#i have avoided cutting two things this far in my life. apples and potatoes. so now i have conquered potatoes.

[whoslaurapalmer]

guess who cut potatoes for the first time today and only cut herself on the LAST POTATO!!!! 🥔🥔

[eveningcatcher]

Main six + courtiers in Hell's Kitchen AU with MC as Gordon Ramsey

Hi, sorry for being absent for so long. Besides the school starting, there have been some things going on in my private life that didn't really motivate me to write. I can't post new chapters every week like usual, but I'll try to post as frequently as I can. Sorry for not doing any of the requests. I had this chapter as a wip for a while, so I decided to finish it. Hope you enjoy it!

-------

Previously on Hell’s Kitchen:

Chef MC tasted the contestants’ signature dishes and, needless to say, they were not pleased.

“How can you serve me this garbage!?!” MC shouted, “I wouldn’t feed a stray dog with this crap!”

Both teams had problems in the kitchen

“You moron, what are you doing?” Nadia asked, frowning like a madman, “Where is the chicken?”

And one team had a little throwback because of one of the cooks

“Volta, what in the world are you doing?” MC shouted, not believing their eyes, “That food is for the customers!”

But now all of that is set aside as the new day and new opportunities arise. Will the chefs be able to rise to the top and win the luxurious restaurant in Vesuvia, or will they crumble at the pressure?

“I want to go back home,” Portia sobbed as she hugged her knees, “I miss my grandma.”

  “Wake up sleepyhea-” one of the MC’s sous-chefs, Scout, stopped midsentence as she stared at Valerius’ bed.

He woke up as he rubbed his eyes, feeling like his head is a lot lighter. As soon as he put his head on the sheets he felt something strange. He lowered his head, only to be greeted by the sight of his braid cut off, right next to him.

“My deep apologies for the inconvenience,” Valdemar said as they put a pair of scissors down, walking out of the room to change, “I just can’t have some of your hair in the food we prepare, so I had to make some sacrifice,” they grinned from ear to ear as they stared at Valerius’ pale face, “Oh, don’t you worry, It’ll grow back before you know it.”

 ****

 “Good morning everyone!” MC said as they watched all of the chefs come into the room, “Oh, Valerius, nice hairstyle!” they chuckled as they stared at him who still hasn’t recovered from the trauma, “Who did your hairstyle? I must say I’m quite impressed.”

“Valdemar, they, I, I was sleeping and, and, that plebian-” he was interrupted midsentence by Valdemar.

“No need to thank me, for my dearest colleague it’s free of charge,” they smiled, enjoying Valerius’ reaction.

“Anyway,” MC said, as they walked up to one table, “Today I will be seeing how good your pallets are and,” their gaze flew over Valerius, Vulgora, Nadia, Lucio and Portia, “Judging by how many smokers are here, my expectations are low,” they turned their head to Julian, “Sit this round out.”

Julian nodded as he walked to the back.

“Valerius, Nadia, come here,” they took blindfolders and headphones, putting them on the two of them, “Can you hear me?” MC shouted at the two of them, “Good, now,” they took a plate of foods from Scout, “Let’s begin, shall we?” they raised one spoon, putting it into Nadia’s mouth, “Boiled potato.”

“Is this pepper?” Nadia asked after she swallowed the potato.

MC raised one of Nadia’s headphones, saying: “Boiled potato.”

They walked over to Valerius, who wasn’t lucky enough to guess either. Surprisingly enough, Nadia, as well as Valerius, both guessed all of the exotic foods right, with Nadia bringing 2 and Valerius bringing one point to their team.

Next, it was Vlastomil’s and Asra’s turn. Vlastomil guessed all of the vegetables and fruits, while Asra only recognized a date as well as ham, however, Vlastomil got a heart attack as soon as he realized he ate meat.

“But I’m vegan!” he shouted.

“Still, you’re not cooking for vegans!” MC explained, “You just have to know what you’re cooking, I don’t give a fuck what you eat.”

Overall Asra got 2 and Vlastomil got 3 points.

Now it was Valdemar’s and Lucio’s turn. MC hesitantly put the food in Valdemar’s mouth, trying their best to avoid those sharp teeth.

“Brocolli. Pear. Tangerine. Lamb’s brain,” Valdemar simply stated after they’ve tasted all of the food.

“Wow,” MC said, “Impressive.”

Lucio, on the other hand, wasn’t as good.

“Um, broccoli, this, this is an… apple. Oh, I know what this is, it’s orange! This, this tastes like bacon!”

“Not even close,” MC said as they took off his headphones, “Go back in your line. Portia, Vulgora, come here.”

Portia, just like Valdemar, guessed all of the food right, Vulgora half as much.

“Now it all comes down to this,” MC said as they put on headphones.

Volta guessed 2 right, but Muriel guessed all of them!

“The six of you have just barely won!” MC said, “Change your clothes, I’m taking all six of you somewhere special. As for the five of you,” MC gestured at the brooms, “I want this place crystal clear!”

“Yes, chef!”

  While the winners prepared themselves to finally go outside, the losing team went straight on to cleaning the hell’s kitchen.

“Wonder where we’ll go?” Portia said as she walked with Nadia outside.

“Honestly, any place is better than here,” she commented as she lit her cigarette, offering Portia one.

She happily took it and, once Nadia lit it for her, continued, “He told us to put on swimsuits, maybe a beach?”

“I sure hope it is!” Lucio said as he walked up to the two of them, to which Nadia only rolled her eyes.

 “I can’t believe I was put in the same team as my ex-husband!” Nadia frowned at the camera, clearly pissed.

****

  “Is everyone ready?” MC asked as they watched the other three walk out of the hell’s kitchen.

“Yes, chef!” the six of them said in unison.

“Very well then, let’s get going,” MC said as they gestured to a luxurious limousine.

****

“Finally!” Lucio puffed his chest as he stared at the camera, “A car worthy of me!”

****

 “Can you guess where we’re going?” MC asked the six of them.

“To the beach?” Portia and Nadia guessed.

“No, but you’re close,” MC said as they stared at others.

“A pool?” Muriel asked.

“Nadia and Portia were closer.”

“To the yacht?” Julian asked.

MC smiled and, with a small nod said: “You’ve guessed it!

****

“Oh my gosh, this will be just like my childhood!” Portia happily exclaimed, “The wind blowing through my hair, the smell of saltwater in the air…” she rambled on and on, “Ohh, I can’t wait!”

****

 “Can you imagine what the five of them are doing right now?” Mc asked as they sipped on champagne.

“Oh, I definitely wouldn’t want to be in their shoes,” Julian added as he finished his glass.

  “Alright, now that that’s out of the way,” Valdemar said as they put the brooms in their place, “We need to make a strategy on how to win.”

“We would have won, had someone not guessed only 2 foods right,” Valerius said, eyeing Volta not so discreetly.

“Who are you to talk?” Vulgora said, getting annoyed, “You only guessed one right! You did the worst out of all of us!” it seemed that it was enough to shut Valerius up, but Vulgora continued, “And you! How did you not recognize ham of all things?”

“Because I’m vegan!” Vlastomil shouted, clearly offended.

“This can’t do,” Valdemar said with a frown, “Let’s get one thing straight,” they started talking right after the four of them shut up, “We don’t like each other,” to that all of them nodded, “But the only way we can stay in this competition is to make sure that those six are the ones who always lose.”

“Makes sense,” Vulgora said.

“So you propose that we get rid of 6 of them first?” Valerius asked.

“Exactly, then we can deal with each other later,” Valdemar nodded and, after a short pause, added, “Oh, also, I have no wish to win this competition.”

“WHAT?” the other four asked, not believing what they heard.

“You see, I have absolutely no knowledge about cooking, at all, as a matter of fact, I’m a surgeon.”

“Why did you get here then?” Vlastomil asked, confused.

“Because I made a bet with my colleague, that ginger guy in the opposite team. If I were to get further in this competition than him, he’d have to buy me three rare specimens for my research, but if he were to win I’d have to get him 30 jars filled with leeches,” they finished their sentence, rolling their eyes.

“So, what you’re saying is that you wouldn’t mind if we were to vote you off as soon as that idiot is out?”

“I’d be more than grateful,” Valdemar said with a grin.

“Seems good enough!” Volta said as she nibbled on one of the cookies. “Wait,” she asked as she ate the whole cookie in one bite, “Why were you accepted in the Hell’s kitchen?”

“Same reason why ex-husband and wife were put in the same team,” they simply shrugged, “For the drama.”

“Oh, how much I wish they were to lose,” Valerius said in front of the camera, still thinking about his braid.

 “We’re opening hell’s kitchen!” MC said as everybody got to their places in the kitchen, “Don’t disappoint me again! Also, we’re one waiter short and since you are the losing team,” MC took a glance at five of them, “Valerius, you’ll be a replacement.”

Valerius only nodded as he left the kitchen.

“Vlastomil, you’ll be at the meat section,” Valdemar simply stated as they sharpened some of the knives.

“But I-” he wanted to protest, but Vulgora interrupted them.

“Stop complaining and go!”

 “Alright, let’s begin,” Asra said as they read the first order, “Let’s just put the same effort as yesterday.”

“This will be a breeze,” Asra grinned at the camera, “The opposite team is two cooks short! There is just no way we can lose,” as soon as Asra said that a smile disappeared on their face, “Unless…”

“OH FUCK!” Lucio shouted, not taking their eyes off the burning pan, “Um… I may have made an oopsie…”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” Nadia shouted, mortified, “Someone, stop the fire!” she demanded.

Everyone gasped in shock, with Asra walking as far away from the fire as they could while Portia pulled Julian towards her before his clothes could have caught on fire as well. Muriel irked his head, trembling at the sight of fire slowly spreading to the other cookware. The fear didn’t stop him though, as he quickly found the fire extinguisher, stopping the fire.

“Oh, thank you,” Nadia said, hugging Muriel tightly, “You’ve saved us!”

“Why do I smell fire?” MC asked as they walked over to the kitchen, “Nadia, explain!”

“Lucio started a fire.”

“Oh my God,” MC said as they buried their head in both of their hands, “Did anyone get hurt?” they asked calmly, not bothering to move.

Nadia quickly took a glance at Lucio and Muriel. She knew very well that Lucio would complain like a little child had he gotten a single bruise. Muriel didn’t seem hurt either, in fact, he turned away, going back to his station as if nothing happened.

“No, sir, everyone is fine,” Nadia stated.

“Nadia, go back to the station, as for you Lucio,” MC raised their head, staring at Lucio as if they were about to murder him on the spot, “I want the oven spotless and you as far away from it as POSSIBLE!!!”

“Yes, yes, sir,” Lucio visibly shook as he got to work.

 “Come on, this is our chance!” Vulgora shouted as they cut some meat, handing it over to Vlastomil, “DON’T,” they said before Vlastomil could even start complaining.

“Is the shrimp pasta done?” Scout asked.

“We’re on it!” Volta said as Valdemar gave her a prepared sauce. She carefully poured it over the pasta, fighting the urge not to stuff her face with the food like yesterday. As soon as they were done, she carefully carried it over to Scout, who nodded in approval.

 Soon enough Valerius walked over, picking up the plate, taking a glance at both kitchens. Sure, his team was very slow, with only a couple of dishes out, but the other team was somehow far worse. He smirked as he walked over to the table.

“Your order,” he said as he put the plate down, “I hope you enjoy it,” he said with a smile plastered on his face as he walked over to the other table.

“Good evening,” he said as he eyed the customers, “How can I help you?”

“Oh, hi there~” a woman greeted him happily as she played with the blue fabric of the dress, “So, I’d like…” she stared at the menu for a moment, then pointed out at one dish, “This. As for the drink…” she thought for a moment, “I’d like some champagne!”

“Champagne along with that food?” Valerius asked, disappointed, as well as one of the men sitting with the girl.

“Seriously Star,” an older man shrugged, “Everyone knows that red wine would go much better with it.”

“Oh, then I’ll take the red wine,” she said, a bit embarrassed that she had to be corrected by her colleague.

“Agreed,” Valerius said as he wrote down her order, “What would you like, sir?”

“I’d like some pasta, no meat,” he added, “I’m a vegetarian.”

Valerius wrote the order down and, just before he could hand the order over to the opposite team, one of the customers called for him. He turned around, hiding his annoyance, “Is something the matter, sir?” he asked.

“Look at this crap!” the woman gestured at her plate, “It looks disgusting!”

Although he’d gladly agree with the woman, just because that would put the opposite team in a terrible position, Valerius knew there was nothing wrong with the dish. “My apologies, but I don’t seem to understand. What are you complaining about?”

“It’s too hot for me to eat it! And look at the colours!”

Valerius took another glance at the plate and after a moment continued talking with less patience, “What do you want me to do? To blow your food? Just wait for it to cool down like all of the civilized people for God’s sake. Stop wasting my time,” he said as he went back into the kitchen, handing Scout all of the orders.

“Hey, I’m not done!” she shouted as she walked over to chef MC, “Sir, you need to put your waiters in their place!” she shouted at MC, “I have never been disrespected like this in my entire life!”

“What a coincidence, I can say the same,” Valerius commented, unbothered, as he took the plates, walking away from her, adding, “Apologies for not cooling your food down.”

“See?” she pointed at Valerius, “I demand-”

“Miss, I’m working here,” MC said with a deep frown on their face, “Nobody has the time to listen to your stupid complaints,” they added as they wrote something down on the paper, “Please return when you have a reasonable complaint, if not, go to the psychiatrist and solve your issues. Don’t lash out your anger on my staff.”

“How bold of you to complain about my anger!” she wanted to continue, but as soon as she saw MC’s cold face, stopped, going back to her seat.

“Look at that idiot,” Vulgora laughed as they chopped some meat, taking a glance at Volta who was devouring the returned food, “Hey, what are you doing?!? Get back to your station!!!”

“Oh come on,” MC frowned as they watched Volta go back, “Speed it up, speed it up! Stop wasting time on the leftovers!”

Volta nodded, her mouth still full of food.

“My grandma would cook faster than all of you!” they shouted, taking a glance at how the other kitchen was doing, and oh boy, they had what to see.

The other kitchen was a mess. Portia accidentally spilt the boiling water on poor Lucio’s arm and it seemed that Asra and Muriel enjoyed the sight while Nadia and Julian pretended to not hear Lucio’s screams.

“Are you alright?” Portia asked, worried, “I’m so sorry!” she said as she grabbed his hand, only to find out that Lucio was pretending.

“Got ya!” he shouted like a little kid as he showed her his metal arm, “As for you,” he turned to the other three, but before he could make any remark, he noticed MC looking at them, their face turning redder and redder every moment.

“What in the world is going on?!?” they shouted, losing all of their patience. Within a moment the restaurant was closed and all of the chefs shivered in front of MC.

  “You were terrible, disgusting!” they shouted and paused, trying to calm themselves down, “You,” they turned to Volta, “I believe we’ve talked about not eating food during the job.”

“Yes, but Volta couldn’t help herself,” she quickly explained, “Volta is sorry-” she would have continued, but MC raised their hand, signalling for her to stop.

“Your team was so terribly slow-”

“But we were two cooks short! Of course, we’d be slow!” Vulgora protested.

“I know that,” MC stated calmly, “You were also most complimented, especially the meat dishes. Who was in the meat section anyway?” they asked as all of them pointed at Vlastomil. At the sight of him, MC couldn’t help but forget all of the rage they felt. After a good minute of laughter, they continued, “Seriously, you made the dishes?” they wiped off the tears in their eyes, “Good job. Keep it up,” they said as they left Vlastomil to dwell in his existential crisis.

“I…” Vlastomil said, not bothering to stare at the camera, “I’ve been a vegetarian my whole life! I’ve never had any meat in my house…” he paused for a moment, still trying to process MC’s compliment, “So why did people enjoy my food?”

 “As for you,” they turned to the other team, “Yesterday you were, you were amazing, how did it all change in one night? I believe it’s obvious who is the losing team. Muriel, you were the best of the worst, choose two candidates for the elimination,” with that, MC left the two teams on their own.

“Bye bye Lucio!” Vulgora grinned.

“What do you mean?! I’m not getting eliminated.”

After that sentence, everyone stared at him, thinking the same thing – could Lucio really be this dumb?

“What if, what if I get eliminated,” Portia started to get worried, “I mean, I could’ve seriously harmed someone,” she continued with her blabbering, “Oh, what will I do?” she started crying.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” Julian reassured her, “Everything will be fine.”

“No, it won’t!” Portia said, “I could have seriously hurt someone, do you think MC will let that slide?” she stared at Julian, her eyes becoming glossier.

“Look, you made no damage whatsoever,” Julian explained calmly as he tried to soothe his sister down, “That idiot could’ve burned the whole restaurant down.”

“Hey, don’t bring me into this!” Lucio shouted, “You did nothing the whole time! You were slow, unorganized and most of your dishes were returned!”

Julian ignored his comments, turning to Muriel, “Please don’t choose Portia,” he begged, “Choose me!”

Lucio turned to Muriel as well, “Don’t even think about choosing me!”

Muriel didn’t say a thing, instead, he just sighed, leaving the room.

“He… he won’t vote for me, right?” Lucio asked, feeling nervous.

~~~

“So, Muriel,” MC said as all of the chefs aligned, “Who do you choose and why?”

“I choose Lucio and Portia,” he felt shame as Portia’s name came out of his mouth, but there is no turning back now, “Lucio could’ve nearly burned the kitchen down had I not stepped in,” he simply explained, “As for Portia, she could’ve harmed someone with that boiling water,” he quickly added, trying to make Portia sound as good as possible, “Also, Lucio’s fake screams were completely immature. Such serious injuries shouldn’t be joked about.”

“Wait, please,” Julian walked out of the line, “I should be eliminated!” as soon as he said that, a smirk appeared on one certain doctor’s face, “I didn’t do anything when the fire started, I ignored Lucio’s cries and many people complained about my food! I, I’m not even a chef! I’m a doctor. There is no reason to keep me in the competition!”

MC stared at him, thinking about everything he said, “Very well then, if you’re so eager, join these two,” they gestured at Lucio and Portia.

“The person that will be eliminated from this competition is…” MC finally continued talking after a long pause, “Julian. Take your things and leave Hell’s kitchen.”

Despite the loss, Julian smiled brightly at MC. “Thank you for not choosing Pasha!”

“It, it’s happening!” Valdemar said happily as he stared at the camera, “Oh, what is this… feeling?” they stared at their hands, “Is it joy? Yes, it, it must be it, I have never felt so good. Oh, this is a dream come true, trust me, there is no better feeling than finally proving an idiot wrong. I just cannot wait to come back to my ordination, I should better start writing down the list of specimen I want!” they squealed like a high school girl, making the cameraman quite uncomfortable.

“Well, it sucks that I’ve lost the bet with Valdemar,” Julian admitted, “But at least my sister can keep going. I genuinely hope she can win and achieve her dream!” he said as he walked out of the Hell’s kitchen.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes, #32

Hello, Lovies. How have you been? I’ve been well. The new laptop gets in later today and I hope to be writing more and perhaps next  month we may even see a one shot come into existence! 

I’ve gotten a slight rash of new followers, some of whom are minors. Unlike some, I do not ban minors from my blog however, I do clearly mark any content that they should avoid. As a general reminder, please always check the content warnings, found at the start of every fic and every chapter.  I am an adult of nearly 30 years, I write adult topics and themes.

Chapter warnings: Blood, death.

Series warnings: Smut, blood, graphic death, sexual assault, child death, miscarriage, dead babies- look, if it can be a trigger, it’s in here. 

Masterlist  Kofi  AO3

Chapter 32: What If?

Clint relished the silence in the truck for a few moments as he backed along the gravel driveway. The weeds and grass would encroach on it come spring but for now, it was a mix of ice and gravel mixed with snow. The tracks from his truck were the only ones and if they were lucky, that would remain the case. 

Spring would be upon them before they knew it. In much of the country, frozen bodies would begin to rot and a wave of sickness would spread. He wondered how many clusters of people were smart enough to take advantage of the cold to remove bodies. 

Not nearly enough, he was sure. No one wants to look at the dead, let alone touch them. Hell, he didn’t want to either. But when it needed to get done, it needed to get done. The sickness would kill many more if the dead were allowed to rot in the cities. It would be far better to be in a rural town during the warm months. 

How many more people will have died between now and spring? Food stores were likely low in most places by now. He knew he was having to travel farther and farther to find processed and packaged foods, giving proof to that fact. How many would starve to death this winter? So many would due to not knowing how to cook without the processed ingredients or how to store raw foods without a refrigerator. How many would eat toxic or spoiled food, not knowing how to tell what was safe to eat? How many wouldn’t know how to turn flour and yeast into bread? 

Those thousands were not his problem. His problem was limited to three other people and a baby. Shaking his head, he banished thoughts of infant formula away. It was a worry for another day. With enough food and Sasha’s help, Rachel would at least be able to supplement the formula with her own milk. Lizzy just needed to make it four or five more months. 

When he reached the open road, he stopped and waited. He sat there with his thoughts for half an hour and watched for any signs of life. There was no smoke from what could be other fireplaces. There were no other signs of people. It was exactly what Clint wanted to see. 

Finally, when he was sure enough that there was no one around, he pulled onto the old highway. It’d been mostly abandoned in the last ten years when a new interstate had routed near but the locals had still favored it. He had still favored it. 

Now, he was thankful for the interstate. Most migrating people would follow the interstates with their wide lanes, direct routes and clear signs. It would keep them away from his little hole in the country. 

Turning on the radio as he went, he hit the scan button. The radio searched through the airwaves, trying to find a signal. When it found none, he repeated the process with the AM frequencies. There was the same emergency broadcast, going in and out. It was weaker now. Clint was sure the emergency generator was finally giving out. 

As he pulled up to the gate, he thought about calling Nat. He thought about telling her what they did, that King Jacob was dead. He thought about telling her the things running through his mind. For a moment, he even picked up the satellite phone from where it had sat forgotten in the cup holder. He thought about asking her to come out, to pick him and Dee up and take them to New York.

Fingers dialed the number as he pulled up the hill. His thumb hovered over the button with the green phone. He only had to press it. 

His eyes looked up from the phone as he rolled to a stop in front of the house. He could see the motorhome and the chickens. He could see the shed that doubled as a year around grow room. He saw their life and instead of hitting the call button, he flipped the phone over. 

Without bothering to power it down, he pulled the back off and removed the battery before breaking the old style flip phone in two. He tossed the parts into the back of the truck when he got out. 

He couldn’t be like them. He couldn’t support people like King Jacob and King Mason being given power after they had hurt so many. He couldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t allow it. 

As he fed the chickens and gave their coop and pen a quick clean, he wondered if that was what Dee had been dancing around. Would she go with him, if he set out to remove another abusive self named king from power? Would she think he was just a vengeful killer? Was he just a vengeful killer?

There were a good number of eggs in the coop and Clint was thankful for them. They were laying and earning their keep. Feeding chickens food scraps and getting eggs in return was far better than eating the chickens. He left a handful of eggs in the nests. If they were lucky, they would hatch. He picked up older eggs, saved for the same reason and marked with a black dot. Using the light of the sun, he checked them for signs of development and life. Inside, there was a shadow of something growing. Later, he would come out with a flashlight and look properly but that was good enough for now. 

The rooster Tony eyed him with disgust. Clint flipped the bird off as he walked into the house. The damned bird should be thankful he wasn't turned into fried chicken yet. Clint was all for using the male to breed the females and have enough chicken and eggs to eat some of both. There was only one rooster though and he worried about genetics. He'd have to eventually worry about finding someone else with chickens to trade and diversify the genetics.

In a cabinet above the refrigerator, he pulled down an empty egg carton and filled it. Laura had always talked about getting chickens when he had finished his countless projects to improve the house. She gathered cartons to remind him or annoy him, he wasn’t sure which. He never did finish the house for her. Even now, it was unfinished. Now there were chickens. 

From the deep freezer he grabbed bags of meat. Deer and turkey, mostly whole cuts though he had ground some scraps up. He didn’t pull much out- if it spoiled he didn’t want much to waste. He dropped the bags into a cooler he had partially filled with snow and ice.

He hoped that would work, if kept outside and in the shade, to keep the foods frozen and good for the winter. There was always the question of the weather. This winter had been different than he had seen in the ten years he’d owned the land.

Somehow, it was both colder and harsher than what was normal but it was also warmer. There was a layer of melted snow and ice sandwiched between snowfalls. More often than not, the sky was full of heavy dark clouds. He wondered how long it would take for the ash and dust to truly settle. 

He loaded up a box with bags of dried pasta and canned vegetables and fruit. On top, he set onions, a few potatoes and a handful of squash. He filled another box with apples, cans of pie filling and tossed on a few cook books. He filled large gallon bags with flour and sugar from their stores. It wasn’t a lot but it was something. After putting everything in the bed of the truck and securing it, he made his way to the shed turned greenhouse. 

The plants inside looked to have been growing well. He had put the lights on a timer before they had left on the off chance that they’d be gone for more than a night. The fact that he had managed to convert the shed into a functional greenhouse was something he was proud of. 

Trees grew in large pots, waiting for spring when he would plant them outside. A few small buds grew on the branches of a few citrus trees. He fingered them as he passed. They hadn’t expected any fruit from the trees for at least a year. These buds would likely grow into fruits too small to eat, if they matured at all. 

Moving down the aisles, he pulled his knife from it’s sheath at his thigh. The tomatoes had grown well in the greenhouse and the vines of little cherry sized fruit were heavy and bright red. He slipped three of the vines into the box. There were a few zucchini. He hesitated for a bit before snagging two of the vegetables to add to the box. 

They were not thriving in the makeshift greenhouse. He knew once spring came and he transplanted them outside, it would be a completely different story. By summer they would have more zucchini than they would ever want to eat. That would be the case for many of the vegetables. Luckily, they would keep well enough in the cellar.

They would freeze or can much of the excess for the next winter. If they were lucky, next winter they wouldn’t have to fear where they would get their next meal. There was another reason he planted more than they needed was for trading. He held very little  hope that nationwide supply systems would be functional by then.

There were many who would be suffering from lack of food this winter. Clint strived to make sure that they were not among them. They would have food- sure there would be an overabundance of some things and they’d get tired of eating the same foods but they would not be hungry. 

Still, he knew their supplies were thin when accounting for supplying Sasha through the winter. There was no doubt that to supply Rachel and Lizzy it would eat into their supplies. Clint would have to spend more time hunting to supplement what they were growing. Worse yet, he knew he would have to travel farther and farther each time he went out for supplies. 

Clint picked a few handfuls of strawberries and called that a day. Sure, there was more ready for harvest. There was food stored in the cellar and pantry but it wasn’t enough. If he had to pick between him and Dee starving or Rachel, Sasha and Lizzy starving, he would choose to keep his food. 

He loaded up the back of the truck before pulling himself into the driver’s seat. Rather than start the engine, he sat there thinking with his eyes on the barn. His thoughts swam. The desire to help someone warred with his desire to put himself and the woman he loved first. 

He grumbled. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel. Finally, he rolled his eyes and signed. Opening the door, he slipped back out of the truck and stomped back to the barn. There was no one to witness his tantrum but that did nothing to stop him from throwing one.

He grabbed a large potted cherry tomato plant. The branches and stems slapped him in the face. While he carried it to the truck, all he could think about was how much the plant stank. He was never a fan of the smell of tomato plants. He slipped it into the floor space behind the passenger seat.

He went back to the barn and grabbed potted lettuce plants and berries as well. Whether Sasha had a green thumb or not, he didn’t know but at least they would have some sort of food growing. It wouldn’t be enough to support them. They wouldn’t be able to survive off lettuce, tomatoes and berries alone if he wasn’t able to supplement their supplies but it was something. 

The engine roared to life as Clint decided enough was enough. He turned around in the drive and made his way down the dirt road. The gate rolled open as he approached, mindful all the while of the pots sitting behind him. 

The first veterinary office he checked had the windows broken out. It was in a small town not too far from the farmhouse. There were days he’d woken up in this town, having spent the night prior in a delirious hunt for his wife and children. It had been a long time since he had visited this town.

Closing his eyes, he took a moment to be thankful that he hadn’t woken up like that since Dee joined him. She saved him from the memories and longing. She saved him as much as he had saved her. 

There were a few people who still lived in this little town, though they hid whenever he had been there. Part of him wondered what he had done in the night, lost in a delirium looking for those who he had failed. It must have been terrible, for them to hide from him. Still, he didn't mind that none came to greet him or question him. He would rather less people crawl out of the woodwork and expect him to help them. 

Glass crunched under his feet as he stepped over the broken window. Ice and snow covered the ground, obscuring the razor shards hidden in seemingly innocent ice. Slipping and falling here would easily be fatal. Judging by the dried or frozen blood pooled by the window, it already may have been for someone. Looking over to the left, Clint saw the man.

He must have been the one to break the windows in. Dead eyes gazed back at Clint. He didn’t look away from the sight. Frost had touched the man’s fingers and face. Ice and snow gathered over his legs, giving away the fact that he had been there for a while. The dim light of the setting sun flooded in through the broken window. He could see the trail of blood. Around his arm was a bandage, not wrapped nearly tight enough to slow the flow of blood and save the man's life. 

He retraced the man’s footsteps. Heavy boots thudded on the tile floor next to the dark trail. Clint followed it through the lobby. It smeared along the reception desk in dark stains and over scattered papers. On the floor was a first aid kit. The plastic was broken, shards of artificial red on the ground. 

That was where the man had gotten the bandage he had used to try and wrap his wounds. It wasn’t enough. Rolls of bandage littered the ground. He would have needed every one of them to have anything like a chance. Judging by the trail of blood, nothing would have been good enough other than a doctor though. The fact that he had made it as far as he did was impressive. Humans were always one of the most impressive beasts.

On the wall next to the reception desk there was a display of colorful plastic cones. Clint was sure they were the ‘deluxe’ cones the receptionists would try to up-sell. When his own dogs needed a cone, he always went with the cheap clear or white ones. The cone never stayed on long enough anyway. There was no way in hell he was going to shell out $30 for something that wouldn’t be on for even half the recommended time. 

He grabbed a handful of the large ones. There was no reason not to give Trust a deluxe cone experience. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his old dogs would have been more willing to wear one if he splurged the extra money for the nice ones. It was too late to know, the dogs had all died of old age. The one that remained turned to dust along with everyone else he had loved. 

The door into the treatment area was closed. Clint tried the knob, expecting to find it locked. The knob turned under his hand without the slightest resistance. 

“This is too easy.” He mumbled to himself, looking over his shoulder at the dead body. “Watch my truck, will ya? I should have done this first....” 

The last thing he wanted was to find the truck stripped of supplies when he came back out. He took a deep breath. His boots echoed on the tile floors as he made his way through the dark halls. A few dim lights shone, allowing him to see his way. The emergency power had to have been almost gone by now. 

Under one of the large procedure tables, there was an emergency bag. The bright red gave it away. He wasted no time in reaching down, plucking it up and setting it on the table. Inside, Clint found a flashlight but little else was useful. He pocketed the travel sized packets of pain medication and alcohol wipes, leaving the rest to someone in more need. 

Dust danced in the air as the beam shed light on the space. He listened for a moment, making sure he was alone. There was nothing but silence in the clinic. It didn’t sound like there was anyone messing with the truck either. With a deep breath, he pushed himself to pick up the pace. 

He skimmed bookshelves in offices, looking for any books that could double as ‘Veterinary Medicine for Dummies’. When he didn’t find one, he left the office. It wouldn’t do to waste time looking for books. Sasha was a nurse and would have to trust herself. 

He checked cabinets, breaking open doors when he encountered locks. It was a vet’s office, not a doctors or pharmacist and so the locks reflected that. The doors and locks both were weaker. No one expected someone to hit up a veterinary office looking for pain meds. 

Looking around, Clint found a grocery bag in a trashcan. It looked clean enough. Without giving it much thought, he dumped veils of medication into it. Some were in boxes, some not. Clint assumed the boxes had the drug information inside. If not, he wasn’t going to hunt for it.

When he checked the cabinets and emptied what he thought he could use, he grabbed the bag full of medications and made his way out. On his way, he reached down and snagged the emergency bag. No point in leaving something useful behind because he didn’t have an immediate need for it. 

Through the broken glass, he could see the truck looking just like he left it. There was no one else around, from what he could see. Having his eyes on the truck full of supplies was a relief. He allowed himself to relax just a bit. 

When he stepped through the window, there was a scream. Clint, in reflex he dropped the bags and screamed for a split second. While his throat tightened and cut his voice off after a fraction of a second. He reached out to the source of the surprise and grabbed them. While he intended to pin them against the way, he hadn’t intended to do so with so much force. 

His foot had slipped on the ice, carrying them both forward. The boy’s teeth crashed together with the force as he hit the wall. Clint caught his balance before crashing into the wall himself. The boy’s chest heaved and his eyes were wise.

“Please.” The boy begged and he was a boy. Clint would guess he was no more than 15. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to take anything. I’m sorry. Please let me go.”

“Yeah you were.” Clint grumbled as he let go of the boy after giving him a quick glance over. He appeared to be unarmed, underweight and dirty.

“I was. But I won’t. I’m sorry. I’m just- I’m so hungry and there’s so much.”

“Are you alone?” 

“My gran- she’s at home.”

Clint sighed and looked at the boy again. He rolled his eyes and pulled from the box a bag of flour and a stem of tomatoes. It wasn’t a lot but it was something. After thinking for a moment, he grabbed a can of beef stew to add. “Take this. Water that stew down a bit and boil it with flour and you can stretch it farther. Good luck.” 

Clint didn’t look at the boy again as he grabbed his bags and tossed them into the truck. He refused to look at the now crying boy as he started the engine and pulled away. If the boy was lucky, he would make it to spring. More than likely, both he and his gran would be dead by then. Clint told himself he couldn’t care.

~~~~~<3

  Tag list: @usedtobegoodfriend96, @alcoholic-muffin, @theoneanna, @alexakeyloveloki, @toozmanykids, @winterisakiller, @j-u-s-t-4, @bambamwolf87, @missaphrodite23, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @carissime72, @myoxisbroken, @coyotesongwriting, @wegingerangelica​, @tnystrk-exe​, @faemapfae​, @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​

[lisinfleur]

Under Her Skin

Author’s Notes | I would like to thank this dear anon for this request. Such as the one I did for Sigurd (Here, for the ones who want to see!), this request treats about a very delicate and important theme that must be shouted out to the four corners of Midgard: eating disorders aren't mimimi or bullshit. They're real, they're diseases that can consume a person entirely and drag someone into an endless vortex that will lead whether to permanent sequels or death. Always treat this theme with patience, comprehension, and dedication. Be gentle, kind, and supportive with a victim of these conditions. Many times, support is everything a person needs to get rid of Mia’s chains or Ana's cold embrace.

Universe | Vikings Pairing | Hvitserk x Reader Info | Viking Age AU, requested by anon for 5CW6. Suggested soundtrack: All I need (Within Temptation) Words | 2264 ⁑ Warnings: ANGST, mentions of eating disorders, romance. Caution is recommended: the following content may be triggering.

You thought he was stupid.

Hvitserk was convinced you thought he was stupid enough to think that small stains of sauce in your plate were enough for him to believe there was food over that surface and your fingers were really cleaning your mouth with that absolutely clean napkin in your hands.

He was observing you through the last months since his fingers noticed your stomach were flatter and your waistline reducing...

You stopped making your meals with him, dedicating yourself to make company to your husband, sometimes even serving his food in his mouth, but almost never taking pieces to yourself.

It started when Torvi asked you if you were pregnant in the last time his brother Björn feasted in your house with his wife and kids. You were surely in your fertile days - after years by your side, Hvitserk was used to see how your lines and curves were more attractive when you were in these days - but somehow you took his sister in law's curiosity in a different way and now, you were thinner and thinner and somehow any food he could buy or hunt for your cabin was lasting longer...

Of course. The two of you would devour a pan of stewed rabbit with vegetables in a day. But he would take two meals to finish the same pan.

And making the math, sometimes he was taking really twice the time to see the meat finished at the pans or the leftovers going out to the pigs and the cattle to avoid the loss of good vegetables...

You weren't eating.

And now he was sure, for you weren't even disguising it properly anymore: you were so used to his lack of perception that you forgot to simply mess with the food into the pans to pretend it was eaten this time: the rice and mashed potatoes were untouched. Your plate was dirty only with a small stain of the meat's sauce.

Hvitserk giggled, disgusted. The cap of the pan in his hand.

"What? Is there something wrong, husband?" you asked, afraid you had cooked anything he didn't want or didn't like.

You were sure that was one of his favorites!

Yet, he looked at you, serious and seeming to be angry.

"Why are you lying to me, wife?"

That question caught you unprepared and you frowned at him, surprised.

"What are you talking..."

His anger was so vivid that Hvitserk didn't let you express your confusion, bringing the subject straight to the table and taking the surprise away from your face, putting on a horror expression when you realized he discovered what you were hiding so far.

"Don't play me the fool anymore! You're not eating, Y/N! And don't come to me with this stained plate pretending you did anything but spread some sauce in this thing. You didn't eat, such as you didn't eat today at breakfast, yesterday at dinner... Such as you have been skipping meals all the time, thinking I'm stupid enough to not to notice my wife is fucking disappearing inside her clothes!"

You weren't expecting to be uncovered this explicit way and your first reaction was, obviously, trying to keep the disguise, giggling at his absurd comment.

It was absurd, right? You weren't "disappearing into your clothes" as he said. Instead, your dresses were awfully strange in your body and you were sure it was because you were fat like a pregnant woman swollen with the child the gods still didn't have brought into your marriage, but you were already showing in your large body.

If it wasn't like this, why would Torvi insinuate you were enormous enough to be confused with a pregnant woman?

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hvitserk. I'm not losing weight..."

But again, he interrupted you, coming closer.

Those wrinkles in between his frowned eyebrows causing his face to look pretty annoyed.

"Do you think I'm blind?"

You weren't understanding all that anger in his eyes, but Hvitserk was pretty annoyed with that whole situation. Did you really think he was that stupid to not to notice such a change in your life?

"Do you think I care this few about you? To miss such a thing like you skipping all the fucking meals we should be doing together? This is how you see me as a husband? A careless bastard who cannot see his wife's skin gluing to her bones?"

His pride was offended. But his words were making no sense for you! You were fat! You were sure it was the reason why Torvi was so sure of your pregnancy! How could he think you were thinner this way with such a small time and little effort?

Right, you weren't eating more than an apple per day, hiding the parts in a napkin into the kitchen to eat a quarter of it in each meal and it was keeping you kinda alive; drinking water enough to fill a barrel and that was it. Hiding from Hvitserk's eyes by dirtying your plates and pretending you had eaten before him or throwing up the food you were obligated to eat in the collective feasts at the Hall by his side.

It wasn't that much for him to be so annoyed or worried... Was it?

"I... I have been trying to lose some weight, but... It's not that much, husband, I don't see a reason for you to be so annoyed," you said, really confused by all that anger in his eyes.

But he giggled again, looking at you in disbelief.

"You don't see a reason maybe because it must be hard to see yourself in the mirror! For the gods' sake, woman, you're starving yourself! You gonna find a way to get yourself sick! Now stop this shit right now and put some food for yourself or else I won't eat as well and then we can see which one of us will faint first!"

He was so pissed... Why?

Weren't you trying to be pretty for him? Wasn't him your reason for all that effort? Why was he so pissed off when you were trying to prevent him from being mocked because of his wife's terrible appearance?

It wasn't fair! And it annoyed you he was being so rude. Well, he could go to Hella's embrace if he wanted: you wouldn't become a whale just because he didn't know how to be grateful!

You placed a full plate for you, filling it as much as you could and looking at him disappointed and annoyed.

"Are you satisfied now, Hvitserk?"

To what he answered annoyed as well.

"No. The plate is still full. Sit and eat, wife!" he almost ordered, causing you to grunt in anger.

How could he be so ungrateful?

You ate that food until the last grain, pushing it inside with the bigger amount of water you could drink in between the portions. The bigger was the quantity, the easier would be throwing that up after that meal, so you didn't try to economize.

But Hvitserk already had observed that behavior in you as well. Whenever you were in a feast on the Hall, you were eating like that, unnaturally filling yourself with mead, water or whatever there was to be drunk, swallowing the food in large portions. Getting up as soon as you finished.

"I hope you're satisfied. I'll go out to piss now if you don't mind this as well, husband," you said, aggressive.

Out to piss...

Hvitserk didn't miss that either. His eyes followed your steps and he waited for some minutes before following you outside to find exactly what he was predicting: you, on your knees near the bushes, vomiting out everything you had tried to swallow so fast.

"I knew you were doing this!" he pointed out, furious, scaring you, causing you to almost choke and cough a lot. "I knew you were fucking throwing up! What the fuck is wrong with you, Y/N?" he complained, helping you to put yourself straight and pushing a cup of water into your hands. "Why are you fucking doing this, uh?"

He was being so rude! So, you decided to be rude against him as well, drinking the water just to put yourself straight enough to answer him with the same angry tone he had against you.

"I'm doing it for you, you idiot! Cause I don't want you to be mocked by the others because your wife is a damn whale! I'm fucking doing everything I can to keep me pretty for you and this is what you give me in exchange!” you yelled, hurt.

Feeling he wasn't being fair to your sacrifices.

His face twisted in a shocked expression.

"For me? You're fucking killing yourself and you think it would be something good for me?"

Why was he being so extreme?

"I'm not killing myself, Hvitserk. I'm not even thinner!"

"The fuck you aren't! Y/N you used to have curves! Now look!" he placed his hands around your waist and his fingertips almost touched each other in a perfect circle: index near index in your back, thumb near thumb in front of your belly.

Your flat and small tummy you thought was swollen...

You looked at the fabric of your dress, compressed in between his fingers, almost as if it was the only thing preventing his fingertips to touch each other surrounding your waist perfectly. His hands were shaking in nervousness.

"You're fucking starving to death, Y/N! Throwing up meals, fucking skipping them, drinking more water than I never see a human being able to hold and do you really think I didn't see you chewing the pieces of that damn apple you cut in four every day?"

He was so nervous...

It wasn't anger. Your eyes faced his and he didn't look angry for you anymore.

Hvitserk was... Afraid?

"I'm fucking seeing what you're doing! I have been watching you! Stop freaking lying to me!"

He was cursing so many times... His voice was trembling just like his hands and he pulled you into his arms, causing your heart to skip a beat when you felt his heart rushing so fast into his chest.

"You're fucking killing yourself! I'm fucking losing you and I don't know what to do to make you stop! Fucking stop, Y/N! Just stop! Please..."

You could feel his hands into your hair and around your waist, his kisses to your forehead and the top of your head.

"Stop..."

His voice was so cracked, so worried. His heartbeat so fast.

You were doing that for him but... It wasn't making him smile. Or proud. Or happy.

Instead, Hvitserk was scared in a way you never have seen before, holding you as if releasing that embrace would mean losing you to whatever was taking you away from him.

You held him back, slowly. You never wanted him to feel so worried or scared that way.

"I... I just wanted to be pretty for you," you mumbled. "Torvi thought I was pregnant that day... And... I didn't want you to be mocked by your brothers... Or the others... I just wanted to be pretty for you, I swear."

You were shocked. You never thought you had gone so far.

You were feeling weaker these days, but you thought it was a normal thing for someone in a diet, right? You never thought you were that thin...

The image of his hands around your waist was kinda impressed into your mind.

"You are pretty. You are the prettiest woman in Midgard and I don't need you to starve yourself this way! You say you're doing this for me. I don't want to, Y/N!" he said, cupping your face, touching his forehead to yours, "I don't want you to do it. I don't want this. It's not making me happy. I don't wanna fucking lose you, Y/N!"

Your poor sweet prince... He was so scared! So full of fear...

Your hands touched his face, caressing his beard softly the way you knew he liked to feel. And he held your hand, kissing your palm, allowing you to notice there was really a huge difference between your fingers and his.

"Promise me you won't do this again..." Hvitserk asked, kissing your fingers. "Promise me you won't leave me, Y/N."

Leave him...

You wouldn't think about such a thing. Ever.

But his fear was so palpable... Maybe you were really hurting yourself that much.

"I... I don't wanna leave you, my love, I never wanted this to happen," you said, keeping the small caresses, feeling his thumb sliding through your cheek.

"Then stop it. Come back inside. I'll make you some tea to heal your stomach. Then, you'll eat with me, every meal. You don't need to eat that much! But eat with me, like you used to do... I don't mind your curves, Y/N. I love every inch of you and you're taking my inches away..."

You laid your head against his chest, nestling in his neck, kissing softly his jawline, nodding in agreement to his ask, feeling the way he seemed to slowly relax with the idea that terror was over and you wouldn't fight him about that anymore.

"I don't feel hungry..." you mumbled, "But I'll try to make it for you."

"Yes," he mumbled back, near your ear. "This is something I want you to do for me... I want you to live with me, love. I want you to stay with me."

If he wanted that, then you could try.

For him, you could do anything.

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @bluearchersstuff || @ivarswickedqueen || @directionlessbuthappy || @akamaiden || @bang-kim-bap || @cris101071 || @solveigs-temple || @volvas-temple || @alicedopey || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla || @lol-haha-joke || @normatural || @readsalot73 || @shutter-bug124 || @rekdreams247 || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia || @laketaj24 || @therealcalicali || @grungyblonde || @arses21434 || @honestsycrets || @rabeccablake || @2thequietone4 || @blackspiritshake || @vikingsbifrost || @sincerelysinister || @x-valhalla || @allvikingsfanfic || @calum-hoodwinked-me || @lyanna-the-giantsbane || @chinduda || @isthat-tyra98 || @hissouthernprincess || @xinyourdreamsx ||

Want to be tagged? Ask me!

[bourbonboredom]

A Reason To Believe Chapter 3

Being an undercover officer is a perilous job and Flip Zimmerman knows this far too well. He keeps his romantic life limited to one-night stands, never letting anyone get too close. That all starts to change when he meets a vivacious Jewish woman named Elle just as he’s about to take on a seriously dangerous  undercover job; infiltrating the KKK. Elle and his undercover work make him question things he’d never thought to before and challenge him to see the world, and himself, in a whole new light.

A Flip x OC Fic

Word Count: 4,751

Warnings: none

Of all the boys I've known, and I've known some

Until I first met you, I was lonesome

And when you came in sight, dear, my heart grew light

And this old world seemed new to me

(x)

“Grandma said today’s the New Year,” Flip told his mother as he watched her move around the kitchen. She was making dinner so it was ready for dad as soon as he came home.

She smelled of perfume, as always, and was immaculately dressed while making cooking, as always. He sat at the kitchen table, his legs swinging from his seat, not quite able to touch the ground yet. His growth spurt wouldn’t happen until seven years later when he reached thirteen. 

“Did she now?” His mother’s voice had just a hint of annoyance, one Flip didn’t yet recognize. And so he powered on. 

“She told me on the phone last week. She said we should call her today so say Luh-Sannatovah--”

“Luh-sha-NAH tov-AH,” She corrected him, opening the oven door. “And we don’t celebrate that, Grandma knows this,”

“But why not? We’re Jewish aren’t we?” 

“We don’t celebrate it Phillip, don’t ask again please,” her voice was clipped but dangerous. The roast pan clattered as she slammed it on the stove top. 

“Don’t mention this to your father when he gets home, the last thing he needs is to hear you bringing this up,”

Flip stopped swinging his legs. He kept his mouth shut from then on about the holiday from then on. 

------------

As promised Flip was at the apartment before sundown, a bottle of red wine in hand. He parked his truck on the street outside the plain brick building. He looked from the sheet of paper with her address, it said she was on the third floor. He looked up to the windows, hoping to maybe catch a glance of her before making his way into the building.

He went up the old rickety staircase, the steps groaning under his weight. He opens the door to the third floor hallway and looks for her apartment number. As he walked he could hear the different tenants going about their night. One room had a tv blaring the latest variety show, another had the game playing in the radio as some kids were running around. He finally reached her apartment door, music drifting into the hallway.

He knocked on the door and awkwardly looked around while waiting for her to open the door. He noticed a tiny brass object hammered into her door frame, just at his eye level. It was a mezuzah, which had parts of the Torah inscribed on a piece of paper inside in order to bless the home. He vaguely remembered his grandmother instructing him to touch it before coming into someone's home. He placed his fingertips to it gently, feeling the cool metal under his skin. In that moment he heard a lock unlatch and he pulled his hand back to his side right before door swing open in front of him.

"Hey you," Eliana looked up at him, opening the door wider. "Come on in, you're the first one here,"

"Hi Eliana--”

“You can call me Elle,” She interjected, walking further into the space.

 “Elle. It smells good in here," he following her into the kitchen.

He noted she was wearing a pair of chords and a simple blouse, her Star of David necklace hanging freely now that it was unrestricted by a uniform. Her hair was half pulled back and she was barefoot. For a moment he wondered if he should have taken off his shoes but before he could ask she started speaking again.

"Thanks, I've been cooking all day. Sorry it's a bit of a mess in here right now," she said, moving back to the oven to check on what was cooking inside.

"All day?" He asked.

"All day," she reaffirmed. "It's a holiday, and a lot of the traditional foods weren't really available at the supermarket. So I had to make do,"

She motioned to the kitchen table, which held an impressive amount of food. Round loaves of challah still giving off steam, bowls filled with cooked carrots and potatoes, and another platter of unidentified food filled the small table.

"Well it looks great," he said, settling the bottle of wine among the feast.

“Thanks! The chicken will be ready soon. I figured that would be friendlier than the customary fish head. Besides, my other friends don't eat a lot of fish so this was the safest option,"

"Where are your other friends?" He asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"They should be here soon. I think they're running late, Ruth always seems to be a good ten minutes late to everything. We had to change her watch to be fifteen minutes fast so she could actually get to work on time," Elle rolled her eyes and lifted herself up to sit on the counter.

The two sat in awkward silence for a moment, the only sound in the kitchen was the record player crooning pre-war tunes. The harmonizing of The Andrews Sisters poured from the speakers, playing a song he hadn’t heard since his childhood.

Bei mir bist du schön, please let me explain

Bei mir bist du schön means you're grand

Bei mir bist du schön, again I'll explain

It means you're the fairest in the land

Despite having an obvious attraction to one another, they both realized in that moment they really didn't know much about the other person.

"So... did you have any trouble finding the place?" she asked.

"No, I have a pretty good idea of where things are here. Police and all," he responded.

"Yeah, that'd make sense," she said, seeming like she was kicking herself on the inside.

"Do you need help finishing anything up?" He asked, trying to be polite.

"You could cut some apples with me, I haven't quite gotten there yet," she hopped off the counter and pulled a bowl of apples off the counter and placed it between the two of them.

"Knives are in the drawer by your leg," she pointed. He stepped back and pulled a couple out for them and they got to work.

"So any particular reason for apples? Kinda strange for dinner," He asked.

"Wow, you were serious about not celebrating, huh?" Elle said, smiling up at him. "Apples slices and honey are eaten together to symbolize having a sweet new year ahead,"

"And the fish head you mentioned?" He asked, almost not wanting an answer.

"You start with the head of the animal, its supposedly good luck. My mother used to go to the market to get sheep head, and would get mad when we wouldn't eat it,"she grimaced. "I'll take my chances with the chicken if it means my dinner isn't gonna be looking at me,"

"Understood," he said, not wanting to think about that memory.

"My siblings and I would collect the meat in napkins and toss it outside to the neighbor’s dog. My mom thankfully never caught us,"

"You have siblings?"

"An older sister and a younger brother. Rebecca is off living the housewife life with her husband and 4 kids in Brooklyn. Alex is finishing up college in Manhattan,"

"Is it hard being away from them?"

"Sometimes. Is it bad to say but I miss my brother more than my sister? I'm kinda the black sheep of the family, choosing a career over meeting a nice Jewish boy and settling down. Rebecca likes to remind me that my biological clock is ticking, she takes after mama," she tried to switch the conversation away from her. "How about you? Any siblings?"

"Nope, only child. I do get the settling down question from mom a lot though, that's seems pretty universal,"

"I guess so," she laughed. He laughed with her.

“So how did you get all the way to Colorado from New York City? Aren’t most people dying to move to your hometown?”

“New York is my home, and it will always be,” Elle mused. “But after going upstate for college, which was a good eight hours from home, I learned that I really liked my freedom,”

“I was away from my parents for the first time. I was taking classes on things that I actually liked and was making friends, and could wear pants without my mother kvetching about me looking like my brother! I love my family but being on my own felt great and I didn't know if I would be able to have that if I stayed in New York. So I took a job in Indiana at a hospital in a small city. I worked there for a few years and heard about a job opening at a hospital in Colorado that desperately needed nurses and was paying more than enough, so I thought why not? So here I am,” she gestured to the room surrounding them.

“That’s brave of you,” he noted.

“I don’t know if its brave so much as I’ve seen my sister’s life as a housewife and its encouraged me to want more. It’s like Betty Friedan said 'no woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor’—”

Flip’s lips twisted into a smile and he let out a short laugh. She realized the crassness of her quote and put a hand up to cover her mouth.

“I probably shouldn't be talking about orgasms during the high holy days,” she laughed.

“I get what you’re saying though. It’s not everyones calling,”

“And your calling is being a cop?” She changed the subject.

“I guess. I joined the military right out of high school. My dad was in the Air Force so it was expected of me. We lived on base in Nebraska, he didn’t retire until I was in my twenties. I did two tours over in Vietnam before coming back to the states and joining the Colorado Springs PD,”

“Is this the wrong time to tell you I spent a lot of time in college and post-grad protesting the war?”

“I mean, I went over there and I served but I didn't really agree with what was happening by the time I left. A lot of the people around me had been drafted. They didn't want to be there and were vocal about it, but we kept each other safe enough to get home,”

She was quiet and avoided his gaze. He knew what she was thinking. The country was so polarized about this war. It wasn’t popular by any means. He remembered the welcome he received coming home. Wearing your uniform didn't feel honorable when people called you a baby-killer as they walked by. He traded in that uniform for a CSPD one, finding it to be one of the only places where people didn’t scowl when they heard his resume.

“I didn’t kill anyone if thats what you’re thinking. My unit wasn't specialized or anything, we barely saw any action. There isn’t as much going on over there as the news is making it out to be,”

She bit the inside of her lip, cheeks flushing as she took in his words.

“I honestly hadn’t heard anything from anyone who had been over there. I appreciate you being honest about it. Sorry if I came off too strong,”

“It’s okay, I get it. Besides, you can make it up to me with dinner,”

He flashed her a cheeky smile and she shot one back his way. She looked beautiful right now, with her hair up in a loose bun from cooking and apron covering her outfit. He hoped he was appropriately dressed. He’d subbed out his usual flannel and jeans for a dress shirt and slacks. She was about to open her mouth, no doubt to shoot a sarcastic remark his way when she was suddenly interrupted.

The phone rang and she excused herself to go answer it. He found this all strangely relaxing. Slicing apples, the background music, the two of them just chatting and laughing. It was like they'd been doing this together for ages. His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden change in her voice, he eavesdropped into her call in the next room.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to send some soup your way?... No, don't worry about it, you focus on getting better... Okay, I'll call you tomorrow then, L'shana Tova..." she said before hanging up the phone and coming back in the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" He asked, putting the apple slices on a plate.

"The girl that was supposed to come, Ruth, she's really sick and can't make it. So I think it's just gonna be us," she said with an air of uncertainty.

He realized she was nervous. He was practically a stranger, just sitting in her kitchen with this huge meal she’d created. With four people, it would have been a party. With two though, it was more of an awkward date. He tried to receive the tension, let her know he was okay with this.

"Oh. Well, more wine for us then?" He offered.

She broke into a relieved smile.

"More wine for us then,"

——

The sun had just started to sink over the horizon as Flip helped Elle with setting the table, the two extra chairs being dragged back into the small living room. She turned off the radio and motioned for him to sit down as she retrieved a candle that had been burning in the other room.

“You said you’ve never done this before, right? Do you want me to break some of it down for you?” She asked as she came back into the kitchen.

“Uh— yeah. I mean, yes. Please. That’d be great,” he said, wanting to seem at ease with everything that was happening.

She took the unlit candle sticks, set in silver holders, and lit them with the existing flame which she then set on the kitchen counter behind them. She turned back to the table, standing over the candles. After a deep breath through her nose she closed her eyes, waved her hands over the flames and began reciting a prayer.

If Flip was being honest, he didn't understand anything she was saying. He never went to Hebrew school. The closest was an hour away and his father basically forbid it. There were no celebrations in his house growing up, at least none that were explicitly Jewish. He never thought much of his secular upbringing, but he couldn't help but feel in awe of the way Elle stood in front of him, speaking a language that was thousands of years old.

She looked so at peace with her movements, the prayers could have meant anything to his inexperienced ears but they sounded reassuring when voiced by her. She moved to gently cover her eyes with her hands as she spoke, shielding them from the light. After she was finished, she placed the candle to the other side of the table away from the food.

“That was for lighting the candles, which is important for most of our holidays. Think of it as a signal that this is a sacred time, separate from the everyday,” She told him. “Could you pass me the wine?”

He handed her the bottle he brought her and she popped it open using a cork screw she had kept on the table. She poured some wine into a small metal cup and motioned for him to pass his own glass. His was filled as well and he listened as she recited another prayer. When she was finished, he wasn't really sure what to do with it. So he held it, waiting for her to continue.

"Say Amen, we drink it now. Kiddush cup first," she winked, taking a sip from the metal cup before passing it to him to do the same.

“That was us blessing the wine before the meal. This is good pick by the way,”

She turned her attention to the challah that was covered with a clean dish towel. She uncovered them and spoke again. Flip was starting to hear familiar words in her prayers, they all seemed to start the same way.

"Baruch Attah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Haolam…"

He couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed when she moved around with so much confidence. Elle had clearly been doing this for her whole life, and it made him think about how much of an absence there had been of this in his. There was purpose in her actions, the rituals being practiced were far older than either of them.

She broke off a piece of the challah, handing it to him before taking her own. She dipped it in a small bowl of honey, waiting for him to do the same, before bringing it to her mouth and eating it. He followed suit, met with sweet buttery bread and thick honey on his tastebuds.

“That was the HaMotzi, we’re thanking G-d for providing us bread,” She explained. “There’s one more blessing, and then we can eat. Take one of those apple slices you made and dip it into the honey,”

He did as instructed, mimicking the way she held it upward to keep the honey from dripping. He listened to her sing one more blessing, smiling to himself as he thought of how much he liked hearing her voice.

“Perfect! And now—” she took a bite of the slice. “We eat!”

“Thanks for walking me through, that was helpful,” he said as he ate his own slice.

“Of course. It’s weird to just sit there and listen to stuff you can’t understand. If Ruth and her boyfriend were here it might've been more fun, the more the merrier on holidays,”

“I’m still having fun with just you,” he looked to her, letting her know he really meant it.

She smiled at him, just staring back at him for a moment. It was hard to believe this was happening right now. He’d met Elle less than two weeks ago. He only learned her name earlier this week. And now they were having a holiday meal together in her apartment. He was used to moving fast with girls, but not like this.

“Oh no I forgot the chicken!" she gasped suddenly and rushed to the oven.

She pulled mitts on her hands and pulled the bird out in its pan. He'd forgotten about the main dish as well. There didn't seem to be any smoke so that was a good sign. She checked it over for damage.

"It's edible!" She declared, setting it down in the center of the table.

The two of them laughed before digging in.

---

Everything was delicious.

Flip couldn't remember the last time he’d had a full homemade meal. Maybe thanksgiving? Or going over to Jimmy’s one night? Whenever it was, Elle’s meal was two times better.

Between mouthfuls of food, they found time to converse. He wanted to know more about her, she was unlike anyone he’d ever met. Funny, assertive, intelligent, and had a pretty dirty mouth after a few glasses of wine.

“So you grew up an only child? Must’ve been nice having some damn peace and quiet,” she commented as he spoke about his upbringing.

“It was lonely sometimes. I think my parents might’ve wanted more kids but it just never happened. And yeah, it was really quiet. I didn’t realize how quiet until I started going to friend’s houses. My dad was a military man, very reserved and serious. And my mom was always concerned with fitting in with the neighbors,”

“That’s gotta be hard if you’re the only Jews on the block,” she sympathized.

“Yeah, we didn't really celebrate anything. Like, we had a menorah in the house but it was never lit. My parents said it was an heirloom and was too delicate for that, but I think my mom just didn't want the neighbors seeing. We even had a christmas tree up in later years,”

“Wow thats really bizarre. New York had literally everything. No one cared what you were doing for the most part. A lot of our neighbors were Jewish so there was never a second thought celebrating anything. I suppose that’s why my parents came here, the freedom of religion. There wasn’t much of that in Germany before they came over. Now they like to go all out,”

“They came before the war then?” he asked.

“Yep, 1937. They had my sister just a few months after arriving in America. Kind of an anchor baby, but don’t tell her that,”

“Do you speak German then?”

“German, Yiddish and Hebrew. They taught us German at home and we learned Hebrew in Hebrew school. We learned a little Yiddish too, but that’s just for talking at home, mostly simple stuff. I kinda wish I knew more,”

“Well, that’s still three more languages than I can speak,”

“I thought of going to school to study language. But then my mother said that’d be a good way to meet a husband and I decided to switch to nursing so I could make enough money on my own. And maybe to piss her off a bit,”

Flip laughed. He knew a lot of women went to college to get their MRS. degree, but he hadn’t heard of one who went to specifically avoid marriage.

“I’m sure she was thrilled. Eight hours away, protesting the war, and wearing pants,” he mused.

“Oh, she was ready to arrange a marriage at that point. I made the mistake of bringing home a box of rubbers one holiday break. She snooped around my bag and found it, I thought she was going to drop dead right there,”

He roared with laughter at the thought. Condoms were a very scandalous thing for a single woman to be carrying around in the 1960’s. For her even to obtain them was a mystery he thought was best unsolved. She was certainly ready to cause trouble at ever turn, and he loved it.

“I stole a cigarette from my father in middle school and went to the edge of the base to smoke it. One of the other officers caught me and told my dad. I don’t think I was more scared in my life than coming home and finding him in the living room with a belt next to him,”

She gasped before laughing again.

“Well was it worth it?”

“I smoke the same brand as him after all these years, it all worked out somehow,”

“I’m having trouble picturing you as a little trouble-maker, officer Zimmerman,” she confided, lips turned up.

“And I can’t see you as prim and proper. I saw you in your nurse uniform just a few days ago, looking all professional and crisp but then you’re telling me stories that make you out to be a hell-raiser,”

“I was a part of the National Organization for Women back in New York and Indiana, not to keep adding on to your narrative,”

N.O.W. was something he’d read about in the news, or seen on tv. A feminist group that was often demonized and dismissed. Passed off as a bunch of crazy women looking to achieve something that would never come about. He’d take those news stories with a grain of salt. He saw nothing wrong with a strong woman.

“A bra burn-er huh? You might need them here in Colorado, it gets pretty cold you know,” he teased.

“I’ll have you know my bras are fully in tact, thank you very much! We were more focused on getting the Equal Rights Amendment passed,” she informs him.

“Best of luck getting anything passed in Congress. But maybe there’s a chapter around here you could join,” he offered.

“You’re okay with me being a feminist?” she asked.

He was taken aback for a moment, unsure of how to answer that.

“Yeah. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Gotta be passionate about something, right?”

“And what are you passionate about Flip Zimmerman?” she rested her chin on her hand as she waited for his response.

He didn’t have one.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But this chicken sure is a forerunner,”

She gave him an odd little smile, somewhere between amusement and pity.

“You can take some home if you’d like, there’s more than enough,”

“I might have to take you up on that,”

They talked the night away, moving from the table to the couch once they were both full. The wine bottle followed them, perching on the coffee table as they spoke. They were just touching, her figure curled up on the cushion next to him, the two of them facing each other in the dim light.

She made him laugh like crazy and he did the same. They exchanged more childhood stories, and he filled her in on some of the more wild cases he’d been apart of on the force. Once they had both finished their last glass, things started to get heated.

What was ‘just touching’ became his large hand resting on her thigh. She rested her hand on his bicep as they spoke. And slowly, their faces grew closer and closer together until their words died on their lips. He was the one who bridged the gap, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. He was testing his luck, seeing if she was feeling the same way he was. She quickly returned the kiss, deepening between them.

It wasn’t long before the two of them were making out on her couch like teenagers. She moved to his lap, straddling him as they kissed. His hands settled on her waist and her’s rested on his shoulders. Flip hadn’t done this in a long while, just kiss a girl, really take his time. It was nice.

She broke a part their kiss, touching her nose to his as she spoke with a hushed tone.

“I have another bottle of wine we could open if you wanna stay a while,”

He thought about it. Of course he wanted to spend the night with her, she was fucking gorgeous. He would spend every night with her if he could. But that was part of the problem.

He wasn’t going to be able to one-and-done it with Elle. He liked her too much. He liked getting to know her and eating dinner with her and even preparing dinner with her. He wanted to get to know a girl with her clothes still on. Who was he turning in to?

New year, new Flip Zimmerman.

“As much as I would love that sweetheart, I gotta get up early for work tomorrow,” he heard himself say.

She looked disappointed. He felt disappointed in himself, to be honest.

“But this was nice. I’d like to do it again sometime,” he assured.

“You know Rosh Hashanah only happens once a year, right?” she teased. He chuckled.

“I mean us getting together and having a good time. Maybe more of this?” He accentuated his words by rubbing his hands down her sides.

“I think that could be arranged,” she hummed. “Yom Kippur in next week, I suppose you don’t so anything for that either?”

“I can’t say I do,”

“Well if you’re not up for fasting, you’re welcome to break fast with me. Maybe with some Chinese food from the place around the corner?”

“I’d like that. Not the fasting part, but after,”

She kissed him again, looping her arms around his neck as if to keep him there just a little bit longer. He felt himself getting tighter in his jeans, a sign that he should stop before the alcohol makes any major decision for them. He broke the kiss, lifting her from his lap with ease before setting her on her feet.

Her curls were slightly disheveled and her blouse was un-tucking but she still looked beautiful. She ran a finger over his Star of David before trailing into the next room.

“I’ll pack some of this up for you. You can get the Tupperware back to me whenever, there’s no rush,” she called from the other room.

he awkwardly stood on the doorway of the kitchen as she worked, not wanting to get in her way. She seemed to know what she was doing.

“You need any help with the clean up?” he asked.

“No, thanks for asking but don’t worry about it. It’ll help me sober up,” she joked. At least he wasn’t the only one who needed the break from the wine.

She strode over to him, three pink Tupperware containers in hand. He took them into his arms, cradling them so they wouldn't fall.

“I hope that’s enough,” she chewed at her lip.

“More than enough, thank you. And thank you for inviting me over. I hope your friend feels better,”

“I’ll tell her you said that, thanks. So I’ll see you soon?” she looked up at him with eager eyes. He had a feeling not just anyone got to see that.

“I’ll give you a ring tomorrow if you want. Around eight?”

Her face lit up.

“Perfect, I’ll hold you to it,” she warned him.

“Alright. Happy New Year Elle,”

“L’Shana Tova Flip,”

He swooped down to give her one last kiss before walking out the door.

“L’shana Tova” he mumbled as he walked down the hall, Tupperware in hand and a small grin on his face.

---------

Notes:

The light irony of having a Jewish New Year chapter released around the first week of 2019. Happy New Year! I tried to write Rosh Hashanah to the best of my ability, my family is on the Lite(TM) end of Judaism, so I asked a lot of friends about their family’s customs to help make sure everything was good. If anyone does anything differently, I’d love to hear it!

-For those who don’t celebrate Rosh Hashanah, it’s a two day celebration that is at the beginning of the seventh month of the Jewish calendar (which is different from the Roman one we use, thats why Jewish holidays fall on different days every year). It’s about the celebration and reflection of the last year, the latter helps prepare for Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement. 

-Rosh Hashanah usually has a service you attend, but Elle is new in town and I would think too busy with double shifts to make it to synagogue (if there were any close by at all). Dinner can be a big affair depending on what your family likes to do. There is a lot of symbolism involved in the food choices, and with two nights of celebration there are different customs for each night. For example, eating a new fruit is customary on the second night, but that isn’t written about in this chapter as it was only the first night. 

-Kvetching is Yiddish for complaining/bitching

-Betty Friedan’s quote is from her book The Feminine Mystique, which was a huge influence for the second wave of feminism. She also co-founded the National Organization for Women (NOW). She also believed associating with the LGBT community would hurt Women’s Rights, calling lesbians “The Lavender Menace” (which is obviously shitty)

-the 1960′s was a turning point in the national attitude toward sex. The Sexual Revolution in the 60′s and 70′s made sex more of an open topic, but a lot of things were still taboo. Condoms for unmarried women in the 60′s were hard to come by. Also remember, Roe v. Wade was 1973. Abortion was still illegal at this time.

-I absolutely do not advocate punishing children with belts. But Flip grew up in the 40′s/50′s/60′s where corporal punishment was unfortunately a lot more common.

-I head cannon that Flip grew up on Offut Air Force Base in Nebraska. 

-I head cannon that Elle went to nursing school in Buffalo, NY. The State University system would have been cheaper than private school, which her parents would have probably appreciated. SUNY schools were really big on protests in the 1960′s and 1970′s, some of the schools even having uneven staircases installed on campus that make it more difficult to riot (no joke). 

-Voicemail wasn’t invented until the last ‘70s, if you wanted to call someone, it was best to tell them what time you were calling. 

[undermoonlitsky]

Because it’s November, I wanna drop my favorite story I’ve ever written because it’s still relevant.

Mockingbirds

The day was as it should be; quiet and bright, but still cold and restless. Multicolored leaves littered the streets, creating a scene any artist would relish in. Mockingbirds were still singing in the trees. The air tasted similar to that of syrup and smelt of freshly cut wood. The sun hung low in the day, despite still being fairly early. The clouds were swollen with rain, and hung over houses threatening to burst. Once Anne arrived at the house, she was flooded with memories from her childhood. Things like Christmas and movie nights, reminded her of the happy childhood she was given. The door opened before she even knocked, and before she could utter a word she was hit by the force of three long awaited hugs. Her two sisters and even her older brother met her at door. Their screams momentarily deafened her. That only lasted for a second before they began looking behind her. “Where is he?” Belle, the youngest, and most kind and optimistic of the children, inquired. “You said he was cute.” Eve, the eldest and most categorizing of the bunch, strained her neck to catch what her little sister brought with her. “I want to make sure he’s good enough,” Gabe the only boy among the few, and Anne’s twin. Anne felt her heart quiver with the breeze, and she smiled in a nervous fashion, “He went out to get the butter that Ma needed.” She didn’t know how to tell them, so she ignored the subject, “Are you guys going to let me in?” “Oh, Anne, we’ve missed you.” Behind the offspring, came the creator. Jezebel, their mother was a stout and round mother of the four. She had ruled the house with a heavy, but very lenient hand. She usually meant well, and there were no harsh words anyone could say about her. Next came her father, Cain, looking like most fathers do; tired with a splash of love in his eyes. He was stronger than anyone of them, but sometimes weak in spirit. Anne ran into embrace the two, hoping they had forgotten. Of course, they didn’t “Where’s this boy of yours.” Ma said. “He’s not hiding, is he?” Dad said. “He went out to get that butter you needed, Ma.” “What a sweet kid. Now come on, help me cook. You’re the best cook out of all of them.” The kitchen was modest, as was their life. They were humble people, with kind upbringings. They meant well, and no one had many harsh words about them. They spent their days going to church, helping out at the schools, feeding the homeless, and whatever they had time for. They finished the food relatively fast, and were finished setting the table, before the butter had arrived. Belle had complained about the Christmas music. Eve ate the cranberry sauce, even though Ma said she wasn’t allowed. Gabe and Dad watched the food more than they watched the game. It all seemed perfect. When the doorbell rang, Anne’s heart dropped. She had almost forgotten about him, but she didn’t forget to run. She got to the door, a moment before the rest of them did. Before they could see him. Maybe, she thought, maybe this wouldn’t be so tragic. Maybe there was hope for him. Tobias looked up at the door innocently. He held the butter in his hands like it was a gift to Jesus himself. She looked at him, how naive she had been. He looked so different from them. How had she not seen it before. Not just his pale skin, but his dopey smile, his inability to fake anything, his voice, his actions. No, they would not accept him. He seemed to notice this in her face, “They don’t know.” “I didn’t think it would be that bad,” The door swings open without another word. And there’s no more hiding. At this moment Anne remembers all the bad things that happened in this house; the fighting, the ridicule and embarrassment, unappreciation, Christmas and Thanksgiving. She remembered the fear, the same fear she’s feeling now. She looks up into their eyes. How happy they had been moments ago. Anne realized then that it was fake. All of it, their enthusiasm to meet him, their happiness for her, and mostly the open arms they were going to greet him with. What a charade they had pulled. “This is Tobias,” she looked back at him, and saw the yearning for acceptance in his eyes. “Oh.” Belle, was already sizing him up. Without a word, she imagined what type of person he was. Behind her, Gabe grunted, as if to show dominance. “Why don’t you come inside,” It was becoming clear how this night would go. Eve had already run in to tell Cain and Jezebel the “news”. She came back only to tell us that dinner was on the table, and it was time to eat. Tobias made a joke about butter, but no one laughed, not even him. Anne clenched his hand, hoping to give and receive support. Ma dropped her spoon, and raised her hand to her mouth. Dad dropped his head, and lowered his expectations. Only Ma tried to feign her disappointment, “You must be one who, uh, stole Anne’s heart.” “Yes, it’s so nice to meet you Mrs.Odieux” His hand reaches out to shake hers, but she passes him, pretending not to notice him, and puts down the mashed potatoes. They avoided him like a deadly disease. Like they would combust into flames if they touched him. The grace was said, but instead of the jolly, hand holding family, they became solemn and isolated. The first question fell out of Eve’s mouth, “Where did you meet Anne?” He hesitated, surprised someone was talking to him, “Well, when I used to work at our local coffee shop, she-” “So, you don’t have a real job?” Cain feigned innocence. “Here we go,” Anne muttered. “Well, at the time, I guess not, but now, I’m working full time at a law firm.” “So, you’re a lawyer?” Gabe took his turn up to bat. “Yes” “I hate lawyers.” Dad bluntly said “Dad!” “What Anne? They are liars and money hungry. They have no respect for-” “With all due respect sir, I am a defender of innocents. I am a defender of those who want to be innocent. I do it not for the money, but the freedom of others.” “Don’t forget murderers,” Jezebel nodded, not looking at anyone, “You also defend murderers.” There was a moment of silence, as if they had given up. No, as if Anne had given up. Tobias still had hope. The next round started with Belle, “So, how many girls have you dated?” “Belle, you’ve got to be kidding me!” “It’s okay, in my high school life until now, I’ve dated six girls.” “And were any of them…?” “Black? No.” Ma gasps a little. “It’s not a dirty word, Ma.” Anne can barely eat. She wants to leave, go home with him, and never return. And finally, Gabe breaks the wall, “What are your intentions with my sister?” Everyone puts down their forks to hear Tobias’ answer. Anne almost chokes, and begins drinking water as a result. “I plan to marry her.” Ma cried. Belle prayed. Gabe walked away. Eve gasped. Dad yelled. Anne choked. Tobias beamed with confidence. “Not if I have any say!” Cain jumped from the table. “Why?!” Tobias proceeded to do the same thing. “Because... Because…” “Because I’m white? What if I was black? Then would there be a problem?” “No! If you were any other race, there wouldn’t be an issue!” Finally, the truth. “Dad!” Anne too rose from the table, “That’s enough. All of you.” “Listen here, and listen well. You will get out of my house-” “Dad!” “You will never see my daughter again. You will no longer put these demonic thoughts in her head-” “I’m putting demonic thoughts in her head? Don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re denying me the chance at anything, because of what my ancestors did?” “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” At this point Gabe had returned. “You will be no better,” Belle had stopped praying. “You could never be good enough,” Eve had come out of shock. “You will ruin her,” Ma had stopped crying. “Tobias?” Anne had stopped caring what they thought, “Let’s go.” “This isn’t right you know!” And Tobias had given up hope. “Don’t bother coming back for Christmas!” Anne didn’t know who yelled it. They all sounded like one body now. Snuffing out light and crushing hope. They had not meant well, and they had many harsh words to say. They saw the world through clouded eyes, and refused to hear clearly. They spoke with death kissed tongues and needle infested voices. Their eyes no longer lit up with joy. No, they had not meant well.

Sorry it’s so long, have a nice day

[lovemesomesurveys]

[created by: -ily-ylm]

We meet again, what's one of the best things you did today? Well, well, well. We meet again. ha. Anyway, it’s only 4:17 and so far I’ve just  ate ramen, watched YouTube videos, and now I’m doing some surveys, which  are all things I like to do.

Does your pet ever harass you when your eating food? She’ll sit by you and just stare. 

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "Oh God, Ew." I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible for that reason. I keep it short and only when I have to. Otherwise, I avoid looking at myself. And I sometimes use reflective surfaces that don’t make the best mirror because it doesn’t give a clear reflection or I keep my light off when I can see just enough. I’ve become very self-conscious these past few years. More so than ever. 

Name a song that gets stuck in your head now and then:: Random songs get stuck in my head all the time.

Do you have a pair of those big sunglasses? Do you wear them at all? I don’t wear sunglasses.

What’s your favorite flavor or kind of cough drop? The minty ones.

Peanut butter goes best with what one: Honey, jam or chocolate? It goes really well with all 3. Do you like sour candies? What's the most sourest candy you've ever tried? No, not at all. I don’t enjoy the sour taste for one, but also it irritates my mouth.

Is there something you really want, that a friend has?

FREEZE FRAME! Your five years old again...!! - You wake up, and your hungry. What do you want for some num-num's? Probably a chicken mcnugget happy meal.

You're done eating, what toy do you go play with? Barbies.

Your mom is taking you out to go to your favorite place, where is that? Chuck-E-Cheese.

You start crying, what's the reason? What/who made you cry? Probably just from being tired.

It's your 6th birthday! What was the present that made you crazy happy? All things Barbie.

Back To Random Reality... - When two family members are fighting, what do you usually do? Nothing.

Are you good at doing your own makeup? How about others' makeup? I was never great it. I didn’t mess with it too much, I just kept it simple. I definitely wasn’t good at doing someone else’s. 

Do you usually have to or want to drink when attending a party? I felt that way when I was younger and used to drink. My friends were doing it and I wanted to keep up with them. And I was like, I’m in my early 20s this is what you do. Bad way of thinking, but it’s true. Are you a fire-bug? What's something you've lit on fire before? No, I don’t mess around with fire. I’m a scardy cat.

What do you think would happen if you drank coke and then ate Mentos? Wasn’t that myth debunked?

What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? I loveeee mashed potatoes and gravy. I like sweet potato fries, but I don’t eat just sweet potatoes. 

Do you like the smell of men's perfume, such as Axe or Tag? I love the smell of a lot of colognes, but definitely not Axe or Tag. Ew. 

What's your all time FAVORITE freezer food? Do you eat that a lot? I used to love stuff like Pizza Rolls, Hot Pockets, chicken nuggets, pizza, Eggos, and those microwave meals like Healthy Choice and Smart Ones. I ate that kind of stuff all the time, but not so much anymore.

Name one reason why you wouldn’t be friends with someone: If they were arrogant and cocky.

What's your all time very least favorite cereal? I don’t like Special K or “healthy” cereals like that. 

Do you like documentaries? Have you ever watched one and found it boring? Yes to both. 

Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes or pie with your grandma? Sometimes.

Have you ever went into depression just because of one REALLY HORRIBLE day? Depression doesn’t work that way.

Are you easy to get along with? Are you a people person/social butterfly? I think so. No, I’m definitely not a people person or social butterfly. 

What is the one all time most scariest movie you've ever seen in your life? Hm. I don’t know because I’m not scared of horror movies anymore like I used to be. I used to be such a scardy cat. There’s been some I rewatched and I’m like wow, I was scared of that? There are some that are creepy for sure, but I really enjoy horror movies now. And I’m not effected by any of them, like they don’t stick with me or give me nightmares.

We're you ever a fan of macaroni & cheese? Do you like kraft dinner? Yeah. More so when I was a kid, but it’s still good.

Do you and your mom have that motherly daughterly loving relationship? We do. My mom is my best friend.

Do you always like to have a drink with your food? I don’t need to have one, but I usually happen to have something.

Are you scared of online predators, molesters and rapists? Thankfully, I haven’t encountered any of those (that I know of), but I certainly wouldn’t want to. I definitely would be scared.

You have the option to visit Canada!: What place would you like to visit? Lane, where do you recommend? 

Isn't it unfortunate when you get SO sick of a song that used to LOVE? That doesn’t happen much. And if it does, then I just don’t listen to it for a bit but then I go back to it.

What's better, Vodka or Kahlua? Why? Blech.

Do you like Chinese food? What's one of your fave Chinese dishes? I like chow mien, egg rolls, pot stickers, and crab rangoon. I used to love orange chicken, but I can’t eat spicy stuff anymore. :/

Does your tummy make stupid and weird sounds sometimes? Yes, even right after I eat, which completely defeats the purpose. <<< Ugh, same. Or it’ll growl when I’m almost finished and I’m like wtf?? Or it’ll make noises at random times when I’m not eating or feel hungry. I have stomach issues. :/

Do you and your siblings have different colored eyes? My younger brother’s are a lighter brown than mine.

Did the jingle of the ice cream truck annoy you or excite you? I always got excited about it.

Do you think some things are just unbelievably expensive nowadays? Like...? Apple products for sure. I’m such a sucker, though. 

Do you drink to get drunk, or just for the flavor? When I used to drink I drank to get drunk. 

Can you pull off short hair? Do you know someone who can't? I don’t know, but I had really short hair (a “bob” cut) for a few years. 

What's one thing you DON'T have in your purse that you wish you did? I have the things I need.

What do you think of people that talk like a trucker? (Swears profusely): Ehh. It can get to be too much.

Have you ever met a fat man that smelled like a dirty cigar? Uh...

What's your favorite kind of pepper: Green, Yellow, or Red? I can’t spicy stuff anymore. 

When driving, what does the yellow light mean to YOU personally? It means to slow down.

What's the coolest thing you made in sewing class? I’ve never taken a sewing class.

Fave chip brand & flavor: Doritos, Lays, Old Dutch, Ms.Vickies or Cheetos? Doritos Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese. I used to like the Doritos Fiery Nacho and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, but again I can’t eat that stuff anymore.

Does your cat have a really nice coat, or really nice eyes? Why do you assume I have a cat?

Do you like to have ice in your drinks? Doesn't it dilute the drink though? No, I don’t. 

Is the smell of cigars absolutely DISGUSTING? Yes. Cigarettes and cigars make me feel really sick when around them. The smell and smoke give me a headache, make my heart race, and give me nausea. 

Do you get more bad luck, good luck, or a nice portion of both? I don’t believe in luck, but I’ve had my share of hardships and struggles.

Do you like the bands Paramore, Yellowcard and The Acadamy Is...? I DO! =] Yeah. I was really into them back in the day.

Do you like whip cream and chocolate sauce on top of your coffee sometimes? Whipped cream with like mochas and lattes. 

Do herbs, salts and spices seriously make a difference in your meal? Absolutely. Especially garlic. We add garlic to a lot of our foods in my house. It’s just so good.

[scoutshonor56]

The Uninvited Guest

Have you ever had an uninvited guest?  You know, the one who promises to help around the house, get along with the wife and kids, stay in the background, kick in some money for food and bills, just until he finds a job and moves out in a timely fashion…

 …and then does none of the above?  Now, 8 months later, the wife is one more “incident” away from filing for divorce, your kids are hardly ever home, and the funds are getting so lean you’re pulling extra hours at work to compensate (and avoid homelife) and even brown-bagging it for lunch.  I know some countries that probably feel that way - it certainly reminds me of our relationship with the Middle East.

 As I watched American troops withdrawing from Syria last week, being pelted with rocks and potatoes, angry mobs of Kurds shaking their fists and holding up signs, I had nothing but shame for my country; shame and anger.  Yup, shocking even those in his own party and members of his cabinet advisors, our reality-challenged Moron in Chief announced that he was bailing on strategic ally, the Ukraine, in his fairy tale effort to spin his own story and “Bring our troops home!”  

 Oh BOY, that phrase has such a positive ring to it! It smells of mission accomplished, implying some sort of victory! Tears and hugs, excited dogs, welcome home parties, and a return to mom’s Sunday beef stew and apple pie with the family!

 Whooo-WEE did that one push the bullshit meter needle into the red; all we’re doing is moving the tokens around the board, and not very far at that.  They are already being re-deployed two steps over, primarily back to Iraq.  This occupation - let’s call it what it is - has become a marathon game of insanity and blood, where there is no end and everybody loses.  It’s an open scrum played on a dangerous field of rock and sand with no rules, no boundaries, and goal posts that were torn down long ago - just make shit up as you go along.

 I know it’s been a long time, so it’s understandably easy to forget, but the invasion of Afghanistan began on October 7, 2001, and soon expanded into Iraq on March 19, 2003.  Meaning in two short years, we will have reached the twenty-year mark, the longest war by far in America’s relatively short history. There are teenagers today who have known nothing but this occupational war.  It has literally become part of our national fabric, background static in our everyday lives; and like an ever-present mild tinnitus ring in your ear, you soon learn to live with it, tune it out.  Put a WE SUPPORT OUR TROOPS bumper sticker on your car and carry on with your day, feeling secure that you’ve done your part.  

 It’s filler for the media when they run short of something more “interesting” to prattle on about, something more eye-grabbing!  This war is sooo old news – it has no cute, fuzzy animals doing funny things, not even any chesty cleavage for God’s sake!  And where are the celebrities, the Hollywood scandals!?  Oh never mind, switch the channel to “America’s Got Talent”, or “Dancing With the Stars”, or “The Voice”…

 Again I ask myself, why is it that America, in all it’s nationalistic hubris and arrogance, simply can’t imagine the horror and hatred generated by military occupation of one’s own country?  What if it was us that had M2 Bradley fighting vehicles and Humvees patrolling our streets, troops banging down our doors, searching our homes, families rounded up in our streets and being harshly interrogated in a language we don’t even understand.  The ever-present “accidental” shootings and beatings, tempers flaring, hospitals, social events, and schools bombed, all justified with the flippant term “collateral damage” - OOPS!  

 Proud cities laid in ruin, jobs lost, and forced mass migrations pushing you here, there, and then back again as the bloody conflict moves from place to place, country to country.

 And I might add this is something we’ve had a lot of practice at over the last century; this is far from the first time we have flexed our misguided muscle in a world that we continue to see through our myopic American eyes.  “Surely everyone shares and envies our values and culture, right?”  Granted, there may have been a time not long ago when this was true, and the premise still holds some validity today, but no ride lasts forever, and this is a new century with a new game that is already seeing a lot of new players.  It’s time this country and its people came to grips with the reality that as of 2019, we comprise 4.27% of the world’s global population.    

Many might say, “Well yes, but we’re liberators, not aggressors…”

 To which I would say, let’s hold off on the flag waving until such results are achieved – until then, and after almost 20 years, the distinction to me appears rather blurry.  Or more to the point, let that call be made by the hapless bystanders and victims caught in the middle; let’s ask them if all the sorrow and rage is/was worth it.  Then let’s be honest and open with the American people and tally up our cost, and then put it on the scales of justification:

 According to a study at the Watson Institute at Brown University, the combined cost of this war in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Iraq so far is just shy of, and soon approaching, 6 trillion dollars; that’s trillion.  

 According to this same study, there have been an approximate total of 500,000 people killed, and that’s not even including another half million deaths attributed to Syria, a bloody skirmish we joined in 2014.  How much of that can be directly attributed to our involvement?  Certainly debatable I grant you, but you can cut those numbers in half and they still represent a staggering figure.  

 According to Military.com a record total of 321 active duty members of the American military took their own lives just last year - that’s almost an average of one a day.  I’m no psychologist, and I’m sure there are a myriad of complex reasons, but quite frankly I don’t find it that difficult to understand the feeling of hopelessness and absurdity as you contemplate a life that you used to know fading from your day to day reality.  Home?  Home will never be the same for you, especially if you are one of the maimed and scarred…

 Maybe I’m being idealistic or naïve, or reading too much “fake news”, or simply not clear on how we keep score in such endeavors, but I’m not seeing much of anything on the plus column here yet…  

 Meanwhile, let’s imagine a parallel universe where America embraces a much more effective and sane method to “win the hearts and minds” of countries in turmoil, who are tipping on the brink of political and social chaos. What if we took a tiny chunk of those trillions of dollars, let’s say 5 or 10 billion, and built schools to educate, libraries, and hospitals.  Sent over professional and knowledgeable advisors instead of soldiers to help with a country’s medical needs, sustainable farming techniques, and developing new industries to generate a stable economy.  How do you think the rest of the world would judge us then?  How many nations would not only become willing allies, but maybe even emulate this humanitarian effort that recognizes we are all people sharing the same planet.

 Now for the bonus feature that enhances life here at home – we could utilize a couple of those trillions of dollars to rebuilt and modernize our roads and bridges, our water management systems, airports, and mass transit infrastructure.  I can’t tell you how many documentaries I’ve watched where American engineers grade all of these areas as antiquated and sorely in need of repair or replacement.  Did you know nearly 85% of our bridges were built before 1970?  Major airports around the world put ours to shame.  As our climate rapidly changes, flood management has now become a major concern here in America.  We could greatly expand and improve renewable energy, making it more cost efficient and readily available.  

 Improve our schools and pay our teachers a competitive wage.  Why would any country not treat the education of its citizenry as a top priority? Schools are the very soil in which we carefully nurture the human seeds of a globally successful and competitive society, critical today more than ever.  According to an international study done by the Pew Research Center in 2015, our educational system rates middle of the pack, or worse – how do you think that bodes for our future in a rapidly changing and developing world? 

And we would still have plenty left over to maintain a robust Defense Dept. 

 Instead, we continue to feed an insatiable Defense budget.  A gluttonous monster that holds sway over our politicians and lobbyists. Last year alone we spent more than the next seven countries combined, and yes, that includes China and Russia. Our military budget for 2020?  $738 billion, and it goes up every year.  

 While we now have a record breaking deficit of over 1 trillion dollars, military spending eats over half of our discretionary budget annually.  Why do we continue this madness of “might makes right”?  Pursuing peace through aggression and intimidation, carrying the biggest club?  According to The Wall St. Journal, America has more than 400 military bases around the world, located on every continent but Antarctica. As of this year we have an inventory of over 6,000 nuclear warheads – now that’s what a call a redundant backup…

 This is exactly the madness that retired five-star general and former president Dwight Eisenhower warned about in his farewell speech at the White House on Jan. 17, 1961. He called it “the military-industrial complex”, referring to the growing and dangerous union of our defense contractors and the armed forces.

 His successor to the highest office in the land, John F. Kennedy, once said:

"And we must face the fact that the United States is neither omnipotent or omniscient - that we are only six percent of the world's population - that we cannot impose our will upon the other ninety-four percent of mankind - that we cannot right every wrong or reverse each adversity - and that therefore there cannot be an American solution to every world problem."  

 Just maybe it’s time to try a little harder at getting along; to lead by example, instead of might.  America first?  Great, I’m all for it - let’s start in our own backyard, because it’s a mess.

[ryqoshay]

Happy Life: Manchineel Halberd

Primary Pairing: YohaRiko Words: ~1k Rating: K AU: Angelic? Time Frame: Sometime during the Summer break Story Arc: Stand Alone

List of all HL scenes AO3 Link

Author’s Note: No idea why this became a scene, to be honest, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that the props in the new Aqours set looked like halberds. Apparently, a few days on the back burner was enough to cook this up. Not complaining, mind.

“I thought I requested mine be a Manchineel apple.” Yoshiko complained, holding the prop she had been given.

“Why is that, zura?” Hanamaru asked before realizing the answer on her own.

“Because despite its humble resemblance to the common apple, the Machineel is far more toxic.” The fallen angel explained. “In fact, the entire tree has fallen from grace and contains some poisons that remain unidentified even today! It is by far the most suited fruit for a fallen angel such as Yohane!” She concluded by flashing her signature gesture.

“M-More toxic?” Ruby stammered, staring at the apple out of which she had just taken a bite.

“Indeed.” Yoshiko intoned. “Hidden in the depths of an otherwise delicious fruit, even the common apple holds a deadly secret.”

“The seeds contain trace amounts of cyanide.” Riko explained, approaching the first years. “But even if you accidentally consume the entire core of a single apple, the dosage is negligible. Stop trying to scare her, Yoshiko-chan.”

“But it is the truth!” The younger girl proclaimed, striking yet another dramatic pose. “Many plants bear the dark shadow of cyanide; almonds, apricots, cherries, lima beans, soy beans, bamboo shoots and even spinach!”

“You just have to avoid the pits of some of those.” You added her two yen. “The rest simply have to be prepared correctly.”

“And the tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant and chilies are of the same ilk as the deadly nightshade belladonna!” She brought the back of her hand to her forehead to emphasize the purported tragedy. “What a cruel world in which humans must dwell, that the very food they eat is tainted so.”

“Those also just need to be harvested and prepared correctly.”

“However, Yoshiko-chan, don’t you actually like chilies, despite the capsaicin?” Riko asked. “Or maybe because of it?” She added, remembering blue-haired girl’s eclectic tastes in food.

“Of course! A fallen angel such as myself cares not that capsaicin is a poison!” Yoshiko’s eyes widened suddenly. “That’s it!” she cried excitedly. “Forego the Manchineel! Yohane demands a Bhut jolokia!” She held up her prop again. “The ghost pepper is a worthy symbol for a fallen angel!”

“What about the Carolina Reaper?” Mari asked, walking up.

“Yes! Even better!” Yoshiko grinned manically. “With that I could turn this halberd into a scythe!”

“Halberd?” Riko raised an eyebrow.

“Be that not what this is?”

“Uhm…”

“Prepare thyself, Riri!” Yoshiko shifted her grip. “The fallen angel shall trap you with the sweet taste of this strawberry blade!”

“<Oh my.>” Mari said, wielding her own fruit bladed weapon. “<The guilty will fight this night!>”

“Yousoro!” You cheered. “Face off against me and you will not meet a happy end!”

“Guys, we’re doing a photoshoot.” Dia warned.

“And isn’t swinging these things around a little unsafe?” Riko inquired.

“You worry too much, Riri.” Yoshiko dismissed, twirling her weapon. “I intend no real harm on any of my little demons.” That said, she brought the pseudo-blade down across Mari’s leg. The soft, but sturdy material flexed easily to dissipate the blow, and returned to is former shape after.

“<Lock on!>” The blonde laughed, swiping across her opponent’s arm before deflecting an attack from You.

“Pigii~” Ruby squeaked, hiding behind Hanamaru.

“You can hide anywhere in the galaxy.” Kana stated, joining the fray. “But we will still seek you.”

“Don’t worry, zura.” Hanamaru assured. “Maru will protect the innocent bird.”

“Guys…” Dia chastised again.

“Jumping heart!” Chika yelled, aiming an overhead chop down on her stern senior.

“Buu buu, desu wa!” the emerald eyed girl dodged easily. “Holding to the pattern, it would have been more appropriate to yell something about being genki all day or inquiring about the knowledge held by the night…” She was cut off as a fruit flag crashed against her hip from behind.

“So you were paying attention.” The school chairwoman teased.

“Mari-san!” Dia barked, swinging her own oversized spoon around in a blind, and ultimately, unsuccessful attack.

Watching the scene unfold, Riko couldn’t help sighing. At least the photographers were still snapping shots. But how did everything descend into chaos so quickly? Descend… Fall… Of course, Yohane. Riko was just about to turn and retreat to the shore when something impacted the side of her head.

“Wha…?” She uttered, catching red out of the corner of her eye. An inflatable strawberry splashed back down to join the rest of the fruit props floating around in the shallows.

“You can’t run away, my target!” a taunting voice called. “Riri, shoukan!”

“Yocchan!” Riko growled. “Why are you throwing things?”

“There are no rules in a battle among little demons!” the shorter girl declared proudly.

“No rules you say?” Riko stomped towards the other girl.

“Not if you plan to face a fallen angel!”

Riko’s first swing was parried with ease and was met with haughty laughter, but her second made contact. Even so, Yoshiko continued to laugh. It quickly became apparent that the younger girl really was just having fun and as the two continued to spar, Riko couldn’t deny that it was at least a little amusing. Still, she had come to win.

Floating nearby, Riko noticed a large shark inflatable and guided her opponent near it. As the toy floated within range, she slipped a foot under it and kicked up.

“Kyaaa!” Yoshiko cried as a shark jumped up at her, along with a sizable spray of water.

Seizing the opportunity, Riko shoved the spoon end of her weapon under her opponent’s and heaved upwards, disarming her. Off balance, Yoshiko tumbled back into the water. Blinking, the blue-haired girl suddenly found a pink... – what was Riko’s fruit, anyway? – hovering under her chin.

“Now, what do you want to do?” Riko asked, with a strangely self-satisfied smirk.

“You’re not so fragile, are you?” Yoshiko replied, meeting the smile.

“The fallen angel has been defeated!” Mari called from nearby.

You, Chika and Kanan cheered, earning looks of confusion from the others.

“So, with that out of our system,” Dia started, “may we get back to the task at hand so we can wrap up this photoshoot?”

Eight affirmations were issued as Riko reached down to help Yoshiko back to her feet.

“That was fun.” The fallen angel said, still grinning as she retrieved her flag.

“Yeah…” Riko admitted. “I suppose it was.”

“We should do it again, sometime. Though next time, Yohane will win, for sure.”

Riko smiled. “We’ll see about that.”

Author’s Note Continued: I’m hesitant to delve too much deeper into this fic before the second season of Sunshine is released. Despite this ultimately being an Angelic AU, I do still want to keep it kind of canon’ish; at least the parts that take place here on Earth.

The most likely retcon in this scene will be how the characters refer to one another. As with HtHaN, I intend to use the anime as a baseline and include some supplemental material here and there if I think it can fit. Thus, I anxiously await the second season to see if “Yocchan” and/or “Riri” makes the cut.

[ebenpink]

The Keto Carb Threshold: What Constitutes a “Keto” Meal? http://bit.ly/2WD1ype

How many carbs can you eat in a sitting and still “stay keto”? What constitutes a “keto meal”?

I’ve gotten many questions about this topic.

First of all, let’s get this out of the way: Keto is not a religion that punishes heretics with eternal damnation (or eternal reliance on exogenous sugar for energy). This post is not intended to make people feel guilty for eating five grams of carbs over the” limit.” It’s not even intended to set a hard limit in stone. It’s simply to provide people who care about this sort of thing a basic, admittedly rough, guideline for staying below the keto carb threshold within meals throughout the day.

First of all… there’s a problem with establishing a universal keto carb threshold….

Why Universal Keto Carb Thresholds are Problematic

Carb thresholds are a very personal thing. Not in the sense that you should only tally up your within-meal carb counts behind closed (and locked) doors, but in the sense that they are extremely context dependent:

The number of carbs that knock a person out of ketosis will differ from the amount that will knock another person out of ketosis for genetic reasons.

The number of carbs that knock a person out of ketosis will differ day to day and meal to meal based on his or her exercise and activity levels.

The number of carbs that knock a person out of ketosis will differ based on ketone- and fat-adaptation status.

The number of carbs you’ve eaten in previous meals and the amount of carbs you plan on eating in subsequent ones influence how much you should eat at this meal.

We All Have Different Genetic Keto Thresholds

Take the Inuit, for example. Despite eating almost nothing but seafood and marine and land mammals and their fat, with negligible amounts of carbohydrates, the Inuit rarely show evidence of ketosis. A legitimate fast isn’t even enough to reliably produce ketosis in the Inuit. It turns out that many of them possess a gene variant that prevents ketosis and drops blood sugar during fasting and starvation. They’re great at burning fat directly, not so good at reaching ketosis. Even if we’re not talking about Inuits, every single person has different genetic potentials for generating ketones and responding to carbs.

How You Exercise Has a Huge Effect

If you create a glycogen debt through intense training, a significant portion of the carbs you eat immediately after will go toward replenishing that glycogen rather than contribute toward your energy consumption. You can remain in ketosis and store those carbs away in your muscle. Exercise alone stimulates ketosis independent of diet; if you’re a highly active person, you’re probably already dipping in and out of ketosis without even changing what you eat. Your carb threshold will be higher.

How Far Along You Are In Your Keto Adaptation Has An Effect

At this point, I can have a big sweet potato with dinner and be right back to ketosis in the morning. I can eat beef larb salad over some steamed jasmine rice for lunch and coconut curry for dinner while on vacation in Thailand and bounce right back without issue. Because I’m fully ketone-adapted and fat-adapted, and my mitochondria are adept at burning fat, I have the metabolic flexibility to drift in and and out of ketosis as I please. The idea of a hard “keto threshold” becomes less relevant when you’re fully keto-adapted.

How Many Carbs You’ve Already Eaten (and Will Eat) Also Figure In

If you’ve already eaten 40 grams of carbs for breakfast, you have very little leeway for future meals. If you had bacon, eggs, and steak for breakfast, you can handle a larger dose of carbs.

Making things even harder, these contexts are impossible for the average person to quantify. It’s hard to tell exactly how much glycogen debt we’ve incurred through our training—how many carbs we’ve cleared out and can safely assimilate. It’s impossible to quantify our genetic keto threshold, and you can’t exactly count the fat-burning mitochondria you’ve generated or put a number to your degree of ketone-adaptation.

Why Keto Carb Thresholds Are Helpful

Everything is fuzzy at the margins. Very little in life and the universe is totally binary and clear-cut. But thinking of the world in binary terms and separating things into categories can be helpful. Too much fuzzy thinking renders making decisions hard. It breeds indecision. It paralyzes. We need something.

That’s where a keto carb threshold for determining “keto meals” comes in: Despite the very real limitations of establishing a true keto threshold, they can be helpful for beginners and other people trying to make decisions about what to eat.

Imagine you’re a beginner to this Keto Reset thing. Do you want to have to consider how many carbs you’ve burned through exercise today, which genes you have, or whether you’ve successfully produced enough fat-adapted mitochondria before deciding on how many carbs you can get away with? Or do you want a number that may be imperfect but will probably get you in the ballpark?

“Eat this many.”

“Stay under this number.”

“Avoid this.”

“Eat that.”

Simple things you can have as touchstones and landmarks when you’re getting started and progressing along your journey…

Keto Carb Thresholds: So, How Much Per Meal?

All that said, here are some good rules of thumb for within meal keto carb thresholds:

Keto meals should, generally speaking, stay under 18 grams of carbs.

Keto snacks should have no more than 8 grams of carbs.

That’s total carbs, not net. Also, keep in mind that we don’t count above ground, non-starchy vegetables. Count the carbs in blueberries, not spinach. Count the carbs in beets, not kale. Count the carbs in carrots, not broccoli.

In my book, this is the easiest way to think of carbs on a keto diet. You don’t have to subtract fiber or weigh your romaine lettuce. You just count the carbs that, well, count.

There are contextual modifications, as we discussed earlier—exercise and activity levels, genetics/personal tolerance, keto adaptation status, previous meals.

And keep in mind just plain common-sense modifications:

If you’re eating one meal a day, you can get away with more carbs in that single meal than the person who eats 3 square meals and 2 snacks.

If you’re eating 3 meals and 2 snacks, you can’t get away with as many carbs as the person who eats one or two meals.

The more advanced you are, the more you can integrate your context into your decisions. This integration will happen intuitively, ideally. Then you can just eat and trust that your subconscious is keeping its end of the bargain.

If you’ve just finished a CrossFit WOD or gone bouldering for an hour or hiked up the local mountain, you’ve most likely incurred enough of a glycogen debt that a few extra carbs at your next meal won’t impact you keto status.

If you’re close to goal weight, you have steady energy all day, you can effortlessly skip meals, have a few wedges of watermelon at the birthday party that don’t affect you one way or the other… you’re probably reasonably fat-adapted and can handle a few more carbs per meal.

And through trial and error and simply doing the work and paying attention to what happens, you’ll learn your personal carb tolerance over time. Maybe in the near future we’ll even have high-powered data that can pinpoint your genetic carb tolerance to remove the guesswork.

But for the time being, especially if you’re just starting out with keto or find yourself staring at food labels in the grocery store aisle for a disproportionate amount of your life, “7-8 grams of carbs per snack and 16-18 grams of carbs per meal to stay keto” is a good rule of thumb.

What about you, folks? How many carbs do you limit yourself per meal to stay keto—or not?

//

//

The post The Keto Carb Threshold: What Constitutes a “Keto” Meal? appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

from Mark's Daily Apple http://bit.ly/2JOImi6 via IFTTT http://bit.ly/2YWp7qs

[unspoken-realities]

ACH, part 5

October 7, 2017; 9 AM

Well, now that I’ve warmed up with that list of revelations and rants, I reckon I’m ready to write. Sorry I haven’t since the fifth (Wednesday, my first full day): I’ve been really tired and didn’t want this to just be another chore.

Although lots happens everyday, I am still just sitting in bed for all of it. I guess most of the happenings are mental/psychological.

Thursday was bad, definitely the worst day so far, but to be honest, I have miserable moments like clockwork throughout the day. I barely even remember what happened on Thursday to make it so shitty. I can recall that up until supper I was doing alright. Mom was able to bring my schoolwork, so I started on some chemistry. The day’s meals were less than favourable, but still tolerable. I hate when they give me a meal void of fruit or veg. For example, Thursday’s and last night’s suppers of only gross meat and mashed potatoes, served congealed at room temp… blech.

However, I did meet with Jenn, the dietitian, on Thursday: this was a priority for me so I’m glad it happened, but needing to be so thorough in reliving and reciting my past diet decisions sorta sent me back into a spiral, wondering what was so bad about them in the first place.

Not being able to concentrate on my chemistry work, resulting in finishing two chapter subsections and understanding next to nothing, didn’t help. Made me feel even more hopeless, stupid, useless.

I felt fat, bloated, and chubby all day, but pinching the chub on my jawline after supper made everything unbearable. Directly after dinner Mom visited (planning to stay the night), not allowing me time to subtly stretch myself out after gruesome food; I was really not tin the mood to listen to her noisily slurp down her dinner and join me in my life of sedentariness.

I’m so jealous of people now: if you have the freedom and ability to wakl around, or run, or just NOT BE SITTING 24/7, why wouldn’t you take that chance?? Especially since all Mom does at work is sit. God, I really hate that sometimes… sometimes I hate her for her weight and lifestyle choices, even though I know that’s not fair.

So on Thursday I was very irritable, to the point where Mom took a walk around ACH to give us both some breathing room. I broke down crying, and punched myself on any fleshy part I could find, especially my stomach. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse: snack time! I wanted to die. The nurse who brought my apple (thankfully it was small) goaded me the whole time with “you can do it” and “just a bit left.” Stupid meals, stupid food. When snack was over I cried some more over my chemistry, then invited Mom back to the room. I feel asleep still very upset.

Friday, yesterday, was alternatively quite good. Mostly. I had an OK sleep, a (sadly fruitless) tolerable breakfast, nice meeting with mental health Doctor lady I can never remember the nae of, and was promised not only a shower, but also a wheelchair ride! It was the thought of these two things that kept me going throughout the day. That, and the fact that I was able to sneak in some full-body “stretches”… right before and after breakfast.

I turned on MTV for some music in the background, flipped backward on my bed, and managed to accomplish a fair section of math (successfully, and with full comprehension), woo-hoo! I was very tired all day though, so napped before lunch; my meals (save for dinner) were also lovely! Veg-packed chicken bunwich for lunch, and more veg with hummus at snack!! That made my day much better.

I talked to an art therapist, who is going to try to pair me up with the music therapist. The weather outside was cloudier and windy, which made my indoor predicament easier to cope with. Sukhleen was my evening nurse for the whole stretch, which is good because she’s very supportive. But then… *thunder clap, lightning strike, dramatic music*:

SUPPER TIME!

Two slices of fatty, cold roast beef smothered in salty congealed gravy, and a heavy slop of mashed taters. Not a green thing in sight. Gag. Sukhleen talked a lot during dinner, meaning I was required to talk a lot, meaning it took longer to eat. Dinner was already happening early (5:15ish instead of 5:30), and I was being pushed to finish quickly, and it was a disgusting meal. So you know what I did, partially out of habit, and also out of hatred for my situation? I “exercised.” Or, what was to me only stretching… honestly I’ve done so much “stretching” over the past few days that

a) I’m surprised they hadn’t caught on sooner, and

b) I don’t even recall quite what I was doing last night.

Regardless, another nurse caught me, and told Sukhleen… she took it really seriously. Really seriously. I felt so, well stupid, again, but ashamed and like I had disappointed everyone, like now there was a glaring red bull’s-eye on my door for all the nurses to read which said, “Beware! Anorexic girl may exercise! She’s mentally retarded!” I felt ashamed mostly for getting caught, though, and became extremely nervous that my shower and ride privileges would be revoked. Thankfully, I opened up to Sukhleen (who stayed by my bed for ten minutes after the incident to monitor me” about my “triggers”/why I did it, and because of that, I was still allowed my nighttime treats. This was also just before Mom visited, which made me feel even more childish and embarrassed when Sukhleen reported my behaviours to her.

The rest of the evening went well, but it seemed (and still seems) like all good things come with just as strong a bad. I learned that my room is the closest to the main Unit 4 desk, because I am basically on non-stop ED watch… I never even considered that my central location was meaningful, but it makes me weird. Makes me feel watched and unstable. The wheelchair ride around unit 4 was great, but Mom walked frustratingly slow, I hardly saw any other patients, and was forcibly restricted to just Unit 4; grapes for snack were a fruit (yippee!), but I was still full from dinner; playing Scrabble with Mom was a relaxing, fun time but I felt utterly exhausted for some reason; showering for the first time in five days was miraculously cleansing, but I was freezing, needed Mom to help me the whole time, had to be sitting, and had zero privacy with my own body. I doubt I’ll have any real source of alone time with my body over the next couple weeks, not that I need it in any sexual way, just for monitoring and examining and being. Perhaps this will be a good thing?

Lastly, I was cozy in bed, but still shivering from the shower. My back, knees, and head were aching (and still are now), my night nurse who took my vitals in the middle of the night smelled like disgusting fast food meat, and thus falling and staying asleep were both very difficult. I dreamt of being in the kitchen at home, faced with piles of desserts and needing to feed myself supper… my tears from earlier in the day and night over food quickly returned.

That is one thing about yesterday that was shocking: my Food Moods. At one point of optimism before lunch, I was thrilled to find that I might be able to eat Shreddies when I got home, and happily became misty-eyed. No more than two hours later I became frustrated/emotionally distraught to the point of tears over what I think was probably images or videos of food recipes; the former reaction happened as I was trying to fall asleep with no external stimuli. Overall, it’s one big ol’ rollercoaster.

Following along with the rollercoaster trend is my heart rate: yesterday I was resting easy around mid 50s (a point of contention for my brain: if my pulse/vitals/heart is better, as confirmed by the medical team, why am I here?? Do I belong/deserve to be here?), but was laying in bed almost asleep, the monitor alarmed multiple times because it had dropped to 35/36!! And now while I’ve been sitting upright journalling, it’s between high 70s ad 80s; I came back from the bathroom, and plugged in to a 102!! Holy cow.

I’m not sure how to feel about this. Is higher better? Higher makes me think I should be better, but makes me feel worse because I can no longer quantify my “illness”/reason for being here. Higher also makes me think of tachycardic, obese, artery-clogged patients struggling to sit up in bed without wheezing. Yikes.

This morning has been odd… odd. Waking up with an excruciating headache (with slight nauseous migraine-y symptoms) and backache was less than pleasant, and actually meant I did not sleep well at all. Breakfast was fruitless again, with a huge portion of dry Cheerios, and a hard-boiled egg. The egg I am gaining more respect for, because I can cut it into small enough portions in order to break, smear, and thus avoid eating, the fatty yolk. Then I’ve been journalling for this whole time, haven’t even cleaned up my bed sheets yet. Brushed teeth, washed up, then small (hallelujah!) mostly guilt-free snack of two saltless saltines and a slice of marble cheese. I broke the cheese into bits, and somehow ended with a perfect coinciding portion of cracker to pair up with it. This feels like a good omen for the rest of the day.

[nancypullen]

I Can’t Stop Cooking

Apparently I respond to a crises by preheating my oven.  You guys, I can’t stop cooking.  It’s comfort, it’s normalcy, it’s creative, and it’s going to kill me.  Not really, I’m trying to keep things healthy. Mostly.  We won’t talk about the brownies in the oven.  But trying to keep things healthy during a pandemic, when grocery stores are gutted regularly, gets a bit trickier.  If you want rice or pasta, odds are that you’re getting the white variety.  Stocking up on fresh produce feels like hitting lotto.  My last grocery pick up  included cucumbers, radishes, cabbage, lettuce, apples, bananas, avocados, tomatoes, fresh green beans, cauliflower, and more.  I felt like I was transporting the crown jewels.  The downside of that is not picking my own produce, but I’m happy to make do with what is chosen for me.  I hope this doesn’t continue through watermelon season.  I don’t want anyone else thumping my melon.  But I digress, back to the kitchen.  I’ve stuffed peppers and I’ve made grand salads, but I have also made creamy sauces and buttery sides, things I would normally avoid.  Here’s some pork chops with a tangy green onion chimichurri topping. So far, so good.  I had no brown rice so it was paired with jasmine rice. Not good The rice was topped with a yummy black bean and tomato salsa.  Healthy! But then I drizzled it with a crema made from sour cream and some lime juice and zest.   Oops.

Another evening I started with chicken sausage and tomatoes...healthy!

But it ended up in a creamy, buttery sauce on top of spinach and ricotta ravioli. A little shaved parmesan helped too.

It tasted better than it looks. Every calorie was delicious. I’m really trying to find a balance between comfort foods and keeping us on the right track.  Most days I do okay.  In fact, I usually eat two meals per day and one is usually just veggies.  I guess that doesn’t help if the other meal is carbs dripping in butter. Yesterday this was my lunch  - a Caesar salad.

Sure, I tossed in a few crumbled croutons and a little bitty bit of chicken and cheese.  I used the tiniest amount of lite dressing.  Probably a solid 7 on a healthy scale of 1-10, right?    Last night’s dinner was one of my favorites.  Just a juicy, roasted chicken. I’d always roasted chickens slowly, my high school home ec teacher had taught me that cooking protein should be “low and slow” for optimum tenderness.  I’m so very sorry Mrs. Holladay, but you were WRONG.  Sometimes low and slow is the right choice, but a perfect roasted chicken needs to go into a 425 oven.  I promise.  Ina Garten taught me that. So this girl went into the furnace....but first I coated her with melted butter. What is wrong with me?

I stuffed her cavity with garlic, onion, and celery (just for flavor, that’s what I had).  Then gave her a good coating of cracked pepper and kosher salt. That chicken was 5.5 lbs so an hour and a half at 425 is perfect.  It’ll blow your mind. While the hen roasted I peeled a few carrots and cut them up.  They get tossed in a little olive oil, seasoned with salt and pepper, then pan roasted for maybe 30 minutes - depends on how large you cut them. I like to pop them in when the chicken has about 15 minutes left.  When I take the chicken out I give the carrots a stir, then let them finish while the chicken rests (covered) for 15-20 minutes.  When the carrots are roasted, put them in a bowl and mix with a light drizzle of honey. These are Mickey’s favorite vegetable.  He’d eat the whole pan.

The healthy option  would have been to serve the chicken and carrots and call it a meal, right?  But I didn’t.  I added mashed potatoes.  Even worse, they were instant potatoes...and they were yummy.  The chicken was juicy and flavorful, the carrots were just right, and the taters were a comfort.

Someone stop me.  I don’t want to come out of this pandemic and have the producers of My 600 Pound Life stalking me.  Cooking is my therapy,  cooking gives me a purpose.  Cooking allows me to nurture people I love.  But this has to stop.  So far today I’ve only had an apple (granted it’s only 11am, I could still blow the doors off this day).  The plan for tonight’s dinner is a healthy taco salad using ground turkey.  Try to forget that I mentioned the brownies in the oven.   I’m cooking for my sanity, and if this thing doesn’t end soon I’ll be roaming the neighborhood putting cookies in mailboxes.  I feel guilty complaining about this when I know that there are people struggling to even get groceries right now.  We’ve helped where we can, and I don’t want to be thoughtless or unfeeling.  Should I even post this?   Will I get hate mail for roasting a chicken?  I hope not.  I’m truly just trying to lighten the mood, laugh at myself a little, and distract myself from the worry and fear for a bit.  My most fervent wish is that we all come through this healthy and kinder.    If you know someone needs a help, reach out in any way that you are able.  If you have something to share, please do.  I am grateful every minute of every day that right now my family is all well and safe.  I hope that yours is too.  Every day is a day closer to the other side of this.  Can’t wait to see you out there.  XOXO

[healthyeating43-blog]

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

New Post has been published on https://dietguideto.com/awesome/paleo-diet-beginner-guide-7-things-you-should-know-before-eating-like-a-caveman/

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

So you wanna learn about the Paleo Diet, aka” the Caveman Diet ,” eh?

This is one of the most popular diets on the planet right now( up there with the Keto Diet ), and I bet you have questions.

Well I got answers, sucka!

And lots of LEGO photos.

In this massive guidebook, I’m going to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to the Paleolithic Diet( click each link to go right to that section ):

What is the Paleo Diet and how does it run ? Will I lose weight on the Paleo Diet ? What can I eat on the Paleo Diet ? What foods CAN’T I eat on the Paleo Diet ? Can I eat grains on the Paleo Diet ? Can I eat dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I eat cheese on the Paleo Diet ? Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of foods on the Paleo Diet What does a typical day look like on the Paleo Diet ? Is the Paleo Diet dangerous ? Paleo Recipes& Paleo Resource . Who shouldn’t do the Paleo Diet ? How to do the Paleo Diet safely .

Now, this guide is SUPER long, we are therefore took the liberty of converting it into a nicely designed guidebook for easy consumption( not literal intake, unless you print it on bacon ).

Grab your Beginner’s Guide to the Paleo Diet free when you sign on in the box below: Get the FREE eBook! The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Paleo!

Discover if Paleo is for you

The one simple trick to know if your food is Paleo-friendly

Easy Paleo recipes for beginners to get you started

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

As the great Mr. Flintstone once said, “Yabadabadooooo!”

What is the Paleo Diet and How does it Work?

Oh lord, another “diet.”

I know, it sounds like a fad/ marketing gambit, but The Paleo Diet isn’t really a “diet,” and it’s actually quite logical when you think about it.

It’s also the most time-tested diet ever.

Here’s the ENTIRE diet in a nutshell :P TAGEND

” If a cave person didn’t eat it, neither should you .”

As the theory runs, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice snacks, our ancient ancestors thrived as hunter-gatherers.

Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t changed that much since then.

And yet…these days we’re overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from far too many preventable diseases due to lifestyle choices.

So what the hell happened?

Agriculture!

And then delivery and Netflix.

A few thousand years ago, humans discovered farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers.

We resolved down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today. Which is obviously great for a number of reasons :P TAGEND

Not get eaten by wild animals Electricity Automobiles Nintendo

The problem is that our bodies never adjusted properly to eating all the grains and sugar that we’re now consuming.

As paleo guru Robb Wolf sets it, think of a 100 -yard football field :P TAGEND

The first 99.5 yards are how long Homo-Sapiens spent as hunter-gatherers. As they became Really good at hunting and collecting our bodies adapted to that lifestyle over thousands of years.

That last half-yard represents our species after the agricultural revolution, where our diet has changed( but our genetics haven’t ).

So, instead of loading up on meat, vegetables and seasonal fruit, we’ve become a species “dependent” upon grains- bread, pasta, rice, corn, and so on.

66% of us are overweight, 33% are considered obese, and those numbers are only getting worse.[ 1 ]

Clearly something’s not right, and we need to fix it.

The Paleo Diet is an effort to go back to our ancestral roots.

To start eating how we’re biologically designed to eat, allowing us to tap into our genetic potential and start living healthier immediately.

To recap the rules of the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Only feed foods a caveman would eat See Rule# 1

Note that it doesn’t mention calorie counting or meal period or macro tracking. That’s part of the popularity of this diet: feed paleo approved foods when you’re hungry, and that’s it.

Will I Lose Weight on the Paleo Diet?

This is the question we get above all else :P TAGEND

” Will the Paleo Diet assistance me lose weight ?”

Probably. If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

It’s helped many people attain jaw-dropping transformations, including my friend Saint,( whose narrative you can read here ):

Or Staci from Team NF, our lead female trainer in our 1-on-1 Coaching Program ):

The Paleo Diet will work for you, if you do it right.

You need to have the right mindset, you need to focus on the right foods, and you need to structure your environment so that you’re not tempted to backslide and abandon the Paleo Diet after a few days.

However, it has nothing to do with what Fred Flintstone ate or didn’t eat.

It comes down to science and thermodynamics.

As I point out in our article on How to Lose Weight: What’s the Perfect Diet( For me ?), if you want to lose weight :P TAGEND

Eat fewer calories than you burn every day. Wishing to also be healthy? Eat mostly real food.

Want to KEEP the weight off?

Add# 3: Do those two things consistently for a decade.

Here’s WHY you’ll lose weight on the Paleo Diet:

You’re merely eating meat, fish, veggies, fruit, and nuts. These are foods that are full of nutrients, will build you feel full, but don’t have nearly as many calories as junk food. You are completely eliminating calorie-dense, often nutritionally insufficient, unhealthy foods. This means no grains( pasta, bread, rice ), no dairy , no beans. It also means no soda , no candy , no sugar.

And yup. When you merely eat real food and avoid all unhealthy food, you’re more likely than not going to run a caloric deficit- and thus lose weight.

Let me share a really obvious example.

200 calories of broccoli get you enough to fill up an entire plate :P TAGEND

Or … 200 calories will get you exactly 1/2 a Snickers bar :P TAGEND

Look at that: nobody can eat that much broccoli, and nobody merely fees half a candy bar!

My point is this: by eating Paleo-approved foods, you’re more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you did in the past automatically, which can lead to weight loss.

I dig into this in even greater detail in” Why can’t I lose weight ?” but it all comes down to” calories in, calories out .”

So YES, the Paleo Diet MIGHT help you lose weight.

You just need to eat fewer calories than you burn every day( Here’s how to calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure ). And that is easier when you are eliminating foods that people tend to overeat :P TAGEND

Candy Soda Pasta Bread Dairy

But that’s all about what we’re eliminating. What are we maintaining !?

what Can I eat on The Paleo diet?

In order to follow the Paleo Diet Lifestyle, here are the foods that are Paleo endorse :P TAGEND

Meat*- steak, ham, pork, bison, boar. Organs- liver, kidneys, heart. Marrows- considering a theme here? Eat ALL parts of the animal! Fowl- chicken, duck, hen, turkey…things with wings that( try to) fly. Fish- cod, tuna, salmon, and so on. Eggs- Look for omega-3 enriched cage-free eggs. Veggie- spinach, broccoli, kale, carrots, peppers, zucchini, onions, etc. Petroleum- minimally processed, derived from plants: olive oil, coconut petroleum, avocado petroleum. Fats: ghee, lard, or other animal fats. Fruits- apples, pears, bananas, grapes, strawberries. Nuts- almonds, walnuts, cashews, and their respective butters( almond butter is so good !) Tubers- Sweet potatoes and yams.

* If you can, aim for grass-fed beef and organic fruits and vegetables. But don’t go break the bank with your food purchases. Merely do the best you can.

As the Paleo Diet explains: Pick any of the foods from that listing and feed as much as you want of them.

You might have noticed that a lot of the foods above are loaded with fat. And depending on what your mom told you growing up, you might suppose fat is the devil.

So let me address that right away…

Do Eating Fat Make You Fat?

If you’re cut back on carbs, that means you’ll need to fill the void in your diet with the most controversial macronutrient :P TAGEND

Fat!

It’s gotten a bad rap over the past number of decades, so companies have been doing everything possible to stimulate everything low fat and “healthy! ”( while adding all sorts of preservatives, chemicals, and sugar ).

Yup…cut out the fat, increase the carbs….and appear where THAT has get us.

Why has fat been vilified? Rather than get into the politics of it myself, I’ll let Gary Taubes, writer of the incredibly thorough and well-researched Good Calories, Bad Calories take over.

As he discusses in an article he wrote for the New York Times a decade ago: [ 2 ]

These researchers point out that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that the low-fat-is-good-health hypothesis has now effectively failed the test of hour.

In particular, that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic that started around the early 1980′ s, and that this was coincident with the rise of the low-fat dogma.( Type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease, also rose significantly through this period .)

They say that low-fat weight-loss diets have proved in clinical trials and real life to be dismal failings, and that on top of it all, the percentage of fat in the American diet has been decreasing for two decades.

Our cholesterol levels have been declining, and we have been smoking less, and yet the incidence of heart disease has not declined as would be expected.” That is very disconcerting ,” Willett says.” It suggests that something else bad is happening .”

” Low fat” foods were created to follow conventional wisdom that fat induce you fat( which as stated in the above article doesn’t stand up to scrutiny ).

When a company makes a low fat food, they remove the fat and have to replace the flavor with something.

That “something” is usually sugar( and often more calories ).

Crap.

So, according to Taubes and Paleo folks, fat has been vilified and the real focus should have been on sugar and carbs all along.

Because healthy fats are valuable additions to our diet.

Here are some examples of Paleo-Approved Healthy Fats :P TAGEND

Avocados Almond( and almond butter) Fatty cuts of meat Walnuts Coconut oil Olive oil

In the Paleo Diet, fat constructions up a large portion of one’s diet.

If you’re worried about consuming fat and how it will affect your cholesterol, read our Full Guide to Cholesterol

WhAT Foods Can’t I eat On the Paleo Diet?

If you are looking to strictly follow the Paleo Diet, then you can’t eat foods that did not exist back in” Caveman times .”

Why?

Because- as those in favour of the diet point out- cavemen couldn’t eat those foods because they didn’t exist. There was no way to create cereal and candy – you could only eat what you detected or hunted.

So, that’s what the Paleo Diet advocates as the reason for avoiding these foods. And it serves as a good mental model to check with yourself: “Could a caveman have eaten this dinner? ”

And when you start to answer this question, you specifying the foods that you’re not allowed to eat on the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Grains like pasta, cereal bread, and rice Dairy like milk and cheese Candy, cookies, ice cream, and other processed foods

The Paleo Diet also almost completely eliminates sugar outside of fruit. No candy. No soda. No powdered donuts. Yup, even the mini white ones from the grocery store where you can eat like 100 of them( accidentally, of course ).

Many studies have shown that an incredible number of diseases and lifestyle issues is also available reversed by cutting out sugar and processed foods.[ 3 ]

But I understand grains and dairy are a bit more complex.

Let me explain :P TAGEND Can I Eat Grains on the Paleo Diet?

Unfortunately , nope.

The Caveman reason why: Grain require some amount of processing, and thus Cavemen would not have feed them.

The science and psychological reason why: we have a tendency to overeat grains and the other ” no no” foods on the Paleo Diet. They are calorically dense, nutrient insufficient, and they can wreak havoc on some people’s blood sugar levels.

This leads to a sugar rushed be accompanied by a crash, which can lead to more emotional or hungry overeating…and the process starts again.

Rather than me explain that part with thousands of words, just watch this three-minute video-” Why You Got Fat :”

Let’s get into some more reasons Paleo proponents indicate avoiding grains: most contain gluten and lectins.

What are they and what’s wrong with them? I’m so glad you asked :P TAGEND

Gluten is a protein found in things like rye, wheat, and barley. It’s now being said that much of our population may be gluten-intolerant( hence all the new “gluten-free! ” items popping up everywhere ). Over time, those people who have gluten intolerant can develop a dismal array of medical conditions from ingesting gluten: dermatitis, joint pain, reproductive problems, acid reflux, and more.[ 4 ] Lectins are natural toxins that are present in grains to defend against consumption! Yup. Grain have evolved to keep themselves from being feed by us. These lectins are not a fan of our gastrointestinal tract, and they prevent the tract from repairing itself from normal wear and tear. This can cause all kinds of damage.

Long story short: many people cannot process grains properly, and they are usually the food that causes people to eat too many calories. So by eliminating grains from your diet, you’re more likely than not going to eat fewer calories without counting calories.

That’s a Paleo win!

Do I Need to Avoid Carbs on the Paleo Diet?

Not necessarily.

That depends on your goals and your body – you are a special snowflake!

Some people function well on a high fat, low carb diet.

Others function better on a high carb, low fat diet.

Personally, I function better on a higher carb, lower fat diet( which is how I lost 22 pounds in 6 months ).

I will say the Paleo Diet is USUALLY a Low Carb diet, and large quantities of carbs are not required for somebody to be healthy regular diet.[ 5 ].

After all, carbs aren’t evil- they’re just…carbs.

Here is the logic and psychology behind why the Paleo Diet is low carb :P TAGEND

On a typical Western diet, we ingest plenty o’ carbs, and our bodies convert those carbs to a sugar called “glucose.” This is our body’s preferred method of fueling itself.

In the absence of carbs to create glucose to fuel our bodies, we have to do a few other things instead :P TAGEND

Transform stored fat into glycerol and fatty acids( this process is called lipolysis ). Burn fatty acids for energy or transform the fatty acids into glucose for energy( this is called gluconeogenesis) In the absence of glucose( through fasting or following a Keto Diet ), your body are generating ketones for fuel( called “ketogenesis” ).

We’re going to focus on the forms of weight loss NOT related to ” ketogenesis .” Unless you are avoiding all carbohydrates while running Paleo, or you are doing long fasts, you most likely won’t be in ketosis while running Paleo.

We do cover Paleo vs Keto: Which is Better if you’re deciding between the two.

Back to weight loss and Paleo: when you cut back on carbs, and thus most likely Also cut back on total calories devoured, you are creating a caloric deficit in your body.

And eat a consistent deficit over a long enough time period, BOOM caveman weight loss.

So, fewer carbs= less glucose in your system, less sugar accidents, less “hangry” moments and smaller opportunity of overeating= fewer calories devoured on average.

If you’re worried about adherence to the diet, I understand – it’s the toughest part of Paleo- sticking with it!

Knowing what to eat is part of it, but following this fairly restrictive lifestyle in a modern surrounding surrounded by cookies and candy and bagels and pasta is really difficult!

If this whole” Paleo, Carbs, and Weight Loss” thing is stressing you out, you’re not alone!

In fact, people like you are the reason we created our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

We work with busy people like you to structure a complete life overhaul: handcrafted workout routines, accountability, mindset alters, and nutritional strategies.

Can I eat Dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I feed Cheese On the Paleo Diet?

This also depends. Strict Paleo folks tend to stay away from it- a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.

Why? Because hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling- milk was ingested as a baby through breast milk from their mother, and that was it.

So as Paleo-stans will tell ya, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

There is evidence that some adaptation to dairy has taken place throughout the years, specifically with people with pedigree in herding cultures, but this is not the majority of the population.[ 6 ]

Paleo purists will avoid dairy like the plague, while other paleo-ish people have found that eating dairy in its various sorts work for their genetics, objectives, and lifestyle.

“What about Cheese? Can I eat cheese on the Paleo Diet? ”

You do you, boo. But if you’re going Strict Paleo, then unfortunately cheese is OUT too.

If you’re just looking to lose some weight while following a “mostly Paleo” lifestyle, then adding some high quality cheese into some of your dinners can be okay.

Some cheese will tend to have lower amounts of lactose or casein- the parts of dairy that can cause digestion challenges.

So, if you’re not sure your body is processing dairy properly, remove dairy from your diet and only introduce it back in when you’re ready to see how your body responds.

If you’re not losing weight while eating a” Paleo+ Dairy” Diet, you’re still eating too many calories.

Consider cutting out dairy and see how your body responds.

Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of Food on the Paleo Diet

Because I like you as person or persons, I’ve generated a printable Paleo Diet Shopping List PDF you can bring with you to the grocery store to help you decide what to buy and what to avoid.

Simply right click on the image below and save as :P TAGEND

Feel free to publish this out and bringing it with you to the grocery store. If you happen to run into somebody else who has ALSO printed out this sheet, feel free to high five each other while singing Baltimora!

What is a Typical Day Like on the Paleo Diet?

Here is an example of a typical day on “The Paleo Diet” :P TAGEND

Breakfast: Omelet with spinach with fresh fruit. Lunch: Grilled chicken, kale, and avocado salad with vinegar and olive oil. Snack: Apple slicings and almond butter. Dinner: Steak with asparagus and sweet potato fries. Dessert: Strawberries and a piece of 85% darknes chocolate.

That doesn’t sound so bad, right?

Make sure you check out our Paleo Diet Recipes and Resources section too for more options.

Start with a good protein source with each dinner( eggs, steak, chicken, fish, pork) and then add a vegetable or fruit.

That’s it.

If you feel hungry constantly, understand that changing up a diet can cause a body a few weeks of adjustment.

Remember, your body is learning to operate on both fewer calories AND fewer carbs- depending on how low carb you go this could be a DRAMATIC change.

And this is often referred to as “carb flu, ” and it can be miserable! Your body might take multiple weeks to adjust to these new habits.

Going from a processed, high sodium diet to a paleo diet you will very often end up eating too little sodium, which is an essential nutrient.

So if you’re feeling tired all the time, try adding some salt to your food or consider an electrolyte supplement- this is what we recommend with our Keto readers too.

Is the Paleo Diet Dangerous?

The dismissive criticisms of the Paleo Diet generally fall into one of three categories :P TAGEND

Cavemen had short lifespans. So there. A recent article said that cavemen feed grains. So there. Eating that much meat is unhealthy. So there.

As I said at the beginning of this article, it doesn’t matter what cavemen or cavewomen ACTUALLY ate.

The reason this diet works has nothing to do with what our bodies are designed to eat or what cavemen feed 1,000 s of years ago.

The Paleo Diet CAN help you lose weight because it gets you to cut out junk food, focus on eating real food, and gives you a framework to evaluate speedily every food selection :P TAGEND

” Did a caveman eat this? Yes or no .”

That’s it!

By following this ONE rules, you’re likely to eat fewer calories than you used to, and thus you’re likely to end up healthier than before.

I personally don’t follow a Paleo Diet, but I do appreciate the fact that it’s easy to comprehend and gets people to take a more active approach in their food!

So, disregarding the fear mongering, tenet, and anthropological criticisms of what cavemen actually ate, what are the ACTUAL critiques of the Paleo Diet?

# 1)” Why is the Paleo Diet expensive ?”

Admittedly, while I recommend eating organic fruits and veggies, free-range chicken, and grass-fed beef whenever possible, these products can be more expensive in conventional stores due to the processes needed to get them there.

However, farmers’ marketplaces often have well-priced meat, eggs, fruits, and vegetables that are locally grown and incredibly healthy.

Even if you’re spending a little more money than before, when you factor in your overall health, spending a few extra bucks on healthier food now is a wiser investment than thousands later on costly medical expenses.

Also, if you’re really short on cash, feeing the non-organic or grain-fed version of a meat, vegetable, or eggs is still better than feeing bread, pasta, fast food, and the like.

Most people simply compare the cost of a paleo snack with ramen noodles or pasta and bread and determine Paleo is prohibitively expensive.

Sure, it’s more expensive than those foods, but if you are smart with your money you can eat a much healthier snack and do so pretty inexpensively. Check out this guide on” How to Eat Healthy Without Breaking the Bank” for some tip-off and tricks.

( This doesn’t even factor in the whole” if you eat inexpensive unhealthy food now, you’ll pay thousands in medical bills and hospital visits and drugs later” argument which is valid too ).

# 2)” But cavemen had short lifespans! Of course they don’t have the diseases we do. We live way longer now .”

I agree with you here, but only because you don’t have to deal with the dangers of living back then. Again we don’t really care to live like cave people!

This is SIMPLY a construct that can help many build more informed food choices.

# 3)” Plenty of societies around the world consume grains and aren’t fat and unhealthy like us .”

Awesome- it seems like those people have found a solution that works for them. Have you read our big ass guidebook to eating a Plant-Based Diet?

The China Study is frequently cited when blaming the Paleo Diet- are concentrated on a vegetarian diet and consuming rice is healthier than the Paleo Diet. I respectfully disagree with the conclusions drawn from that book but that’s awesome if you want to go plant-based! [ 7 ] I’ll leave you to induce your own conclusions based on your own self-experimentation.

You’re here to learn about the Paleo Diet though, so let’s keep the focus there.

# 4)” But this is just a meat diet, and eating all meat is bad !”

First of all, consider your sources and do your research before jumping to the conclusions.

Next, this is not an all meat diet like the Carnivore Diet or uber-low carb diets like Keto or Atkins. The biggest component of the Paleo Diet?

Vegetables!

Every meal in a true Paleo diet has a moderate amount of healthy( properly raised chicken, grass-fed beef, hormone free, etc .) meat combined with nutritious veggies or a moderate sum of fruit.

# 5)” The Paleo Diet is too restrictive and I can’t live like this .”

This is the most valid criticism I personally have of the diet, as the best diet plan is the one you actually stick with and be adhered to on! The goal shouldn’t be to go” full paleo” for a few weeks merely going to go to how you were eating before.

Instead, the goal here should be to rethink your relationship with food and develop a strategy that you can live with permanently.

There’s nothing worse than going on diets and gaining and losing the same 20 pounds over and over. The Paleo Diet, like other diets, WORKS ONLY IF YOU STICK WITH IT PERMANENTLY!

This attains sense after all: stimulate temporary changes, get temporary results, right?

# 6)” Steve, I hate veggies. How do you construct veggies taste better? HALP .”

I got you. Heres how to start liking vegetables and how to attain veggies savour better.

We know this all too well, and we have helped thousands of people slowwwwly transition their diet over a long period of time to make change less scary, more permanent, and thus attain the weight loss permanent too!

If you’re overwhelmed or scared of changing too much, or maybe you’re just sick of dieting and want to find a solution that works for your busy lifestyle and situation, schedule a bellow with us to gain a better understanding of our 1-on-1 coaching program :P TAGEND

Paleo Recipes and Paleo Resources

Here’s our full list of Nerd Fitness Paleo/ Healthy recipes, and here are my three favorites :P TAGEND

10 Minutes of Prep, 10 Easy Meals Paleo spaghetti: freaking delicious, I promise How to Make Mini Paleo Pizzas .

I’ve also compiled a list of my favorite sites and recipe books in various regions of the internet that can help you get started :P TAGEND

# 1) Nom Nom Paleo -~ ATAGEND Michelle Tam and her husband Henry are amazing people, and their Paleo Blog is absolutely phenomenal. Great photos. Well written. Organized intelligently.

Their “Nom Nom Paleo” cookbook is a fun resource too, and a great place to get started with cooking for your Paleo lifestyle. Oh, what’s that? You have children and a spouse and you’re all trying to eat healthier too? This book is perfect for that as well!

# 2) Mark’s Daily Apple– Easily the most comprehensive resource on the internet for the Paleo Diet- Mark writes an article every weekday about everything Paleo, and it usually blows me away. Some of the posts can get overwhelming, so I indicate starting with his Primal Blueprint 101.

The Primal Blueprint– If you want to read about this stuff in a volume rather than on a computer screen, Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great place to get started on not only what to eat, but why you should be eating it.

It’s educational, funny, real-world applicable, and teaches you how to primalize( just made that up) the rest of your life too.

# 3) Robb Wolf– Another great resource, and a guy I’ve already referenced in this article multiple times. Check out his site for a comprehensive FAQ on all things Paleo, a shopping list pdf( right-click and save ), and plenty of humor.

The Paleo Solution– This article would have been finished 3 hours earlier, but before I wrote it, I read ALL of Robb’s new volume. It severely had me laughing out loud at certain phases- not bad for a book on diet!

This book is a little less forgiving than Mark’s book above, but it’s still a great read.

# 4) Loren Cordain– Loren is considered the leading expert on the Paleo Diet- Robb is actually one of his students/ disciples/ Padawans.

Dr. Cordain is probably the foremost authority on this type of eating, which is why I actually enjoyed read both of his volumes.

MORE RECIPE RESOURCES :P TAGEND

Ready or Not! 150 Make Now Recipes– The newer book from Michelle Tam of Nom Nom Paleo. It’s super fun. Plus she’s wearing a Nerd FItness t-shirt in some of her photos in the book, so I might be sliiiightly biased Mark’s Daily Apple– Although he sells the cookbook on Amazon, Mark also lists over 100 free primal recipes on his site. Pick something on the list, run buy the ingredients, and follow the instructions! So easy even a caveman can do it. Everyday Paleo– Great images, easy to follow recipes, and pretty interesting combinations. Click on FOOD in the Nav bar, and the meals are broken down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you’re curious about The Paleo Diet’s recent popularity and thus it’s criticisms, we’ve written two other pieces on Nerd Fitness that might be of interest :P TAGEND

” The Paleo Diet Debunked ??” where I address a few of the more recent criticisms that have popped up.

” In Defense of a Paleo-Ish Diet” where I encompass how to live a mostly Paleo lifestyle but still enjoy the modern benefits of society.

Who Should and Who Shouldn’t Do the Paleo Diet?

I’m a fan of the Paleo Diet for the RIGHT person:

I love mental models that help us make sense of the world, and I guess for SOME people, the Paleo Diet has certainly help them cut down on overeating.

I personally do NOT follow a Paleo Diet, but I do have regulations that I follow.

Do whatever makes you happy and fits in your schedule. I like this kind of stress-free eating.

Regardless of whether or not grains should be vilified, I love this diet because I know it WORKS. I know people that have lost incredible amounts of weight and changed their lives within a matter of months.

People like Staci :P TAGEND

Regardless of how you feel about grains, we can all agree that eating more natural foods and less processed foods is better for you.

YOU SHOULD DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

You struggle with section control( entailing you can’t eat merely one cookie, or you tend to keep feeing even when you’re full ). You can stick with the changes you’re making permanently! Remember, temporary changes create temporary outcomes. You don’t mind eliminating some of your favorite foods completely.

YOU SHOULD NOT DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

The notion of giving up non-paleo foods makes you want to cry. You don’t mind learning about calories and want to track your food. Another diet sounds like a better fit for you!

Consider some of these other options instead:

The Mediterranean Diet which still includes portions of things like pasta or bread( note: I said PORTIONS , not platefuls )! Our guide on healthy eating and slowly adjust your nutrition- which would be my recommendation. My paleo-ish dietary philosophy that holds me healthy and happy.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to attain permanent adjustments to your nutrition.

If you don’t see yourself being able to permanently follow a Paleo Diet, I would advise a more’ wade in from the shallow aim‘ approach to dietary change!

How to Do the Paleo Diet Safely

Maybe you’re ready to try out this Paleo lifestyle, but you can’t commit fully. There are certain foods you refuse to give up, or you can’t afford to buy grass-fed beef at the moment.

That’s okay!

If you can even make a few small changes here and there( cut out liquid calories, switching out your rice for steamed vegetables, cut back on bread, etc .) you’ll start to see some changes.

Remember, 20% healthier is better than 0% healthier- as you get more comfy with the changes you can increase that percentage.

After all, I know how tough it is to stay loyal to a strict diet, especially without a plan to follow. It’s why we created free resources that can help you reach your goals faster without you also going crazy.

Get rid of the temptation: if you’re gonna go at this thing with a full head of steam, remove all the junk food from your house.

It’s going to take a few weeks for your body to adjust to burning fat instead of glucose, and you might want to eat poorly here and there. If there’s no food in your house to tempt you, it will be much easier to stay on target.

Now, it’s your turn.

Have you tried the Paleo Diet yet? What was your experience like? Have a criticism of the diet that I didn’t cover before? Do you have a favorite paleo resource?

Remember, one of the major Rules of the Rebellion is to question everything!

I hope this article gives you some food for thought( terrible pun, I know ), and gives you permission to question conventional wisdom and start addressing the issues in your diet!

In addition to this Beginner Paleo Guide, I hope you consider checking our 1-on-1 Coaching Program as well.

We have designed this program from the ground up to help people like you change their lives and fix their nutrition in a way that doesn’t suck.

Now, go forth. And feed like a caveman.

-Steve

PS: I’ll leave you with a mention of the Nerd Fitness Academy– it essentially gamifies your experience in transitioning into a Paleo lifestyle and diet, and provides you with specific instruction, snack plans, workouts, and a supportive community.

###

photo sources: cavemen elephant hunt, caveman cooking over flame, cavemen hunt paleo bear, milk truck logo, darth vader vendor, storm trooper tomato, lego cook, chef and lego pig, lego explorer, lego muffin, lego bread and carbs, frozen caveman grok lego, lego clock, lego caveman forge for food, caveman with wheel, darth vader and ostrich lego, easing into water lego, lego man with pasta

Footnote( returns to text)

Adult Obesity Prevalence Map CDC.gov

What if its all Been a Big Fat Lie ? Take a look at this time magazine article on cancer patients who switched to a zero-sugar diet and assured positive results. You can read our full guide on Gluten check out the Inuit Paradox for a great read on societies that exist without almost any carbohydrates If you want to nerd out about this stuff, go wild with this study This is the most well-researched critique I’ve determine of the China Study: Denise Menger- China Study- Fact or Fallacy

Read more: nerdfitness.com

[computerguideworld-blog]

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/awesome/paleo-diet-beginner-guide-7-things-you-should-know-before-eating-like-a-caveman/

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

So you wanna learn about the Paleo Diet, aka” the Caveman Diet ,” eh?

This is one of the most popular diets on the planet right now( up there with the Keto Diet ), and I bet you have questions.

Well I got answers, sucka!

And lots of LEGO photos.

In this massive guide, I’m going to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to the Paleolithic Diet( click each link to go right to that section ):

What is the Paleo Diet and how does it work ? Will I lose weight on the Paleo Diet ? What can I eat on the Paleo Diet ? What foods CAN’T I eat on the Paleo Diet ? Can I feed grains on the Paleo Diet ? Can I feed dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I feed cheese on the Paleo Diet ? Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of foods on the Paleo Diet What does a typical day look like on the Paleo Diet ? Is the Paleo Diet dangerous ? Paleo Recipes& Paleo Resources . Who shouldn’t do the Paleo Diet ? How to do the Paleo Diet safely .

Now, this guide is SUPER long, so we took the liberty of converting it into a nicely designed guidebook for easy consumption( not literal intake, unless you print it on bacon ).

Grab your Beginner’s Guide to the Paleo Diet free when you sign on in the box below: Get the FREE eBook! The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Paleo!

Discover if Paleo is for you

The one simple trick to know if your food is Paleo-friendly

Easy Paleo recipes for beginners to get you started

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

As the great Mr. Flintstone once said, “Yabadabadooooo!”

What is the Paleo Diet and How does it Work?

Oh lord, another “diet.”

I know, it sounds like a fad/ marketing ploy, but The Paleo Diet isn’t really a “diet,” and it’s actually quite logical when you think about it.

It’s also the most time-tested diet ever.

Here’s the ENTIRE diet in a nutshell :P TAGEND

” If a cave person didn’t eat it, neither should you .”

As the theory runs, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice meals, our ancient ancestors flourished as hunter-gatherers.

Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t changed that much since then.

And yet…these days we’re overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from far too many preventable cancers due to lifestyle choices.

So what the hell happened?

Agriculture!

And then delivery and Netflix.

A few thousand years ago, humans detected farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers.

We settled down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today. Which is obviously great for a number of reasons :P TAGEND

Not get eaten by wild animals Electricity Automobiles Nintendo

The problem is that our bodies never adjusted properly to eating all the grains and sugar that we’re now consuming.

As paleo guru Robb Wolf sets it, should be considered a 100 -yard football field :P TAGEND

The first 99.5 yards are how long Homo-Sapiens spent as hunter-gatherers. As they became Genuinely good at hunting and meeting our bodies adapted to that lifestyle over thousands of years.

That last half-yard represents our species after the agricultural revolution, where our diet has changed( but our genetics haven’t ).

So, instead of loading up on meat, vegetables and seasonal fruits, we’ve become a species “dependent” upon grains- bread, pasta, rice, corn, and so on.

66% of us are overweight, 33% are considered obese, and those numbers are only getting worse.[ 1 ]

Clearly something’s not right, and we need to fix it.

The Paleo Diet is an effort to go back to our ancestral roots.

To start eating how we’re biologically designed to eat, allowing us to tap into our genetic potential and start live healthier immediately.

To recap the rules of the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Only eat foods a caveman would eat See Rule# 1

Note that it doesn’t mention calorie counting or snack day or macro tracking. That’s part of the popularity of this diet: feed paleo approved foods when you’re hungry, and that’s it.

Will I Lose Weight on the Paleo Diet?

This is the question we get above all else :P TAGEND

” Will the Paleo Diet help me lose weight ?”

Probably. If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

It’s helped many people achieve jaw-dropping transformations, including my friend Saint,( whose narrative you can read here ):

Or Staci from Team NF, our leading female trainer in our 1-on-1 Coaching Program ):

The Paleo Diet will work for you, if you do it right.

You need to have the right mindset, you need to focus on the right foods, and you need to structure your environment so that you’re not seduced to backslide and abandon the Paleo Diet after a few days.

However, it has nothing to do with what Fred Flintstone ate or didn’t eat.

It comes down to science and thermodynamics.

As I point out in our article on How to Lose weight: What’s the Perfect Diet( For me ?), if you want to lose weight :P TAGEND

Eat fewer calories than you burn every day. Wishing to also be healthy? Eat mostly real food.

Want to KEEP the weight off?

Add# 3: Do those two things consistently for a decade.

Here’s WHY you’ll lose weight on the Paleo Diet:

You’re only feeing meat, fish, veggies, fruits, and nuts. These are foods that are full of nutrients, will make you feel full, but don’t have nearly as many calories as junk food. You are altogether eliminating calorie-dense, often nutritionally insufficient, unhealthy foods. This entails no grains( pasta, bread, rice ), no dairy , no beans. It also entails no soda , no candy , no sugar.

And yup. When you only feed real food and avoid all unhealthy food, you’re more likely than not going to run a caloric deficit- and thus lose weight.

Let me share a really obvious example.

200 calories of broccoli get you enough to fill up an entire plate :P TAGEND

Or … 200 calories will get you exactly 1/2 a Snickers bar :P TAGEND

Look at that: nobody can eat that much broccoli, and nobody only fees half a candy bar!

My point is this: by eating Paleo-approved foods, you’re more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you did in the past automatically, which can lead to weight loss.

I dig into this in even greater detail in” Why can’t I lose weight ?” but it all comes down to” calories in, calories out .”

So YES, the Paleo Diet MIGHT help you lose weight.

You simply need to eat fewer calories than you burn every day( Here’s how to calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure ). And that is easier when you are eliminating foods that people tend to overeat :P TAGEND

Candy Soda Pasta Bread Dairy

But that’s all about what we’re eliminating. What are we keeping !?

what Can I eat on The Paleo diet?

In order to follow the Paleo Diet Lifestyle, here are the foods that are Paleo approved :P TAGEND

Meat*- steak, ham, pork, bison, boar. Organs- liver, kidneys, heart. Marrow- find a topic here? Eat ALL parts of the animal! Fowl- chicken, duck, hen, turkey…things with wings that( try to) fly. Fish- cod, tuna, salmon, and so on. Eggs- Look for omega-3 enriched cage-free eggs. Vegetable- spinach, broccoli, kale, carrots, peppers, zucchini, onions, etc. Petroleum- minimally processed, derived from plants: olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil. Fats: ghee, lard, or other animal fats. Fruit- apples, pears, bananas, grapes, strawberries. Nut- almonds, walnuts, cashews, and their respective butters( almond butter is so good !) Tubers- Sweet potatoes and yams.

* If you can, aim for grass-fed beef and organic fruits and veggies. But don’t go break the bank with your food buys. Merely do the best you can.

As the Paleo Diet explains: Pick any of the foods from that listing and eat as much as you want of them.

You might have noticed that a lot of the foods above are loaded with fat. And depending on what your mom told you growing up, you might believe fat is the devil.

So let me address that right away…

Does Eating Fat Make You Fat?

If you’re cut back on carbs, that means you’ll need to fill the void in your diet with the most controversial macronutrient :P TAGEND

Fat!

It’s gotten a bad rap over the past number of decades, so companies have been doing everything possible to induce everything low fat and “healthy! ”( while adding all sorts of preservatives, chemicals, and sugar ).

Yup…cut out the fat, increase the carbs….and look where THAT has gotten us.

Why has fat been vilified? Rather than get into the politics of it myself, I’ll let Gary Taubes, writer of the unbelievably thorough and well-researched Good Calories, Bad Calories take over.

As he discusses in an article he wrote for the New York Times a decade ago: [ 2 ]

These researchers point out that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that the low-fat-is-good-health hypothesis has now effectively failed the test of day.

In particular, that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic that started around the early 1980′ s, and that this was coincident with the rise of the low-fat dogma.( Type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease, also rose significantly through this period .)

They say that low-fat weight-loss diets have proved in clinical trials and real life to be dismal failings, and that on top of everything is, the percentage of fat in the American diet has been decreasing for two decades.

Our cholesterol levels have been declining, and we have been smoking less, and yet the incidence of heart disease has not declined as would be expected.” That is very disconcerting ,” Willett says.” It suggests that something else bad is happening .”

” Low fat” foods were created to follow conventional wisdom that fat hit you fat( which as stated in the above article doesn’t stand up to scrutiny ).

When a company makes a low fat food, they remove the fat and have to replace the flavor with something.

That “something” is usually sugar( and often more calories ).

Crap.

So, according to Taubes and Paleo folks, fat has been vilified and the real focus should have been on sugar and carbs all along.

Because healthy fats are valuable additions to our diet.

Here are some examples of Paleo-Approved Healthy Fats :P TAGEND

Avocados Almond( and almond butter) Fatty cuts of meat Walnuts Coconut oil Olive oil

In the Paleo Diet, fat constructions up a large portion of one’s diet.

If you’re worried about consuming fat and how it will affect your cholesterol, read our Full Guide to Cholesterol

WhAT Foods Can’t I eat On the Paleo Diet?

If you are looking to strictly follow the Paleo Diet, then you can’t eat foods that did not exist back in” Caveman day .”

Why?

Because- as those in favour of the diet point out- cavemen couldn’t eat those foods because they didn’t exist. There was no way to create cereal and candy – you could only eat what you discovered or hunted.

So, that’s what the Paleo Diet advocates as the reason for avoiding these foods. And it serves as a good mental model to check with yourself: “Could a caveman have eaten this meal? ”

And when you start to answer this question, you identify the foods that you’re not allowed to eat on the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Grains like pasta, cereal bread, and rice Dairy like milk and cheese Candy, cookies, ice cream, and other processed foods

The Paleo Diet also almost completely eliminates sugar outside of fruit. No candy. No soda. No powdered donuts. Yup, even the mini white ones from the grocery store where you can eat like 100 of them( accidentally, of course ).

Many studies have shown that an incredible number of diseases and lifestyle issues can be reversed by cutting out sugar and processed foods.[ 3 ]

But I understand grains and dairy are a bit more complex.

Let me explain :P TAGEND Can I Eat Grains on the Paleo Diet?

Unfortunately , nope.

The Caveman reason why: Grains require some amount of processing, and thus Cavemen would not have consume them.

The science and psychological reason why: we have a tendency to overeat grains and the other ” no no” foods on the Paleo Diet. They are calorically dense, nutrient insufficient, and they can wreak havoc on some people’s blood sugar levels.

This leads to a sugar rush followed by a accident, which can lead to more emotional or hungry overeating…and the process starts again.

Rather than me explain that part with thousands of words, just watch this three-minute video-” Why You Got Fat :”

Let’s get into some more reasons Paleo proponents indicate avoiding grains: most contain gluten and lectins.

What are they and what’s wrong with them? I’m so glad you asked :P TAGEND

Gluten is a protein found in things like rye, wheat, and barley. It’s now being said that much of our population may be gluten-intolerant( hence all the new “gluten-free! ” items popping up everywhere ). Over time, those people who have gluten intolerant can develop a dismal array of medical conditions from ingesting gluten: dermatitis, joint ache, reproductive problems, acid reflux, and more.[ 4 ] Lectins are natural toxins that are present in grains to defend against consumption! Yup. Grains have evolved to keep themselves from being feed by us. These lectins are not a fan of our gastrointestinal tract, and they avoid the tract from repairing itself from normal wear and tear. This can cause all kinds of damage.

Long story short: many people cannot process grains properly, and they are usually the food that causes people to eat too many calories. So by eliminating grains from your diet, you’re more likely than not going to eat fewer calories without counting calories.

That’s a Paleo win!

Do I Need to Avoid Carbs on the Paleo Diet?

Not necessarily.

That depends on your goals and your body – you are a special snowflake!

Some people function well on a high fat, low carb diet.

Others function better on a high carb, low fat diet.

Personally, I function better on a higher carb, lower fat diet( which is how I lost 22 pounds in 6 months ).

I will say the Paleo Diet is USUALLY a Low Carb diet, and large quantities of carbs are not required for somebody to be healthy regular diet.[ 5 ].

After all, carbs aren’t evil- they’re just…carbs.

Here is the logic and psychology behind why the Paleo Diet is low carb :P TAGEND

On a typical Western diet, we ingest plenty o’ carbs, and our bodies convert those carbs to a sugar called “glucose.” This is our body’s preferred method of fueling itself.

In the absence of carbs to create glucose to fuel our bodies, we have to do a few other things instead :P TAGEND

Transform stored fat into glycerol and fatty acids( this process is called lipolysis ). Burn fatty acids for energy or transform the fatty acids into glucose for energy( this is called gluconeogenesis) In the absence of glucose( through fasting or following a Keto Diet ), your body can create ketones for fuel( called “ketogenesis” ).

We’re going to focus on the forms of weight loss NOT related to ” ketogenesis .” Unless you are avoiding all carbohydrates while running Paleo, or you are doing long fasts, you most likely won’t be in ketosis while going Paleo.

We do cover Paleo vs Keto: Which is Better if you’re deciding between the two.

Back to weight loss and Paleo: when you cut back on carbs, and thus most likely ALSO cut back on total calories ingested, you are creating a caloric deficit in your body.

And eat a consistent deficit over a long enough time period, BOOM caveman weight loss.

So, fewer carbs= less glucose in your system, less sugar crashes, less “hangry” moments and smaller chance of overeating= fewer calories consumed on average.

If you’re worried about adherence to the diet, I understand – it’s the toughest part of Paleo- sticking with it!

Knowing what to eat is part of it, but following this fairly restrictive lifestyle in a modern environment surrounded by cookies and candy and bagels and pasta is really difficult!

If this whole” Paleo, Carbs, and Weight Loss” thing is stressing you out, you’re not alone!

In fact, people like you are the reason we created our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

We work with busy people like you to structure a complete life overhaul: handcrafted workout routines, accountability, mindset alters, and nutritional strategies.

Can I feed Dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I eat Cheese On the Paleo Diet?

This also depends. Strict Paleo folks tend to stay away from it- a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.

Why? Because hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling- milk was ingested as a baby through breast milk from their mother, and that was it.

So as Paleo-stans will tell ya, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

There is evidence that some adaptation to dairy has taken place throughout the years, specifically with people with ancestry in herding cultures, but this is not the majority of the population.[ 6 ]

Paleo purists will avoid dairy like the beset, while other paleo-ish people have found that ingesting dairy in its various forms work for their genetics, goals, and lifestyle.

“What about Cheese? Can I feed cheese on the Paleo Diet? ”

You do you, boo. But if you’re going Strict Paleo, then unfortunately cheese is OUT too.

If you’re just looking to lose some weight while following a “mostly Paleo” lifestyle, then adding some high quality cheese into some of your snacks can be okay.

Some cheeses will tend to have lower sums of lactose or casein- the parts of dairy that can cause digestion challenges.

So, if you’re not sure your body is processing dairy properly, remove dairy from your diet and only introduce it back in when you’re ready to see how your body responds.

If you’re not losing weight while feeing a” Paleo+ Dairy” Diet, you’re still feeing too many calories.

Consider cutting out dairy and see how your body responds.

Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of Foods on the Paleo Diet

Because I like you as person or persons, I’ve created a printable Paleo Diet Shopping List PDF you can bring with you to the grocery store to help you decide what to buy and what to avoid.

Simply right click on the image below and save as :P TAGEND

Feel free to publish this out and bring it with you to the grocery store. If you happen to run into somebody else who has ALSO printed out this sheet, feel free to high five each other while singing Baltimora!

What is a Typical Day Like on the Paleo Diet?

Here is an example of a typical day on “The Paleo Diet” :P TAGEND

Breakfast: Omelet with spinach with fresh fruit. Lunch: Grilled chicken, kale, and avocado salad with vinegar and olive oil. Snack: Apple slicings and almond butter. Dinner: Steak with asparagus and sweet potato fries. Dessert: Strawberries and a piece of 85% darknes chocolate.

That doesn’t audio so bad, right?

Make sure you check out our Paleo Diet Recipes and Resource section too for more options.

Start with a good protein source with each dinner( eggs, steak, chicken, fish, pork) and then add a vegetable or fruit.

That’s it.

If you feel hungry constantly, understand that changing up a diet can cause a body a few weeks of adjustment.

Remember, your body is learning to operate on both fewer calories AND fewer carbs- depending on how low carb you go this could be a DRAMATIC change.

And this is often referred to as “carb flu, ” and it can be miserable! Your body might take multiple weeks to adjust to these new habits.

Going from a processed, high sodium diet to a paleo diet you will very often end up eating too little sodium, which is an essential nutrient.

So if you’re feeling tired all the time, try adding some salt to your food or consider an electrolyte supplement- this is what we recommend with our Keto readers too.

Is the Paleo Diet Dangerous?

The dismissive criticisms of the Paleo Diet generally fall into one of three categories :P TAGEND

Cavemen had short lifespans. So there. A recent article said that cavemen feed grains. So there. Eating that much meat is unhealthy. So there.

As I said at the beginning of this article, it doesn’t matter what cavemen or cavewomen ACTUALLY ate.

The reason this diet runs has nothing to do with what our bodies are designed to eat or what cavemen ate 1,000 s of years ago.

The Paleo Diet CAN help you lose weight because it gets you to cut out junk food, focus on eating real food, and gives you a framework to evaluate speedily every food choice :P TAGEND

” Did a caveman eat this? Yes or no .”

That’s it!

By following this ONE rules, you’re likely to eat fewer calories than you used to, and thus you’re likely to end up healthier than before.

I personally don’t follow a Paleo Diet, but I do appreciate the fact that it’s easy to comprehend and gets people to take a more active approach in their food!

So, disregarding the fear mongering, tenet, and anthropological criticisms of what cavemen actually ate, what are the ACTUAL criticisms of the Paleo Diet?

# 1)” Why is the Paleo Diet expensive ?”

Admittedly, while I recommend eating organic fruits and veggies, free-range chicken, and grass-fed beef whenever possible, these products can be more expensive in conventional stores due to the processes needed to get them there.

However, farmers’ marketplaces often have well-priced meats, eggs, fruits, and vegetables that are locally grown and unbelievably healthy.

Even if you’re spending a little more money than before, when you factor in your overall health, spending a few extra bucks on healthier food now is a wiser investment than thousands later on costly medical expenses.

Also, if you’re really short on cash, feeing the non-organic or grain-fed version of a meat, vegetable, or eggs is still better than eating breads, pasta, fast food, and the like.

Most people simply compare the cost of a paleo meal with ramen noodles or pasta and bread and determine Paleo is prohibitively expensive.

Sure, it’s more expensive than those foods, but if you are smart with your fund you can eat a much healthier snack and do really pretty inexpensively. Check out this guide on” How to Eat Healthy Without Breaking the Bank” for some tip-off and tricks.

( This doesn’t even factor in the whole” if you feed cheap unhealthy food now, you’ll pay thousands in medical bills and hospital visits and medications later” argument which is valid too ).

# 2)” But cavemen had short lifespans! Of course they don’t have the diseases we do. We live style longer now .”

I agree with you here, but merely because you don’t have to deal with the dangers of living back then. Again we don’t really care to live like cave people!

This is SIMPLY a construct that can help many attain more informed food choices.

# 3)” Plenty of societies around the world consume grains and aren’t fat and unhealthy like us .”

Awesome- it seems like those people have found a solution that works for them. Have you read our big ass guidebook to eating a Plant-Based Diet?

The China Study is frequently cited when blaming the Paleo Diet- are concentrated on a vegetarian diet and ingesting rice is healthier than the Paleo Diet. I respectfully disagree with the conclusions drawn from that volume but that’s awesome if you want to go plant-based! [ 7 ] I’ll leave you to induce your own conclusions based on your own self-experimentation.

You’re here to learn about the Paleo Diet though, so let’s keep the focus there.

# 4)” But this is just a meat diet, and eating all meat is bad !”

First of all, consider your sources and do your search before jumping to the conclusions.

Next, this is not an all meat diet like the Carnivore Diet or uber-low carb diets like Keto or Atkins. The biggest component of the Paleo Diet?

Vegetables!

Every meal in a true Paleo diet has a moderate amount of healthy( properly raised chicken, grass-fed beef, hormone free, etc .) meat combined with nutritious veggies or a moderate quantity of fruit.

# 5)” The Paleo Diet is too restrictive and I can’t live like this .”

This is the most valid criticism I personally have of the diet, as the best diet plan is the one you actually stick with and be adhered to on! The goal shouldn’t be to go” full paleo” for a few weeks merely to go back to how you were eating before.

Instead, the goal here should be to rethink your relationship with food and develop a strategy that you can live with permanently.

There’s nothing worse than going on diets and gaining and losing the same 20 pounds over and over. The Paleo Diet, like other diets, WORKS ONLY IF YOU STICK WITH IT PERMANENTLY!

This attains sense after all: stimulate temporary alterations, get temporary results, right?

# 6)” Steve, I hate vegetables. How do you induce veggies savour better? HALP .”

I got you. Heres how to start liking vegetables and how to construct veggies savour better.

We know this all too well, and we have helped thousands of people slowwwwly transition their diet over a long period of time to make change less scary, more permanent, and thus construct the weight loss permanent too!

If you’re overwhelmed or scared of changing too much, or maybe you’re just sick of dieting and want to find a solution that works for your busy lifestyle and situation, schedule a bellow with us to gain a better understanding of our 1-on-1 coaching program :P TAGEND

Paleo Recipes and Paleo Resource

Here’s our full list of Nerd Fitness Paleo/ Healthy recipes, and here are my three favourites :P TAGEND

10 Minutes of Prep, 10 Easy Meals Paleo spaghetti: freaking delicious, I promise How to Make Mini Paleo Pizzas .

I’ve also compiled a list of my favorite sites and recipe books around the internet that can help you get started :P TAGEND

# 1) Nom Nom Paleo -~ ATAGEND Michelle Tam and her husband Henry are amazing people, and their Paleo Blog is absolutely phenomenal. Great photos. Well written. Organized intelligently.

Their “Nom Nom Paleo” cookbook is a fun resource too, and a great place to get started with cooking for your Paleo lifestyle. Oh, what’s that? You have kids and a spouse and you’re all trying to eat healthier too? This volume is perfect for that as well!

# 2) Mark’s Daily Apple– Easily the most comprehensive resource on the internet for the Paleo Diet- Mark writes an article every weekday about everything Paleo, and it usually blows me away. Some of the posts can get overwhelming, so I suggest starting with his Primal Blueprint 101.

The Primal Blueprint– If you want to read about this stuff in a volume rather than on a computer screen, Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great place to get started on not only what to eat, but why you should be eating it.

It’s educational, funny, real-world applicable, and teaches you how to primalize( just made that up) the rest of your life too.

# 3) Robb Wolf– Another great resource, and a guy I’ve already referenced in this article multiple times. Check out his site for a comprehensive FAQ on all things Paleo, a shopping list pdf( right-click and save ), and plenty of humor.

The Paleo Solution– This article would have been finished 3 hours earlier, but before I wrote it, I read ALL of Robb’s new book. It severely had me chuckling out loud at certain points- not bad for a volume on diet!

This book is a little less forgiving than Mark’s book above, but it’s still a great read.

# 4) Loren Cordain– Loren is considered the leading expert on the Paleo Diet- Robb is actually one of his students/ followers/ Padawans.

Dr. Cordain is probably the foremost authority on this type of eating, which is why I really enjoyed reading both of his books.

MORE RECIPE Resource :P TAGEND

Ready or Not! 150 Make Now Recipes– The newer book from Michelle Tam of Nom Nom Paleo. It’s super fun. Plus she’s wearing a Nerd FItness t-shirt in some of her photos in the book, so I might be sliiiightly biased Mark’s Daily Apple– Although he sells the cookbook on Amazon, Mark also lists over 100 free primal recipes on his site. Pick something on the list, go buy the ingredients, and follow the instructions! So easy even a caveman can do it. Everyday Paleo– Great paintings, easy to follow recipes, and pretty interesting combinations. Click on FOOD in the Nav bar, and the meals are broken down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you’re curious about The Paleo Diet’s recent popularity and thus it’s criticisms, we’ve written two other pieces on Nerd Fitness that might be of interest :P TAGEND

” The Paleo Diet Debunked ??” where I address a few of the more recent criticisms that have popped up.

” In Defense of a Paleo-Ish Diet” where I cover how to live a largely Paleo lifestyle but still enjoy the modern benefits of society.

Who Should and Who Shouldn’t Do the Paleo Diet?

I’m a fan of the Paleo Diet for the RIGHT person:

I love mental models that help us make sense of the world, and I suppose for SOME people, the Paleo Diet has certainly help them cut down on overeating.

I personally do NOT follow a Paleo Diet, but I do have rules that I follow.

Do whatever builds you happy and accommodates in your schedule. I like this kind of stress-free eating.

Regardless of whether or not grains should be vilified, I love this diet because I know it WORKS. I know people that have lost incredible amounts of weight and altered their lives within a matter of months.

People like Staci :P TAGEND

Regardless of how you feel about grains, we can all agree that eating more natural foods and less processed foods is better for you.

YOU SHOULD DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

You struggle with portion control( entailing you can’t eat just one cookie, or you tend to keep eating even when you’re full ). You can stick with the changes you’re making permanently! Remember, temporary alters make temporary results. You don’t mind eliminating some of your favorite foods entirely.

YOU SHOULD NOT DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

The idea of giving up non-paleo foods makes you want to cry. You don’t mind learning about calories and want to track your food. Another diet sounds like a better fit for you!

Consider some of these other options instead:

The Mediterranean Diet which still includes portions of things like pasta or bread( note: I said Sections , not platefuls )! Our guide on healthy eating and slowly adjust your nutrition- which would be my recommendation. My paleo-ish dietary philosophy that maintains me healthy and happy.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to make permanent adjustments to your nutrition.

If you don’t see yourself being able to permanently follow a Paleo Diet, I would advise a more’ wade in from the shallow end‘ approach to dietary change!

How to Do the Paleo Diet Safely

Maybe you’re ready to try out this Paleo lifestyle, but you can’t commit fully. There are certain foods you refuse to give up, or you can’t afford to buy grass-fed beef at the moment.

That’s okay!

If you can even make a few small changes here and there( cut out liquid calories, switching out your rice for steamed veggies, cut back on bread, etc .) you’ll start to see some changes.

Remember, 20% healthier is better than 0% healthier- as you get more comfortable with the changes you can increase that percentage.

After all, I know how tough it is to stay loyal to a strict diet, especially without a plan to follow. It’s why we created free resources that can help you reach your goals faster without you also going crazy.

Get rid of the temptation: if you’re gonna go at this thing with a full head of steam, remove all the junk food from your house.

It’s going to take a few weeks for your body to adjust to burning fat instead of glucose, and you might want to eat poorly here and there. If there’s no food in your house to tempt you, it will be much easier to stay on target.

Now, it’s your turn.

Have you tried the Paleo Diet yet? What was your experience like? Have a criticism of the diet that I didn’t cover before? Do you have a favorite paleo resource?

Remember, one of the major Rules of the Rebellion is to question everything!

I hope this article gives you some food for thought( terrible pun, I know ), and gives you permission to question conventional wisdom and start addressing the issues in your diet!

In addition to this Beginner Paleo Guide, I hope you consider checking our 1-on-1 Coaching Program as well.

We have designed this program from the ground up to help people like you change their lives and fix their nutrition in a way that doesn’t suck.

Now, go forth. And feed like a caveman.

-Steve

PS: I’ll leave you with a mention of the Nerd Fitness Academy– it essentially gamifies your experience in transitioning into a Paleo lifestyle and diet, and provides you with specific instruction, meal plans, workouts, and a supportive community.

###

photo sources: cavemen elephant hunt, caveman cooking over flame, cavemen hunt paleo bear, milk truck logo, darth vader vendor, storm trooper tomato, lego cook, chef and lego pig, lego explorer, lego muffin, lego bread and carbs, frozen caveman grok lego, lego clock, lego caveman forge for food, caveman with wheel, darth vader and ostrich lego, easing into water lego, lego man with pasta

Footnotes( returns to text)

Adult Obesity Prevalence Map CDC.gov

What if its all Been a Big Fat Lie ? Take a look at this time magazine article on cancer patients who switched to a zero-sugar diet and considered positive results. You can read our full guide on Gluten check out the Inuit Paradox for a great read on societies that exist without almost any carbohydrates If you want to nerd out about this stuff, go wild with this study This is the most well-researched criticism I’ve receive of the China Study: Denise Menger- China Study- Fact or Fallacy

Read more: nerdfitness.com

[fitnessexpert00-blog]

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

New Post has been published on https://fitnessqia.com/awesome/paleo-diet-beginner-guide-7-things-you-should-know-before-eating-like-a-caveman/

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

So you wanna learn about the Paleo Diet, aka” the Caveman Diet ,” eh?

This is one of the most popular diets on the planet right now( up there with the Keto Diet ), and I bet you have questions.

Well I got answers, sucka!

And lots of LEGO photos.

In this massive guidebook, I’m going to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to the Paleolithic Diet( click each link to go right to that segment ):

What is the Paleo Diet and how does it run ? Will I lose weight on the Paleo Diet ? What can I eat on the Paleo Diet ? What foods CAN’T I eat on the Paleo Diet ? Can I eat grains on the Paleo Diet ? Can I feed dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I feed cheese on the Paleo Diet ? Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of foods on the Paleo Diet What does a typical day look like on the Paleo Diet ? Is the Paleo Diet dangerous ? Paleo Recipes& Paleo Resource . Who shouldn’t do the Paleo Diet ? How to do the Paleo Diet safely .

Now, this guide is SUPER long, we are therefore took the liberty of converting it into a nicely designed guidebook for easy consumption( not literal intake, unless you publish it on bacon ).

Grab your Beginner’s Guide to the Paleo Diet free when you sign up in the box below: Get the FREE eBook! The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Paleo!

Discover if Paleo is for you

The one simple trick to know if your food is Paleo-friendly

Easy Paleo recipes for beginners to get you started

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

As the great Mr. Flintstone once said, “Yabadabadooooo!”

What is the Paleo Diet and How does it Work?

Oh lord, another “diet.”

I know, it sounds like a fad/ marketing gambit, but The Paleo Diet isn’t really a “diet,” and it’s actually quite logical when you think about it.

It’s also the most time-tested diet ever.

Here’s the ENTIRE diet in a nutshell :P TAGEND

” If a cave person didn’t eat it, neither should you .”

As the hypothesi goes, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice snacks, our ancient ancestors flourished as hunter-gatherers.

Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t altered that much since then.

And yet…these days we’re overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from far too many preventable illness due to lifestyle choices.

So what the hell happened?

Agriculture!

And then delivery and Netflix.

A few thousand years ago, humans detected farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers.

We determined down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today. Which is obviously great for a number of reasons :P TAGEND

Not getting eaten by wild animals Electricity Automobiles Nintendo

The problem is that our bodies never adjusted properly to eating all the grains and sugar that we’re now consuming.

As paleo guru Robb Wolf sets it, should be considered a 100 -yard football field :P TAGEND

The first 99.5 yards are how long Homo-Sapiens spent as hunter-gatherers. As they became Really good at hunting and collecting our bodies adapted to that lifestyle over thousands of years.

That last half-yard represents our species after the agricultural revolution, where our diet has shifted( but our genetics haven’t ).

So, instead of loading up on meat, vegetables and seasonal fruits, we’ve become a species “dependent” upon grains- bread, pasta, rice, corn, and so on.

66% of us are overweight, 33% are considered obese, and those numbers are only getting worse.[ 1 ]

Clearly something’s not right, and we need to fix it.

The Paleo Diet is an effort to go back to our ancestral roots.

To start eating how we’re biologically designed to eat, allowing us to tap into our genetic potential and start live healthier immediately.

To recap the rules of the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Only feed foods a caveman would eat See Rule# 1

Note that it doesn’t mention calorie counting or meal period or macro tracking. That’s part of the popularity of this diet: feed paleo approved foods when you’re hungry, and that’s it.

Will I Lose Weight on the Paleo Diet?

This is the question we get above all else :P TAGEND

” Will the Paleo Diet assist me lose weight ?”

Probably. If you can actually apply the rules of the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

It’s helped many people attain jaw-dropping transformations, including my friend Saint,( whose narrative you can read here ):

Or Staci from Team NF, our result female trainer in our 1-on-1 Coaching Program ):

The Paleo Diet will work for you, if you do it right.

You need to have the right mindset, you need to focus on the right foods, and you need to structure your environment so that you’re not seduced to backslide and abandon the Paleo Diet after a few days.

However, it has nothing to do with what Fred Flintstone ate or didn’t eat.

It comes down to science and thermodynamics.

As I point out in our article on How to Lose Weight: What’s the Perfect Diet( For me ?), if you want to lose weight :P TAGEND

Eat fewer calories than you burn every day. Want to also be healthy? Eat mostly real food.

Want to KEEP the weight off?

Add# 3: Do those two things consistently for a decade.

Here’s WHY you’ll lose weight on the Paleo Diet:

You’re merely feeing meat, fish, veggies, fruit, and nuts. These are foods that are full of nutrients, will construct you feel full, but don’t have nearly as many calories as junk food. You are altogether eliminating calorie-dense, often nutritionally insufficient, unhealthy foods. This means no grains( pasta, bread, rice ), no dairy , no beans. It also entails no soda , no candy , no sugar.

And yup. When you only feed real food and avoided all unhealthy food, you’re more likely than not going to run a caloric deficit- and thus lose weight.

Let me share a really obvious example.

200 calories of broccoli get you enough to fill up an entire plate :P TAGEND

Or … 200 calories will get you exactly 1/2 a Snickers bar :P TAGEND

Look at that: nobody can eat that much broccoli, and nobody only fees half a candy bar!

My point is this: by eating Paleo-approved foods, you’re more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you did in the past automatically, which can lead to weight loss.

I dig into this in even greater detail in” Why can’t I lose weight ?” but it all comes down to” calories in, calories out .”

So YES, the Paleo Diet MIGHT help you lose weight.

You simply need to eat fewer calories than you burn every day( Here’s how to calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure ). And that is easier when you are eliminating foods that people tend to overeat :P TAGEND

Candy Soda Pasta Bread Dairy

But that’s all about what we’re eliminating. What are we maintaining !?

what Can I eat on The Paleo diet?

In order to follow the Paleo Diet Lifestyle, here are the foods that are Paleo endorse :P TAGEND

Meat*- steak, ham, pork, bison, boar. Organs- liver, kidneys, heart. Marrow- insuring a topic here? Eat ALL parts of the animal! Fowl- chicken, duck, hen, turkey…things with wings that( try to) fly. Fish- cod, tuna, salmon, and so on. Eggs- Look for omega-3 enriched cage-free eggs. Veggie- spinach, broccoli, kale, carrots, peppers, zucchini, onions, etc. Petroleum- minimally processed, derived from plants: olive oil, coconut oil, avocado petroleum. Fats: ghee, lard, or other animal fats. Fruits- apples, pears, bananas, grapes, strawberries. Nuts- almonds, walnuts, cashews, and their respective butters( almond butter is so good !) Tubers- Sweet potatoes and yams.

* If you can, aim for grass-fed beef and organic fruits and vegetables. But don’t go break the bank with your food purchases. Merely do the best you can.

As the Paleo Diet explains: Pick any of the foods from that listing and eat as much as you want of them.

You might have noticed that a lot of the foods above are loaded with fat. And depending on what your mom told you growing up, you might believe fat is the devil.

So let me address that right away…

Does Eating Fat Make You Fat?

If you’re cutting back on carbs, that means you’ll need to fill the void in your diet with the most controversial macronutrient :P TAGEND

Fat!

It’s gotten a bad rap over the past number of decades, so companies have been doing everything possible to make everything low fat and “healthy! ”( while adding all sorts of preservatives, chemicals, and sugar ).

Yup…cut out the fat, increase the carbs….and appear where THAT has gotten us.

Why has fat been vilified? Rather than get into the politics of it myself, I’ll let Gary Taubes, author of the incredibly thorough and well-researched Good Calories, Bad Calories take over.

As he discusses in an article he wrote for the New York Times a decade ago: [ 2 ]

These researchers point out that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that the low-fat-is-good-health hypothesis has now effectively failed the test of period.

In particular, that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic that started around the early 1980′ s, and that this was coincident with the rise of the low-fat dogma.( Type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease, also rose significantly through this period .)

They say that low-fat weight-loss diets have proved in clinical trials and real life to be dismal failings, and that on top of it all, the percentage of fat in the American diet has been decreasing for two decades.

Our cholesterol levels have been declining, and we have been smoking less, and yet the incidence of heart disease has not declined as expected to be completed.” That is very disconcerting ,” Willett says.” It suggests that something else bad is happening .”

” Low fat” foods were created to follow conventional wisdom that fat construct you fat( which as stated in the above article doesn’t stand up to scrutiny ).

When a company makes a low fat food, they remove the fat and have to replace the flavor with something.

That “something” is usually sugar( and often more calories ).

Crap.

So, according to Taubes and Paleo folks, fat has been vilified and the real focus should have been on sugar and carbs all along.

Because healthy fats are valuable additions to our diet.

Here are some examples of Paleo-Approved Healthy Fats :P TAGEND

Avocados Almond( and almond butter) Fatty cuts of meat Walnuts Coconut oil Olive oil

In the Paleo Diet, fat constructions up a large portion of one’s diet.

If you’re worried about consuming fat and how it will affect your cholesterol, read our Full Guide to Cholesterol

WhAT Foods Can’t I feed On the Paleo Diet?

If you are looking to strictly follow the Paleo Diet, then you can’t eat foods that did not exist back in” Caveman day .”

Why?

Because- as those in favour of the diet point out- cavemen couldn’t eat those foods because they didn’t exist. There was no way to create cereal and candy – you could only eat what you observed or hunted.

So, that’s what the Paleo Diet advocates as the reason for avoiding these foods. And it serves as a good mental model to check with yourself: “Could a caveman have eaten this snack? ”

And when you start to answer this question, you specifying the foods that you’re not allowed to eat on the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Grains like pasta, cereal bread, and rice Dairy like milk and cheese Candy, cookies, ice cream, and other processed foods

The Paleo Diet also almost completely eliminates sugar outside of fruit. No candy. No soda. No powdered donuts. Yup, even the mini white ones from the grocery store where you can eat like 100 of them( accidentally, of course ).

Many studies have shown that an incredible number of diseases and lifestyle issues can be reversed by cutting out sugar and processed foods.[ 3 ]

But I understand grains and dairy are a bit more complex.

Let me explain :P TAGEND Can I Eat Grains on the Paleo Diet?

Unfortunately , nope.

The Caveman reason why: Grains require some amount of processing, and thus Cavemen would not have feed them.

The science and psychological reason why: we have a tendency to overeat grains and the other ” no no” foods on the Paleo Diet. They are calorically dense, nutrient deficient, and they can wreak havoc on some people’s blood sugar levels.

This leads to a sugar rush be accompanied by a crash, which can lead to more emotional or hungry overeating…and the process starts again.

Rather than me explain that part with thousands of words, just watch this three-minute video-” Why You Got Fat :”

Let’s get into some more reasons Paleo proponents indicate avoiding grains: most contain gluten and lectins.

What are they and what’s wrong with them? I’m so glad you asked :P TAGEND

Gluten is a protein found in things like rye, wheat, and barley. It’s now being said that much of our population may be gluten-intolerant( hence all the new “gluten-free! ” items popping up everywhere ). Over period, those people who have gluten intolerant can develop a dismal array of medical conditions from consuming gluten: dermatitis, joint pain, reproductive problems, acid reflux, and more.[ 4 ] Lectins are natural toxins that are present in grains to defend against consumption! Yup. Grains have evolved to keep themselves from being eaten by us. These lectins are not a fan of our gastrointestinal tract, and they prevent the tract from repairing itself from normal wear and tear. This can cause all kinds of damage.

Long story short: many people cannot process grains properly, and they are usually the food that causes people to eat too many calories. So by eliminating grains from your diet, you’re more likely than not going to eat fewer calories without counting calories.

That’s a Paleo win!

Do I Need to Avoid Carbs on the Paleo Diet?

Not inevitably.

That depends on your goals and your body – you are a special snowflake!

Some people function well on a high fat, low carb diet.

Others function better on a high carb, low fat diet.

Personally, I function better on a higher carb, lower fat diet( which is how I lost 22 pounds in 6 months ).

I will say the Paleo Diet is USUALLY a Low Carb diet, and large quantities of carbs are not required for somebody to be healthy regular diet.[ 5 ].

After all, carbs aren’t evil- they’re just…carbs.

Here is the logic and psychology behind why the Paleo Diet is low carb :P TAGEND

On a typical Western diet, we devour plenty o’ carbs, and our bodies convert those carbs to a sugar called “glucose.” This is our body’s preferred method of fueling itself.

In the absence of carbs to create glucose to fuel our bodies, we have to do a few other things instead :P TAGEND

Transform stored fat into glycerol and fatty acids( this process is called lipolysis ). Burn fatty acids for energy or transform the fatty acids into glucose for energy( this is called gluconeogenesis) In the absence of glucose( through fasting or following a Keto Diet ), your body are generating ketones for gasoline( called “ketogenesis” ).

We’re going to focus on the forms of weight loss NOT related to ” ketogenesis .” Unless you are avoiding all carbohydrates while running Paleo, or you are doing long fasts, you most likely won’t be in ketosis while going Paleo.

We do cover Paleo vs Keto: Which is Better if you’re deciding between the two.

Back to weight loss and Paleo: when you cut back on carbs, and thus most likely ALSO cut back on total calories ate, you are creating a caloric deficit in your body.

And eat a consistent deficit over a long enough time period, BOOM caveman weight loss.

So, fewer carbs= less glucose in your system, less sugar crashes, less “hangry” moments and smaller chance of overeating= fewer calories consumed on average.

If you’re worried about adherence to the diet, I understand – it’s the toughest part of Paleo- sticking with it!

Knowing what to eat is part of it, but following this fairly restrictive lifestyle in a modern environment surrounded by cookies and candy and bagels and pasta is really difficult!

If this whole” Paleo, Carbs, and Weight Loss” thing is emphasizing you out, you’re not alone!

In fact, people like you are the reason we created our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

We work with busy people like you to structure a complete life overhaul: handcrafted workout routines, accountability, mindset changes, and nutritional strategies.

Can I feed Dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I feed Cheese On the Paleo Diet?

This also depends. Strict Paleo folks tend to stay away from it- a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.

Why? Because hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling- milk was eaten as a newborn through breast milk from their mom, and that was it.

So as Paleo-stans will tell ya, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

There is evidence that some adaptation to dairy has taken place throughout the years, specifically with people with pedigree in herding cultures, but this is not the majority of the population.[ 6 ]

Paleo purists will avoid dairy like the plague, while other paleo-ish people have found that devouring dairy in its various sorts work for their genetics, aims, and lifestyle.

“What about Cheese? Can I eat cheese on the Paleo Diet? ”

You do you, boo. But if you’re going Strict Paleo, then regrettably cheese is OUT too.

If you’re just looking to lose some weight while following a “mostly Paleo” lifestyle, then adding some high quality cheese into some of your meals can be okay.

Some cheeses will tend to have lower amounts of lactose or casein- the parts of dairy that can cause digestion challenges.

So, if you’re not sure your body is processing dairy properly, remove dairy from your diet and only introduce it back in when you’re ready to see how your body responds.

If you’re not losing weight while feeing a” Paleo+ Dairy” Diet, you’re still eating too many calories.

Consider cutting out dairy and see how your body responds.

Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of Food on the Paleo Diet

Because I like you as a person, I’ve generated a printable Paleo Diet Shopping List PDF you can bring with you to the grocery store to help you decide what to buy and what to avoid.

Simply right click on the image below and save as :P TAGEND

Feel free to publish this out and bringing it with you to the grocery store. If you happen to run into somebody else who has ALSO printed out this sheet, feel free to high five each other while singing Baltimora!

What is a Typical Day Like on the Paleo Diet?

Here is an example of a typical day on “The Paleo Diet” :P TAGEND

Breakfast: Omelet with spinach with fresh fruit. Lunch: Grilled chicken, kale, and avocado salad with vinegar and olive oil. Snack: Apple slicings and almond butter. Dinner: Steak with asparagus and sweet potato fries. Dessert: Strawberries and a piece of 85% dark chocolate.

That doesn’t voice so bad, right?

Make sure you check out our Paleo Diet Recipes and Resources section too for more options.

Start with a good protein source with each dinner( eggs, steak, chicken, fish, pork) and then add a vegetable or fruit.

That’s it.

If you feel hungry constantly, understand that changing up a diet can cause a body a few weeks of adjustment.

Remember, your body is learning to operate on both fewer calories AND fewer carbs- depending on how low carb you go this could be a DRAMATIC change.

And this is often referred to as “carb flu, ” and it can be miserable! Your body might take multiple weeks to adjust to these new habits.

Going from a processed, high sodium diet to a paleo diet you will very often end up eating too little sodium, which is an essential nutrient.

So if you’re feeling tired all the time, try adding some salt to your food or consider an electrolyte supplement- this is what we recommend with our Keto readers too.

Is the Paleo Diet Dangerous?

The dismissive criticisms of the Paleo Diet generally fall into one of three categories :P TAGEND

Cavemen had short lifespans. So there. A recent article said that cavemen eat grains. So there. Eating that much meat is unhealthy. So there.

As I said at the beginning of this article, it doesn’t matter what cavemen or cavewomen ACTUALLY ate.

The reason this diet works has nothing to do with what our bodies are designed to eat or what cavemen ate 1,000 s of years ago.

The Paleo Diet CAN help you lose weight because it gets you to cut out junk food, focus on eating real food, and gives you a framework to evaluate speedily every food selection :P TAGEND

” Did a caveman eat this? Yes or no .”

That’s it!

By following this ONE rules, you’re likely to eat fewer calories than you used to, and thus you’re likely to end up healthier than before.

I personally don’t follow a Paleo Diet, but I do appreciate the fact that it’s easy to comprehend and gets people to take a more active approach in their food!

So, disregarding the fear mongering, tenet, and anthropological criticisms of what cavemen actually eat, what are the ACTUAL criticisms of the Paleo Diet?

# 1)” Why is the Paleo Diet expensive ?”

Admittedly, while I recommend feeing organic fruits and veggies, free-range chicken, and grass-fed beef whenever possible, these products can be more expensive in conventional stores due to the processes needed to get them there.

However, farmers’ marketplaces often have well-priced meats, eggs, fruit, and vegetables that are locally grown and unbelievably healthy.

Even if you’re spending a little more money than before, when you factor in your overall health, spending a few extra bucks on healthier food now is a wiser investment than thousands later on costly medical expenses.

Also, if you’re really short on money, eating the non-organic or grain-fed version of a meat, vegetable, or eggs is still better than eating bread, pasta, fast food, and the like.

Most people simply compare the cost of a paleo dinner with ramen noodles or pasta and bread and determine Paleo is prohibitively expensive.

Sure, it’s more expensive than those foods, but if you are smart with your fund you can eat a much healthier snack and do really pretty inexpensively. Check out this guide on” How to Eat Healthy Without Breaking the Bank” for some tip-off and tricks.

( This doesn’t even factor in the whole” if you eat inexpensive unhealthy food now, you’ll pay thousands in medical bills and hospital visits and drugs later” argument which is valid too ).

# 2)” But cavemen had short lifespans! Of course they don’t have the diseases we do. We live route longer now .”

I agree with you here, but only because you don’t have to deal with the dangers of living back then. Again we don’t really care to live like cave people!

This is SIMPLY a construct that can help many make more informed food choices.

# 3)” Plenty of societies around the world consume grains and aren’t fat and unhealthy like us .”

Awesome- it seems like those people have found a solution that works for them. Have you read our big ass guidebook to eating a Plant-Based Diet?

The China Study is frequently cited when blaming the Paleo Diet- focusing on a vegetarian diet and devouring rice is healthier than the Paleo Diet. I respectfully disagree with the conclusions be learned from that volume but that’s awesome if you want to go plant-based! [ 7 ] I’ll leave you to make your own conclusions based on your own self-experimentation.

You’re here to learn about the Paleo Diet though, so let’s keep the focus there.

# 4)” But this is just a meat diet, and feeing all meat is bad !”

First of all, consider your sources and do your search before jumping to the conclusions.

Next, this is not an all meat diet like the Carnivore Diet or uber-low carb diets like Keto or Atkins. The biggest component of the Paleo Diet?

Vegetables!

Every meal in a true Paleo diet has a moderate amount of healthy( properly created chicken, grass-fed beef, hormone free, etc .) meat combined with nutritious veggies or a moderate amount of fruit.

# 5)” The Paleo Diet is too restrictive and I can’t live like this .”

This is the most valid criticism I personally have of the diet, as the best diet plan is the one you actually stick with and be adhered to on! The aim shouldn’t be to go” full paleo” for a few weeks only to go back to how you were eating before.

Instead, the goal here should be to rethink your relationship with food and develop a strategy that you can live with permanently.

There’s nothing worse than going on diets and gaining and losing the same 20 pounds over and over. The Paleo Diet, like other diets, WORKS ONLY IF YOU STICK WITH IT PERMANENTLY!

This attains sense after all: build temporary alterations, get temporary outcomes, right?

# 6)” Steve, I dislike veggies. How do you induce veggies savor better? HALP .”

I got you. Heres how to start liking vegetables and how to induce veggies savor better.

We know this all too well, and we have helped thousands of people slowwwwly transition their diet over a long period of time to make change less scary, more permanent, and thus induce the weight loss permanent too!

If you’re overwhelmed or scared of changing too much, or maybe you’re just sick of dieting and want to find a solution that works for your busy lifestyle and situation, schedule a call with us to gain a better understanding of our 1-on-1 coaching program :P TAGEND

Paleo Recipes and Paleo Resource

Here’s our full list of Nerd Fitness Paleo/ Healthy recipes, and here are my three favourites :P TAGEND

10 Minutes of Prep, 10 Easy Meals Paleo spaghetti: freaking delicious, I promise How to Make Mini Paleo Pizzas .

I’ve also compiled a listing of my favorite sites and recipe volumes around the internet that can help you get started :P TAGEND

# 1) Nom Nom Paleo -~ ATAGEND Michelle Tam and her husband Henry are amazing people, and their Paleo Blog is absolutely phenomenal. Great photos. Well written. Organized intelligently.

Their “Nom Nom Paleo” cookbook is a fun resource too, and a great place to get started with cooking for your Paleo lifestyle. Oh, what’s that? You have kids and a spouse and you’re all trying to eat healthier too? This book is perfect for that as well!

# 2) Mark’s Daily Apple– Easily the most comprehensive resource on the internet for the Paleo Diet- Mark writes an article every weekday about everything Paleo, and it usually blows me away. Some of the posts can get overwhelming, so I indicate starting with his Primal Blueprint 101.

The Primal Blueprint– If you want to read about this stuff in a volume rather than on a computer screen, Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great place to get started on not only what to eat, but why you should be eating it.

It’s educational, funny, real-world applicable, and teaches you how to primalize( just made that up) the rest of your life too.

# 3) Robb Wolf– Another great resource, and a guy I’ve already referenced in this article multiple times. Check out his site for a comprehensive FAQ on all things Paleo, a shopping list pdf( right-click and save ), and plenty of humor.

The Paleo Solution– This article would have been finished 3 hours earlier, but before I wrote it, I read ALL of Robb’s new volume. It severely had me laughing out loud at certain points- not bad for a volume on diet!

This book is a little less forgiving than Mark’s book above, but it’s still a great read.

# 4) Loren Cordain– Loren is considered the leading expert on the Paleo Diet- Robb is actually one of his students/ adherents/ Padawans.

Dr. Cordain is probably the foremost authority on this type of eating, which is why I truly enjoyed reading both of his volumes.

MORE RECIPE Resource :P TAGEND

Ready or Not! 150 Make Now Recipes– The newer volume from Michelle Tam of Nom Nom Paleo. It’s super fun. Plus she’s wearing a Nerd FItness t-shirt in some of her photos in the book, so I might be sliiiightly biased Mark’s Daily Apple– Although he sells the cookbook on Amazon, Mark also lists over 100 free primal recipes on his site. Pick something on the listing, run buy the ingredients, and follow the instructions! So easy even a caveman can do it. Everyday Paleo– Great paintings, easy to follow recipes, and pretty interesting combinations. Click on FOOD in the Nav bar, and the meals are broken down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you’re curious about The Paleo Diet’s recent popularity and thus it’s criticisms, we’ve written two other pieces on Nerd Fitness that might be of interest :P TAGEND

” The Paleo Diet Debunked ??” where I address a few of the more recent criticisms that have popped up.

” In Defense of a Paleo-Ish Diet” where I cover how to live a largely Paleo lifestyle but still enjoy the modern benefits of society.

Who Should and Who Shouldn’t Do the Paleo Diet?

I’m a fan of the Paleo Diet for the RIGHT person:

I love mental models that help us make sense of the world, and I think for SOME people, the Paleo Diet has certainly help them cut down on overeating.

I personally do NOT follow a Paleo Diet, but I do have rules that I follow.

Do whatever attains you happy and fits in your schedule. I like this kind of stress-free eating.

Regardless of whether or not grains should be vilified, I love this diet because I know it WORKS. I know people that have lost incredible amounts of weight and altered their lives within a matter of months.

People like Staci :P TAGEND

Regardless of how you feel about grains, we can all agree that eating more natural foods and less processed foods is better for you.

YOU SHOULD DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

You struggle with portion control( meaning you can’t eat only one cookie, or you tend to keep feeing even when you’re full ). You can stick with the changes you’re making permanently! Remember, temporary alters make temporary outcomes. You don’t mind eliminating some of your favorite foods entirely.

YOU SHOULD NOT DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

The notion of giving up non-paleo foods attains you want to cry. You don’t mind learning about calories and want to track your food. Another diet sounds like a better fit for you!

Consider some of these other options instead:

The Mediterranean Diet which still includes portions of things like pasta or bread( note: I said PORTIONS , not platefuls )! Our guide on healthy eating and slowly adjust your nutrition- which would be my recommendation. My paleo-ish dietary philosophy that keeps me healthy and happy.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to stimulate permanent adjustments to your nutrition.

If you don’t see yourself being able to permanently follow a Paleo Diet, I would advise a more’ wade in from the shallow end‘ approach to dietary change!

How to Do the Paleo Diet Safely

Maybe you’re ready to try out this Paleo lifestyle, but you can’t commit fully. There are certain foods you refuse to give up, or you can’t afford to buy grass-fed beef at the moment.

That’s okay!

If you can even make a few small changes here and there( cut out liquid calories, switch out your rice for steamed vegetables, cut back on bread, etc .) you’ll start to see some changes.

Remember, 20% healthier is better than 0% healthier- as you get more comfortable with the changes you can increase that percentage.

After all, I know how tough it is to stay loyal to a strict diet, especially without a plan to follow. It’s why we created free resources that can help you reach your goals faster without you also going crazy.

Get rid of the temptation: if you’re gonna go at this thing with a full head of steam, remove all the junk food from your house.

It’s going to take a few weeks for your body to adjust to burning fat instead of glucose, and you might want to eat poorly here and there. If there’s no food in your house to tempt you, it will be much easier to stay on target.

Now, it’s your turn.

Have you tried the Paleo Diet yet? What was your experience like? Have a criticism of the diet that I didn’t cover before? Do you have a favorite paleo resource?

Remember, one of the major Rules of the Rebellion is to question everything!

I hope this article gives you some food for thought( terrible pun, I know ), and gives you permission to question conventional wisdom and start addressing the issues in your diet!

In addition to this Beginner Paleo Guide, I hope you consider checking our 1-on-1 Coaching Program as well.

We have designed this program from the ground up to help people like you change their lives and fix their nutrition in a way that doesn’t suck.

Now, go forth. And feed like a caveman.

-Steve

PS: I’ll leave you with a mention of the Nerd Fitness Academy– it essentially gamifies your experience in transitioning into a Paleo lifestyle and diet, and provides you with specific instruction, meal plans, workouts, and a supportive community.

###

photo sources: cavemen elephant hunt, caveman cooking over fire, cavemen hunt paleo bear, milk truck logo, darth vader vendor, storm trooper tomato, lego cook, chef and lego pig, lego explorer, lego muffin, lego bread and carbs, frozen caveman grok lego, lego clock, lego caveman forging for food, caveman with wheel, darth vader and ostrich lego, easing into water lego, lego man with pasta

Footnotes( returns to text)

Adult Obesity Prevalence Map CDC.gov

What if its all Been a Big Fat Lie ? Take a look at this time magazine article on cancer patients who switched to a zero-sugar diet and watched positive results. You can read our full guide on Gluten check out the Inuit Paradox for a great read on societies that exist without almost any carbohydrates If you want to nerd out about this stuff, go wild with this study This is the most well-researched critique I’ve detect of the China Study: Denise Menger- China Study- Fact or Fallacy

Read more: nerdfitness.com

[currenthealtheventsblog-blog]

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

New Post has been published on https://currenthealthevents.net/awesome/paleo-diet-beginner-guide-7-things-you-should-know-before-eating-like-a-caveman/

Paleo Diet Beginner Guide: 7 Things You Should Know Before Eating Like a Caveman!

So you wanna learn about the Paleo Diet, aka” the Caveman Diet ,” eh?

This is one of the most popular diets on the planet right now( up there with the Keto Diet ), and I bet you have questions.

Well I got answers, sucka!

And lots of LEGO photos.

In this massive guide, I’m going to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to the Paleolithic Diet( click each link to go right to that segment ):

What is the Paleo Diet and how does it run ? Will I lose weight on the Paleo Diet ? What can I eat on the Paleo Diet ? What foods CAN’T I eat on the Paleo Diet ? Can I feed grains on the Paleo Diet ? Can I eat dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I feed cheese on the Paleo Diet ? Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of foods on the Paleo Diet What does a typical day look like on the Paleo Diet ? Is the Paleo Diet dangerous ? Paleo Recipes& Paleo Resource . Who shouldn’t do the Paleo Diet ? How to do the Paleo Diet safely .

Now, this guide is SUPER long, we are therefore took the liberty of converting it into a nicely designed guide for easy intake( not literal intake, unless you print it on bacon ).

Grab your Beginner’s Guide to the Paleo Diet free when you sign up in the box below: Get the FREE eBook! The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Paleo!

Discover if Paleo is for you

The one simple trick to know if your food is Paleo-friendly

Easy Paleo recipes for beginners to get you started

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

As the great Mr. Flintstone once said, “Yabadabadooooo!”

What is the Paleo Diet and How does it Work?

Oh lord, another “diet.”

I know, it sounds like a fad/ marketing gambit, but The Paleo Diet isn’t really a “diet,” and it’s actually quite logical when you think about it.

It’s also the most time-tested diet ever.

Here’s the ENTIRE diet in a nutshell :P TAGEND

” If a cave person didn’t eat it, neither should you .”

As the hypothesi goes, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice dinners, our ancient ancestors prospered as hunter-gatherers.

Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t altered that much since then.

And yet…these days we’re overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from far too many preventable cancers due to lifestyle choices.

So what the hell happened?

Agriculture!

And then delivery and Netflix.

A few thousand years ago, humans discovered farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers.

We settled down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today. Which is obviously great for a number of reasons :P TAGEND

Not getting eaten by wild animals Electricity Automobiles Nintendo

The problem is that our bodies never adjusted properly to eating all the grains and sugar that we’re now consuming.

As paleo guru Robb Wolf sets it, should be considered a 100 -yard football field :P TAGEND

The first 99.5 yards are how long Homo-Sapiens spent as hunter-gatherers. As they became REALLY good at hunting and collecting our bodies adapted to that lifestyle over thousands of years.

That last half-yard represents our species after the agricultural revolution, where our diet has changed( but our genetics haven’t ).

So, instead of loading up on meat, vegetables and seasonal fruits, we’ve become a species “dependent” upon grains- bread, pasta, rice, corn, and so on.

66% of us are overweight, 33% are considered obese, and those numbers are only getting worse.[ 1 ]

Clearly something’s not right, and we need to fix it.

The Paleo Diet is an effort to go back to our ancestral roots.

To start eating how we’re biologically designed to eat, allowing us to tap into our genetic potential and start living healthier immediately.

To recap the rules of the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Only eat foods a caveman would feed See Rule# 1

Note that it doesn’t mention calorie counting or meal timing or macro tracking. That’s part of the popularity of this diet: eat paleo approved foods when you’re hungry, and that’s it.

Will I Lose Weight on the Paleo Diet?

This is the question we get above all else :P TAGEND

” Will the Paleo Diet assistance me lose weight ?”

Probably. If you can actually apply the standards of the the Paleo lifestyle, you can get some pretty solid results.

It’s helped many people attain jaw-dropping transformations, including my friend Saint,( whose story you can read here ):

Or Staci from Team NF, our leading female trainer in our 1-on-1 Coaching Program ):

The Paleo Diet will work for you, if you do it right.

You need to have the right mindset, you need to focus on the right foods, and you need to structure your environment so that you’re not tempted to backslide and abandon the Paleo Diet after a few days.

However, it has nothing to do with what Fred Flintstone ate or didn’t eat.

It comes down to science and thermodynamics.

As I point out in our article on How to Lose Weight: What’s the Perfect Diet( For me ?), if you want to lose weight :P TAGEND

Eat fewer calories than you burn every day. Want to also be healthy? Eat mostly real food.

Want to KEEP the weight off?

Add# 3: Do those two things consistently for a decade.

Here’s WHY you’ll lose weight on the Paleo Diet:

You’re merely feeing meat, fish, veggies, fruits, and nuts. These are foods that are full of nutrients, will make you feel full, but don’t have nearly as many calories as junk food. You are wholly eliminating calorie-dense, often nutritionally deficient, unhealthy foods. This means no grains( pasta, bread, rice ), no dairy , no beans. It also means no soda , no candy , no sugar.

And yup. When you merely eat real food and avoided all unhealthy food, you’re more likely than not going to run a caloric deficit- and thus lose weight.

Let me share a really obvious example.

200 calories of broccoli gets you enough to fill up an entire plate :P TAGEND

Or … 200 calories will get you exactly 1/2 a Snickers bar :P TAGEND

Look at that: nobody can eat that much broccoli, and nobody only eats half a candy bar!

My point is this: by eating Paleo-approved foods, you’re more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you did in the past automatically, which can lead to weight loss.

I dig into this in even greater detail in” Why can’t I lose weight ?” but it all comes down to” calories in, calories out .”

So YES, the Paleo Diet MIGHT help you lose weight.

You merely need to eat fewer calories than you burn every day( Here’s how to calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure ). And that is easier when you are eliminating foods that people tend to overeat :P TAGEND

Candy Soda Pasta Bread Dairy

But that’s all about what we’re eliminating. What are we maintaining !?

what Can I eat on The Paleo diet?

In order to follow the Paleo Diet Lifestyle, here are the foods that are Paleo endorse :P TAGEND

Meat*- steak, ham, pork, bison, boar. Organ- liver, kidneys, heart. Marrow- find a theme here? Eat ALL parts of the animal! Fowl- chicken, duck, hen, turkey…things with wings that( try to) fly. Fish- cod, tuna, salmon, and so on. Eggs- Look for omega-3 enriched cage-free eggs. Vegetable- spinach, broccoli, kale, carrots, peppers, zucchini, onions, etc. Petroleum- minimally processed, derived from plants: olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil. Fats: ghee, lard, or other animal fats. Fruit- apples, pears, bananas, grapes, strawberries. Nuts- almonds, walnuts, cashews, and their respective butters( almond butter is so good !) Tubers- Sweet potatoes and yams.

* If you can, aim for grass-fed beef and organic fruits and vegetables. But don’t go break the bank with your food buys. Simply do the best you can.

As the Paleo Diet explains: Pick any of the foods from that list and feed as much as you want of them.

You might have noticed that a lot of the foods above are loaded with fat. And depending on what your mom told you growing up, you might believe fat is the devil.

So let me address that right away…

Do Eating Fat Make You Fat?

If you’re trim back on carbs, that means you’ll need to fill the void in your diet with the most controversial macronutrient :P TAGEND

Fat!

It’s gotten a bad rap over the past number of decades, so companies have been doing everything possible to stimulate everything low fat and “healthy! ”( while adding all sorts of preservatives, chemicals, and sugar ).

Yup…cut out the fat, increase the carbs….and seem where THAT has gotten us.

Why has fat been vilified? Rather than get into the politics of it myself, I’ll let Gary Taubes, writer of the incredibly thorough and well-researched Good Calories, Bad Calories take over.

As he discusses in an article he wrote for the New York Times a decade ago: [ 2 ]

These researchers point out that there are plenty of reasons to suggest that the low-fat-is-good-health hypothesis has now effectively failed the test of hour.

In particular, that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic that started around the early 1980′ s, and that this was coincident with the rise of the low-fat dogma.( Type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease, also rose significantly through this period .)

They say that low-fat weight-loss diets have proved in clinical trials and real life to be dismal failures, and that on top of it all, the percentage of fat in the American diet has been decreasing for two decades.

Our cholesterol levels have been declining, and we have been smoking less, and yet the incidence of heart disease has not declined as expected to be completed.” That is very disconcerting ,” Willett says.” It suggests that something else bad is happening .”

” Low fat” foods were created to follow conventional wisdom that fat attain you fat( which as stated in the above article doesn’t stand up to scrutiny ).

When a company makes a low fat food, they remove the fat and have to replace the flavor with something.

That “something” is usually sugar( and often more calories ).

Crap.

So, according to Taubes and Paleo folks, fat has been vilified and the real focus should have been on sugar and carbs all along.

Because healthy fats are valuable additions to our diet.

Here are some examples of Paleo-Approved Healthy Fats :P TAGEND

Avocados Almond( and almond butter) Fatty cuts of meat Walnuts Coconut oil Olive petroleum

In the Paleo Diet, fat builds up a large portion of one’s diet.

If you’re worried about consuming fat and how it will affect your cholesterol, read our Full Guide to Cholesterol

WhAT Foods Can’t I eat On the Paleo Diet?

If you are looking to strictly follow the Paleo Diet, then you can’t eat foods that did not exist back in” Caveman period .”

Why?

Because- as advocates of the diet point out- cavemen couldn’t eat those foods because they didn’t exist. There was no way to create cereal and candy – you could only eat what you determined or hunted.

So, that’s what the Paleo Diet advocates as the reason for avoiding these foods. And it serves as a good mental model to check with yourself: “Could a caveman have feed this dinner? ”

And when you start to answer this question, you identify the foods that you’re not allowed to eat on the Paleo Diet :P TAGEND

Grains like pasta, cereal bread, and rice Dairy like milk and cheese Candy, cookies, ice cream, and other processed foods

The Paleo Diet also almost entirely eliminates sugar outside of fruit. No candy. No soda. No powdered donuts. Yup, even the mini white ones from the grocery store where you can eat like 100 of them( accidentally, of course ).

Many studies have shown that an incredible number of diseases and lifestyle issues can be reversed by cutting out sugar and processed foods.[ 3 ]

But I understand grains and dairy are a bit more complex.

Let me explain :P TAGEND Can I Eat Grains on the Paleo Diet?

Unfortunately , nope.

The Caveman reason why: Grain require some amount of processing, and thus Cavemen would not have eaten them.

The science and psychological reason why: we have a tendency to overeat grains and the other ” no no” foods on the Paleo Diet. They are calorically dense, nutrient deficient, and they can wreak havoc on some people’s blood sugar levels.

This leads to a sugar hurry-up followed by a accident, which can lead to more emotional or hungry overeating…and the process starts again.

Rather than me explain that part with thousands of words, just watch this three-minute video-” Why You Got Fat :”

Let’s get into some more reasons Paleo proponents suggest avoiding grains: most contain gluten and lectins.

What are they and what’s wrong with them? I’m so glad you asked :P TAGEND

Gluten is a protein found in things like rye, wheat, and barley. It’s now being said that much of our population may be gluten-intolerant( hence all the new “gluten-free! ” items popping up everywhere ). Over hour, those who are gluten intolerant can develop a dismal array of medical conditions from consuming gluten: dermatitis, joint ache, reproductive problems, acid reflux, and more.[ 4 ] Lectins are natural toxins that exist in grains to defend against consumption! Yup. Grains have evolved to keep themselves from being eaten by us. These lectins are not a fan of our gastrointestinal tract, and they prevent the tract from repairing itself from normal wear and tear. This can cause all kinds of damage.

Long story short: many people cannot process grains properly, and they are usually the food that causes people to eat too many calories. So by eliminating grains from your diet, you’re more likely than not going to eat fewer calories without counting calories.

That’s a Paleo win!

Do I Need to Avoid Carbs on the Paleo Diet?

Not inevitably.

That depends on your goals and your body – you are a special snowflake!

Some people function well on a high fat, low carb diet.

Others function better on a high carb, low fat diet.

Personally, I function better on a higher carb, lower fat diet( which is how I lost 22 pounds in 6 months ).

I will say the Paleo Diet is USUALLY a Low Carb diet, and large quantities of carbs are not required for somebody to be healthy regular diet.[ 5 ].

After all, carbs aren’t evil- they’re just…carbs.

Here is the logic and psychology behind why the Paleo Diet is low carb :P TAGEND

On a typical Western diet, we devour plenty o’ carbs, and our bodies convert those carbs to a sugar called “glucose.” This is our body’s preferred method of fueling itself.

In the absence of carbs to create glucose to fuel our bodies, we have to do a few other things instead :P TAGEND

Transform stored fat into glycerol and fatty acids( this process is called lipolysis ). Burn fatty acids for energy or transform the fatty acids into glucose for energy( this is called gluconeogenesis) In the absence of glucose( through fasting or following a Keto Diet ), your body can create ketones for ga( called “ketogenesis” ).

We’re going to focus on the forms of weight loss NOT related to ” ketogenesis .” Unless you are avoiding all carbohydrates while going Paleo, or you are doing long fasts, you most likely won’t be in ketosis while going Paleo.

We do cover Paleo vs Keto: Which is Better if you’re deciding between the two.

Back to weight loss and Paleo: when you cut back on carbs, and thus most likely Also cut back on total calories ingested, you are creating a caloric deficit in your body.

And eat a consistent deficit over a long enough time period, BOOM caveman weight loss.

So, fewer carbs= less glucose in your system, less sugar accidents, less “hangry” moments and smaller opportunity of overeating= fewer calories eaten on average.

If you’re worried about adherence to the diet, I understand – it’s the toughest part of Paleo- sticking with it!

Knowing what to eat is part of it, but following this fairly restrictive lifestyle in a modern surrounding surrounded by cookies and candy and bagels and pasta is really difficult!

If this whole” Paleo, Carbs, and Weight Loss” thing is emphasizing you out, you’re not alone!

In fact, people like you are the reason we created our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

We work with busy people like you to structure a complete life overhaul: handcrafted workout routines, accountability, mindset changes, and nutritional strategies.

Can I feed Dairy on the Paleo Diet? Can I eat Cheese On the Paleo Diet?

This also depends. Strict Paleo folks tend to stay away from it- a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.

Why? Because hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling- milk was ingested as a newborn through breast milk from their mom, and that was it.

So as Paleo-stans will tell ya, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

There is evidence that some adaptation to dairy has taken place throughout the years, specifically with people with pedigree in herding cultures, but this is not the majority of the population.[ 6 ]

Paleo purists will avoid dairy like the beset, while other paleo-ish people have found that eating dairy in its various kinds work for their genetics, aims, and lifestyle.

“What about Cheese? Can I feed cheese on the Paleo Diet? ”

You do you, boo. But if you’re going Strict Paleo, then regrettably cheese is OUT too.

If you’re just looking to lose some weight while following a “mostly Paleo” lifestyle, then adding some high quality cheese into some of your meals can be okay.

Some cheese will tend to have lower sums of lactose or casein- the parts of dairy that can cause digestion challenges.

So, if you’re not sure your body is processing dairy properly, remove dairy from your diet and only introduce it back in when you’re ready to see how your body responds.

If you’re not losing weight while eating a” Paleo+ Dairy” Diet, you’re still feeing too many calories.

Consider cutting out dairy and see how your body responds.

Paleo Diet Shopping Guide: List of Foods on the Paleo Diet

Because I like you as a person, I’ve made a printable Paleo Diet Shopping List PDF you can bring with you to the grocery store to help you decide what to buy and what to avoid.

Simply right click on the image below and save as :P TAGEND

Feel free to publish this out and bring it with you to the grocery store. If you happen to run into somebody else who has ALSO printed out this sheet, feel free to high five each other while singing Baltimora!

What is a Typical Day Like on the Paleo Diet?

Here is an example of a typical day on “The Paleo Diet” :P TAGEND

Breakfast: Omelet with spinach with fresh fruit. Lunch: Grilled chicken, kale, and avocado salad with vinegar and olive oil. Snack: Apple slice and almond butter. Dinner: Steak with asparagus and sweet potato fries. Dessert: Strawberries and a piece of 85% darknes chocolate.

That doesn’t audio so bad, right?

Make sure you check out our Paleo Diet Recipes and Resources section too for more alternatives.

Start with a good protein source with each meal( eggs, steak, chicken, fish, pork) and then add a vegetable or fruit.

That’s it.

If you feel hungry constantly, understand that changing up a diet can cause a body a few weeks of adjustment.

Remember, your body is learning to operate on both fewer calories AND fewer carbs- depending on how low carb you go this could be a DRAMATIC change.

And this is often referred to as “carb flu, ” and it can be miserable! Your body might take multiple weeks to adjust to these new habits.

Going from a processed, high sodium diet to a paleo diet you will very often end up eating too little sodium, which is an essential nutrient.

So if you’re feeling tired all the time, try adding some salt to your food or consider an electrolyte supplement- this is what we recommend with our Keto readers too.

Is the Paleo Diet Dangerous?

The dismissive criticisms of the Paleo Diet generally fall into one of three categories :P TAGEND

Cavemen had short lifespans. So there. A recent article said that cavemen eat grains. So there. Eating that much meat is unhealthy. So there.

As I said at the beginning of this article, it doesn’t matter what cavemen or cavewomen ACTUALLY ate.

The reason this diet runs has nothing to do with what our bodies are designed to eat or what cavemen ate 1,000 s of years ago.

The Paleo Diet CAN help you lose weight because it gets you to cut out junk food, focus on eating real food, and gives you a framework to evaluate quickly every food selection :P TAGEND

” Did a caveman eat this? Yes or no .”

That’s it!

By following this ONE rules, you’re likely to eat fewer calories than you used to, and thus you’re likely to end up healthier than before.

I personally don’t follow a Paleo Diet, but I do appreciate the fact that it’s easy to comprehend and gets people to take a more active approach in their food!

So, disregarding the fear mongering, dogma, and anthropological criticisms of what cavemen actually feed, what are the ACTUAL criticisms of the Paleo Diet?

# 1)” Why is the Paleo Diet expensive ?”

Admittedly, while I recommend feeing organic fruits and veggies, free-range chicken, and grass-fed beef whenever possible, these products can be more expensive in conventional stores due to the processes needed to get them there.

However, farmers’ marketplaces often have well-priced meats, eggs, fruit, and veggies that are locally grown and unbelievably healthy.

Even if you’re spending a little more money than before, when you factor in your overall health, spending a few extra bucks on healthier food now is a wiser investment than thousands later on costly medical expenses.

Also, if you’re really short on money, eating the non-organic or grain-fed version of a meat, vegetable, or eggs is still better than feeing bread, pasta, fast food, and the like.

Most people simply compare the cost of a paleo dinner with ramen noodles or pasta and bread and determine Paleo is prohibitively expensive.

Sure, it’s more expensive than those foods, but if you are smart with your fund you can eat a much healthier snack and do really pretty inexpensively. Check out this guide on” How to Eat Healthy Without Breaking the Bank” for some tips and tricks.

( This doesn’t even factor in the whole” if you eat inexpensive unhealthy food now, you’ll pay thousands in medical bills and hospital visits and drugs later” argument which is valid too ).

# 2)” But cavemen had short lifespans! Of course they don’t have the diseases we do. We live way longer now .”

I agree with you here, but only because you don’t have to deal with the dangers of living back then. Again we don’t really care to live like cave people!

This is SIMPLY a construct that can help many construction more informed food choices.

# 3)” Plenty of societies around the world consume grains and aren’t fat and unhealthy like us .”

Awesome- it seems like those people have found a solution that works for them. Have you read our big ass guidebook to eating a Plant-Based Diet?

The China Study is frequently cited when blaming the Paleo Diet- are concentrated on a vegetarian diet and ingesting rice is healthier than the Paleo Diet. I respectfully disagree with the conclusions drawn from that volume but that’s awesome if you want to go plant-based! [ 7 ] I’ll leave you to stimulate your own conclusions based on your own self-experimentation.

You’re here to learn about the Paleo Diet though, so let’s keep the focus there.

# 4)” But this is just a meat diet, and eating all meat is bad !”

First of all, consider your sources and do your search before jumping to the conclusions.

Next, this is not an all meat diet like the Carnivore Diet or uber-low carb diets like Keto or Atkins. The biggest component of the Paleo Diet?

Vegetables!

Every meal in a true Paleo diet has a moderate amount of healthy( properly raised chicken, grass-fed beef, hormone free, etc .) meat combined with nutritious veggies or a moderate quantity of fruit.

# 5)” The Paleo Diet is too restrictive and I can’t live like this .”

This is the most valid criticism I personally have of the diet, as the best diet plan is the one you actually stick with and be adhered to on! The objective shouldn’t be to go” full paleo” for a few weeks only going to go to how you were eating before.

Instead, the goal here should be to rethink your relationship with food and develop a strategy that you can live with permanently.

There’s nothing worse than going on diets and gaining and losing the same 20 pounds over and over. The Paleo Diet, like other diets, WORKS ONLY IF YOU STICK WITH IT PERMANENTLY!

This makes sense after all: make temporary alters, get temporary results, right?

# 6)” Steve, I detest veggies. How do you attain vegetables taste better? HALP .”

I got you. Heres how to start liking vegetables and how to build veggies taste better.

We know this all too well, and we have helped thousands of people slowwwwly transition their diet over a long period of time to make change less scary, more permanent, and thus construct the weight loss permanent too!

If you’re overwhelmed or scared of changing too much, or maybe you’re just sick of dieting and want to find a solution that works for your busy lifestyle and situation, schedule a bellow with us to gain a better understanding of our 1-on-1 coaching program :P TAGEND

Paleo Recipes and Paleo Resource

Here’s our full list of Nerd Fitness Paleo/ Healthy recipes, and here are my three favorites :P TAGEND

10 Minutes of Prep, 10 Easy Meals Paleo spaghetti: freaking delicious, I promise How to Make Mini Paleo Pizzas .

I’ve also compiled a listing of my favorite sites and recipe volumes around the internet that can help you get started :P TAGEND

# 1) Nom Nom Paleo -~ ATAGEND Michelle Tam and her husband Henry are amazing people, and their Paleo Blog is absolutely phenomenal. Great photos. Well written. Organized intelligently.

Their “Nom Nom Paleo” cookbook is a fun resource too, and a great place to get started with cooking for your Paleo lifestyle. Oh, what’s that? You have children and a spouse and you’re all trying to eat healthier too? This volume is perfect for that as well!

# 2) Mark’s Daily Apple– Easily the most comprehensive resource on the internet for the Paleo Diet- Mark writes an article every weekday about everything Paleo, and it usually blows me away. Some of the posts can get overwhelming, so I suggest starting with his Primal Blueprint 101.

The Primal Blueprint– If you want to read about this stuff in a book rather than on a computer screen, Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great place to get started on not only what to eat, but why you should be eating it.

It’s educational, funny, real-world applicable, and teaches you how to primalize( just made that up) the rest of your life too.

# 3) Robb Wolf– Another great resource, and a guy I’ve already referenced in this article multiple times. Check out his site for a comprehensive FAQ on all things Paleo, a shopping list pdf( right-click and save ), and plenty of humor.

The Paleo Solution– This article would have been finished 3 hours earlier, but before I wrote it, I read ALL of Robb’s new book. It severely had me laughing out loud at certain points- not bad for a book on diet!

This book is a little less forgiving than Mark’s book above, but it’s still a great read.

# 4) Loren Cordain– Loren is considered the leading expert on the Paleo Diet- Robb is actually one of his students/ disciples/ Padawans.

Dr. Cordain is probably the foremost authority on this type of eating, which is why I actually enjoyed reading both of his books.

MORE RECIPE RESOURCES :P TAGEND

Ready or Not! 150 Make Now Recipes– The newer volume from Michelle Tam of Nom Nom Paleo. It’s super fun. Plus she’s wearing a Nerd FItness t-shirt in some of her photos in the book, so I might be sliiiightly biased Mark’s Daily Apple– Although he sells the cookbook on Amazon, Mark also lists over 100 free primal recipes on his site. Pick something on the listing, go buy the ingredients, and follow the instructions! So easy even a caveman can do it. Everyday Paleo– Great scenes, easy to follow recipes, and pretty interesting combinations. Click on FOOD in the Nav bar, and the meals are broken down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

If you’re curious about The Paleo Diet’s recent popularity and thus it’s criticisms, we’ve written two other pieces on Nerd Fitness that might be of interest :P TAGEND

” The Paleo Diet Debunked ??” where I address a few of the more recent criticisms that have popped up.

” In Defense of a Paleo-Ish Diet” where I encompass how to live a mostly Paleo lifestyle but still enjoy the modern benefits of society.

Who Should and Who Shouldn’t Do the Paleo Diet?

I’m a fan of the Paleo Diet for the RIGHT person:

I love mental models that help us make sense of the world, and I guess for SOME people, the Paleo Diet will really help them cut down on overeating.

I personally do NOT follow a Paleo Diet, but I do have rules that I follow.

Do whatever stimulates you happy and accommodates in your schedule. I like this kind of stress-free eating.

Regardless of whether or not grains should be vilified, I love this diet because I know it WORKS. I know people that have lost incredible sums of weight and changed their lives within a matter of months.

People like Staci :P TAGEND

Regardless of how you feel about grains, we can all agree that eating more natural foods and less processed foods is better for you.

YOU SHOULD DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

You struggle with portion control( entailing you can’t eat only one cookie, or you tend to keep eating even when you’re full ). You can stick with the changes you’re making permanently! Remember, temporary changes make temporary results. You don’t mind eliminating some of your favorite foods wholly.

YOU SHOULD NOT DO THE PALEO DIET IF :P TAGEND

The idea of giving up non-paleo foods induces you want to cry. You don’t mind learning about calories and want to track your food. Another diet sounds like a better fit for you!

Consider some of these other options instead:

The Mediterranean Diet which still includes portions of things like pasta or bread( note: I said Portions , not platefuls )! Our guide on healthy eating and slowly adjust your nutrition- which would be my recommendation. My paleo-ish dietary philosophy that holds me healthy and happy.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to stimulate permanent adjustments to your nutrition.

If you don’t see yourself being able to permanently follow a Paleo Diet, I would advise a more’ wade in from the shallow aim‘ approach to dietary change!

How to Do the Paleo Diet Safely

Maybe you’re ready to try out this Paleo lifestyle, but you can’t commit fully. There are certain foods you refuse to give up, or you can’t afford to buy grass-fed beef at the moment.

That’s okay!

If you can even make a few small changes here there are still( cut out liquid calories, switch out your rice for steamed veggies, cut back on bread, etc .) you’ll start to see some changes.

Remember, 20% healthier is better than 0% healthier- as you get more comfortable with the changes you can increase that percentage.

After all, I know how tough it is to stay loyal to a strict diet, especially without a plan to follow. It’s why we created free resources that can help you reach your goals faster without you also going crazy.

Get rid of the temptation: if you’re gonna go at this thing with a full head of steam, remove all the junk food from your house.

It’s going to take a few weeks for your body to adjust to burning fat instead of glucose, and you might want to eat poorly here there are still. If there’s no food in your house to tempt you, it will be much easier to stay on target.

Now, it’s your turn.

Have you tried the Paleo Diet yet? What was your experience like? Have a criticism of the diet that I didn’t cover before? Do you have a favorite paleo resource?

Remember, one of the major Rules of the Rebellion is to question everything!

I hope this article gives you some food for thought( terrible pun, I know ), and gives you permission to question conventional wisdom and start addressing the issues in your diet!

In addition to this Beginner Paleo Guide, I hope you consider checking our 1-on-1 Coaching Program as well.

We have designed this program from the ground up to help people like you change their lives and fix their nutrition in a way that doesn’t suck.

Now, go forth. And feed like a caveman.

-Steve

PS: I’ll leave you with a mention of the Nerd Fitness Academy– it essentially gamifies your experience in transitioning into a Paleo lifestyle and diet, and provides you with specific instruction, snack plans, workouts, and a supportive community.

###

photo sources: cavemen elephant hunt, caveman cooking over fire, cavemen hunt paleo bear, milk truck logo, darth vader vendor, storm trooper tomato, lego cook, chef and lego pig, lego explorer, lego muffin, lego bread and carbs, frozen caveman grok lego, lego clock, lego caveman forge for food, caveman with wheel, darth vader and ostrich lego, easing into water lego, lego man with pasta

Footnote( returns to text)

Adult Obesity Prevalence Map CDC.gov

What if its all Been a Big Fat Lie ? Take a look at this time magazine article on cancer patients who switched to a zero-sugar diet and assured positive results. You can read our full guide on Gluten check out the Inuit Paradox for a great read on societies that exist without almost any carbohydrates If you want to nerd out about this stuff, go wild with this study This is the most well-researched criticism I’ve see of the China Study: Denise Menger- China Study- Fact or Fallacy

Read more: nerdfitness.com