#i have finally written about helena my BELOVED

[necrotic-nephilim]

Fandom: DCU (Comics) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dick Grayson Characters: Dick Grayson, Helena Bertinelli Additional Tags: Omega Dick Week (DCU), Omega Dick Grayson, Alpha Helena Bertinelli, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Religion Kink, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Catholicism, Cunnilingus, Praise Kink, Body Worship, Femdom, Timeline What Timeline, Gentle Sex, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Aphrodisiacs Summary: Helena does what should be a simple and easy mission with Dick. But when they both get hit with an aphrodisiac that only targets omegas, Helena learns interesting things about Dick and helps him through the worst of it. - Omega Dick Week 2024 - Day 5: Hidden Designation | Heat During A Mission

[artyandink]

Hey, y’all! I’m Artemis, but you can call me Arty for short.

Welcome to my side of Tumblr! I write for a multitude of fandoms, such as Supernatural, Big Sky, Dawson’s Creek, Dark Angel, The Boys and pretty much anything Jensen Ackles, cause we love that man.

I’m not a minor, and I have mainly studied literature, mythology, economics and psychology (odd mix, ik) and I’m an Indian POC based in the UK. My fav books are the Harry Potter series, Murder Most Unladylike, It Only Happens In The Movies, A Place Called Perfect series by Helena Duggan and The Darkest Minds.

I write because it’s been a huge passion of mine ever since I was a kid. I’ve written unpublished books as well, but I keep coming back to fanfiction, obviously.

The Jensen character I relate most to has to be either CJ or Dean. CJ in terms of the struggles of school social life (as I’ve had a difficult one that I’ll explain below) and Dean in terms of how to handle all that. He bottles things up and so do I until I can’t take it anymore. And while I’m not an older sister, I have few people I know who I’m a surrogate older sister to.

The songs I relate to the most are: ‘if you only knew’ by Alexander Stewart, ‘Elastic Heart’ by Sia and ‘I Can Do It With a Broken Heart’ by Taylor Swift. Songs that you should definitely check out.

My inspirations for writing are @zepskies, @deanbrainrotwritings, @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior, @waynes-multiverse and my beloved @angelbabyyy99. Blogs you should definitely binge if you don’t know already!

As for my difficult social life:

When I was a minor, I was a victim of bullying by at least the majority of my class. It erupted out of nowhere (it might have been my personality as I was an unnecessarily serious person when I went into that class) and as that group was large in numbers and stupidly popular I didn’t stand a chance. I was made out to be a horrible person, everyone I befriended listened to those rumours and I gave up on being social altogether.

I did, at one point, try and get justice for all that happened. I tried to get it prosecuted, had an active discussion in front of a teacher with all the ‘evidence’ (which was stacking), but I was told that there was insufficient evidence. I was left with the majority of the damage. I suffered from anxiety and depression (and trust issues) for YEARS after that. Eventually, I got therapy and learnt to not expect the worst and be more optimistic.

Now I’ve improved. I have friends who care about me. People who look up to me and finally a stable social life. Even though what happened still affects me, I keep going. Sometimes I have to slow down, but that’s ok. It’s not a harm to stop and think.

Writing became my coping mechanism, and now I smile more. And I know I’m not alone in this journey. Wherever you’re from or what caused you to have this difficult period of self-evaluation, YOU. ARE. STRONG. And we’re here for you!

Now I’m an adult with a big-ass crush on Jensen Ackles, and I don’t regret a thing. At least now, I’m strong, I’m independent, I’m smart and I’m happy.

If you want to get to know me further, send in an ask!

[havendance]

The Prince Who Runs Through the Night

AO3

Fandom: Batman

Wordcount: 2509

Summary:

The figure that stepped out of the shadows and into the flickering light from the fireplace was Talia, holding something in her arms.

“Why are you here?” Helena asked. She didn't need any more pity, any more people pretending they knew how she felt, that they could understand her grief. She had lost her son. Nothing anyone could do was going to make it better.

“I need your help, beloved.”

Helena Bertinelli & Talia al Guhl in a Helena Bertinelli - Bruce Wayne roleswap AU.

Written for the Helena Bruce roleswap au. Happy Valentines day I guess. (Title picked solely on vibes and not the content of the episode I stole it from)

(See I can actually write fic about stuff other than No Man's Land...)

Excerpt:

There was someone else in the manor. Helena was aware enough to register the fact, but couldn't bring herself to care about who it was or what they wanted. She doubted it was Dick, not after the argument they'd had. It wasn't any of the staff, not at this hour night. Maybe it was a burglar. Maybe they'd come in and kill her. But then she'd be with Jason, so did it really matter?

The figure that stepped out of the shadows and into the flickering light from the fireplace was none of those. Instead it was Talia, holding something in her arms.

Helena went back to staring at the fire. “Why are you here?” She didn't need any more pity, any more people pretending they knew how she felt, that they could understand her grief. She had lost her son. Nothing anyone could do was going to make it better.

“I need your help, beloved.”

“I don't know why you'd want it.”

A sigh. Footsteps drew closer. Helena still didn't look up. “You are the best suited for this.”

“I'll only let you down!” Helena snapped, finally looking up.

The bundle in Talia's arms began to cry.

“Hush, hush my dear.” Helena could only stare as Talia began to rock the baby in her arms. “Your mother's here.”

“You have a baby.”

“Yes.”

“He's yours?”

She nodded.

“Who's the father?”

Talia pursed her lips. “He's not important.”

Helena's brain was starting to turn for the first time in what felt like ages. “Did he—”

“Beloved.” Talia cut her off. “It is none of your concern.” She took a deep breath and then there was a baby being placed in Helena's arms. She found herself shifting automatically, muscle memory taking over as she adjusted her grip.

“Talia, I—”

“Listen,” Talia said, voice low but in a tone that broke no argument. “You know as well as I what the league is like. I can not raise him.” Then, softer. “He's your son now.”

Helena found herself looking down, staring at the sleeping face of the boy she was holding. He was so small, his features so delicate. He was so breakable. She was going to break him. “Talia, I can't.”

“You are the only one I can trust with this.”

“Jason is dead because of me,” Helena said. “I got my son killed and you trust me with yours?” She knew her voice sounded desperate. She felt desperate, everything spinning out of control.

“If you let anything happen to him, I will destroy you.” She leaned down, her hand stroking at the few strands of wispy hair on his head. “But there are few others who can hold their own against father as you do.” Then she straightened up, looking Helena dead in the eye. “Beloved, if you hold dear the love we share, you will do this for me. You will give him the life he deserves.”

Helena breathed out. She felt... tired, not much of anything. A baby meant a lot of things. It meant so much that she would need to worry about later. She'd need to come up with a story, a reason that she had an infant out of nowhere. She knew that she had to say yes. “What's his name?”

“Damian. You'll do it then?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” Talia bent down, kissing first Damian on his forehead, then standing up and kissing Helena on her cheek. “I am in your debt.”

Helena nodded, unable to say anything while looking down at the baby in her arms. At her son and, God, she wasn't ready to be a mother again. She didn't think she'd ever be ready to be a mother again except now she had to be.

Talia left at some point, retreating back into the shadows, back to the league, leaving Helena alone with Damian, still trying to grapple with the way her life had changed. She needed to call her housekeeper, to ask her to get formula and diapers and all the things that babies needed that she didn't have. She needed to start forging documents and laying the groundwork for whatever story she was going to tell. None of that felt achievable just now though, Damian weighing her down far more than his slight weight should be able to. Just a little longer. She'd stay sitting just a little longer.

[the-annotated-antichrist]

Act III, Track 14 - Theme of Antichrist

Song links: Spotify - YT Music - Apple - Tidal

If Beloved Antichrist were a film, this is the track that would play during the end credits. Nothing new happens, but much of the story is summed up. Also a devil/dragon type creature plays the drums in the video, we finally see Marcus Jupither's terrifying face (not really), and the female singers have found a glitch that gets them to the highest point of the map. ...I'm sorry. Look at these 90s video game graphics! A bold visual choice for sure, and not uncontroversial, but personally, I like it. This is also the only time Seth is explicitly called the "morning star".

[Choir:] He came to our world, to save us all from disaster In search of truth, to bring us hope for a new day But haunted by his pride, mirror of a lie, he was led astray Moving silence cold Visions to behold He would lose his way Antichrist Antichrist Antichrist [Apollonius:] A new kind of vision Nothing may be what it seems [Seth:] Consigned to the flames Bloodshed would rise from my dreams [Choir & Johanna:] Hallowed be thy name But what will remain More than empty words? Never take away questions from the Answers to the world [Seth, spoken:] "Path of night, where dark is light The only left to claim Only one, to travel on, which shall remain the same." [Helena:] Our bodies have parted But never our spirits Joined in my soul with him With the morning star forever more (ah-ah!) [Choir:] Antichrist Antichrist Who is good? Who is evil? Will we ever live to see the truth?

I thought I'd comment on the end of the story here instead of in the post about the last song so as to not lessen its spontaneous emotional impact.

The ending of BA was generally meant to be open and leave some room for interpretation, something that I think it achieves quite well. What was the place Seth and Johanna went to when they died? Where is God in all of this? What will become of the survivors of the battle - the children, the old and maybe certain disabled people? And will Apollonius try to influence the development of their society? What were Satan's true intentions when he contacted Seth? How would things have continued if Seth had been allowed to rule unchallenged?

However, Christofer stated that the end was also written with an eye toward how the audience might react: Had the Antichrist lost, metal fans might have been unhappy about it. But since the ambition behind BA was to create something that could also be staged for a general audience, an ending that sees the Antichrist come out on top might have alienated people without a metal background and allowed the work to be pigeon-holed as the "typical" satanic story a metal band would tell. Thus, an ending in which everyone would die was deemed best.

Indeed the end is quite different in the Solovyov book: There are some rebellions by Christians, but it's a minority movement. Most Christians (the "superficial" ones) continue to be enchanted by Pope Apollonius' "miracles and spectacles". Eventually the Jews rebel too, showing far greater unity. A "final battle of the two armies" nearly comes to pass here too, but the Antichrist and Apollonius end up dying in a volcanic eruption instead. Then the real Second Coming of Christ happens and the faithful Christians and Jews who had been killed by the Antichrist come back to life to rule with Jesus for a thousand years.

Solovyov, after all, was a Christian theologian and mystic and thus probably did not worry too much about whether his Short Story about the Antichrist might alienate a Satanist reader.

---

This is the end of the Annotated Antichrist series. If you've read this far, thank you for your attention! This was fun to write and I hope it was fun to read.

[lorbanery]

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Helena Bonham Carter is a phenomenal actress. It is not her fault that she's been typecast as the kooky aging mall goth aunt for the past, like, fifteen years. Watch pretty much anything she's done outside of Terfwarts and anything directed by Burton and you can see that.

The fact that her Mrs. Lovett is like sleepwalking through the movie is a deliberate choice and I think based on her other performances and how deliberately she seems to be acting aloof and half asleep makes it obvious that it was a deliberate directorial choice.

Now you could argue that oh it's just a different take on the character and just because it's different doesn't make it bad! Which is true!

What makes it bad is that the two main characters sing an entire song where they're trying to one-up each other in a 3 minute long pun-off making this face -_- the whole time.

Mrs. Lovett spends the entire show frantically running around doing everything she can and then some to make Sweeney even vaguely accepting of a relationship with her, making up whole ass romantic domestic bliss out of those crumbs, and then being SHOCKED and APPALLED when reality doesn't line up with her fantasy.

But Burton really wants me to believe that "trudging around the set with constant resting bitch face like she can barely be assed to get out of bed" is a valid character choice?

The only thing that really does is solidify that Burton really, fundamentally, does not care about anyone's work but his own.

Like, we already saw a bit of this with Alice in Wonderland. He's one record as saying that he never liked the original story because it didn't make sense [insert "the point going over your head" meme], which is a WILD thing for a self-declared Weirdo Freak to say, first of all. So his goal was to make it make sense and the result of that was this tortured Chosen One story where the Mad Hatter has fucking PTSD-induced DID or whatever the hell.

Because he fundamentally does not respect the source material. And I think you can see that in Sweeney Todd too.

A lot of people have written and talked at length about how Burton's continued self-identification as a weirdo well into the era when he was just being handed massive properties with multi-million dollar budgets to do whatever the fuck he wants with them is part of why his movies have been so blah at best. Most of those people have also pointed out that the movie he's most known for — The Nightmare Before Christmas — wasn't even actually directed by him, it was just based on a story that he wrote and his illustrations.

And I'd argue that that ... kind of feeds into this disrespect he seems to have to properties that aren't his own.

Because he still thinks of himself as this weird goth kid who no one understands and makes weird niche media for weird cult movie enjoyers. And that was kind of true! Anyone who grew up in the '90s can tell you that while TNBC was generally well-known, it was well-known in the way that the stop-motion Rudolph movie was well-known. It was a niche holiday movie that it was normal for some people to watch around Halloween and/or Christmas, but liking it beyond that was kind of weird.

But you know what? It's currently 20-fucking-23 and I can decorate my house in entirely TNBC-themed Halloween decorations if I wanted to bought entirely at my local Walgreens. The man isn't weird or niche anymore. And arguably hasn't been for, like, twenty years.

Now, I fully believe that the guy who said "Hey what if Frankenstein but a kid bringing his beloved dog back to life and also the neighborhood still brutally chases the mosterdog down in the final act?" was treated as kind of a big weirdo at Disney in the '90s. But it's also important to note that ... Frankenweeinie still got made. And I'm not even talking about the full length animated feature! There was a whole ass live action short film starring the kid from The Neverending Story, Shelly fucking Duvall, and with an appearance by a young Sofia Coppola! And it came out almost TEN YEARS before TNBC did! SIX years before Edward Scissorhands! FOUR years before Batman! So you can't even argue that they only made it because he was having some big silver screen success so wanted to indulge him!

Anyway, my point was that I can see how a guy who thinks of himself as fundamentally weird and outsider, as the lifelong goth who only makes niche movies for cult movie enjoyers? Would think of these other pieces of popular media as somehow above his in popular culture. Like, it doesn't matter that Alice in Wonderland has been a literary haven for most kids who actually find themselves on the outskirts of mainstream culture. What matters is that it's a story that everybody knows. Therefore, as a self-declared niche movie maker and weirdo, it's not only makes sense for Burton to not like Alice in Wonderland, it's actually good and cool for him to not like it.

"But what about Batman?"

A fair point. Burton's Batman movies are the most widely acclaimed Batman movies, except among people who are pissed off about the liberties he took with Penguin and Catwoman in Batman Returns. I, personally, love both of them.

There's an argument to be made that they were made earlier in his career when he still cared about pleasing someone other than his own skewed ego.

But I think there's also something else to be said for the place Batman held in mainstream culture at the time. Because I think Burton, more than anyone else, including Frank Miller, brought Batman into mainstream adult culture.

Because it has to be pointed out that while the '60s and '70s saw DC comics dealing with more serious topics and handling those topics in more mature ways, superhero comics were, at that point, still largely seen as media for kids. Like, you want to know why the Adam West Batman series was so campy and over-the-top? It's because they were spoofing what were essentially kids' cartoons. The bungling cops, the over-dramatic, heavily themed supervillains, Batman's rigid devotion to traffic safety laws? It was the "Captain America PSA meme" of its time.

So Batman was already pretty niche, at least for adult audiences. And given the dark and brooding tone that Batman comics were starting to develop around the time Burton was growing up? I fully believe that there was something about Batman that Burton liked. Otherwise? It was a fluke. And the fact that his personal brand fit neatly into the Batman mythos meant that the "fix" just kind of worked entirely by accident.

Anyway, all this to say someone get Guillermo Del Toro to adapt Sweeney Todd But Good so that I can stop being mad that the movie adaptation was such a trashfire.

Also if you've only seen the movie, please look up the filmed production of the original Broadway cast (including Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Lovett!). It used to be up for free on Youtube, but you might have to go further afield to find it now. But GOD it's so worth it.

Every time I listen to a good rendition of "A Little Priest" I'm forced to remember how horribly Burton's "Sweeney Todd" butchered (haha) it and I get angry about it all over again.

[marinesocks]

Hi Helena! I have come to you to ramble abt my favorite WIP (out of like, 5 that I have LOL), entitled "Goblin Theft Auto" whose original idea was concieved from my D&D nerd dad, saying that it would be a cool idea for a misfit group of criminal goblins to switch dimensions from their fantasy world into an urban city and many hijinks would ensue.

(btw, the characters are as follows: Leshi Desxia, the protagonist, Gnilk Jatyz, the gruff one of the group and surprisingly strong for being short, and the nerdy one, Cazz Gurvir.)

Since then, I have fruitfully enjoyed the process of recontextualizing said story, into taking place in the Melodiverse! (which itself is an urban fantasy world with sprinklings of fantasy undertones and musical magic galore!)

...Now to get to the story itself, and where I'm at with it.

I have tried to repurpose Goblin Theft Auto into many other written story formats, but from a revelation I had last night, I'm thinking that the best route is five short stories, but they all converge together for the finale! And if you're wondering about the short stories...

I will list what info I have of them (and a rough plot for each!)

Short Story #1

GOBLIN THEFT AUTO: Misfits of Penwood City

When a young goblin named Leshi who's afraid of large groups of people has her quiet little house broken into by some goblin criminals, she tries to shoo them off but to no avail, as she has no choice in the matter but to haul away with them, with the bribery of mysterious artifacts known as the Melody Gems.

(and she barely even got to wave her parents goodbye before the misfits took Leshi along with them LOL)

With this bribery however, as each day the crimes committed grow more mischevious and full of tricks, Leshi considers reprimanding the misfits. But of course, with the legalities of it all and all of them being children, that wasn't bound to work.

Short Story #2

GOBLIN THEFT AUTO: The Sunlight Library

All I have for this one is that the group of goblin misfits one day decide to break into and loot, a quaint little library, run by a very young teenager and a mysterious cat that keeps track of the books and people who bought them, even sometimes recommending favorites out of thin air.

Short Story #3

GOBLIN THEFT AUTO: The Bank of Strange Gems

All I have for this one is that the group takes a trip to Penwood's Gem Bank to steal some of them and take them for themselves because they're "curious". Of course though, that won't work out as they must tread carefully when picking a gem to steal. Not everybody who harbors these gems will take kindly to having them stolen.

Short Story #4

GOBLIN THEFT AUTO: Into the Starlight Forest

After a distress signal interrupts one of their daily burglary excursions, the group heads to the elusive and mysterious Starlight Forest, and encounters a home of faeries who are in trouble because some of their friends are trapped under a malicious spell.

However, before they go further on their adventure, they head to the Sunlight Library and borrow the magical librarian cat, who might prove useful.

Short Story #5

GOBLIN THEFT AUTO: Dungeons and Demons

With their magical librarian cat in tow, lovingly named Naida, the group crawls through dungeons while killing monsters along the way, to find the elusive Shadow Goddess who put these faeries under that mysterious spell that was said to be malicious.

Hope you enjoyed my ramble!!

I LOVED IT ACTUALLY?!?!? THIS SOUNDS SO FUN!! the magical librarian cat is such an adorable concept. naida my beloved of all time i want to know more about them. ALSO THE SHADOW GODDESS PUTTING FAERIES UNDER SPELLS?? absolutely BANGER concepts here i would love to read more of this whenever you want to share more!!!

[teawaffles]

The Conspiratorial Bullet: Chapter 7, Part 1

T/N: For the first time, a chapter will have three parts ( ; ω ; ) This is one very long scene..!

TW for this chapter // Mention of death, blood

If there were a hole in the ground, he would dive right into it.

——Is that what one would call this state of mind?

That was what Kevin Curtis thought as he nervously wandered the forest alone.

After they’d bid farewell to Albert, for a while, he and the elderly nobleman Andy had continued walking on with no destination in mind. Then they ran into a couple of nobles from the opposing team, and somehow started shooting at one another; before he knew it, for some reason, he had found himself all alone.

When the fighting started, Kevin had panicked and knocked into Andy. He’d then dropped his revolver somewhere, and descended into an even greater panic. Kevin crawled on the ground to search for it after that, and just as he’d finally found his own gun, the next thing he knew, he was both lost and alone. For about a minute, Kevin had hugged his knees as he fell into despair, such was the height of his misery.

“But it’s a good thing this card was here.”

Kevin spoke to himself, brushing his fingers over the card that had been tied to the revolver. Without it, he wouldn’t have had the confidence to say that the gun he had picked up was his own. On the card, the number 8 was clearly written.

“But what should I do now……?”

He kept going “But, but” over and over as he swayed, repeatedly turning his head to look around him. Even though the forest wasn’t very large, perhaps it was the strangeness of his surroundings that heightened his unease, for it had begun to seem oddly complex and bizarre.

In times like this, if he were here——

The figure of that man rose to his mind: his business partner, Helena’s father, and his best friend.

In contrast to the timid Kevin, he had an endlessly bright and cheerful personality. There were times when Kevin had thought that cheeriness bothersome, but the man was optimistic, and loved a challenge, which meshed well with his own pessimistic and cautious nature. The store they’d opened and run together had been a success, so much so it had grown into an enormous department store.

Why did he just disappear? Kevin knew it was useless to think about it now, but even so, he still couldn’t help but feel that way.

They’d known one another for ten years, yet Kevin hadn’t noticed him being particularly troubled. Their business was progressing smoothly, and it didn’t seem as though he was having problems at home. After Helena had been born, his wife had fallen ill and passed away, but Kevin was certain that he and Helena had come to terms with her passing for a long time now.

Even so, perhaps there was something else that no one knew about, which had been gnawing away at him for some time. Then, why hadn’t he noticed anything? Kevin had asked himself this question many times over as he was interviewed by the Yard.

Of course, there was the line of thought that no one was to blame, and he’d been abducted by someone. In an industry where resentment was common, perhaps there were some people who would resort to such extreme measures — and Kevin had been too careless to anticipate it. Whether he wanted to or not, that incident came to mind. That was why…….

Unconsciously, Kevin’s eyes began to search for the girl he had taken in.

That was why he would at least protect Helena — that was the duty Kevin had taken upon himself. Even after her beloved father had gone missing, Helena had never once lost her outspoken spontaneity, nor shown the slightest sign of grief, and he was staunchly determined to protect that resolute spirit of hers.

“Hm?”

Unexpectedly, his train of thought had been interrupted. Speak of the devil perhaps, or maybe his thoughts alone managed to influence reality. As Kevin stumbled through the forest, before his eyes appeared a lone girl with her back turned to him.

——Was that Helena? From her hairstyle and clothes, it did appear so. Strangely, she was sitting in the tall grass, her back hunched as she hugged her knees. She appeared to be staring intently at something before her, without showing any sign of having noticed Kevin behind her.

He pondered. Now, he and Helena were on opposing teams. Moreover, this girl, who seemed to be Helena, had exposed her back to him, leaving herself full of openings……. In this situation, what was the right thing to do?

If he were to play the part of a kind and generous father, he could call out to her, and let her shoot him on purpose. But he was quite certain that Helena, prideful as she was, would want a serious battle; if she knew he deliberately let her get away, it was inevitable that she would throw a big fuss about it no matter what good intentions he had.

In that case, should he fire on her right now? But then he was worried he might upset her, and just as all sorts of concerns whirled around Kevin’s head, someone thumped a hand on his back.

“………!”

Kevin had almost let out a yelp, but he frantically clapped a hand over his mouth as he spun around. There, he saw Andy Krueger, whom he’d lost sight of in the battle earlier.

The man placed an index finger over his mouth, signalling Kevin to stay quiet, and walked up beside him.

“That’s Helena-kun, isn’t it?”

Andy sounded fairly certain on that, and Kevin lowered his voice as he spoke.

“I just happened to come up behind her, and now I’m not sure if I should shoot.”

Andy gave him a wry smile.

“That’s quite like you. But even though it’s just for fun, you shouldn’t bring parental affection into a fight. Go on, get her before she runs away.”

“A-Alright.”

He had thought of Andy as a compassionate person, but it seemed he also had this surprisingly severe side to him. At the elderly nobleman’s rapid insistence, Kevin was on edge as he aimed his gun at the girl.

“Come on, quickly now,” Andy pressed.

There was no space for objection. Without thinking straight, Kevin pulled the trigger.

——Bang. A sound like a crack resounded through the air.

The recoil was stronger than expected, and Kevin fell on his bottom. Half stunned, he felt a little out of sync: perhaps it was because he was a complete amateur with a firearm.

However, that shot had felt subtly different from the previous times he’d fired his gun. The sense of incongruity that had arisen when he fired the shot, as well as a mysterious unease, both hit him simultaneously. Getting to his feet, Kevin looked at the girl in fear.

The girl lay curled up quietly on the ground. On her back was a huge splash of colour. But it wasn’t the hue of some artificial paint — rather, it was an ominously bright red.

“……Huh?”

That sinister red blotch gradually bloomed across the girl’s back. As he looked on, Kevin tilted his head in a comical motion.

It was the first time he had hit his target: to think, the colour would be as realistic as that. Moreover, the girl had yet to move a muscle. Maybe she was diligently pretending to be dead.

Kevin’s thoughts couldn’t catch up with the reality happening right before his eyes. As he stared ahead in a daze, beside him, the elderly nobleman spoke up in horror.

“Kevin-kun……. Was that, a live bullet?”

At that word, Kevin came back to himself. He looked at his revolver: both his hands were trembling abnormally. No way. Just now—— did he fire a real gun?

“Why? This is a toy, isn’t……”

“Give it here.”

Andy snatched the revolver from his hands. The card with the number 8 fluttered in the air. That’s right. Wasn’t it precisely that card which proved definitively that the gun was the one he’d been given? But even that little hope had been so easily crushed.

After briefly inspecting the gun, Andy gazed at him, wide-eyed.

“This is the real thing. You’ve just shot and killed her.”

His tone was emphatic, as if he were pronouncing judgement upon him. Kevin’s mind was a complete blank, but Andy shook his shoulders and immediately jerked him back to reality.

“You’ve done something terrible now, Kevin-kun! To think, you’ve killed your own child!”

“N—No…… I was just, playing a game—”

“That excuse won’t hold up! You’ve committed murder!”

As Andy shook him over and over, the word “murder” echoed in Kevin’s mind. Certainly, it was as the old man said. No matter what reasons he had, it was an unquestionable, irreversible fact that he had killed someone.

Andy went on volubly at a rapid clip.

“This is bad. If you go on like this, it’ll be your end. A murder conviction will strip you of your wealth, your name — everything. But you’re lucky that I’m the one who witnessed it. First off, let’s hide the body somewhere inconspicuous. Then we’ll make it seem as though Helena simply disappeared, and you can hide away in a foreign country. Once the furore dies down, you can come back; until then, leave the plans for your new store with me.”

“N-Now hold on just a minute!”

Even as he was overwhelmed by the force of Andy’s arguments, Kevin somehow managed to interrupt his proposal.

“We don’t know for sure whether she’s dead. If we give her first aid right away, she might still be saved. And what did you mean about leaving my plans for the store with you? What does the management of my store have to do with you?”

Kevin’s points were valid, but Andy refused to listen.

“Look at her! She hasn’t twitched at all: of course she’s dead! And it’s the same with the store! You’re a murder suspect, while I, a noble, am clearly more trustworthy, so it would be obviously more effective if I were to operate it——”

“——You’re getting a little ahead of yourself, Lord Andy.”

As if he’d been possessed by something, Andy was just making an impassioned speech when a refreshing voice cut him off.

Kevin looked up, and caught sight of a man standing behind Andy.

[storiesforallfandoms]

change in plans ~ michael langdon;ahs apocalypse

word count: 1417

request?: yes!

“Hey, could you write something with Michael in the sanctuary where Y/n just give birth to their little baby daughter. The two just enjoy their new family life and Michael make a promise to his wife. Restore the world as soon as possible for the three of them living outside in a brave new world in his father image. tysm!”

description: after the birth of his daughter, michael decides to change his plans for the end of the world

pairing: michael langdon x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

Michael never planned on procreating, and he especially didn’t plan on ever trying to repopulate the earth again. The plan was to eliminate all life on Earth, leaving only him and Meade, maybe those idiot scientists too if he ever found them.

He didn’t think anything would ever change that plan, until he was looking down at the face of his newborn daughter.

His girlfriend, (Y/N) had went into labour just moments after they returned to their own Outpost. Michael had guided her to the bathtub and filled it up enough before helping her to sit in it. Even at that moment, Michael wasn’t sure if he was ready for a child, or if he wanted a child at all. But he knew it was far too late and the last thing he was going to do was tell his beloved girlfriend, who could not be more excited for the baby, to get rid of it.

After a few hours of excruciating pain and no sleep for both of them, (Y/N) finally delivered a beautiful, healthy, baby girl.

Michael gave (Y/N) a quick wash before carrying her back to their shared bed to let her rest. Beside the bed, their daughter was asleep like a rock in the bassinet. Michael looked down at her for a long time before picking her up in his arms.

It was that moment that Michael felt something. It was like every ounce of love that he had was suddenly for this beautiful little girl. Like nothing else in the world mattered, just her. He’d do anything to make sure she was safe and she was happy. He’d do anything for her and for her mother.

He sat down on a nearby chair, still cradling the baby. He almost didn’t want to ever let go. He just wanted to hold her until she was too big to be held, but even then he didn’t want to let her go.

He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but the next thing Michael knew he was waking up in the same chair except his arms were now empty. He jumped up, ready to kill anyone who dared to even touch his baby girl, only to find  that the child was in her mother’s arms, happily feeding.

“Good morning sleepy head,” (Y/N) told him with a smile. “You could’ve gotten in bed with me, I’m that fragile.”

“Did you get up to get her?” Michael asked, moving to sit next to her on the bed. “Baby, you’re supposed to be resting after giving birth.”

“I’m sorry, but she was crying because she was hungry and you must’ve been so exhausted you didn’t even hear her. I got up to get her so I could feed her.”

(Y/N) looked down at the child, who was starting to fall asleep again as she fed. Michael could see the same love in (Y/N)’s eyes that he felt whenever he looked at the child. He knew then that their child was going to be surrounded by so much love. She’d never have to worry about anything, she’d be more safe than anyone.

“We still need to name her,” (Y/N) pointed out. “Do you have any ideas?”

Michael shook his head. “Honestly, I never thought of any possible names. Part of me thought this was all a dream or that it just wouldn’t happen.”

(Y/N) smiled. “I know what you mean. I thought the radiation outside might have affected my pregnancy, maybe that I was hallucinating the whole thing or something. None of this even seemed possible.”

She rested her head on Michael’s shoulder, the two of them peering down at the sleeping baby. “Now I feel like I’d be incomplete without her. She’s only been alive for a day but I feel like I wouldn’t feel right without her anymore. Does that make sense?”

Michael smiled. “It makes sense. I understand what you mean. It feels weird now to imagine not having her in our lives, especially after the last few months of your pregnancy being so hard on you and everything.”

They both sat in silence for a moment, just looking at their beautiful daughter. Michael found it hard to believe that up until the day before he was afraid of having a child. He thought it would ruin his plan, and he thought he would be a horrible father. Having a kid at a time like this was the absolute worst idea in his mind, but now here she was.

“Do you think...we’ll be able to take care of her?” (Y/N) asked suddenly. She lifted her head to look at Michael, concern written all over her face.

She didn’t have to specify what she meant, Michael knew. He had the same concerns as well when (Y/N) told him she was pregnant. Although he was the one who had brought the world to its end and was the son of the devil, supplies were running low for the two of them. They had to steal whatever they could from the Outposts they visited and ration it to last long enough to go to the next Outpost.

But they were nearing the end of the Outposts. There were so few left and supplies was starting to run dangerously low, especially after (Y/N)’s pregnancy and need for more food. Eventually, Michael knew, they’d have to travel outside into the radiation and he’d have to somehow try to salvage the land enough so that they could start growing food again, now enough for three mouths. Michael wasn’t sure if he had the power for that.

Now there was the issue of the baby. With the need for extra resources to feed a third mouth, it would only be a matter of time before there was nothing left at all and Michael, just like the rest of Earth’s population, would starve to death. And what could he possibly do about it? Nothing, besides wait for it to happen.

No, he thought to himself. No, I will not let my girlfriend or my daughter starve. I’ll figure something out. I’ll save them, I will.

Suddenly, he jumped up, nearly knocking (Y/N) over, and reached over into the bedside table next to him. He pulled out his old spell book from when he practiced with the warlocks. He flipped through the pages until he came to the spell he was looking for.

“There’s a spell in here for resorting land,” he explained to a confused looking (Y/N). “It was created when people used to burn down entire buildings and lands to try and kill witches and warlocks. I can use it to try and restore the land on Earth, but with no other witches and warlocks around it’ll take some time. I’m not powerful enough to do it in one go.”

“Restore how much land if you think it’ll take time?” (Y/N) asked him.

“All of it. The entire Earth. I’ll restore the Earth then find the remaining Outposts and tell the people it’s safe to go out,” Michael explained. “We’ll restore the planet, start over on Earth and the human population. This time, in the image of my father.”

“But why?” (Y/N) asked. “I thought the plan was to wipe out all of humanity.”

“It was the plan,” Michael said. He closed his book and sat next to (Y/N) again. “But the plan is about to get an update. For you, and for our baby. I’m going to make this a world she can live in, one where we won’t have to worry about if we’ll have the resources to raise her. It’ll take some time, but I’m going to do it baby. For us, I promise.”

(Y/N) smiled as tears welled in her eyes. She leaned forward to kiss Michael, who gladly returned the gesture.

After some time, they pulled away when the baby girl cooed, now awake again. For the first time, Michael looked down into her eyes, seeing that they were mirror images of his own. He didn’t think it was possible to love her more, but he was wrong.

“What about Helena?” (Y/N) asked. “In any other circumstance, I’d call her something Biblical, since she’s technically about to be the reason that we restore the Earth, but given the circumstances I think a name with Hell in it is more fitting.”

Michael chuckled. “Helena Langdon. I like it.”

[pochapal]

I hate doctor 11 but ive never been able to explain why in like words lmao. He feels like such a mary sue character imo and like theres something about his characterisation that was always just really ineffective (like the stuff about fishfingers and custard or whatever it was). Imo i'd love to hear you give top 5 worst things about the 11 era because i rlly just love when it gets torn apart

i hold nothing but a seething contempt and loathing for that man. every time he appeared on screen i felt ready to snap like a riled up chimpanzee in my enclosure. i am frothing at the mouth and overcome with a desire to start flinging heavy objects. this might be incoherent and inconsistent but i started this rewatch in feb 2020 and only finished this week so i got through 11′s episodes last august/september time and i refuse to revisit it to jog my memory or fact check anything i’m saying here because this man does not deserve the space in my mind for that.

the first thing is i can’t fucking STAND the quirky whimsy timey wimey bit he has going on all of the time. i can’t even say this is because this is a kids show and i was a teen and then adult when i first properly watched him but actually!! when i was eleven years old i’d sleep over at a friend’s house most weekends and it always coincided with the airing of a new season 5 episode and i remember we watched the finale with the dumb time hopping to get out of the box prison that was never explained and didn’t make sense and i thought at the time “this is really stupid”. and before that my only other doctor who exposure was watching the david tennant christmas specials with another friend and throughout childhood my only opinion on doctor who was “this is a tv show that is not for me but is one that all the boys i am friends with like so i will put up with it to maintain our friendships” but at least those episodes were both suspenseful and engaging enough to keep me watching all the way through. like who the fuck does an end of the world sci fi plot and approaches it with an “oopsy woopsy i am a funny little alien man who is going to stop you all by making you do a hecking silly” like it’s unneeded and self-parodies an already cheesy show to the point where it becomes unwatchable and makes it impossible to ever take this man seriously.

next thing that downright sucks ass so badly is the stupid fucking overwritten constantly escalating plotlines. like everything from season 5 up until his regeneration at the end of season 7 is meant to be this grand interconnected cosmic plot about how...the doctor trying to bring back his planet will end the universe or something so all the top powers across all of reality tried again and again to stop him from doing that except he doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps thwarting these people who supposedly mean good?? i mean i sure don’t fucking know what they were trying to say!! like for some reason we never get the doctor suddenly becomes this superdemon that threatens everything so these people (whoever they are) decide to, in sequence: suck him through a time rift to erase him from existence, trap him in a prison and remake a universe without him, take his companion’s baby and turn her into a perfectly trained doctor killer, form two(!!) secret societies to hunt him throughout history that are only stopped by his companion splintering herself across his personal timeline to protect him, and repeatedly cause reality collapsing events because it’s a kinder outcome for the universe than what he will do. this grand and terrible event turns out to be...he spends a few hundred years chilling by a rift that leads to his home planet and protects a few generations of children from monsters which convinces them to give him infinite regeneration power then fuck off back to their pocket universe. and it’s like!! what is the point of anything that happens in this man’s era when everything is always “the darkest moment” or whatever the fuck!! i don’t care!! we never get a compelling reason to believe this bumbling clown of a man could ever be a universal threat!! the whole thing is so dumb i hate it!!!

thing number three i hate is how the eleventh doctor is ALSO characterised as this abrasive egotistic male supergenius to the point where he becomes genuinely indistinguishable from bbc sherlock. genuinely who enjoyed seeing this guy constantly tell people their tiny human minds can’t comprehend what he’s doing and then basically just wave his magic wand to solve whatever problem each episode is facing. 2012 is the year of human sin because this fucking shitsmear character archetype somehow became both a redditor role model AND a tumblr sexyman and it’s like!! nobody is enjoying this stop making this seem cool! him saying timey wimey thing any time he does anything is frustrating and dumb and locks the viewer out of giving a fuck about anything that is happening! smartest man in the room syndrome is a disease and the eleventh doctor is terminal with it. like remember how they established river as an accomplished scientist (when she wasn’t being a child soldier or a time paradox or whatever the fuck) and every time that came up mr doctor eleven man was like “oh this thing is obvious because i’m a genius and you didn’t realise because your brain is tiny so get out of the way and let the grownups think” or that time it turned out amy had been replaced with a slime clone for half the season and the doctor chewed rory (audience surrogate) out for somehow not realising this fact we didn’t know right from the start and like. this served no purpose other than to draw into severe question why the doctor is also this super beloved magical figure implicitly trusted by all children everywhere like. mr steven moffat is totally allergic to writing and solving mysteries in his tv show and fuck you for wanting to figure things out as you go along based on the new evidence you uncover at strategic plot intervals just let this asshole man use magical thinking to reveal he knew the answer all along and you’re a fucking idiot for not also realising this thing which had no basis or precedent anywhere else in the show.

speaking of dumb things let us not forget the absolute shitshow that was minority representation in this era. i’m not even talking about the low hanging fruit of how genuinely unironically sexist amy and clara were written where each episode moffat either seemed to loathe them or was incredibly horny over them and they had no character growth or arc or fucking anything. i’m talking about how fucking shit terrible the incidental representation was. god remember how every single fucking gay person who appeared in this era was written as one incredibly fucking stupid joke and how the women were all either sexy dominatrix, feeble girl in love, or Mother (or all three in some really terrible cases) and i’m not qualified to talk about this but also how incredibly white this era was and how on two separate occasions we had monarchs reimagined as sexy girlbosses with a gun played by black women who the doctor leched over. nothing about any of this was good ESPECIALLY coming off the back of rtd who was surprisingly forward thinking for 2005 and did a really good job of positing travel with the doctor as queer allegory. in comparison moffat gave us THE MOST heterosexual shlock i’ve ever had to endure. amy and rory could have been interesting characters were they not hemmed into this domestic bickering young straight married couple bullshit that was in no way changed or altered by traveling with the doctor except for the quasi incestuous river song reveal that was dumb and bad and stupid.

the last major mega gripe i have with the series is moffat’s fucking jingoistic boner for british military aesthetics. this carried over throughout his entire tenure as showrunner but was super terrible vomit inducing in eleven’s era. the unironic admiration for ww2 britain and winston churchill is downright wretched. are you incapable of telling a second world war story outside of churchill’s london and plucky blitz fighters. shit gives me hives so badly. and then!!! that weird church owned army that features in the future that end up being bad not for the concept of what basically amounts to an imperialistic intergalactic rendition of the fucking crusades but because they’re part of the nonsense go nowhere puzzlebox narrative that says the doctor is a not good man who will do bad things to the universe :(. remember how rtd’s doctor was a freshly traumatised man hot off the war criminal press who time and time again vehemently refuses to engage in military violence, but who tragically inadvertently turns every one of his companions into soldiers in his own personal army, and he has this moment of complete horror at the realisation and it is this which causes the downward spiral that ends in 10′s regeneration. and then how there’s this cringe line about how there’s a force of people who are “the doctor’s army, always ready to fight his battles when he’s not around” or some shit and then it turns out this is actually massive literal military operation and we’re meant to celebrate this. fuck off.

bonus round because this needs to be said but i have never hated anything like i hated that fucking human tardis episode. everything about it induced violent anger in me from the sickening overindulgence of that softgoth dark whimsy helena bonham carter tim burton aesthetic to the bafflingly terrible evil carny stereotype of those junk scavengers to the overblown sudden tragic shipbait romance of human tardis and the doctor. every word out of her mouth was trite shit and the fact that the death of her body was presented as this super emotional dramatic scene despite there being no buy in or incentive to care and the fact that every single person on tumblr in 2012 ate that shit up like it was fucking gourmet. i loathe every single thing about that episode so much.

[russianredassassin]

Helena Bertinelli x Female Reader - Getting Married

I hope the person who requested this enjoys this and sorry for taking so long :)

Word Count: 1,585

A/N: Y/F/N means Your First Name, Y/L/N means Your Last Name and the quotes are in italics and I obtained  them from the website Search Quotes - https://www.searchquotes.com/ 

Here it was. The moment you’ve been waiting for what seems like your life. Your wedding day, in just a few moments you were going to be Mrs Y/N Bertinelli, wife of the perfect Helena Bertinelli. Months and Months of planning it had taken to get to this point. Flashing back to one of the many days of planning with the wedding planner who was if memory served, was a real pain in the backside. During an especially exhausting afternoon with him, he quickly left our apartment to get some more examples of table settings to show the both of you for your big day. As soon as the doors closed behind him you immediately facepalmed and groaned into your hands. Helena was to the left of you and calmly carrying on with the work looking through of couple pictures.

“Not wanting to sound too mean here, but I’m about this close to killing someone,” you said scrunching your face and pinching your thumb and index finger together for emphases “Preferably him” you pointed at the closed door, your eyebrows raised showing anger written all over your face. You glanced at Helena before taking in a deep breath then exhaling. A faux attempt at calming down. When Helena spoke up, stopping what she was doing. 

“You’re stressed,” she said not looking up at me

“How could you tell,” I said, my voice mumbled from my face buried in my hands

“Well if you wanna calm down, my crossbows’ under our bed,” Helena said causing me to raise my head up from my hands and stare at Helena “Just Make sure to aim for the head and...” 

“Helena no, I don't really want to kill him,” I said softly, staring at her causing a childish grin to appear at my response. All the while still working and glanced down. The sound of footsteps suddenly invaded my ears signalling the return of our wedding planner, so I took another breath and put on my best-forced smile. He was just about to enter back into our apartment when out the corner of my eye Helena stopped what she was doing and leaned down and grab something. A Gun! 

“hELENA NO!” I shouted, diving for the gun in her hand to get rid of it, causing Helena to fall out of the chair. So thankfully I choose to go through all of this with Helena. Flashing back to the present, catching sight of the clock and realising it was almost time, you reached over to grab the bouquet of flowers on the side table and turned around only to be met with your father. Ready to walk you down the aisle. Once you got to the towering double doors that behind was your entire future, butterflies suddenly took off in your stomach. Making you feel slightly sick. To shoo those feelings away, you imagined what Helena would be wearing, what colour her dress it would be and just how beautiful she would be. And then the doors opened and everyone stood up and as the music started to signal yo out of your thoughts to walk down the aisle. Seeing all your family and friends smiling proudly at you, then you finally get to see Helena in all her graceful glory. Her dress, a beautiful purple dress. Accentuated by white flowers and glitter trailed around her waist and fell all down the dress, resembling a trail of petals. The bottom of the dress was lined with silver. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Y/F/N Y/L/N and Helena Bertinelli in holy matrimony...” The Officiant began the introduction to the wedding as you and Helena stood in front of all of your friends and family. smiling proudly for you to have found just a perfect person like Helena, Helena however, had no family to look on at her proudly, but there was however her friends, the fellow birds of prey Renee, Dinah and Harley as her bridesmaids, standing off to the side of her all dressed up in their beautiful white bridesmaids' dresses smiling proudly at Helena. And with Bruce of course. Harley’s plus one Hyena compete with his hair neatly brushed and washed and wearing his own little red and black bow tie.   

“Do you, Helena Bertinelli take this Y/N LN to be your lawfully wedded wife for better or worse in sickness or in health?” The Officiant said to her 

“I do” Helena replied

“And do you Y/N take Helena Bertinelli to be your lawfully wedded wife for better or worse, in sickness and in heath?” 

“I certainly do,” you said nodding and smiling hardly able to contain yourself 

“It is now time for the vows,” the Officiant said, “To which I believe Y/N and Helena has decided to write their own vows, Ms Bertinelli would you like to start?” Helena simply nodded before Dinah reached over and gave a small piece of paper with her vows written on it. Helena took a deep breath to calm down and focus on this one moment she had been both dreaming and dreading of.

“Y/N I...I love you. Having you in my heart give me confidence, strength and a fresh hope to conquer anything life throws in my way. You give me a...give me a new light to life. I Love you ” Helena said before she suddenly stopped talking and having her eyes locked down onto the paper and her brows furrowed in intense concentration 

“That was a quote I found on the internet by Terry Mark, and it perfectly encapsulates how I fell about you. Back when I was a little girl, my whole family was killed and had no one. Nothing but the need for revenge. Then spent the next 15 years training to fulfil that need for revenge. But luckily I had my friends Renee Montoya, Dinah Lance and Harley Quinn. But even outside of that I still had nothing, then I met you. And lucky doesn't even begin to cover you. Y/N, Your angelic sweet voice is music to my ears. No matter what has happened in during the day I just hear that voice and a smile bursts onto my face. Whatever battle or fight we may face, we will face it together. Whatever battle you will face, promise you I will stand beside you in eternal support. Because just like you promised to me, I will be here for you and never, ever give up on you. Now and forever. My Love. My Life, I love you...” There was a few seconds of silence before and glances before Helena spoke up again 

“I...er...I’m finished, thank you,” she said, and gave a small, awkwardly smile. Then the Officiant turned to you to signal you to start reading your vows.

“Helena Bertinelli. I remember when I first met you, all tough and serious and somehow also shy and awkward. It was on a freezing cold Sunday night in December when I heard loud and rapid footsteps coming from outside and suddenly there was a knock at the door. So I walked over to it and it turns out it was this lovely person standing in front of me” you said gesturing to Helena who was blushing terribly causing you and others to chuckle. 

“And as soon as I opened the door Mrs Bertinelli just ran past me into my apartment and whispering me to shut the door! shut the door now! Not wanting to be rude to a lovely lady I, of course, did what she said. And after that, I heard some more footsteps rushing up the stairs I was just about to see what the commotion was when Helena came up behind me and very swiftly puts a hand over my mouth and an arm snaked around my waist telling me Don't. Move. It was all very dramatic.” Pausing to take a breath, you saw Helena smile at you ushering you to continue. 

“Was safe to say that I had fallen for you and fallen hard. Helena, your smile is beautiful and it brightens up my world and warms my heart when I see it and knowing that every morning that's what I’ll see for the rest of my life, is music to my ears” you said with a huge grin on your face. “And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you” 

“Mrs Bertinelli, please place the ring on Y/N’s finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting and say the following, with this ring, I thee wed,” The Officiant said in his deep voice and Helena reciprocated by taking her ring and grabbing your hand and repeated what he said

“With this ring, I thee wed”

“And Y/N if you could do the same,” he said slowly as you took the ring and grabbed Helena’s hand and slid the ring onto Helena’s finger. “With this ring, I thee wed” 

“Well, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss the bride” The man said, and ignoring the butterflies soaring in your stomach you practically jumped forward and clashed yours and Helena’s lips together. The luscious taste of raspberry lip balm painted on her lips, Helena very soon reciprocated by swiftly moving her hands onto your cheeks and kissed back with as much passion. Just by this kiss alone, you knew that the rest of your life with Helena was going to be a hell of a good time. 

[insidious-intent]

Hey! Hope you're having a good day! 🤗 I would like to hear your thoughts on the RNM finale!

Alright! I have my morning breakfast food and beverage here, so let’s do this! Everything is under a cut because this got long. 

- This entire finale was somehow excruciatingly boring? Did anyone else feel that. There was 0 action, -1 adventure, and we didn’t even get Max cosplaying Thor level of entertainment this time.

- The first minute and a half resolves EVERY SINGLE PLOT THREAD FROM LAST WEEK. No bomb goes off, Liz saves the day, Jesse Manes is officially canceled. 

- And then immediately we jump to “a week later” and everyone is fine, no one is worried about physical injuries or how they all almost died. Liz is supposedly taking care of Maria but that can’t be seen because 2 women cannot be shown together for more than 3 seconds at a time. No one else has visited Maria? Her own mother isn’t glued to a chair in her room? Sheriff Valenti isn’t investigating any of this? ANYWAYS. But Michael is there after a week to talk about how he felt. So at least the romance is still alive. 

- So what is a guy to do after having a deeply emotional 1-on-1 with your “could have been dead” girlfriend? Why visit his ex, of course! Malex destroy the toolshed, which bless, at least we can stop talking about that one torture source. But ya know that shed had to also further the plot, skeletons and key and all. 

- Also shoutout to @frenziedblaze for noting how malex had their first time over a shallow grave. I will never unsee that. 

- Max somehow manages to have the same emotional vibes with his girlfriend and his sister. Except he only makes out with one of them. 

- Max manages to be real cute with Jenna (idk how I started supporting this brotp) and gets her to do “undercover” work for him to see what the real handsome ex-fiance wants with Liz. 

- Turns out Diego might be ready to steal Liz’s research instead of convincing her to work with him. So instead of, idk, confronting the guy, or telling Jenna to stall him, or IDK, ASKING ALEX FOR HELP, Max says “blow it all up.” The real upbeat soundtrack to Max physically destroying everything Liz worked on, was a choice. 

- Please note that ep 12 had 3 bombs, which were in play in the first minute of ep 13. And yet, the only space without a bomb (Liz’s lab) is the one that blows up. 

- Meanwhile, in Guerinland, New Mexico - Michael Guerin confesses his love to a woman he has apparently been dating for a year. Said woman ALSO reciprocates his feelings. However, Maria would like to use her powers, which now canonically will no longer make her sick, but Michael cannot sit back and watch Maria fade away (for unknown reasons). So here must the beloveds depart. Ok. 

- On the other side of the set, Michael and Alex are reading a diary written by Secretly Good Guy Tripp Manes, and for some reason Isobel Evans. Please note that Isobel Evans has used about 6 opportunities to comment on the eternal love and joy between Michael and Maria, yet for some reason she’s back on Team Malex, with 0 conversation about wtf happened. Ok. 

- Tripp Manes, much like his future descendant Alex, fell for shiny aliens with great cheekbones and full lips. Can’t blame them. Tripp talks about their connection being “cosmic” and a high pitched scream resonates from malex fandom as Michael and Alex look at each other for a single second. This is all fine. Also Jason Behr in a suit and hat is a sight to behold.

- And we find out nothing about what Nora was building in that shed, but something about the “stowaway” on their ship. Cool. 

- The best and most emotional beat of the episode was the Cameron sisters reuniting. I was sobbing during their conversation. I love them both a lot. Also here’s to Charlie being Isobel’s next love interest. 

- Aliens can’t seem to stop setting Liz’s lab on fire. This time she responds with walking away from Max, who does nothing to stop her or follow up with an apology. Cool. She ends up watching the ocean, and I gotta say I still stan Liz Ortecho. 

- Rosa Ortecho owns my whole heart. And I’m very proud of her telling her mom to screw off, and for deciding to go back to rehab. 

- SPEAKING OF HELENA ORTECHO. The woman who was supposedly scheming since episode 1, and managed to kidnap not 1 but 3 people with no problem whatsoever, was suddenly completely irrelevant again. She was mad that Jesse’s murder coverup will turn him into a hero (and I have some things to say about that considering Rosa’s murder coverup did the opposite). So instead of idk, going back to scheming with Mimi Deluca, Helena is just going to drink her troubles away. Super cool. 

- All of this leading to a beautiful yet tragically brief Kylex moment where Alex confirms that Kyle is his bff, and that Flint is ok and can be redeemed (hear hear). 

- AND THEN WE GET ALEX SINGING. lkajsdflkasdfkjahsdflkjasdlfkjasdf. I was slayed. Tyler’s voice, the face, MICHAEL AND ISOBEL COMING IN TO WATCH. IT WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED FOR MALEX. 

- So of course Michael was like, this sucks, our romance is a tragedy, I don’t even like the song, goodbye. I can’t believe this dude broke up with Alex every single episode of this season, including breaking up with Alex TO HIS DAD, while he was ‘napped.

- BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. GREGORY “LIBERTY” MANES, the bestest brother on the planet, who liberated Alex from his abuser (get it?) sat and watched Alex perform and then clapped when Alex finally made the move and bagged his tiny, blue haired nerd. It was beautiful. I may have cried. 

- FORLEX. 

- BUT WE STILL AREN’T DONE. So the full season long chanting of The Power of Three finally comes to fruition. And even though Isobel is like maybe we should do more research, her 2 bros are like it’s cool! and open the door lock thing. We find out Nora was building a prison(?) for the “stowaway” and the pod squad accidentally release him, only to realize he’s...Max Evans with a better groomed beard. I just. I-

And now we have a potential year and a half wait to see how the 82 other plot threads will be resolved (@booksmartstreetstupid has an amazing list) 

So let us all collectively turn to fanfics to help our sanity, and pray that we all return next year. 

[frazzledsoul]

So for the past two nights I've had very vivid dreams about TV shows that ended in completely satisfying ways actually having the worst endings possible.

The first one was Orphan Black, where I dreamed that instead of the main sestras ending the show happy, alive, and having relatively content endings, that they ALL died (and Helena's babies died too) and were sharing some sort of weird mundane afterlife with the characters from Lost.

My second dream was about Doug and Carol from ER, who got a nice send-off in season 6 and then returned to show in the final season 9 years later showing that nothing had really changed for them. My dream claimed that there were two episodes airing on subsequent nights using fanfic scripts written by users on active forums in the Internet (so weird...there is no active ER community? People don't really use forums anymore? They don't write fics in script format anymore? Why would anyone do this when the show itself has been dead for 10 years? Etc...) The first one had something vaguely unsatisfying about it, but the second was very vivid...Doug and Carol's happy ending never worked out because she never took him up on his offer to live together, also there were no kids, she was a journalist who was interviewing Ted Cruz and the interview was so unprofessional even the left was calling her out on it, they were basically still trying to get it together and then there was an alien invasion, Doug took off in a spaceship to try to capture the aliens (damn my subconscious is wild) and he missed and this somehow displaced him out of the orbit of our universe so he wouldn't return for 74 years...no happy ending.

The thing is for the first five minutes after I woke up I was convinced this was real. I have crazy dreams about bad endings to ER every few years and I'm always convinced they are real for the first few minutes. I was super concerned that Doug and Carol would return to ER for after they left and wreck their happy ending for years yet the news somehow failed to affect me by when it was announced it had actually happened.

Point being the Orphan Black happy ending and beloved characters returning after many years away not having their happiness taken from them are rare occurrences in pop culture and I am grateful that this happened for two of my favorites.

And no, I do not care to know whatever fresh horror awaited the sestras in that audio book sequel. As far as I am concerned it didn't happen.

[arbeaone]

For “Great British Baking Show” Contestants, The Real Loss is the Endless Trolling

by Rae Robey Published on December 2, 2019 at 11:51am

Against the vast backdrop of high-octane and anxiety-inducing cooking competition television programs, The Great British Baking Show is an aberration. Internationally beloved for its affable contestants and endless supply of baking-themed anglicisms—“soggy bottoms” and “saucy puds” abound—the show follows a dozen or so home bakers as they compete to be named Britain’s best amateur baker. When the 2019 season premiered with a record-breaking 9.6 million viewers, each contestant was thrust into the public eye; most have racked up tens of thousands of Instagram followers since the season began in August. For American audiences in particular, The Great British Baking Show’s intrinsic wholesomeness makes it a cultural phenomenon: We could never be so well-mannered in a televised competition, but we do enjoy pretending.

The Great British Baking Show is, at most, an estranged cousin to American cutthroat cooking competitions like Chopped, Iron Chef, or even Cupcake Wars. In the Baking Show tent, contestants help each other finish their bakes, are graceful (even grateful!) in defeat, and despair when their purported rivals are dismissed from the competition. Each episode is predicated on kindness, love, support, and the freely-given home-baked comforts of the feminine domestic realm. Even the grand prize—a cake stand and some flowers, no cash—highlights the show’s near-pathological humility. Produced by a team called Love Productions, decency is, we can only assume, woven into the show’s DNA. But when Baking Show airs on TV, long after the last bun is iced and the final bap prodded, the trolling begins.

Each season, the bakers spend months immersed in icing sugar, bavarois, and ganache, frantically preparing for the 30 challenges of the competition. In addition to the generalized stress of executing difficult pastry skills while trying to impress professional judges on an international stage, the bakers are told by producers that they’ll likely deal with some backlash from a handful of disproportionately peeved viewers. After all, it’s a competition. But the backlash goes beyond competition, and, despite the warning, most bakers are blindsided by the frequency and ferocity of their trolling. And though adoring fans are certainly in the majority, online trolls yell the loudest. Stacey Hart, a Season 8 semifinalist, dealt with severe online harassment as soon as the season began airing. “I’m smug, I’m a bitch, I’m a worthless piece of shit, I’m a useless baker,” Hart told Bitch, describing the comments that strangers sent her. “[The show] was the best experience and the best thing—at the time—that I ever did. It became the worst thing I ever did.” Trolls loathed her pink, glittery bakes and how often she brought up motherhood; their caustic DMs and comments drove her into a months-long depression. “I’m quite a self-conscious person anyway, and it made me question myself,” says Hart. “Am I good enough?”

Before Hart, there was Ruby Tandoh, a Season 4 runner-up who was deemed a “filthy slag” who traded sexual favors and weaponized “female tears” for preferential judging. Tandoh wrote a piece for The Guardian in October 2013 describing the waves of “lazy misogyny” that followed each episode’s release, but shining light on the problem change much for future contestants. Claire Goodwin, the first to leave the tent in Season 5, was inundated with fat-shaming comments. Season 6 winner Nadiya Hussain, a first-generation British Bangladeshi, was told to “go home” on Twitter. Candice Browne, winner of Season 7, regularly endured comments from strangers who “fucking hate Candice, reckon she’s a right bitch.”

In a 2018 joint study with Element AI, Amnesty International named online trolling of women a human rights violation—one that social media platforms like Twitter continuously refuse to be held accountable for. The trolling of Baking Show contestants generally reflects the Amnesty International findings: White women are trolled hard, but women of color are trolled harder. Commenting on the viciousness of a particularly nasty troll, Hussain offered a succinct explanation: “I’m Muslim, brown, working-class and a woman! I may as well have ‘punching bag’ written on my torso.” In general, men are less likely to be trolled and, instead, are more likely to be trolls themselves, due to years of learned misogyny and—according a Brunel University and Goldsmiths, University of London report—a higher rate of narcissism. But on Baking Show, trolling often extends to the men with nearly as much vitriol and regularity as it does to the women.

Dan Beasley-Harling, a 2018 contestant and self-identified “gay-at-home dad” received the overwhelming bulk of Season 8’s cumulative harassment. “It was about five weeks of people just saying horrible things about me constantly. I had some really overtly homophobic comments,” says Beasley-Harling, referring to unoriginal jabs about queer sex and the suitability of a queer parent. Trolls can generally find a problem with any woman, but two types of bakers stand out as exceptionally deserving of harassment: women who don’t land neatly in the realm of palatable, perfect femininity, and men who aren’t stereotypically masculine. Beasley-Harling’s experience suggests that Baking Show trolls might take a more nuanced approach to their vocation.

Perhaps it’s not just about harassing women online—it’s about re-establishing gendered power dynamics and punishing those who flirt with the domestic on public-facing platforms. Domestic work has historically been an unpaid at-home venture delegated to women, so Baking Show contestants are either women overstepping their household boundaries or men crossing gendered labor lines. For a troll, either is a damnable offense. But with each record-smashing episode, Baking Show subverts the assumptions of where femininity belongs, who it belongs to, and how much it’s worth—roughly £24.2 million in predicted revenue. Still, exploitation is often and easily disguised as empowerment. Lest we forget, Baking Show contestants aren’t paid, and the grand “prize” has little to no real-world value.

To an extent, we all participate in the uninformed and unkind public judging that trolls have championed. We experience celebrities and public figures—especially women—as dehumanized subjects ripe for public dissection, each one existing in a vacuum sealed behind a screen. After all, the Baking Show contestants are filmed, edited, and packaged by professionals into easily digestible archetypes for the sake of a comprehensible and compelling storyline. For example, the latest season featured Michael Chakraverty as the optimistic goofball, Steph Blackwell as the irrationally insecure savant, and Helena Garcia as the spooky, whimsical free spirit. While these personas are fully inspired by who the bakers actually are, they’re ultimately deployed to create drama and tension where it doesn’t exist—that’s just the mandate of reality-TV editing.

But trolls live in the extreme, and for them the editing spurs online abuse. Beasley-Harling, for example, saw the trolling as a direct extension of Love Production’s editing. “I felt like the editing choices were very much treating me like collateral damage,” Beasley-Harling says. “I phoned Love Productions and said, ‘I don’t think you’re representing me fairly, I understand why people don’t like me.’ And they said, ‘No, you’re crazy, everyone’s getting a fair, balanced view on the show. It’s all in your head.’” Gaslighting, the Old Faithful of emotional abuse is regularly deployed against women, people of color, the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups, is remarkably efficient at restabilizing power dynamics—exactly what trolls seek to do. A representative for Love Productions stated via email that: “Love Productions has always taken contributor care seriously and has robust protocols in place to protect and support those taking part in our shows throughout production and after transmission. These protocols evolve to acknowledge and address the changing media landscape and scrutiny.”

Depending on who you ask, however, the robustness of their protocols fluctuates. According to Beasley-Harling, past contestants have speculated that the Love Productions team tailors their level of attention and support based on the profitability of the contestant in question. After leaving the tent halfway through the competition, Beasley-Harling felt like Love Productions was less interested in protecting its contestants from trolling when money was to be made elsewhere, a behavior not dissimilar to reality television at large. “I barely left my house for three months. I was a shitty parent for three months,” Beasley-Harling says, describing the impact of his trolling. “To me, that felt like, ‘We’ve used you for the entertainment value and now we’re disposing of you.’” But Hart, the semifinalist who received the brunt of Season 8’s trolling and suffered a depressive period similar to Beasley-Harling’s, found Love Productions reassuring throughout airing.

“Every time I called them, they were wonderful. Didn’t matter what time of day,” says Hart. But she does concede that the emotional scarring from her online abuse outlasted Love’s self-proclaimed robust protocols. “They’ve got no idea how it’s affected me to this day,” says Hart. “I don’t think that’s their problem anymore, is it?” It remains to be seen how this year’s cohort of bakers will fare. Airing in the United Kingdom continued through October, and this year’s crop of bakers appear as chipper as ever, even online. So far, trolling appears to be minimal—maybe the bakers can avoid it if they subscribe more closely to normative gender expectations. “When I went on the Bake Off I wasn’t worried about my hair or my makeup or what I was wearing,” says Hart. “Maybe if I had made more of an effort, people would have been nicer to me.”

[katistrophe]

I just discovered Talk to Transformer, where you can feed a neural network text samples and have it continue them more or less coherently. I discovered sometimes it added author’s notes, so... what would it make of fanfiction?

And, y’know, there’s this one fanfiction with a lot of lines that are supposed to be dramatic cliffhangers... so, let’s see what Talk to Transformer makes of My Immortal! Original text is bold, the rest is Talk to Transformer’s continuation.

I looked around…………….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. “God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………….MEGA TACO!!!!!!11 

---

And then…. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was……………………………………………………. ‪OOHHHH……!‬ Aaaaaaaaaaaaand…. "Uuuuhhhhhhhhhh!" "W-What are you doing!?" "You are……the……mother-of-a-bitch!?" "The mother-of-a-bitch!?" "…That's a nice name!"

---

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…….sooooo beautiful! I started to run away from him! When the next monster came over it stopped and ran back to him. "You look very cute." I finally stopped moving and ran towards the castle. 

---

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then………… … I had no idea. In the bedroom I held my hands high as I took out a little handbag from the little box that I kept under my bed. I opened it and looked inside. I was shocked. A little gift basket. It had a note with "Love Potion" written on the side where it came from. The note I had read. It said a potion that brought back our dead lover. It was a potion that killed the soul of our beloved. It would make our beloved disappear forever. I looked at Draco. When he saw me looking at him as I held the handbag he looked at me worriedly. "I don't want you to know about any of this. This is all my fault. I'm the culprit. But he doesn't know." "What do you mean?" I demanded.

---

“I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco……………He'll never be my father……….‏

---

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…….what?………….Dumbledore!! I wuz terrified out ous he wasn’d out but me at first. Then I see………….a figure. I look at Harry in confusion but me know if im lying or not. What was he? Why was his face…so weird?

---

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was………………………………… "Gurren-Lagann." Vlodemort called back from the window. 

---

And finally, what would it make of the ending?

“Acco Nevel’s wand!!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!!!!!!!!11111” He maid lighting come all over da place. “Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried. I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent. “ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted. “You bitch!!!!11111” Draco cry. “What did you mingle wit?” Dumbledark cried and shooted again and again. “He's a bloody bastard!!11111” he shooted again and again and again and again and shot again and again “What?” Draco's voice was crying like a crying child he shooted again and again and again * He put his arm around my throat and kissed my ear. “Do not die.11111” said Dumbledark. “I beg, 11111”

---

Bonus:

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… ಠ_ಠ AAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(...well then. I think it caught on.)

( @relativelylessimportant​, it might amuse you to know that I still hear your dramatic reading in my head when I read this fic.)

[beanjuice-duh]

Indulgences

a/n: bc I’ve loved shakespeare for a decade and some, and the fact haven’t written a lick of fanfiction for it is cruel. Here is my self indulgent work I can rest easy. 

The wilds were no place for heartache. No place for tomfoolery of any kind. But how could she hold back her tears after he left her there? After saying such awful, terrible things. Perhaps it was her fault in the end? Perhaps she should have been more like Hermia, beloved and perused, the way she glided through life and the forests knowing that someone somewhere would love her. That her fingers would never be bone bare like Helena’s. That gold would adorn her flesh and love decorated her heart.

Helena in truth had no idea how to portray that sort of confidence, to put herself out there? After all she had been through, after all she had just gone through moments ago. Denial, rejection, being made a dumb fool because of love? Love, ha, a jester with cruel jokes who poked and prodded at Helena’s flailing ego with a hot branding rod. It wasn’t fair…but she tried the best she knew how only to be left in the woods. Alone…with god knows what. Perhaps beasts wouldn’t be attracted to her either. Perhaps they’d smell her pitiful heart break and saline raindrops and be repelled by her as every son of Adam seemed to be.

Or perhaps this was mother nature’s grand finale for her. To be consumed by the forest never to be heard from again. Then again who would miss plain, dull, loveless Helena? Certainly not Hermia who was madly in love, or the worthless man De—no his name wasn’t even worth remembering.

She placed a trembling hand to her lips and stifled more tears when she heard the snap of branches. Helena bounced to her feet and began to move swiftly, hardly making out her escape path through the fogged clouds of dewy tears that coated her ducts. She made her way around some trees, the loose ends of her dress torn where the lace had caught on to several low hanging branches, and into a clearing by a stream.

Exhausted from tears and fright Helena fell to her knees by the water. “Now…stiffen up.” She muttered to herself. “You it to be so, a fool he made of you…a fool Eros had played you and oh—blind and young Helena how you fell…” She cupped her hands with water from the steam. “Well if this is truly your end, see it with a brave fast, don’t give the otherworldly mother more reason to chastise you for your lack of wit…or nerve.”

Cool and refreshing the water felt on flesh flushed from feverish feelings of fright and foreboding. Once the water cooled her face, the swelling of her sorrows began to sink, and her coronas clear again to see… she realized in her hand, still cupping some residual water was…a lily? Perfectly cut under the stem, the type to be given as a token or decoration with only its flaw of being damp being what was off putting. Helena glanced to the water and saw a siren?

She had to be, she was a gorgeous face. The ethereal and aquatic beauty of blonde and youth simply floating along the water’s edge. For a second Helena had lost her mind and thought she was entranced by a nymph but after realizing the woman’s lips were trembling she quickly assessed. “Oh heavens, she’s alive!” Helena leaned over the steam and grabbed the delicate, fair faced beauty by the shoulders. With all her might in the moment she hauled the waterlogged maiden up.

“Are you mad!” Helena yelled at her as though she was a child who knew nothing. She shook her by the shoulders forcing the woman to cough and tremble more. Helena was furious now, what nonsense did she have? Alone in the woods, in water soaking her good garments. She would have given her what for if their eyes didn’t meet.

Helena saw her eyes in this stranger. Pained, foolishly heartbroken eyes. Of course her eyes were lovelier than Helena’s. Blue so bright they were nearly violent, rimmed with fair lashes that curled so perfectly upward even while damp. Lips lightly purpled from the chill, hair soaked but still held a flower crown around her head.

“There…ther-there is nothing for me.” The siren spoke, she mumbled softer, ”No family, no love, I’ve lost it all to madness…to senseless hate…and violence. To ghosts and foolish Danish princes who know not what they want…”

Helena had no clue what she babbled about…Danish princes, madness, violence but the heartbreak was a language she understood. Did she look that pitiful moments ago? Like a doe wounded and left for the wolves. This girl looked as though her own ankles couldn’t carry her weight. “No matter” Helena stood up rolling up her soaked sleeves to her forearms. She took the lady by her hands eyeing a ruby ring on her finger. “You’ll catch your death here and—“

“Twas my intended company…” She admitted, mostly resentfully.

“No matter” Helena replied in the same crude tone. “You missed your company and found I instead, and I will make sure that the only companion you find now are dry garments and a brush.”

Helena walked through the forest, strange now she had passed the spot she felt so lowly before with a new set of purposes. Tugging being her a woman who didn’t seem to care where she was being pulled now that she was fair from whatever nightmares plagued her. “What do they call you?”

“nothing worth calling now…” she responded with a pout, before responding with what Helena wanted to hear. “Ophelia…nothing more. And you? What is it they call you?”

“Helena…”

“Like the Greek woman? The princess of Troy whom the war was fought over?”

“Ironic…I know, trust I know the jest behind the name and how ill-fitting it is to be placed with such a backing and title.” Helena sneered.

Ophelia paused a bit and continued speaking in a slightly louder tone, her dream like voice carrying just a little more weight. “I feel it fits…Helena of the…” Ophelia looked around. “The Forest.”

A small smile formed at Helena’s lips, childlike, her thoughts were imaginative yet intelligent. There was a childlike playfulness to her words but overshadowed by a dainty sorrow. Like a waterlogged lily. Lovely but dampened. “You are mistaken Ophelia of the stream, no wars will be fought in my honor…men are callous, stupid and…predatory creatures that pray on the helpless unless something more fitting for a feast finds their way.”

“Agreed, men are foolish, stupid, selfish…who trust not even those who have given them nothing to earn distrust. Who have chosen them over family and title…who keep secrets and lies…”

Heartbreak made good conversations, Helena felt the weight lifted off her just a little knowing someone else was carrying it as well. “Who needs them?”

“…Not I…not now…”

“Not I, not ever.”

Soon by the time Helena reached her home, they were no longer walking one dragging the other, but side by side like old friends. Emerging from the forest, talking soft with only a smile. Their pains still painted on their clothes like water stains but their misery had been more or less left behind for the beasts to feed upon.

Once home, Helena sat Ophelia down on a bench and began delicately taking the flowers out of her hair. She ran her a bath much like a chamber maid would have and Ophelia seemed to be quite comfortable with the notion. She wasn’t a common girl from where she had come from. “Bath is set, warm water will bring color back to your lips and fingertips.” Helena scolded her gently, taking her hand and examining how far the cold and seeped into her bones. She walked behind her and began to unlace the wet knots of her corset piece.

“Thank you, Helena…” Ophelia whispered. “I had gone looking for the company of death’s embrace and found a much sweeter, kinder face. I had lost hope that the world had any kind faces left…for I lost so many…kind, kind eyes… lost them to a plague unseen by doctors or priests…simply a darkness of the soul and I feared it had me as well.” She felt her chest relax as the corset loosened just an inch. “I am not completely freed from its virus but I feel as though I am at the mend.”

Helena didn’t quite understand all she meant by darkness and loss but Ophelia seemed genuinely frightened and …thankful…Helena did little, perhaps save her from a chill that might have claimed her life at one point. “You can babble gratefully after a bath and a meal. Perhaps then I can make some sense off you.”

“Can I stay?”

Helena looked her over and though bringing a stranger into her home was the last thing her mind wanted. Having something…someone to keep her mind off her heart was a godsend. Perhaps a medicinal message from a mother looking out for her drab daughter, “you may if you have no home to return to…no family whom misses you?”

“None…all gone…”

“Then…” Helena loosened the last lace. “Here shalt be your home.”

[renaroo]

This is so completely random, but you're very probably the only Batfam Stan that also loves the Superfam and knows the various members of both families. I was wondering, in your mind, which members of the Superfamily match up with which members of the Batfamily? Like for instance, I've always firmly believed that Linda-Mae matches up with Dick, while Karen goes with Helena. As far as Babs goes, they share her.

If I’m reading you correctly, you’re asking who roughly inhabits the same spots in the Superfam that the Batfam has, yes? It’s really a fascinating question because I think there are lots of comparisons to be made, but it’s also interesting because of the ways they don’t line up perfectly. Like there’s a big difference in their structure just by the fact that Lois is the clear matriarch of the family and almost none of the Superfam have been without a relationship with her. So getting comparisons for some positions does tend to get a little fuzzy. So, I’m just going to go through the family one by one, starting with the most obvious which is Clark and Bruce. 

Clark Kent: Obviously as the central family patriarch and the one who basically inspires everyone else to come into their own while attempting to live up to his impossible image, Clark is the most Bruce-like in comparisons. Which of course, their similarities are as strong as their differences which has been the source of their mutual respect and friendship over the decades and just make them incredibly fascinating characters to play off of each other in almost any circumstance. 

Lois Lane: In recent years Kate has kind of stepped up to be the momma of the Batfam in a sense, and to be Bruce’s equal which would be representative of Lois and Clark’s equal footing in their relationship, but Kate’s got much less of a background for this position and for obvious reasons her relationship with Bruce is nothing like Lois’. In that way I would put Lois much more as a Selina Kyle. They share a street smarts and sassiness, prefer to look out for themselves but can’t help but fall into the same circles as their romantic interests, and in most realities end up married. It’s not a perfect fit, but I would argue it on more than a few grounds. 

Jimmy Olsen: Definitely the Dick Grayson of the Superfam. Not only is he Superman’s pal, but he’s sort of the emotional bond that keeps a lot of the Superfam connected. He’s not only trusted by both Clark and Lois and inspired by both of them, but he’s also a confidante and romantic interest for Kara, was a friend to Linda, and in general is someone who is just by definition associated with Superman. It’s an iconic duo in a lesser sense than Bruce and Dick. 

Martha Kent: Originally I was going to say Pa is the Alfred, but honestly Martha Kent is most definitely the Alfred Pennyworth of the Superfamily. She is a supportive and endearing voice, full of wit, and is the first person Clark goes to when he needs advice or solace. She is beloved by all of the Superfam members and has ben denmother/actual mother to nearly all of them in one sense or another. 

Jonathan Kent: The more I think about it, the more I find that Pa is really a lot like Leslie Thompkins in Clark’s life. He has a bit of a harsher vibe to him and his disappointment is something that Clark is more conscious and fearful of, but it all stems from firm morality and a fear and protectiveness of his son. He is the guiding light for Clark’s humanity and is the sort of man that Clark tries to live up to without ever feeling he can fully achieve it. And all that despite clearly having well defined flaws of his own. 

Lana Lang: Hilariously enough, I would put Lana on the level of a far more important and far more relevant and updated Vicki Vale. Again this seems like a strained comparison (because it is) but she’s a former romantic interest and friend to Clark who loves him but also couldn’t deal as well with realizing that he is Superman or at least that he’s something beyond her comprehension. And there’s still some pining and nonsense there, fortunately Lana is with John Henry now and written much better. Speaking of which...

John Henry Irons: A less murdery and more accepted member of the Superfam than his Batfam equivalent, John Henry Irons is a lot like Helena Bertinelli in that they both were inspired by the “patriarchs” of the family, but did things in their own style and in their own ways. He relies on his background and heritage as much as Helena does and it has influenced him to where he is today. 

Kara Zor-El: An apt comparison for Kara is actually Barbara Gordon. Not only were they good friends in the Bronze Age, but they were similarly motivated. Despite both of them having just as much heartbreak and tragedy in their lives as Batman or Superman, they make the choice to not be defined by that and instead to invent their superhero identities as a way of fulfilling an obligation they feel either to law and order or to the sense of not wanting to lose their adopted new home to the same forces that took their old one. 

Natasha Irons: Is absolutely the Superfam’s Stephanie Brown for better or worse. Nat is selfmade, has a family history of criminal activity but chooses to follow her uncle and Superman’s influences instead to make herself a superhero. Despite all she achieves, for absolutely no reason that makes canonical sense to... anyone who’s read it, basically, John abruptly decides she’s undeserving of her suit and takes it from her? That causes her to make some mistakes and play into a trap by one of the family’s worst enemies and get held hostage and tortured. Fortunately she wasn’t needlessly killed like Steph, but she did come back in spectacular fashion. 

Mae Kent: Mae is a completely different character from Linda Danvers. Mostly. Kind of. So I’m going to treat them as such on this list. Mae is actually Clark’s adopted sister in the preboot and was taken in and cared for by Ma and Pa Kent. She’s fairly independent, making a name for herself outside of Clark even if they continued to have a good relationship. When Clark dies for a year, she is one of the top contenders for taking his place and becoming a surrogate Superman herself. In this way she most reminds me of Kate Kane, self-made while deeply connected to the family patriarch and sharing a family bond. 

Karen Starr: Completely depends on which version you’re going with but if you’re going with the most common, the preboot, I think Karen is the most like Harper Row. She’s a solid member of the family, but she’s also beyond the family, and it’s not in a bad sense. She’s still connected to everyone, and every inventive and set apart almost purely based on her industriousness (making her business empire!) but as much as she does team up with everyone and join frays, she’s mostly off on her own adventures these days and most of her drama comes from civilian life rather than just her time as Power Girl.

Kon-El: This is going to be so freaking controversial but here we are. If I was to pick any analogue in the Batfam for Kon it would not be his best bud Tim, but his fellow leap-before-thinking, bit of a bad boy, fellow leather jacket wearing Jason Todd. They both like coming back from the dead and having inexplicable genre jumps throughout their histories and their main angst comes from a conflict of ideals and perspectives with their parental figures. Kon also is constantly concerned with going over the edge and turning to a villain because of his “bad genes” which reminds me a lot of how Jason felt judged for growing up and being born into a situation outside of his control. 

Linda Danvers: It’s a bit of a cheat since they’re my favorite heroes I grew up with at the time, but when I think of Linda I always think of Cassandra Cain. Linda was not born into an abusive home life, but she was part of an abusive relationship and made mistakes that eventually led to a death. Unlike Cass, however, Linda’s death was her own. That was the turning point in her origins and from that point on she was led to being Supergirl out of not just a weird combining with Mae but through discovering a deeper level of morality and humanity than she had once seen inside of herself. And that became such a strong light in her life, she was even able to inspire the redemption of the very demon that had been responsible for her murder. 

Traci Thirteen: It might be a bit early to call this, but I think Duke Thomas is the most positioned in the Batfam with Traci. Traci initially was a pretty independent character who mostly worked under the “advisement” of Clark and came into her own with her own identity and style. They both have good families they lose to tragic circumstances and slowly find their place within the gaggle of other children in their families. 

Maggie Sawyer: Like I’m not saying it’s a purely lesbian thing, but it’s kind of the lesbian friend detective in the force who goes above and beyond and may or may not be a hero in their own right thing that I compare Maggie Sawyer and Renee Montoya. It’s a thing. And it’s a thing that unites them because they both have banged Kate Kane. Which is the real dream.

Cir-El: My poor sweet daughter is of course far too similar and too unused much like my other dear sweet daughter, Helena Wayne. They are both daughters of the matriarch and patriarch of the family from alternate futures that may or may not ever happen. They hold their father’s values and their mother’s attitudes and they both have awful terrible first costumes. 

Chris Kent: Even though their personalities are starkly different, there is definitely a common thread between Chris and Damian Wayne. They come from troubling childhoods and have difficulties with the concept of unconditional love. Their only aspirations are to live up to expectations and take the mantles of their respective fathers. And for as much trouble as it may cause them they stand up against the villains they fear most in the final hour even under threat of pain or death. They both have a “I choose my real family” moment with a parent that mistreats them, too. 

Jon Kent: This may seem like an odd comparison for now, but I get a Tim Drake vibe from Jon. Hear me out, there’s a lot of superhero worship and naivety about what his new superhero identity is going to bring with it. And while he’s much younger and less detectively minded than Tim, Jon draws on his knowledge of his father’s legacy as well as what he observes from his friends and other superheroes around him to creatively get himself out of jams. Not to mention he loves giving those moralizing speeches. 

Perry White: He’s Jim Gordon. Next.

Krypto the Superdog: THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS. Ace doesn’t go out much into the field anymore so the most apt comparison here is actually Goliath the Bat Dragon. Aaaaand that’s what I’ve got. 

I hope this all made sense I had fun writing it out lol