#i have a lot of thoughts to process
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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wanna do extremely late don't judge orihime week prompts and i'm torn for day 6 (xover), help a hoe choose
#look she's doing a poll#bleach#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#orihime inoue#because the shun shun rikka would work so well as a stand#the crusaders would have benefited from a healer#and technically pt 4 already has a healer in josuke#but orihime can fit so well into either scenario#for pt 3 i imagine her as jotaro's cousin on his dad's sad#imagine josuke using crazy diamond to restore her hair length after those bullies cut it QuQ#i have a lot of thoughts to process
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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ACT 2 "You're... me?" "That's right, stardust!"
You know I've been drawing Loop as their Siffrin form so much that it's got me thinking. I've read and seen so many fics and artworks of Loop eventually getting back to looking like their old self, but I don't think I've seen any so far of Loop already being a mirror copy of Siffrin. So uh, yoink?
ISAT AU where the game plays out the same way (plot-wise at least) but Loop looks like Siffrin the whole time and while Siffrin is extremely perplexed that there's another him, he's still gotta accept their help because how else are they supposed to escape the loops? Good ol' Loop is here to help, helpful friendly Loop!
Siffrin is going through it still but Differently.
#In Stars and Time#ISAT#ISAT Spoilers#ISAT Siffrin#ISAT Loop#ISAT AU#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#the creativity process#fan art#id in alt#TCSS AU#think this is the first time i've come up with a proper AU at ALL so um! i'm going to call this#two coins same side au#EDIT: CHANGED THE AU NAME BECAUSE I HAD A BIG BRAIN MOMENT OTW HOME FROM WORK#honestly i already have lots of ideas for this. like how the intro convo goes and how act 5 plays out when siffrin has the Moment with loop#and ESPECIALLY with how the convo “who do you think i am” will be changed i have thought IMMENSELY about that#i'll get to that one first at some point! i've got a lot on my plate art-wise but i'm excited to do this haha#if i still did writing (and had the ideas for a good plot) i would do it but comics and excerpts will do for now
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What if they made it a pair skate?
#I have a lot of thoughts abt Eros#cause Viktor’s original proposal of it with the context of episode 10 really showed us how he was processing the banquet#this hot guy comes tearing through the crowd seducing everyone but never acting further once he had his hooks in them#making them feel lost in wanting more#was that how viktor felt when yuuri danced the night away with him only to abandon him the day and days after?#and yuuri had NO IDEA cause he didn’t even remember the banquet night#they make me insane#but I thought a pair skate could be fun#maybe yuuri keeps his role as the teaser and viktor gets the role of pursuer in this skate hypothetical#bet u could do lots of fun choreography with that#yuri on ice#yoi#katsuki yuuri#peas n guac#id in alt text#fanart#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri
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"What a strange pair. A Mandalorian and a Force-sensitive youngling, hmm... Who is in need of a master to guide him and help him to come into his full power, yes?"
Any time Maul comes across a Force-sensitive youngster: "Is anyone going to claim this apprentice as his own or do I have to do everything around here?" and doesn't wait for an answer. (Grogu is safe tucked away in Din's satchel, don't worry)
Din accidentally turns up with Obi-wan's keepsake in his pocket once, and Maul doesn't only fly into an episode of blind rage and super melodramatic monologuing, but he also gives him a boon that is nothing but trouble and chaos of epic proportions.
Bonus background detail/close up, because while I didn't redraw the full thing, I'm quite proud of my modifications:
More of the Star Wars meets Hades AU (I’m trying to give monthly updates on my progress with it)
#darth maul#maul#star wars fanart#sw fanart#hades au#maul opress#maul fanart#spider maul#tcw fanart#my art#I haven't presented a full character illustration for 4 months huh? I hope the wait was worth it!#digital art#artists on tumblr#I REALLY like how he and his background turned out#I've watched so many youtube videos on how to drawn in isometric grid#and it turns out the problem I had before could be easily solved by making my grid tighter lol#who would have thunk that it would be such a simple solution#Maul feels a lot more helpful when Din turns up with a keepsake from ahsoka#and rex too because this is my AU and I get to say so#I try to not push my shipping preferences in this but this once i'm making an exception#in the tags at least#I was going to type up a little scene for it but grew self conscious#and decided it's my sick day I don't want to figure out my thought process when I jotted a few sentences down on a scrap of paper
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leon wearing chris’ fun shirt (RIP)
#what’s not really pictured is the shirt LOL#but thats how the thought process started#chreon#chreon fanart#resident evil#resident evil fanart#Chris redfield#Leon Kennedy#resident evil death island#i have a lot of references photos saved.. its fun to scroll through the gallery and see what ship comes to mind
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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A pokemon masters screenshot redraw that got Way Out Of Hand. (and I insist on posting this as a redraw, I feel the original context is Important)
Also, I finally remembered to record my process of drawing this (and then some :^D)
#volo#ウォロ#pokemon#pla#pokemon legends arceus#pokemon masters ex#mareep#giratina#yes it's there trust me#mine#fanart#so i took that snap and I thought it was hilarious and was immediately struck with an idea#I was like alright i need to draw him like a biblical fresco or something with a halo behind his head and holding a lamb#and then I just kept getting ideas and this went Someplace Else#but I'm still quite happy with it#the background gave me a lot of trouble though#on another canvas because I didn't want to show my struggle in the recording KHGD#but fwends helped and I'm eternally grateful#I was gonna add audio to the video#or I originally did#I had Volo's theme#then like two seconds of Doopliss' theme from Paper Mario ttyd#but then the video got in a stupid aspect ratio and I would have had to do it all over again And I Can't Be Bothered#ysee I was playing that with fiance while drawing this and wanted to draw that lil ghostie#and then yume nikki day happened and I had to draw Madotsuki#so yeah enjoy the process of that too#christ this is too many tags anyway take this
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swimming pools at night
killer belongs to rahafwabas cross belongs to jael peñaloza rental suits au belongs to me and @psycho-chair
#aughghghh i dunno if i like this one. i feel like a lot got lost in the process and stuff didn’t work out. falls over and dies#i really like everything about killer and how he came out but cross feels off#also i feel like the layout is crazy off too. i don’t knowww i don’t know if i like this one#but i’ve been working on it all day so it gets posted anyway. we ball etc etc#it looks better all blown up and big on my computer#armageddon art#rental suits au#cross sans#killer sans#cross!sans#killer!sans#kross ship#criller#sanscest#utmv#ut au#also yea they’re just full on in their suits. because they’re weird like that /silly/j#and cause the point is they were somewhere else and killer decided they should do this#and also they probably trespassed into someone’s back yard#and and i thought it’d be fun. so#one final comment apparently the lyric that inspired me to do this wasn’t even like. right. it said something else almost entirely wailing#but the caption for this thing stays cause i. don’t have anything else WEEPING
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derg
#wings of fire#mcsm#mcsm au#wof au#premaposting#i made these actually a long bit ago#except for jesse 2 thats recent#but the rest of them were from a good bit ago#i didnt want to post it idk why but i dont want it to rot in my folders either so im posting it#ok my thought process from these#i did a funny and made all of the jesses just mudwing sibs#the main one or first listed is acc the runt. thats why they look weird. theyre not fleshed out yet :(#second one is one of the only older siblings that are still around. the rest had separated for jobs and such#but she lingers around a bit. job-looking but occasionally is there to cheer her lil sib on and stuff#i didnt want the rest of them to be the same tribe or the same main tribe so i made axel a hivewing#skywing could work however i really really wanted petra to be a skywing#i chose hivewing also bc i wanted the ofts to match with them and i made magnus hivewing i think#ik ellegaard is a sandwing#thats why olivia is sand/night#i couldnt decide on whether to make either of them sand or night#so i made olivia both#petra skywing/seawing#i could not not give her seawing literal pirate motif#also smth smth earring is actually important and not really for show#then lukas silk/sand. debating on whether he should have fire be a flamesilk or have neither#a lot of these choices im still debating idk nightwing lukas would be cool#but i didnt want to choice obvi picks for everyone. tried to get a little creative#these tags are so long jsdnsjdnsjdsdkjsdkjsndsnd helppppp#update just realized i abbreviated the order as ofts instead of oots#smhhhhh im a fake fan
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Guys, as much as i want to see Katsuki catch Izuku, how is he gonna do that when his arm is the equivalent of overly cooked spaghetti? What’s he gonna catch him with?? His teeth??? …he would.
#my boy sero is gonna make a comeback instead#but katsuki is a feral being who bites so#chomp chomp#bakudeku#bkdk#mha spoilers#mha#bnha#bnha spoilers#ive been spamming the tag like a madman since last night sorry I just have lots of feelings and thoughts as I process this#mha 423
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@saiintvalentiine hello. the npc fic left me absolutely in shambles i needed to draw them.
#☆ my art .#took some liberties in their designs and some other things i hope that's okay um.#i struggle processing a lot of info so i might have missed if there were descriptions of what theyre wearing#i only remembering seeing the cloak mentioned that's like stitched from two different ones?#its a little messy im tired and having trouble focusing im sorry#those didnt really come out how i wanted but ummmm its fine i guess#i could yap so much about how much i loved the fic and their interactions but uhhh i cant gather my thoughts enough rn#im gonna be thinking about them and the au so much....#kenadian#wifies
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anyway related to my "gullible" post i do think bonnie didn't really have a lot of friends / any good friends. i'm taking a watsonian approach to "some of the things bonnie does seem more like age 5-8 than 10-12", and a doylist approach to "everyone in this party grew up kinda lonely and feels disconnected from their peer group"
#thoughts#thoughts about bonnie#bambouche is so small no one woulda gotten away with being Mean to bonnie. and people were generally Nice anyway#they still had friends and got to do fun things with them#they just.. didn't get invited to play Every game#and the person they considered their best friend didn't consider bonnie to be even top three#yknow#lots of factors...#bonnie wasn't there as a baby/toddler - they arrived right at the age where kids start to remember and care who's already their friend#and bonnie and nille were 'the newcomers' and will remain as such for 10 or 20 years#and for the first couple years bonnie was behind in most social-emotional and academic skills due to their early years in an abusive house#and while they mostly caught up#'forming close bonds with peers' is just a rly hard thing to catch up on#bc if you're too far behind you just don't get the chance to practice and thus you fall even further behind#and then specifically some of the words bonnie needs help with i would expect them to already know / have no issue pronouncing#possible explanations could be that vaugardian is a second language or they've got some language or auditory processing issues#and either way - having trouble communicating can rly isolate you esp as a kid#also everyone in this party is autistic. to me#isat#bonnie#isat bonnie
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Chapter 3 title of Silver & Blue is SAGE ADVICE: MEETING PEOPLE ALONE IN THE WOODS IS AWESOME. A co-written story (@imdeadtiredtm Hi :3) in which Hiccup thinks he's getting stalked and Jack Frost thinks this random civilian really shouldnt be walking around in the middle of nowhere at 3am. Aka; Friendship is magic, Mrs Bennett considers witchcraft as a part-time job, and Lakes are weird.
#pspspsps give it a shot I promise there's worldbuilding and deep thought-in process about character development and relatability :))#hijack#this chapter is taking ages to write properly but we've written quite a lot in total#its nearly there. in the meantime have some art#frostcup#hiccup#jack frost#hiccup horrendous haddock#how to train your dragon hiccup#hiccup how to train your dragon#hiccup haddock#httyd#how to train your dragon#mrs Bennett#Joyace Bennett#Rotg#rise of the guardians#rise of the guardians fanart#comic snippets#art#art post#artwork#digital art#doodles#drawings#httyd fanart#jack frost rotg#rotg jamie#rotg sophie#scribbles
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