, Hoppy stepped in and handed Kickin the bat. "NOW, WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?" He tapped the bat to his wing. DogDay was against it, but didn't protest, Hoppy was trying not to smirk at the bullies.

The 3 critters and the bullied were headed to your way. You got startled and scared but DogDay, Kickin and Hoppy immediately went to your side. "Now, APOLOGIZE." Kickin forced a smile at them, and they apologized to you.

After that, DogDay took them in for their punishment. Hoppy taked the bat back so that she can go back playing baseball with the others. You thabked Kickin for his action and he blushed, brushing it off as "nothing". You and him sat by a tree and watched the other critters play on the field.

Hoppy Hopscotch

"Wait--Hoppy!" Yoy tried to stop Hoppy from going to the bullies. But she immediately scolded you for being a coward for not telling her this, you explained they threatened you but she didn't listen. "THOSE MFS ARE NO MATCH FOR ME," she spat on the ground.

As soon as you twto spotted the bullies, she didn't waste any time and immediately launched her fists at them. Knocking them off guard. She didnt let any of them escape her wrath. And then she grabbed your hand to run and leave them alone in the open.

CraftyCorn

Crafty was aware of it. "Why aren't you telling me this? We're friends!" She yelled at you. You explained they were going to hurt you if--"Let's go to them!" Crafty smatched your hand and went to the bullies.

Before you knew it, you were corned by the bullies. Taunting and laughing at you two. At first, fear was on ghe unicorn's face but it immediately changed to anger. "You're bullying my friend! You know you shouldn't be doing that!"

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it, horse piss? Your friend's quite a coward and seems to be undeserving to be here." One of the bullies taunted her.

"YOU INSULTING MY FRIEND SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU'RE SO INSECURE ABOUT YOURSELF, IT TELLS A LOT ABOUT YOU, YKNOW?" Crafty snapped.

"COWARD. UGLY. USELESS. TRASH. GOOD FOR NOTHING. YOUR BIRTH WAS A MISTAKE." She added. Then you two turned around and left, you can tell that crafty was so angry because of her trembling hooves. The bully targeted by Crafty's words cried while his other two friends mocked him for being a crybaby.

Moments later--"Ah! I'm sorry! I didnt mamage to make them apologize to you! Sorrysorrysorry--!" Crafty apologized to you. "No, no! It's okay, Crafty! What you said was way more satisfying," in all silliness, you stuck your tongue out. Crafty giggled and she went back to pher canvas,ready to paint another new piece,"oh? Whats that called?" You asked as she sketched out what seems to be shadows looming over a figure protecting a smaller one behind it, there were separated figures at their opposite side, seemingly the figure with shadiws protecting the smaller one from attackers.

"Oh this? I call it... 'Happy Snappy!"

PickyPiggy

Picky was uneasy that day. Ever since she knew you were being bullied, she wasted no time to gather all the trash and dump it anywhere where the bullies would have been to. "HEHEHEHEHE..." The bullies ended up getting scolded by the teachers for dumping 'their' trash around. Pickypiggy snickered behind a tree, watching them from afar. She was quite fast and undetectable.

The bullies bags' had trash in them, their armchairs full of waste.

Then she tricked them into meeting up in a corner, she had full trash cans up on the roof, Hoppy and Kickin assisting her. Then they dumped the pile at them. You took the chance to run and report it to the teachers.

The trio fist bumped in victory and Picky was grateful for their help. She went back to you as you told her the weird thing that happened to the bullies--while eating cookies together.

Bubba Bubbaphant

The smart guy of the group. He was devastated at the fact that you didnt told him anything about your situation. He confronted them in full glasses nerd mode on, you came up to him and told him not to challenge them any further. He ended up getting beaten up by the bullies, he wasnt able to fight. Good thing DogDay was patrolling the area nearbt you.

Bubba was sent to a clinic, but he talked to DogDay first for a special request.

The next day, "man, this room sucks." One of the bullies complained. "What are we doing here anyway?" One of them groaned. They were in detention for two weeks, "How are we supposed to go to our classes now?"

Just in time, Bubba walked inside the room, "Okay class, I'll be your teacher for the next two weeks." He sneered at them. The bullies groaned at him as he wrote down a hell of math on the board. "This is your punishment for bullying a friend of mine, bear with it, losers."

CatNap

And of course, CatNap. He was a sleepyhead of a friend, when he knew you were being bullied, he simply 'slept'.

By nighttime, he went one by one to the bullies' houses. Scaring them and making them scream so loud. He was giving them nightmares with the message of "VIOLENCE OR SILENCE?" This went on for a long time until they gave up bullying you and went on full silent mode.

CatNap still haunts them even if they stopped bullying you.

[thatbitchery]

Unlearn the dumb idea that inflicted pain justifies your reaction to it. It doesn't. Ladies elite women make it because we have a level of stoicism that borders on sociopathic apathy, exhibit A: we don't react to triggers we mimosa, sleep, see if it's worth it then logically make decisions. The idea that when someone does you dirty you have the right to react based on emotions so you're angry mad throwing names & hands sending texts talking sheet & other loser girl things is dumb dumb. You're not justified to react. 'They did me wrong' . So? Sit down, watch Netflix, wait for the emotions to pass then use the head God so generously gave you + that pretty face bonus.

When you react to people doing you wrong you give them the permission to bypass their actions & focus on your reaction so if your bf cheats on you & you start screaming sending 1b texts making titktoks he can bypass his cheating & focus on you're immature you're abusive why did you hit me you're mentally unstable you throw things around bla bla & will never face what he did. When we say be non reactive we aren't asking you to be a stone we are asking you to be smart. Do you want to get manipulated? Abused? Sit down get a manicure & go for brunch. Run to your room scream cry anhiliate your pillow but when they're watching its Elsa Lite, froooozen ice queen don't let them in don't let them see, ever.

One tactic m3n use in divorce court is to get the lady so triggered she loses her cool then it's look at her could you live with that? I'm taking my child this is an abusive woman & men don't leave relationships they just trigger you into irrational behavior and use that as an excuse & crying is worse what did we say about public vulnerability? Go cry to your bestie and God in your house out here tears are a sign to bully you. When you're not reactive you throw THEM out of balance and you hold the cards, once you go 'right to my opinion I'm the victim' we'll find you a grave bc that's called social suicideeee.

Two friends. Real life story here, ladies. Ah high-school back in the good old days.

We call them Allie and Sara. High school circles were tight so you're friends with someone you're also friends with their bfs, right? Alice & Sara both got cheated on (by m3n looking like area 9 failed experiment Shrek cosplayers but that's not thepoint). The bfs know that they were discovered. Allie, Allie is that girl. Drama girl. Find him in cafeteria & make a scene girl. How could you cheat on me you suck your pp is short anyway bla bla watch me devalue myself. Allie feels good in the moment, her bf leaves and tell his friends of course i cheated that girl is crazy. Would you date someone like her? So immature. Women are so ovarical I can't handle it. Evening the story is- she was abusive. She hit him & threw words in public imagine in private? He's been protecting her in silence, you know women can be abusive too.

Sara, Sara my love. Sara sits next to her Shrek Lite boy and says hey so that girl you kissed, Jane was it? She's pretty. You have taste. End of story. After lunch her Human experiment failure boy says let's talk she says sure abd listens with 'mhm' and nods. She meant nothing babe she seduced me I'm an adolescent what can I do bla bla. She nods says okay and goes to class. Days goes as usual. Evening we get dinner , Weekend we do research for our papers & talk college. Is she talking to him? Yes. Painfully polite, painfully. No emojis no nothing just shallow dry polite texts. Let's talk about this babe- is left on blue ticks. Monday morning her factory reject lookalike is losing his mind, she's being painfully polite, in a shallow way, so he resorts to triggering. It's because you're like this you are like a man and I'm straight I need a woman bla bla. She says OK then turns to the next person & did you hear about the trip to the beach? Of course I'm going. Boy realizes that's not working & resorts to Allie behavior- throw a tantrum in public make yourself the victim why won't you give me the pleasure of being the one to push you to your edge? Sara says babe pull yourself together you're embarrassing your family. Do you need your anxiety meds? My therapist is good she can treat hysteria are you okay? No this isn't like you, this is hysteria babe do you need psychological help? No this isn't normal , hey do you guys think it's normal to do this? I'm calling your mom babe we are getting you a mental check hold up-

Heres a little secret. In private? In our dorms? Sara was BAWLING her eyes out. Chocolates & Styrofoam cups. We are talking 3am on the bathroom floor. In public?

Guess who won.

Unlearn the idea that you're entitled to reacting to others actions to you, you're not. Learn to hold your tongue and tears and smile and Elsa don't let then in don't let them see then call mom and spend the rest of the week in her arms crying. The amount of women I've seen triggered out of their jobs, marriages, houses, parenting &c when they were 10000% the victim from lack of emotional intelligence is unforgivable.

Dont, be dumb. Don't let yourself think you have the freedom of expression, you don't. Not in the way you want to. Go write a poem but remember everything you say can and will, in fact, be used against you.

Non reaction is the highest level of power in existence. Mind over body. Logic over emotion.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

How would konig react if reader left? like maybe without a trace n just disappeared cause she couldn’t anymore?

Hehehe... No one escapes König.

TW/CW: Can we just all agree that toxic!König is a trigger warning on its own from now on? I mean, it's the regular: stalking, harassing, sexism, potential killing(s)... also light angst (featherlight if you compare to the "cheating on König" answer.)

I mean, sure, he would be upset if he found out reader is trying to get away from him. He's not stupid. König knows he's built different (in more ways than one) and knows he will never be the man reader deserves. Still, he is fixed on the idea that they belong together. They are carved from the same tree. She is the moon to his sun, the light to his darkness. Wherever she goes, he goes. It should be the other way around, but if the woman of his dreams plays hard to get... Sure, he'll entertain her.

If someone approaches reader, König gets very territorial. Those poor souls get threats, maybe even some stabbing – this really depends on the situation. But if reader tries to detach or leave the relationship, he would observe this change in behavior with curious anxiety.

If drastic measures are taken and she tries to escape or make a disappearing act, König would simply do everything he can to find her. And let me tell you: this man can and will outwit anyone who doesn't share his background and training. So unless reader gets some actual, skilled, professional help from outside, she doesn't have much of a chance.

And when König eventually finds her, he would try to talk her back. Just persuade, persuade, persuade. Apologize if and when he has done something wrong. Shower her with attention and compliments and gifts. Beg, even – on his knees like a lovelorn knight. If reader says it's over and she doesn't want to continue the relationship, it would break his heart. But that would only last for a day or two. He knows who he belongs to and most of all, who belongs to him, so he would form a plan. König wouldn't get too discouraged.

He would simply draw his shoulders back and stay around. For years, if need be. After all, he already won her heart – he will do so again. He promised he would never let her go.

He would check up on her, be very suave and gentlemanly about it. Reader can always talk to him if she needs someone to turn to. They can at least remain friends, right?

If she answers his calls, he would at some point come over. Uninvited, yes, but just to pay a brief visit... See if she needs something. He is always willing to help should reader need something. A bookshelf needs to be assembled? He's on it! Reader needs a ride somewhere? He's already on his way. Whatever it is, he can do it. (He will show her how useful he is, verdammt noch mal.)

If reader tries to see others... uh-oh. König would start by threatening the possible candidates. No one would stay around for long to oppose this man. If they did, well, death sentence for them! Or at least a new hole somewhere. While he sort of knows that what he's doing is wrong, he also can't stand the idea of someone laying eyes, let alone a finger on her. He can't stand the thought of spending the rest of his life without her, because if she were to find someone new, someone better, he would watch that shit from afar and slowly break to pieces. And that's just not an option.

One slip of a comfort fuck, and she wouldn't get him out of her house. He would view it as a sign that you're back together again no matter what you tell him. Also, did I say comfort fuck? I meant mad, pent-up pounding that lasts the whole night. The sheets would be in shreds, reader would be covered in sweat and cum and tears and bite marks made in the heat of passion and frustration. The cuddles that follow nearly leave her bruised. König has missed her SO much 💞

So, the cocktail would be: hunting her down, harassing, stalking and "helping" her, bullying her dates... Our king would even resort to simping 🥺.

But König would only say he's in love. He will simply never find another you ❤️. (And you're not allowed to find anyone else either.)

He would view it romantic in a way: reader forces him to woo her all over again! As we already know, hunter/prey dynamics only give him a thrill. She must like the setting too. Why else would she do something like this? "Women and their games…" That would be his thought, accompanied with a shrug.

[mellowwillowy]

Let's talk about Yan! TWST!

The Yan that enjoys inflicting pain on you would be...

Riddle doesn't see the charm of hurting you and so are his card soldiers. But, that doesn't mean Riddle will not hurt you dear, oh noooo, do you remember the time your guardian punished you with something that hurt physically? A pinch on your forearm or a smack by the ruler? Take that double-fold.

"Now now, what did I say about standing straight?" Riddle fixes your posture with his staff before eyeing you from head to toe, "I assume you've been good today, you are safe from the... unsavory punishment, I'd say."

Cater can understand the charm of it, I mean, he enjoys biting you every now and then playfully! Now Imagine what if he does it with a different intention, hm?

Trey is, hm, 50/50. Just like Riddle except that part of him secretly loathes the fact that he wishes he could do more for you but that won't do good. He is not supposed to act like this.

The ADeuce duo? They are wholesome babies who just sometimes enjoy bullying you, just sometimes! Maybe a poke and prod here until it suddenly escalates into something that actually hurts you. Will immediately realize that and apologize to you nonstop.

Leona? You bet you got lots of bite marks and scratch marks! He treats you like his chewing toy and he loves it! Well, part of his sadistic side will sometimes take over and turn this into a much darker turn.

"Hey, come now, don't trouble me from having to find you, herbivore. Stop hiding unless you want me to drag you out with my fangs."

Ruggie and Jack don't really get it. Aren't they supposed to treasure and protect those who they love? Sure, the animalistic sides of marking might come every now and then but that's as far as it goes.

Alright, the Tweels are right off the bat. Any kind of pain honestly, physically and mentally. You get the drill. "What do you say if we turn you into a literal shrimp? Maybe... bend your back until you look like one, shrimpy?" "Kukuku, that is a great idea though I am worried about the aftereffects."

And the person who would be opposed to this would be the Octopus, Azul.

He prefers his angelfish to be unscratched unlike those brutes after all (Though he understands why they love seeing your fear-stricken expression, it truly has its own charm.) "You two! Stop playing around and go back to work if you have the time to bother them! ... Hey, are you alright?" Azul will check on you and tend to any bruises they leave after they are gone.

put that chain down! Real talk here though? Both Kalim and Jamil are on the same flavour but they leave different aftertaste.

Now I know Kalim is such a sunshine baby that is soooo sooo, free of threat and won't even have the thought of hurting you for fun. But what if he has no other choice but to do this...? Now he doesn't take any form of pleasure from this but what I'm trying to say is that he is not below from hurting you indirectly.

Take it when he feels the need to chain you down, should he let the others do this dirty deed or should he do this himself? The idea of someone else hurting you makes him sick but so does the idea of him having to immobilize you!

"I'm really sorry but I just, have no choice! I'll make it up to you, name anything you want and I'll give it to you in a blink! Everything... but leaving me... then I will grant it to you like a magic lamp..."

In Jamil's case though he just resorted to this method should his paranoia reach a certain extent. What if you leave him even though he hasn't done anything much for you at all? Should he charm you with his UM or... should he just straight up immobilize you and lock you away in the dorm, away from privy eyes? Or maybe should he shamelessly ask for Kalim's assistance in sending you to Scalding Sands for the time being?

"Rest assured, Najma will be there for you."

The Hunter, Rook. Now listen to me, no he doesn't find any pleasure in the same way the Tweels do. Take him as a hunter, only wounding you to keep you immobile and that's all, he'd prefer to not wound you at all to ensure your beauty unscratched like a taxidermized animal!

The people who would go against this would be Vil and Epel! Come on now, really? He'd rather inflict emotional and mental pain than this! How is he supposed to cover the bruises, let alone if it remains as a scar?

"Rook! What did I tell you about not leaving any mark on them? Can't you just ever listen?" "Aha, I'm so sorry~! It's just that they have been hopping around like a rabbit so I had no choice but to treat them as one."

As for Epel, he just doesn't see the charm in causing any pain to his dearest darling at all. He prefers seeing you smiling and laughing rather than crying. Oh gosh, these sick fucks are questionable!

"Even so, you shouldn't retort to this method! Oh no... it hurts so much, right...?"

Do not touch Ortho in the wrong way but damn this murder bot is on the loose. He will most definitely be doing the dirty job here for Idia like dude, he will stun you right on the spot should his system detect any suspicious movements and signs of doing something dumb.

Idia on the other hand is pretty neutral about this. Yeah, comatose, knocked out cold. Cool. You shouldn't have done that, noob, can't you at least make a plan that will allow you to evade Ortho's sight of view? Not like the phone he gave you will not save him from this trouble though.

"You thought you could sneak out of an enemy base camp that easily? You gotta at least watch the walkthrough from start to finish, anyway, off we go... to the enemy's underground chamber."

He'd prefer things to be as solace as possible so I think he doesn't enjoy partaking in this trope with these sadistic bitches. (He's just a silly meow meow after all)

Lilia has a kink in marking you with his fangs and it shows~ That, is on the playful note, what about the much darker note? Moments when the fistfight you two share turns into an uncontrollable fight that allows him to cut you with his nails and punch you right in your guts, hard, until you choke out.

"Ah~? Sorry, did I go too hard? I forgot that your body is now just as fragile as a stuffed doll!" He'll shrug it off playfully while relishing in your state for a moment before helping you ^^ (Ah, he misses those good' ol days so dearly!)

Malleus, Silver, and Sebek though? They are shaking their heads at Lilia but can't say anything about it.

Malleus sees this as a way to keep you still next to him, maybe by spraining your ankle or slamming your head so that you are knocked out.

Silver on the other hand does not lay a single finger on you with the intention of hurting you, at all! Cinnamon baby! huhuhu.

Sebek? After watching Lilia and Malleus, he deems this to be some sort of disciplinary action! He takes pride in it while secretly pushing away the guilt of hurting you and the fact that he was enchanted by the teary sight of you.

Divider Credit: @edith-is-a-cat

I have favorites and it shows. (Lilia)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Synopsis: Saturday rolls around, and Karasu finally takes you on that date he promised you. Continuation of Five Ways to Kill a Crow! (part three here!)

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Karasu x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 6.9k

Content Warnings: reader and karasu are sickeningly down bad for one another but that does NOT stop them from bullying each other when necessary, karasu is never beating the simp allegations though, lowkey hiori slander (in line with the light novel), reader has a protective father, karasu is a good bf tbh, crow boy is thrown into the water (affectionately)

A/N: KARASU ANON THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!! i will post the rest of your requests once i write them hehe i love this man so trust i will be getting all of them done asap.

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own. now closed!

Staring at the pile of rejected clothes by the foot of your bed, you groaned, burying your face in your hands. It was Saturday, and Karasu was supposed to be at your house in an hour, but for the life of you, you could not figure out what you wanted to wear on your date. It didn’t help that he was being so secretive about where you were going; when you had texted him asking about the dress code, he told you that anything was acceptable and then refused to elaborate. Apparently, according to him, you looked fine in whatever you wore and you were stressing out for no reason.

“Stupid Karasu,” you muttered, picking up your phone and deciding it was time for your absolute last resort. You hadn’t wanted to go to her, because if you asked for her advice, you’d also have to listen to the speech that would inevitably accompany it, but at this point, you were out of options. Before you could chicken out, you clicked on your best friend’s contact, video calling her and waiting for her to pick up.

She did so almost immediately, though she was very clearly in the middle of a workout, judging by her red face and the sweat dripping down her forehead. Recently, she was going through a phase where she spent at least half an hour on the treadmill everyday, and it seemed you had caught her at a bad time. Regardless, she grinned at you.

“Hey, Y/N!” she huffed out. “I was just about to text you, actually, so this is good timing.”

“Not now,” you said. “I’m having a code-red emergency.”

“What’s up?” she said. “Will going bowling with us and a couple of the guys later tonight help with it? That’s what I was going to invite you to. Don’t worry, Karasu already said he can’t go, so things won’t be awkward or anything.”

“Unfortunately, I’m busy tonight,” you said. “I’m going on a date — that’s why I called you, actually. I need outfit advice. I’ve never been on a date before, so I have no idea what to wear!”

“A date?” she shrieked before looking around, obviously embarrassed that she had reacted in such a way at her public gym. “I mean, a date? With who? Is it that guy I was telling you about, the one who thought he might have a chance with you now that you and Karasu had ‘broken up’ or whatever?”

“No,” you said. “Please, I have standards. You may think they’re absurdly low, but they do exist.”

“Then who?” she said. 

“So, funny story,” you said, wincing and bracing yourself for the incoming lecture. “It’s actually with Karasu.”

There was a silence, but you knew that it was deceiving. It didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to react; rather, she was gathering her thoughts, processing the information she had received, and preparing her reaction.

“Karasu?” she said. “Like Tabito Karasu? Soccer player Tabito Karasu? Your ‘mortal enemy’ who you’re ‘so glad is finally leaving you alone’ Tabito Karasu? The one who you refused to talk to because you found him immature? You’re going on a date with him? And it’s tonight?” 

“Spot on,” you said. “That’s why I need your help picking my outfit—”

“No, no, hold on just a second. How long has this been going on?” she said.

“Look, I don’t have time for this. He’s going to be here in an hour, and I’m just standing around in a bathrobe!” you said.

“Okay, show me the options while you talk,” she said. Figuring you weren’t going to get out of it, you flipped the camera so she could see the few choices you had settled on as you began to speak.

“One of his soccer teammates came to me on Wednesday and helped me realize what I had done wrong. Then he invited me to their game that evening, so I went to watch them. Once the game was over, I found Karasu and apologized to him, after which he asked me to go to dinner with him on Saturday — meaning, today,” you said.

“You’ve had plans with Karasu since Wednesday and you didn’t tell me? Also, option two is my favorite. It’ll highlight your figure the best, I think, but it doesn’t look like it’ll be super uncomfortable, and it doesn’t give the impression that you’re trying too hard. Perfect for a first date! Although, considering he’s only really seen you in the school uniform, I’m pretty sure anything you could wear would impress him,” she said.

“You make it sound like I lied to you about it! I just wasn’t sure if I should tell you or not. I mean, it’s not like we’re officially going out or anything. It’s just one date, and it could go horribly wrong. Most likely it will, considering how things between us tend to go,” you said. “Also, thanks! That one was my favorite, too, but I needed the second opinion, and I wasn’t about to go ask my parents for help.”

“Sure, anytime. So what, were you planning on only mentioning it after the fact?” she said.

“Pretty much,” you said.

“You’re so annoying. I need live updates as they happen, not days later!” she said.

“Okay, okay, I promise I’ll keep you posted from now on,” you said, setting your phone down so you could get changed. “Happy?”

“Super happy. I can’t believe you’re going on a date with Karasu, though. No, actually, I can, because I’ve been shipping you guys together from the start, but it’s unreal that you’re finally giving in and doing it! It’s like a dream come true,” she said.

“You’re seriously strange,” you said. “Like I said, don’t expect much. The most I’m hoping for is a free meal.”

That was a lie. You really, really wanted it to go well. You just thought that, if you squealed and gushed about it with your best friend, you would, in a way, jinx it. And you couldn’t afford that, not when you had only just gotten him back, so you did your best to maintain a nonchalant exterior, even though internally, you were freaking out.

“Uh-huh, sure. If you guys get married, I better be the maid of honor! I have such a good speech planned. You’re not ready,” she said.

“Yeah, I’m fucking not! We haven’t even gone on one date yet, why are you already planning our wedding?” you said.

“I’m a bit of a romantic,” she said with a dreamy sigh. “Hey, if things work out between you two, do you think that you can set me up with one of his soccer friends? Besides Karasu, there’s no one attractive at our school, and of course he’s always been yours, so I’ve never even looked twice at him, but I’ll really be jealous if you have a boyfriend and I’m all single and lonely!”

“Sure,” you said. “I’ll talk to him about it, though, you know, even if it doesn’t work out, you could probably ask him yourself. Aren’t you guys kind of friends?”

“Not close enough for me to ask him to set me up with anyone, and definitely not close enough for me to keep talking to him if he wrongs you in any way!” she said.

“What if I wrong him?” you said, only half-joking. You were more terrified of that, of wronging Karasu, than anything. After all, the last falling out had been your fault, and although he had assured you that he didn’t hold it against you, you still worried that you might one day say something that drove him away from you forever.

“Nah, that’s impossible. You’re always right, Y/N!” she said. “Don’t worry so much. Go have fun! Like you said, you’ll get a meal out of it either way. Whatever else happens, happens. How about this — tomorrow, let’s get brunch together. That way, if things go badly, you still have something to look forward to, and if they go well, you have someone you can ramble to.”

“That sounds good,” you said.

“Yay! Okay, see you then! Don’t text me too many details unless it’s an emergency; I want to be surprised tomorrow by the full story,” she said.

“Thanks for the help,” you said, blowing her a kiss through the screen. “Enjoy the rest of your workout!”

“Will do!” she said, hanging up and leaving you with just enough time to finish getting ready before Karasu was supposed to arrive.

When you got downstairs, the first thing your mother did was clap. This gained the attention of your father, who nodded at you in a crisp, paternal way which meant he approved but was too emotional to say it. 

“You look beautiful, honey!” your mother said, pretending to wipe away a tear. “I can’t believe my baby is going on her first date.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” you said, rubbing your arm. “Do you really think I look nice?”

“Yes,” your father said, pausing the soccer match he was watching. “What’s that young man’s name, again? Kimitsu? I expect him to come inside and greet us before taking you out, like a proper gentleman would.”

“It’s Karasu,” you said. “And no, why would he waste his time doing that?”

“Nowadays, the youth just text one another once they’ve arrived,” your mother said sagely. “I watched a video about it on social media.”

“That’s appalling,” your father said with a sneer. 

“He’s not an appalling guy, father, it’s just more convenient that way,” you said. 

“If he can’t even push aside his own convenience to do something so simple, then how can he be a proper boyfriend?” your father said. “You deserve someone who goes above and beyond.”

“That’s true,” your mother said. “But social conventions and whatnot have changed. You can’t expect him to do something he doesn’t even know that he should do.”

“He should’ve been born with the knowledge,” your father griped. You rolled your eyes.

“Father, please just give him a chance,” you said. “Anyways, it’s only one date. There’ll be plenty of time for whatever you’re talking about later, if it even progresses to that point.”

Your father opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say next was cut off by a firm knock. Your parents exchanged looks before glancing at you in surprise; you shrugged, equally as taken aback as they were. All three of you crept towards the foyer, your mother shoving you forward and then drawing back to stand beside your father, giving you an encouraging thumbs up as you brushed yourself off and then opened the door. 

Karasu was waiting there, a bouquet of pale pink and white tulips in his right hand. When he noticed you standing before him in shock, he blushed slightly, shoving them into your arms and thumping his fist lightly atop your head in reprimand.

“I brought these for you, idiot,” he said. “I hope you like them. I had my sister help me pick them out so that they were perfect.”

The thought of him going to buy flowers with his older sister was oddly endearing. Maybe it was the fact that he had gone to such lengths for such a simple gesture, or maybe it was the way he was standing so stiffly, like he wasn’t sure whether you’d be pleased or not, but something about the gift made you relax upon its receival. He was nervous, too; it wasn’t just you who was scared about messing up. You and Karasu, you were in this together, and you thought that it was a little bit easier to stomach if it was like that.

“They’re really pretty,” you said. “I love them. Would you like to come inside while I put these in a vase? If you want, you can meet my parents. They’re kind of intense, though, so apologies if they say something strange.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, stepping in behind you. Your parents immediately pretended like they hadn’t been eavesdropping, your mother busying herself with rubbing at an imaginary smudge on the mirror propped up against the far wall, your father straightening one of the paintings hanging by the door. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. L/N. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tabito Karasu.”

“Kimitsu, eh?” your father said, puffing out his chest threateningly. Unfortunately, given Karasu’s height and impressive musculature, it was incredibly hard for almost anyone to seem threatening compared to him; thankfully, Karasu did not point this out, only smiling politely and offering your father his hand to shake.

“No, sir, it’s Karasu. Like the bird,” he said. Your father shook his hand warily, and before you could die from the secondhand embarrassment, you escaped to the kitchen, pulling out a vase from one of the cabinets and filling it with water so that you could put the flowers in it.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself quite a catch there,” your mother said, joining you in the kitchen. “He’s handling himself quite admirably in front of your father. And he even brought you flowers!”

“He did, didn’t he?” you said, admiring the splayed out bouquet. “They really are nice.”

“He did a good job picking them out,” your mother agreed.

“Him and his sister,” you corrected her. She tilted her head.

“It’s nice to see that he values her opinion. That tells me that he’ll probably value yours, too, if things between you two ever get serious,” she said.

“They’ll never get serious if father chases him off right here and now, though,” you said, taking one last look at the flowers and smiling to yourself. “I should probably go rescue him.”

“Agreed,” your mother said. 

You were expecting the worst when you returned to the foyer, but to your surprise, it was a heartwarming scene you walked in on. Karasu was leaning against the door, telling your father some story with great animation, and by the looks of it, your father was completely invested in the tale, his initially hostile posture replaced with his typical laid-back slouch. As soon as he noticed your re-entrance, Karasu paused, prompting your father to look over at you.

“Y/N!” your father said. “Karasu here was just telling me about how he started playing soccer. You didn’t tell me he was the captain of Bambi Osaka!”

“I didn’t think that it was relevant,” you said. In hindsight, maybe you should’ve mentioned it; your father loved watching soccer, and there was no doubt in your mind that he would’ve been much more receptive to Karasu if he had known that the boy was so talented at his preferred sport.

“We’ll have to continue this conversation at another time, sir,” Karasu said. “And please, if you ever want to come to one of our games, let me know. I’ll make sure you get good seats. Captain’s privileges and all.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” your father said, though he was obviously delighted by the offer.

“I insist. Anything for Y/N’s family,” he said. You made a face at him behind your father’s back; when your father turned to look at you, you schooled your expression into a sweet smile, discreetly flipping Karasu off when he responded in kind and stuck his tongue out at you.

“Have a great time, alright?” your father said. “Don’t get back too late.”

“Text us if you need anything!” your mother said.

“Will do,” you said. “Come on, Karasu, let’s go, or else you’ll be stuck talking to my father about soccer for hours.”

You dragged him over to his car as he waved at your parents, who waved back. Only when the front door of your house was shut did you allow yourself to flick him on the forehead, causing him to whine and clutch the affected area dramatically.

“What was that for?” he said, opening the door to the passenger side and motioning for you to get in.

“You’re such a suck-up,” you said. “I can’t believe you talked to my father about your soccer journey for that long.”

“I want them to like me!” he protested. “Anyways, your dad’s a pretty cool guy. I can’t lie, I was kind of intimidated at first, but I think he warmed up to me in the end.”

“He definitely did, and you’re some kind of magician for that,” you said, still in disbelief that he had managed to charm both of your parents so thoroughly and in such a short time. “Also, flowers, really?”

“You said you liked them,” he said. “Did you not?”

“Of course I liked them!” you said. 

“Then why are you complaining?” he said.

“I’m not complaining. I’m just taken aback, that’s all. Sure, I’ve never been on a date or anything before, but from what I’ve heard from my friends who have, the first ones tend to not be quite so…nice? Nice, yeah, I think that’s the word,” you said.

“To be fair, their first dates were probably also their first times actually meeting their partners,” he said. “On the other hand, we’ve known each other for years, so it’s a little different. More importantly, what do you mean when you say you’ve never been on a date?”

“I guess this is why you’re not number one in Modern Literature,” you said with an over-exaggerated sigh. “You see, when I say I’ve never been on a date, what I mean by that is I have not, in fact, gone on a date with anyone before. Should I explain it in simpler language so that it’s more on your level? Me no date. Me single forever.”

“That’s embarrassing,” he said.

“Okay, Mr. Playboy,” you said. “What, do you go on dates every weekend or something? Next you’ll tell me you buy all of them flowers, too. And here I was, feeling special.”

“Nope, I’ve never been on a date either, but it’s different,” he said.

“Why?” you said.

“Because I’ve just never asked someone,” he said. “I’ve liked the same girl since middle school, so I didn’t see the point in going on dates with anyone else. For you, though, it’s just because no one ever asked you.”

“How do you know I didn’t just reject everyone that asked?” you said.

“Did you?” he said.

“No,” you admitted. “No one asked.”

He snorted. “Like I said. Embarrassing.”

“Hey! It’s your fault, so quit it with the smug act,” you said.

“How is it my fault?” he said. “Oh, wait, is it because of the rumors that we’ve been dating for years now?”

“Yup,” you said. “People were way too scared of you to approach me.”

“Good,” he said with a smirk. “That means I did my job well.”

“Hold on,” you said, his earlier comment finally registering in your mind. “Since middle school? Who the hell have you liked for that long, and why didn’t you just ask her out sooner? It’s a little sad that you didn’t.”

“You’d think, given your grades, that you’d be bright in real life, too, but I can see that that’s not the case,” he said. “Obviously, I’m talking about you. Why else would we be going on a date right now?”

“Oh, right,” you said. “Holy shit. You’ve liked me for that long?”

He turned redder and redder with each passing second, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as he slunk down in his seat. You watched him in amusement, finding the shyness — which contrasted so harshly with his typically loud personality — to be sweet, in the same way a baby animal learning to walk was.

“Shut up,” he said.

“You should’ve said something,” you said. 

“Considering how set you were on hating me, I don’t think that it would’ve done much if I had. Ironically, as hurtful as it was for you to fall all head over heels for that Yukimiya guy, it was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me, because it somehow made you realize that you don’t absolutely despise me. I’ll have to thank him if we ever meet,” he said.

“You do that,” you said, reaching over to pat him on the shoulder. “Although, if you’re in the business of thanking people, you should reach out to Hiori first. He did you a favor, even if he had an admittedly unorthodox method of going about it.”

“He’s kind of an interesting little guy, don’t you think?” Karasu said. “Like, I want to study him and figure out how his mind works.”

“Aw, don’t be mean,” you said. “He was really sweet.”

“I’m not saying it in a bad way! Besides the fact that he pretty much hates soccer, which is ironic given that he plays for one of the best youth clubs in the country, he’s relatively harmless. It’s just that the way he goes about things is so peculiar, and I feel like I need to know what the thought process behind his decision-making is,” he said.

“That’s fair,” you said. “He told me he’s been observing you.”

“He tried to follow me home one day,” he said. “It was freaky. I thought I was going to get robbed.”

“No way! I thought he was going to rob me, too!” you said.

“Guess that’s an alternative career path for him, if being an athlete doesn’t work out,” Karasu mused.

“You’re horrible,” you said. “Maybe he has a rough home life and doesn’t know any better. You should be kind.”

“What? I am kind! I’m super kind! Why do you think he’s so interested in me? It’s because of the kindness that radiates off of me in waves!” he said. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye in disbelief.

“That’s not kindness radiating off of you, that’s the scent of your hair gel,” you said. “Speaking of which, Karasu, I bet you’d look so handsome without it. Please stop. For me.”

“Just because you said that, I’m going to put on even more the next time I see you,” he said haughtily. “And for your information, it is hair wax. Not gel.”

“Right, because the difference between the two is astounding,” you said. “My deepest and sincerest apologies. I’ll do better next time.”

“Good,” he said.

“So,” you said after a moment. “Where are we going, exactly? You refused to tell me, so I had to make an educated guess with my outfit. I hope it’s okay.”

Luckily, the light turned red, so he could stop and look you over with a critical eye. He must’ve been satisfied by whatever he saw, as he hummed in approval and returned his attention to the road, just in time for it to turn green again.

“Yeah, you look pretty,” he said. “And I didn’t tell you because it’s a surprise. You’ll like it, though.”

“I hope so. I turned down a bowling trip for this,” you said.

“I turned that trip down, too,” he said.

“True,” you said. “Oh, wait, this is only tangentially related, but since we’re on the topic of our friends…are any of your hot soccer buddies single?”

“What?” he said, voice turning high-pitched momentarily. “Why would you ask that?”

“My best friend is in the market,” you said.

“I see,” he said, once again speaking in his normal tone. You blinked in confusion before deciding it wasn’t even worth questioning him. “Most of them are single, but they’re not the type I’d let within fifty feet of any girl I knew, so it’s your call whether or not that’s the kind of person you want to set her up with.”

“Absolutely not,” you said.

“I’ll keep an eye out in the future, though,” he promised you. “Wanna play music?”

“I can. What do you like?” you said.

“Anything you like,” he said. Not up to arguing, and also having a sinking suspicion that his music taste was probably something obscure and nigh-unlistenable, you decided you might as well put your own playlist on shuffle in the hopes that he at least liked some of the songs.

The two of you were driving for a while, mostly listening to the music you were playing and occasionally commenting on whatever interesting things you zoomed past. Sometimes, if a song you both recognized came on, you’d scream the lyrics at one another, each trying to outcompete the other for who knew the song best, but it was a lighthearted form of disagreement, more fun than anything. 

In fact, you were actually sad when you reached the parking lot and he pulled into a spot, turning off the car and getting out so that he could open your door for you. You had enjoyed the drive so much that you had forgotten you actually had plans to go to dinner, so you could not help feeling a little disappointed — well, right up until you looked around at the scenery and let out a gasp.

The restaurant was by the ocean, and the seating was in an open patio, the ceiling lined with twinkling lights and flowers blooming in hanging pots. The tables were covered in white tablecloths, and the water was so close that you could hear the steady way it lapped against the sand, the soft hush-hush sound far superior to any random pop song you could’ve turned on.

“I don’t know what to say,” you said as you followed Karasu into the restaurant. He offered you his hand, and you took it immediately, your fingers fitting perfectly between his. “How did you find this place? I thought you hated the ocean.”

“Believe me, I do,” he said with a scoff. “Excuse me? We have a reservation for two. The name is Karasu.”

“Right this way,” the hostess said, beckoning you after her, leading you both to a secluded table in the corner, which was decorated like the rest with a candle and a rose in a jar serving as the centerpiece. You sat across from Karasu and accepted the menu that the hostess handed you, leafing through it and considering what you wanted to order.

“If you do, then why’d you pick here of all places?” you said.

“Because. Do you remember last year, when all of us were eating lunch together and we had that debate about what the best first date would be like?” he said.

“Vaguely?” you said, wracking your brain, trying to pinpoint the exact day he was talking about. “Oh, wait, yeah!”

It was uncharacteristically warm out, and so your friends had insisted on eating in the courtyard. Sadly, this meant that you had to beg Karasu and his group to let you sit with them, as they always managed to get the best tables before anyone else could. That day, it seemed that you were in luck — Karasu only glanced at you before nodding and telling you that it was fine if you wanted to join them.

Somehow, the conversation turned to dating and romance. One of Karasu’s teammates was going on a date for the first time, and now all of you were giving your two cents about what you thought the perfect first date ought to be.

“Definitely not a movie,” your best friend said adamantly. “You can’t get to know someone if you’re watching a movie the whole time. It’s totally unromantic and an absolute turnoff. If a guy asked me to go to the movies with him on a first date, I’d say no.”

“Harsh, but fair,” one of Karasu’s friends said. “Going out for coffee is pretty popular nowadays, isn’t it? It’s easy to leave, too, so if things aren’t going great, you can just pay and get out.”

“Getting coffee wouldn’t be horrible,” your best friend said. “Though I feel like it shows a lack of planning and effort.”

“I agree,” you chimed in. “I would like to go for a nice dinner. It would be really special if it was by the ocean — I mean, I love the beach, so I think a guy taking me there would show me that he’s really serious about me and pays attention to the things I say.”

“How would he pay attention to the things you say if you’ve never met before? This is a first date, remember?” your best friend said.

“I can’t see myself dating somebody without being friends with them beforehand,” you said, shaking your head. “I’d want to know what kind of person they are before ever agreeing to pursue something further. So, given that constraint, they should know things about me like my fondness for the sea, and if they don’t, then they obviously aren’t someone who I’d want to be with.”

“You aren’t even friends with any guys,” Karasu said, speaking up for the first time in that insufferable voice of his. You scowled at him; he grinned and held his hands up in the air. “Just saying. Where do you think this magical dude who knows you like the ocean and wants to take you to dinner is going to manifest from? Outer space?”

“I’m sure one day I’ll meet someone who fits my criteria, and then things will go splendidly. You see, for me, it’s a scarcity issue — there just isn’t anyone around here who I’d ever want to date, so I don’t even bother hoping it’ll happen,” you said.

“Nobody? There’s not a single guy at this school you’d go out with?” he said.

“Not willingly,” you said.

“Jeez,” he said. “Tough customer. You need to be prettier to have standards like that.”

“Ugh, you are just the worst!”

“You told me I wasn’t pretty enough to have standards as high as mine are,” you recalled. “Rude.”

“That’s the only thing you can think of? Really?” he said.

“Well…” You bit the inside of your cheek, acting as if you were fascinated by the menu. “I seem to have said something about wanting to go for dinner by the beach for a first date.”

“Mhm,” he said. “You said it would show you that a guy is really serious about you and pays attention to the things you say if he did something like that.”

“Are you?” you said.

“Am I what?” he said.

“Really serious about me,” you said. “Obviously you pay attention to things I say, but what about the first part?”

He furrowed his brow at you. “No, not at all.”

“Huh?” you said.

“I’m joking,” he said, nudging your leg under the table with his own. “Do you think I would’ve gone to all of this trouble if I wasn’t? Hurry up and pick what you want to eat. It’ll be so weird if the waitress comes and you don’t know what you want.”

You would’ve argued, but you were too busy feeling giddy about his confession, so you complied with his instructions for once. Karasu seemed surprised, so you shot him a smile over the top of your menu, earning you a blush which spread from his cheeks to his nose and the tips of his ears.

The food at the restaurant was as good as the atmosphere, and to your surprise, it was easy to talk to Karasu for the duration of the entire meal. You had been afraid that you would run out of things to say, but whether it was due to your shared history or Karasu’s naturally outgoing personality, you found that there was no end to the conversation.

When the waitress came with the check, Karasu immediately slapped his credit card on it, glaring at you so fiercely when your fingers inched towards your purse that you actually felt cowed.

“It’s really alright,” you said.

“I’ll come over there and hold your hands down if you try to pay,” he warned you, wiggling his fingers at you threateningly. You wrinkled your nose.

“If you’re going to be so stubborn about it, then fine,” you said. “Can we go down to the beach once she comes back with your card?”

“Do we have to?” he said.

“No, of course we don’t have to, I just thought that, since we had come all of this way, we might as well,” you said. 

Karasu’s lips pursed into an uneasy expression, but he nodded. “Okay, we can.”

You beamed at him. “Thanks! I know it’s not your favorite, but I promise it’ll be fun if we go together.”

“Sure,” he grumbled. “Whatever you say.”

As soon as he had his card back, you left the restaurant behind, traipsing towards the sand until you were on the beach proper. The sun had set already, and the moon’s reflection on the water was like a silver blot, seeping into the sparkling waves and melting amongst the pinpricks of the stars. As you gazed out at the horizon, Karasu intertwined his fingers with yours, and when you turned, you saw that he was looking at you in much the same way that you had been looking out to the sea.

“I want to go in,” you said. “You don’t have to! I just want to dip my feet.”

“Alright,” he said softly. “We can do that.”

“Aren’t you afraid?” you said.

“Yes,” he said. “But I’ll try anyways.”

You smiled, kicking off your shoes and watching him do the same before he leaned down, refusing to let go of your hand as he rolled up the cuffs of his pants so that they did not get wet. Then, tentatively, he stepped forward, screwing his eyes shut as the tides splashed against your ankles.

“Why are you scared of the water?” you said, urging him deeper with a squeeze of your hand. He followed you willingly, though he did not open his eyes. 

“I hate it,” he said. “I just do. I can’t explain why. When I was a kid, my sister took me to the pool and tried to teach me how to swim, but I cried and I cried, so she gave up. Pretty mediocre, don’t you think? But I can’t bring myself to get over it.”

“Do you think you’ll drown?” you said.

“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe not. It’s the uncertainty that drives me crazy. When you’re in the water, you’re completely at its mercy, and I don’t like that. I don’t like trusting anyone but myself.”

Of course. The ever-independent Karasu, who was always so self-assured and arrogant…no wonder he hated the water. It was the one force which even he could not rise above, which could kill him if it wanted to, which he was powerless to resist. Being at someone else’s mercy went directly against his nature — so why, then, did he always give himself up for you? Why was he telling you this, when you could be quite sure he had never told anyone else? Why was he chasing after you as you pulled him further and further into an unknown territory?

By the time the water reached his knees, the currents swishing about around your legs playfully, he was all but trembling, though he did not otherwise protest. Working your hand free from his death grip, you waited for him to open his eyes, which he did with a swiftness that left you reeling.

He had an arresting sort of stare, you thought, especially in the moonlight — a kind of dancing wildness which defied explanation. There was not a trace of his typical mischief in his blown pupils when they landed upon you, only fear and awe in equal measure, mixing into a writhing shade as dark as the sky at midnight. An impatient breeze whipped against your face as he reached for you, and for some reason, that moment was what made you very, very certain that you liked him. You liked him more than you had ever liked anyone before. You liked him more than should be possible.

The tips of his fingers dug into your waist as he held onto you for dear life, and slowly, carefully, you allowed your arms to snake around his neck. Besides flinching whenever the water splashed particularly high, he did not move a muscle, though he swallowed when you leaned closer to him.

“Karasu — Tabito,” you said. “Tabito, it’s okay. Even in the water, I’ll be there for you. I was first in the class for swimming, right? So I’ll never let you drown. As long as I’m with you, nothing will happen. Do you believe me when I say that?”

“Yes,” he said. “I do.”

He was reaching his limit, though, and you could tell because he was shifting from foot to foot, eyeing the water warily, his jaw clenched at every ebb and flow. You nodded firmly and then twisted so that you could pick your way back to the shore.

“Let’s go home,” you said.

“Not yet,” he said. In an unexpected role reversal, he yanked you back, extending one hand to steady you when you stumbled and then, before you could comprehend what was happening, tangling the other in your hair, crushing his mouth against yours without abandon.

It was rough and tasted like sea salt, the way he kissed you, all messy and shaky and heady and furious. You were left breathless and clinging to him so that you were not swept away, his shirt bunching up in your fists, his hands roaming up and down your sides like a current. 

“Now we can go,” he said, pulling away and flashing you that same cocky grin he always wore, though it was more hesitant than usual, which was either a product of the water’s presence or yours. “Yeah? I think I’ve had more than enough of the beach for the rest of this year.”

“Yeah,” you said once you had regained your wits about you. “Yeah, my parents, I don’t want them to worry, so we should probably — we should probably go.”

“Hm,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. “A couple more minutes wouldn’t hurt though, right?”

“No,” you said immediately. “Not at all.”

“Then what would you say if I asked if we could spend just a little longer here?” he said.

“I think I would say yes,” you said. “Yes. For as long as possible, I want to be here.”

“You’d say that to anyone,” he teased as you walked towards where your shoes lay on the dry sand. You shook your head.

“No,” you said. “Not to anyone. Just you.”

“Is that so?” he said. “Man. It’s hard to be around you when you say stuff like that. It’s hard to listen to, I can’t lie. If anyone else said something so overly sweet, I’d make fun of them.”

“As if you wouldn’t make fun of me,” you said.

“Normally, I would,” he agreed. “But I’ll make an exception this time. It’s our first date, after all. I have to act like a gentleman so you agree to go on a second one.”

“I’ll go on a second one,” you said. “And a third, if you want. A fourth and a fifth, even.”

“That many?” he said. “I must’ve done something right today, then.”

“You did a lot of things right,” you said. “It almost made up for the lifetime of assholery you have led up until this point.”

“I tried,” he said with a wink. “So. Where do we go next time?”

“How about you pick? You did everything I wanted to today, so it’s only fair if I return the favor,” you said. 

“I’ll think about it and let you know,” he said. “Oh, and hey, Y/N?”

“Yes?” you said, looking up from where you were putting on your shoes.

“I didn’t mean what I said back then,” he said.

“Back when?” you said.

“Every time I called you ugly or whatever,” he said. “I didn’t mean it. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“I didn’t mean it, either,” you said. “You know, when I told you there wasn’t a single guy at our school that I’d go out with. Turns out there’s one.”

“Lucky fellow,” he said. “Getting to have the Y/N L/N as his girlfriend and all. He hit the jackpot.”

“That he did,” you said. “So I’m your girlfriend, then?”

His eyes widened. “Ah. I mean, only if you want to be.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I want to be.”

“Then I guess you are,” he said. You were planning on responding in a romantic way, but as you tried to come up with something to say, you happened to notice the time on your phone.

“Oh, fuck! My parents are going to kill me if we don’t leave right now!” you said.

“Not on my watch! I finally got you to be my girlfriend. There’s no way I’m letting you die now!” he said, grabbing your arm and taking off in a sprint towards the parking lot. You did your best to keep up with him, though it was difficult when you kept doubling over with laughter at his urgent pleas for you to hurry so that he didn’t lose any of the favor he had curried with your father.

Maybe your best friend hadn’t been so far off the mark, after all. Once you were settled in the passenger seat of his car, you pulled out your phone and texted her, knowing that she was probably waiting anxiously in her room for an update.

‘date went well. get started on that speech.’

[hyuneskkami]

✮⋆˙ LO$ER=LO♡ER

⤷ haikyū!! boys (multiple) x fem!reader

masterlist

♡ fandom | haikyū!!

♡ includes | rintaro suna x f!reader. atsumu miya x f!reader. kotaro bokuto x f!reader. keiji akaashi x f!reader. (separate pairings/drabbles)

♡ warnings | swearing (in suna’s and akaashi’s), loser boyfriend behaviour (in bokuto’s), nicknames (‘babe’, ‘my girl’, etc. in suna’s and akaashi’s), i-love-you’s, very very very short but effective as fuck (it’s literally all 100-200 words each but I loved the endings help), not proofread as always, lmk if I made any mistakes anywhere.

♡ a/n | my favourite inarizaki and fukurōdani boys!!!!! also I kinda projected onto y/n’s personality so i’m acc sorry if it doesn’t cater to your exact personality 😭 and they’re drabbles for a reason but still: they’re so short help 💀 anyway, suna and akaashi’s were inspired by this post (more parts coming soon!)

♡ wc | 1k

(りんたろう 。。。RINTARŌ SUNA !

“delete that!” I shrieked, launching myself at my boyfriend’s body.

he held his phone out of reach and said, “but babe, I like the picture—”

“rin! that picture is so bad—at least let me get pretty, and then we can go out. then you take some pictures and look at them forever, or whatever.” I grumbled, folding my hands over my chest and flopping down onto the couch.

“but you always look pretty,” he looked down at me, before tumbling onto my lap.

“shut up.”

“but you do! even when you think you don’t look pretty, you do! especially when you’re napping or doing stupid shit without me or bullying ‘tsumu into buying you ramen at 2 in the night, and it makes me fall flat on my face, everyday, knowing I get to wake up to such a beautiful person by my side,” he said, fondly, and grinned. rintarō suna grinned at me! wait. i’m his girlfriend. why am I simping over that?

words failed me, so I just resorted to turning bright red and grumbling. “yeah. whatever. shut up—”

he pecked my cheek and sat back.

unable to conceal my red cheeks and wide eyes, I stood up, smacking his head, and walked to the kitchen.

“oi! don’t ‘whatever’ me! I love you!” he yelled, and stood up, continuing to follow me as I giggled to myself.

宮 みや 侑 あつむ 。。。ATSUMU MIYA !

“y/n, I swear to god, stop diving–” osamu started.

“IT’S LITERALLY MY JOB, SHUT UP–”

“YOU GOT ENOUGH PRACTICE, YOU’LL HURT YOUR TINY SELF–”

“oi oi oiii, don’t call my girl tiny,” atsumu, my personal favourite miya twin, said, walking onto the court with three bentōs and water bottles. he pecked my check.

“huh? she started it!” osamu pointed an accusatory finger at me.

I blew a raspberry in his face, sticking my tongue out.

“oho, I see the team is here, eh? spiker, setter, and libero, mm?” kita’s voice rang out, his smug tone not going unnoticed.

I groaned. “don’t you dare let akagi-senpai hear that. I will kill myself if he hears it. I don’t need a skilled, official libero flaming behind me.”

“after akagi-san graduates, we’ll probably die trying to find a proper libero, ehh,” osamu said.

“what if we disguise n/n as a guy?” atsumu suggested. I slapped his arm, catching onto his idea.

“dude! yes!” I screamed.

“bro! I love you so much!” ‘tsumu shrieked, grinning.

“ahh, to be young, to dream, and to be in love,” kita sighed behind us.

ぼくと こうたろう 。。。KŌTARŌ BOKUTO !

“i’m not fixing him, i’m making him worse,” I smiled.

“are you talking about bokuto or your toys?” akaashi raised his brow. “you’re supposed to say, ‘I can fix him’, not ‘i’m not fixing him’.” he groaned. “god knows he needs it!”

“excuse me?!” bokuto screeched, walking into the living room with two bowls of popcorn, feigning shock.

“kashi! don’t say that to my baby,” I frowned. “you’re an absolute angel, c’mere, baby.” I made grabby motions at bokuto. he grinned at me, turned around to stick his tongue out at akaashi, and handed him a bowl of popcorn. akaashi pretended to gag, but accepted the bowl and started scarfing down the popcorn without hesitation.

“he’s just jealous he doesn’t have a y/n,” bokuto grumbled after sitting down beside me, and hiding his face in my neck.

“I see her everyday anyway, and I don’t need another, honestly. she’s chaotic as it is,” he said, halfway through finishing his bowl. I flashed him a toothy grin and stole some popcorn from bokuto’s bowl.

he handed the entire bowl over to me, and mumbled, looking anywhere but at me, “itwasforyouinthefirstplace.” I still saw his red ears and giggled.

“bro, you’ve been with her for two years,” akaashi pointed out. “you still get nervous talking to her, just like the first time, eh–”

“shhh, kashi! let me enjoy one of japan’s top aces getting flustered over popcorn–it’s cute.”

“youreluckyIloveyou!”

“what was that? i’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you–”

after that, bokuto whined and akaashi teased him, and I could only look at them and smile, till the movie ended.

akaashi moved to his bedroom while I walked up the stairs and flopped down onto bokuto’s soft mattress, melting into it.

he was already sound asleep beside me, passing out as soon as his body had hit the bed around an hour ago. I rolled closer to him, and threw both my legs over his blanket-covered ones, lying in an odd diagonal position across the bed.

I opened tumblr on my phone to scroll through my dash before sleeping. I chuckled at the first post that showed up, reblogged it, and fell asleep.

あかあし 。。。KEIJI AKAASHI !

keiji came over around an hour ago to my dorm after his volleyball practice with the boys ended late. after he took a shower and came out half-naked, we fell onto the couch in the living room together, wrapped in a blanket together with the air conditioning at its lowest temperature.

he was lying to the inner side of the couch on his side and I layed down right in front of him, on my side too.

“I can feel you staring. it’s creepy as fuck,” I said, turning around to look at him in the dim light of the room illuminated solely by the television playing some show.

“i’m not even allowed to look at my girl now? geez,” he rolled his eyes, continuing to gaze lazily at my face. my breathing quickened at the short distance, and I was sure he could tell.

“don’t look at me with those eyes,” I whispered.

“what eyes?” he smirked, leaning in.

kozumesphone © 2024 | don’t repost my works onto other platforms, or edit and post them even on tumblr, without asking me first • don’t steal my works, steal my heart instead • reblogs and comments are more than appreciated !

[ravenbloodshot]

Mingyu- Seventeen.....Dark Side Tarot Reading

As a Person

When I first tapped into his energy, I saw a scene of him having a complete tantrum. Screaming; yelling; pulling at his hair; just completely raging out. I also heard him say "fuck him! Fuck them! Fuck all of this shit!"

This makes me think that at a certain level of him being pissed off (which i do think takes alot for him to go this far), he can turn into a person that stops giving af about any and everybody. I don't exactly think he seeks revenge, but I do think he ends up wanting to take his anger out on someone or something. And he doesn't exactly care who/what it is. It's like getting so mad that you see red. This type of uncontrollable rage in Mingyu can be very destructive and just simply not healthy

He can be the kind of person to want success and money by taking shortcuts or not hustling as hard as others to get it. It's giving vibes of a person that would attach himself to nepo babies, socialites, and other well well off folk to get ahead. But I also see that in his blind attraction to just being in the presence of wealth, he could befriend scammers, criminals and people that lowkey get their money in more nefarious ways, while on the surface things look more legit. (This is an odd example but I'm getting reminded of how, in the past, corrupt South korean presidents would take bribes and gifts from big conglomerates like Samsung in exchange for tax cuts etc....). I can see Mingyu being this way if he falls too deep into chasing after the bag and keeping up with the Jones. His lesson in life will likely be "everything that glitters ain't gold."

To add onto this. He could possibly even get his friends to participate in these more sketchy business dealings( like promoting shady companies to fans) . Even resorting to peer pressure or guilt tripping if they were more hesitant to get involved.

Mingyu may weaponize his ignorance alot. I can see that in his love life, he could purposefully remain ignorant about things so that he doesn't have to put too much effort into a lover/partner. For an example, he could be dating someone and not know things like their birthday, important anniversaries etc.... so when these events arrive and he "forgets", he could just claim ignorance and be forgiven. "You know I love you hun, I didn't mean to forget, I just had a lot going on".🥺

Very manipulative person, knows how to touch at a person's heartstrings and weasel his way out of trouble.

Dark Things In love:

He enjoys the chase. Like a true aries man, he loves the chase. He loves the idea of wanting a person who doesn't want him. The dark side to this is.....Mingyu likes the fact that even when he becomes fixed on a person, their not the only one. He's like, " Yeah, I'm showering you with all of these gifts, love and attention, but I could be doing this to a million other women."

Mingyu likes arrogance in his partners as well (think Regina George) to the point of being kind of a bitch and low-key a bully. He likes that catty and bratty attitude, wants a partner that demands things of him (like commitment or loyalty), and doesn't concede easily. The only dark thing I'm seeing from this is that wanting this type of partner could lead to his connections turning into full out battlegrounds. Both parties are very stubborn, hotheaded, and in the mindset of "I'm right, you're wrong". He's gonna get what he asks for tryna wife up a Regina George.

Big Spender by Smiler and Lana del Rey is a song that fits this reading's energy

[rottenpumpkin13]

Sephiroth buys a Wii with Wii Sports. What goes on during the game when AGCSZ are playing together?

Things That Happen During Wii Sports, A List

• More specifically Wii Sports Resort.

• Cloud and Zack have the batshit insane idea of playing the swordplay duel blindfolded. They don't know where or who they're hitting, so Angeal ends up getting attacked by Cloud at one point.

• Genesis makes it all worse by narrating the duel wrong and making Zack think that Cloud is winning. Zack grows frustrated and attacks everyone in sight. They almost have to hold him down, but then he starts dueling with the wall so that gives them enough time to go grab a snack.

• Zack refuses to tie the remote to his wrist because it "throws off his game." Every time he plays bowling, he forgets that he doesn't have to actually release the ball, so the remote ends up being launched into the TV screen at an alarming speed.

• Already broke 2 TVs.

• Angeal loathes video game sports because he claims that going outside and playing the real thing is so much healthier. This means he also forgets that hes playing a video game sometimes. He plays frisbee golf, lets go of the remote and now there is a remote stuck in the wall of Sephiroth's apartment.

• Never have there been more arguments among a group of people than during table tennis. Curiously, Genesis’ breaking point wasn’t when Sephiroth defeated him for the 17th time in a row, but when Zack called him "Tenesis" right after his loss, leading Genesis to set the Wii on fire.

• Sephiroth bought another Wii.

• At one point security is called on them because the screams and fighting coming from the apartment during the group cycling tournament sound as if someone is being murdered.

• Sephiroth grows irritated at Genesis during archery, where he insists on quoting "the arrow has left the bow of the goddess" before every try, so Sephiroth bans him from using the Wii altogether.

• Somehow Genesis being told to sit out doesn't stop him from causing chaos. While they're watching Cloud skydive, Genesis bets Zack 1000 gil that he can't skydive from the 49th floor then and there.

• Angeal has to then grab Zack as he attempts to fling himself from the window.

• Angeal has a nasty habit of trying to coach and give his input during basketball. Sephiroth loses his cool at one point when Angeal is yelling at him to "DRIBBLE." Sephiroth unplugs the Wii and throws it out the window.

• Angeal is stunned at how petty Sephiroth is.

• Sephiroth buys another Wii.

• Sephiroth is enamored with the mother duck and her ducklings while canoeing <3

• Genesis gaslights Cloud into thinking there's more i points than there actually are during the island flyover.

• Zack has beef with the dog from dog Frisbee because Angeal loves that dog and Zack is jealous.

• They bully each other by making horribly inaccurate and insulting Mii characters.

• Sephiroth's favorite character is a cute Genesis Mii , but he's made his head 10x bigger and named him "Biblically Accurate Genesis"

[enavstars]

May you bliss us with your angst ninja headcanons?

mainly kai pls

Sorry for the delay. You asked mostly for Kai's so I delivered. If anyone wants more hcs about the others I can work on it some time in the future (I also have more of Kai).

Now the hcs:

• All the ninja have PTSD from everything they’ve been through

• And abandonment issues

• Cole has an eating disorder and eats when he’s stressed, this is one of the reasons he is very insecure of his weight. People online poke at him for it

• Jay's terrified of losing his loved ones again because of him. That is another reason why he went absolutely crazy post Seabound, as he thinks it was his fault Nya had to resort to sacrificing herself

• He used to be bullied for living in a junkyard before becoming a ninja and that's why he was ashamed of it

• Zane always shoves down everything wrong that happens to him (e.g being the Ice Emperor for way too long to be ok about it) because he puts the team and their needs first.

• Nya has nightmares from the time she died in skybound but doesn't tell anyone.

• She had to keep her work and love life secret from her brother for fear that he would shut her down to protect her. Her fear persisted well into s1 and that's why she felt she had to hide Samurai X even from Kai

• Lloyd still admires his uncle despite his obsession with the green ninja (and all the neglect that came with it) because he's the only relative that actually took him in

• All of the ninja have at some point hidden an injury at least once. But Kai and Nya are the ones that do it more often (Nya specially when she was samurai X), and know how to treat mild wounds because of it.

• Kai and Nya do physical activities when they’re stressed or have emotions they don’t want to process. They can do their thing like Kai working in the forge and Nya doing mechanics but they usually train, however they can go on for hours (Kai has passed out a few times)

• Kai and Zane have a very poor sense of self. Zane’s comes from him not valuing his life and thinking he’s expendable since he can be rebuilt, ignoring all the trauma that comes from getting severely hurt or “dying”. Kai has problems seeing his worth as a human being because he’s never lived for himself; everything he does is for someone else and so he thinks his value resides in what he can do for other people. 

• Kai is terrified of the idea of being alone, it’s his worst fear.

• He has THE WORST coping mechanisms and Zane is confused on how his body was able to go through all of them (Alcoholism, illegal fights, smoking…)

• Kai is an insomniac, he barely sleeps most nights and instead just waits until he passes out (He has very deep eyebags because of it but hides them with make up, covering his freckles too). He sometimes bumps into some other ninja at night since they all have fucked up sleep schedules. 

• Lloyd also has a lot of problems sleeping because of nightmares and goes to Kai or Nya’s room where he feels safer (mostly into Kai’s). Sometimes they stay up at night chilling or they try to sleep. In those cases the nights with Lloyd are the ones where Kai sleeps the most because he feels safer too.

• Kai has chronic depression because of his fucked up childhood

• Lloyd thought he had depression too for a while but it turned out to be autistic burnout because of the stress of being the green ninja. But he can’t properly rest or heal from the burnout so he’s exhausted most of the time.

• When he’s stressed Kai forgets to eat and can go days with very little food because he’s used to it from being poor in his childhood.

• Genuinely forgot what it feels like to be a kid and have no responsibilities so it’s his personal mission to not let that happen to Lloyd. Kai would be devastated if Lloyd ended up like him.

• Kai sometimes feels insecure about his face scars and contemplates hiding them with make up.

• Kai’s touch starved but terrified of letting people in.

• He hides his negative emotions as anger and when the others try to reach out to him he pushes them away by getting angry at them until it's mutual and they leave him alone.

• Never told the others about what he did after Zane’s “death”. He fixed himself up, alone.

[gachagon]

Hypocrisy anon here and I agree completely with your response, especially the tags.

I really hope a p:eg writer writes a fic about a Danganronpa character being plopped into Project Eden's Garden cause I feel like the dichotomy between them and the cast would be so good.

Like I could see the cast seeing Makoto as a complete anomaly with how optimistic he is even compared to Diana. With Hajime I could see many of the characters shunning him with Damon doing so too. Nagito and Kokichi I feel like would be even more wildcards than they were in their own games.

If Eva had been with any other group she either wouldn't have murdered or I think she would've won that Killing Game. The THH and SDR group were like so friendly and trusting of one another that each trial was a gut punch because they knew someone had genuinely betrayed them or felt like they had been backed into a corner into becoming one of the Blackened. (Aside from Celestia who was just straight up trying to win it lol)

I definitely think she would've won the Killing Game for THH if she befriended Naegi and still did her whole "I'm gonna frame someone else" plot. Only because I think Naegi and the others would have had too much faith in her T_T

Hajime had to vote for multiple people he actually liked so I don't think she'd have won SDR's Killing Game, but alternatively she wouldn't have murdered if she had a support group and seeing as the SDR crew were like legit besties even after the Killing Game, I could see her not resorting to murder.

V3 however, idk I feel like she would've lost. She'd have had to tell a lie so convincing that it'd trick the REAL Ultimate Liar, Kokichi Ouma and I just don't see Eva doing that. But I do think she'd bond with other characters in V3 because she wouldn't be the only person with an "unusual" talent. (That, and her ostracizing starts because she's the first to point out the naivety of believing no one would murder. The other crews I feel would've had more people who would've agreed with her openly rather than following some leader. That way she wouldn't be alone in her opinion, which sort of makes her spiral from the jump.)

Like Kirigiri and Byakuya would've agreed with her in THH, I can see Fuyuhiko and Peko backing her up on the whole "we really CAN'T trust people like that..." point, Maki and Shuichi would've also agreed with the idea of it etc...but in Eden's Garden the only person she had was Damon, and Diana agreed but not outwardly and she did just stay quiet for the most part T_T (i love Diana but I feel like Eva had a bit of a point, it's like when you're in a group of friends and they're bullying someone and you point out how they're all being kind of mean, but nothing happens bc you don't do anything personally to distance yourself from that kind of behavior.)

That, and the other crews didn't have a "leader" until like the very end. Sure there was someone to help lead the discussions of the trials, but outside of trials they didn't have someone who dictated what they did or when they did it etc. Like nobody was looking to Naegi or Shuichi or Hajime as leaders to make decisions for everyone. When Wolfgang was like "Just bring any suspicious clues to me next time Desmond" I knew that shit wouldn't fly if it was THH or something (Byakuya would've called him out on it so fast lmao)

[herefortheships]

Just a little stepdad!Betelgeuse and stepdaughter!Astrid idea/headcanon for you tonight:

Imagine Astrid came back with ghostly powers from the Netherworld after BJBJ, like we've been speculating here recently, and, with Lydia unable (or unwilling??) to help her navigate this one power in particular, she resorts to calling Betelgeuse for help. That power: remote possession of the living, just like the Maitlands did, and just like Betelgeuse did in BJBJ.

I can understand why Lydia would want Astrid to push this one down. One thing's a ghost taking over another person, but a living person making other living people move to her will? Kinda scary! It could go wrong in so many ways! Lydia would probably struggle to come to terms with it, at least for a while. And that's why this idea is so interesting to me, tbh! There's a lot there to explore: questions of morality, "just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should", etc.

Astrid takes no shit from no one, but she does have some students "bullying" her at school that get on her nerves. What other perfect targets to practice her new powers on? 😂 Imagine the chaotic duo of Betelgeuse and Astrid controlling the people who bully Astrid at school with their ghosty powers, both of them hiding in the bushes dressed in camo outfits, staring with binoculars from afar while their targets make complete fools out of themselves. Betelgeuse doesn't exactly have a moral compass to think "these are just kids, shouldn't mess with them like this", and that's exactly why Astrid thinks "yep, he's the only one who can really help me learn to use this power". Anyway, that'd be totally hilarious. Wait until Lydia finds out what they're up to. lol

No, but, hear me out, what if Astrid goes dark side with these new powers and THEN Lydia and Beej have to work together to get her back? And Beej almost sacrifices himself (or sacrifices something important to him... gonna have to think that one over, but hear me out), he has to sacrifice something and do everything he can to right this wrong. He did help Astrid out, and things went horribly wrong and it's mostly his fault. He goes above and beyond to save her and it finally shows without any doubt that his actions are not selfish; that he really does love Lydia and her family.

Anyway, going way too cartoon plot with this last part, maybe, but I love this idea. 😂

[yandere-fics]

a Professor Kass AU, where a student darling tries to seduce her professor so she can blackmail them for a better grade, but Kass flips the script and takes compromising pictures of darling. c:

♡ Professor Kassien AU ♡

(She's still a demon just instead of working for Saywer she got job as a professor so if she ever met her mate she would have a less intimidating job.)

You were sure your professor had it out for you which is why you didn't feel an ounce of remorse as you came back to her place, camera in hand preparing for what you were about to do, obviously you couldn't actually sleep with her, you weren't her mate, she would never go for it but you could absolutely make it seem like something illicit had happened in her apartment while she was tutoring you, it would already look bad enough to the university that you had gone out to dinner before hand, her saying you couldn't focus on an empty stomach, but coming back to her apartment would entirely seal the deal. She had it coning though, she barely taught you anything or answered your questions all year, it was like she wanted you to remain dumb and whenever you made a single friend in her class she always changed the seating arrangement until eventually she'd just moved you so you weren't sitting next to anyone at all and were right next to her desk making it seem like you were some sort of troublemaker, that hadn't been true at first but being in her class had sort of made you into a problem, look you just needed to pass this class and you'd have your degree and you couldn't do that if she continued to hold you back. So you had everything set up to ensure she'd have no choice but to pass you, it was fail proof.

"Lovely come have a seat next to me, make yourself at home." Her apartment was very... well grey, luckily you already knew she hadn't met her mate yet so there was no one here who could interrupt your plan, you had the tape recorder all set up and everything though you'd edit it so it would sound incriminating, you just hope she didn't become to hostile when you came onto her, she seemed very mild mannered though so maybe she wasn't one of those demons who would rip out peoples throats for coming onto them when they weren't their mates. You just had to make it out of this apartment alive and with the evidence and then you could do whatever the fuck you wanted in her class because you would practically own her. It was all her own fault though, if she hadn't been bullying you in her class then you wouldn't have resorted to these methods. "Is there anything I can get you, I got some of that drink you seemed to like in class, I have to make sure you're fully at home here Lovely." You almost got distracted with her sweet words, you had to just bite the bullet before you lost the courage to do so.

"Professor... I want you." You flung yourself on her, making a little noise in surprise when she actually started to kiss you back, that was not at all part of the plan and actually was freaking you out a bit as you started to feel a bit sleepy in her arms. "W-wait what did you do to me?" You words were a bit slurred as you rested your head against hr chest.

"Oh Lovely, daddy tried so hard to be patient with you but obviously you have to get punished since you used our first real date to try to blackmail me. I just put a little something in your food at the restaurant so you would fall asleep and then I'd get to keep you all weekend until you learn not to hurt me like this." She gave you a little kiss on the forehead, scooping you up in her arms and grabbing your camera out of your bag. "Hmm, your picture idea isn't so bad, perhaps your punishment should be I get to take as many comprising photos of you as I want this weekend. Hopefully a weekend with me will help you learn to be a good mate, otherwise I may have to hurt you and daddy doesn't want to do that."

[gonzoclock]

Do you have any fun deleted scenes or scrapped ideas from your fics? I know whenever I start writing a fanfiction they always evolve until I’ve all but scrapped the original premise. Also huge fan of your work, thanks for being such a huge inspiration to me!

Boy do I ever! (And as such this is going to be a LONG post, so buckle in.) (Also full of VERY OLD VERY FIRST DRAFT writing. Fair warning and all.)

In James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, (pause for breath) and the Prisoner of Azkaban I initially was going to just... keep writing. Have Regulus be back, explore the ramifications of that, etc. Unfortunately it was just... boring. So boring. So I scrapped it and decided to cut it down to where it currently ends. And trust me, that's for the best. That said, here is a sample of what that could have looked like (ft. a conversation between brothers):

Regulus takes a deep breath in through his nose. He needs to calm down, or he’s going to fall over. 

“Okay,” he says, opening his eyes. “Alright. Who’s Lord Black?”

“Me,” Sirius says, then pauses. “Uh, old me, I mean. I call him Senior, but he hates that.”

Regulus makes a note in his head to call old Sirius Senior, then immediately dismisses the notion. If Sirius, old Sirius is really Lord Black, then Regulus needs to be respectful. Even if the idea gives him hives.

“I need to talk to him, then,” Regulus decides. “Right now.”

“Are you sure?” Potter cuts in. “You could take a couple days? Term has already started, but it’s only been a week- you could get resorted and all settled into school, and then talk to Old Man Sirius?”

Regulus is shaking his head before the older boy can even finish talking. “No, I need to talk to Lord Black. He’ll tell me what to do.”

“You are not going to be impressed with him,” Sirius warns. “Because- and I cannot emphasize this enough- he’s me. He’s treating the title like I would, Reg.”

Regulus takes a second to let himself feel horrified, then shakes his head again. “Still,” he decides. “It would make me feel better. I need- I need to see the house.”

“Alright,” Sirius sighs. “Okay. We need to get you cleared by Madam Pomfrey, but then we can go.”

Regulus hesitates, then nods. 

“And- Regulus?” Sirius asks. Regulus braces himself. “He’ll probably freak out a bit when he sees you. It’s been around thirteen years for him since you died, and, well. He’s me.”

“Ah,” Regulus says. He thinks for a moment about how he’d react if he found out Sirius had died, and decides instead to think about literally any other thing. 

“We’ll go get Pomfrey,” Lily says, tugging Potter with her. Regulus watches them go, then blinks. 

“Hang on, why are they here? They weren’t on the Tapestry.”

“Oh,” Sirius says, then laughs. “The Tapestry was your origin story, Reggie. Me and James came from a magical Map, and Lily and Severus came from a book. The Philosopher’s Stone reacts to Blood Magic in a really fascinating way, yeah?”

“You- Severus?”

Sirius and Severus’s rivalry is legendary. And by rivalry, Regulus does mean bullying. It’s bullying.

Sirius sighs. “Yeah. We have to be friends now- or Lily and James will cry on us. Neither of us are very happy about it.”

“You’re not even- you’re not even secretly cruel to him?” Regulus asks, reeling. 

“Ha, nah. Turns out- and Reg, I will absolutely not hesitate to cram you back into that Tapestry if you go spreading this around- but it turns out that he’s… not a bad bloke. Just a bit prickly.”

Regulus sits back down on the bed, stunned. Sirius pats his back in commiseration. 

Regulus doesn’t even care that much about Severus, or who he’s friends with. What he does care about is that, apparently his brother is capable of… growing? And changing as a person? 

Maybe Regulus should re-examine his own views, since apparently nothing is sacred and anything goes.

Then there's Peter Pettigrew and the Ghost of Christmas James, which initially was going in a WAY different direction, if only because I sort of went into it with like no plan at all. Regulus was going to come into the story way earlier, as he'd just been hanging out at Grimmauld. For no real reason I can remember, either. He was just chillin. Here's some of that:

Peter’s never been to Grimmauld, but based on the stories Sirius had told them about the place, he’d expected darkness and dust and an overwhelming feeling of suffocation. 

Instead, the floorplan inside is surprisingly open (with a sitting room to the left and an office to the right, and stairs leading to the next floor just after that), the wooden floors are polished and gleaming, the windows are clean- it’s not cheery, not exactly, but it certainly doesn’t hold any of the doom and gloom Peter had been expecting. 

Despite the warmer-than-expected atmosphere, Peter feels very cold all of a sudden. Because not only are things clean, and (dare he think it) welcoming, the house is lit. Which means-

Someone rounds the corner, holding a steaming mug of what is probably tea. At the sight of Peter, Harry, and James still standing in the doorway; he freezes. And then, for a long moment, he simply stares.

Peter just… stares back. He is completely at a loss here. What the hell does he even do- should he be going for his wand? Can he- is this a fight he’s going to be able to win? He has no idea.

What he does know is that he’s getting really rather sick of all these dead people. 

“Hey, Regulus,” James finally says, albeit rather weakly. “You’re, uh, looking good.”

Chapter Break

James is right, of course- Regulus is looking good, surprisingly so. He’s wearing a sweater and casual slacks, and his long black curly hair is tied up and out of his face with what seems to be his wand. Around his neck is a chain, with an ornate looking ring strung through it and resting next to what might be an amulet of some kind. 

Most impressive of all is, of course, the fact that he’s not dead. In fact, Peter would go so far as to say that he looks very much alive- other than the fact that he seems to have a rather gray-tinged tone to his skin. 

Peter almost laughs at the absurdity of it all. What is his life? 

Unfortunately, true or not, James’s words break Regulus out of his stupor. In an instant, almost faster than Peter can see, he has his wand out and pointed directly at Peter.

“Drop the boy,” he says, wand unwavering.

Harry’s arms tighten around Peter’s neck at the same time Peter tightens his hold on the kid. His stomach swoops unpleasantly. He doesn’t remember how good Regulus is at dueling, but he doesn’t really want to find out with Harry right here. 

“I think the fuck not,” Peter says, keeping his voice as level as he can. 

“Yeah, no,” James says, arms folding. “We’re not-”

“Potter, I don’t know why you’re- back, or what’s going on, but you should know that Pettigrew is-”

The fear that had been mounting turns instantly to an icy-cold rage. Hypocrite.

“Is what,” Peter asks. “A Death-Eater? Because if you want to compare forearms, I’d be more than happy to-”

“Oh, fuck off,” Regulus says, glaring. “You know as well as I that the brand has nothing to do with it. One of the two of us is responsible for that child being orphaned, and it’s not me.”

“Maybe we should-” James tries again, but Regulus isn’t done.

“Kreacher, take the Heir to the nursery, please. Keep him safe.”

Peter has the time to tighten his hold on Harry before suddenly he isn’t holding anything at all. 

He doesn’t especially remember what happens next- all he knows is that one second, he’s standing empty-handed in the hallway, and the next he’s got Regulus against the wall, wand pressed into his neck. Regulus’s own wand has fallen on the floor in the interim. 

“Give him back,” Peter says. The rage, fear, guilt, everything that’s been a near constant for the last week- all of it is gone, leaving nothing but a sickening light-headed feeling in their place. 

Regulus’s eyes narrow, but he makes no move other than that. 

“I’ll kill you,” Peter says. He’s not bluffing. He couldn’t bluff right now if he wanted to- there’s nothing but cold calculated rationale sitting in his chest right now. If he kills Regulus, they can start tearing the house apart looking for Harry. If-then, cause-and-effect. Easy-peasy. 

Something in his eyes must show his thought process to Regulus. He swallows once- then forcibly relaxes his face again. “What makes you think it’ll stick this time?” Regulus asks. “Didn’t last time.”

 Peter is about to cast a cutting curse to Regulus’s throat to test that theory when-

“Regulus,” James says. 

And in an instant, the fear is back. Peter can’t help it- he tenses up. Regulus does too- and his eyes widen, looking over Peter’s shoulder. 

James’s tone is the cheeriest Peter has heard it be in a long time. But Peter doesn’t think that’s what Regulus is worried about, since to anyone but a Marauder James would simply sound pleasant rather than terror-inducing. 

Peter risks a look behind him- and then he throws himself back from Regulus, pressing his own back to the wall across from him. 

To the outside observer, it would look like James hasn’t changed at all- still just a ghost in a white sheet, with those two infernal eye holes cut out of it.

But there’s- Peter had thought those eyes looked like black-holes before, but that’s nothing compared to now. He can’t look away- James looks somehow both smaller than he is, and larger than anything else in the house. It’s like he’s turned himself into a point at the center of the universe, the pinprick before the big-bang. 

Peter has never had the misfortune of running into a Dementor, but he thinks that being kissed by one might feel something like how he feels now, just looking at James from fifteen feet away. 

“Bring my son back to me, please,” James continues. 

Regulus licks his lips, then clears his throat. “Kreacher, will you- bring the Heir back to us, now?”

Just as quickly as Harry had been torn away from him, Harry is suddenly back in Peter’s arms. Peter can’t help it- he sinks to the floor, gathering the kid close. His heart slows considerably at the familiar weight of the boy in his arms, the feeling of his arms around Peter’s neck. 

“Harry, are you okay?” Peter gets out, before he has to take in a huge gasping breath. Huh- he had definitely forgotten to breathe.  

“I met a new best friend!” Harry says, seemingly completely unfazed by what’s just happened. “His name is Kreach! Also Wormy, can I be a dragon when I grow up?”

“You can be whatever you want to be, bud,” James says. When had he floated over here? His hand waves through Harry’s hair again. Harry giggles, then rests his head on Peter’s shoulder.

Peter feels somewhat frozen. He just wants to get out of here, out of this place that Harry could be taken from them at any moment for any reason, never to be seen again. At that thought, Peter’s stomach twists. He feels nauseous. 

When the fuck did Harry manage to sneak into Peter’s heart? He’s a kid. Peter doesn’t like kids. 

Except this one, apparently. Damn it all.

Oh well, something to worry about another day. At least James seems to be back to normal. 

“Well,” Regulus says, hand clutching around the ring hanging around his neck. “That was… something. You can leave, now.”

Peter thinks that’s a great plan.

Then there's Regulus Black and the What the Hell, where originally the beginning focused much more on Harry and Luna and their silly hijinks. (Also fun fact: the horcrux in Harry's head was originally pulled out by Luna and turned into a half baby, half snake, which means by the time they got to Regulus he had two children AND a baby to worry about. Fortunately for him, I scrapped that idea.) Oh, and then I also had Regulus deciding to go to Severus Snape, which I managed to write all of one chapter of before realizing it was crazy ooc of him to even consider that lol. I can't find where that is, so I must have deleted it, but it existed once. Anyways, this sample is actually canon compliant with the posted fic, so take that how you will:

“Why- um, why are you here?” Harry asks finally, letting the snake down. 

“I followed a light,” Luna responds. Her face crumples again for a second, but then she clearly forces her expression to relax again. “I thought it would take me to my Mummy, but it just took me here.”

“Um,” Harry says. “Okay?”

Luna is staring at him again, her big eyes zeroing in on his forehead. 

“Does that hurt?” She asks. 

Harry’s hand reflexively reaches up and touches his scar. He runs his fingers over its bumpy spidery lines, zigzagging across a good half of his forehead.

“Sometimes,” Harry says, bringing his hand down. 

Luna reaches her own hand up and brushes her fingers over it. Harry holds his breath and sits as still as a statue as he feels her cool fingers run over it. Her brow furrows, and she frowns. She presses her fingers against his head a little harder. 

“Um,” Harry starts. 

“Sh,” Luna says. 

Harrys ‘sh’s. 

Luna’s eyes narrow, then she sits back again, looking satisfied. “I think I can fix it,” she decides. 

Harry blinks, although his heart is soaring. “Really?”

If Luna can get rid of his scar, maybe the Dursleys won’t think he’s a freak any more!

Luna nods. “It might hurt, though,” she says. “It’s really stuck in there.”

Harry sits back, thinking hard. 

“I can manage hurt,” Harry decides. “Do it.”

Luna nods again, face serious. Harry screws his eyes shut as she reaches her hand up again. 

At first he doesn’t feel anything other than her feather light fingers on his scar. 

Then there's a slight pulling feeling- which very rapidly goes from a gentle tug to an intense feeling of being torn apart from the inside out.

Harry doesn’t cry out, though- Harry’s not sure he could if he wanted to. He doesn’t have the air. 

It feels like it lasts hours. Then, with a final snapping sort of sound, the sensation stops and Harry topples over. He feels warmth trickling down from his forehead and down his face, past his eyes and nose and into his mouth. He thinks he tastes blood.

Harry gasps as he opens his eyes.

The girl is on the ground, either fainted or dead. Harry crawls over to her, grabbing at her arms despite the pain pulsing in his head. He props her up on his legs. Her head lolls, and he gives her a little shake to try and get her to open her eyes. She doesn’t- but she does take in a shuddery gasp. 

Harry looks around wildly. He doesn’t know what to do, but he needs to do something. He can’t just leave Luna here- if Petunia sees her, she’ll probably lock them both up in Harry’s cupboard. 

Instead of finding a solution, Harry freezes as he hears the back door begin to open. 

Chapter Break

The back door slams open, so loud that Harry jumps what feels like three feet into the air.

“HEY! Are you out here?” 

Harry lets out a long shaky breath as he sees his cousin walk outside, taking the porch steps down into the garden two at a time, and landing as heavily as he can each time. 

Dudley isn't ideal, but he's also not Petunia or Vernon. All in all, could be worse.

“Where are you? Mummy said you had to play with me,” Dudley calls, casting around the garden. 

Harry doesn’t think that’s true at all- Petunia prefers Dudley to ignore Harry. It’s Vernon who encourages the playing. 

Regardless of who it was, though, it doesn’t change the fact that soon Dudley is going to see Harry, and then Luna. Harry gasps.

What if Dudley wants to play with Luna? Dudley’s games hurt, and Luna can’t be hurt! She’s Harry’s best friend.

Harry has maybe seconds before they’re seen- what does he do?

It’s too late. Dudley sees Harry, and his eyes light up.

“What,” he asks, stomping over to where Harry is standing. “Is that?”

Harry tries in vain to position himself in front of Luna.

“Let me see,” Dudley says, stepping forward. 

“No,” Harry says.

“What?” Dudley asks, stopping.

Harry can’t blame him- bad things happen when Harry tells his relatives no. Harry knows that, and so do they. So Harry doesn’t say no, not if he can help it.

Harry grits his teeth. 

“No,” Harry says, stronger this time. “She’s just pretend.” “No she isn’t,” Dudley says, still looking a bit confused. That’s good- if he’s confused, then he’s not yelling for his parents. 

“Yes she is,” Harry says, nodding. “How else could she have gotten here?”

“She coulda climbed the fence,” Dudley says, kicking a lump of grass at the sleeping Luna. It falls just short. 

Harry shifts, thinking fast. 

“But where would she have come from before that? I pretended her.” 

“Well,” Dudley says, developing a shrewd glint in his eye, “if it’s all just pretend, it won’t hurt nothing to let me see. I want to see.”

“No,” Harry says firmly. “I’m pretending she’s poison- if you touch her, you’ll die.”

“That’s not fair,” Dudley says, expression turning thunder-y. “Move!”

He takes another threatening step forward, and Harry takes a reflexive step back. Too late, he realizes that he’s stepped right into one of the holes he’d been digging in the garden. He just manages keep from squashing Luna.

As he lands with a jolt, Luna shifts slightly. Harry looks back at her, then up at the slowly approaching Dudley.

Dudley smiles- it’s a cruel smile, one that Harry knows to mean that someone is about to get kicked, or bit, or hit. Or all three.

 Harry is usually alright with that- well, not alright, but it is a fact of life. The only thing is that he’s not the only available target right now- and he can’t let Dudley hurt Luna. He just can’t. 

Harry casts around, looking for something- anything- that could be used to keep the girl safe. There’s nothing, nothing but grass and weeds and- and a stick. A twig, really. Harry still reaches for it, then brandishes it up at Dudley. 

“Stay back,” Harry says, a bit shakily. 

Dudley laughs. “What,” he says. “You gonna cast a magic spell on me? With your fairy wand?”

“Yeah,” Harry says, narrowing his eyes. 

Behind him, Luna stirs again. Harry pushes down a wave of panic as Dudley’s eyes flicker to her. 

“Yeah,” Harry repeats, waving the stick around a bit. Anything to keep Dudley’s attention on him and not on Luna. “I’ll- I’ll turn you into a bug!”

Dudley gets a perplexed look on his face, then bursts into laughter.

Luna lets out a little groan, then props herself up. Harry’s heart leaps, then sinks again. He doesn’t know if Luna is going to be any help at all.

“Did it work?” she asks, squinting at Harry. 

“Who are you?” Dudley asks, sobering up. 

“Oh,” Luna says, looking past Harry and over at Dudley. She stands up, albeit a bit unsteadily, to face the boy. “I’m Luna. Who are you?”

“Want to play a game?” Dudley asks, plastering a fake smile on his face and brushing past her question. 

“No! Go away!” Harry says, a bit desperately. 

“Shut up, freak,” Dudley says, stomping down hard on one of Harry’s legs. 

Harry’s vision abruptly goes white, and pain bursts like stars in his head. As the sharp pain recedes, it leaves a pulsing sort of burning pain in its place- Harry can’t be sure, but he thinks his leg might be a bit broken now. It sure feels like a worse version of how his wrist had felt when that had been broken last time. 

When his vision clears, Harry realizes that he’s drawn his leg up to his chest. He’s shaking, and his cheeks feel wet- either his scar has started bleeding again, or he’s crying. 

“Baby,” Dudley spits. 

Harry just glares, biting on the inside of his cheek to keep himself distracted from the pain in his leg.

“What sort of game?” Luna asks, seemingly unbothered by Dudley’s violent outburst. 

“It’s called chase,” Dudley says, eyes snapping back to Luna. 

“How do you play?”

Harry shakes his head, and Luna’s big blue eyes flicker over to him. 

“Easy. You run- I chase,” Dudley says. 

“What happens if you catch me?” Luna asks, sticking her hands in the pockets of her overalls. 

Dudley smiles. “Nothin,” he says. 

Harry shakes his head again, biting down even harder. He thinks his cheek might be bleeding.

“Shut up, freak,” Dudley says, turning to look at Harry again. 

Harry can’t help but pull his other leg up too- he wouldn’t put it past Dudley to go for a round two. 

Dudley looks about ready to do just that when Luna says, “okay. Sounds fun. When do we start?”

Dudley’s smile is back. “I’ll give you a three second head-start,” he says. “One-”

Luna reaches out, placing a cool hand on the top of Harry’s head. 

“Two,” Dudley continues, grin widening. 

Harry squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Th-”

Chapter Break

“I forgot to ask what happens if we win,” Luna says, frowning.

Harry would respond, but he’s a bit busy dry-heaving onto the ground. The hard-floored, definitely-not-Little-Whinging ground.

“Where are we?” Harry asks, once he feels a little less like his stomach is trying to twist in on itself. Although- his leg does hurt so bad that every time he breathes it sends up little shooting reminders right to the back of his neck and then back down again.

Despite this, Harry looks up to take in his surroundings. They seem to be in a breaking down house, of some kind. It’s dark, and quiet, and dusty, and sort of makes Harry think of his cupboard- safe, but claustrophobic.

For some reason, Luna has started running around the room, waving her hands in big sweeping motions. It looks like she's trying to clear away a bunch of bugs- only Harry doesn't see anything of the sort.

“I dunno,” Luna muses, finally slowing down. “I followed one of your lights again. I feel really tired, now.”

“Oh,” Harry says. “Are you gonna-?”

Luna plops herself onto the ground, then simply lays down and closes her eyes. 

“Okay,” Harry says.

That's about it for published fics (the werewolf one has TONS but I haven't finished it yet so I don't want to share anything in case I use it, and my main series was surprisingly straight-forward), but I also have a couple other scraps of things that are otherwise never going to see the light of day, so here's what I have written of the first of those:

Prologue

“They say you’re the best,” says the stranger. Filch doesn’t know who he is, or what he looks like- he’s wearing a too-large hat, and an odd sort of cloak that obscures his features. He’s twirling a stick of some kind between his gloved fingers. 

Filch lets out a snort. “I wouldn’t say the best,” he says, “but I am pretty damn good.”

“I’ve heard the stories,” the stranger insists. “If you aren’t the best, I don’t know who’s better.”

“You haven’t done very much research then, son,” Filch says. “And you’d best start doing some now- I’m retired.”

The stranger leans back in his chair. “This one is worth coming out of retirement for,” he says. 

Filch can’t help but snort again, nearly choking on the laugh. “I’ve heard that one before.”

The stranger seems to stare at him from underneath that hood, then gets up to leave. “Very well- I’ll see myself out.”

Filch narrows his eyes. No, hang on. “I never said I wouldn’t hear you out,” he says. “I agreed to meet you, didn’t I?”

The stranger doesn’t relax, not quite- but he does settle back. “I thought you might say that.”

“Well?” Filch says, leaning back in his own chair. “Get on with it, then.”

The stranger leans forwards. “Tell me, Detective. Do you believe in magic?”

Chapter One

Argus swears to himself as he trips over a chunk of fallen armor. 

The cat chirps at him- he thinks she might be laughing at him. 

“Bugger off,” Filch mutters. 

The cat meows, twisting around Filch’s legs. He feels a rush of warmness for the thing despite himself- Filch has never been one for animals, but over the last decade he’s grown to appreciate cats in particular. Not that he’d ever willingly admit it to anyone, of course. 

“You think you’re so funny,” he grumbles. 

The cat chirrups again, then bolts off, leaving Argus to clean up. 

It’s hard to believe that Argus has been at this for a decade.

Or rather, hard to believe that it’s been just a decade. Magic notwithstanding, this has been one of the worst cases he’s ever taken on. Argus doesn’t even like children. Much less rich children. And rich magical children? Forget it. 

Sure, there's the occasional bright spot in the darkness- that Percy Weasley is almost enough of a good egg to atone for the sins of his brothers. 

As if. That’s not even close to true- it would take half a million Percy Weasleys to make up for one Fred, or half of a Charlie. 

Argus still doesn’t know how that boy managed to get so many damn baby dragons into the castle, and the fact that that’s on the (extremely short) list of cases he hasn’t been able to crack haunts him to this day. 

But that Nymphadora character- well, they’d been a headache and a half to manage, but they're the only student in the last ten years that got even close to recognizing Argus for what he is: namely, a damn good detective. 

The fact that they’d then immediately decided to turn Moriarty to his Sherlock is irrelevant- at least the ‘rivalry’ had been entertaining. At times. And the cat liked them well enough, at least. 

Enough to help them out on their escapades, even.

On second thought, there are no bright spots and all children are nothing but blights upon the face of the planet. 

Argus lets out a long sigh as he drags the bottom half of the suit of armor back to the pedestal. 

A decade. 

Argus had already been getting on in years when he’d officially retired- and now he’s nearing sixty-two. This case has taken a decade from him. Argus would’ve dropped it long, long ago- if not for the fact that the stakes are so goddamn high. 

Well, and the money. 

Argus was already pretty well off, but now he’s worth at least a few million dollars. Or he would be if he didn’t keep giving it all away. 

Damn bleeding heart- he curses his father every day for passing on that fucking moral compass. Why couldn’t he have gotten his mother’s coldness on top of her brains? 

Eh, whatever- it’s not like he needs the money anyhow. 

Besides, there is every chance in the world that Charlie Weasley would have stayed on as an assistant to the Care teacher had he not received an ‘anonymous’ grant giving him the means to get to Romania and into the program there- and Argus really would have given up on the case at that point, consequences be damned.

And then the first little bit of a particularly crack-y one:

In Which Kreacher Would Rather Die Than Let the House of Black Fall (And Gets Into a Loving and Committed Relationship With a Dementor About It)

Kreacher has been a staunch defender of the House of Black for millenia. Kreacher is old, even by Elf standards. Kreacher knows the magic, the family, the home, better than anyone else. Ever. 

Kreacher also knows that nothing lasts forever. 

Walburga Black, Lady Black, is as good as dead. Kreacher feels no one way about this. 

Orion Black is dead. Kreacher feels no one way about this. 

Sirius Black is imprisoned. Kreacher hates Sirius Black, Kreacher hates him, Kreacher wishes every day that Regulus had been born first, but Kreacher knows that isn’t the way and Kreacher knows that Kreacher hates Sirius for not being his brother more than anything else. And for the last three years, Sirius Black has been in Azkaban. For something he didn’t do, the Heir has no traitorous bone in his body, but nonetheless: Sirius Black is in Azkaban, and Kreacher can do nothing about it. 

Regulus Black is dead. Kreacher feels-

Pain. 

Besides the point. The Lady is useless, the Heir imprisoned for life, the- the Spare, deceased… there’s no point in denying it. The House of Black is ending. 

Kreacher just- and Kreacher does blame Regulus for this, that irritating boy that managed to worm his way into Kreacher’s heart enough to leave an exit wound on the way out- Kreacher just hadn’t anticipated it ending so soon. 

Except… 

There is one left. One more chance. 

Lady Black is useless, now. Kreacher knows this- he knows this because the magic knows this. Every day, the magic siphons more and more from Lady Black’s title, sending it Sirius Black’s way instead- the soon to be newest Lord Black. 

Kreacher is not one to question the magic’s judgment. 

Kreacher is one to grumble incessantly about it, though, and he will be damned before something ridiculous like the fall of the House of Black keeps Kreacher from doing just that. 

Soon, Sirius Black will be Lord Black. And there is to be an Heir Black, too. 

The child is not a Black in name. But the magic doesn’t lie- and for whatever reason (Kreacher will not question the magic’s judgment, Kreacher will not)- that means, Harry Potter is his last chance. 

Kreacher isn’t supposed to do this. But the House of Black isn’t supposed to fall, either. So Kreacher will interfere.

The stream of magic is as familiar as it is invigorating. Kreacher reaches out to it, wrapping its ribbons tightly around his own magic- although they look and feel nearly identical- and lets it carry him away. Away from the House, away from Kreacher’s home- towards the Heir. 

At first, Kreacher doesn’t know where he has ended up. Then, the dust clears- and Kreacher still doesn’t know where he’s ended up. A cupboard, of some kind, by the looks of it- a small one. And it’s occupied.

The little boy stares at Kreacher with huge green eyes, catching the only light filtering in through the closed cupboard door.  

Kreacher levels the most vicious glare he can at the thing. Kreacher is planning on using the boy to revitalize the House of Black, but he certainly doesn’t need to play nice to do that. And with the boy’s dark brown skin and unruly black curls, he has a distinct Potter look about him (aside from the eyes)- which means Kreacher is already less inclined to be nice than he already would have been to begin with. 

Still, he can’t just ignore the Heir, and Kreacher has questions he’d like answered. For one- “Why is the Heir in a cupboard?” 

The boy looks around, as though seeing it for the first time. Then, his gaze returns to Kreacher. He doesn’t say anything. Kreacher sighs. Enough of this. 

“Come with Kreacher,” Kreacher says, reaching a hand out. 

The boy doesn’t move. He just stares. Kreacher narrows his eyes. “The Heir is coming with Kreacher,” Kreacher says. 

Kreacher would just take the Heir. But for as little as Kreacher is supposed to be doing this, he’s not technically breaking any rules. But taking the Heir without the Heir’s permission? That would be breaking the rules.

Fortunately, the Heir is a child. And children love nothing if not to make deals. 

“If the Heir returns with Kreacher, Kreacher will provide the Heir a treat,” Kreacher says. 

The Heir’s eyes narrow further, and for the first time, Kreacher is realizing how small the thing is. Kreacher knows children, knows what they should look like and when. The Heir is four. The Heir should not look like he is two. 

Kreacher adjusts his tactics. 

“If the Heir returns with Kreacher, Kreacher will provide the Heir a meal,” Kreacher says. “Supper.”

The boy considers another moment. He is smart- of course he is smart. The magic may have limited options, but… Kreacher knows for a fact that there’s other children of the House of Black it could have chosen. This is, for whatever reason, the best choice. Which means the boy is- at the very least- bound to be intelligent. 

Intelligent, yes. But also, four. And hungry. The boy reaches for Kreacher, and Kreacher wastes no time taking them away in a swirl of magic. Back to the House. Back to the magic. Back to home. 

A home Kreacher will not let fall. 

***

There is something about the boy, Kreacher realizes. He has been home for a little under two weeks now, and things are going… well. Surprisingly well. Kreacher had thought there would be more fighting, more tears, more tantrums once the boy realized Kreacher had no intentions whatsoever of taking him back to wherever it is he came from. There is none of that. 

But there is something. And it’s not anything good. 

It takes another three days for Kreacher to realize what it is. What he’s feeling, where he’s felt it before. 

The Heir is sitting at the table, coloring quietly and intermittently snacking on pretzels. Kreacher is keeping an eye on the boy, because Kreacher is no stranger to children- and the quiet ones tend to be the ones that need the most watching. This one… isn’t, he is polite and attentive and not at all prone to whinging, but Kreacher will not let that lull him into a false sense of security. So he will watch. Even though that involves hours upon hours of sitting with the child in silence. (Kreacher doesn’t know if the boy speaks yet. Regulus was the same way. Kreacher does not think about this.)

Kreacher is patient, and not prone to boredom. But he does not sit idle- he investigates the magic, twirling and twisting it around, checking on its strength, the direction of its flow. 

The magic likes the Heir. But not all of the Heir. It will not, for example, go anywhere near the branching lines of the scar plastered across his face. It hasn’t the whole time the Heir has been here, and Kreacher wants to know why. 

He’s gotten sick of passive observation. It’s time for direct action. Kreacher wields his own magic, and pokes it at the scar. 

And the magic screams. 

The boy doesn’t notice, because his core is not yet awake or active- and Kreacher is glad of it. The less aware the boy is of it, the less it will take root, Kreacher hopes. 

But Kreacher notices. Notices, and realizes. By the time Kreacher’s ears have stopped ringing, his eyes have stopped streaming tears, he’s already moving, reaching to find something he's done his best not to think about. 

The last four years have not been easy on Kreacher. This is for a lot of different reasons- the fall of the House of Black, Lady Black’s descent into madness, Regulus dying…

The locket. 

Kreacher spent a long, long time trying to find a way to destroy the odious little thing. When he finally realized he was doing more harm to Kreacher than he was the locket, he tucked it away- safe, hidden. Kreacher would destroy it, he would… just not now. Not until the House of Black was strong once more. 

Now, it seems, Kreacher has no choice. Because the soul of darkness that lies in the locket, the one that killed Regulus and hurt Kreacher…

It lives in the Heir’s head, too. 

And Kreacher will not let it take the boy. Not another one. 

There is one thing that Kreacher had thought about trying. A last-ditch, desperate attempt to destroy the locket- or, rather, what the locket contains- for good. The danger it posed, though… was far too great. Kreacher hadn’t dared attempt to risk it. 

Now, though? 

Kreacher doesn’t think he has a choice. 

***

Kreacher waits until the Heir is sleeping. The boy sleeps lightly, but Kreacher is not worried- between the silencing charms, the warming charms, the enchanted harp strumming lullabies, and the child-proofed room (warded, of course, to prevent wandering), Kreacher knows very well that the Heir is not going anywhere. Kreacher has never technically had to raise a child on his own, but he is very old, and he has encountered his fair share of neglectful parents. Kreacher is confident in his ability to keep a child alive and well. 

Not so confident is he in Kreacher’s ability to make a child feel loved, but that’s never been a priority of Kreacher’s. There have been many Lord Blacks that grew up without love, and they’d…

Kreacher pauses, thinking about Walburga Black, and the desperate measures Kreacher is taking to keep the House from falling because of her actions, and because of the actions of the Lords and Ladies before her. Then, he sighs. Kreacher will add ‘finding someone to love the Heir’ to the list- after taking care of the Horcrux in the boy’s head. 

The Locket is as despicable as ever. Unfortunately, Kreacher requires it for this next step. The next step, being, of course, Azkaban. 

Kreacher doesn’t want to go to Azkaban. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so Kreacher lets the stream of magic take him away, until it will take him no further, and then he begins to pull, dragging himself inch by inch towards where the magic itself freezes over, sinking chill into Kreacher’s bones and making him feel every inch the 8,000 year old Elf he is. 

Still, Kreacher pulls. And pulls. And pulls and pulls and pulls until finally Kreacher is coming to a stop on the isle, shivering and breathing hard. The ground beneath Kreacher is rough and stony and sharp, and Kreacher presses himself harder into it, the pain piercing through the steadily rising fogginess that is clambering at Kreacher’s mind. Around his neck, the Locket hums. It can sense the like magic, Kreacher is sure, and it feels at home. 

Kreacher does not think that will be the case for much longer. Not if things go according to plan. 

The magic cannot be used to move any further, as it’s too atrophied. Kreacher can’t use the Black family magic either, as…

Well. Kreacher doesn’t want it to know he’s here. It’s shameful, an Elf coming here. Unheard of, even. The less waves Kreacher makes, the less likely the magic of his home, of his family, will take umbrage with his actions here. 

Kreacher looks up the sheer cliff he has found himself at the base of, and then further still. Kreacher cannot see as well as he used to, but he can still make out where the face of the cliff turns into a building. Dark, and rough, and bleak, square and utilitarian in its single-minded purpose. Even from here, Kreacher can tell the building is nothing but a husk, hollowed out of everything that gave it life. Assuming it had life to begin with.

And last but not least, one of my favorite hp things I've ever written, and also EXTREMELY crack-y, and I may or may not come back to it eventually but you get a sneak-preview anyway:

Prologue

Once upon a time, there were three brothers. 

The eldest was shrewd, and his ambition blinded him, and he died, and thus he served his narrative purpose.

The second eldest was brash, and his recklessness ruined him, and he died, and thus he served his narrative purpose.

The youngest was smart, and brave, and most of all humble- and he saw his brothers both fall, and took their failures as the object lessons he knew they were, and because of that he got his happy ending. And thus, he served his narrative-

No, hang on. That’s not quite right. Not this time.

This time, there were only two brothers- and the first got to be smart, and the second got to be brave, because in this fairy-tale there was no little brother to be the best of them both. 

Although- there was a little sister. 

But little sisters don’t get to be the best of their older brothers. Little sisters to older brothers are to be treasured, and protected, and when her older brothers are just a little too smart, or a little too brave…

Little sisters get to serve their narrative purpose. 

Which was… what, again? Oh! Of course.

To die.

And thus, she served her-

Wait. Is that a little too sad? Hm. Well.

Let’s not pick this story, then- let’s choose another. Here, how about this?

Once upon a time, there were three sisters.

Chapter One

Ariana takes a deep breath in and holds it for a beat too long- just like mother said to do when things get to be a… little much. 

Above her head, another spell shoots past, missing her by inches and shattering into fractals against the wall that showers down little red sparks onto her arm. It stings, and Ariana doubles down on not breathing, as the alternative is hyperventilating. 

This is not a ‘little much’. This is the end of the world.

“Look at what you did,” Albus says, in that cold uncaring voice he’s taken to using around them. The one that makes him sound like he thinks he’s better than them. “You nearly took Ariana’s head off.”

“That was you, asshole!” Aberforth yells, flinging another spell Albus’s way before ducking back behind the overturned table as Albus sends one right back. “Look at her, she can’t even move, she's so scared! What is the matter with you?”

Well. Aberforth isn’t wrong. Ariana is terrified. Albus is leaving, Aberforth is fighting, and Ariana is- well. Put it this way. If she can’t get control of herself?

She’s going to kill them all.

“Albus, we really should be going now,” Gellert says, buffing his fingernails from where he’s safely sitting behind a shimmering shield.

“Fucker,” Aberforth spits. Gellert shrugs.

Ariana’s going a little lightheaded, as she seems to have hit her limit as far as lack-of-oxygen-intake goes. She inhales. It doesn’t do much- not against the sticky feeling of her magic clinging to her airways. 

(According to mother, the magic goes to her lungs first, because that’s the easiest place to start. 

“It wants to ride the air all the way through your body,” mother said. “Don’t let it do that.”

“Okay,” Ariana said. “But what about when I need to breathe?”

“You need to breathe less than you need the magic not to take over,” mother said. “Better you faint, first.”

“Okay,” Ariana said.)

“Fucker,” she whispers to herself, on the exhale. She’s not supposed to swear, but the fact that she can feel her magic as much as she can means that she’s much closer to losing control than she’d thought- and also Aberforth had just said it, which means she gets to, too. It’s only fair.

Another spell shoots just past her, and she inhales again on reflex- and can almost feel the magic creeping further and further through her body, like an insidious parasite that’s gleefully making its way through her bloodstream. 

Her stomach twists. She doesn’t know if she’s going to be able to pull this one back. 

Ariana resumes not breathing. 

“Can’t you just stay?” Aberforth pleads. 

Ariana doesn’t know why he bothers, he’s fighting a losing battle. Albus has always wanted to leave, always had grander aspirations than this, so why bother forcing him to stick around? 

Well, besides the fact that that would leave Aberforth to deal with her. The Dumbledore household’s resident ghost-that-isn’t-dead-yet. The fading echo. 

Ariana feels her eyes well with tears. Useless. Less than useless. A burden. That’s all she is. Even to Aberforth, her favorite Aberforth, the one that holds her after her nightmares and sings her to sleep and still reads her stories when she asks (even though at twelve she’s practically all grown up now) and finds kittens for her to play with and mends all of their clothes and argues with Albus over who’s turn it is to do dishes even though they’re magic and-

Even to him, Ariana is nothing more than a chore.

Her magic continues to creep, bringing with it a nauseating empty feeling- like it’s hollowing her out as it goes. 

“No,” Albus says, simply and casually and cruelly. 

Ariana’s heart breaks a little, then. Albus is leaving. She doesn’t think she believed it, not until just now. Aberforth is her favorite, yes, but she loves Albus just the same.

He’s her oldest brother, the one who teaches her about history and the stars and helps her through her math lessons and retells her favorite greek myths over and over again with the same excited passion he has for teaching anyone about anything, no matter how many times she’s had him tell her about the labyrinth, or about Aphrodite, or any of it-

And he’s leaving?

“No,” Ariana hears someone say. She thinks it may have been her.

It must have sunk in for Aberforth too, because he lets out a wordless scream of rage. But this is Aberforth, and he’s always been a bit hotheaded, so he doesn’t leave it at that. No, he fires one last spell at Albus- and this one. Oh, this one flies true, shooting towards Albus in a magnificently clean-cut arc that has his blue eyes widening. 

Gellert, quick as a flash, has his wand out and is shooting his own spell- and as true as Abe’s aim had been, Gellert’s aim is truer. 

It hits the spell, changing its trajectory and forcing it to veer sharply right- right towards where Ariana is sitting frozen on the couch. 

Albus’s eyes widen further, and his mouth opens as he raises his wand as well, shooting out a third bolt of light. 

And the funny thing is, Ariana is sure that if he hadn’t, then it would have missed her the same as the other spells did. But he had. And it changes the trajectory for a second time. 

And the magic inside of her surges. 

And then- 

Everything goes white.

Chapter Two

“Er,” says the voice.

Ariana tries to blink, but she seems to have forgotten how to open her eyes. Or- maybe it’s that she’s forgotten to close them? Everything is so bright. 

What’s happening? Where is she? 

“I don’t normally get to say this in my line of work, but- are you alright?”

Ariana tries to get up from where she thinks she’s lying on the floor, but that’s about as effective as blinking is. 

“And- well, I get to say this even less, but- have you considered trying to breathe?”

Ah! Breathing. She remembers how to do that. 

As the rush of cool air enters her lungs, she feels the last vestiges of her sick magic ebb away as well- the same way it always does after she’s had an episode. 

Which, of course, means she’s just had an episode. 

And just like that, the events of the last hour come rushing back to her, and Ariana is suddenly on her feet and breathing hard, heart hammering at a million miles per hour. Unfortunately, she’s still extremely off-balanced, which means she’s overshot and is in the process of falling flat on her face when the man catches her.

“Careful, there,” he says. 

Oh, absolutely not. 

“Get- off- me,” Ariana hisses, pushing back and nearly falling over again in the process. Her heart is beating so quickly she thinks it may give out. She does not like being touched by anyone but her brothers, let alone men. Men she doesn’t know, especially. 

“Ah,” the man says, a sad sort of recognition dawning on his face. “Yes. Trauma. This I am accustomed to.”

As she recovers from her stumbling backwards, she gets a better look at the man- he’s wearing a simple black robe that makes him stand out in sharp contrast from the oppressive white blankness of the rest of the world. He’s tall, too, with dark brown skin, and a crooked sort of smile. He’s got a mop of curly black hair that falls charmingly over his forehead, brushing up against his long dark eyelashes- which are framing his sparkling green eyes, looking at her with a soft sort of kindness she’s only ever seen from Aberforth. That, more than anything, calms Ariana- but not by much. 

“Usually, this is the part where I try to tell you that this is all just part of the journey and, considering your age, that things are going to be alright in the long run. The problem is that I don’t actually know what you’re doing here or why any of this is happening at all.” 

Ariana doesn’t know what he’s talking about, or where she is, or what’s going on, but her head is starting to hurt from all the bright white and she’s still feeling light-headed, and there’s a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that’s trying to tell her that something is incredibly wrong here and-

“You know,” the man says. “I think I’m going to try and make things a bit more comfortable for the both of us.”

And then he’s snapping his fingers and just like that, quicker than a blink, instead of standing in the middle of a white void Ariana is sitting in a cushy armchair in front of a roaring fire, wearing a simple blue dress, and holding a fragile-looking teacup with little flowers (daffodils, her mind supplies) painted delicately on the side. There’s a curl of steam wafting off the surface of the tea. She doesn’t taste it, because she still doesn’t know what’s happening, but it smells like chamomile, and despite herself, she relaxes. 

In front of her is the man, sitting on a matching chair- he’s changed as well, wearing a black dress-shirt, slacks, and dress-shoes. Instead of a teacup, he’s holding a sheaf of papers, frowning slightly as he reads through them. 

Ariana shifts in her seat. She’s certainly not going to bring attention to herself by asking silly questions like ‘who are you’ and ‘where am I’, so instead she turns her focus inward. Namely, towards her magic. 

Normally, after an episode, her magic is withdrawn and distant for weeks, if not months. That said, she can still feel it. She can always feel it. It’s a rot that’s eating her from the inside out. How could she possibly not feel it? 

She takes care to keep track of it, though- even when it’s distant like this. Just in case. Except- it doesn’t feel distant. Nor does it feel like an infection. 

It feels like it did before. Which is impossible. Unless-

And just like that, Ariana knows both where she is, and also who the man is. 

“Are my brothers dead as well?” Ariana asks, since she’s no longer got anything to be afraid of. 

Well- besides the answer to that question. 

“No,” the man- Death, that’s Death- says absently, still looking over the pages.

Ariana sinks back into her seat, letting out a huge sigh of relief. Good. That’s- that’s good. She might be dead, but- well, it was bound to happen sooner rather than later, and at least she didn’t take any of her family out with her. She’s not happy about being dead, but honestly? Could be worse. At least there’s an afterlife, apparently. 

Death is still completely immersed in his pages, and his head is cocked now. Whatever is on that paper, it must be interesting. Or concerning. “Although- to be completely honest? I don’t know if you are, either. Dead, I mean.” 

Ariana feels her blood turn to ice in her veins. 

That should probably have filled her with hope, or relief, or something- but she can’t help but wonder… if not dead, what else?

And is it going to be worse?

Death must pick up on her apprehension, because he finally looks up from his papers. “Oh, sorry- I mean, it’s nothing to be worried about. Probably. I mean- damn. Sorry. I’m not very good at this. Honestly, your situation is probably much more in my Lady’s wheelhouse. I’m not sure why the powers that be sent you my way.”

“Are you being vague on purpose?” Ariana asks. She didn’t mean to sound so biting, but to her credit, she is very worried. And apparently, now that her magic is no longer forcing her to freeze in the face of danger, her natural inclination is to provoke it instead. 

This is probably going to be an issue in the future, if she has one- Ariana has been compared to a baby bird by her brothers more times than she can count, and although she loathes the comparison she can’t help but see the reasoning behind it. Her watery blue eyes are far too big for her pointy face and she’s small and bony, much smaller and sharper than all the other village children (from what she'd seen of them through the windows), and although her hair is long and blonde it’s wispy too- feathery, even. Also, her nose is rather beaky.

The point is, she is not in any shape to fight anyone, ever. 

“No, I’m sorry,” Death says again. He does sound genuinely apologetic, so Ariana decides to forgive him. For now. “I’m trying to figure this out- reading your file, that sort of thing.”

“File,” Ariana repeats, the goodwill she’d managed to scrounge up for Death rapidly dwindling almost as soon as she'd pulled it together. 

“Yes,” Death says. “Surprisingly bureaucratic, death is.”

“I see,” she says. She doesn’t.

“Really, I should be calling my Lady up, but-”

“Who is your Lady?” Ariana cuts in. On purpose or no, the deity is being ridiculously obscure, and if she needs to ask clarifying questions then by god is she going to be asking them. 

“Oh,” Death says. “Magic. My Lady Magic.”

Ah. Hm. Ariana doesn’t really- hm. She doesn’t have much to say to that particular deity. Not anything especially kind, in any case.

“I would prefer it,” Ariana says, somewhat carefully, “if we could leave… her out of this.”

 “Yes,” Death says, flipping a page over and squinting at it. “I thought you might say something like that. And, frankly, I would prefer that as well- she’s been planning something of a- well, she calls it a ‘game’ but I think it’s probably more akin to something that will dictate the fate of the universe and what-have you- and she’s been rather tetchy because of it.”

“And you are quite sure you aren’t trying to make me feel completely lost on purpose?” Ariana asks, raising an eyebrow in what she hopes is an expression similar to the one Albus is fond of- namely, the ‘you are being unnecessarily irritating to me right now’ expression. 

Death looks at her for a moment, then has the audacity to laugh- although he catches himself nearly immediately afterwards, sobering up. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I- sorry.”

“Yes,” Ariana says, feeling her nose wrinkle. “Quite.” “Right,” Death says. “Well. The good news is that I think I’ve figured it out.”

This startles Ariana out of her annoyance. “You- you mean to say you’ve figured out what’s going on? Just now?”

Death nods, green eyes glinting with mirth. 

“But- how? We’ve been talking this whole time!”

“Oh, dear one- I’m Death. If I couldn’t handle a little bit of multi-tasking, I’d be pretty much sunk.”

Ariana can’t really argue with that. In fact, now she feels somewhat foolish. She takes a sip of her tea instead, in an attempt to cover her embarrassment. It’s delicious. “Well?” She asks, bringing the cup back down to her lap. “What is happening?”

“You- hm. Well. There are two things I know for sure about you. One of which being that you are without a doubt dead, which is why you came to me,” Death starts. 

Ariana hesitates, then nods. She’s feeling surprisingly conflicted about that- she thought that is what she’d have preferred, at least compared to the unknown, but it’s just hit her-

She’s twelve. 

Maybe she didn’t want to die quite yet. 

“And the other thing?” Ariana asks, voice wavering just the slightest bit. 

Death clears his throat. “Right. The other thing I know for sure about you is that you are, er, also-”

“Also what?”

“Very much alive?”

Ariana stares at Death. Death looks back at her, smiling awkwardly. 

“You are terrible at explaining things,” she decides. 

Death sighs, smile dropping. “Yes. You’d think I’d be better at it."

Chapter Three

Ariana takes a deep breath, relishing in the feeling of being able to breathe so freely without her magic encroaching. “Okay. One more time. What, exactly, is happening to me?”

“You’re not dead, either. Hence the- the breathing. And heartbeat. And showing up entirely unannounced.”

The problem is, that doesn’t make any sense to Ariana at all. How can she be both dead, and not dead? 

For once, Death seems ready to try and actually explain: “basically, in the simplest possible terms, you had a magical… accident, let’s call it.”

Ha- accident is one word for it. Ariana prefers the term ‘attack’. Or, possibly, ‘allergic reaction’. Or maybe even ‘catastrophe’. She nods for Death to keep going, though- now is not really the time to argue over semantics.

“Your magic reacted to your brothers’ and Gellerts’ spells, and resulted in two things: your death, and also your displacement.”

“Displacement.”

“Yes,” Death confirms. “In time, specifically.”

“Time,” Ariana repeats. 

“That’s why you came to me here, in the pocket outside of where space and time intersect, instead of- well, you’d have no way of knowing this, but normally, I’d have gone to you. Let you down gently, before leading you on. There hasn’t been a person here in- well. Maybe ever. Not linearly, anyways.”

Ariana hesitates, then nods. She’s not one-hundred percent following, but she thinks she gets the gist. 

“The point is,” Death continues, “is that now you have a choice.”

“Choice?” Ariana asks, feeling her heart skip a beat.

“Dear one, you’ve done nothing but repeat my words back to me for the last several minutes. Haven’t you gone long enough feeling like an echo?” Death asks, and although there is a note of reproach in his voice, Ariana thinks it was meant to be in good humor. 

She’s not really in a humorous sort of mood. 

Ariana would like to feel more indignant over that, but mostly she feels abruptly very sad. It’s not like Death is wrong, after all- that is exactly what she’s felt like. Her whole life, almost. 

Just a fading echo.

She looks down at the teacup in her hand, tracing the daffodils with her thumbnail. All at once, something hardens in her chest. Ariana is done with that. She’s never- she is never being someone else’s echo, ever again. 

With that thought, she looks back up at Death. He looks somewhat bemused, but raises an eyebrow in an obvious gesture for her to speak her piece. 

“You said I get a choice,” she says. “I want whichever one that lets me keep living.”

Both of Death’s eyebrows are up, now. “Are you- dear one, are you sure? Because- and I may be a bit biased, but- death is a significantly easier choice.”

“I don’t care,” Ariana says. “What do I need to do to get back?”

“You don’t,” Death says. “You’re out of time. Literally, outside of time. I can- I have the option to bring you back to life, which is something that has quite literally never happened to me, but- it wouldn’t be your old life.”

Ariana doesn’t think she cares. In fact, she thinks she might prefer that. 

She was already never going to see her brothers again. She’s made her peace with that. 

Well- probably she has. 

Doesn’t matter. She’ll have the time to do that later. 

“Well then. Tell me what I need to know about my new life,” she says.

Death smiles, softly. “Okay,” he says, before immediately launching into his explanation. “For one, this isn’t going to be a reincarnation deal- you still have your body, so I’ll just be slipping you into your new time as is.”

“Where? Or, when? Or do I get to choose that, too?”

Death laughs ruefully, and shakes his head. “Certainly not,” he says. “There’s a very specific spot opened up for you. Don’t ask me why, that is squarely in my Lady’s wheelhouse and I don’t think she’d explain it even if we asked.”

“You didn’t tell me where, though,” Ariana says. 

“Hm,” Death says, checking his paper again. Ariana has the suspicion that that might just be for her benefit- make him seem more human. “Sixty-seven years.”

Oh. Oh, that’s- that’s almost no time at all. Unless- which direction?

“In the future, or the past?” 

“Future,” Death says. “Speaking strictly linearly.” 

Huh. Forget not seeing her brothers again- they could very well still be alive in her new time. 

“Where?”

“With an old family,” Death says. “England. Not far from home at all- in more ways than one.”

Ariana’s brow furrows as she thinks, fingernails tapping absently on the teacup. It’s not exactly the brand-new start she’d been hoping for, but it’s also not death, so- she’s not about to complain. 

“And my magic?”

Death grimaces. “See, that’s my Lady’s wheelhouse too- only in this case, I really don’t know. You could still be an obscurial-”

“Obsc-” Ariana remembers her resolve not to echo and switches gears mid-word- “A what?”

“Er- a person with a magical illness like yours.”

“Oh,” Ariana says, resolving to look up the term as soon as she gets back. Or- forward. 

“As I was saying, you could be the same, or… or your magic could be perfectly healed, like it is now, or something in between- or maybe you won’t have magic at all. I don’t know.”

Ariana desperately hopes for the latter. But she isn’t expecting it. Ariana has long since learned it hurts less to stay as realistic as possible. She doesn’t think her magic is a curse lifted as easily as all that. 

Ha- as if dying and coming back to life seventy years in the future is easy. 

But still.

“You said I’ll be with a family. What family? And- how? If I’m not being reincarnated…”

“That,” Death says, “is going to be the trickiest bit. I’ll have to rework some things- and I definitely won’t be able to catch everyone. But for the most part, it will be like you’ve always lived there- born and raised.”

“Without changing my appearance?” “Like I said- I’m simply slipping you in. Same as ever.”

Ariana nods, feeling somewhat relieved. She didn’t really want to have to deal with a new body on top of a new everything else. 

“Except,” Death says. “I do believe you’ll need a new name.”

Ariana looks up at him. He looks apologetic, but… 

“I get to choose?”

Death pauses, looking a bit surprised- likely at the eagerness in her voice. “I don’t see why not,” he says. 

Good. A body is one thing, but a name… this is good. After all, she’d wanted a new life, and what better way to signify that by leaving her old name behind? It’s poetic.

Besides, she’d never really liked the name ‘Ariana’. It’s a derivative of Ariadne- the princess who gave all of herself away to Theseus, only to be abandoned. Not a bad myth, not by a long shot, but-

Ariana is tired of being someone who gives all of herself away. 

She looks down at the teacup in her hands. The one with the little painted daffodils. 

This time, she wants to put herself first. 

This time, she’s done being the echo. 

This time, for once, she’s going to be the one echoed. 

“Narcissa,” she says, looking back up at Death. “My name is Narcissa.”

Death looks at her for a moment. Then, a smile spreads across his face. “Nice to meet you, Narcissa. Now- let’s get you home.”

ANYWAYS THE END

Holy shit that was. So long. Thank you for all those that stuck around long enough to get through what is essentially a pile of scraps.

And thank you for the ask! I always love the chance to talk about some of the behind-the-scenes stuff :D

[dumb-teambucciarati-headcanons]

Education headcanons:

Although some of these are canon

Giorno: is still in highschool, but stopped showing up for class when he joined passione. He still makes a point to always be learning, but only focuses on subjects he is interested in. He knows lots of information about the biological world, but has no idea what certain historical figures have done, unless they were particularly interesting to him. Also he sucks at spelling words correctly. In elementary school he wrote a research report on different types of bugs and accidentally released a bunch of bugs into the school and that apparently bothered some of the teachers and other students.

Bruno: he has like half of a middle school education, and his grades were never super high because he would spend time helping his dad with work instead of completing his homework. Up until his parents divorce, then his dad wanted him to focus more on school. But that stopped after his dads incident, and he started providing for him and his dad and protecting him. He asked Fugo to teach him some math, and Fugo reluctantly agreed. But Fugo will go out of his way to try to avoid having to tutor the man because Bruno has a rough time understanding simple concepts and it makes Fugo want to resort to violence. But Fugo respects Bruno and doesn’t want to snap at him because he knows he isn’t trying to piss him off, Bruno’s just dumb as fuck sometimes.

Abbacchio: has a highschool education and went to the police academy. He also has a few basic college courses under his belt. He had a “have to learn in order to get the job I want” mentality towards school, opposed to being super interested in it. He failed PE in middle school and was bullied for it so badly that he started working out everyday so that would never happen again. Also I kinda think he has a photographic memory, which his stand reflects well. He went to a Catholic highschool and his parents were upset that he hadn’t met a nice catholic girl by the time he graduated highschool.

Mista: has a highschool education and wasn’t really interested in getting any degrees, kinda just wanted to fuck around in his young adult years. Math made him cry, and not because he didn’t understand it, he was actually good at math. But the number 4 would haunt his papers. Asked a lot of questions during class. were they ever relevant? No. Did he ask them? Yes. “Hey teach, so gravity. Like what if instead of the earth having a gravitational pull some rando named, uh, Seth did. But ONLY Seth, and everyone was constantly being pulled towards Seth and if you jumped you’d land back on Seth. How would we survive as a species if that were the case?”

Narancia: elementary school dropout. Gets distracted super easily. Would rather do anything but school, however he is very sensitive about having not even finished elementary school. He will pep talk himself into wanting to learn math and things, and then he will start again and will remember why he hates school. But it’s worse when he actually goes to school and sees eight year olds that understand things better than him. opposed to Fugo tutoring him and only having to feel stupid in front of the smartest person he has ever met, like everyone else feels stupid around Fugo too so.

Fugo: you know, the gifted child that went to university super early. Smartest one in the group. He was the kid that would use his pencils entirely until they were sharpened into tiny little things you could barely hold. Also he bites his pens and pencils. He thinks the pencils are more flavorful. Oh and erasers, those tasted good too. The other kids never wanted to play with him because of his short temper, but that didn’t matter because his parents told him that only stupid kids use recess time to play. Classrooms were super overstimulating for him, with that stupid LED lighting that made him feel like he needed to blink his eyes a hundred times. And then doing that would make him feel dizzy and irritable. Like the lights were the worst amount of bright and the worst shade of the color white, and if one of the bulbs flickered he would feel like throwing up. His parents thought he had been drinking once after being in a classroom for too long, but no it was the lights.

Trish: she isn’t stupid, but she was definitely the type to get others to do her homework for her. Is in the middle of highschool. she would spend all of study hour planning elaborate schemes to skip class with her and her friends. Wanted to go to college but wasn’t sure how she was going to pay for it, her new plan involves passione money. That or she is going to become famous, if Bruno and co. would actually let her live instead of saying things like “it’s too dangerous with other mafia members knowing your name”.

[avionvadion]

I'm wondering. What do you think the deal with Ace is? As of rn, he kinda seems a bit bland and generic even compared to the other first years like Sebek and Jack, not having any clear motivation, goal or character arc. He just seems like the stock "male best friend" character and dishes out exposition at the start. Part of me thinks that is by design. However, the only way I can see the Ace betrayer theory happening in a way that makes sense is if he shattered the mirror, trapping Yuu in Twisted Wonderland forever, because I can't see a logical motive for him to do something like that otherwise. Hell, I have no idea what the developers thought process or end goal is with him. It's so bad that I genuinely have no idea what his dream is gonna be about, and none of my online friends in the fandom have no idea either. Your thoughts?

Every twst character has trauma of some sort. The thing is, with Ace, we haven’t LEARNED what his trauma is. We learned about Deuce’s during Book 1, along with Trey and Riddle, and Cater’s is hinted at in vignettes and little comments he’ll drop here and there about his family.

Ace has given us NOTHING except that he’s cunning, manipulative, can memorize/perform anything by watching or hearing it once, an impressive actor, and both seems to care greatly for his friends but is also constantly pushing them away.

I’m suspicious of his brother, but that’s just because I can’t see Ace being a traitor. I don’t think his relationship with his brother is as good as he says it is, or what the game wants us to believe.

Because quite frankly someone who’s tormented by a family member from a young age will still try to keep things civil on the surface and try to appease them to avoid further conflict if there is no way out/they don’t think they can escape as they get older. Or, if they do manage to escape, they’re at a bit of a loss of what to do with themselves because there’s a lot to unlearn and they have to find themselves. Ace is still a child. He’s sixteen/seventeen. Ace’s attempts to push people away is him resorting to bullying, and we see him constantly deny that he’s “happy” or “bubbly” around Deuce, Yuu, and Grim. That’s a defensive response. Ace does not wish to be bullied for caring or for having friends he genuinely cares about.

The question is: why is that???

If Ace ends ups smashing the mirror, it’s because he panicked. He does something else and “betrays” Yuu, it’s because he got scared.

Perhaps he’ll be the one who makes Grim Overblot in the end, I dunno.