we're in this phase III trial of this thing that is soooooooo cool and i want to talk about it sooooo bad but 1. no. 2. no one will understand me if i do. 3. no.
but its so wild to watch disease processes go from totally untreatable to like. one time novel solution. in half of a lifetime. like from "not only do we not know why this is happening or how to stop it but i can tell you that you're just going to go blind," to "well if you come in and get this done every x weeks actually you will preserve most of your vision" to "actually maybe we can just do this one procedure and the thing that robbed 25% of your family of the ability to read by age 75 will simply not be a problem for you"
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i have such a stupid brain that i forgot my psych appoint and now theyre charging me 150 bucks and its my own damn fault but like do they not see how taht doesnt help my stupid brain that already hates me :))))))
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I can see the appeal of redeyes ... even tho I believe it's antithetical to the act of slumber and even tho I must've looked positively unwell squirming around to find comfortable positions to sleep in, it was so spacious to have the full day yesterday and not even feel the looming flight and I slept the whole time, even if unpleasantly, which made the trip feel quick
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WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I EAT THESE GODDAMN PICKLES THAT CLAIM THEY HAVE NO BRINE I ALWAYS SPILL PICKLE JUICE ON MYSELF BC I FORGET THAT DESPITE THE FACT THEY SAY NO BRINE ADDED. THERES ALWAYS FUCKING BRINE.
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I have so many things to do this month coming up and not enough finances or the physical capabilities to deal with it all. I’m suddenly so overwhelmed bc I know how hard it’s going to all be. My regular gp is no longer gonna be an option for me bc he’s now only available in the evening (I rely on public transport) for a couple days out of the month and is now charging $120 per 10 min appt so now i have to find someone new 🥲
i have a haircut booked for next week ($75), my follow up appt to renew my plant medicine scripts ($60$), and am finally seeing a psychologist again ($120 per fortnightly session)
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i gained sm weight (i rlly hope its water weight) im such a pig ahhh. i hate my mum. krrrrrr
i have 10 days. 10 days to loose 4kg which is indeed possible if i stop eating like the pig i am and start behaving an@!
so here is my plan:
350kcal max (i think im going to fast the day before the appt yk weigh ins etc.)
daily cardio for ATLEAST 10 min period or not
pilates every 2nd day for ATLEAST 15 min (im skinny fat ENOUGH)
5.000 stepps MINIMUM goal is 10k
IT IS POSSIBLEE
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D-49 DAYS TO FREEDOM
gah so intermittent sleep last night -> turns off alarm at 8 and goes back to bed -> wakes up at 10 with a shock, but hey at least i'm well rested. 😅👍🏻 also...i have a feeling that weighted cardio is the only thing that makes me tired enough to sleep (why tho?? 🤷🏻♀️). like there was that one day i biked for 30 mins and i fell asleep so easily and the other day i biked for 10 or so mins and fell asleep easier than last night.
learning:
finished mol bio sections 3-5 (except notes on reversible termination sequencing bc i have a lot of questions i'm waiting for a reply on and someone please tell me why they make it so confusing with all the new and unexplained jargon to sift through and unspoken reasons for why certain things are done?? 😩)
still left to do:
mol bio sections 6-7 (not for this past week but this week)
biochem sections 4-7
watch ninja nerd videos on the remaining biochem sections to review
watch biochem module 4 review
mol bio quiz
biochem hw
biochem term paper
3 psyc ch from last week
2 psyc ch for this week
psyc lab
self-care:
did physio exercises (tho i didn't do all of them bc i think i hurt myself doing one of them and don't wanna put myself in that position again b4 i heal [hopefully soon so that the next appt isn't a waste of time 🤞🏻])
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I have a dick appt in like 10 mins but im also EXISTENTIALLY exhausted but i also need to stretch a hole. You see the issue
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haha well woke up and realized I had a dentist appt I’d forgotten about at 8am so that was a hectic morning!! but thankfully the dentist is close to us and it was a quick appt. he was such a charmer haha just cooing at all the women who work there and kicking up a storm in his carrier. now he is down for his morning nap (by which I mean he is WIDE awake and unswaddled in his crib flailing his arms and legs furiously but not screaming so I’m leaving him to his own devices to see if he can fall asleep by himself). today is gonna be kinda busy! let’s see:
6:30-8 frantic version of morning routine
8-8:30 dentist appt
8:30-9:30 plan the day & lounge in bed
text K back!!
9:45-10:15 shower/get ready
10:15-11 start laundry (bring down towels and sheets), tidy kitchen, print recipe for K, get check ready to mail, set reminders to drop by and check on M’s cats, make breakfast
11-12:30 this is Nanny Time where she’s with the boy but I don’t have student meetings. I think I will try to walk the dogs for 30 min then spend the rest of the time prepping for student mtgs. I need to get the following stuff done: review EP activities list + AI doc + SE brainstorming doc; review NP activities list + outline if he has one and look up his SE topics; review DN activities list, look up SE topics, and come up with some kind of plan for addressing the long essay draft which is not in great shape sigh.
12:30-1:30 NF mtg (give feedback on AL, discuss outline draft if he has one ready, and brainstorm SEs if we have time)
1:30-2:30 DN mtg (give feedback on AL but spend the majority of our time working on the long essay outline?? ugh gotta think about approach here)
2:30-3:30 EP mtg (finalize AL/AI sections, discuss TC feedback on long essay)
3:30-4:30 JW mtg
4:30-5 drop K off
5-5:30 exit tickets
evening: hang out with the boy!!!!!
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i’ll be half way thru my work week in less than 10 min. hopefully my academic advisor gets back to me tomorrow. tuesday i have another psych appt& have to pack & need to arrange dog sitter for that day. wednesday i have an early flight & a paper due. thursday is thanksgiving. friday is my flight back. i work saturday morning. then sunday-tuesday closing. and THEN i’ll be able to relax haha
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i haven’t worked out in like a week and i look 200 lbs again 😭😭 luckily i have a therapy appt at 2 pm and it’s a 10 min walk so i can exercise again but i feel like my sleep deprived ass is gonna manically make myself work out (hopefully 😭🙏🏻)
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