#i have a lot written down here ah reading the old things i write feels so comforting. i still feel the same way as i do from ages ago

[aingeal98]

Hi, so I was reading some of your Stephanie Brown meta & kudos, serious props yours is excellent. I also noticed you seem to be among those who picked up on the worrying undercurrent of Stephanie's relationships with older men. So double kudos for that.

Especially as its one of those things that tends to get glossed over in fandom & I am unsure at times if some writers even grasped what they were doing. Though that may say more about how girls tend to be treated/viewed as adults rather than children, teenagers or victims, save when its convenient to judge them as such.

Sorry not sure where I am going with this, but I think your stance it from that "Five ships that won't happen" section of the Steph ask as well thought out and covered a lot, so third kudos just for tackling that heavy topic so deftly and efficiently.

Ah thank you! Stephanie's relationship with men is so fascinating to me because she's been hurt so many times and the dissonance between her canon and fanon versions are pretty grim yet interesting. Like in early canon she was the Faith to Ariana's Buffy, the Veronica to the Bettys that were Tim's other love interests at the time. And various writers had various ideas about why she was the way she was, a common theme being that she had difficult relationships with the men in her life and had been hurt in the past. Be it a villain, a friend of her fathers, Cluemaster himself, or a shitty clearly too old guy named Dean. I don't think it was meant to be a pattern, more likely just individual ideas about trauma Steph suffered in her past that ended up turning into a consistent trait.

So you've got an abusive father, at least two cases of SA that I can remember (her babysitter and Black Mask), a pregnancy with clear subtext that the father was older than her, and the general way Batman treats her.

Not to mention she was a minor when all this happened. Like Steph has so many issues that she deserves the chance to unpack but instead they've just kind of... softened her down. Like her Batgirl run was the first chance she'd gotten to be the actual hero instead of The Girl in a story written by sexists, and she deserved every second of that. There had been too much injustice done to her character and her Batgirl run did a good job at setting the baseline for giving her a decent narrative. But afterwards, the New 52 could have delved more into her psyche instead of leaning into her waffles and sparkles fanon characterization. But because the New 52 is the worst, it didn't. And now here we are.

It's one of the reasons I'd really love to write a story about Steph realising she's bisexual, because I think in some ways her view of men are due to feeling trapped by heterosexuality and the patriarchal society. It's hard to explain fully without going into a whole other meta but the way she reacts to Tim showing her bare minimum decency is heartbreaking. Like yes men are awful and have been awful to her but she still likes them, she's going to settle down and marry one eventually right? She just has to find the right one, and Tim didn't treat her like complete garbage so he might be it for her!

And then for her to realise that no, she doesn't. She can marry a man if she wants to but if she wants romance there's also women... I really think bi Steph could be so much more than a simple "Oh hey I like girls now cool lol." Like it would shake a significant amount of the misogyny she's internalised and directed towards herself, it could alter the view she's taken of the world, and it would allow her to see her past trauma through a different lens, maybe with less subconscious self hatred.

Sorry this turned into a giant ramble haha, but thank you for the ask!

[imaginesbymk]

MARSTON. ━︎━︎ ZSAKUVA STRICT PROFESSOR !

chapter twelve - ❝the british museum.❞

← previous chapter: FILLER CHAPTER - "ICEBREAKERS." next chapter: chapter thirteen - "milk, sugar + luca." →

fanfic info / read it on wattpad

SYNOPSIS — Y/N and Andrew take a stroll around the British museum while students from the campus find them... and capture it all on video.

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Y / N

"WHO GOES to a museum on a first date?" Brittany snorts.

"Lots of people," I glare at her through the mirror.

"Well, lots of people don't know fun."

I sigh at her. "Where did you go on your first date?"

"Bowling."

"Ah, yes. First date doing something you're not even good at."

Brittany glares back.

"Brittany, swear on your life that you won't go around telling people that I'm-"

"Going on a date with your Literature professor?" Brittany finishes. "I gotta admit, you have a taste."

Brittany opens the door for me. "Don't fuck on the first date."

My rule of thumb, when it came to dates, is to not do what Brittany did on her past dates. The worst case scenario is that I would tentatively listen and go somewhere extremely expensive, or let my guard down for half a millisecond and suddenly I get kidnapped. I doubt Andrew would ever try anything like that. That's out of his character unless there's a secret he's carrying to his grave.

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MY NERVES were at their peak. Reality soon hit me when the museum was in my peripheral when I went to the next street over. I was going to be spending a day with him. I've only spent limited time with him during office hours, but I don't know what Professor Marston is like outside of the university. He's strict, and I doubt the things I talk about with people like Brittany are appropriate for a first date, or just to say around this man in general. What if I say something that offends him? Does he have a type? Would he judge me? Is he politically active and biased? Old-fashioned, Conservative? I don't think he knows what a "vibe check" even means. What did he like to do in his spare time? Read or write? Listen to podcasts? Watch true crime documentaries? What music does he listen to in his car, if dark chocolate is still his favourite candy?

He was in the crowd of people scattering around the giant staircase, some taking photos, loitering or sitting, or lining up to head inside. I got a full look at what he wore. It wasn't the business casual attire he wore as a professor. A coat over his dress pants and the wool sweater would have fooled anyone to assume he wasn't an educator, maybe an art critic.

He looked up from his phone. "Ah, right on time. How was your journey?"

"Good," I say. "The tube wasn't too busy."

"Good." He stared at my outfit for a split second, feeling like he lost touch with his confidence. "I like your outfit today-uh- shall we?" I smiled a bit. Brittany picked out my outfit. We walked up the stairs. "Have you been to this museum before?"

"Nope," I tell him. "It's my first time here."

"Well, you're in for a treat. They hold some great exhibits, and their displays are fantastic. I know I'm first and foremost a Literature professor, but I do teach history as well."

That I was aware of. "What's your favourite era?"

"My favourite era? Hmm, that's like asking my favourite book. All histories have their moments, both highlights and stains of their past, and all of them are intricate and they weave with others until you can't tell where one thread ends or another begins. Take, er-" We both stop at one piece. "The Rosetta Stone, for example. It was made more than 2000 years ago with an inscription of a Ptolemaic decree written in three scripts: Egyptian hieroglyphs, Egyptian demotic, and Ancient Greek."

I nod.

"Translating the Greek text was paramount in decoding the Egyptian scripts. One culture's language unlocks another two thousand years later. It's history that has survived but can now also be understood."

I nodded in response, carefully boiling down how interesting history really was, and how much it fascinates this guy. Just by going to see the exhibits up close in person, I wouldn't blame him. "Sick."

"I don't know what it is about history that intrigues me. It might be that everything that has been is history. These displays are here for us to appreciate where they came from and to learn from people who existed a long time ago. But, it also tells us that as a people, we will forever need guidance. We will make mistakes and in the future, people will look back on our past and be informed by it. It's a never-ending cycle that we will one day be a part of. That is life. And when it comes to literature, it's how we understand. Word of mouth was used long before and stories were passed down through generations, but each time a story was told it would change slightly. Give it a few hundred years and the story might no longer be the same. With orthography scripts, a story can be set in stone, so to speak. Many people take that for granted, I think. How many years of history would be lost without the writers to give it a physical form?"

He looked at me, then looks away as his cheeks turn red. "Forgive me. I can ramble at times

"I think it's cute." I could listen to him ramble all day.

I could feel the embarrassment in his scoff. "There's nothing cute about it. I'd prefer to call it passion, that's why you also chose the course, was it not? What are your plans after you graduate?"

Come to think of it, where would I be in the next five-ten years? Owning a house with Brittany? "Actually... I have no idea."

"Don't feel ashamed by your uncertainty. I'd be surprised if you had a clear goal. Literature opens a lot of doors into different fields. Curation, translation, historian, journalism, editor, and those are just the ones off the top of my head."

"Did you always want to teach Literature and History?"

"Me? I knew I wanted to learn it but I never thought I'd teach it. Being a Professor wasn't on the agenda. Believe it or not, I wanted to revive one of the dead languages. There are almost 600 that are extinct, possibly more that we don't know of. But when I was younger, I was ambitious. I guess in a way, you could say I wanted to be a literary archaeologist. I had planned to learn as many ancient languages as I could, but I took another path. I'd probably be off in some hot location digging through scrolls if I'd chased my dream. Come, I want to show you the new exhibit."

He continues.

"Yes, it seems like it is human nature to document history somehow. Whether that be through pictures or a writing system, but then what happens when you speculate the use of pictographs and ideograms, in a way it is a type of literature, isn't it? Reservation of history that can be read. I'm not surprised by how popular this will be. It's a limited showing."

I asked Andrew if he had already seen it. He said no. "I was, um, waiting for you." We stopped at one that seemed to stand out the most to Andrew's eye. "Ugh, my word." He gasps in awe. "The Dead Sea scrolls. Beautiful, isn't it?"

This was what I loved so much about London. They brought history into a giant building to look at for free. Not even handling priceless artifacts with special gloves is enough to deem them fragile and far too good to even make contact.

Speaking of contact, I realized I was so close to Andrew that the fabrics of our coats were touching. I took in his scent - something I could describe in tablets of literary work, a sonnet declaring divinity and cleanliness. Was it Dior? It had to be.

Andrew noticed I didn't respond and chuckled. "Speechless? This is only one of the scrolls. I think there are more than nine hundred manuscripts of either scrolls or fragments, all of which were found in eleven caves in the Judaean desert. In one of them, it said the fragments were torn into fifteen thousand pieces. Here, come closer—"

Fuck. Our coats were pressed against each other again. We've been intimate before, and here I am acting like this was the first time feeling him so close to me.

"So, this larger scroll here is written on parchment. These smaller fragments here are made of papyrus, but this one here is copper. It's a strip because when the scroll was initially found, the metal was corroded. So in order for the text to be read, it needed to be cut into sections. It's quite something isn't it?" He looked at me, his eyes that I thought of the minute I drifted off to sleep the other night.

"Why are you giving me that look?" I frown.

"I'm not looking at you in any kind of way. I said, didn't I? I wanted to experience this with you. I know that you are someone who can appreciate literature as I do."

I knew from hindsight that anyone after seeing how good-looking Andrew was would do the most to do well in Literature 201, just to get his attention and have a connection while he grades papers. The possibility that someone who was just as smart and passionate about literature as I am, or even better, would compare.

Not that it mattered too much. After all, I'm the one standing next to him at the British Museum on a Saturday afternoon. It's a plus for having something in common with Andrew. I could listen to him go on tangents even if an asteroid breached through London. 

He continues, leaning forward to me so he spoke softly and tentatively. "If there's one thing that I know about you is that you have no trouble speaking your mind, and I can see in your eyes when you're passionate about something, that spark is one of the reasons why I became a professor. But when you have it, I'm entranced."

I looked around sheepishly, knowing he spoke in a normal tone that anyone a couple of feet over could hear.

"I can speak freely here right now. I don't want you to think of me as a teacher. I'm not thinking of you as a student but as a potential partner, who I can share my interests and thoughts with. Should we get something to eat?" He looks around. "We shouldn't have this conversation by The Dead Sea Scrolls."

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"I SWEAR they put crack in this."

Andrew smiles, unwrapping the tin oil of his food. "Museum food is always expensive but I can't complain. Being able to see the displays for free is good enough."

"So, why did you invite me to go with you?"

He stopped folding. "Why you? That's a loaded question. On the surface you're attractive, that's a given."

"That's it? I don't look like a bombshell?" I joke.

Andrew chuckles. "Looks aren't everything, but they get my attention. What makes me linger is what's beneath the surface. You're inquisitive, smart, and cunning but mindful. You're not afraid to ask questions or go after what you want. Beyond that, I believe you to be a remarkable person that I have grown to like, more than I'd care to admit."

"As your best student." In my opinion.

"I said I'm not thinking of you as a student here. I'm not bound by my profession."

"Okay, then I have to ask you something."

He nods, swallowing the last bite. "Ask away, I'll answer truthfully as your date."

"The museum is a very popular place. It's public. You're not worried that students from campus might see us?"

"I never want to think too deeply about locations. It's the events that we remember more than the setting. But with a museum, it's a public space with history and culture. It's possible that other students will see us, but what of it? It could be a coincidence that we came here at the same time and decided to explore together. So to put it plainly, I wanted to take you to a place where we didn't have to act or look over our shoulders. I wanted you to feel comfortable."

I smiled. "I appreciate that."

"I'm glad I chose correctly then."

"How about first dinner dates?"

"No, I feel like dinner is too much. This is hopefully the first of many dates and I don't want to overwhelm you. Did you think I'd be the type to do my own thing and pull you along without telling you anything? As much as spontaneity is good to have, it's better when there is a relationship first."

"And you... want a relationship?"

"Yes, that is what I want. Don't you?"

I nodded.

"Well if you'd said no I'd be questioning all your actions up until now."

We spoke a little more until it was time to move on to the next displays. Brittany was wrong. Museums count as a good date location. We were polar opposites in some ways. We stopped at the entrance of a room we had never been to yet.

"I have to bring up the incident that happened a while ago - with your friend," Andrew tells me.

I nodded. "[STUDENT NAME]?" The loose end that I had to stop pursuing anything with [STUDENT NAME] was tied, the eighth time I had to tell them I was sorry instead of ghosting them entirely, they didn't fade the disappointed look on their face. I'm gonna miss laughing about the Jollibee lunch we had, but it's worth ending it if I want Andrew.

"No, not them. That girl. The both of you broke into my office that night, remember?"

He was talking about Brittany. "Brittany? What about Brittany?"

"Brittany, that's her name." Andrew shook his head a bit. "Was she really under the influence of cannabis that night?"

"Yes."

"You too?"

"No."

"Have you searched through my laptop?"

I could not answer his question by asking why. It was his right. I invaded his privacy and disrespected him by sneaking into his office, not to mention pursuing him through an assignment. He was not wrong when he said I was bold and cunning.

"No," I lied.

"Are you sure?"

I held on with a pause not too long so he wouldn't notice. "I mean, I caught a glimpse of the screen."

I lied again. Being here on a date with him that I accepted just to tell a lie. "I promise I didn't touch it. I remember you telling me about boundaries between you and the other students... I'm not using you as a shorter route to graduate, you know. I already do well in your class."

"I know," he nods. "It's just that I had some personal stuff on there." If I gave in, I'd been meaning to ask him about that spam e-mail that my curiosity could not get enough of. I haven't forgotten that he had a brother.

"Don't worry. I was in your office for, like, a split second. If it was [STUDENT NAME], they would have pressured me to boost their grade or to take a photo of the upcoming assignments."

"For a head start?"

"Something like that."

Andrew and I kept walking. "I'm glad to know you no longer flirt with that friend. Besides, they seem to have moved on to someone else, so no harm was done. It was a calculated move on your part and it worked. Though, I'm ashamed to have fallen for it."

I grin. "Why?"

"Because I didn't realize how much I wanted you until I saw you with someone else." He noticed me raising my brows. "There's no one else I like, you don't need to worry. I only have eyes for you."

I laugh. "Cliche."

"I could say something much worse, like, you being the most interesting piece of art in this museum, or some such. But I won't stoop that low. I have standards. I'm glad I can be entertaining."

We resumed our stroll. I asked him about archaeology and he went on another tangent. He stops himself again before he began to sound like I was in Archaeology 301.

"I don't want to sound like I'm giving a lecture, so I'll leave it there. What have you liked so far?"

"Probably the ancient Egyptian exhibit."

He hums. "It's hard not to be fascinated by ancient Egyptian artifacts. I'd like to go to Egypt one day and see the hieroglyphs in the tombs. They're pictures, yes, but within them are stories. There's a certain quote I always refer to; 'History becomes legend. Legend becomes myth.' And in those dead languages, the tales of the past have been forgotten, but all the present needs is a translator. Maybe one day I'll pursue that dream again."

Again? "Wait, you'll still be a professor, right? Will you continue teaching?"

"Of course, I'll continue to teach you, but you're not the only reason. There are other students in your class, you know." He noticed the look on my face. I already felt a sense of impending abandonment coming my way. He sighs, leading me to the corner of the room, away from the group of goers. "Come here."

He looks around for a couple of seconds, then turns back to me. "At university, we can't be like this. We have to maintain an appropriate distance." I closed my eyes. I knew he was going to bring this up. Brittany hinted at this, too. Only I knew of it. What could happen if this didn't work out? If we ended up hating each other and I'd still have to attend lectures and tutorials?

"Before, I didn't allow myself to hope for something else. I took what I could because I couldn't control my desire for you, but now... now there's potential. I don't want to risk losing it. So if you truly want us to be in a relationship, then I need you to behave, not just in your classes, but in your assignments as well. Can you do that for me?"

"It's not a rule, Andrew," I said softly.

"You're right, there isn't a rule about professors dating students. I personally talked to the Headmaster, and she said the same thing. Though she also told me to tread carefully because it can be scandalous, and I'd prefer seeing you as a student in class and a... lover outside of it." There was no turning back now. I wanted Andrew and here he was, wanting me. But it came with a catch. We would get caught. Hearing Andrew refer to me as someone other than a student to him felt like I had struck gold. Would this last? 

We kiss again. For a moment the museum felt like a void, and we were clinging to each other before anything could pull us apart. If I did behave, if I knew better than to sabotage the prefix of our relationship thus far, I could kiss Andrew like this. Nothing could sabotage this, what we have.

"Will you do this for me?" 

I nodded. He smiles and plants a kiss on my forehead. "Thank you. Shall we continue?" 

I nodded again, and we continued walking down the museum floors. "What's the oldest piece of literature?"

"The oldest piece of literature?" He asks. "Good question. I know one of them is the Epic of Gilgamesh written in Sumerian that pre-dates 2000 BC, and then there's also the Egyptian Book of the Dead, but those are existing sources that have been recovered. Think of probably thousands upon thousands of texts lost or destroyed like in the library of Alexandria, even in perhaps in libraries we didn't know exist yet."

Again, I could listen to him ramble all day.

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I WAS SATISFIED. We earned a delicious meal that was filling enough, and we took breaks from walking around the museum. We sat on the benches that were accessible to sit. If I could stop time and be with Andrew for a little bit longer, I'd do it. But it was reality, and reality had a time check. 

"It's 17:00." Andrew and I went and stood over the grand stairs that descended to the ground floor. We stopped, a moment that meant a lot to me and hopefully to him. After going on and feeling confident that nothing was going to happen if we were seen together, Andrew was reluctant to even hold my hand. I could sense the nervousness when our hands slightly brushed each other. He finally curls his fingers around mine.

"5:00 P.M," I comment.  Andrew was tense. "Gosh, your hand is sweaty."

"Mm?" He stammers. "O-oh, the heater in this area is heavy."

"Right. I'll see you next week?" I held my arms out and leaned in. Andrew froze, like an alien that did not know what a hug was.

"Sorry," I said, lowering them. "Too soon."

"It saddens me that I haven't given in to physical touch other than kissing you and holding your hand." Ironically, he had let go of it. We stared at each other for a bit. He clears his throat. "Right. I'll see you in class next week." I stopped him before he and I went the opposite way. He was at least 5'11'' and possibly counting, so I lifted myself on my toes to kiss him on the cheek. Then I let him go. 

The walking distance from The British Museum to the tube reached about as far as thirty meters. Departing from my first date with Andrew by walking it off led to a lot of reflecting. That wasn't too much. It was a small cheek kiss and I made his face flush again. To see that from the same person I feel nervous about when he grades my assignments felt empowering. It's empowering to know I made him feel what I feel.

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[pinescent-and-gingerbread]

hello dear pine! would you indulge me with 💖🦅👐 pretty please?

Hi sweet Ari !💞 That would be my pleasure to indulge you! You know me, I've got excited and wrote a lot eheh. Also, I'm tagging my dear @zae-heeyyy because you girls asked some of the same questions!! I think it's really cute, and I'm very grateful for both of you asking me things 🥹 here we go!

💖 What made you start writing?

Oh Jesus, this is bringing me way back. I started writing at a pretty young age. I remember loving writing when we had stories to create as homework at school. I think I started writing on my own because I've always had so many ideas clashing and tangling and bubbling up in my head that it was essential for me to get them down on paper; otherwise, my head would explode, or the ideas would fly out, and I didn't want that. I remember writing those cliché fantasy stories when I was a kid, with bad guys and heroes and magic powers all over the place. I still look at them dearly, even if they're pretty comical honestly!

Later, as a teenager, reading and writing became even more essential for me to feel okay. I got harassed in middle school, and I guess, like a lot of people, my own imaginary worlds were a sort of refuge. Back then I wrote to cope with my feelings a lot, I guess.

And finally now, as a young adult, I have got into writing again thanks to a certain blue-eyed grumpy cowboy, who somehow restarded those bubbling ideas in my head!

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Ah, I'm feeling self-conscious about not having a specific answer to that one!! This really depends on my mood and the fic I'm writing, actually! Usually, I don't really outline them though. I have a sort of rough "plot" in my head and I kind of... Let the words flow out of me on their own? Like I was only a vessel for them? (Oh, this is turning esoteric, lmao). The only time I actually outlined a fic was for Fantasies because I knew I wanted to write multiple parts of it, so I needed to keep things organized. This is probably why I'm struggling lately to get the first chapters of Red Adagio out, because for the first time, I'm actually trying to plan the whole thing and I'm not good at iiiit 😭

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Oooh you curious you! Talking about it, I've got a little something from Red Adagio, as it's the only thing I have the time and energy to write lately!

"Arthur fell asleep that night reminding of his past shared with the Jimmy Cassidy Gang. The heterogenous memories turning like the pages of a book before his eyes, tainted with those moonstruck chords of a nostalgic melody. Jimmy's deep and thunderous laugh that always made everyone jump, the way he always patted him on his shoulder, his hands the only ones bigger than his. Polly's sweet eyes and her horrendous habit of always betting things to tease him. The smell of wood, sun, and sweat that always came with them. The familiar, dancing and homey sound of their Scottish ballads, the ones Sean was so fond of because they reminded him of a home he had only known too shortly. In a way, their music always made him wistful about it too, even if he had never left Uncle Sam's lands. How can one be nostalgic about a home they never knew? And yet. His heart longs for those green pastures the songs talked about. And maybe for them, a bit, too. For Jimmy's old chewing tobacco that looked like charcoal. For Polly's old violin lulling him to sleep on nights when she couldn't find sleep, and never could he. For her toothy smile just above the fiddle that made her cheeks as round and red as two apples. Damn, it had been so long since he had written her a letter. More than a year now. Oh, he would get scolded endlessly for that. But in a way, he was even missing her half-angry, half-joking reprimands. Like one would miss the freshness of the rain falling on their skin in the desert, even if it bothers them to be drenched to the bones."

And that's it! I hope this piques your curiosity! Ofc, this might and probably will change a bit until I actually publish the thing. I didn't felt like cutting, so it's a bit long, I guess I'm compensating for the lack of content 😬

Anyway, thank you so much for asking sweet Ari! Hope you're finally having a bit of sun back! Take care, as always ☀️

[staytinyville]

Seonghwa

PLEASE REFER TO MASTERLIST TO GET FULL TAROT READING EXPERIENCE

↣ Summary: After you hear that your father has appointed you to be his heir, you question yourself if you are ready for it. Seonghwa is your long term friend and future advisor, who tell you what you need to hear.

↣ Characters/Pairing: Park Seonghwa x gn!Reader

↣ Genre: Fluff, Historical Fiction, 

↣ AU/Trope info: Game of Thrones!au, royalty!au, historical!au

↣ Word Count: 1.5k

↣ Warnings: None

↣ A/N: All I saw while writing this was House of Dragon. But I won’t add the dragons here. But I can only imagine Seonghwa as a Targaryen. OOO, on a black dragon with red eyes. AHH! Ateez needs a house of dragon!au.

THE EMPEROR

Authority, Establishment, Structure, a Father Figure

You are taking on a fatherly role (even if you are a male or female). The place you are currently at is a role that is meant for you to take the lead in situations that call for advice. You are the patriarch of the group that makes people feel secure.

You are someone who claims respect and authority towards their followers. You are seen as a leader who is just, and people will like when you are in those kinds of positions and know how to handle what people want and how to get what people need. Not only that, but you are fair in your leadership and give everyone equal chances. 

You know a lot about what you are doing and how to do it. You might have enough experience in the area and if not you are very knowledgeable in it. Because of this, you are seen as someone people look up to often when it comes to certain things.

IV THE EMPEROR

You sat with your back straight as the master read out some testaments your father already had written. While he was only in the room next door, still resting, he decided it would be best to leave a will before his passing. That way his children wouldn’t fight over what would happen to the kingdom without his true word. 

“Your father has asked (Y/N) to be named his successor once he passes.” Your head snapped up, looking between your other siblings. 

Your brother’s eyebrows raised, looking over at you in astonishment, and your sister pursed their lips in order not to say anything. Each of them didn’t dare to make a scene or argue over your father’s decision. However, you were beyond confused. 

“What?” You asked, eyes wide. “Are you sure?” You told the master pointedly. 

“That is what his majesty has requested.” The man told you softly. 

“Is he well to take visitors at the moment?” You stood up from the chair, causing all your siblings to look at you oddly. 

The old man looked at your worried expression, sighing to himself. Everyone knew how you were as a person. If you had questions, you were going to find a way to get the answers. 

“Only for a moment.” He told you. 

You both walked over to your father’s chambers, the man sitting up in bed as he swatted at one of his nurses for trying to force him to drink his tea. Your shoulders dropped at how pale he looked. His skin was sweaty and he seemed to hack after each breath he took. 

“Father.” You called softly, giving him a small smile as you grew closer. 

“Hello, Dear.” He squinted his eyes for a moment, pausing to take a look at who he was speaking to. 

“It's (Y/N).” You told him, kneeling down at his bedside. 

“Ah, my little (Y/N).” He smiled, moving to try to pinch at your cheek, but all it felt like was a grab with the little strength he had. “You have grown so big. What are they feeding you?” He asked. 

“The same as you.” You chuckled. 

“I do hope it's not that nasty tea.” He whispered to you. 

“Of course not.” You laughed, giving the nurse on the other side of the bed a smile. She rolled her eyes playfully, turning around with the cup of tea, realizing he wasn’t going to be taking it.

You sighed as you turned back to your father, trying to determine if he was good enough to speak to you on the matter of the throne. 

“Father, I've come to ask.” You started, taking a hold of his hand. “Are you sure you want me to be your heir?”

“My heir?” He immediately frowned, looking at you oddly. “I'm dying?” He questioned himself. Just as he did, he began to cough violently, gripping onto his chest as it began to hurt. “Yes, there it is.” He tried to laugh, but it sounded like more coughs. 

Once he seemed to have calmed down, he turned back to you with a soft smile. “I've had you as my named heir for ages.” He said. “Ever since Seonghwa came to me to tell me all about the time you led an army into war with invaders.” 

A smile overtook your face at the mention of your oldest friend and advisor. He had been there for as long as you could remember, always keeping you from trouble and being the one to get you out of it. Everyone always loved him–he was a people person. You worried about the day someone would come to take him from you, but to this day he always told you that you were the first person in life. 

“You've always been so kind, too. You know more than you care to admit.” Your father continued. “Seonghwa knows it too.”

You chuckled, squeezing his hand as you knew what he meant. “Where is that boy? I need to see my son-in-law.” Your father looked around the room, waiting for the man to pop out. 

“Son-in-law?” You immediately said, looking at him confused. 

“Aren't you two married?” He asked you.

“No, father, I'm not married.” You shook your head. 

“I'm going to miss the wedding!?” He shouted, causing you to flinch. 

You had been the youngest of five children–which is why it was a shock to learn that you had been named heir. Your sisters had been betrothed and your brothers had settled down. One of them already had three kids. And for each of their weddings, your father had been there; to walk them down the step. 

However, you knew that compared to all of them, you had been the closest to the king. It wasn’t because you were the baby of the family. If anything, being the baby only meant that sometimes he wasn’t able to play with you the way he played with your siblings when they were children. 

Instead, you would ask if you could sit with him during council meetings or have him read a story to you. You had always found the things that made a kingdom fascinating. So you took it upon yourself to follow your father around whenever the chance was given. It was how you knew so much about being a king. At least that was what you told yourself. 

Seonghwa was someone you loved with all your heart. And it wasn’t uncommon for you to think about him in a different way that wasn’t just friends. He was the person you could count on–the one you could tell all your problems to. 

Your shoulders dropped as you looked at your pale father. There was only so much time he had left and you wanted to make sure he saw all that he could possibly want. 

“Is that what you want?” You asked him.

“All my heart could ever need.”

You stood in front of the mirror stationed in your room. Your maids had finished dressing you in your attire, making sure everything was suited to your needs. Your hands smoothed down any wrinkles you saw–which were none, but your anxiousness seemed to make you think differently. 

While normal people would find themselves nervous for something as big as their wedding, the only thing you could possibly think of was how you would become named heir to the whole kingdom after. 

“Am I really ready for this?” You spoke out loud, turning around to face your advisor and future husband. 

Seonghwa was messing with the sleeves of his suit, looking up at you when you spoke. “Do you want my advice as your advisor or as your friend?” He asked you.

“Give me both.” You told him. 

“You're immature and a nuisance to everyone who is in your close vicinity.” He told you without so much as pause. 

“Seonghwa!” You gasped out, swatting at his arm. 

“As your advisor,” He continued. “You care a lot about your people and have seen plenty of politics to know how to rule.”

“The people love you and are willing to give you their respect. You will be an amazing ruler for the people.” He told you. 

“I grew up with you. I've seen you do the stupidest of things that would jeopardize your health—but I have also seen you give up so much in order to keep the kingdom alive. You have seen many things in your lifetime which have given you the knowledge needed to become king.” He grew closer to you, placing his hand on your cheek as his thumb rubbed over it. 

“As your oldest friend, I love all those things about you. You are someone truly remarkable.” He whispered. 

It was only a few days ago that you had asked for Seonghwa’s hand in marriage. The boy had looked at you oddly for a moment, but when you explained why, he understood. The only thing he said after that was that you seemed to have jumped ahead a lot of steps. He wanted to court you first, but it seemed that had to be skipped over now that you were going to be named heir. 

“And your advice as my husband?” You gave him a teasing grin. 

“I do hope you're prepared for later tonight.” 

Your eyes went wide as you went to punch his arm this time. 

The man gasped out and rubbed at the sore spot, pouting. “This is why you led an army.” He whined. “You hit like a barbarian.”

“We trained together.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yes, but you always tried harder. Try hard.” He teased you. 

You raised your hands again, lightly slapping at him. He moved his own arms to swat back, trying to playfully fight back. “No! No abuse!” He said, quickly grabbing your hands and holding them away from him.

He grinned at you, leaning his forehead against yours. “I'll be waiting for you.” He whispered, breath hitting your lips.

“I love you.” You told him.

“I know.”

Tags : @cultofdionysusnet , @wonderlandnet , @pirateeznet , @k-vanity

[joltai-showa]

ah shit here we go again, let's reread Naruto again

reading it in official English translation for the first time and really have no idea if it's good or not lol (I've been translating MHA for 5 years straight and official English translation from the same company fucking sucks)

chapter 1 is huge as hell, which is normal for Shonen Jump, mangaka needs to introduce the concept and characters and all yada yada

what I find really funny about Naruto is a lot of the stuff is written backwards (meaning, we have some stuff introduced early on, but then more shit is slapped on top) to the point that pre-Shippuden things directly contradict what is going to be stated later. Kishimoto most of the time gave approximately zero shit about things outright not making sense and, y'know, you gotta respect him for that, cause I don't have balls like that

(unfortunately when writing anything canon-compliant in Naruto you have be mindful of things being rewritten and outright not making sense💀)

Anyway enough yapping, very first page is already ripe with shit that is going to be retconneced later

Firstly, description of Kurama's abilities. Naruto's orange puppy certainly can not start tsunamis and landslides with just his tails, lmao, this is something closer to Ten-Tails. If the terrain allows it, sure, I can see him starting a landslide, but orange puppy isn't starting anything in the seas, he's got siblings with lesser number of tails for that haha.

Secondly, the entire second paragraph feels like a fever dream honestly. "Suffering people gathered the shinobi clans to fight this menace" = Konoha was founded as a way to stop the endless tiny conflicts between the shinobi clans living in the Land of Fire (why have small-scale conflicts between each other when you can have literal world wars with the guys from beyond the border lol, jk, I know Hashirama wanted a peaceful future for the kids, but ultimately hidden villages system solves none of the issues of the previous system besides "7 year olds die on the battlefields" because now we have "15 year olds die on the battlefields"), Kurama literally wanted nothing to do with humans (as far as we know) during the warring states period, he was literally frolicking in some meadows and eating weird twins from to-be Kumogakure, got captured by Uchiha "read some mossy stone that my clan carried for years for some reason and went totally delulu" Madara, was used to attack Konoha, got bitch slapped by Hashirama a few times before Mito stuffed him into her stomach. And people are surprised why is the orange puppy so evil most of the manga lmao. But anyway, the entire sentence also implies that Fourth Hokage had some sort of mega-epic showdown with the evil puppy... while in reality it was something closer to Konoha's nuke being stolen by a delusional angry fourteen year old and Minato had to simply recapture the nuke again.

anyway, that was a long-ass rant lol

love the early style, it's so goofy, Kakashi is especially wonky in it

first question: why are we tying up school kids after they are caught for their terrible pranks? what is the educational idea behind this thing? like, i get doing that on the training field, imitating combat and all, but why do the same thing in the classroom? is it supposed to encourage the kids to learn how to run away after being tied down by some ropes?

(if that's the case i guess i know at least one academy student who always failed this task, yeah, looking at you, rin, i'm sorry, i can't hold myself back from bashing that thing, lmao)

anyway, back to the manga, i really love how it mentions that Naruto flunked this exam two times already (and it's not stated how often this exam is, so I guess yearly?), and only graduates at like 13, which is supposed to be a super late age and Naruto is such a lazy bum for that... but then you realize the funny fact that Naruto's classmates aka "genius" Sasuke, "book-smart" Sakura, team Asuma and team Kurenai are all the same age as him. Lmao. This isn't the first time Kishi will forget about this silly thing called "timeline".

let's... not adress this gag.

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

Naruto, allow me to introduce you to this wonderful concept called "nepotism". It's quite common in your village. Second Hokage was First's younger brother, Third Hokage was the student of the Second, Fourth Hokage is the student of a guy who studied under Third, Fifth is literally both the granddaughter of First and a student of Third, Sixth is the student of Fourth and you, Naruto, is the son of Fourth and the student of Sixth.

I absolutely love how early Naruto is trying to be this story about this poor underdog when in reality our MC is the nepobaby to ever napobaby lol. I think only Iwa beats Konoha at having the most absurdly nepotistic system for Kage, because 3 out of 4 Tsuchikage are directly related to each other through blood and the one guy that isn't happens to be the teacher to Third.

(I do remember there was so bullshit about Kazekage clan or something but I think it's pretty much only a title and only Rasa and Gaara are actually related to each other through blood)

>badge of adulthood

>given to literal 9-13 year olds who can't throw a kunai in a straight line

yeah, you know what, this actually checks out.

you immediately know that mizuki is fucking evil when he says "nah let him pass iruka, he managed to produce a single shitty clone, he's totally not gonna be killed after 30 seconds on the battlefield" like WHAT IS THIS SYSTEM OF EDUCATION

also another good question to the world building: does Konoha have other schools besides Academy? Like, what do kids do if they don't want to pursue military career? Their parents hopefully teach them how to read and count and that's it? I mean, Konoha is a military settlement at the end of the day, but they can't be teaching only guys who will be throwing knives at each other?

absolutely nothing, naruto, lmao. you were born a nepobaby, prepare to have an endless supply of chakra for any tricks of yours and the best senseis Konoha has to offer.

is the Hokage building supposed to be their residence as well? huh.

also let's not talk about this gag.

comically large kurama jpeg

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Lets goooooooo!!!! I’m back with oh so many emojis and oh so much gratitude to you for writing for them! It genuinely brings me a lot of joy and I really appreciate it!

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️(im so loving this current era - like even when they’re talking logistics and eddie’s being hard on himself there’s still just so much love and happiness in the air!)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(that last chapter was fabulous! Here comes covid and potentially a buckley parents visit? Very curious what that looks like in this world)

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸(on the edge of my seat!!! This story is everything to meeeee!!)

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮(baby bobby i’m sending you love!)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟(cant wait for maddie and eddie and chris to be there so they can all live through hell together 💖)

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑(i love the name! And im so so excited to read this one!)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼(the angst from these snippests is really getting to me!)

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐(MAY!!!!!)

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮(MY BELOVED CRANBERRY IS BACK YAY!!!!!)

I so love all your work (in case I haven’t been clear about that :p) but one thing I’m currently so impressed by is that you have three separate wips where buddie is established and yet the stories all feel so distinct from each other - they all stand alone and feel in character and aren’t repetitive! It’s so impressive and you’re such a talented author!!!

Thank you so much for this! Lots of love from your biggest fan!!!

AHH THANK YOU! That makes me so very happy to hear. I am so glad they all feel distinct and not repetitive to you! YOU ARE SO KIND!!!!

51 for ⚡️ (AH THANKS! I am really just trying to get them to a place where I'd be happy to leave them, you know?):

---

Eddie laughs. “Watch out, Los Angeles.” 

“It’s okay if we don’t get it,” Buck says pragmatically. “We don’t have to get it.”

“There will be other places,” Eddie agrees. 

“But I could see us in this one,” Buck says. “I didn’t feel that anywhere else.”

“Same here,” Eddie says. “I have a gut feeling about it.”

“Hmm, a gut feeling,” Buck teases. “Like the universe?”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

Definitely the universe. 

☆☆☆

On their last shift before the wedding, Eddie knows he’s not exactly tuned into work. It’s not like he’s doing a bad job, but it would be fair to say his head is a little bit in the clouds. Maybe more than a little bit. 

In his defense, there’s obviously a lot going on. He’s only got his vows half written. They’re waiting to hear back about the house. Different family members are flying in on different days. Chris is unhappy with his haircut. His parents are flying in, but are of course not willing to stay anyway near each other, so he’s got all his family’s different travel plans on the brain. He has about a hundred emails in his inbox from the venue - a restaurant in a beautiful old, stone building who are also catering - and the tailors. Most of which, Buck answers. Thank god. It’s just a lot. A lot of noise. 

Not that Eddie is complaining. He’s over the moon. Life has never been this smooth or good for him, really. If there’s a bit of noise as a result, he’s welcoming it. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s welcoming it and focusing on work very well. 

At this particular moment, Eddie is trying to check fluid levels in the engine, and finding it rather hard to focus. He’s checked and rechecked three times, and keeps losing track of the numbers before he manages to write them down. He feels like his brain has atrophied. He’s finally managing to scribble the correct numbers on the sheet on the clipboard - really, is he the right person for the clipboard chore? - when he hears Buck calling him from the edge of the mezzanine.

Eddie shifts his body to a better position to look up at him. 

“What’s up?” He calls back. 

“Gianna’s calling,” Buck points at his phone. 

Gianna’s calling! About their house! Their maybe house?

Eddie tears away from the engine so quickly he nearly stumbles. He jogs to the stairs and takes them two at a time as Buck answers the call. 

“Hi, Gianna,” Eddie hears him say. “Yeah, I’m good. How are you?”

Eddie hurries to Buck’s side once he reaches the top of the stairs, resting a hand between his shoulder blades. 

“That’s… Wait, really?” Buck asks. 

---

30 for 🚨 (eeee thanks!!!! Excited to share my plans!)

---

Yeah, that would be insane. That would be torture. 

“She’s going to be so mad at you for not telling her,” Buck teases. 

Eddie makes a little sound of complaint. 

“You’ll be right there in trouble with me.” He warns. 

Buck guffaws. 

“No way. Not me. I’m not precious to them like you.”

“Precious?” 

“You heard me.”

“You’re crazy.”

Buck really hopes it doesn’t end up causing social conflict for Eddie. He really wants to avoid that. Eddie is having a hard enough time with everything, with Chris gone, to also be in a bad spot with one of his closest friends. He hopes they can simply keep it under wraps for another week, then politely come clean after Buck gets his shield. 

In his brain, it should be straightforward. 

Reality? Never quite so simple. 

iii.

They make it until the shift before Buck’s official probationary graduation. Really, so close. So tantalizingly close. Eddie feels like an idiot for not being able to hold it together better. 

The problem lies with Eddie. With Eddie’s emotional confusion lately. Maybe confusion isn’t the right word. Emotional scatterbrain? That. That feels better.

---

75 for 🩸(THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

---

He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel bad about it. The scent of his blood filled the air. Eddie couldn’t even feel that hungry for it, either. The twinge of want was there, but the desire to avoid death was stronger. 

The man screamed in agony, and presumably toppled forward. Presumably, because Eddie’s not sure what else would have caused his rifle to go off. Either way, an ear-splitting crack of the gun discharging filled the air. 

Eddie thought for a moment he must have accidentally shot himself in the head, because the screaming stopped. What an easy end to all of it that would have been. But after a moment of shock, his wailing started again. He shot himself, but not fatally. But he could still be holding the weapon. 

Eddie had to be careful. He couldn’t die there, after besting the asshole. After proving himself something more than a mindless monster. More than helpless prey. 

He crept as quietly as possible out from his hiding spot and craned his neck to see the man. He lay moaning in a sort of fetal position, shin snared by the animal trap, mangled and bloody. His right arm was more or less blown off. Something about the sight of it brought Eddie right back to Afghanistan. He’d seen so many limbs that ended up just like his. Three bullet wounds of his own over there, and it was a wonder none of his ended up the way. 

The important part, the crucial part, was that the rifle lay discarded, several feet away from the vampire hunter. In his state, the man couldn’t reach it before Eddie. 

Which meant Eddie was the hunter now. 

Or maybe not a hunter. Maybe that was the wrong word. Maybe Eddie was more like some sick scavenger bird. Picking at what was already practically a corpse.

He walked out, into view. Heard the man give a little moan. He bent down in front of the gun, removed the magazine and tossed it in one direction, then chucked the gun down the hill in the other. It rolled into the creek, lost. Good. When someone eventually found his body, the gun would be identifying. Registered to him. Better it be gone. 

“Please,” the man moaned.”Don’t kill me.”

The muscles in Eddie’s face had twitched with revulsion. 

“You would have killed me,” Eddie reminded him. “Came all the way back here to do it.”

“I’m a man,” he sobbed in response. “I’m a human. I’m a father.”

If Eddie hadn’t been resolved to let him die before then, that did it.

“So am I.” 

After that, he did what he had to. He knew he needed energy for what he had to do next, so he drank. Not everything. Not enough to drain him. Though maybe that would have been kinder. Eddie took only what he needed.He took his money and chucked his wallet into the stream, same as the gun. He stole his car keys. He wiped his blood from his mouth. He left the man dying on the forest floor, covered in dirt.

Later, he would change the plates on the car. Later, he would do all he could to separate himself from this crime. And when he heard about it in the news later, there were no suspects. 

He feels bad about it sometimes. In small, quiet pockets. 

He shouldn’t. 

The guy would have killed Eddie first. He wanted to kill Eddie first.

Kim did kill Eddie first.

She killed Eddie first. She lured him. She trapped him. She hunted him. She stopped his heart. She left him for dead. She infected him. She stole over six months of time from him and his son. 

She did it first.

So Eddie shouldn’t feel bad about this, either.

---

24 for 🔮 (I am putting them THROUGH it):

---

A still, tense air to it. Something that makes Buck want to turn around and walk the other way. 

Instead, he follows Bobby and his family inside the house. 

The first thing he notices is the burnt kitchen. Singed wallpaper and damaged appliances. All the tell tale signs of a small kitchen fire. One that hasn’t had a chance to be properly cleaned and repaired yet. 

Is that what happened? Is that how Timothy Nash died? Buck has responded to a lot of small blazes like this in the seven years he’s been a firefighter. Not one of them has ever been fatal. It’s possible, but it seems unlikely. 

Bobby walks purposefully towards a plainly decorated bedroom and closes himself inside. Buck follows him, ending up on the same side of the door as Bobby’s private grief. He watches as Bobby throws himself onto the bed, curls into a ball, and stares at the wall. Outside the bedroom, Buck can hear the muffled sounds of Bobby’s mother and brother having what sounds like a rather serious discussion. Bobby’s face twitches as his brother raises his voice, but otherwise, he seems to ignore it. 

Buck looks around the room. There’s a pair of ice skates in the open closet. Hockey trading cards on a bookshelf. A discarded walkman on the floor. Buck checks what Bobby was listening to last. Who Can It Be Now? By Men at Work. 

Hmm.

---

33 for 🧟 (some of that here for you!)

---

“Like the radio!” Chris exclaims. 

Maddie scrunches her eyebrows. “The radio?”

“Maddie on the radio!” Chris insists. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Maddie tells him.

Eddie chuckles. “I’ve been teaching Chris Morse Code. Something to pass the time as we travel, you know?”

Wow, what a really fun dad…

“Sure,” Maddie offers. 

“Some radio stations are still picking up transmissions. People putting out messages. Trying to reach people, spread info,” Eddie explains. 

Maddie nods. She’s heard a few of those. Never knew what they were saying though. 

“We came into range for one recently that uses the name Maddie.” Eddie says. 

Maddie raises her eyebrows. “Like the broadcaster?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “The message. It’s just one phrase on loop.”

Maddie feels a little cold. 

“What phrase?”

“Maddie, I am alive,” Chris recites. “Sun. Books.”

The wind could not be more swiftly knocked out of Maddie if someone broke the rest of her ribs. 

“What?” She asks, barely a squeak.

---

36 for 👑 (Thanks! Islands in the Stream!):

--

The Buckley’s Beverly Hills mansion is very square. Very white and square and modern. Everything feels neat and sleek. It feels very Beverly Hills. Very new money. But, somehow, not very Maddie. Though, maybe he doesn’t know her well enough to say. 

A valet parks Chim’s car for him. He wonders if they notice the LAFD bag in the back stuffed with the clothes he’ll need to swiftly return to reality. 

When he walks into the elaborately decorated party, complete with waitstaff passing out trays of drinks and food, Chim feels like he’s in a strange fairy tale. Like he’s the thriving entrepreneur he once dreamed of being, invited to a party to network and schmooze. Like he’s the kind of son his father would have wanted. Would being at a party like this make him proud? The whole thing makes Chim feel a little dirty. A little out of place. In fact, a not insignificant part of his body is urging him to turn and walk the other way. 

But then he sees Maddie.

He sees Maddie, and he remembers why he came. Why he needs to be here. 

Maddie is standing across the wide, open foyer of her parents’ home, wearing a loose, knee length champagne colored dress that twinkles a little when she moves. She’s talking to someone. The man from the Christmas card. Her little brother. The one that was in Peru. They each have a half-full flute in hand. 

“Champagne?” A passing server asks Chim.They must see him eyeing Maddie and her brother and assume he wants what they have.

“No, thank you,” Chim mumbles. 

They keep walking.

Chim doesn’t quite know what to do. He doesn’t want to interrupt Maddie’s conversation. But he also doesn’t have any other reason to be here or anyone else to talk to. He feels a bit like a creep, standing there, staring at her. He must look entirely pathetic. 

After a moment, her brother notices.

---

18 for 🔼:

---

 “Well, uh… Alright then. I guess let me know if you need help building stuff?” 

They end up showering. Not the long shower she’d hoped for, but something quick and efficient. If Eddie comes over - and Buck doubts he will - he doesn’t want him to arrive in the middle of that. Actually, the thought sort of horrifies and embarrasses him. Though he can’t say why. 

And, as it turns out, not even five minutes after they’re done and dressed, there’s a knock on the door. Buck is genuinely floored by this.

“Guess that’s a no on needing help,” Ali mumbles as Buck heads downstairs to answer the door.

When he opens it to see Eddie standing before him, his first thought is that Eddie sort of looks like shit. This is not the sort of thought he’s used to having. He’s used to feeling a strange sort of jealousy he doesn’t quite comprehend regarding the opposite thought. But here Eddie stands. He’s unshaven. There are dark circles under his eyes, which look a little puffy. There are indents in his bottom lip from where he’s been anxiously chewing on it. 

“Eddie? Uh, are you okay?”

---

21 for 💐 (YEAH MAY!):

---

“I guess not,” May mumbles eventually.

She’s staring very hard at her mug of tea. 

“Hey, another question,” April says, stepping closer to her. She smells like eucalyptus. That’s fucking annoying. May likes the way eucalyptus smells. Cool and earthy.

“Sure,” May replies, voice suddenly an octave higher than she’d like it to be.

“Are you done your paper for Professor Kellerman yet?”

Ugh. And there it is. Reality check. Right, because April is a bit of a shark. May gets a ninety? April will get a ninety-one? May finishes a day early? April has been done for a week. Fucking typical she’s bringing this up, right after implying that May needed help at the paint night social.

“No,” May says. “I’ve got a few hundred words left. Some closing arguments.”

---

33 for 🦮 (SHE'S BACK!)

---

She is more hyper than ever. Pacing more than she usually does, like she had that first night in Buck’s apartment, when everything was unfamiliar. She’s blowing him off on his commands sometimes. It’s not like her at all not to listen. One time he caught her rifling through the trash. 

The dog is bored. Buck is bored. Chris is bored. And they’re all getting a little bit of cabin fever. 

There’s a lot Buck cannot fix about this situation. And, hell, a lot he can’t even complain about. Really, he and Chris are so, so lucky. They’re safe, housed, fed, and not really exposed to any illness. Buck doesn’t want to feel miserable, considering. But some days he does. Even if he loves Christopher and Cranberry immensely.

“We’ve got to do something,” Buck announces one day in early May. 

“Something?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “We’re all bored. And getting a little frustrated with each other, right?”

Chris sighs. “Yeah. Sorry, Buck.”

“Don’t be sorry, bud. You’re not the only one. And it’s not your fault.”

Chris looks from where he’s seated at the kitchen table to where Cranberry is lying on the floor. 

“Sorry, Cranberry.”

Cranberry had picked up one of Christopher’s socks from the floor earlier that morning and he’d sort of lost it. Yelled at her. Then cried because he felt horrible for yelling at her.

[cailynwrites]

Harry Potter Rec Fest Day 13 - Over 100K

I so appreciate the dedication that it takes for someone to write over 100K words; I think even my M.A. thesis topped out at 30K (with much academic padding). I've read a ton of long fics so there's probably some recency bias here for @hprecfest day 13, but I've also tried to share a couple different pairings ...

Blood Magic (Podfic) written and read by houseofthehebrideanblcks and thestralsofspinnersend Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 334,676 Length: 33:05:11 Rating: E

@thistlecatfics already said all the things about this fic in their recommendation for the podfic the other day, and said it in a much lovelier and more eloquent way than I ever could. I guess I came at it from a different perspective though - as someone who is very lucky to feel not too traumatized by life or struggling with addiction or mental health (not a brag, just context), I got to see inside the brains of people like that and feel great empathy for them. Isn't that what art should do - put you in the shoes of different people and make you see the world differently? This is a slow, beautiful story of down-and-out Draco AND Harry heading toward something like peace and love, but it's a long road to get there. Also featuring endlessly patient counselor Luna, supportive Ron & Hermione, and lots of magical creatures.

The podfic is also really well done. The authors recorded it as a podcast originally. If the 33 hour single file on InternetArchive isn't really your speed, you can get the podcast version here, which includes their commentary after each chapter. Maybe not for everyone, but I found it interesting as a companion piece to hear their writing process and talk about trauma, treatment, and recovery in their own lives.

Choice and Chance by @chaoticcrumpets (Podfic by @etl-echo-audiobooks) Pairing: Draco x Hermione Word count: 116,972 Length: almost 10 hours Rating: M

This fic is so interesting. I had gotten a little burned out on Dramione before listening to this fic and this fully resparked my interest. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a mystery, a time travel adventure, and a romance. All the characterizations are very real, even though there might be more than one characterization of some of the characters. Can I use character more times in one sentence? Ah, and the twist at the end!!! *Chef's kiss*

Sweater Weather written by @lumosinlove (Podfic by @itsaash & cast) Pairing: Wolfstar, other adorable OC pairings and more! Word count: 156,108 Length: 15:23:00 Rating: E

I didn't think a hockey AU would be for me, even though I kinda like hockey. I was tempted by the prospect of Everyone Lives (TM) and I'm so grateful for it. This fic is beautiful, the development of all the characters, both canon and original, is incredible. I laughed, I cried, I gasped, I sighed, and when I was done, I wanted to start reading it all over again. At the time, it was newly finished and a sequel was on the way. I've been waiting for a nice vacation or sick day to reread it and its sequel, Vaincre. @lumosinlove has created a wonderful world and I just want to see the characters play around in it forever. I haven't listened to the podfic, but I'd encourage everyone to give it a shot!

************************************************************************

This one barely counts as a self-rec because I'm really just gushing about the author ...

Way Down We Go by @xiaq Podfic read by Cailynwrites (with @etl-echo-audiobooks) with beautiful album art by @abrilas-art Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 109,767 Length: 13 hours Rating: T

If you had asked me the ratings of my two out of three of my favorite novel-length Drarry fics yesterday, I wouldn't have thought the answer would be T, but apparently it is. This story, along with Away Childish Things, rewired my brain. I love the pace, I love the development of both boys' characters, I love the ancillary characters both old and new. It's just a perfectly told story. Although I should be encouraging you to go listen to my podfic on AO3 or Spotify, I can definitely also recommend the reading experience. Don't skip the adorable author's notes containing the adventures of the author's dog and grad school woes (relatable).

If you want to get a taste for the podfic before diving in, try this snippet or this one.

[astoryofsuchwoe]

Happy Birthday An !

(i bet you didn't expect this well here i am mwahaha. i kinda like writing for birthdays instead of art but idk we'll see. happy birthday to one of my og ocs !! ankoku, cindy and brandon all belong to @tsukacchako <3 dividers by @/cafekitsune !!)

An's birthdays had always come with a celebration with her guardians. The two segyeins always loved to spoil her, seeing as she was the daughter they never had.

She supposed this year wouldn't be different. Ever since she was denied from participating in Alien Stage, she had spent a lot more time with her guardians. If it weren't for the segyeins running the Garden deciding she was needed as a "human helper", she suspects she would have been back with her guardians a long time ago.

Still, she supposed she should be grateful for the distraction. With all the chaos happening in Alien Stage, with the appearance of the rebellion, old scars resurfaced. She found herself reading through the letter Trix left her, reminiscing on better times.

She wonders if Trix is even still alive.

"A...An?"

She snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of Ankoku's voice, her gaze falling on her nervous friend. She offered a smile, turning from where she was preparing her things for her trip.

"Ah, Ankoku! Did you need me for something?"

He shook his head, fidgeting with something behind his back.

"I, uh...It's your birthday, right...?"

She nodded, and Ankoku pulled out a pencil, holding it out to her nervously.

"I couldn't...really get anything...so I hope this is okay..."

An's eyes lit up, and she smiled as she took the pencil, looking it over. Sure, it wasn't much, but it was from the one person she could truly call a friend.

She found her thoughts drifting to a certain blue-haired...zombie, but quickly brought her focus back to Ankoku. She smiled, moving to embrace him in a quick hug.

"Awh, thank you so much!! You didn't have to!"

Ankoku hugged her in return, a rare smile on his face.

"I...wanted to...Thank you for...for being my friend."

"Thank you for being mine!"

The two stayed in an embrace before Ankoku pulled back, looking more nervous.

"I uh...I have a meeting with Guardian Keeron and...Dae, so...I should get going..."

An felt a pang of sympathy at the mention of the two, a shiver going down her spine. She had no idea how her friend managed to survive being alone with those two. She knew not to ask.

"Ah, alright. Be safe, okay?"

"You too..."

An watched as he left, and went back to packing. After talking to Ankoku, she felt a bit lighter. Talking to him always made her feel better, after all.

It felt like things were going to be okay.

...At least, they were, until the lights went out.

She froze, hearing the chaos of the guards running around outside, barking orders. Ah, was it another rebellion infiltration...? She knew the drill, to stay put until everything was back to normal.

BEEP!

Huh? She turned her gaze to the sound, confusion written across her face. She had a tablet in her room for communication with the segyein and the other human helpers, but she didn't expect to be contacted during an infiltration.

She walked to the tablet, picking it up and looking at the message. It was from an unknown contact, which made her heart rate pick up. Who even had the means to contact her?

Is this An?

They even knew her name? She was a bit scared, but maybe it was one of the head segyein trying to contact her? She hesitated, before putting her response.

Yes? Can I help you?

There was a pause, before the response came.

Happy birthday. - T

Then, the lights went back on, and in front of her eyes, the conversation just disappeared from her tablet as if it never existed. She blinked once, twice, rubbed at her eyes a little bit.

T? Who was...

Her eyes widened, and she dropped the tablet. There was no way.

Trix?

Up in the main control room, Trix was rushing out with the others. She honestly forgot what the plan was, but she really was just there to deactivate the security systems long enough for whatever everyone else was doing.

Still, a look at the date, and the memories swarmed her. She remembered picking flowers, clumsily learning how to make flower crowns from Cindy, and giving a new one to An every single year before she left to her guardians. 

Well, at least she managed to wish her happy birthday one last time.

[gisellelx]

Every once in a while, I reread one of your stories and I can’t help but check your website for any updates for One Day 😇 Just curious: are you still working on it? No pressure whatsoever of course!! I love the way you portray Carlisle in that fic & am already super thankful for those first 8 or so chapters! Anyways, hope you are doing well & thanks for providing us with so many high-quality fics!

- Sannehale

Ah, this ask made my year. (Also now I realize your two blog names. Sneaky!)

Yes., yes I am. It was actually open on my laptop even as this ask came in. My prereader is asking about it too--I stopped giving her chapters because I was realizing that I got a lot of enjoyment out of sending them to her and that was filling enough void that it cut off my writing mojo. I'm thrilled though, that she can't see where it's going.

I'm stuck on chapter 16 (of likely 23-25) at the moment because a whole bunch of dominos have to fall in order to get to several reveals that are going to happen in very fast succession to move the story out of the second act. Also the second act/B story was hard because I am not a romance writer! 😆 It's not the genre I read and I'm not very good at writing it, but the middle of this story called for a romance and so there is one. Or so I hope.

I've also gone back and shored up some things that needed shoring--introduced a few of the characters who turned out to be important earlier on, and added another character in Bella's research mentor, Amy Jackson. I'm worried that I'm under-utilizing her at the moment.

This ask, though, prompted me to back out to the card view in the Scrivener project and I realize I actually did leave myself the breadcrumbs necessary to get myself out of here. Maybe I'll put my shoulder to the wheel and see what happens if I just follow the outline I laid out.

Anyway. I feel like I shouldn't end an ask without giving a little bit of some of the over 40,000 words that are written and not posted. So here's a tiny bit. This actually may not stay in, and in any event doesn't spoil anything--it's also the headcanon behind this chapter of Montage, though this scene was written years ago and my headcanon about Carlisle's name and his parents' names goes back over fifteen years now.

Of course, I knew a lot more than most people who were hunting down a relative from the 1600s. I clicked on the link for church records, and then delimited my search. If Carlisle was 367, that put him in 1644. That seemed reasonable. I filtered the results by the location, London, and then 1640 to 1650.

CULLEN, I typed. CARLISLE.

Zero hits. I frowned at my screen for a long moment and then practically slapped myself in the head. Of course there were no hits for Carlisle Cullen. Wasn’t this the very thing we’d been arguing about for months, now? I backspaced over the first name, and changed it to WILLIAM.

There were only three hits. Astonishing. I had assumed that Carlisle would have done his due diligence. He’d had hundreds of years to track this information down—why hadn’t he? William Cullen number one was in the baptismal records of St. Luke’s Catholic Church. He had been baptized in 1642. That would make him nearly the same age as Carlisle, no luck there. William Cullen number two, however, was on over seventy pages of documents—the records of St. James Aldgate, listed as parish pastor. And William Cullen number three almost caused my heart to stop.

Born 17 February 1644. Died 8 August 1667.

Twenty-three years old.

My heart, pounding, I clicked on the church register, enlarging it so that it filled my screen. The handwriting was old, faded and pixelated, but it was tidy and easy to read. Carlisle Cullen, it read, with William crammed onto the line before the first name, in the same handwriting but obviously a different pen—the lines were narrower, slanted slightly differently. Born and baptized on February 17, 1644. Father, William Cullen number 2. And mother…

My heart sped. There, in the same scrawly hand—his father’s hand, I realized, it must be—was written the words, Sarah Cullen (Crawforth).

A quick “Open in New Tab” allowed me to pull all the records from the 1600s from St. James Aldgate and in five minutes, I had a birth date of November 15, 1620. And a death date, which was of course expected, of February 17, 1644. But it was the annotation here which was breathtaking—in a different handwriting, written by the midwife? Some other member of the parish?

Died babe in arms.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and with blurry vision, on a hunch, I ran one last search. Then I printed the pages with the documents, shoved them in a folder, and headed for my car.

[asksuccubussides]

I would give my life just to hold your hand

Part 2 out of 2

Master post of chapters

This is set in the same universe as "What if you were an asexual succubus wouldn't that be fucked up or what" but can be read on it's own

1929

Coming home from work and checking his mailbox had become the angel's favorite part of the day. It didn't matter that the mail only came every other month or so, each day he felt the same butterflies flutter in his chest as he walked the short distance to the neighborhood's mailboxes. When no mail had come he could always return home and reread the letters he had gotten from Remy.

He enjoyed tracing his fingers across the page and imagining the demon writing it. He imagined their concentrated expression and whether they had written it while sitting in his old apartment or while in hell.

The demon still had trouble with spelling especially considering neither of them could write in their native language to each other. He had convinced them to sneak into hell and steal a glossory for the demonic language during his latest letter and excitedly waited for the chance to learn it. Remy always sounded so hot when they spoke it- As soon as he caught himself thinking of the demon as attractice he forced himself to think of something else, like reciting prayer.

--

Nothing was in his mailbox when he checked but to his surprise the mailman came by a few hours later with not one but two packages for him both adressed from his old apartment. He thanked the mailman and quickly closed the door so that he could let out a high pitched squeal and fly around in a circle in his room until he'd calmed down enough to make some tea and put on a relaxing record on his gramphone.

He made himself comfortable by his desk and opened the first package while his wings continued to flap enough to make the papers on his desk twirl around. It contained the glossory he had requested and he held it close to his chest before turning to the other package.

It held a single record and a tiny note reading "Play me!"

For the first side of the record it was just normal jazz songs, some that he recognised and some new ones Remy must have thought he would enjoy (he did). But when he flipped it to the next side instead of music starting there was an unsure cough and a bit of static before he heard Remy for the first time in 5 years say.

"Hey Angel!"

It was a good thing he was already sitting down or he would have collapsed on the spot. He scrambled to move closer to the gramophone and nearly gave into the urge to hug the machine.

"I know a guy- you know what I mean by know- who like works in audio and stuff and I asked him if he could like put speech on record as well as he can put music on record, and if you're like hearing this I guess he could. Anyway I suuuupper hope you liked the music, I choose it just for yyyyooouuuuuuu"

"I did" The angel replied even though he knew they couldn't hear him.

"OH! And like another thingie. Sssso like not seeing you for this long it's like- I've thought about you a lot more y'know? Since it always takes some like time between when I write and get your response I like go around for weeks wondering what you'll like write back and it feels totally weird to just like go around referring to you as Angel in my head 'cause like you're AN angel not Angel y'know? It's weeeiiirdd"

The sound of paper getting unfolded was followed by Remy clearing their throat.

"So I made like a list of names I like so tell me if you like any of them so we can like decide on an official Angel name. Okay Here I go. Mildred. Doris- You look like a Doris- Milo. Uhh Thomas? I dunno. Ellis. Shirley and of course..Barbara!"

The paper got thrown away.

"So yeah tell me if you like any of them or got like other ideas. In other like news my demon friend convinced me to go and hear this like Edith Piaf lady sing? It was pretty sick- Ah shit okay okay my audio human is telling me to go- Okay well talk to you later Angel- Uhhh love you?" Remy audible took a step away "Hey girlie can we like cut this audio afterwards. I'm not like sure I wann have that last bit i-"

The record stopped and The angel stayed with his head laid against the bottom of the machine for another few minutes before turning the record on from where Remy first started talking.

--

My dear Remy

I received your record. It was lovely to hear your voice again!

(Within the margins of the paper he doodled Betty Bopps blowing kisses)

I have tried to learn some basic phrases in your language. Here I go:

I̸͍̔̚ ̸̧͔̫́̕̕L̸̨̑͂Ì̷͖͇̰̔V̶͉̈́͠Ȩ̵̈ ̸̤̐͘Ï̵̮̩͑N̵͚̈́͌ ̸̫̦͋A̷̡̦̟͗ ̶̢̪̔̋͂ͅH̸̺͛͝Ö̶͍̊U̷͖̹͛̏͑S̴̢̳͗E̵̙̅͛.̷̥͊̔͠ ̴̞̩̜̋͗͗ ̵̜̣̮̈̀I̸̮͒̆̾ ̴̥͔̳́Ḷ̴̢̻̐Ỉ̵̗̄̈́K̶̦̄̏͠E̷̗̙̔ ̵̦̊D̶̳̀̏O̶͙͆̀G̸̣͐̆͝S̶͓̈́͜͝.̸̫̞͊́͠ ̴͔̰́̈́̅M̸͍̼̎̓̿Ẏ̴̭̾ ̸̦͑N̴͙̯͂͊̓A̶̮̥̎̀M̸̺͆͘E̵̟̭͗̑͝ ̸̤́͘Î̷̘̬̺̑S̷̟͐̽͘ ̷̡͎̫̽̂Ń̵̙̀Ō̸̤̃T̶̬̠̎Ḩ̴͎͒̋͊Ḯ̵͇̯͌͆Ṋ̸̗̀͜͠G̷̜̤̐

Tell me if I wrote it correctly :DD And speaking of the last thing with my name I love your suggestions !!! Not sure I want to be called any of those names though ?? I have never choosen a name before so I don't know when a name feels right. Did you choose your name? I had always assumed you chose it because you enjoy sleeping but now that I think about it you don't seem like you would know what the REM sleep is, no offense. Is the feeling of finding a name similar to when you change your body? I started out with both a male head and body but when i tried out a female body with a male head I had a feeling of peace and I have not changed back since. Is it similar?

By the way I heeded your advice and I now officially have a friend who isnt you or my current human! We play board games together and I don't wish to brag but some of them are quite trendy and new. Like this one boardgame called "Sorry!" You might not recognize it. How the tables have turned Remy. Now im the modern one!

Now on the next page I have written a detailed review of the latest Betty Boop short film. I hope you enjoy it! It was very good!

__

My dear Remy

Just this once please burn this letter after you have read it. I fear what would happen if anyone in heaven read this but I have to admit that my human dying soon is bringing me a great sense of relief. Both that I will not have to see him anymore and that I hopefully get to live in another country.

Despite my human working in the human biology department I have not been able to take part in any science work. The only reason any of those humans would want me in a scientific setting would be to measure the width of my skull and every time I see my human he scowls at me and refuses to call me by my name, I am not even sure he is aware he has met me more than once or if he has only seen me as far as my skin.

I wish I could love every human equally. I know I should. I really am trying to love him and remind me why he belongs in Heaven. I am finding it hard. I don't think I would ever be able to tell this to anyone but you

Love, Your Angel

--

"-So anyway yeah i would totally go over and punch that cunt human for you if you wanted me to, or like seduce him so he'll go to hell. Prommy. Tho I doubt my lovely Angel would let me do that, would you now.

Oh by the way yeah with the name thing I chose Remy and it was I dunno I like how R sounds. RRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRemy! Like a motor starting. So I thought like a cute and soft and like tots fluffy name would fit you so here are my like new suggestions. Pip, Noah, uhhm Daisy, Iris, Lucie and Oh Rhiannon! The last one reminds me of this animal I've heard of. its a rhino. Like a unicorn kinda? You should go ask about it at a library. its like super cool! And also this other day I seduced this human and he had a tattoo! And he wasnt even a pirate! lemme tell you-"

--

1930

The angel relistened to the latest record as he went to bed. His friend's voice lulled him into a peaceful sleep most of the time, sometimes he got sinful dreams but he told himself he only got them because he was listening to a succubi.

During his early morning shower after having woken up from such a dream an idea floated into his mind on how to repay Remy for the records. First thing when the shops had opened he went out and bought a camera.

His human was going to die in two days in a traffic accident and he would finally get to leave this dreadful country, but as he walked through town with the camera in his bag and imagined what images to send to Remy the landscape suddenly seemed so beautiful. The cold weather suddenly seemed worth it if it meant snow fell onto trees and the disgusting food suddenly seemed a bit pleasant when he pictured the fisherman leaving on their boats for work.

Still he controlled himself and only took few a pictures...as well as several sketches of dogs he walked past, and told himself he would take more once he got to his new place.

--

"GIRL I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE LIKE A PHOTOGRAPHER! No really it looks so fucking cool over there. What country are you in now did you say??"

The sounds of Remy scrambling through The angel's letters was heard before they quieted for a few seconds.

"It's on a continent I've never like been on I think ??? But I'm super happy for you! And uh there not being like a cinema there only means you gotta start your own! Nothings sexier than a business man y'knoooooow. So in other news Giiirl sit down if you aren't already 'cause I have got to update you on the demon drama that's been going on! You Remember Susan right!? That demon who-"

--

"My dear Remy

After having friends for a little time now i must admit i have gotten a bit confused. Though they are all my beloved friends i feel for none of them what i feel for you.

I suppose that means you are what people call....my best friend? :D

Love, Your best friend!

PS. I'll write another letter about the new Mickey Mouse cartoon (he's so cute I want a plushie) tomorrow and post the 2 together. This realization just made me so excited I had to write it down prompto!!"

The angel felt a bit shameful as he finished writing it and put it into the envelope. He wasn't quite as oblivious as he pretended to be. He knew the word for what he was feeling fully well, he simply refused to say it.

1938

After returning home from his beloved weekly boardgame club with his beloved human he was somehow even more delighted by finding a package for him at his door.

When he opened it two blurry pictures fell out. They showed Remy loosely dressed laying in the window of a large apartment with a lazy smile on their lips. Along with it a note reading "Seduced a photographer recently. Your still my fav photgrapher tho <3 sorry for the record"

The last bit made him eye the record checking for any hints of crude language or sinful lyrics as if staring at it would reveal it's contents. After some pacing and flying around his room he finally put it on and the first side was as always a mix of songs made just for him. It made fireflies flutter in his stomach as always and the fluttering only intesified from anticipation when he moved to turn the record to the other side.

The angel bit his lip waiting to hear his friend's voice but instead of the usual cheery greeting he heard the static of the audio recorder and the sound of a bottle being set down on a table.

"my audio guy left a bit ago cause I said I could fix it myself cause i like didnt want him to hhhhheeaarrrrrrrrRRRRARRGGHHHHH"

There was silence for a moment before a deep sigh.

"I got a new boyfriend. His name is Thomas and he's obv a succubi but uhm not in my squadron. And he's like sweet and lets me boss him around and stuff but I haven't told him that I've- I've had sex with my manager. Do you think I should? I mean like fucking humans is our job but the manager isn't a human. Like he's a demon. Is it cheating if I don't tell him. I mean it's not like I'm fucking the manager right now but I don't know if it will like happen again"

The angel's heart seized for a second at the mention of a boyfriend. It felt as if a hand had punched through his chest and gripped around the vessels of blood keeping him alive.

He forced himself to take a deep breathe and shook his head around to get the thought out of his head.

"I don't think I've like explained to you how uhh prudish succubi can be by certain shit. Like fucking a manager is a BIG no no. HUGE. And I haven't told anyone I've done it but my squadron members have noticed the times I stayed behind after the monthly meeting y'know? I get it's like annoying seeing someone get favoritism just 'cause they're ready to put out and like everyone loves talking gossip so I'm not mad that they've spread rumors 'bout me. I just worry Thomas' gonna hear..There's already been people who've stopped talking to me 'cause of it. and AGAIN i don't blame them! It's just fucking annoying not being able to explain!"

He leant his forehead against the base of the gramophone and wished he could somehow send telepathic hugs.

The record was silent for so long the angel began to think Remy had simply ended their message without saying goodbye until he heard a slight sob and he realized Remy had just moved away from the microphone to cry.

They moved back close to the microphone and he could heard them sucking snot back into their nose and taking a shakey breathe.

"I'm just sorry Angel. sorry I'm- I've been like drinking and I'm just like. I'm sorry i never came to visit you. I know I promised. I'm sorry. I want to see you so fucking bad Angel and you don't know how like guilty I feel for not seeing you but- but every time I spend any extra time on earth that isn't just seducing humans the manager just looks so sly and fucking- argh- if he gets the tiniest chance he'll claim I spent a SuSPIciOus amOUnT of time on earth and I'll have to do something for him and it like- Fuckkkk you're not gonna get this. I am fully aware I like do the same thing with my audio guy to get him to help me with stuff too so I don't like get to complain 'bout the manager situation but it feels different okay? Like with the audio guy I choose when I wanna do it and with the manager it's all in his hands and like yeah I can guess it will be after the monthly meeting but i never know if he's gonna ask me to stay behind or not and if he does I never know if he just feels like messing with my head or like pulls the SuSPiCIOUs aMount of time excuse and like he can send me up to heaven or take away my sight or whatever else so like what- What-"

It was quiet for another while before he heard Remy as quielty as they had every sounded mumble.

"I'm a succubus, He says I seduced him. And it's true when he got suspicious of me I was the one who suggested sex. I brought it on myself....- I'm sorry, record's running out. Don't feel guilty. I'll talk to you later Angel. Sorry. I love-"

The record ended and The angel was left sitting in his dark apartment with the only light being the steady flicker of pink coming from his halo. His hand shook a bit as he moved to put on the record again from the start. Hearing Remy cry made his heart ache but he wanted to hear it again so he was sure of what to write to make them feel better.

--

Remy held the latest letter close to their heart as they laid cooconed up under the blanket of their bunk bed in hell. They hid the letters and pictures that showed The angel's face inside their pillow while the rest of the pictures got taped up on the wall near them. On bad days they could stare at the pictures for hours dreaming themself away into the fields of corn or next to the flower holding up the ladybug or swimming in the cool stream ripe with tiny fish.

Some of the reviews of animated shorts they taped up as well since they could play it off as simply being human reviewers. But most of it was hidden in the pillow and before sleep they would hide under their blanket and take out a picture the angel had gotten one of his board game buddies to take off him and the demon would kiss the photo goodnight.

They traced their finger along the letters on the page snickering at the angel's best attempts at threatening the manager.

"Please don't come see me if it hurts you. I will care for you just as much if I never see you again as if I see you every day. Control is more powerful than tempatation ever can be, there is no scenario where this can ever be your fault, I swear to God on that. Stay safe for me please

Love, Your Angel

Ps. In another life I wish I could have been assigned to guard over you. I would protect you with a might stronger that Heaven could ever imagine"

--

"-Oh and so I don't forget to like say it I broke up with Thomas. It wasn't 'cause of the manager thing 'cause he's the type who only listens to rumors if I tell him bout them. It was for...Another reason. That we like don't have to bring up- Or I mean" They laughed nervously "I guess I can say it. I kiiinnndddaaa miiggghhht like someone else. I've liked them for a while but I was kinda hoping maybe dating someone else would make me like move past my crush but it didn't help and I didn't wanna hurt Thomas' feelings.

Ssssoooo yeah that's what going on. Talk to you later! Kiss! Love ya!

...And thanks for your last letter. I've like reread it a ton. I dunno what I would do without you in my life"

1941

"I GOT IT ANGEL! I RAN TO SUCK OFF MY AUDIO GUY TO TELL YOU SOOO FAST! I GOT IT! Your name! Okay okay here me out here 'cause I like used alllll of my brain for this one, explain that with your psychology! So here it goes...Emile! Eh? Eh? Any good? Lemme explain. I went to like a library- don't laugh- and looked this thingie up. You see the guy who like made the gramophone he was called Emile Berliner!! And I thought y'know since we've- or Like I have at least been communciating with you thru a gramophone and we danced together all the time when you were here- uh it just reminds me of you. or like honestly just hearing music does remind me of you but gramophones especially. So Emile? You like it?.....Okay I should probably tell you bout the rest of my life right now now but it feels awkard after dropping that huge suggestion-"

The angel paused the record and stayed looking at it for a few minutes. It was as he moved his hand up to scratch at his cheek that he realized they were red hot from blushing.

He parsed his lips and felt his chin shudder a little as he whispered "...Emile.......Emile?"

He tasted the word and smacked his lips before repeating it again. He let his hand run down his neck along his chest and down to his thigh, feeling the body he felt at home with and wondered if that body would accept the name Emile.

He made himself comfortable by his desk and wetted the ink.

'My dear Remy

I think I quite like the name. I think I want to hear you say it

Love, Your Emile'

--

Emile's heart was pounding out of his chest and he repeatedly checked so no one was looking at him as he sneaked inbetween the library shelfs pertaining to the human body. He couldn't let anyone know he had read them so instead of borrowing the books he only eyed through them as quick as he could. He had already gone through the books on religion he could find.

For something the higher ups deemed so seemingly important he assumed there would a clear definition of it but no matter where he looked he couldn't find any clear boundaries of what did and didn't count as masturbating.

Once he got home he dragged a chair followed by the gramophone into the bathroom and put on a recent record where Remy had said his name several times. He knew when the part where they said it came and took off his clothes and jumped in the shower while waiting.

When the record came to that point and Remy half jokingly sung a popular new jazz song but replaced the name with Emile over and over to get used to using the name The angel 'accidentally' put the shower head inbetween his thighs.

--

Sleeping made Emile feel connected to Remy. He would lull himself into a peaceful sleep by either letting the music the demon sent him or their voice play. Usually he woke up because of the sun shining in or the birds singing and he would stay with his eyes asleep for a few minutes and pretend like Remy was laying on the pillow beside him.

Other times he would wake up drenched with sweat on his forehead because of sinful dreams, along with being drenched among other places.

And one night he closed the blinds and waited until the deep dark of the night before putting on one of their records on and hiding away under two layers of blankets to try and shield himself from any watching eyes from above. He had steeled himself to do as the books he had read said and self pleasure but once he actually sat there with pants unbuttoned his hands shook so hard from anxiety he couldn't do a thing.

He sat frustrated with himself with the gramophone playing until pathetic tears had filled his eyes and his stomach felt sick from shame. The action of vomiting was so alien to him he didn't realize what was happening until his mouth was filled with bile and he had to run to the toilet to throw up.

Vomiting must have been a sign from above that he had done something awful to which Emile banged his halo into the wall until the pain in his head was so severe it felt like his skull would crack.

The most sinful part of all was that after all of that that same night he still wetted his pen with ink and wrote to the demon.

"My dear Remy

You stir my sleep. I would blame it on your succubi powers somehow making it's way over to me through your voice, though we both know that is not true. I wake up dreaming you are there beside me and I fall asleep wanting your hands on me. If your hips were Hell I would give it all up to meet you there.

I wish this was a sudden bout of insanity but it is in reality a slow growth in my brain that I have not spoken to you about for years. This letter is one of penance. I'm sorry. Every time I've heard you had a new boyfriend I wished to make away with him. Even in the beginning I had those thoughts.

I don't know whether me lusting for you is worse than the other L word I fear I feel for you but I think it is telling I can not get myself to write the second.

I'm sorry for placing this burden of confession on you. Even after this I wish to have you keep stirring me in my sleep.

Love, Your Emile"

1942

Emile didn't get a response. The new year's passed and his mailbox turned dusty.

His human fell ill and would pass by the summer. He grieved together with the family in advance and grieved for the loss of his friendship.

It must have been his fault. What he had written had been too much for Remy.

He kept havings moments where in the deep dark of the night he would become unable to breathe and sob uncontrollable until he threw up. It must be Heaven punishing him. He stopped sleeping and devoted himself to prayer during the night. What use was sleeping if it didn't make him closer to Remy anyway.

The rainy season came and went and only made his human sicker. The newspapers were all filled with misery and all of his shoes were damp.

On an early morning he walked into town to buy a new pair and watched the sunset rise above the grassy plains. He had his camera in his backpack, he could take a picture of it, but he saw no reason to. The colors seemed dull and muddled.

The stores had just started opening when he got to the city center and he halfheartedly waved to one of his boardgame friends.

Through the window to the shoe shop he saw the shoemaker already talking to another customer so he waited outside for another few seconds. The customer held the door open for him as they left but Emile let the door shut in front of him. A chill ran up his spine as he felt the slight smell of a demon nearby.

He spun around wide eyed, even glancing up at the sky hoping to see a glimpse of demon wings.

Behind him he heard someone speaking in broken swahili, clearly reading straight from a dictionary. "You- You know city center is?" He heard them ask.

Emile turned to see Remy speaking to a random local. For a moment it was as if the entire town sunk away into oblivion and the angel could only see them. His wings expanded and were ready to take off towards them, he only managed to stop himself because of the humans nearby.

"REMY!! REMY!" He yelled while waving his arms around.

The demon looked away from the human and dropped their dictionary on the ground to run up to him. Emile instantly pulled them into a tight hug and rocked side to side. He put his hand against the back of their head to keep them close and closed his eyes to stop himself from crying of joy.

He felt their arms press against his back and their warm breathe against his neck.

"I found you" Remy whispered "I Found you"

Emile moved back from the hug but let his hands stay on their shoulders "Why didn't you respond!?" His cheeks reddened "DID YOU GET MY LETTER?"

"Your apartment got destroyed-"

"Huh?!"

"The whole city got like bombed. Ugh girl you don't wanna see Europe right now, it's a mess! Your apartment and like mail got destroyed with it- Don't worry I keep your letters in Hell so they didn't get destroyed. I just like had your adress to go off on so I've been like asking around the country till I found you!" Remy leaned in and cupped his cheeks while eyeing him up and down "And giiiirrrrl you're like two shades darker!"

"Well it helps to finally live in a country that isn't despressingly dire with the weather. Your hair has gotten so long!" He ran his finger through it "You look so pr- So proper!"

"You look ssooooo good too! OH! I've been ssssuper looking forward to this" They cleared their throat and fluttered their eyelashes while leaning close to The angel's ear and murmuring "Heeey Emile!"

Emile could feel his heart plummeting through his stomach and out his ass while his entire face went red. His fingers dug down into Remy's shoulders to keep himself upright.

"HiiiIIIiiiI" His voice broke in two different spots.

Remy just laughed before smiling in that way that made Emile melt even more.

"Did- Did you get my latest letter? About my- my uhm sleep problems?"

"Pfff? Sleep problems....Uhm...Lemme think. No. No. Your like mailbox musta been destroyed before I could get it. Sad" Remy lied "But I'm here now! And I won't let you go!"

"You're staying?"

"Wow girl your eyes just went up like two sizes but yeah. Mind if I stay ov-"

"FEEL FREE! Nyumba yangu ni nyumba yako- That's uh My house is your house. ORRRRR in your langauge m̶̨̹̖̱͖͒̑ͅỹ̴̥̤͍̑̀ ̸̨̛̟͂͗̅͐̉ḧ̴̹́̐́̂̕͝ő̶̞̎͛͋̀̚u̷̢̲̗͍̜̬̾̊̓̽s̶̹͇̣̬͓̊̿̀̕̕ͅe̵̢̛̥̼͕͍͍͆͋͛̀̐̓ ̴̯̦͈͒̓̑̿̾ì̷̘̝̲̅̎̀̈s̶̝̟̠͈̉̂ ̶̢̘̤̻͇̍̄͌̌̔̌͐ÿ̸̨́ͅơ̶̫̿̑͐ǔ̵̥̳̜͌̽̽̌͌ř̷̳̘̈́̊͌͊̄ ̷̢̩̗͓̦͗͆̊̄̀̊͘h̸̝̗͖͇͛̉͊͊o̸͚͍͛̑̌ͅů̵̼̝͚̜͗̐̚ś̷̼̙̻́͋̎̄͝e̵̮̒̀̑͌͂"

Remy shimmied their shoulders "OOOh girl hearing you speak like that totally gave me shills all over"

--

It was only later that evening once Remy was in the shower and Emile had a moment for the pink clouds of joy to disparse and think critically that he remembered why the demon hadn't visited in so long. He sat on the edge of his bed and listened to the water pooling down into the shower drain and tried not to imagine the shampoo he had bought being used by the demon.

He flinched when Remy walked out in one of his shirts that fit so loosely on them it could work as a nightgown if they weren't so tall.

"It smells like angel" They commented while sitting down next to him.

"What about the manager?"

"You ever heard of living in the moment Emile. Emile. Emile. Emile. Sawry girl I'm just like so excited I get to like call you that to your cute face"

The angel pressed on "Are you going to get hurt if you stay here?"

"I mean....I've like already spent enough time on earth he's gonna be pissed at me no matter so I might as well stay with you as long as I can. Okay?"

They placed their hand against his knee and Emile nodded.

"Okay"

"Good. now girlie" They laid back and made themself comfortable on the bed before patting the spot next to them "Tell me bout the new psychology theories or like mickey the mouse or whatever. Just talk! I've missed your voice ssssoooo fucking much! Just talk and talk. I won't sleep for a single second when I'm with you I prommy"

Emile laid down beside them to which they immediately moved to rest their head against his chest while letting their finger draw circles on his stomach while he told them about Snow white for the seventh time.

--

For a blissful month they spent nearly every moment together. Emile showed them how to use a camera to take pictures of his favorite bugs. They went swimming together on a warm afternoon and he let his wings dry in the sun. Remy teached him the newest dance moves and they danced until their legs were sore.

A few times Remy went out to feed and Emile assured him he was fine with the demon taking their humans home to him in case they didn't have anywhere else to go, but Remy just looked at him like he'd told him to throw chicken shit at him before disappearing for a few hours.

The night before his human would die he promised to come back and get Remy as soon as he knew where his new human lived. Luckily his new human lived on the same continent, only a few countries away. They flew together the whole distance.

"My monthly meeting was yesterday" Remy suddenly spat out, in the middle of a quiet moment of them painting their nails and Emile mending one of his cardigans.

"But we went sightseeing all day yesterday?? Can you clone yourself!?"

"Naaah. I just skipped"

"Skipped?"

"Girl. Are you losing your hearing"

"It's a meeting with your higher up you don't simply skip those!!"

Remy shrugged "He would have been mad anyway. I didn't wanna deal with it-"

"WHAT- WHAT IF-" He took a deep breathe before whispering as if simply speaking it would make it happen "What if he punishes you in those horrible ways you've told me about!?"

"...That..That won't happen"

Their voice wavered in that way a person lying to shield their loved one did.

"Promise me you'll go to the meeting next month. You can say that you ate a bad piece of human food and got sick"

Remy twisted their pinky finger around his "I promise"

--

They got to spend another blissful month together with the threat of the manager always lingering somewhere in the back of both of their minds. Until the day of the meeting came and Remy scrubbed their body in the shower for over an hour to get the smell of angel away from them.

Before they had gotten in the shower Emile had made sure to hug them long and hard.

He stood in the gavel of the door and waved them off as they went up to hell and for two hours afterwards he sat still waiting on the poarch. He was so anxious he felt ill to his stomach and he was unable to move aside from flinching at every sound that could be the demon coming back.

"Emile!! Emy! EmEm!" Remy yelled as they stumbled back home to him with the same excitment in their voice as the first they had called him Emile.

"Remy!" His legs stale and cramped from sitting still for so long creaked as he ran up to them and cupped their face in his hands.

One of their eyes was nearly shut from how swollen it was and what could be seen of their eyewhite had turned bloodshot. Dried blood trailed from their nose down to their chin, but worst of all the ring finger on their hand was completely limp and swelling.

"DID HE BREAK YOUR FINGER? WHERE IS HE!? I WILL HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH HIM" His wings spread out and started to flutter up a storm.

"He sensed like some faint angel smell on me and questioned me for like foreveeeeer" Their voice was slightly loopy "I didn't let anything slip!"

Emile brushed their hair behind their ear and met their eyes "You have to stop putting yourself in danger for my sake"

"Then you have to stop being so sweet"

"Urrggh! You can be so frustrating when you want to be!"

The angel helped them to the bathroom and sat them down on the floor before wettening a towel to wash their bruised face. He held their shaking hand while wrapping the broken finger in bandages.

"Look at you Dr. Doctor" Remy teased.

"He's clearly not even good at breaking bones" Emile muttered back "The bone did not break cleanly so I have to guess this was his first time"

Remy sighed "You're so hot right now"

"What?"

"W-What?"

The angel looked back down at the bandages and didn't notice Remy looking at him with a soft look of fondness.

"He only beat me to try and like make me talk. Nothing more. We didn't fuck"

"He hurt you Remy, that's all that matters"

"I just wanted you to know we didn't....." They shifted their feat and fiddled with the edge of their shirt "Emi I lied"

He looked up and gazed at them with those big golden eyes "About what?"

"....I did get your letter. I got to it before your apartment got all blown up"

Emile let go of their hand and felt a cold sensation sink down his throat "And- And you've read it?"

"Yeah"

"I- I'm sorry-"

Remy leant forward and put their unbroken hand against the back of the angel's neck so their faces were close together "You stir my sleep as well"

He let out an unintelligible noise of surprise and without realizing tears of relief brimmed at his eyes.

"Ever since I like first saw you sitting watching that goddamn autopsy I've been like toootally crazy for you"

Emile's mouth turned agape as his hands searched around against the demon until he grabbed ahold of the collar of their shirt and stuttered out "I- I want you. I've had sin-sinful thoughts of you"

Remy smiled "How often?"

"All-" He felt their lips graze against their shoulder and squeaked "All the time"

"Is this okay?" They asked and waited for him to nod before pressing another kiss to his shoulder.

His cheeks were red hot "Are you- Can you feed off of me?"

"Oh Emile you taste fucking amazing" Their expression faltered for a second and they blinked rapidly as if they had caught themself on the edge of a mistake "We can't do this-"

"I want you"

"Well....Well" Remy sputtered "Well like I guess it's like forbidden of us to like make love but like it's not forbidden if like one of us uhhh self pleasures while the other just happens to be here"

"Sounds logical to me!"

Neither of them were thinking right now, much less thinking logically.

Remy moved to sit just behind Emile and murmured into his ear once more asking if he was okay with this before putting their hands over his eyes when he said yes.

"Pretend I'm not even here" They whispered.

He could hear himself breathing, that's how quiet it was. When his sight disappeared every other sensation became all the more strong. His eyelashes fluttered against Remy's palms and all he wanted was to lean back against their chest.

Instead he focused on feeling their breathe against the back of his head as he let his shirt slip off his shoulders. He heard the demon's breathe hitch slightly and he moved his hands to try unbottun his pants but without sight it was impossible. He felt one of Remy's hands move down to unbutton it for him.

His hand was just about to travel down past the lining of his underwear when Remy suddenly moved their hands away and stood back up.

Their hands were trembling as they moved up to touch the soon to be black eye "No. No. We can't do this"

"But I want-"

"NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!" Remy yelled and Emile stayed sitting on the floor with his pants at his ankles "I- I'm the succubus here! I know that lust does like crazy things to people's minds. You might like think right now you wanna give everything up for me but once you've come you'll realize your mistake and-"

"No one will find out" He said meekly.

"YES THEY WILL! THEY WILL! I can't let you do this! If anyone- If anyone finds out about us I'll like take the blame. I'll say I seduced you. 'Cause I did!"

"No you didn't"

"You don't know what you're saying right now!"

Emile dragged his pants back up and stood up so he could hold his hands on their shoulders "Please Remy, let me fall for you!-"

"You're just horny Em! it will pass"

"You don't get to tell me what I feel! I've spent just as many years as you thinking of what it is I feel for you!"

"Yeah well you've never been with anyone! What if you go fuck someone else and you realize what you're feeling for me is just lust in general! Or that they're better than me or-"

Emile pulled in their horn to make them shut up "But I love you! I! Love! You! And I'm tired of only you getting hurt to protect us. Please!Let me fall for you!"

"....You don't know what hell is like. You don't know what any of that shit is like"

"I'm a guardian angel!! I've been surronded by death all of my life! Hell doesn't scare me! If hell is where you came from it can't be completely bad"

Remy straightened their back to reach their full height making them tower over the angel. Their open eye had a tear just on the verge of slipping down to their cheek as they said through gritted teeth "I'm the succubi with experience 'bout this shit. It's my responsibility to make sure you don't make stupid decissions 'bout shit you have no idea about"

"We're both grown adults. You-"

"You're just an innocent aaaangel. You don't know nothing of like death. Nothing of sin. And certaintly nothing about actual lust. Your brain is just filled with fluffy bunnies and cotton candy and-"

Emile held his finger up to their lips "No. No. I have certaintly read enough psychology papers to know exactly what you are doing. You are just trying to push my buttons to push me away, and I won't let you" He moved his finger away but Remy stayed silent "Now, I will go sit in the other room and you can go join me once you've calmed down so we can have an actual conversation about this"

He went to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and waited. He could hear the demon pace back and forth with their tail thumping into the walls until they finally dragged themself into the bedroom with their tail between their legs.

They sat down just behind him and dropped their forehead to rest in the damp space between his shoulder blades while moving their arms around his waist.

"Emi I'm sorryyyyy. I didn't like mean any of that"

"I know"

The angel suddenly grabbed the tip of his tail and twirled the end nervously arround his finger. He was afraid they would disappear if he let go.

"Em even if you're like ready to fall for me I don't think I'm like- like ready to see you get hurt like that. I don't think you should. I'm not like worth it like at all"

"You never said it back" Emile mumbled.

Remy looked up to "What?"

"I love you. You never said it back"

"Emile of course I fucking love you! I love you! I just-" Their hand reached out to touch him but wavered mid air and their fingers twitched "I just don't think we can like see each other 'cause I like- I don't know how to be like near you without sinning if I know you- you want me right back"

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Sure"

"I think you're being selfish" He took Remy's hand in his and pressed a kiss to their knuckles "But I understand that you have been hurt and you don't want to see me be hurt. I will wait until you're ready to let me fall-"

"Emi I'm not gonna let you fall. You don't belong in like hell"

"I told you. I will wait for you. We live long. one day you Will let me fall"

1955

His human died and Emile moved to another damp and cold country. He knew Heaven wasn't watching or else they would have stopped the things he saw from happening.

He knew there were good humans but making sure his singular humam didn't sin began to seem pointless when he read about a dead 14 year old in the newspapers next to the photograph of his open casket.

At no time did he stop keeping watch of his human but silently he stopped putting as much effort into it. Sometimes he would be away for weeks at a time as he had to travel to find psychological instititues that would allow him to study.

1957

After a lot of bugging Emile had finally went and bought a record player just in time to get his first vinyl sent by Remy where they ranted and raved by this new up and coming star called Marilyn Monroe as well as telling him about the new binders they had bought to sort his photographs in.

He waited to hear them say I love you but they never did.

1959

Emile went and saw Sleeping Beauty 10 times in the cinema and every time he choked up at the moment the prince finally kissed her. He imagined himself as Aurora, laying in waiting for the one he loved to finally reach him.

Remy only dared to see him briefly in person once or twice per year and he understood in a way, he knew that the broken finger wasn't the only fracture they had gotten during interogations, but he still couldn't help but fell saddened about it.

1964

With the invention of the casette Emile could for the first time record messages back to Remy. He quickly got a habit of talking for so long that he had to mail multiple casettes at once, he couldn't help it there was just so much to tell them with how he had started to discover animated movies made in the soviet union and in japan. He had even seen some in south america. As well as the psychology field focusing increasingly on cognitive theories.

He had heard whiffs of psychologists experimenting with how the brain reacted to the new drugs gaining populatiry though Emile didn't need to read up on any of those studies since he got sent cassetes of Remy blubbering on about how much they adored them while high on lsd.

"Giirrrlll you're like so beautifufll especially your new elephant trunk. It's like soo sexy. Really like adds to your like halo glow and stuff" They would sludder on and on.

1965

The next year when his human died and his next human spat in his face at their first meeting Emile cried to his casette player for an hour trying to convince himself his human was somehow a morally good person.

It finally convinced the last part of him that still believed that Heaven was watching that they could not be, not on him at least.

The next time he got a casette from Remy he reslistened to their voice over and over. They had recorded it early in the morning right after waking up and he could tell because their voice sounded more rough. He played his favorite part back on repeat before putting the casette recorder on and he recorded the sound as he masturbated for the first time.

When no hellish rain came down from Heaven Emile put the casette in a package and wrote a note along with it explaining what was on it while joking about how it was payback for when Remy kept telling him about the leather fetish clubs they had visited during the 50s. Though really the note was just there so he was sure Remy could consent to hearing it. At the back of the note he added that he had sinned and nothing bad had happened so please couldn't they meet up again and hold hands at least.

Remy's response was absolutely blissfull. They ranted and raved and told him how proud they were of him for not letting Heaven's purity shame shackle him. They spent at least 15 minutes giving him advice on how to make it more pleasurable and where to buy lube among other things discreetly.

At the end of their message with a sudden shift in tone they muttered out

"But like a singular angel rubbing one out ain't shit. What we're doing is treason. If we kiss or whatever they will know. The manager knows somethings up if I'm just near you. We- We can't. I lo-...... I'll talk to you soon Emile"

1974

Another message clearly recorded after Remy had smoked themself high.

"Okay this is gonna sound stupid as shit but some succubi asked me out and I said yeeeesss and I got through like 3 dates before I had to call it quits 'cause I was just thinking of you Emi. I like knew from the start I would only be like thinking of you so it was shitty of me I knoooow. Emile you want me to be honest? 'Cause like to be honest my life is shit right now and- and I'm like finding it harder to remember what am I like even trying to protect by not being with you!? I just feel so paranoid all the fucking time if I'm not listening to your voice"

1975

During a casette where Remy had just been telling him about the cities they had recently visited they suddenly started to sob uncontrollably for no reason that they explained and it pained him that he couldn't physically comfort them, he couldn't even directly respond to them.

1976

Remy didn't show up to the meeting that the two of them had planned. Emile was left waiting at the resturant for 2 hours before the waitress had to ask him to leave.

1977

Emile let out a breathe of relief when he finally got a letter from Remy. It seemed strange that they hadn't sent a casette with it, not even an album of music they thought he would like. When he opened the letter a ticket fell out along with a short note.

'I got us tickets for Fleetwood mac. Amsterdam. 16 April.

I have to see you'

--

The entire flight to Amsterdam as Emile soared through the sky and ducked past birds he let his anger storm up inside of him while imagining the verbal lashing he would give Remy about leaving him dry for nearly a year. They better had a good excuse like another world war.

But the moment he saw them waiting on the street by the hotel they had booked for them all of that anger dispersed like a cloud after rain. All he could think was how long their legs looked in the jeans they were wearing and how well their sunglasses matched their horns. And their lips. Their kissable beautiful lips.

They waved their tail at him so he would notice them but he thought it would be impossible for him to not notice them.

He flew directly into an embrace that lifted the demon from the ground and he could feel them stroking their tail up and down his back.

"Emmiiiiiiiii!" They squealed.

He sat them down on the ground but his wings kept flapping so hard he had to circle around them which made the wind blow up around them.

Remy reached out and held his face in their hands to stop him "I'm sorry I disappeared I just like couldn't see you if I couldn't kiss you"

Emile's breathe hitched and all at once his wings stopped and he fell back down to the ground. Remy caught him so he didn't tumble.

"But you're seeing me now" Emile whispered.

"I know"

"Will you let me fall for you? Being a guardian angel already makes it so I have to say goodbye to all my friends every few years and I have no connection to Heaven! All combined I think I have spent less than 2 hours up there my entire life!" All of the desperate reasons he had come up with to try and convince them spilled out "You're the only true connection I have! Please!"

"...Let's...Let's go to the concert first. Sounds good girlie?"

"Sure"

He noticed the way they fidgeted and kept glancing at him when they got closer to the concert hall. He realized they were checking if he was going to panic about it being sinful and in turn it made him realize that he hadn't even considered the possibility that heaven would notice in any way if he went.

As they danced among the crowd Remy held his hands and kept holding them even inbetween the songs. The sounds of the music engulfed them both

Can you hear me calling

Out your name?

You know that I'm falling

And I don't know what to say

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

Oh, I

I want to be with you everywhere

--

The hotel room was dark once they got to it and Remy rushed to light some candles they had brought. They smelled of peaches and mango, Emile's favorite fruits. He chuckled as he watched them scurry around while he took off his jacket.

"Did you plan this?" He asked with a smile.

"You don't think the uh prince or whatever in Snow white toooottaly planned their romantic moment beforehand"

"Dear I regret to tell you the whole thing is kind of that their romantic moment wasn't planned"

"Well shit. Imagine I like used a good metaphor then"

Remy patted the bed down to make sure it was nice while closing the drapes with their tail. They left space for Emile to sit down beside them and he felt their tail immediately move to circle around his waist so he spread his wing across their back.

He playfully checked their face while saying "I'm just checking for any headinjuries since it's so unlike you to dare be around me for this long"

"Emi" They lightly grabbed his wrist "You know I'm IN love with you. I don't just love you, right?"

"Of course I know, You've told me in everything you do"

"Right right and I do and I just- I realized recently we've known each other for like over 50 years right??-"

"I think we're past 60 years actually"

"And that's longer than like most human relationships ever get to be! and we've spent all that time just circling around each other and I kept like questioning what the fuck I was even trying to protect anymore by not seeing you! Like the manager is gonna get pissed at me no matter what I do 'cause he's been a pissbaby at me ever since I like stopped fucking him! And it's not like I'm protecting you 'casue you don't wanna be protected! And I'm not risking losing friendships 'cause most of them dropped me when I started fucking the manager so I dunno. I just. I just..." Remy pressed a kiss to his knuckles "I wanna be with you y'know?"

Emile let out a breathe of relief "Honey I think I've waited decades for you to say that"

"But you gotta remember what will happen if anyone finds out. Okay? Like no more heaven, no more looking over humans. You will like be stuck with me. I don't- I've never seen a angel fall before- I don't know what happens to them- I don't think they die- But I dont know what"

"Most of that sounds positive to me. Well aside from the dying of course. Have you thought about what will happen to you?"

"Yeah...Yeah I will probably be punished....So. So if it's okay with you I think we should run away. Like if I don't return to Hell they can't get me you get me? We can just get like a nice place on earth and like chill out together"

"That sounds lovely" Emile inched a bit closer and held his hand against their cheek "...Can I...Can we kiss?"

He had daydreamed about this moment for so long his whole body stood tensed now that it was actually going to happen. He looked with all his hope into Remy's eyes and it felt as if a whole army of fireworks went off all at once inside him when he heard them murmur.

"Sure we can. I would give up everything for you Emi"

"I would give anything to be with you as well"

Remy guided him with their hand against the back of his head and the other against his back as they leant in and kissed him softly on the lips.

He let out a high pitched squeak that made them laugh and kiss him right on the tip of his nose.

"Can we do that again?"

In response Remy tilted their head and pressed their lips against his harder this time, so he nearly felt lightheaded from it, and let him fumble for where on their body to put his hands. He settled on their hips and they let their tongue run against the inside of his lip. He closed his eyes and leaned further in until they were practically chest to chest.

-

"Did that feel good?"

Emile laughed so his nose scrunched while running his fingers through Remy's hair "Yes. You've alreayd asked me once"

"Well I just like want your first time to be totally completely good" They laid with their head against his chest, right between his boobs "You got some great inbuilt pillows y'know"

He lightly tapped at their forehead "Don't fall asleep now!"

"Oh right I forgot you got the stamnia of like decades of pent up horniness"

"Is that oka-"

"Babe I can do this for like 12 hours if that's what you want. I can probably push it to 18 hours just for you!"

They moved to press kisses against his breast while letting their fingers explore the crevices between the folds of fat around his gorgeous waist. They felt the slights bumps from stretch marks and freckles. They felt a tug in the end of their tail and looked to Emile to see him pointing at his lips so they leant up and kissed him.

"I want to suck you off" Emile mumbled against their lips, his eyes gazing up to meet theirs "I read about it in a book"

"Do you like actually know how it works or do you want me to like explain?"

"I wanna try for myself"

Remy kissed them again "Sure babe"

-

Emile jokingly clinged to them when Remy tried to get up from the properly sweaty bed "Hydration is like the cornerstone of sex babe"

"So is cuddles I theorize" He replied while slowly letting go of them, he stayed in the bed with the blanket bundled up around his feet and enjoyed watching them walk towards the kitchen butt naked.

"That is sooo true babe! This is why you're the like scientist of us two" They picked up the two cups the hotel left on the desk by the bed and went to fill them up in the bathroom.

By the time they had stepped a foot through what they thought was the door to the bathroom it was already too late to turn back.

The door had opened to Hell.

Disoriented and swearing they didn't open it to Hell they swung around to try and look back to the hotel room but the door had already closed behind them.

The stark white walls of Hell's halls blinded them making the cups fall and shatter on the ground around their feet.

Strong arms moved around their shoulders and held them stuck in place. All they could do was crane their neck back to see The Manager looking down at them.

With four of his arms around them and the other two on his hips he towered over them, staring with his blood orange eyes.

"How nice to see you in your work uniform" He said drily and when Remy immediately tensed up he snickered "Oh come on. I've seen you naked before"

"I was in the middle of working" They lied.

"No you weren't"

"I was-"

"Don't make it worse by bullshitting!"

The doors to the meeting hall opened and a slew of other more powerful demons walked in, some with four arms, others with six like The Manager, even one lagging behind with only three. The door closed behind them and they stayed standing along a line as if waiting for something, none of them seemed interested in Remy.

The Manager leaned down so his short beard scratched against the side of Remy's face and they shuddered "I've had my eyes on you but no evidence. I've just been waiting and waiting for you to do something with an Angel that would be such a fuck up there would be no way for you to hide it. And a demon and angel fucking isn't exactly something that goes unnoticed now does it"

"I seduced him!"

"I don't care who seduced who! And Heaven doesn't either! It's very black and white Remy! Either you had sex with an Angel or you didn't! And you did! Your Angel will be here any second now I think"

It was at that moment Remy began to trash around and kick their feet to try and get away from the manager "I SEDUCED HIM!" They cried out again.

A bright light lit up in a ring on the ceiling creating a hole to Heaven and for a few brief seconds it simply shone before a single body fell through and landed with a harsh thud on the marble floor.

It was Emile still half wrapped up in the bed cover with his halo glowing a shallow pink. He blinked rapidly while looking around trying to make sense of where he was while his wings spread out and got ready to fly.

His eyes turned wide as they landed on Remy while his body tensed up "REMY!"

"EMILE! It's okay! I'm here!"

"Aw you've given the angel a name. That's cute. Like a giving a nickname to a puppy" The manager commented.

The former Angel's wings started to flap when he saw the way the manager was holding his Remy.

His body had just began to lift off the ground when the other demons in the room all bombarded him at once. They pushed him back down to the ground and pressed him stomach down against the floor, some keeping their feet on his wrists while another held his face down.

Remy could see his eyes still looking to them and they tried to desperately kick the back of their head into the Manager's head to make him let go but nothing budged.

"EMI! EMI!" They kept screaming because they couldn't do anything else.

In sheer terror they looked as one of the demons grabbed a steady hold around one of Emile's wings and began to pull, and he didn't stop pulling. Another demon joined in. And another. And they all pulled and dragged and twisted until they could hear the bone pop and break.

Emile let out a cry as the wing went limp against his back. The other wing kept trying to fend the demons off but they did the same to it.

But they didn't stop. They grabbed ahold of the first wing again and pulled harder this time until the skin that connected the wing to Emile's back started to tear apart and blood and muscle reaveled itself.

"STOP! STOP! HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING! I SWEAR! I FORCED HIM! I FORCED HIM!"

Emile sucked in a big shaky breathe and shut his eyes tight for a second before trying to look at Remy again, though his eyes were so blurry from tears it was hard to make anything out.

"I don't regret anything" His voice was thick from crying "I love you Remy"

"I love you too!"

"That's enough of that" The manager covered Remy's mouth with one of his free hands and made them watch as Emile's wing was pulled from his back.

One of the demons brought a hammer and another laid the limp wing on the ground. With one big swing the last connection between the wing and Emile's back was severed and the wing was left laying on the ground. It twitched for a few more seconds before going completely still.

They did the exact same for the other wing. All as Emile screamed and screamed until his voice turned hoarse and then he sobbed.

"You hear that? Listen closely" The Manager murmured into Remy's ear "Cause it's the last thing you're gonna hear"

The manager forced Remy down onto their knees and pressed his hand against their forehead. Not once did they let their eyes leave Emile. Not even when The Manager said those three words.

"Hear No Evil!"

The screaming instantly stopped. The crying too. The footsteps, the sound of bones cracking and blood dripping. Even the sound of their own breathing disappeared.

Followed by a wave of such pain Remy buckled over on the ground and writhed with their hands against their ears. The Manager no longer had to hold them down because they were unable to do anything anyway.

Remy's sight went in and out of being blurry and spotted in black but still they forced their head up to look to Emile.

It was so eerily silent as they watched the demon with the hammer drag it towards Emile's head at the same time as they other demons held his face down towards the ground.

The demon lined the hammer up towards the soft pink halo and shattered it.

Bits of the halo flew out and landed on the ground just like the shards of glass. They could see his mouth open in a cry but didn't hear it.

The demons checked so the halo was properly broken before one after another they began to trail away and leave the room.

Remy felt a kick in their side and turned to look up at The Manager giving them one last look before he too left the room and closed the door behind him.

The pain was still ringing through Remy's skull but they fought through it and dragged themself across the floor towards their Angel. Emile laid so still it scared them until they got closer and could see his chest heaving up and down.

"Emile" They whispered.

His lips parsed but no words came.

"Emi answer me, tell me you're like alright. Emi"

His mouth moved again and Remy got a creeping sense of dread of what had been done to them.

"Emi can you move? Like shake or nod your head"

He reached out a shaking hand and Remy gently took it. They kissed his palm and caressed his face.

He pointed to the bed cover that had been left on the floor and they laid it around him, enveloping in the warm fabric. Of course he wasn't nearly as used to others seeing him naked than they were. The blood from his back quickly colored it red.

Emile squeezed their hand and said something "Emi I can't hear you. I can't hear anything"

He slowed down his words and tried to mouth it syllable by syllable.

"...B...Blo..Blood loss. Blood loss" Remy repeated while watching him "..N...Nee...Need med...Medicine. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Makes sense. Like- Like needle and thread shit?"

He nodded weakly.

"Okay. Okay. I'm like. I don't like us staying here 'cause like I dunno when or if like the manager is gonna come back or some other fuck so I'm like gonna have to move you. Okay Emi?"

Another nod.

"Okay. Like pinch me or something if it hurts too much or I gotta slow down or something- Shit do you want me to take your wings with you or- or-" He shook his head "Yeah no saving them you think? Okay. Okay"

They pulled their arms around Emile and hosted him up on his weak feet, his entire body leant against them as they took the first shaky steps towards the door with the bed cover dragging behind them.

"I know a place. Don't worry. Don't worry"

Not being able to hear their own voice scared them, they had no idea if they were shouting or whispering.

They pulled open the door and glanced around for any sight of the Manager but aside from a few succubi walking down the long hallways they couldn't see anyone.

Emile's eyes flickered half open and his head lolled forward. Remy took a big breathe and used all of their strenght to pick him up and carried him in their arms to the closest shower room.

Luckily it was one of the shower rooms which still had a functioning lock. They set Emile down on the steps that reached down into the shallow pool of water so that it reached up to his ankles.

When the bed cover was laid aside Remy could see the two big gaping wounds that had been created where Emile's wings used to be.

The blood had clotted around the edge of the skin and in the middle the wounds looked more white than red as bits of muscle and flesh showed. Remy felt sick to their stomach. The smell of iron hit them and their hands began to shake.

"Emi- Emi you have to tell me what to do. You're like the super smart doctor guy out of us- I don't- I don't know wha- You needed needle and thread right? Right. I'll be back"

On the way out of the room they caught a glimpse of themself in the mirror and felt their body freeze for just a second as they saw that their hair had turned pure white.

When they returned with a needle and thread Emile had sunk himself a bit further down into the pool so that his wounds ever so slightly grazed the water and turned it into a shade of light red that nearly matched his halo-

His halo. His halo looked like a pair of horns now.

Without the pieces connecting his halo in the middle all that was left was two faintly glowing pink cylinders sticking up from either side of his head that ended in jagged parts of what was left sticking out like horns.

"Hey Emi, I'm back" They said as they sat down on the step next to him "Can you- Please tell me you can somehow do it yourself. Like if I move the mirror or something you can maybe- Maybe see where yo're like supposed to sew or-"

Emile shook his head and put his hand against Remy's knee while meeting their eyes.

".....You have to tell me how. I- I- can't do-"

The former angel took the needle and thread in his unsteady hands and repeatedly motioned for how they had to sew before handing it back to them and with a pained expression leaned forward so they had easier acces to the wounds.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" Remy pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck "I'm sorry"

They pressed the needle against their lover's skin and pushed it through. They could see Emile's body tense up and sweat harder and if they had dared to look at his face they would have seen him crying, but they knew they couldn't stop.

They pulled the thread through the hole in the skin and continued.

-

Remy had managed to find the two of them a change of clothes and even found a soft and loose cardigan that wouldn't rub too much against the newly closed wounds on their lover's back. With his body leant against theirs they dragged him towards the sleeping quarters where they along with several other squadrons of succubi slept.

When they got there the information that they were a white hair now must have already gotten to the rest of the succubi because someone had thrown the pillow and cover across the room. All of the succubi there stared at Remy and Emile when they came in.

Some of them opened their mouths but Remy couldn't know what it was they said, maybe that was a good thing. One of them spat at their feet while some of the others reached out to touch Emile's skin maybe just to see what an Angel felt like.

Remy growled at them and extended their wings to force the distance between the two of them and the succubi to increase.

They laid Emile down on the bed and with how much pain he had gone though, and was still going through he fell asleep almost immediately. Remy stayed awake next to him growling and nashing their teeth every time another succubi even came close to the bed.

-

It had gone a few weeks and Emile was able to sit up in bed and take a few steps on his own. Remy laid with their head in his lap and their eyes closed while he ran his fingers through their hair when he suddenly tapped them on the shoulder over and over.

They opened their eyes to see The Manager towering over the bed with his striking eyes staring holes into the former Angel. He parsed his lips and spoke and they could see Emile responding. They wanted to punch their fist into the wall at how frustrating it was to not understand.

Emile scribbled down in the notebook they had started to use to communicate 'He says that even though you are a traitorous white hair you still have to do your job'

"But- But I can't like go to earth right now. I have to like stay with- with-" Emile put his finger over their mouth to quiet them and they saw The Manager speaking again.

'You have to'

The manager had spoken for longer than three words. Emile was leaving something out, they guessed he had been threatening either or both of them.

Remy looked to The Manager before lowering their gaze again and pressing a quick kiss to Emile's cheek. "I will be back soooo soon babe okay!? I will find like the fastest cumming guys you've ever seen"

They didn't dare look at The Manager as they ran out of the room. The Manager looked at the succubi disappearing down into the hallway before slowly turning his eyes back to Emile.

"Take your shirt off"

"...I was nude when my wings were torn off. You have already seen me naked" Emile replied in the calmest voice he could muster "There's no need for me to-"

"Take your fucking shirt off!"

When Emile didn't comply he moved forward and dragged the cardigan off of him and for a few seconds The Manager just blared up and down at his body

"To think that they threw their whole life away for You!" He finally said "Look at you! You're..You're nothing!"

Emile's expression didn't change a single bit which made The Manager turn red from rage.

"Did they ever tell you we've had SEX! Huh!? I've been with them many M A N Y more times than you ever have! They've done every thing I've told them to!"

"They told some time in the 1920s yes"

The Manager sputtered and stared at him so hard it nearly looked like his eyes would pop out "WELL I will have been with them many more times than you ever will anyway! Because they will never want to fuck you again! Not with those ugly puss filled holes in your back! Even if they heal they're going to stay ugly and red and make you disgusting! And they will leave you to dust and probably I don't know kill themself for giving up their hearing to be someone as hideous as you!"

"Has insulting people helped you in the past? According to the behavioral theory of psychology most of our behavior is based on previous conditiong, so it's only a guess but it seems like it has helped you in the past" Emile replied.

"You're going to end up alone one day!" The Manager yelled right into his face before leaving.

-

It took another week until Emile had healed enough that he could walk around completely on his own again, though Remy still got too anxious about someone hurting him they always followed him if he left the room.

Still it was as if once he was able to take care of himself again all of the extra adrenaline Remy had been running on finally ran out and they barely had the energy to leave bed. When Emile tried to communicate with them they would start crying so hard he had to hold them until they stopped shaking.

"I feel like I lost you" They cried "I keep- I keep thinking that we like- we spent so much fucking time apart I never heard your voice enough and now I like never will again. What if I forget your voice Emi!? And like music and you reading to me and us just like talking! It's all- It's all gone! I'm gone! I don't even know if I'm like yelling or whispering right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

They could feel Emile's breathe against their cheek as he said something but it only made them cry harder. He stayed with his head leant against their shoulder and with his arms around their waist until they fell asleep again.

--

One morning Emile woke Remy up with a kiss to their temple and still half asleep they mumbled "Need help changing bandages Emi?"

Emile shook them around slightly until they rubbed their eyes open and sat up. He held up the note he had written beforehand.

'I found the library finally! The language section was a bit underdeveloped but I managed to find these!'

He held up a few books with titles all being various variations on 'American Sign Language for dummies'. Remy tilted their head and squinted.

"You know I'm too stupid to read all that"

'Youre not stupid. You can read my notes perfectly fine, it only takes you longer time than other people. We will both learn sign. Together. I have found some papers on the psychology behind different peoples study patterns!'

Remy leaned forward to cup Emile's cheeks "I love your smile babe. You're like my shining sun" They sunk in on themself as their voice broke "I'm sorry I like hurt you"

Emile shook his head and quickly wrote 'I knew what was going to happen to me honey. It was the more powerful demons fault'

He wiped a tear away from Remy's cheek before adding.

'Besides now we can kiss whenever we want. For forever'

"Can we" Remy whispered, almost begged.

Emile kissed them and kissed them and kissed them until he saw their tail begin to wag back and forth from happiness.

'I want you' He wrote.

"I don't wanna like accidentally open the like wounds or anything. Do you think you can?"

'You know better than me what positions would hurt me the least'

Their tail rubbed against their temple as they thought "I can eat you out. We just gotta make sure you stay sitting up so you don't like lay down on the stitches"

Emile blushed bright pink as he motioned for the big sleeping hall and the other succubi here and there.

"Girl people fuck in here like aaaall the time. No one will mind. Uh but like if you're not like comfy we can go to the shower room?"

He nodded and Remy tightly took his hand in theirs and helped him to the shower room, he was still a bit slower than before the injuries.

Once in the room Emile pushed Remy close and kissed their neck while they helped him to sit up on the sink. They made out while the succubi unbuttoned his pants and palmed him through his underwear until they could feel him soaking wet through the fabric.

"If you like want me to stop or I do something wrong or Anything just like pinch my skin alright?" Remy asked.

They waited until Emile had clearly nodded before they helped him push the underwear down to his ankles and entwined their hand with his. They gave him another kiss before going down on their knees.

In the middle of it when Remy could feel the muscles in his thighs twitch against the sides of their head and his hand pulling at his hair they suddenly felt a slight pinch against their shoulder and instantly stopped.

They let the hand in their hair pull them up on their feet and they leant close to Emile. They thought he was going in for a kiss but instead they put his lips against their cheek so that instead of hearing it they could feel the vibrations against their skin as he moaned.

They feel a bit in love all over again at what a genius their lover was.

-

'E- E- I- L- E" Remy hand spelled out with their eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

'Close. You mixed up E with M again. Look' Emile showed the different letters again.

"What kind of asshole designed E and M to look so fucking similar"

He smiled before writing 'Its good you keep speaking at least so your muscle memory keeps remembering how to'.

"....Was I close enough to correct to like get some sweet Emi kisses as a reward?"

Emile laughed and Remy held their hand close to his mouth so they could feel his laughter before he laid down against their chest to kiss them. At first they held their hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat before moving to feel the slight movements and vibrations on his neck as his spoke.

They couldn't quite read his lips well enough yet to know what he was actually saying but simply feeling him speak was soothing in a similar that hearing him read had been.

He tapped on their cheek to get their full attention before hand spelling "I- L- O- V- E- Y- O- U"

Remy felt themself get all gooey inside as they watched his fingers move. "I love the way I can feel your body. It's like- It's like I'm uhh like totally getting to know you like all over again by how your body like moves and functions and vibrates and stuff. I think I like the idea of having decades in front of me to like learn every like crevice and movement of you. Y'know? Do I sound tots weird or what?"

'I think that sounds absolutely lovely dear'

1998

In the early morning Emile had a big grin on his lips as he snook up to the bed he shared with Remy. Their loud snores could be heard from a mile away and quietly sat down right next to it.

He positioned himself and blew the party horn so that the end of it hit Remy right on the nose.

"AUgh FuCK!" They shouted as they sat up straight.

As soon as they saw it was him they relaxed and leant back on their elbows while smiling so the quite new wrinkles near their eyes became visible.

"Heeey honeysuckle" They said before pulling Emile close to kiss him.

'I have a surprise for you!' He signed 'Its a concert. On earth! I saw a poster that this new artist called Britney Spears will perform at a mall! I think youre gonna like it!'

'E- M- I- its O- U- R- anniversary not just mine. You gonna enjoy it too?'

He nodded furiously.

'Okay Okay lemme get changed'

Emile sat on the bed and kicked his feet and whissled a little tune while watching Remy go through their entire stack of clothes in search for the most stylish show offy outfit they could possible put together.

"I want an outfit that like totally screams I'm on a special date with the best like lover guy man hubby you can ever wish for y'know??" They said while layering two different colored arm warmers on top of a fishnet top.

He sat obediantly in his favorite soft cardigan while Remy tested out which of his ties matched the best before landing on a pink tie. They fastened the tie and peppered him with kisses.

'Ready?'

'Ready!'

[bishop-percival]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

(prev) Teddy tensed when Mike made it very clear that he upset him. In hindsight he should have seen it coming. Mike’s uncharacteristic softness, however, caught him off guard as much as it usually did. So did Autumn’s anxiousness. “How ki-,” No, that would make it worse. For a bit he struggled to find a way to reword it before realizing that even suggesting that a Glornist wasn’t pure evil was inherently offensive. Instead of saying anything further he awkwardly returned to finding the perfect spot to place his paper cowboy hat. Teddy briefly wondered if Autumn’s nervousness had anything to do with how they fretted over his dislocated shoulder. But then he remembered Bert’s words. Any kindness the Glornists showed was all an act to prime him for manipulation. So it couldn’t be about Thomas. She must be worried about impressing Zyrothe. And surely Mike was merely fostering trust and loyalty. Teddy eventually found a horned figure tucked away in a corner made of ivory matching his paper. He wore a wicked grin as he carefully maneuvered his hand above it without touching the statues. Then he dropped it, used his finger to properly align it, and slowly withdrew his arm. Once he had accomplished his self-assigned mission he let out a self-satisfied snicker. While he was checking that it was well-concealed at all angles he happened to catch a glimpse of the climate control panel from the corner of his vision. Then he squinted in a half-hearted attempt at reading the paper log before sneaking a glance at Mike. He pulled his notebook out and started to take notes on the artifacts in front of him. “I just… thought manually logging it seems like a lot of unnecessary work.” Not to mention the limited dataset it produced prone to sentient error. He paused to figure out how to help without seeming judgemental and/or overbearing. “Every once in awhile I see a data logger module retrofitted onto an old… er device.”

Mike occasionally snuck glances at Teddy to keep an eye on him. He saw him slip the hat onto the statue. Ah, so that’s what he was doing with it. Mike grinned and let it slide. With any luck it’ll go unnoticed as long as the gnome-creature’s hat has.

Still examining his artifact he replied, “It is a lot of unnecessary work. And yeah, I’ll probably upgrade it. But when I do, I’m still going to keep a written log. Why? I dunno. I like it. Feels…”

He wasn't sure how to verbalize his reasons for doing it except to give another example. Mike sat up and pulled his phone out again. “Just on my phone, I have expensive software that I b— well, pirated, that’s capable of thoroughly scanning this seal I have here and can identify even the most minute indentations in it. And yet I like to go through and write down what I see through a magnifying glass first. Because I like it.”

Now starting to feel like there were better things to discuss than his weird habits, Mike tried to change the subject.

“Anyways… After the service we take our places around the summoning circle. Sources say Zyrothe has one of the most complex circles out there. Took Mir a week to paint.”

[dkniade]

“There are lots of things to praise in life, y’know? But you don’t love them enough to write poems about them, huh? Uh. Because it means you need to express your happiness in an honest way. And you don’t like stating your emotions outright. Especially your positive ones?”

November 6, 2023

notes: mentions death, seasonal depression (but it gets better), dissociation (?)

Acer Saccharum: A Transient Act Upon the Seasons’ Stage

i.

Autumn. Um.

I like how crisp the winds are.

I walk outside and it smells like autumn.

The orange leaves are nice too. No, in fact—

the way the sunshine’s filtered orange

before those duck-feet-like maple leaves is…

beautiful. Like gold.

No, not even gold—

Like amber, where as a fossil, time is frozen

in that moment as I stare, mesmerised.

.

But… This beauty is fleeting

upon the season’s stage. As time passes,

it dies,

like an artwork that can be easily destroyed.

Yet as that alchemist had mentioned…

Though beauty in art does not last forever,

that transience isn’t bad. Is not time a pigment in itself?

.

ii.

It dies, huh? Do you look at something

just to anticipate its death?

But it's beautiful at that moment, no?

A fleeting sight is like a lightning’s glow,

forever outlining the back of the maple,

spreading across its every vein for but a moment.

.

(“Are you trying to make me cry?”)

A transient act upon the season’s stage.

.

I don’t find beauty in decomposition. But,

does it not nurture new life? That part of

you does not lie beneath the leaves. Instead,

mushrooms—tiny fungi that are neither plant

or animal—might grow around a tree.

.

There’s no need to slice a falling

maple leaf in half with a frosted blade.

Do not think you’re powerless. After all,

you’re the poet here, and as such—

when the maple leaves swirl and flutter down—

.

Take it all in and be taken aback…?

Uh… Do not fight it as there’s nothing to fight……?

(Let me… find a new metaphor. Hold on—)

.

i.

But look at this feeble attempt at praising autumn.

All this beauty, yet I can’t…

Kicking up leaves on the ground and hearing

the chip-like crunch is such a simple thing

that even I could enjoy it for but a moment.

Every photo of autumn I see is nostalgic, old,

its aesthetic a meek acceptance. Why? Why

can’t it be defiance? “Despite the year waning

and colours fading, we’ll still be here!”

There’s nothing wrong with autumn

as a season in its own right, and yet,

that part of me tells me it’s…

.

ii.

—Ah.

Like petals!

Though separated by summer,

when the maple leaves swirl and flutter down—

it’s more beautiful than the pale-pink waltz of spring petals.

.

i.

“Be the sharp frost, be the soft winds.

Show that the leaves’ crystal refractions are beautiful.

Be it cloudy or clear, full or waning—

Be not lost in contemplation.”

I thought you’d say something like this.

…Reading back, who wrote half of these

stanzas again? So uncharacteristically

direct in stating these positive feelings…

.

iii.

“Hey, it’s been a while. So how have you been?”

Uh… What a vague question. You gotta be more specific here.

“Fine, have you written anything lately?”

Have I written anything lately… Uhh…

I wrote some… poems. (Beat.) “That’s cool.”

.

ii.

Be it orange or silver,

the maple’s the only frost-kissed edge here.

So autumn, come.

.

.

.

[quietbluejay]

Horus Rising 1

imagine a time... when most people never talked about the primarchs a time long before ynnead became a bad joke... a time...when people made failbaddon the armless jokes on the regular... a time...when the 30k imperium and emperor were markedly different and better than in 40k a time before abnett could do whatever he wanted and write three doorstoppers that could have been an email back when they thought the horus heresy would be like 6 books let's go back to that time, and the book that started to change everything it's time for Horus Rising

ah yes the classic phrase though really there was not that much time in between when this happened and when things went belly-up Torgaddon and Loken, it's been so long

a note about the prose: this is actually much smoother prose than Know No Fear which was written later this is cause abnett was trying to be experimental with KNF and it didn't work out

this is a lot more orthodox and it really flows better abnett also isn't one of the fancy prose dudes like Haley or ADB or French or ADB but he's got some solid stuff

hmm i feel like this is doing more than it seems on the surface okay timestamp: 203rd year of the great crusade horus has been warmaster for a year and the title feels new and shiny okay im ngl the first time i read this i thought it was basically a flashback of the entire heresy up until the reveal

i mean look at this

it's easy to see it in hindsight but i just had no clue what i was stepping into at the time, honestly it probably got a bunch of people

so they sent Hastur Sejanus to treat with the "Emperor" who doesn't get quotation marks yet

you know, i did not realize it at the time, probably because this was right at the beginning of the book, but abnett has a decent number of men described as beautiful in at least this book it's an interesting choice of words and like all jokes aside, i recall over in Dark Imperium one of the Primaris uses it to describe someone and my metaphorical ears perked up there as well the character (Justinian) is an artist and he notices a lot of visually striking landscapes, elements, etc as he is fighting, and gradually he gets ground down and loses the bit of morality he had left and the artistic way he sees the world so i guess i'm going to keep a watch out to see if Abnett is doing the same or a similar thing with Loken here

anyways Sejanus got killed by the Emperor's guard, the Invisibles bluejay, reading this for the first time: sisters of silence?! alas it was not

okay quotation marks around "Emperor" now and also the hint that they serve a different Emperor of Mankind (there was a line i didn't show)

also "the commander detested resorting to war, and always sought alternative paths away from violence" innnteresting whether or not it's truth with respect to Horus, it's interesting that Loken would say it and say it as a positive thing other legions definitely would not

so a second embassy was dispatched with my old friend Mal(oghurst) (Malcador is not my friend) but they kept the assault guys ready and of course violence broke out

okay first mention of Little Horus!

again the story continues to be interesting because it's Loken talking about how restrained and regretful they were to make war but they did uwu sadly uwu

Abnett is also one of the more scifi-y of the writers a lot of them are basically writing stuff that's more fantasy than star wars, i.e. a very thin skin of scifi

oh they also sent Titans, huh

so this is the first major conflict Loken was in since Ullanor and he's glad he and his men aren't rusty

ullanor description:

Loken notes that their enemy is their technological equal and the only thing they lack is space marines Abnett is definitely one of the better writers for battle scenes, i think

also first mention of the real Emperor the curtain pulls back

Abaddon jokes around with Loken a bit and he squees internally that sempai noticed him also Abaddon has a super deep voice, "so deep that some vowel sounds were blurred by the vox"

time for loken to meet up with his bestie who i have completely forgotten about Nero Vipus i don't remember what happened to him he probably died at Isstvan III

oh yeah I forgot these guys were weird about the four humours it's been a while since i saw this pop up, i can't remember which other books it was in as well

Loken does a fancy and takes out an autogun and gets told off for showing off lol

so that's chapter one it's a nice meaty chapter strong opener

!!! Mersadie is here you know she was never a big favourite of mine but i did really like her in the solar war and also there's the whole charm of meeting these guys again i dunno it feels like an age since i first read this it's been less than a year lol, i think i must have read it in february or march loken description and once again bluejay is confronted with shirtless astartes i wonder how many times writers have used the phrase "naked but for a loincloth" in these books i feel like it's more times than you would expect i know at least twice, once was the much memed on magnus scene but it's like it's a very specific phrase so even if the same situation is happening, it's weird to use it specifically? but then ADB copied nearly word for word the Horus description in this book in Betrayer so maybe it's something like that like internal writer shout outs

so, loken is canonically good looking

as i recall in this book mersadie was a lot less thirsty than she was in False Gods let's see if that actually holds up Mersadie introduces herself and offers her hand to shake, we get introduced to the term "remembrancer" but no explanation, yet Mersadie description, she's fun

Loken had no trouble describing Sejanus as beautiful

perhaps it's an issue with the height difference

I know I'm perhaps overly focusing on the use of the word beautiful but these are separated by less than a chapter

I think what Loken's description of Mersadie is supposed to be doing here is showing that he has little to no experience dealing with people outside of the Legion structure also. i just realized POV SWITCHING IN THE SAME SCENE cinemasins ding

okay Mersadie wants to hear his famous story about Horus killing the Emperor and Loken doesn't like when non-Astartes call Horus by his first name loken: errr actually i don't really remember mersadie: i have it on good authority that you love telling the story and do it every chance you have loken:…who put you up to this mersadie: captain torgaddon loken: that tracks loken just wants to be left alone, rip but he's gonna tell her the story

you know what, fair enough if you could see them and called them the Invisibles, that would be weird

time to return to flashback mode so the fake imperium had some really cool tech they're actually an opponent that make the space marines work for their victory which is also a fun/interesting choice to make for the first engagement described in a novel for the crusade era/heresy era also abnett is definitely good with fight scenes okay loken has made it to the throne room

loken: you started it

and here we come to the first really obvious hint of these not exactly being the good guys

"in serving your fine truth, you make yourself immoral" hm hm hm hm i wonder what other truths people serve could be considered to do that clash of the immoral truths! anyways the Emperor refuses to surrender to Loken and asks that he be allowed to surrender only to the commanding officer

first company has arrived hi, ekaddon it's fun seeing these characters who got bit roles here and got explored later

anyways the whole thing is a trap the old man never was the emperor they were trying to use a bomb to kill Horus the real emperor was hiding under one of the invisibility cloaks the whole time oh yeah also the emperor has a golden throne loken got thrown in the bomb blast…but then voila someone has teleported in and we have our very first primarch description

i note that abnett omits the bit about him being bald

anyways Horus hauls Loken back from the edge of the tower, and we're back to the present with Mersadie Mersadie: could we have left them alone? Loken: no. ask a better question. lmao Mersadie: uhhh anyways what do you think of Horus?

and that's chapter 2 wait 1s let me go back i could have sworn there was a foreshadowing thing with the throne FOUND IT

Horus Rising is about as subtle as running into a wall face first

okay onwards and we get an explanation for the remembrancers and i'm wonder if the whole concept was an abnett original or was it part of some of the original planning was it a group thing?

so the remembrancer order only got started after ullanor which i don't remember but i guess it makes sense 99% of the real nasty stuff would be over with so it's safer to get the artists etc out there i mean not just for like safety concerns (lmao) but in terms of not needing people who are primarily spin doctors

numbers time

come to think of it, did any space wolf remembrancers ever show up? I haven't read Prospero Burns so I can't speak for that one but there sure weren't any in Wolfsbane or Scars

so the war council used to be "the epicenter of imperial authority" and it was composed primarily of the emperor and the primarchs ……………. which primarchs? okay dorn, horus I guess, sanguinius? it can't have been all of them can you imagine konrad on the council to be honest if the emperor decided to put konrad on the council he deserves whatever happened next anyways the war council has been "relegated" to drumroll only dealing with war now and the council of terra is handling the non-war stuff it's all civilians

so when the remembrancers actually joined the fleets , they were naive and excited but it didn't take too long for them to get cynical

looks like standard practice at least for the Luna Wolves is to send out the regular army to mop things up after the astartes spearhead Horus decides to give the "Emperor" a state funeral despite various Luna Wolves' outrage, and Abaddon refusing to go (lol)

Horus isn't a ham-brained punching machine but no it's fascinating how he's been portrayed this whole time so far though I'm only like 10% into the book

oh yeah also Dorn has been tagging along for the past 8 months so because the Imperial Fists weren't involved in the conquest - cough, sorry, "compliance" of the planet, they're handling the state funeral and no remembrancers are allowed to attend okay time to meet Euphrati Keeler and Ignace Karkasy within two short paragraphs we determine Karkasy is, if not an alcoholic, at least someone who drinks a lot of wine

Karkasy also, for some reason, didn't expect space marines to sweat he's not a fan of the smell

also, first appearance of Heresy-era servitors Keeler sends one off to fix her camera you know, i saw someone arguing that the 30k imperium was better and a good place and one of the reasons was it didn't have servitors

so the chief iterator is going to give a talk on "promulgation of the living truth" karkasy makes a face he and keeler are going to skip, lol lo, the privileges of the remembrancer also we learn that apparently karkasy hits on keeler on the daily so, naturally, karkasy accuses her of being a lesbian because she keeps turning him down (also because she dresses like a man) i owe mcneill an apology he did not in fact invent karkasy being obnoxious towards women out of whole cloth

karkasy is cynical about this being approved, lol time for mersadie to show up she feels like she screwed up with Loken but she did get a good story at least

l m a o wait is this where McNeill's oily sweat thing comes from for those who haven't been following me along in the other reviews or just have forgotten, McNeill seems to weirdly consistently describe characters having oily sweat like at least once a novel let's go back to Loken's POV, he's meeting his friend Nero, who lost a hand in the fight with the Not!Imperium Torgaddon wants to see him and we get a description for Tarik

a best boy has arrived on scene but wait, mail they wear mail? they have mail? is this a thing elsewhere?

Torgaddon is the type of character who'd be a ladykiller if he wasn't an astarte

(other commenter: well to be fair he's probably killed a lot of ladies)

Torgaddon: have you heard the rumour about you? Torgaddon: anyways let's fence a bit first or well torgaddon's using an axe, do you still call it that more like just word is escaping me stupid brain fog SPARRING they're sparring

okay so there's a fine line between writing space marines as child soldiers who are good at war and immature brats who make you wonder how they successfully got onto a ship in the first place abnett manages to fall on the side of success im having flashbacks to various other novels though okay i'll be fair to mcneill and say he did have like a few decent bits that managed this just…the other 80%….(excluding AE) i once talked about Horus Rising vs False Gods as being like going from a lukewarm bath with a very nice bath bomb in it to freezing cold water full of leeches and I feel like I did Horus Rising a bit of a disservice there the water is a nice temperature

so, about the rumour which Abnett and the characters play coy on actually mentioning does Loken want it? he does and he's grateful for being considered for the honour also Abaddon voted for him too Loken: owo

heh loken: ha. ha. ha. torgaddon: first things first. start calling me tarik. tarik: so. are you in? loken: are you kidding, absolutely

next time we'll pick up with the iterators

[birinboom]

12, 19, 31, and 33 for the weird questions for writers! ✨✨✨

Jess!!! Thank you so much for these! 💖💖💖

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

Please grant me focus

Please grant me inspiration

Please grant me interaction

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Okay, so! I started when I was around 16 I think. I was knee deep in my Elijah Wood obsession (god I’m old) and was making up little stories about him and I. I began writing one down to keep track of it. Smart as I am (lol), one day I wondered, ‘Hm… has anybody written their little stories down and posted them online? 🤔’ That’s how I found fanfiction.

I stopped for a looong while when I got my first boyfriend. It felt weird writing and dreaming about other guys when in a relationship (ah, youth)

My best friend of the time re-introduced me to fanfics when I was about 25. I started writing again, but this was long before reader inserts were a thing so I started writing OCs. I made so many intricate OCs that I don’t remember. Because my friend shamed me for it. ‘No one wants to read about your OCs. Write character x character instead - here, I have suggestions that I want you to write!’ (terrible friend in hindsight. But she was my only friend, and I had developed a crush on her so I couldn’t see it 😣)

So I took yet another break from fanfiction, both reading and writing. It hurt a bit too much.

I picked it up again a while after Kingdom Hearts 3 came out. And I discovered reader inserts, which solved a lot of my problems. It’s not OCs which no one wants to read (I know that isn’t true but that was still how I felt at the time) but it also allows me to put some version of myself in the fic. Perfect! So I started writing again. It’s been almost 5 years since I posted my first set of headcanons, and so far I haven’t stopped, other than for mental health breaks.

As for where I’m going… not sure! But I want to change the way I look at writing. I feel like I’m sometimes a bit too focused on writing what people want to read instead of what I want to write. Which might be why I often end up so burned out. So I’m trying to change that.

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

To my dearest readers,

Thank you. Thank you for sticking with me for so long. Thank you for your sweet comments. Thank you for being patient with me during my fallow times. I appreciate all of you more than I can possibly put into words. 

I hope you’re looking forward to our future adventures.

Love, Em.

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

Does being a hobby musician count as art? I mean, I don’t write songs, I just play other people’s music 🤣 But does it tie in… 🤔 I always get very inspired by music, I always listen to music as I write so I guess so

Weird Questions for Writers ask game

[racingliners]

⭐ i wanna know whats been bouncing around ⭐

*longest yeah boi ever*

I mean one could argue that I have too much bouncing around up in the old noggin, much of which is about my re-write of LITFL. And I have been dying to go into detail about this little arc which I very briefly touched on a while back.

(for anyone who hasn't read LITFL, all the characters you need to know about are F1 driver Sophie Knightsbridge, her press officer Richard Wilson, and personal trainer Vanessa Carlton).

One of the many reasons why I was so drawn to the idea of re-writing LITFL was to have the opportunity to flesh out the relationship between who I affectionately think of as The Dream Team (more on that in a minute), bc I focused way too much on the romance side of things in the original work and when I'd go back to read the original LITFL, especially the early chapters, I'd always come back with the feeling that I could have written their dynamic so much better.

The main thing that I wanted to do the second time round was to make sure that Sophie had a proper support group outside of her best friend Nico and her family. Obviously the whole driver and trainer 'ride or die besties for life' has been written about a lot, but a lot of Sophie and Richard's friendship was inspired by Sebastian Vettel and the long-standing friendship with his press officer Britta Roeske, and with Sophie and Richard 2.0 I wanted to start from the very beginning.

“You’ll also be doing a round of interviews in the media pen, on all four days, as I’m sure you’re aware. And of course you’re going to be in the drivers press conference. Those are hosted and moderated by the FIA, so you have nothing to worry about, even though I’ll be at the side of the room with the rest of the press officers.” Sophie had spent the whole time Richard was speaking chewing on her bottom lip, with her brows slightly furrowed. “And you’ll really be with me the whole time?” “The whole time, you will be sick of me by the time we get to China.” ... “We’ve got your back… the team I mean. You’ll be fine.” Richard said once he’d stood up. - Chapter 4 - Journey

This scene happens right before Sophie's first race weekend and she's understandably nervous at being put under the microscope for the world to see, and this is Richard's way of reassuring her that she won't have to deal with anything alone (the "You'll be sick of me by the time we get to China" is a surprise tool we will be using later).

“One more thing,” Richard led Sophie a few paces down the entry/exit passage before stopping, a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t give a shit about what the tabloids say.” Both the swearing, and his sudden brutal honesty caused Sophie to look wide-eyed at her press officer. “After… what you told me in January, I can tell you’re worried about them. But speaking from experience, no one takes anything that they say outside of race results seriously. The opinions of the people who actually matter, are formed by what they hear from the teams, not a bunch of rags. And based on how you’ve conducted yourself this weekend, you’ve nothing to worry about. We like you just as you are.” Sophie didn’t realise she’d been holding her breath as Richard spoke. And as she let out a long exhale, her shoulders felt their normal weight for the first time since January. “It might take a few races for me to believe that.” She huffed, albeit with a tiny smile. “Ah, that’s what I’m here for”. Richard chuckled as he squeezed Sophie’s shoulder, and he led her out of the garage towards the awaiting media pen. - Chapter 7 - 2023 Race 1: Australia (Part 2)

Sometimes you just need a professional press officer to say that some journalists are idiots, and that in a mad sport like F1 you don't have to change how you present yourself for anyone because the person that arrived at the factory for their first day is actually more than enough.

The now familiar pitched beeps rang out of the turnstiles as Sophie and Vanessa scanned their passes at the paddock entrance with Richard following behind them. They walked out into a vast, flat concrete space, with the pit building over on the right, and a thick row of trees on the left. A handful of fellow paddock members were also milling about, all of whom exchanged brief greetings with Sophie as they passed. - Chapter 9 - 2023 Race 4: China

Nothing much to say here other than Sophie, Vanessa and Richard are arriving at races together now, the besties are slowly bestieing.

Sophie huffed. She had started to feel the familiar burn of lactic acid in her legs around turn 11, but she still kept in step with Vanessa. “You okay?” Sophie glanced over her shoulder, Vanessa’s face was almost expressionless. “Yeah, fine.” Bullshit. Sophie thought. But she decided it would be better to wait for them to finish their run before asking any questions. ... “So,” She paused, tapping a finger against the thick straw that poked out the top of her McLaren branded bottle. “You do know my race is on Sunday right?” “Matt said him and Benedikt run the track every race weekend.” Vanessa replied abruptly. “That’s not what I asked-” “You need to be in shape. And that’s my job. And if can’t do that then-” “Woah, hey!” Sophie quickly cut her off. “Where on Earth is this coming from?” Vanessa sprang to her feet and walked a few steps onto the circuit, looking up at the massive two-tiered grandstand. She bit down on her bottom lip, and walked round in a small circle, pressing her free hand against her forehead. “I don’t want to let you down!” She yelled out into the cool air, her hands dropping to her sides. “Vanessa…” Sophie frowned, and pushed herself up off the grass. Her legs felt like lead but that was far from important. “In the past year that we’ve worked together, I have never ever had the impression that you could let me down.” - Chapter 9

Sometimes personal trainers need to be told they're doing a good job too, I think when writing this I was subconsciously thinking about Lewis' instagram post he wrote about Bono from the 2022 French GP, when he spoke about them both leaning on and supporting each other when the other person needed it.

Once it looked like the mechanics had finished, Vanessa took her turn to lean into the cockpit, carefully gripping onto the titanium halo. “You okay?” All she got in reply was a small nod before Sophie rolled her shoulders a few times. “Be right back.” Vanessa stood up and made for the back of the garage to collect Sophie’s drinks bottle, she went to turn to head right back to her driver when Richard jogged into the garage, looking a little out of breath. “Sophie okay?” He asked, his chest heaving slightly. “Yeah she’s alright, car’s fine too,” She paused, noticing the look of relief on the press officer’s face. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, fine.” He cleared his throat and folded his arms across his chest as he leaned against the bench next to Sophie’s seat. - Chapter 9

And speaking of people leaning on each other, Richard totally wasn't that worried about Sophie half-spinning her car into the gravel trap in practice that he rushed to the garage to make sure that she was alright. No sir. (Vanessa obviously sees right though him immediately).

Vanessa didn’t mind waiting till last, mainly because she was almost certain she was going to start crying at any moment, and she knew there was a cameraman following Sophie’s every move. Eventually Sophie whipped her head round left and right, before she caught sight of Vanessa, and very excitedly held up three fingers as she ran towards her trainer. “Third place!!” Vanessa yelled, repeating the gesture with a beaming grin as tears started to leak from her eyes. Sophie flung her arms around Vanessa’s shoulders, and the two women jumped up and down excitedly, almost feeling as if they were on top of the world. “Third fucking place, I’m so proud of you!” Eventually, Vanessa reluctantly half-dragged Sophie over to the scales, not wanting to be responsible for her driver being disqualified. “Where’s Richard?” Sophie asked, breathless once she’d removed her helmet and stuffed her gloves, balaclava and in-ears inside it. “Uh…” Vanessa quickly looked around, surprised that the press officer hadn’t made an appearance yet. “I’ll find him, he’ll probably have to take you to the press conference anyway” She huffed. “Go, get your trophy before you have to be dragged up there.” - Chapter 9

1. Parc fermé hugs, I will never be normal about them. 2. So here's where Richard's line of dialog from Chapter 5 comes in. With the season now being 4 races in Richard will have been, as promised, by Sophie's side at all of her press requirements and Sophie is not only not sick of him but also wondering where he is because she wants to give him a massive hug after she gets her first ever F1 podium.

“Bloody hell Sophie,” Richard exclaimed with a breathy sigh as Sophie handed Vanessa the bottle of champagne for her to take a swig from. “You nearly gave me a heart attack on the last lap!” He clapped her on the shoulder as she reluctantly set the trophy down on the table by her helmet so she could give her press officer an almost suffocating hug. “Well done, seriously. That was incredible.” Richard returned the hug with almost equal enthusiasm as he beamed down at her. - Chapter 9

I love them your honour!!

And so, we jump forward to Chapter 20, titled The Dream Team. Because to me that's what they are (and in Change In Colour what Richard also refers to the three of them as). And at this point we're heading over to the Singapore Grand Prix, so are really far into the 2023 season, which I wanted to show by having Sophie, Richard and Vanessa both travel to Singapore together - and have Sophie's Mum (who works for British Airways) include Richard when she pulls some strings to upgrade their tickets.

“Your Mum better not upgrade us all the time, I’ll get used to it very quickly.” Sophie let out a small laugh at the thought of her humble press officer going all snobby as she spread a pat of butter on her dinner roll. “Speaking of the finer things, can I not get one hint about where you’re taking us tomorrow?” Sophie pleaded, adding an elongated please for good measure. “Again, I want it all to be a surprise,” Richard pointed at her with the tip of his knife. “You are unbelievably stubborn.” “I’m a racing driver what do you expect?” Sophie retorted with a small shrug. At that Richard let out a small chuckle and shook his head as he returned his attention to his dinner. Sophie knew that Richard wasn’t going to let on about the trip, she had just wanted him to crack a proper smile for the first time all day. - Chapter 20 - The Dream Team

Long story short, I made Richard half-Singaporean, and Sophie can tell that Something is wrong with Richard about going to his Mum's home country but she can't figure out what, and she doesn't like that he's not seeming like himself and wants to do what she can to cheer him up. (Richard is fine, he just felt a little bit heartsick about going to back to Singapore for the first time since his maternal grandparents funeral)

Vanessa returned to her seat five minutes later having used the complimentary shower. She walked down the aisle in her pyjamas, and joked in an imitation posh accent that she was going to order the cheeseboard for supper. “On second thought,” Richard said quietly, leaning over towards Sophie. “Maybe we need to worry about Vanessa going regal.” Sophie full on sorted with laughter, and had to take care not to knock her soup on the floor. Thankfully for the three of them first class was fairly empty, which meant that they could just be themselves without any pretences. - Chapter 20

Nothing to say here other than some leg pulling and banter, we're in proper bestie territory now.

I think if I copy and pasted the whole Hawker Centre scene I'd go over the character limit, but I included it both to (hopefully) respectfully showcase Richard's heritage and show that he felt comfortable enough around Vanessa and Sophie (and trusts them enough) to take them to a place that was very special to Richard and his family, and as mentioned in one of the following chapters:

“I had a really nice time showing you and Vanessa round Singapore.” “So did we.” Sophie replied with a bright smile. “Well, now that your contract’s signed, I wondered if you wanted to make it a regular thing? Sightseeing, food at the hawker centre afterwards…” Richard trailed off, scratching behind his ear and looking down at the drying ground. Sophie linked her right arm through Richard’s left which immediately caught his attention. “I absolutely would. Vanessa too.” - Chapter 22 - 2023 Race 16: Japan

It's something that very quickly becomes their thing.

“Does this mean we’re like a packaged set now, the three of us?” Sophie had to admit that the more the season went on the less Richard felt like her press officer, and more like an older brother. At the very least, she thought of him as an incredibly dear friend. “I’m afraid so, yes.” Richard threw his head back and grinned before patting Sophie’s hand as they approached McLaren’s assigned hospitality unit that stood directly opposite the entrance to the garage. “This is the part where you’re supposed to say that you’ve always wanted sisters.” Sophie half-joked. Richard instead chose to pull a mock grimace before saying that he was just messing with her with a small laugh. Sophie just screwed her face up at her press officer and lightly hit him on the arm before going to check her watch. - Chapter 22

So this is where I see the 'end' point of their arc, not in the sense that they're about to have a hideous fallout but in that their friendship now is pretty rock solid, and that they're going to be there for each other no matter what.

fanfic writers director's cut

[percontaion-points]

Elizabeth and the Clan of Dragons chapter 1

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 1

One of them had long beautiful golden-red fur, the kind you just wanted to run your fingers through. But, not once did I reach out even just for a simple caress. I didn’t dare. This was the wolf who wanted to kill me. 

Why would you start off with “I wanted to run my fingers through his fur. BUT I DIDN’T. BECAUSE HE WANTED TO MURDER ME.” 

You could have literally not written this, but you did. 

I took a sip from my delicate porcelain teacup and blanched as it went down my throat; it was now tepid.

I’m starting to get a sense of what kind of series this is going to be now.

I’m still on page one.

Yep, that’s right. The moon chose me. Fated Alpha of the whole friggin pack. 

I was wondering if this was an actual ABO story… And I was right. 

And it must seriously be having an outright belly laugh because the problem was, I couldn’t shift. 

I’ve never read this specific book before, but I swear that these ABO stories are all the fucking same after a while. 

I considered taking my clothes off just to piss Aaron off because he still hadn’t moved. Of course, shifter wolves were used to being naked around each other. But Aaron still got flustered when I was naked around the pack because I never had a reason to be. Naked that is.

Again, you didn’t have to write it like this, yet you did. 

People thought it was because of the long scar that ran from his eye to the bottom of his jaw but the real reason I called him that was because I knew deep inside that he would really kill me if he ever had the chance, just like Scar killed his King in Lion King.

Are we seriously going here right now?

Also, his name was freaking Mufasa. JFC how hard is it to look something up? 

All of the leaders were going to vote on whether or not they would pick a new Fated Alpha if I didn’t come into my shifter powers by the time I was twenty-five: only one year and two hours away. 

The only consolation prize for this miserable novel (I’m literally on page 4) is that at least she’s not barely legal. 

I pushed the magical button on the wall that switched the tint [on the window] from ‘day’ to ‘night.’ Okay not really magical but it was science and math or something, so it was magical to me.

That’s a lot of words for “I’m not the brightest bulb.”

A warm glow washed through my body; every nerve in my body called for him. I was strung so tight and needed the release that only he could give me. 

“Aaron, please. I need you. I’m worried about tomorrow.” This wasn’t one of my white lies.

In times past, I wouldn’t have had to beg. But things were changing and now he wasn’t always willing to play along with my antics.

It kind of seems to me like it would be in everybody’s best interest to simply marry Lizzy and Aaron to each other. Lizzy can be the “luna” (or whatever this series calls the female mate of the alpha), and Aaron can be in charge. 

I wasn’t allowed to pick a mate until I could shift and sexual relationships with other potential alphas was strictly forbidden.

Ah, okay. I’m down with the forbidden love aspect.

But I still think that marrying Lizz to Aaron would be a win-win situation for everybody involved. 

“But we haven’t celebrated my birthday like this in a few years.” 

“I know, but your mom and I decided to throw you one last big one. We have a feeling it’s going to be a special one.”

Let me guess: she’s going to come into her powers, and end up with her reverse harem of fated mates? 

Noting that the alarm hadn’t been turned on yet, I opened the back door and slipped out into the cool night.

Chapter 1 summary: Meet Elizabeth, 24 years old, and next in line to be the alpha of a pack of werewolves. …Except that she can’t shift, and the rest of the pack are seriously doubting her ability to lead them in the future. Her father comes in and tells her that another wolf, nicknamed Scarface, and the father of Lizzy’s secret boyfriend, Aaron, are coming over so that dad can convince Scarface to vote to keep Liz on as alpha. 

A few minutes into the meeting, Aaron makes a paper-thin excuse to leave with Lizzy. In the bathroom, the two of them start getting hot and heavy. But before anything can happen, their fathers come looking for them. Their relationship is a little forbidden, thanks to the fact that Lizzy can’t shift. When Lizzy goes back, Scarface chews her out for “not being at her own meeting”. He hates her, and wants her out of power so that Aaron can be in charge instead. Which I’m pretty sure is more about birth order rather than Liz’s weakness, but that’s not important. 

Liz is going to have a huge blow-out birthday party from her parents in the morning, so dad tells her to go get some sleep. But instead of doing that, she texts Aaron, who tells her that he’s outside, and she should sneak out as well. So she goes.