#alice has mail

[adecila]

Has “for the cameras” been discontinued? 🥺

No, darling, I just girl bossed too close to the sun, and I became so important at my day job that since November last year, I couldn’t have any hobbies because I didn't have any free time 😂

The good news is that my big project is done and results were amazing. Now I just came back from a month long holiday, so I am finally working on FTC. It will come (hopefully soon)!

[youre-ackermine]

Happy Birthday, Lovely Val 🥳

I wish you much happiness on this day and all others! May the world around you always mirror the kindness that you spread! Love you 😘❤️

Thank you so much lovely Alice 😘

It's been a really good day & night with my friends!!

Love you lots 🫶

[sivyera]

TWILIGHT characters as love tropes

ft. carlise, esme, emmet, rosalie, edward, jasper, alice, jacob, seth, leah, paul, charlie, bella

a/n: with songs to each character

༻♛༺

⤷ Carlisle Cullen - rich love

Carlisle is a very rich man which means he will spoil you a lot. Not only with expensive gifts but also with a lot of attention and affection.

Every time when he gets home from work, he welcomes you with a kiss and warm hug.

When he has a day off, he will cook with you (even tho he cannot eat it, it's just about the time he can spend with you) or you will lay on his lap with his hand stroking your hair and book in his other hand, reading to you.

Every Friday he will take you to a fancy restaurant and than for a slow walk around the nearest park.

On your birthday or on International Women's Day (or any other 'special' day) he will spoil you even more than on normal days. Expensive jewelry, perfumes, clothes, shoes,...

He will bring you flowers at least once every two weeks. And every July he will take you on vacation and you can choose where.

Lolita - Lana Del Rey

⤷ Esme Cullen - falling in love fast

Esme is such a kind soul so it's no surprise that you two fell in love with each other fast.

She will take you on a date every Saturday. Mostly coffee dates are her favourite. The two of you can talk for hours while drinking delicious coffee.

She will also enjoy baking with you (even tho she cannot eat/taste them)

She has many polaroids with you on them or with the both of you on them and has them hang in her closet or the small table beside her bed.

She loves when you paint her nails and massage her legs and she will always return the favor.

She loves sunny days but because she's a vampire and her skin sparkle on the sun, she cannot go out where people can see her, BUT she can go somewhere private like meadow or forest where you two can be alone and on the sun!

Sofia - Clairo

⤷ Emmett Cullen - he fell first and harder

Emmett was absolutely over the moon when you two started dating, because he knew from the start that you two are just meant to be.

He loves, loves, LOVES when you sit on his lap. He doesn't care if you are stroking his hair or doing make-up on him, he just want you in his lap, so he can embrace you with his big arms and muscular body.

He'll dance goofily around the bedroom with you to some catchy hip-hop songs he has found.

He loves cuddling with you especially when he can be the big spoon, because he likes how tiny you're compared to him.

Matching pyjamas and make polaroids in those pyjamas, which happens to be one of his favourite memory and polaroids.

He doesn't really like reading books but he always wants you to read to him, because he loves your voice.

She's Kinda Hot - 5 Seconds of Summer

⤷ Rosalie Cullen/Hale - you fell first but she fell harder

Rosalie has trust issues and trauma because of her past so she wouldn't fall in love easily nor fast, but trust me when she does fall in love; she loves hard.

She loves having spa day with you which includes face masks, painting nails, shared warm bath and much more.

She will take you to the mail shopping almost every day and will buy you everything you look at.

She doesn't like much PDA but she will hold your hand in public but if she gets jealous, she will show the person she's jealous off who you belong to.

She doesn't show it to others just you, but she loves cuddles. She loves when you lay next to her, face to face so she can see your beautiful face.

She's also very protective over you, so if any guy or a girl makes you feel uncomfortable (or unsafe), tell her and she will make sure they won't approach you ever again.

Prey - The Neighbourhood

⤷ Edward Cullen - first and only love

Edward waited so many years for you, but it was worth it because he finally got you.

He loves when you kiss his forehead even tho he has to lean down because of your height difference, it makes him feel safe. Still his favourite place to kiss you is on your lips.

Edward will write poets for you and about you on small piece of paper and then put them somewhere in your room where you will notice them like your closet or on your book, laptop, notebook, pillow,...and he will bring you your favorite flowers right after the previous ones he gave you have withered.

He will also write songs about you (or for you) and then play them to you on the piano. Which he absolutely loves because you sit right next to him and look at him with those beautiful eyes of yours full of love. Edward cannot read your mind but he can sure read your eyes, the small spark and the love in them when you look at him, he just loves it!

Loves cuddling with you, his favourite position is when you lay on his chest or when he's the big spoon, face to face or hugging you from behind.

He loves having deep talks with you and he'll tell you about his childhood or about the time he was born in.

Follow You - Imagine Dragons

⤷ Jasper Cullen/Hale - unconditional love

Jasper can be sometimes insecure just as much as Edward, they even have similar reasons... Jasper is afraid of him hurting you, he's afraid that he won't be able to control himself around you, but your words of affirmation and gently touch will calm him down.

Jasper doesn't talk much, he rather listens and he loves listens to you. It doesn't matter what you are talking about, he just loves your voice.

He will take you for a horse ride because he loved it back when he was a human and because he was a cowboy, but you two will have to share the horse because he wants your arms around him.

At first he was a bit scared of cuddling with you (again because of his control) but soon as your hand went to his hair, he melted. Both of you realized how touch starved he's so now cuddling is an everyday thing.

Jasper is a gentleman like Edward or Carlisle so he will also bring you flowers every even week.

He'll read to you to make you fall asleep, because his smooth voice is like a lullaby to you. But if Jasper feels that you are anxious, he will calm you down with his gift and than talk to you what made you anxious, eventually he will cuddle you.

R U Mine? - Artic Monkeys

⤷ Alice Cullen - any universe

Alice (because of her gift) always knew you were the one, her one and only true love. So when she first saw you, she couldn't help but babbling to her adoptive siblings all day how amazing you are and how she's already in love with you.

She'll go to the mail with you and make small fashion show with you in the cabins with all the cute outfits she found for you and you for her.

She's mostly the small spoon (sometimes she is the big spoon but depends on the situation) while cuddling because she loves when you hold her in your arms and stroke her back.

Outside, in front of other people, she will always hold your whole arm, not just palm.

If you have trouble falling asleep, she will gladly sing to you while stroking your hair.

She'll buy matching clothes, jewerly or nail polish, because she loves when you two match your outfits or other accesories.

i wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red

⤷ Jacob Black - whatever it takes

Jacob is willing to do anything and everything for you, his imprint. He will kill for you, he will die for you, he will do just everything.

Jacob can be sometimes insecure because he isn't that rich like the Cullens and he thinks you deserve someone who will treat you like a queen, so once again he's willing to prove you that he's worthy of your love.

He'll make you a small wolf and your favourite flower out of wood and attached it into a bracelet, which he will eventually give you to your birthday.

He's also a big cuddle bug, because he's so warm will make you comfortable enough to fall asleep. He's most of the time the big spoon because he feels like he's protecting you but he doesn't mind to be the little spoon. Cuddling also leaves his scent on you so every vampire or shape-shifter (wolf) can smell who you belong to.

He'll take you on motorcycle rides. Also he will drop you at your school on his motorcycle and then he will pick you up. Also he'll let you ride on his back while he's in his wolf form.

Jacob doesn't like fancy restaurants, he prefers his or your bed with some snacks and movies, cuddling of course!

Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran

⤷  Seth Clearwater - love at first sight

Seth hoped that he will met his imprint someday and he heard from the others how amazing the feeling is to imprint on someone, but no one really prepared him to him because when he first saw you, your beauty hit him like a brick. And he finally understood the feeling because all he could see was you...

Seth will make sure you are always in a good mood with him, either he could tell you some stupid joke or cheesy pick-up line.

He maybe look like a cute baby but don't let his cute face fool you because he won't hesitate to kill for you, so it makes him really protective over you.

In his wolf form he's like a big puppy but only to you and he loves giving you piggy back rides in his wolf form.

Cuddling really depends on his mood; if he's in good mood he will be the little spoon with his head placed on your lap; if he's in a bad mood (mostly when he's jealous) he'll be the big spoon to show others that he can protect you.

He loves baking with you but he's clueless so he will just stand there and watch you or mix some ingredients, often sneaks up a kiss on the cheek while baking.

Dandelions - Ruth B.

⤷  Leah Clearwater - enemies to lovers

At first Leah hated the fact that she actually had a imprint, so she would try to stay away from you as much as possible and when she couldn't; she would have some nasty comments towards you, but it hurt her as hell when she saw how sad she made you or worst insecure.

She tried hard to stay away from you but she failed, miserably. She needed you, she needed to be with you, so she will explain everything to you same as she would apologize for her acting.

Very protective of you, anyone could just try and test her patience.

At first she wouldn't want you to be near her while she was in her wolf form because she was much bigger and stronger so she was afraid that she could hurt you, but she became a sucker for scratches behind her ear.

Seth will often tease his big sister because she's really soft when it comes to you, which makes Leah give Seth few playful slaps.

When it comes to cuddling, Leah is the big spoon because she has the urge to protect you and being the big spoon makes her feel like she's protecting you in you sleep.

Running With The Wolves - AURORA

⤷  Paul Lahote - rough love

With the term 'rough love' i mean that Paul is passionate lover and is willing to do anything for his imprint, you.

Paul isn't very patient when it comes to people but you are an exception. Still he's aggressive when someone push his buttons but you are always here to drag him away and calm him down.

Just a single touch and Paul's full attention is on you. Which brings me to the fact that he turns into a puppy when you touch him, your touch is just to comforting.

He's the big spoon because he feels like he protects you and it makes his scent stay on you.

He can get jealous very easily, he trusts you but he doesn't trusts the others and he doesn't want any boys or girls too close to his imprint.

Loves everything you cook or bake and will always eat everything.

Overprotective, if any vampire even dare to touch you, he'll kill him.

Little Freak - Harry Styles

⤷ Charlie Swan - old love

Charlie is old school but still a huge gentleman.

He will bring you flowers every time you had a bad day and some chocolates when you had a good day to make it even better.

He loves watching old movies or crime/detective movies with you, with his arm around your shoulder.

When he has day off, you two will go on a picnic date which always ends up with you laying on his chest while he's telling you some stories from work.

Every time you bring him a lunch into his police office, he will welcome you with a warm, thankful smile and thank you with a kiss on your cheek.

He will protect you even more than before, when he finds out that there are vampires and werewolfs (shape-shifters).

Burning Love - Elvis Presley

⤷  Bella Swan - teenage love

Bella will be awkward and nervous when she first spoke to you, because you were just too beautiful to be real. But to her surprise she made you fall in love with her which made her so, so happy.

First attempts of trying to cuddle with her or just show her simple romantic affection were awkward because she was just to nervous, eventually she will warm up and feel more comfortable.

She find our that you touch calms her anxiety and nervousness so whenever she's nervous or anxious she will just hold your hand and squeeze it gently.

Charlie was very happy that his daughter found someone like you, which made Bella even more happy when she saw how you, the love of her life and her father get along.

Often having sleepovers at her house when Charlie has night shifts, which always leads to matching face masks and cuddles.

Kisses on the cheek are her favourite, because she can easily turn and give you small peck on your cheek and visa versa.

Electric Love - BØRNS 

[novaursa]

Hi, can I request a rhaenicent x reader (male or female, your choice) . Reader is a Targaryen and a renowned fighter of the seven kingdoms. They win a joust and crown both Rhaenyra and Alicent as their Queens of love and beauty. Thanks !

A Crown to Share

- Summary: Your father sneaks you into the tourney. You win and name Rhaenyra and Alicent as Queens of Love and Beauty.

- Paring: Alicent Hightower/female!reader/Rhaenyra Targaryen

- Note: The reader is Daemon's daughter.

- Rating: Mild 13+

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround

The tourney grounds of King’s Landing are alive with energy. Banners flutter in the crisp morning air, the vibrant colors of houses across the realm proudly displayed. Lords and ladies fill the stands, their anticipation palpable as they murmur about the events to come. It’s an impressive gathering, with knights in resplendent armor lining up, each determined to win glory and honor.

In the center of the commotion, unnoticed, stands a lone figure clad in polished steel. Beneath the ornate breastplate and mail, your heart races. The helm hides your face, and the crest upon your shield and surcoat are unmarked, giving no indication of your true identity. Daemon had made certain that no one would suspect a thing. You are just another knight among many, your true nature concealed.

“You’re certain about this?” he had asked that morning, his eyes gleaming with a mixture of pride and amusement. He had always encouraged your fiery spirit, your desire to fight, to be seen as more than a princess. But even he knew the risk you were taking today.

“More than anything,” you had replied, determination hardening your voice.

And now, standing here, you feel the weight of those words. The clamor of the crowd fades as you focus on the task ahead, your grip tightening around the lance in your hand. The lists are set, the first match called. Knights clash, wood splinters, and steeds rear, the cheers and groans of the crowd rising with each decisive blow. You watch, feeling your pulse quicken, every victory feeding the fire within you.

When your turn comes, you spur your mount forward. The world narrows to the length of the tilt, your opponent a looming shadow ahead. With a shout, you charge, your lance leveled, heart steady. The impact is shattering. Your opponent is thrown back, the crowd roaring as he falls, unhorsed and sprawled in the dust.

From his seat high above, Daemon watches, a smirk curling his lips. His eyes never leave you, and you feel his gaze, feel the silent encouragement in it. He knows you are capable; he has trained you himself, after all.

Round after round, you fight with the skill and ferocity Daemon instilled in you. Each victory feels like a triumph, but your true goal is yet to come. As the final match is called, the stands hold their breath. You face the last challenger, a knight famed for his prowess. The clash is brutal, each blow ringing like thunder in your ears. But you are relentless, pushing him back until, with a final, powerful strike, you send him crashing to the ground.

The crowd erupts. You dismount, every step measured, your breath heavy inside your helm. The herald’s voice booms, announcing the victor. And then, in one smooth motion, you remove your helmet.

Gasps ripple through the stands. Shock spreads like wildfire as your hair spills free, your face revealed to all. Whispers of disbelief, of awe, rise as those who know you recognize the daughter of Daemon Targaryen, the cousin of Rhaenyra.

Daemon’s smirk widens, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. He leans back in his seat, watching the chaos you’ve unleashed with a mixture of pride and amusement. You’ve done what no one would have expected, proven yourself in the eyes of the realm.

With steady hands, you take the crown of winter roses from the squire beside you, its delicate petals a stark contrast to the hardened steel of your armor. The crowd watches, silent now, as you cross the field to the royal box where Rhaenyra and Alicent sit.

Rhaenyra’s eyes are wide, her lips parted in surprise. Alicent’s gaze flickers between you and Rhaenyra, a flush rising in her cheeks. You meet Rhaenyra’s gaze, your heart pounding in a rhythm that has nothing to do with the battle just fought.

“Father,” you had asked your father the night before, voice soft, hesitant. “Do you think they’ll understand?”

Daemon had laughed, his hand resting on your shoulder. “If they don’t, my daughter, they will have to learn.”

Now, standing before them, you kneel, offering the crown to Rhaenyra first. “Princess,” you say, your voice carrying over the hushed crowd, “I name you Queen of Love and Beauty.” The roses gleam as she takes the crown, her hands trembling ever so slightly as she places it upon her head.

You turn to Alicent then, your heart a fierce, steady beat. “And you, Lady Alicent,” you continue, your eyes meeting hers, “I name you Queen of Love and Beauty as well.”

There is a moment of stunned silence, then the crowd erupts once more, a roar of approval and shock. You smile, something wry and secretive, feeling the weight of their gazes.

“You’ll have to share the crown,” you say softly, just for them, and something in Rhaenyra’s eyes lights up, a spark of warmth that matches the one in Alicent’s. The tension between them is visible, an unspoken bond that you’ve only ever seen glimpses of.

“Bold as your father,” Rhaenyra murmurs, her voice carrying a note of admiration.

“Bolder, perhaps,” Alicent adds, and you catch the way their hands brush as they each hold a side of the crown, their smiles hidden but present.

As you rise, the cheers of the crowd washing over you, you feel something settle in your chest. You’ve done more than win a tourney today. You’ve made a statement, to the realm, to your family, and, most importantly, to yourself. Daemon’s laughter, rich and proud, echoes across the field, and you know he, too, understands the significance of what you’ve done.

The day may be ending, but this victory, and what it represents, will linger long after the sun sets over King’s Landing.

[will80sbyers]

STRANGER THINGS 5 PRODUCTION MASTERPOST / part 004

Go back to part 001 / 002 / 003

May 24 / 2024

We find out they are filming something in this church (in the UD)

From an update of the IG channel for the day 100 of filming - we get this little video of something happening in the season but it's not easily understandable because it's blurry

May 25 / 2024

Karen was filming something, not sure if it's related to the church, unlikely at this point but she was on set

A video drone of the Church and more pictures

They built a cemetery near the church and put the UD vines on it (not in these pics but we find out later)

May 29 / 2024

The IG channel posts pictures from inside the mansion where the Turnbow family should be living, it's speculation that Derek is their youngest son but it's not confirmed yet... This may be his room thoug, it has lots of games and nerdy stuff

Confirmation that it's the mansion

May 30 /2024

The Creel house is getting prepared so they can film in it

Someone literally broke in the set lmao here are close ups of the radio station set

June 1 / 2024

There's UD vines in the Church set (note! The filming at the church set was set to start before but allegedly they had to reschedule because Noah aka Will had a problem at his eye so Will should be involved in the scenes there probably, they should start in August)

More pictures of the church set

June 4 / 2024

FIRST LOOK AT HENRY CREEL IN COSTUME AND ALSO HOLLY WHEELER - my idea is that Vecna is targeting Holly and making her have a vision or he has her in his mind space already after she gets kidnapped by him

More pictures of Holly looking at something she received in the mail it's the same scene with Henry

More pics of Henry and Holly

There's now a graveyard on the church set

Video and pictures of it

June 5 / 2024

Video of Holly and Henry Creel interacting, someone filmed the scene with a drone

June 8 / 2024

They are filming at the Creel house and at the Creel playground and there seem too be other children with Holly, she is dressed like Henry is using her as his doll in a dollhouse so I think this is inside the mind space, she has a different outfit because it's playing dress up and the other children may be those who he killed before... He may think she's similar to his sister Alice

June 9 / 2024

We sort of get it confirmed that Mike and Lucas have bonding moments in S5 from the actors at a convention

Better quality pictures of Mike and El on the roof in probably ep. 1

June 10 / 2024

This may be a young Joyce flashback (?) there's someone on set at the playground that looks like could be possibly her

Video and pictures of Holly with the new outfit, always on the Creel playground/house set - the playground is in front of the Creel house

June 11 / 2024

New pics from the Church set with the UD vines and all

Video

The set designer of stranger things answer some questions

June 15 / 2024

People go inside the Hawkins school and find random stuff left out there from the sets: 1 / 2 / 3

June 16 / 2024

A new actor in costume is seen on set at the playground, it's a girl with brown hair

June 17 / 2024

Pics and video from the military sets

June 19 / 2024

They film something at stone mountain cemetery

More pics, it seems it could be a cemetery in a vision because the names look weird, not sure if the McKinney grave was already there for a coincidence or was added by production... But actually it could be the UD maybe, I'm not 100% sure on this.

June 21 /2024

This is now basically confirmed... We'll get some type of flashback of Jonathan, Will and Mike when they were younger, Will and Mike were 8 and Jonathan 13... They are looking to cast the actors

June 22 / 2024

Steve's car is seen going around the cemetery

June 23 / 2024

Pics from the downtown Hawkins set, they may be filming in the library

New set in a field that has something to do with the military probably and also random pictures from downtown Hawkins, shops etc

June 24 / 2024

Military scenes are being filmed in downtown Hawkins

They are looking for photo doubles and military stuff is being filmed, someone sneaked in

June 25 / 2024

Pics of Downtown Hawkins, Holly, Will and Mike are seen in their bikes going around town, Jonathan's double can be seen, he did NOT lose an arm lmfao we found out they make a version of the costumes without sleeves because it's too hot for the actors to wear the winter clothes in the summer all day... Jonathan was spared... For now.......

Holly going on her bike

FIRST LOOK AT MIKE AND WILL (and Holly) going together somewhere with their bikes

Again

Blurry pictures of it

A video / again

My speculation: Will and Mike are riding with Holly for a bit until they leave her to go to the radio station, this happens in ep. 1

June 26 / 2024

More pictures of the military in Hawkins downtown, the blue van and there's a car chase scene apparently

Military + Jonathan's double

Night scenes with the blue van and the truck going somewhere

Soldiers

June 27 / 2024

New location, field or the woods in the UD

June 28 / 2024

Various new/old pics church set, cemetery etc

June 30 / 2024

A video of the actors for Will, Mike and Holly... Same scene with the bikes I think

Main cast took a break in for a few weeks in July

Videos of the filming in the fields/woods but from a very far away distance lol

July 3 / 2024

Ross posts a picture with the crew and cast, there's Mike, Will, and Jonathan and Nancy's doubles + blurry people and a video of Finn on set - week 24 of filming

July 7 / 2024

Derek is seen on set in Hawkins with the military

July 10 / 2024

Caleb posts a video getting ready on set

They are filming something in the Hawkins laboratory set, it seems it may be from the UD because the cars seem to be the 1983 models and there's the white van that was used in S1 to spy on the Byers

Rumor is that El is involved but it's not confirmed...

July 11 / 2024

The IG channel posts a video of Erica getting ready to film at school

July 12 / 2024

New pictures of the WSQK Radio station with the sign lit up! Super cool 😎

July 13 / 2024

These posters from the stranger things the first shadow play may have hints about storylines in season 5

July 15 / 2024

FIRST OFFICIAL TEASER OF STRANGER THINGS 5 !!!!

Screenshots from the teaser part 1

Screenshots from the teaser part 2

My analysis of the scenes and my speculation

The new actors of Stranger things 5: Nell Fisher plays Holly, Alex Breaux plays someone in the military probably, Jake Connelly is playing Derek

Pics of the Duffers with the military on set

Pics of Mike and Robin together in the same scene, Mike has a bruise/scar on his face (like I THEORIZED BEFORE 🤭)

Again

The outfits make me think it's from ep. 3 or 4

My speculation about this locker at school

Go back to 001 / 002 / 003

Next... Aka part 005

[olderthannetfic]

Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

--

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

[fernhelm]

pls talk more about narcissa

welll since you asked….

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹🦢⊹₊ ⋆୨ৎ

she’s her mother’s dress-up doll, she’s clytemnestra, she stabbed the dark lord in the back, she’s precise, she made an unbreakable vow to protect draco, she’s a strategist, she just wants to be left alone, she’s the ugly little duckling, she’s a lake that looks placid on the surface, but is raging underneath. if there’s one word for her, it’s bitter. she did everything she was supposed to and got fucked anyway.

narcissa in canon is defined by her role as a mother in a similar way to lily, but she is a mother who is present and therefore is able to disappoint; who sends her son sweets in the mail, but fails to protect him from joining a cult at sixteen….she is so interesting precisely because of those contradictions. she is the devoted wife & mother, ensnared by the same black family allegiances & obligations as the others, but she fights to create her own paradise within that aristocratic hellscape while still obeying its rules. she wants her cake and to eat it too. to belong to a crumbling, stifling magical dynasty and still raise a son turns out okay. her house is her domain (“this is my house, bella, you don’t give orders in my…”), it’s the small bit of power she’s carved out for herself. and you’ll have to pry it out of her cold dead hands.

my narcissa has really intense control issues. i think she has some paranoias & anxieties around eating. she likes to look impeccable so no one can sense the disaster going on inside. she enjoys the riches and prestige of being a black or a malfoy but she’d sell every piece of jewelry in her jewelry box to read a book alone by the sea…to me, she is a lesbian and she knows it, it just isn’t something she’d ever be willing to acknowledge. of everyone, she is in the most need of a rage room. imagine her in vintage dior and a black headband brutally beating the shit out of lucius’ car with a baseball bat (he cheated on her, and she wouldn’t care but he got caught and now it’s tabloid news.) after a childhood of disassociating to cope with her dysfunctional home, she has a hard time identifying her own emotions. she’s a marionette being piloted by a blonde chess prodigy in black patent leather mary janes. its like ratatouille. most of the time when she’s shaking hands and smiling serenely she’s thinking about a ballet performance or fencing or opera or wizarding history (i think she really likes history). in writing her it’s such a joy to explore who she becomes if she gets to do whatever she wants. what does she want anyway? outside of being a mother? do we know?

ALSO, something so fairytale perfect about her and her sisters…a pretty pair of three. she is the exact in-between of the two–if bella is fight and andy is flight, she’s freeze. she’s the little blonde outlier who was paraded around at parties until her face hurt from kissing cheeks. her sisters are the only ones who see through to the core of her. she needs both of them- bella as her shield and andy as her sword. when andy leaves it’s like she gets frozen in time.

my favorite pairing for her is alice, but i can accept lucissa if they’re in the background of a drarry fic. her and alice would live in a sea-side cottage in france and run a winery or something. she’s the ice queen and alice is the knight in shining armor. finally someone wants her to have every good thing she’s ever denied herself. she’s supposed to be a good little lady, and i think alice would make her want to go wild and roll around in the mud. yum.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

The people are different versions but still exist in TMAGP and that absolutly is the one thing moving a very specific TMA AU.

Basically besides joining the Institute, Tim gets very into online supernatural foruns trying to find people with similar experiences. So one day he gets a mysterious mensage from someone about the "thing wearing my brother's skin". The e-mail is about a young lady that says something very similar happened to her and her uncle and she has been investigating similar stories since. They chat more and with Sasha advice Tim decides fuck it and meets the woman, both pretend it's a date.

Everything is well until Tim mentions working dor the Magnus Institute, she, who presented herself only by Gwen, pales and goes "oh you're one of them" and leaves after saying "I'm not playing his games. I'm not feeding him." Tim is very confused, he thinks maybe the Institue tried to investigate her case and failed. They are not in the archive yet so he asks Jon and Sasha with help without giving any detail, basically hoping Sasha conection with Gertrude means she has acess to the archives and Jon being way to into spending long nights working will help them sort whatever Sasha finds.

Except Sasha finds nothing. Until a random day were she comes up with a big grim and goes "you guys won't ever be abble to guess what I found out?" and open in a very funky web page advertising Gwendolyn Bouchard, paranormal lawyer. Sasha is laughting, Jon is ranting about what a paranormal lawyer would even be but Tim is like "oh shit, that's her".

He doesn't connect the dots at first. Or doesn't want to. But he keeps thinking about "I'm not feeding him" and he is like "random question what do you guys know about Elias" and Sasha goes research into it.

At this point he and Jon aren't close friends but they are friends and if their boss is one of the things that ate his brother he needs to figure out something. With the assumption Elias is a clown, Tim does actually notice how creepy Elias is with Jon and is fully "Jon won't belive me but Elias is totally into eating his insides or whatever". So he tells the truth to Sasha and tricks Jon into visiting Gwen's lawyer thing for answers.

I still did not figure out most of the other things, except that Alice and Gwen are together in this verse and Alice made the web design for Gwen's page. I also know I want alt Sam and I want just our Celia who keeps almost meeting them but never doing. Or even a Celia that came back and has a dificult time being at her world and interacting with different versions of people that mattered so much to her.

I don't know still what to do with Sam, because I think Martin was very clearly Jonah backup archivist and the thing is Elias will try to convince Jon Gwen is the crazy/evil one and either he'll suceed making Jon betray his friends and be the archivist but with different assistants (except Martin) or he won't and Martin will start as the archivist. And while backup archivist/archival assistant Sam makes sense I'm unsure I want that for him. I'm thinking maybe this version of Sam after failing to get into Oxford went into a "rebelious" phase instead of doubling down in trying to met his parents high expectations and ended up joining Melanie ghost hunting channel. But not sure.

Like if I actually go the route of Celia is back trying to find help for both her worlds a Sam that's not quite the Sam she knows/cares about would be interesting. Like he is deep down the same but also he isn't in some obvious ways and she might just miss her Sam more. But if this is an AU not as connected with Protocol than maybe a Sam that's pretty much our Sam but if he was in Archives would make sense. Idk.

And ofc Basira and Daisy that I'm always partial to but I have no clue how to add, except maybe with them starting as Gwen and Alice rivals because Gwen attorney bussiness interferes with their sectioned police work. Also Gwen being an attorney is a 100% because I fully think she was her normal manipulative rise to the top and keep the Bouchard's name girl and went into law school for it except she mets Alice and by the same period Jonah happens and she was close to Elias (even if in parts was because she looked better in the family eyes when they were together by comparison) and it changed everything.

I don't know a lot about Alice either but she was Lena's college roomate and atended classes with Colin (yes he is here as well, unsure what to do with him tho). She had a paranormal encounter that left a scar similar but in oposition to Georgie's where she has a "spider sense" sort of think and can feel when the fears are involved, she knows if a library or book fair has a Leitner and where for example. It happened when she was young and possibly involved meeting my boy Gerry but she tried to avoid the supernatural ever since. She was very reluctant over helping Gwen except she acidentaly overheard her talking to "Elias" and Jonah messed with her head. More importantly she knows that ignoring sometimes is worse because some secret involving her baby brother who may or may not have joined Grifters Bone and becamed a Slaughter Avatar.

The supernatural lawyer was a joke from Alice but Gwen took it seriusly and Alice was loke "really?" and guess this moron will need help to not die/became an avatar and became her paralegal (tho it had nothing to do with her actual college diploma).

[jmadorran]

So this month’s Twisted Fairy Tale illustration theme is…..

Alice Through The Looking Glass + Drawlloween + The Devil (Tarot Card) = Twisted Alice Through The Looking Glass

…and this is the illustration created based off this theme 😁. This will join my Inprnt.com print line up at the end of this month. 

October Patreon Moon Tier - Will receive a coloring page png of the line work of this piece at the end of this month.

October Patreon Sun and Nebula Tier - Will receive a double sided mini art print (the other side will be the line art in tarot card format) of this illustration in the mail along with this month’s sticker reward (design has not been chosen yet). And will also be receiving a coloring page png of the line work of this piece at the end of this month too.

To lend your support and/or see behind the scene process work and/or get this month’s Patreon rewards join my Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/jmadorran

[adecila]

I think I remember u saying u were going to the eras tour this yr. Have u gone yet?

Anon omg??? Your timing is impeccable!!! My show was literally last Friday (Amsterdam night 2). It was amazing, I had the time of my life. And my surprise songs were literally all my faves 😭 I couldn't have asked for better mash-ups tbh!!

PS: I KNOW I KNOW. TRUST ME I KNOW. I've been gone for months. I'm slowly making my way back to my life, but it's been rough. On one hand, I don't know what to do with myself after 6 months of intense work and only being able to sneak in a bit of enjoyment here and there, but on the other hand, I'm so bloody tired I can barely function (guess that's what happens when you'reno longer functioning on adrenaline alone). I guess what I'm trying to say is lemme catch my breath, come back to having a NORMAL 9-5 and my usual family life, lemme find my muse again, and I'll dip my toes back into the fandom accordingly... until then: I am good, I'm just trying to slowly get back into things so I don't burn myself out. Missed the fandom a lot. I miss jonerys, I miss writing. I miss FTC. I missed y'all 💖

[youre-ackermine]

Hey Val! Just stopping by to let you know you're a beacon of light that brings joy, kindness and love to this corner of the internet, and I very much appreciate you! Thanks for being here <3

My dear, sweet Alice 🫶

Thank you so so much for your kind words & for being so sweet!! Well, now I'm blushing & it's all because of you!! Frankly I am the one appreciating your blog, your fics, your kindness, your humour & I'm so so happy we're moots 🫶

How have you been lately? I hope all the changes in your life went smoothly.

I'm looking forward to seeing you more on my dash & on AO3! I miss you!

Sending much love & sunflowers your way Queen Alice 🫶

[herondalesbooklover]

I have a new theory yall!!!

Disclaimer: This is gonna be long, but you should stick around I make some fair points...

I know most of us think that Lyra was one of Avery's players, even more now that we have read Jameson's reactions to Lyra and Grayson's interaction. Now, I was thinking that MAYBE this is not the case and that actually someone found the wild card and put it in Lyra's p.o box with the message.

I know that Jameson was looking rather suspicious with his "this should be fun," and it makes sense that he would pick Lyra to mess up with gray, but these are not his picks, these are Avery's and she wouldn't just pick someone to put gray on edge. I think Jamie's reaction has more to do with the fact that gray looked visibly shocked to see her than about him knowing anything about them, I mean it is rare for THE grayson hawthorne to show his emotions, Jameson was obviously going to be intrigued.

Also, I think Grayson wouldn't be the type of person to reveal Lyra's story to anyone, not even his brothers, it is something rather private. We know that by the end of tbh he hadn't said a thing, he might have considered it his mystery to solve, and he probably tried it, but got nowhere, Lyra doesn't have her father's last name, maybe he didn't even sign her birth certificate or smth, so he probably couldn't find her. Grayson definitely didn't tell Avery, so how would she know about her??? It would be a pretty great coincidence that she just choose Lyra randomly and she ended up being the girl that called grayson...honestly, it doesn't add up. It could be that Avery choose people that had been wronged by Tobias, but still choosing lyra would still be big coincidence.

Then, I was thinking that the way in which Lyra got the ticket was pretty specific. A note "you deserve this" and the ticket. The note got destroyed within seconds, which is a Hawthorne trick, it makes sense that we thought Avery or a Hawthorne invited her, but what if it is not? It could be A Hawthorne, just not the boys... It could have been Alice or smne who knows their tricks (maybe not eve, I just don't think she knows anything about lyra ...yet). Then, Lyra mentioned feeling like someone was watching her, none of the other povs has mentioned something like this which makes me think that someone is indeed watching her, not Avery or the boys, they have boundaries (it would be weir if they followed her), but you know what... the epilogue is narrated by the watcher or smth. So I think that the watcher is the person who gave Lyra the ticket.

Considering the fact that lyra is a dancer and Avery is the knife. I think the person who put the ticket in Lyra's mail wants her to be the ballerina, this person wants Lyra to play the game for them, just like Tobias wanted to Avery to do. Honestly, this feels quite dangerous for her. The game is obviously not gonna go as it is planned and someone is definitely planning to manipulate Lyra to do as they want.

This makes the perfect sense when you realize that lyra has a bigger role in tgg than only being gray's love interest.

[gothic-lottie]

Chapter 16 of Making Some Sense of This is out now and a good bit of it is a flashback so I had to take the opportunity to draw Professor Fig.

“Alright Isobel, I have a list of all the school things you'll need but that can wait. We should find you some new clothes first. You'll need school uniforms, pajamas, and I imagine you'll want some casual clothes as well.” The man who had rescued me from my family the day before, Professor Fig as he'd introduced himself, went on as he led me through the bustling street.

“Professor, I don't have money for any of this.”

“Oh, don't worry about that, I'll be paying. You only have to focus on picking out what you want, though you do need at least one outfit off the rack since yours has… a hole in it…” he led me into a shop where a friendly woman greeted us. 

“Hello Eleazar, who's this? You never mentioned having a daughter.”

“This is Isobel Morgana, a new student starting at Hogwarts this year. She'll need an entire new wardrobe, do you think you could help, Alice?”

“Certainly… you don't look eleven dear, how old are you?”

“Fourteen ma'am. Almost fifteen.”

“She's starting as a fifth year. Very unusual but that's why I've been charged with getting her adjusted before the school year.”

“Very well then, let's see what we can do for you.” The woman, Alice, led me to a rack of skirts. “This is the fashionable length of skirt for girls your age. What colors do you like?”

“Do you have anything longer?”

“What? Darling, floor length skirts are for grown ladies. Enjoy being young while you can.”

“I want long skirts. Nothing short.”

“If you say so… these are our ladies skirts.”

“I like black… it feels as though it fits me.”

“A grim one, aren't you… alright then.” She took the measuring tape off her chatelaine and took a few measurements quickly before selecting a couple black skirts. “Let me find you a few blouses, one moment.” Alice wandered off to look for shirts and Professor Fig placed a hand on my shoulder. “Is something on your mind, my young friend? She's quite right, you aren't expected to dress like an adult until you turn seventeen. You are still a child.”

“I would prefer to present myself as an adult. If I am away from my mother for good, I am no child. Not anymore.”

“If that's what you want, but remember that we can buy you something more fitting of your age if you change your mind.”

“Thank you, Professor”

Alice returned then, a newfound skip in her step. “I've found just the thing.”

A few minutes later, Alice had me dressed in a soft Lilac blouse and one of the skirts I'd chosen. She'd even tied a matching ribbon around the top hat she placed on my head. “Oh, you look like such a lovely young lady.” She sang as she led me to a mirror. “You're going to be quite popular with the boys~” 

“I doubt that but this is a lovely blouse.  I should get a few more but I'll wear this one out if that's alright.”

 

Two hours later, we'd had me measured for a new corset since mine still had a hole and some blood in it, as well as having purchased school uniforms that Professor Fig assured me would change color by magic to match whatever house I was sorted into. 

As we walked down the alley, I noticed a shop just full of owls. I couldn't help but stare, thinking of how much Father Isaac would love a shop dedicated to keeping messenger owls.

“Oh, how could I forget! Thank you for reminding me, we need to get you your own owl. I know it's uncommon in the muggle world but here, most mail is sent through owl post. I'll teach you how to care for-”

“No need. I know how to care for messenger owls. A close friend keeps them as a hobby so I'm quite familiar.”

“I see… Well, you'll be better prepared than most. The only thing more useful you could have learned as a muggle would be how to speak Latin.”

“I do speak Latin. I'm Catholic and I've been reading the Bible in Latin for years now.”

“I'm impressed. That will certainly make your life here much easier.”

“Good to know.”

Professor Fig picked an owl for me before returning to the tavern we had entered the alley through.

Chapter 15 art

Chapter 17 art

Master list

[dumbasslesbi2]

Let Me Read To You ~ Chapter 8 (Agatha x Rio Bookstore AU)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Summary:

Agatha and Rio finally get married!

Notes:

HI I'M NOT DEAD! Sorry for the wait y'all but school has been kicking my ass, hope y'all enjoy!

Rio was going through the mail just a couple days before her wedding and found a letter addressed to Agatha that seemed suspicious. “Honey? There's a letter here for you” Rio exclaimed as she entered the living room. “I wasn't expecting any mail, how weird” Agatha said as she got up from the couch to take the envelope from her. As Agatha looked at it, she recognized the writing immediately, it was Wanda. “Rio I can't open this, you open it. It's Wanda” Agatha said with irritation, tired of dealing with her ex wife. Rio opened it immediately, eager to see what she had sent. “She said good luck with the wedding, that's it?!” Rio semi yelled out, looking and flipping the letter to see if there was anything else. “God she loves making my life a living fucking hell” Agatha groaned, pacing around the living room. “She's fucking lying, she's making us anxious on purpose. There's no way she would show up, especially not after I kicked her ass” Rio told Agatha, holding her shoulders to stop her from pacing.  “But what if she shows up Rio?” Agatha said, holding on to Rio's wrists. “How will she know what day we're getting married. She won't know. And if she shows up, I'll kick her ass again “ Rio told her, grabbing Agatha's chin to force her to look at her. “True, I just don't want to deal with her,” Agatha said, sighing. “Just get a restraining order, I know it won't happen till after the wedding but still. I hate how annoyed she gets you” Rio told her as she caressed her cheek. “You're right, I don't know why I didn't do it before” Agatha said, sighing once again. “Now come on, let's go back to picking out flowers” Rio said, dragging Agatha to her office.

The next couple days were a whirlwind but finally the day of the wedding came. Rio actually did stay at the house and had slept in the upstairs apartment of the bookstore. They wanted their looks and everything to be a surprise so they agreed to not see each other the whole day. That doesn't mean they didn't text each other though. Honestly being away from Agatha and Nicholas made Rio’s anxiety go sky high. Alice was in charge of helping Rio get ready and wasn't prepared for what she would walk in on when she went upstairs. “Rio?” Alice yelled out as she entered the apartment, noticing 3 empty wine bottles and a couple broken glasses in the sink. “Rio! Where the fuck are you!” Alice yelled as she looked around. Finally, when she got near the bathroom, she heard sobs and understood what was happening. Slowly Alice opened the door, seeing Rio in the bathtub, tears streaming down her face. “Hey” Alice said quietly as she stood at the door. “Hey” Rio said, putting her head against the wall. “Alice, I'm scared,” Rio said, holding her knees to her chest. “Scared of what?* Alice asked as she kneeled next to the bathtub. “What if I fuck this up, what if I mess everything up like I always do Alice? I can't put Agatha through that” Rio whispered, practically whimpering. “Rio, in all this time you never left Agatha. You never ran from her or Nicholas.In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you as happy as you are with them. You won't fuck or mess it up because you haven't and you won't. Agatha loves you and you love her, deeply. Trust me, we all heard you two at the beach house” Alice told Rio, giggling at the end. Rio couldn't help but chuckle and groan as well. “Ugh you're right. Also I can't help it that me and Agatha have a healthy sex life” she said as she wiped her tears. “Now come on, we gotta get you ready for the wedding,” Alice said, getting up and closing the bathroom door to give her some privacy. 

As the two spent their time getting Rio ready, Agatha on the other hand was at her house with Jen helping her. “Oh my God Jen, this is really happening!” Agatha exclaimed as finished putting on her suit. “I know, I'm so happy for you two!” Jen told her as she helped Agatha smooth out any wrinkles. “I'm just happy we're finally making it official, I just love her so much” Agatha said as she turned to hug Jen. Jen was a bit shocked by the hug but she came around and hugged Agatha back. “Thanks for everything Jen. You and Alice are the best” she told her barely above a whisper. “Of course, what are friends for?” Jen told her. After they got Agatha all dressed and ready they helped get Nicholas ready. Normally to get him in a suit would be a pain but once they told him he would get to see Rio once he was dressed he finally cooperated. Once the two were set Jen drove them both over to the book store where Lilia and William were already there, finishing the decorations and everything. Once Agatha and Nicholas got there with Jen they set them at their places. Jen made sure she had the rings and put them on the holder they gave Nicholas to hold. William brought out his violin and began to play once Lilia told him to. Upstairs Alice heard the music and told Rio it was time. Slowly Alice opened the door and helped Rio walk downstairs. The moment Rio saw Agatha, she couldn't help but gasp at how beautiful she was. The feeling was mutual since Agatha had almost instantly had tears streaming down her face the minute she saw Rio. Nicholas couldn't help himself and ran to Rio, luckily not dropping the rings. Rio gave him a small hug before holding his hand so they could walk to Agatha. As the two stood face to face Lilia gave the wedding officiant speech but honestly, both Rio and Agatha were waiting for when they could speak. “I, Rio Vidal, want nothing more than to be your wife Agatha. I want to be there for you everyday and come home to raise our beautiful son. I wanna be a mother to Nicky and watch him grow up. I wanna get old with you and deal with Nicky as he becomes an annoying teen. I wanna be there when the going gets tough and when you need a shoulder to lie on. I love you Agatha, I want nothing more than to be your wife” Rio told Agatha as she held her hands. “Rio, I love you. I love you and I know Nicky loves you too. I would love to be your wife and a mother to our son. I know I don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships but I know that you're my forever. I want us to be a family and for us to be together.” Agatha told her, trying not to start crying again. The two didn't even wait for Lilia to tell them to kiss and instantly kissed after each other's speeches. “Well I guess I promise you two wife and wife” Lilia told them with her hand on her hip. “Sorry, couldn't help myself” Agatha told her as he separated from Rio. “Yeah, yeah ,yeah” Lilia said walking away. The group all cheered and laughed as Nicholas ran up to his two mothers. Agatha made sure to pick him up and put him in-between the two of them, kissing him on his cheeks. Jen made sure to grab a photo before the moment was gone. 

As the reception went on Agatha was a bit on edge, she felt at any moment Wanda could show up and ruin everything. Rio had noticed but didn't say anything to not let the group know. “Agatha, you ok?” Rio asked as the two were finally alone. “Just nervous, I feel at any moment Wanda can barge in” Agatha told her, taking a sip of her wine. “Baby, if she wanted to ruin this, she would have been here already. She wanted to make you on edge and too nervous to enjoy our wedding” Rio told her, taking her hand in her’s. “I guess you’re right. She always used to do this too. Make me think she would show me things but leave me out high and dry.” Agatha said, caressing Rio’s hand with her thumb. “Now come on, I wanna dance with my wife” Rio said, dragging Agatha out to dance. The two danced for a while until Nicholas wanted to join the two in which they immediately picked him up and swayed him. Rio couldn’t think of the last time she was this happy or felt so loved. She had everyone around her that mattered to her and for once in her life she felt at peace. Agatha on the other hand was thinking the exact same thing, she never thought she would find love after Wanda. She felt traumatized after dealing with her divorce but everything came so easy and nicely with Rio. She never had to ask for anything, Rio just somehow always knew. Agatha never thought she would find someone who loved Nicky as much as she did but she had no doubt in her mind that Rio loved him as much as she did. For once in her life she felt relaxed but more importantly, she felt loved. The two danced the night away with their beloved son as their friends joined in and celebrated the most important thing to all of them, love.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Async mugwump linkdump

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me TOMORROW in ANAHEIM at WONDERCON: YA Fantasy, Room 207, 10 a.m.; Signing, 11 a.m.; Teaching Writing, 2 p.m., Room 213CD.

For 20+ years, I've processed all the information that came over my transom by blogging – mulling on why something I saw in the world caught my attention and trying to summarize it for strangers. This turns out to be a very powerful way to do a lot of different kinds of mental work:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

With Pluralistic, the solo blog I founded 4 years ago, I've moved into longer, more synthetic essays that try to connect the things that caught my attention today with all those things I've written about for the past two decades. That's also proven very fruitful:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/20/fore/#synthesis

But this move to longer works has a downside: sometimes I'll arrive at the week's end and have a list of things that caught my attention without there being any obvious way to connect them, and when that happens, I devote a Saturday edition to a linkdump. There's been 15 of these so far:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Welcome, then, to the 16th Pluralistic linkdump, and a warning, this one starts with an obituary.

Ross Anderson was one of the heroes of the cryptographic revolution, a brilliant scientist and communicator, a fantastic activist, and a scorching curmudgeon. Ross died this week. He was 67, and had chronic heart issues as well as long covid:

https://www.lightbluetouchpaper.org/2024/03/29/rip-ross-anderson/

There's so much that's been written about Ross and his legacy already, and there's doubtless more to come, but I've picked out two pieces to point you to. The first is from Danny O'Brien, who was also the guy who talked me down off the ledge the first time Ross flamed me on a public mailing list, leaving me bleeding and furious:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39868983

As Danny says, Ross was "the model of a politically and socially involved computer scientist," a man whose blazing intellect, fierce moral center and relentless curiosity inspired a generation of technologists to think about politics, and a generation of political activists to think about technology. Few of Ross's eulogizers (thus far) have mentioned how Ross's passion came out as fury, and – as someone who counted Ross as a friend and inspiration – I think this is a serious omission. It's hard to imagine Ross doing all that he did without understanding the anger that – along with his ethics – fueled his passion.

(Compare with @neil-gaiman's classic essay on the anger of Terry Pratchett:)

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/sep/24/terry-pratchett-angry-not-jolly-neil-gaiman

The other obit that I want to point you to comes from Bill Buchanan, one of Ross's closest collaborators. Buchanan's memorial for Ross does a superb job of rounding up Ross's technical contributions to the field of security engineering:

https://medium.com/asecuritysite-when-bob-met-alice/ross-anderson-rip-59233c75fadf

Buchanan embeds videos for some of Ross's best speeches, links to his key papers (including the classic "Programming Satan's Computer," on "programming a computer which gives answers that are subtly and maliciously wrong at the most inconvenient moment possible), reminiscences of Great Moments In Ross Anderson, and terrific, lay-friendly breakdowns of some of Ross's key mathematical work.

As an unreasonable, angry person, I take great inspiration from people who channel their unreasonable anger to socially beneficial conduct – like whistleblowers. After Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge was totaled by the 95,000-ton cargo ship MV *Dali(, a vast cohort of instant experts in structural engineering, sea freight and shipbuilding has taken to the internet with a slurry of takes on the Meaning Of the Bridge.

Some of these are very stupid indeed, like the idea that somehow "DEI" caused the collision. But you don't have to be an expert in maritime issues or civil engineering to understand the importance of this report from The Lever about shipping giant Maersk's culture of retaliation against whistleblowers:

https://www.levernews.com/feds-recently-hit-cargo-giant-in-baltimore-disaster-for-silencing-whistleblowers/

Maersk is the company that chartered the MV Dali; Maersk is also a key player in the cartel that controls the world's shipping. Maersk was just sanctioned by the Labor Department for retaliating against a whistleblower who complained of unsafe conditions on the ships that Maersk chartered:

https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/OPA/news%20releases/Maersk-Sec%20Findings%20-FINAL%20071423_Redacted.pdf

Maersk's policy required employees to bring concerns to their supervisors before alerting the Coast Guard or others. This is not how that stuff is supposed to work. OSHA called this policy “repugnant” and a “reprehensible and an egregious violation of the rights of employees,” which “chills them from contacting the [Coast Guard] or other authorities without contacting the company first.”

The whistleblower – chief mate on the Safmarine Mafadi – complained of "unrepaired leaks, unpermitted alcohol consumption onboard, inoperable lifeboats, faulty emergency fire suppression equipment, and other issues." We don't know (yet) what happened on the Dali, but it's obvious that a company that retaliates against whistleblowers, rather than heeding their warnings, is prioritizing covering its ass, not operating safely.

Which brings me (inevitably) to Boeing, and to poor John "Swampy" Barnett, the Boeing whistleblower who took his own life earlier this month. Barnett's suicide has stirred up similar low-yield online chatter focused on whether Boeing assassinated Barnett, a question that categorically cannot be answered through the method of arguing with internet strangers.

But there is a lot to say about Barnett: in particular, there's the substance of his whistleblowing, the specifics of his complaints about Boeing. For that, we can turn to the always-fantastic Maureen Tkacik, whose American Prospect piece "Suicide Mission" is definitive:

https://prospect.org/infrastructure/transportation/2024-03-28-suicide-mission-boeing/

Tkacik does a great job of painting a picture of Swampy as a member of the tribe of unreasonable and angry people who refuse to sideline principle in order to get along. More importantly, Tkacik shows us what made Swampy so angry: a company that was hell-bent on lobotimizing itself by forcing out any technical expert who might point out inconvenient truths about the safety risks of high-profit strategies.

As Tkacik writes, Boeing once thought about "knowledge" in terms of expertise that could be brought to bear on the unimaginably complex task of making reliable, airworthy jets. But under the "value-engineering" financialized culture that arose after the McDonnell-Douglas merger, the company viewed knowledge as "intellectual property, trade secrets, and data." In other words, the point of knowledge was rent-extraction, not safety.

At the root of this transformation was the Jack Welch protege Jim "Prince Jim" McNerney, the former 3M CEO who took the helm at Boeing. McNerney was openly contemptuous of the company's senior engineers, branding them "phenomenally talented assholes" and rewarding managers who found ways to force them out of the company. It was McNerney who decided to produce the 787 "Dreamliner" in non-union shops, far from Seattle and its phenomenally talented assholes. Instead of these engineers, McNerney turned to Boeing suppliers to do the major engineering work on the 787 – despite the fact that many of these suppliers "lacked engineering departments."

The 787 was, infamously, a $80b-over-budget boondoggle, haunted by technical failures. Swampy was part of the "cleanup crew" that tried to salvage the 787, and witnessed first-hand how the company purged all the engineers who managed to ship the 787 despite McNerney and his "value engineers" and retaliated against workers who tried to unionize the South Carolina facility.

In particular, it was safety inspector who came in for the most savage punishment. When the FAA decided to let Boeing mark its own homework – hiring in-house safety inspectors to replace government inspectors – they pretended to believe that these Boeing-payrolled inspectors would be able to operate independently of Boeing's leadership. The inspectors tried to operate this way (not least because they were criminally liable for oversights that occurred on their watch) and McNerney's Boeing came down on them like a ton of aviation-grade aluminum.

To further neuter these inspectors, Boeing management ordered the inspectors to outsource their work to the mechanics they were supposed to be supervising – that is, the FAA outsourced safety checks to Boeing inspectors, and the inspectors outsourced those checks to the mechanics themselves. Tkacik: "Swampy believed relying on mechanics to self-inspect their work was not only insane but illegal under the Federal Aviation Administration charter."

Swampy kept careful records of every way in which this system produced unsafe aircraft and an unsafe workplace – including the day he discovered that someone had removed 400+ defective parts from the rejects box and installed them in aircraft in order to meet deadlines. Swampy's reports were key to establishing that the company's much-trumpeted "improvements" in safety reports were down to a culture of "bullying" – not any improvement in safety itself.

When Boeing went to war against Swampy, they barely bothered to pretend that they were playing by the rules. He was told one day that he was four-weeks into a 60-day "corrective action" that no one had told him about. The "corrective action" paperwork had a blank for Swampy's comments. He wrote, "Leadership wants nothing in email so they maintain plausible deniability. It is obvious leadership is just looking for items to criticize me on so I stop identifying issues. I will conform!"

Shortly thereafter, he was forced out altogether. Managers who tried to bring him on their teams were told that no one was allowed to hire John Barnett. His name appeared on a secret internal memo entitled "Quality Managers to Fire." Meanwhile, the value of Boeing shares had tripled.

After Boeing's 737 Maxes started falling out of the sky, Swampy's painstaking documentation of the flaws in the 787's production took on a new urgency. A program of random inspections of 787s found major defects in all of them ("Boeing Looked for Flaws in Its Dreamliner and Couldn’t Stop Finding Them" –WSJ). An Aviation Week diagram of problem spots with the 787 marked red arrows over "every single section, from the tip of the nose to the horizontal stabilizers":

https://aviationweek.com/air-transport/new-boeing-787-fix-details-reveal-extent-gap-check-challenge

Boeing's war on "brilliance" did its work: after everyone who understood how to make a safe aircraft was forced out of the company, financialized CEOs were able to cut corners on safety, triple the share-price, scoop up billions in government subsidies and bailouts, all without those pesky "phenomenally talented assholes" pointing out that they were going get (lots of) people killed.

Tkacik closes by saying that Swampy's former work colleagues refuse to believe he killed himself. A former executive told her "I don’t think one can be cynical enough when it comes to these guys…It’s a top-secret military contractor, remember; there are spies everywhere." I confess that I don't know what to make of that, but I'll say this: if Boeing killed Swampy, that's just one of hundreds of murders they committed. Whether or not Swampy's death was their fault, the deaths of everyone who went down on the 737 Maxes that crashed is on their hands.

That's what "profits before people" means, after all: sacrificing human lives to make yourself richer. It's the foundational tenet of the conservative movement, though that impulse is often checked by other factors, like human decency. It's only when sociopaths get a sustained run at leadership that you see what they really want.

Which brings me to the UK, which has been governed by the Conservative Party for 14 years. The Tories are tipped to get destroyed in the next election, and a long article in the New Yorker by Sam Knight catalogs the many ways in which Tory rule has devastated the UK:

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/04/01/what-have-fourteen-years-of-conservative-rule-done-to-britain

The thing is, after 14 years, it's impossible for the Tories to blame anyone else for the state of the UK. With strong Parliamentary majorities, Conservatives were able to govern as they pleased – the only compromises they made were between their own internal factions. The ideological commitment to making the rich richer, privatizing everything, subordinating governance to market forces – that's all them.

It's all them: the worst period for wage growth since the Napoleonic Wars, on them. The catastrophic traffic, housing, jobs market, and precarity, on them. Plummeting health, on them. The austerity, on them. The withering of the country's courts and prisons and police, its wilderness, its programs for young people and pensioners, its public health, its diplomatic corps, its road maintenance – on them.

A country where the police can't afford to prosecute burglaries – on them (4% of burglaries are prosecuted). The 2.5 year delay between a rape arrest and its trial? On them. Mass closures of schools that are literally crumbling? On them.

43% of the countries courts have closed. On them. Cuts to prison funding, coupled with longer sentences? On them.

And of course, Brexit – on them. Every part of it. The referendum. The referendum question. The failure to negotiate a deal with the EU. All on them. The collapse in British living standards, all on them. The fact that the 20% richest households in the UK have been untouched by all this? Also on them. But you might not notice it in London, where people earn an average of 400% more than people in Nottingham.

The only growth sector outside of London are the Citizens Advice Bureaux, whose client rosters are growing even as their funding is cut. Where the CAB once primarily catered to people who couldn't make ends meet due to disability, unemployment and other reliable predictors of economic distress, today, CAB advisors are seeing homeowners, people working two jobs. Desperation is "like a black hole, dragging more and more people in,"

More Conservative growth: Tories presided over a doubling in the rate of NHS antidepressant prescriptions, and a 20% rise in long-term health conditions. No wonder Tory Britain had the world's worst pandemic outcomes for a wealthy nation – that's on them, too.

Knight's article closes with a Tory MP who believes that "the key thing for the Conservatives now is to be more conservative…Toryism must have its day again."

We can't count on oligarchs to rescue us from oligarchy – not even when oligarchy's failures push society to the breaking point. There's always a rationalization explaining why we just had to lean harder into oligarchy.

You hear echoes of this in the pro-monopoly choir, whose squeals of outrage at the rise of a new anti-monopoly movement grow louder even as monopolism's failures grow clearer. One of the more tangible expressions of monopoly's failures is the Ticketmaster/Livenation octopus, which controls the entire live music industry – key venues, promotions, and ticketing. Ticketmaster fucks over music fans, but it also cheats famous musicians, the kinds of people with big microphones, so we know a lot about how bad it is:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/20/anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-will-eventually-stop/

Of course, the fact that Swifties hate Ticketmaster lets the pro-monopolists dismiss critics as foolish young girls, not Very Serious People Who Understand Economics and thus can see that Ticketmaster's monopoly is Good, Actually.

Last week, Congressman Bill Pascrell dumped a ton of litigation documents related to Ticketmaster's sleaze, and Matt Stoller broke them down:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/explosive-new-documents-unearthed

The docs reveal how Ticketmaster's system of (formerly) secret kickbacks let it choke out any competitor, so that it could charge fans more and pay artists less. The mechanics of the scam are beautifully laid out in Stoller's post – as is the many ways in which it violated both the law and Ticketmaster's numerous consent decrees arising from its previous lawbreaking.

This kind of scam breakdown is essential. It's easy to think that we, as mere normies, can't hope to understand the machinations of the corporations that prey on us. But once you pierce the veil of performative complexity, what's left behind is a set of crude tricks and transparent ruses.

Here's one of those transparent ruses: Discord's terms of service require Discord users to actively opt out of its "binding arbitration" system. Binding arbitration is when you sign a contract saying you can't sue the company no matter how much it harms you – instead, you promise to have your disputes heard by an "arbitrator" (a fake judge paid by the company that screwed you). Unsurprisingly, these fake judges are awfully tolerant of their employers' crimes.

Discord says that once you click through its garbage legalese novella, you have just a few days to opt out of this binding arbitration clause – if you happen to miss that fine print, you have "consented" to giving up your legal rights.

But every time Discord changes its ToS, the clock for opting out starts ticking again, and Discord has just changed (that is, worsened) its ToS again:

https://discord.com/terms

That means that if you send an email right now to arbitration-opt-out@discord.com with "I am confirming that as of the date of this email, I am choosing to opt out of binding arbitration to settle disputes with Discord" in the body, you can escape this consent theater:

https://mamot.fr/@trishalynn@mastodon.sandwich.net/112175832989845038

Consent theater is a particularly galling corporate ruse – the idea that we chose to allow them to abuse us. Consent theater gets more outrageous by the day. Take Soofa, who operate streetside digital kiosks that identify you by grabbing your phone's unique wifi and Bluetooth identifiers:

https://gizmodo.com/digital-kiosks-snatch-your-phones-data-when-you-walk-by-1851368948

Soofa sells this data to advertisers – claiming that by walking down a public street, you "consented" to being tracked and sold.

The only reason this flies is that the US hasn't passed a federal consumer privacy law since 1988's Video Privacy Protection Act, which bans video-store clerks from telling people which VHS cassettes you took home. Congress keeps on failing to pass a privacy law, despite garbage companies like Soofa.

But that hasn't stopped the administrative agencies from acting to defend your privacy! The FTC just dropped its latest Privacy and Data Security Update, a greatest hits list of the actions the Commission took while Congress failed:

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/ftc_gov/pdf/2024.03.21-PrivacyandDataSecurityUpdate-508.pdf

One of the best things about the current administration is the number of extremely competent regulators who know exactly how much power they have and aren't afraid to use it to help the American people:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/18/administrative-competence/#i-know-stuff

The new FTC report, which details how the Commission's existing powers let it go after the commercial surveillance industry from smart doorbells to review fraud, from kids' programming to medical data, from lax security to data-breaches, is a bright spot in an otherwise grim week.

One more bright spot, then, before I wind up this linkdump. All week, I've been humming a half-remembered lyric, "come on baby/you're a link in this chain/put your hands together/and get free of the pain." For the life of me, I couldn't place it.

Last night, I searched for it (using Kagi, the post-Google search engine I've been paying for for the past month, and which I'm loving) and discovered that I had somehow completely forgotten a whole-ass band that I once loved: Toronto's Bourbon Tabernacle Choir, whom I saw live on many occasions.

The mystery lyric came from "Death is the Great Awakener," a fucking banger of a post-gospel track that I've been listening to on nonstop repeat as I wrote this. It's a hell of a tune and I'm intensely grateful to have it back in my life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6RUb63Tx3w

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/30/dewey-502/#rip-ross-anderson

Image: Waffleboy https://www.flickr.com/photos/waffleboy/28198395465/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

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