#i have a lot of talks about this with my friends irl. i guess i want to vent abt it here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cloudabserk · 20 days ago

Text

it’s kind of silly but i wish people i knew irl cared about the fandom stuff i care about :(

#no one i know cares about supernatural or it at all #my brother likes naruto but won’t finish the show or read the manga #i’ve gotten 2 people into iwtv but neither of them like armand #i guess i don’t really have a lot of friends which contributes but idk #this is a very silly complaint lol like it’s not a big deal. and i’m glad i have you guys to talk to :)#but i also wish i had an easier time making irl friends i guess

113 notes · View notes

wormchaser · 2 months ago

Note

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a #conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit #when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never #messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou #none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but #i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come #easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to #someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as #something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not #know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the #first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk #significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i #was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything #i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems #specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most #of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came #to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here

12 notes · View notes

silverselfshippingchaos · 8 days ago

Text

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

3 notes · View notes

plantenjoyer · 4 months ago

Text

I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS

#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything #my will to draw specifically #but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it #i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that #i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though #so there might be some changes #but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation #we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing #not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw #anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again #but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!

3 notes · View notes

sunbedo · 6 months ago

Text

Hey guys. gay rights

#i already made the sonic one a while bc yknow. kinnie stuff youve all seen my blog theme #but then i was wearing my Fearless Year of Shadow(tm) shirt along with it and my irl bff was like.#'why are you wearing a sonic bracelet with that shirt if you love shadow so much 🤨' *#(he doesnt know much about sth stuff but ive infodumped abt shadow and his backstory to him many times)#and i was like 😭😭 BECAUSE I DONT HAVW A SHADOW KANDI BUT I WANNA MAKE ONE. I WILL SOON #so. now i do!! taking my ad/derall on the weekends always make me want to make more kandi. its great!#and yknow what else it makes me want to do...... talk more on here >:3333 #me and my dad are gonna go to a local jazz festival this afternoon bc our jazz combo is playing at it!!#itll be fun. my dad said hes gonna get some food from this really good breakfast place on the way thwre #which is not the best part. the best part is outside the shop there is a wonderful kitty cat who hangs around the parking lot #bc hes owned by the ppl who own the bar right next door #its so great. everybody knows him (the cat) and loves him. the v/ape shop next door has a tip door set up for him even though the #bar owner ppl take care of him and take him to the vet nd stuff. my dad found a faceb/ook page somebody made for him #and apparently it just has pictures of ppl at the bar holding him. its so great and hilarious. this cat is so loved #by the v/ape shop people. by random people at this beachtown bar. by the breakfast shop people.#anyways uh. this post was abkut kandi wasnt it 😭😭😭 lol #cherry chortles #anyways the add/er/all also usually makes me want to look at and sort through my pkmn card collection. so imma do that #because my dads friend (and my friend too i guess! me and him exchange cat photos bc he has this adorable chunky cat named gremlin) that we #play bar trivia with on tuesdays (dw its not really even a bar. its mostly a restaurant) asked me abt my pokemon card collection #bc the final question was to put a few franchises (it was like. dora the ecplora and spide/rman etc. and pokemon) in order of revenue #and obvs pokemon was the top. bc of factors like the trading cards so thats how that came up #we didnt bet any of our points btw but we almost! got it right! the order was pk/mn dora spidamen friends (the tv seies) but we had spidman #as second. but we still won!! our team is on a two game winning streak!!! we always split the money so next week ill get another 8 dolla >:3 #wow i havent hit tag limit yert #lol. yall'll open the 'see all tags' thing and boom. do you love the color of the sky type shit 😭😭😭#sorry that sounds too much like aave. i (white baby) cant be sayin that #cherrys kandi #okay well i had a tag with a verse from the ultimarw showdown bc i didnt know what else to say #but with my kandi tag and these two tags i have hit tag limit. thank you folks ill be here all night

6 notes · View notes

selamat-linting · 8 months ago

Text

its not even the shipping stuff that really pisses me off. its everything about it... a mainstream political page about indonesia thats entirely written in english and mired with stan culture (butchered AAVE) language and chock filled with usamerican pop culture references. the way it only focuses itself on electoralism and voting as the only valid way of political struggle as if we didnt have a struggling yet developing grassroot orgs and protest scenes of our own. its the pessimistic comments of im moving out im moving out of this shithole to europe/usa/aussie/japan.

it paints a segment of indonesian youth who is choking on their own self-hate and powerlessness and yet never even consider to unlearn their own internalized racism and colonial mentalities. very much a slave for the "international rules based order", never wants to learn about the role of imperialism, colonialism, and us-backed intervention in this country and how it perpetuates it in the modern day. but then its not like they want to learn. most of them are in that upper-middle class strata who aspire to leave and be good immigrants and progressive liberals in the imperial core. the actual horrors of the oligarchy never touches them. dont get me wrong, aspiring to work or live abroad isnt bad actually, got get that bag sister, i want to do the same, but the way some of them look down on ppl who dont leave, or absentmindedly paint their own home country as a backwards hellhole that needed saving. ugh. its disgusting.

tbf, theyre just a small yet vocal minority online, theyre very much apathetic from the get-go so its very much me getting annoyed at terminally online losers. but still. ANNOYING AS HELL

also the admin of that page likes hamilton. so obviously i'd hate them.

#i have a lot of talks about this with my friends irl. i guess i want to vent abt it here #indoposting

3 notes · View notes

sureuncertainty · 11 months ago

Text

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof.#still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

5 notes · View notes

skeletalheartattack · 2 years ago

Note

do uyo think a monkys 🐒 and a sketin 💀 can be friends

a thought bubble appears above my head with the memory of having my picture taken with a monkey at the ripe old age of 6, and upon leaving the monkey would trip me and start dragging me by the ankle back to the photo chair, prompting the photographer to fucking book it for that monkey.

hm probably not i don't think.

#ask #raidendotcom #i still have the photo across the room from me #ive shown it on here before. well minus actual me. since i replaced me with Boe for the sake of not having a picture of me as a kid on here #tldr: went to the mall with my mother. photo booth with monkey. chaos and destruction.#id have to ask my mother what she remembers from the moment and if she has any details ive forgotten #i dont think so though. its pretty clear in my brain #the monkey didnt hurt me beyond maybe a rug burn from the impact of me hitting the carpeted floor #yknow whats funny. idk if ive ever told that story around the time it happened. or back in 2005 i mean.#that wouldve been in 2nd grade. ik i talked to my friends about how i played baseball for a short while #and having to come back to school after spraining both of my wrists #or. i sprained my wrists from falling out of a swing cause i wanted to do a backwards 360 while sitting #and i was missing for a few days. my mother told my teacher what happened and she thought i broke my ribs #though i came in one day with two blue casts and they were like ''ohhhhh your WRISTS. not your RIBS''#anyway a lot happened in 2nd grade i guess.#in all serious raiden. minus my irl experiences. i think so :) perhaps :)#thank you for the ask raiden :) watch out >:)

13 notes · View notes

e-6000 · 1 year ago

Text

Had my first real nightmare in years last night

#littletalks.txt #it was more early this morning than last night #for context I have a lot of dreams that would likely be considered nightmares by most people that I don't consider nightmares bc they don't #upset me or unnerve me in any real way #I woke up at like five ish this morning. I puttered around for a bit and then decided to go back to sleep. I had sort of fallen into a light #sleep and began to dream. there was no plot it was very brief. I was getting into my car (standing in the open door) and there was this #little girl in the driveway on the other side of the car. she was laughing and in the context of the dream I think she was a friend's kid #(she doesn't exist irl) so I'm standing there talking with her parent and listening to this kid laugh when I begin to hear identical #laughter from beside me. I am filled with dread‚ I can't bring myself to look over at the source and the only thought in my mind is of teeth #it was at this point that I became just lucid enough to realize that I was dreaming though not lucid enough to snap myself out of it #so I guess I started squeezing my hand open and shut over and over to try to wake myself up. that's what I woke up doing anyway #my heart was going about a mile a minute #went back to sleep after that

4 notes · View notes

the-kipsabian · 1 year ago

Text

.

#feeling really weird in my body tonight so im going back to bed #idk just.. have had gender and identity issues today. its just. a lot #like being ngc and not out of the closet cause i dont wanna talk about it is so exhausting and im just. yeah #not to mention the whole aroace thing #just been thinking a lot today. idk. i know im not faking any of it but bringing it out to ppl is just. so much sometimes #i have two irl friends who know. one thats thankfully very careful about it around other friends cause he knows im not out yet #but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities #without these ppl knowing about it. and i dont wanna talk about it cause technically its irrelevant but like..#idk. im just afraid of being left alone. being called awkward and weird and faking it and that its just a phase and... yeah idk #idk where this is going im just complaining now. i would just like to exist as myself without having to explain shit #cause these are terms and things i would have to explain. oh whats an agender? then why do you still look feminine and not enby(???)#how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around #im just already tired of it but i feel like eventually i should break it out. these ppl are my friends. we have a trans person in this grou #and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend #or an example. that i havent been dealing with this for at least like five or six years before they came out as enby and later trans to us #but.. idk. its just hard. these identities are so hit and miss with ppl and them understanding and being hurtful later on #aaaand now im crying. this is so stupid im going to bed good night #night is an absolute mess on main #(tho be clear tho ive known im ace for over half of my lifetime now. the five to six years was about being agender/enby. fyi)

2 notes · View notes

mistninja · 2 years ago

Text

One day i woke up with the confidence to talk shit on here and i havent shut up since. Thank you everyone for listening to my rambles and silly thoughts :) theres a lot of stuff i cant talk about irl and i appreciate having a place where i can share my interests with others and have fun

#i was a ghost here before i never posted only left comments on the tags and didnt interact with anyone #but you know what. deciding to just say what i want when i want has been a positive change in my life #i have no self confidence im the girl that ends every sentence with 'if that makes sense' and 'nvm im just being dumb'#this was a huge step for me #so i will keep being dumb on here <3 #also its nice to make friends because my irl friends dont want to talk about anime and fantasy books!#i guess fandom spaces CAN be fun if you curate your experience correctly #this was a long and hard year for me there was a lot going on and its been though but it brings me a lot of joy to have made friends here

11 notes · View notes

nexus-nebulae · 2 years ago

Text

yearning has gotta be the worst emotion ever invented why do i gotta want things that are physically impossible for me to achieve

#this isn't even about things like species dysphoria or missing source even #this is about me having too much anxiety to Participate In Literally Anything #like i can't even send messages in a twitch stream chat it's that bad #like... i'm realizing more and more recently how severe and disabling my anxiety is #i knew it was bad before but it just suddenly decided to fuck me over forever i guess #but like- if i were to sum up every social interaction i have in the span of. let's say a week #even counting interactions that most people would overlook like with cashiers and stuff #i talk to Exactly Two People regularly #and post on here which is literally The Only Social Media I've Ever Used #and i see maybe three or four cashiers or other forms of Employee for short public interactions #and that's IT. absolutely and totally it #i don't work so i don't have coworkers to see. i never even FINISHED school so i don't have classmates either #i literally only speak to my mother and one irl friend #and i'm even anxious around them a decent amount of the time like nobody is spared from my chronic unending Fear Of People #it's just they're the few people i can manage to stamp down my anxiety just enough that i'm not completely frozen and mute #and i can actually manage to take down Some masks around them #i only talk so much on tumblr because it feels less like Talking To People or specifically being social #it's just writing down random thoughts and if someone else stumbles across them that's their problem #i mean. fuck a lot of the time i refuse to leave the house because i'm too anxious to talk to *walmart employees*#aka the people least likely to judge me in any situation. nobody judges anyone at walmart anything goes there #i mean. people sure probably Judge but. still walmart is not a place of honour and dignity

3 notes · View notes

leveebreak-s · 15 days ago

Text

rambling in the tags. this is about led zeppelin sort of but only tangentially

#maybe i need to just. write what i want to write and post it here without worrying if anyone will like it or respond #okay so what i mean by this is #when i read Zep fics on ao3 that were published in like 2020 and have lots of ppl interacting and sharing theories #i feel jealous #because i feel like they have this comraderie and community that i missed out on #but like what's the point in dwelling in that feeling? that time is passed. it happened already. i can't insert myself into it now #all i can do is try and find people NOW who love what i love and want to talk about it with me #right?#so maybe instead of wishing i could have been a part of THEIR thing i have to try and create my own thing #if no one is coming to me asking to be friends then i have to go looking for my zep friends #and i have to invite the conversation by sharing my thoughts #i do that a little bit with the occasional shit post #but maybe i need to share a more in depth analysis here in the hopes that other zep fans will want to engage with it #i guess the only reason i haven't done something like that yet is that i feel like i'm unlikely to get the kind of response i want #that and i'm afraid of being judged by my irl friends who follow me here lol #but if i let that hold me back then i will not find the community i am looking for #i'm certainly not going to find it by reading comments people left 4 years ago and wistfully wishing i had been there #anyways #just some thoughts

0 notes

oknomiyaki · 4 months ago

Text

tumblr is the only place i express (vaguely) how i feel at all

#outside of my boyfriend and best friend #i dont talk about it and i hate to talk about it #i hate talking about myself unless its something irrelevant or funny that happened to me #i hate vulnerability and opening up #on traditional social media everyone is inherently a spectacle no matter what #and id rather not be part of it #i have a tendency to lie about things to strangers irl who pry too far into my life #“whats your name?” someone may ask and ill answer something generic like sarah #ill admit theres people irl i avoid constantly because i dont know what fake name i told them when we first met #i dont want anyone to know anything about me #even when id overshare on social media itd be such a small thing but padded out by many words #so was it rly oversharing at all??? lol #like yeah #i overshare #then someone asks what about #and i answer “about what i had for breakfast yesterday”#and theyre like “what?”#i cannot keep up some “mysterious girl” aura either because i overshare about.. what i ate for breakfast yesterday #and thats not mysterious at all #even these tags r me oversharing lol #i guess im oversharing my thoughts #but it doesnt matter cos even if someone sees this they still dont know what i truly think about outside of the fact that i think a lot #about how i overshare mundane details

1 note · View note

foxcassius · 5 months ago

Text

wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently #and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who #like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact #but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt #because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them #anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore #i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri #end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly #into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment #in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them #because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk #i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags #i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps #t

1 note · View note

yearning-butch · 6 months ago

Text

#i hate I hate I hate how deeply I feel things sometimes #not every little sad little thing needs to feel like a hole through my ribcage #I’m just so sick of feeling undesirable #jobs don’t want me #no one wants to commission me #nobody wants to try to start a new friendship with me #I feel like I can never say the right things #I get too excited and I talk too much and I say something that’s not Bad by any means but just a little bit odd #and it chases people away #I feel like every conversation I have is a series of blunders #I feel like someone doing a very poor cosplay of a human being #like the whole job search thing is so frustrating #but right now it’s especially just that I can’t make friends anymore #I’m just really lonely #I love love love my d&d group but they can’t hang out 24/7 and I get jealous of them having other friends #(not in a ‘hey you can only hang out with me’ way but in a ‘I wish I had other people too’ way #but I try to make friends with coworkers and they just kind of blow me off during conversations and seem very uninterested #that girl on YikYak bothered me more than I wanted to acknowledge and admit #idk I just got excited at the prospect of making a friend only to realize she decided I wasn’t someone she wanted to be friends with #I’m too scared to talk to anyone in classes and they’re all busy anyway #like even when I try to make friends through things like the D&D club people seem to brush me off #I know I can be A Lot #I’m clingy and talkative and have no filter and I’m horrible with social cues #I’m an acquired taste I guess #I just wish people irl cared enough to acquire it #and to be clear I don’t think any of y’all will really see this but if you do none of this is about you #I love you guys so much and you make me feel so loved and so welcome and so comfortable #I just wish I had that irl #I’m sick of being lonely

1 note · View note