#i have a lot written down here ah reading the old things i write feels so comforting. i still feel the same way as i do from ages ago

[aingeal98]

Hi, so I was reading some of your Stephanie Brown meta & kudos, serious props yours is excellent. I also noticed you seem to be among those who picked up on the worrying undercurrent of Stephanie's relationships with older men. So double kudos for that.

Especially as its one of those things that tends to get glossed over in fandom & I am unsure at times if some writers even grasped what they were doing. Though that may say more about how girls tend to be treated/viewed as adults rather than children, teenagers or victims, save when its convenient to judge them as such.

Sorry not sure where I am going with this, but I think your stance it from that "Five ships that won't happen" section of the Steph ask as well thought out and covered a lot, so third kudos just for tackling that heavy topic so deftly and efficiently.

Ah thank you! Stephanie's relationship with men is so fascinating to me because she's been hurt so many times and the dissonance between her canon and fanon versions are pretty grim yet interesting. Like in early canon she was the Faith to Ariana's Buffy, the Veronica to the Bettys that were Tim's other love interests at the time. And various writers had various ideas about why she was the way she was, a common theme being that she had difficult relationships with the men in her life and had been hurt in the past. Be it a villain, a friend of her fathers, Cluemaster himself, or a shitty clearly too old guy named Dean. I don't think it was meant to be a pattern, more likely just individual ideas about trauma Steph suffered in her past that ended up turning into a consistent trait.

So you've got an abusive father, at least two cases of SA that I can remember (her babysitter and Black Mask), a pregnancy with clear subtext that the father was older than her, and the general way Batman treats her.

Not to mention she was a minor when all this happened. Like Steph has so many issues that she deserves the chance to unpack but instead they've just kind of... softened her down. Like her Batgirl run was the first chance she'd gotten to be the actual hero instead of The Girl in a story written by sexists, and she deserved every second of that. There had been too much injustice done to her character and her Batgirl run did a good job at setting the baseline for giving her a decent narrative. But afterwards, the New 52 could have delved more into her psyche instead of leaning into her waffles and sparkles fanon characterization. But because the New 52 is the worst, it didn't. And now here we are.

It's one of the reasons I'd really love to write a story about Steph realising she's bisexual, because I think in some ways her view of men are due to feeling trapped by heterosexuality and the patriarchal society. It's hard to explain fully without going into a whole other meta but the way she reacts to Tim showing her bare minimum decency is heartbreaking. Like yes men are awful and have been awful to her but she still likes them, she's going to settle down and marry one eventually right? She just has to find the right one, and Tim didn't treat her like complete garbage so he might be it for her!

And then for her to realise that no, she doesn't. She can marry a man if she wants to but if she wants romance there's also women... I really think bi Steph could be so much more than a simple "Oh hey I like girls now cool lol." Like it would shake a significant amount of the misogyny she's internalised and directed towards herself, it could alter the view she's taken of the world, and it would allow her to see her past trauma through a different lens, maybe with less subconscious self hatred.

Sorry this turned into a giant ramble haha, but thank you for the ask!

[staytinyville]

Seonghwa

PLEASE REFER TO MASTERLIST TO GET FULL TAROT READING EXPERIENCE

↣ Summary: After you hear that your father has appointed you to be his heir, you question yourself if you are ready for it. Seonghwa is your long term friend and future advisor, who tell you what you need to hear.

↣ Characters/Pairing: Park Seonghwa x gn!Reader

↣ Genre: Fluff, Historical Fiction, 

↣ AU/Trope info: Game of Thrones!au, royalty!au, historical!au

↣ Word Count: 1.5k

↣ Warnings: None

↣ A/N: All I saw while writing this was House of Dragon. But I won’t add the dragons here. But I can only imagine Seonghwa as a Targaryen. OOO, on a black dragon with red eyes. AHH! Ateez needs a house of dragon!au.

THE EMPEROR

Authority, Establishment, Structure, a Father Figure

You are taking on a fatherly role (even if you are a male or female). The place you are currently at is a role that is meant for you to take the lead in situations that call for advice. You are the patriarch of the group that makes people feel secure.

You are someone who claims respect and authority towards their followers. You are seen as a leader who is just, and people will like when you are in those kinds of positions and know how to handle what people want and how to get what people need. Not only that, but you are fair in your leadership and give everyone equal chances. 

You know a lot about what you are doing and how to do it. You might have enough experience in the area and if not you are very knowledgeable in it. Because of this, you are seen as someone people look up to often when it comes to certain things.

IV THE EMPEROR

You sat with your back straight as the master read out some testaments your father already had written. While he was only in the room next door, still resting, he decided it would be best to leave a will before his passing. That way his children wouldn’t fight over what would happen to the kingdom without his true word. 

“Your father has asked (Y/N) to be named his successor once he passes.” Your head snapped up, looking between your other siblings. 

Your brother’s eyebrows raised, looking over at you in astonishment, and your sister pursed their lips in order not to say anything. Each of them didn’t dare to make a scene or argue over your father’s decision. However, you were beyond confused. 

“What?” You asked, eyes wide. “Are you sure?” You told the master pointedly. 

“That is what his majesty has requested.” The man told you softly. 

“Is he well to take visitors at the moment?” You stood up from the chair, causing all your siblings to look at you oddly. 

The old man looked at your worried expression, sighing to himself. Everyone knew how you were as a person. If you had questions, you were going to find a way to get the answers. 

“Only for a moment.” He told you. 

You both walked over to your father’s chambers, the man sitting up in bed as he swatted at one of his nurses for trying to force him to drink his tea. Your shoulders dropped at how pale he looked. His skin was sweaty and he seemed to hack after each breath he took. 

“Father.” You called softly, giving him a small smile as you grew closer. 

“Hello, Dear.” He squinted his eyes for a moment, pausing to take a look at who he was speaking to. 

“It's (Y/N).” You told him, kneeling down at his bedside. 

“Ah, my little (Y/N).” He smiled, moving to try to pinch at your cheek, but all it felt like was a grab with the little strength he had. “You have grown so big. What are they feeding you?” He asked. 

“The same as you.” You chuckled. 

“I do hope it's not that nasty tea.” He whispered to you. 

“Of course not.” You laughed, giving the nurse on the other side of the bed a smile. She rolled her eyes playfully, turning around with the cup of tea, realizing he wasn’t going to be taking it.

You sighed as you turned back to your father, trying to determine if he was good enough to speak to you on the matter of the throne. 

“Father, I've come to ask.” You started, taking a hold of his hand. “Are you sure you want me to be your heir?”

“My heir?” He immediately frowned, looking at you oddly. “I'm dying?” He questioned himself. Just as he did, he began to cough violently, gripping onto his chest as it began to hurt. “Yes, there it is.” He tried to laugh, but it sounded like more coughs. 

Once he seemed to have calmed down, he turned back to you with a soft smile. “I've had you as my named heir for ages.” He said. “Ever since Seonghwa came to me to tell me all about the time you led an army into war with invaders.” 

A smile overtook your face at the mention of your oldest friend and advisor. He had been there for as long as you could remember, always keeping you from trouble and being the one to get you out of it. Everyone always loved him–he was a people person. You worried about the day someone would come to take him from you, but to this day he always told you that you were the first person in life. 

“You've always been so kind, too. You know more than you care to admit.” Your father continued. “Seonghwa knows it too.”

You chuckled, squeezing his hand as you knew what he meant. “Where is that boy? I need to see my son-in-law.” Your father looked around the room, waiting for the man to pop out. 

“Son-in-law?” You immediately said, looking at him confused. 

“Aren't you two married?” He asked you.

“No, father, I'm not married.” You shook your head. 

“I'm going to miss the wedding!?” He shouted, causing you to flinch. 

You had been the youngest of five children–which is why it was a shock to learn that you had been named heir. Your sisters had been betrothed and your brothers had settled down. One of them already had three kids. And for each of their weddings, your father had been there; to walk them down the step. 

However, you knew that compared to all of them, you had been the closest to the king. It wasn’t because you were the baby of the family. If anything, being the baby only meant that sometimes he wasn’t able to play with you the way he played with your siblings when they were children. 

Instead, you would ask if you could sit with him during council meetings or have him read a story to you. You had always found the things that made a kingdom fascinating. So you took it upon yourself to follow your father around whenever the chance was given. It was how you knew so much about being a king. At least that was what you told yourself. 

Seonghwa was someone you loved with all your heart. And it wasn’t uncommon for you to think about him in a different way that wasn’t just friends. He was the person you could count on–the one you could tell all your problems to. 

Your shoulders dropped as you looked at your pale father. There was only so much time he had left and you wanted to make sure he saw all that he could possibly want. 

“Is that what you want?” You asked him.

“All my heart could ever need.”

You stood in front of the mirror stationed in your room. Your maids had finished dressing you in your attire, making sure everything was suited to your needs. Your hands smoothed down any wrinkles you saw–which were none, but your anxiousness seemed to make you think differently. 

While normal people would find themselves nervous for something as big as their wedding, the only thing you could possibly think of was how you would become named heir to the whole kingdom after. 

“Am I really ready for this?” You spoke out loud, turning around to face your advisor and future husband. 

Seonghwa was messing with the sleeves of his suit, looking up at you when you spoke. “Do you want my advice as your advisor or as your friend?” He asked you.

“Give me both.” You told him. 

“You're immature and a nuisance to everyone who is in your close vicinity.” He told you without so much as pause. 

“Seonghwa!” You gasped out, swatting at his arm. 

“As your advisor,” He continued. “You care a lot about your people and have seen plenty of politics to know how to rule.”

“The people love you and are willing to give you their respect. You will be an amazing ruler for the people.” He told you. 

“I grew up with you. I've seen you do the stupidest of things that would jeopardize your health—but I have also seen you give up so much in order to keep the kingdom alive. You have seen many things in your lifetime which have given you the knowledge needed to become king.” He grew closer to you, placing his hand on your cheek as his thumb rubbed over it. 

“As your oldest friend, I love all those things about you. You are someone truly remarkable.” He whispered. 

It was only a few days ago that you had asked for Seonghwa’s hand in marriage. The boy had looked at you oddly for a moment, but when you explained why, he understood. The only thing he said after that was that you seemed to have jumped ahead a lot of steps. He wanted to court you first, but it seemed that had to be skipped over now that you were going to be named heir. 

“And your advice as my husband?” You gave him a teasing grin. 

“I do hope you're prepared for later tonight.” 

Your eyes went wide as you went to punch his arm this time. 

The man gasped out and rubbed at the sore spot, pouting. “This is why you led an army.” He whined. “You hit like a barbarian.”

“We trained together.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yes, but you always tried harder. Try hard.” He teased you. 

You raised your hands again, lightly slapping at him. He moved his own arms to swat back, trying to playfully fight back. “No! No abuse!” He said, quickly grabbing your hands and holding them away from him.

He grinned at you, leaning his forehead against yours. “I'll be waiting for you.” He whispered, breath hitting your lips.

“I love you.” You told him.

“I know.”

Tags : @cultofdionysusnet , @wonderlandnet , @pirateeznet , @k-vanity

[joltai-showa]

ah shit here we go again, let's reread Naruto again

reading it in official English translation for the first time and really have no idea if it's good or not lol (I've been translating MHA for 5 years straight and official English translation from the same company fucking sucks)

chapter 1 is huge as hell, which is normal for Shonen Jump, mangaka needs to introduce the concept and characters and all yada yada

what I find really funny about Naruto is a lot of the stuff is written backwards (meaning, we have some stuff introduced early on, but then more shit is slapped on top) to the point that pre-Shippuden things directly contradict what is going to be stated later. Kishimoto most of the time gave approximately zero shit about things outright not making sense and, y'know, you gotta respect him for that, cause I don't have balls like that

(unfortunately when writing anything canon-compliant in Naruto you have be mindful of things being rewritten and outright not making sense💀)

Anyway enough yapping, very first page is already ripe with shit that is going to be retconneced later

Firstly, description of Kurama's abilities. Naruto's orange puppy certainly can not start tsunamis and landslides with just his tails, lmao, this is something closer to Ten-Tails. If the terrain allows it, sure, I can see him starting a landslide, but orange puppy isn't starting anything in the seas, he's got siblings with lesser number of tails for that haha.

Secondly, the entire second paragraph feels like a fever dream honestly. "Suffering people gathered the shinobi clans to fight this menace" = Konoha was founded as a way to stop the endless tiny conflicts between the shinobi clans living in the Land of Fire (why have small-scale conflicts between each other when you can have literal world wars with the guys from beyond the border lol, jk, I know Hashirama wanted a peaceful future for the kids, but ultimately hidden villages system solves none of the issues of the previous system besides "7 year olds die on the battlefields" because now we have "15 year olds die on the battlefields"), Kurama literally wanted nothing to do with humans (as far as we know) during the warring states period, he was literally frolicking in some meadows and eating weird twins from to-be Kumogakure, got captured by Uchiha "read some mossy stone that my clan carried for years for some reason and went totally delulu" Madara, was used to attack Konoha, got bitch slapped by Hashirama a few times before Mito stuffed him into her stomach. And people are surprised why is the orange puppy so evil most of the manga lmao. But anyway, the entire sentence also implies that Fourth Hokage had some sort of mega-epic showdown with the evil puppy... while in reality it was something closer to Konoha's nuke being stolen by a delusional angry fourteen year old and Minato had to simply recapture the nuke again.

anyway, that was a long-ass rant lol

love the early style, it's so goofy, Kakashi is especially wonky in it

first question: why are we tying up school kids after they are caught for their terrible pranks? what is the educational idea behind this thing? like, i get doing that on the training field, imitating combat and all, but why do the same thing in the classroom? is it supposed to encourage the kids to learn how to run away after being tied down by some ropes?

(if that's the case i guess i know at least one academy student who always failed this task, yeah, looking at you, rin, i'm sorry, i can't hold myself back from bashing that thing, lmao)

anyway, back to the manga, i really love how it mentions that Naruto flunked this exam two times already (and it's not stated how often this exam is, so I guess yearly?), and only graduates at like 13, which is supposed to be a super late age and Naruto is such a lazy bum for that... but then you realize the funny fact that Naruto's classmates aka "genius" Sasuke, "book-smart" Sakura, team Asuma and team Kurenai are all the same age as him. Lmao. This isn't the first time Kishi will forget about this silly thing called "timeline".

let's... not adress this gag.

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

Naruto, allow me to introduce you to this wonderful concept called "nepotism". It's quite common in your village. Second Hokage was First's younger brother, Third Hokage was the student of the Second, Fourth Hokage is the student of a guy who studied under Third, Fifth is literally both the granddaughter of First and a student of Third, Sixth is the student of Fourth and you, Naruto, is the son of Fourth and the student of Sixth.

I absolutely love how early Naruto is trying to be this story about this poor underdog when in reality our MC is the nepobaby to ever napobaby lol. I think only Iwa beats Konoha at having the most absurdly nepotistic system for Kage, because 3 out of 4 Tsuchikage are directly related to each other through blood and the one guy that isn't happens to be the teacher to Third.

(I do remember there was so bullshit about Kazekage clan or something but I think it's pretty much only a title and only Rasa and Gaara are actually related to each other through blood)

>badge of adulthood

>given to literal 9-13 year olds who can't throw a kunai in a straight line

yeah, you know what, this actually checks out.

you immediately know that mizuki is fucking evil when he says "nah let him pass iruka, he managed to produce a single shitty clone, he's totally not gonna be killed after 30 seconds on the battlefield" like WHAT IS THIS SYSTEM OF EDUCATION

also another good question to the world building: does Konoha have other schools besides Academy? Like, what do kids do if they don't want to pursue military career? Their parents hopefully teach them how to read and count and that's it? I mean, Konoha is a military settlement at the end of the day, but they can't be teaching only guys who will be throwing knives at each other?

absolutely nothing, naruto, lmao. you were born a nepobaby, prepare to have an endless supply of chakra for any tricks of yours and the best senseis Konoha has to offer.

is the Hokage building supposed to be their residence as well? huh.

also let's not talk about this gag.

comically large kurama jpeg

[vidavalor]

I just happened upon your blog (right terminology?) and I’m learning a lot. One thing that startled me was your referring to Crowley and Aziraphale’s love (sex) life as a matter of course, something seemingly everyone but me knew about. I was blown away and really wanted it to be true. After all, they’ve had to do without so much—openness, safety, the expectation of future togetherness. It would too unfair if they had to do without physical consummation too. What’s the deal with this? How do we know it’s so? What’s the history? Please enlighten me. Have you written posts about this? I’d love to read them. Thanks

Hello! Thanks for the ask. Nice to meet you. I call it a blog because I'm old and don't know the cool terms but we can call it whatever lol. I have no idea re: how many people who view the show and are able to see that Crowley & Aziraphale are more than friends (because, believe it or not, that concept still shocks some lol) who think that they're already lovers. I do think I'm sort of in the minority, maybe, even if there are a bunch of people who think that they're already a thing. When scrolling through the Ineffable Husbands tag on here, I tend to see a lot more posts that suggest that they aren't lovers and that 2.06 was their first kiss. (Let's hope that it's not lol.)

I guess I would say that if you are thinking about whether or not they might be, consider that Good Omens shows you most of its story out of chronological order in order to give layered meaning to the stuff you've already seen so, just with that knowledge alone, it would be actually pretty surprising if 2.06 was the first time they'd kissed. In S2 itself, earlier on, there's some heavy suggestion that it's not. If you want to read about when I think that happened, go here and I'll link you one more post at the bottom of this response here:

While I like to read all points of view-- I read a lot of aro ace GO stuff as well, even if I don't necessarily see that in my own interpretations of things-- I have thought they were sleeping together since the first time I watched S1 a few years back and S2 just kinda reinforced that for me. I think that, technically-speaking, there's a path to either they still haven't gotten together or that they're long-time lovers. I say that but honestly... it's more like if they somehow do something that suggests that they're only getting together during/after S3, I think it could kinda work but I honestly don't actually think that's the story they're writing. I'm pretty firmly set on the idea that they've been sleeping together for, uh, a very long time at this point. Someone told me the other day via messages that they would burn my house down if I did not finish a sex meta that I promised people so I best maybe get on that and also potentially call the police lol. (I am both flattered and scared?). So, uh, I'll get that up soon... I wrote a couple of longer metas lately about different eras of their relationship that are replies to recent asks on my blog-- I'd probably recommend the one about what they call each other and coded love confessions in 1941, if you're looking to read about them as a couple that's already a couple (even if they would have an anxiety attack at the word 'couple', as Crowley does in 2.06 lol). Will link it below. I'm very flattered that you and others have asked to read more of what I think and I have gotten asked a lot for more sex-related content so, uh, watch this space, I guess? :)

Make yourself a tea first or plan to come back to it as I'm wordy lol:

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Lets goooooooo!!!! I’m back with oh so many emojis and oh so much gratitude to you for writing for them! It genuinely brings me a lot of joy and I really appreciate it!

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️(im so loving this current era - like even when they’re talking logistics and eddie’s being hard on himself there’s still just so much love and happiness in the air!)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(that last chapter was fabulous! Here comes covid and potentially a buckley parents visit? Very curious what that looks like in this world)

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸(on the edge of my seat!!! This story is everything to meeeee!!)

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮(baby bobby i’m sending you love!)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟(cant wait for maddie and eddie and chris to be there so they can all live through hell together 💖)

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑(i love the name! And im so so excited to read this one!)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼(the angst from these snippests is really getting to me!)

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐(MAY!!!!!)

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮(MY BELOVED CRANBERRY IS BACK YAY!!!!!)

I so love all your work (in case I haven’t been clear about that :p) but one thing I’m currently so impressed by is that you have three separate wips where buddie is established and yet the stories all feel so distinct from each other - they all stand alone and feel in character and aren’t repetitive! It’s so impressive and you’re such a talented author!!!

Thank you so much for this! Lots of love from your biggest fan!!!

AHH THANK YOU! That makes me so very happy to hear. I am so glad they all feel distinct and not repetitive to you! YOU ARE SO KIND!!!!

51 for ⚡️ (AH THANKS! I am really just trying to get them to a place where I'd be happy to leave them, you know?):

---

Eddie laughs. “Watch out, Los Angeles.” 

“It’s okay if we don’t get it,” Buck says pragmatically. “We don’t have to get it.”

“There will be other places,” Eddie agrees. 

“But I could see us in this one,” Buck says. “I didn’t feel that anywhere else.”

“Same here,” Eddie says. “I have a gut feeling about it.”

“Hmm, a gut feeling,” Buck teases. “Like the universe?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

Definitely the universe. 

☆☆☆

On their last shift before the wedding, Eddie knows he’s not exactly tuned into work. It’s not like he’s doing a bad job, but it would be fair to say his head is a little bit in the clouds. Maybe more than a little bit. 

In his defense, there’s obviously a lot going on. He’s only got his vows half written. They’re waiting to hear back about the house. Different family members are flying in on different days. Chris is unhappy with his haircut. His parents are flying in, but are of course not willing to stay anyway near each other, so he’s got all his family’s different travel plans on the brain. He has about a hundred emails in his inbox from the venue - a restaurant in a beautiful old, stone building who are also catering - and the tailors. Most of which, Buck answers. Thank god. It’s just a lot. A lot of noise. 

Not that Eddie is complaining. He’s over the moon. Life has never been this smooth or good for him, really. If there’s a bit of noise as a result, he’s welcoming it. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s welcoming it and focusing on work very well. 

At this particular moment, Eddie is trying to check fluid levels in the engine, and finding it rather hard to focus. He’s checked and rechecked three times, and keeps losing track of the numbers before he manages to write them down. He feels like his brain has atrophied. He’s finally managing to scribble the correct numbers on the sheet on the clipboard - really, is he the right person for the clipboard chore? - when he hears Buck calling him from the edge of the mezzanine.

Eddie shifts his body to a better position to look up at him. 

“What’s up?” He calls back. 

“Gianna’s calling,” Buck points at his phone. 

Gianna’s calling! About their house! Their maybe house?

Eddie tears away from the engine so quickly he nearly stumbles. He jogs to the stairs and takes them two at a time as Buck answers the call. 

“Hi, Gianna,” Eddie hears him say. “Yeah, I’m good. How are you?”

Eddie hurries to Buck’s side once he reaches the top of the stairs, resting a hand between his shoulder blades. 

“That’s… Wait, really?” Buck asks. 

---

30 for 🚨 (eeee thanks!!!! Excited to share my plans!)

---

Yeah, that would be insane. That would be torture. 

“She’s going to be so mad at you for not telling her,” Buck teases. 

Eddie makes a little sound of complaint. 

“You’ll be right there in trouble with me.” He warns. 

Buck guffaws. 

“No way. Not me. I’m not precious to them like you.”

“Precious?” 

“You heard me.”

“You’re crazy.”

Buck really hopes it doesn’t end up causing social conflict for Eddie. He really wants to avoid that. Eddie is having a hard enough time with everything, with Chris gone, to also be in a bad spot with one of his closest friends. He hopes they can simply keep it under wraps for another week, then politely come clean after Buck gets his shield. 

In his brain, it should be straightforward. 

Reality? Never quite so simple. 

iii.

They make it until the shift before Buck’s official probationary graduation. Really, so close. So tantalizingly close. Eddie feels like an idiot for not being able to hold it together better. 

The problem lies with Eddie. With Eddie’s emotional confusion lately. Maybe confusion isn’t the right word. Emotional scatterbrain? That. That feels better.

---

75 for 🩸(THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

---

He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel bad about it. The scent of his blood filled the air. Eddie couldn’t even feel that hungry for it, either. The twinge of want was there, but the desire to avoid death was stronger. 

The man screamed in agony, and presumably toppled forward. Presumably, because Eddie’s not sure what else would have caused his rifle to go off. Either way, an ear-splitting crack of the gun discharging filled the air. 

Eddie thought for a moment he must have accidentally shot himself in the head, because the screaming stopped. What an easy end to all of it that would have been. But after a moment of shock, his wailing started again. He shot himself, but not fatally. But he could still be holding the weapon. 

Eddie had to be careful. He couldn’t die there, after besting the asshole. After proving himself something more than a mindless monster. More than helpless prey. 

He crept as quietly as possible out from his hiding spot and craned his neck to see the man. He lay moaning in a sort of fetal position, shin snared by the animal trap, mangled and bloody. His right arm was more or less blown off. Something about the sight of it brought Eddie right back to Afghanistan. He’d seen so many limbs that ended up just like his. Three bullet wounds of his own over there, and it was a wonder none of his ended up the way. 

The important part, the crucial part, was that the rifle lay discarded, several feet away from the vampire hunter. In his state, the man couldn’t reach it before Eddie. 

Which meant Eddie was the hunter now. 

Or maybe not a hunter. Maybe that was the wrong word. Maybe Eddie was more like some sick scavenger bird. Picking at what was already practically a corpse.

He walked out, into view. Heard the man give a little moan. He bent down in front of the gun, removed the magazine and tossed it in one direction, then chucked the gun down the hill in the other. It rolled into the creek, lost. Good. When someone eventually found his body, the gun would be identifying. Registered to him. Better it be gone. 

“Please,” the man moaned.”Don’t kill me.”

The muscles in Eddie’s face had twitched with revulsion. 

“You would have killed me,” Eddie reminded him. “Came all the way back here to do it.”

“I’m a man,” he sobbed in response. “I’m a human. I’m a father.”

If Eddie hadn’t been resolved to let him die before then, that did it.

“So am I.” 

After that, he did what he had to. He knew he needed energy for what he had to do next, so he drank. Not everything. Not enough to drain him. Though maybe that would have been kinder. Eddie took only what he needed.He took his money and chucked his wallet into the stream, same as the gun. He stole his car keys. He wiped his blood from his mouth. He left the man dying on the forest floor, covered in dirt.

Later, he would change the plates on the car. Later, he would do all he could to separate himself from this crime. And when he heard about it in the news later, there were no suspects. 

He feels bad about it sometimes. In small, quiet pockets. 

He shouldn’t. 

The guy would have killed Eddie first. He wanted to kill Eddie first.

Kim did kill Eddie first.

She killed Eddie first. She lured him. She trapped him. She hunted him. She stopped his heart. She left him for dead. She infected him. She stole over six months of time from him and his son. 

She did it first.

So Eddie shouldn’t feel bad about this, either.

---

24 for 🔮 (I am putting them THROUGH it):

---

A still, tense air to it. Something that makes Buck want to turn around and walk the other way. 

Instead, he follows Bobby and his family inside the house. 

The first thing he notices is the burnt kitchen. Singed wallpaper and damaged appliances. All the tell tale signs of a small kitchen fire. One that hasn’t had a chance to be properly cleaned and repaired yet. 

Is that what happened? Is that how Timothy Nash died? Buck has responded to a lot of small blazes like this in the seven years he’s been a firefighter. Not one of them has ever been fatal. It’s possible, but it seems unlikely. 

Bobby walks purposefully towards a plainly decorated bedroom and closes himself inside. Buck follows him, ending up on the same side of the door as Bobby’s private grief. He watches as Bobby throws himself onto the bed, curls into a ball, and stares at the wall. Outside the bedroom, Buck can hear the muffled sounds of Bobby’s mother and brother having what sounds like a rather serious discussion. Bobby’s face twitches as his brother raises his voice, but otherwise, he seems to ignore it. 

Buck looks around the room. There’s a pair of ice skates in the open closet. Hockey trading cards on a bookshelf. A discarded walkman on the floor. Buck checks what Bobby was listening to last. Who Can It Be Now? By Men at Work. 

Hmm.

---

33 for 🧟 (some of that here for you!)

---

“Like the radio!” Chris exclaims. 

Maddie scrunches her eyebrows. “The radio?”

“Maddie on the radio!” Chris insists. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Maddie tells him.

Eddie chuckles. “I’ve been teaching Chris Morse Code. Something to pass the time as we travel, you know?”

Wow, what a really fun dad…

“Sure,” Maddie offers. 

“Some radio stations are still picking up transmissions. People putting out messages. Trying to reach people, spread info,” Eddie explains. 

Maddie nods. She’s heard a few of those. Never knew what they were saying though. 

“We came into range for one recently that uses the name Maddie.” Eddie says. 

Maddie raises her eyebrows. “Like the broadcaster?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “The message. It’s just one phrase on loop.”

Maddie feels a little cold. 

“What phrase?”

“Maddie, I am alive,” Chris recites. “Sun. Books.”

The wind could not be more swiftly knocked out of Maddie if someone broke the rest of her ribs. 

“What?” She asks, barely a squeak.

---

36 for 👑 (Thanks! Islands in the Stream!):

--

The Buckley’s Beverly Hills mansion is very square. Very white and square and modern. Everything feels neat and sleek. It feels very Beverly Hills. Very new money. But, somehow, not very Maddie. Though, maybe he doesn’t know her well enough to say. 

A valet parks Chim’s car for him. He wonders if they notice the LAFD bag in the back stuffed with the clothes he’ll need to swiftly return to reality. 

When he walks into the elaborately decorated party, complete with waitstaff passing out trays of drinks and food, Chim feels like he’s in a strange fairy tale. Like he’s the thriving entrepreneur he once dreamed of being, invited to a party to network and schmooze. Like he’s the kind of son his father would have wanted. Would being at a party like this make him proud? The whole thing makes Chim feel a little dirty. A little out of place. In fact, a not insignificant part of his body is urging him to turn and walk the other way. 

But then he sees Maddie.

He sees Maddie, and he remembers why he came. Why he needs to be here. 

Maddie is standing across the wide, open foyer of her parents’ home, wearing a loose, knee length champagne colored dress that twinkles a little when she moves. She’s talking to someone. The man from the Christmas card. Her little brother. The one that was in Peru. They each have a half-full flute in hand. 

“Champagne?” A passing server asks Chim.They must see him eyeing Maddie and her brother and assume he wants what they have.

“No, thank you,” Chim mumbles. 

They keep walking.

Chim doesn’t quite know what to do. He doesn’t want to interrupt Maddie’s conversation. But he also doesn’t have any other reason to be here or anyone else to talk to. He feels a bit like a creep, standing there, staring at her. He must look entirely pathetic. 

After a moment, her brother notices.

---

18 for 🔼:

---

 “Well, uh… Alright then. I guess let me know if you need help building stuff?” 

They end up showering. Not the long shower she’d hoped for, but something quick and efficient. If Eddie comes over - and Buck doubts he will - he doesn’t want him to arrive in the middle of that. Actually, the thought sort of horrifies and embarrasses him. Though he can’t say why. 

And, as it turns out, not even five minutes after they’re done and dressed, there’s a knock on the door. Buck is genuinely floored by this.

“Guess that’s a no on needing help,” Ali mumbles as Buck heads downstairs to answer the door.

When he opens it to see Eddie standing before him, his first thought is that Eddie sort of looks like shit. This is not the sort of thought he’s used to having. He’s used to feeling a strange sort of jealousy he doesn’t quite comprehend regarding the opposite thought. But here Eddie stands. He’s unshaven. There are dark circles under his eyes, which look a little puffy. There are indents in his bottom lip from where he’s been anxiously chewing on it. 

“Eddie? Uh, are you okay?”

---

21 for 💐 (YEAH MAY!):

---

“I guess not,” May mumbles eventually.

She’s staring very hard at her mug of tea. 

“Hey, another question,” April says, stepping closer to her. She smells like eucalyptus. That’s fucking annoying. May likes the way eucalyptus smells. Cool and earthy.

“Sure,” May replies, voice suddenly an octave higher than she’d like it to be.

“Are you done your paper for Professor Kellerman yet?”

Ugh. And there it is. Reality check. Right, because April is a bit of a shark. May gets a ninety? April will get a ninety-one? May finishes a day early? April has been done for a week. Fucking typical she’s bringing this up, right after implying that May needed help at the paint night social.

“No,” May says. “I’ve got a few hundred words left. Some closing arguments.”

---

33 for 🦮 (SHE'S BACK!)

---

She is more hyper than ever. Pacing more than she usually does, like she had that first night in Buck’s apartment, when everything was unfamiliar. She’s blowing him off on his commands sometimes. It’s not like her at all not to listen. One time he caught her rifling through the trash. 

The dog is bored. Buck is bored. Chris is bored. And they’re all getting a little bit of cabin fever. 

There’s a lot Buck cannot fix about this situation. And, hell, a lot he can’t even complain about. Really, he and Chris are so, so lucky. They’re safe, housed, fed, and not really exposed to any illness. Buck doesn’t want to feel miserable, considering. But some days he does. Even if he loves Christopher and Cranberry immensely.

“We’ve got to do something,” Buck announces one day in early May. 

“Something?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “We’re all bored. And getting a little frustrated with each other, right?”

Chris sighs. “Yeah. Sorry, Buck.”

“Don’t be sorry, bud. You’re not the only one. And it’s not your fault.”

Chris looks from where he’s seated at the kitchen table to where Cranberry is lying on the floor. 

“Sorry, Cranberry.”

Cranberry had picked up one of Christopher’s socks from the floor earlier that morning and he’d sort of lost it. Yelled at her. Then cried because he felt horrible for yelling at her.

[cailynwrites]

Harry Potter Rec Fest Day 13 - Over 100K

I so appreciate the dedication that it takes for someone to write over 100K words; I think even my M.A. thesis topped out at 30K (with much academic padding). I've read a ton of long fics so there's probably some recency bias here for @hprecfest day 13, but I've also tried to share a couple different pairings ...

Blood Magic (Podfic) written and read by houseofthehebrideanblcks and thestralsofspinnersend Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 334,676 Length: 33:05:11 Rating: E

@thistlecatfics already said all the things about this fic in their recommendation for the podfic the other day, and said it in a much lovelier and more eloquent way than I ever could. I guess I came at it from a different perspective though - as someone who is very lucky to feel not too traumatized by life or struggling with addiction or mental health (not a brag, just context), I got to see inside the brains of people like that and feel great empathy for them. Isn't that what art should do - put you in the shoes of different people and make you see the world differently? This is a slow, beautiful story of down-and-out Draco AND Harry heading toward something like peace and love, but it's a long road to get there. Also featuring endlessly patient counselor Luna, supportive Ron & Hermione, and lots of magical creatures.

The podfic is also really well done. The authors recorded it as a podcast originally. If the 33 hour single file on InternetArchive isn't really your speed, you can get the podcast version here, which includes their commentary after each chapter. Maybe not for everyone, but I found it interesting as a companion piece to hear their writing process and talk about trauma, treatment, and recovery in their own lives.

Choice and Chance by @chaoticcrumpets (Podfic by @etl-echo-audiobooks) Pairing: Draco x Hermione Word count: 116,972 Length: almost 10 hours Rating: M

This fic is so interesting. I had gotten a little burned out on Dramione before listening to this fic and this fully resparked my interest. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a mystery, a time travel adventure, and a romance. All the characterizations are very real, even though there might be more than one characterization of some of the characters. Can I use character more times in one sentence? Ah, and the twist at the end!!! *Chef's kiss*

Sweater Weather written by @lumosinlove (Podfic by @itsaash & cast) Pairing: Wolfstar, other adorable OC pairings and more! Word count: 156,108 Length: 15:23:00 Rating: E

I didn't think a hockey AU would be for me, even though I kinda like hockey. I was tempted by the prospect of Everyone Lives (TM) and I'm so grateful for it. This fic is beautiful, the development of all the characters, both canon and original, is incredible. I laughed, I cried, I gasped, I sighed, and when I was done, I wanted to start reading it all over again. At the time, it was newly finished and a sequel was on the way. I've been waiting for a nice vacation or sick day to reread it and its sequel, Vaincre. @lumosinlove has created a wonderful world and I just want to see the characters play around in it forever. I haven't listened to the podfic, but I'd encourage everyone to give it a shot!

************************************************************************

This one barely counts as a self-rec because I'm really just gushing about the author ...

Way Down We Go by @xiaq Podfic read by Cailynwrites (with @etl-echo-audiobooks) with beautiful album art by @abrilas-art Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 109,767 Length: 13 hours Rating: T

If you had asked me the ratings of my two out of three of my favorite novel-length Drarry fics yesterday, I wouldn't have thought the answer would be T, but apparently it is. This story, along with Away Childish Things, rewired my brain. I love the pace, I love the development of both boys' characters, I love the ancillary characters both old and new. It's just a perfectly told story. Although I should be encouraging you to go listen to my podfic on AO3 or Spotify, I can definitely also recommend the reading experience. Don't skip the adorable author's notes containing the adventures of the author's dog and grad school woes (relatable).

If you want to get a taste for the podfic before diving in, try this snippet or this one.

[astoryofsuchwoe]

Happy Birthday An !

(i bet you didn't expect this well here i am mwahaha. i kinda like writing for birthdays instead of art but idk we'll see. happy birthday to one of my og ocs !! ankoku, cindy and brandon all belong to @tsukacchako <3 dividers by @/cafekitsune !!)

An's birthdays had always come with a celebration with her guardians. The two segyeins always loved to spoil her, seeing as she was the daughter they never had.

She supposed this year wouldn't be different. Ever since she was denied from participating in Alien Stage, she had spent a lot more time with her guardians. If it weren't for the segyeins running the Garden deciding she was needed as a "human helper", she suspects she would have been back with her guardians a long time ago.

Still, she supposed she should be grateful for the distraction. With all the chaos happening in Alien Stage, with the appearance of the rebellion, old scars resurfaced. She found herself reading through the letter Trix left her, reminiscing on better times.

She wonders if Trix is even still alive.

"A...An?"

She snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of Ankoku's voice, her gaze falling on her nervous friend. She offered a smile, turning from where she was preparing her things for her trip.

"Ah, Ankoku! Did you need me for something?"

He shook his head, fidgeting with something behind his back.

"I, uh...It's your birthday, right...?"

She nodded, and Ankoku pulled out a pencil, holding it out to her nervously.

"I couldn't...really get anything...so I hope this is okay..."

An's eyes lit up, and she smiled as she took the pencil, looking it over. Sure, it wasn't much, but it was from the one person she could truly call a friend.

She found her thoughts drifting to a certain blue-haired...zombie, but quickly brought her focus back to Ankoku. She smiled, moving to embrace him in a quick hug.

"Awh, thank you so much!! You didn't have to!"

Ankoku hugged her in return, a rare smile on his face.

"I...wanted to...Thank you for...for being my friend."

"Thank you for being mine!"

The two stayed in an embrace before Ankoku pulled back, looking more nervous.

"I uh...I have a meeting with Guardian Keeron and...Dae, so...I should get going..."

An felt a pang of sympathy at the mention of the two, a shiver going down her spine. She had no idea how her friend managed to survive being alone with those two. She knew not to ask.

"Ah, alright. Be safe, okay?"

"You too..."

An watched as he left, and went back to packing. After talking to Ankoku, she felt a bit lighter. Talking to him always made her feel better, after all.

It felt like things were going to be okay.

...At least, they were, until the lights went out.

She froze, hearing the chaos of the guards running around outside, barking orders. Ah, was it another rebellion infiltration...? She knew the drill, to stay put until everything was back to normal.

BEEP!

Huh? She turned her gaze to the sound, confusion written across her face. She had a tablet in her room for communication with the segyein and the other human helpers, but she didn't expect to be contacted during an infiltration.

She walked to the tablet, picking it up and looking at the message. It was from an unknown contact, which made her heart rate pick up. Who even had the means to contact her?

Is this An?

They even knew her name? She was a bit scared, but maybe it was one of the head segyein trying to contact her? She hesitated, before putting her response.

Yes? Can I help you?

There was a pause, before the response came.

Happy birthday. - T

Then, the lights went back on, and in front of her eyes, the conversation just disappeared from her tablet as if it never existed. She blinked once, twice, rubbed at her eyes a little bit.

T? Who was...

Her eyes widened, and she dropped the tablet. There was no way.

Trix?

Up in the main control room, Trix was rushing out with the others. She honestly forgot what the plan was, but she really was just there to deactivate the security systems long enough for whatever everyone else was doing.

Still, a look at the date, and the memories swarmed her. She remembered picking flowers, clumsily learning how to make flower crowns from Cindy, and giving a new one to An every single year before she left to her guardians. 

Well, at least she managed to wish her happy birthday one last time.

[gisellelx]

Every once in a while, I reread one of your stories and I can’t help but check your website for any updates for One Day 😇 Just curious: are you still working on it? No pressure whatsoever of course!! I love the way you portray Carlisle in that fic & am already super thankful for those first 8 or so chapters! Anyways, hope you are doing well & thanks for providing us with so many high-quality fics!

- Sannehale

Ah, this ask made my year. (Also now I realize your two blog names. Sneaky!)

Yes., yes I am. It was actually open on my laptop even as this ask came in. My prereader is asking about it too--I stopped giving her chapters because I was realizing that I got a lot of enjoyment out of sending them to her and that was filling enough void that it cut off my writing mojo. I'm thrilled though, that she can't see where it's going.

I'm stuck on chapter 16 (of likely 23-25) at the moment because a whole bunch of dominos have to fall in order to get to several reveals that are going to happen in very fast succession to move the story out of the second act. Also the second act/B story was hard because I am not a romance writer! 😆 It's not the genre I read and I'm not very good at writing it, but the middle of this story called for a romance and so there is one. Or so I hope.

I've also gone back and shored up some things that needed shoring--introduced a few of the characters who turned out to be important earlier on, and added another character in Bella's research mentor, Amy Jackson. I'm worried that I'm under-utilizing her at the moment.

This ask, though, prompted me to back out to the card view in the Scrivener project and I realize I actually did leave myself the breadcrumbs necessary to get myself out of here. Maybe I'll put my shoulder to the wheel and see what happens if I just follow the outline I laid out.

Anyway. I feel like I shouldn't end an ask without giving a little bit of some of the over 40,000 words that are written and not posted. So here's a tiny bit. This actually may not stay in, and in any event doesn't spoil anything--it's also the headcanon behind this chapter of Montage, though this scene was written years ago and my headcanon about Carlisle's name and his parents' names goes back over fifteen years now.

Of course, I knew a lot more than most people who were hunting down a relative from the 1600s. I clicked on the link for church records, and then delimited my search. If Carlisle was 367, that put him in 1644. That seemed reasonable. I filtered the results by the location, London, and then 1640 to 1650.

CULLEN, I typed. CARLISLE.

Zero hits. I frowned at my screen for a long moment and then practically slapped myself in the head. Of course there were no hits for Carlisle Cullen. Wasn’t this the very thing we’d been arguing about for months, now? I backspaced over the first name, and changed it to WILLIAM.

There were only three hits. Astonishing. I had assumed that Carlisle would have done his due diligence. He’d had hundreds of years to track this information down—why hadn’t he? William Cullen number one was in the baptismal records of St. Luke’s Catholic Church. He had been baptized in 1642. That would make him nearly the same age as Carlisle, no luck there. William Cullen number two, however, was on over seventy pages of documents—the records of St. James Aldgate, listed as parish pastor. And William Cullen number three almost caused my heart to stop.

Born 17 February 1644. Died 8 August 1667.

Twenty-three years old.

My heart, pounding, I clicked on the church register, enlarging it so that it filled my screen. The handwriting was old, faded and pixelated, but it was tidy and easy to read. Carlisle Cullen, it read, with William crammed onto the line before the first name, in the same handwriting but obviously a different pen—the lines were narrower, slanted slightly differently. Born and baptized on February 17, 1644. Father, William Cullen number 2. And mother…

My heart sped. There, in the same scrawly hand—his father’s hand, I realized, it must be—was written the words, Sarah Cullen (Crawforth).

A quick “Open in New Tab” allowed me to pull all the records from the 1600s from St. James Aldgate and in five minutes, I had a birth date of November 15, 1620. And a death date, which was of course expected, of February 17, 1644. But it was the annotation here which was breathtaking—in a different handwriting, written by the midwife? Some other member of the parish?

Died babe in arms.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and with blurry vision, on a hunch, I ran one last search. Then I printed the pages with the documents, shoved them in a folder, and headed for my car.

[asksuccubussides]

I would give my life just to hold your hand

Part 2 out of 2

Master post of chapters

This is set in the same universe as "What if you were an asexual succubus wouldn't that be fucked up or what" but can be read on it's own

1929

Coming home from work and checking his mailbox had become the angel's favorite part of the day. It didn't matter that the mail only came every other month or so, each day he felt the same butterflies flutter in his chest as he walked the short distance to the neighborhood's mailboxes. When no mail had come he could always return home and reread the letters he had gotten from Remy.

He enjoyed tracing his fingers across the page and imagining the demon writing it. He imagined their concentrated expression and whether they had written it while sitting in his old apartment or while in hell.

The demon still had trouble with spelling especially considering neither of them could write in their native language to each other. He had convinced them to sneak into hell and steal a glossory for the demonic language during his latest letter and excitedly waited for the chance to learn it. Remy always sounded so hot when they spoke it- As soon as he caught himself thinking of the demon as attractice he forced himself to think of something else, like reciting prayer.

--

Nothing was in his mailbox when he checked but to his surprise the mailman came by a few hours later with not one but two packages for him both adressed from his old apartment. He thanked the mailman and quickly closed the door so that he could let out a high pitched squeal and fly around in a circle in his room until he'd calmed down enough to make some tea and put on a relaxing record on his gramphone.

He made himself comfortable by his desk and opened the first package while his wings continued to flap enough to make the papers on his desk twirl around. It contained the glossory he had requested and he held it close to his chest before turning to the other package.

It held a single record and a tiny note reading "Play me!"

For the first side of the record it was just normal jazz songs, some that he recognised and some new ones Remy must have thought he would enjoy (he did). But when he flipped it to the next side instead of music starting there was an unsure cough and a bit of static before he heard Remy for the first time in 5 years say.

"Hey Angel!"

It was a good thing he was already sitting down or he would have collapsed on the spot. He scrambled to move closer to the gramophone and nearly gave into the urge to hug the machine.

"I know a guy- you know what I mean by know- who like works in audio and stuff and I asked him if he could like put speech on record as well as he can put music on record, and if you're like hearing this I guess he could. Anyway I suuuupper hope you liked the music, I choose it just for yyyyooouuuuuuu"

"I did" The angel replied even though he knew they couldn't hear him.

"OH! And like another thingie. Sssso like not seeing you for this long it's like- I've thought about you a lot more y'know? Since it always takes some like time between when I write and get your response I like go around for weeks wondering what you'll like write back and it feels totally weird to just like go around referring to you as Angel in my head 'cause like you're AN angel not Angel y'know? It's weeeiiirdd"

The sound of paper getting unfolded was followed by Remy clearing their throat.

"So I made like a list of names I like so tell me if you like any of them so we can like decide on an official Angel name. Okay Here I go. Mildred. Doris- You look like a Doris- Milo. Uhh Thomas? I dunno. Ellis. Shirley and of course..Barbara!"

The paper got thrown away.

"So yeah tell me if you like any of them or got like other ideas. In other like news my demon friend convinced me to go and hear this like Edith Piaf lady sing? It was pretty sick- Ah shit okay okay my audio human is telling me to go- Okay well talk to you later Angel- Uhhh love you?" Remy audible took a step away "Hey girlie can we like cut this audio afterwards. I'm not like sure I wann have that last bit i-"

The record stopped and The angel stayed with his head laid against the bottom of the machine for another few minutes before turning the record on from where Remy first started talking.

--

My dear Remy

I received your record. It was lovely to hear your voice again!

(Within the margins of the paper he doodled Betty Bopps blowing kisses)

I have tried to learn some basic phrases in your language. Here I go:

I̸͍̔̚ ̸̧͔̫́̕̕L̸̨̑͂Ì̷͖͇̰̔V̶͉̈́͠Ȩ̵̈ ̸̤̐͘Ï̵̮̩͑N̵͚̈́͌ ̸̫̦͋A̷̡̦̟͗ ̶̢̪̔̋͂ͅH̸̺͛͝Ö̶͍̊U̷͖̹͛̏͑S̴̢̳͗E̵̙̅͛.̷̥͊̔͠ ̴̞̩̜̋͗͗ ̵̜̣̮̈̀I̸̮͒̆̾ ̴̥͔̳́Ḷ̴̢̻̐Ỉ̵̗̄̈́K̶̦̄̏͠E̷̗̙̔ ̵̦̊D̶̳̀̏O̶͙͆̀G̸̣͐̆͝S̶͓̈́͜͝.̸̫̞͊́͠ ̴͔̰́̈́̅M̸͍̼̎̓̿Ẏ̴̭̾ ̸̦͑N̴͙̯͂͊̓A̶̮̥̎̀M̸̺͆͘E̵̟̭͗̑͝ ̸̤́͘Î̷̘̬̺̑S̷̟͐̽͘ ̷̡͎̫̽̂Ń̵̙̀Ō̸̤̃T̶̬̠̎Ḩ̴͎͒̋͊Ḯ̵͇̯͌͆Ṋ̸̗̀͜͠G̷̜̤̐

Tell me if I wrote it correctly :DD And speaking of the last thing with my name I love your suggestions !!! Not sure I want to be called any of those names though ?? I have never choosen a name before so I don't know when a name feels right. Did you choose your name? I had always assumed you chose it because you enjoy sleeping but now that I think about it you don't seem like you would know what the REM sleep is, no offense. Is the feeling of finding a name similar to when you change your body? I started out with both a male head and body but when i tried out a female body with a male head I had a feeling of peace and I have not changed back since. Is it similar?

By the way I heeded your advice and I now officially have a friend who isnt you or my current human! We play board games together and I don't wish to brag but some of them are quite trendy and new. Like this one boardgame called "Sorry!" You might not recognize it. How the tables have turned Remy. Now im the modern one!

Now on the next page I have written a detailed review of the latest Betty Boop short film. I hope you enjoy it! It was very good!

__

My dear Remy

Just this once please burn this letter after you have read it. I fear what would happen if anyone in heaven read this but I have to admit that my human dying soon is bringing me a great sense of relief. Both that I will not have to see him anymore and that I hopefully get to live in another country.

Despite my human working in the human biology department I have not been able to take part in any science work. The only reason any of those humans would want me in a scientific setting would be to measure the width of my skull and every time I see my human he scowls at me and refuses to call me by my name, I am not even sure he is aware he has met me more than once or if he has only seen me as far as my skin.

I wish I could love every human equally. I know I should. I really am trying to love him and remind me why he belongs in Heaven. I am finding it hard. I don't think I would ever be able to tell this to anyone but you

Love, Your Angel

--

"-So anyway yeah i would totally go over and punch that cunt human for you if you wanted me to, or like seduce him so he'll go to hell. Prommy. Tho I doubt my lovely Angel would let me do that, would you now.

Oh by the way yeah with the name thing I chose Remy and it was I dunno I like how R sounds. RRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRemy! Like a motor starting. So I thought like a cute and soft and like tots fluffy name would fit you so here are my like new suggestions. Pip, Noah, uhhm Daisy, Iris, Lucie and Oh Rhiannon! The last one reminds me of this animal I've heard of. its a rhino. Like a unicorn kinda? You should go ask about it at a library. its like super cool! And also this other day I seduced this human and he had a tattoo! And he wasnt even a pirate! lemme tell you-"

--

1930

The angel relistened to the latest record as he went to bed. His friend's voice lulled him into a peaceful sleep most of the time, sometimes he got sinful dreams but he told himself he only got them because he was listening to a succubi.

During his early morning shower after having woken up from such a dream an idea floated into his mind on how to repay Remy for the records. First thing when the shops had opened he went out and bought a camera.

His human was going to die in two days in a traffic accident and he would finally get to leave this dreadful country, but as he walked through town with the camera in his bag and imagined what images to send to Remy the landscape suddenly seemed so beautiful. The cold weather suddenly seemed worth it if it meant snow fell onto trees and the disgusting food suddenly seemed a bit pleasant when he pictured the fisherman leaving on their boats for work.

Still he controlled himself and only took few a pictures...as well as several sketches of dogs he walked past, and told himself he would take more once he got to his new place.

--

"GIRL I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE LIKE A PHOTOGRAPHER! No really it looks so fucking cool over there. What country are you in now did you say??"

The sounds of Remy scrambling through The angel's letters was heard before they quieted for a few seconds.

"It's on a continent I've never like been on I think ??? But I'm super happy for you! And uh there not being like a cinema there only means you gotta start your own! Nothings sexier than a business man y'knoooooow. So in other news Giiirl sit down if you aren't already 'cause I have got to update you on the demon drama that's been going on! You Remember Susan right!? That demon who-"

--

"My dear Remy

After having friends for a little time now i must admit i have gotten a bit confused. Though they are all my beloved friends i feel for none of them what i feel for you.

I suppose that means you are what people call....my best friend? :D

Love, Your best friend!

PS. I'll write another letter about the new Mickey Mouse cartoon (he's so cute I want a plushie) tomorrow and post the 2 together. This realization just made me so excited I had to write it down prompto!!"

The angel felt a bit shameful as he finished writing it and put it into the envelope. He wasn't quite as oblivious as he pretended to be. He knew the word for what he was feeling fully well, he simply refused to say it.

1938

After returning home from his beloved weekly boardgame club with his beloved human he was somehow even more delighted by finding a package for him at his door.

When he opened it two blurry pictures fell out. They showed Remy loosely dressed laying in the window of a large apartment with a lazy smile on their lips. Along with it a note reading "Seduced a photographer recently. Your still my fav photgrapher tho <3 sorry for the record"

The last bit made him eye the record checking for any hints of crude language or sinful lyrics as if staring at it would reveal it's contents. After some pacing and flying around his room he finally put it on and the first side was as always a mix of songs made just for him. It made fireflies flutter in his stomach as always and the fluttering only intesified from anticipation when he moved to turn the record to the other side.

The angel bit his lip waiting to hear his friend's voice but instead of the usual cheery greeting he heard the static of the audio recorder and the sound of a bottle being set down on a table.

"my audio guy left a bit ago cause I said I could fix it myself cause i like didnt want him to hhhhheeaarrrrrrrrRRRRARRGGHHHHH"

There was silence for a moment before a deep sigh.

"I got a new boyfriend. His name is Thomas and he's obv a succubi but uhm not in my squadron. And he's like sweet and lets me boss him around and stuff but I haven't told him that I've- I've had sex with my manager. Do you think I should? I mean like fucking humans is our job but the manager isn't a human. Like he's a demon. Is it cheating if I don't tell him. I mean it's not like I'm fucking the manager right now but I don't know if it will like happen again"

The angel's heart seized for a second at the mention of a boyfriend. It felt as if a hand had punched through his chest and gripped around the vessels of blood keeping him alive.

He forced himself to take a deep breathe and shook his head around to get the thought out of his head.

"I don't think I've like explained to you how uhh prudish succubi can be by certain shit. Like fucking a manager is a BIG no no. HUGE. And I haven't told anyone I've done it but my squadron members have noticed the times I stayed behind after the monthly meeting y'know? I get it's like annoying seeing someone get favoritism just 'cause they're ready to put out and like everyone loves talking gossip so I'm not mad that they've spread rumors 'bout me. I just worry Thomas' gonna hear..There's already been people who've stopped talking to me 'cause of it. and AGAIN i don't blame them! It's just fucking annoying not being able to explain!"

He leant his forehead against the base of the gramophone and wished he could somehow send telepathic hugs.

The record was silent for so long the angel began to think Remy had simply ended their message without saying goodbye until he heard a slight sob and he realized Remy had just moved away from the microphone to cry.

They moved back close to the microphone and he could heard them sucking snot back into their nose and taking a shakey breathe.

"I'm just sorry Angel. sorry I'm- I've been like drinking and I'm just like. I'm sorry i never came to visit you. I know I promised. I'm sorry. I want to see you so fucking bad Angel and you don't know how like guilty I feel for not seeing you but- but every time I spend any extra time on earth that isn't just seducing humans the manager just looks so sly and fucking- argh- if he gets the tiniest chance he'll claim I spent a SuSPIciOus amOUnT of time on earth and I'll have to do something for him and it like- Fuckkkk you're not gonna get this. I am fully aware I like do the same thing with my audio guy to get him to help me with stuff too so I don't like get to complain 'bout the manager situation but it feels different okay? Like with the audio guy I choose when I wanna do it and with the manager it's all in his hands and like yeah I can guess it will be after the monthly meeting but i never know if he's gonna ask me to stay behind or not and if he does I never know if he just feels like messing with my head or like pulls the SuSPiCIOUs aMount of time excuse and like he can send me up to heaven or take away my sight or whatever else so like what- What-"

It was quiet for another while before he heard Remy as quielty as they had every sounded mumble.

"I'm a succubus, He says I seduced him. And it's true when he got suspicious of me I was the one who suggested sex. I brought it on myself....- I'm sorry, record's running out. Don't feel guilty. I'll talk to you later Angel. Sorry. I love-"

The record ended and The angel was left sitting in his dark apartment with the only light being the steady flicker of pink coming from his halo. His hand shook a bit as he moved to put on the record again from the start. Hearing Remy cry made his heart ache but he wanted to hear it again so he was sure of what to write to make them feel better.

--

Remy held the latest letter close to their heart as they laid cooconed up under the blanket of their bunk bed in hell. They hid the letters and pictures that showed The angel's face inside their pillow while the rest of the pictures got taped up on the wall near them. On bad days they could stare at the pictures for hours dreaming themself away into the fields of corn or next to the flower holding up the ladybug or swimming in the cool stream ripe with tiny fish.

Some of the reviews of animated shorts they taped up as well since they could play it off as simply being human reviewers. But most of it was hidden in the pillow and before sleep they would hide under their blanket and take out a picture the angel had gotten one of his board game buddies to take off him and the demon would kiss the photo goodnight.

They traced their finger along the letters on the page snickering at the angel's best attempts at threatening the manager.

"Please don't come see me if it hurts you. I will care for you just as much if I never see you again as if I see you every day. Control is more powerful than tempatation ever can be, there is no scenario where this can ever be your fault, I swear to God on that. Stay safe for me please

Love, Your Angel

Ps. In another life I wish I could have been assigned to guard over you. I would protect you with a might stronger that Heaven could ever imagine"

--

"-Oh and so I don't forget to like say it I broke up with Thomas. It wasn't 'cause of the manager thing 'cause he's the type who only listens to rumors if I tell him bout them. It was for...Another reason. That we like don't have to bring up- Or I mean" They laughed nervously "I guess I can say it. I kiiinnndddaaa miiggghhht like someone else. I've liked them for a while but I was kinda hoping maybe dating someone else would make me like move past my crush but it didn't help and I didn't wanna hurt Thomas' feelings.

Ssssoooo yeah that's what going on. Talk to you later! Kiss! Love ya!

...And thanks for your last letter. I've like reread it a ton. I dunno what I would do without you in my life"

1941

"I GOT IT ANGEL! I RAN TO SUCK OFF MY AUDIO GUY TO TELL YOU SOOO FAST! I GOT IT! Your name! Okay okay here me out here 'cause I like used alllll of my brain for this one, explain that with your psychology! So here it goes...Emile! Eh? Eh? Any good? Lemme explain. I went to like a library- don't laugh- and looked this thingie up. You see the guy who like made the gramophone he was called Emile Berliner!! And I thought y'know since we've- or Like I have at least been communciating with you thru a gramophone and we danced together all the time when you were here- uh it just reminds me of you. or like honestly just hearing music does remind me of you but gramophones especially. So Emile? You like it?.....Okay I should probably tell you bout the rest of my life right now now but it feels awkard after dropping that huge suggestion-"

The angel paused the record and stayed looking at it for a few minutes. It was as he moved his hand up to scratch at his cheek that he realized they were red hot from blushing.

He parsed his lips and felt his chin shudder a little as he whispered "...Emile.......Emile?"

He tasted the word and smacked his lips before repeating it again. He let his hand run down his neck along his chest and down to his thigh, feeling the body he felt at home with and wondered if that body would accept the name Emile.

He made himself comfortable by his desk and wetted the ink.

'My dear Remy

I think I quite like the name. I think I want to hear you say it

Love, Your Emile'

--

Emile's heart was pounding out of his chest and he repeatedly checked so no one was looking at him as he sneaked inbetween the library shelfs pertaining to the human body. He couldn't let anyone know he had read them so instead of borrowing the books he only eyed through them as quick as he could. He had already gone through the books on religion he could find.

For something the higher ups deemed so seemingly important he assumed there would a clear definition of it but no matter where he looked he couldn't find any clear boundaries of what did and didn't count as masturbating.

Once he got home he dragged a chair followed by the gramophone into the bathroom and put on a recent record where Remy had said his name several times. He knew when the part where they said it came and took off his clothes and jumped in the shower while waiting.

When the record came to that point and Remy half jokingly sung a popular new jazz song but replaced the name with Emile over and over to get used to using the name The angel 'accidentally' put the shower head inbetween his thighs.

--

Sleeping made Emile feel connected to Remy. He would lull himself into a peaceful sleep by either letting the music the demon sent him or their voice play. Usually he woke up because of the sun shining in or the birds singing and he would stay with his eyes asleep for a few minutes and pretend like Remy was laying on the pillow beside him.

Other times he would wake up drenched with sweat on his forehead because of sinful dreams, along with being drenched among other places.

And one night he closed the blinds and waited until the deep dark of the night before putting on one of their records on and hiding away under two layers of blankets to try and shield himself from any watching eyes from above. He had steeled himself to do as the books he had read said and self pleasure but once he actually sat there with pants unbuttoned his hands shook so hard from anxiety he couldn't do a thing.

He sat frustrated with himself with the gramophone playing until pathetic tears had filled his eyes and his stomach felt sick from shame. The action of vomiting was so alien to him he didn't realize what was happening until his mouth was filled with bile and he had to run to the toilet to throw up.

Vomiting must have been a sign from above that he had done something awful to which Emile banged his halo into the wall until the pain in his head was so severe it felt like his skull would crack.

The most sinful part of all was that after all of that that same night he still wetted his pen with ink and wrote to the demon.

"My dear Remy

You stir my sleep. I would blame it on your succubi powers somehow making it's way over to me through your voice, though we both know that is not true. I wake up dreaming you are there beside me and I fall asleep wanting your hands on me. If your hips were Hell I would give it all up to meet you there.

I wish this was a sudden bout of insanity but it is in reality a slow growth in my brain that I have not spoken to you about for years. This letter is one of penance. I'm sorry. Every time I've heard you had a new boyfriend I wished to make away with him. Even in the beginning I had those thoughts.

I don't know whether me lusting for you is worse than the other L word I fear I feel for you but I think it is telling I can not get myself to write the second.

I'm sorry for placing this burden of confession on you. Even after this I wish to have you keep stirring me in my sleep.

Love, Your Emile"

1942

Emile didn't get a response. The new year's passed and his mailbox turned dusty.

His human fell ill and would pass by the summer. He grieved together with the family in advance and grieved for the loss of his friendship.

It must have been his fault. What he had written had been too much for Remy.

He kept havings moments where in the deep dark of the night he would become unable to breathe and sob uncontrollable until he threw up. It must be Heaven punishing him. He stopped sleeping and devoted himself to prayer during the night. What use was sleeping if it didn't make him closer to Remy anyway.

The rainy season came and went and only made his human sicker. The newspapers were all filled with misery and all of his shoes were damp.

On an early morning he walked into town to buy a new pair and watched the sunset rise above the grassy plains. He had his camera in his backpack, he could take a picture of it, but he saw no reason to. The colors seemed dull and muddled.

The stores had just started opening when he got to the city center and he halfheartedly waved to one of his boardgame friends.

Through the window to the shoe shop he saw the shoemaker already talking to another customer so he waited outside for another few seconds. The customer held the door open for him as they left but Emile let the door shut in front of him. A chill ran up his spine as he felt the slight smell of a demon nearby.

He spun around wide eyed, even glancing up at the sky hoping to see a glimpse of demon wings.

Behind him he heard someone speaking in broken swahili, clearly reading straight from a dictionary. "You- You know city center is?" He heard them ask.

Emile turned to see Remy speaking to a random local. For a moment it was as if the entire town sunk away into oblivion and the angel could only see them. His wings expanded and were ready to take off towards them, he only managed to stop himself because of the humans nearby.

"REMY!! REMY!" He yelled while waving his arms around.

The demon looked away from the human and dropped their dictionary on the ground to run up to him. Emile instantly pulled them into a tight hug and rocked side to side. He put his hand against the back of their head to keep them close and closed his eyes to stop himself from crying of joy.

He felt their arms press against his back and their warm breathe against his neck.

"I found you" Remy whispered "I Found you"

Emile moved back from the hug but let his hands stay on their shoulders "Why didn't you respond!?" His cheeks reddened "DID YOU GET MY LETTER?"

"Your apartment got destroyed-"

"Huh?!"

"The whole city got like bombed. Ugh girl you don't wanna see Europe right now, it's a mess! Your apartment and like mail got destroyed with it- Don't worry I keep your letters in Hell so they didn't get destroyed. I just like had your adress to go off on so I've been like asking around the country till I found you!" Remy leaned in and cupped his cheeks while eyeing him up and down "And giiiirrrrl you're like two shades darker!"

"Well it helps to finally live in a country that isn't despressingly dire with the weather. Your hair has gotten so long!" He ran his finger through it "You look so pr- So proper!"

"You look ssooooo good too! OH! I've been ssssuper looking forward to this" They cleared their throat and fluttered their eyelashes while leaning close to The angel's ear and murmuring "Heeey Emile!"

Emile could feel his heart plummeting through his stomach and out his ass while his entire face went red. His fingers dug down into Remy's shoulders to keep himself upright.

"HiiiIIIiiiI" His voice broke in two different spots.

Remy just laughed before smiling in that way that made Emile melt even more.

"Did- Did you get my latest letter? About my- my uhm sleep problems?"

"Pfff? Sleep problems....Uhm...Lemme think. No. No. Your like mailbox musta been destroyed before I could get it. Sad" Remy lied "But I'm here now! And I won't let you go!"

"You're staying?"

"Wow girl your eyes just went up like two sizes but yeah. Mind if I stay ov-"

"FEEL FREE! Nyumba yangu ni nyumba yako- That's uh My house is your house. ORRRRR in your langauge m̶̨̹̖̱͖͒̑ͅỹ̴̥̤͍̑̀ ̸̨̛̟͂͗̅͐̉ḧ̴̹́̐́̂̕͝ő̶̞̎͛͋̀̚u̷̢̲̗͍̜̬̾̊̓̽s̶̹͇̣̬͓̊̿̀̕̕ͅe̵̢̛̥̼͕͍͍͆͋͛̀̐̓ ̴̯̦͈͒̓̑̿̾ì̷̘̝̲̅̎̀̈s̶̝̟̠͈̉̂ ̶̢̘̤̻͇̍̄͌̌̔̌͐ÿ̸̨́ͅơ̶̫̿̑͐ǔ̵̥̳̜͌̽̽̌͌ř̷̳̘̈́̊͌͊̄ ̷̢̩̗͓̦͗͆̊̄̀̊͘h̸̝̗͖͇͛̉͊͊o̸͚͍͛̑̌ͅů̵̼̝͚̜͗̐̚ś̷̼̙̻́͋̎̄͝e̵̮̒̀̑͌͂"

Remy shimmied their shoulders "OOOh girl hearing you speak like that totally gave me shills all over"

--

It was only later that evening once Remy was in the shower and Emile had a moment for the pink clouds of joy to disparse and think critically that he remembered why the demon hadn't visited in so long. He sat on the edge of his bed and listened to the water pooling down into the shower drain and tried not to imagine the shampoo he had bought being used by the demon.

He flinched when Remy walked out in one of his shirts that fit so loosely on them it could work as a nightgown if they weren't so tall.

"It smells like angel" They commented while sitting down next to him.

"What about the manager?"

"You ever heard of living in the moment Emile. Emile. Emile. Emile. Sawry girl I'm just like so excited I get to like call you that to your cute face"

The angel pressed on "Are you going to get hurt if you stay here?"

"I mean....I've like already spent enough time on earth he's gonna be pissed at me no matter so I might as well stay with you as long as I can. Okay?"

They placed their hand against his knee and Emile nodded.

"Okay"

"Good. now girlie" They laid back and made themself comfortable on the bed before patting the spot next to them "Tell me bout the new psychology theories or like mickey the mouse or whatever. Just talk! I've missed your voice ssssoooo fucking much! Just talk and talk. I won't sleep for a single second when I'm with you I prommy"

Emile laid down beside them to which they immediately moved to rest their head against his chest while letting their finger draw circles on his stomach while he told them about Snow white for the seventh time.

--

For a blissful month they spent nearly every moment together. Emile showed them how to use a camera to take pictures of his favorite bugs. They went swimming together on a warm afternoon and he let his wings dry in the sun. Remy teached him the newest dance moves and they danced until their legs were sore.

A few times Remy went out to feed and Emile assured him he was fine with the demon taking their humans home to him in case they didn't have anywhere else to go, but Remy just looked at him like he'd told him to throw chicken shit at him before disappearing for a few hours.

The night before his human would die he promised to come back and get Remy as soon as he knew where his new human lived. Luckily his new human lived on the same continent, only a few countries away. They flew together the whole distance.

"My monthly meeting was yesterday" Remy suddenly spat out, in the middle of a quiet moment of them painting their nails and Emile mending one of his cardigans.

"But we went sightseeing all day yesterday?? Can you clone yourself!?"

"Naaah. I just skipped"

"Skipped?"

"Girl. Are you losing your hearing"

"It's a meeting with your higher up you don't simply skip those!!"

Remy shrugged "He would have been mad anyway. I didn't wanna deal with it-"

"WHAT- WHAT IF-" He took a deep breathe before whispering as if simply speaking it would make it happen "What if he punishes you in those horrible ways you've told me about!?"

"...That..That won't happen"

Their voice wavered in that way a person lying to shield their loved one did.

"Promise me you'll go to the meeting next month. You can say that you ate a bad piece of human food and got sick"

Remy twisted their pinky finger around his "I promise"

--

They got to spend another blissful month together with the threat of the manager always lingering somewhere in the back of both of their minds. Until the day of the meeting came and Remy scrubbed their body in the shower for over an hour to get the smell of angel away from them.

Before they had gotten in the shower Emile had made sure to hug them long and hard.

He stood in the gavel of the door and waved them off as they went up to hell and for two hours afterwards he sat still waiting on the poarch. He was so anxious he felt ill to his stomach and he was unable to move aside from flinching at every sound that could be the demon coming back.

"Emile!! Emy! EmEm!" Remy yelled as they stumbled back home to him with the same excitment in their voice as the first they had called him Emile.

"Remy!" His legs stale and cramped from sitting still for so long creaked as he ran up to them and cupped their face in his hands.

One of their eyes was nearly shut from how swollen it was and what could be seen of their eyewhite had turned bloodshot. Dried blood trailed from their nose down to their chin, but worst of all the ring finger on their hand was completely limp and swelling.

"DID HE BREAK YOUR FINGER? WHERE IS HE!? I WILL HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH HIM" His wings spread out and started to flutter up a storm.

"He sensed like some faint angel smell on me and questioned me for like foreveeeeer" Their voice was slightly loopy "I didn't let anything slip!"

Emile brushed their hair behind their ear and met their eyes "You have to stop putting yourself in danger for my sake"

"Then you have to stop being so sweet"

"Urrggh! You can be so frustrating when you want to be!"

The angel helped them to the bathroom and sat them down on the floor before wettening a towel to wash their bruised face. He held their shaking hand while wrapping the broken finger in bandages.

"Look at you Dr. Doctor" Remy teased.

"He's clearly not even good at breaking bones" Emile muttered back "The bone did not break cleanly so I have to guess this was his first time"

Remy sighed "You're so hot right now"

"What?"

"W-What?"

The angel looked back down at the bandages and didn't notice Remy looking at him with a soft look of fondness.

"He only beat me to try and like make me talk. Nothing more. We didn't fuck"

"He hurt you Remy, that's all that matters"

"I just wanted you to know we didn't....." They shifted their feat and fiddled with the edge of their shirt "Emi I lied"

He looked up and gazed at them with those big golden eyes "About what?"

"....I did get your letter. I got to it before your apartment got all blown up"

Emile let go of their hand and felt a cold sensation sink down his throat "And- And you've read it?"

"Yeah"

"I- I'm sorry-"

Remy leant forward and put their unbroken hand against the back of the angel's neck so their faces were close together "You stir my sleep as well"

He let out an unintelligible noise of surprise and without realizing tears of relief brimmed at his eyes.

"Ever since I like first saw you sitting watching that goddamn autopsy I've been like toootally crazy for you"

Emile's mouth turned agape as his hands searched around against the demon until he grabbed ahold of the collar of their shirt and stuttered out "I- I want you. I've had sin-sinful thoughts of you"

Remy smiled "How often?"

"All-" He felt their lips graze against their shoulder and squeaked "All the time"

"Is this okay?" They asked and waited for him to nod before pressing another kiss to his shoulder.

His cheeks were red hot "Are you- Can you feed off of me?"

"Oh Emile you taste fucking amazing" Their expression faltered for a second and they blinked rapidly as if they had caught themself on the edge of a mistake "We can't do this-"

"I want you"

"Well....Well" Remy sputtered "Well like I guess it's like forbidden of us to like make love but like it's not forbidden if like one of us uhhh self pleasures while the other just happens to be here"

"Sounds logical to me!"

Neither of them were thinking right now, much less thinking logically.

Remy moved to sit just behind Emile and murmured into his ear once more asking if he was okay with this before putting their hands over his eyes when he said yes.

"Pretend I'm not even here" They whispered.

He could hear himself breathing, that's how quiet it was. When his sight disappeared every other sensation became all the more strong. His eyelashes fluttered against Remy's palms and all he wanted was to lean back against their chest.

Instead he focused on feeling their breathe against the back of his head as he let his shirt slip off his shoulders. He heard the demon's breathe hitch slightly and he moved his hands to try unbottun his pants but without sight it was impossible. He felt one of Remy's hands move down to unbutton it for him.

His hand was just about to travel down past the lining of his underwear when Remy suddenly moved their hands away and stood back up.

Their hands were trembling as they moved up to touch the soon to be black eye "No. No. We can't do this"

"But I want-"

"NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!" Remy yelled and Emile stayed sitting on the floor with his pants at his ankles "I- I'm the succubus here! I know that lust does like crazy things to people's minds. You might like think right now you wanna give everything up for me but once you've come you'll realize your mistake and-"

"No one will find out" He said meekly.

"YES THEY WILL! THEY WILL! I can't let you do this! If anyone- If anyone finds out about us I'll like take the blame. I'll say I seduced you. 'Cause I did!"

"No you didn't"

"You don't know what you're saying right now!"

Emile dragged his pants back up and stood up so he could hold his hands on their shoulders "Please Remy, let me fall for you!-"

"You're just horny Em! it will pass"

"You don't get to tell me what I feel! I've spent just as many years as you thinking of what it is I feel for you!"

"Yeah well you've never been with anyone! What if you go fuck someone else and you realize what you're feeling for me is just lust in general! Or that they're better than me or-"

Emile pulled in their horn to make them shut up "But I love you! I! Love! You! And I'm tired of only you getting hurt to protect us. Please!Let me fall for you!"

"....You don't know what hell is like. You don't know what any of that shit is like"

"I'm a guardian angel!! I've been surronded by death all of my life! Hell doesn't scare me! If hell is where you came from it can't be completely bad"

Remy straightened their back to reach their full height making them tower over the angel. Their open eye had a tear just on the verge of slipping down to their cheek as they said through gritted teeth "I'm the succubi with experience 'bout this shit. It's my responsibility to make sure you don't make stupid decissions 'bout shit you have no idea about"

"We're both grown adults. You-"

"You're just an innocent aaaangel. You don't know nothing of like death. Nothing of sin. And certaintly nothing about actual lust. Your brain is just filled with fluffy bunnies and cotton candy and-"

Emile held his finger up to their lips "No. No. I have certaintly read enough psychology papers to know exactly what you are doing. You are just trying to push my buttons to push me away, and I won't let you" He moved his finger away but Remy stayed silent "Now, I will go sit in the other room and you can go join me once you've calmed down so we can have an actual conversation about this"

He went to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and waited. He could hear the demon pace back and forth with their tail thumping into the walls until they finally dragged themself into the bedroom with their tail between their legs.

They sat down just behind him and dropped their forehead to rest in the damp space between his shoulder blades while moving their arms around his waist.

"Emi I'm sorryyyyy. I didn't like mean any of that"

"I know"

The angel suddenly grabbed the tip of his tail and twirled the end nervously arround his finger. He was afraid they would disappear if he let go.

"Em even if you're like ready to fall for me I don't think I'm like- like ready to see you get hurt like that. I don't think you should. I'm not like worth it like at all"

"You never said it back" Emile mumbled.

Remy looked up to "What?"

"I love you. You never said it back"

"Emile of course I fucking love you! I love you! I just-" Their hand reached out to touch him but wavered mid air and their fingers twitched "I just don't think we can like see each other 'cause I like- I don't know how to be like near you without sinning if I know you- you want me right back"

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Sure"

"I think you're being selfish" He took Remy's hand in his and pressed a kiss to their knuckles "But I understand that you have been hurt and you don't want to see me be hurt. I will wait until you're ready to let me fall-"

"Emi I'm not gonna let you fall. You don't belong in like hell"

"I told you. I will wait for you. We live long. one day you Will let me fall"

1955

His human died and Emile moved to another damp and cold country. He knew Heaven wasn't watching or else they would have stopped the things he saw from happening.

He knew there were good humans but making sure his singular humam didn't sin began to seem pointless when he read about a dead 14 year old in the newspapers next to the photograph of his open casket.

At no time did he stop keeping watch of his human but silently he stopped putting as much effort into it. Sometimes he would be away for weeks at a time as he had to travel to find psychological instititues that would allow him to study.

1957

After a lot of bugging Emile had finally went and bought a record player just in time to get his first vinyl sent by Remy where they ranted and raved by this new up and coming star called Marilyn Monroe as well as telling him about the new binders they had bought to sort his photographs in.

He waited to hear them say I love you but they never did.

1959

Emile went and saw Sleeping Beauty 10 times in the cinema and every time he choked up at the moment the prince finally kissed her. He imagined himself as Aurora, laying in waiting for the one he loved to finally reach him.

Remy only dared to see him briefly in person once or twice per year and he understood in a way, he knew that the broken finger wasn't the only fracture they had gotten during interogations, but he still couldn't help but fell saddened about it.

1964

With the invention of the casette Emile could for the first time record messages back to Remy. He quickly got a habit of talking for so long that he had to mail multiple casettes at once, he couldn't help it there was just so much to tell them with how he had started to discover animated movies made in the soviet union and in japan. He had even seen some in south america. As well as the psychology field focusing increasingly on cognitive theories.

He had heard whiffs of psychologists experimenting with how the brain reacted to the new drugs gaining populatiry though Emile didn't need to read up on any of those studies since he got sent cassetes of Remy blubbering on about how much they adored them while high on lsd.

"Giirrrlll you're like so beautifufll especially your new elephant trunk. It's like soo sexy. Really like adds to your like halo glow and stuff" They would sludder on and on.

1965

The next year when his human died and his next human spat in his face at their first meeting Emile cried to his casette player for an hour trying to convince himself his human was somehow a morally good person.

It finally convinced the last part of him that still believed that Heaven was watching that they could not be, not on him at least.

The next time he got a casette from Remy he reslistened to their voice over and over. They had recorded it early in the morning right after waking up and he could tell because their voice sounded more rough. He played his favorite part back on repeat before putting the casette recorder on and he recorded the sound as he masturbated for the first time.

When no hellish rain came down from Heaven Emile put the casette in a package and wrote a note along with it explaining what was on it while joking about how it was payback for when Remy kept telling him about the leather fetish clubs they had visited during the 50s. Though really the note was just there so he was sure Remy could consent to hearing it. At the back of the note he added that he had sinned and nothing bad had happened so please couldn't they meet up again and hold hands at least.

Remy's response was absolutely blissfull. They ranted and raved and told him how proud they were of him for not letting Heaven's purity shame shackle him. They spent at least 15 minutes giving him advice on how to make it more pleasurable and where to buy lube among other things discreetly.

At the end of their message with a sudden shift in tone they muttered out

"But like a singular angel rubbing one out ain't shit. What we're doing is treason. If we kiss or whatever they will know. The manager knows somethings up if I'm just near you. We- We can't. I lo-...... I'll talk to you soon Emile"

1974

Another message clearly recorded after Remy had smoked themself high.

"Okay this is gonna sound stupid as shit but some succubi asked me out and I said yeeeesss and I got through like 3 dates before I had to call it quits 'cause I was just thinking of you Emi. I like knew from the start I would only be like thinking of you so it was shitty of me I knoooow. Emile you want me to be honest? 'Cause like to be honest my life is shit right now and- and I'm like finding it harder to remember what am I like even trying to protect by not being with you!? I just feel so paranoid all the fucking time if I'm not listening to your voice"

1975

During a casette where Remy had just been telling him about the cities they had recently visited they suddenly started to sob uncontrollably for no reason that they explained and it pained him that he couldn't physically comfort them, he couldn't even directly respond to them.

1976

Remy didn't show up to the meeting that the two of them had planned. Emile was left waiting at the resturant for 2 hours before the waitress had to ask him to leave.

1977

Emile let out a breathe of relief when he finally got a letter from Remy. It seemed strange that they hadn't sent a casette with it, not even an album of music they thought he would like. When he opened the letter a ticket fell out along with a short note.

'I got us tickets for Fleetwood mac. Amsterdam. 16 April.

I have to see you'

--

The entire flight to Amsterdam as Emile soared through the sky and ducked past birds he let his anger storm up inside of him while imagining the verbal lashing he would give Remy about leaving him dry for nearly a year. They better had a good excuse like another world war.

But the moment he saw them waiting on the street by the hotel they had booked for them all of that anger dispersed like a cloud after rain. All he could think was how long their legs looked in the jeans they were wearing and how well their sunglasses matched their horns. And their lips. Their kissable beautiful lips.

They waved their tail at him so he would notice them but he thought it would be impossible for him to not notice them.

He flew directly into an embrace that lifted the demon from the ground and he could feel them stroking their tail up and down his back.

"Emmiiiiiiiii!" They squealed.

He sat them down on the ground but his wings kept flapping so hard he had to circle around them which made the wind blow up around them.

Remy reached out and held his face in their hands to stop him "I'm sorry I disappeared I just like couldn't see you if I couldn't kiss you"

Emile's breathe hitched and all at once his wings stopped and he fell back down to the ground. Remy caught him so he didn't tumble.

"But you're seeing me now" Emile whispered.

"I know"

"Will you let me fall for you? Being a guardian angel already makes it so I have to say goodbye to all my friends every few years and I have no connection to Heaven! All combined I think I have spent less than 2 hours up there my entire life!" All of the desperate reasons he had come up with to try and convince them spilled out "You're the only true connection I have! Please!"

"...Let's...Let's go to the concert first. Sounds good girlie?"

"Sure"

He noticed the way they fidgeted and kept glancing at him when they got closer to the concert hall. He realized they were checking if he was going to panic about it being sinful and in turn it made him realize that he hadn't even considered the possibility that heaven would notice in any way if he went.

As they danced among the crowd Remy held his hands and kept holding them even inbetween the songs. The sounds of the music engulfed them both

Can you hear me calling

Out your name?

You know that I'm falling

And I don't know what to say

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

--

The hotel room was dark once they got to it and Remy rushed to light some candles they had brought. They smelled of peaches and mango, Emile's favorite fruits. He chuckled as he watched them scurry around while he took off his jacket.

"Did you plan this?" He asked with a smile.

"You don't think the uh prince or whatever in Snow white toooottaly planned their romantic moment beforehand"

"Dear I regret to tell you the whole thing is kind of that their romantic moment wasn't planned"

"Well shit. Imagine I like used a good metaphor then"

Remy patted the bed down to make sure it was nice while closing the drapes with their tail. They left space for Emile to sit down beside them and he felt their tail immediately move to circle around his waist so he spread his wing across their back.

He playfully checked their face while saying "I'm just checking for any headinjuries since it's so unlike you to dare be around me for this long"

"Emi" They lightly grabbed his wrist "You know I'm IN love with you. I don't just love you, right?"

"Of course I know, You've told me in everything you do"

"Right right and I do and I just- I realized recently we've known each other for like over 50 years right??-"

"I think we're past 60 years actually"

"And that's longer than like most human relationships ever get to be! and we've spent all that time just circling around each other and I kept like questioning what the fuck I was even trying to protect anymore by not seeing you! Like the manager is gonna get pissed at me no matter what I do 'cause he's been a pissbaby at me ever since I like stopped fucking him! And it's not like I'm protecting you 'casue you don't wanna be protected! And I'm not risking losing friendships 'cause most of them dropped me when I started fucking the manager so I dunno. I just. I just..." Remy pressed a kiss to his knuckles "I wanna be with you y'know?"

Emile let out a breathe of relief "Honey I think I've waited decades for you to say that"

"But you gotta remember what will happen if anyone finds out. Okay? Like no more heaven, no more looking over humans. You will like be stuck with me. I don't- I've never seen a angel fall before- I don't know what happens to them- I don't think they die- But I dont know what"

"Most of that sounds positive to me. Well aside from the dying of course. Have you thought about what will happen to you?"

"Yeah...Yeah I will probably be punished....So. So if it's okay with you I think we should run away. Like if I don't return to Hell they can't get me you get me? We can just get like a nice place on earth and like chill out together"

"That sounds lovely" Emile inched a bit closer and held his hand against their cheek "...Can I...Can we kiss?"

He had daydreamed about this moment for so long his whole body stood tensed now that it was actually going to happen. He looked with all his hope into Remy's eyes and it felt as if a whole army of fireworks went off all at once inside him when he heard them murmur.

"Sure we can. I would give up everything for you Emi"

"I would give anything to be with you as well"

Remy guided him with their hand against the back of his head and the other against his back as they leant in and kissed him softly on the lips.

He let out a high pitched squeak that made them laugh and kiss him right on the tip of his nose.

"Can we do that again?"

In response Remy tilted their head and pressed their lips against his harder this time, so he nearly felt lightheaded from it, and let him fumble for where on their body to put his hands. He settled on their hips and they let their tongue run against the inside of his lip. He closed his eyes and leaned further in until they were practically chest to chest.

-

"Did that feel good?"

Emile laughed so his nose scrunched while running his fingers through Remy's hair "Yes. You've alreayd asked me once"

"Well I just like want your first time to be totally completely good" They laid with their head against his chest, right between his boobs "You got some great inbuilt pillows y'know"

He lightly tapped at their forehead "Don't fall asleep now!"

"Oh right I forgot you got the stamnia of like decades of pent up horniness"

"Is that oka-"

"Babe I can do this for like 12 hours if that's what you want. I can probably push it to 18 hours just for you!"

They moved to press kisses against his breast while letting their fingers explore the crevices between the folds of fat around his gorgeous waist. They felt the slights bumps from stretch marks and freckles. They felt a tug in the end of their tail and looked to Emile to see him pointing at his lips so they leant up and kissed him.

"I want to suck you off" Emile mumbled against their lips, his eyes gazing up to meet theirs "I read about it in a book"

"Do you like actually know how it works or do you want me to like explain?"

"I wanna try for myself"

Remy kissed them again "Sure babe"

-

Emile jokingly clinged to them when Remy tried to get up from the properly sweaty bed "Hydration is like the cornerstone of sex babe"

"So is cuddles I theorize" He replied while slowly letting go of them, he stayed in the bed with the blanket bundled up around his feet and enjoyed watching them walk towards the kitchen butt naked.

"That is sooo true babe! This is why you're the like scientist of us two" They picked up the two cups the hotel left on the desk by the bed and went to fill them up in the bathroom.

By the time they had stepped a foot through what they thought was the door to the bathroom it was already too late to turn back.

The door had opened to Hell.

Disoriented and swearing they didn't open it to Hell they swung around to try and look back to the hotel room but the door had already closed behind them.

The stark white walls of Hell's halls blinded them making the cups fall and shatter on the ground around their feet.

Strong arms moved around their shoulders and held them stuck in place. All they could do was crane their neck back to see The Manager looking down at them.

With four of his arms around them and the other two on his hips he towered over them, staring with his blood orange eyes.

"How nice to see you in your work uniform" He said drily and when Remy immediately tensed up he snickered "Oh come on. I've seen you naked before"

"I was in the middle of working" They lied.

"No you weren't"

"I was-"

"Don't make it worse by bullshitting!"

The doors to the meeting hall opened and a slew of other more powerful demons walked in, some with four arms, others with six like The Manager, even one lagging behind with only three. The door closed behind them and they stayed standing along a line as if waiting for something, none of them seemed interested in Remy.

The Manager leaned down so his short beard scratched against the side of Remy's face and they shuddered "I've had my eyes on you but no evidence. I've just been waiting and waiting for you to do something with an Angel that would be such a fuck up there would be no way for you to hide it. And a demon and angel fucking isn't exactly something that goes unnoticed now does it"

"I seduced him!"

"I don't care who seduced who! And Heaven doesn't either! It's very black and white Remy! Either you had sex with an Angel or you didn't! And you did! Your Angel will be here any second now I think"

It was at that moment Remy began to trash around and kick their feet to try and get away from the manager "I SEDUCED HIM!" They cried out again.

A bright light lit up in a ring on the ceiling creating a hole to Heaven and for a few brief seconds it simply shone before a single body fell through and landed with a harsh thud on the marble floor.

It was Emile still half wrapped up in the bed cover with his halo glowing a shallow pink. He blinked rapidly while looking around trying to make sense of where he was while his wings spread out and got ready to fly.

His eyes turned wide as they landed on Remy while his body tensed up "REMY!"

"EMILE! It's okay! I'm here!"

"Aw you've given the angel a name. That's cute. Like a giving a nickname to a puppy" The manager commented.

The former Angel's wings started to flap when he saw the way the manager was holding his Remy.

His body had just began to lift off the ground when the other demons in the room all bombarded him at once. They pushed him back down to the ground and pressed him stomach down against the floor, some keeping their feet on his wrists while another held his face down.

Remy could see his eyes still looking to them and they tried to desperately kick the back of their head into the Manager's head to make him let go but nothing budged.

"EMI! EMI!" They kept screaming because they couldn't do anything else.

In sheer terror they looked as one of the demons grabbed a steady hold around one of Emile's wings and began to pull, and he didn't stop pulling. Another demon joined in. And another. And they all pulled and dragged and twisted until they could hear the bone pop and break.

Emile let out a cry as the wing went limp against his back. The other wing kept trying to fend the demons off but they did the same to it.

But they didn't stop. They grabbed ahold of the first wing again and pulled harder this time until the skin that connected the wing to Emile's back started to tear apart and blood and muscle reaveled itself.

"STOP! STOP! HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING! I SWEAR! I FORCED HIM! I FORCED HIM!"

Emile sucked in a big shaky breathe and shut his eyes tight for a second before trying to look at Remy again, though his eyes were so blurry from tears it was hard to make anything out.

"I don't regret anything" His voice was thick from crying "I love you Remy"

"I love you too!"

"That's enough of that" The manager covered Remy's mouth with one of his free hands and made them watch as Emile's wing was pulled from his back.

One of the demons brought a hammer and another laid the limp wing on the ground. With one big swing the last connection between the wing and Emile's back was severed and the wing was left laying on the ground. It twitched for a few more seconds before going completely still.

They did the exact same for the other wing. All as Emile screamed and screamed until his voice turned hoarse and then he sobbed.

"You hear that? Listen closely" The Manager murmured into Remy's ear "Cause it's the last thing you're gonna hear"

The manager forced Remy down onto their knees and pressed his hand against their forehead. Not once did they let their eyes leave Emile. Not even when The Manager said those three words.

"Hear No Evil!"

The screaming instantly stopped. The crying too. The footsteps, the sound of bones cracking and blood dripping. Even the sound of their own breathing disappeared.

Followed by a wave of such pain Remy buckled over on the ground and writhed with their hands against their ears. The Manager no longer had to hold them down because they were unable to do anything anyway.

Remy's sight went in and out of being blurry and spotted in black but still they forced their head up to look to Emile.

It was so eerily silent as they watched the demon with the hammer drag it towards Emile's head at the same time as they other demons held his face down towards the ground.

The demon lined the hammer up towards the soft pink halo and shattered it.

Bits of the halo flew out and landed on the ground just like the shards of glass. They could see his mouth open in a cry but didn't hear it.

The demons checked so the halo was properly broken before one after another they began to trail away and leave the room.

Remy felt a kick in their side and turned to look up at The Manager giving them one last look before he too left the room and closed the door behind him.

The pain was still ringing through Remy's skull but they fought through it and dragged themself across the floor towards their Angel. Emile laid so still it scared them until they got closer and could see his chest heaving up and down.

"Emile" They whispered.

His lips parsed but no words came.

"Emi answer me, tell me you're like alright. Emi"

His mouth moved again and Remy got a creeping sense of dread of what had been done to them.

"Emi can you move? Like shake or nod your head"

He reached out a shaking hand and Remy gently took it. They kissed his palm and caressed his face.

He pointed to the bed cover that had been left on the floor and they laid it around him, enveloping in the warm fabric. Of course he wasn't nearly as used to others seeing him naked than they were. The blood from his back quickly colored it red.

Emile squeezed their hand and said something "Emi I can't hear you. I can't hear anything"

He slowed down his words and tried to mouth it syllable by syllable.

"...B...Blo..Blood loss. Blood loss" Remy repeated while watching him "..N...Nee...Need med...Medicine. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Makes sense. Like- Like needle and thread shit?"

He nodded weakly.

"Okay. Okay. I'm like. I don't like us staying here 'cause like I dunno when or if like the manager is gonna come back or some other fuck so I'm like gonna have to move you. Okay Emi?"

Another nod.

"Okay. Like pinch me or something if it hurts too much or I gotta slow down or something- Shit do you want me to take your wings with you or- or-" He shook his head "Yeah no saving them you think? Okay. Okay"

They pulled their arms around Emile and hosted him up on his weak feet, his entire body leant against them as they took the first shaky steps towards the door with the bed cover dragging behind them.

"I know a place. Don't worry. Don't worry"

Not being able to hear their own voice scared them, they had no idea if they were shouting or whispering.

They pulled open the door and glanced around for any sight of the Manager but aside from a few succubi walking down the long hallways they couldn't see anyone.

Emile's eyes flickered half open and his head lolled forward. Remy took a big breathe and used all of their strenght to pick him up and carried him in their arms to the closest shower room.

Luckily it was one of the shower rooms which still had a functioning lock. They set Emile down on the steps that reached down into the shallow pool of water so that it reached up to his ankles.

When the bed cover was laid aside Remy could see the two big gaping wounds that had been created where Emile's wings used to be.

The blood had clotted around the edge of the skin and in the middle the wounds looked more white than red as bits of muscle and flesh showed. Remy felt sick to their stomach. The smell of iron hit them and their hands began to shake.

"Emi- Emi you have to tell me what to do. You're like the super smart doctor guy out of us- I don't- I don't know wha- You needed needle and thread right? Right. I'll be back"

On the way out of the room they caught a glimpse of themself in the mirror and felt their body freeze for just a second as they saw that their hair had turned pure white.

When they returned with a needle and thread Emile had sunk himself a bit further down into the pool so that his wounds ever so slightly grazed the water and turned it into a shade of light red that nearly matched his halo-

His halo. His halo looked like a pair of horns now.

Without the pieces connecting his halo in the middle all that was left was two faintly glowing pink cylinders sticking up from either side of his head that ended in jagged parts of what was left sticking out like horns.

"Hey Emi, I'm back" They said as they sat down on the step next to him "Can you- Please tell me you can somehow do it yourself. Like if I move the mirror or something you can maybe- Maybe see where yo're like supposed to sew or-"

Emile shook his head and put his hand against Remy's knee while meeting their eyes.

".....You have to tell me how. I- I- can't do-"

The former angel took the needle and thread in his unsteady hands and repeatedly motioned for how they had to sew before handing it back to them and with a pained expression leaned forward so they had easier acces to the wounds.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" Remy pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck "I'm sorry"

They pressed the needle against their lover's skin and pushed it through. They could see Emile's body tense up and sweat harder and if they had dared to look at his face they would have seen him crying, but they knew they couldn't stop.

They pulled the thread through the hole in the skin and continued.

-

Remy had managed to find the two of them a change of clothes and even found a soft and loose cardigan that wouldn't rub too much against the newly closed wounds on their lover's back. With his body leant against theirs they dragged him towards the sleeping quarters where they along with several other squadrons of succubi slept.

When they got there the information that they were a white hair now must have already gotten to the rest of the succubi because someone had thrown the pillow and cover across the room. All of the succubi there stared at Remy and Emile when they came in.

Some of them opened their mouths but Remy couldn't know what it was they said, maybe that was a good thing. One of them spat at their feet while some of the others reached out to touch Emile's skin maybe just to see what an Angel felt like.

Remy growled at them and extended their wings to force the distance between the two of them and the succubi to increase.

They laid Emile down on the bed and with how much pain he had gone though, and was still going through he fell asleep almost immediately. Remy stayed awake next to him growling and nashing their teeth every time another succubi even came close to the bed.

-

It had gone a few weeks and Emile was able to sit up in bed and take a few steps on his own. Remy laid with their head in his lap and their eyes closed while he ran his fingers through their hair when he suddenly tapped them on the shoulder over and over.

They opened their eyes to see The Manager towering over the bed with his striking eyes staring holes into the former Angel. He parsed his lips and spoke and they could see Emile responding. They wanted to punch their fist into the wall at how frustrating it was to not understand.

Emile scribbled down in the notebook they had started to use to communicate 'He says that even though you are a traitorous white hair you still have to do your job'

"But- But I can't like go to earth right now. I have to like stay with- with-" Emile put his finger over their mouth to quiet them and they saw The Manager speaking again.

'You have to'

The manager had spoken for longer than three words. Emile was leaving something out, they guessed he had been threatening either or both of them.

Remy looked to The Manager before lowering their gaze again and pressing a quick kiss to Emile's cheek. "I will be back soooo soon babe okay!? I will find like the fastest cumming guys you've ever seen"

They didn't dare look at The Manager as they ran out of the room. The Manager looked at the succubi disappearing down into the hallway before slowly turning his eyes back to Emile.

"Take your shirt off"

"...I was nude when my wings were torn off. You have already seen me naked" Emile replied in the calmest voice he could muster "There's no need for me to-"

"Take your fucking shirt off!"

When Emile didn't comply he moved forward and dragged the cardigan off of him and for a few seconds The Manager just blared up and down at his body

"To think that they threw their whole life away for You!" He finally said "Look at you! You're..You're nothing!"

Emile's expression didn't change a single bit which made The Manager turn red from rage.

"Did they ever tell you we've had SEX! Huh!? I've been with them many M A N Y more times than you ever have! They've done every thing I've told them to!"

"They told some time in the 1920s yes"

The Manager sputtered and stared at him so hard it nearly looked like his eyes would pop out "WELL I will have been with them many more times than you ever will anyway! Because they will never want to fuck you again! Not with those ugly puss filled holes in your back! Even if they heal they're going to stay ugly and red and make you disgusting! And they will leave you to dust and probably I don't know kill themself for giving up their hearing to be someone as hideous as you!"

"Has insulting people helped you in the past? According to the behavioral theory of psychology most of our behavior is based on previous conditiong, so it's only a guess but it seems like it has helped you in the past" Emile replied.

"You're going to end up alone one day!" The Manager yelled right into his face before leaving.

-

It took another week until Emile had healed enough that he could walk around completely on his own again, though Remy still got too anxious about someone hurting him they always followed him if he left the room.

Still it was as if once he was able to take care of himself again all of the extra adrenaline Remy had been running on finally ran out and they barely had the energy to leave bed. When Emile tried to communicate with them they would start crying so hard he had to hold them until they stopped shaking.

"I feel like I lost you" They cried "I keep- I keep thinking that we like- we spent so much fucking time apart I never heard your voice enough and now I like never will again. What if I forget your voice Emi!? And like music and you reading to me and us just like talking! It's all- It's all gone! I'm gone! I don't even know if I'm like yelling or whispering right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

They could feel Emile's breathe against their cheek as he said something but it only made them cry harder. He stayed with his head leant against their shoulder and with his arms around their waist until they fell asleep again.

--

One morning Emile woke Remy up with a kiss to their temple and still half asleep they mumbled "Need help changing bandages Emi?"

Emile shook them around slightly until they rubbed their eyes open and sat up. He held up the note he had written beforehand.

'I found the library finally! The language section was a bit underdeveloped but I managed to find these!'

He held up a few books with titles all being various variations on 'American Sign Language for dummies'. Remy tilted their head and squinted.

"You know I'm too stupid to read all that"

'Youre not stupid. You can read my notes perfectly fine, it only takes you longer time than other people. We will both learn sign. Together. I have found some papers on the psychology behind different peoples study patterns!'

Remy leaned forward to cup Emile's cheeks "I love your smile babe. You're like my shining sun" They sunk in on themself as their voice broke "I'm sorry I like hurt you"

Emile shook his head and quickly wrote 'I knew what was going to happen to me honey. It was the more powerful demons fault'

He wiped a tear away from Remy's cheek before adding.

'Besides now we can kiss whenever we want. For forever'

"Can we" Remy whispered, almost begged.

Emile kissed them and kissed them and kissed them until he saw their tail begin to wag back and forth from happiness.

'I want you' He wrote.

"I don't wanna like accidentally open the like wounds or anything. Do you think you can?"

'You know better than me what positions would hurt me the least'

Their tail rubbed against their temple as they thought "I can eat you out. We just gotta make sure you stay sitting up so you don't like lay down on the stitches"

Emile blushed bright pink as he motioned for the big sleeping hall and the other succubi here and there.

"Girl people fuck in here like aaaall the time. No one will mind. Uh but like if you're not like comfy we can go to the shower room?"

He nodded and Remy tightly took his hand in theirs and helped him to the shower room, he was still a bit slower than before the injuries.

Once in the room Emile pushed Remy close and kissed their neck while they helped him to sit up on the sink. They made out while the succubi unbuttoned his pants and palmed him through his underwear until they could feel him soaking wet through the fabric.

"If you like want me to stop or I do something wrong or Anything just like pinch my skin alright?" Remy asked.

They waited until Emile had clearly nodded before they helped him push the underwear down to his ankles and entwined their hand with his. They gave him another kiss before going down on their knees.

In the middle of it when Remy could feel the muscles in his thighs twitch against the sides of their head and his hand pulling at his hair they suddenly felt a slight pinch against their shoulder and instantly stopped.

They let the hand in their hair pull them up on their feet and they leant close to Emile. They thought he was going in for a kiss but instead they put his lips against their cheek so that instead of hearing it they could feel the vibrations against their skin as he moaned.

They feel a bit in love all over again at what a genius their lover was.

-

'E- E- I- L- E" Remy hand spelled out with their eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

'Close. You mixed up E with M again. Look' Emile showed the different letters again.

"What kind of asshole designed E and M to look so fucking similar"

He smiled before writing 'Its good you keep speaking at least so your muscle memory keeps remembering how to'.

"....Was I close enough to correct to like get some sweet Emi kisses as a reward?"

Emile laughed and Remy held their hand close to his mouth so they could feel his laughter before he laid down against their chest to kiss them. At first they held their hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat before moving to feel the slight movements and vibrations on his neck as his spoke.

They couldn't quite read his lips well enough yet to know what he was actually saying but simply feeling him speak was soothing in a similar that hearing him read had been.

He tapped on their cheek to get their full attention before hand spelling "I- L- O- V- E- Y- O- U"

Remy felt themself get all gooey inside as they watched his fingers move. "I love the way I can feel your body. It's like- It's like I'm uhh like totally getting to know you like all over again by how your body like moves and functions and vibrates and stuff. I think I like the idea of having decades in front of me to like learn every like crevice and movement of you. Y'know? Do I sound tots weird or what?"

'I think that sounds absolutely lovely dear'

1998

In the early morning Emile had a big grin on his lips as he snook up to the bed he shared with Remy. Their loud snores could be heard from a mile away and quietly sat down right next to it.

He positioned himself and blew the party horn so that the end of it hit Remy right on the nose.

"AUgh FuCK!" They shouted as they sat up straight.

As soon as they saw it was him they relaxed and leant back on their elbows while smiling so the quite new wrinkles near their eyes became visible.

"Heeey honeysuckle" They said before pulling Emile close to kiss him.

'I have a surprise for you!' He signed 'Its a concert. On earth! I saw a poster that this new artist called Britney Spears will perform at a mall! I think youre gonna like it!'

'E- M- I- its O- U- R- anniversary not just mine. You gonna enjoy it too?'

He nodded furiously.

'Okay Okay lemme get changed'

Emile sat on the bed and kicked his feet and whissled a little tune while watching Remy go through their entire stack of clothes in search for the most stylish show offy outfit they could possible put together.

"I want an outfit that like totally screams I'm on a special date with the best like lover guy man hubby you can ever wish for y'know??" They said while layering two different colored arm warmers on top of a fishnet top.

He sat obediantly in his favorite soft cardigan while Remy tested out which of his ties matched the best before landing on a pink tie. They fastened the tie and peppered him with kisses.

'Ready?'

'Ready!'

[bishop-percival]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

(prev) Teddy tensed when Mike made it very clear that he upset him. In hindsight he should have seen it coming. Mike’s uncharacteristic softness, however, caught him off guard as much as it usually did. So did Autumn’s anxiousness. “How ki-,” No, that would make it worse. For a bit he struggled to find a way to reword it before realizing that even suggesting that a Glornist wasn’t pure evil was inherently offensive. Instead of saying anything further he awkwardly returned to finding the perfect spot to place his paper cowboy hat. Teddy briefly wondered if Autumn’s nervousness had anything to do with how they fretted over his dislocated shoulder. But then he remembered Bert’s words. Any kindness the Glornists showed was all an act to prime him for manipulation. So it couldn’t be about Thomas. She must be worried about impressing Zyrothe. And surely Mike was merely fostering trust and loyalty. Teddy eventually found a horned figure tucked away in a corner made of ivory matching his paper. He wore a wicked grin as he carefully maneuvered his hand above it without touching the statues. Then he dropped it, used his finger to properly align it, and slowly withdrew his arm. Once he had accomplished his self-assigned mission he let out a self-satisfied snicker. While he was checking that it was well-concealed at all angles he happened to catch a glimpse of the climate control panel from the corner of his vision. Then he squinted in a half-hearted attempt at reading the paper log before sneaking a glance at Mike. He pulled his notebook out and started to take notes on the artifacts in front of him. “I just… thought manually logging it seems like a lot of unnecessary work.” Not to mention the limited dataset it produced prone to sentient error. He paused to figure out how to help without seeming judgemental and/or overbearing. “Every once in awhile I see a data logger module retrofitted onto an old… er device.”

Mike occasionally snuck glances at Teddy to keep an eye on him. He saw him slip the hat onto the statue. Ah, so that’s what he was doing with it. Mike grinned and let it slide. With any luck it’ll go unnoticed as long as the gnome-creature’s hat has.

Still examining his artifact he replied, “It is a lot of unnecessary work. And yeah, I’ll probably upgrade it. But when I do, I’m still going to keep a written log. Why? I dunno. I like it. Feels…”

He wasn't sure how to verbalize his reasons for doing it except to give another example. Mike sat up and pulled his phone out again. “Just on my phone, I have expensive software that I b— well, pirated, that’s capable of thoroughly scanning this seal I have here and can identify even the most minute indentations in it. And yet I like to go through and write down what I see through a magnifying glass first. Because I like it.”

Now starting to feel like there were better things to discuss than his weird habits, Mike tried to change the subject.

“Anyways… After the service we take our places around the summoning circle. Sources say Zyrothe has one of the most complex circles out there. Took Mir a week to paint.”

[copias-girl]

Do you have any tips/tricks on how you write copia?? Cause I genuinely love it and would like to know the process behind it

Omg thank you so much! It’s a huge compliment when people say they like the way I write him!! ♥︎ so without further ado:

HOW TO WRITE COPIA TUTORIAL LETS GOOOOO 👏🏻 adding a cut because this got long!

Ok so first of all, I do have a bit of an advantage because I’m Italian. I’m from Canada but my Mom was born in Italy, I’m fluent in Italian, and I still talk with my relatives in the old country. So basically I know what an Italian accent sounds like, because all my life I’ve heard all my family speaking with one! Hell, even I had one when I was little! HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean you can’t write Copia if you don’t have that experience

I watch a lot of Ghost concert footage and I’ve watched the Chapters sooo many times, so when I started writing Copia it came really naturally to me. Like writing him is literally second nature at this point 💀 So I would highly suggest watching footage of Copia because that way you can easily picture the way he sounds, his cadence when speaking, his accent, and his mannerisms. And once you know him well you can imagine how he’d react in certain scenarios.

And when you’re writing, ALWAYS always picture the dialogue being said in your head! That way, it’ll sound natural and much more realistic.

Also there are little subtle things you can do to make his speech more true to source for Copia. Italians are known for saying ‘eh’ in between words, just like how other people say ‘um’. So for Copia, I always use ‘eh’ and ‘ehm’, never ‘uh’ and ‘um.’

‘Ah’ is also good, because when he forgets Sister Imperator in the wheelchair, he says ‘Ah, shit.’ And of course, ‘oh’ is also fine to use. Also! When he does that signature little chuckle in the Chapters or on stage, the little ‘heh heh..’ Yeah, add that. It’s adorable and canon!

Also, throw in some Italian, as much or as little as you want. Sometimes I like to have him start a sentence in English and then he goes into Italian for the other half. Other times a whole sentence will be in Italian. And don’t forget to make him say ‘Si’ instead of ‘yes’ often! Also, if he’s talking about something, you can put that word in Italian as if he doesn’t know how to say it in English!

Now for the cadence! There are three main versions of Copia: Canon Copia (which you can see in my Pamper Your Papa fic), pathetically shy Copia (which you can see in To Catch a Cardinal) and a more dominant Copia (which I have not written yet, but I will soon!)

I’m going to use canon Copia as the example, but think of this as a soup; you can just use more or less of the ingredients to adjust the recipe and write which Copia you want!

Copia is awkward, so make sure to break up his sentences with a good amount of ‘eh’ and ‘ehm’. He’s like the perfect mix between awkward and sex appeal, so that’s how I like to write him. He can fluster, he can fuck, but at the end of the day he’s still an adorably awkward old man and that quality always shines through! And while he can fluster you, I picture him to get flustered easily too.

Also, don’t be afraid to add a bit of self-consciousness here and there, perhaps about being old, eating too much rigatoni lol, or about wanting to live up to the title of Papa (if you’re writing something where he’s Papa). If he’s Cardinal, you can make him self conscious perhaps about feelings of unworthiness or something along those lines. It adds to his charm and I feel like it’s accurate to his character. Not to mention it adds depth! Because Copia is lighthearted and fluffy, but he can also be really deep! He’s the perfect mix of everything ♥︎

So those are the basics. Of course, to write pathetic Copia, just increase the amount of stuttering and ‘eh’ and ‘ehm’. I mean really crank that shit up, ya know? It might seem excessive when you’re writing it but it reads off great!

For dominant Copia, you’re gonna be dialling all of that down. Keep the Italian, just don’t really add any of the ‘eh’ and ‘ehm’ or stuttering, because dominant Copia needs to be CONFIDENT and a bit more smooth and like -> 😈

Once again: IMAGINE THE DIALOGUE IN YOUR HEAD. That way you’ll know WHERE to put the ‘eh’ and ‘ehm’ and which words to stutter on! If those are misplaced it’ll make the dialogue seem unnatural!

Also, remember that clip where Copia (as Cardinal) was telling the audience to clap and he was like “You know, like ketchup!” because back in the day they used to have glass ketchup bottles so you’d have to slap the bottom to get the ketchup out? WELL, add some weird kinda stuff like that, stuff where’s it’s like ??? Baby what are you talking about?? His odd references are so cute and add to his awkward old man charm. That’s why I had him compare his rat to a potato in TCAC 💀

I really hope I explained this ok, sorry if it’s kinda chaotic! ♥︎ Please don’t hesitate to send in another ask if you need clarification on anything or have more questions! I love talking about Copia and I love talking about writing! ♥︎♥︎♥︎

[dkniade]

“There are lots of things to praise in life, y’know? But you don’t love them enough to write poems about them, huh? Uh. Because it means you need to express your happiness in an honest way. And you don’t like stating your emotions outright. Especially your positive ones?”

November 6, 2023

notes: mentions death, seasonal depression (but it gets better), dissociation (?)

Acer Saccharum: A Transient Act Upon the Seasons’ Stage

i.

Autumn. Um.

I like how crisp the winds are.

I walk outside and it smells like autumn.

The orange leaves are nice too. No, in fact—

the way the sunshine’s filtered orange

before those duck-feet-like maple leaves is…

beautiful. Like gold.

No, not even gold—

Like amber, where as a fossil, time is frozen

in that moment as I stare, mesmerised.

.

But… This beauty is fleeting

upon the season’s stage. As time passes,

it dies,

like an artwork that can be easily destroyed.

Yet as that alchemist had mentioned…

Though beauty in art does not last forever,

that transience isn’t bad. Is not time a pigment in itself?

.

ii.

It dies, huh? Do you look at something

just to anticipate its death?

But it's beautiful at that moment, no?

A fleeting sight is like a lightning’s glow,

forever outlining the back of the maple,

spreading across its every vein for but a moment.

.

(“Are you trying to make me cry?”)

A transient act upon the season’s stage.

.

I don’t find beauty in decomposition. But,

does it not nurture new life? That part of

you does not lie beneath the leaves. Instead,

mushrooms—tiny fungi that are neither plant

or animal—might grow around a tree.

.

There’s no need to slice a falling

maple leaf in half with a frosted blade.

Do not think you’re powerless. After all,

you’re the poet here, and as such—

when the maple leaves swirl and flutter down—

.

Take it all in and be taken aback…?

Uh… Do not fight it as there’s nothing to fight……?

(Let me… find a new metaphor. Hold on—)

.

i.

But look at this feeble attempt at praising autumn.

All this beauty, yet I can’t…

Kicking up leaves on the ground and hearing

the chip-like crunch is such a simple thing

that even I could enjoy it for but a moment.

Every photo of autumn I see is nostalgic, old,

its aesthetic a meek acceptance. Why? Why

can’t it be defiance? “Despite the year waning

and colours fading, we’ll still be here!”

There’s nothing wrong with autumn

as a season in its own right, and yet,

that part of me tells me it’s…

.

ii.

—Ah.

Like petals!

Though separated by summer,

when the maple leaves swirl and flutter down—

it’s more beautiful than the pale-pink waltz of spring petals.

.

i.

“Be the sharp frost, be the soft winds.

Show that the leaves’ crystal refractions are beautiful.

Be it cloudy or clear, full or waning—

Be not lost in contemplation.”

I thought you’d say something like this.

…Reading back, who wrote half of these

stanzas again? So uncharacteristically

direct in stating these positive feelings…

.

iii.

“Hey, it’s been a while. So how have you been?”

Uh… What a vague question. You gotta be more specific here.

“Fine, have you written anything lately?”

Have I written anything lately… Uhh…

I wrote some… poems. (Beat.) “That’s cool.”

.

ii.

Be it orange or silver,

the maple’s the only frost-kissed edge here.

So autumn, come.

.

.

.

[dru-plays-starbound]

Tales of the Starbound: The Old-Timer's Tale

Universe: Starbound CW: Alcohol, Fantasy religion Words: 1,616 Context: This was written during NaNoWriMo 2015, part of a collection of short stories called "Tales of the Starbound". I decided to re-write each story individually. Note: I'm using "Deosil" (towards the sun) to mean the left-hand side of the screen, since cardinal directions don't work in-game. Or read on AO3

Warm sunlight filtered down from a lavender sky filled with puffy pale clouds. The old avian shook out his yellow plumage before settling onto the worn bench, listening to the market traders as they hawked their wares to passing customers. A bracing breeze caused the banners above him to flutter and snap, but the bench was a lovely little suntrap – warm and sheltered on this clear spring day. The avian gave a contented sigh, his eyes fluttering shut. Far better for his aching bones, he mused, than the wintry chill and drenching rain.

"Quihui! Warm greetingsss, birdman." The avian cracked an eye to see a floran grinning broadly down at him. He smiled back. "Wandangi. A pleasure to see you, dear. You're looking wonderfully bushy today." The floran crinkled xir eyes, preening at xir brown and blue leaves. "Thank you. Many floran in bloom right now. Is good season." "Indeed. The sun is kind to all of us today. Would you like to sit and photosynthesise a little?" Wandangi's grin faded, and xe shook xir head. "Ah! Floran too restless. Another day we will contemplate growth together, yes? Today, floran take Ulf on hunt – feel the wind in our leaves." Quihui cooed in disappointment. "Another day then. Good hunting." Wandangi stroked over xir head growth, collecting pollen on xir hand to smear on Quihui's beak. "Floran will ssstab many things in your honour!" xe crowed.

Quihui felt heat flood his feet as Wandangi wandered off, sing-songing, "Stabby, shabby, stabby!" Had Wandangi, Quihui wondered, discovered his feelings for xem? Was xe making xir intentions known by dedicating xir hunt to him? He ducked his head, preening at his arm feathers. No – it was too fanciful. There was no way Wandangi could know that painting an avian's beak was a declaration of intent… At the sound of more greetings being called, he pushed away his fancifulness, raising a hand to Minera, the barkeep of the Diamond and Pear, as the cyan novakid crossed paths with Chef Zyanitl.

The hustle and bustle of the market hardly slowed as the sun reached the zenith of its slow pendulum. Quihui rose and hobbled over to Devon Dyson's stall, selecting a bowl of curried beakseed and carrot juice as he chatted to Devon about her business. Over lunch, he was joined by the alpaca, Caden the Axe, and Nuttrace, one of Lord Brasscrank's guards. After the two guards had said their farewells, Quihui pulled out a book and relaxed back to read.

As the golden pendulum fell, turning lilac to mauve, the market traders began to pack up their stalls. The shouts and calls of the market folk nearly drowned out a soft cough, as a dark figure slid onto the bench next to Quihui. "What have your keen eyes seen this day, revered flightless?" "Good day, Aly," Quihui said to the red lenses glinting from under the shroud. "It's been busy. Lots of traders from 'Tahnt Rise, many browsing faces I don't recognise." "Indeed, exalted watcher. I have heard tell of more construction work happening deosil of Lady Caseswing's great home." Quihui stroked down his blue chest piece, gazing out at the softly rolling hills, dotted with sweet meadow flowers. "Her ladyship has been more planet-side of late. Perhaps she has grown weary of adventure and wishes to settle instead." "Mayhaps she is also making good on a promise; many of those newest to Virla come claiming her Ladyship offered them a home here. With such an offering, she needs must back it up with production." Quihui murmured in agreement. "Our Lady is gaining quite the generous reputation across the stars." The calls of the traders trailed off as they filtered away, back to their homes. "A pleasant eve to you, exalted watcher," Aly said when only a few traders lingered. The shadowed figure stood, brushing down their robes. "Light of Kluex guide your way," Quihui murmured as Aly disappeared into the encroaching darkness.

With a pained grunt, the old avian gained his feet and followed the general stream of traffic up the terraces, heading towards Minera's bar.

~~~

It was early still as Quihui shuffled into the Diamond and Pear, with only the regular barflies hovering around. Minera – stood behind the glossy chrome counter – raised a hand in greeting, her pale cyan glow winking in the glass of the old saloon cabinet behind her. From the back corridor, the heavy thud of workboots reverberated as the bouncer, Morgan, kept everything in check.

"Qui!" came a fluting coo from the corner of the bar. Quihui sighed as he approached the counter, nodding to the rotund human nursing a small tumbler of root liquor as he waited for Minera to finish up with another drink. "Hadley." "Mister Quihui," the man replied, running a hand over his bald pate. "Qui, don't ignore me." "C'mon now, Min," Minera said, as she poured fizzing cerise liquid into a crystal glass. "Give the man a chance to wet his throat, wontcha?" Quihui turned, dipping his head to greet the citrus-yellow avian behind him. "Good evening, Bloodsoother Minoch." The hen cooed again as she flitted onto the stool next to him. "It's rude to ignore people, you know." "Apologies," Quihui said, "You'll have to forgive me – my hearing is not as it was." "Pah." Minoch rolled her eyes with a smile. "You can't keep giving that excuse forever." Minera cocked her head at Quihui as she slid the glass over the counter. "There you go, Hadley. You can tell herself it's a 2744 vintage." "Thank you. Miss Ami will appreciate that." He slid off his stool and exchanged the glass for a handful of pixels, carrying both drinks carefully up to the mezzanine. Quihui followed Hadley's path as he made jet-trails for the sage and bubblegum-coloured hylotl drumming the pads of her fingers against the metal tabletop. "What'll it be?" Minera asked Quihui. "An OilSlick, if you'd be so kind." As Minera turned to the cabinet, Minoch slid some pixels on the counter. "Let me get this one, Qui." "I have the pix-" "I know. But I insist. Let a lady buy a gent a drink, huh? Could I get another glass of Cyanider, too?" "Sure thing, little miss," Minera said. She placed the bottle of OilSlick and a wide glass on the counter, then reached into a bucket of ice for the bottle of cerise bubbly.

Once the two had their drinks, they made trails to the corner that Minoch had already claimed. Quihui lent against the wall as he settled into the chair, only to have the wall squelch under his hand. "Ugh," he muttered, wiping his hand on the table. "You know, for such a recent addition, I do wonder why this place is, well," he lowered his voice, "rather a dump." Minoch cooed her disapproval. "That's not a nice thing to say, Qui." "It's true, though. The floors are mining girders, the walls are a mess of scrap and junk. I think that bit was radioactive…" "You're hardly one to talk, Quihui. I've seen your dusty, rickety furniture, all tied together with straw and hope." "I took what I was given when I came here, all those years ago. I happily accepted what the Princess could spare – which wasn't much at all!" Quihui ground his beak. "Nothing but trackless forests, wild pearlpeas, and monsters in those days. Not like it is now at all." "Metish says it is still like that. Outside the walls, anyway. She says the floran wouldn't have anything to hunt if it was all built up." "Maybe so, maybe so." Quihui sipped his beer. "And my house wasn't always so rickety, you know. Not back when the planet was empty of anyone but the six of us." "So ask the Princess to get you new furniture. I'm sure she could spare it." "Oh, but it's comfortable now. And Wandangi wouldn't come by so often if there wasn't something to repair." Minoch murmured; a disapproving sound, Quihui thought, as he sipped his drink.

"She does seem to be building a lot these days," he said. "Princess Caseswing, I mean. Aly said there's a new building going up on the deosil side." "Is that the tower?" "They didn't say." Minoch rested her chin on a hand, gazing into the middle distance with a wistful sigh. "Can you imagine? How amazing would it be to live in such a tower, so close to the heavens that you could reach out and touch Kluex as if you had wings." Quihui gave his drinking companion a slow blink. "Ah, maybe for you, young hen. My talons are firmly on the ground forever." He shuddered at the thought of being so far off the ground again, within reach of the god who'd wanted his mortal life. Minoch had no such qualms, having never been in such a position – she'd still been searching the stars for the erstwhile realm of the Winged when Caseswing found her.

"Maybe when it's built, and Minera's teleporter is working again, I'll go over and take a look." Minoch's eyes shone. "Meet all those new faces. Touch the stars." "New faces, new faces," Quihui said with humour. "Every day, more and more." "New stories too," Minoch grinned at him. "Don't tell me you're not curious." Quihui glanced out of the window at the last stains of sunlight. "Indeed I am. You should become a scribe, Mini. Write the stories down for me, write them down so they don't get lost." "Maybe I'll do that." Minoch raised her glass. "Good," Quihui said, tapping his own against it. "We all have our reasons for being here. And everyone deserves to have their story told."

[bitegore]

WIP ask; dysfunctional bulkhead fuck yeah please and thank you

This one spawned out of a conversation I had with @honestlyvan, resident Bulkhead understander and one of the friends I have the absolute most fun bouncing ideas off of because for real I have never met someone who is so good at yes-anding ideas until they turn from a one-off line into something really cool. If I remember right, we were talking about Bulkhead's very visible delineation between "people I care about" and "potential targets," since Bulkhead is pretty clearly kind of... like...

ah, continued under the cut because this got long. A lot of discussion about Bulkhead characterization and then some very light details about the fic, because I did that thing where you have a general point but no actual outline and you run out of plot super fast because you never had much to begin with.

Okay so let's take a very brief detour through the land of psychology. Empathy runs on the idea of an "in-group" and an "out-group". The in-group is where you feel strong empathy, the out-group is not. This is what empathy is for, largely; it makes you feel bad for the people around you when they're hurting so that you don't start killing your buddies. Nothing wrong with that. The trouble is where this in-group ends. And for Bulkhead, at least as far as I see him, his in-group stops right at the end of Team Prime. Miko is in, Jack is in, Raf is in, Fowler is in eventually, and Wheeljack his old friend is in. And that's it. Everyone else could drop dead and Bulkhead wouldn't shed a tear. Why should he care? They're not his people, he's not invested in them. If they die that's their problem. He's got better things to worry about.

He's also an ex-member of the Autobot Warcrime Squad, the Wreckers. The "get in, kill everyone, get out, try not to die" team. He and Wheeljack are the only ex-Wreckers still standing, which is pretty damn impressive because even outside of IDW it's still a team with pretty high turnover (see: Marvel).

Anyway none of that gels too well with the way Bulkhead gets written in fic, which is to be a nice soft sweet kind of guy a la Animated. Which is fine, all the more for you guys, but I just find it painfully boring. There's a reason I don't read Animated fic unless my friends have written it and asked me to.

So on the face of it I basically just wanted to write Bulkhead kicking ass and not even bothering to take names because who gives a shit. Not him. He's got better things to do, people to give a crap about. Don't die here and he'll remember you to kill you harder later, maybe, but unless you're annoying or matter to someone who matters to him he just sort of doesn't give half a crap about who you are. He is just going to put you in the fucking ground. Bye.

in practice that is not what I did.

In practice I wrote a couple hundred words of internal monologue and went "oh, fuck, hang on", because guess what I did? Smartest boy ever, best writer in the world. I forgot to come up with a plot.

So then it crashed headlong into my obsession with the Combaticons and I had some vague idea of pulling the FoC Combaticons in for Bulkhead to just lay brutal waste to without waiting around to care too much about who they were. I thought about having him go fight one of the Insecticons but decided against it because I don't know them well off the top of my head and I didn't want to make a whole oc up so I'd probably be working with Hardshell, who doesn't work as an enemy for "named and therefore not someone I can just kill off" reasons. I'd established that it was during the whole "hunting down the Iaconian Relic macguffins" arc(s), so it didn't make sense to me for me to pull in characters that die before that or make significant appearances after, and there's really not that many that just show up and vanish without a trace. So okay I needed a new set.

Trouble is I've never played Fall of Cybertron.

So then I was like "ooh, I'll watch a playthrough". And then I did not do that. You understand how it goes.

Anyway, as a result the fic has been languishing ever since, but because it's so goddamn short i'm just going to copy paste the entire thing down here for your perusal. Enjoy.

Things were different back when the Wreckers were still running together and no one was really running with them. Much as Team Prime was small, it wasn't a hyper-specialized unit designed for getting in and getting out and getting slag done and nothing else. Totally different internal culture. Sometimes Bulkhead didn't really know what to do with it. And the humans- anything weird about Team Prime was weirded ten times harder by the humans. They were small, and fragile, and they didn't seem to realize it at all, constantly putting themselves beyond their stress tolerances for no good reason. Miko kept wandering straight into battlefields like she'd forgotten guns existed, and Bulkhead had to admit she was better at evading fire than he'd first expected but the other two humans definitely didn't have her reflexes and they kept on following her and needing the Autobots to get the three of them out of trouble. These things were so much more convenient when he and Jackie and Seaspray and Springer and the rest were all just doing what they did. They were good at that. Team Prime was pretty damn effective, sure, but they weren't half as good as getting in and getting out and laying out everything in their path, the way the Wreckers had been. At least Wheeljack was here. If he needed to blow up a metric fuckton (thank you, Miko, love that expression) of Vehicons, Jackie was always good for it. Aw, whatever. Jackie was off doing whatever it was he was doing- wherever the action was, that was for sure- and Team Prime was on one of their completely weird and inexplicable little backwards jaunts again. Recon, digging old weapons and scrap up out of the ground to keep them out of the Decepticons' hands. It'd've been nice if the boss would've let them use the really cool ones, but for the most part Optimus Prime had a very firm "no powerful game-changing strategies" policy.

[glorified-red]

red, how does one characterize a character for an x reader fics

Ah yes, sit down on my comfy couch and have a fresh cup of tea, Red will now offer sacred advice.

✨however tf you want✨

Theres a lot of stress nowadays about making a character too OOC but i find that you have to write them OOC in order to be able to write them in character. I read some of my old stuff and oh my god that is not Tim at all. But it took all that to know why the things I wrote were OOC.

Plus, fics are for you, at least they should be. So you get to write out your ideas and if people like it, people like it. Simple as that.

But since people seem to think I write characters really well, heres what I tend to do:

Find a single moment in canon, analyze tf out of it, and go ham.

No literally, thats all I do with Damian and somehow he's my most popular character. I read the Robin run, found a single panel about him having internal struggles, and just ran with it. I'm writing an entire series simply because i read too far into the Robin Run and convinced myself that Damian hates his eyes.

Im diving into Jon and when I tell you ive only read one comic of his 😂 But that one comic is about sensory overload and OH BOY is that all I needed to know. Know theres a million different scenarios I could insert Jon into without ever actually knowing what he's like.

I also indulge in a loottttt of fanon content too because most fanfic writers deep dive into characters and their fics are basically an analysis on them. That, and a quick google search always helps with that too, especially when it comes to what drives a character and how they've changed.

I have like, maybe three fics per characters that I base my entire perception of Damian and Tim off of, I wish I was joking. I liked the writer's interpretation of them so I stole it :))

When it comes to actually writing, I usually come up with an idea and figure out which character would be the coolest in that scenario and why.

I came up with an idea that needed a character that came from a different city as the reader, so Jon was the first to come to mind. Have I written for him?? Absolutely not. Do I have friends who have? Hell yea, so I went to them and read wayyyy too many of their fics wayyy too many times. I have annotations on their stuff.

So if you have an idea and it feels OOC, try to pinpoint the exact moment that feels OOC and ask why. I find that my dialogue is OOC so I usually rephrase it over and over again until I'm happy with it.

And if you dont want to do that, you can always rely on narration. Especially when writing for introverted characters like Tim and Damian, narration is the best way to make your OOC content feel less OOC because the narration backs up why they said the things they said or why they did the things they did.

Damian could compliment a stranger in a fic. It's super random and super OOC, but if you narrate it the right way, it would make sense for him. Aka, manipulation, using it as a distraction, etc etc.

Butttt if you're asking about readers oh boy i have so much to say about writing readers. Let me know if thats what you were actually asking about because thats a wholllle other rant.

[quietbluejay]

Horus Rising 1

imagine a time... when most people never talked about the primarchs a time long before ynnead became a bad joke... a time...when people made failbaddon the armless jokes on the regular... a time...when the 30k imperium and emperor were markedly different and better than in 40k a time before abnett could do whatever he wanted and write three doorstoppers that could have been an email back when they thought the horus heresy would be like 6 books let's go back to that time, and the book that started to change everything it's time for Horus Rising

ah yes the classic phrase though really there was not that much time in between when this happened and when things went belly-up Torgaddon and Loken, it's been so long

a note about the prose: this is actually much smoother prose than Know No Fear which was written later this is cause abnett was trying to be experimental with KNF and it didn't work out

this is a lot more orthodox and it really flows better abnett also isn't one of the fancy prose dudes like Haley or ADB or French or ADB but he's got some solid stuff

hmm i feel like this is doing more than it seems on the surface okay timestamp: 203rd year of the great crusade horus has been warmaster for a year and the title feels new and shiny okay im ngl the first time i read this i thought it was basically a flashback of the entire heresy up until the reveal

i mean look at this

it's easy to see it in hindsight but i just had no clue what i was stepping into at the time, honestly it probably got a bunch of people

so they sent Hastur Sejanus to treat with the "Emperor" who doesn't get quotation marks yet

you know, i did not realize it at the time, probably because this was right at the beginning of the book, but abnett has a decent number of men described as beautiful in at least this book it's an interesting choice of words and like all jokes aside, i recall over in Dark Imperium one of the Primaris uses it to describe someone and my metaphorical ears perked up there as well the character (Justinian) is an artist and he notices a lot of visually striking landscapes, elements, etc as he is fighting, and gradually he gets ground down and loses the bit of morality he had left and the artistic way he sees the world so i guess i'm going to keep a watch out to see if Abnett is doing the same or a similar thing with Loken here

anyways Sejanus got killed by the Emperor's guard, the Invisibles bluejay, reading this for the first time: sisters of silence?! alas it was not

okay quotation marks around "Emperor" now and also the hint that they serve a different Emperor of Mankind (there was a line i didn't show)

also "the commander detested resorting to war, and always sought alternative paths away from violence" innnteresting whether or not it's truth with respect to Horus, it's interesting that Loken would say it and say it as a positive thing other legions definitely would not

so a second embassy was dispatched with my old friend Mal(oghurst) (Malcador is not my friend) but they kept the assault guys ready and of course violence broke out

okay first mention of Little Horus!

again the story continues to be interesting because it's Loken talking about how restrained and regretful they were to make war but they did uwu sadly uwu

Abnett is also one of the more scifi-y of the writers a lot of them are basically writing stuff that's more fantasy than star wars, i.e. a very thin skin of scifi

oh they also sent Titans, huh

so this is the first major conflict Loken was in since Ullanor and he's glad he and his men aren't rusty

ullanor description:

Loken notes that their enemy is their technological equal and the only thing they lack is space marines Abnett is definitely one of the better writers for battle scenes, i think

also first mention of the real Emperor the curtain pulls back

Abaddon jokes around with Loken a bit and he squees internally that sempai noticed him also Abaddon has a super deep voice, "so deep that some vowel sounds were blurred by the vox"

time for loken to meet up with his bestie who i have completely forgotten about Nero Vipus i don't remember what happened to him he probably died at Isstvan III

oh yeah I forgot these guys were weird about the four humours it's been a while since i saw this pop up, i can't remember which other books it was in as well

Loken does a fancy and takes out an autogun and gets told off for showing off lol

so that's chapter one it's a nice meaty chapter strong opener

!!! Mersadie is here you know she was never a big favourite of mine but i did really like her in the solar war and also there's the whole charm of meeting these guys again i dunno it feels like an age since i first read this it's been less than a year lol, i think i must have read it in february or march loken description and once again bluejay is confronted with shirtless astartes i wonder how many times writers have used the phrase "naked but for a loincloth" in these books i feel like it's more times than you would expect i know at least twice, once was the much memed on magnus scene but it's like it's a very specific phrase so even if the same situation is happening, it's weird to use it specifically? but then ADB copied nearly word for word the Horus description in this book in Betrayer so maybe it's something like that like internal writer shout outs

so, loken is canonically good looking

as i recall in this book mersadie was a lot less thirsty than she was in False Gods let's see if that actually holds up Mersadie introduces herself and offers her hand to shake, we get introduced to the term "remembrancer" but no explanation, yet Mersadie description, she's fun

Loken had no trouble describing Sejanus as beautiful

perhaps it's an issue with the height difference

I know I'm perhaps overly focusing on the use of the word beautiful but these are separated by less than a chapter

I think what Loken's description of Mersadie is supposed to be doing here is showing that he has little to no experience dealing with people outside of the Legion structure also. i just realized POV SWITCHING IN THE SAME SCENE cinemasins ding

okay Mersadie wants to hear his famous story about Horus killing the Emperor and Loken doesn't like when non-Astartes call Horus by his first name loken: errr actually i don't really remember mersadie: i have it on good authority that you love telling the story and do it every chance you have loken:…who put you up to this mersadie: captain torgaddon loken: that tracks loken just wants to be left alone, rip but he's gonna tell her the story

you know what, fair enough if you could see them and called them the Invisibles, that would be weird

time to return to flashback mode so the fake imperium had some really cool tech they're actually an opponent that make the space marines work for their victory which is also a fun/interesting choice to make for the first engagement described in a novel for the crusade era/heresy era also abnett is definitely good with fight scenes okay loken has made it to the throne room

loken: you started it

and here we come to the first really obvious hint of these not exactly being the good guys

"in serving your fine truth, you make yourself immoral" hm hm hm hm i wonder what other truths people serve could be considered to do that clash of the immoral truths! anyways the Emperor refuses to surrender to Loken and asks that he be allowed to surrender only to the commanding officer

first company has arrived hi, ekaddon it's fun seeing these characters who got bit roles here and got explored later

anyways the whole thing is a trap the old man never was the emperor they were trying to use a bomb to kill Horus the real emperor was hiding under one of the invisibility cloaks the whole time oh yeah also the emperor has a golden throne loken got thrown in the bomb blast…but then voila someone has teleported in and we have our very first primarch description

i note that abnett omits the bit about him being bald

anyways Horus hauls Loken back from the edge of the tower, and we're back to the present with Mersadie Mersadie: could we have left them alone? Loken: no. ask a better question. lmao Mersadie: uhhh anyways what do you think of Horus?

and that's chapter 2 wait 1s let me go back i could have sworn there was a foreshadowing thing with the throne FOUND IT

Horus Rising is about as subtle as running into a wall face first

okay onwards and we get an explanation for the remembrancers and i'm wonder if the whole concept was an abnett original or was it part of some of the original planning was it a group thing?

so the remembrancer order only got started after ullanor which i don't remember but i guess it makes sense 99% of the real nasty stuff would be over with so it's safer to get the artists etc out there i mean not just for like safety concerns (lmao) but in terms of not needing people who are primarily spin doctors

numbers time

come to think of it, did any space wolf remembrancers ever show up? I haven't read Prospero Burns so I can't speak for that one but there sure weren't any in Wolfsbane or Scars

so the war council used to be "the epicenter of imperial authority" and it was composed primarily of the emperor and the primarchs ……………. which primarchs? okay dorn, horus I guess, sanguinius? it can't have been all of them can you imagine konrad on the council to be honest if the emperor decided to put konrad on the council he deserves whatever happened next anyways the war council has been "relegated" to drumroll only dealing with war now and the council of terra is handling the non-war stuff it's all civilians

so when the remembrancers actually joined the fleets , they were naive and excited but it didn't take too long for them to get cynical

looks like standard practice at least for the Luna Wolves is to send out the regular army to mop things up after the astartes spearhead Horus decides to give the "Emperor" a state funeral despite various Luna Wolves' outrage, and Abaddon refusing to go (lol)

Horus isn't a ham-brained punching machine but no it's fascinating how he's been portrayed this whole time so far though I'm only like 10% into the book

oh yeah also Dorn has been tagging along for the past 8 months so because the Imperial Fists weren't involved in the conquest - cough, sorry, "compliance" of the planet, they're handling the state funeral and no remembrancers are allowed to attend okay time to meet Euphrati Keeler and Ignace Karkasy within two short paragraphs we determine Karkasy is, if not an alcoholic, at least someone who drinks a lot of wine

Karkasy also, for some reason, didn't expect space marines to sweat he's not a fan of the smell

also, first appearance of Heresy-era servitors Keeler sends one off to fix her camera you know, i saw someone arguing that the 30k imperium was better and a good place and one of the reasons was it didn't have servitors

so the chief iterator is going to give a talk on "promulgation of the living truth" karkasy makes a face he and keeler are going to skip, lol lo, the privileges of the remembrancer also we learn that apparently karkasy hits on keeler on the daily so, naturally, karkasy accuses her of being a lesbian because she keeps turning him down (also because she dresses like a man) i owe mcneill an apology he did not in fact invent karkasy being obnoxious towards women out of whole cloth

karkasy is cynical about this being approved, lol time for mersadie to show up she feels like she screwed up with Loken but she did get a good story at least

l m a o wait is this where McNeill's oily sweat thing comes from for those who haven't been following me along in the other reviews or just have forgotten, McNeill seems to weirdly consistently describe characters having oily sweat like at least once a novel let's go back to Loken's POV, he's meeting his friend Nero, who lost a hand in the fight with the Not!Imperium Torgaddon wants to see him and we get a description for Tarik

a best boy has arrived on scene but wait, mail they wear mail? they have mail? is this a thing elsewhere?

Torgaddon is the type of character who'd be a ladykiller if he wasn't an astarte

(other commenter: well to be fair he's probably killed a lot of ladies)

Torgaddon: have you heard the rumour about you? Torgaddon: anyways let's fence a bit first or well torgaddon's using an axe, do you still call it that more like just word is escaping me stupid brain fog SPARRING they're sparring

okay so there's a fine line between writing space marines as child soldiers who are good at war and immature brats who make you wonder how they successfully got onto a ship in the first place abnett manages to fall on the side of success im having flashbacks to various other novels though okay i'll be fair to mcneill and say he did have like a few decent bits that managed this just…the other 80%….(excluding AE) i once talked about Horus Rising vs False Gods as being like going from a lukewarm bath with a very nice bath bomb in it to freezing cold water full of leeches and I feel like I did Horus Rising a bit of a disservice there the water is a nice temperature

so, about the rumour which Abnett and the characters play coy on actually mentioning does Loken want it? he does and he's grateful for being considered for the honour also Abaddon voted for him too Loken: owo

heh loken: ha. ha. ha. torgaddon: first things first. start calling me tarik. tarik: so. are you in? loken: are you kidding, absolutely

next time we'll pick up with the iterators