#i have all these emotions right now okay
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Ride 793: The palms of their hands
Pag 1
1: Holding hands with you rival
Pag 2
1: Grasping tightly the gratitude
They're moving forward... to the future!!
Pag 3
1: 1500m left until the mountain line!!
Pag 4
2: You're kidding....
He's coming....?
He's getting closer?
3: So odd, and yet I thought I had left him behind completely
This is “three times”, isn't it?
5: He's coming
And moreover
Pag 5
1: He's doing it while singing!!
Even though Hakogaku's Manami had left him so much behind in a moment...
Mountain King is getting closer!!
He's not giving up!!
The distance is closing!!
That's right ♪ I know ♪ If you do this ♪
Pag 6
1: The princess' wish ♪
2: Will come true ♪
3: Mountain King is amazing!! He's humming a tune!!
I heard of this, Mountain King becomes faster when he hums a tune!!
What, amazing!
The magic singing!!
I'll try singing too next time I'll climb!
4: No
It's not magic
5: For you, that “song”
Pag 7
1: it's a device to activate your power!!
2: Like a car's key
3: To carry people and luggage up a mountain road a vehicle needs both a sturdy body, small parts
4: and a powerful engine
5: For bikes, the “body”
Pag 8
1: Practice, repetition, recovery, determination, challenges- everything
2: piles up!!
3: Only someone who has worked
4: tirelessly, without rest....
Pag 9
1: Could get to this position of the mountain stage on the Inter High's first day!!
2: And he can even keep up with my “three times”!!
4: I see, so that's what it means
You piled everything up during this past year...
Pag 10
1: Ouch
2: Ah, damn, I pressed something weird
Ah....
3: Oh, I have a message
Ah, it's from Sakamichi-kun
Ah... it's from three months ago..
Hehehe, ops
4: What is it, what is it...? “Do you remember? The promise we made on the last day?”
Oh... I remember
“We said 'let's race for the mountain stage on the first day next time'”
Ah.. we did, we did
6: “Are we still on for that?”
8: “Of course”
Pag 11
1: To protect your promise with me!!
Wait, Manami-kun!!
Princess ♪...!!
2: Sakamichi-kun!!
3: Manami-kun!!
Pag 12
1: Mountain King caught up!!
He caught Hakogaku's Manami, who had attacked and opened the gap!!
2: He's not surrendering!!
Neither of them is surrendering!!
1200m left until the mountain line!!
Pag 13
1: Now another race...
2: starts!!
4: They're both taking the curve
5: while colliding against each other!!
Pag 14
1: Aaaaaa
Soooreeee
I won't surrender!!
2: They're still neck and neck!!
3: Amazing!
Pag 15
1: From the inner side!!
2: Sooreeee
Manami fell back for a moment and then forced his way forward!!
They hit each other!!
5: The trees are getting lower again
6: One more time...
Pag 16
1: Let's go, “three times”!!
Pag 17
2: Manami used the wind and accelerated again!!
Incredible, what's that!
3: What about Mountain King!?
Pag 18
1: Musical note shaped wings!?
Pag 19
1: Aaaaaaaa
2: Amazing
3: It's just like you
4: You were so desperate to catch me that you unconsciously used the wind to accelerate
5: Interesting!!
Pag 20
1: Mountain King is clinging to him!! I thought Manami had attacked but
Manami didn't get away!!
He caught up with such a weird acceleration!?
Amazing!
2: Maybe your singing is something more than a key
3: Ahhhh
5: These past three years have been fun
Huh!?
Pag 21
1: I'm glad you were here for the past three years
3: Huh... ah!!
4: Thank you
Pag 22
2: Such a close battle like this, such a once-in-a-lifetime battle like this, it could only have been with you
3: Yeah... yeah!!
“The past three years”....!!
4: No, that, I should be the one saying that, really!!
5: That's right... this is my match against Manami-kun...
Pag 23
1: Let's go until the mountain line
2: Let's give everything we have
3: Let's make the most of every second of the time we have left!!
5: 1km until the end....
Pag 24
1: It's the final climb!!
Pag 25
1: Yeah!!
Pag 26
3: Th-thank god I made it in time...
This... I couldn't miss this today
4: Sangaku said that
5: “It will be the culmination of the past three years”
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#yowamushi pedal manga#ride 793#no im not crying i just have 793 chapter of yowapeda in my eyes ;A;#watanabe please stop reminding me that this manga is gonna end!!! I dont wanna hear it!!#and neither does onoda!! Look at his desperate face when he realizes that that's his last race against manami!!!#excuse meeee ;A; i cant do this#so imma focus on the nice things#like onoda sining that 'the princess' wish comes true' right when he sees manami#bc THATS HIS WISH MANAMI IS HIS WISH AND ITS FINALLY COME TRUE#or how cute Manami is in the flashback page and the way he jumps up to reply to onoda#like the only thing missing there was him adding 'it's a date' to that text#bc thats what it is okay its obvious#honestly i understand why onoda is so scared that this is his last chance with manami#given that he had to wait 3 months for a single text lmao#he's scared he wont hear from manami at all once they wont be able to meet at the ih - and he's right#manami please reply to your phone onoda needs you#im babbling to not focus on the last pages bc theyre making me too emotional and I CANNOT HANDLE THIS#if i think about this manga ending imma melt in a puddle of tears okay#so ill just focus on sansaka being canon for now :')
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CHARLIE MAGNE from HAZBIN HOTEL (2019): Pilot - "That's Entertainment" ↳ "So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption?"
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel edit#hazbin charlie#charlie magne#hazbin edit#requested#hazbin hotel pilot#that's entertainment#charlie#my gifs#god ain't she the cutest little thing!#not gonna lie i get a bit emotional seeing her do The Pose during ''wonderful fantastic new hotel''#it's the same pose she does in the S1 poster :')#okay actually im back here to say some things in the tags:#holy almighty LORD these gave me so much grief to color in a way i thought looked nice#specifically the one of her in the news chair. sorry i was NOT gonna let that hideous highlighter green color assault all your eyeballs.#did i lose nearly two hours of sleep getting it right because i still have no idea what i'm doing? yes. worth it? YES. ohh yes.#i liked the seafoam look so i made the cloud sequence match :] or at least tried to#there WAS supposed to be another one of her in the news room but i just hated how it kept turning out so i scrapped it.#coloring the main series was one thing to learn but the PILOT? never has it been so obvious to me just how much more bright and vibrant#the colors got during the progression of the world design. also. if by any chance one of those cool and experienced#gif makers happens to see these tags and wants a good laugh: i've been doing this for how many months now? and just last NIGHT figured out#how to use the fucking eraser in photoshop....... thing is... i also draw. i KNOW what program tools look like. i KNOW ppl draw in PS.#i'm just a really silly fuckin goose!! TEEHEE FUCKING HEE I GUESS!#so for months i've been like ''god i wish i could just erase this part from the layer'' and looking at the eraser tool and just being like#''nah it's probably different and weird i'll just stick to what i know'' -> said boo boo the FOOL#see i could be in the club but i'd rather be aggressively neurodivergent about the silly queer demon cartoon that altered my brain chemical
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i know for a fact i have made this post before but for me it's very important that bbc merlin is a pointless tragedy. it wouldn't be good (it's frequently not good anyway but it would be a lot further away from good) if it wasn't a pointless tragedy! it's simply not arthuriana if it doesn't go past the high point of the heroic/legendary/high medieval romance stuff and end with detailed rundowns of exactly how everybody got betrayed and died like that is what makes it real arthuriana to me and not just a silly show about a wizard
#'why did he die at the end! why did they make us miserable? why can't we have nice things!'#BECAUSE IT'S ARTHURIANA OKAY .that's what HAPPENS#if you're doing arthuriana you're not doing it right unless when you finally get to the end of this endless string of knight adventures#the main guy is like. dead and you're like well . what am i supposed to do now#like when i first read the great illustrated classic abridged king arthur in third grade and got to the end ofi t#and guinevere had been sent to a nunnery and half the nights had died in this battle or that one and merlin had been stuck in a cave#and then arthur dies and bedivere chucks his sword in a lake and then the book just ENDS#and i sat there consumed with emotions id never felt before. well i would've been disappointed if the end of bbc merlin had#NOT made me feel those emotions again#but it did. to me that is in fact its greatest success#merlin#q#like. dont get me wrong i like a fixfic as much as the next guy and in fact i plot them out all the time#but you cant DO that if the original material is. like. already happy#or meant to be
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct�� that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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Rank 52: The final duel!!
#I don't even know how to start in saying how much this scene hurt me. I don't even know if I can express what I'm feeling with words#because all I can think right now is how much I love Astral and how much he breaks my heart#he was born from hopes and he was given a mission that would protect the hopes and futures of his world (and all other worlds probably)#at the cost of his own existence#but that wouldn't have hurt because he wasn't created for feeling anything#He would have complete his mission with no regrets with no past with nothing to miss#just a little light of hope that would have defeated E'Rah sacrificing himself without leaving anything behind#and then he met Yuma#he started to know Yuma and his friends and adversaries and what emotions were#and the hollow hope become a person#a person who felt happiness fear love a person who now had a story and people who he would miss#and he still decided to carry on his mission because that would have protected what he now holds dear#those new emotions those connections were the key to beat E'Rah but were also what made him understand how tragic his fate was#but he didn't regret any of that#because it was Yuma and his friends and the emotions that they had made him feel that made his brief life worth living#(sometimes I forget that in the manga Astral was probably sent to Earth soon after he was created. That “brief life” is heart-breaking)#and Yuma asking him if he was okay with that and if he wasn't scared#and Astral saying that he wasn't given any means to feel such terror but he was now scared#and yet he found that fear wonderful because that means he was alive#all those emotions were what made him truly alive#not a tool not a hollow hope but a real person who still decided to sacrifice himself for protecting everyone#astral zexal#astral yu gi oh#yuma tsukumo#yu gi oh zexal#zexal#yugioh zexal#zexal manga#Zexal manga spoiler#ygo zexal
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say hi to me i don't know, i just remembered being so much brighter, i guess
cigarette ash like wildfire burning holes in the nighttime open scars feel like barbed wire white lies flying high like a ceasefire dropping flags on the shoreline this is as far as i can feel right 'cause what you don't know can haunt you
and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think for a while
don't drag it out living like that doesn't mean a thing
so let's, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars 'cause happy endings hardest to fake
and i wanna let you know i wanna let you go but i just can't bring myself to speak but this is how it goes the end credits, they roll this bridge was built over kerosene but we can watch it and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think
so let's run, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars you can wish away forever but you'll never find a thing like today
#miraculous ladybug#felix fathom#marinette dupain cheng#felix graham de vanily#🌃#ml amv#felinette felinette felinette FELINETTE#i'm shrimping so hard i'm gromping i'm making absolute tempura#yes the 2 am coco pops félix post was made while i was finishing this yes i am constantly experiencing inconsolable félix feelings#félings even. GOD GOD GOD okay listen#i could do a line by line analysis of this song and how i made the amv i have too many thoughts to put in the tags i am exploding#but in summary REPRESENTATION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPLIQUE. FUCK ME#félix's trauma an open scar leading her to the art room as far as both of them will go to feel right#ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS TO KEEP ADRIEN AND THEN MARINETTE SAFE#it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark huAHUAHHGAG I MTHRWOING UP it's how he doesn't care what she thinks of him#how she sees him whether she hates him he's Chosen her as someone to protect and he will DO IT he will TAKE HER WHEN HE RUNS#i don't care if you beat me i know i have this under control and i'm protecting you and everything is going to be okay EXPLOIDNGNIG#tomorrow is a mile away tomorrow where i find out who you are tomorrow where we have to come apart#this is how it GOES you're the hero i'm the villain adrien is the lover i'm the monster i'm the cousin#marinette and félix and Knowing each other is so#THEY DESERVE SO MANY OTHER DAYS THEY DESERVE TO SLOW DOWN AND BE WITH EACH OTHER AND NOT HAVE TOMORROW PULL EVERYTHING AWAY AND UAHAUHGAUGH#i'm not well about them. félix and freedom and escape#ALSO i have so many feelings about félix cherishing the people he wants to save so much he was willing to do the same thing that led to#his own trauma and use the peacock miraculous TWICE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARE YOU KIDDING ME#you can read it differently but right now come with me ARE YOU KIDDING ME#also ALSO i often think about how felinette standing in front of réplique is a reference to pv felinette#and me placing that directly before the wish is a nod to how the pv was rewritten into canon miraculous. a meta wish... felinette remains#but also in universe you can wish away the world that once was and you'll still never find another thing quite like félix#and who you were and could have been to each other today... cherish him marinette... please cherish him for me#i hit tag limit on this essay so i'm not tagging the episodes i used in the amv but i used all eight félix episodes as always
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just had an extraordinarily vivid dream that my family (with the exception of me) decided to go to Japan for the summer/fall with their closest friends, and they left me alone in charge of our empty house without even asking if I wanted to go too, and
#Robin processes emotions on main#okay so context: I've been alone in the house while my family is on vacation for the last week and they decided to stay an extra day#so this isn't out of nowhere#but yikes#also the house they left me in charge of in the dream was 'our' house but it was also the house I grew up in (grandparents' house)#and dang I knew that unemployment and feeling like I'm having trouble with autonomy was getting to me but wow. wow#also I woke up with Tame Impala's song ''Feels Like We Only Go Backwards'' in my head which is NOT REASSURING#I DONT MIND THAT I DIDN'T GO ON VACATION!!! seriously this has been great!!! I've been figuring out how I want to live—#—with this alone time! I'm taking full advantage of the empty house to do some Pondering about the Future!#excuse me brain!!!#anyway please be praying I get a good job for the meantime and eventually a job I want to *stay* in#because right now I'm looking at the future and going 'wow I can't see where I'm going long-term at All. yikes'
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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Good morning I'm up thinking about that forbidden beast again
#Eddie...#I need to rewatch his cutscenes to get a better grasp on him now that I know what he's been about this whole time#but something about his AC+R story modes got under my skin and into my brain#Eddies resentment of being a parasite attached to a person and fighting for two games over the right to control the body and make it his ow#just for it to start rotting away and starting the cycle of powerlessness over again making him easy to take advantage of#and ending with him fighting even more desperately to stay alive...#blurring the line between him and Zato further with remembering his feelings and memories and accepting them just as hes about to die-#hopefully that reads okay- again I just woke up and all that#but Eddies story made me like. weirdly emotional?#I really like the disconnect Eddie feels from Zatos body and how it contrasts with how people see both of them like this#I also think thats why Eddie is so bitter towards both Millia and Venom (especially Venom-)#to him they're probably the same as he is. and he hates them both for it because they're people that don't *have* to be#they have a choice and he doesn't. yet all three of them keep being drawn to each other.#yappin'#edit: WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT EDDIE MIGHT BE JUST A THING ATTACHED TO ZATO POST RESURRECTIONNN#I haven't seen Eddie have much personality after Zato got resurrected other than being a little shadow goober#and thats a little Haunting??#you're telling me after all this Eddie i s just a thing attached to Zato? and Zatos the important one again? what the fuck
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narukana bffs. you agree 🫶
#listen listen. theyre friends#i think they shouldve bonded more during the moonlight disco story#i think arashi should've painted kanata's nails blue with waterproof nailpolish#i think they would have fun “swimming” together too (kanata floating while arashi splashes around)#arashi would make kanata wear sunscreen lmao#omg now im imagining kanata cooking arashi dinner as thanks for doing his nails/hanging out with him/etc#it'd probably just be sushi or smth similar since he only likes cooking cold food + loves fish#but i feel like arashi would l o v e sushi so there's no problem there (if there's any story that says she doesnt please lmk)#anyways i also think arashi would love just like. venting/gossiping to kanata too because he's really chill and a good listener#like she can just vent without worrying that he's gonna try to give her advice she doesn't want#she's like “i had the *worst* experience with someone at my modeling shoot today” and goes on a long rant#all kanata says at the end of it is “puka-puka-ing makes all bad ”emotions“ float away~”#and arashi's like “omg you're right a bath *does* sound good right now”#they have matching friendship bracelets also. i think that would be cute#okay headcanon dump over for now#ensemble stars#enstars#kanata shinkai#arashi narukami#narukana#idk what their ship name is 🤔#arashi x kanata#kanata x arashi#<- figured i'd go ahead and tag these even though i dont ship them romantically
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A vent comic about going to a rural pharmacy and being dismissed because im "just a teenage boy"
(im neither)
July/August 2024
#smthsmth am i asking the wrong ppl or there are really no solutions#i felt so invalidated#i was in front of her and still unexistent#like her eyes went through my skull and she was talking to other person even if i was the only one there#well this is the interaction i had that i drew right after it happened so its a wip but it has all the raw emotion there#for me at least#im just rambling now#anyways#hrt#trans hrt#trans struggles#trans#transition#nonbinary#wip#lag draws#lag all#okay i wasnt rambling (yet) but i dont feel comfortable with being vulnerable online#have a nice one ^^
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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird#because there's a deadline on your immune system now#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like#oh yeah#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying#maybe im being overdramatic about all this#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this#i should stop feeling so sad about all this#and that doesn't help one fucking bit#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline#crunchy rambles
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life is cruel.
it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.
and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.
and cruel.
and horrific.
and unfair.
and beautiful.
#grief#grief tw#so i'm dealing with grief intimately for the first time like. ever. and i'm having a lot of emotions#and i can't help but observe that the way i write it in fic feels. kinda like how i feel right now? in some ways?#but also like. everyone goes through it differently and there's no like correct way to process#for me i'm. okay most of the time when i have a lot of stuff to do#which is like 90% of the time#but i'm also just feeling a lot of things and trying to figure out how to move forward#especially with the knowledge that life is short and cruel and you just never know what might happen#and i can't just not do the things i truly want to do with my life because i'm SCARED#because. you never know what might happen#you never know when the end is gonna come#anyways i drove back to my apartment today and i saw beautiful fall colors on the way#and all i can think is ''how can the world be so beautiful and so horrible at the same time''#''so beautiful and so fucking CRUEL at the same time''#''and to the people who least deserve its cruelty''#anyways that's where i'm at ig#still got two classes moving and a full time job to do while all of this is happening 🙃#all things considered. i'm okay. not great but i'm doing my best#really in my post tpm obi-wan era except to a lesser degree#but i certainly have a LOT of responsibilities to deal with along with my grief so. yeah.
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;; ☁️
#I don’t know where to talk about this so here I am ahhhhhhh anyway I’m worried that he doesn’t#want to talk to me anymore/ which is hopefully me being overreactive#and I don’t think I came off clingy at all I really hope I didn’t and I haven’t been texting him a tremendous amount also because#I’ve been waiting for him to text me back sometimes?#and idk maybe he was busy yesterday and doing things but hhhhhhh god#I hate being nervewracked by this stuff especially after feeling SO happy and grateful#and just like overwhelmed with emotions#the last text was a question I sent last night and nothing now and yet I’m a total loser#he deleted/hid his bumble profile so that’s a good thing right? because he’s not interested in anyone else#but I’m paranoid about a crash after that high about not being able to have good things#and I just need the reassurance that it’s okay and he does like me#because he’s flying away soon I think next weekend and he was the one who said we should hang out again#before he leaves#anyway this is what the inside of my head looks like right now. sad and nervous and anxious and needy and unsure#personal
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