#i have accommodation booked
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FIRST EVENT OF THE SEASON IN 6 WEEKS.
AAAAAA-
#I got my next quest event ticket today!!!!#i habe#under 2 months#to get all my kits together#and by gods#i am not ready yet#i have accommodation booked#my ticket bought#travel 2 and from#but still gotta organise everything else#food#kit#extra money for market stalls#AAAAAAAA#IM SO EXCITED BUT SO NERVOUS
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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caught up with harrow ✔ caught up with the welcome home updates I hadn't checked ✔ finishing to catch up with the magnus protocol ✔ going back to tlt stories and nona [pending] going back to my eternal wip [always pending, but not as pending as last year] going back to miniature sculpting, just in time for making a star trek christmas ornament (for me) and a gideon bookmark holder (for my brother's gf) [pending] going back to my tarot scrapbook [pending until new books arrive] going back to kalimba [partially pending]
starting to realize I wasn't just tired physically and mentally due to everything I had going on, I also wasn't having time for my proper media intake and personal creative outlet, who would have thought that things that make you happy can help with the exhaustion a little bit
#luly rambles#I might or might not have a private welcome home sideblog to organize stuff in a way I personally find more accommodating#I'm not done putting all the stuff I had in my drafts there but I was able to add some#after nona I have tons more books on the reading list too#I've been practicing One Summer's Day on kalimba#not yet done
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In the wake of the IA situation, I've seen a lot more posts circulating about using your local library and I just. Sigh
#i dont know whether these people are thinking of Big City libraries#or their local is the most well stocked most accommodating library known to man#but my library consists of mostly kids books and ww2 skinned romance lites and james patterson thrillers#if youre lucky theres some pop history books on the tiny shelf in the back#oh also the opening times? 0930 to 1700 of course. yknow. when most ppl are at work :)#oh except sunday. when were just closed ;)#trying to get the library to bring in a specific book? sorry that'll be nine months and we'll send it to the library#in booksbury-upon-tyne which will cost you a £30 round train ticket (if the trains are running ;)) and a three hour journey#(cause were swr and life is a fucking nightmare)#im not doing that for a book im not even sure will be relevant to what im looking for yknow#i guess what im saying is that while i love the concept of libraries#they havent really evolved with the times. theyve been what theyve been for a millenia#and the intellectual value they were built to provide hasnt kept up with the funds theyre actually allocated#now i will say these are kinda complaints specific to me cause im not the biggest fiction reader#and if i am theyre mainly classics so my gripe is more with the proviso of non fiction books#and the variety of them which is incredibly narrow#and i dont drive so the intersection of this with the hellscape that is south englands public transport network also sucks dick and balls#like i realise the library provides a lot of necessary resources for older people and kids and those without internet access etc.#but that does leave a large swathe of people with little to no reason or time to visit the library yknow.#i dont blame the library workers of course but i also dont think its the visitors (customers?) fault#that there isnt a great incentive for them to visit#especially since i have found most of my fave nonfiction books in second hand stores#which would have either cost £80 new or would have been locked ina university library out of reach of the common folk#whatever. ramble ramble yada yada. ev complains again whats new
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It's finals week‼️
Most people should be stressing out but honestly I'm just relieved that I'll have time to draw on Thursday and Friday lol
#i am still stressed tho lol#BUT! I dont need to worry about my 1st or 4th classes (1st doesn't have projects and im almost done with my last in 4th)#i like exams when ik the material because im a good test taker lol#<- aced a history final exam freshman year without studying (history is not my strong suit lol)#ALSO!! My 2nd hour teacher is giving accommodations for a visual exam project because im very burnt out and a perfectionist#<- its a childrens book thats a 3 little pigs parody#i need to Speedrun a different creative assignment for my spanish tho OUFG i been procrastinating bc i have no ideas i like#i also need to reherse some ASL for a 2nd hour exam
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It feels like every day I read attempts to debunk the social model of disability that fundamentally misunderstand what the social model of disability is and who the people who developed that model were, including what the nature of their disabilities was, and I want to scream.
But I don't, because yelling at people on the internet is basically pointless. Instead I check to see that I'm not mutuals with whoever reblogged said misunderstanding and vague about it.
#'but [x impairment] would still exist and have [y implications] even if the world were completely accessible!'#okay well yeah but equating impairment and disability is explicitly the opposite of the social model of disability#the union of the *physically impaired* against segregation who developed this model#*were* by and large privileged in ways many other disabled people are not‚ yes#mike oliver who wrote the fucking book on the social model of disability#(social work with disabled people‚ published in 1983)#was a white man with a phd who pioneered an academic field‚ for one#and there *are* criticisms about the limitations to a purely social model of disability to be made#but like... our pal mike oliver was also a wheelchair user who broke his neck in a swimming accident as a teenager#which caused paralysis that affected his upper and lower body#not a clueless 'physically abled' autistic who didn't understand how physical limitations work#he lived the first 17 years of his life as a physically abled person#so I think he was aware of the difference between what his body could do before and after his accident#and like 'disability is socially constructed'#is not saying that differences between people and what they are able to do or do easily do not exist??#my eyesight is so bad that if I could not access corrective lenses I would be functionally blind#and even with glasses my myopia and astigmatism cause a lot of tangible effects on my body#e.g. migraines‚ eyestrain‚ so many floaters that even looking through pristine glasses is like the lenses are scratched to hell#but my eyesight is not considered a disability#because the accommodations that enable me to participate in society fully in this area are so standard as to be invisible#can I magically see without corrective lenses? no#does wearing glasses not being considered a disability mean that I do not get migraines and eyestrain? no#so the arguments the thing I am vaguing are trying to debunk are not what is being argued!#well seems like I screamed about it after all#oh well
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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me
#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life#I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever#my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified#and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn#in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc#don’t get me started with math#I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did#(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class#throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe#to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah#like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think#I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late#without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car#anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related#adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of#when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc#depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress#I’m not sure why im making this post#kibumblabs
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Ah, the classic "Oh no, they've accepted my conference abstract, now I actually have to write the paper" response/moment of terror
#finn is not doing a phd#my brain really HATES booking flights and accommodation too#managed to be really decisive and book all of it only for my brain to immediately go 'what if you've got the conference dates wrong'#'what if they've decided to change it without informing you'#i mean. they have slightly changed it. it starts earlier than originally planned. but i'm pretty sure it's still the same weekend#am i 100% certain though? nope! am i stressed about it? yep!
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signed a rental agreement this feels too much like an adult activity
#also set up an appointment for my driving test pray for me on the 25th of september i have the driving capabilities of phil#now i need to take passport photos#get a digital id#buy a public transport ticket#apply for student grant#learn how to drive (😃)#and buy furniture#also i still need to book train tickets and an accommodation for tit#oh and i need to cash in the money from the 2 passbooks i have lying around#and upload a portrait picture for my student id
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i do not understand how there are all these people out there doing Activities every weekend. Like concerts and day trips and hiking and festivals. Who has the time and energy just to plan all this shit, often weeks or months in advance, let alone DO it all??? Not to mention the money.
#like#I mean I know i clearly have Depression and that impacts my energy levels#but just the thought of all the planning involved in some of these things exhausts me?#booking tickets months in advance#sometimes booking accommodation#arranging travel#idk if it's just an issue with my brain#but I really struggle with planning things so far in advance#and it feels like#especially since covid#you NEED to plan everything really far ahead#otherwise it's really expensive or the hotels/trains are all booked up
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🕳️
#i know going down an Internet rabbit hole is never good but honestly i’m more curious/fascinated than upset#so there was a person who left a note on one of my fics calling it boring right?#out of curiosity i went to their other book marks#obv i don’t have time to read all the notes but like they have about 100 bookmarks & from what i can parse they say 9/10 fics are—#boring/no chemistry/didn’t like xyz aspect. 1/10 they’ll say ‘this is good unlike the others’ but man…#imagine having that much time on your hands to organize being a bitch about free works online#(the irony’s not lost on me of how much i crit things on my own blog ik 🧍)#i’m kind of offended on behalf of the other authors though hopefully like me they’ll be lucky to have the positive outweigh the negative#i’m just thinking…learn how private bookmarks work (because authors are not going to change to accommodate your preferences anytime soon)#or just don’t be reading fanfiction as a hobby if you don’t enjoy 9/10 of the fanfictions you’re reading#i get it can be hard to find a fic that hits your exact tastes but if 9/10 are missing that’s a you problem at that point 🚬#rambling about fandom courtesy etc#rose.txt
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literally distracting myself w the thought of decluttering / rearranging my bookcase when i should be studying. bad cianna
#i have been so distracted i need to get back on my study grind#but i’ve been wanting to rearrange my bookcase for SO long. & buy some new decorations for it#even installed two shelves in my bedroom to accommodate more books which is so exciting#but literally NO time rn this is the story of my life#ur bitch has been studying full time ):#soon#ok shut up cianna.#p
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Trying to figure out the difference between "this feeling of general apathy about work will pass" and "this feeling of general apathy about work won't pass"
#it's like. i'm not FEELING when I think about my field#i'm not FEELING when I teach -- even though I'm still fighting for my undergrads as best as possible#I don't feel anything about the conferences over the horizon for me...or the papers that I have to write for them#i haven't even booked my plane tickets and accommodations...partially because that'd mean they're real#i have a deadline coming up for an article I was excited to publish -- I barely want to touch it#and it's like...I *know* I love my field#...so why don't I *now*?#i don't want to work on my prospectus...even though I've wanted nothing else for three years#...is it just TOO MUCH at once or too little stimulation without classwork#or am i just. tired.#and has this been the natural conclusion of the last three years
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apartment update: still no pictures cos everythings still Ass but that old desk of my sister in laws thats very nice and all but kind of in the way is gonna go to my old room in my parents house. and in its place im gonna get my old bookshelf from my old room. in my parents house
#its this like almost 20-year-old lundia that i think could do with an extra shelf piece#cos when it was first assebled i had this bigass cd/cassette player with big separate speakers#and theres this huge space to accommodate it all. i havent had that system in Years and now theres tons of empty air in there#where a Lot more books could fit#sure my record collections there but again i dont have a player. but i do have books. and they COULD fit that goddamn lundia#IF i only had EVEN THAT ONE extra shelf piece.#i do need to make an inventory of what books from that old shelf simply need to Go.#like for example i do Not need those hardcover finnish harry potter books#and i need to make a decision about the finnish hardcovers of dark towers 3 and 4#on the one hand story good on the other hand the translation makes me want to either kill myself or just. make a better translation#like the translations bad in ways that cant all be explained by sking being Like That#much like that shining translation i consulted for the finnish version of that gbu x shining fic. god that sucked ASS#i dont know if it was the same translator. but man. its like hey man do you like. Understand what youre reading. is this a first draft#anyway. the parents are going to the summer cottage tomorrow so the desk/lundia exchange wont happen till sometime next week#also also next week my brother and sister in law are coming over for tea (i need him to put up my curtains im too 160cm for that 😔)#and! im gonna get a pakig tomorrow. with a vacuum cleaner in it#home
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four years for this show...
#IM SORRY. ITS JUST. IM SO. HHHHHRGN#its fine. its good. its entertaining to say the least#but from a writing perspective......#im not an anti i am the worlds biggest helluva boss enjoyer the hellaverse is SO SPECIAL TO ME#but.. the more i see about hazbin s1......#how in over four years was this what you came up with. how is the pacing this insane. how is this character treatment ok.... PLEASE#my sorta toxic trait is that as someone obsessed with media analysis; narrative devices; and story structure -#as well as just. someone who is an aspiring showrunner/creator working on my own huge projects -#is that every time i come across a movie or show that i think is done in a really lacking way. all i can think about is how i would#have done it instead#(this happens in a non-critical way too tbf if i really enjoy a book or game i'll be like they should let me make a based on film)#but hazbin. hazbin. all i have right now is 'i could fix her' in my head#I WOULD TREAT THESE CHARACTERS RIGHT I WOULD GIVE THEM THE NARRATIVE THEY DESERVE#there is. so much potential here. how is the execution so lacking#mine#good ideas!!!! good moments!!!!!!!! THE OVERALL CONSISTENT NARRATIVE IS NOT DOING SO HOT#as a side note though i really think this is why helluva is doing so much better in terms of pacing and writing. the structure of that show#is so much more accommodating to a long intricate story WHILE weaving in a billion different character stories#8 episodes for hazbin is insane season 1 needed twice as much#nyx crit tag
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Since we've been on the topic of Ky a lot lately, here are some scans of illustrations from the Guilty Gear Complete Bible that accompany summaries of the lore for the Crusades and then Ky's part in them. I think these scans were done by zer0kage.
These illustrations don't get shared often, but it's interesting seeing Holy Order characters that aren't Ky, Sol, or Kliff.
#photopost#from the archives#guilty gear#I get the impression this book has tight binding and pages that weren't formatted to accommodate the gutter#There are some other loose scans from this book floating around and they all have pretty gnarly gutters on them#A shame... But I don't blame people for not wanting to skin their rare books for clean scans
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