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sparkly-sediment · 3 days ago

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Tf2 Mercs Period flow headcanons

Free will strikes again 😈😈

Heavy

The Red terror

Very heavy flow that last 6-7 days. The longest she’s had is 9 days and it took bear meat to recover

The blood is usually dark brown and overall a bit of a delayed flow

Calls it her menstrual cycle only. Heavy isn’t big on midol or pain relief (Russian grit af)

Will always use a warm water bottle tho

Only used scraps of fabric until her 20s. Heavy doesn’t like pads because they feel like diapers and she doesn’t fuck with tampons until she has sex for the first time so she won’t “loose her virginity to stick”

We need more sex education

Ultra tampons for business, free bleed in the period draws for leisure

Sniper

Bush woman

Some hardcore feminist shit. Walk into the woods and menstruate on a stick indigo girls concert transparent

(if you get that i love you)

Sniper normally just free bleeds or like dries out her vagina during bathroom breaks. She smokes weed for cramps and gets bad period diarrhea

Very light, irregular periods. Completely skips some months due to stress and malnutrition (and she looses her appetite on her period!!(

Severe period exhaustion 😮‍💨

Flow is bright red or faint. Might be some blood on the briefs on the first/second morning but then not much happening outside of clots.

Would have fertility issues I feel

Sniper gets anemic on her period and resists taking the supplements Medic recommends. Finally he fights her into taking them and, shocker! She’s not passing out when she stands

Has tasted her period blood clots. Canon I fear

Says on the rag

Demo

MENACE

Demo has a moderate flow but pretty gnarly cramps. The sharp, pulsing kind. Hurts like a bitch!!

Flushes tampons and could give two fucks

She drinks more on her period and has wicked period shits. Possibly the worst asshole cramps in the group, and don’t even get me started on sore nipples

Thick dark red blood. Not hard blood clots but large bloody goops and liquid. Has to shower more often on her period 😔

Super and super plus tampons and the hospital grade pads. Completely unnecessary but Demo gets the biggest most crinkly padding pads of all time!!! Why!!!???!!!

PCOS queen. Thicker body hair, wild anger at times, and cysts!!! When one bursts she finally goes to Medic who immediately gives morphine and some weird blue sludge

Pain was gone but she did wake up with a third kidney

Scout

Type of bitch to get pregnant while pregnant

What a nightmare! PMS like a mother fucker! Scout becomes a snappy little bitch on her period. Terrorizes the base and just crashes out for no reason

If you eat her food so help you God

Really strong cravings and really intense ovulation. Yk how some women really go into heat when they ovulate? Like REALLY lock in? That’s Scout

Fertile and loves chocolate but aggressive

BAWLS ON HER PERIOD and period breakouts

Lighter/moderate flow. More than Sniper but less than Demo

Running really helps her cramps but they usually go to about 5/10 at worst

Her boobs always hurt worse than anything else and she’ll wear a sports bra instead of wrapping them for work

regular tampons and refuses go wear a pad

Medic

I will be using he/him pronouns because period!medic isn’t a gender bend. Medic wanted to feel even closer to his baboons and so he installed the necessary organs to build and birth them

Unwanted and unforeseen side effect 😔

Sturdy but average flow and a very consistent cycle. Bright red with brown spotting towards the end. He keeps a calendar and tracks ovulation

He would have period sex. No question. And, in a sick and wicked manner, would blow them after 😋

horrible to imagine. Anyway, Medic has rougher periods with heavy hormone fluctuations. Intense mood swings, fatigue, and some month deals with painful ovarian cysts

His periods don’t normally have too bad cramps!! He’s just sore in the southern skies and has some lightning sharp stabbing pains in his asshole

Medicates fully and all the way except in the beginning when he monitored the function more closely

Light period acne heavy metalic scent. Feels very tender and hungry

Soldier

Free bleeds and gets blood everywhere

Heavy flow and pretty intense cramps. And, rage. Period rage. Heightened by her pain and immense discomfort and all of her sheets have stains

Dark brown blood and irregular. Can bleed for days and has had 11-12 day periods that completely drain her

Her cramps will leave her bed ridden. If she has to go to battle, there will be NO indication of her pain. She might even be worse to over compensate. But Soldier will run a little slower and land from rocket jumps much more gently

Cries in the locker room and respawn when alone 😭😭😭😭 my shayla

Unless she’s gassed up for battle Soldier is much quieter on his period and sluggish

Eats so much omg decimates that kitchen. The team has to have a meeting because they’ve gone to the store three days in a row, and this is the forth morning everything is gobbled down in the night by a certain greedy little rat

Every time she starts her period she marches into the medbay to LOUDLY announce it. This is the only time she ever mentions the topic of menstruation in relation to herself

Will say fucked up shit tho. Tells Scout blood attracts bears and viciously growls after finding Scout’s tampons

Spy

Eats steak almost nightly when on her period

She refuses to discuss such things with the team and calls it tasteless conversation

INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY and does everything she can to hide her period. Will use kitty perfume to avoid blood smell, tampons only and she hides the wrappers before throwing them out

Heavier flow with low pain. She’ll feel the most discomfort in the cervix area but she doesn’t experience much cramping

Red/brown mix and very spotting days 1-3. Day 3/4-5 is heavy flow and then day six is usually the end

Midol in a Tylenol bottle 😭

She becomes a wicked bitch. Horrifically snappy and will bite your head off. Some period shits. Boobs hurt the week before

Engineer

Her periods are dandy.

Yk how people say periods last 3-5 days? And you’re like, who the fuck is having three day periods?

It’s this gal

Engineer has some mild cramping but it lasts ALL day. From the first flutter of her eyes to the final rest, her uterus is aching

Tight period cramps and a lighter flow. She wears regular and lite tampons for two days and then is good

Bright red and thin blood. Never has big clots and rarely has goopy blood

Her discharge is tinted pink or brown for about a week though so it does balance out

She will smell really strongly of blood like the ripe period embarrassing smell

Working in the workshop when she catches a whiff of the 🩸🐱 but she likes feeling primal and will work into the dank night

Engineer eats all chocolate in the based and will probably eat every cookie too

Period rage that rivals Soldier’s

Pyro

Free bleeds and doesn’t practice good hygiene. She won’t change her clothes- including underwear- any differently despite having blood all up in it

Pyro doesn’t have much liquid blood, but a lot of clotting and clumps of tissue

Because of this and a lack of good hygiene she has a worse smell, and it is noticeable to others. Pyro always smells burnt though so it isn’t exactly traceable

Heavier flow, WOULD use super plus tampons

Pyro has worn pads in the past but she dislikes the diaper feel and she never likes the sensory experience of period products

She’s much sleepier on her period and will curl up to nap. If not in her bed then wherever

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elliesglock · 3 days ago

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Do the crumble cookie live !

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okay so boom guess who's back with another banger. so this is just one of my fav lives in general not even for pazzi but it's just so chaotic and the one that makes me chuckle so bad. anyways tho!

my biggest thing with this live is the difference in the way p is acting before and when azzi comes into the room. before she is goofy, messing around with kk, making fun of jana, and everything is super chaotic. but when azzi comes in??? girl she's not subtle at all. she might as well be pouting with azzi as well. azzi comes into the room and is very obviously upset about assignments, p's eyes lock on her IMMEDIATELY as soon as she walks in and she completely forgets about what everyone else is doing. she is the first one to notice azzi btw. almost like her body can feel that her girls in the room. she's even being blocked by tall ass yanna but p still is able to find her and seek her out 😭 p can't take her eyes off of her and you can tell she knows az is upset just by looking at her. paige motions to the phone that they are on live so azzi knows, everybody yells that azzi fudd is here yayyy! and azzi has imo the cutest reaction ever and gets all overwhelmed, groans, and flops on the bed. everybody finds it pretty funny and laughs, guess who the only one who isn't laughing is? paige bueckers everybody.

now we know p. she does NOT like when her girl is sad or in any kind of distress of anytime. she also loves to tease azzi HORRIBLY. the things that stick out to me is that she's not smiling, locks in on azzi's every move, and does not make one single joking comment to make fun of azzi for being dramatic. she gets all soft and caring and probably wants nothing more than to go pick az off that bed and hold her. now my agenda yall. i've always imagined paige to be a very gentle, sweet person to her girl, def someone that is an empath and FEELS everything az feels. and i can tell all the chaotic energy she just had minutes ago is sucked out the minute azzi walks in. she's feeling exactly how azzi is feeling at that moment. SOULMATES THEY ACTUALLY WANT ME DEAD.

kk jokingly says "what happened?" but p IS NOT playing when she asks the same question. she wants names, faces, and explanations to whoever/whatever has her baby azzi so upset and she wants it now. azzi replies that she needs someone who can tutor her in accounting. (she's such a princess and so cute. and azzi i can do my damn best tutoring u btw i have no clue how to do accounting but ill make it work). kk kinda ignores it at first and paige gets this irritated ass look on her face and tells kk to ask the live. she gets down and if her princess needs someone to tutor her she wants to know if someone can do it immediately. i think we get great glimpses of paige's more protective side in this live with how quick she is to respond to azzi's obvious exasperation. she DOES NOT like when az feels like that. kk asks the live and azzi says thank you. paige says "this should be good" i think cause saying ppl are gonna dm her crazy stuff. azzi laughs at this and paige's eyes light up because her girls happy now! and it's because of her!! lover girl paige BACK IN BUSINESS PAZZI NATION. paige gives her a little smile and they go back to what they're doing.

you can tell paige isn't all that interested in the cookies anymore though. the only cookie she cares about is over on the bed pouting and she wants that cookie badddd. azzi stands up suddenly and guys the first ever time i watched this live i immediately thought omg paige looked at her so fast. before i was even into the pazzi side of uconn btw....just wanted to say that. okay anyway paige's head practically comes off her shoulders looking at azzi. almost like she's ready to do anything az wants her to do or anything she can to make a feel better. also peep p checking her out too. it's not really a sexual checking out tho, more like a "you good?" kinda thing. azzi kinda reaches her hands out, i think out of habit and it seems like she wants p to take her hands. now call me delusional all u want idrc but they def wanted to hold each other in that moment. i've said this to an anon before but paige would def take and kiss her hands, turn azzi around to lay against her, and whisper all the encouragement she could need in her ear. but unfortunately god hates us and they can't do that on live 😒.

azzi unfortunately leaves the frame after that and we get azzi just being absolutely adorable and p dotting on her. azzi kinda snoops and asks about the cookies. kk tells her what the flavors are and you can tell azzi wants a little bit (she's so cute im sobbing, p you truly won).

azzi asks to try the peanut butter one. and p immediately starts nodding and kk goes "girl yeah!". she's literally all of their princess she makes me want to throw up pls give me a chance azzi that dumb blonde bitch when i catch you. kk talks about how azzi will like it and its very sweet. p obv has to fight kk back cause kk don't know more about her girl than her, and she says it's very peanut buttery! didn't have to clock paige, it's okay she's yours....unfortunately azzi doesn't give us her review but i think she likes the cookie. kk starts talking about another cookie and azzi goes that's lame! p gives her a sorta "da fuck?" look and you can tell she wants to be sassy but she reels it in. smart paige you know ur girl would have ur ass.

kk says they need forks for the toffee cake and p goes up to get them. however, she stops dead in her tracks, like literally brake checks herself when azzi seems interested in the cookies. and then she kinda just stays around and yanna goes and gets the spoons. ugh. just. paige please.

while they're trying the toffee cake and paige is making fun of jana for her "OKAY SLOTHHHHH" paige says "okayyyyy turtle" to mess with jana but looks at azzi's approval of her joke 😭 bitch shut up atppppp. they're eating the toffee cake and jana is talking about splitting a bite with azzi. paige looks up at her girls name and says "YOU? and azzi?". she sounds like she's tryna say jana isn't good enough to share a bite with azzi that's the way i see it. also i just think she's jealous even though she didn't offer to share the cookie with azzi....jealous possessive paige you will always be famous. also keep making those edits yall we need to see paige accidentally claim azzi because she's soooo jealous people want a. they drop some of the cake on the floor and they're all laughing. you hear azzi say, "lick it off her fingers!" to jana and p gives her the craziest look. she probably wanted to say PAUSE so bad....also is that a little more jealous p i see?

that's all the moments i saw that really stood out to me. plus there's a little tiny part where azzi brings up paige's ipad and paige goes and shows her case. just them being little cutesy and stuff. long story short, azzi hopefully got a tutor but she def got some cuddles and kisses from paige. they prob went home after this live and paige just complimented her, told her how smart she is, and hyped her up to feel better :((( p gets so soft around az i swear. anywho!! hope you enjoy and ofc always send any moments you saw that i maybe didn't say!!

credit to my anons for reminding me about a lot of this stuff! thank you guys 💋

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oblivioustoast · 2 years ago

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i’m very late to the party but aaahhhh ahhhhhh!!!! gideon the ninth is so good!! aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

#nearly done #i’ve mostly avoided being spoiled #i have a very bad feeling about what’s going to happen tho #based on what i vaguely now about the next book #aaaaaahhhhhhhh

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vimbry-moved · 7 months ago

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"likes don't do anything" they do

"there's no algorithm" there is

"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do

"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.

#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs #it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck #and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular #(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to #especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away #the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week #and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic #like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy #and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with #than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason

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eternal-reverie · 9 months ago

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got the posting anxiety bad tonight

#click clack #ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go #ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog #BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me #because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art #like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public #and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot #a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury #the original posts I put here #but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication #my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen #dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself #and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences #maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art #just a slow drip until they are in the forefront #bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out #I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad #post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃

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widevibratobitch · 9 months ago

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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arolesbianism · 4 months ago

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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up

#rat rambles #stars posting #like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very #duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have #I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that #fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests #like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not #and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop #and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless #but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way #idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her #but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go #maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think #Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm #and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg #but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down #me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it #(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in #the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad #it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create

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afniel · 9 months ago

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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.

(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)

#Nevi Writes #things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay #because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point #other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212 #what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes #though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not #Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK #fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now

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bunnyboy-juice · 3 months ago

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honestly. being able to be honest with my loved ones about when i am Mentally Unwell but also Dont Want To Talk About It has done wonders for my mental health

#its nice just being able to tell people “im not okay! please dont focus too much on me tho!” and have them respect it #instead of doing things that will trigger me bc they are uncomfortable w the fact that im not okay #i deeply appreciate others sitting in their discomfort/holding the discomfort with me instead of comforting me #and like i get that ppl who offer space or time or comforts are trying to care for me but tbh its not welcome most of the time #bc when I'm upset often times it triggers deep emotional pain that only i can really manage by taking time to sit and calm down and Feel #(bc if not it becomes a flashback instead of Feelings from being Triggered) and having my attention diverted is actually distressing for me #bc i have to be grounded in very specific ways also that i just dont usually have the energy to explain bc like... i know how to do it?#and like also. i can just be Not okay. it doesnt have to be a Thing for me to acknowledge it #iderk what the point of this tag ramble is #im just like. really glad ive found people who understand that im not Avoidant just bc i have different needs bc of how my nervous system i #also if its not clear: please do not offer comforts for this. i am handling my own feelings and issues i just kinda wanna talk about it #also reminding myself its okay to not want to be comforted and that doesnt mean im Wrong or Bad or Resistant or Harming myself #(also ngl having a therapist who understands that certain coping skills may never go away but can be modified to be more useful is LIFE #CHANGING. DO YOU KNOW HOW FREEING IT WAS TO HEAR SOMEONE WHO ISNT CRAZY SAY “i can see how [these things] can be distressing and if you wan #to stop doing them we can explore new coping skills - AND if the distress from these coping skills is shame related we can work through it #and see what happens and its okay if you come out the other side using the same coping skills with a better understanding of yourself “#when most of my life every coping skill ive ever engaged in has been moralized (esp by therapists) and attempted to be beaten out of me.)#also I'm saying “comfort me” thru this bc even tho it's not actually comforting TO me when ppl do this ik thats usually their intent

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sanchoyo · 2 years ago

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i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...

#... im not sure if itll be a full day or just 'more paperwork/general tour/training' tho kinda hopin for maybe like a half day TwT;;#im very nervous and considering taking one of the old anxiety meds i still have #from when i was in therapy. except idk if theyre still in date + they made me feel like a zombie which is why i stopped taking them lol #like i was SO out of it on them. but would that be preferable 2 the feeling of Soon Entering Cardiac Arrest levels of anxiety im having rn?#maybe...#+ going to take a sleeping pill around 10 to make sure i dont stay up all night freaking myself out #jkdkjfhjjk can my brain be normal about this. i havent even started the job yet calm down!!! calm down!!! its ok!!!!#i just feel so bad bc everyone has been rly nice. like 'omg yay u found a chill job w insurance RIGHT before u get kicked off urs thats #great ik youll do well!!' and its like well what if i DONT do well what if i freak out again. and self sabotage. then what. like i KNOW #its bad and i KNOW what i SHOULD be doing but its like herding geese over here in my brain zone. painful and bad and i dont understand why #things happen at all its confusing and frustrating to deal with #logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing #scene from spongebob. brain on fire. lol #sanchoyorambles

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peapod20001 · 2 years ago

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Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

#vent #ok. so #I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened!#I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real #I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face #now don’t judge me but #I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha..#I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried #and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around #whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you #hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone #I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎#mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here #can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess #I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman #oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out #haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth?#oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways

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dan-crimes · 2 years ago

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I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇

#and I mean like perma death not talking abt any afterlifes and the afterlife in my story is based on DnD type deals #but even harder to get to like people can't just die and come back like nothing it is a PROCESS and NOT an easy one and also #not commonly practiced because it is rare to get it right (to be more direct it HASN'T been gotten right yet it's just a theory atm)#I never talk about my story or character OCs BUT I guess here's a taste of it #anyway I don't really kill off my characters but if I do experience a death of some sort then I probably will start writing abt it #but for now my characters are relatively safe also this isn't to say I'm unwilling to write abt death I just don't feel equip to handle it #in terms of a story revolving or somewhat revolving around a grieving process of some sort of dealing with all the different feelings #I dunno that stuff so I wouldn't write it as of right now #torture on the other hand #OH a good example for how I view the whole death thing in my story is kinda like Adventure Time #like that episode with Ghost Princess like ghosts and other paranormal stuff exist and are prominent #and they do go and meet with death thru a portal but that's like the surface level afterlife you can't really hit the deeper levels #unless you are dead and no one can see that stuff unless they are dead like when Finn dies we finally see what it's all like #as for like the levels and stuff I dunno abt all that I have like a very vague concept of how that would work but it's kinda like #beyond human comprehension y'know? that's how I view it and like death is PERMANENT and it's not suppose to be messed with #or bad things happen 👻👻👻#there are even more things abt it like little exceptions to the rules but the rules still apply even still it's just like #living on borrowed time or being forced to like #well I don't wanna get too much into that tho that's like super spoilers #but man I enjoy thinking abt it

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loutrem · 2 years ago

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#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead #since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me #even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly #so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know #and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening #before and after his death #many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz #i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering #i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes #because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust #i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted #but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget #i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown #he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad #its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt #phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper #i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him.#and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck.#im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful #negative /#death m /#suicide m /

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 4 months ago

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KAOS SEASON 2 GOT CANCELED?????

STOP CANCELING QUEER SHOWS FOR FUCKS SAKE

#found out from the comments of jammidodgers video on it #looked it up #its fuckin true #im so fuckin mad #like are you fucking kidding me #and like. i try to talk to my parents about shit like this cuz like!! they liked ofmd and kaos!!! they want both the stories to get finished #but when i point out the queerphobia they just brush it off #like. the numbers were absolutely there for ofmd. but my parents just buy into that being the only reason it got canceled #and i just feel like im going fucking crazy #like. i get it. my parents grew up in Lawrence and had openly queer friends and it just wasnt like. a thing for them #theyre not gay or trans so they didnt experience any overt queerphobia themselves #and what they saw towards friends was fairly tame #and they know that its bad in some places. they know it still happens. but theyre still disconnected enough from it that #they just dont see it as a systemic problem even tho it very much still is #or they think queer shows getting canceled just isnt that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but like #kaos had a main character who was trans. and it wasnt treated as a big deal. which is fucking huge.#like representation is fucking important and it feels fucking awful everytime we get just a tiny scrap of it only to have it ripped away #and thats not even counting how fucking annoying it is to get hooked on another new show just to have it get canceled before #the story can be finished #but the fact that it keeps happening to queer shows specifically. just over and over again. it just feels fucking hopeless sometimes

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th3houseofleaves · 4 months ago

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thinking abt dove baek and how they've done a variety of illegal things to survive and they justify all of it bc it was for their survival right and as an adult they're avoiding breaking the law as much as possible bc they have to be a good influence for sparrow bc they don't want him to pick up any of their bad behaviors right but at the same time they're super nonchalant and open abt some of the stuff they did (there's some things that are going to stay buried forever thank you very much) so sparrow absolutely picks up on that energy and the first (and only) time dove has to come pick their son up after he's caught stealing they're incredibly upset – at him but mostly themself – and they fear for their LIFE bc it's totally going to be blamed on them and while karina isn't gonna hold it against them forever she won't be happy abt it and her parents will be even more upset.

meanwhile sparrow thinks he's done some cool shit and doesn't understand why everyone's not being chill about it

#minotaur // dove baek #the house // musing #minotaur // karina downing #dove it literally the most anxious they have ever been as a parent #while also fighting back the urge to give their son pointers bc getting caught? really bro #the only thing stopping them is the fact that they're the parent and reenie would not be happy at all if they gave their son tips #for breaking the law #sparrow is sitting in the backseat of dove's borrowed car just happy to be there #he 100% tells jason about it and the entire time dove is behind him giving jason a look that says #“do not fucking tell him that was cool do not do that do not give him advice i swear to god jason peter”#and jason. even tho he is a being of chaos actually listens lmao #karina comes over later and has dove go outside with her so they can have a talk & sparrow stays chilling with jay #it is. kind of awkward but again sparrow is happy to be there :)#karina and dove conversation is mostly them arguing back and forth w each other but they didn't want to do it in front of their kid #she's super pissed at them and they're pissed at themself so it's? not a great time #they cool off after awhile and they're chill again but they do have to go have a Serious Talk w their kid #for the record im imagining sparrow at like 13 or 14 when this happens #which adds layers to it bc i can see dove getting that call and finding out what he did and they flashback to what they were doing at that #age and how it wasn't cool for them and it's definitely not cool when he does it and it's just a little bit of panic #and it rlly sinks in that they've done some bad shit to survive and they don't want sparrow to ever have to do that #but like most things dove repressed that shit :)#oh and sparrow n jason dynamic is very good 2 me #jason is not his dad or parental figure at all really bc dove isn't pushing that on him #and he's also not just a stranger or only his dad's boyfriend #he's like a secret third thing #bc he IS important to sparrow fr #especially once sparrow was old enough to realize jason wasn't just his dad's cool friend that stayed over a lot lmao #and jay cares abt sparrow bc yknow? that's his dove's kid! he's been around since sparrow was rlly little he's been there! so even if he's #not a dad or overt parental figure or anything they're still important to each other #it's a family dynamic that doesn't like fit into a nuclear family format ya feel

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korattata · 6 months ago

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it really really sucks that the best way to get better at driving is actual real experience driving on the road around other people

but driving is also like one of the most dangerous things you can do especially if you're inexperienced

#i've gotten a LOT better at driving recently. not like in a technical way necessarily but in an anxiety way #i drove back from the vets office without looking at google maps today!!!! wow!!!!#that's amazing bc i'm really bad at directions.#but wow they(my family) weren't lying you sure can take that single road all the way to the landmark walgreens.#vet office trip was just routine checkup for cookie. she's appearently very healthy for a 16 year old dog!!!#good. she better fucking be because if anything else happens this year i will Literally Explode :)#anyway. yeah i still hate driving tho but at least i don't feel AS anxious about it now for the places i have to go to often #*new creative post tag here*#really what got me to try to not use maps is it kept fucking trying to reroute me to a road full of traffic circles #because it's technically quicker. no.

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