#i have ideas >:) i'm come to your ims
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been providing a Korean-language service since 2013.
Text
Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]
#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous]#and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚#you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from.#it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as#a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from.#i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah#however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all.#but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora'#are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone#i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out.#ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant#and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify#myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but.#i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to#like. accommodate the facts of my family history.#sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days#box opener
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i drew (and headcanoned some of) people's courtneys. too out of it to tag the specific ppl these courtlets come from so if you see your courtlet say hi i guess? wanted to post this since i love this piece so much and i love seeing how people interpret concepts.
and a bonus featuring my own courtlet. thank you.
#pkmn#rse#oras#magma admin courtney#team magma#hiii here's the silly commentary part lol so. uh. lately ive been so out of everything lately and ive been between amazing and a mess#as i figure out my own courtney's character i've given up on a thing ive been at with for several months. ive met some good friends too.#but even as i give up that thing im still cooking up new things like me FINALLY coming up with my continuity's events and stuff YAY!!!#i really really wanna share some stuff but 1) i don't have a lot and it's hard to really discuss stuff with the way i think#2) it's been hard to draw lately. idk why. 3) im worried ppl will go after me because this story is kind of edgy to an extent and#we are far past the edgy emo dark story stuff and I'm worried ppl will chock it up to “look into my sick and twisted mind” and not#like. something i am happy with and love and like. want to do so much with!!! idk!!!! i wanna make a narrative that is so crazy. that is al#if anyone wants me to talk about my continuity and ESPECIALLY about my courtney please send asks i am realizing that#the loneliness and my disconnect from reality is starting to get to me and i need to think about other stuff. i just like talking to people#and bouncing off ideas and stuff. it would be fun. you guys have no idea how good of a writing exercise making your own pkmn continuity is#ANYWAYS. tldr. please please talk to me about these things. i love talking about headcanons and silly stuff. thank you.#too tired to tag with my tag. goodbye.
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
swapinverse posting rn,,,,, (WAKE UP UNTITLED29876011111 MY LISTENER I KNOW YOU GET NO SLEEP BUT SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS PSPSPSPSPPSPSPS)
anyways currently reworking savior and godDAMN is he soooo,,,,,,, my boy i love my boy. why does he literally combine the melancholic vibe of dust and then whatever the hell killer's got going on in his lore. hes literally so sad and emo and depressed but also has a perfect amount of i-dont-care-ness and built in commands,,,,,, hes so PERFECT my vision of this modernized savior is soooo amazing,,,,, none of you will be ready trust (hyping myself up over nothing)
i think its because i'm finally starting to THINK about my character's,,,,,,, characters?????? like before they were just concepts. i think. like just IDEAS and now especially for savior i'm starting to actually analyze his character and see where things go from there,,,, its sooooo fun i love this sosososos much,,,, now let's see if this streak of analysis will carry on for the 2 i still need to finish finish (crash and vice.SER my glitchy fuckass sons)
google what is the symbolic representation for ribbons and ribbon dancing and silk acrobatics. google ANSWER ME
#that last paragraph is because crash does those :3 he thinks hes so elegant SMH#siphon's supposed to be corrupted nm!ink but then i feel i may or may not have made him too NICE????#like what other traits am i supposed to add to make hin more like corrupted nm aside from the fact that he upsets the balance#and ink's already an asshole anyways!!! just that this ink wont be as energetic and just a tad more evil!!!!!#so what if i didnt do any canon research on anybody's origins that wasn't just the mtt SO WHAT OK#LET ME HAVE FUN WITH THESE CHARACTERS I DONT KNOW WITHOUT HAVING TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM#nevermind youre right...... i guess its time to do research on ink and error and CORE frisk and dream and nightmare....... siiiigh#AUAGHHHH I WANNA TALK ABOUT SWAPINVERSE SOOOO BAD#I WANNA BOUNCE IDEAS OFF SOMEONE BC IM KINDA STUCK FOR CRASH AND VICESER#BUT I CAN'T TELL SECRET MTT NATION MEMBER!!!!!!!! WHY NOT?????#BECAUSE I WANNA SEE THEIR RAW REACTION WHEN IT DROPS OFC WITH NO SPOILERS#listen is that sooo bad that i want people to be surprised and interested when it comes out IS IT#at least One person should be surprised and thats ok for me for nos#but unfortunately that DOES leave me with nobody to yap too........ feel so shahshdgsg#i NEED to talk about these characters i'm gonna go feral djdhshshhhhhhhh#swapinverse my beloved swapinverse my beloved maybe actually by this pace i'll finish in the summer of this school year???? who knows#i MUST make it a comic right??? what else can i do aside from make it s comic#or actually an ask blog i have no idea how ill present swapinverse to the world. but i've always had that issue sooooooo#the main story will be a comic......... other stuff people wanna know id asks.......... and then i guess i draw here snd there#oh gooodddd doing all that is going to KILL me but whatever i'm so excited for this project#i've been developing it since like basically freshman year swapinverse is growing with me 🧡🧡🧡🧡#tricule rant
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
#oooc#thank you everyone for your support#I have felt a little out of place amongst everyone because im not the most proactive when it comes to the spice#I have more experience writing fluff/comfort and angst/horror/fighting and such. The times I have is with mutuals im really close to#i will absolutely entertain the idea of sinday asks and such because it makes me laugh like crazy being able to write flustered goku#but i will probably take a while to write anything downright smut/spicey#i'm also working on making something to see who would be interested in shipping with Goku. A ship checker#mainly just to see who'd be interested and then try and slowly plot it out or ya know#alright i've rambled enough in tags im now going to go be emotional for an hour because im an emotional wreck of a person and i need#my ice cream to cope
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
(with tears in my eyes) n-nice
#i wrote two (2) whole things today & one of them went into the queue (still paused)#and tbf a few of the things in my drafts are musings & memes & gifsets i'm hoarding to reblog over time#but yeah. this is where we're at (my inbox is also at almost 300 bc i Never Delete Anything lmfao)#i'm trying. i'm making slow progress. we take what we can get around here with our near non-existent spoons (':#and eventually i'll get back to ims. eventually i'll log back in to discord.#i'm especially sorry for those of u waiting on im replies from me ok i just had too many things happen at once and?? idk???#the Overwhelm struck and i haven't felt able to get back to shit. but i'm trying!!!!#i'm trying to get past that feeling of 'i'm annoying them for sure'#i'm trying not to think rethink overthink every single message i send that only amplifies with each convo i have going#but it's hard. i've come to realize i've really let myself get backed into a corner by my own trauma ajskfhds#...i'm also rambling idk what the point of this is anymore. ig to give u an idea of what a fucking mess my brain is lmfaoooo#I'M TRYING. i'm trying so hard. ty all sfm for your patience with me. i know i say that a lot but i really am so grateful#ok i slip into lurk mode for the evening........ love y'all ♡#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
another thing that i think is a lost art: AMVs. Nowadays people favor short quick edits instead of full blown music videos. Don't get me wrong tho i LOVE edits, a lot of them are crazy impressive! This is kinda double edged sword tbh because now I feel like there's this expectation that every edit has to be this thing with super impressive and advanced editing. Editing clips together is still hard don't get me wrong but I feel like standards nowadays are much higher. I miss the simplicity of adding anime clips to your favorite songs without any crazy editing and just calling it a day. We should bring it back.
ALSO even with this rise in edits i feel ike people don't even do MEPs anymore and I think that's kinda sad. Since people mostly post their edits on platforms like instagram and tiktok which are made short form videos MEPs kinda fell off anymore. It's a truly a shame because I used to eat them UP. I know that tiktok now let's you upload longer videos so maybe there's potential for MEPs to make a comeback. Though I'm not sure if file size would be an issue whoops.
#i have actually considered starting to make short amvs#again nothing too crazy#just for me tbh there is no target audience for what i'm planning to do besides MEEE#aggretsuko smile for the paparazzi amv coming SOON#miraculous ladybug hawk moth i never told you what i do for a living amv#im SO serious about this one you guys have no idea#as soon as beastars s3 drops you bet your ass im making a melon mcr mama amv#old youtube#old internet#old web#2000s anime#anime amv#amv#2000s youtube#text
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jane Austen and Jason Todd
Thank you to everyone who has posted elaborate headcanons about Jason's love for Jane Austen. I have yet to pick up my copy of Pride and Prejudice but I still wrote two whole essays on Austen and my professor is thinking about nominating me for an award :)
So I just wanted to thank the Red Hood community for this opportunity lmao
#jane austen#jason todd#red hood#batfam#jasons love for Jane austen#Like i feel like im trolling my Liberal arts proffesor now becasue he probaly thinks I'm in love with Austens work and I've only seen#two movies and watched the realjane austen docu#but i digress you know becasue ive done some research cough cough read 100s of posts on tumblr about this topic#but anyways thank you everyone who has helped me gain awsome grade because of your insight on the topic and helped me come up with an idea#to rant about for my essays#cause without yall i would have to right about idk gahndi and Im not really instead in writing about him at all#:)#college student#essay
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Idk who i should say this to but everytime i see ritsu be it in the game or in tl i would always have this urge to squish both his cheeks with my very own two hands like, i need to release this cute aggression or else i'd go crazy. "According to article something something–" proper name place name backstory stuff now do you know you’re the cutest in the whole wide world? No? I'll gladly remind you that every second of your life. Please? Please let me do that for you. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please ple
#yk i thought i was the worst when it comes to keeping myself at bay whenever i see romeo#i just haven't seen ritsu yet#UGH YOU'RE SO CUTE#i would ask myself “why ritsu of all people...” there are literally other characters more fitting in the cute category but NO#ritsu is the cutest#also IM SO HAPPY THIS CARD CAME HOME YOU HAVE NO IDEA 😭 I SMILE TO MYSELF WHENEVER I REMEMBER I HAVE THIS CARD 😭💗#he's the best ritsu best boy#go take over that casino my son /j#god i'm miserable#you guys remember my oc? ria/jyuria. yeah i gave her this trait of mine. ritsu cute aggression#i'm gonna make them interact soon. hopefully#no wonder he's a momma's boy he makes me wanna be his mom too /j#ritsu shinjo#rhyapping#rhy tdb talks#i will sleep now. sorry for wasting your time reading this post
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Current Events in Silm fandom rlly reinforce my feeling that, despite claiming an ethos of acceptance/tolerance of anything that doesn't hurt ppl, a lot of ppl in the section of Silm fandom I frequent do follow a set of socially-agreed-upon mores about what concepts are "not acceptable" to discuss or propose (or the ways in which certain topics must be discussed to be acceptable), that you all seem to have agreed on despite the things those mores restrict not being harmful to anyone.
And when someone does say smth that violates those mores, the response is disproportionate to the amount of harm done (which is typically none, imo). I know it's tempting to say "but we just want people to be comfortable and safe", but treating ppl badly for the sin of sharing thoughts you dislike is NOT the same as preventing people from doing things that are harmful. The former is much more of a harmful behavior than the sharing of the thoughts that sets it off. Fannish etiquette, people: you shouldn’t act like someone’s meta makes them morally suspect just because you disagree with it; save the “this is morally bad” for things that are ACTUALLY harmful. We're all stuck on this website together & if you want to have any sort of community, you need to ACT like you're in a community, and that means letting other people say things you dislike. Block them if you need to! I block people all the time because i know it's better for me AND for them if we can both blog in peace.
I am not particularly comfortable with the young-queer-on-tumblr silm fandom rn due to this tendency to rebuke things that are uncomfortable rather than harmful. Maybe that's fine with you. But if your goal is to make all fans feel comfortable and accepted, you need to actually do that. If your goal is to make people who share your unwritten rules comfortable in your space, you need to admit that, and write those rules down, and curate your space so it follows them.
Edited 8:10am PST to clarify the specifics of the behavior I find concerning.
#mine#if there had been Actual Harm done i'd feel differently#but when ppl are this worked up over 'what if [female character] was Also a bad person in a way that's reprehensible to our current morals'#and start going ‘hm this person is morally suspect for their Taste In Fiction’ im like. yikes! and you do this in the War Crimes Fandom?!#and like listen i Get that esp in this fandom there's a high incidence of like. ppl who are genuinely bigoted and stuff#and it can be stressful to see stuff that reminds you of that bigotry and the way those ppl use the work to justify their own worldview#but that STILL doesn't give anyone the right to police stuff that Isn't Bigoted. that's just not how this works.#and then in terms of 'well it's not policing it's just disagreeing' i have to say. that's where Etiquette comes in and i'm frankly#unhappy & annoyed that so many ppl in my age group seem to care more about being Right than being comfortable to share a fannish space with#but again whatever maybe they don't want me in their space. that's fine! i don't want to be in your space if it doesn't want me.#but i wish they'd fucking ADMIT THAT instead of going 'ooooh we accept everyone' and then turning around#and censuring ppl whose ideas they find icky. you can't have it both ways is all i'm saying. pick one and actually do it. for all our sakes#haha i might regret this tomorrow but i'm sooooo sleep-deprived and so annoyed#sorry to my non-silm followers it's just that i'm right and i should say it
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN..... WE GOTTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so SO much to everyone who commissioned (read: enabled) me!!
Now that I've reached my goal of +10ing my boy, and since my time is (unfortunately) still quite limited due to work, I'm going to be closing comms tomorrow! So, if you have an idea and haven't decided if you want to commit or not yet, now's your last chance for the time being! ;) And to all those who have already paid, I know I do still have quite a few to get through- I was a FOOL to think I could just bang these out in 24 hours, lol, but please rest assured they will be coming within the next few days!! I'll get through them slowly but surely. Admittedly I did take a break to draw this guy because I was so pleased to get him, but I'll get right back on the horse tomorrow lol. Thank you so much again everyone!! ^O^
Ferdinand went to a tea party and came back Different
#if you're wondering why I drew him with gullveig's serpents its bc i immediately fed my free gullveig to him xD flare sparrow + oath 4 yum#and then gave him her accessory for forging bonds so i can use him to grind bonus affection & sp lmaooooo#and while i wish they'd given us gullveig/seidr's floatie rocks as an accessory i love the broken halo-y look of the one they did. its neat#anyway i just love the idea that when you inherit a skill to a hero they gain a little bit of the sacrificed units traits. :)#Oops! Gained a little more than you bargained for there! Everything good comes at a cost- but the Order doesn't tell you until its too late#It's absolutely eating at him btw. he is now Experiencing Visions. a human's mind is not meant to interpret gullveig's cyclical nature#and i think its difficult for him to tell the present/what once was apart from what has yet to be/never was.#like watching two movies at once on the same screen! :) + hc that he gets the little floatie crystals when he's having strong visions#also lmao ferdie now sets EVERYTHING on fire. flame emperor who?#you can tell he's been somewhere bc he leaves singed footprints behind if he's not careful :)#GOD ANYWAY IM SORRY LOL too much random info. i'm done i promise. thank you so so much again if you supported me!!! <3#i hope you have a fantastic rest of your day/evening!!! & keep an eye out if you're still waiting on art :)
47 notes
·
View notes