#i have a lot of funny little queer me stories that r basically all me expressing gay secretly and someone barging into whatever i was doing

[gibbyslounge]

HEARTSTOPPERRRRRAHHHHHHH

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Poor rendition of queer characters in HH and HB

Here I am again talking about queer representation in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, this time just more generally. Because it's always a little weird to me when people claim HH/HB to have good queer representation, when in actuality most of the queer characters are either just blatant stereotypes or get mishandled somehow. And with Helluva Boss recently winning the Queertys - Web series reward I think that this is probably a pretty good time to acknowledge that kind of stuff (as people have done before).

TW: Sexual assault, R@pe (when referring to the actions of characters)

Blitzø (Pansexual): is very sexual and seen on screen multiple times either having sex or just having had sex. Pretty much fits the general stereotype of queer men always being sexual and also the stereotype of pansexuals just sleeping with everybody. Like, he literally screwed the mutual Ex of his coworkers even though he knew how much that guy hurt them.

Stolas (Gay): also mostly sexual (from how he was introduced) and he is in a pretty terrible "relationship" with Blitzø, which includes coercion, SA, Power dynamics and fetishization. Another very sex-driven queer man. Also just great proof for the people assuming that queer relationships are inherently predatory, unhealthy and never work out.

Moxxie (Bisexual): is often forced into a very feminine role because even in relationships with women, queer men always have to be pointed out to be feminine and putting a guy in a dress is funny I guess.

Fizzarolli & Asmodeus (Queer): they're actually better than a lot of the other characters here but there is still some of that uneven power dynamic going on with them and there are obvious issues with their relationship. Overall they aren't too bad though. They didn't get that much sexual focus and what they got is kinda warranted since Ozzie is the Lust demon. But there is that one scene with Fizz stepping out of his car with Dildo confetti canons (I think) and that was sorta weird, since in an episode before that they presented Crimson as being homophobic and stereotypical for assuming queer men are all obsessed with dicks. Which is just interesting because thats most of the queer men in Vivzepops stories.

Chaz (Queer): just a sexually abusive asshole because we definitely needed more predatory queer men in this show.

Sally May (Trans mtf): basically the single recognized trans character in both shows and she only had one line. After that they made fan merch for her which consisted of her in a bikini with her bulge being drawn pretty visibly (multiple times). Of course there's nothing wrong with Trans people who don't have surgery but it's just a tiny bit weird to me that fanservice merchandise is what she got reduced to, when something like that wasn't even the joke of the only line she had in the show and because she hasn't recieved any kind of focus after that.

Angel Dust (Gay): now there is a lot of stuff that could be said about Angel. On one hand he is another very sexual gay man whose screentime often just consists of sex jokes and references. On the other hand that's a big point for his character. How he tries to act confident in his sexuality when in reality it's the main source of his problems. Though he does often harass other men in the show and that's just so unnecessary. Talking about Angel mostly leads into discussing if he is good representation for SA victims or not, which is something I don't want to talk about that much because I feel like it's not my place to judge that as someone who never has experienced SA. I'm gonna say that I do find Viv's treatment of him outside of the show insensitive (with the pro-shipping, diminishing Valentino as an Abuser and general sexualization of the characters) but as far as the portrayal of him in the show goes I've heard different opinions and you should read the discussion's of actual r@pe survivors about this topic if you want to know about more about it.

Husk (Queer): I don't have anything to say about Husk. He is a very refreshing queer man in these show's and there is nothing bad about him I could think of right now.

Valentino (Queer): for him I mostly want to talk about how he is treated outside of the show which doesn't sit right with me. He is a villian in HH so it's understandable that he is gonna do effed up stuff. I also like that the show tries to make a point about how men get sexually assaulted too (wether they succeeded in that inside the show I'm not gonna judge too hard like I said). But there are a lot of people who not only sexualize him, but also his actions and his relationship to Angel and from what I know Viv never really spoke out against that. She actually interacts with people who do that stuff and I it's just kinda gross.

Vox (Queer): I also don't have a lot to say about him. He and Val are a couple so he is dating a r@pist but he is also a villain so you can't really expect more from him. Especially since he would still be interacting with a r@pist even if they weren't dating.

Alastor (Aromantic, Asexual): is obviously not interested in relationships or sex but his identity is pretty much ignored by a huge amount of the fandom. Vivzepop never say's anything about people blatantly invalidating him like that. It seems to me like she doesn't care about characters who can't be involved in shipping but still wanted to have more diversity in her show so she just called him AroAce. In Hazbin Hotel he isn't bad representation though. His sexuality is never the focus but thats fine, it's mostly just the treatment he gets outside of HH which I don't like.

Charlie (Bisexual): doesn't have a lot to her sexuality. This is something I talked about pretty lengthy in my other post, specifically about the lack of Sapphic content in both shows, so I won't go into too much detail here. Her relationship with Vaggie would probably be the best in both shows if it wasn't for the fact that they both never get the real spotlight as a couple. And there is that thing in Vivzepops stories where the women are pretty much sexless without men and that's obviously something that is generally an issue when talking about the lack of Sapphic representation (which is also a topic heavily tied to sexism). Charlie's portrayal isn't necessarily stereotypical but that's just because there is nothing to her identity in the show.

Vaggie (Lesbian): like I said I already talked about the Chaggie relationship so now I wanna focus on something I didn't even mention in that post. Her name literally being Vagina and that's apparently funny because she is a Lesbian so she obviously likes Vagina. That's just incredibly stereotypical and also excludes Trans Lesbians and Asexual Lesbians who don't want sex. The whole joke was that Adam named her that because he is obsessed with sex and he's a jerk. But her name was always Vagina even in the pilot (from what I know Adam wasn't conceived then and neither was the idea that Vaggie even is a former exterminator).

That's all the queer characters I could think of. I hope I didn't miss any.

I thought about including Millie here too. But she was also already included in my other discussion post and I still don't know if she is canonically Bisexual of if that is just a headcannon so I didn't put her here.

I'm just gonna say that i don't have a problem with queer men being sexual (or any queer person in that regard). But it's pretty much every one of her queer male characters. This is especially bad when a lot of the relationships are toxic as well.

I just think too many characters fit stereotypes and to me that isn't good queer representation. If you like the depiction of queer characters in HH or HB that's good for you and you don't have to agree with me. But you also can't really deny a lot of this stuff and you can't expect others to just be fine with bland, hurtful and sometimes even toxic representation like there is in these shows.

[ballsalsda]

Hi there !! I'm currently researching a paper on xenogenders and queer online culture, and I wanted to reach out to a few people in the community to ask about their experiences. If you're up for it, I would love to hear about your gender identity and journey. /pos /gen (And if you answer, are you comfortable with being quoted with credit?) ^^

Sure! You can quote me with credit. But this is a long story that might have gaps where I don't remember stuff clearly.

So. I was assigned male at birth, and I identified with that for a long time. I'm even pretty comfortable with masculine terms now. I think it all started when my sibling came out as non binary. I was confused and I didnt know you could do that, so I was kind of a bitch about it from deadnaming to misgendering.

I used to go on the r/lgballt subreddit on reddit and look at all the funny comics. This is probably where I learned a lot of the labels and basics on being non binary. I started to identify as a demiboy when I was a little 9 year old or somewhere around that. I thought I was non binary, but I was comfortable with my AGAB. I searched around a bit (looked at a single quora thread) and concluded that I was a demiboy.

I learned about a lot of stuff through Pinterest and all the lgbtq+ wikis. I went through a lot of identities, but the one that really stuck with me was neoboy. If you've never heard of it, neoboy according to lgbtqia.wiki is "a gender with a connection to masculinity, but in a way that's largely different from how most boys/men are connected to masculinity. Neoboy is a non-binary identity that is mostly separate from being male, though it can be described as a gender that is masculine-aligned, neutral-aligned, mingender, and/or miaspec." This was it. I felt like a boy in a non-binary way.

After a lot of switching around, I came to realize that a lot of the genders I was using were mainly masculine aligned, neutral aligned, or really anything not feminine. I found the term gendersatyr on reddit before that, and I remembered that and used the term. Gendersatyr, according to gender.fandom.com, "Gendersatyr is a form of genderfluidity that does not encompass genders that are fiaspec, fingender, or binary womanhood. This identity primarily encompasses xenogenders and uncommon genders, but can/does include other genders as well."

I dont remember when I learned about xenogenders, but it was pretty early on in my journey. I paid no attention to them since I thought they didnt quite fit me. I don't remember what my first xenogender was, but according to Pinterest the first one on my gender identity board was mossgender. I know purplegender was also a big one back then.

My gender board is pretty big, and on my new Pinterest account it's also pretty big. I know a big part of my gender used to be the deep sea. Now that i think about it, abimegender was probably my first xenogender. Instead of quoting the first paragraph in this post, you can read about it here: https://gender.fandom.com/wiki/Abimegender

I also identified as a neoboy maverique for a while before what I'm about to talk about. I mean neoboy maverique as in like I identified with masculine terms and felt "masculine" but I don't really know what it means to be a boy. There probably would've been a better label for that. I think neoboy alone would've accomplished that meaning.

Recently I joined the alterhuman community. I'm an otherlinker and my linktype is a supermassive black hole. My connection to my identity as a black hole seemed to influence my gender a lot. I felt like my gender was tied to black holes. I felt like I was seeing my gender through the lense of a black hole. This leads up to one big thing.

I like to think of my gender as a black hole. I don’t experience my gender the same way my friends, peers, adults, or really anyone I know in real life does. I do call myself a boy, male, etc., but I don’t actually think I am that. Whatever that is. I feel like my gender started simple, I used to identify with the terms used on me, but as I explored what that really means, my gender got more and more complicated that it eventually imploded on itself and now it acts like a black hole. There’s the singularity, with every gender I once identified with compressed into a 0 dimensional, infinitely dense point. This is the core of my gender identity. There’s then the event horizon, that seeks to swallow any gender it can and integrate that into my identity somehow. I think of my gender in points of time. There’s the pre-supernova, before my gender imploded and became this weird black hole. There’s the supernova, which is not really any point, but a gradual shift in my identity. And then my post-supernova self, who I am now, the black hole, and how my supernova and pre-supernova identities affected how the black hole turned out. This is where things get confusing. This is where you have to stop thinking in terms of male, female, non binary, masculine, feminine, neutral, or androgynous to truly understand. My gender is everything and nothing at the same time. My gender can’t be defined in relation to male or female. My gender exists in a vacuum, not in relation to the social constructs created. My gender is a black hole, but it is also a neutron star, outer space in general, it’s the color pink, it’s the color purple. I’m agender, I’m pangender. I'm gender neutral, but I’m also completely atrinary. I’m aporagender but masc at the same exact time. I’m androgynous. I’m feminine. I’m a femboy. This is why gendered terms don’t work on me. At my core, my gender is some weird Thing. It’s a hideous black hole that hurts to look at. It’s mentally damaging to look at, but you can’t take your eyes off it. It’s like the sun in that way. This is my experience with gender, and it’s why I’ve started to shift towards exclusively using xenine expressions to describe my gender ever since the supernova.

That was a really long paragraph that probably doesn't even make much sense, but that's how I really feel in the present moment. I'm exclusively xenine, but I'm only out to like 3 of my friends, and 2 of them I've only explained the basics (that I'm non binary). I don't feel safe coming out around really anyone or opening up about my feelings to anyone except one of my friends. She's the most supportive imo.

It would be a handful to explain my gender to anyone in my classes and I would probably get laughed at. No one really understands how hard it is to figure out your gender when you're autistic with a sense of gender not tied to male, female, or even non binary terms at all since most of the non binary terms describe their enby-ness (is that a word?) in relation to how the gender binary doesn't fit them.

I feel as if it's important to describe my gender as in how it doesn't work with the system we've put in place, but I feel it's also very important to explain how your gender feels, and stop comparing your gender to the binary for a second to explain how your gender feels. I use xenogenders for this and it's really helped me because I can use black holes as a metaphor for my abomination of a gender.

I have synesthesia, and that has affected my geder because it lets me visualise my identity. I think that's the main reason on why I use xenogenders. Because I know what my gender looks like, and I need non-gendered concepts to explain it. My gender is pink, my gender is purple, my gender looks like a black hole and functions like a blck hole, my gender is so much more.

Most of the hate xenogenders get is mainly from misunderstanding how they're used. They think using a xenogender means you are that, not your gender. They think you think you are the color purple, not that your gender is purple. And I think thats a difference that's not highlighted enough.

TL;DR (aka: the labels I use today, coined by me or not coined by me): I am a xenine aligned person that uses many xenogenders. They are: blackholegender, pinkgender, purplegender, spacegender, dirkcharic (referring to dirk from homestuck), ragegender, and probably more. My gender is mainly personified by pastel colors (particularly 🩷←this pink) and black holes. In relation to the gender binary, you could say I am maverique/atrinary.

This is my experience with gender, and I hope it was enough and not too confusing. Thank you so much for offering me to infodump my identity, I didn't know I needed this and it honestly helped me figure some stuff out, not to mention I love oversharing on the internet.

[thrilling-oneway]

I'd give you 5$ if you post that draft

you didn't even need to bribe. it's not actually in the drafts of this blog so i'll write a better version

i've said it a billion times before: tsukasa is the comedic relief weirdguy, the devs basically will do anything with him so long as it's funny.

so starting with that valentine's day vlive in 2021. during the MC part of that he gets jealous that rui has been getting chocolates and tries to brag that he got lots of chocolates too but then immediately reveals that he got friendzoned by multiple girls. his voiceline that year is something about how he catches everyone's attention on vday and year round bc he's a star or something like that but anyway that whole interaction there seems to suggest he's straight lol.

however.

he's REALLY oblivious. played for comedy ofc but i see a lot of people interpret this as him being somewhere on the aro spectrum (probably not what the writers intended but fair instance of accidentally coding a character as smth). examples include: not understanding why Akito doesn't want to be seen at PXL alone with Toya in an Akito's initial 3* (second story), literally says "thank you" when Asahi basically confesses to him and completely misses the point (he actually did seem to nearly get this one for a second), and he doesn't understand why Rui's friends are impressed that he's friends the incredibly attractive Shizuku (Tsukasa is the only not-gay-coded male character who isn't attracted to Shizuku, probably because they're childhood friends. or if you want to view him as being aspec, then that works too). also when he mentions that he's friends with guys in his class who are cool and popular and good with women, Hibiki says that he was in a class with one of those guys in 1st year and is amazed that tsukasa is in that crowd now, emphasis on the "tsukasa's friends are good with women part". tsukasa's just confused about that because of course they talk to girls a lot they're in the same class.

also he usually rewrites a lot of romance plays to remove the romance. he rewrote R&J to just make it focused on the action (which is probably because he likes playing action heroes more than anything else), and he got rid of the romance plot in little mermaid because he didn't felt it was needed (this one is justified in-universe as they do fun shows for small children and don't really need the tragic romance, and also from production standpoint like you don't do that because fandom). so yeah that could again be read as him being aspec if you want but i don't think the writers intended it to be read that way, especially the R&J one that was purely for comedy.

all that said, this is an idol game, which generally run on the rule of thumb that every character is some flavour of queer, even if it's just for fanservice (i don't play enstars but from what i do know of it it falls a bit on that last point). anyway you can probably tell where this is going but he gets ship tease with rui sometimes. vast majority of this is from Rui's side but there are things like Oki ni Mesu mama

Tsukasa: Waiting for the "1, 2…" signal, holding hands with you is an act of courage for me

or that one part in pandemonium where he drops his persona for a brief second when he's impressed by rui's plan that was very much put there on purpose, or that Tsukasa and Airi's cheerful carnival team name from that event is "swayed by their partners (相方, aikata)" and when you consider that Shizuku and Airi are heavily implied to like each other, and have canonically been on a "date", that was also a Choice.

idk whether to count KING because justified by them being actors and the fang motif in the song... vampires kinda homoerotic it makes sense that the dance routine was that. also i'm not sure if the connect lives are even canon, especially the wxs one since tokishun broke character and the 4th wall.

yeah i dunno. the writers kinda just do whatever they want with him. interpret any of this how you will i'm just recounting shit from the game.

oh hey it's longer than 300 words now

[elytrafemme]

ack this is so long but ghostkicks thoughts: prime defenders background: it’s a superhero story! not dnd a diff rpg system. andd william is the guy who has the shirt I said csranboo would wear (that is his life story) whereas dakota has the jacket I said cstommy would like (red and swaggy)

ghostkicks/blueraspberry are soooo qpr coded to me bc to me dakota is aroace Anyway the joke is is that William is a little in love with all of his friends and he’s kind of cringefail about it. in canon he’s especially into other pc Vyncent (guy with KNIFE shirt) which is why ghostknife is very popular. BUT I watched the prime defenders villain oneshot before I watched a lot of the main campaign and william and Dakota are like.. world’s most fucked up evil qpr in that where they literally only trust, like, and look out for each other (they bring Vyncent into this but he’s very much “the new guy”) and I think it completely changed the way I view them in canon akdjs

not always as Obvious as ghostknife but there are a lot of little moments with William and Dakota I like :] a bigger one is when dakota asked William to tango at a party to talk to him about something in secret even though he didn’t need to they could’ve just like.. gone off in a corner

they just have a very interesting dynamic to me and I like that Dakota who is someone very impulsive will still listen to William for any kinda plan. also this is more of an aroace thing than ghostkicks thing but the people Dakota is canonically “attracted” to really feels like someone who doesn’t know he’s aroace and is trying to perform heterosexual attraction liiike it’s Ms. G his superhero idol and then Vyncent’s mum -> aka “safe” people who can’t return anything and I knoooow I’m looking too much into it bc they’re just bits but also…….

anyway dakota and william have a very compelling dynamic and relationship to me and I can’t explain it all here without actively deconstructing and analysing like 60% of their scenes together. basically: I think they could be in a qpr.. also ghostkicks getting together when ghostknife has been so like.. Referenced In Canon would be very funny to me ^_^ hashtag ghostkicks sweep etc etc

OH yes yes yes okay these r the shirt guys!!! so cool didnt know jrwi did things other than d&d but thats so so neat :D

MAJOR FAN OF DYNAMICS WHERE PPL ONLY TRUST ONE OTHER PERSON ... even if there r complexities or certain issues in those relationships the fact that they only trust the other is like. oguhggogoug it gets me

omg the tango at the party scene ... Your honor these bitches are queer! i genuinely love that sooooo much thats so. thats such a good moment im obsessed w that energy i <3 it

sometimes it feels like youre just looking at bits when headcanoning characters as aroace in media w/o explicit aroace characters. what u must remember is that youre always right all of the time and if u think a character is aroace they literlaly are hope this helps ^_^ but yeah dakota's got those vibes from what im hearing Godd bless <3

okay yes i am even more on board w this GET THE GHOSTKICKS SWEEP ON THAT TWITTER POLL I RBED FROM BRACKETT A BIT AGO !!! its a win for the aro community !!!

[watchinglikeafangirl]

The way they handled Type’s trauma

I thought I would never come to the taste of thinking about TharnType ever again but here we are. Whose fault is that? The peaceful nature’s. How dare it let my thoughts wander and why bring up TharnType all of a sudden, brain?

I think I don’t have to tell anyone here what a f***ed up show TharnType was and why I mainly wanted to forget about it, but we’re going to dig a little bit deeper into one of the aspects that made this show so unlogical and showed its inconcistency: the way Type’s childhood trauma was handled. The inconsistency concerning that aspect mostly shows during the second season because that’s when it all went down to sh*t. I still think - though I’m not proud to say this - TharnType season one was a guilty pleasure. Yes, they are toxic and the end fight was really something else, but I somehow found it enjoyable enough to keep at it. I was at least a bit invested and I have to give Tee (the director) all the credits for that because I believe it’s totally on him that the show was watchable. The story was garbage from the very beginning but at least he made it work. It didn’t look that bad any more - not until you sat down and reminisced about the plot, but that’s not his fault. Tee totally nailed it with “Lovely Writer”, so yes, directors have a lot to say and when they changed directors for season two, the endproduct made me wanna run away from my phone. I don’t even know why I kept watching. I guess because it was an internet joke to do so. Just like the people still watching Riverdale: because it’s so bad, it’s nearly not funny any more but somehow compelling.

season one

This season starts off with a very important piece of information of Type: he is homophobic. We don’t get a real reason for a long time because he didn’t really bring up arguments against homosexuality. He was just against queer people, period. It takes a while before Type opens up to Tharn about why he is so afraid of homosexual men explicitly. Until then, there’s a lot of weird, uncomfortable sexual tension between them with Tharn basically dragging Type against a wall or something, so he can’t escape him. Yeah, this toxicness of their relationship is a different topic...

To be honest, I didn’t expect Type’s reason to be that shocking. I had tears in my eyes when he talked about being molested as a child because this is just something one doesn’t expect. It’s such an aweful action and experience, I can’t imagine. So, yeah, the reason for his fear of gay men comes from this childhood trauma and it literally explains everything.

He had nightmares of that day. He was obviously scared of his feelings because in his head that would mean being like his molester. And he didn’t want to be the center of someone’s attention again since his family pressed charges after he was molested. Actually, the reason why Type was  so violent the whole time was to make others stay away from him, so he won’t ever be the talk of town again. If you’re untouchable nobody dares to try, so you live isolated from the world. It’s some sort of self-protection. It goes that far that he rejects gay men to have anything to do with him. He only met one homosexual up until this point at that meeting was traumatizing, so it makes sense for his character to be scared, to be hauted by that fear. But since Tharn is pretty needy, Type can’t escape him. His self-protection still kicks in because later, he refuses to define himself as gay. Being gay would mean being like his molester or at least, share something with him which is a terrifying thought.

The scene when Type tells Tharn about his horrible life experience, it was probably the most touching scene of the whole show and no other scene follows on this list. No, their break-up doesn’t count for me because I giggled the whole time because of the acting lmao. Sorry but no. Anyway, that scene indeed was touching and I was really shocked. The way Tharn then stops Type from telling any more felt realistic and this whole situation was very private. Just two people getting to know each other deeper. And all the ugly things included.

But - there’s always a but with TharnType - after the confession, nobody seems to care any more. It’s like letting the audience know was the missio here and it’s accomplished now, so let’s move on. Let’s not discuss how much it still affects Type. In fact, let him look like a total a**hole and a bully. Tharn is not more gentle with Type, pushes him even more into telling others though Type needs to sort his struggles out alone first. But then, Type doesn’t give a damn as well and they don’t talk about this topic again. Then, their relationship is more important.

Later this season, Type’s dad even nealy makes a joke about the whole trauma and I find that a bit disturbing. But again, Type is not touched by it. It seems like he doesn’t remember it, like this information was never given to us. It’s very odd but okay. The fight with Llong took more time though it was played out in a very boring way.

season two

Okay, season one was fine compared to this aweful masterpiece called “TharnType: 7 years of love”. It’s been seven years and the relationship didn’t make ANY progress. Type still hasn’t outed himself to the world and they are still jealous of women. So much inconsistency, it hurts. But let me just continue talking only about Type’s trauma because season two just walked over it.

In the beginning, Type’s behavior still mirrors that trauma. It is still visible because he doesn’t tell anyone about his boss keeping an eye on him. Why is that? Because he is again the victim of harassment and is too afraid to admit it, even to himself, because that would mean casting attention onto him. He can’t let this fear of events repeating go, he can’t shake it off. It’s again his self-protection to not let bad memories get ahead of him and mess with his thoughts. Labeling something as harassment might cause his nightmares to return because a trauma doesn’t leave your mind entirely. The bad night and days turn into bad moments but it still returns to you over and over again, but Tharn seems to have forgotten that. He seems to have forgotten his partner he shares a bed with gets heavy nightmares whenever he feels pressured. Tharn continues pushing Type to marriage and talking more about the stress at work. He doesn’t care because Tharn is selfish just like Type. The trust issues surrounding their relationship are ridicolous. Seven years for god’s sake!

Well that is that. I just wanted to point out Type’s trauma is still visibly sticking to him. But this season turns around completely with the whole Fiat kidnapping. That’s the moment when things stop to make sense entirely because Type seems to have forgotten everything about his trauma. He comes up with the plan to kidnap Fiat, forcing someone with a boyfriend to flirt with him, lets Leo watch all of this whilst feeling like the smartest person in the room. But man, did you forget you’re making Fiat the victim of abusement, just like you are one?! Why the hell did he do that? To punish Fiat? It freaking looks like he’s about to r*pe him! Shouldn’t Type know from personal experience how much such events affect a person? Fiat must’ve felt weak, scared - more like terrified - and helpless. It leaves a scar Type can tell a story about but he forgot. He forgot that with doing this, he’s not much better than his molester which would’ve originally been a no-go for him but I guess, he reached his lowest point here and there's no turning back. He doesn't seem to regret it anytime later because he doesn't even tell Tharn...

conclusion

It's is obvious the card of the trauma is only played when they have no other idea of explaining situations. The characters constantly forget about it until it's important again which shows exactly, the writers didn't care enough. Or MAME didn't care enough which she would set me on fire for but teh inconsistency is undenieable. It seems like it wasn't the original plan to give Type a tragic background but the story was too boring without it but some scenes wouldn't've worked normally because of the trauma. Type would never have kidnapped Fiat! But who am I telling this? You already know...

Yeah well, I guess we can agree season one at least knew what it was and tried to work with that and season two just totally lost its purpose.

[orestes-hungry-and-pylades-sober]

Les Miserables Stonewall AU

Just hear me out for a moment: Les Mis AU taking place in 1969 Manhattan. June, if we want to be specific. Why June? Stonewall.

So my school does these trips every few years that are always a big deal. A really big deal. As in, a month in the Galapagos Islands. It got canceled cause of covid but still, y'all get my point, right?

I also came across these two amazing drawings the other day. I don't know either of the artists so if you do, please let me know so that I can credit them. Not my art

The art and the trip gave me the idea. Because look, pretty much the entire fandom ships e/R. And then there's Courf and Ferre, and everyone else. I'll list them all later.

So we end up with les amis in Manhattan during the Stonewall riots and protests. Obviously, they're going to get themselves caught up in it, right?

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There are two ways I might want to go with this. They're both good and they could both work out well but I'm not sure which one I'd rather use.

    1) they're just all students at the same university who happen to be going on the trip together. Obviously, some of them would already know each other (like R has been completely in love with Enj for years) but realistically, you don't know everyone who goes to your school

    2) all of them are part of the drama/theatre club. This one might work out in the sense that they're all going to Broadway to watch a performance or perform themselves (Phantom maybe?), and that the theatre club has become an accidental hidden magnet for closed queers. Tbh that's what it's like at my school and why I'm in drama.

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And here are basically all of the character roles.

Enjolras - Social equality/civics minor. He hasn't yet decided if he wants to pursue a higher degree in the same field or try something else. Often in detention or something because he gets into fights all the time. If he sees a bully picking on a kid, he will not hesitate to kick the bully's ass into next week. He's that one person that you'd go to if you had a problem, kinda like a school vigilante. A girl being harassed? Talk to Enjy and the man will never bother her again. He organizes a bunch of rallies and protests for what he believes in. Should've probably been suspended or expelled a while ago, for all the people he's hurt, but the teachers and school board know why he does it and know that he keeps the other students safe. Still manages to get really good grades, as long as he gets a bit of help from Ferre or Courf (and they're glad to help him study or smth)

Grantaire - slightly sketchy fine arts and music double major. He's a composer and his music is beautiful, and so are his paintings, but while he's amazing in those classes, he's just barely scraping by in the more 'academic' classes he's taking. Everyone knows him as 'the problem kid' but not in the same way as Enjy. R gets into fights and stuff too, but not exactly for good reasons. Has a drinking problem and has turned up to class drunk on a few occasions. Always carries around a sketchbook. He's completely in love with Enjy, and while the two of them aren't exactly friends, Enj likes him a lot more than most of the other students, since he's actually taken the time to get to know Grantaire personally rather than just as 'that one drunk problem kid who's about to flunk out.' Really sarcastic and sassy.

Combeferre - (y'all, I said his name with the E at the end kinda like 'ferreh' for so fucking long before someone decided to say it rhymed with Javert). Philosophy minor, lit major. He's probably on the student representation board. That one kid that manages to be a total nerd who literally corrects the dictionary for fun yet is still one of the coolest kids in the school. Everyone seems to think he's cool and composed and calm, and they're not wrong, but he's mentally screaming the loudest of all of them when it comes to finals or something. He's a bit of a perfectionist and knows it, but he's also used to being able to easily pass his classes. How do I describe this... he's outwardly composed but internally a mess. A lot of kids known as 'the smart one' who are overachievers and have teachers who praise their work, etc, are. Internally screaming 24/7. Believe me, I know what it's like.

Courfeyrac - he's the only mutual friend of everyone in the group. He's a literal ray of sunshine and always will go out of his way to say hello to someone and ask how they're doing that day, and check up on someone who's looking down. He's really good with kids and people in general. Might run a tutoring group or something because I've always thought he'd make a really good teacher. (Just imagine Courf as an elementary school teacher or something. Carrying little kids around on his shoulders, helping them with art projects, and hanging them up all over the classroom. He'd be kind and patient and funny and everyone would love him. Just- elementary teacher Courf). Best friends with Combeferre. Probably Jvj's aide or TA or something.

Marius - I think we all know him. He just Pontmercys his way through university and has a massive crush on this one girl who sits across the aisle from him in one of his classes. She's pretty and brave and smart and outspoken, and he admires her. Eponine, his good friend, sees this crush and convinces him to talk to her. He has a brilliant idea to ask her for help with homework and just botches up the entire thing and kinda embarrasses himself, (cue Eponine facepalming in the background) but she thinks it's sweet, and they end up becoming friends.

Eponine - honestly I don't know what I want to do with her. I know she's another student on the trip, but I only have the vaguest ideas of how she fits into the group, and even that is more of a vibe, rather than something I can put down in words. Used to have a sister that her parents often abused and used. Ponine did her best to shelter Cosette from their parents, but she didn't always succeed. However, she was able to get help and get her sister taken away. Their parents turned on Ponine instead. Her little brother ended up running away, but she wasn't able to. Eventually, she stops going home at night, sleeping at school instead. Professor Valjean found her outside his classroom one time when he finally left at like 2 in the morning after being stuck there grading papers. He ended up taking her home with him.

Cosette - Eponine's "sister". I will insist on these two getting along and being best friends, regardless of how you want to interpret their canon relationship. Imma just call them sisters, since they were raised that way. Eventually, she's taken away from the abusive household she lived in as a child. Soon she was sent to be fostered with a man who later became a university professor. Much to her surprise, she was reunited with her sister in a class and found out what had happened to Eponine in her absence. She quietly brought the issue up to her adopted father.

Valjean - history prof, and the supervising teacher for the trip. I call him Jvj and pronounce it sort of like 'Jivvy' and yes I know that's not even how it would be said and that it's weird af but I will live and die by that nickname. He's that one professor that everyone loves. While he never brings it up, his house is a second home to Eponine and Gavroche, ever since he found Ponine sleeping on a bench outside his classroom (Cosette may or may not have set this up so that he would find her), and now he has three children instead of just Cosette. By the end of the trip, he ends up with like 20 students who all treat him like he's their father.

Javert - ex-military school dean. He's coming on the trip as well because the school's two biggest problem students - Enj and R - are going on the trip and he doesn't trust Jvj to keep them in line. Everyone knows there's some sort of drama between him and one of the history professors, but no one can figure out the story between the two of them.

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Oh well look at me, totally ignoring the thing I said about them all not knowing each other. Welp. And yeah, I know I'm not being the most brick-accurate when it comes to their personalities or whatever, but I'm trying to keep the main feel of each of them while modifying it in a way that works for what I'm trying to write. And look if y'all want to make suggestions about roles for the other amis please go ahead cause I only really have theories for a few of them.

So anyway on to the actual plot.

They all settle in and the next day, they're kinda just let loose in the city to explore. Look we all know that Grantaire is probably going to try to find a bar or a pub or something. The thing is... he ends up at the Stonewall Inn. For y'all that don't know, it was a bar that mainly catered to members of the LGBT+ community. For the first time, he's kinda like 'there are... other people like me? I'm not some sort of a freak for being a man who's in love with another man?' and all that. Through some turn of events, Enj and R (maybe even a group of them?) end up there the next night. I remember reading this thing about since how common police raids and in order to avoid undercover police (*glares at Jav*) there were all sorts of safety measures in place and to be allowed in, they had to 'look gay' and you can bet R takes full advantage of the fact that he's there with Enj to get in.

The police conduct a surprise raid on the bar, and it explodes from just a regular thing into a massive deal, with a massive crowd of spectators. It quickly becomes more and more heated and eventually violent. They fight back against the police because you know neither of them would ever go quietly. Enj and R end up getting arrested together before everything goes insanely out of control, and if anyone else from their group was there, they manage to get away. In prison, Enjy talks to R about the whole deal. Through that conversation, they discuss the LGBT+ movement (though I can't remember if it was called that at the time) and Enjy eventually admits he's not straight, and one of the reasons he ended up becoming the School Vigilante is because he used to be tormented for it, and taught himself how to fight back. He refuses to let anyone else go through the same suffering for it. His protection soon extended to anyone being bullied and picked on, not just fellow queer people. The two of them decide that something has to be done, and this is the start of something massive. Enj tells R that he'll be going back whenever they get released, and Grantaire agrees to go with him.

Jav and Jvj come and negotiate for the release of the two of them since they're visiting French students and all that. When they get back to the place they're staying, I imagine they get a massive yelling-at from Ferre and Courf and Ponine. None of them know the full story, only that the two of them were caught in a bar and got arrested. I'm not sure how old all of them are in this... they're all over 18 in the novel (if I've done my math right) so they weren't arrested for being underage, so there are all sorts of rumors flying around about the two of them.

The next day, someone, I'm not sure who, overhears the two of them discussing what happened the night before, though they've both agreed not to mention anything personal about each other, in case that exact situation of being overheard occurs. However, the person who listens in on them goes to the rest of the group and talks about the protests, and eventually come to the decision that yes, what's happening is a massive deal, and they kinda all want to be part of it? Even if not all of them are part of the community, like Marius and Cosette, they're all very supportive allies and agree to join in these protests. Enj and R try to sneak out when they're confronted with the rest of the students. The two of them think the others are going to try to stop them until Courf steps up and says "like hell we're letting you do this alone,"

They all meet up before the Stonewall, joining a crowd of over a thousand people, surging against the police cordons. The bar itself has smashed windows and looks like someone tried to burn it, but it's still defiantly staying open. R gets his hands on a bunch of rainbow spray paint and joins in a group grafitting walls and buildings. Is grafitting even a word? Grafitti-ing? I dunno. But I had to look up when spray paint was invented and began being used and now I can tell you all about the history of aerosol. Being a writer, right?

They stick around for the rest of the week, joining in various rallies and protests at night, participating in the actual point of their trip during the day. Jav and Jvj obviously know what their students are doing, but they’ve both decided to not mention it at all.

One morning after the group has been out all night, they all escape the chaos and catch rides to Central Park? Maybe? I’ll have to see if that’s even possible. More research, yay!

Anyway, probably Central Park. I don’t really care how improbable it is rn. And we just get a series of shots of all the couples together who’ve found each other.

Enjolras and Grantaire, Courfeyrac and Combeferre, Joly and Bossuet, Bahorel and Feully, Maruis and Cosette. I’m going for lesbian or ace Eponine. Maybe both? If anyone else has suggestions, please lemme know.

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The only problem is, will I ever get around to actually writing this? No, probably not.

Sorry for the long post! Look I get that people feel weird leaving long replies or whatever but I promise you it's totally okay. More responses = me being more likely to actually write this, please and thank you! I'll probably come back to this someday and see if I can update it and add even more ideas and stuff to it, because I feel like I could turn this into a pretty cool fic, if anyone's even interested in it. Thank you so much, everyone!

[curious-minx]

Bob’s Burgers most reliable holiday  provides another lowkey enjoyable, but messy episode. Whereas the latest Simpsons strikes a really sore vocal node.

The second holiday episode of Bob’s Burgers’ 11th season, much like the previous Halloween episode, this one also fails to live up to the series’ even higher Thanksgiving standard

 That’s not to say “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid” is not a good episode, but it does fall into the category of Bob’s Burgers episode I typically respond to the least: Character-based storytelling vignettes. The writing on these segment driven episodes tend to be looser and  playful bending the show’s reality, but much like every time the other Fox family leaves the Springfield plane of reality into a pastiche styled playground for the writers to plug the characters into.

The overall animation and visual-based gags on this episode offers some of the best moments of the season and series in general. Having the Belcher stories revolve around action movie pastiches of 90’s action movie schlock like Air Force Once, Armageddon, and late 80’s Predator  are extremely punny and really grasping hard for satire. The walk to Louise’s Breadator is succinct and makes total sense for Louise’s character to tell this kind of story, whereas Tina drawing inspiration from Air Force One for her story sags the episode down. This episode also has the gall to bring in Gayle, a character that usually elevates all of her episodes nothing much to do until the third and best segment told by Bob. Teddie is also frustratingly nowhere to be seen and Teddie is one of those characters that really only needs a small scene explaining away  his absence like in the episode “Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled,” which Variety and I consider to be among the best of Bob’s Thanksgiving episodes. 

Nitpicks and reminiscing on past glories aside, what’s most impressive about an episode as conceptual and overstuffed as this one, an episode that’s also poopy and gross-out from the very beginning, still manages to pack undeniable heart. Seeing a character as relatable and sad sack-y as Bob Belcher be passionate about his one favorite holiday reminds me of the everlasting and evergreen Ray Bradbury remark about how everyone is capable of writing poetry as long as you ask them to talk about something they are truly passionate about. Seeing how this episode climax revolves around Gene and Bob’s love of food and proves a powerful sentimental moment. Bob’s Burgers sentimentality works because the show’s core is silly absurdism, light and fluffy gross out gags and quirky twee-ness. Introducing the action movie element feels like the series trying to branch out its audience and try to catch some eyeballs of viewers looking for something more like Archer, American Dad, Rick and Morty, or even Treehouse of Horror style genre exercises.  Bob’s Burgers and action comedy feels like putting garlic pesto on cinnamon toast, but Ryan Reynolds doesn’t think so.

Yes, that’s right. The biggest news out of the Bob’s Burgers camp…probably ever…is that the Molyneux sisters, the writers of this very action packed episode, have been hand selected by Mr. Detective “VanWilder” Pickachu himself to be head writers on the upcoming third Deadpool movie. Seeing that we live in a post Russo brothers world and how Dan Harmon was conscripted to punch up Doctor Strange scripts none of this should really surprise me, but I am still very much surprised by this development. The Deadpool 3 creative team and Reynolds is still promising to deliver an R-Rated Comedy, a rating and promise that is very much why Deadpool is the sensation that it is. 

In the current media landscape the only way a big budget R-Rated comedy can get made is if it’s attached to something like a mega superhero sized brand. At this point in time Deadpool is the closest thing kids have to a Mel or Al Brooks and it is what it is. If anything Ryan Reynolds personally choosing the Molyneux sisters for a project like this makes me like Ryan Reynolds a little bit more. And he’s a man I previously had no real feelings or opinions about. The only other thing about Deadpool I know about is that the franchise has developed a particularly shitty reputation in terms of its treatment of main female characters and literally freezing them out of the plot. The future of comedy is being driven by the significant increase of women gaining these kind of writing gigs and it’s a beautiful thing to finally see witness. Especially when a company like Netflix has been really shitty to both of its own female driven comedies: Glow and Tucca and Bertie.

Sigh. I am thankful for all the sad little boys and girls wearing too much or maybe the right amount of eye shadow that will inherit this flaming Earth.

Three and half pear shaped pals out of an Oedipus Rex Complex. 

////

Nerds! Nothing but a lousy rotten sniveling dweeb! You dorkus-rex! You body pillow huffing geek get over here and let the Simpsons set some things straight for you: A Comic Book Guy driven episode of the Simpsons is often where the show goes off the rails. The Comic Book Guy marriage episode is was one of those late day Simpsons that feel like a bad piece of dreamed up fan fiction that you found on the cutting room floor. Is the show interested at all with the fact that comics and being nerdy have become as mainstream as the Bible? No? They’re still treating geek culture as some sort of low hanging piñata fruit lousy with cheap references in place of actual jokes? Good! I don’t know why I would ever allow myself to think for a second that the Simpsons would challenge its own status quo 32 seasons in, but I keep coming back. 

What I should really do is back up. The title of this episode is “Three Dreams Denied.” Ah, Dream Denial! That’s exactly what anyone watching an animated sitcom hopes for: dreams being crushed. This isn’t some kiddy Davy and Goliath feel good wholesome fable, this is the Simpsons where characters are given dreams, and those dreams get denied. The next part of the title I want to break down is the fact that there are specifically three dreams that being denied. Three! That’s a comedy number! As long as you have three of anything you’re doing comedy. Plain and simple.

During the Robert Zemeicks arc of the Blank Check podcast Griffin Newman, co-host and comedian extraordinaire and someone I generally admire a lot, has been bringing up the fact that he’s been spending a lot of his Quarantine rewatching the entirety of the Simpsons. By the episode of Used Cars Newman has already gotten past the Movie era and is in the 20th seasons. One observation he made about later day Simpsons is that these episodes have a tendency to end abruptly on a pile of unusable and reality bending plots still in the process of tying themselves up. And there’s no better/worse example of this than this episode. 

Comic Book Guy goes to a comic book convention. Bart becomes a voice actor after befriending the comic book guy’s temporary replacement. Lisa feuds over her saxophone chair in the school orchestra with a new pretty boy voiced by the underwhelming Ben Platt. One of these plots is not like the other. This used to be the signature of a quality Simpsons episode that managed to tweak and divert expectations from the typical A & B sitcom storylines. This episode fundamentally fails to deliver on any of the three storylines and what makes it worse is that it’s an intentional choice. 

Now I know I have spent this review harping on Comic Book Guy, but he’s not even why this episode for me is such an abomination. And it’s not because the cutesy, flimsy Lisa subplot either (although I do find it noxiously amusing that a week after an Yeardely Smith took issue with the Queer Interpretation of Lisa would feature her going moony eyed over a boy voiced by a defiantly queer actor), no, what tips this episode into the territory of the truly terrible for me is the Bart becomes a voice actor subplot. 

The only defining quality of season 32 that I can discern is that the flagrant trolling on behalf of the writers. Can you believe we had three vignette driven episodes of the Simpsons in a row? Can you believe we would have meta reality breaking voice actor related moments back to back? When Lisa Simpson’s voice actor Yeardley Smith voiced the real world character of herself in the previous Podcast based episode it was clumsy and awkward as hell. Having Bart become a voice actor that ends up voicing a character of the opposite gender is the sort of kind of a funny thing that resembles a joke that the latter day Simpsons revel in. The characterization of voice acting work in this episode is downright insulting and explains exactly why this show suffers. 

The character of Phil that serves as the Comic Book Guy’s replacement is a working voice actor. He let’s Bart know this by doing a series of completely basic, broad and unremarkable impersonations that Bart is seemingly impressed by. All you have to do to become a successful voice actor is do a silly voice and you’re golden. Maybe from the perspective of a series as lazy and indulgent as the Simpsons is when it comes to voice acting. The complete denial of Julie Kavner’s deteriorating voice that at this point sounds like gentle elder abuse. There are times when Kavner is downright incomprehensible at times. The other oldest member of the Simpsons voice talent, Harry Shearer was wrongheadedly trying to defend his right to voice Characters of Colors because  in his words, “the job of the voice actor is to play someone who they’re not.” Obviously these words were not spoken by someone that thinks very highly of acting either. There is no one job an actor has to do, because the job  of an actor is always changing from job to job. The character of Phil is not even attributed to anyone! I have spent over thirty minutes getting testy with IMDB search engines and reading another website’s recap and no one can tell me who did the voice of the Voice Acting Character on Simpsons. Lovely.

Much like the Comic Book Guy the Simpsons heart is in bad shape. This is a show whose entire existence seems to be made out of spite. Or to garner enough funds for Matt Groening to prevent him from ever having to serve any prison time for his exploits on the Lolita express. Great, see I’m bringing up the Lolita Express at the end of a Simpsons review. This episode really left me in a bad mood, but thankfully that’s what Bob’s Burgers is for. 

SKIP. The only people that should watch this are people teaching a screenwriting class that need examples of what happens when you break your episode by haphazardly shoving three plots into one episode. If you can’t tie up one story in a satisfying manner then you really shouldn’t be telling a story at all. There’s also one really magnificent visual joke involving Homer and beer tea that is absolutely wasted on this episode.

[butterflydm]

links for current & recent media

Since I am watching and posting about these shows and will be doing so in the future, I did want to post the links to the places I’ve been watching at, since as an international fan, watching from the official links is generally the most I can do to support the shows. If you want any kind of personalized content warnings for the ones I’ve already watched, let me know!

Most of these are based on novels, none of which I’ve read yet, unfortunately. I have read a very little of a translation of Mo Dao Zu Shi (the novel The Untamed is based on) but my brainspace has been better situated to watching things than reading things at the moment.

Currently Watching

Until We Meet Again (by Studio Wabi Sabi)

I’m all caught up at episode 16 and am dying. Pls send help.

UWMA is a great show -- it’s a queer reincarnation romance, and it does have MAJOR content warnings for suicide and homophobia, but (imo) it deals with those topics very well. In addition to the romances, it has some great friendships as well. Wonderful acting.

I have two quibbles with the show, one more major (the somewhat erratic narrative flow for the side couple) and one that’s just a line here or there (cw: body-shaming, basically), but the main plotline is just... deep and nuanced and the acting in mind-blowingly good. 💖

Why R U? (by LINE TV)

Tonally, this show reminds me of something like The Princess Bride or Galaxy Quest or Clue, in that it feels like a loving and sincere satire of the genre’s conventions that can be funny and silly but then also have genuinely touching emotional beats. It’s laughing with the genre, not at it, I would say.

Saifon & Zon are kinda the more comedic version of the tropes, while Fighter and Tutor are the more drama-based half, but they switch it up sometimes. The tension between Fighter and Tutor is excellent, even if the subtitles are... sometimes less than clear. Watch their faces and their bodies and not the words on the bottom of the screen, tbh (though the most recent week’s subs were better; I heard they got a new translation team?). 💖

Recently Watched

TharnType (by LINE TV)

Special Episode (costs $10 to purchase unlimited streaming; the main series above is free):

I was genuinely blown away by TharnType. It can feel very raw and unfiltered, but in a way that is acted and filmed beautifully. Character growth that is... intense but believable. Complex characters.

It does have some pretty major content warnings but if you’ve watched Black Sails or Spartacus, then it’s in that same kind of ballpark, warning-wise, I would say but again, I can definitely give details if you need them.

The chemistry between the two lead actors is scorchingly hot; it kinda has to be for the story to work, but they have more than enough electricity to pull it off.

The story fits together really well. It’s a relatively straight-forward romance when you break it down, but I find it particularly satisfying how Type and Tharn’s faults move their relationship forward as much as their virtues do. Their relationship starts out so incredibly messy, which is always a favorite thing of mine.

Very much looking forward to season 2 when it airs. 💖

The Untamed | Chen Qing Ling (by Tencent): you can watch it on netflix, or youtube, or viki.com (@three--rings has informed me that viki is official too 💖)

I mean, this show is everywhere right now, but just in case you missed the pitch: charming and chaotic bisexual necromancer demonic cultivator dies but then is brought back and reunites with the love of his life while solving a murder mystery in ancient fantasy China.

It’s about as queer as it could possibly be given Chinese government censorship laws; the acting for the mains is fantastic, the chemistry between the leads is wonderful, it’s PEAK ROMANCE at all times, it has interesting and complicated things to say about family and society. It will give you all the feels. It helped heal my heart so much after the disappointment of The Magicians S4 finale. Infinite gratitude and love for it tbh. 💖💖💖

Planning To Watch Next:

1. Love By Chance: I’ve seen a bit of it already, because I wanted more Type content (and, yes, not the same actor, but it was definitely still Type!), but I haven’t watched it in full yet, so I’m going to officially watch it all after I’m done with UWMA.

2. Joy of Life: not a queer show or a BL but it sounds really intriguing (and Xiao Zhan from CQL has a minor part in some of the ending episodes). Modern-day student is reborn as a baby in ancient fantasy China; it apparently has a lot of humor but also has heart.

3. 3 Will Be Free: I hear this has a poly relationship as the main relationship and they get a happy ending plus the actual story (surviving while on the run from one of the character’s criminal family) sounds intriguing.

4. He’s Coming To Me: Ghost love story with a happy ending. No playlist links available that I’m aware of, but lmk if it sounds interesting to you.

5. HIStory: Cross the Line & HIStory 3: Trapped: I don’t actually know what these are about! I think History is a bit of an anthology show, where each ‘season’ has a different plot? That’s the impression that I get. These are both on viki.com so that’s where I’ll be watching them.

6. Dark Blue Kiss: I think this is about an established relationship (and there’s a compliation video called Our Skyy that has the actual ’getting together’ bit & I should watch that first).

[migleefulmoments]

So... Abby responds to her family's intervention by obediently telling them she'll stop (ie. lying to them). She then immediately tries to find ways to keep the blog in secret, hiding behind various usernames, lurking on her coven's blogs, more time deleting posts from both blogs we know about. Meaning, instead of getting help, she spends even MORE time online engaging in more batshit crazy crap to cover her ass. Yeah, sure, that doesn't signal dire need for mental health intervention AT ALL.

It looks like that is what is happening.  We will have to see what the future holds. What does Abby do? 

So far the fandom is flailing. Cassie got a couple of anons- one that reads like those anons Abby used to send herself as it covers all the issues they are most upset about so perfectly well (My comments in parenthesis and italicized:: 

Anonymous asked: Even if I am unsure about CC itself, I don't buy M*arr*n. I just don't. And the other side is using doxing and the fact that you and others say things they don't like about M as an excuse to do so and as a way to detract from the fact that their couple goals have some pretty big, glaring plot holes in their love story. I've not seen anyone on this side of the fandom out or dox anyone publicly as a way of humiliation. M gave up her privacy by dating D, but Abby didn't and they were wrong. Period. 

cassie1022 answered: Nonnie, I swear every time they diagnose us as mentally ill or say we’re bitter hags, an LGBTQ angel gets his or her wings. We all know my beliefs, but there are MANY people that are like you and don’t know for sure about CC but sure as hell know Miarren isn’t a normal, healthy relationship. (Funny thing, I don’t remember anyone diagnosing Cassie as mentally ill. Cassie is alwasy the wallflower that nobody wants to dance with and she tries so hard to be part of the fun people. Last week she was sad because I hadn’t sent her a “hate” message (See comment in last post below) 

Even if I remove D from the situation, I would still think M is a lazy, spoiled toddler with no discernable work ethic coupled with a superiority complex that rivals the Cheeto in Command of the US.

You are absolutely correct. Our fandom just wants to be left alone. We don’t send hateful asks to the other side. We don’t have to. They feel they have the right to dox CCers because they don’t like what we say about M, a woman that would light a cigarette from the flames engulfing them and not call 911 to help them. I mean, honestly, it doesn’t get much lower than mocking someone’s death. Plus, as you correctly said, M put herself in the spotlight “dating” D. If she didn’t want that attention, she would have stayed in the background. There are plenty of celebrities married to non famous people and we don’t see them at every event like we do M. (It is BAFFLING to me that they can’t comprhend something as simple and obvious as the reasaon they “see Mia everywhere” is because they fucking stalk her and they hyperanalzye every photo Darren is in looking for her. If they started stalking Ben Feldman they would see his wife just as much as they see Mia).    

Bottom line is what they did to Abby was deplorable, but, just like their kween, they feel justified in doing whatever they want. This isn’t the first time they’ve crossed a line with regards to my friend, but it was the worst.

notes-from-nowhere Anon, they love to throw the guilt of their actions on our shoulders, it’s how they justify what they do to themselves. They need us to be the bad guys otherwise what is the only option left? (I never know what the hell Notes is trying to say- throw the guilt of our actions on their shoulders? I’d love an example of that. I can’t imagine what guilty action I put on their shoulder. As for needing them to be the bad guys or what do we have left? OMFG are you kidding me? We critcize the cc fandom for being misogynistic, homophobic, bullies who attack  Mia, Darren, Ricky and their own Nonnies. They have viscioulsy attacked people in their own fandom who dared to question them. But the biggest reason we push back is because THEY LIE. All the damn time. So what do we have left? Being on the right side, being correct, not lying, not needing to lie, and the joy of watching Darren live his best life)   

Leka got a couple of asks but her answers were weak, confusing and pointless. It’s clear she isn’t ready to take over as their leader. She repeated Abby’s main talking points, tried to use big words to sound smarter and basically ended up not making a lot of sense:

Anonymous asked: I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but I think the character on the HW poster holding the girl is D's character, it would fit if you look at the other guys on the poster, maybe this is already the first hint to show D's character is not gay and so technically not breaking the no more queer roles rule his team set for him. It won't make it any better because it's still a career on the bag of LGBTQ+ people with it's teams but it's technically not a broken rule. I just really need for things to change, I want them to so bad, it kills me seeing someone so kind in a situation like that, and I truly believe D is one of the kindest people in that horrible town. He deserves better than M, I wouldn’t even mind if he goes onto another beard but she and RR just need to go. I really think it’s crazy people still think everything HW is real and PR relationships don’t exist, I wished that place was just better and had a moral compass, people deserve more it kind of shows just how jaded this situation has made me, I can’t even enjoy amazing promo material without directly twisting it into something negative, I don’t want to be this way and if I feel like this I can’t even imagine how D must feel. He is stronger than I’ll ever be living through hell every day, even if he’s not ok he’s still here and holding on, I don’t know if I could in his position. Sorry for the long message and the unneeded negativity, I guess I just had to vent a little

*********************************

Leka answered: So let’s look at the way HW is described:

“Each character offers a unique glimpse behind the gilded curtain of Hollywood’s Golden Age, spotlighting the unfair systems and biases across race, gender and sexuality that continue to this day. Provocative and incisive, HOLLYWOOD exposes and examines decades-old power dynamics, and what the entertainment landscape might look like if they had been dismantled.”

I do consider this the very intriguing thing about the news. (And it just goes to show that believing everything you’re sold is being utterly and completely ignorant.) Let’s say you’re right because ofc it’s possible. How does R/aymond fit in here? Given the excessive way team shit has pushed that article, a technicality won’t be good enough. There has to be a better plan. This doesn’t match what’s been said in his name.

What I think is this doesn’t necessarily have to mean much. You know very well what you see doesn’t have to be the (full) truth. That doesn’t just apply to the real HW. Especially considering the time period of this show. And let’s not forget the pap pics we got at a gas station. This doesn’t rule out SB as an inspiration. I would advise anyone to read up on him. We don’t know at this point. As we keep saying, the best thing to do is to wait and see. I’m certainly interested in finding out more.

As time goes on, the danger of this situation keeps becoming even clearer to me. D deserves much, much better. He’s incredibly strong, but the most toxic person in his life needs to go and she’s more than welcome to take the jumping jackass with her. That’s definitely the most important thing right now. (I’m curious what the danger of Hollywood is?)

awesome-fanfictionada: @leka-1998I’m just wondering - it must have been D who got himself this job on HW, right? Couldn’t this have been done on purpose to counter that ridiculous statement - which wasn’t even accurate, if the source was that interview where he stated that he wouldn’t want to be a casting director? Could in this case RM be a friend?

leka-1998:  @awesome-fanfictionada Yes, he did that himself. Again. And he said the show’s been sold late in 2018. According to an article that came out later, it happened in February 2019. Not true.

HW has been a thing before that statement was made, which is indeed very different from the answer D himself gave during the interview. That’s what makes the article seem like sabotage by team shit. And standing in RM’s way is never a good idea. So while I will obviously never like him, I’m reserving judgment on his current role until we know more.

Anonymous asked: The underlying issue in general is really that social media has made it so people think they get an accurate glimpse into the lives of celebrities, when in reality social media, like everything else that is publicly released about them, is used as a marketing tool. People are actually more inauthentic than they've ever been because they feel pressure to maintain a certain image for social media at all times. So anyone who decides D is living honestly, it's because they want to believe he is.

Leka: True, nonnie. Just look at the text lines that are becoming more popular again. Not nearly as genuine as people want to believe. In D’s case, what has to be brought up? M. Oh Halloween and her amazing shopping skills praised on SM. The work fam honeymoon pic promoting the place they stayed at. Coa/chella for the H&M ad. Mardi Gras posted shortly after the mockery to promote the designer. I could obviously go on. Most of what we see on SM shows the person the 10 year crew wants him to be. And what looks like a split personality if you compare certain posts. Which brings me back to ‘they want to believe’, as what you’re saying clearly isn’t a secret. Anyone can choose to ignore it but at this point, if that’s the case even though you’re more or less paying attention, it’s really a conscious decision.

Oh btw, there’s a HW IG account now and it already has a D follow. Imagine that. R/oyalties co-stars, anyone?

Flowers didn’t get any asks. Amazing since she has more followers than I do and she bragged about getting more “notes” than me.  She did answer azscc who posted an odd rant that baffles me.  Who the fuck is azscc and who is posting anything about her? I realize I am not the only person in this fandom posting about ccers But I just checked all the blogs that I know of and nobody is talking about her; 

azsc  its so weird how chillarrens call me a bully while i only say something rude towards them if they write bullshit towards me. and its just ironic how chillarrens go around calling people bullies while they are the reason why tons of cc accounts use their accounts private or don’t post their opinions and etc. the real threat to the fandom are people like you. so instead of going around throwing shit on people and calling them “mental, delusional...” get a life. no cc believer goes around hunting for chillarren pics and insult the account owner so why don’t you all grow up and realize no one has to agree with your opinions. every crisscolfer blog/twitter page/insta acc basically stan accs never asked for your opinions on their pages so why don’t you just let it go? no one cares about what you all say or do so why are you forcing it this much?

call me a bully i am pretty much okay with that. its obvious that people are unable to understand basic sarcasm and irony and i am not judging because to actually understand what people say you have to at least have an average IQ level. and if you don’t have it, it’s okay but that doesn’t mean you can twist people’s words and post them all over the internet. but its lowkey really funny that i only had my instagram acc for something like 4/5 months and i received over 300 hate/insult/blackmail/death wish messages and etc. and who are you people to call us bullies? (Nobody is a Chillarren. Darren and Mia are married and Chris and Will are in a long-term relationsihp,  Nobody has to “ship” them in order to believe they are together. In America, we accept that when someone introduces their wife or their boyfriend they are telling the truth. It is customary to address that person as their wife or boyfriend respectively. The crisscolfers on the other hand, must use a fandom ship name because they are shipping two people who are not in a relationship and never were. All evidence indicates Chris and Darren are no long friends; they are nothing more than former co-workers-friendly and polite when they see one another but no longer involved in one another’s lives. Chris and Darren both have denied (more than once) that the were ever in a relationship).  .   

flowersintheattic254 I have never in my whole time here posted an anon to a Miarren account. I have no desire to. I’m confident in my beliefs.

The interesting thing for me is that I’ve been here for about four years now and in that time I’ve seen the head of the fandom disappear, other people disappear because their families have been doxed, established long-term cc blogs with a wealth of history deleted without warning. I myself have had my daughters threatened.  This sort of stuff doesn’t happen anywhere in the fandom but here here. If we are a bunch of delusional crazy middle-aged women then this shouldn’t happen. (Who was doxed? Who dissappered? It’s all “liar liar” with everything ccers say. In the last 4 years Abby has been the only leader of the cc fandom. Michelle left between 4 and 5 years ago because her outrageious cc comments threatened her ability to raise money for her little Klaine-fanfic rip-off movie. I vaguely remember someone asking flowers how her daugther’s would feel if they read what she writes- hardly a threat. If there was something more she never posted any proof. As for blogs being deleted- so was D-Criss News.  It happens. The only cc blog that I know of that disappeared was DisneyPrincessModelWorld’s original blog which had was a hot mess of lies and catfishing. She visciously bullied Mia. Hardly someone to mourn their blog being deleted). 

It’s shocking that an actor may lgbt causes such drama. (HUH?)

Flower’s comment is so disingenuous. While it is technically true -she hasn’t sent me anons, she HAS instead publically ridiculed me and frankly, I can’t see how that is any different? I’d say it’s worse because they wanted their followers to see what they wrote and the only way to ensure that is to post it on their blogs. Flowers and Abby posted many public “Michy” posts.  Here is her most recent: 

flowersintheattic254Oh and I guess Michy sent us all some hate today.

I guess I have way more followers than you and only about 4 that send hate. You haven’t for ages.

I think I have over 70,000 hits currently to my blog. I must be saying something interesting.

He’s been married allegedly for a year and people still doubt. That’s gotta hurt you. Anyway......

✌️

ajw720 Michy told me today today that the outing couldn’t possibly be promo, because JS was only cast in September!  What a moron who clearly doesn’t know how HW works.  Sweetheart, it was ANNOUNCED in September;)

I was waiting for a few more months, but in 4 years, since i have been tracking, i have almost a million! (976,695 to be precise).

It is amazing that so many people care about what us bat shit crazy, irrelevant, psychologically unstable, threatening, hateful tin hats have to say!  And that does not include people reading on their dash or that hit you on the app!  So yep, Michy, clearly what we are saying is being monitored by someone.  And clearing making people think!! But you keep wasting your time writing for your audience of 4:)

cassie102 I feel left out, Michy didn't come at me today. Must hurt like hell knowing you're a joke that perpetuates a bigger joke.

leka-1998 Birds of a fake feather flock together. When the right person says tomorrow’s Christmas, tomorrow’s Christmas. Get ready, everyone.

If I narrow it down to the last six months, about 10,000 btw. Hm strange.

flowersintheattic254 @ajw720 the number of hits you have give me oxygen. If Michy thinks they are haters then she is delusional. People know when they are being sold something fake and they look for answers.

[awrldalone]

27th June 2021, 11.08pm

Yesterday I cleaned my room and brought back all the books I had moved in another room. It gave life to the space. When I grow up, if I grow up, I want at least one book in every room; even the bathroom, for books fill with stories and memories and brightness any place. 

I also made a new tumblr blog, specifically for eating disorders, because these days I feel like I have been going insane because of food. I need to get a hold of myself. I feel distressed. Distress is the word that describes my mood the best.

This morning I taped pictures to my walls. I have this fujifilm camera that prints instant film, and I have had it for years - since 2016 at least - so I have a lot of instant photos. While taping them to my walls, I noticed how little people I had photographed. It was sad, lonely. Film is expensive, and up until recently I had never met people I would take pictures of. 

When I will be in Paris, things will be different. Part of the fun of instant cameras is gifting the photos, and remembering the people. Instead, I have a lot of photos which, although beautiful, have tied to them a lonesome misery.

At around 5, I was in Venice to meet Fi. He is a classmate of mine, and yesterday he asked me whether I wanted to go to this small conference organised by a local youth group, held by a queer speaker. It was about gender. Of course I said yes, they even offered a drink for only two euros. 

Overall, the conference was boring: I already knew everything, and I agreed with everything. I wanted my ideas to be challenged, or explained better than I ever could. I know how to develop a lot of those concepts in English, since that is the language of the texts I read about them, and I hoped that this conference would help me extend my vocabulary and fluency in Italian regarding these topics. It did not. Some people had no basic notion of gender, so everything was very basic.

I liked the speaker. He was a queer trans man, and he specifically said he liked the word. And so I said that so do I. The conference was more like a chat. A symposium if you will. I said that I liked it because it used to be a slur, because it means odd, weird, strange, and reclaiming it makes sense to me. Besides, it does not constrict sexuality or gender. 

Although I did get bored at times - especially when they started going on a tangent about polygamy: while I do understand how some people might like it, I could never be in an open relationship - I met a lot of new people. Queer people. There was this guy who kept looking at me, and every time I looked at him, he looked away. He blushed. He’s a first year Oriental Studies student, at University, and he spoke very softly. I do not remember his name, though. They said they were going to make a group chat with everyone, but I do not know how they will get anyone’s number. 

At one point, F. – beekeeper guy – showed up. He did not look at me. He looked very handsome in the shade. I tried to say hi but his eyes would not cross mine, until I just called his name and he waved his hand and smiled. We are going out on Wednesday, one last time before I leave for a while. He got a 100 at the Maturità, which is the highest grade. I’m happy for him.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about sex positions. Nothing too dirty. The notions of top, bottom, vers are so incredibly stupid. Gay people’s tendency to attempt to stick to heteronormativity annoys me: the concept of top as masculine and rough, and the concept of bottom as feminine and fragile are useless. I think I like both, which would make me versatile. I have come to the conclusion I am a very dual person, flexible and varied, and I am proud fo that. Obviously, this does not only apply to sex. 

What has made me ponder a lot is N. He is very sweet, and cute, and I want to kiss him and make him feel safe between my arms - but he lives in England. 

On the other hand, if I lived nearer with R., my Canadian friend, I would surely fall for him worse than I have ever fallen for anyone. He’s kind, funny, the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. His skin is golden. He still makes me feel things. Hopefully he is moving to London soon, then we might meet. Realistically, nothing is going to happen between us two, but he is still a good friend.

-c.

[girlonfilmmovies]

The Top 25 Films of 2019

25: Shadow (dir. Zhang Yimou)

"Without the real, there can be no shadow. A principle no one's understood."

After a string of terrible films trying to play to Hollywood audiences, Zhang Yimou manages to successfully return to the goldmine he stuck in the early 2000s and craft another absolutely gorgeous wuxia. Here he swaps out the poetic, colorful beauty in favor of monochromatic, surprisingly violent tone poem about deceit. It ultimately works against it, as by the seventh or eighth double cross you kind of just give up trying to figure out who's on what side, but the main action setpiece is so wonderful it deserves a spot for that alone. Hopefully a good sign for Yimou's future, as long as we don't have another nationalist war epic that somehow inexplicably also has a white savior narrative too.

24: Climax (dir. Gaspar Noé)

"...something's kicking in..."

Noe takes us for another plunge into the dark, twisted, vomit-inducing, neon-lit hellscape that is his mind and at least has the common courtesy to put the pleasant parts upfront this time. While it will eventually devolve into the same type of chaos that we all love/hate from him, the first act is kind of a wonderful departure from him. He basically accidently makes a musical for a while, with wonderful and deeply intricate dance choreography as well as a fantastic extended sequence where every character jumps in and out of frame and gets a chance to strut their stuff. That movie would have been a strong top five contender, but alas, the man has his particular quirks that he must abide by. But at least he also strung together probably the best soundtrack and sound design of the year, with the fantastic EDM bangers rumbling through the walls throughout the entirety of the film.

23: Long Shot (dir. Jonathon Levine)

"Oohhh boooy!"

Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen doing a political comedy that manages to be both smart and extremely funny seems like a long shot indeed, but Johnathon Levine finally strikes gold again after a number of disappointing duds. He manages to make a pretty good story about how navigating the political minefield destroys what little hope and dreams high level politicians still manage to have, but then he also happens to make it all absolutely hilarious too. Theron demonstrates a surprisingly strong comic game too, easily matching all the other talent and cracking jokes along with them. It ends up being a charming romance where the woman takes charge in a very pleasant change of pace. And if nothing else, the way Seth Rogen yells "oh boy" in that video is always going to make me laugh no matter what.

22: 6 Underground (dir. Michael Bay)

"Ghosts have one power above all others: to haunt the living. Haunt them... for what they've done."

Theoretical question: what say Netflix gave Michael Bay a blank check and no restrictions, and he turned in the most overblown, dialed to eleven, nonsensical spectacle that he ever crafted and was allowed to put it into almost every American home for free? Now what if I told you that it was actually kind of awesome? Sure, it's basically a child playing with his $150 million dollar GI Joe set, smashing his toys together and making pew-pew sounds, but it's also probably the best testament to the power of conventional effects work over the increasing insistence on CGI for big setpieces. Let's face it: explosions are pretty cool, every one likes exotic locales and bright sports cars, and there's at least someone here to appeal to you (least surprisingly for me, it was Melanie Laurent with bangs wearing a suit). It almost reaches a late Michael Mann kind of abstraction, as both are respectively breaking apart the action movie into stranger combinations. Bay gives plot only because he contractually has to, and even then doesn't seem as committed to characterization as he is showcasing surprisingly brutal ways for the gang to dispatch their enemies. It's nonsense, but the damn best nonsense of the year.

21: Ip Man 4: The Finale (dir. Wilson Yip)

"Is that it?! Is this your Chinese Kung Fu?!"

The finale in the decade-long quadrilogy of supremely silly and borderline racist worship of China finally attempts to tackle America to delightfully amusing results. Scott Adkins doing his best evil R. Lee Ermey impression while slipping in modern neo-con punchlines, neverending Bruce Lee worship, and more nationalism and bad fake American accents than you could ever believe. Yet also a more bizarrely honest portrayal of racism in 1960s America than most movies would ever have the courage to acknowledge. It’s almost fascinating considering how a lot of the non-Asian racism basically serves as set dressing, but they still put more effort there than pretty much every Hollywood movie set in the 60s that isn’t directly about civil rights. But ultimately they're selling you a bill of goods saying "watch Ip Man beat the crap out of racist meatheads" and you better believe they're going to give you what you want.

20: Let It Snow (dir. Luke Snellin)

"Have you ever been with someone, and you stay up until like 4AM just talking about everything, and you're just like, I can't believe I get to exist at the same time as you?"

Okay, so let me explain myself on this one:

So yeah, it certainly is a generic teen romcom where everyone plays into basic teenage stereotypes, half the cast is clearly nowhere near eighteen, and all of the romance is oddly chaste. But there truly is something to be said about representation in a romcom, and after a thousand boring cis, straight, hetero couples falling in love for decades, this movie actually managed to hit a lot of notes that are at best rarely explored in the genre and also manages to probably sneak in some genuine firsts. While both the "tomboy/softboy" and "Latina struggling with her family" storylines have been done before, these are some nice, cute little iterations on those befitting a teen-friendly movie. But the Dorrie/Kerry story is not only legitimately groundbreaking, but also an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the types of problems that queer teenagers struggle with during that time of their lives. It's a queer romance, played by two actually not-straight people, with one of them being a nonbinary actor too. And it's not cordoned off into some bargain bin DIY indie that fell out the back of the truck on the way to an indie film festival; no, this is in a major holiday release, with well-known actors, and as one of the central storylines! Plus, it perfectly captures the woes of modern teen coming out, knowing that everything will probably still be cool, but the fear haunting you as all you can do is look jealously at someone who is out and proud. And it does it without being real shitty and horribly traumatic too. Eat your fucking heart out, Love, Simon!

19. John Wick: Chapter 3 -- Parabellum (dir. Chad Stahelski)

"Si vis pacem, para bellum!"

Another year, another John Wick movie. There's more plot; you don't care, and let's be honest, neither do I. Stahelski is here to serve up more badass characters and incredible action, and no one in Hollywood does it quite like him. It's got familiar action favorites demonstrating why they still remain supreme, with Yayan Ruhian, Cecep Arif Rahman, Tiger Chen, and the ever underrated Mark Dascascos. It's got surprising action showcases for Halle Berry, Lance Reddick, and somehow Boban Marjanović. It's got great character actors doing their thing, from the returning McShane and Fishburne to newcomers Saïd Taghmaoui and Anjelica Huston. It's got Asia Kate Dillon as an awesome nonbinary shadow organization asshole. It has a bewildering Jason Mantzoukas cameo. And above all else, it has Keanu Reeves, still demonstrating not only his incredible physical skill, but also how to perfectly utilize his particular acting style to create an iconic character.

18. Doctor Sleep (dir. Mike Flanagan)

"Man takes a drink. A drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes a man."

While not the most accurate adaption, it might be the only Stephen King adaptation that comes to mind that actually successfully channels what makes him such an appealing author. King's stories have an inherent corniness to them and for as much as you unsuccessfully try to cover that up (look to this year's The Outsider for a good example), it's where the true charm of his work shines. It's what makes this so fun, because as much as an epic, eldritch terror is exciting, it still doesn't have the goofy fun of a bunch of vampiric bohemian drifters led by a Stevie Knicks knockoff in a top hat breathing up souls. Plus, the epic three hour runtime actually allows Flanagan to at least try to cover all the more subtle serious characterizations of Danny Torrance, from his recurring alcoholism to him seeking closure with regards to his parents. It manages to actually make the final act's nostalgia play kind of work, or at the very least get the terrible memory of the Ready Player One version out of my head.

17. Her Smell (dir. Alex Ross Perry)

"I thought you were better than this, but deep down I knew you weren't."

Perry must have had some extra pent-up nastiness in him after having to restrain himself while writing Christopher Robin (by the way, that happened), because he really created one of the nastiest characters in cinema here. Her Smell is the equivalent of being locked in a room with the shittiest person you'll ever meet, as she constant lashes out at everyone and everything with the kind of delirium that the truly demented are cursed with. And credit to Elizabeth Moss where it's due: she really perfectly embodies such a horrible human being and proceeds beat you damn near to death with it during a majority of the runtime. Eventually it slows down and all of the problems become apparent once they script isn't flying by at a thousand words a minute. But Moss literally did her job so well that people fucking hate this movie because of her character, and if that isn't a testament to her acting talent than I don't know what is.

16. High Life (dir. Claire Denis)

"At 99% the speed of light, the entire sky converged before our eyes. This sensation, moving backwards even though we're moving forwards, getting further from what's getting nearer. Sometimes I just can't stand it."

Denis finally makes her English debut with what she does best: nauseatingly uncomfortable sexuality oozing from terrible people doing horrible things. In this case, she takes an innovative detour into sci-fi, setting up a decades-long story of human experimentation, murder, the horrors of space travel, and whatever unholy things are going on inside of the "Fuck Box". It has an appropriately dingy production design too; the clean retro-futurist spaceship design soon dissolves into a torn apart den of depravity, caked in a mixture of filth and dry blood. Pattinson once again manages to be likeable while also being extremely standoff-ish; only playing with his baby daughter do we seem to see him actually enjoy interacting with a human being. Kind of gets lost in the sauce near the end, but at least manages to land some surprising emotional notes considering the kind of horrors that they've shown up until then.

15. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

"Chinese people have saying: when people get cancer they die. It's not cancer that kills them, it's the fear."

Lulu Wang's followup to Posthumous is such a massive step up in talent it's not even funny. She manages to make such a wonderfully soulful and loving movie about impending death by utilizing near perfect comic timing to defuse a situation that threatens to stray too dark. Not to mention her point of view on modern China from a non state-sponsored eye actually captures a much more accurate shot of the country itself. It's almost as if an Edward Yang movie had set itself more modest expectations -- it's pleasant, goes down well, teaches you a couple of things about Chinese culture, and manages to do it all in only a hundred minutes. And Awkwafina manages to hold her own against far more experienced actors, even if you can tell her Mandarin is still a little spotty.

14. Uncut Gems (dir. Josh and Benny Safdie)

"I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you... And if I had my way I would never see you again."

Adam Sandler's magnum opus performance -- there will never be another character that fully embraces every grating aspect of his style of acting and manages to weaponize them for two anxiety-inducing hours of hell. Sandler's Howard Ratner is an absolute sewer rat scumbag, an untrustworthy coward, and a perennial fuck-up of epic proportions. But he's still so charismatic and powerful on screen that you root for him every time he drives you further up the wall. And the Safdie brothers know how to keep him moving too, never letting the audience catch a breath of air for this movie-length panic attack as the odds stack further against Howard each minute. Whenever you see Sandler phoning in his comedies for fat checks, just remember this performance and how pretty much every awards committee completely ignored this film. No wonder he doesn't bother trying anymore.

13. The Last Black Man In San Francisco (dir. Joe Talbot)

"You don't get to hate it unless you love it."

A wonderfully evocative love letter to a changing city that is so full of life in every way, from the vibrant movement of the camerawork to the bombastic and powerful soundtrack blasting throughout. But it actually plays more like a New Orleans' funeral march, a melancholic chronicle of the original denizens of San Francisco even as the city warps into the caricature that it's slowly becoming. There is a definite feeling that the aggressive gentrification is unavoidable and even the love of the original quirky denizens can only stave off the metaphorical steamroller that paves over the past. It makes for a wonderful counterpoint to the previous year's Blindspotting: both about young black men dealing with gentrification in the Bay Area, but Blindspotting starts as a very angry comic satire that eventually ends on a note of hope and a will to survive the changing tide, whereas this begins as a joyous celebration of the city and ends on a heartbreaking resignation in the face of everything. Both come from respectively very different sides of San Fran culture, but it's rather interesting seeing each have such different approaches to the same topic.

12. The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (dir. Henry Dunham)

"How do we know it's not you?"

A simple "pressure cooker" scenario done to perfection: one empty warehouse, a bunch of hardened standoff-ish militia men, a missing gun, a ticking clock, and a whole lot of suspicious side eyes and probing questions. It helps that the gruff suspects are a perfect who's who of roughened character actors, all previously well-versed in playing suspicious people, and all of them hiding the kind of unspoken rage that makes a man secretly join an armed militia. All of this told with a nerve-wracking minimalism and style as weirdly detached from reality as some of these men are. One hell of a debut for Henry Dunham and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

11. Booksmart (dir. Olivia Wilde)

"How about we play a *rousing* round of J'ACCUSE!"

Profoundly silly and yet also so disarmingly sweet, Olivia Wilde whips a wildly stylized portrait of Gen Z high-schoolers and the many ways that they vastly differ from their older peers. Certainly much more welcoming and accepting of the diversity of teenagers than pretty much any other teen movies from the past, although they still poke fun at some particular brands of modern "wokeness" too. Stuffed to the brim with wonderfully weird characters, between the lovable catty theatre duo of George and Alan, the cringe-inducing desperate rich kid Jared, the endearingly dumb thirstball Theo, the dorky and blissfully unaware queer-bait Ryan, the effortlessly cool and extremely "top energy" Hope, and the absolutely batshit wildness that is Gigi. But mainly it serves as a vehicle for Devers and Feldstein, with both bouncing perfectly back and forth off each other in moments of comedy and drama. Feldstein always pulls off huge laughs pretty much every line and Devers sells a perfect amount of baby-gay awkwardness in one of the sweetest (and heartbreaking) queer romance stories in film. But above all else, it's just so damn fun and aware of what teenagers are actually like than most movies ever have been.

10. Luce (dir. Julius Onah)

*chuckles* "You really think I believe that stuff?"

One of the most wildly uncomfortable experiences in recent cinema history, but not due to any horrifyingly explicit graphic content being shoved in our faces. No, Onah and Lee created something much more discomforting: a constant challenging of all our biases and stereotypes, of us wanting to give chances and have faith in those that we trust. Kelvin Harrison Jr. delivers one of the best acting performances in recent memory because he's able to literally do everything; his Luce somehow manages to perfectly walk the tightrope required for a performance like his. With him behind it, Luce is such a charming, loving, likeable character but there's always just something that seems off about him. And even if Spencer's Wilson has a fixation on him that crosses all sorts of legal and moral boundaries, wouldn't we be cheering her on under different circumstances? In a way, she herself is trying to communicate a lesson about perception too, one that also mires in deep, troubling waters. Even if the film still feels very stage-y due to it's source material, the cold clinical aesthetic only further helps it make us squirm in our seats.

9. Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll (dir. Haruka Fujita)

"Nobody wants a letter that cannot be delivered."

An absolutely magical experience that artistically excels over the original TV series it's based off of. The production is still as impressive as any other KyoAni work, but the composition and lighting in particular are outstanding, selling the social isolation of the first half and the childlike wonder of the second half. Beginning with a sublime Victorian romance in the first half, the story eventually morphs into a tribute to the workers of the world, the cogs in the machine. But in the context of the studio's recent history and the horrific arson attack that claimed 36 members of the studio, this instead comes off as a battlecry against the opposition against them. It's a story valuing those who are overlooked in the process of creation, a story about strong determined women, a story of a young girl defining her own future against society. KyoAni as a studio were most known for treating all their employees exceptionally as well as being a primarily female-led studio, both unfortunate exceptions in the industry as well as the target for a lot of unfair online hatred against them (and surely played some sort of role in why the arson attack happened to them specifically). To see the studio make their first post-attack work so proudly emblematic of what made them unique makes this so much more powerful than you would expect.

8. The Nightengale (dir. Jennifer Kent)

"You know what it's like to have a white fella take everything that you have, don't ya?"

The classic revenge fantasy narrative warped into a bleak, cynical portrait of racist cruelty in 1800s Tasmania. Jennifer Kent, improving leaps and bounds from the relatively straightforward Babadook, crafts a searing indictment of the foundations of colonialism and the misogynistic undercurrent of the barbarous society. It's a revenge movie where the vengeance is horrible and unsatisfying -- there's no crowd pleasing murderous money-shots, just brief moments of comeuppance in the face of everything in the world working against our two protagonists. Those who are squeamish should be aware that it is exceptionally graphic and grueling at times, although Kent does manage to keep up a very good pace for the two and a half hours of hell.

7. Transit (dir. Christian Petzold)

"They say that those who were left never forget. But it's not true. They have the sweet, sad songs. Pity is with them. Those who leave, no one is with them. They have no songs."

Hitchcock by way of Kafka -- a classic existential mystery told in a disorienting separate reality not quite like our own. It's a bold move to take a Holocaust set narrative and completely throw out the actual setting itself, but Petzold only enhances the weird themes of the story by taking it to a completely different but still very familiar time. This is a classic tale of becoming the person you say you are but really aren't -- then begging the question of what if you're not the only one also living a false identity. Buoyed by an excellent and very enigmatic lead performance from Franz Rogowski, who displays a tremendous skill for playing somebody so closed off but also very charismatic and watchable.

6. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

"When you come to the end of the line, with a buddy who is more than a brother and a little less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is really the only way to say farewell."

Tarantino trades in his B-movie worship and penchant for comical bloodbaths (well, for the most part) to make something I certainly didn't expect from him: a relaxed hangout movie about getting old and falling out of fashion. Exceptional production design whisks us away to the height of Hollywood and three different people all looking at their future careers in very different lights. Leo gets to stretch his wings in all sorts of silly fun ways and Brad Pitt finally lets go of the young superstar image and easily slips into his more natural "hot single dad" swagger, playing the most effortlessly cool character of his career. Tarantino sets aside time to look back on his own flaws as well and playfully reflects on his own particular ...quirks. Easily his best since his 90s prime and the first time in a long time I've felt the maturity that he showcased in Jackie Brown.

5. The Lighthouse (dir. Robert Eggers)

"Damn ye! Let Neptune strike ye dead Winslow! HAAARK!"

Hyper-masculine mania as told through a wonderful blend of dark comedy and cosmic horror and with some of the most lush black-and-white cinematography maybe ever in a film. Eggers' now trademark devotion to absolute accurate period detail in both visual design and dialogue greatly helps this reach transcendent heights. But it's truly the two performances of Dafoe and Pattinson that help it weave a perfect spiral of insanity that also manages to be so oddly fun. Never could there be any other paring of actors that would perfectly showcase these two dirty sea-dogs going stark raving mad at each other so well.

4. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

"As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives."

(Director's Cut) Every generation deserves their own paranoia-fueled pagan horrorshow, but Aster strikes a much deeper vein in his epic take on the classic territory The Wicker Man had previously claimed. The brutal rituals of the Hårga are only set dressing most of the time, with much more focus poured into the vile toxicity plaguing the relationship between students Dani and Christian. Reynor's Christian is such a perfect portrayal of a terrible influence -- he's charming, fun, and likeable when he's on your side, but the second anybody goes against him his seedy manipulation begins to seep into everything he says. Pugh continues her winning streak too, delivering a broken person desperately trying to put a smile on while falling apart on the inside as she realizes she truly is all alone in the world. While some might be disappointed by the lack of actual "terror" for a good chunk of the movie, Aster has found something much more likely to scar us than these friendly Swedish cultists.

3. Sunset (dir. László Nemes)

"The horror of the world hides behind these infinitely pretty things."

After striking gold with Son of Saul, Laszlo Nemes takes a hard turn into a very different genre but manages to create a wonderfully unique spin on classic detective noir. His signature camerawork powers this yarn, successfully taking the claustrophobic eye of Saul and using it to give a truly immersive sense of place in the tumultuous world of 1913 Budapest, where danger is simmering under the surface and ready to boil over at any moment. After all, noir is always about the eye of the detective, so Nemes' style takes it to a literal degree where everything outside of Irisz' field of vision is incomprehensible. We catch the same shady sideways glances and hushed whispers at the same time she does too. The plotting, like all noir tales, gets a little too complex for its own good, although it's less because of double-crossing and deceit and more from the story slowly dropping its connection to reality to function on a far more allegorical level. But as far as immersive, experiential cinema goes, not even 1917 can stack up to this film's highs, as the enraged lower-class populace eventually comes for the heads of the bourgeoise and Irisz suddenly realizes she is in the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

"Do all lovers feel they're inventing something?"

An absolutely breathtaking portrait (hehe) of yearning and love, so astonishingly romantic and actually aware of what will make a woman swoon. Every technical aspect is perfect, from the gorgeous locale to the lovely windswept dresses to the soft, classical cinematography. But the true magic comes from Merlant and Haenel perfectly delivering every line of Sciamma's wonderous script. Those two have a sexual tension strong enough to burn down the theater, as their shy glances turn into deep longing stares and both their steely professional reserves give way to poorly suppressed joy at just being able to be with the other. Even their initial terse dialogue melts into pure romantic splendor, as they lovingly catalog all the little gestures the other does when flustered. Their connection during filming was powerful enough to fuel rumors around the two in the press and is currently providing the desire for every thirsty lesbian who finishes this to immediately pull up videos from the press tour and hunt for those same things between the actors themselves. And trust me, they are there.

1. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho)

"Not 'rich but still nice.' Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!"

Very rarely does a film come along that actually warrants to be described as "perfect", as in one that literally generates no critiques in any way even if I was forced to pick something at gunpoint to complain about. But Parasite truly does every single thing right. Even Bong's tonal whiplash style, which does grate on me at times, somehow fits perfectly here as the schemes become increasingly madcap and the increasing sense that this will all come crashing down horribly mounts ever higher. Until then, it's an absolute joy to watch in every way, as Bong stacks the card deck higher and all the characters dive further into the sewer for their own benefit. The midpoint pivot works wonderfully too, as it goes to show that literally every person is getting played in the world of Parasite. It's massive success is only surprising to those who haven't seen it: it's the perfect movie for the era it came out in and may as well be the watershed moment for a new age of cinema where Hollywood finally admits that it's not the king of the world anymore.

[fourteenacross]

H’OKAY. SO. Last night we saw Dave Malloy as Pierre!! :D

We’d been planning this trip since they announced he was doing a series of shows--we knew we had to see him but we needed to make it work with timing and vacation days and stuff like that, so we ended up tagging this trip onto the front of my trip to Charlotte later this week, which inadvertently made it the first show after the Tonys, which we won’t talk about because I think I’ve made my saltiness on that front PRETTY CLEAR so far. With things working out the way they did, we decided that we should get a gift for Malloy to acknowledge how much this show has meant to us and that he won all the Tonys in our hearts. Initially I thought a plant was a good idea because flowers die and are also awkward to carry around. From there, my brain thought: well, we should put it in a box so he can just throw it in his bag. We should decorate the box. We should decorate the box to look like the theatre.

(At queer speed dating the other night, someone asked me which Parks and Rec character I most identify with. I said, “I feel like Ben Wyatt, but if you ask any of my friends, they’d say I’m Leslie Knope.”)

So, we decided all this on Monday night? So Tuesday was spent running around getting fabric and glue guns and putting all of this together. All of the little frames have pictures of members of the creative team. It’s PRETTY DARN CUTE, I’ve gotta say.

The entire day was a wild ride--we got the thing done just in time, then realized that my dad had taken my car keys with him so we were gonna miss the bus. Then he managed to get them to us in time for us to make the bus. Then the bus was stuck in traffic TWICE AS LONG AS USUAL. The florist was out of succulents and I had to run all over to find one. Literally run. I ran. With my legs and my lungs and stuff. It was the worst. But I managed to get to the theatre at 6:55 and use the rest room and get into my seat and chug a smoothie.

AND THEN THE SHOW STARTED!

First off, as you can see from the top picture that I wasn’t supposed to take, we were sitting in the rear mezz. We’ve only ever sat on stage before, so it was fascinating to watch the show from this angle. It made the lighting and set and choreography really come alive. I love sitting on stage--I love being at the center of the action and watching the show unfold around you--but I felt like I got a clearer picture of how the whole thing works as a cohesive unit from sitting in the mezz.

Still, the Imperial isn’t that big! Even sitting like, four rows from the back, I felt like we were right in the middle of things. And, bless that ensemble, the hardest working folks on Broadway, they were up and down the aisles even as far back as we were, dancing and singing and handing out shakers and playing instruments and who knows what else. At one point, Erica Dorfler was right in my face and she’s so pretty that I literally forgot how to shake my shaker, jesus christ. We had a great view of “Coachella Sonya” in the “Balaga”/”The Abduction” dance break, which I was into XD Also, Nick Gaswirth’s excellent dancing was only a few rows away from us.

There were a lot of tiny things I noticed from up high, too--Or and Nick Belton buddying around during “The Duel” and “Balaga”/”The Abduction,” the way Pierre reacts to things happening in the show as he sits in his little hole during the numbers he isn’t in, Anatole admiring himself in L I T E R A L L Y every mirror he walks by, though that might just be a Blaine Krauss thing XD “The Duel” in general was a really fun experience from up high--it was neat to see EVERYTHING instead of just being overwhelmed and in the middle of things. I was removed enough from the action that my brain had time to remember the first time we saw the show at ART when “The Duel” started and I was just like, “.....what the hell IS this show?” 

I know I already talked about how good the lighting is, but the lighting is just so fucking good, you guys. The tiniest, most subtle little changes, the way that all the lights slowly go out during “Sonya Alone” until it’s just the spot on her, the lights coming down from the ceiling one by one in “No One Else” like snow falling, the use of the bright lights behind the doors, THE COMET, all of these wonderful, tiny little touches. It was beautiful.

In addition to Malloy, we had two other understudies! Blaine Krauss as Anatole was A M A Z I N G. Some understudies have a problem with trying to emulate the performance of the person they’re subbing for, but that was NOT THE CASE here. Blaine totally made the role his own--his Anatole was delightful and outrageous and over the top and full of himself and vain and hilarious. He definitely had a funnier spin on it than Lucas does, and almost more immature? Like, Lucas’ Anatole isn’t exactly a paragon of maturity, but he wants to THINK he’s mature. Blaine’s Anatole is just a brat and knows it and owns it. His comic timing was AMAZING and he hit the high C sharp and he was overdramatic and fun.

We saw Azudi Onyejekwe as Dolokhov, too! I’ve been wanting to see him as Anatole, but his Dolokhov was great. Much like Blaine, he didn’t try to emulate Nick, just went his own way with it. His Dolokhov was cocky, but not as mean as Nick’s (not a complaint--both are great interpretations) and more laid back and fun-loving. Dolokhov is a character without too much to do (as mentioned directly in the Prologue XD) and it would be easy for him to fade into the background, but much like Choksi, Azudi really kept him front and center in the scenes he was in.

The rest of the cast was phenomenal as usual--Grace had her everything dialed up to eleven, Amber got some of the loudest cheers of the night, Denee is a literal angel upon this earth and “No One Else” was more heartbreakingly beautiful than I’ve ever seen it, Gelsey was amazing, Paul Pinto is insane, Nick’s Andrey continues to be SO angry, and I would TAKE A BULLET for Brittain I love her so fucking much. The ensemble killed it, I do not understand how a person can run up the stairs while playing the clarinet, but there’s Cathryn Wake doing it like it’s no big thing.

And Malloy. MALLOY.

I feel so blessed to have seen him do this on Broadway. He was incredible. I mean, obviously he was going to be incredible, but his Pierre is SO different from Scott’s and Groban’s. He’s just tired and hunched and distant and awkward and it works so, so well. He pours so much of himself into this character and it’s so obvious, even from all the way in the mezzanine. His “Dust and Ashes” made me cry and feel a hundred feelings--the resounding applause and cheers he got afterwards was so heartening. It kept going on and on and on and that made me get all teary too. He was hilarious in “The Duel,” both in the actual dueling and the lead-up song. Watching him watch the other characters was like getting a whole additional show for the price of my ticket--his emotional journey makes even more sense if you factor in what he’s seeing from the people around him as the story plays out. He and Denee and Gelsey doing “I see nothing but the candle in the mirror” gave me chills and I loved the way he did “Nothing matters--or everything matters, it’s all the same.” It was a really cool take on the line. He was great during the toast part of “The Abduction,” with a funny little pause before he started that was either because he was genuinely out of breath or entirely for comedic effect. Either way, it worked XD 

And, of course, the end of the show was beautiful. From his “whaaaat”s to Marya and his angry threatening of Anatole and desperate need to understand first Andrey and then Natasha...my heart. His spoken lines were so perfect and I started bawling in “The Great Comet of 1812″ and basically didn’t stop until the show was over. 

God, the end of this show WRECKS ME in a totally different way than something like Hamilton wrecks me. My feelings in Hamilton are all about the story, about Eliza and AHam’s legacy and all of that. My feelings at the end of this show are all internal--it’s how this moment is making me feel and the connection I’m having with Pierre and with the ensemble and the music at this particular point in time. It’s so hard to explain, but it’s like...cleansing. That sounds ridiculous, BUT THERE YOU HAVE IT.

ANYWAY, after the show we went out to the stage door. It was about nine hundred degrees outside STILL and it took me about two minutes to turn into a gross sweat monster. We were surrounded by all these sweet teen girls who looked perfect and refreshed and it was mildly hilarious. We chatted with people as they came out, including Scott who was smiling vaguely as he walked by until we said, “We saw you at ART and you were great!” and he did a double take and ran back over to talk to us. 

Malloy finally came out and got down to us around 10:30 and we talked to him and told him how much we adore this show and how great he was and gave him his dumb gift and I made him sign my Great Comet book and take a selfie. I do not remember most of this conversation, but I am pretty sure I didn’t entirely embarrass myself.

And then we left and got frappachinos because I was dying for a milkshake and technically can’t have them. And we went back to Port Authority and took the bus home and went to bed and THAT WAS THE END OF THE NIGHT. Whew.

[possibilistfanfiction]

hiya! i notice you tag a lot of your posts with 'nora, sloane, etc.' i understand these are characters for a story you're doing. i'm curious: what's the story about?

ok ! well @turnandchasethewind (olivia) & i have been working on the sketches for this show for like. a Long time lmao it has as most projects do grown & changed & become something entirely its own & i think it’s really awesome & lovely & am rly rly jazzed for it to move forward one day

anyway the working title for it is called views, & it basically follows sloane & nora, best friends who live & work in toronto. they met when they were 18/19 at a catering gig (terrible) & theyre the kind of love that is this epic soft quiet fun powerful love between female friends. they’re young & they’re a little lost always, & the world hurts, but like. they’re Good. the current storyline begins when they’re in their early/mid-twenties & nora meets ridley, who becomes her girlfriend. ridley is rly rly lovely & beautiful & whip smart & v kind & sloane hates her which is altogether mostly funny but a little sad

sloane ideally would be played by maia mitchell just for a visual but like. a grungier cooler hot mess version of maia bc like. sloane is a trash kid she’s our absolute fav she has tons of stick n pokes & her hair is a mess or buzzed (or both) & she will wear vans until they r literally falling off. she shops mostly at black market & she got this bike off kijiji that’s like 800% terrifying. she was diagnosed with bipolar I when she was 18 & shes on meds but its obviously still smth she deals with every day. shes from vancouver & she dropped out of mcgill after An Episode but mostly bc she hated it & she moved to toronto a few months after that (which is p much immediately when she met nora). shes like our token white character shes funny everyone drags her constantly abt so many things but they Love sloane. she eats Shit food unless nora’s parents buy her groceries & she drinks a lot & sometimes she has lil spirals but she has a dog named carly rae who helps a lot. she also has a big brother named whit he’s trans & he lives in brooklyn & she Adores him. shes a tremendously talented musician but ofc being a musician is v difficult so she also works a bunch of weird jobs between music gigs. she lives in a funky apartment in kensington w like six rotating roommates. she plays sets at the beaver all the time. if sloane was gonna write a song it would be ‘young’ by vallis alps but if sloane had a themesong its a tie between i wanna get better by bleachers & control by halsey & buzzcut season by lorde & then a rly rly sad cover of i rly like you by carly rae

nora is laura harrier bc like Hot & also biracial so thats dope. shes a baker & she works at a rly cute lil bakery on queen west & she always looks so pretty & put together & she rides this beautiful linus bike everywhere w a fucking basket & everything she wears so much birds of north america & oak + fort & rly just anything from victoire & she has like 12 pairs of blundstones. shes from etobicoke & her parents are both immigrants so nora is first generation canadian shes v v invested in how that all interacts shes a smart cool kid. she’s bisexual she came out when she was 16 bc she Literally got drunk in a closet & she has a history of dating Truly shitty ppl so sloane is like v v Hesitant when she falls for ridley. she has some beautiful tattoos & some silly stick n pokes, mostly w sloane. she has a rly cool little sister named kennedy who goes to ryerson & nora went to george brown. shes rly passionate abt intersectional feminism & she volunteers w a few different organizations around the city that help lgbtq+ youth shes like. a Good person & also sloane ADORES her & nora is in a v real kinda love w sloane theyre the v best pals. also girl can Drink. once a month regardless of how cold it is she & sloane make rly good pot brownies & go to trinity bellwoods & eat them & they end up Laughing a lot. nora also fosters w save our scruff bc she & sloane adopted carly rae together but carly rae is like an emotional support animal for sloane so she spends most of her time at sloane’s apartment so bc of that nora likes to foster dogs its rly cute. she has a beautiful lil tiny studio off euclid & queen. if nora had a themesong its like some dope gay (bi) ass mix of company by tinashe & feelin myself by nicki but then she meets ridley so shes like all night by bey

pls know that nora & sloane sometimes get Rly drunk at the greenroom in the annex mostly bc they love smoking in the lil alleyway its like. their trash special place. & their songs r like. california by grimes & love gang by whethan ft charli xcx & ribs by lorde 

ok in our heads ridley is played by aj but mostly bc its hot & we love her lol, ideally ridley is quebecois metis. she has a degree in physics but her parents just both died so shes kinda taking a break from everything & rn shes a florist in the shop next to noras bakery on queen west. shes from montreal but she went to school in the states & she has a longtime ex named ash. theyre non binary & ridley & ash are still rly good friends which sloane is like Suspicious abt but nora is like sloane jfc. ridley is rly smart she wears a Lot of stay home club & j brands & she & nora have a lot of shoes n boots that look almost identical. shes queer & shes kinda just been queer forever? her parents were scientists so it was always a v inclusive educated lil home she grew up in. she was named after ridley scott & everyone always jokes that she was conceived during alien lol & honestly she probably was. shes rly funny & she has beautiful tattoos & pretty pretty eyes & nora falls for her rly fast. she has a lil quebecois accent & sometimes she forgets words in english when shes drunk or tired. she & nora first kiss outside of the beaver in the snow theyre in the alley behind the gladstone w rly beautiful street art they were smoking cigarettes & its just. soft. so queer. ridleys lil songs r hold by vera blue & 21 moon water by bon iver & Mostly corbeau by coeur de pirate

sloane has a plot twist & falls in love w jack who is half-japanese & hes rly good friends w ridley which is the plot twist part a little but the BIG plot twist part is that she falls in love at all bc she is Convinced no one can handle her & she isnt stable enough for romantic love etc etc. but jack is so good hes so smart & hes a music therapist for kids on the spectrum its like Absurd how good a person he is. hes trans & hes abt to have top surgery like a few months after he meets sloane & she goes for a while & is like blah blah im not in love w him whatever its just sex but then shes So worried abt him being ok during & after surgery & she cares abt him so much & she gets Rly drunk & cries abt it to nora its funny. one day sloane is having a rly rly bad lil depressive episode & nora has been outta town all weekend w her parents & kennedy at their cottage in muskoka & so nora texts jack like. yo sloane has bipolar i she shouldve told u this but like i gotta tell u now bc shes havin a meltdown so pls go over & bring her food from fresh get the falafel tacos & like all the pressed juice ill venmo you & Pls make her shower if she buzzed her hair try to find the scalp treatment i got her from lush its in her dresser top drawer. also shes gonna wanna drink just let her do that & make sure she takes her meds she’ll be ok itll take a day or two & hes like ok. a lot but ok. & he goes & he brings sloane food & a tshirt of his & he gets her into the shower & out to the couch & puts on superstore & she curls up into him on one side & carly rae on the other & she cries a little but honestly its not so bad & like. hes so in love w her its wild she never thought that would happen its a fun plot twist even olivia & i didnt plan on

so anyway the whole show is kinda an ode to toronto & an ode to being young & in love w your friends in a rly profound way & also what its like to fall in love w ppl u might wanna spend ur life with, a kinda love thats v new. its abt queerness & gender & race in a way thats v much present but all of the main characters r rly informed & rly like passionate abt intersectional feminism & thats a cool aspect we r both v excited abt. also sloane deals v realistically w a balance between being stable w bipolar I & also being v creative & v connected to making music which is smth thats v important to me esp. nora was sexually assaulted before she met ridley (HATE!) but we delve into that as well. 

mostly like. its just ‘we’re never done w killing time/ can i kill it w you/ i’d like it if you stayed’ 

[whittlebaggett8]

19 people share their ‘coming out’ stories, Defence Online

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Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

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Coming out is a personal experience.

source

Elijah Nouvelage/Getty Images

Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or gender non-binary is a personal experience.

Not everyone is in a position where they can be certain they will receive support.

INSIDER highlighted different personal accounts from self-identified LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, in transition, intersex, and asexual) Reddit users below.

Every individual story is unique, and there is no right or wrong way or time to come out.

Editor’s note: some of the content in these stories may be triggering for some individuals who have experienced discrimination or violence because of their sexuality or gender identity.

Visit INSIDER’s homepage for more stories.

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a deeply personal and often life-altering process. Regardless of the individual circumstances, there is no right or wrong way to come out.

Of course, some people who identify as members of the LGBT community may choose to come out in a public way, others will not feel safe to do so, while others never will “officially” come out and simply live their lives. It’s important to remember that an individual’s decision to come out is their own personal choice. Regardless, reading these stories can be comforting and informative for many.

Online spaces such as the Reddit communities r/Comingout and /r/lgbt, can give people a platform to open up about their experiences and connect with others who can relate.

The following coming out stories from these Reddit users illustrate just how unique those experiences can be. Of course, INSIDER cannot independently authenticate these stories, but they perhaps they can serve as a reminder that no matter what a person’s coming out story is, everyone’s journey deserves to be heard.

Just a note, we’ve chosen to leave off names to protect the identities of those who have shared their stories.

‘My fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves’

“Well my fam was playing a game where we had to tell a huge secret about ourselves and I was about to make a joke and say, ‘I started my period’ but I only said the ‘I’ part so my mom was like, ‘Are you gay?’ So I was like, ‘Uhh yesssss’ like freakishly loudly. My mom said she already knew probs because she stole my phone and checked my search history a while back because she’s also a helicopter parent.”

‘I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said, ‘Hey, you in there?”

“I joined my high school’s GSA freshman year. On a car ride to Target, my mom asked as casually as she could muster if there was any reason for that. I said I’m bisexual, she said ‘cool,’ and I assume she told my dad because basically, the whole family knew before I even said anything.

“So I didn’t really come out of the closet, my mom opened the door and said ‘hey, you in there?’”

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An unidentified woman wearing a bisexual pride flag as a cape watches an approaching group during the Pride parade in Sacramento.

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Chris Allan/Shutterstock

‘Came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes’

“First came out to my mom as trans and then months later, came out to my brother, his girlfriend, and my dad by baking cupcakes in the colors of the trans pride flag. It was really hard because I had it in my head that I was gonna get kicked out, turns out my dad is the most supportive person in my life.”

‘They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and to this day ignore the subject’

“Looking back at it I knew I was gay for a while. I just never had emotional or sexual attraction towards any guys until I went on an internship and pulled the old classic of falling for my roommate. I thought the feeling was mutual but obviously, I was blinded or didn’t want to believe he was straight. I never told him my feelings for him but it was pretty obvious. I did some things that made it clear such as looking at his text and basically acting like a jealous lover. I suspect he figured it out.

“Anyway … I flipped when he got a girlfriend and I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore so I came out to my social worker. I also got the courage to come out to my friend and brother which went great and they were very supportive.

“When I told my parents after they came to visit it went downhill. They didn’t believe I was gay and had normal parent reactions and just to this day ignore the subject and my sexuality which bothers me a lot because I feel like I can’t move forward ’til they accept me for who I am.”

‘I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look’

“I spent most of the night before my 25th birthday writing and rewriting a long drawn out post about how I felt. I planned on posting the status on my birthday, near the time I was born, and I pretty much said that I was born as myself and that my life has a funny way of telling me I’m a little different from who I thought I was. I had to ask my friend to look at the comments the next day since I was too afraid to look, but it turns out everyone who saw it was very accepting and warm so I was very lucky.”

They told people, ‘I look a little different’

“I met people in person, with a, ‘I look a little different.’ text sent out shortly before.”

‘My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian’

“7th grade we had to describe ourselves in a song and I chose ‘Misery’ by Maroon 5 for some reason. My mom read my paper and then sat me down to have a talk about it, I panicked and told her I was a lesbian. She was just hugging me and telling me that she would love me no matter what my preferences are. Then she told my dad and he was chill about it.”

‘I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help’

“I had resolved that I would never tell my family how I felt unless I absolutely had to. Eventually, I had some life experiences that were just too rich and wonderful and showed me how beautiful our world is and how my concern of being rejected for how I choose to express my feelings was just of little significance.

“I told my sister who was supportive and un-surprised. Finally, and very recently, I told my very conservative parents. I was only able to justify telling them by acknowledging that I was only telling them how I felt, not what I planned to do, and that they couldn’t really reject my feelings even if they didn’t like my feelings. They could only reject decisions. But ultimately I was met with nothing but love and support.

“I broke their heart by telling them, but their heart was broken because they realized they had a child who was hurting deeply for all of these years without them knowing or being able to help. They want to know how they can best support me, and for the first time in my life, I think that I can be best supported by them and my other loved ones by acknowledging my feelings and my journey on the path to transitioning.”

‘I responded with, ‘I’m gay and hate children’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time’

“I was buying a car. My dad was with me and we were at our 4th (and final) dealership of the day. I flat out told the salesman that I wanted to be sold the smallest sedan they had on the lot unless they had a coupe [ … ] First thing out of the salesman’s mouth after that was, ‘You really should get an SUV in case you accidentally get pregnant.’ Me being the jerk I am, I instantly responded with ‘I’m gay and hate children. Any kids I have will be extremely well planned and extremely unwanted.’ I’ve never seen a salesman look so ashamed of himself and I also came out to my dad at the same time. Neither guy spoke unless I asked a question after that.”

‘And I just came dressed as a girl’

“Came out on Black Friday […] And I just came dressed as a girl. And then I stayed like that. And a week passed and I was brought into HR and asked if this was permanent, I said yes. And went back to work.”

‘Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy …’

“Showed up at my mother’s house with my boyfriend and told her. She didn’t like it at first until the day she noticed me being happy and proactive with my life. She started finding room in her heart to be on board with it. Now we visit her house once a month for dinner with the whole family. Today I’m in a happy relationship and am two months into my MTF HRT [male to female hormone replacement therapy], so the thing to remember is to give your friends and family time to adjust and gently show them that this is what makes you happy and fingers crossed they accept you for you. “

‘I said, ‘It’s National Coming Out Day”

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Participants take part in the annual NYC Pride parade.

source

REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

“I came out a few months ago, on National Coming Out Day. I said ‘It’s National Coming Out Day’ and my mom said ‘You have something to come out to me about?’ (Jokingly) [I said], ‘Yeah, I am gay.’”

‘Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!’

“Told my first friend through text after commenting on how a male anime character was kinda hot … Told two other friends through the topic of crushes, giving them a ‘guess my crush’ puzzle and then boom, plot twist at the end, it’s a guy!”

‘My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am’

“One of my friends got the idea to be my ‘date’ to Thanksgiving dinner, so that my family wouldn’t bug me so much about finding a girlfriend. She knew I was gay, and knew I hadn’t told them.

“We go. She’s my ‘date,’ gives me hugs. A little cheek smooch. Sold. Then I see this … look in my grandmother’s face at dinner. It hurt. It hurt to see her beaming over something that was a lie.

“I felt hoooooriiible. Like I just wanted to go crawl into the oven and die next to the turkey. It comes as a surprise to many people, but I practicality NEVER lie to my family.

“For some reason, at the table, my grandpa decided that I should lead grace…

“I don’t know if it was just because my head was stuck, or what … but I just went ‘I’m gay’ and a river of tears and snot came out of my face so I went and locked myself in my room.

“About an hour goes by and the house is dead quiet. My dad unlocks the door and in comes both my grandmothers. They both just hug me and tell me they love me just the way I am.

“I thought I’d died. My friend sheepishly came into the room and handed me a plate of food. She told me my parents said I can take all the time I need to calm myself, and then come back and celebrate.

“They treated it like it was the best thing since sliced bread and I nearly had p—– my pants.”

‘I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders’

“I got home from church after my conservative pastor gave his most homophobic sermon yet, and I sobbed into my pillow in my bedroom. My mom heard me and asked what I was crying about. The words were too difficult to speak. But she put things together and realized that I was upset about the sermon, and she finally asked, ‘Do you think you’re gay?’ That’s when I said yes. We spent the next hour sitting together on her bed eating In-N-Out french fries while she asked me about all of my high school crushes. I was crying the whole time, but they weren’t tears of sadness. Coming out was the biggest weight that ever came off my shoulders.”

‘It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girl’s name.’

“I told my family the name of my crush after Christmas Eve dinner when I was 16. It was interesting to see their faces as they processed that Logan was not a girls name.”

‘One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately’

“I came out to my friends at 15 – only my two closest [friends] as we’re in a fairly rural place and I was worried about it. One of my ‘best friends’ went and told EVERYONE we knew almost immediately, and when I called them out, her response was ‘But no one minds!’ I got a lot of s— about it for years after that. But the total kicker is I dumped her as a friend straight away and her brother messaged me on Facebook apologizing for what she’d done. I’ve now been dating her brother for 2 and a half years and he hates her too.”

‘I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice … I was basically forced to explain’

“I came out as a trans guy a few years ago not by choice (my dad was on my computer and found my personal blog) and I was basically forced to explain. He totally flipped out on me and alternated between laughing in my face and threatening to kick me out.

“A lot of the experience I block out because it’s very traumatic. I’m okay now but I ended up living with my grandparents for a while. Coming out isn’t always, ‘It’s okay, we always knew, we’ll always love you’ and I really envy people with experiences like that.”

‘Told my stepmom […. ] they kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma’

“Told my stepmom, she called me disgusting and [then] told my dad even though I asked her not to. They kicked me out for about a month and I lived with my grandma. When I went back they put me into church school, took away my phone, TV, clothes that looked too ‘Dudeish’ (legit just all my T-shirts) and they told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.”

‘I was internally screaming in gay of happiness’

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Others participate in pride parades before “formally” coming out.

source

Getty Images

“My friend and I were having a sleepover at her house and we stayed up talking for a long time, both of us telling things that we hadn’t shared with anyone before. At this point, it was 5 a.m.

“I have known that I’m gay for quite some time now. I’ve wanted to come out so badly and until yesterday, I hadn’t told anyone (apart from some internet friends). I had sort of decided that if there came an appropriate moment to tell her during that sleepover, I would.

“That moment came when she told me that she thinks she’s bi. I was internally screaming in gay of happiness. I said that that is SO COOL and then I told her that I’m gay. She was like WHAAAT THAT’S SO COOL. And then we both were like HSJSKDKDJDJ HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?? Honestly, I was kind of panicking, but it was like in a good way.

“We talked about how we knew, for how long we have known, which girls we’ve had crushes on and a lot more. It was amazing. I’m the first person she’s told as well.

“When I woke up this morning, it was the first thing I thought about. That I told someone. That I opened the door to the closet. It feels weird and almost surreal not to be alone about it anymore, but it feels so right.

“I still have a long way to go and a lot of people to come out to and I know it won’t be easy. But now I have started, and it started so epically and felt so good.”

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 to reach the TrevorLifeline available 24/7 or text TREVOR to 1-202-304-1200 to reach TrevorText available M-F from 3 p.m. – 1 p.m.

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[procyon-podcast-network]

HOME STRETCH! Our Kickstarter still has a little over one day left to go. We’re funded, but we would love to reach our stretch goal so we can pay all the hardworking folks who volunteered to help us make it possible. People like our artist, (@theoutsidervevo) sound engineer (@shapechangersinwinter) and musician (@sounddesignerjeans).

During our campaign, we updated weekly with Andrea Klassen (our Certified Journalist of the team) doing interviews with the creative teams of all our shows. In case folks on the tumble missed it, we’re also posting it here!

Below the cut: Andrea interviews Margaret Clark and Phoebe Seiders, creator and co-writer/producer of Under Pressure on inspiration and the importance of idealistic stories. 

In the wake of personal tragedy, Dr Jamie MacMillan-Barrie forgoes a future in academia is favor of the uncertainty of an humanities residency aboard the Amphitrite, a deep-sea stationary research facility. On the Amphitrite, Dr MacMillan-Barrie tries to come to terms with her circumstance while facing her antipathetic hard-sciences colleagues, an unending series of minor crises both the personal and professional realm, and an increasingly hostile ocean above...

You guys have brought it up a few times — why was it important to you to do a show that's "nice"?

MC: Because people deserve queer characters who live damnit.

PS: I'd say “have you seen the state of America these days?” — but my personal fondness for stories of happiness and hope goes back years at this point.

MC: Tragedy porn can be fun and all, but sometimes you need something that shows you that you can be okay, at the end of the day.

PS: Yes. It isn't higher art or some nonsense to create a gritty, dark show that ends in tragedy.

MC: It's really not, people have been doing it since stories were written down.

PS: And also, yeah, the world needs more stories that feature queerness in particular that don't end in tragedy.

MC: I think that's especially true here, where the main character has already been put through the ringer emotionally; she specifically deserves the universe to be kind to her.

The rest is below the cut!

So, how'd you two end up 20,000 leagues under the sea?

Margaret Clark (Creator, Under Pressure): Okay so I misremembered the idea that had Alex writing Station to Station and was like "but what if they weren't a scientist, what if they were in the humanities?

Phoebe Seiders (Co-writer and co-producer): And when we were divvying up writing teams I liked the idea of a deep-sea station better than a research cruise. And was more into the high-pressure interpersonal drama than like, actually having to figure out lots of plot and mysteries, and trying to write spooky.

MC: There was a point, when we were discussing where we wanted to go with the show where we both kind of decided that we wanted the show to be a little…softer than we often see from similar podcasts. And that definitely led to the interpersonal drama aspect, because going high plot-driven can be hard to keep soft.

When you say "softer," what should people be expecting from Under Pressure?

MC: ...I’m trying to think of how to put this without being spoileriffic.

PS: I mean...is it really much of a spoiler to say nobody's gonna die?

MC: Nobody's gonna die, probably.

PS: What we've been telling our actors is that this isn't the kind of show where everything is terrible and everyone is also terrible, and also unhappy. No grimdark.

MC: That's accurate. None of the crew are bad people. They do shitty things occasionally, but unambiguously bad people aren't really interesting to me as characters. I think what we're going to see is people struggling with, and reacting to, a really high pressure (ehem) situation in different ways.

PS: And while there's going to be danger at times (they live in a dangerous environment), the idea isn't that they're going to make it through this by the skin of their teeth and come out the other side totally messed up.

What's been your inspiration for UP?

MC: In terms of conceit and structure, I feel like Wolf 359 has been a big one, at least for me. In terms of tone, I feel like we've been trying to find something between the sense of wonder and the sense of discovery as an inherent good that you find in early Star Trek, and the kind of big capital-R Romantic man vs nature things you see in early ocean-based sci-fi (like 20,000 Leagues, for what it’s worth).

PS: More of a mood-setter than anything else, but I'm really enjoying the livestreams from NOAA's Okeanos Explorer. They're full of cool undersea creatures, rocks, and nerdy scientists.

In terms of tone... a little bit Welcome to Night Vale? Not in the weirdness sense but in the way it's basically nice despite all the weirdness. Night Vale could have gone full-on Silent Hill, but instead it's goofy and funny and Good.

You guys have brought it up a few times — why was it important to you to do a show that's "nice"?

MC: Because people deserve queer characters who live damnit.

PS: I'd say “have you seen the state of America these days?” — but my personal fondness for stories of happiness and hope goes back years at this point.

MC: Tragedy porn can be fun and all, but sometimes you need something that shows you that you can be okay, at the end of the day.

PS: Yes. It isn't higher art or some nonsense to create a gritty, dark show that ends in tragedy.

MC: It's really not, people have been doing it since stories were written down.

PS: And also, yeah, the world needs more stories that feature queerness in particular that don't end in tragedy.

MC: I think that's especially true here, where the main character has already been put through the ringer emotionally; she specifically deserves the universe to be kind to her.

Now that Under Pressure's in the early stages of recording, what are you most excited for people to hear?

MC: Knee jerk reaction: the bad jokes. So many bad jokes.

PS: Is it ducking the question to say all the great character interactions? Because that's really kind of it. Phaedra and Sidney have a real interesting dynamic, Jamie and Mona are cute, Jack's interactions with everyone are gonna be awful and great...

MC: I think I'm looking forward to seeing how people react to these characters interacting, because they don't all necessarily like each other. I'm interested to see if there's any fan reactions to them.

Under Pressure launches this spring. To stay up to date, follow along at underpressurepodcast.tumblr.com or @U_P_Podcast on Twitter.