#i have evidence your honor
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i can’t believe they did this on live television
#mota#buck x bucky#austin butler#callum turner#caustin#or yk#just think of this as modern au ok#the thing is i didn’t even change austin size he just fits between there#im not lying i swear#i have evidence your honor
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what is considered "beautiful" by society is inevitably sexist, racist, ableist, classist, transphobic, and bigoted. it targets and attacks any perceived difference, and it particularly villainizes women of color while co-opting aesthetics; as if features and cultural norms can be worn as accessories.
and the scary thing! you can see all of these things, know them to be true logically, and also know that you are treated better if you are perceived as beautiful. if you have ever been treated as "ugly", you know exactly how much society reviles you if you don't manage to scamper along and perform to their rules.
and how are you supposed to balance that? do you want a nose job to fix your broken nose, or have you just recently been seeing videos about how many people look better after nose jobs. do you want to lose weight to feel good, or is it that when you lose weight people treat you better. do you want to wear this outfit, or is it just the thing that's least likely to get you harassed. do you want to get lip injections for your reasons or is your whole reason that you don't feel beautiful unless you get those lip injections?
and the definitions shift. the goals get more specific. in the way that you only become aware of your tongue when someone mentions it; parts of your body are introduced as problems. i had never heard the term "hip dip" until about a year ago - and it was in the context of how to get rid of this. i'm 30, i know this shit is invented, and yet! i still find that strange voice saying but do you think someone is going to notice?
how the fuck am i supposed to say "this is my genuine choice i am making for my body" when i also know that years of my life have been spent socializing me to accept this as my inevitable fate? how do i know i'm actually doing this out of love for my body - or am i doing it for how i want others to see me, which will be lovely enough to feel loved? how am i supposed to recover when my unhealthy habits are seen as self-discipline but if i relax i'm openly mocked for "letting time win"? how the fuck am i supposed to say "i'm doing it for me" when i'm also very aware that i'm doing it to stop myself from being teased or demeaned? is it my choice if the other option is being bullied?
we are living in a hostage negotiation - either consent to the demands or spend the rest of your life being treated like you're a despicable person.
#i also have things to say about how gender plays into this#but it became like 1450 pages#so i saved the rest in a draft#btw? hip dips used to be like valued in the 90s & 2000s during the ultra thin craze#which is so fucking wild to me bc i am old enough to REMEMBER that people WANTED them#bc they're literally the shape of your bones. they're your hipbones showing. & you literally CANNOT 'target' that area#that would be like targeting your elbow. it's a fucking JOINT.#it is a place where you either do or do not carry mass. the lower ur bodyfat percent and the higher ur thigh & glute strength#the less that you will carry weight there#which is even MORE fucking cruel bc !!! the type of people who are already trying to improve themselves helplessly#are going to be aware of their body! and ur literally GIVING them an insecurity they LITERALLY do not decide!!!!#“it rounds out ur figure” here's something my guy! maybe people shouldn't have to look uniform and sleek !!!#maybe you just want to fuck a manatee !!!#if we're really at the point that you have to apologize for LITERALLY HAVING BONES.....#like sorry my legs had to connect somewhere in my form :( i will hide that from u. my apologies ur honor#(fashion bloggers gagging bc there's evidence other people have skeletons)
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Obviously, you can’t get prison time in this country for bystanding and being a jerk, but it’s a sitcom, so you can. Let’s instead talk about how even allowing for the vicissitudes of this fictionalized justice system, Kramer should’ve walked.
#HE GATHERED EVIDENCE OF THE CRIME AND HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING MEAN ABOUT THE VICTIM WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM?#YOUR HONOR IF ASSOCIATING WITH CRIMINALS IS A CRIME THEN ALL OF YOUR WITNESSES ARE GUILTY!#Then they jail everybody. That’s how I would have written the Seinfeld finale
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typical Bats-don’t-know-he’s-Jason Red Hood surprise kidnaps Robin but has to wait to do his dramatic monologuing because the little bird is unconscious from where Jason found him with human traffickers. Hours pass, and the kid not stirring begrudgingly makes Jason feel a tinge of worry, which no, he doesn’t appreciate. He’d planned to beat the kid senseless, and now he’s here stuck with him while not being able to, kid is hurt already. Aaand why was that really? The time is the factor that gives Jason the space he needs to really ponder over where exactly Robin had been when he’d found him, how easy it had been to take him and why Batman had not been there to stop him.
among many others just,, imagine Jason seeing Robin for what he is, for what he was, and having a mini crisis about whether is okay to be mad with a kid who in this sorta mirror scenario batman was also not here to protect and stop the man who kidnapped him in the first place. …he recalls how he used to feel when he was the one hiding behind Batman’s shadow and well, he’s cringing over wanting to see this kid who’s wounds he wrapped boded against him. Now Tim’s perspective,, poor kid is super confused in the little time he’s been awake because the man B has been worrying about for months is asking why wasn’t he with Batman?? asking if the man had forgotten what happened to the last boy who worn those colors? if he even cared?? really just, picture Tim having to hear this random crime lord sounding all angry and hateful and making allusions to his predecessor’s fate and run as Robin without even waiting for any input (like this is a version of the dramatic monologue let my boy ramble) and 0 to 100 passing from panic alarm fear you know who we are?? to what the fuck are you defending me?? you mad in my behalf?in Jason’s?? what is this shit
#tim: *who last thing he remembers is being beat on and now is in bed with his wounds wrapped* is this a rescue???#jason: *who’s been ranting for half an hour* haven’t you been listening?? this is an intervention#jason is standing in the corner with his arms crossed#it boíls down to are you threatening me because I’m Robin or to keep me from being Robin?#okay let’s pretend all jason needed to realize beating a child is wrong was time#like seven hours#because i google searched how long can you be unconscious from a concussion and that’s when you pass from normal head injury to yeah#worry#bottom line: jason will try to convince tim to not be robin#unfortunately they are not yet brothers your honor#jason still harbors resentment and jealousy#and that is towards Tim#but Tim has done nothing wrong and boy will he forge evidence to prove it#he may not even know who is under the red hood#but Tim recognizes that despite knowing who he is and his threats the man is trying not to hurt him#(and he will not if I have a say in this)#and that’s all timmy needs to drag jason into being begrudging brothers#crack#au#tim drake#jason todd#batman#tim drake & jason todd#different first meeting#red hood#robin#tim drake robin
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priest: i don't, ah, quite know what to say to you. if you are in such terrible danger, why are you taking it all so calmly? constantine: hmh! i dunno, father. i had a bloke beaten to a pulp earlier this evening. that sound calm to you? priest: you did what...? constantine: i must've been off me bleedin' rocker. i've never done anything like it before in me life, y'know?
constantine: but there's header gets his guts blown out, and george is stickin' his head in the noose, and helen gets ... jesus, then friggin' sarah bites me head off — ! everything's coming to bits in me hands and it's so easy to just see red and now, shit, they could've killed the tosser for all i know! and now i'm just like the bastards i've hated all me life! kill him! fire him! close them down! piss all over him! screw you, i can do whatever i want! i so much as blink and you're dead, pal! i'm in charge!! ...
constantine: 'scuse me, father. i'm always like this when i don't get me own way. — hellblazer #81, "rake at the gates of hell pt. 4"
babygirl you are just....so, sooooo offputting. (and grieving, and guilty, and terrified, but yeah: offputting.)
anyway, it's issues like this one that remind me why i kind of hesitate over some of the retcons in the recent spurrier runs, like the one with him now having opened dream's pouch of sand and stolen some before they even met. because like, it's easy enough to look at john constantine now — with 70 years of worst possible choices and unresolved trauma crystallizing underneath his skin to cover up all the soft, hopeful bits where he's used to getting hit — and assign him arbiter of ill intentions, magus of wasted potential, saint of shit choices, but man . . . he was new to this, once. he was still new to this 80 issues in.
80 issues in, and he's not used to losing friends yet; he even has time enough between catastrophes to grieve each individual one. still has enough left to live for at this stage to necessitate running and hiding, instead of bodily throwing himself at the problem like he learns to later, or sitting apathetically by to do nothing except smoke and watch the world fall apart when he finally gives up. fuck, he still apologizes.
and you're telling me this guy, this soppy wet cat motherfucker hiding from the devil in a church basement, so guilty over not knowing what happened to the guy that he paid people (paid chas, so chas could pay people) to attack that the bottle he's holding in this scene isn't even his second or third........this guy's past, more innocent self lied right to the face of DREAM OF THE ENDLESS and got away with it?
hm. i just don't know about all that.
#also this is where my headcanons tag is from <3#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD.#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#sometimes i just think that. people really like to reduce constantine down to one or two things#and somehow. after 250 issues of putting his life on the line bc he could never really make himself look away from people suffering#the soft sullen guilty person who wants so fucking desperately to be a better man? is never one of those two things#idk man. i think about this issue all the time#if i put these pages side-by-side with his grief in hellblazer 2? with his grief in hellblazer 213? 215? during the empathy virus arc?#it becomes CRYSTAL clear that the guy we know at the end of hellblazer isn't someone the guy who sat vigil for gary lester would recognize#in fact i think he's someone that hellblazer 81 constantine would fucking Hate#ANYway yeah. i don't think he lied to dream about the pouch. i don't think he ever got it open. i don't think that's canon for me#i want him to fucking Earn his asshole nature. the hard way. by making All The Wrong Choices that it took to get him there#he paved that road with good intentions himself but. he also used to remember the ones he started with#idk if i'm making sense but i have had this panel open on my laptop for Two Months now#bc i can never stop thinking about how fucking crushed he is here to realize that he might be exactly as bad a man as sarah said he was#and how little it will surprise him later on to learn that he is Easily capable of So Much Fuckin Worse#and with that your honor the defense rests. our evidence? just. just Look at this fuckin guy#scopophobia /#scopophobia#eye contact /#eye contact tw
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/ Harvey has a whole system beyond Twos and Judge Janus . some of the voices don’t have names to them and most alters are dormant ! Harv and Twos being the two most dominant personalities ! But there is a little Harvey and a little Big Bad Harv in there too they rarely front but I feel these are the two that present when Harvey’s coin is removed out of the equation, leaving him to regress or otherwise ( or on occasion even with the coin on their person ) you’ll get moments where they have no idea who they are at all . Harv finds this the scariest of all .
#◖𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 & 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬 / 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.#i mean I have evidence for my case your honor if you want it#mobile ! be back later to write and everything!
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so often i am struck with unbearable relief we are no longer in the 2011-2012 BBC sherlock era of tumblr, but i'm feeling Especially grateful right now ❤️
i just know that if taylor swift was releasing an album called The Tortured Poets Department during that period of fandom my entire dash would just be edits/fanart of the cover featuring greg lestrade with the title replaced with Not My Department and i. i would not know what to do with that
#your honor i enter into evidence that i know this to be true because it was the Very First Thing i thought of when i saw the title#THE VERY FIRST THING#have not thought about bbc sherlock in. years but some stuff sticks with ya i guess#ts ttpd
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I wish the Langa promotional birthday art a very good soulmates
#STOPPPPPP THE BLUSHHHH#They are in love your honor I have no doubts the evidence is clear#langa’s mom is an ally she is like this is my son and his boyfriend and they are the best thing to happen to me and I agree#I love them all#sk8 the infinity#sk8#langa#Reki#renga#anime
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I'm on episode 8, and I've decided Angela and Brennan are in a committed, long-term, and open relationship.
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[Bursts through the courthouse doors with a box filled with files]
YOUR HONOR, I'VE COME HERE TODAY TO PRESENT YOU WITH AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF EXTENSIVE EVIDENCE THAT PROVES THAT THE TWO ACCUSED, MR. BORLAND AND MR. RIVERS, ARE IN FACT, INDEED, WITHOUT A DOUBT.............................
BOYFRIENDS.
[SLAMS EVIDENCE ON JUDGES BENCH]
Bonus: When your artsy boyfriend draws your portrait on your bass amps, you know he really loves you💋😘💗✨👨🏻❤️👨🏼
#Your honor I rest my case [wipes hands clean]#Judge: Counsel the majority of this 'evidence' that you present the court with are just the two accused just standing by each other.#Me: SooOOooOOOOOOoOoOoooooOOOoo??????#Judge: Well that so called evidence you speak of doesn't constitute enough grounds to be considered romantic in the court of public opinion#Me: WELL IT'S ENOUGH EVIDENCE IN THE COURT OF MY FUCKING SHIPPER HEART AND THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR THE EVIDENCE TO COUNT#but seriously can these two get anymore cute BF goals?#I'm just deep in my WeSam feels today okay#pay me no mind or this obnoxiously long post#this was just mostly to vent out my fucking shipper heart#and they have my whole fucking beating heart#Wes Borland#Sam Rivers#Limp Bizkit#nu-metal#WeSam#down the rabbit hole
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"Zheng Yi Sao is straight"
Okay, maybe, sure, but have you considered
ZHENG IS A TRANS WOMAN
#no I have no evidence#no I don't care#but I'm right#your honor I love her#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#ofmd season 2#zheng yi sao#trans headcanon#Also this just means I don't think she's cishet#Not that I don't think trans ppl can be straight#Don't get it twisted#I'M JUST SAYING SHE'S QUEER
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oh yeah i’ve got a bunch of loz aus that i haven’t really talked about. a few of them are listed and slightly explained in this poll and explanation reblog but i haven’t gone out of my way to actually list the aus i have and really explain them. so that’s what this post is for. here are some... decently simple explanations of my major aus and what they're generally about
i have two kinds of aus: original aus (loz aus that are set in their own kinds of worlds with their own stories and twists on character roles) and then crossover aus (we all know how this works i just mash loz and a thing i like together)
original aus: (many currently dont have actual titles, so the titles will often just be concept shorthand)
in the court of the crimson king/crimson king au: probably the most developed and closest to being written out. it's got one of the longer premises; set in a industrial-esque hyrule city, following linebeck as the main character, as the adoptive older brother of link and aryll, living with them and their grandmother as the only one able to reliably make money to pay for rent and food, leaving every other week to do jobs, but he moonlights as the 'demon of the gray moon', a masked persona he'd created as a child that had long since become a city-wide urban legend, anonymously taking unsavory jobs from whomever can contact him and offer pay, often working directly for bellum, a childhood friend, the one who enabled and trained him to become the demon, and one of five anonymous leaders of the city. linebeck effectively lives a double life, and tries to stay out of too much trouble to avoid drawing attention to himself or making his adoptive family worry, but he gets dragged into more and more danger as bellum becomes curious about the identities of the city's other leaders, and linebeck falls in love with a man named ganondorf, suspected to be one of those other city leaders. ive got a few posts related to it already: this one being another vague concept descriptor, this one being an actual scene i have written out.
'gimmick' au: i cannot explain the gimmick without spoiling the au. put simply, in this au, hyrule as a whole has been at war for ten years, every race and kingdom taking sides in a conflict that seems to be going nowhere. link joined the hylian army young, and has made his way up the ranks to become trusted by queen zelda herself, and things in the war take an interesting turn as he and zelda discover a new faction, unaligned with any particular kingdom and with unknown motives, and zelda decides to set out to the different parts of hyrule, link and a chosen group of trusted allies in tow, intending to try negotiation one more time before things take a turn for the worse.
sci-fi/space au: the fun one that probably would need to be done in a visual medium. it takes place in a solar system of a few planets, link growing up on the planet hyrule and occasionally traveling to the others as a knight specializing in investigating and taking down dangerous bounty hunters, working for zelda as a friend. he and zelda uncover a plot by the yiga clan to accumulate a number of highly dangerous research and weapons held by each species as they aim to resurrect a demon to wreck havoc on the solar system- the b plot being about the top bounty hunters in the solar system screwing around, eventually colliding with link and zelda's a plot as it begins to involve them.
murder mystery(?) au: one of the older ones, maybe one of the oldest that i still stick with. this might actually be one of the first ones i tried writing. the plot begins when zelda returns to hyrule city years after her father- the former mayor- was murdered, finding that he has been replaced by ganondorf and that while things seem fine enough on the surface, random and organized crime run the show, and she begins a private detective agency as 'sheik', a masked young man, and with the help of impa, and old friend and confidant, she moonlights as sheik and uses her daytime identity as zelda to help chip away at some of the city's biggest problems and finds herself drawn into a long string of murders that appear to be anything but random violence.
ruined hyrule 1: i have two au’s with the premise of hyrule being ruined. neither of them have more specific names yet. this one begins with the majority of greater hyrule's population having long since locked themselves in hyrule castle town in order to escape the increasingly dangerous wildlife. zelda, a young girl at the beginning, becomes curious about what lies beyond the city walls, and makes friends with many other children within this sheltered hyrule, and as they grow up together, aim to eventually venture out into the wilderness to see what may have caused the outside world to become so incredibly hostile.
ruined hyrule 2: the other ruined hyrule. set in a devastated hyrule, roughly ten years after the royal family was killed, link failing to save them or hyrule in the time since. he now resolves to set out and indiscriminately destroy every demon that plagues the ruined hyrule, meeting and bringing along various allies, each of which has been uniquely affected by and have different lived in this altered, dangerous shell of hyrule.
modern (school): i also have two modern aus. this one isn’t plot driven, just a concept i have, would work best as little vignettes or something. essentially just the idea of a group of loz characters hanging out together in a modern high school (or college?) setting.
modern: this is the one with an actual plot. follows the general idea of zelda characters living in a modern world only for the typical legends to begin resurfacing and heralding dark events. plot specifics are murky, but that's the general idea.
dark mage: this is the au that where the seas meet the sands takes place in. basically just ganondorf x linebeck shenanigans in this alternate hyrule while actual plot sneaks up on them. named 'dark mage' mostly because the initial idea behind this au was that linebeck would learn magic.
horror au: doesn't have the best name, and it's ended up just being a personal sandbox for me. constantly changing, with the cast and setting often altering if i find that something isn't working or sticking. it's an au i've considered (and even briefly tried) writing in the past, but it's still too fluid, and writing horror effectively is difficult. it's a fun au, though.
mecha au: spawned because i watched neon genesis evangelion. a lot of this au's basic concepts can be found here: x but the short version is that hyrule is being besiged by massive monsters, but each race has created their own mechs to combat them. link is just a farmer who happens to have a strange knack for being a mech user, so is brought in by zelda as a gamble to bolster their chances, and he is tasked with working with a new and less-than-trustworthy crew to help fight those monsters.
'amnesia link' au: an au that sprang up in about a day and hasn't gotten too far since. basic premise being that three years prior to the story, link and a group of allies has faced off against ganondorf and, despite their best efforts, lost, with link being presumed dead by their enemies. now, link has woken up from his coma, his memories gone and hyrule taken over, and, with guidance, must once again travel across hyrule, aiming to rediscover his allies and try to face ganondorf once more.
A quick list of crossovers: I won't explain these in length, since they can range from having their own plot to just being a fun mental concept. So, the things I have made crossover aus with are:
Warrior Cats
Batman
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Persona 5
Pokemon
(there are other, smaller ones, these are just the ones i consistently pay attention to)
So! These are the majority of my legend of zelda aus, some of which I may write, some of which just exist in my mind for fun, all of which I wouldn't mind talking more about if anyone is curious!
#i had to find an actual list i made to remember most of these tbh#salty talks#salty's loz aus#lmk if any of the colored text on here is hard to read i can change it#for some of the duplicate name aus the colors help me remember which is which but ill change it if it makes it hard to read#this took absolute ages to finish partially bc i dont have much physical evidence of these aus. they live in my mind and my mind only#my favorite little tidbit is that in the space au linebeck is a bounty hunter known for being a really skilled sniper#and i did not. in fact. be inspired by sniper tf2. this au predates my knowing about tf2. space au linebeck is inspired by fuckin#ttgl yoko littner and sao (gags) sinon. this will always be funny to me. space au linebeck is probably one of my favorite au linebecks#fun fact also. counting the crossover aus linebeck plays an antagonistic role at some point in 10 of these aus#also anyways worth reminding that a lot of this shit isnt actually very developed. the murder mystery au does not have a lot of actual plot#most of the developed plot stuff in these aus tends to be directly connected to linebecks role in the story bc a lot of these aus happen to#exist bc one day i was like hm what if linebeck was in (hyperspecific situation that led to the creation of one of these aus)#gimmick au is a really good example of how a linebeck in xyz situation thought can spawn a huge fucking story#but i cant get too specific abt that without spoiling the fucking gimmick and ive already said too much#'dark mage' au is also called that bc i think it was REALLY inspired by me thinking abt linebeck in the fe awakening male dark mage outfit#this has been sitting in my drafts for. so long. and then in two days i slammed all of those out and bam. here we are#the crossover aus list is also a list of 'media that also gave me brainworms and therefore got the honor of meshing with the Big Interest'#im not even a big time batman fan i just saw the 2022 movie and scrolled through an entire blog dedicated to harvey dent#i know so fucking much about harvey dent. why is dc so fucking bad about him#anyways welcome to the bottom of the tags. hope you enjoyed your stay. these r my weird loz aus#post-ph isnt here cuz i dont consider it an au. its something else between ‘au’ and ‘speculative canon’
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ghost gives me serious "grown man who can't even look his own friends in the eye for too long because [he is] afraid that they'll see that [he's] broken".
#bingoboingobongo.com#ghost cod#call of duty#modern warfare 2#community#community tv#community tv show#jeff winger#simon riley cod#i mean guys they are literally one and the same (at least in that scene)#they're both tall#they're both dirty blondes#they're both men who are surrounded by friends but still push them away#and they both have daddy issues#your honor the evidence is right there#community and cod are one and the same#god i love it when my interests converge like this im on cloud 9
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Okay I've been brewing this for a while and gotta know
#This can be anime or manga Reigen pick your poison#And if you choose blond what flavor are you referring to because I've seen strawberry and dirty used#Duke it out in the reblogs if you have to#I just see a lot of variation in his hair color and need to know where everyone lies#Especially since my opinion is not one of the popular ones#reigen arataka#mob psycho 100#mp100#Okay I'm going to say it I do not see him as a blond at all#I will fight you on it if you need me to. I have my evidence lined up#Also honorable mention from my friend; expired nacho cheese#polls#tumblr polls
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thaïs and athanaël are so fascinating i am studying them under a microscope,
#opera tag#opera#thaïs#massenet#jules massenet#your honor i love them#they could have been BESTIES!!! they could have been!!! i am convinced of this!!! (with no evidence. love and light <3)#also it’s so fascinating bc the novel gives SO MUCH interesting context that the opera doesn’t give#anatole france
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every time I rewatch bbc merlin I think “perhaps I’m misremembering how often it’s gay” and every time I am reminded ah. there’s just not any plausible heterosexual interpretation for 80% of these storylines
#episode 4 he goes on a quest to save merlins life and they have a mental bond that allows merlin to magically light his way?#while in a coma?#your honor I’m sorry but the evidence is there#I could take you apart with one blow is of course a classic#bbc merlin
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