#i have no friends like this anymore it’s kinda devastating Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[priestfrommidnightmass]

i need to get single friends again because i haven’t had someone i can talk to teenager style abt stupid shit in so long. all of my friends are either former single people that started dating someone and became the most boring people alive and are impossible to talk to now or people who have been in established relationships for a super long time and just have no idea what it’s like and do not understand at all and say shit like Don’t even worry you’ll find someone I promise!! or worst of all Being a relationship isn’t what it’s made up to be I promise…

[ashtxrie]

oh no... am i falling in love? (sunoo)

PAIR. high school!sunoo x gn!reader GENRE. fake dating au, high school au, best friends to lovers, fluff WORD COUNT. 2.2k WARNINGS. none! NOTES. first post kinda nervous!! <//3 i need a sunoo irl he is truly the greenest of green flags

you and sunoo are those friends

you’ve got that type of friendship where something clicked and suddenly you were both attached at the hip for years

because apparently having the same clear muji pencil case with the holy grail 0.5 black muji pen at the beginning of middle school meant best friends ride or die in seventh-grade culture

like, someone who prioritized aesthetics in notetaking as much as you did? even in the confines of this crusty campus? crazy.

but anyway, with you being absolutely intent on making friends, sunoo couldn’t get rid of you if he tried but pls he could never survive without you anyway... who else would he trust enough to exchange his top-tier notes with?

and since then you’ve both been best friends for life! well, ever since the +6 with the introduction of sunoo's other friends [read: the rest of enhypen...]

and at first you were super happy because new friends!

but then they kind of stopped hanging out with you in the middle of sophomore year or so and went off into their own little world

and you were a little sad

ok maybe a lot sad. devastated, even.

but that was okay because that meant you were able to meet new friends and expand your horizons! you even got the chance to focus on yourself and join some new clubs, too!

who even is sunoo anymore lmao you don’t know him

but anyway

it was junior year and you were so tired of your friends bugging you to get a s/o

“[name], why don’t you date someone?”

“you’d really hit it off with so and so, don’t you think?”

“just put yourself out there”

ರ_ರ

ayo... excuse me

so one day you just can’t take it anymore

and maybe you should’ve thought this through but... nope

you don’t pause to think things through

because life is for living in the moment hell yes yolo gang

“umm guys i’m already dating someone!”

needless to say your friends go INSANE

like who tf is [name] gatekeeping from us they’re so fake /j

so like any sane and mentally adept person, you say the first name that comes to mind

“hahaha … sunoo!”

your friends stare at you. flabbergasted, shocked, stunned beyond words.

blink blink

“but … weren’t you guys just friends”

“NO”

you’re panicking but

trust

“we’re in LOVE”

ur friends are really like ok whatever, but go off

and that is how you find yourself dragging yourself over to sunoo's fifth period and placing your hands on sunoo's shoulders

“promise me you won’t freak out”

and ofc sunoo is already freaking out

bc why are you standing in front of the ap lang classroom with this crazily determined face and forcing him to listen to you

and this is how you get into this situation

with sunoo having a literal double take and you doing your best "pls help me out i beg of you" impression

“i can’t DATE you”

what

you give sunoo your best professional face even though inside you’re ???

bc um is it that bad to date you??

you are confused???

you’ve saved sunoo thousands of times in his high school career in both academics and social standing he can afford to pretend to date you ONCE

“WHY NOT”

“BECAUSE”

...

is he being fr rn

obviously you’re not getting anywhere and you turn around to walk away, kind of annoyed

“fine then, i’ll just find someone else to date me.” shrug (dies inside).

as soon as you say that, it’s like you’ve flipped a switch and suddenly sunoo is very concerned and almost a little upset

and when you don’t notice him contemplating something, he runs in front of you and nearly knocks you over

“second thoughts?”

sunoo scowls

although it looks more like a lil pout pushing at his lips and he crosses his arms

lmao who is this and what’s happened to sunoo

you shrug and start to leave for real until sunoo reaches out to tug at your arm

“NO, NO WAIT … I’LL DO IT”

you whirl around immediately and you are needless to say, very relieved!

｡◕‿◕｡

“perfect!”

but apparently sunoo hasn’t recovered from his fall from before

bc he can’t stop rubbing his hand against his neck and his face is all blotchy and pink

kinda cute, but in a best friends way.  like wowie my best friend looks kinda adorable look at that boy go

but ofc sunoo has to ruin the special moment because he offhandedly says, “shouldn’t we have rules or something?”

rules???

RULES???

this is fake dating sunoo wdyfm rules? that's so silly goofy

“huh?”

“like … things not to do? maybe one big rule is not ruining our friendship???”

ʘ‿ʘ

oh

he kinda smart for that

“ok easy then, just don’t fall in love with me”

apparently this is the WRONG thing to say?

sunoo is RED like boy is not pink anymore his cheeks are burning red

“you can’t just say that?”

????

you are confused bc what does that even mean

“why not?”

“that’s like ...  y-you you can’t just say that.”

you are, if possible, even more confused?

“okay and?”

sunoo blinks

pls this boy has the audacity to just shrug

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

u are dumb af sunoo bout to throw hands here

but he won’t bc he loves u <3

so fifteen minutes later you guys decide to make three big rules

sunoo had a whole list of like twenty but you narrowed it down to these:

1. don’t ruin ur friendship

2. no kissing

3. and ur paying for three rounds of mint choco ice cream after this is over

honestly you think this is kinda rude considering sunoo is richer than ur entire life but whatever, at least he’s not leaving you out to the wolves

so when it’s finally time to put this fake dating thing to the test, you tug sunoo over to your side of the table during lunch and make sure to swing his hand

which actually feels kind of nice??

like you’ve never actually thought about this before

but sunoo is comforting

his hand fits right in yours, and he’s so warm

and i mean haha it’s not like this is a new thing, you two hold hands all the time!! but adjkaldjkfl not in a dating way

ur friends are shocked. bamboozled.

like they never thought you’d actually show up with a DATE

and bc they’re all RUDE they grill sunoo

but sunoo is best boy

best bf

and answers all their questions like a pro

that's my man

i mean what???

ur so proud

you let ur head rest against sunoo's shoulder and BITCH

sunoo presses a kiss to ur forehead

YO........................ insane.

why are u so happy? what is this??

it’s just so gentle and soft and you feel your heart getting all mushy and warm

your friends all give a big collective aww because one, they’re annoying af and yes y’all are cute cute and this is cute

but ur going through some existential crisis

and later when you’re walking with sunoo to all your classes, you can’t stop thinking that hey, this fakedating thing isn’t that bad

but whatever it’s just cause u miss spending time with sunoo!

yes, that’s it!

you’re just sad that sunoo always hangs out with his new group and you don’t get to see him as much

so this is nice!

you’re just going through some bff nostalgia rn... it's just gonna take some time for [name].exe to start working again

anyway now bc of this fakedating thing, you and sunoo just spend so much time together

like you guys have always been best friends, but this feels different

sunoo will run over to you when he sees you and wrap his arms around your waist

the first time he did it, he had the cuteness to go “is this okay? are you okay? is this too much?"

and YOUR HEART WENT !!!!!

you might’ve blushed

okay you did

but you convince yourself it’s just because ur touch starved and bitchless

c’mon... get it together

but whenever you call sunoo and wave at him, his face just LIGHTS up

and you’re pretty sure yours does too

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

needless to say, you kinda don’t want this all to end

because somewhere in the middle of all this, your head has gone from calling sunoo your fake boyfriend to your real boyfriend

and you don’t really want to go back to just being friends if you’re honest

wait hold up

uh oh

UH OH CODE RED

INTERPOL INTERPOL.....

did you just admit you liked sunoo?? in a FOR REALS way?

UMMMMM

so like the only way you know how to deal with things, you avoid it!

you start to act really distant

and now whenever sunoo wraps his arms around you, you stiffen up

and sunoo like the angel he is pulls away so quickly bc ?? is his best friend upset? uncomfortable?

did HE make his best friend for life, his 4lifer, uncomfortable? omg this isn’t ok what is happening

everyone can tell something is up

ofc they can, what with you going to the extent of running away whenever you see sunoo and sunoo reacting like the entire light got blown out his life

and bffr sunoo may be innocent but he ISN'T dumb

he knows your schedule he KNOWS you’re ignoring him

and baby is upset

because lately you’ve been starting to feel a lot more to him

and now you’re just gone??

that’s not okay and sunoo isn’t just gonna sit around and be sad

if there’s something he can do he’s gonna do all he can to try to fix it!

he corners you one day and holds up an angry piece of paper

“excuse me but you broke rule number one which is, in case you forgot, don’t RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP”

“oh haha uh sunoo! hi uhh i gotta go 👉👉 ”

sunoo's face falls

and that was it

you just wanna hold his cheeks and tell him things are fine and that you love him

wait WHAT

but sunoo is still staring at you with that wounded look

like you’ve just ripped up his heart and torn it to shreds

bc that’s kinda what you’re doing

omg what’ve you done

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

“sunoo…”

his eyes lock onto yours so fast that you’re afraid he’s got whiplash

your mouth goes dry, and for a few moments it’s hard to talk

but you finally manage to tell him that “i don’t think we should fake date anymore.”

sunoo's face breaks

his eyes go wide, and it looks like he wants to stagger. and he almost does, just a little bit

“is it something i did?”

WHAT

this boy

kim sunoo is really gonna be the death of you

you’re shaking your head back and forth so fast because NO of course not of course this isn’t his fault

sunoo is Not Okay, and he looks so, so concerned for you. “because i swear i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. if i screwed up just tell me and i can fix it, [name], please”

you shake ur head, already starting to panic.  “of course not.  it’s not YOU sunoo. i just can’t fake date you because--”

you clamp your hands over your mouth

“because?” sunoo prompts, his voice careful

you just shake your head, already starting to turn and run back to somewhere, anywhere because this is stupid and you’re scared

terrified, actually

but sunoo just takes your hand and tugs you backward a bit, almost like a scene from a movie

you do that little twirl back and are face to face with the one and only

“do you … do you like me?” sunoo asks

that’s it

it’s out

you’re ready for your entire friendship with sunoo to come crashing down

“do you?” he repeats softly

you try to pull away but sunoo isn’t having it

he’s still holding onto your hand, gently, of course, and his eyes are boring into yours

you’re too scared to look because you’re afraid of what you’ll find

but when you can’t take it anymore and finally tilt your head up you realize something important

because his eyes aren’t full of disgust

in fact, that’s further from the truth

kim sunoo is staring at you with the biggest heart eyes you’ve ever seen and you’re confused as to how you’ve never seen this sooner

it’s almost like you’re his whole world, and now you can’t fucking breathe

is this real? chat is this fr rn??

your heart’s pounding in your chest so fast and there’s something bursting at your lungs

you nod faintly.  “yes. i like you”

the huge grin that spreads across sunoo's face is everything

he rushes forward to pull you into a gigantic hug, even lifting you up a little as he spins you around and lets out a little happy noise

“i’ve liked you forever, [name], i can’t believe this is real”

what

so u could’ve been dating sunoo before??

“you dork why didn’t you tell me?”

“because you didn’t like me like that!”

BITCH WHAT

“well maybe i was confused” you pipe back

sunoo just laughs, burying his head in your shoulder.  “i’m so happy right now.”

and honestly ?

so are you !!

[makerofmadness]

Golden Cheese Cookie (II AU)

thought for posts talking about individual characters I'd start with the first character I properly developed for it. So uh fun fact since this AU spawned during the Land of Fire and Ruin update guess who basically wrote herself out of my brain at this AU's inception

That's right: our lord and savior Biggie Cheese /ref

The Demonic Goddess, Great Destroyer, Beast of Destruction, whatever name you wish to call her <3

(other relevant posts: main post about AU, GC dialogue post)

She was the fourth of her friends to fall- and she hung on by a thread for all that time. You see, the thing about them was that as they tried to make it through the eons, the only real comfort they had was in each other... however, over time, even that wasn't meant to last. Against their wills. Things got in the way. One by one, they fell

Golden Cheese Cookie, poor Golden Cheese Cookie... she was never the best at handling loss. First it was the Dark Flour War, then it was being displaced in time itself, and now she had to endure the cycle of repeatedly building things up and watching them fall, over and over and over again as history marched its way on...

If it hadn't been for the love and support of her friends, those most precious treasures of hers, she would have shattered so much sooner. They helped her endure, kept her grounded, through every time her heart had been cut into and grief had poured out of it...

And then, some of them just... fell silent. It was impossible to arrange to meet anymore without full communication. No one wanted to really acknowledge what had likely happened

Still, she just barely survived on letters alone. As much as it hurt not getting to see her friends' faces, to hold them in her arms- and even when the next one fell, at least she had...

Eventually, after yet another loss, yet another blow to her mental state that had long been past the point of collapse, she waited and waited for Pure Vanilla Cookie to write back to her...

But even he had finally fallen silent.

...had he been taken from her too, just like everything else? Had all of them been? All of her friends, just like all the rest of her treasures- why was the world so keen on ripping them from her arms?

She finally had reached her breaking point. With nothing and no one else left, she finally cracked under the pressure.

If the world was going to destroy everything she loved, destroy her...

Then why shouldn't she just treat it the same way?

-

I was originally gonna write the rest out in long form but decided to put it in bullet notes for ease of presentation/to make it easier to read through. Just talking about her personality/Present self.

Queen of the Land of Spice; highly protective (arguably possessive) over her subjects who, in turn... mostly fear her and her destructive power. Though unlike with a certain Cookie in another time, it isn't only fear they have for her...

Still as greedy as ever. If she likes something enough, she hordes it in her palace's vaults, safe and sound and unable to be stolen (...this sometimes also applies to living desserts)

She is very clingy. (Not just physically... but often also physically; hey, she loves hugs!)

She's also very affectionate. (In general. Including physically. Again, she loves hugs)

Has a few cat-like mannerisms. Picked them up from a certain dear friend of hers

She has a lot more energy in her than she used to, making her behavior border on hyperactive, as a result of her not constantly venting her destructive energy. She wasn't really built to handle destruction, and that energy has to come out, one way or another...

When she is upset or distressed, that energy grows out of her control, and she goes into a full-on destructive rampage. There aren't many Cookies that can stop her when this happens, so the Spices have just kinda learned to keep a far distance and wait her out. After all, if any of them get even just hurt (let alone worse) by her, that will only devastate her more, and devastation... breeds devastation.

She considers herself to be both the Demon and the God described by the legend, as she was once one and is now the other.

She is particularly close with Nutmeg Tiger Cookie.

She can be quite playful. Despite being older, she's arguably acts even more childishly than she used to.

She laughs a lot. It's a coping mechanism.

The crack in her face emanates pure destructive energy.

Even after an eternity spent ripped from them, she has not forgotten a single Cookie of the Golden Cheese Kingdom...

She... doesn't really like what she's become. She especially doesn't like her uncontrollable destructive urges. But she can't help it, so... might as well revel in it. Have fun with it! She isn't having fun. At least until she can take back what is rightfully hers...

[kiisuuumii]

@kiisuuumii's writerly questionnaire !

thank you @lead-to-code for tagging (ily kara <33)

i'd love to see yall's answers (only if you'd like to share of course !) @noahsbong @yearning-rambles @thesorcererpoet

about me:

1. when did you first start writing?

i was maybe between seven and nine ? to be honest, i can't really remember when it was, but i remember the first few things i wrote were story quizzes on a (now gone </3) website called quizilla (it was naruto rp....................)

2. are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

not really, now that i actually think about it ! ive always been the type of writer that only liked writing angst, and even outside of writing (fan) fiction (which tbh i dont do very much of anymore), so much of my poetry either comes from heavy emotion or features it so sdghjksd

3. is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

theres one mutual, actually, who i actually wished i could write more like. in a very self-deprecating way, but ive since become very comfortable, and maybe even happy (!), with my style of writing ! so, no, i'm not really looking to emulate anyone in particular, and no one's ever made a comparison between my work and someone else's so no to that one too :0

4. can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (room, coffee shop, desk, etc)

i usually write on my phone, in the notes app or in my drafts here ! and ill usually only write in a (head) space where i can really think, undisturbed, for at least 30-45 mins. so i'll usually be out in my backyard under one of my calamansi trees ! though, lately, ive been occasionally writing at my desk on desktop tumblr :>

5. what's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

fall in love with someone

once i start thinking about how everything around me is alive, i start remembering that i, too, am apart of nature—a lucky enough set of sequenced mutations, to make me—just a eating, breathing, shitting animal. how lucky this set of mutations is to take it all in, the emeralds in the trees, and the beat of a chipmunk's heart, how scared we all are.

that or love

6. did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

people, no, but places, yes. i grew up for most of my childhood in the desert, and i have /always/ hated summers, because i'm kinda heat sensitive, and i sweat easily, and i hate it i hate i hate it djhks

but, a year ago, i moved back home, and, honestly, since being back home, ive come to appreciate the desert a bit more sgkjds i used to think they were ugly and uninteresting, but there's so much more there if you look a bit harder imo

7. are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

honestly !! i think there are plenty obvious ones, but i really wanna talk about /the lack of/ sexual themes in my work !! i wanna write more sexetry or whatever, but it feels really embarrassing to sdghks i really like writing them too, but again !! it just feels embarrassing !! ;w;

my characters:

1. would you please tell me about your current favourite character? (current wip, post wip, never used, etc)

not to copy of kara dskjfs but i love my first (and my current) d&d chara !! her name is maeve umerie, and shes a drow wild magic sorcerer / (planned artillerist) artificer !! shes so packed full of trauma and self-harming behaviors and addictions that i dont even know where to start <33 (i promise i love her i would actually be so devastated if she died before i could give her a proper happy ending </3)

2. which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

i have this fantasy novel thought that ive floated in my head since maybe september-october of last year, and, in it, i have a character named levin hel, and AUGH hes just a sweetie :^( hes the son of a blacksmith-gunsmith duo who know a thing or two about magic, and is the apprentice to the son of the wizard who saved his life (who's name is nox, and he's an asshole ! but also i love him so much ;v;)

i need go go back to all my notes and stuff on it, bc i invested A LOT of time worldbuilding for it, but yea levin's a very kindhearted person, very much wanting to be like nox's father :'''^) </3

3. which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

i would absolutely hate to meet maeve mother. she's horribly self-serving and emotionally manipulative. she rules the house with an iron fist, and anything less than the best is worthless. she uses everything at her disposal to get what she wants, family or not.

4. tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters.

im ngl most if not all of my characters are just bits and pieces of me and my wants in different aus >_> .................................

5. do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

family and/or religious trauma mhm yep

6. how do you picture them? (as real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

for my fantasy wip, i imagine imaginary artwork, but for maeve, i have pieces i've drawn and pieces i've commissioned of her !! id love to someday get pieces of her family and other major characters in her past commissioned :>

my writing:

1. what's your reason for writing?

i will say that it's changed over the years. as a kid, and up until college, i've wanted to always be a story-teller. but, lately, i dont really have a reason for writing, other than to satisfy the thing that lives inside me that wants to write :^)

2. is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particular motivating coming from your readers?

knowing other people's reactions, getting to hear how something made them feel emotionally, or physically, or if there was a particular thought or memory that came to mind. i love knowing what people see, what my work makes people see, if anything.

that or if theres something, a word choice, or a line, that you thought was clever or struck you !!! i always love knowing people's thoughts !!!

3. how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (for example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented world builder, as a role model, etc)

i want to be thought of just as another person, honestly. someone who had very human emotions, and did the only thing she knew how to do.

4. what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

uhhhhh im ngl i think this is also my greatest weakness but i have a tedium to my world-building, in that i need history-book-level details of my worlds or i will die (like i drew my own map. i drew a fucking map of an entire contiment)

5. what have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

yk,,,,, no ones given me a whole lot of specifics so im not sure,,,,,

6. how do you feel about your own writing? (answer in whatever way you interpret this question)

i said it before, but im pretty content at the moment with my poetry. though with prose, i think i could probably improve a bit sdgjksg

7. if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

uh yeah !!!! i write and record voice memos in my journal fully knowing no one will ever read it or listen back right now as it is so !!!!

8. when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it's a mix of the two, which holds most influence?

i gotta be honest, writing is a selfish act for me. i write because i want to, in ways that tickle my fancy dgkjds

it really is almost like an instinct for me

[awweshuuks]

EXPLAINING MY KNY OUTSIDERS AU BC SOMEONE EXPLAINED THERES AND I JUST REALLY LIKE MINE.

Yay :3

so basically it doesn’t really follow the exact plot of actual demon slayer but it’s okay I think 😞

Scout(from the series) and Ponyboy have the the tanjiro and nezuko type relationship and mark(that was then this is now) and curly are ponyboys two best friends :3 Bryon ofc is marks best friend but u get it.

Basically when pony,Soda, and Darry were younger, about 4 year before their cannon age, they ofc were very poor and in order to get money, Darry trained and trained and became a demon slayer after passing final selection, becoming a Hashira after 5 months bc of killing a lower moon, though he “lost”his best friend (Paul) because of this. Tho Soda became a demon slayer 2-3 years after leaving his home to train with Darry. Both leaving their home and only being able to speak to pony through letters. Though most were between ponyboy and Soda but Darry always sent letters when he wasnt busy with whatever hashiras were doing, as well as sending much money.

Fast forward a year after Soda leaving, pony became very close friends with a girl named scout, and when she slept over one night in their home in the mountains, he left to the village at night and stayed out longer by accident and when he came back he found his parents and scout covered in blood. And in a panic feeling for pulses and found one in scout. Then trying to run to the village and the getting his scar on his head from scout hitting him into the tree to defend HIM when (you’ll never guess) DALLY came to kill her cause Yk demon stuff. Then the whole thing happens that happens with tanjiro and giyuu with them and instead of sending pony going to a separate trainer he gets sent to Soda and Darry. With scout ofc. And that’s kinda how the whole thing starts.

The Hashira in this are

Darry

Dally

Two bit

Tim

Sylvia

Johnny

Buck

Billie (oc 🧍 to be cringe is to be free trust)

Steve and Soda are both not yet Hashira, tho they are close!

Curly and Angela are also not yet Hashira level. And Tim REFUSES to let them be his tsugukos (basically refusing to be their mentor) .

tho sandy and evie are also techinically slayers, they refuse to go out and fight bc of fear, so they work as nurses, along with Cathy, and m&m helps around. My oc Marilyn is the head nurse there :3 my other OC Diane helps around with the cooking and whatnot since she’s the most experienced.

When Darry and Soda found out about their parents death they were absolutely devastated, even more so when they realize they couldn’t hold a funeral bc Hashira can’t exactly take a day off, esp multiple since it’s about a 4 day walk from where they are to where they live. Bc of this pony and Soda (and scout) lived in Darry’s home. Soda already lived there but whatever.

While pony lives there that’s where he meets mark, Bryon, and curly and became close friends with mark and curly, Bryon wasn’t his biggest fan but didn’t hate him 🙏 mark and Bryon going to final selection with pony.

IF U WANT ANYMORE ABOUT THIS PLEASE LET ME KNOW (prolly not buts it’s otay) AND SORRY IF ANYTHING IS CONFUSING ITS LATE

[st4rfckerz]

Bruv, I swear, I fill up most of your inbox. I’ve even wanted to become an emoji anon, but I’m to embarrassed bc I usually send you like 3-5 per day. So I’ve kept my yapping shut for a while.

Anyway I’ll just say whatever now cos you said we can

I’ve seen other anons and you post their dreams about Hayden/anakin. YOU WANNA KNOW THE DREAMS I GET? Last week, I dreamed of Rachel adopting me?? So, I became Briar’s sister and best friend, we were playing with her dolls. Hayden was my new daddy😍😍😍 idk why, but Mark Wahlberg was also there??

I’ve been currently rereading the AOTC novelisation and unpopular opinion, I love the movie, and the book. Personally, I’ve never understood the hate towards it. I watched it the first time a few years ago, really liked it so I was surprised to hear everyone hates it. Watched it again 3 months later just to see if I’d dislike it the second time, I ended up loving it more?

Also, I’m currently writing 2 books, and one of them I’m having a hard time deciding if I want smut in it. The characters are based on real people and I just wouldn’t want to disrespect them by writing such explicit things about them, you know? I love smut, but if someone wrote some about me, I’d probably be very upset. But smut sells😩😩😩 all of Booktok is just porn, I don’t think ppl acc care about the reading anymore? That’s just me. I also wanna see how well the book would do without smut. But aside from pressure, I feel like I would love to include smut for this book. It would fit into the storyline if that makes sense. There are some books where I know it doesn’t need smut to be good, or the smut just adds to how good the book is, you know? Then there are other books where the smut is the ONLY thing going. Idk. Idk. Idk.

I worded this so poorly😭

you should become an anon!!! there’s absolutely nothing embarrassing about it.

last night i had a dream that i had a baby boy and i woke up absolutely DEVASTATED because i was in the middle of comforting him because he was crying and i could even feel how small he was when i hugged him 🥲 but then i had a dream that i was stalking hayden in this abandoned warehouse type thing idk honestly.

and i do agree that booktok kinda makes it seem like they just read for the smut, so i feels like no one reads to read anymore but who knows. but i do think that people would read your stuff regardless!

[zukaheart]

ID: A thread of tweets made by Melon Kid (@animegirlcrimes). The thread reads:

"fuck it whatever ill just air out my grievances now i dont feel like carrying this shit anymore

i joined the omori team in 2019, i remember being invested in production right away because getting paid to do dev work on a game i like is basically my dream

(1/whatever)

i went kinda crazy on it, i worked harder than i ever have in my life. i did not spend a second on the clock even slightly dicking around, i would regularly work like 12-18+ hour shifts just because i wanted to

people would leave for the day, come back in the morning and see me still working. by some divine miracle i somehow kept that up for like a half a year. i felt totally fine the whole time. i was flying bro

my smarter friend sensed something was wrong and tried to pull me away from work but omo resisted because at that time i was like her golden workhorse. anyway, fast forward to the 6 months later and i crash and burn out of nowhere i am straight debilitated

a lot of that was my own doing, of course, im under no illusion about that. but when it happened, omo suddenly started treating me like garbage. she didn't believe me, said i 'just didnt want to work anymore' and demanded a doctors note and i was like are you fucking serious

she would guilt me into keep working as hard as i did before despite the blatant toll on my body and say she expected better of me and would constantly downplay my illness

i felt miserable physically and emotionally, she made me feel even worse about it. and its like, this feels really shitty but fine it is what it is.

forward again to release, im really excited about the launch of the game. i put so much energy and emotional investment into this project, the thing i love the most about dev is seeing the game release and watching people play and enjoy the game

right before the game launches omo pulls the rug from under me and suddenly comes out to say she's taking back the royalties she promised earlier in the year. it soured the entire fucking launch. i couldnt even enjoy the one thing i spent a year working on and looking forward to

she goes on to say she put my royalties to a vote and said 'i thought you deserved it, but everyone else voted no :(' what kind of manipulative bullshit is that excuse me

first of all you are my boss, you know best what i contributed to the project, second you are a millionaire and i am fucking poor is this a game to you, third youre gonna throw the whole staff under the bus too? what the fuck is this

the worst thing is, i know someone who was fucked over by omo WAY MORE than i was. i wont name them (at their request), but i got like... basically the lite version of her fuckery and even THAT was personally devastating to me

i actually made a post like this shortly after omori released, but the entire team banded together voltron style and begged me to take it down and because im fucking weak i did

im STILL fucked up by the burnout i gave myself. im sore all the goddamn time, it didn't use to be like that. sure, my fault. i own it. but to treat me like shit and act like im just lazy? actually fuck yourself

i actually made a post like this shortly after omori released, but the entire team banded together voltron style and begged me to take it down and because im fucking weak i did

im STILL fucked up by the burnout i gave myself. im sore all the goddamn time, it didn't use to be like that. sure, my fault. i own it. but to treat me like shit and act like im just lazy? actually fuck yourself

oh, AND i dont show up as a member of the dev team on either their game website OR on wikipedia even though i show up in the actual game credits like 3 different fucking times?

thats interesting i wonder what thats all about

some other grievances: it was my suggestion to implement the survive at 1 HP mechanic for omori cause i could already tell players would get annoyed if they lost because he got mobbed by rng. wouldnt you know it, this also shaped the final battle to be as impactful as it is! wow!

the omoli character in blackspace was a thing that i pitched to omo and whose dialogue i wrote, it made me unreasonably annoyed to then see that character get used in promotional material for the game

you know that (in)famous aubrey school fight sequence? THAT WAS ALL ME BABEY. the base concept from omo was 'theres a bunch of aubreys because sunny has a crush' and i cooked up the scenario you see now and evented that whole sequence

(trying really hard to think of a game whose moral involves the guilt of hiding the truth of something wrong you did)

(and also explores the concept of being stressed out for being treated poorly despite working so hard for them)"

One of the developers of Omori recently shared their experiences in this thread about the treatment they had to go through during the development of the game. They're going through a rough patch at the moment. If you liked Omori, I think you should help Melon Kid out if you can!!

It's disheartening to hear that someone on a team was mistreated. Games are a beautiful medium, but the people who make those games come first. We've all got to work hard to ensure better environments for devs, and that starts with making sure they can get back on their feet!

[pepprs]

i like uh. literally cannot believe what is happening is still happening btw.pain and suffering (update omg i hit tag limit CRINGE but i think i was done anyway lol)

[funkymbtifiction]

[...] I fear the fact I go through the grieving process and really put myself through it for a couple days before dusting myself off and carrying on is that maybe I'm not really learning lessons about the experience and growing from it. Looking back, these questions go through my head: Did I grieve too quickly? Am I truly healed or am I just repressing these emotions and bottling them up? Are these sad experiences subconsciously affecting my ability to live my life to the fullest and in the present and truly connect with others? How do I know if I truly became a better person because of these hard times, or if I'm just staying stagnant or maybe even regressing?

This is a profoundly mature way of thinking! It's seeking depth and balance. It also sounds head type based. "Am I moving on too fast? What did I learn?" Lots of thinking about grieving, thinking about your responses, thinking about how to learn from things, wondering if you did anything wrong in your process, if you should feel sad longer. I relate. Lots of super-ego here (the need to become a better person), so you must have a pretty strong super-ego influence in your tritype. Could be 6-1, since there's an emphasis on personal growth.

[...] However, that only lasted a few days and I felt healed. However, I wonder did I really heal? Even though I'm not sad anymore, I feel quite guilty that despite crying a river for him in the hospital, I moved on relatively quickly and I don't think about him that much anymore. I'm this way with other things. I can get really emotional for a few days, but the catharsis works on me, but what if I didn't want the catharsis to work that quickly? Am I not giving these human emotions the time and space they deserve? Am I keeping these lessons in mind and growing moving forward, or am I just going back to my old self without any noticeable change or growth?

More super-ego self-analyzing, focusing on self-growth. Am wondering if there's also a 3 here (613). That being said, I relate a lot as a 6w7 to what you have said about analyzing whether you have moved on too soon or whether something has not affected you deeply enough and not being sure if you have healed or not. I know for a fact that I have not healed from a lot of the losses in my life; that it will take time, and that me choosing not to look at them is not helping except as a way of putting "distance" between me and the event. Each year, I cry a little less. But there's nothing bad about healing and coping and moving forward; it doesn't mean I don't still love that person and miss them, or that I don't get tears in my eyes to talk or write about them. It just means that I am doing what I need to do, which is to keep going. (I sometimes wish I could just... stop. Be devastated. That it would somehow prove how much I cared about that person. But I keep going forward.) I also don't always know how much something bothers me at the time, unless it keeps hovering around the edges of my subconscious and nagging at me (but I am secondary Fi and don't have immediate emotional responses).

[...] Also, I feel like it wouldn't really even matter if I journaled or whatever because grief and loss is a universal experience, so anything I've felt has already been expressed and written down by someone else who's gone through this same thing. [...] It feels kinda weird because I don't like that because it makes what I felt less special in a way, but comforting in that if I'm going through something, I can just go online and see that what I'm feeling is normal and find that there are lots of tips for coping with grief (listening to music, picking up hobbies, spending more time with friends, reading books, basically distracting yourself and keeping yourself busy). Loss is hard, but having other people who know what it's like and can give advice makes it not so hard.

This also feels like attachment, 6ish stuff. "This is normal, and here's how to cope with it."

[lucidia-sys]

Listening intently to your thoughts. Even if you don't, I love hearing others inputs and ideas, makes it more fun if I can maybe somehow smoosh em together with my already existing idea(s)

Yeah, I'd say so. But First Aid is more born a little later, about a month or five past when he first was fucked over by Tarn (in more than one way. I'm sorry I just. I had to). In my personal hc it doesn't take long for bitlings to really mature, so Aid is more of a teen by the time he's running around the Lost Light. I'm not sure of how to really use Damus. But my idea for the Tarnma that it was a one night stand that wasn't so one night.

Of course. Yeah. No. No WAY IN PITS is Pharma tell First Aid about where the virus came from. He never even told him who his SIRE WAS!! No way!! Everyone's on their toes and snappin at one another for sure. Imagine banging your babysitter, crazy (cuz later on I was kinda planning for Ambulon and Aid to date but I like the babysitter / close friend idea better tbh). I didn't really plan for Ambulon to die actually. I wanted him to stay alive. The death being saved for Getaway later on. But definitely Ratchet would try and say his shit. In my mind I feel like First Aid wouldn't exactly believe Ratchet at first, but piecing things together its baaaad. The mental anguish on this teenager is crazy. He would find it SOOO hard to hate Pharma. Really? His creator? The one who was always there for him? HIS MOM? No!! He couldn't have done that!!.... right? He would so be under the impression he's dead. He heard from Ratchet that Pharma fell to his death while being infected by the virus. SO he must be dead, because there was no indicator he was around anymore.

Their relationship is DEF really bad. I mean, he basically KIDNAPPED First Aid. He would HAATE Ratchet. Kidnap AND murder!? Nuh-uh no waaay. I can imagine Ratchet trying to form some kind of bond with Aid as his new apprentice or whatever. But no waaay, First Aid ain't having it!! He'd only really listen I think for procedures because yk, his mom taught him to be kind to those who are struggling, no matter the faction or siding or whatever. He misses his mom sm. I love the kitten analogy, its very accurate.

I haven't thought about Tyrest much either, BUT. What little I have is that Ratchet gets whats coming :3 Def sadness on First Aid and Pharma. Like!!! Mom and son!! Reunited!! Ratchet definitely gets whats coming when his ass gets removed from his body like a flower. Pharma lost his fcking MIND befause of Ratchet! HE TOOK HIS FUCKING KID!!!! It's very very obvious of how bad Pharma is doing since the last they saw one another. Pharma IS crazy. Unwell. Ambulon is still alive, just hiding because of what happened with Tyrest and Delphi. Got them strong ass mommy issues (me tooooo)

He got cursed with the WORST possible pairing for parents. At least Pharma tries to be a good mom. Tarn is just MIA. Like his ass is just GOOONE. And then Pharma comes fucking LOOKING for him. He'd grab him by his BALLS and make him take action. To help him find First Aid and be a good damn sire. Tarn did know about First Aid, met him only a couple times when he was still a bitling before Ratchet came to Delphi. He was fucking SHOOK. Like no. I don't jave a kid??? WHAT??? Nah. Nickel and Pharma would force Tarn to be a active father in Aid's life. I can imagine with the Megatron situation he'd be DEVASTATED. He'd lost his carrier, and now he could possibly lose his sire too. Aid would def try to stop Megatron, begging for him to spare his sire. Megatron would obvi be spooked. Like. tarn?? Have a kid??? This can't be right. But he isn't one to fight against a medic, even if he could crush said medic like a skittle.

AU IDEA

An AU. Listen. Vague posting till I actually get all the details laid out somewhat on discord. An au where Pharma is First Aid's carrier and Tarn is his sire. Tarn is NOT involved till later on and Pharma is a struggling single mom. Ratchet comes and fuckes everything up like he likes to do, and basically CPS's First Aid and takes him against his will. Pharma gets depressed and goes into denial about having a son till the events with Tyrest where they reunite for a while. And thats all im saying for now

[inactiveanimeblog]

HEYY the anon was me btw loll

what i WANTED to say before tumblr so RUDELY deleted my ask😒 was what if instead of the reader cheating on obito (which is what i usually see) obito gets super drunk one night and hooks up with someone. and when the reader finds out she’s devastated bc obito always tells her how much he loves her and this is the last thing she’d ever expect him to do,, and he apologizes and everything and ofc she’d forgive him she’s so madly in love with him blah blah blah.

anyways (this is kinda cliche lolll) one night they get into this huge argument and obito storms out and gets drunk and cheats on her (again) and he feels really guilty the next day and the reader always believes him when he says he’ll never do it again (spoiler!! he does it again) and their relationship will never be the same and it’s just overall super toxic.😆

and ik this is super OOC for obito cuz he’s a simp in the show lmaooo, but i rlly love your writing and i thought you might like this idea and ik your requests are closed nd i’m so so sorry but i really had to leave this in your inbox asap😣

P.S I KNOW YOU SAID YOU DONT LIKE IT WHEN THE READER GETS CHEATED ON BUT PLEASE HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE😩😩 and srry for any grammar mistakes lmao

tw : toxicity, manipulation, cheating, break up, angst

OMG R U TRYING TO MAKE ME SAD ;( NOT WITH MY FAV CHARACTER NOOOO! READERS LEAVING HIS ASS! even tho i love obito more than anything. also not really a fic but just a quick lil drabble ! hope this is fine <3

this is the second time obito’s done this. cheat on you. the first time he did, broke you and almost broke your relationship. however after a long talk and trying to understand where he was coming from, you forgave him. you didn’t think he was gonna do it again, you know he loves you. but hearing him say those words once more, you questioned if he ever truly did love you.

“i promise y/n i didn’t mean it.”

“please i love you so much.”

“don’t leave me. you’re all i have.”

it pained you to leave him. the cracks in his voice while he was trying hard not to cry replaying in your mind. you’re very well aware how sorry he is, but after this happening yet again you can’t trust him. sometimes you wonder if you shouldn’t have been so hard on him while you were leaving.

“i’m packing my shit and staying at a friends until i get my own place.”

“i don’t ever wanna hear from you again.”

“don’t bother trying to see me anymore. we’re done.”

he stood in the doorway, tears brimming in his eyes while watching you pack everything up. every second he watched you, his heart broke a little bit more. he would have done anything to keep you from leaving, even blocking you from door.

“move out of my way obito.”

“i can’t. i don’t want you to leave.”

he even went as far as taking your luggage and throwing it back on the bed, trying to unpack everything again. at this point you were agitated, tired, and broken. you took your things out of his hands and placed them back in the suitcase, not once looking him in his eyes. you knew if you looked at him, then you wouldn’t have the courage to leave.

“y/n look at me. we can fix this.”

“it won’t happen again, it was a mistake.”

“obito, i swear to fucking god. don’t do this to me right now. can’t you see where i’m coming from? you cheated on me not once, but twice. you’re so selfish, you think you can do whatever you want, then come home and have the nerve and tell me you regret it? i was worried sick about you last night, wondering where you were, calling your phone, and you didn’t even come back until this morning.”

there was nothing he could say that would make you stay with him, it would have been a miracle if you did stay. his anger replaced his sadness and he threw a few things around the room, his voice got louder, and a vexed look was on his face.

“i don’t understand why you can’t forgive me.”

“this is childish y/n, stop acting like a kid.”

“you don’t love me, if you did you would stay.”

you’re almost glad he started saying these things, because if he didn’t you knew you would have missed him much more. you knew what he was doing, you knew he was trying to manipulate you into staying with him. and it wasn’t gonna work, not this time.

you grabbed your things without saying a word, completely ignoring the temper tantrum he was throwing, and threw everything in your car. he watched you the entire time, his yelling falling on deaf ears, and the last thing you said to him was

“i hope you learn your lesson obito.”

before pulling out of the driveway and leaving.

tears finally fell down your face and sobs escaped your mouth while driving to your best friends house. this was gonna be a lot harder to get over than you thought.

[supertransural]

Dean and his “things, people and feelings” he’s already “experienced differently”.

So here’s a random 4am thought I had. You know how while in the confessional in 10x16, Dean talks about “things, people, feelings” he wants to “experience differently/for the first time”? That confession is literally incoherent if you take a perfectly heterosexual-non-castiel-point of view. It just is. Let me explain why I think that is, and prepare yourself, this is going to be long. 

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that we’re supposed to understand that conversation the way the priest understands it, that we’re supposed to see Dean the way the priest sees him: as someone who likes to have flings, who cheats, doesn’t commit, etc... basically the character that was introduced to us in the first few seasons/episodes (somewhat). I’m going to be calling that stance the “priest POV”. 

The issue here, is that this is not in fact “the first few seasons/episodes”, this is season 10, Things have happened since then. People have happened. Feelings. Have. Happened. Wether it be in the form of flashbacks or present day events, we’ve seen character development. So let’s start with romantic ones.

1: The first one that comes to mind is Lisa (and Ben). He had a committed, long term, family oriented, white picket fence relationship. It wasn’t just a “I had no other place to go” kinda deal, because once he was somewhat back on his feet, he could’ve pulled a Dean WInchester and left. Except he didn’t. He could’ve cheated. Except he didn’t. He could’ve not opened up or not gotten vulnerable. Except he did. That should already debunk the “priest POV” but let me add on. 

2: Cassie. Dean was insanely vulnerable with her, he loved her, opened up to her about the one big thing he never tells his one night stands, and incidentally was the one who was rejected this time around. He still has feelings about her when he meets her again. 

3: Robin. His first, real girlfriend. With whom he was also in a committed relationship with, which probably would’ve kept on growing if John hadn’t been the usual assh*le that he is, and Dean had had a chance to go to that dance with her. I like to think of her as beta-version-Lisa, and also as the girl who set him on his blazing trail of leaving women after 1 day or 1 week. His dad was the one to rip him away from her, and we know he wanted his son to be the perfect masc, emotionless, order-following, womanizer. And that is exactly what Dean attempts to become, even though this obviously goes against every fiber of his being (see #4).

4: Amanda. Now you may be thinking “but hey! Dean does cheat on her! and it is a short relationship!”. Sure he does, and sure it is, as I said, ever since Robin, he’s trying to be the womanizer his dad wants him to be. But he still lets himself get quite attached to Amanda, as shown by his disdain of the school right after she dumps him in front of everyone. The only reason he liked or tolerated this school wasn’t just “the hot cheerleaders” or whatever, it was Amanda. He wants to put on this mask of “I don’t care about her, I’m a bad boy, I’m just in it for the sex”, but he’s genuinely hurt by what she tells him about his life and how she judges it, and saddened by the breakup. He lets himself get hurt by her. Bear with me, this is important, because we see it happen again with Cassie and then he never lets it get to that point again, simply because of fear and trauma (I think), for example he’s the one to start the conversation about breaking up with Lisa.

Now. What about the “he was just talking about platonic things and feelings and people” possibility. Spoiler alert, it still doesn’t work. 

1: Jo. Otherwise known in my head as beta-version-Charlie, it’s true that Jo is part of those “early seasons” characters, but that only adds to the inconsistency of the “priest POV”. Dean cared intensely about her, some people think of their relationship as romantic, but I really like the “big brother/father/protective” figure idea. Whatever you believe their relationship was, it was profound, I mean he was positively shattered when she died. Again, deep feelings, longterm feelings. 

2: Benny. Like seriously. Dean spent a year in Purgatory with him, saw him as a brother despite the fact he was a vampire, helped him as much as he could while he was having troubles adapting to life on Earth again, protected him through thick and thin, went against his brother for him, against other hunters, against his core beliefs as a hunter himself, just. for. him. If that doesn’t tick all the boxes of things, feelings, people he wants to experience differently for you, then I truly don’t know what to tell you. And then there’s the whole thing with the ship between them, which I somewhat agree with but it isn’t cannon enough for this. 

3: Garth. Yeah, sure, Dean is condescending towards him at first, but he does care about him a lot, and probably doesn’t understand why and how Garth cares about him so quickly, or offers support voluntarily. Garth is a bit of a role model to him, that scrawny, somewhat cringy, little man is better at life than Dean is, and Dean sees that. He’s bothered by it at first, but learns to respect Garth later on, and care about him. He relies on him as a hunter, and kind of as a friend too and he lets him be the new Bobby (which proves a lot of trust grew here) (also, much later on, Dean makes sure he stays out of hunting so Garth can have a happy family life, he also accepts the fact that he’s a werewolf and that his whole family is too). That Also counts as people experienced differently and for the first time. 

4: Kevin. Or as I like to call him, sort-of-beta-version-Jack. Dean feels responsible for him, he jumps into the role of a father figure more than Sam ever does, as much as Sam cares about Kevin too. He is also completely shattered when he dies, like with Jo (which is a bit of the reason why I see Jo and Dean’s relationship as a Big brother-Little sister relationship, the vibe is similar (but not identical) to Kevin and Dean’s). 

5: Jody. Jody is like the mother he never really had growing up. He is vulnerable around her, opens up, she’s basically family. I’m not going to write in Bobby, because he doesn’t count as “new things”, he was effectively his father. Here, Dean lets Jody become a sort of mother to him even though his memory of his mom isn’t as tarnished as his dad’s is. He lets her step into his mom’s sacred shoes. He lets her take care of him in a way. He lets her enter his life and be here for him. New people, new feelings.

6: Charlie. Charlie is his little sister, no doubt about it. She’s his role model, he loves her deeply, he lets himself care about her and feel insanely protective of her. He lets her be Sam #2. He lets himself become a big brother to a new Jo. To a new human. He lets his nerdy side out around her, he learns from her openness about being gay. He is comfortable around her. He is constantly worried about her. New feelings, new people, new things, first time blah blah blah you know the drill by now.

7: Ash. Yes, yes, I know, another “early on” character. But as I said, it keeps on just proving my point. First of all, I firmly believe Dean had a massive crush on Ash but that’s just my interpretation. He respects Ash and looks up to him, he wants to be a bit like him, confident, comfortable in his own life and skin, happy, and he lives in a friggin’ bar for godsakes. He is the epitome of what Dean wants to be at that point in time. He wants to be carefree like Ash is. He thinks Ash is highly intelligent, and has it made. He sees what a happy man can be, one without burdens from “the life”. Ash is a bit like the cooler version of Garth (no offense to Garth of course). Does that count as a role model? I don’t know. But it sure as hell shaped Dean’s hope for what his life could one day be. And Dean cares about Ash deeply as well, he was devastated when he died (he was devastated about the whole Roadhouse burning of course, but it’s clear Ash’s death shakes him quite a bit) and is genuinely happy when he gets to see him again in Heaven, when he sees Ash content and at peace, and the fact that Ash tells him he’ll see him again one day makes him smile (btw thats something I would’ve wanted to see in the finale, but nooooo they simply had to give us a train wreck instead). 

So now that we’ve established those relationships he’s already had before (and I use the term relationship broadly here, it also includes all his friends), I’d like to point something out. There are of course other people he met along the way, other people he saved who inspired him, like the gay couple LARPing as him and Sam, Ellen (beta-version-Jody), in a way Tessa, Layla Rourke, Eileen, to name a few. But I feel as though the ones I cited were the main ones that truly show how shallow the “priest POV” interpretation is.

So where exactly does all this leave us? Well, friends, exactly where I intended it to be. That scene can’t be about potential women being longterm or serious romantic partners because that’s already happened. It can’t be about friends or monsters, because that’s already happened. Canonically. Several times, in several different flavors. 

TL;DR: There is no way this confession scene is heterosexual, and it’s probably about Cas, but not just him, it’s also simply about Dean himself and his comfy closet getting not so comfortable anymore. 

[shepard-ram]

Okay so going deeper into yandere tommy, imagine him trying to get close to/befriend reader. Like he’s trying so hard to befriend them in his little gremlin way and, especially right before his exile, it becomes increasingly difficult because of the accusations and his actions. Despite all of the buzz around him, you both manage to become, in some form of the word, friends. But then the exile happens. Tommy feels like he’s been abandoned, betrayed by his closest friends. He literally has nobody. Well, except Dream and Ghostbur. After some time into his exile, with nobody going to visit him besides Dream, you decide that enough is enough and go to visit your friend. -🦤 1/?

you manage to get through the nether and, after a few failed attempts, find the portal that leads to Tommy’s site. When you find him, he’s probs not 100% in the right mental place. Like his depression is really getting to him and he’s kinda going mental (I haven’t rlly gotten to this part of the smp, I’m at the part right before Tommy’s exile so apologies if this isn’t completely accurate). And when a fucking ghost is your only mostly-constant contact along with a practically-daily visit from Dream, a man is gonna yearn for some other human contact. Especially from someone that you befriended before hand. So he feels closer to you since, ya’know, ur the first and only one that came to visit him (excluding Dream and Ghostbur). So y’all get to talking. you eventually leave but promise to keep visiting pretty often. Now Tommy’s trust issues are most definitely probably worse than before the exile so he’s very anxious when you leave. When you return the next day or the day after he’s like fucking POG the great Tommy is here!!! Right over here!! Look at him! You came back because you enjoy him because obviously he’s the best! But secretly he’s ecstatic about the fact that you came back for him. This keeps going on for a while until Tommy goes off with Techno. -🦤 2/?

You have no idea that anything happened to because you were busy and couldn’t visit him. Then when Tubbo spills the news, you’re devastated. You hadn’t visited Tommy in quite some time and because you visited him so often, you were partially in denial. So you went to check out the site yourself, and the tower convinced you that Tubbo’s news was true; Tommy was gone, dead, killed himself, whatever you wanna say about/call the “accident”. The mourning process starts and you cry. You cry and cry, sobbing until you can’t anymore, and somehow still manage to cry. Time passes and the guilt still stacks on you day by day. Then suddenly there’s news, rumors that Tommy was back; Tommy’s alive and well, seen walking the prime path with Techno and talking to Dream in front of the portal by the community house. -🦤 3/?

You are, understandably, in shock. You must be dreaming again, hallucinating that Tommy had come back and that nothing bad had happened to him. That everything that happened after he went missing was all some sick joke or a prank he pulled that worked a little too well. But when you see Tommy, mostly well but a little beaten/tattered, your emotions suddenly can’t be held back. All you can do hug Tommy, sobbing into his shoulder and calling him a “fucking bitch” for making everyone believe that he died or some shit. Then he chooses L’manberg over his alliance with Techno. Everything turns into chaos from there. -🦤 4/?

You don’t remember much else happening besides the fight for L’manberg which lead to its fall. It was all a blur. But everyone came out mostly unscathed and that’s all that mattered to you. I mean yeah there were some deaths and Tommy and Quackity were struck by lightning, but nothing that lead to a cannon death. But Tommy remembered everything. He remembered the way that you were repeatedly slain by Techno’s dog army, blown up by the tnt, fell into the holes that the withers made. There were so many things that Tommy remembered, all of the horrific things that happened to you and his friends. Some were reality and some came from nightmares/night terrors later on when that Tommy couldn’t differentiate between reality and fiction. But shhhh that totally doesn’t matter *wink*. - 🦤 5/? (Am I losing count?)

Anyways so a decent amount of that time you spent defending your friends against dangers instead of really instigating/fighting the stuff. You defended Tommy a lot because small big man Tommy is gone through so much , it’d hurt to see him go through more. But that just further traumatized him because why??? Why are you doing this? He’s not that important??? Stop getting yourself hurt over him! He’s am a big man! He can care for self! See!! He really appreciates you doing that for him though, even if it leads to disaster and fear/anxiety later on. So the battle definitely could have gone better. -🦤 6/?

People start to rebuild, but conflict still lingers. The Eggpire? Yikes, dangers cult! It literally wants to kill Tommy! So wouldn’t it try to do anything to lure Tommy in? Nicki and Jack trying to kill him. They’d do anything to get to him. And harming the things/ones he loves doesn’t seem to be on their list of “stuff we won’t do to fuck up this kid”. And many people don’t like him. There’s so many dangers for him and anybody he cares about. Tubbo, Phil, Sam, and the others can handle themselves. They have fighting experience. But you? Your first fight/war on the SMP was literally the last fight for L’manberg and you saw how that went! You got so injured during that! He can’t allow that to happen again! -🦤 7/?

So he’s paranoid about your safety, not really about himself. And maybe Nicki and Jack have already tried to use you to get Tommy. Even more incentive to do something ASAP for your safety. The best idea he can come up with is hiding you in a secret base. Secret bases do pretty well in the SMP... when they aren’t revealed; nobody really finds them and they do a great job protecting the stuff inside of it! He’s lazy and impatient and can’t just demand/“persuade” someone into making it for him. Then they’ll know where the base is, get suspicious of him or worse, they’ll know where you are/could be. So “asking for help” isn’t really an option here. He’ll ponder for a while then come up with the Pogtopia idea. It’s perfect! Nobody goes there anymore/it’s abandoned, it’s got the essentials to live there (I’m gonna assume the potato farm is still down there and will work), it’s a pretty secretive location (only the people on Pogtopia’s side rlly know of the location and they’re either dead or most likely forgot about the location! Besides Wilbur, Tommy, Techno, and Tubbo, the others didn’t go there often), and it’s a good distance away from most of the SMP. It’s a great idea! Now all Tommy has to do is get you into Pogtopia without any suspicion... -🦤 8/8 (yeah this was small at first then spiraled out of control owbfhfke sorry for the dump in your ask box)

Bro I'm not even gonna add to this cause it's just so perfect by itself- ah i am so glad you decided to share this <33!!! Like you really said "I'm gonna send a goddamn masterpiece" and I'm here for it

[astrolornb]

hbd to Hayao Miyazaki! (Capricorn sun/Aries moon)

Iconic animator, director, and screenwriter Hayao Miyazaki (b. January 5, 1941) turned 80 years old on January 5, 2021.

Miyazaki is the co-founder of Studio Ghibli and acclaimed for his whimsical and fantastical animated feature-length films. He is known for writing stories with environmental and social messages, which often centre independent girls as protagonists.

His first breakthrough directorial film, Nausicäa of the Valley of The Wind (1984) follows a young princess who fights to defend her home community from war and environmental devastation in a post-apocalyptic world. Miyazaki adapted this screenplay based on a manga he wrote.

To be frank, I find I can’t really watch this film anymore (after having watched it maybe 3 or 4 times?), with the amount of war and fighting in it (the accompanying music is also kinda intense). However, this was once my favourite film by Miyazaki and I still recommend watching if you haven’t already seen it.

Today, Spirited Away (2001) and Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) remain some of my favourite films.

In Spirited Away, a ten-year old girl named Chihiro must save her parents from the spirit world by overcoming obstacles in a bathhouse full of spirits and outsmarting a powerful witch. I think this film both fascinated and slightly scared me as a kid, but I’ve grown to love it more as an adult. This description truly doesn’t quite do the film justice as the cast of unique characters each add a different twist to Chihiro’s journey towards bravery.

In Kiki’s Delivery Service, a young girl must leave home to train as a witch as per the traditions of her village. However, she starts to lose her powers when on her own and must regain them in order to survive. Kiki was truly an angsty teen of her time. As an entrepreneur, she basically delivered bread UberEats-style on her broom, to boot!

How many other teenage witches can you name who fly across the sea while listening to the radio? I once dressed up as Kiki for Halloween.

The above mentioned films were all written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki.

When I found out Miyazaki’s birthday, it came as no surprise that he was born as a Capricorn. I say this in reference to watching the NHK docu-series “10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki,” which highlights his obsessive and regimented work schedule and habits, reeking of Capricorn stereotypes.

“Placing value on the act of working hard is an incredible mistake…Working hard, it’s just something you do. If you don’t, nothing worthwhile will come about.” - Hayao Miyazaki (source)

Capricorns are Earth signs who are passionate and driven, above all else.

I don’t know about you, but in my life, Capricorns are always grinding (staying on top of everything!). These include successful artists and freelancers who are committed to their practice and communities (often while working multiple jobs), pushing through law/grad school during a pandemic, and dedicated to showing up and caring for their friends and family.

Tweets by astrologer Danielle Ayoka (@mysticxlipstick)

Maybe this devout sense of purpose and passion is what makes them come off as so wise beyond their years.

Capricorns are the epitomy of old souls. Their practicality makes them seem like a grandparent, regardless of their actual age.

“I’m so excited!” Miyazaki smiles with grandpa joy as he releases the tape from the video camera that he installed in his car to record as he drives. A little strange, perhaps, yet in the first part of the docu-series, it truly offers a pragmatic glimpse into his approach to work. (In this case, the study of daily motion.)

Screencapture from 10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki by NHK

Of an emotional nature, another Capricorn stereotype is that they come off as cool and distant. In the same docu-series, viewers later witness Miyazaki walk out of the middle of his son’s film premiere. Ouch.

For Miyazaki, quality of work > everything else.

Tweet by karen han (@karenyhan)

In the documentary film the Kingdom of Dreams and Madness (2013), viewers watch Miyazaki going off on a team of animators, even making some cry after giving his feedback.

Capricorns set high standards. More so for themselves than for others though. However, beyond his Capricorn sun, Miyazaki has an Aries moon. The moon represents a significant emotional aspect of our inner selves.

What does this mean? According to the AstroTwins,

Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet of aggression and war, which can make you temperamental and straight-up combative. With your fiery emotions, you get frustrated easily, blowing up at the slightest provocations. Although your temper tantrums pass quickly, you don’t always realize how much havoc your rage spells can wreak. The fallout could take years to live down, if the bridge isn’t permanently burned.

...

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and this moon sign makes you an initiator who likes to be number one. A warrior at heart, you’ll courageously champion any cause, project or person you believe in. You have a star quality, but your competitive streak can be fierce! 

Hayao Miyazaki’s birth chart (via astro-charts.com)

This combination of steadfast hard work (Capricorn sun/Earth sign) and fierce independence (Aries moon/Fire sign) likely contributes much to how Miyazaki has attained his status as such an accomplished filmmaker and artist.

While this blog post is a tribute to the great Miyazaki, it is also an acknowledgement that he is an imperfect person, as we all are. Humans are complex creatures. Like so many of us, he is someone who has caused hurt and someone who has experienced significant loss. And, at the same time, he is someone who has created so much beauty, too.

Screenshot from The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness (2013)

To many fans disappointment, Miyazaki retired from filmmaking after The Wind Rises (2013). However, in true Capricorn style, he has returned to work and emerged from retirement to direct a new film titled How Do You Live? which he intends to dedicate to his grandson.

With this forthcoming film, the Studio Ghibli animators have been tasked to draw more frames by hand than ever before. In the slow and steady Earth-sign-led process, they are producing a single minute of animation per month with a team of 60 people.

Studio Ghibli producer and general manager Toshio Suzuki says, “That means 12 months a year, you get 12 minutes worth of movie. Actually, we’ve been working on this film for three years, so that means we have 36 minutes completed so far. We’re hoping it will finish in the next three years.” Wow.

In Japan, an 80th birthday is referred to as the “umbrella celebration” (sanju 傘寿) in reference to the shape of the characters. The abbreviation of the character for “umbrella” (傘) can be read as “80″ by overlapping numbers 8 (八) and 10 (十).

Astrology writer Gala Mukamalova, once wrote about the power we give years. In an astrological love letter, she offered this to our hardworking, stubborn goat friends:

“But you, Capricorn, you who are still here, still wind howling through trees, still a leaf clinging to this life—forgiveness is something you can learn. How to give it, yes, but mostly how to receive it.”

Despite how much I enjoy projecting onto famous people based on their birth charts, I don’t truly know all that haunts Miyazaki or drives him to create as an artist, a son, a father, and a survivor of war.

Yet still, I hope this year may allow Miyazaki and his Capricorn sun to pursue forgiveness of self, whatever that may look like. I have no doubt that he will continue to find success with his work to come. Hopefully his Aries moon can tread lighter and enable him to act more kindly towards his studio team, too. After all, it is 2021.

Happy 80th birthday, Hayao Miyazaki. ☂️

[sunarou]

One day ⟨Kuroo and Kenma⟩

·͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—In which Kuroo and Kenma's S/O passes, they meet with a cat that they slowly believe that it's a reincarnation of their deceased lover.

—Word count: 1.3k

—Genre: Angst

—Warning: Mentions of death!

—A/N: I love angst shit, though I can't write it to save my life, enjoy lovelies 🥴🥴

The once snarky and mischievous captain of Nekoma became the quiet sorrowful shell of a man. The first week of your passing felt unreal to him, you were just talking to him over the phone the other day. But then the next day they said you passed away, from an accident was it? He doesn't want to know nor remember.

"I was supposed to protect you, but god damnit I'm useless!" He yells as he punches another wall, "Kuroo! Punching walls will not solve anything!" Yaku yells at him, "It wasn't your fault! So stop blaming yourself" Kenma butts in, not wanting to see his friend hurt. "If- If only she didn't go at that stupid job offer she wouldn't have been hit by a drunk bastard!" He shouts once again, this time tears were going down his face. His friends show a face of pity.

"I-I'm going home, see you guys," He said, his knuckles were visibly bleeding. "I'll walk with you, I need to make sure you don't do stupid shit" Kenma says, walking up beside him. "No need Kenma, I can walk by my own. I just need some alone time" He said, stumbling down the street. "Kenma, please follow him. I don't trust him alone," Yaku asks, Kenma just nods as he follows Kuroo home.

Kuroo starts to walk to his house when he heard something meowing behind him, he turns around to see a kitty following him. "Did Kenma send you?" He jokes, as he laughs dryly. "Your owner might be worried you know?" He crouches down to check if it had a collar, it had nothing around his neck so why not take it home? So that's what he did, he picks it up as he continued walking, not knowing that Kenma was following him.

As he walked back home Kuroo patted the cat's head from time to time. "I wonder if your owner's looking for you, do you even have an owner?" Kuroo mumbled to himself. The cat meowed back at him, "Guess not," He said, as he examined the cat's neck, no collar attached. "Guess you'll be coming home with me today, until someone shows up to claim you anyways," He says as he opens his front door gently dropping the cat on the ground, Kuroo was about to close the door when a foot stopped him.

He reopened the door, to Kenma. "Yaku was worried so he asked me to follow you home," Kenma said, fiddling with his fingers. "It's whatever, see I got home fine. I'll see you around," He tried closing the door but Kenma insisted to stay at his place at least for a while. Then Kuroo felt something clawing at his ankles, he looks down to see the cat. "Where'd you get that?" Kenma asks as he walks inside. "It was following me, I felt like I should bring it home so I did.." He said picking the cat up once again.

Kuroo walked to the kitchen to prepare some food, both for him and the cat. "Y/N loved cats, she dreamed of owning at least 100 of them" Kuroo dryly laughs as he remembers the time you brought home 3 kittens in a box. "She would talk about how she would want cats than kids" He said, Kenma listened intently. "Y/N was a great person, and still is.." Kenma reassures Kuroo. He sniffs as he rubs his eyes, tears threatening to fall down his face.

The cat's paws touch Kuroo's arm, as if it's asking him if he's okay. "I'm fine kitty, you know what let's call you Cosmo," Kuroo smiles. "Cosmo?" Kenma asks, "Yeah, she liked anything space too, so why not?" He shrugged as he placed the food onto the cat's plate. After the cat finished eating it flopped itself on Kuroo's arm, it was one clingy cat. "It's just like Y/N, it's affectionate huh?" Kenma smiles, eyeing the cat. "Yeah, somehow when this cat appeared, it just helped me calm down from earlier, what I did back there was kinda childish.." Kuroo said.

"I can't blame you Kuroo, I can't imagine losing someone that I love. We all are devastated but I can't imagine your pain.." Kenma said, as he stands up and heads to the door, opening it to step outside. "I see that you're doing fine, little by little that is, I'll tell Yaku you're fine so he stops worrying. See ya" Kenma said before he closes the door, leaving Kuroo with Cosmo. "Shit, I miss again.." Kuroo drops his head onto the table, as Cosmo places it's paw on Kuroo's head, "Thanks Cosmo.." he sighs.

Kenma doesn't go out often as much anymore, not like he did before. But when you were alive you would drag him outside to go to dates, he wasn't complaining though he loved spending time with you. But now that you weren't by his side, he never goes out, he only orders take out and goes out to buy his essentials but other than that he doesn't see the sun as much.

"Kenma, I'm worried about you.. we all are, we're all affected by Y/N's sudden passing but please, you know she wouldn't want you to be living like this.." Kuroo pleaded from the other side of the phone. Kenma rolls his eyes, unbothered to really argue with Kuroo. "I don't care right now, just.. let me be," He said, hanging up. Miraculously, he stood up to throw trash out, he didn't want it to stink up the place of course. As he walked to the garbage bin, there was a cat that sat in front of the gates.

He tried to ignore it but it kept on meowing, scratching the metal even. So he lets it in as it rushes inside the house. Kenma sighs as he follows it, thinking it's just a stray cat. He walks in the cat snuggling up a hoodie of yours, Kenma walks towards it to pet its head. The cat looks up at Kenma, it had the same eye colour as you, it even had the same fur colour as your hair. Weird coincidence if you ask him, but thought not much of it. "She's still on my mind of course.." he says, "I wonder what your name is," He continued as he rubbed the cat's chin.

He looked around for a collar but there was none, now he was convinced it was a stray cat. It started meowing at him, "Are you hungry?" He asked it, he just now realized that he had no cat food. "Huh, I'll just cook you some fish I guess" He said standing up, heading towards the kitchen. The cat roamed around the house, Kenma found it weird that it stayed sitting in front of a framed picture of you. It's paw touched the glass, mewing sadly.

"Her? She was the love of my life, and still is.." He answered, Kenma tried not to cry really. "Your fish will be extra salty, sorry," he laughed at himself as he felt his tears roll down his cheeks. The cat suddenly jumped at his chest, it's paws pressed against his chest. "W-What?" He said, confused. 'Do cats act like this?' he asks himself. Weirdly enough there was this stinge of determination on the cat's face, it once again reminded him of you. Kenma shakes his head, "Here, you can eat," He said, placing the fish in front of the cat.

A knock was heard from the door, Kenma leaves the cat to eat as he opens the door. Revealing Kuroo, "What's up with you hanging up my call so suddenly? You made me run all the way to your house" He said, his eyebrows furrowed. "Sorry, I wasn't up to talk about it right now okay?" Kenma said dismissively, letting Kuroo in. "A cat?" Kuroo asks, as he walked closer to inspect. "Yeah I found it in front of my house, I decided to let it in for a while," Kenma explained.

"That's cool, at least you have some form of company," Kuroo shrugs. "Yeah, somehow this cat's keeping me sane," He lets out a small smile, petting the cat's head.

~Love Lola 🦋

[hartigays]

3. “It’s always been you.”

3. “It’s always been you.”

billy storms out of the apartment, seething and fighting back tears. because billy hargrove does not cry. ever. he didn’t back when he lived with neil, he didn’t after his mom left, he didn’t when he got arrested for possession and almost lost his scholarship to UCLA.

he’s not about to start now.

not because steve pretty boy harrington has to go around acting like a grade-A asshole, with his soft hair and big eyes and pouty lips, screwing everything with a goddamn pulse. no sir. billy won’t give him that luxury.

the reality is, steve has always had a thing for plowing his way through as many people as humanly possible. or so billy heard all those years ago when he’d first arrived in hawkins and started inquiring about the pretty-faced indiana boy who billy just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

but billy thought all of that was behind them. they live together, for fuck’s sake. they’d moved out to california together so billy could go to school, and so steve could take a position at one of the offices of his father’s company in LA. steve hasn’t been seeing anyone, billy hasn’t been seeing anyone. they’ve been happy. content.

and okay, so maybe they aren’t dating. maybe billy hasn’t exactly told steve how he feels. but, like, steve should know. billy has gone out of his way to make it glaringly obvious. steve may be oblivious, but he’s not dumb. not like everyone thinks.

billy is pretty damn sure there’s no way steve isn’t aware of how he feels.

the worst part is, billy thought steve actually felt the same. at least, he had up until today, when he walked in on steve sitting on the couch with some girl, laughing and smiling and whatever the fuck else. he’d walked out before he could see anything more, despite steve’s desperate pleas for him to come back so they could talk.

there’s nothing to talk about. billy thought steve liked him, steve doesn’t. it’s done. he just needs some time to... process it, or whatever. billy finds himself on the beach soon enough, and he slips off his shoes so he can stick his toes in the sand, plopping down with a sigh.

it’s a private beach tucked a ways away from the pier, but billy knows the owners of this plot. they don’t stay at their beach house until the winter, when they want to escape to somewhere a little warmer during the colder months. he’s pretty sure the rest of their time is spent in aspen. so for now he’s safe to sit here and think, staring out at the water as the sun sinks below the horizon.

billy has brought steve here a lot. they’ve picnicked here several times, and billy even brought steve out a once or twice to teach him how to surf before they knew that steve was irreparably bad at it. the thought makes billy’s heart squeeze, and he has to pinch himself as a reminder to not be such a pussy.

because it’s whatever that steve is into some air-headed cheerleader type with a tiny waist and hair like strands of gold. it doesn’t bother billy one bit. not at all. he Does Not Care in the slightest.

maybe if he keeps telling himself that, it’ll somehow become true.

“thought i might find you out here.”

billy doesn’t turn around at the sound of steve’s voice, keeping his eyes forward even though his stomach sinks. “congratulations, you’ve finally managed to develop critical thinking skills. let’s bust out the champagne.”

“i can go if you want me to,” steve says softly, even though billy feels him sink down onto the sand next to him, close enough that their arms brush.

billy just snorts, shrugging. “i don’t give a shit what you do, harrington.”

steve just sighs, and for a long time he doesn’t speak. out of the corner of his eye, billy can see him staring out at the sunset, looking rather forelorn. billy wishes he could turn that look into something soft, something happy, but steve has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t have that right.

“you know, i remember the first time you took me here,” steve says finally, and billy can’t help but glance over at him. steve’s smile is warm and soft, but tinged with something like sadness. “you tried to teach me how to surf. the first time, i mean. i slipped off the board and busted my ass so hard on it you had to carry me home.”

“you suck at surfing,” billy acknowledges, nodding. “badly.”

steve huffs a soft laugh. “yeah, i do. i just remember thinking that it was still one of the best days i’ve ever had. because that was the day i knew you loved me as much as i love you.”

billy goes completely still, his heart leaping up into his throat and his eyes watering, because what the fuck? where does steve get off making an admission like that just to make billy be less upset with him?

“don’t do that,” billy says, his voice rough. “you don’t get to do that. don’t pretend like you feel the same just because you don’t want me to be pissed at you.”

“billy,” steve starts, sounding distressed. he pauses, meeting billy’s eyes and fuck, they’re filled with tears too and billy doesn’t know how he feels about that. “it’s you. it’s always been you.”

the words break something inside of billy, and he crumples. he can’t pretend to be mad anymore when the truth is that he’s devastated. plain and simple.

“you sure have a funny way of showing it,” billy tells him, sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “i saw you two. you were two seconds from playing couch twister. would’ve been if i hadn’t walked in when i did.”

“leanne is gay, billy,” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “she works with me and she’s gay. has a nice girlfriend named annalise. they have a fucking kid. we were just- jesus, i can’t believe i even have to explain this. to you of all people. i’m the dumb one, remember? fuck. we were just going over some fucking spreadsheets. yeah, riveting stuff. super romantic.”

“i didn’t- are you fucking with me?” billy asks, because he’s starting to feel really fucking stupid and a small part of him is hoping he didn’t just throw a (rather humiliating) tantrum over nothing. “you guys were giggling. and sitting so close, i just... i thought you were making a move.”

“god, you can be more dense than me sometimes, you know that? we were giggling about you, dumbass. i told her that i liked you and she wanted to know more,” steve explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “it was just- i dunno. like two friends at a sleepover giggling about their crushes.”

“would you quit calling yourself an idiot?” billy huffs. primarily because he can’t think of anything else to say - his mind is racing too much. but also because it’s true. “this kinda proves that if anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me. i just- i don’t understand why you never said anything.”

steve is shoving his hands through the sand repeatedly, watching the sand run between his fingers. “you know i’m bi, i told you as much. i figured you were like me, or gay, or- i dunno. i just thought you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. i left the ball in your court, thinking that once you were ready, we’d, y’know. address the fucking elephant in the room.”

“the elephant being... ?” billy trails off. and he knows, but he really just wants to hear steve say it again.

steve rolls his eyes, laughing. “you know what i mean. but fine: the elephant being that i’m in love with you. and that i’m really, really hoping you love me, too.”

“i do,” billy says, his voice soft. “and i’m an idiot. i’m sorry.”

“you’re not an idiot. i probably would’ve thought the same thing if the roles were reversed and i walked in on something like that.” steve glances over at billy, giving him a tender smile. “just... next time, let’s talk to each other, yeah? i think that’ll save both of us a lot of grief.”

billy just hums, nodding his approval. they sit in comfortable silence for a little while, both still too nervous to make a move despite having just confessed their love to each other. at this point billy just finds it endearing, but he really, really wants to be closer to steve, and not just emotionally.

“i am gay, you know,” billy starts, his palms sweating, “and i really want to kiss you.”

“i know. and i think i’d like that.”

steve’s lips are soft and yielding beneath billy’s. his kisses feel exactly the way billy imagined they would - tender and sweet and a little shy, but curious. billy tries to keep it slow, not wanting to shove them into uncharted territory, but it’s only a matter of time before billy has steve’s back hitting the sand, hovering over him, their lips never breaking apart.

steve just sighs into the kiss, embracing the new position without complaint. he relaxes into the sand, one hand threading through billy’s curls, the other curling into the tufts of hair at the base of billy’s neck. it’s a kiss that billy never wants to end. but he knows there’ll be more. so much more.

“i’d say at least now we can get a cheaper apartment, but i think we’ll both still need our space every now and then,” steve says when billy pulls away, staring up a him with big eyes.

“yeah. plus it’s... ” billy trails off, his cheeks flushing bright red.

“it’s what?” steve asks, his brows coming together in confusion. “seriously, what were you going to say?”

“it’s home,” billy says gently, bracing both arms on either side of steve so he can swoop down to capture his lips again whenever he wants to. “home is wherever i’m with you, but- y’know. i like our place. it feels like us.”

“you’re such a fucking sap, oh my god,” steve laughs, but he’s smiling so brightly that billy thinks the whole beach could stay lit up for the rest of the night. “billy hargrove, secretly soft and mushy inside. who would’ve thought.”

“wasn’t, ‘til i met you,” billy tells him honestly.

and it’s true, for a long time billy hardened himself to the world, protecting himself with an armor of indifference until steve came along and melted him to his core. but billy isn’t one to complain, not when it means he gets to go to sleep and wake up to steve’s smile every day now, for the rest of his life. forever, maybe, if steve is up for that.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.