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jenoptimist · 5 years ago

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prompt:

“I’ve been madly in love with you for years but I said something terrible when I was drunk and now you won’t even look at me and no one will tell me what I said” AU

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The words swirled around your mind, vividly remembering the contempt in his voice. Before the incident, when people would say that drunk words are sober thoughts, you didn’t believe it–thought that it was ridiculous, that there was no way it was true. However as you laid in bed, plagued by the events that ensued during the night, you began to think that maybe you were in the wrong for believing it to be untrue.

The pounding headache that Johnny woke up to was expected. The previous night was wild–so wild, in fact, that he had drank one shots too many and completely blanked about what happened. He assured himself that it was a great night even though there were remnants of regret in his mind as he sluggishly prepared himself for work. A strong, black coffee to-go would have to do the trick, seeing as he had no time to make hangover soup.

The loud chatter in the office became subdued when he stepped in, although the tall man barely noticed it as he took a sip of his steaming beverage. There were a million thoughts going through his mind–mainly increasing regret for not calling in sick for work. But alas, there he was in his cubicle just about making it through the skin of his teeth.

Normally, he would greet you excitedly and proceed to annoy you throughout the day. Unfortunately that wouldn’t be the case that morning considering how he was feeling, although he loved when you took the bait because your reactions were always the best, but he supposed that he could a manage a quick ‘hello’ as he waited for his computer to buffer.

With another swig of his coffee, he swung his eyes from the desktop in front of him to his above his monitor where he knew you would be directly facing him–looking beautiful as always. Instead of being graced by your presence, however, he found himself staring at an empty seat. Frowning, he looked to his left.

“Hey Jaehyun,” his friend hummed, eyes glued to the screen as he typed ferociously. “Where’s y/n?” The question had Jaehyun’s fingers faltering. He glanced at Johnny for a split second before refocusing his gaze onto his screen, clearing his throat.

“They haven’t arrived yet.” He began typing again as he added uncertainly, “I think they called in sick.” Johnny’s frown deepened. For as long as he had worked with you, you have never called in sick. Not even when you were seriously ill with the flu, your eyes watery and swollen as you sniffled profusely–you were sent home that day, of course, but he found it inspiring that you still came in despite your condition.

“Oh,” he replied, “that’s weird. Are they alright?”

Jaehyun shrugged at him in a non-committal manner in return, grumbling something about needing to finish the report he was working on so Johnny could you please leave me alone, thank you. Deciding to do his own work, he left his friend to work on his task in peace.

Midway through his own report, as he finished his third cup of coffee for the day, he was undeservingly blessed by the sight of you while you settled into a comfortable position on your seat. Even though you looked as if you had gotten the shortest amount of hours of sleep, Johnny still thought you looked like a vision in your monochromatic office attire.

“Hey y/n!” He welcomed brightly, internally wincing at the sound of his voice. One would think that after the amount of caffeine he has had that he would be much more awake and alert than earlier. Well, one would think wrong–he still felt as terrible as he did that morning. In fact he felt even worse but seeing you made him feel a little bit better, the office just wasn’t the same without you to banter and suffer with.

When he received no reply from you, not even the slightest bit of acknowledgement, the smile was wiped off of his face. Perplexed, he continued to chat incessantly at you. When he came to the conclusion that his attempts were fruitless, he decided to tease you about some stuff from your high school and college years. Frustratingly, you didn’t rise to the bait. Instead you carried on as if you didn’t hear him. Heck, you didn’t even raise your eyes to look at him! Not even when he threw scrunched up paper your way. Eventually he gave up, knowing when to quit. Perhaps you were just tired–he knew the feeling so he wouldn’t hold it against you.

After Johnny saved his work, he stretched out his arms as he yawned. Finally, after four hours of torture, he could go on his break. From the lack of typing over on your side of the cubical, he assumed that you were heading over to the canteen for your break as well. However before he could even sound out a letter, you were already zooming away. All he could do was watch as you ran over to where Doyoung and Jungwoo were waiting by the elevator. Johnny was taken aback when Doyoung glared at him icily the moment they met eyes. He searched his brain for anything he did that would warrant Doyoung to look at him like that, but nothing came up. He and Doyoung were normally on good terms, too, so it didn’t make much sense for him to suddenly look at him as if he wanted to burn him to a crisp.

“Alright boys,” Johnny said as he dropped his tray of food. Taeyong, Yuta and Jaehyun stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence as he settled in while they chewed on their food. “Tell me the truth, did I do or say anything weird last night?”

There was a strange moment where it was as if the three of them held their breaths and he would have chalked it up to his fatigue, if not for the way they exchanged shady glances with one another. None of them seemed willing to be forthcoming about the information he needed, though, choosing to remain mute. The longer the silence continued, the more his internal fretting increased. Oh God. He did do something, didn’t he? Hopefully it wasn’t anything too embarrasing.

“Well,” Yuta finally spoke, “it depends on what you define as weird.” He said the words slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully.

“Oh you know,” Johnny snuck a glance at your direction. You sat with Doyoung, Jungwoo and that new guy, Lee ‘call me Mark’ Minhyung. He greedily took in your appearance as you threw your head back while you laughed before turning back to face his friends. “Declare my undying love for them, or something, no biggie.”

“No,” Taeyong said, “you didn’t say anything like that.” Although Johnny felt himself sag in relief, thanking the skies above that he didn’t do anything of the sort, he noticed how shifty Taeyong was being which made him narrow his eyes every so slightly.

“You’re lying,” Johnny said as he looked Taeyong up and down, “you’re being too”–he waved a hand at his friend’s general direction–“weird.”

The response was immediate. “No I’m not,” Taeyong glanced quickly at Yuta and Jaehyun, “right guys? I’m not being weird at all.”

Jaehyun snorted, stuffing his face with food as he rolled his eyes. “Look,” he said, his mouth full of food while he addressed Johnny with his chopsticks, “if you wanna know, you gotta ask them. It wasn’t us you said it to.”

“But I don’t even know what I said!”

“So find out.” Yuta quipped, his tone aiming for boredom but the awkwardness that laid just beneath was heard loud and clear by the table.

Johnny sputtered. “They won’t even talk to me!”

“You’ll think of something man, don’t worry.” Jaehyun assured him while he took some meat from his food. Johnny resisted the urge to slam his head onto the table, settling on sneakily watching you while you spoke with your peers cheerily.

“Why can’t you just tell me.” Johnny whined as he pouted. The sooner he knew what he said, the quicker he could sort it out.

Taeyong shrugged, “it’s not our place. And I don’t know about these two but I don’t really feel comfortable with telling you since it wasn’t me that it was directed at.”

“Okay,” Johnny conceded, “I’ll try find out for myself.”

One week passed with you avoiding all sorts of communication with him; you didn’t sit beside him at the weekly meetings anymore, Mark and Jungwoo always took you to the canteen and whenever he managed to get a moment alone with you in the photocopy room Doyoung would appear out of nowhere–as if he had super senses that alerted him whenever the two of you were within vicinity of each other. Two weeks passed, then three and by that point you even voluntarily moved cubicles so that Taeil could occupy your place.

Even though his friends noticed that his mood had somewhat dropped as he spiralled into a constant state of fret caused by billions of possible reasons as to why you didn’t even look him in the eye, none of them involved themselves in the situation. They seemed content with him sorting it out for himself. It had gotten to the point where he started being plagued by nightmares, thinking of the worst case scenarios. When those nights occurred, he always called his mom for comfort.

“Alright, Suh,” Donghyuck said, his hands on his hips as he tapped his foot, “I’m sick of seeing you like this. You look so”–he gave him an unimpressed once over–“pitiful and it doesn’t suit you.”

Johnny shrugged passively as he continued to type. The fifth coffee he just demolished did him no good, in fact it made him even more tired. It wasn’t that he wanted to give up but there were only so many failed attempts to reconcile with you before he had enough. What he needed was a break from trying and if him downing unhealthy amounts of caffeine, eating ill adviced amount of fast food and binging romcoms on Netflix was what he chose to do to fill the hole in his heart, then it was nobody’s business but his own. No matter what his friends said.

Donghyuck groaned dramatically, grabbing onto his arm and tried his best to haul him up. Once Johnny had enough, he saved his work, stood up and turned to stare at the smaller man.

“Where are we going?” He asked as Donghyuck led him around the office. As they passed by your cubicle and he frowned when he noticed that you weren’t present–although neither were Mark, Jungwoo and Doyoung so you probably went to grab some lunch. There was no answer, instead the other man just grumbled a string of words to himself that he was unable to decipher.

“Have at it,” Donghyuck told him as he gestured to the photocopy room. When he caught Johnny’s blank look he opened the door and shoved him inside. “You’re not coming out until you sort this out. Goodbye! Have fun!” And with that he shut the door closed, there was a telltale sign of a click that followed and Johnny knew he was in trouble.

There wasn’t a reason as to why Donghyuck would trap him inside a room other than to fix things with you, which was made obvious by what he said after he pushed him inside. When he spun around he found you leaning on the counter, your arms crossed as you stared at the ground.

“Hey,” Johnny whispered after a few minutes of silence that seemed to go on for aeons. When you didn’t look up, he walked over to stand on the opposite counter and mirrored your pose. He chewed on the inside of his mouth as he though of what to say, he thought about this moment for so long and yet now that he was finally in the correct position to confront you, it seemed like everything that he wanted to say was wiped clean from his mind. “I don’t know what I did or what I said but I really want to fix it,” he disclosed after another moment of silence. “I miss you. So can we please, please fix things?”

Johnny watched with a bated breath when he noticed that you hugged your arms closer to yourself as you slowly lifted your head. The expression that he was faced with broke something inside of him. Even though you didn’t meet his gaze, choosing instead to show him your cheek, there were telltale signs of tears in your eyes that he was able to see from the white lightbulb. Jesus. What was it that he said that made you look utterly heartbroken? He didn’t push for an answer, simply waited until you were ready to speak.

“You really don’t remember what you said?” It was heaven to hear your voice although he couldn’t help but notice that you spoke lowly, almost a whisper, which was the complete opposite of how you normally spoke to him–confident and loud, sometimes fondly exasperated.

You mumbled something that he couldn’t hear. “What?” He asked, leaning his body forward. “Sorry I couldn’t hear what you said.”

“I said,” you paused, shrinking into yourself further, “that you told me that you couldn’t stand looking at me.”

That had Johnny gaping, unable to believe what he just heard. There was no way he would say that to you, would he? Obviously he did since you couldn’t bear to look or talk to him for weeks–you weren’t even looking at him even though the two of you were the only ones in the damn room. Why the hell did he say that? Jesus Christ. What was wrong with him?

“What? No! I didn’t mean it!” The words came tumbling out of his mouth as quick as lightning and, surprisingly, you allowed him to ramble on and on. Eventually he came to a stop when he noticed that you were shaking your head slowly at him.

“You didn’t hear the way you said it,” he felt like he was suckerpunched in the stomach when you finally looked into his eyes, “and the look on your face. God, I’ve never seen you look like that.”

Johnny was at a loss for words as he watched you quickly wiped away the tears that escaped. “I’m so sorry, y/n,” the hate he felt towards himself increased as more tears flooded your cheeks, “you have to know that I didn’t mean it! I promise! There’s no way I could mean it because–” he stopped himself, knowing that revealing his feelings for you would do nothing to eradicate the situation. However, there could be a slight chance that you would understand that he would never intentionally say anything of the sort with how he felt for you.

“Because what?” Well it seemed that he would have to tell you since you asked and he wanted to be completely transparent with you.

“There’s no way that I could say that and mean it because”–his heart was racing, palms sweating as he continued–“I love you. And I figured out that I loved you since we were in college when that jackass broke your heart, but my crush on you started when we were paired up for that stupid project in Nam’s class.” Johnny allowed you to take in the load of information that he dumped on you. “I know it isn’t going to erase what I said, and believe me I hate myself for saying it in the first place, but you have to believe me when I say that I never meant it. I don’t even know why I said it in the first place.” Johnny averted his eyes down to his hands, wishing that he could turn back time and prevent himself from drinking too much and causing you such pain.

“I accept your apology,” you sniffled which made his head snapped up to look at you in disbelief. “But I don’t know if I can forgive you at the moment. What you said really hurt me, you know?”

Johnny nodded understandingly. “You can slap me if you want.” He offered, not hesitating to present his cheek to you.

That coaxed a faux scoff escaped you. “I’m not going to do that.” There was a beat of silence before you added, “I’ll accept a hug though.”

The long, warm hug was interrupted by the door opening. Neither of you pulled apart, not until a throat was being cleared exaggeratedly. Johnny cursed internally when he saw Jaehyun standing at the door, eyes flicking back and forth between you and him.

“I better get going.” You said as you stepped back, smiling awkwardly at Jaehyun but stopped just as you reached the door. Johnny raised his brows when he saw you turn back and look him straight in the eye. “I’ve also loved you since college, too.” After that revelation, you zoomed off, leaving him dazed.

“I called it!” Jaehyun exclaimed, punching his fist in the air.

Johnny didn’t even bother to ask as he exited the room, feeling like he was on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

#ive been feeling pretty angsty these days #especially after i posted that doyoung time travel fic #i want to write more angst but im also like #yakult no let the people have fluff >:(#but see ngl fluff is kinda hard for me idk 🥴#i have another written au in my drafts and shes angsty too #not finished but angsty 🥴🤧#but i wanna start another one cause i have a vague idea for a short lil plot #and im like okay....who will i write it for......#i kinda wanna write it for jaehyun tho 👀😳#idk we shall #cast ur vote by shooting me an ask to help me choose a member #if not its okay idm 🤪#(also be real with me yall;was my pocketsized!sicheng a flop?????)#anyway here come the tags:#nct scenarios #nct #nct au #nct 127 #nct imagines #johnny suh #nct johnny #johnny scenarios #johnny x reader #prompt from @dailyau

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redleavesinthewind · 2 years ago

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ELLIOT’S 2022 FIC WRAP UP

writing version / click here for the reading version

i originally wanted to keep track of the amount of words i wrote this year, but that kinda fell apart after a few months. i do know that i didn’t write as much this year as i did the years previous, but hey, i also know i’ve published a total of 110,538 words across 14 fics in 2022, and that’s gotta count for something

so, here’s the list of fics i wrote this year and some thoughts on them (continues under the cut):

dean winchester’s guide to grieving an angel | spn | After Cas dies, Dean feels lost | 1.4k words

this one’s the first fic in my supernatural guides series, and when i wrote this i didn’t even know it would become a series. i’ve tried some new things in this one, specifically how to write about grief and playing around with cas’ trueform. i’ve never called this fic a fix-it, but i guess that’s what it is

the birthday present | spn | Dean’s family surprises him on his birthday | 507 words

this is just a soft little birthday ficlet and another excuse for me to give dean tattoos

time will bring him back to you | spn | After a knee injury, Dean Winchester’s ballet career could very well be over. Refusing to think about it too much, Dean returns to his hometown to take some time off and relax. However, when his old ballet teacher Rowena gets sick he has to take over teaching, and he keeps seeing his ex-boyfriend around town. An ex who he definitely doesn’t have any feelings for anymore… right? Castiel Novak has a good life. He loves his two adopted children, Jack and Claire, and he’s happy with his job as a paramedic. There’s nothing more he needs. Least of all having his ex from back when he was a teenager show up suddenly and distract him from what’s important. Which shouldn’t even be a problem because Cas is totally over him… right? With some meddling from Charlie, Dean and Cas find themselves confronted with feelings they thought were left in the past. | 24k words

okay so while i published this fic in 2022, it was mainly written in 2021. it’s the first time i participated in a big bang type event (deancas pinefest!) and it was such a fun experience. i have done ballet pretty much all my life, so i make ballet aus for pretty much every fandom i’m in, but this is the first one i’ve actually written out! it is very dear to me, and i have more ballet fics in my drafts

castiel’s guide to loving a human | spn | After being rescued from the Empty, Cas is finally allowed to love Dean with all his heart | 2.3k words

here it is, the second part of the supernatural guides series. i never planned for this fic to exist, but i worked off a creator celebration’s prompts and it worked out perfectly! this might be the least angsty fic i have ever written in my life btw

proper pirates have tattoos | ofmd | Before the crew sets sail to follow Blackbeard, Stede gets a tattoo | 720 words

aaand another excuse for me to write about tattoos! funnily enough, i don’t have as much of a desire to write ofmd fic than i do for other fandoms, but this little moment got stuck in my head and i had to get it out

canvas | spn | Claire Novak is a canvas | 1.2k words

a fic about the love of my life claire novak. she is my absolute favourite and i will always jump on any opportunity to a) mess with her gender and b) give her tattoos. this might me my favourite fic i wrote this year, it’s simple, but means so much to me

healing | 911 | Eddie is healing | 100 words

A DRABBLE do you know how hard it is to keep a fic to exactly 100 words?? not easy, especially when you have so much to say about a specific topic (like, eddie’s journey in season 5!!)

the dream goes as follows | spn | dean dreams and he bleeds | 641 words

i’m kinda playing around with imagery in this one, it was fun to write, even though dean is very much not having a good time

home | spn | dean and his home | 100 words

sometimes i look back on my writing and wonder how i did it. i have no idea. i don’t even remember sitting down and writing this. it was just suddenly there. and somehow at perfectly 100 words

cas and dean’s guide to making a home | spn | Cas and Dean buy a house. Now they’re making it their home. | 3.3k words

after writing the previous two guides, i realised that i really liked this universe i’ve created and when another creator celebration with the right prompts came along, the third installment of the guides series was born. it’s a story told through painting walls and i think that’s neat. also, i wrote parts of this while visiting a friend in amsterdam

thread | spn | The thread with which Sam holds himself together | 649 words

ohhh boy okay. a sam character study i came up with after a morning of sewing. i’m very proud of it, however i do think it’s a little cursed

hunting contact | spn | After Hibbing, Jody becomes Donna’s first contact concerning everything supernatural. What starts as professional calls slowly develops into something much more personal, and Jody has to juggle with her job, keeping Donna up-to-date with information on monsters, making a home for Alex and Claire, and realising that there’s more to the blossoming friendship between her and Donna. | 11k words

a jodydonna fic! i’ve wanted to write this one for years, it’s just a comfortable little fic about donna becoming a permanent part of jody’s life. also claire and alex are there and i love them

[insert mamma mia quote here] | spn | Claire Winchester has long resigned to not knowing who their second parent is, but when they find their dad's journal from the summer they were conceived, there's suddenly three possible other fathers. Claire decides to invite them all to their upcoming wedding, convinced that they are going to recognise their father on sight. What could go wrong? Dean Winchester may not understand why his child wants to get married at twenty-two, but he wants to give Claire and Krissy the perfect wedding nonetheless. Now, that would be much easier if there weren't those three guys from his past running around on the island, who cannot under any circumstances find out about Claire. And no, Dean does not still have feelings for one of them. At least that's what he keeps telling himself. | currently at 33k words

BIG SIGH okay. okay. i was supposed to finish this fic within the year but hey, here we are, the last day of 2022, and we’re only slightly over the midway point. i’m a little sad about that actually, cause this fic is so fun! it’s a mix of my favourite things (mamma mia and transnatural) and it is the best thing i have ever come up with. but i am still working on it, so it’s not abandoned! i would never abandon it it’s much too important to me, i’m just inconsistent and can’t stick to schedules

Fire in the Dark | spn | With his brother Sam out of town, Dean and the other forest rangers in his small town in West Virginia must figure out why the forest has become disorienting to those that know it best and, with Cas’ help, concoct a plan that will set it back to normal. | 32k words

okay, first off only around half of the words in this fic were written by me, the other are from ely @/juliept who agreed to try and write a horror fic with me! which was a very fun process. it’s not the first time we’ve co-written, but this one felt different, because i was the one who came up with the concept, and i love how it came to life with our words

eyyyy and that’s it! here’s to many more stories in 2023!!

#elliot writes #pigeon coos #just me talking about my fics

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colubrina · 3 years ago

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First Lines

I was tagged by @regulusarchieblack and am delighted because I would much rather do this than dishes.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have fewer than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some people to take part.

Tried to put these in reverse chronological order (so newwst first)

FORGET-ME-NOT (mg fantasy): There are many ways a twelve-year-old girl can be invisible. I want to get this one drafted by September so I can revise it at the writing retreat I am going to.

KEEPING IT REAL (dark angel fanfic): The job went wrong Probably never going to finish this one (all the troll reviews didn’t help on that front), but I do like it. All angsty and wallowing

IF YOU MAKE THE DESERT BLOOM (dune fanfic): “I’m sorry, what?” The tattoo/flower shop AU the world was begging for

A QUEST IS A DANGEROUS THING (legendborn fanfic): What killed Bree was that she understood and couldn’t even be angry. Perhaps the sequel will inspire me to go back to this one,.

UNNAMED GRISHA FIC (grisha fic): I could always tell when Mal wanted to fuck someone. never gonna finish this.

NO GOOD WITCHES (ya fantasy): The most important part of high school was looking normal. Revising this is killing me.

DRAMIONE RIVALS TO LOVERS FIC (harry potter fic): Granger had done it again. never gonna finish this.

BEOWULF (ya fantasy): Beowulf was the worst book ever written. This got mired down after I was told I’d revised all the joy out of it and I got stuck.

DUST AND ASHES (ya fantasy): The end of the world began with fire, though no one noticed. Gonna work on this one on and off until I die.

AUBRYN (ya fantasy): Aubryn was fixing her lipstick when the fairy fell out of the sky. My sequel to Small Town Monsters. I loved Aubryn so much I couldn’t let her go, so I wrote another whole book about her. That no one will ever read. God, I’m depressing myself writing all this out. What is wrong with me?

SMALL TOWN MONSTERS (ya fantasy): There was a half-naked boy in her back yard. I’ve been told this is too quiet for the market. Straight fairy romance just isn’t in even more, even with bombs and and lots of healthy female friendships.

SEA WITCH’S DAUGHTER (mg fantasy): Sophie was waiting for her sisters to get ready, and they were taking forever. My Author Mentor Match book, and the one I signed with my agent for. This one goes on sub this summer. Good times, I say like a liar. Who doesn’t love rejection and hopelessness?

BLOOD AND ROSES (ya fantasy) Camilla stood at the edge of Fairy and watched the old house. My Pitch Wars book. Died in the query trenches. The ending is more cool than logical, I have to admit, but what really killed it was that no one wants to publish more straight fairy books.

THE AZRAEL PROJECT (ya SFF) The line to pass the checkpoint moved slowly all morning. No one liked this book except my daughter, who loved it and still rereads it. Did worse in the query trenches than any other book I queried.

BLOOMS THE THISTLE (ya fantasy) It was hard to pretend she was still a good person on Summoning Days. The first book I queried. Got 18 full requests because it was the last gasp of the YA fantasy boom. Wasn’t a good book. I remember it mostly for the cruelty of a critique partner, who told me “No one would read this unless they were painfully bored.” If you tell a person this as feedback, you are an asshole or a sadist or both.

I think I’ve run out of anything even reasonably recent. My favorite is the most recent, but that’s probably just because it hasn’t failed yet.

tagging: @medievalfantasist, @fullyvisible, @evolutionsbedingt, @pedlimwen, @naarna, @sparrow-ink, @pia-bartolini, @provocative-envy, @akorah, @cocoartistwrites, @funkyfaerie

#tag games

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jerzwriter · 2 years ago

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Is there any fic idea you had in the past, that you never got to even start to write but sometimes you think about it? And on the contrary, is there any idea that you wanted to write but then forgot and now you don’t want to write anymore?

YES and YES.

My fellow writer friends know about quite a few of these because I'll send them all the gory details. Then sometimes I write it, sometimes I don't. lol

For example, earlier this year, I was on the beach (in the dead of winter), and this story just came to me. It was filled with the sadness of a love that was dying with only one person trying to fight. There was misunderstandings and confusion that led to horrible choices and heartbreak. Then their loss, longing, growth, and... a second chance, or not. I wrote the complete rough draft that day. I have not written it, and now, I don't think I will. It's just too sad. I'm not sure I want to go there.

I have another one that deals with relationships losing that spark, one person realizing they've (completely unwillingly) fallen in love with someone else, learning that person loves them too. They still love their spouse, and they don't want to act on it, but it is becoming harder and harder. They decide to tell their spouse they've fallen for someone else, but they want to make the marriage work. The spouse doesn't take kindly and isn't sure they want to do the same. It's a very angsty piece that examines all sorts of issues - what is love? What should one expect of a "forever" relationship? Is telling the whole truth always the best approach? How do you live with regret? Can the marriage be saved? But again, I don't think I'm going to do it (sorry @icecoffee90 ). But who knows, I can change my mind. lol

I also had a thought of a series where Ethan was not so altruistic, where he was much more of a lothario who frequently had liaisons with interns/residents. He was with MC, and she believed she was the one, even when others told her he was a player... then one day, one of his past conquests comes to visit Edenbrook, and the realization comes crashing down. (BUT did he really love her? Or was she just another notch on the belt?) I decided not to write it, much to @liaromancewriter and @genevievemd's relief. lol

Some that I think of but just don't think I'll have the time to write... an AU where Kaycee is secretly a single mom and how that impacts her career and relationship with Ethan.

I had an ask for a Kaycee finds out she's pregnant while Ethan is in the Amazon. It's been done, but I'd love to take a spin at it myself.

There was another where T/C is happily married, and he dies unexpectedly. She finds out she's expecting, and an unhappily married Ethan promises his late friend to always be there for her.

I was going to say the last 3 live rent free in my head, but honestly, so do the first and third above. Some days I want to do them, some days I'm like no freaking way.

Damn, that was a long answer lol

#asks #asks answered #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick #wips #or are they?

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tellerluna-stories · 3 years ago

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works in progress…

welcome to the mad scientist lab of yours truly, annie!! this is only a small portion of all the brainrot i have on my mind 24/7, and i only picked out the stuff that i was more or less sure that I’d write something for later on. please do keep in mind that all of these WIPs are subject to change!

KEY GUIDE: 'uploading files' means stuff I'm currently working on actively. 'on hold' refers to the stuff that I wrote on a whim and then put aside to focus on other fics. 'queued files' is for the stories that are mapped out but have yet to be written.

UPLOADING FILES . . .

lay all your love on me. [ kaeya x reader ]

multichaptered fic, top priority! inspired by the song ‘lay all your love on me’ by ABBA. fluff, comedy, and a little bit of angsty pining probably, knowing me— i won’t spoil too much, but just read the song lyrics heheheHEHE

look into my eyes (for the rest of our lifetimes) [ ningguang x reader ]

one-shot, high priority. childhood friends-to-lovers, fluffy reunion fic (title is subject to change). i started writing this after playing through her hangout!!! she has a softer side to her that is sadly underrepresented, so i hope to explore that particular aspect of her character in this fic. WE’LL HAVE TO SEE IF I CAN PULL IT OFF THO LOLOL

give me your wishlist [ childe x reader ]

it’s childe, of course it’s high priority!!!! one-shot, fluff and a little bit of comedy, and inspired by the song wishlist by txt. this was a self-indulgent fic i started for my bday last year and then got immediately swamped with thesis work right after. I STILL AM GONNA FINISH THIS THO, FIGHT ME THESIS

3/4ths time signature [ atsushi nakajima x reader ]

one-shot, medium priority. sappy domestic fluff inspired by the song only by lee hi, another self-indulgent fic for me bc i was sTReeEEEEeesseDDD. i work on this when I’m brain-drained for ideas on the other three fics. title is also subject to change.

ON HOLD . . .

untitled [ thoma x reader ]

one-shot, low priority. friends-to-lovers fluff (probably???? i don’t remember lololol). a random draft that i wrote at some ungodly hour in the morning and then forgot about. it’s pretty decent though so i might finish it…..????

pull my heart-strings, won’t you? (it’s not like it can hurt me anyway) [ scaramouche x reader ]

tentative multi-chaptered fic (if i pull a tellerluna-stories here and make it too long again), medium priority. modern AU, fake dating trope with a forest of pining and a field of fluff to go with it. tbh now that I’ve seen our beloved summer i lowkey have ideas for this,,,,,, HMMMMM

the clear moon [ atsushi nakajima x reader ]

one-shot, low priority. just some hurt/comfort stuff that i wrote at 4 in the morning and never finished. if i put these drafts in this list, it means i will probably finish them eventually!!!

a soul forged of steel [ childe x reader ]

tentative multi-chaptered fic, medium priority. a self-indulgent android AU, because my detroit become human phase will not stay in its grave. title is subject to change; frankly, I’m unsure if i want to make this into a bigger AU that isn’t reader-insert so i can explore the concept of a cybernetic version of Teyvat with more freedom. until i decide, this draft is just gonna sit there and look pretty <33

QUEUED FILES . . .

The Eldritch Abomination From the Cold Depths of the Abyss is Surprisingly Warm Towards Me?! [ enjou x reader ]

most likely a one-shot (this is if i avoid pulling a tellerluna-stories), high priority. comedy, fluff and chaos. plot has more or less already been fully mapped out and it’s only a matter of writing it; tbh i feel like my soul is leaving my body after admitting that I’m writing this,,,, also yes, that is the actual title. kudos to my beta reader who came up with it :DDDD

sweeter than a love potion. [ diluc x reader ]

probably gonna be a multi-chaptered fic, low to medium priority. fluff, comedy, and found family to boot, starring diona, reader, and diluc. only half of the plot has been mapped out so far, as i still need to do research on some things before getting into it lol. the diluc kisser in me is coming out and i don’t want to admit it HAHAHAHA

#tellerluna.blogkeeper #let me know which fics you'd like to see!!#in the end everything is my final decision ofc but feedback is greatly appreciated #I'd like to know your thoughts on what I have so far too <333 #tellerluna.talks

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sofwrites · 3 years ago

Text

fic writer interview

i was tagged by the ever lovely and talented @jake-amy 💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 15 separate ones, though I do typically put my one-shots under one work so it’s more accurately about 30!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

258,394 currently :-)

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three- Harry Potter, Princess Diaries, and Bridgerton

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

What Came Before Colin Realized: Multichapter work that spans from the incident to RMB. An accidental fix-it fic that turns Polin into a real slow burn.

Bridgerton Stories: A collection of canon-compliant Bridgerton one-shots featuring different sets of couples, friendships, and family nonsense. A fun way to expand the Bridgerton universe.

Welcome to the digital age, babe: Modern AU mixed media fic that spans Penelope and Colin interacting over an entire decade. Includes cringe early 2010s social media posts, a slew of birthday messages, some pretty hilarious puns and innuendos my amazing beta helped create, and a true slow burn.

The best thing I never had: Also could be called, What If Colin Realized Too Late. A Colin POV one-shot of falling in love with Penelope after she’s fallen for someone else.

21st Century Bridgertons: A collection of modern Bridgerton one-shots featuring various couples. Just another place for me to put little ideas in.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! When I first started writing for Bridgerton, I was worried people would find it annoying if I replied to those that didn’t have questions/things to specifically reply to, so I was really hesitant. Now that I’m a bit more involved in the community, I don’t stress so much about it and try to reply to most comments! But I do wanna say that even when I don’t reply, I re-read and hold all of those comments close.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think that “The best thing I never had” is the only angsty ending I’ve ever written, and it was definitely... angsty. I did, however, put multiple warnings for it so no one can fault me. 😅

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No, and I cannot imagine how people do it in complete honesty. ALL the power to those with big enough brains for that though.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Ooof yeah, I’ve gotten a few. I think it unfortunately stems from my place in the fandom and people thinking certain things are overrated. In complete honesty, it sucks a lot and holds more power than I’d like.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol no, unless you count the lil fake-outs I sometimes include

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone would want to, let me know!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t yet, but @jake-amy and I might write a Gregory/Lucy fic if we ever get our gears in order 🤓

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

ok so I have a note on my Notes app that lists my favorite ships, so I’ll pick some of those (sorry I simply cannot pick an all-time): Mia/Michael (Princess Diaries), Katniss/Peeta, and Jonah/Amy (Superstore)! My favorite Bridgerton couples, however, are: Colin/Penelope, Francesca/Michael, and Gregory/Lucy

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’ve had a modern Polin multichapter fic planned out since last May with about 5000 words written that I don’t think I will ever have the mental capacity to finish. I also have a Bridgerton high school au drafted that I hope I get to but can’t be sure.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do a good job expressing my character’s emotions through description/cues rather than just writing them out. It’s one of the comments I got most frequently on Digital Age, which was really cool since 95% of it was through texting/posts.

I also think I do well in building anticipation in a scene. My favorite parts in movies/books are the lead up to things like a kiss, and I love writing them out as well.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I have a hard time finding a medium between “long-winded” and choppy writing, and I spend a lot of time focusing on how much extra content should be between each line of dialogue. I also really struggle with imagination and thinking up different scenarios/things for the characters to be doing.

Also, proofreading. I get tired looking at the same words over and over again.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve only ever written a few bits here-or-there in other languages, but I’d rather not include anything I’m not fluent in or I don’t have a friend fluent in. I grew up speaking another language fluently, but I also didn’t have any formal education in it so I’d even be hesitant to write anything in that language.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first published work is an 80k marauders multi chapter fic that I never finished so... Harry Potter.

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh god, I never know what to say to these because I think I mix up how much I liked a fic vs. how much others liked a fic. But I’ll do my best.

WCBCR will always have a soft spot in my heart because it really connected me to Penelope and Colin as characters and helped me understand their relationship better. I think It was glorious was most enjoyable for me to write because it brought me back to early 2021 when I really was excited to write most of the time. I also really like An unexpected visitor, which is a bit of a random Anthony&Gareth one, but I like working through some of the more random pairings.

tagging / saying hello to: @overripe-citrus-fruit @fact-fictionx @hallownight89 @sirphillipcranestanaccount 💕or anyone who sees this and wants to give it a go! take some time and interview yourself ✍️

#writing #about me #my fic

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adecila · 3 years ago

Note

Ask game. I’m indecisive so here are a few to answer for 😂🤭

👩‍🏭🧠👀📥

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

I love receiving comments in general 🤭 (who doesn't?) but my favourite is Moonlight because it's so fun to see people who are there for the nostalgia ™️, others are just there for the vibes and have no clue about Twilight (again super fun to see their theories), others are there just out of sheer curiosity for this crazy AU so it's never a dull moment with that fic 😂

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

A few, but the most notable that come to mind are three. Last year I outlined a long(ish) fic (i think another 3 parter like OSI) and started the first part. It's pretty angsty because the main topic is quite sad. I never got around writing it because of other priorities. Maybe next year I'll get around to writing it, because I feel it's more of a late winter type of fic. If that makes sense?

Another one that will definitely die in the drafts and never be written and posted is a Ned lives canon AU. It's just a monster of a fic, basically that's why I never started it. The other day I found the outline and tbh it's just too long of a fic and I don't have time for it. Oh and I also had a Wildest Dreams (lmao this is legit the title we went with in the drafts) AU (again canon era) that I outlined with a friend but sadly she left the fandom after S8 (and I don't blame her for it) so it's never getting posted for obvious reasons.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

It's tied to a very specific song that i dont wanna say much about just yet in case inspiration strikes ha. It's honestly more of a general aesthetic and I have exactly 1 sentence written for it 😂 (a line that Dany says). Again I don't wanna reveal too much but basically it's a second chance romance type of fic. Not sure I'll ever get around to writing it, but I was obsessed with this song and if you know anything about me you know that usually ends in a fic 😂...

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

Definitely One Last Time for the angsty ending 😂 I've been yelled at about it quite a lot... I'm sorry! But also not really tbh! Hey would you rather I occasionally write a very sad one shot or have my longer WiPs with sad endings? Exactly!

#alice has mail #my fics #fic asks #thank you moon for your lovely questions 🤍🤍🤍

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snickiebear · 4 years ago

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🏆 fav fic youve written - & bc im nosey, why!!

EGGTOASTIES!!!!!!

🏆 fav fic you've written + why

i'm going to be honest; i love all my works... so i'll just list all my favs LMFAOOO :))) (these aren't in any specific order)

1. this is where we stand, within the ruin, among the very dead (we are the catalyst of our own destruction, the impetus of our own rebirth) | M | kakasaku

ok!!! this is my favorite sub from KS month!!!! its absolutely angsty, told in second person (one of my favorite writing styles) and its just... i really love writing from angsty kakashi. like the man has been through so much and i love playing with his trauma. and i am also very, very fond of angry!sakura, and in this one she's absolutely furious. just... i really love the emotions i put into this one, the wording, imagery. super proud of it :')

2. a drop of power (there is an ocean) | T | kakasaku

second favorite from KS month!! angsty just like the previous but its a little more sweet?? i am a whore for "self made monsters" and just two broken people jamming their shards of self together to create a whole. plus, i really love playing with how Kakashi and Saku are just kind of... forgotten when it comes to Nart and Sasuke,,,, like they played just as much as a role but well,,, 👀

3. a booming laugh, the bounce of that ass | T | leesaku

THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY TO ME!!! this was a prompt from lyn (roommates au) and i just- LNDSBALKD lee would have a nice ass. AND WE ALL KNOW IT. (sakura knows it too, it is a major part of her downfall HAHAHAHA). this ones super light and fluffy and funny, sakura & akatsuki are so much fun to write i love them so much

4. truths: seek them, tell them, accept them | T | shikasaku

another one in second person (its so much fun to write in!!!!) which means its absolutely angsty with a touch of fluff!! touching on the fact that sakura has worked and worked and worked to make herself strong and be strong and all of that is just looked over, is one of my favorite things. shikamaru seeing her hard work, and seeing sakura suffer, then reaching out a hand is also one of my favorite things.

5. god's pity | T | shikasaku

AAAAAA my favorite from ShikaSaku week!!!! i love the story telling aspect of this one!!! and the roman numerals you're bound to see in a lot of my work (inspired by mousey!!!! who also got me into second person writing) are just AAAAA. this one is a little sad but the end is happy!!! and i just really, really love writing romance through the ages, lifetime after lifetime type shit

6. you taught me how to misbehave | T | kakasaku

a birthday gift for ele!!!! i spent so much time on this one, really trying to make it as good as i could get bc i fucking love ele so much and she deserves the WORLD. you'll find some hannibal references and just "poetry" in this while also a lot of fluff and humor!!! i really enjoyed writing it and i go back to reread all the time :'''') super proud of it

7. war torn and ragged (the beginnings of peace and a soft, soft life) | T-M | kakasaku

this series was the one that really helped like get me on the radar LMFAO,,, it is completely self indulgent with God Eater Saku and same age KKSK as they attempt to parent team 7 while also fixing everything! so basically; nothing ever goes wrong bc sakura and kakashi said "no." LMAO this one holds a special place in my heart cause i just really love their dynamics and everything :))))))

8. the making of a woman (the killing of a god)

okay! so you've already read this one, but i wrote this for mittens (who is an absolute genius!!!!!!!) and i wrote like three different drafts for it until i finally got to the final one and was like THIS IS IT!!! i usually write a very combative sakura with a temper and can/will kick your ass. but this one, she's much more sly, more clever, uses everything about her to lure in her prey before snapping (which was so interesting to explore). and i love big ole softie kks :)))))

9. of love and war | E | shikasaku

this monster fic has been living in my head since january. its gone through five different drafts before i finally settled on the final idea. i spent so much time (aka: not enough time,, sigh) world building and creating the lore and religion structure for the world. i know things about the world that will never make it into the actual fic. and!!!! i get to write blood thirsty shikamaru in a fantasy setting and its just so cool!!!!! its a hate to love/enemies to lovers story and i am having so much fun with the angst and how magical the world is!!! and the mystery aspects are just AAAAAA i'm so hype and excited about this. i'm 30k in and only 4 chaps + prologue out of 11 chapters so AAAA :)))))

10. a cocoon in the heart, a spark in the brain | T | leesaku

leesaku has such a soft spot in my heart, this was another prompt from ele (who gives the best prompts man, like wtf) that really got out of hand. i just love the vibes from it, very subdued and a little sad but with a touch of humor and fluff. lee and sakura deserve the world and each other. plus, playing with the whole "butterflies in my stomach" and "fireworks in my chest" thing when you have a crush was super fun :))))

OKAY so that was probably MUCH longer than you wanted HAHAHAH IM SORRY!! but yeah thank u for the ask :'''''')))))

#silly things from silly friends #leesaku #kakasaku #shikasaku #a shared pen #thoughts behind words

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the-al-chemist · 3 years ago

Note

Happy FFWF 💛

Wanted to get your opinion on which Artemis is the hardest to write or has been the hardest to write?

With moving through different AUs and stories how did you manage to keep everything in check?

One of these days I promise to be able to ask only one question lol

Happy FFWF! Ooh, there’s been harder parts and easier parts to all of the reincarnations of Artemis.

Most of the time these days, I know Artemis well enough that her actions and reactions to things come instinctively to me. Often, I’ll find that I’ve typed out a line or two of her dialogue without meaning to, and after I’m like “huh, where did that come from?” Basically, there are times when Artemis writes herself. That’s when I know I’m doing it right.

Getting to know her in Rockstar was actually easier than I thought, because she’s basically an adult version of her in the first year of canon. All the softer parts of her are buried beneath this thick outer shell. These days, we don’t see that in canon very much, though that might change when Rakepick arrives on the scene (spoiler alert: it will). I think it was in the second or third scene I wrote (which is her third chapter in the story, but I haven’t actually been writing in chronological order) that she first “spoke” for me. I was shocked by what she said. I had to send a text to @lifeofkaze to ask if that was too rude to put in the fic. Luckily, she said it was fine. It’s the funniest and sassiest clapback I’ve ever written. Definitely came from her and not me.

The most challenging way of writing Artemis that I’ve experienced recently is writing the Charlie story, Learning to Fly. This fic is designed to be read alongside When Stars Ignite, although it occurs in Artemis’ canon timeline. Artemis isn’t in it much herself, other than through a handful of written notes and two short scenes near the start of the fic. There are two reasons why this was tricky:

Artemis has just turned 19. She’s been through a lot over the course of her teenage years, and has come out the other side of it. She’s not the same little girl she was in the opening chapters of Mystery at Hogwarts, or even the angsty teenager she is where I’m writing now. She’s matured and she’s… not mellowed. Mellowed isn’t the right word. She’s as fiery as ever, but there’s an underlying sense of loss of childhood innocence there, and she’s perhaps not as blasé about everything as she used to be. It’s hard to explain, and it’s hard to write, especially as I haven’t yet written all of the journey it has taken her to get to this point.

I’ve never written Artemis through the eyes of another person before, other than in the prologue of The Hexley Saga. Like I said, she’s not that kid anymore. Although I write my fics in 3rd person, it’s always Artemis’ perspective dictating the narration. Having Charlie take the lead was very strange indeed, but it’s shown me a few things that I never realised, because Charlie notices different things about Artemis compared to what she or even I notice about her. For example, I always knew that Artemis was a bad liar, but until writing from Charlie’s side of things, I didn’t realise that she has a specific and obvious “tell”: her nose twitches when she lies. She has no idea, of course, and therefore, neither did I. Now I know about it, this fact has even made it into the Rockstar draft.

As for switching between WIPs, yeah, that’s raised some issues. What I’ve written for Year 5 needs editing. I went from redrafting Year 4 to proof-reading Year 3 to writing for Rockstar and then back to start writing Year 5. I’ve realised that in jumping backwards again, I’ve down-aged her. Her dialogue has felt off at times, and I’ve realised why: my most recent work in her timeline was set when she was 13. She’s now 15. I’ve skipped a whole year of her growing up, and it shows.

So, to remedy this, I’ve gone back and made some final edits on Year 4. Now, I feel more comfortable with her characterisation again. And, it means that Year 4 will be published sooner than I anticipated. Sorry, what was that?

#artemis hexley #al speaks #writer friends #happy ffwf!

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pregnant-javert · 3 years ago

Note

fic writer review!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

11. Do you write AUs?

12. Do you ever write smut?

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

21. What are your writing strengths?

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

**Tag another writer if you want!**

I'm putting the answers under a cut because it is very long. :P

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

143 works, with three drafts O.o

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

295,376

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Ten fandoms (Game of Thrones, Deadpool, Jurassic World, Anne with an E, Star Wars, Extraordinary You, The 100, Kakegurui, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and Snowpiercer)

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Game of Thrones, in November 2018 :P

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

I toyed with the idea of writing for Shadow and Bone a few months ago but never really went anywhere with it. (As much as I love the Darkling, lmao.)

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

when i need someone, it's always you and you are mine, i am yours (Kakegurui) are the top two at 338 and 221. People are still kudosing them for some reason. Then all three of my Daenerys/Sansa fics take the third, fourth and fifth spots :P

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, I respond to every comment I get. If people are gonna make an effort to comment, I want to reciprocate that since they're doing it to be nice :)

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

What defines angst? I guess it could be yoake OR dassen, because both Melanie and Alex die in those fics.

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

I'm not a huge fluff person, but I'd have to say the Melanie/Audrey/Alex christmas fic :P

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

With ferrous liquid, I originally thought I wanted Zarah to leave Audrey completely as she was too resentful of Audrey's emotional burden. Then I realised that it was just too sad!! So they get back together.

11. Do you write AUs?

Only if it's canon divergence. I don't really enjoy writing college AUs or anything like that.

12. Do you ever write smut?

Yes. All the time. Used to hate writing smut, love it now.

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

Yes and no. Depends on the canon events. Most of the ships don't occur in canon anyway so it's difficult to stick to it :P

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

Angst, hurt/comfort, violence. Anything that makes you feel sad :)

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

Yes, very early on. Haven't gotten any in years but when I did, I just deleted them immediately. Who cares :P

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

This comment from @olivish on humanity:

This is beautiful. I love it. The 'Of Mice and Men' reference is so on-point. I never gave Bob much thought, but you've really made him into a person in this fic, like, even as Bob himself is observing his own lack of humanity, the reader feels exactly the opposite. Like, the fact that he is still motivated by kindness is something of a miracle, isn't it? Also Wilford's MO of keeping his victims isolated from one another shines so clearly here. He's trained Bob not to interact with others. The deformities on his face and the sheer size of him go a long way to accomplishing this goal. Audrey is different, she's a person magnet, so the way to isolate her is to make others loathe her through envy. But that doesn't work on Bob, whose status on the train is assured and what he longs for most in the world is human connection. The more I think about it the more compelling it gets. Just wonderful work with a character I never paid much attention to.

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not entirely, but there have been some portions of other peoples' fics that look very similar to what I have written O.O

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I hope to one day ahahaha

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

Well Melaudrey is up there because of the Memories™️ but honestly? Audrey/Zarah. There's so many aspects to their relationship in canon that are just so fun to explore :))))

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I'm trying to get through it, but probably mel and allie steal a train. I got some weird comments on it when the first chapter came out and it just tanked my motivation HARD (and they were pretty nitpicky comments, to be honest) Found it extremely difficult to keep going, even with an outline and a solid idea of where I wanted the story to go. Not to be self-pitying, but I was looking forward to writing it too :( I might continue with it, but it'll take months. Maybe during summer when I have more time to think about it?

21. What are your writing strengths?

I guess that I can get into the heads of the characters really well? I love doing this. I love dark and psychological fics where I can pick their brains apart O.o I'm also good at writing emotionally. So there's that.

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to over-rely on dialogue, and I REALLY struggle with just...not writing dialogue. I can't explain why, but I need the characters to talk so I can move the story forwards. :P I also struggle to end fics well. Suzanne Collins syndrome lmao

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

As silly as this sounds, I wish I could go back and change certain aspects of tsukamu, the pregnant!Melanie crackfic. It's quite rushed in places and some of the timelines don't make sense (if it was Ben's kid, and she was in the research station for a month, there's no way Wilford could have imprisoned Melanie for nine months). Alas, I already published it in a book, so I can't change it now.

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Ehhh it seems a bit iffy, have never done it before but like...I assume this means if a character is speaking in another language that the POV character doesn't understand? If so I'd just say '[character] said something in [language]' and leave it at that.

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

ownership. It's dark, it's angsty, there's medical stuff and also some comfort there as well. Chef's kiss :))

#ask

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sunfloweradore · 4 years ago

Text

i’m leaving this blog

hi! this post is a bit long but at the end you’ll find prompts and requests that you are free to use if you’re a writing blog :).

hi there!! if you’re reading this, i hope you’re doing well and staying safe. i just wanted to say that i’m leaving this blog and i’m not sure if i’ll ever come back. the years i’ve spent being a harrie have been great and it’s been a crazy amount of time! pretty much since the x factor! however, for a long time it’s also felt like i’ve been forcing myself to be a fan of harry’s. i’ve put so much energy into being a fan of his that it hasn’t been fun for me in a while and neither has writing fanfiction, which is what this blog is mainly for. it’s felt very difficult to sit down and write a fantasy about somebody who i might not even like anymore and in hindsight it seems a little dumb, but i did stress over writing all the time. this isn’t really about anybody i’ve interacted with on tumblr because you’re all lovely but sometimes it feels as though harries don’t treat him like he’s a human being and instead like he’s a god. me, included. even though i know we joke about harry being the only man we’d let degrade us or destroy our lives or whatever, he is still a person at the end of the day! it took me a very long time to realize that and thinking of him as otherworldly or completely perfect was my way of thinking for a while and i think it was pretty damaging. the fact that so many people would literally die for him is sad because unfortunately, none of us are going to be on his “level”, so to speak. we don’t know him personally and chances are we aren’t ever going to. ahhhh please don’t be mad at me for saying this, it’s just something i’ve realized i need to change about myself and i think it’s something we should all consider about everyone we are fans of.

anyway, the time and energy i’ve spent on something so ridiculous is exponential and i really feel like it’s time to put it in the past. i’m dedicating this year to self-growth and part of that is learning how to be my own person. feeling like i have to be interested in something or someone in order to be normal has been a common theme in my life and harry has been that someone for as long as i can remember. this isn’t his fault of course but i’m getting older and i don’t want to think of this time in my life as the era that i was obsessed with harry styles. instead, i want to form memories and real life experiences instead of using fanfiction as a way to cope with all of the things that i can’t handle in my life. it worked for a while but at this point i’ve been reading it and writing it for so long that it feels like i’m living inside my head, like i’ve become dependent on it (obviously this is very bad lolol). so, long story short, i will be leaving this blog because it just isn’t good for me anymore. thank you to everyone who has requested things for me to write and anyone who has interacted with my writing. sorry i couldn’t get through them :(. i’d also like to thank everyone i met through this blog because you’re all such amazing people and you deserve the world. i will leave my writing up but the sentiment still applies- i’ve worked very hard on everything i’ve written so please don’t repost any of it without crediting me, thank you.

below are requests i couldn’t get to and prompts(?)/works that i never got to finish. feel free to use them if you want and tag me in them bc i’d love to see how you write them :)

1. paperboy harry!

i think the direction i wanted this to go in was kind of like a 40′s au? or just a long long time ago. not sure why i had this started seeing as i already have harry as a paperboy in a story of mine but go off ig

2. vampire harry!

i had a specific plot i wanted where harry was in a car wreck because of a vampire who ended up biting him in like an alleyway. reader saves him and is a vampire herself! she nurses him back to health n teaches him how to be a vamp with various shenanigans along the way

3. hospital au?

this one i’m not too sure about but if you’ve seen the red band society you’d sort of know the direction i was going with this. there’s kind of an in-between for people in the hospital who are fighting death or going into surgery and in that in-between is a boy who has been in a coma for a long time. i pictured this as being angsty and for harry to be the boy who guides people in certain directions but he ends up falling for the reader while she’s there

4. ghost au!

self explanatory but i pictured harry as the ghost who kind of just wants a friend lol

5. tea au?

this would probably be pretty short, i just thought it was cute! reader has different kinds of tea all the time and it’s a surprise each time he kisses her

6. strawberry farm au?

reader has a strawberry farm LMAO maybe harry buys them from her or it’s another vampire au, who knows!

7. threesome

most likely has been done b4 but a threesome w 2 guys and the reader where the guy is inside harry while he is inside the reader

8. chocolate by the 1975

a fic based on that song! it would probably be from harry’s pov

9. space au?

hmm i think i probably saw something that inspired this but all it says is “harry sends letters to space” so i’m assuming it’s an au where he just decided to send letters to space out of boredom or something and mayhaps alien reader finds one?

10. assassin au!

harry is an assassin and in my draft it’s super vague? and almost seems like he’s stalking the reader? it could go in any direction really but i’m assuming the reader is dating him and doesn’t know he’s an assassin

11. chapstick

very similar to the tea one! just w the reader wearing diff chapsticks all the time

12. shower

this is inspired by something i read on wattpad a long time ago and i’ve tried finding it but i think it might’ve been deleted. the reader flicks da bean all the time in the shower and is really loud about it, harry is distracted and confronts her

13. dang ANOTHER threesome

but this time harry is on a date with a girl and they’re at a bar- the girl is looking around, sees the reader and thinks she’s gorg and they end up having a threesome

14. photography au!

harry is a photographer who somehow ends up taking pictures of the reader. in my draft the reader asks him to delete the ones that are ugly but he keeps them all hehe

15. scrapbook au

similar to the last one, harry takes pictures of the reader a lot but it’s not bc he’s a photographer, he just thinks she’s pretty n wants to scrapbook. twist is that he has TWO scrapbooks- one of innocent pics and one that’s lustier (consensual ofc)

16. habits of my heart by jaymes young

self explanatory, angsty

17. roommate au?

this is for some reason also an assassin au? but they’re roommates and reader doesn’t know what he does. they’re bffs, mutual pining

18. don’t forget about me by clove

wow another song fic, big surprise

19. puppyy

harry gets a puppy who hates him :( but the puppy loves the reader!

20. mall au

lol this one is kind of dumb idk why i thought of it but harry is one of those kiosk people at the mall who sells perfume! dunno!

21. condoms

reader works at gas station, harry buys huge condoms

22. poetry

either person reads erotic poetry while touching the other

23. magic au

one of them makes a love potion, kind of dark? like making the other fall in love with them idk it could be an accident though

24. private chef

the reader is a private chef! that’s all i’ve got!

25. message board

this is inspired by..... the sims lmaooo you can pin messages to the message board in your apartment building and i thought it’d be cute if the reader and harry lived in the same building and he leaves notes on the board and she doesn’t know they’re for her! she always thinks they’re cute though

26. raisin theory

inspired by new girl! specifically a comment i saw in like a compilation? video of new girl on yt

i thought it’d be cute for harry to be that person

#tbh i haven't been reading ff either so if any of these have been done already i didn't know #anywhooo ily #hopefully this year will be good for everybody #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #and of course the reader doesn't have to be female or in 3rd person #but yeah idk how many people are even gonna see this but my masterlist isn't linked anymore #if you search for masterlist on my blog it will come up #okay bye!!

28 notes · View notes

kutemouse · 5 years ago

Text

Caught (Prologue)

Disclaimers: All “Save Me” webtoon and BTS MV/highlight reel/film references and plots belong to BTS and BigHit. Not sure who edited it or made it, but the “I’m Fine/Save Me” ambigram pic I used came from here. All pictures of Kim Taehyung belong to BTS and BigHit, I just edited them for my header. The picture of BTS came from Vogue Japan, I just edited it for my header. I got the Kim Taehyung Wings Film Gif from DannyBriz on Wattpad.

A Note from Kutemouse: Awwww, thank you for reading my stuff, @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash!

So, this sweet little mini series is inspired by several things… The movie 365 DNI, the Save Me webtoon, the BTS MV universe, and ideas I’ve come up with waaaaaay too late at night 😂 Honestly, I’m OBSESSED with the whole MV/highlight reel/wings films arc that started with The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1, and I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write a story inspired by it. So, kutie pie @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash, thank you for allowing this dream to come to light.

About the non-con request, I was all like, “EEEERRRRRRMMMMMMMM idk,” because I’ve never written non-con and therefore don’t… know… if I’m comfortable with it…? I will attempt to do my best. Either way, I hope you like what has come out of my brain 😅

Also, thank you to @btssmutheaven for revealing my drafts (NOT REALLY, ILY) to @taemaknae for reading my shit and loving it, and to @kpopyandere for being the best unnie account and helping me realize I can write all the yandere ideas I want.

Age Recommendation: 21+ (this is NOT one for youngsters, kuties, and is MOST DEFINITELY NSFW)

Genre: Mafia!AU w/ BTS, Jailbird!AU w/ Taehyung, Yandere!BTS

Warnings: ALL THE WARNINGS. Just kidding, uh… Swears. There are minors in this section but they do NOT do anything sexual. I ain’t about that kinda life, y’all. F*ckboy Taehyung. Fluffy friendship. Angsty jealousy. Mentions of drug use and alcohol consumption (NOT by minors tho). Yandere themes including unhealthy obsession and possessiveness. Making out. No smut in this part, but it’s heavy af.

🚨TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH THE FOLLOWING.🚨

Mentions of abusive relationships, mentions of a parent abusing their child, mentions of sexual abuse, mentions of schoolyard bullying, mentions of a violent murder.

These are not fleshed out or detailed scenarios. When I say “mention,” I mean briefly discussed after it happened, not during, and definitely not in any detail whatsoever. You DO NOT have to read my work. You decide what you are comfortable with. All I want is for you kuties to be happy.

Word Count: 6.1k (WTF is this even allowed?!)

Summary: Kim Taehyung was the absolute love of your life… until he became a murderer. With him serving a life sentence in prison, you were finally free to live out the rest of your life however you wanted. Just when you thought you were at the top of your game, ready to take on the world, Taehyung reappears like a monster not even your worst nightmares could dream up. He gives you a year to fall in love with him, but now the question is, can monsters even be loved?

Master List

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Caught (Taehyung Series, Yandere, Smut, Angst) Prologue

I remember the first time I saw Kim Taehyung. We were both fifteen, just starting out in high school. Back then, I remember the way he lazily leaned against a locker with his arms crossed, seemingly waiting for someone. His hair was bleached a ridiculous bright blonde on the top and left brunette everywhere else. He had on dramatic, black eyeliner that served to accentuate his inky eyes, and he wore a studded leather jacket with his shirt and tie rather than the traditional uniform. Intrigued, I opened my locker and picked out my books for my next class, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

I saw him zero in on his target and take brisk, wide strides towards her as she twirled the combo to her locker. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes as he caged her in by leaning down to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly, the hallway was filled with flirtatious giggles and I turned away, rolling my eyes. So he was one of those assholes.

I watched him do this with every single girl in our class. I swear, he had his routine down to a science. Chat her up, openly flirt, flirt some more until she caved in to whatever he desired, then drop her like a hot frying pan. It took a couple months for his interest to finally land on me.

“Hey.”

I didn’t bother to look up as I twirled the combination to my locker and popped it open.

“Hey,” he said louder.

I flicked a glance his way. “Do you need something?”

His eyes narrowed. “Do I look like I need anything?”

I huffed out a sigh. “What do you want, Kim Taehyung?”

He let out a snort, leaning against the locker next to mine the same way he’d done a thousand times with a thousand other girls. “So you know my name, but I don’t know yours. You’re new, right?”

“I transferred in at the beginning of the year,” I said impatiently. “And we’re in the same class, so you should know who I am.”

Taehyung’s lips curled up into a playful smirk. “Really? No, that can’t be right. I definitely would’ve remembered you.”

I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker shut, walking quickly away. Taehyung jogged to keep up. “Just tell me your name,” he insisted.

“Why?”

“C’mon, I’m just trying to make friends.”

I whirled around, stopping both of us in our tracks. “Friends? Is that what you’ve been doing with every other girl here? Just making friends?”

Taehyung smirked once more and took a step towards me. I don’t know why, but I took a step back. I should’ve held my ground, should’ve told him to fuck off right then and there. Instead, I let him back me up against the wall and entrap me within his darkened gaze, the same way he would for the next three years of our lives.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his breath tickling the skin of my cheek. “We can be more than friends… but first, you have to tell me your name.”

I shoved him off me and practically sprinted down the hall, cheeks aflame with embarrassment. My peers and classmates who saw the exchange teased me for weeks afterward, no matter how much I kept my head down and avoided Taehyung like my life depended on it. It wasn’t until I heard him telling off some of the more tenacious gossipers I decided to give him another chance.

I tapped him on his shoulder as he stood in front of his locker. His eyes widened when he turned to see me standing there. “I’m L/n Y/n,” I said meekly. “And I wanted to thank you for what you said to those people.”

“You heard that?” he asked, the skin of his neck flushing pink.

I nodded.

“You’re welcome,” he said, tossing me a boxy grin.

That day, a seed was planted that eventually grew into a steady, beautiful friendship. A year later, I had come out of my shell quite a bit thanks to Taehyung, and I had a solid group of mates that I adored and relied on. Tae was my best friend, and I was his. Of course, we still got teased quite a bit about being a couple, but I figured we were both long past that.

Taehyung matured alongside our friendship. He stopped wearing thick eyeliner and sporting ridiculous hair colors, instead opting for a softer, more natural look with caramel brown locks and the unblemished glow of his slightly-tan skin. Gone were his dramatic, attention-seeking ways. His voice also deepened, dropping almost an entire octave. Yet despite all of his changes, he still stayed an absolute fuck-boy, shagging a new girl every other week. I came to realize it was all part of his personality, though, and I loved him no matter what.

The summer before our senior year was when I realized that love ran way deeper than friendship. We were at my best girlfriend Chaeyoung’s house when Taehyung stumbled in with yet another girl, his hair freshly dyed a bright cerulean blue. “Hey everyone!” he called out, slinging his arm around the girl’s shoulders. My smile faded as I looked over and noticed she was beyond gorgeous, with waist-length black locks that seemed to flow down the perfect curve of her back. I shuddered as a green monster reared its ugly head deep within me.

Taehyung was with that girl for a few months, which by his standards, was practically a lifetime. The entire time they were together, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff about to swan-dive into devastating heartbreak. Each time I saw him kiss her, each time I saw him smile at her, each time I saw him lean over and whisper something in her ear, a piece of my soul shriveled up and died. I did my best to put my feelings aside, knowing I already had my chance and he would probably never look at me that way again. Even after they broke up, I kept my love for him tamped down and tucked away deep in the recesses of my heart, scared of ruining our friendship.

His break-up only served to draw us closer together, and slowly, without me realizing it, our friendship began to bloom into something more. Taehyung and I started to tell each other everything, including the messed-up secrets our home lives made us keep. One day, we were sitting in an empty classroom after school. I was trying to study, but kept getting distracted by Tae staring longingly out the window. “What’re you looking at?” I finally asked, putting my pencil down.

“Nothing,” he said simply. “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About when we’ll finally get out of here.”

I smiled, my heart thumping a little faster. “We?”

He turned and tossed me his signature boxy grin. “Yeah. We. We’ll make it out of here someday, Y/n. I’ll get away from my bastard of a dad, you’ll get away from your selfish mother, and we’ll have a house in the country with big, open fields and plenty of space to finally fucking breathe.”

I smiled and stored those words away, using them to comfort myself whenever my mother and her asshole of a boyfriend wouldn’t stop yelling at each other, or worse, when they’d pass out on the couch, too drunk or high to stay coherent.

One night around three in the morning, my phone began to buzz and didn’t stop until I finally popped an eye open, fumbled around for it in the dark, and pressed it to my ear. “Hello?” I mumbled.

“H-Hey.”

I sat up. “Taehyung?”

“Y/n, I n-need your help,” he said shakily. It sounded like he was… crying?

I immediately got out of bed and pulled some jeans on. “Tae, it’s okay,” I said soothingly, trying to hide the panic I was feeling. I knew Taehyung’s home life was extremely hard. In fact, most of our home lives were terrible. The only two in our friend group who even came close to “privileged” were Chaeyoung and Jin, and that was because their parents had more money, not less problems.

I myself had plenty of issues. The reason my mother and I moved here when I was fifteen was to escape her abusive boyfriend, and even then, we still lived in constant fear of him finding us again. I guess that fear drove her into the arms of the first strong-looking man who looked twice at her, because her new boyfriend, Manseok, seemed to fit the same abusive pattern. At least he didn’t hit her when he was sober.

I wasn’t exactly sure how terrible Taehyung’s life was until the night he called me. At his request, I stole a few bills from my mom’s purse as well as her ID and put us up in a cheap motel room for the night. Jumping up when I finally heard his knock, I quickly pulled the door open to reveal Taehyung, his blue hair stringy from the rain outside. He was panting like he ran all the way there. I covered my mouth with my hands as the dim lighting revealed his left eye swollen shut, covered in nasty shades of scarlet and purple. His lip was split and bleeding, and his right cheek had another bruise and cut creeping down to his jawbone. The worst part, though, were the red finger-shaped marks that covered his neck.

“Y/n,” he croaked out. I held open my arms and he fell into them, not leaving their safety until well into the morning. I iced his black eye and bruises as much as I could, and bandaged the cuts that covered his face. Taehyung’s face was pressed into my chest, his breathing deep and even as he finally slept.

I decided then and there I’d never let him go.

Thankfully, Taehyung felt the same way. Within a week, he brushed off every other girl he was chatting up and focused all of his attention on me. We spent hours with each other after school, either in person or on the phone, and it became a common occurrence for him to intertwine his fingers with mine or peck me sweetly on the cheek.

I quickly grew dissatisfied, sick of the friendship barrier preventing us from taking things further. We spent an entire day together one weekend, talking, laughing, walking the streets, and trying different foods from vendor carts. As the sun started to go down, Taehyung wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing his chest into my back. He was teasing me, I forget about what, and he leaned down to kiss my cheek when I turned at the last second and let him peck my lips instead. I laughed as his dark eyes grew wide with shock.

That was all it took, though. One kiss, and he was mine. Or rather, I was his. Afterwards, he pulled me into a deserted alleyway and we kissed until the sun completely disappeared. As the stars appeared in the sky above, Taehyung asked me to be his girlfriend, murmuring in my ear about how much he loved me and how he had never stopped loving me, even after I turned him down. With my heart practically bursting, I readily agreed.

Back then, Taehyung had a knack for getting in trouble, and me being his new girlfriend did nothing to hinder that side of him. He was definitely the “bad boy” of our school, constantly rebelling against the system by swapping his uniform for street clothes and ditching classes. His favorite form of rebellion, however, was street graffiti. He loved spray-painting words and drawings all over the walls of our neighborhood alongside his best friend, Namjoon. Tae was nearly caught by the cops a couple of times, but thanks to his quick instincts, he managed to give them the slip.

Still, a boy with bright, blue hair was bound to stand out, so after a couple nights of close calls, Taehyung finally dyed his hair back to that soft, caramel brown that I loved running my fingers through. We sat together at a bus stop, watching cars and people go by with fingers intertwined, when Tae stood and pulled a paint can out of his jacket pocket.

“Again?” I asked. Despite my teasing tone, I smiled up at him.

Taehyung tucked his bottom lip between his teeth with a grin as he sprayed something onto the panel beside us. “Look,” he said once he was finished, tilting his head to admire his work.

I stood up to see the words “I’m fine” sprayed in green. The font was the most interesting part, though, too curly in comparison to Taehyung’s usual writing. “Now look at it from upside-down,” Tae said.

I threw him a skeptical look before obediently curving my neck and scoping out the piece of art as best I could. “Save me,” I read out loud.

Taehyung nodded. “It’s for us,” he murmured.

I looked up at him, emotions surging through me like a waterfall surging down a cliff. “It’s beautiful,” I said, my voice cracking.

Taehyung looked at me, concern filling his features. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

“I-I have s-something to tell you,” I stammered.

With many tears and a shaky voice, I began to explain to Taehyung the events that had transpired only a few nights before. How my mom’s boyfriend had quietly snuck into my room while she remained passed out on the couch. How he had told me to be quiet as his hand started stroking my arm. How he had held his hand over my mouth and yelped when I bit him. How I had screamed so loud our neighbors called the cops. How he was carted away by the police with my mother shrieking the entire time about how I was a brat and a dramatic liar.

Taehyung’s gaze grew darker with each word. “That bastard,” he spat, clenching his fists. “I will end that motherfucker.”

“Taehyung, stop,” I sighed. “It’s over. For now, at least. I’ll stay at Chaeyoung’s until graduation.”

“What do you mean? He’s not going to jail?”

I hung my head. “My mom left to pay his bail an hour ago.”

Taehyung slammed his fist into the same panel he just graffitied. “So that jerk is going to walk free?!”

I stood up and ran my hands soothingly over his shoulders. “For now. I’m going to press charges, but in the end, it’s my word against his. Who knows how the system will treat him.”

Taehyung let out a feral growl, turning away from me. “I’m sick of this shit,” he snapped. “My dad, your mom’s boyfriend… neither of them should be walking free after everything they’ve done.”

Not knowing what else to do, I hugged him tightly from behind. “Just another few months,” I said quietly. “And then we’ll be out of here. A house in the country, just like you said.”

“That’s not good enough,” Tae snapped, turning back towards me. My mouth parted in surprise as I looked into his eyes and saw something there I’d never seen before. It was like a slow-burning flame, one that hadn’t yet risen into a raging wildfire, but threatened to if it wasn’t quickly put out.

Taehyung suddenly grabbed my hand and tugged me down the street. “I’m dropping you off at Chae’s,” he said. “And then I want you to stay there for the next twenty-four hours. I don’t want you going out for any reason, you understand me?”

“Taehyung, what are you saying? You’re scaring me.”

He stopped walking, turning so we were facing each other once more. The flame I saw earlier began blazing, turning rapidly into something uncontrollable and destructive I didn’t know how to stop. “This ends tonight,” he growled.

True to his word, he dropped me off at Chaeyoung’s, not leaving until he made me promise I wouldn’t go out until he said so. After a week, with Tae’s permission, I went home to get some clothes and personal items only to find my mom sitting on the couch, strung out of her mind. “Is he here?” I asked tentatively.

She raised her red-rimmed eyes to meet mine. “Who?”

“Manseok. Your jerk of a boyfriend.”

My mom shrugged and scoffed. “Haven’t seen that bastard for a couple days now,” she said, her words slurring together. “He upped and left us. Stole some money from me to do it, too.”

The feeling of relief that I felt was short-lived once I remembered that asshole would probably be back for more, just like the others. I quickly gathered my things and left, stopping only to make sure my mom had enough food for the next few days.

Ever since that night, Taehyung withdrew into himself. He still held my hand and kissed me, but it was distant, emotionless, like he didn’t know how to feel his feelings for me anymore. He weirdly became somewhat possessive of me, keeping me practically glued to his side whenever he was with me, and constantly texting me when we weren’t together. Whenever other boys looked my way, Taehyung shot them down with harsh words and incessant bullying our friends joined in on. I insisted they stop that kind of behavior, and for a while, I thought Tae and his friends complied. It wasn’t until much later in life when I realized they never truly stopped. They just got better at hiding it.

One night, I was at Namjoon’s place waiting for Tae when Joon’s phone rang. “Taehyung?” he said, turning away from me when I looked up. “Hey, calm down. You did what?!”

He stood up quickly. I motioned for him to put it on speaker, but he waved me off. “Okay, stop. I’m coming over right now. Just stay put, dammit.”

Joon grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door. “Wait!” I cried. “What happened?!”

“Nothing that concerns you,” he snapped. “Stay here. I’ll bring Taehyung to you, alright?”

Neither of them came back. Before the sun even thought of rising, I determinedly ran all the way to Taehyung’s apartment, desperate to see him and make sure he was alright. As my sneakers pounded against the pavement and my breath started coming out in ragged gasps, I suddenly felt a hand grasp my forearm and yank me into a side alley.

“What are you doing here?” a voice growled as I yelped in surprise. I looked up to see Jungkook standing there, glaring at me.

“I want to see Taehyung,” I retorted, ripping my arm from his grasp.

He crossed his arms. “Not gonna happen.”

“Like hell it’s not!” I snapped. “Where is he?”

Jungkook grabbed the front of my jacket, preventing me from pushing past him. “Go home, Y/n.”

“Absolutely the fuck not!”

Sick of my shit, Jungkook picked me up, threw me over his broad shoulder, and carried me out of the alleyway. I kicked and screamed the entire way. He set me down once we were on the main street. “Taehyung will call you when he can,” he said firmly. “I won’t say it again, Y/n. Go home.”

“No!” Tears welled up, and I furiously swiped them away. “I’m his girlfriend! Tell me where he is right now or I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” Jungkook snapped. “Y/n, you don’t even know where he is. Fucking leave, or I’ll carry you all the way back to Chae’s myself.”

It didn’t take much longer for me to realize Jungkook wouldn’t relent. Eventually, I went back to Chaeyoung’s and spent the day staring at the wall beside my bed. What did Taehyung do? What were his friends protecting him from? When had things gotten so fucked up?

My questions were never answered. After a full week of silence, complete with him missing school, Taehyung showed up at Chae’s place asking for me. “She doesn’t want to see you,” Chae snapped, closing the door as I meandered into the entry hall.

Taehyung stopped her by slamming his palm against the wood. “Please, Chae,” he begged.

Recognizing his deep tenor, I walked up and put my hand on my bestie’s shoulder. “I’ve got this, Chae,” I murmured. She left with a huff.

Taehyung looked terrible. Dark circles ran under both eyes like he’d spent multiple nights without sleep, his hair was unkempt, and his skin was much too pale. Without another word, I immediately took him inside and dragged him up to my room. He took a shower in my en suite bathroom while I washed his clothes. After he dressed, we sat on my bed, still not speaking. “What happened?” I finally asked.

He tossed me a weak smile. “Life happened.”

I shook my head in disgust. “You leave me for an entire week with no explanation, and that’s all you have to say?”

“Baby girl, please,” Taehyung said, clasping my hands in between his large, rough ones. “I’m sorry I left you alone. I asked the guys to keep an eye on you, and they said you’ve been doing fine.”

“Fine is an overstatement,” I snorted, tearing my hands from his grasp.

He didn’t relent, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his broad chest. “Let go,” I ordered, trying and failing to push him away.

“No,” he said simply, tightening his hold. “I love you, Y/n. Everything that happened this past week happened for us. For our dream.”

I managed to pull back enough to look up into his eyes. The spark of mischief that normally resided there was gone, replaced by a dull sombreness that made me ache inside. Whatever had happened that week completely changed Taehyung for good. He was no longer quick to smile or joke, and I began to yearn for the blue-haired boy of the past. I couldn’t tell him that, though. Despite everything, I still loved him.

A month passed, and as our graduation approached, Taehyung talked more and more about moving out to the country. I responded enthusiastically outwardly, but on the inside, I didn’t know if moving out was such a good idea. It wasn’t just the way he had changed. It was having issues with my mom as well. Since Manseok never came back around, her behavior grew more erratic each day. I moved back in to take care of her, and she depended heavily on me. I was afraid if I left, she would fall off the deep end again and never be able to make it back to the surface.

The last day I saw Taehyung dawned bright and filled with hope. “I’m feeling good today,” he announced, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked to class.

I smiled up at him, glee spreading through my limbs when I saw a trace of that mischievous spark back in his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He tossed me a grin. “I haven’t been able to go out and tag anything lately… but I kind of want to tonight. You in?”

“Of course.”

As night approached, we walked hand-in-hand down the street until Taehyung led us back to that bus stop where he painted the “I’m fine/Save me” ambigram. I sat on the bench and watched as he began to create something new. I don’t think he had a set plan. The painting started off in meaningless loops, the jet-black color standing out in stark contrast to the white behind it.

Suddenly, bright lights filled our vision flashing a blinding blue and red. “Freeze!” a loud voice yelled.

I remember Taehyung’s wide, dark eyes finding mine, filled with panic. I remember the rough skin of his palm sliding into mine and yanking me upright. I remember how we sprinted down the street, the fear of being caught pumping adrenaline through us. How he ran faster than me, tugging me along to keep up.

Taehyung looked back and pulled me into an alleyway to try and lose them. We turned a corner and met a dead end. With our backs pressed against the wall, I looked at Tae. “Dammit,” he panted, the corners of his mouth turning upwards despite our situation.

I began to run out the way we came, intending on dragging Taehyung with me, but he yanked me back, slamming me against the wall that entrapped us. He kissed me, feverishly pressing his tongue inside my mouth before I could stop him. He yanked my wrists upwards, pinning them almost painfully against the brick above us as his mouth continued exploring mine and his hands roamed up and down my body.

He pulled back, allowing me to finally suck in some oxygen, and even as I coughed, he continued pressing kisses from my cheek to my jaw to my neck. Tae finally stopped as loud voices and beams of flashlights got closer. “I love you, baby girl,” he murmured. “Don’t forget that.”

“Tae, what—?”

He stepped out from behind the corner, raising his hands in the air. I ducked down into the shadows the alley provided, scooting backwards and pressing my hands over my mouth.

“Get over here, punk,” a gruff voice commanded. I heard the grinding click of handcuffs closing over wrists as another voice began to read Tae his rights.

I scrambled to my feet, realizing too late what was happening. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t take the fall for both of us. Not like this. Still, even as I moved to step out into the light and reveal myself, something stopped me. I don’t remember exactly what it was. Possibly the thought of my mother, my friends, how close I was to graduation. Like I said, I don’t remember. All I remember was the panic I felt when I realized the love of my life had just been arrested.

I showed up late to class the next day, not wanting to answer questions from my friends about what had happened and why I looked like absolute shit. I realized my efforts weren’t needed when two detectives pulled me out of class and escorted me to the police station, causing my classmates to start buzzing with gossip like the annoying wasps they were.

“So… L/n Y/n,” the cop, Detective Kwak, said. I looked up at her, nervously twisting my hands in my lap. “You are dating Kim Taehyung, correct?”

I nodded slowly. She had brought me here for “routine questioning,” yet I began to suspect more when they put me in an interrogation room. “For how long?” the detective asked.

“About a year and a half,” I muttered.

“So your relationship was serious?”

“You could say that.”

“How serious?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how serious were you? Did you have plans for after graduation?”

“I guess. We were going to move in together.”

“Here in the city?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “Somewhere far away.”

“Because of your troubles at home?”

It was then I got defensive. “What do you know about that?” I snapped.

Detective Kwak stared me down, an amused smile playing around the corners of her lips. “I know enough. I was promoted to detective only a month or so ago. Back in my street days, I was one of the cops called to your house.”

My mouth parted in surprise at her words.

“I remember that night pretty clearly,” she continued. “Your mom’s boyfriend attacked you, right?”

I swallowed hard and sank down in my seat, rubbing my arms with my palms in an effort to keep myself contained. “And she did nothing to defend you, correct?” the detective prodded.

“Stop,” I whispered.

“What about Taehyung? Did he do anything to defend you?”

“What the fuck is this about?” I burst out. “I thought you brought me here because… because…”

“Because of the graffiti?” she asked pointedly.

I nodded.

Detective Kwak leaned forward over the table. “Look, Y/n, I don’t give a damn about the fact you were his tagging partner in crime or whatever. This is much bigger than that.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat back and stared at me, her eyes like cold, dark tunnels. “Kim Taehyung has been charged with murder. His prints match a partial we lifted off of a crime scene.”

My mouth dropped open. “W-What?”

“That’s right,” she said. “We only identified the body yesterday. Does the name Lee Manseok mean anything to you?”

I froze as the syllables of my mother’s boyfriend’s name rolled off the detective’s tongue. She nodded at my reaction. “I thought it would. He was found in an abandoned warehouse about a week after he was killed. He’d been beaten to death.”

My blood ran cold, causing goosebumps to raise on the flesh of my arms. I shook my head fiercely. “No, that can’t be right,” I said. “The guy was a dick, anyone could’ve done that to him.”

“That’s what we thought at first. We first suspected his wife.”

“He… He has a wife?”

“And two kids,” the detective scoffed. “Your mom picked a real winner. But then we finally got Taehyung in custody thanks to your shenanigans last night and what do you know? His prints match the one we found at the crime scene.”

“You’ve got it wrong,” I said firmly. “Taehyung wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he?” she asked, folding her arms over the table. “Sounds like he really loved you and would do anything to protect you.”

“No, there has to be a mistake. Even if Taehyung did kill him, it had to be out of self-defense or something.”

“Maybe so. But if you knock a guy out and then continue beating him until he dies, is it really self-defense?”

“It is if that guy could come back and hurt someone you love for revenge,” I retorted.

The detective’s face remained expressionless. “Unfortunately, the law says differently.”

“The law can go to hell for all I care.”

She chuckled. “Whatever you say, kid. Look, the crime scene revealed that more than one person beat the literal life out of Manseok. If Taehyung did this, he didn’t do it alone. Do you happen to know who else would have helped him commit murder?”

I stayed silent as I thought for a moment. Any of our friends could’ve helped him, with maybe the exception of Chaeyoung. I thought of Jin, Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi and Joon. I thought of the way they moved around school like a unified group, making fun of anyone who wasn’t them and bullying people who got in their way, especially any other guy who dared look my way. Still, they wouldn’t have helped Tae commit flat-out murder, would they?

“Anyone at all?”

The detective’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I shook my head. “No. No one.”

She sighed. “There’s something else. We’ve been trying to get ahold of Taehyung’s father, but he seems to be missing.”

“Missing?”

“Yes. He hasn’t shown up at his job at all in the past month and a half. His credit cards haven’t been used, either.”

“So?” I snapped. “The guy was an alcoholic, he could be holed up somewhere drinking himself to death.”

“Maybe so, but my guess is we’re going to find him in some abandoned building or maybe at the bottom of the ocean one day. Your boy, Taehyung? I’ll bet he’s the one who put him there.”

I slammed my palms on the table. “LIES!” I yelled. “He wouldn’t do that!”

“Wouldn’t he?!” Detective Kwak shouted, rising to her feet. “Tell me something right now, Y/n. Have you noticed him acting differently? Have you noticed any changes in his behavior?”

I immediately looked down at the ground. “No,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said, NO!”

“Enough with the lies!”

“I’m not lying! You are!”

The detective opened her mouth to retort, then thought better of it and sat down instead. “The evidence doesn’t lie, Y/n,” she said.

“Look,” I said. “If you want someone to put in jail, put me in jail. Taehyung’s gone through enough in his life. Please don’t put him through this.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I put my hands over my face and began to sob. Detective Kwak stood up and came around to my side of the table before placing a hand on my shoulder. Once my sobs began to cease, she offered me a tissue. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. “Thanks,” I muttered.

“Listen,” she said gently. “I’ve made arrangements for your aunt to come pick you up.”

I looked up at the detective in surprise. “My aunt?”

“Yes. Your mom’s sister. She’s filed to gain custody of you, and in light of recent events, a judge granted it to her.”

“Wait, my mom’s sister? I thought she lived in America.”

Detective Kwak’s mouth visibly tightened. “No, actually, she lives in Busan. Seems your mom kept that from you as well. Your aunt’s been trying to get in contact with you, Y/n. She says she sent letters.”

I stared at the wall across from me. Every limb, every nerve ending, every cell in my body was starting to go numb. It was all too much. My boyfriend was a murderer, my mom’s ex-boyfriend was dead, Taehyung’s dad was missing, and now all of a sudden I had a long-lost aunt who was now my sole guardian?”

“She’s very well off,” the detective continued. “She’s even offered to pay for your mom to get treatment in a rehabilitation facility. Whatever future you have with her is sure to be a bright one.”

“If you say so.”

“I know so. I’ve met her, only briefly, but she seems very nice.”

I let the silence grow between us, not bothering to give a response. The detective finally sighed and sat back down in her chair across from me. “Y/n, Taehyung is going to jail for a very long time. Maybe even for the rest of his life. I suggest you move on with your life. Move to Busan. You’ll attend a great school there, and probably university as well. You can start down an entirely new path.”

The memory of Taehyung’s handsome face swam before my eyes, his bright, boxy smile lighting my insides on fire the way it had for the past year and a half. “What if I don’t want to?” I whispered.

“Well… That’s up to you. But the sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll stop feeling this pain.”

Detective Kwak stood up, motioning for me to stand up as well. “Come on. Your aunt’s waiting.”

We exited the interrogation room, the skin on my face itchy and dry from crying. I knew I probably looked like a mess, but I didn’t care.

“Y/n!” a deep, familiar voice shouted. I froze in my tracks, slowly raising my eyes to his inky ones. He struggled in the grip of two cops, his hands handcuffed behind his back.

“Hey baby girl,” he said, smirking. “Nice of you to come visit me.”

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Detective Kwak hissed.

“You said to move him into the interrogation room.”

“While it’s still occupied?!”

“Don’t worry,” Taehyung quipped. “We can share, right baby?”

“Get him out of here!” Detective Kwak snapped. “Now!”

The cops shoved Taehyung towards the interrogation room. I turned to look at him, desperation clenching at my heart. I realized this might be the last time I saw him, the last time I would get to tell him something. Anything. My mouth opened but no words came out.

“Don’t worry, baby girl!” Taehyung shouted, lurching towards me. “I’ll get out someday! And I’ll come for you! I will always come for you!”

I shook my head and felt tears prick at my eyes once more as the police wrestled with him. “I love you, Y/n!” he shouted just before they shut the door on him.

“Sorry about that,” Detective Kim said, holding a hand to her heaving chest. “You weren’t supposed to cross paths.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured, and to my own surprise, I meant it. I was glad I saw him one last time. I realized, in that moment, that the blue-haired boy I once knew and fell in love with was completely gone. His eyes, which once held a spark of playfulness and mischief, now held nothing but misery and woe. He let his anger for the world overtake him, allowing it to blaze a path of self-destruction that I could no longer follow.

Maybe the detective was right. Despite the fact that Kim Taehyung was the love of my life, maybe, just maybe, it was time to move on.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Part One is HEEEEEEERE! 😉

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