#i have a job interview in the afternoon and have to spend the morning preparing for that + then i work

[tricores]

soon... his inability to shut up will know no bounds...

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

It would happen to me that I spend a month and a half job hunting only to then get two jobs in the same week, both of them full time and highly demanding.

So basically I interviewed for a bakery retail assistant role and an unqualified nursery position, and after trial shifts for both I got them both, which I was shocked by. The timing of it all is so unfortunate; the nursery interviewed me last Friday and then invited me to a trial on Tuesday afternoon; the bakery then wanted me to come in for an interview and trial shift on Monday morning and so I agreed in case the nursery one fell through. The bakery offered me the position first on Monday, literally five minutes after my trial ended (god knows why since I felt awkward and didn’t know shit), and so I - rather stupidly - accepted it over the phone and started on Wednesday so I could still do the trial; I thought that I would get an answer about the nursery on Tuesday so I could have the chance to take it while still having the back up choice. Lo and behold, the nursery has accepted me and wants me to start next week, meanwhile the bakery has already put me on the rota for the next week and a half.

And now I’m stuck.

The nursery was my first choice, to be honest, and while I had been hoping to step away from childcare after working in schools and at daycare camp for the past few years, it would be with babies through to pre-school, which is a group I’ve not worked that much with (though I am good with babies it turns out). I have experience in this field already which helps.

The bakery job is selling bread/cakes/coffee as well as prepping sandwiches, cleaning etc. As I’ve discovered over my last two shifts there, I’m fucking abysmal at making sandwiches, keep forgetting things etc., but because it’s only my second shift I figured it’s just a matter of learning.

Hours wise, the bakery is 40 hours over five days, the nursery is 38 hours over five days (3 10 hour days + 2 half days of four hours); the bakery job means doing 6am-2:30pm/6:30am-3pm or 7:30-4pm, and while Sundays are off it means working Saturday with a day off during the week, which is a problem because in November I have a Saturday filled with pantomime performances (three of them!). Meanwhile the nursery is Monday-Friday, and the hours would for a full day would probably be something like 8-6:30 or something(?), meaning if I have a rehearsal at either 7:30-9:30 or 8-10 (evenings), I’ll have very little to no time to prepare or get my stuff ready etc, let alone eat anything, plus it doesn’t fit with performance days where I have to be in by 6pm.

I’m having to get up at 4:45am to every morning, so doing that and then having to stay awake until 10-11pm on days with rehearsals is AWFUL.

The benefits at the nursery (free gym membership, 40% off food/drink, discount at the salon/spa facilities on site) outweighs those at the bakery (free coffee/lunch), and the nursery pays 40p more per hour than the bakery.

The bakery at the staff are just, to my knowledge, so fucking nice most of the time despite me being useless and older than them, the manager is nice, and if I leave them it leaves them in the lurch and understaffed, which is so unfair on them. I don’t really know the staff at the nursery that well but I don’t think they’re horrible tbh, though they seemed absolutely exhausted and done by the time I went in for my trial shift on Tuesday afternoon.

The nursery wants me to start next Monday, but the bakery has a two week notice period so I would have to talk to both places and apologise profusely to work something out. If I don’t work the notice period then I could end up not being paid for the 34 hours I’ll have worked by Saturday evening.

I don’t want to go into childcare for the rest of my life, quite frankly, but the nursery has offered to pay for me to earn a qualification in childcare so long as I work a year afterwards (if I left before a year I’d have to pay them, which I suppose is reasonable), which would then mean I could be paid more in the future as I’d be a qualified childcare worker and not just an unqualified glorified babysitter.

They have a ball pit, a bunny and two Guinea pigs at the nursery - which I know aren’t for ME necessarily but I would get to go in the ball pit with the kids and see the bunny/animals so that’s a bonus

Travel to either isn’t really an issue as they’re both close, though the bakery DOES mean walking 40 minutes at 5am to get there while it’s dark in the winter

So… yeah. I’m feeling quite torn and lost right now, and I have no idea what to do.

[alieneye]

Circling Descent

Day 1 - Life As every morning, I wake well before the alarm. I stay in bed for a while. I look at my phone to see if I have a reply, somewhere. Without much haste, I get up, fold my blanket, stretch, put on my black plastic slippers, and grab my clothes to head to the bathroom. I put on trousers, apply deodorant, trim a few beard hairs, and run a cloth over an impassive face. The shirt follows, buttoned. In front of the orange glow of the computer screen, I go through my emails. Then I read scientific news because the world’s news affects me too much. I cook lunch. The afternoon passes answering job offers, writing a bit. In the evening, I read, wash, then go to bed to sleep.

Day 2 – Limbo As every morning, I wake well before the alarm. I stay in bed, motionless, staring at the ceiling with my nearsighted eyes, As if I don’t yet fully have access to life. My phone has no reply, but I look at it anyway. The floor is cold, but I am already in the bathroom, in a blurry transition. The mirror reflects only scattered beard hairs and hair like reefs tangled with seaweed. I put on a shirt. The mist of words refuses to settle in my head. I reheat a lentil lunch. The afternoon drifts by in the murmur of keyboards and unanswered applications. I read without reading and fall asleep much too late, exhausted, after a bath much too hot.

Day 3 – Lust The alarm wakes me brutally despite my habits. I don’t fully wake from a heavy sleep filled with dreams—I am still trapped in their comfort. The bed clings to my skin, I don’t want to get up, but after a soft struggle, I find myself standing, the phone slipping through my hands with its hollow promises. In the bathroom, my gaze is absent, my movements quick, frantic. The cold water cloth slips on my face; my shirt remains wrinkled. I forget to eat. The afternoon, I search, I click, I drift. A cold shower brings no comfort. The night will finally embrace me in a feverish and desperate sleep.

Day 4 – Gluttony The alarm is drowned out by my empty stomach. I only get up to satisfy this sensation, barefoot on the floorboards. I grab whatever I can find, sugar. My phone stays behind me in the indifference of abandonment. The scattered hairs on my face like a humid and forgotten jungle, far from the bathroom. Clothes feel like constraints, none fit. All day, I’ll keep nibbling—nuts, seeds, candies, cheese. The afternoon stretches on, while I want to fix everything, absorb everything. The night welcomes me, unwell, without real sleep, wrapped in a vague malaise.

Day 5 – Greed I silence the alarm before it rings and stay in bed. I keep my phone against my side, so I don’t miss any vibrations, but nothing comes. Eventually, I get up, stretch, head to the bathroom. I trim, I clean, I deodorize, I scent myself. I dress in the warm colors of autumn. Today, everything changes. In the morning, I write everywhere, to everyone. I am a new man, here are my resolutions. I laugh, I share, I give. I spend two hours exercising, then reading. For lunch: salad, fish, a sauté of mushrooms, well-prepared carrots. I receive several job interview offers; a friend invites me to visit—it’s far, but no matter, I’ll go! I fall asleep at night, satisfied by a healthy fatigue.

Day 6 – Anger As every morning, I wake well before the alarm. I stay in bed for a bit. I check my phone to see if I have a reply somewhere, but no. A bit abruptly, I get up, fold my blanket, stretch, put on my black plastic slippers, and grab my clothes to head to the bathroom. I put on trousers, apply deodorant, trim a few beard hairs, and run a cloth over a worried face. The screen blinds me with its overly blue light. I go through emails like an overloaded, feverish machine, through my networks, but nothing. I don’t cook anything; I eat the leftovers from the day before, cold. I cancel the interviews—anyway, I won’t achieve anything. So I write, I move, I do everything at once, but with no promise nor hope. At night, I don’t sleep; I get up again, and I wait, and I write more.

Day 7 – Heresy The alarm will keep ringing until the battery dies. I am already awake. I contemplate the gross invention of the world through the window, lit by a gray sun. I no longer really look, only at clouds that exist only in my eyes. I am in the bathroom, agitated by absurd gestures. I sit in front of the computer. There’s nothing to truly read, but I click anyway. Night falls, but I have already fallen.

Day 8 – Violence Leaping from bed, I wake well before the alarm, ready to defy the world. My body is tense, ready for the day. I go out. I gather flour, sugar, chocolate, cheese, herbs, paper, scissors, glue, colors. I fly through the city. Back home, I cook, I create. Chocolates in six flavors, a fully decorated, hand-painted book. I redo my CV; that day, I write dozens of pages, everywhere, out of spite. I am clad in indifference. I ignore heat and cold. It’s a perfect day. I did everything, with no expectations. The night is restless, full of labyrinths.

Day 9 – Deception As every morning, I wake well before the alarm, this time long before the light of dawn. A friend invited me; my mind is full of images. I bring a meal I’ve made, gifts. I am dressed in burgundy, a wool sweater, and a night coat scattered with cat hairs like stars, Which I observe as I wander through the landscapes. When I arrive, each step is a promise of renewal, But I already know deep down that I only walk through the veil I perceive. The cobblestone streets whisper memories of half-lived joy, already faded. I am alone again, hungry. I return to a hotel room, Lying to my own sleep, pretending it will carry me to happier elsewhere. She didn’t come.

Day 10 – Betrayal I rise without waking, with the feeling I’ve betrayed something essential. I gave, and they took—naive hopes, sincere impulses. In the bathroom, a veil awaits me before the mirror. I don’t go there. Without conviction, I get dressed. I go out to wander. Everything spins; perhaps I reach home. The black water of my river reflects broken promises. A barge drifts slowly past the bench, where I seem to sit. At night, everything is open; the void is icy, Like northern winds blowing across abrasive sands.

[fangirlmary]

"A Decision Ashley Didn't Want to Make"

Summary: Ashley finds herself in a situation she didn't want to be in. 16th installment of Two Brothers, One Friend, Many Stories series. Kayfabe details used only.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the pro wrestling gimmicks/characters used here. I only own my original characters.

After the new year of 1998 had started and her kids had gone back to school, Ashley had gone back to work. The atmosphere wasn't so great though; Emily had announced about 5 days after the new year had started that she had terminal cancer and thus would have to let every one of her employees go and sell her beloved bakery. The blonde haired woman wanted to spend her last few months with her family.

Ashley and her coworkers had all been devastated but nonetheless knew that they would have to have new jobs lines up soon. They had expressed sympathy for Emily and wished her the best final few months of life. Their workplace would close by the end of the month, thus the job searching needed to start soon.

On the afternoon of Saturday, January 10th, 1998, 3 days after Lucas' twelfth birthday, Ashley had gone to a local grocery store to be interviewed for a job in the bakery section. While she was not hired, that was not the worst thing to happen that day. Some guy started running toward her with a knife and she tackled him to the ground without blinking. After a brief struggle, Ashley had stabbed the attacker instead and by some stroke of luck, had avoided injury. Paramedics and police were called, Ashley had started sobbing as one police officer comforted her, the attacker was declared dead at the scene, one employee had pointed out that the whole thing had been caught by a security camera, and it was unlikely that charges would be filed. It had all been a blur up until the point that she had driven home after picking up Lucas, Colin, and Meredith from Wayne and Melanie's house.

When they got home, Ashley knew she had to tell her kids what had happened. Killing someone was not something that she had ever expected to do; it was true that she had no choice, but it didn't make it easier. She ended the explanation with "Sometimes in life, we are forced to make decisions that we don't want to, but we have to."

After he and his siblings had gotten the news, Lucas asked "Mom, are you going to be okay?"

"Not yet. I'll have to call a therapist on Monday." Ashley answered. She then decided to call their other relatives, knowing that it was better for them to hear what happened from her instead of the news. After she had done so, she started making cinnamon rolls for breakfast the next morning and heated up TV dinners for supper that night. The baking was done purely to keep her mind off of what happened, but it would only work for a short time.

It wasn't until Sunday night that the Undertaker had gotten the news. He had been busy preparing for his upcoming casket match against Shawn Michaels at this year's Royal Rumble pay per view event and thus could not call Ashley the previous day. He had a feeling that he would need to talk to her in person though and had teleported to her home once more. He rang the doorbell, knowing he would not have to wait out in the cold and snowy weather for long.

Meredith answered the door, noticing that there were no film crews around and politely greeted him. She was currently wearing her yellow pajamas and white bunny slippers. "Good evening, Undertaker."

"Good evening, Meredith. Is your mother available?" He asked.

"Yeah." Meredith replied and shouted for her mother. "Mom, the Undertaker's here! May I let him in please?"

"Yes." Ashley had not gotten her pajamas on yet; instead, she was wearing blue sweatpants, a pink turtleneck shirt, and white socks while sitting in the living room and looking through want ads in the newspaper. She had already cut out coupons and put them in a plastic sandwich bag that was in her purse.

The Undertaker came in, closing the door behind him and removing his boots, coat, and winter gloves.

Meredith bid the Undertaker good night and went upstairs to brush her teeth and go to bed. She had a feeling that he would want to talk to her mother privately. If anything, the girl was no longer scared of the Phenom and hoped he could comfort her mother.

Ashley in the meanwhile had scooted over to the right side of the sofa to let the Undertaker sit down. "Mark, I hope you didn't hear this from the news first." She was in tears as she explained about the killing in self defense that she had done the previous day.

The Undertaker listened closely to his childhood friend's explanation and put an arm around her. "You did the right thing, old friend. It was either you or him and your children would not be able to cope with the loss of their remaining parent. I'm relieved that you weren't physically harmed." He assured her. He knew that just because she had no choice but to kill did not mean that she had become a terrible person. She still had a good heart and soul and he hoped that would not change.

"Thank you, Mark. This year has started off terribly for me even without that as my boss has terminal cancer hence having been job hunting this weekend. Since you don't want me to come back as your manager, I'm hoping to find another job closer to home that pays well. I'd be fine with working in a school cafeteria or something since I'd get the summer off just like the students do." Ashley replied, quickly changing the subject. "I also hope you can beat Shawn Michaels next week. I can't be there in person although I wish that was the case."

"So do I, Ashley. I know that you will be watching the Royal Rumble at home with your family and in my corner in spirit despite what you've been dealing with." The Undertaker didn't want to talk much about it or what Kane had been up to recently. "Like I said before, you are a better friend than I deserve and I hope nothing can change that."

Ashley gave him a hug in response. For about 10 minutes, the Deadman held his friend as she cried once more. No more words needed to be said by him to let her know that he didn't think badly of her because of the choices she had made. This moment would not be seen by television viewers, or anyone else for that matter; it was better that way in their opinions.

"Mark, I'm also worried that history could repeat itself considering what happened when you first faced Yokozuna in a casket match with a bunch of other individuals intervening and causing you to lose. I hope that doesn't happen though." Ashley finally said as she ended the hug, the look on her face one of anxiety. If Kane and Paul Bearer intervened in some way, well, she didn't want to think about what she would be tempted to do to the latter of the duo.

The Undertaker knew that there was no guarantee of no interference. "Only time will tell what happens next Sunday, old friend."

"I know." Ashley got up from the sofa. She hoped this year would get better for her and her childhood playmates. "Did you want any cinnamon rolls to take with you? I got a few leftover from this morning."

"I can't say no to homemade food from my only friend." The Undertaker replied as he stood up. He was trying not to smile or think of how he would not be able to share them with Kane.

Ashley found a gallon sized zipper bag of cinnamon rolls that she had put in her fridge earlier; she had some cinnamon rolls left for herself and her children even with a good portion of them being eaten this morning. It helped that she had made three times the recipe. She would need to stock up on more baking supplies later in the week if she was able to. Lucas wanted to make peanut butter cookies to bring over to Wayne, Melanie, Jacob, and Jeffrey next Sunday when he, his mother, his brother, and his sister went over to watch this year's Royal Rumble pay per view event.

The Undertaker took the bag of cinnamon rolls that Ashley handed him after he had gotten his boots, coat, and winter gloves back on. "Thank you, Ashley. I'm not sure when I will see you again, but I wish you the best."

"Same to you, Mark. Good night and farewell." She replied.

In a few seconds, the Undertaker had gone out the front door and closed it behind him before teleporting away. Now, he had to once again focus on what was ahead of him.

[hisadoringkitten]

12 days...

Yesterday afternoon, we signed our lease... it's pretty surreal to see our full legal names on an official document together like that. It's so fucking cute that it struck you too, I love that you're all sentimental about that stuff like I am. You told me you would never co-sign for someone else, nor have you ever. It made me feel so very special. The last few days, you've been so reassuring and comforting that I can't help but continuously fall harder and deeper for you. The way you handle me, the way you talk about our future together is amazing.

You've begun to discuss with me how to read you and how you work in relationships in preparation for my training. I really genuinely am so eager to learn how to be your perfect sub and partner, your confidant, and respite. You keep saying that you've never had someone that was the whole package like me and how we fit so well, like perfect puzzle pieces. It warms my heart like you wouldn't believe, to know that I'm so special to you. You show it, but hearing the words knocks the breath from my chest. Every concern and insecurity I've been struggling with after the trip, you've addressed and calmed in the most loving ways.

Today was his day off. I planned to handle some paperwork stuff, the acknowledgement of paternity and getting some checks printed. I put my new address on them ☺️ He talked about making it a whole day... run the errands, take the kids out to lunch, and the splash pad. I knew he'd change that plan when I heard him up at almost 4. We talked about it this morning. Sure enough, as soon as the paperwork was done, he took our son home to play video games. I took our daughter to replace one of her dolls... as expected, hers were tossed. We got Starbucks at Target and a pedicure afterward. It was so nice to spend time with just her. She needed the break, too. She's so smart and the stress of this is getting to her. We had a talk yesterday, it was hitting her pretty hard and I held her while we chatted about the why's and how's of it all. It seemed to help.

When we got home, I dozed off a bit and talked to you on your way home. I love getting this much time to talk to you. It brings me such peace. Even in the late morning today, we were sending each other ideas for furniture for the apartment and talking layout. It's all so sweet.

This evening I got a text about interviewing for a great job. I'm weary but you told me to just call them tomorrow to confirm beforehand and not give any personal info. I'll do it in the morning. It does seem fishy. It amazes me how you protect me from this distance.

Today, more than most, you made me feel so very loved and fulfilled. You even told me you love me as we were getting off the phone. I cherish it when you do, and when I feel it's not pushing any boundaries to say it back. I really do deeply and passionately love you.

[codegengar]

just two hours prior, i was agonizing the rest of the night. i now feel very accomplished. it goes to show how just pushing through things despite your mental state can lead to an overall win for both your productivity and mood. it's not always easy, though, given bpd.

for context, i was offered my ideal job for co-op at my university. which, don't get me wrong, made me really happy upon seeing the message yesterday as i got ready to go see the screening of five night's at freddy's on halloween. however, i had gotten an email from another really good opportunity for an interview, which pays higher than my first choice, and is a similar kind of work. the difference is that mine caters to both students and staff, while the other one is only educational tech support to staff, with a lot of creative side projects to work on, as opposed to projects such as coding and data visualization. i want to learn more techy things, as well as my previous work at the bookstore being a point in contact with the first technology centre. but a part of me felt some grief because i wanted to be a graphic designer and content creator when i was younger, and i felt almost like i was throwing away that dream that little me had, and someone still holds onto every time i pick up a pen.

i sent in the email to respectfully decline the interview this morning. as well as cancel the interview to a big technology and accounting firm who also requested an interview with me. that felt really overwhelming, but i knew i had to as i had two assignments due tonight. all of these responsibilities would have incapacitated me mentally.

but all of that weighed on me heavily, and intensely. although i had woken up at around eleven or noon with d, i did not get out of bed until past five in the afternoon. i debated on what to eat, and almost gave up on the idea. there was a tiny platter of cheese leftover from when t and e came over and d and i had prepared a makeshift charcuterie board, minus the meat and garlic bread bits. just cheese. usually i do not like just eating blocks of cheese, a relic from my childhood where my mother gave me blocks of marbled cheese to eat in an attempt to increase my dairy intake. but goat cheese with herbs... sublime!

although these people could care less about me, it feels like i'm letting them down. if people become aware of my existence (which i do not make a habit of allowing), i need for them to have a good opinion of me. not that i wrote a disrespectful email to them, but... there is just some feeling of wrongness.

while i let these thoughts pass, i felt the wave of dissociation blanketing over my thoughts and encompassing my body in a warm cocoon of emptiness, as if it were comforting me. it is almost motherly in this sense, as it came to extinguish the anguish that i failed to pinpoint. why did any of this matter? i acted appropriately. which is always my fear, that i am not. i would wish my therapist would psychoanalyze me about this. i think she has, about my social anxiety. i can't remember what she said. that's just as well, with my security blanket always washing away memories like powder through a sieve...

as i did some routine tasks such as spending some resin on genshin impact, i thought about the two assignments i had for my undesirable course of the semester. you would think that a class on k-pop would be fun, but this class is anything but. i might elaborate in another post at the end of the year if i decide to do a semester review. i had a written assignment which i had, for some reason, thought was five hundred words (it was three hundred, i got mixed up with the recent paper proposals for my two courses which were to that length). then a pop-quiz on last lecture's content, which i had recorded as i do not pay attention. while i agonize about how unattainable it felt, as i have done none of the readings for that week and did not pay attention during the lecture, i decided to go outside and walk to my residence's main building to pick up my package. a halloween gengar sweater that came a day too late. but nonetheless, it will be worn and treasured. the fresh air did help, and i eventually decided to make my favourite meal, fire noodles, despite its unhealthiness. if i were to put in the effort to use any other items in my pantry and fridge, it would have been more beneficial for my passive weight loss goals, but the thought of cooking something from scratch was too overwhelming.

it was really good. i did not overcook anything this time, and all of the components were perfect. i had regular fire noodles this time, with two eggs, perfectly jellied, shabu shabu pork belly, carbonara fire dumplings, and my usual garnish of baby cucumbers, scallions, and cheese. sesame oil, sesame seeds, and the seaweed garnish packet for the final touches. sublime!

i watched some more masterchef canada season three while i was eating. there is just something more enjoyable when watching cooking shows (not kitchen nightmares, though) while eating.

revitalized, i decided to open up canvas and look at a potential reading i could skim and reference in my paper. it was long (as all of the papers the lecturer assigns for this class, which i think is unnecessary as she assigns three to four readings of twenty plus page length every week. very unattainable considering this class is considered an elective to most). i ended up taking a look at the actual assignment instructions, and the questions she wanted us to answer, i could actually do without any academic references. and so i did. and to put in one source to meet the minimum criteria for this assignment, i was pleased to find that the last paper listed of the week seven list aligned with what i wrote, and i inputted the in-text citation for it behind one of my sentences. again, i realized at this point that i needed to cut down my words tremendously as i had around five hundred fifty, which i thought would be okay as that was the cut off for the paper proposal, but i had forgotten that reading responses for this class was a maximum of three hundred fifty. so i did a lot of cutting down. but it was done fairly quickly, as it is easier to cut down rather than add more words.

now it was onto the pop-quiz.

unfortunately, my multitasking had rendered some of the recording visually incapacitated (i.e. i was trying to fix my discord third party custom skin, and had left winrar open for about five minutes over zoom). i kept skimming through the video for definitions to answer the five questions, and i had found a few after letting it play in certain parts. i was stuck on the last one, but eventually through some buffering through, i found the exact part where it was mentioned. it was quoted word for word, the quiz with the lecture.

excellent.

that's one of the things i dislike about this class. i do not know if it is part of the korean education system, but we had a guest lecturer for today and she did the same thing as my current lecturer does – read out a script basically (which was probably how the teaching assistant wrote the quiz word for word from what she had said). it is very formal and their voices are very monotone, which is hard to stay engaged with. anti-fun. if i tried really hard to, i could pay attention and take notes, but at this point, we do not have any examinations where i have to listen to the lectures attentively. i could rely on the readings and research for the final paper assignment. because what she "says" (re: recites) in lectures are just ideas from all the papers she assigns, anyway.

in total, these two assignments only took me two hours, unlike the five hours i anticipated from seven to midnight. i noticed in my email (which i have been avoiding by changing my phone's focus to my i'm going ghost mode – aka, no messages or notifications can be seen through the lock screen or as a banner) that my lap tray from costco is ready to be received through the main residence's mailboxes.

i happily put on my hoodie and made my way down from my building, vaguely concerned for the weather as the two girls in the elevator on my way down were wearing raincoats and donning a large, black umbrella. well. it was too late now. i trudged through the rain in my pikachu adidas slides and made my way to mailbox b-10, and got my box which i used as a rain cover on my way back to my dorm. i hope that everyone that i had passed by doesn't think i'm weird.

a concern i constantly have. it is very tiring.

i unpackaged it and revelled in its utility. i cannot wait to use my ipad and eat on the floor with it. i really do not like the desk and chair that the dorm came with, and it's hard to concentrate. i think the association with gaming and my personal computer also does not help.

i shared my sense of accomplishment and triumph over today's challenges in my prof's server afterward, to which he suggested i journal about this. and i haven't written on here in a while. so here i am. this is a reminder that i can accomplish tasks that feel overwhelming. and be eloquent, somewhat, than what i feel as of right now and my current unemployment. more on that later, perhaps.

in the meantime, i got to go do my genshin dailies.

[lillywillow]

Birthday Wishes

Summary: Bucky wants to plan the best party ever for his young daughter

 Word Count: 2430

 Square Filled: Free Space

 Pairings: Singledad!Bucky x Female Reader/ Steve x Peggy

 Warnings: None really

 Written for @star-spangled-bingo

Ever since the mother to Bucky’s daughter passed away when she was a baby, he had been totally devoted to her and every year on her birthday, he went all out trying to make it the best one ever.

 About a month ago, Tony’s daughter Morgan had a mermaid themed party; complete with a woman dressed as a mermaid. Bucky’s daughter Rebecca had totally raved about it and with her own birthday coming up, he made a note to take one of the business cards with him.

...

 The moment Bucky walked into the building, he was in awe. The front of the store was full of costumes, dolls, plushies, pirate treasure chests, fairy wings and wands... every kind of fantasy item a child could possibly want and a lot of it looked handmade. Out the back, he could hear squealing and laughter. A party in progress, perhaps?

 “Good afternoon, welcome to Childhood Dreams. How may I help you?” the receptionist asked.

 “Hi. I’m looking to book a party? It’s for my daughter...”

 “I see. Well, before booking a party, you’ll need to make an appointment with Y/N. She likes to customise her parties to the client. She’s currently doing a performance but if you’re happy to wait, she’ll be done soon...”

 “I can wait...”

 “Great. Follow me please...”

 Bucky followed the receptionist into the back. There was a pirate party taking place with all the children dressed up as pirates. There were props and decorations keeping in tone with the theme and an incredible cake. On the stage up the front was the same woman who had played the part of the mermaid at Morgan’s party, this time she was a pirate, enacting a mighty swordfight with another actor. She really put her all into the performance.

 Bucky watched her for a moment before the receptionist pulled him along and guided him to an office along the side. The inside of the office was just as cheerful and childlike as the rest of the place. The desk was lined with small trinkets. Along the walls were various photographs of the woman in different costumes. A princess, a fairy, a friendly witch... there was a costume for every occasion. Bucky was in the middle of admiring them when the door opened and the subject from the photos stepped in.

 “You must be the gentleman wanting a party,” she smiled, taking off her hat and eye patch before sitting at her desk and encouraging him to take a seat. “I’m Y/N.”

 “Yes, that’s right. My name is Bucky and I’m looking to do a birthday party for my daughter Rebecca,” he said, getting his phone out to show her a picture.

 Y/N smiled at the photo of the little girl who was dressed as a princess.

 “Tell me about Rebecca. I take it she’s a princess fan?”

 Bucky’s face lit up as he spoke about his little girl. Everything that she loved about princesses and fairytales, down to her favourite colours, animals and mythical creatures.

 “I’m probably rambling now...”

 “No, no, I think it’s sweet to see a father so dedicated to his daughter. Let me show you a few of our packages,” she smiled.

 Y/N logged into her tablet to show him a few of the princess themed parties they offered. Bucky looked through the options before deciding on a fantasy type one with princesses, wizards and all things in that vein.

 “Will you be having the party here or elsewhere?”

 “I think home would be best... unless... here would be better? I don’t know...”

 “Some children feel more comfortable on home base and some like going out. It’s really up to you. My job is to give your child the best possible experience...”

 Bucky nodded slowly and thought.

 “She might like a party in her own backyard...”

 “That’s totally fine. I’ll need to visit ahead of time just so I can work on a setup. Now, will you be providing your own cake? If not, I can recommend an excellent bakery.”

 “A family friend agreed to make the cake,” Bucky replied.

 Y/N nodded and jotted down a few notes.

 “What about food?”

 “Yes, we’ll be making our own food too.”

 Y/N nodded again and wrote down a few more notes. After agreeing on a price, a date and time to meet, his address and the date of the party, Bucky started heading out the door.

 “One more thing...”

 Bucky turned to look at her.

 “I like to ask our clients how they found out about our business...”

 “A while ago, you threw a mermaid party for a friend of mine’s daughter. Rebecca couldn’t stop talking about it for days after that...”

 Y/N smiled fondly.

 “I see... well, I guess I’ll see you when I come to do my inspection. Goodbye, Bucky.”

 “Bye.”

 As Bucky left the office, he could feel his heart fluttering like it hadn’t done in a long time. Ever since his wife’s passing, Bucky hadn’t even looked at another woman. Well, he had looked but he had always been so busy taking care of Rebecca, he didn’t really have time to be pursuing women. Sure on occasion, he would go on a blind date now and then and Steve would babysit but that would be the extent of it. Bucky thought for sure his dating life was over but talking to Y/N just now... it gave him a lot of hope.

...

 Time went by and eventually the day arrived when you went to meet Bucky at his place. Bucky greeted you at the door with a smile and ushered you inside. Smiling, you looked around the place. Pictures of Bucky’s life lined the walls and shelves. Photos of him with friends but most of them were of his little girl. One thing you noticed was the lack of pictures of the girl’s mother. There were a few of her before having the child but not many after.

 “So, um... what do you need to see?”

 “You mentioned a backyard?” you said, referring back to the interview you had a few days ago.

 Bucky nodded and showed you the way. First, you scoped out the best place to conduct your performance then took out your measuring tape to size up the props you might need. As you worked, Bucky could see the gears turning in your head.

 “Do you go out to different locations a lot?” Bucky asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

 “Not a lot but it’s always fun when we do.”

 “How long have you been in business?”

 “It’s taken me about ten years to get it off the ground. It’s only been gaining popularity in the last year or so...”

 “Wait, so you own Childhood Dreams?”

 “Sure do. You see, I always believed childhood should be about fun and games before going onto the drudgery of adulthood. And I help out local business in the process. Most of the items available for purchase were made by local artists. I’m always willing to lend a hand when they need it. That’s why I ask about food. There’s a small bakery a few blocks from the building we’re located who does the most beautiful cakes...”

 You suddenly were interrupted by something brushing up against your leg. Looking down, you saw the most adorable white cat.

 “Why, hello there. Aren’t you a cutie?” you cooed, bending down to pat the snowy feline.

 “This is Alpine. Rebecca is just crazy about her. She’s been a really big help ever since...” Bucky paused, feeling a lump in his throat and tears well up in his eyes.

 Alpine trotted over to him and purred as he picked her up.

 “Sorry. It’s just... ever since my wife passed when Rebecca was a baby; I’ve wanted to give her the best life possible. I try to give equal amounts of time between her so she can look up to me and work so she has the best things in life...”

 You went over and gave him a hug.

 “You’re a good man, Bucky. I’ve been in this business long enough to tell the devoted parents from the off-standers. Just by spending a few minutes with you, I already know that you love your daughter and think the world of her. Just make sure you spend a few moments taking care of yourself, okay? It doesn’t have to be much, just enough so you feel good too.”

 Bucky gave you a soft smile, knowing that you were right. Everyone had told him as such but sometimes, it’s harder to take advice from the people closest to you.

 “Can I get you anything to drink?” he offered.

 “Actually, I should get going. I’ve got a children’s charity event I need to get ready for. It’s been really nice seeing you again, Bucky. I guess the next time I see you will be for your daughter’s party.”

 “See you then,” Bucky smiled.

 He couldn’t wait for the party.

...

 Finally, the day of Rebecca’s birthday arrived. Bucky had spent the night before busily transforming his humble home into a castle fit for a princess. He wanted everything to be perfect for his little girl’s special day, buying the most glittery, ruffled princess dress for her to wear, complete with a sparkly tiara. Bucky himself hired a prince costume and even managed to obtain a kitty sized dragon costume for Alpine.

 Bucky spent the morning cooking, starting with a plate of pancakes for breakfast before moving onto the finishing touches on the food for the party. He had most of it prepared already but some of it needed heating.

 The first to arrive was Wanda with her twin boys who were both in costume. The boys instantly ran over to play with Rebecca while Wanda was left holding the cake she had made along with her purse and the present she had bought. Bucky rushed over to help her with the items and after exchanging greetings and pleasantries, she showed his the cake.

 It was everything Bucky could have ever hoped for and more. The cake was purple with ice cream cones decorated like castle turrets, topped with little princess and unicorn figurines and the words ‘Happy Birthday, Rebecca’ written in icing along with the age she was turning. Little pink flowers were piped along the sides.

 “Thank you so much, Wanda. Becca’s just going to love it.”

 “You’re welcome,” she smiled, giving him a hug.

 Soon after Wanda’s arrival was Steve and Peggy with their child followed by Tony, Pepper and Morgan, Sam with his kid and it wasn’t long before all the party guests had arrived. The adults all mingled while the children played together happily. Right on time, Y/N arrived with her scene partner in full costume. She was wearing a knight costume while her partner (whom she introduced as Phil) was dressed as an ‘evil’ wizard. Bucky settled the kids in front of the makeshift stage and let the performance begin.

 Y/N started by introducing herself as a knight dedicated to Princess Rebecca.

 “That’s me!” Rebecca squealed in delight, jumping to her feet and clapping.

 Y/N knelt down to be level with her, crossing her right arm over her chest in a salute.

 “I vow to protect you from the evils of the kingdom.”

 Suddenly, Phil jumped out of his hiding place.

 “Mwa-ha-ha! I am an evil wizard and I am here to change all the cakes into broccoli!”

 Bucky thought he was laying it on a little thick but there was a wave of horrified gasps from the kids.

 “Not so fast, evil wizard! We will defeat you! Kids, if I’m going to beat him, I’m going to need your help...”

 Y/N and Phil made an amazing pair. While Y/N encouraged the children and even a few of the parents to join in, Phil played off their reactions until he was ‘defeated’.

 “You win! I will change my evil ways and use my powers for good!” he dramatically cried.

 The children all cheered and clapped. The two actors took a bow and started to pack up as Bucky announced it was time for cake. The kids all raced over to where the cake was being brought out.

 “Would you two like to stay for cake?” Bucky offered.

 Phil looked at Y/N for permission, a hopeful glint in his eye.

 “Sure. We have some time before our next appointment,” she smiled. Phil gave a big, childlike grin.

 Once everyone had sung Happy Birthday to Rebecca and she had blown out the candles, the cake was served out. Steve approached Bucky.

 “Hey, man. How are you doing?”

 “A bit tired but seeing the smile on that little girl’s face makes it all worth it,” he softly sighed.

 Steve followed Bucky’s gaze to where Rebecca was talking animatedly to Y/N. He could tell the smile on her face was genuine and not just for show. This was a person who loved their job and loved children.

 “Is that the same Y/N you’ve been going on about all week?”

 “I haven’t been talking about her that much...”

 Steve gave him an incredulous look.

 “You know, it’s okay to like her. Why don’t you ask her out?”

 “What about Rebecca?”

 “Peggy and I can look after her while you go out on date. You deserve to be happy too...”

 Bucky thought about it for a while and headed over to Y/N and Rebecca.

 “Daddy, daddy! Y/N was the mermaid at Morgan’s party! She’s magical...” Rebecca was absolutely smitten with the woman.

 “I see... Can I talk Y/N alone for a minute? Then you can open presents,” he smiled.

 Rebecca giggled and hugged his leg before running off to play with her friends.

 “She’s a darling,” Y/N warmly smiled.

 “She is... Listen, Y/N... I was wondering... if you’re not busy tomorrow night... if maybe you’d like to have dinner with me...”

 “Like a date?”

 Bucky’s face flushed.

 “I mean, if you want it to be...”

 Y/N kissed his cheek.

 “I’d like that. How about 7:00 at the restaurant around the from the Childhood Dreams building. They do an amazing meal...”

 “Sounds perfect,” he smiled.

 This was one the best days of Bucky’s life. Not only did he pull off the perfect party for his daughter but he took a step back into the dating world with an incredible woman who somehow stole his heart.

[whentherewerebicycles]

hello! prepare for a long chatty life update. I went out with friends last night and it was so nice wahh. then I slept nine hours and that was glorious too. turns out this week’s sleep trouble was just my usual pre-period insomnia and not my new magic sleeping meds failing me. phew!!! I took Pip to our new vet this morning for his annual checkup and he was such a sweet boy even through the indignity of many shots. 😭😭 I love my little dog so much. also when Pip sits his front paws point outwards in a way that makes him look like he’s posing, and today the vet techs were like ‘awww how sweet! you know that’s actually a genetic deformity, right?’ I was like ummm excuse me. this is the best dog who has ever lived and he is perfectly formed in every way so think carefully about how you describe his flawless & unique paws please!! anyway he is in excellent health and three different people independently praised him for being so lean & well-conditioned. I can’t wait for fall (and/or to get him to seattle) so we can resume his preferred 70 min walks instead of the 30 min forced marches we are limited to in the summer.

then I came home and started working my way through one of the books I bought on evidence-informed learning design in training contexts. it’s interesting so far! not a lot of new content yet but it’s kind of nice to go back to basics and resolidify my understanding of core concepts/frameworks. I feel like it’s making me a bit sleeeepy though so I might just do an hour each day instead of trying to power through. I have four weeks left before new job starts… I think I just want to read two or three of these fairly dense books so I go into the first month feeling like I have an understanding of how the L&D profession overlaps with/differs from the classroom pedagogy stuff I’m more familiar with. I also want to read more about the history and structure of my government agency so I have at least a rough mental framework to fit first-month new information into. THAT SAID as psyched as I am to get started on a New Project (tackling a new job lol) I need to remind myself to also enjoy this time and try to use it to really fully decompress from the year and job search stress. it’s okay to just let myself enjoy this month of very few responsibilities.

next week I need to reach out to my current boss to let her know that I accepted the position… and I need to do that sooner rather than later because they’re starting to process my security clearance and that involves interviewing my references. I hope she isn’t upset with me for kinda changing gears after we talked last, but I’m also reminding myself that it’s normal to change jobs and that I went above and beyond trying to make things work with them… they didn’t move fast enough to make it feasible for me and it’s okay for me to make decisions that prioritize my own long-term future (because academia sure as hell won’t do that for me!). I can’t decide if I hope the grant funds come through & they let me do it as a part-time position with support staff, or if I hope it doesn’t come through and my energy is just freed up to focus on the new job + creative projects. we will see what the universe decides.

we released the first two episodes of our hockey fandom podcast yesterday and have gotten a nice response so far! I am deep in planning/research mode for future episodes and might spend the rest of the afternoon working on that. I feel like my brain is a little bit too fried still to write short things or fully dive into my new long project (I need a bit more rest/recovery I think) so I’m gonna let myself continue taking a little break from writing and instead focus on building out this other project so it’s up and running by the time the job starts. ooh and I am also going to beta a friend’s fic this weekend—tonight or tomorrow tbd.

okay let’s see. going to drive to target now to pick up a curbside order and then I think I want to lie in bed doing nothing or maybe thinking a bit about podcast planning. I have this idea that if we can create like… a planning structure of some kind? a brainstorming and research template kinda thing? it’ll help organize and streamline our prerecording thinking so we can have deeper conversations in the actual recording session. I like the idea of designing a repeatable learning exercise that will make the planning process more seamless, so if we get really busy with real life stuff we won’t have to expend as much intellectual bandwidth on the prep & planning work each week. idk just something I am kicking around we’ll see. mmkay! if I go to target I will have cherries to eat 😍 so it is time to make the quick drive over.

[seasonschange-butpeopledont]

Everyday Heroes

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x F!Reader

Warnings: A few curse words, an explosion, implied injury, depressed reader, minor character death, grief, and a bit of pining

Word Count: 3,364

Author’s Note: This got out of hand and apparently I only know how to write hopeless pining. Do we agree that Marcus gives off Clark Kent vibes or am I alone in this?

Summary: The three times you discovered Marcus Moreno was a hero. 

Taglist Form - Masterlist

When you’d left the house that morning, the heels you wore had seemed like a great idea. 

You were headed in for your first day at your new job and you wanted to make a good impression by wearing what you perceived to be your most professional outfit. You’d made it to the coffee shop down the street from your apartment with minimal difficulty, though you were certain to have blisters on your feet by the end of the day. Thankfully, your receptionist position meant that you would spend the majority of your day more or less chained to the front desk, answering phones, taking messages, scheduling appointments, and greeting visitors. 

You didn’t know much about Vil-Tech. You’d googled them before your first interview, of course- you weren’t a total idiot and you’d never dare show up unprepared, especially when you needed this job so badly- but your search had yielded only a few results. Most of what you’d found had been articles from the newspaper. The researchers at the lab had, apparently, recently had some success in clean energy technology. Protons, neutrons, particle accelerators, electromagnetic fields… You knew nothing about it, really, but it sounded impressive. And clean energy had to be good, right? When they’d hired you, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal that you knew next to nothing about the company itself. They were only looking for a receptionist, after all, not a scientist. If they’d wanted you to know exactly what was going on in the floors above you, you were sure that they would have let you know. 

With your coffee in hand, you made your way towards the Vil-Tech building. All in all, it seemed like the universe was on your side this morning. You’d woken up early enough to make yourself look decent. Your favorite barista had made your coffee just the way you liked it, and it even looked like you would be early for work. 

And then it all seemed to happen in slow motion. 

The upper half of your body was already moving forward, even as the heel of your shoe remained firmly wedged in the sidewalk crack. You felt the coffee sloshing around in the stainless steel travel mug in your hands, threatening to douse your crisp white blouse in the steaming beverage. You blindly threw your hand out in front of you, bracing yourself to hit the concrete and thinking to yourself that this was just one of those days when this might as well happen. 

But the harsh impact you’d prepared yourself for never came. 

It had taken you a moment to process that someone had caught you. Someone with impeccable reflexes, it seemed, as not only had they rescued you from taking a humiliating fall in the middle of a busy sidewalk, but they also managed to save your coffee without spilling a drop. To say that you were impressed by the feat was an understatement.

But when you looked up at your savior, you were damn near speechless. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, his dark eyes finding yours from beneath his black-framed glasses. And, other than the approximately thirty-seven heart attacks you’d had in the span of 2.5 seconds only moments before, you found yourself nodding in confirmation. 

“I’m fine. I… Thank you,” You breathed out, a warm, tingly feeling spreading out from your chest and right down to your toes. Gods, he had the most beautiful eyes you’d ever seen. He appeared to be somewhere in his mid-forties, and wore a leather jacket with his slacks and tie, a combination you’d never quite seen before, but decided suited him quite well. 

“Are you sure? You look a little dizzy,” He noted. His arm was still around your waist, and you were grateful for it, because you didn’t quite trust the integrity of your knees at the moment.

After a few moments, which had exceeded the socially acceptable amount of time to moon over a stranger while clutching their remarkably toned biceps for dear life by a long-shot, your brain finally seemed to catch up to the rest of you, and promptly flooded your thoughts with embarrassment. You released your death-grip on his arms immediately, trying to maintain your dignity as you yanked your heel from the concrete crevice in a distinctly unladylike manor. All the while, the handsome stranger remained right there, dutifully holding your coffee and trying his best to hide the amusement in his eyes with a polite smile. 

Taking a deep breath and smoothing out your outfit, you nodded at him once again. “I’m fine,” You said in what you hoped was your most composed voice. He promptly handed you your coffee, and you swore you felt electricity when his fingers brushed against yours. 

“Glad to hear it,” He remarked, “That would have been a nasty fall.” 

“Nice save, Clark,” You joked, attempting your most charming smile. Were you flirting? Could you even consider this flirting?

“Clark?” He repeated, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. 

“You know, Clark Kent… with the glasses and... lightning-fast reflexes… saving me from an incredibly embarrassing moment?” You explained weakly. It wasn’t as if you’d never spoken to an attractive man before, but it seemed that the universe was decidedly not on your side this morning after all.

“Superman?” Another smile found its way to his face. He seemed flattered by your comment. “My daughter loves those comics.” At the mention of his daughter, your eyes quickly darted down to his left hand. There was no wedding ring there, but it was clear that there had been one there in the past. 

“Well, your daughter has excellent taste. And we could all use a few more heroes in our lives, right?” You sighed wistfully, before adding, “Thank you, by the way.” 

“It was no big deal,” He assured you. “I’m always happy to help a pretty lady in need.” 

You laughed quietly at the last part, finding the cheesiness of it adorable. You weren’t quite sure why you were still lingering on the street corner, except that you couldn’t quite bring yourself to walk away just yet. He seemed equally as reluctant to part from you, both of you grinning shyly at one another as you soaked in the meet-cute moment. Right up until his eyes fell to the ID badge clipped to your bag, that is. 

“Is that a Vil-Tech badge?”

There was a hint of disappointment in his tone that you couldn’t quite assign a cause for. It wasn’t the question you were expecting. You’d expected him to ask your name, or maybe offer you his, but you could practically see the gears turning in his head by now, so you humored him.

“Yep,” You confirmed. “It's my first day. I’m just a receptionist, though…” 

He nodded slowly, his eyebrows pinching together. He didn’t even try to hide his frown. What was it about Vil-Tech that seemed to bother him so much?

“I’m really sorry, but I’m running late for work,” He said finally, nodding in the direction you had just come from. He turned his attention back to you, his eyes staring into yours as he spoke with the utmost seriousness. “Good luck on your first day, and… Look after yourself, okay? Vil-Tech might not be what you think it is.” 

And with that, he brushed past you, seemingly in quite a hurry as he disappeared into the crowd and left you standing there, disappointment sinking deep into your bones. 

You didn’t even get his name. 

***

You didn’t see him again for a month. 

Not that you often thought about him or his dreamy eyes and ridiculously charming smile or his strong arms around your waist. And definitely not that you sometimes idly wondered where he was and how his day was going while you were grocery shopping or stuck at the laundromat. 

Okay, maybe you did. 

Maybe you went to that same coffee shop every week day, hoping that you might bump into him again. 

And maybe you sometimes imagined those eyes staring into yours and arms around you in situations where you weren’t making a complete fool of yourself. 

You felt silly for being that girl. The one who falls hopelessly in love with strangers you pass on the streets, with anyone who thinks that anyone who so much as holds the door open for you could be your true love. You were a grown up, for goodness sake. You weren’t supposed to believe in that kind of thing anymore. 

But it was those ridiculous daydreams you found yourself caught up in when a team of Heroics stormed into Vil-Tech on a Tuesday afternoon. 

“I apologize, sir, but Dr. Pershing is out of the office today…” You sighed, listening to the supplier ramble on and on about the importance of Dr. Pershing returning his call. You had already scribbled the message down, along with his name and phone number. “Yes, I’ll be sure to give him the message.” It was difficult to hide the exasperation in your tone. 

“That’s what you said the last time,” The man snapped. “Pershing didn’t return my calls for a week. I don’t know why they can’t hire someone who knows how to take a message properly. God knows they’ve got the money for it.” 

You tapped the tip of your pen against the notepad on your desk, feeling a lump beginning to form in your throat. “I apologize, Mr. Wells. I’ll make sure that Dr. Pershing gets your message as soon as he returns.” 

“You’d better,” He grumbled, before the line went dead. 

You let out a slow breath, easing yourself back from the edge of tears. It had been like this all morning. The scientists in the building were off at a conference for the week, leaving you behind to copy down messages and field angry phone calls. 

Stan, the elderly security guard, if you could call him that, offered you a sympathetic smile from his post by the door. You returned it weakly.

Closing your eyes, you tried to think of something else. Brown eyes, charming smile, strong arms. You repeated it like a mantra. Electricity. The feeling of safety. That warm, fluttering feeling in your stomach, and a rush of calm. 

When you opened your eyes again, you found Stan staring slack-jawed as the Heroics sprinted into the building, announcing to you, Stan, and the maintenance staff that you all needed to clear the building immediately. They offered no explanation for their frantic demands, but when a guy in spandex and a cape tells you to go, you go. You were sure that, whatever it was, you’d be able to catch the reason for the strange event on the news later that evening. You’d watched them destroy city hall enough times from the comfort of your living room to be sure that you wanted out of this building as soon as possible. 

But, given that this was your first call-the-Heroics-level emergency, it seems that your idea of immediacy was a bit different from theirs. In the time that it had taken you to grab your jacket, shove your laptop in your purse, and sling the bag over your shoulder, you had already been tackled to the ground by some idiot in a tactical vest. 

You don’t remember much about the explosion. 

You’d later learn that Vil-Tech Labs dealt in more than just technological innovation. The research they’d been conducting while locked away in the uppermost floors of the building, all of that gibberish involving the off-site particle accelerator you’d read about, was both sinister and invaluable. Rather than letting the Heroics get their hands on their files to uncover their plans and stop them from being set in motion, they’d decided to set off an explosion in their own goddamn building. And thanks to that ‘idiot in a tactical vest’, you were one of the only survivors. 

But in the meantime, while you were lying on your back in the middle of the lobby feeling like you’d been hit by a train, you were clueless about the nefarious action of the company you’d spent the last month working for. The only thing you could seem to focus on was the pain in your head from where you’d smacked it against the tile flooring, and the weight of the fully grown man on top of you that was currently restricting your breathing. 

You must have hit your head even harder than you thought, because there was no way in hell the man who’d been starring in all of your daydreams for months was here, now, on top of you, with katanas strapped to his back. You refused to accept that as a reality. Would he even remember you? Why would he? Apparently, the man you’d developed a  stupid little crush on was a superhero. He probably helped people all of the time and you were just another-

“What the fuck?” You finally hissed, gasping for air. The air was smokey and it stung your eyes and nose when you inhaled. 

His breathing hitched slightly when you looked up at him, the look of fear clear on your face. “You okay?” He asked, still hovering above you as he pushed himself up on his elbows, careful to avoid the shattered glass that now seemed to cover every flat surface in sight. 

“I’m… reasonably certain I’m not dead,” You replied, an edge of panic in your voice, which was a bit shakier than you would have liked. “What’s happening? I don’t- I don’t understand- Where is Stan-” You coughed, your lungs burning. 

You idly wondered how long you had before the building started to collapse, its structural integrity surely compromised by the explosion. Of all the ways you could die, being buried alive was up there with the ones you dreaded the most. Your growing panic must have been obvious. 

“Hey, calm down,” He reassured you. “I’m going to get you out of here. You’re going to be just fine.” 

The room was still spinning when you felt yourself being scooped up into his arms, the edges of your vision growing more and more fuzzy with each breath you took. 

“We have got to stop meeting like this, Clark” You murmured. You swear you feel, rather than hear, a laugh rumble in his chest just before the world goes dark. Maybe he did remember you after all. 

***

It’s only a little more than a week later, long after you’ve woken up in the hospital and been discharged, that you find yourself sitting in the coffee shop down the street. It’s a Thursday morning, and you’re staring blankly into your vanilla latte. 

You aren’t sure why you’re up so early. The doctors had ordered you to take it easy, and it’s not like you had a job to go to anymore. You could have slept in, made your own coffee at home, and stayed curled up on your couch watching Netflix and hiding from the rest of the world like you had been for the past week. You felt horrible that you’d been associated with a place like Vil-Tech. You should have known that something was off about the place, but you’d never realized it, never bothered to look into anything when things seemed off. You felt so stupid for it now. Were you just as bad as the rest of them? Sure, all you’d done was answer phones for them, but…

Stan, your only friend at Vil-Tech, the kind man who had shared half of his sandwich at lunch with you more times than you could count and always had a smile for you when he greeted you in the mornings, had never made it out of the building. You supposed that you should consider yourself lucky that the Heroics had saved you, but the loss of your friend and the knowledge that Vil-Tech was certainly not what you thought it was, had shaken you. 

You’d felt different when you woke up this morning. Like, maybe, leaving your apartment and getting some fresh air wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Your favorite barista had smiled sympathetically when you walked through the doors. You must have looked as bad as you felt. Considering you hadn’t showered since you’d gotten home from the hospital, you were sure that you were quite a sight. 

“Good morning!” She greeted, mustering up her cheeriest demeanor for you. “The usual, right?”

You nodded, not quite making eye contact as you handed her your card to pay. She quickly waved you off. 

“It’s on the house today, hon. And I insist that you take this chocolate chip muffin. I’ll make you feel better.” 

Your heart ached at her kindness, the act almost forcing tears in your eyes once again. That was the thing that you realized over the past few days. The Heroics were great, but there were plenty of everyday heroes out there as well. Sometimes it was Ashely the Barista, who scribbles a smiley face and a compliment on your cup on the mornings that seem particularly rough. Sometimes it was Stan the Security Guard, who offers to teach you sudoku on your lunch breaks. And sometimes it was a stranger you passed on the street, who catches you when you fall. 

You sat down at a table in the corner of the coffee shop, your vanilla latte and chocolate chip muffin sat out in front of you, untouched for the moment. You didn’t usually sit down to have your coffee, but you had nowhere to be today, and you were finding that you appreciated not being alone for a while. 

You heard the bells above the door jingle, signaling that a new customer had entered the shop. You looked up to see a man with dark hair and a familiar leather jacket walking towards the barista to place his order. You listened closely as he gave his name for his order, though you’d heard it plenty of times on the news this week. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips for the first time in over a week.

Marcus Moreno, your own personal Superman. 

You hadn’t meant to stare, but it was undeniably strange to see the man who had saved you not once, but twice, doing something as mundane as making his morning coffee run. After he paid, he turned towards the groupings of tables and chairs, searching for a place to sit while he waited for his drink to be ready. When his eyes landed on you, you raised your hand in a small wave. You were nervous about how he’d react to seeing you here. You had no doubt that he recognized you this time.

You weren’t exactly sure what the protocol was for meeting a real-life superhero again after they had saved your life. Were you supposed to pretend not to know each other? Should you have paid for his coffee? Did you make a public declaration to name your first born child after him?

To your surprise, he simply smiled back at you with the most heart-stopping, breathtaking smile you’d ever seen in your life, and returned your wave. It was as simple as that, you thought. Marcus Moreno, the superhero with katanas at this back and a team of Heroics at his side, the closest thing to Superman you’d ever met, was impressive. But Marcus Moreno, the helpful man with a kind, beautiful smile and warm, friendly eyes, whose mere existence had never failed to cheer you up? He was magnificent. An everyday hero, indeed. 

He made this way through the crowd and over to your table, gesturing to the seat across from you as if to ask for your permission to sit down. You nodded, feeling a sense of warmth blossoming in your chest. The same way you’d felt when you saw him for the first time. The same feeling that you’d been dreaming about for months. 

Hope, you realized. 

“Hi,” He greeted. “I, uh, I never caught your name. I’m Marcus Moreno.” 

As you gave him your name, you decided that maybe you could start by just saying thank you. 

General Taglist: @theravenreads @marshmallowtraver @computeringturtle @adikaofmandalore @pascalisthepunkest

Marcus Moreno Taglist: @xjaywritesx​

[choicest]

Family

Summary: The father and son conversation we didn't have. Happens between chapter 15 & 16.

A/N: To be honest I really consider this as my first OP fic (even though it's technically my second). The OP characters are just too beautiful and I've been afraid I won't get them properly so I always ignore the urge to write about them. But now, I’m finally doing it so, thank you so much for reading. It really means a lot. Let me know if you like it!

//

Ethan rolls and adjusts his eyes in the threatening daylight that peers through his windows. It has been three days since the hearing but he still can't quite find a reason to celebrate, even though a certain person pointed out every reason to. It's just, to see his mentor who's become a father to him finish the road in such a bitter way is definitely something that didn't cross his mind. Naveen has been his inspiration to enter the medicine field, and as his mentee, the whole idea overly pains him. Deciding that three days is enough, he gets up, took a shower, and texts him.

Ethan: Hi. Are you working today?

Ethan curses himself the minute he read the word 'sent'. Way to comfort an old man who's forced to quit his job, Ethan.

Naveen: Ethan, what a delight! Not much. And you know what?

Ethan: What?

Naveen: I happen to know someone who's also not working much.

Naveen: Lunch?

Ethan is just typing to offer to cook for him but a text quickly comes in.

Naveen: Let's enjoy and go out, Ethan.

~

The first thing Ethan notice when he sees his mentor's face is peace. For someone who is about to lose his job and the only thing that sparks his life, Naveen is undeniably calm.

They order and begin eating in comfortable silence. Naveen occasionally teasing him, and him gladly taking all the jokes the man can mutter.

Deciding to go for it, Ethan blurts out. "You're okay." It is no longer a question. It is now a realization. Truth be told, these past days, Ethan has been terrified. For himself, yes, but mostly for the man in front of him.

Naveen just smiles at him. "What is it, Ethan?"

"But how? You're retiring. You have no family to come home to because you literally spent all your life dedicating your life to other people. How can you be okay with all of this?" Ethan blabbers.

"I've had that peace for a long time now, Ethan. It's not something I was able to magically obtain in a span of four hours." He pauses.

"Remember the time I asked you to let me go home after we cannot figure out what's wrong with me? I... I still get the chills whenever I think I almost lost it. But that incident certainly helped me prepare for it. Not to mention I delivered a goodbye speech then so it won't be as hard when I do it again next week." He chuckles softly.

"Naveen, you're..."

"I'm saying I was ready to say goodbye. I'm thankful I had another chance but I already prepared myself. And yes, it's not going to be how we pictured it but that's on me, Ethan. And I won't let you take the fall for my mistake."

Ethan reaches out to clasps Naveen's hand. He holds it tightly letting the action convey all the words he can't utter.

"Let someone else cook for you, Ethan." Naveen smiles as he taps Ethan's hand.

He gives him a puzzled look.

"She met with me that morning. Told me that while she respects your decision, she's not stupid to agree and go with it."

Ethan heartily laughs at that.

"Let other people help you, Ethan. Let them support you, and be there for you. Ask for help if you need to. You don't always have to do it on your own. That's what she did that morning."

~

They spend the whole afternoon reminiscing. From the most notable cases they have handled, to PITA patients, to how Ethan scolded his mentor when he learned about his mistake that day, finally being able to laugh about it.

"Remember how you diagnose a patient during your internship interview? I was sitting there asking about your medical vision and you go solve the thing on the board."

"You mean how the other doctor told me how much of an arrogant jerk I am after you made me told him about the more efficient treatment plan I've come up with?"

"Ha, that one's golden! I knew you've got thick skin."

Everything was fun, still somehow unpleasant but also very honest, and unique.

After an extensive argument, Naveen finally lets Ethan drive him home even though it's just a 15 minutes walk, 5 minutes for Ethan who has long legs and who walks like a cheetah.

“Thank you, Ethan. Drive safe.” Naveen says as he pats his back.

“Thank you, Naveen.” Ethan responds, hoping his mentor can understand what he’s really trying to say.

The man gave him lifetime opportunities, supported him, pushed him, trusted him, hell, he literally trusted him with his life and as much as Ethan wanted to give him the whole long emotional speech, he just can’t. So, he just hopes those words make up for it.

Ethan watched as the man he considered his hero walks slowly away from him. He’s about to get back into his car when Naveen’s voice stops him.

“Don’t worry too much, Ethan. I won’t be alone. I have a family. I have you, son.”

With that, Ethan takes a few strides and wraps Naveen in a hug.

//

If you’ve come this far, thank you so so much. I really appreciate it. I think I’d like to write a continuation but we shall see. Thank you again and always stay safe! -pilar

Tags: @mrs-ramsey @emmasumbrella @dickgraysonhasanicebutt

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Chapter 3

Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: Interview Round 1 and our first encounter

Previous chapter here

----------------------------- You bartended through the weekend without incident. You had honestly kind of forgotten about your strange encounter with Mr. Rude Dimples as you geared up for another work week. You arrived at your office job early Monday morning and headed to the breakroom. You loaded up on coffee and some fruit someone had sat out and went to your desk. At exactly 8 am you opened up your emails. You scanned through the work correspondence answering a few quick questions and queuing up some to answer after you checked on a few things. You then opened up your personal email and almost fell out of your chair when you saw **Google Calendar invitation: Job Interview. Very Personal Assistant. BTS Corporate Accept/Decline**

You opened it and lo and behold there was an invitation to a job interview this Thursday at Grindhouse Coffee Shop. You shook your head, so maybe it was a real job. Maybe. You were relieved to see the interview was in such a public location. You went into your work calendar and marked yourself out of office for an hour and half. You never took any time off so it wouldn’t be a problem. How does one prepare for a job interview for a personal assistant? You wondered. 

You opened an incognito window and started researching job interview questions and also looked into what exactly BTS Corporate was. It was a media company who seemed to dabble in everything from modeling to music. You recognized two of the models immediately, JK and V. They were both well known in the modeling world and graced the covers of many magazines. Ok so this was a legit company. Cool. Cool.  Oh my God, you thought. What if the position was to be an assistant to a model who was as hot as those two? You remained calm. You had bartended and been around hot dudes before. It would be fine. You would be fine. You kept the incognito window open as you returned to your actual job and continued to email and message colleagues about your projects. You also skimmed through BTS Corporate’s website to learn more about the company and spy on some of the other models and talent who they employed. 

The rest of the day went by without incident and you were excited for two reasons: one, you had a job interview at a place that paid more than your two of your current jobs combined, and you had Monday night off from bartending. You headed home, looking forward to spending time with your family.  

You rarely got to see your brother, who was in his second year of high school, and your sister, who was finishing up elementary school. You walked into the apartment, slipping off your shoes and work bag. 

“Hey everyone!” You yelled and headed into the living room.  Your sister and niece were doing their homework on the coffee table side by side. “Hey girls. How was school today?”

You got some noncommittal “goods” out of them and left them to their schoolwork. Your brother would be at cram school for another two hours. You walked into the kitchen where your aunt was preparing some food.

“Hello Aunt Vi,” you said, scooting around her towards the refrigerator to make yourself useful. “How can I help?”

“Hello [y/n]. If you could get the rice cooker ready and prepare the chicken that would be great.”

“You got it,” you responded, dutifully beginning the tasks you were assigned. You loved your Aunt Vi and were so grateful she was able to take the three of you in. The apartment was cramped and she did her best to make sure you all never felt like you were imposing. But, it was hard not to feel that way given the circumstances. You found your mind wandering back to the job interview. With that much money you could easily afford to either pay for a larger apartment for all of them, or pay for your brother to live at the school’s dormitory. You tried not to let yourself get too excited about it, you still weren't sure if it was a real job. And you had already had more disappointments in the past 5 years than you could deal with. You tried to keep it from making you pessimistic, but it definitely made you wary of most situations. Especially ones that seemed too good to be true. 

“Suho called this afternoon,” she said quietly while chopping green onion. 

You involuntarily flinched. “Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t give him this number.”

“I know I know. He asked for you and wanted to talk to your sister.” She paused, “I told him to go to hell.” 

It was always weird for you to hear your very proper aunt curse, but when it came to Suho, there was no escaping the rage she felt. And rightfully so.

You nodded your head. “Good. I’ll see about getting our number changed again.” You said, feeling like it was your responsibility. 

She didn’t say anything in response and the two of you continued to make dinner together silently. 

--------------------------

The rest of the week flew by. Office job, bartend, check on your siblings’ homework, check your bank account, pay your aunt, skillfully balance every cent in your checking account, sleep, caffeinate, repeat.  Before you knew it, Thursday afternoon had arrived. 

You walked into the coffeeshop. Grindhouse Coffee was across the city, near Club Tokki, so you had to watch your time carefully. You immediately noticed a large concentration of very attractive women with perfect faces and perfect tits. Damn. Were they here for the  same position?

“Tokki,” you heard a voice call towards you. You turned and saw Mr. Rude Dimples walking towards you with a tablet in hand. Oh God, you had a nickname? “Rich Asshole.” you waved, smiling “It’s nice to see you again.”

He guffawed, clearly not expecting that. “I am conducting your job interview Tokki,” he loosened his neck tie. “You should watch your mouth.”

You raised your eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure my mouth is what landed me this interview since it clearly wasn’t my good looks” you gestured to the space around you. “And it’s ‘[y/n]’ not Tokki.”

He swiped his tablet. “Got you all checked in. I’ll let you know when it’s your turn.” He shook his head as he walked away. 

Yoongi sulked at a booth in the cafe, his delicate lips pressed firmly into a pout. He refused to take part in the interviews or look at the resumes, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. So far he was unimpressed. It was like walking around work: a bunch of models who all looked the same. Who the hell would believe he would marry one of these women? He sighed. You shouldn’t judge someone based on their looks, he reminded himself. He kept one earbud in, lazily eavesdropping on the people in the cafe. A group of three women were sitting in the next booth over. 

“I wonder what kind of job this is. It sounds like an escort service but like also a secretary.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I wonder if it’s for one of the models.”

They continued to prattle on about the job, how Namjoon has approached them, and stuff like that. Yoongi scanned his phone and looked over, Namjoon was interviewing one of the girls right now. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking out over the cafe again. Maybe he would grab a coffee. He pulled out his other earbud and got up to order his usual iced Americano. 

“I totally think that’s what it is. What kind of loser has to pay for someone to date him?”

“Yeah. And it’s definitely not that guy,” she gestured over to Namjoon. “He’s hot. This guy is probably hella ugly. Like rich and ugly. Which I guess I could get over for the price tag.” The girls all laughed.

Yoongi felt his face grow red. That’s what all these women thought about him. Some rich loser idiot desperate for their attention and willing to sell themselves off for his and BigHit’s attention. He didn’t even want this. He didn’t need this shit. He headed towards the door. Fuck this place. Fuck these girls. Fuck Namjoon.

You looked up from your seat by the door to see a man around your age walking over quickly and pushing the door open hard. You shrugged, he must have realized he was late or something. You looked back to where he had been sitting and saw he had left his earbuds sitting on the table. You got up and walked over and saw that he had actually left his very expensive earbuds. Shit. You could probably catch him if you tried. You picked them up and headed for the door.

“Where are you going Tokki?” You heard Namjoon say as he got up from the interview table, clearly done with his latest interview.

“I’ll be right back.” You yelled, “Probably!” You amended. You had been spending the past fifteen minutes talking  yourself out of the interview. You knew your office skills were mediocre, your mouth got you into trouble all the time, and you were so not as pretty as every other girl in there. 

You peered out onto the sidewalk looking for the black hat and black outfit. Damn it. Wait. Across the street. You waited for the traffic signal to change and then ran across the street. By the time the signal had changed he was far ahead of you. “Hey!! Hey you!” You yelled, ever so inelegantly across the sea of people. There was no way he was going to hear you from where you were. His head was down and he was definitely in the zone. But, you were running and he was walking so you finally caught up with him by the next block. “Hey, you,” you pulled gently on the back of his jacket. “You…”

Yoongi turned to see what was happening. He had heard a woman yelling but assumed she would have been talking to someone else. He saw a girl around his same age and height standing there, panting slightly like she had just exercised. He was still upset from the whole cafe incident, leaving him short tempered and just wanting to get somewhere private. “What?” He asked tersely.

You stood eye to eye with him. This guy was good looking. And kind of rude. Oh well, you thought he had been in a hurry when you started chasing him.  “Here,” you held the earbuds out in their case. “You left these on the table.” 

He looked at you for an extra second, suspicion in his eyes. “Thanks.” He took them from you and relaxed slightly. “At Grindhouse?”

“Yeah.” You fan your face. Running in office clothing sucked.  Ok. Well your business here was concluded. You stood there for another few awkward seconds. 

Yoongi looked at the girl who was standing in front of him. He hadn’t seen her in the cafe, and he couldn’t believe she had run the few blocks to return the headphones. He tried to think of something to say. Small talk was not his strong suit. “Do you work near here?”

You huffed and puffed a little, still recovering from your unexpected jog. “No. I work across town.” You thought for a second.  “Well during the day anyways. I do actually work near here at night though at Club Tokki.”

Yoongi put the earbuds in his bag. “What brings you to this side of town then? The coffee’s not that good.” He deadpanned.

You shrugged, “Eh, I’m supposed to have a job interview. I don’t know though. It seems shady and that place was populated with models who I think are also going for it. I think I’ll just get some of that coffee that you don’t recommend and head back to my day job.”

Yoongi stood there putting the pieces together. You were there for that interview. Normal-looking you who apparently already worked two jobs. He sighed, feeling like a creep for knowing more about the job than you did and knowing that it would be working with him. He rubbed along his jawline with his hand, “I don’t know. I think you should go for it. Maybe you’ll stand out.”

You laughed, “Because I’m ugly and sweaty?” You teased, you knew you were normal looking and could be pretty if you did your hair and make-up. 

You thought you saw the tiniest hint of a smile as he replied, “Yes. Take your ugly face back there and apply for the interview and do better than those models.”

You rolled your eyes, “That was the shittiest pep talk I have ever had in my life but ok. I’ll march back in there sweating like a pig and do my best.”

“I wish you luck. Thanks again for the earbuds.” He said, giving you a polite wave as he turned and started to walk back to BigHit’s headquarters.

You laughed a little bit and decided, what the hell, you might as well go for it. You returned to Grindhouse, to the seeming annoyance of Rude Dimples. 

“Finally Tokki, I was getting ready to give your time slot to the fucking barista.” He gestured to the table.

“Oh my God, you are so immature. How are you the one in charge of this interview?” You asked as you took a seat in the chair.

“I’m the boss of the company Tokki, if you don’t like it you might want to leave now.”

“One: From my research, as President and CEO, Hitman Bang is the boss of the company. You’re the CIO. Two: I’m guessing this isn’t an interview to be your assistant or I definitely wouldn’t be here. Three: it's [y/n]. So let’s get to the part where you ask me questions and I answer.”

Namjoon sat there for a minute, opening and shutting his mouth a few times in shock. He spread his hands out along the table. “Huh. I’ll give you that you actually did research on the company. Well done. Let’s begin.” NEXT CHAPTER

[soapsilly]

Not him - Tom Holland x Reader

Pairings: Tom Holland x reader; (slight Post Malone x reader)

Summary: (Y/N) and Tom got together on the set of Spider-Man. But the relationship doesn’t work out the way both of them had hoped for. What happens when (Y/N) gets over Tom faster than he would like? How will they act when they first see each other again in person on set for the new movie when neither of them can let go of their resentment?

Requests are open!

I guess, you could label this as Angst? Eventhough I don’t think it’s that angsty. I’m also terrible at writing summaries. Also, for the new love interest I chose Post Malone, because I needed a celebrity in the same age range as the main characters and also I’m kinda obsessed with him at the moment, so sorry if he’s not everyone’s type. However, this isn’t about him, so sorry if I didn’t exactly nail his personality.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you being serious?”, (Y/N) questioned her boyfriend. She couldn’t believe what she just heard.

“Here we go again”, Tom said rolling his eyes, “yes, I am serious”

(Y/N) chose to ignore that little dig at her but instead continued, “So, you’re seriously planning to move her in?”

“What am I supposed to do? Do you expect me to put her on the streets?”

“I expect you to at least talk to me about it!”

“I have known her for ages. There was no point in discussing it. She nedded a place to stay and I offered. End of story. She’s one of my closest childhood friends! Can we please not fight about this? Please? You’re leaving to shoot soon. You won’t even notice she’s here.”

"I don’t want to fight with you, love. But she’s a childhood friend that you told me you were in love with for the longest time! That I’m leaving makes it worse actually. Besides, you already spend the majority of your time with her. Do you really have to move her in now, too?”

It was true, Melanie was one of Tom’s oldest friends back in London. They grew up in the same neighbourhood and shared the same friend group. And he was crushing on her hard when he was younger.

“So you conveniently ignore that I hang out with all my old friends?”, Tom was getting more and more annoyed now. What was her problem?

“You can’t seriously expect me to spend all my time with you! I’m gone for so long at a time. Let me just spend some time with my people!”, Tom grew frustrated now.

“Your people... You spend all your free time with your people! And I’m at home going to bed alone almost every night. Why did you even ask me to come stay with you here, when you just leave me all the time?”, she was close to tears now. She felt lonely.

“I’m beginning to ask myself the same question. What has gotten into me?”

(Y/N) was quiet for a moment. That stung. The world knew Tom as that silly goofball, which he was - most of the time at least. But he could also be a proper bastard if he wanted to.

The girl took a deep breath.

“Listen, I understand that you want to help your friend but I just wished for you to talk to me first before you made that decision”, she continued much calmer now.

But Tom was having none of it. He was fired up now and annoyed by his girlfriend’s constant nagging.

“(Y/N)! How am I supposed to talk to you when you get so overly emotional all the time? You’re so fucking sensitive!”

“So you don’t talk to me at all? What kinda logic is that? Tom look at us. We’re fighting. Again. I can’t remember the last time we had a nice evening together. I can’t remember the last time we slept with each other...”

“You’re being dramatic. It hasn’t been that long”

“It has, too!”

“What do you want me to do? You’re smothering me! Of course I’d rather spend time with Mel. She’s not nagging me all the damn time!”

This was the first time he admitted to it. 

Both of them stood still, facing each other.

“(Y/N)-”, Tom started but (Y/N) just held up her hand, effectively silencing him.

“Tom. Have you cheated on me with Melanie?”

“What? Of course not! (Y/N) I love you. Nobody else. I wouldn’t do that to you”, he tried to reassure her. Suddenly he felt bad for what he said.

“Have you thought about it? Even for just a second?”

“(Y/N), please...”, he pleaded with her.

“I’m leaving”

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few months since (Y/N) left Tom. He still felt bad for how their last fight ended and he was sure that if he hadn’t gotten so fired up, she’d still be there with him.

Tom asked her to stay, pleaded even, when she was picking up her stuff from all over his apartment. But after the logistics of separating where figured out neither of them talked to the other. (Y/N) made it clear to him, that she wasn’t interested in talking anymore. It was hard for him to accept and move on. He’d struggle to keep his mind off of his ex-lover. There were so many things that reminded him of her - so many things that he didn’t even realize before. The smell of coffee for example.

Eventhough, it was hard for Tom, his friends kept his mind occupied for long enough to relax a little and have some fun. None of them knew about the reason for their split. He told everybody it just didn’t work out between them. Only Harrison and his brothers knew the real reason of what happened. Only they saw him struggle. 

The shooting for the next Spider-Man movie would start soon, so he’d be scheduled to give some interviews. All the tabloids were of course hoping Tom would give out secret details about the movie; that they’d be the first ones to report.

“Mornin’ Mate, how’re things today?” Harrison asked his friend, when they first arrived at the car that would get them to the interview place his management had organized.

“Actually, things are great, Haz! I think today is going to be good”, Tom answered truthfully. He was looking forward to today. There was no trace of any struggle on his face. No thoughts were spent on (Y/N) since Tom woke up this morning.

Harrison was glad. He wished for his best friend to move on and be happy again.

Tom was sitting in an empty room, lost in his thoughts after several hours of interviews, when a women in a grey blazer entered the room. 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Holland”, she greeted him.

Tom was pulled back to reality.

“Good afternoon, pleasure to meet you. You can call me Tom by the way”, he greeted back. 

The women continued to set up the interview. What followed were several different variations of the same questions he had already answered throughout the day. 

While Tom enjoyed talking about his new movies, getting the same questions over and over again was getting a little boring. However, he had managed to not spoil a single thing about the movie, which he was immensely relieved about.

“So, the character of Felicia Hardy or maybe better known as Black Cat was introduced to the Spider-Man universe in the last movie. (F/N) (L/N) did an amazing job portraying her and the audience loved the new character”

Here we go again. 

Tom already knew this was coming. Every interviewer so far asked about (Y/N) and him. But he was prepared.

“Yes, (Y/N) really is an amazing actress. I’m happy I was given the chance to work with her”

 “So, you and Miss (L/N) started dating on set of the last movie but a few months ago you announced your split on social media. Last movie’s post credit scene suggested she’d be part of the new movie aswell. What do you expect returning on set, considering the current circumstances ?”, the woman continued.

Tom took a deep breath. He’s done this before.

“The split was amicable. When we realized the relationship wouldn’t work out, we mutually decided we’re better off as friends”  

Lie.

“So you two are still in contact?”

“Yes, of course. We are both busy with our schedules but we both keep in contact regularly”  

Lie.

“That’s amazing. So there won’t be any hard feelings on set”, she concluded.

“No, of course not. I’m really looking forward to seeing her again in person”  

Somewhat the truth. 

“You are one of the hottest singles on he market right now. We are dying to know: Is there anybody that has  caught your eye yet? Seeing as lately (Y/N) has been seen getting cozy with rapper Post Malone..”

WTF??

Tom tried to not show his reaction to the newly found information. He awkwardly denied having his eye on anyone at the moment and they wrapped up the interview.

Tom was grateful that that was the last interview of the day. As soon as the lady left, he stormed over to Harrison, who was just as shocked as he was. He was already on his phone searching for evidence for the lady’s claims.

“Is it true?”, Tom asked his friend.

“Seems like it...”, Harrison showed the actor his phone. A picture of (Y/N) and Post Malone outside of a restaurant, holding hands lit up his phone screen.

Tom grabbed the phone and swiped further and further. There were a few more pictures of them together. Holding hands, snuggling -  even one picture that showed them kissing.

For a second he felt a myriad of emotions cascading down upon him.

Shame. Anger. Sadness.

On one hand he felt embarrassed that he was mourning after their relationship while she was already out in the field dating around. On the other hand he felt angry. Did their relationship mean nothing to her? Was he not important to her?

And on a whole other hand he felt sad. He didn’t know what he expected but maybe there was still a little hope within him that they could get together again once the shooting would start.

But at the same time there was doubt lurking in the back of his mind. He always knew there was a discrepancy between him and her. While he was always more goofy and childlike, she was more grunge and edgy. Of course, it didn’t help that she was constantly fangirling over the musician. 

“I love a man with a clear aesthetic” is what she used to say. And who had a clearer aesthetic than Post Malone? Next to him he felt like a slice of untoasted white bread. 

“Tom?”, Harrison saw his friend spiraling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, Tom exclaimed. 

Lashing out on the ones he loved seemed to be a recurring theme with him lately.

Harrison pulled up his his hands in surrender.

“Calm down, mate. I didn’t know either”

Tom left to wait in the car. He was awfully quiet for the remainder of the day.

So much for today being good...

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few weeks since Tom started shooting. As the main actor he had to be on set before anybody else did. (Y/N) arrived a few weeks later, Black Cat was not yet one of the main characters, so there was no need for (Y/N) to be there from the beginning. 

Tom didn’t sleep well the night before (Y/N) was supposed to arrive. He has neither seen her nor talked to her since she left his apartment all those months ago. He was worried as to how to interact with her.

When Tom finally arrived on set, she was already there, chatting with Zendaya. The two of them hit it off immediately when they first met during the first movie.

When Zendaya saw Tom she grew quiet. Of course, she knew about their split but she didn’t know how he would react to seeing her for the first time after it. And she would’ve much preferred to not be present during their first meeting.

(Y/N) stopped mid-sentence and followed Zendaya’s gaze meeting Tom’s eyes, who was standing like a deer in the headlights. Eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape.

“Excuse me for a moment”, (Y/N) told her friend and made her way over to her ex-lover.

“Hello, Tom”

“Hey..”, Tom was unsure what to say.

“How’re ya? Everything good?”

She always did this. Asked how somebody was and already suggested the answer to go with.

“Yeah I’m good. And you? How’re you?”, he asked her back eventhough he already know what she was gonna answer. He just knew her like that.

“You know.. It is what it is”, she shrugged, but sent him a wink after that.

They chatted for a few more minutes about how excited she was to start shooting again, but never about anything deeper.

He didn’t ask her about her new relationship. She didn’t ask him about Melanie.

Then they parted again.

*******************************************************************************************

“You again?”, Peter in his Spider-Man suit swung onto the roof, where Felicia was tinkering around.

“Hello, Spider”, the Black Cat greeted him without looking up.

“You know? I’m actually kind of on a date right now, so maybe we could settle this quick and easy?”, Peter suggested, knowing that Michelle was waiting just at the other side of the street. When Karen notified him of an attempted break-in, he made up a quick excuse and left her standing.

The girl straightened up and started to circle Peter slowly.

“Is that your girl down there? She’s cute. I wouldn’t let her wait if I were you”, she pointed towards where Michelle was standing, looking around for Peter.

Peter furrowed his brows underneath his mask.

“Nice suit by the way”, she commented further. She only wore some black combat boots, a pair of pants, a crop top and  a tighter top underneath. All black of course. The only thing that would ever even suggest she wasn’t just an ordinary girl were the black mask she was wearing and the devices on both of her wrists, that her claws and other similar gadgets were attached to.

“I, myself, prefer to not stand out as much. Not really a look you want to achieve... as a master thief, you know?”, she continued.

“You know? Someone once told me there’s usually not this much talking in a fight”, Peter told Felicia.

“Oh but we’re not fighting, silly”, she chuckled lowly. Something about her made Peter suspicious. What was she doing?

“Well, whatever it is what we are doing. I’m stopping you!”, Peter puffed his chest up.

“There’s no need, Spider. I already got what I want”, she showed him a stunning diamond collier dangling between her fingers, “do you think this suits me?” 

She held the necklace up to her cleavage, batting her eyelashes.

Peter de-puffed his chest. He seriously began to ask himself what they were even doing.

“Listen, I can get you back to your dimension. Just give me the necklace and come with me, Felicia. I can get you back home”, Peter tried to reason with her.

The Black Cat began walking again but stopped right behind him.

“Oh but why? I like it here. How are we going to have our little rendezvous when I’m gone, Peter”, she leaned in behind him and all but whispered his name in his ear.

For a while he was silence.

“CUT!”, the director yelled, “Tom, you missed your line”.

“Everything okay?”, (Y/N) whispered. 

But Tom was kinda shaken up. The Black Cat was less sexualized as she’d be in the comics. They were supposedd to be teenagers after all. But this was (Y/N). His (Y/N). He was okay acting with her but when she was so close to him that he could feel her breath tickling his ear, he froze up. His mind drew a blank and all he could do was stand there and wish that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

“Five minute break, everybody”, the director announced.

As everybody scattered around, (Y/N) made her way over to her ex-lover.

“Hey.. Tom, are you okay?”

“Yes, of course I’m okay!”, Tom was exasperated, “Everybody misses their line once in a while! Why is this such a big deal?”. Tom pulled his maks off.

“Okay, chill! I was just trying to make sure you’re okay. You looked shaken up. No need for you to lash out at me”, (Y/N) bit back and turned around to leave.

“Wait!”, Tom rubbed his hands over his face, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little frustrated but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you”.

(Y/N) furrowed her brows but nodded quickly after. She was never one to hold grudges.

“I care about you, Tom”

For a moment they just stood there before (Y/N) clapped her hands.

“So, let’s get our shit together and kill this scene”

*******************************************************************************************

After weeks of working together this all felt like the first time all over again. Jacob would often joke that the “gang was back together” and at times it really felt like that.

“Do you remember when Tessa literally shredded your briefs?”, (Y/N) was wheezing at that point, tears rolling down her face, smudging her mascara.

“Yes and those were literally my last clean pair. Do you remember? I just came back from the press tour”, Tom continued.

All of them burst out laughing. It was their first free evening in a while and the group decided to spend it together with a few drinks and lots of food. Both Zendaya and Jacob feared that it might be awkward having Tom and (Y/N) there together but there was no trace of any bitterness or any other kind of hard feelings. They just felt like friends hanging out together.

“Wait, this reminds me... You left your mermaid blanket at my place”

“Hm, I’ll come get it next time I’m in London”

“I mean you’re of course always welcome to swing by but I really doubt you’d want that blanket, love. Tessa kind of claimed it as hers. There is so much drool on it... you better just get a new one”, Tom told the girl, eventhough he liked the idea of her back in his apartment.

“Well, she can keep it”, (Y/N) chuckled. She did notice his use of the word ‘love’ but she didn’t mind. It felt organic coming from him, he was British after all.

After that the conversations shifted and the boys strarted their own little talks about video games and whatnot. (Y/N) and Zendaya just caught up further, talking about their projects, giving interviews and photoshoots.

It was at that moment that the music in the background changed to Circles by Post Malone.

“Soooo.. Post Malone, huh?”, Zendaya wiggled her eyebrows at her friend.

(Y/N) shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

“What can I say?”, (Y/N) really didn’t know.

“Maybe start with how you two met?”, Zendaya suggested, grinning. She was thirsty for some gossip.

At the mention of the new topic Tom perked up but tried to stay low-key.

“I mean we followed each other on social media for a while at this point but never talked or anything. However, me and him attended the same event a few months back. I guess, we recognized one another and started vibing. I asked him about that one shirt he was wearing in the ‘Go Flex’ music video and he made sure to dig it out of his closet and gave it to me. After that we just kept talking”, she tried to be nonchalant but it was apparent to the others that she was a little flustered.

“Awww, that’s so cute”, Zendaya reacted.

(Y/N) broke out grinning.

“You guys don’t realize how crazy talented he is. So fun to be around and creative, too. I’ve never met anybody that extravagant but at the same time so down to earth. Our first date was at an Olive Garden. Can you imagine? We freaking drove there in a Rolce Royce”, if this were anything other than real life, the girl would’ve had heart-eyes by now.

Tom had heard enough. He stood up abruptly.

“Anybody want another drink? I’ll get enother round”, he offered. He didn’t want to make a scene. He just needed to get away for a moment.

When he returned the topic of conversation had changed, which Tom was thankful for.

“Virgin Colada for you”, he handed (Y/N) her drink.

“And for the rest of us... The grown up drinks”, he teased (Y/N), who in return stuck her tongue out at him.

The evening was too nice to ruin it now with hurt feelings. She seemed happy and as long as he could just ignore Post Malone even existed in his sphere, he’d be alright.

*******************************************************************************************

It was a nice morning on set. Tom and (Y/N) already had an early scene that was set during sunrise, which meant they had to get up earlier than (Y/N) would’ve liked.

They were given a short break but catching up on sleep would mean getting out of their costumes and messing up their hair and make up. So, not an option really.

“I don’t operate well when I’m tired”, (Y/N) whined as she and an Tom returned to where the trailers were standing.

“M’lady, may I invite you for a cup of coffee? It might lift your spirits”, Tom bowed down but looked up at the girl with a cheeky grin.

“You realize the coffee is free, right?”, (Y/N) deadpanned.

Tom shrugged and both burst out laughing, bickering on their way to the catering.

The others were already there, when they arrived. But they were not just on their own. Next to Zendaya stood a  young man and a women, that seemed to be a little older than them.

“Morning, guys, how did your scene go?”, Jacob greeted the new arrivals.

“It’s been good. Too early though.. I mean if you ask me at least”, (Y/N) answered.

“How are you?”, Tom asked.

“Everything good?”, (Y/N) added.

“Can’t complain”, Zendaya answered, “let me introduce you to my family. This is my mom, Claire. And this is my brother, Austin”

Zendaya was grinning from ear to ear. 

They were around the halfway point of shooting, which was usually when people liked their friends and family to come around and visit them.

(Y/N) mimicked her friend’s smile and greeted the visitors. It was nice meeting the family behind the actors and creators.

While Tom was greeting Zendaya’s family, (Y/N) turned towards her with her eyebrows raised.

“Girl, your brother is mighty fine”, she not so subtly murmured.

“It must be nice to have your family here”, Tom turned to Zendaya.

“Yes, of course. I’ve missed them so much”, she squeezed her mothers hand, “do you have any visits arranged?”

“Uh, no. Not yet. But I do have a little while to go still”, he answered.

“(Y/N), you must be excited for next week, right?”, Jacob asked the actress.

“Why? What happens next week?”, Tom was puzzled.

“Austin is visiting”, (Y/N) informed him.

The Brit raised his eyebrows.

“You’re kidding right?”, he was looking around, waiting for someone to tell him this was just an unfunny joke.

“No, why would I be?”, his ex-girlfriend inquired.

“Because this is low, (Y/N). Really low even”, Tom grunted, “I need to get out of here”.

With that he left the group standing and stormed away.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t mean to stirr anything up”, Jacob scrambled for an apology. He didn’t mean to ruin the mood.

“No. Don’t feel sorry, Jacob. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around him. We are adults. I’ve moved on and he should too. Just give him a little time to calm down”, she assured him.

Then she turned towards the buffet had had her breakfast. 

The following week was a little strange. (Y/N) felt bad for Tom but she was so done with making apologies. 

The both of them still worked fine together but other than that they were a little distanced. They still talked and they still hung out as a group but whatever progress the two of them have made so far was out of the window. The tension, however, did help their fighting scenes together.

(Y/N) was sad about losing Tom as a friend but she also realized she couldn’t expect them to still be friends after she broke up with him. Being civil was enough for her -  at least for the moment.

*******************************************************************************************

(Y/N) was giddy on the morning Austin was suppsoed to arrive. She really did miss him and with the Tom situation going on, she felt especially estranged from  everything.

The musician arrived just as (Y/N) had finished her final scene for the day. She was still in costume but that didn’t stop her from sprinting over to her new boyfriend and clinging onto him.

“Austin!”, she squealed.

He engulfed her in a hug, swallowing her body completely. 

“I missed you”, he whispered into her neck. 

“Ahem...”

(Y/N) heard someone clear their throat from behind her. When she turned around, she saw Zendaya, Jacob and Tom waiting impatiently. In Tom’s case, however, he just looked more annoyed at the public display of affection.

“Don’t you want to introduce us?”, Zendaya suggested. She, too, was excited to meet Post Malone, who was one of the most successful musicians at the moment.

“Yes, of course. Austin, those are Zendaya, Jacob and Tom. Guys, this is Austin”, she introduced everybody.

“Dude, it’s so dope to meet all y’all. Being on set of Spider-Man is so surreal”, Posty beamed. He was never one to be shy around new people.

“Hey, can I leave you here for a second? How about I go change and then we go have dinner?”, (Y/N) suggested.

“Fine by me”, her boyfriend shrugged and (Y/N) left them to go change.

When she returned they were still stood there talking about god knows what. Tom looked a little displeased but other than that there was no indicator for anything other than a friendly conversation.

Austin put his arm her shoulder when she reached them but didn’t stop his conversation until Zendaya ended her sentence.

“All good? We ready to leave?”, he turned towards her and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head, as he was way taller than the girl.

Tom pulled a face when he did that, but tried to get it together before anybody could notice.

“So, are you guys joining us?”, Austin asked the group.

“Can’t unfortunately”, Jacob answered for them.

“Still got some scenes that need to be shot today”, Tom added. This was probably the first time he was thankful for his busy schedule. He didn’t think he could stand seeing them together. Especially seeing how affectionate they were with each other. There was no use in denying it anymore. He was jealous. And why was that? Because he was still in love with (F/N) (L/N).

“Aww that’s too bad, man. But next time for sure, ye?”, the rapper answered before they all said their goodbyes and parted.

At night after dinner (Y/N) and Austin were lying in bed talking about everything that they have missed out on the other’s everyday lives. Music, shooting, friends and family...

“So, how have you been? You told me you’re worried it’d be weird interacting with your ex again but he seems pretty nice to me”, Post asked the girl.

She was tracing his exposed tattoos with her finger, something he really enjoyed. Austin wasn’t always the most confident in his looks but that didn’t matter to her. 

“He is”, she finally answered, “he’s a great guy. Usually very sweet and caring.. I think maybe him and me could be friends again..”

“Wow. Seems like you miss him. Should I be worried?”, he looked down at her.

She was still concentrated on his tattoos on his chest, when he said that but looked up at him to answer.

“No. Of course n-”, she started to deny but that was already enough for him to flip them over and pepper her with kisses and tickles, making her squeal and flail around, trying to escape his grasp.

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few days since (Y/N)’s new boyfriend arrived and Tom hated to admit it, but Austin Post was actually a decent guy, that he would probably even like if it wasn’t for him being with his ex-girlfriend, that he was very much still in love with. Austin’s likeability made Tom dislike him even more though. It would be so much easier if he were just an overall unpleasant bloke.

“So, Austin, how long are you staying?”, Zendaya asked him over breakfast.

“Uh just a couple more days”, he answered with his mouth still half full.

“Ah that’s nice. So you’ll still be here when Melanie arrives”, Tom spoke up.

(Y/N) almost broke her neck whipping her head around at the mention of that name.

She slammed down her cutlery, stood up and gestured for Tom to follow her, which he did.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, she yelled once she was out of earshot.

“What’s wrong with me?”, Tom whipped around.

The girl was surprised by his outburst.

“Don’t you think it’s a little class-less to literally fly out your new guy?”, his tone turned condescending.

“Goddamnit, Tom! Are we still not over that? Everybody is flying their loved ones out, why shouldn’t I?”, (Y/N) was getting fired up now.

“I could ask you the same question, (Y/N). I’m merely having a good friend of mine visit me. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is, Tom, that you flew her out out of spite. You had no intention to have her visit you, before you found out that Austin was going to come visit. We are broke up. Do you expect me to stay single forever?”

“Well, you got over me awfully fast, didn’t you Sweetheart?”, he spat the last part, not even denying her accusation. (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked with his hair unkempt from ruffling it in his frustration, but she chose to ignore those feelings bubbling up inside of her.

“Well, you made it awfully easy for me, Sweetheart!”, she mimicked him.

“And why is that? Because I helped a friend? Your jealousy ruined this relationship,(Y/N)!”, Tom didn’t mean what he said but he was too hurt to care at the moment.

“Yes, of course. I ruined this relationship. It wasn’t the fact that you literally moved in another girl?”, (Y/N) was being unfair now. She didn’t have a problem with Melanie at all. She never made a move at Tom or gave (Y/N) any other reason to disklike her. She was actually a really sweet girl. But (Y/N) was too hurt to care at the moment.

“You’re seriously worried about me having cheated on you? He is fucking rapper! What do you think he does when he’s on tour?”, Tom threw up his hands.

“Austin hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him. He’s been nothing but amazing to me. That’s more that I could say for you”, she dug at him.

To say that this didn’t hurt would’ve been a lie. Tom was taken aback for a moment before he just muttered a ‘fine’ and left her standing.

From then on it was radio silence between the two of them.  (Y/N) was looking forward to the end of shooting. When she broke up with Tom, she didn’t anticipate this all to blow up in their faces like this. She didn’t want to create a hostile environment for anybody. She knew for a fact that Zendaya and Jacob felt uncomfortable with the current situation. They felt like the victims of a bad divorce. And even Tom seemed to be more down than she had seen him in a while.

(Y/N) greeted Melanie when she arrived but other than that she kept to herself. She dreaded the day Austin had to leave again because that would mean she’d be alone with Tom and Melanie.

Tom was happy to have Mel with him again. (Y/N) wasn’t the only one that was feeling bad about the whole situation. Instead of connecting with her again, he had just driven her away further.

However, neither of them could let go of their resentment. Both of them were desperate to get some kind of reaction out of the other.

“Here, Mel. You really gotta try these! They taste amazing”, Tom held his spoon out for Melanie to try the tasty dessert. Them sharing food wasn’t something out of the ordinary for them but usually Tom wouldn’t spoon-feed his friends. At this moment, though, he tried to be as animated as possible to make sure (Y/N) noticed.

And she did notice. It took a lot from her to not give him the reaction he was gunning for. Instead she made it a point to get really cozy with her new boyfriend to show her ex that she wasn’t bothered at all.

“Babe, not that I don’t enjoy making out with you but I know you’re doing this to get back at Tom”, Austin murmured in his lover ear after they parted their kiss. His husky voice was sending goosebumps down her spine - not least because  she knew he was right.

“You should talk to him”

*******************************************************************************************

”Tom,  can we talk?”, it took (Y/N) a great deal of convincing herself to make her way over to him.

Tom was surprised, he didn’t expect her to ever speak to him again but complied.

They made their way over to her trailer and sat down inside of it. Neither of them said a word.  (Y/N) didn’t know why she was feeling so nervous. It’s just Tom. 

Get yourself together, damnit. Deep breath and go...

“Tom.. I’m sorry”, she already had thought exactly of what what she was going to say but at the moment drew a complete blank.

“What for?”, Tom was being huffy.

“Everything. You are right. I shouldn’t have just flown Austin out. I should have at least talked to you beforehand. I really didn’t mean to hurt you...”

“Me neither”,  Tom softened up.

For a moment they just sat in silence, but for the first time since they started shooting it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

“I miss you, you know”, he looked up from his lap and into her eyes. She was about to answer, when he silenced her.

“I miss you so damn much and I hate seeing you with him. He seems like a great dude but (Y/N) be honest with me... Do you really love him?”

(Y/N) was taken aback. She did not expect that sort of question now.

“I.. I do”, she answered truthfully. Tom’s face fell. How could he be so stupid and still hope there’d be a future for them that’s anything but friendly.

“But it’s not the same... I love him. He’s amazing but he’s not you”

She felt so terrible for saying that. Austin has been nothing but loving to her and they haven’t fought once in all that time that they were together but being around Tom again showed her that there was something missing.

Tom perked up, he couldn’t believe his ears but when he properly registered her words a show stopping grin found it’s way on his face.

“That’s amazing. I mean not for him obviously but.. you know what I mean", Tom was excited. They could start over again and be better than they were before. 

He noticed that (Y/N) didn’t share the same excitement as him.

“Love, are you okay? Are you not happy?”, Tom scooted closer to her.

“No, I am. It’s just, we can’t just pick up where we left off, Tom. We.. we.. Austin wasn’t the problem that broke us up to begin with. We can’t ignore everything that has been going on”, sounded desperate. It’s true though. Just because she didn’t feel the same way for her new boyfriend as she felt for Tom, didn’t mean all their other problems were gone.

Tom craddled her face in his hands.

“Darling, it’s going to be okay. Look at me. We won’t do the same mistakes again, okay?”, Tom leaned his forehead against hers. (Y/N) was always a rather anxious person that needed to be calmed down frequently, when she was freaking out.

She took a deep breath and relaxed into his touch. It was nice to feel his skin against hers again.

“You okay?”, Tom asked.

She nodded and a small smile found it’s way on her face.

At this moment Tom couldn’t resist anymore. It’s been too long that he had felt her lips against his but just as he was about to lean in she pulled back.

“What are you doing? Tom, I’m still in a relationship... It wouldn’t be fair to Austin if we’d started foolin aroung behind his back. Let me at least talk to him before we properly make-up”

Tom did feel a little disappointed but understood what she was saying.

“Not even a little peck?”, he tried but shut up when (Y/N) shot him a warning look. One could try...

Both of them exited her trailer. While (Y/N) made her way over to where Post was waiting, Tom joined Melanie and his co-stars again. Tom’s good mood didn’t go unnoticed though.

“What got you all smiles?”, Zendaya teased.

“I may or may not have made up with (Y/N)”, Tom bragged in a sing-song voice.

“Wait what? When did that happen? Not that I’m not happy for you but last time I saw her she was making out with Post Malone”, Zendaya was thrown off by the newly found information and while Tom explained the situation (Y/N) had to break the news to Austin.

She didn’t want to have this conversation but she was confident that she was naking the right decision.

“Hey, Babe. Did you two talk it out?”, Austin looked up from his phone when his girl approached him.

“Austin? Can we talk?”, it was the second time today that she would have to use that phrase. She couldn’t but to think how cliche she sounded.

“Oh oh. That doesn’t sound good”, his smile faded, “you’re not breaking up with me, are you?”

There was no need for her to answer his question because as soon as she teared up he got his answer.

“Nononono. Don’t cry, please”, he tried to soothe her which made her feel even worse. Why was he being so nice to her?

“What happened, (Y/N)?”

“We talked”

“I figured that much”

Ouch..

“Well, I apologized and so did he. We kinda made up”

“There is probably no use trying to convince you otherwise, huh?”, Austin had already admitted defeat.

“Probably not”

“I never stood a chance, did I? It’s always been him...”, he huffed out a laugh. He sounded disappointed but he was coping.

“That’s not true. I think you are one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever had the fortune of meeting but ...”

“But I’m not him”, Austin ended her sentence for her.

“I’m so sorry. I really do love you but being on set with him again just brought back all those feelings”

Both were just sitting there for a moment.

“But we’re still friends right?”, Austin broke the silence, looking at the girl across from him.

(Y/N) blinked for a few times.

“Of course”, she was so perplexed. She didn’t expect him to not be pissed at her. He chuckled when he saw how confused the girl was. He wasn’t  mad at her. She had feelings for someone else. That’s something out of her control. He did however still want to have her in his life - even if it’d be just as friends.

“C’mere”, he held out his arms and engulfed her in a massive bear hug.

“I don’t understand. You’re not angry?”

“No, how could I? We’re cool”, he reassured her, “but I can’t promise I won’t write a song ot two about you”

“Well, I can’t blame you”

They both had a laugh about it but then the atmosphere became a little more serious again.

“I should go”, Austin broke the silence.

“You don’t have to”

“No front, but, (Y/N), I really don’t want to see you with Tom. At least not at the moment”, he explained to her. 

(Y/N) just nodded. She didn’t want to make things worse for him. While he took the news like a pro, she could still see that he was hurt. He was not about to fight a battle he already knew he couldn’t win but it really wasn’t a good feeling to be left for someone else either.

The two of them hugged it out for a little while longer and then Austin made his way to leave the set back to his hotel room to pack his bags and fly home.

He stopped to say goodbye to the others. Eventhough he would rather not see Tom at the moment, just leaving without a word would be rude. Also, he was not about to leave with his tail between his legs. He was Post Malone after all.

When he approached the others their conversation died down and Tom’s bright smile disappeared completely. There was no way for him to know how the rapper would react. But the latter decided to not say anything at all. 

Austin said his goodbyes and turned to leave but before he left, he told Tom something only they could hear.

*******************************************************************************************

Back in her hotel room, (Y/N) tried to relax after the long day she just had. The last time she was this exhausted was ages ago.

At the moment, she was getting ready to take a shower and go snuggle up in bed to get some sleep before she had to leave to shoot the next morning.

Just as she was about to hop under the warm, relaxing water, there was a knock on her door. (Y/N) didn’t expect anybody this late but she had an idea who it could be.

“Hello, Tom”, she greeted her lover.

“Can I come in? Or am I interrupting something?”, the actor looked the girl up and down. He couldn’t help but have his eyes linger a little as he couldn’t help but notice she was only dressed in a towel at the moment.

“I was just about to have a shower but you’re welcome to come in and wait”, she told him.

As he closed the door behind him she turned around and added, “or you could join me of course”

She made it sound like an option but that opportunity was too good for Tom to pass up.

Being underneath the water with him just felt right. He was a little taller than her so the water from his hair dripped down on her face as they were standing chest to chest. He leaned down and his lips met hers. She started smiling into the kiss nefore they parted.

“I missed this”, Tom’s voice was husky.

She did too. She wasn’t a fool, there was still a  lot to work through but at this very moment everything just felt right. His body against hers felt right. His lips on hers felt right. Them together... felt so right.

“I love you, Tom” 

*******************************************************************************************

Epilogue

Both of them were cuddled in bed dressed in the white, fluffy bathrobes the hotel provided, talking about anything and everything with the occasional kiss in between.

“It’s two o’clock already. We should really go to sleep if we want to be able to function tomorrow”, she reminded her boyfriend.

“At this point, I am tempted to pull an all-nighter, love”, he winked at her.

“An all-nighter doing what exactly?”, (Y/N) teased her man.

“You know? Before Post left he told me to be good to you and I think that’s exactly  what I will be doing tonight”

“I really don’t think that’s what he meant, babe”, she laughed.

“Close enough for me”, he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her once again but most definitely not for the last time that night.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 88

~*~Sebastian~*~

After the video call with my friends, I went back to the couch with a fresh glass of wine. I am blessed. Family, friends, co-workers, and a woman who loves me. None of us are perfect. I have people to call when times are tough. Today they called me, knowing I’d be struggling, only this time it was in a good way. Not long later Jessica called and invited me to dinner.

Pizza, beer, friends, and a toddler made for a good night. Giulietta thought I was much more fun than mom or dad. I guess they don’t let her use them like a jungle gym. When mom spoiled our fun and said it was time to settle down, I stopped the tears by promising to read her a story. Her choice. Like someone else I know Giulietta was asleep before I was halfway through. At this rate I'll never know how anything ends.

I sent the picture Jessica had taken to Emma. She'd wake up to it and with any luck send me back something fun. Which she did as soon as she woke up. Which was afternoon for me. Dinner break before I checked my phone. Emma struck the perfect balance between sweet and sexy. Her hair was messy with just her eyes peeking over a pillow she was hugging. Those beautiful green eyes I loved to look into. I couldn't see her smile so I could imagine it anyway I liked. The sweet one she often got right before she told me she loved me. Or the other one she got when she wanted me. I loved them both.

Our texts were broken up over the course of the day. Short bursts or long hours between. We talked most days at least for a few minutes. We talked about our days, shared memories, and talked about us. Maybe had phone sex. What didn't happen was whining about being apart or bitching about the time and distance. I didn't hang up feeling angry or guilty. I did my job, hung out with friends, relaxed during my downtime, and did a little shopping. Emma relaxed, did some studying, and practiced guitar. I missed her. She missed me. But we went on with our lives apart, making the best of the situation. It sucked, except it didn't.

I think this is the way it's supposed to be.

Thursday we wrapped for Paris. That was worth a party. Over the next four days production would pack up and move to Rome. I'd spend a day and a half on planes going from Paris to Dallas to San Diego. Then back to Dallas and on to Rome. The time zones were going to fucking kill me.

I called Emma when I got back to my room. I was drunk and grumpy. Hearing her voice helped. Seeing her face was even better. The way she told me exactly what she wanted to do to me and said all sorts of dirty things until I came... I wasn't grumpy anymore.

I had a headache when my alarm rang. I needed more sleep. Hopefully, I'd catch up on the flight. I was still debating going back to sleep and blowing off the weekend when my phone rang. Emma. It was the middle of the night for her. "Why are you awake?"

She laughed, "Making sure your drunk ass doesn't turn off his alarm and blow off the weekend."

I rolled to my side, mirroring her. "I wouldn't do that. I was thinking about it, but I wouldn’t do it."

"Such a professional. How are you feeling?"

"I've been better. Advil, breakfast, and a long nap on the plane and I'll be fine. How are you?"

"Good. Big plans laying by the pool with Mallory today."

"Sounds fun. I will be on a plane."

"Yes, but you will walk out of the airport into sunny California. Then spend two days being adored and laughing with your friends."

"That will be fun." I was honestly looking forward to that part.

Emma yawned. I smiled at her beautiful face, "You need to go back to sleep. I need to get showered."

She didn't argue with me. She was tired.

"Thank you for making sure I was up. I love you."

"I love you." There was my sweet smile.

I cannot begin to explain how very disorientating it is to board a plane at nine am, travel for fifteen hours, to arrive at three pm, which is only six hours after you left. I get to relive eight of the hours I spent on the plane. Only thing is, my body thinks it’s midnight. I slept some on the flight and I knew better than to go back to sleep. The closer to "normal" bedtime for this time zone I could get, the better I would feel tomorrow. Anthony and I had press then an autograph session, before the big Marvel event. Sunday was photo ops and an autograph session. Both long days where I was expected to be pleasant despite how inappropriate or rude fans got. Needless to say, a decent night’s sleep would be best for everyone.

I got to my room by four and quickly realized I couldn't stay there. I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe. I changed into shorts and took off to have a look around. There were several hotels in the area that hosted celebrity guests. We weren't all in one place. I'd requested a beach. It was a little farther from the convention center and I was confident I could wander unseen. Most people stayed right around the center since a lot of packages kept prices lower and being so close to the action was appealing. I wanted the ocean.

Down the beach I could see big boulders and took off that direction. I needed some flip-flops. The sand made me think of Emma. The water. The people surfing. The impending sunset. Breathing. I'd like to say the plan I was cooking up was a product of sleep deprivation. It wasn't. It had been bouncing around in my head since this morning as we lay in bed together thousands of miles apart. I'd dismissed it as selfish. On the plane, when sleep was impossible, and I was panicking, it didn't seem so selfish. I shoved the idea away because I knew it really was. The same reasons I didn't ask Emma to stay in Paris or go to Rome were valid here. Asking her to fly literally to the other side of the country to spend two days with me, asking her to amuse herself while I worked a chunk of that time, was peak me as a selfish asshole. The longer I sat on the rock watching the ocean the less of a bad idea it seemed. Maybe not less of a bad idea, but an idea I could give her a choice in, with the difference being if she said no, I wouldn't be angry or make her pay for not doing what I wanted. Growth in action. Hopefully.

I should check flights before I even think about calling. Or actually call, because I'm already thinking about calling. Might not be possible.

It was. I flipped my phone in my hands several times before hitting the buttons to call her. Apparently, I hadn't grown completely out of being an ass.

"I'm about to be an asshole."

Emma raised her eyebrows, "Uh oh."

"Yeah." I was going to do it anyway. "Fifteen-hour flight with little sleep because the turbulence over the ocean was a nightmare. I'm grumpy, exhausted, and lonely as fuck. I'm on the beach without you. I miss you. I can get you on a flight in the morning and if you come straight to the venue you'll be here before I have to do anything. It’ll be two days. I have to leave for Rome Monday. I know it's a shitty thing to ask, but will you come see me? So I can see you."

"I'd love to."

I was prepared to step up my game and her easy acquiescence caught me off guard. "You will?"

She nodded with a smile, "I miss you too."

I took a deep breath and let it out, "I was prepared to beg."

Her smile was almost a laugh, "While you begging sounds fun, it's not necessary. Do I need to pack anything dressy?"

"Fuck, I hope not. I have a pair of jeans, shorts, and sweatpants." It's amazing how much better I felt. I ran my hands through my hair. "You're flying out of JFK. Sorry."

"You booked the flight already?"

"Not many seats left. I wasn't risking it. You leave at seven, here at ten. My first thing is noon." I could see her grabbing her carry-on from the closet.

"I'm going to spend the night at your place. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

I scrunched up my face, "Underwear."

"You don't have underwear?"

"The one's I'm in and a spare."

"You may not like what I pick out."

"Emma, baby, I will wear yours as long as you deliver them."

"I think that's a little drastic."

"It's really not."

Emma laughed and touched her screen. I could almost feel her. I could definitely imagine feeling her. She almost gasped and broke into a smile, "I have an idea. I need to call Jill real quick. Give me five maybe ten minutes."

I nodded, "Okay. I'm going to lay here on my rock."

My rock was not soft, but I was very comfortable. I was very happy. The sky was blue and the sound of the waves was calming. I only had to wait until tomorrow to see Emma. It was going to be a good day.

A little more than five minutes later Emma was calling me back. "You've made my little sister very happy."

"Excellent!” I smiled, "How'd I do that?"

"We need to change my flight. Monday I'm going to Seattle pick up Olivia and take her back to New York with me. Then we'll meet up with the family in Chicago."

"That's perfect. You're not just coming out here for me."

She picked up on it. "Yeah, because seeing you isn't enough of a reason. You know I miss you, right?"

"I know, but I'm..."

Emma cut me off, "Stop there. I jump on planes to spend weekends on tour with dad. This is fun for me. Dad's doing sound checks, interviews, and charity shit while I amuse myself. You're not an asshole. I love this."

"You love this?" I did not love jumping on planes at short notice.

She was nodding as I spoke, "I love this."

"And you'd tell me to fuck off if you didn't?"

"Maybe, but this is your lucky day."

"No, my luck day was exactly eight weeks ago."

We talked for another ten minutes or so until she was loaded and heading into the city. We've talked while she's driving many times, but I wanted her to pay attention. The sun was going down where she was and it would be dark before she got to my place. I headed back toward the hotel and ordered room service. By the time Emma texted she was at mine and I was deep in a documentary, struggling to stay awake.

Emma ~ Safe and sound in your bed.

Naturally, she sent a picture. Sheet barely covering her breasts and one arm stretched out above her head.

I sent back a picture of me in the same pose, but making sure to show the empty side of the bed. I drew a red ✗ there.

Sebastian ~ Where you will be in my bed tomorrow.

Emma ~ Equally safe and sound Sebastian ~ More. Emma ~ I'm going to sleep. I will see you in the morning. Sebastian- Can not fucking wait

 I was probably asleep before she was. By the time I woke up twelve hours later Emma was halfway here. I felt well-rested and excited for my day. Not just the Emma piece. Mackie and I always had fun together. I'd been sent the day’s itinerary. Noon was press, two thirty was an autograph session, and five was the big deal Marvel panel. We should be done by 6:30. Disney was having a party tonight. I had to make an appearance. It started at eight. That wasn't going to happen. Nine was more likely. I remembered it wouldn't matter because mice can't tell time.

At the venue I was led to a behind the scenes area. There was a large room, guarded by security, set with food and drink. Several smaller rooms encircled the larger area and some were labeled with company names. One of the largest was for Disney, with cloth wall dividers making several smaller rooms, where a stylist would be waiting to make sure Mackie and I looked presentable. Outside of the room was a loading area that was separated from the autograph booths by black curtains. I'd already ducked between them and gave fans nosing around my booth quite a surprise. Those were my favorite interactions. The ones without expectations. Security came over to make sure I hadn't been ambushed. I hadn't, but that was a perfect way to get away and I needed to talk to security anyway. I had them take me to the security office. Some lucky fans got a shot at a sighting of a Sebastian in the wild. I explained what was happening to the head of security and put Emma’s name on a list. They gave me a lanyard with her all-access pass and told me what door to direct her to. Security would meet her and bring her to me.

"About that." Call me paranoid, but I didn't trust they'd remember to have someone waiting for her. They'd call someone when she showed up and gave her name to the person with the list. "I need a Pearl Jam fan."

"Excuse me?"

"Someone on your staff is a Pearl Jam fan. Get them.”

He got on his radio, "Anyone out there a Pearl Jam fan?"

A voice came back, "Big Ed. He works all the shows up the coast."

I looked at my watch then back at the supervisor, "I need to borrow him for an hour."

His face read doubtful, but I was Disney. "Big Ed. I need you in the security office. Anyone see him? Send him."

A different voice, "On my way, boss."

Several minutes later Big Ed came through the door. I knew it was him because he was six-five and an easy two-fifty. He was his name. I held out my hand, "Hey, Big Ed. I'm Sebastian. Nice to meet you."

“You too."

"Walk me back to the guest area." We headed out and I waited until we were away from the office. "Do you know Ed's daughter?"

He smiled, "He has three. Which one?"

"The only one old enough for me to ask about."

"Emma. I've seen her at a couple of shows. I work security up the coast. Great way to see a bunch of shows."

I nodded, "I guess anything you miss at one you can catch at the next."

"Exactly." He pointed to his ear, "And you can always hear."

"Back to Emma. She's on her way here. I'd appreciate it if you would meet her and bring her to me."

"Is Ed coming?"

"No, he's," I stopped myself, "you ask her where he is."

He laughed, "I might take the long way back here."

"I haven't seen her in weeks. Not too long." Two is weeks. Barely.

Emma texted they'd landed. Big Ed changed where he wanted her to go and he headed in that direction. I sat down to wait for her to text she was here. I heard a familiar voice.

"Sebastian Stan? Is that really you?"

"Captain America?" I stood up and turned to the voice.

"Don't call me that. The pressure." Mackie hugged me, slapping my back much harder than necessary. "How jet-lagged are you?"

"Is that code for how much work are you going to have to do because I'm grouchy?"

"Maybe." We laughed.

"I had a good night’s sleep and I'm in a great mood."

"You seem twitchy. Why are you twitchy?"

"I'm not twitchy."

"Yes, you are. You're twitchy."

"If I'm twitchy it's because you're making me twitchy."

He pointed at me, "Ah ha! You admitted it. You're twitchy."

I rolled my eyes and scowled, "Emma's on her way. I might be a little twitchy."

"Here?" He pointed to the ground. With his eyebrows raised.

I smiled, "My girlfriend."

"Yeah, I got that. Plus, Evans told me."

"She’s not a secret." That felt good.

He asked and I answered. Talking about Emma is my second favorite thing having to do with Emma. First is being with Emma. In absolutely any way. My phone went off with Emma telling me she was here. I put my hand on Mackie’s arm. "Stay here. Right here."

[artificialqueens]

Modern Love, 1/12 (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex) - Ortega

fic summary: Brooke Lynn is a 23 year old graduate writing boring, uninspired pieces for the fashion department of a newspaper and living in a city all her friends have moved away from. Silky is living at her parents’ house and spends her days applying for jobs she’s promptly rejected for. Nina and Monet are struggling through their first year as teachers whilst being sickeningly adorable girlfriends. Akeria is pursuing her dream of being a badass lawyer, even if her master’s degree is slowly crushing her soul. Plastique is acting like the second coming of Paris Hilton, so nothing there has changed. Scarlet is overworked and Yvie is underpaid and their relationship isn’t all it appears from the outside.

And Vanessa? Vanessa is nowhere to be seen.

(A story about a holiday, a breakup, friendships and relationships in a post-graduate world, careers, navigating life after university, figuring out what it means to be an adult, and coming to terms with the fact that we really are not nineteen forever.)

a/n: welcome to the sequel to Not Nineteen Forever!!! i should say it’s not *~ mandatory ~* to have read the original before this but it’s encouraged huehue xo hope u enjoy and please feel free to reblog, like and send love!!

***

Brooke felt the all-encompassing sense of dread wash over her as her alarm went off, the sounds of the radio that were gradually fading in doing nothing to make the experience of waking up for another day of work any more palatable. She groaned loudly as she stretched, her arms flying out to the side and hitting the edge of the double bed. Brooke starfished a little, stretching her legs out as long as they would go and trying to put off getting up and showered for as long as she could.

Rolling over in bed she reached for her phone and stopped when she saw the rose-gold rectangular frame beside her on the bedside table. It caught her by surprise every day, almost a sort of routine in itself. A picture of her and Vanessa from when they first moved in, standing at the doorway having just popped a bottle of champagne. Brooke’s face was in a funny contorted sort of smile as she yanked the cork out of the bottle and Vanessa was clapping her hands in excitement, a brilliant white moonbeam painted across her face. Brooke remembered the day well. Monet had taken the photo with Nina beside her, both of them still in their work clothes after they’d visited straight from a hard day full of teaching. Akeria, Silky, Plastique, Scarlet and Yvie had all been inside, shuffling through the huge variety of Domino’s pizza boxes that had just arrived at their door like a deck of cards. That night had been so special. Whatever had happened since then, Brooke would probably treasure that memory forever.

In spite of herself she smiled as she looked at the photograph, then turned her attention to her phone screen.

No notifications. She didn’t know why she expected anything more.

With a cloud over her head that matched the ones in the uncharacteristically grey June sky, Brooke brushed her teeth and peeled her pyjamas off before stepping into the shower and adjusting the dial to somewhere between tepid and warm. Vanessa’s shower gel sat in the corner, the tropical fruit and mint one with little tiny sloths all over the front. Brooke found herself hurting as she looked at it, still loath to use it as she took her own from the opposite side and splatted a huge dollop into her shower puff. Sometimes she used it indulgently, like a secret she shared with herself. She didn’t know whether she’d buy more when it ran out. That was something she still needed to think about.

Once she was clean Brooke briskly dried herself with a towel, sitting on the edge of the bed wrapped in it as she carefully blow-dried out her hair. She picked out her outfit: smart black work trousers with a fabric belt that pulled her in at the waist, a black and white patterned shirt, black stiletto heels. As she painted some minimal makeup on her face in the hope it would make her look less like a sleep-deprived zombie and more like she had her life together in some way, Brooke checked the clock and cursed as she realised she was running behind.

Leaving lipstick for the moment, she grabbed her bag, shoved her feet in a pair of black pumps, and left hurriedly for the train. Breakfast wasn’t a priority; she knew she could grab an iced coffee and a croissant from the cafe in the station in between changing trains, as it took her two to get into work. It was times such as these that she wished she knew how to drive like Monet, Plastique and Akeria, or had learned since uni like Nina or Scarlet. But then again, cafe food for breakfast was one of the very few perks of public transport.

Brooke eventually arrived at the huge concrete block with windows that held her offices, taking the elevator up to the fifth floor, clocking in, shooting a lacklustre “hi” to the girls she sometimes chatted to and settling herself in at her desk. As office positions went, Brooke supposed it wasn’t awful- it was beside the window looking out onto the streets of the city below and it provided some much-needed light to her day. Logging on to her work laptop, she checked her emails (one from her boss about the article due for Friday, and one from Cheryl about money for flowers for somebody going on maternity leave that she’d never met or heard of and might not even have worked there).

Her working day had started.

University hadn’t prepared Brooke for graduate life. It hadn’t prepared her for the fact that friends moved away for jobs and houses and flats, internships and apprenticeships and postgrads and masters. It hadn’t prepared her for the fact that her group chat, once flooded with about a hundred messages if she so much as left it for five minutes, gathered dust as everyone’s lives took over. It hadn’t prepared Brooke for the feeling of missing out on something…Christ knows what. Perhaps living, making memories instead of simply swiping through ones already made on a Saturday night spent alone in bed with a bottle of wine to herself. It hadn’t prepared her for the yearning, the regret at having taken those days for granted when they were the happiest of her life and she hadn’t even realised it. If Brooke had known how soul-crushingly boring her life would be once she got that rolled-up piece of paper in a little tube she would’ve been dragging the girls out every single night. The all-encompassing sadness and longing for something better hit her harder on days like these, sepia ones with big clouds that hung ominously in the sky but never gave her the satisfaction of raining. She supposed that feeling had only been exacerbated by…

She didn’t need to remind herself of that.

It was ten o’clock in the morning and Brooke was staring out of the small office window stupefied with boredom when her phone vibrated. She jumped, pouncing on it as she always did whenever a notification went off. Her phone hadn’t been on silent for a full month. It hadn’t been the person she’d wanted or expected, but it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

Silk: HEY GIRL LONG TIME NO SPEAK! I’M GONNA BE IN TOWN THIS AFTERNOON FOR AN INTERVIEW BUT I’LL BE FREE AFTER AND I’VE GOT A COUPLE HOURS TO KICK ABOUT UNTIL MY TRAIN. YOU WANNA GRAB DINNER? XXXXXXXXX

Brooke frantically made plans as if she was under a time limit, as if the moment would slip through her fingers like sand in an hourglass. She suggested some restaurants that she knew wouldn’t eat into either of their fragile graduate salaries and they settled on an Italian in the city centre, where the portions were big and the meals were tasty.

Brooke spent the rest of the day looking forward to meeting her friend. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Silky. Maybe it had been as long ago as New Year. Brooke smiled as she remembered the occasion; all of them cramming into Scarlet and Yvie’s flat to see in the year. Silky and Akeria had got too drunk off prosecco and screamed along to JLS, Scarlet and Yvie had both made a buffet to rival a hotel’s, and Nina, Monet, Vanessa and Brooke had all been tangled up in an almost relationship-ruining game of Articulate. Plastique had brought her new girlfriend Naomi to introduce to everyone and the girl had looked ever so slightly alarmed by the sheer chaos of everyone put together, but she’d laughed and joined in all the same.

That had been another happy memory. Those seemed to be hard to come by these days.

Work dragged. It always did. Brooke managed to write three sub-par articles that she sent to her editor at the end of the day anyway because hell, it was their job to turn carbon into diamonds. So when she hopped on the train back into the city, Brooke felt a little buzz in her veins that she hadn’t felt in a while.

It took her until she saw Silky standing outside the restaurant- hair in a bun full of flyaways, eyebrows still Sharpied on, in a pair of smart trousers and a floaty top- that Brooke realised that part of the reason she was so excited was because she’d been so lonely for such a long time. Well, only really a month, but it felt like a year. It had taken her living on her own to realise just how boring her life was without all her friends so constantly part of it, and now they all had their own lives and schedules it only served to show Brooke how empty her own was without…

Well. Without her.

As soon as Silky looked up from her phone and spotted Brooke her face lit up, and she fixed her with a smile and a screech that Brooke never thought she would have missed hearing but by God, she had.

“BROOKE LYNN!” she screamed, followed by lots of squealing and babbling as she wrapped the taller girl in a tight hug and refused to let go for at least twenty seconds. Brooke didn’t mind and she found herself clinging back, Silky suddenly the loudest anchor she’d never known she needed. When Silky finally pulled away she grabbed Brooke by both wrists, shaking her back and forth a little. “Oh my God, BITCH! Oh my God. FUCK! It’s so good to see you. How the fuck are you?”

Brooke appreciated that- Silky asking how she was. Yvie tiptoed around Brooke’s feelings when they texted and Brooke tiptoed around her and Scarlet’s perfect domestic bliss, both of the subjects too touchy for Brooke and the pair of them instead choosing to communicate via meme. Nina barely had time to breathe these days let alone text back, and Plastique…well, Plastique wouldn’t get it.

None of them would, she supposed.

“I’m…I’m surviving! I’m being an adult, I guess, and this is what life is now. How’re you?” Brooke swiftly moved the conversation on, and Silky took the hint and dropped both her wrists, pushing open the door.

“I’m on cloud fuckin’ nine girl. C’mon, let’s get some vino an’ I’ll catch you up on the world of Ms. Ganache! Think of it as a free episode of the reality TV show that is my life.”

“Let’s be real, Silk. If anyone’s life’s like a reality TV show right now, it’s mine,” Brooke raised her eyebrows, not quite committing to her own attempt at being lighthearted and instead couldn’t have sounded more bitter if she’d eaten an entire lemon with its rind on.

Silky, for her part, shrugged and let out a small sigh. “You ain’t wrong, girl, you ain’t wrong. But the offer of wine still stands, so let’s get sat. Where the damn hell is a waiter?”

They eventually got shown to their table and the conversation flowed frantically and excitedly, mirroring the wine. Silky filled Brooke in on every last detail of her life- most importantly, Brooke thought, was that Silky’s parents who she was back living with had adopted a cocker spaniel puppy called Pooch. Graduate life had been tough on Silky; she still hadn’t managed to get a job and so therefore couldn’t afford to rent a flat, so she’d moved back to her sleepy and uninspiring hometown. Living with her parents, she’d groaned, was beginning to chip away at her; the constant pressure they put on Silky to find a job, move out, get a boyfriend, and lose weight was beginning to grow wearing in the extreme, and Brooke didn’t blame her for being fed up.

“You know you’re always welcome to come chill at mine, you know. If it’s getting particularly rough,” Brooke suggested not-quite-casually, glad of the fact that loneliness didn’t have a scent because if it did she’d be reeking of it.

Silky gave a bashful smile, looking down at her half-eaten plate of spaghetti bolognaise in front of her. “You’re a doll, B, but you know I can’t do an hour on the train any time my Mama tuts at me buying a size XL of anything. In fact therapy’s probably cheaper than a train ticket here but realistically I don’t got the money for either, so…thanks, but in the words of Simon Cowell, issa no from me.”

“That’s okay. I get it, Mums are simultaneously the worst and the best people,” Brooke pulled a face. Thinking about her Mum made her wonder when the last time she texted her was. She felt a little ashamed for not knowing off the top of her head. “But hey, at least you got that interview, right? How did it go?”

“Alright,” Silky muttered in a non-committal way. It was the most un-Silky response Brooke thought she’d ever seen her friend give. It was weird and unpleasant; the Silky from uni would’ve yelled the place down about how she’d aced it, how they’d make her the chief editor right there and then, how she could write an article for them entirely in Wingdings and it’d still be the best thing they’d read all day.

Seemingly picking up on Brooke’s discomfort, Silky gave a small laugh. “I don’ know, boo…I used to be so sure of myself, I used to be so set in the fact that writing was somethin’ I was good at. When I was a kid I used to write these fuckin’ huge stories…pages an’ pages long that my teachers would pull big overexaggerated smiley faces at an’ squeal over an’ put big glittery star stickers on. I thought I was somethin’ special. An’ then uni, y’know…I was a small fish in a big pond- hell, a big fish in a big pond- but I still thought I was the shit even when I got bad grades. I thought my markers just didn’t get it, that they were the ones that were wrong. But now it’s like…”

Silky heaved a sigh and put her fork and spoon together neatly on top of her half-full plate. “…I can’t even get a job at a fuckin’ local rag, so why the hell am I even tryin’ with the big city offices?”

There was something about it all that made Brooke’s heart break all over again, the way that life after uni had worn Silky down to the extent where she didn’t even know if she was good at anything any more, didn’t have much visible self-worth left. Silky had always been the heart and soul of their group; she, Akeria and Vanessa, and in the time it had taken between now and graduation Akeria had become the polar opposite of Silky- so completely embroiled in her quest to become a barrister that she barely had time to reply to any of them any more.

And Vanessa…well. She knew where Vanessa was. Or rather, she didn’t.

Greece was a big country.

“You’re trying because you’re Big Silky Nutmeg Motherfucking Ganache,” Brooke said with a determination she’d not felt in a while. “Come on Silk, you’re you. If grad life has broken you then what the fuck hope is there for any of us?”

( Any of us sounded better than me , Brooke thought.)

“Kiki’s doin’ okay for herself,” Silky shrugged, her downtrodden tone counteracted by the way she picked up her fork again and twirled a single strand of spaghetti around it, eating it once she was finished speaking.

“Kiki’s vagina-deep in a hellish and all-consuming masters degree that’s probably eating her up from the inside out just as much as everybody else’s jobs are. I mean, are any of us doing anything we actually like?”

“Nina an’ Monet? They’da quit by now if they hated teaching so much.”

“Nina West would join the fucking scientologists and stick it out just so she could say she didn’t give up. She’s the final boss of the term mama didn’t raise a quitter . They’re having a hard time, Silk. We all are. It’s just tough because we’re all so busy and shit at keeping in touch that everybody thinks each others’ lives are perfect but…they’re really not.”

“Yvie and Scarlet seem pretty happy.”

Brooke’s face took on an involuntary look of distaste, so irritated and bitter was she at the image of them and their perfect flat and their perfect jobs and their perfect coupley life. “They’ll have something up, nobody’s life is that perfect. Maybe their relationship’s secretly falling apart or…something, fuck, I don’t know.”

There was a beat of silence in which Brooke finished the last little pocket of tortellini she’d ordered and Silky twirled another mouthful of spaghetti around her fork. She chewed, then shrugged thoughtfully, her head tilting a little. “Y’know we should go on holiday. Fuck all this shit off for a week, get away from it all.”

Brooke’s eyebrows raised in appreciation of the idea. She and the girls had never been away together before and the prospect of lying on a beach doing absolutely nothing under the blazing sun was an inviting one. “What, a girls’ trip? Like in Sex and The City?”

“Mhm. ‘Cept we go on an all-inclusive to the Med ‘stead of Mexico ‘cause ain’t none of us can afford that shit.”

“Except Plastique.”

“True. Fuck that bitch. She could prolly buy Mexico.”

Brooke laughed and for the first time in a good few months she felt a little flicker of excitement lick at her heart, so much so that she could see her pulse race at her wrist. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. “Oh my God. I’m so in. Let’s do it.”

“We have to get all the girls on board, though. Otherwise there ain’t no point.”

“Definitely. Where should we go? Spain’s always good.”

Silky had her phone out and was typing furiously. She paused as something presumably loaded, then her face lit up. “If we go the week after Nina an’ Monet finish up school for Summer we can get flights to Crete for £20 return.”

“Twenty, what the fuck? That can’t be right,” Brooke screwed up her face in disbelief, and Silky cocked an eyebrow at her as she showed her the proof on her screen. Conceding, Brooke shrugged. “That’s so good. I don’t want to know what that plane’s like though. They probably just stuff you all into a tin can and ping you into the air with a giant rubber band.”

Silky howled with laughter and thumped the table so hard that the wine sloshed about in their glasses, little tiny red tsunamis. As Brooke snorted in response purely to Silky’s own mirth, a small thought set off a little drip of dread that threatened to put out the excitement that had only just begun to burn in her chest.

“Where is Crete again?”

Silky let out an unimpressed breath from her nose. “Bitch, you got all the geography skills of a Love Island contestant. It’s just off the Greek coast. Kinda near Turkey too, but it’s Greece.”

Brooke felt her heart drop, Alton Towers Oblivion all over again. She blinked quickly, tried to hide her discomfort. “Well, we’re not going there.”

Silky gave a small sigh, a little hint of resignation or long-suffering to it that Brooke didn’t appreciate. But when she reached over the table and patted her hand on top of Brooke’s, she felt a little bit more understood, a little bit more validated.

“B, Greece is a big place.”

It was the exact same thing Brooke herself had thought earlier, except now it didn’t seem true. Now, with the prospect of going there, it seemed like the tiniest microcosm of society. The world was simultaneously too big and too small, and Brooke felt the cold drip in her heart get worse. “Silky…”

“Look. We ain’t exactly gonna pick the same place she’s at, are we?”

Brooke put her head in her hands and sighed. “She’s not there anymore.”

“What?”

“I phoned the hotel a week ago to try and speak to her. I was going to fly out, try and talk to her and fix things. They said she didn’t work there anymore. So I don’t even know where she is at all.”

Silky huffed, frowning and concerned. “I’m sorry, Brooke, this shit must’ve been hell.”

“You’ve got no idea.”

There was a pause as Silky pushed her food around her plate. “Crete’s small, but it ain’t that small. We still got a one in a million chance of bumpin’ into her if we go.”

“That’s still too small for my liking. Both the island and the chances.”

“Aight, one in a billion. Trillion. Point is, it ain’t gonna happen. An’ besides…” Silky waggled her eyebrows, flashing her phone screen at Brooke again. “Twenty pounds for the first week of the school holidays. This shit’s like gold dust.”

Brooke smiled slowly in spite of herself. Maybe Silky was right. And maybe it would be fun to swan around Greece, eat seafood and pretend to be in some knockoff version of Mamma Mia. Scratch that, it would be fun. She’d get to spend a week surrounded by her friends in the sun, which was what she badly needed at the moment.

Brooke was nodding before she knew it. “Okay, fine. Crete it is.”

“YES, bitch!” Silky cheered, loud enough to be heard by the entire restaurant and possibly the chefs in the kitchen too. “Now let’s get dessert. All this wine needs soaked up by a big slice of sticky toffee puddin’.”

It was easy to feel optimistic with Silky back being her loud and just-the-right-side-of-obnoxious self, and with a plate of tiramisu in front of her. But after they’d finished up, paid their bill and she’d hugged Silky goodbye at the train station, Brooke found the endorphins wearing off as she got back to her dark flat and into her cold bed. Maybe it was because she was finally coming down from the high of meeting up with a beloved friend, maybe it was because she knew she had another monotonous, greyscale day of work to get through tomorrow.

Or perhaps, Brooke thought as she turned over in bed, caught sight of the familiar rose-gold frame and blew it a kiss, she was simply missing her girlfriend.

If she could even call Vanessa that any more.

[unbelievableholland]

Hey, can i request a harry x reader, where the reader is tom personal assistant, meaning she was with tom in America, while the twins were in London celebrating their birthday. And her and harry have been together for a long time so she's really sad she cant make it and so is tom. And it doesn't help that leading up to the interview the bday was the only thing talked about in the family gc. So they both just decide to still fly to the UK and surprise them all. Thank youu😊

Surprise!

Pairing: Harry Holland x Reader

Warnings: nothing. Just flufffff.

Words: 2,610

Summary: You’re Tom’s PA, but also Harry’s girlfriend. What happens when Tom’s interview is rescheduled to the day of the twins’ birthday, and you’re thousands of miles away from London?

A/N: Again, sorry this took so long! And this also might be the fluffiest fic I’ve ever written. I hope you like it!

——————————————————————

“Tom! Your interview with GQ got rescheduled to Friday!”

It’s a Monday afternoon, and Tom surprisingly had nothing to do today. Being his P.A meant knowing his schedule, and also managing your own life. Part of that is clearing his schedule for Friday so you could go back to London in time for the 21st birthday of your 5-year boyfriend, Harry. Tom’s brother, of course.

Hearing frantic footsteps running down the stairs is not what Tom expected to hear today. He thought this is a chill day for the both of you.

Tom stands up from the couch, eyes wide and panicking. Quickly swallowing the tea he has in his mouth, he speaks.

“What?! I thought Friday was all clear???”

“Yeah I thought so as well! But I just got an email from GQ that it’s going to be moved!”

Tom has his hand running through his hair and he’s pacing around the room.

“Can’t you cancel it?”

You look at him with sad eyes. “You know it’s not that easy”

Tom just ends up sitting down in defeat. You and Tom had been looking forward to going home and attending the twins’ party. You have plane tickets and everything, and all you’ve talked about in the Holland group chat is the party.

Since it’s already their 21st birthday, they have a big party planned.

“Fine. I’m just going to tell them we can’t go.”

Tom doesn’t want to, obviously, but it’s not like he has a choice.

You don’t answer. You only go back to your room upstairs. Although it does seem hopeless, you’re determined to make this work.

You sit on your bed, right as you get a call from Harry.

“So, you’re really not going to attend?”

Your heart sinks a little. You don’t like hearing his voice so sad. You promised you’d go home in time for the party, and all of you were looking forward to it.

You sigh. “I’ll make it work. I’ll find a way around it and we’ll make it there in time. I just have to—”

“Y/N, it’s ok. Don’t stress yourself out too much. After the interview, you can go back here and we’ll do another celebration. We’ll invite a few friends and it’ll be fine.”

His voice sounds enthusiastic now, because he just accepted that it comes with your job. He offered it to you in the first place when Harrison had to quit due to his own career.

“I know you’re pouting right now, Y/N. Stop pouting. If you try to reschedule Tom’s interview, you’ll only stress yourself out more.”

“Ok, fine. Promise we’ll celebrate after?”

“Promise. I have to go, we have some party planning to do. Love youuu”

“Love you too, babe.”

With another sigh, you hang up. Yes, you told him you wouldn’t reschedule, but you’re already determined to make it work.

And so far, Tom’s interview is canceled because the studio they were originally going to shoot in is closed because of technical problems. At least, that’s what they told you.

The party on the other hand, starts at 7:00 pm on Friday, February 14th. Your flight is scheduled on 5:00 pm on Thursday.

Now, you have to figure out a compromise for GQ. You could have the interview moved to Wednesday, because it gives them time to figure out the technical problems they have and you can make the party on time.

You pull up your laptop and you start writing them an email. For hours that night you’re just sending emails back and forth with GQ.

Technically, you could just tell them you aren’t going to attend. The interview being cancelled isn’t Tom’s fault. The only reason any of you don’t want to cancel the interview is because it was already announced to the fans and all of them are excited.

But at the end of the day, after a lot of convincing and reasoning, they rescheduled the interview to two weeks from now.

You stand up, quietly jumping and celebrating since now, you’re actually going to make it to Harry’s birthday. You’re too excited that you can’t even sleep.

You keep weighing your options though. You can tell them, or you can surprise them. As you pace around your room, trying to be as quiet as possible so you don’t bother Tom, you ultimately decide to not tell anyone.

Not even Tom.

In the morning, you tell him that you had already cancelled the flight, which, obviously you haven’t. You just need to make sure he doesn’t actually cancel it for real himself.

Ever since Monday, Tom has been a little gloomy. You feel bad, but at the same time, you wanted to keep the surprise. So as much as you could, you tried to cheer him up until Thursday.

You know he’s tired, so you cleared his schedule for the week, except for the GQ interview. At least, that’s what Tom thinks. Clearing the rest of his schedule is something you didn’t think was possible, but you still did it. His mood lifted a bit, but it didn’t help that the Holland GC is filled with details about the party.

You were looking forward to it, but not as much as Tom. He gets homesick and he just wants to go home. For once he just wants to let loose.

But, tomorrow is already Thursday. So, you just have to wait a few more hours and you could finally tell him in the morning. Later in the night, you face time the Hollands to wish the twins an advanced happy birthday.

God, you really did miss them so much.

Once the call ends both you and Tom go to your designated bedrooms, you set your alarm and you go to bed.

Usually, waking up at 6 in the morning when you have nothing to do isn’t the best start to your day. No though, you practically jump out of bed and run to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

Tom would be waking up in about an hour or so, and once he does, he immediately smells eggs and bacon. Which is rare, because you usually just order something for breakfast because both of you aren’t really the best at cooking.

“Uhm, are you cooking? I thought you didn’t know how to cook?”

You shrug. “I’ve been taking lessons from Sam.”

You present him two plates. Both have bacon, eggs, and garnished with toast and parsley. It looks good, and Tom’s surprised. He’d never seen you cook something that looks this appetizing.

When he takes a bite, he absolutely loves it. For once, you didn’t burn the bacon…or the eggs…or the toast.

“What’s got you in a good mood today?”

“Well, maybe because of these.”

You get the plane tickets from your pocket and you show it to him.

“I didn’t cancel the flight. I told them to reschedule, and they did. The interview is two weeks from now and I cleared your schedule for next week, so we can spend the next week in London.”

His whole face beams, his eyes wide and fills with happy tears as he engulfs you in a hug and spins you twice than puts you down.

“You, Y/N L/N are the best PA ever. Don’t tell Harrison that though.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” you teased. You laugh for a bit, both of you happy that you’ll be able to get home in time for the party.

“I’ll go pack my bags then.”

“Tom, I already packed it for you earlier when you were sleeping. Just take a shower and all that then we’ll go to the airport.”

“You…really are the best you know.”

“I try.” you shrug.

“Don’t tell anyone though. I was thinking of surprising them.”

With a nod of his head, he goes to his room and prepares himself for the long flight you have ahead.

You on the other hand, is already prepared. So, all you have to do is wait.

Hours later, during the flight, Tom’s asleep beside you. You’re always the type to get bored on plane rides, so you preferred the window seat. Unfortunately, even after continuously trying to convince Tom to switch seats with you, he didn’t budge.

So, you ended up doing nothing on the plane. You couldn’t find any good movies to watch, and you’re way too excited to fall asleep anytime soon.

You look at your phone, and with an exasperated sigh, you tilt your head back to stare at the ceiling for a few minutes.

You still have 7 more hours to go.

“Tom. Tom, wake up. We’re here.”

“Hmph. 5 more minutes”

You roll your eyes. You slowly grab the pillow from under his head and yank it out from under him. Since he’s leaning towards the wall, he hits his head.

“Ow!”

“I said, we’re here. You already stole the window seat, the least you can do is get up.”

“Fine, fine.”

As he got up, he grabbed his bags from the overhead compartment then grabbed yours and handed them to you. Once you had your bags, you immediately ran out. Since everyone already got out before you, the plane is relatively spacious and you have more than enough space to run out.

“Y/N! Wait for me!

“You already took too long, you div! I want to see my boyfriend!” You shout from across the plane and Tom chuckles at your childishness.

“You don’t think I do too?”

“You’re telling me Tommy has a boyfriend?” You tease, but you laugh at the face Tom makes. He tilts his head back and groans.

“You know what I mean!”

“Hmm, do I?”

He rolls his eyes and chases after you when he sees that you start running.

When the cab arrives in front of the Holland household, you excitedly get out, but you immediately stop.

“Wait, Tom, should we surprise them at the actual party?”

“We can, but where do we stay?”

“We can stay at my place.”

“Aren’t your parents home?”

“I meant my house.”

“You have a house?!”

“Well technically, I share it with someone else.” you wink and run to the direction of your house, while Tom is busy thinking about what you had implied.

“You and who’s house?” You continue to run though, and he starts to shout.

“Y/N— you and who’s house!?”

He only groans when you don’t even look back and runs after you. He catches up quick since you’re carrying bags. So is he, but he’s more active than you.

Once you got to your house, only a few blocks away from the Hollands, you get the keys in your back pack and open it.

Tom’s eyes go wide when he sees pictures of you and Harry together. Some of Harry’s things that Tom could recognize is also there.

The house looks clean. It’s very organized and it’s very artsy. When he explored more of the house, he even saw a studio and a room with gym equipment. Your voice from the kitchen snaps him out of his shock.

“Harry told me earlier that he’ll be staying at your place today. He said he already left food and water for Holly, so he won’t be back here until tomorrow.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who’s Holly?” and as if on cue, you hear the pitter patter of paws going down the stairs. A little mocha colored pug greeting you.

“What?! You’re telling me, you and Harry have a house a few blocks away from ours, and you have a dog?!”

“Yup!”

“How did we not know??”

“Well, about one or two years ago, we wanted our own private place, and the previous owners of this house just moved out. We got a little lonely sometimes, so we got a dog. Oh, and whenever Harry randomly disappeared or whenever he says some dumb excuse to leave the house, this is usually where he goes. We didn’t usually stay here though, this is kind of just our…safe space, you know?”

Yes, Tom does get it, and seeing you there, sitting on the couch playing with the pug you and Harry have, he knows that Harry’s in good hands. That he’s happy. Tom has always been protective over his brothers, and that included being skeptical of you at times. Even though he knows you’re a good person.

It just kind of hit him now that, you’re it for Harry. Even if you and Harry have been together for years.

“You can stay in the guest bedroom for now, since it’s 3 am and the party isn’t until hours later.”

“Uh yeah, sure. Where is it?”

“Upstairs, first room to your right. Bathroom’s the last door in the hallway to your left.”

“Oh, ok. Thanks.”

“Uh, Tom? I’m sorry if this is all so sudden. Harry and I really just wanted our own place and—”

“It’s fine. I’m not mad. Shocked, yes, but I’m happy if the both of you are happy.”

“Thanks.” you say with a very grateful smile. You know how much Tom loves his brothers, so him saying those words means a lot to you. You’ve always been like his little sister, but this just feels like you’re officially a part of their family. To some degree, at least. You still need to tell Dom and Nikki.

Just before he disappeared from your line of vision, you yell.

“Oh, and Sam knows!”

“WHAT?!”

When Tom wakes up, he sees that you’re buzzing with excitement. You look really excited to be home, and so is he. Of course, he waits a few more hours since the party’s at 7. He takes a nap, and once he wakes up, you’re already dressed.

“Tom, come on! Get readyyyy!”

You’re running around the house, trying to find your boots and getting your gift for Harry.

When Tom came out of his room, prepared and well dressed, he sees the box your holding.

“Took you long enough, ya div.”

As you both walked along the sidewalk, he points to the box.

“So, what’s in the box?”

“Remember the Nikon camera he’s always wanted?”

“No. No way.”

“Yes. Yes way. I’ve been saving up for it.” You say with a proud smile on your face.

“That’s like, 2,000 dollars!”

“yeah, I know.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you before, but you’re good for him. Thank you.”

He says this as you arrive at the front door of the Holland household, and just before you open the door, you hug him.

“Thanks Tom, I appreciate it. Really.”

You pull away gently, and he beams at you.

“Don’t let it get to your head, L/N.”

“Hmm, I’ll try. You ready?”

“Go ahead.”

You open the door. The party hasn’t started yet, and no one has arrived yet.

When Sam hears the door open, his head turns towards you. The moment he realizes what’s happening, he slaps Harry’s shoulder excitedly and points towards you.

You look at both of them with a large smile and set the gift down on the shelf near the door.

“Happy birthday boys!”

Harry runs to you immediately. Passed Tom and hugs you. You jump up so your legs are around his waist as he spins you.

“God— I missed you, darling!”

He puts you down and kisses you. It’s the giggly kind and you both smile into the kiss and he pulls back to look at you.

“Best birthday ever.” He kisses your head and pulls you to his chest, your arms wrapped around him.

“Hey! What about me?” Tom says as he fakes a pout.

“Stop ruining the moment, dickhead.” You and Harry say in unison.

——————————————————————

Permanent Tag List:

@spideylovin @used-avocado @why-am-i-so-obsessed-help @annoylinglyaries @autobotgirl15-blog @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @tiffy119 @eridanuswave @cherrysruin @spideygirl2003

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter Nineteen

                 A special thanks to @statell​ for your help and wisdom

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter Nineteen

Claire was unprepared for the public support of Runner after winning the Preakness. The moral of the country was at an all-time low as people were divided by the two factions of government, neither of which could get anything done. Misinformation was the norm and people lost faith in the evening news, Washington, the president, everything. Finding something to believe in had become impossible. The crown races were an American favorite with historically high viewership. When Runner won the first two crowns, America had a new hero to root for, and he was dubbed the People’s Horse.

There were seven horses in the past thirty-seven years that won both crowns, but all had failed at the Belmont Stakes. The hope for a triple crown winner swelled and moved across the country.

Jamie’s phone rang the instant he put it down as people called with good wishes, just wanting to talk to someone directly involved with the famous Runner. It was getting impossible, so he hired Lulu to answer the phone during her summer break. Lulu was five foot five inches with natural platinum hair cut into a pixie. She wore cut off shorts and cowboy boots with a loose-fitting button-down that was never tucked in. Her face was dominated by large round Hazel eyes that sparkled under heavy lashes. She was delighted with the job because it paid very well, and her secret crush was always nearby. If Claire had not been so preoccupied with interviews and the upcoming race, she would have noticed the way they gazed at each other.

After workout one morning, Claire asked Michael what she should say to reporters about her background, and how she came to be Runner’s rider. She wanted to uphold her promise to let Michael tell the story, but she was getting boxed in by questions. She, Michael, and Jamie met to discuss the talking points and decided unanimously to answer truthfully. Claire had a glass face that would give it all away if she tried to lie. She was very relieved.

Nosh, the reporter from Sports Illustrated left multiple messages for Claire. Lulu added them to the stack while she smiled coyly at Jason peeking into the office. When Nosh could not get a call back, he made a bold move and drove to the countryside to find them. He brought large framed pictures of Runner and Claire, hoping to delight her enough to agree to an interview.

Jason recognized Nosh from their brief meeting in the stall aisle at Aqueduct when Runner lost the Wood Memorial. He shook his hand with a big smile and looked at the pictures. Claire was doing her afternoon workout and Jason invited Nosh to watch. Seeing the horse breezing up close made his heart pound. He looked at Claire’s determined face, all business, no emotion. After an hour watching the duo together, Claire handed Jason the reins and went to speak with Nosh. She felt so comfortable with him, he was like what a beloved uncle would be. Because of her desperate desire for such a thing, Nosh was able to set her at ease.

The reporter sensed immediately that she was not like other jockeys that were full of themselves, with practiced answers that sounded rehearsed and boring. This girl was open and honest, and he pressed for the interview.

“I am done for the day. Would you like to come to the house and do the interview now? I have to start dinner but that won’t get in the way.”

“I would be thrilled, Claire. I can get the story into next week’s publication before the race. It will be fantastic timing.”

Claire had a sudden spark of apprehension and begged off for a minute to find Jamie. She called Jason and Runner over to entertain the reporter. When she peeked in the office Lulu was picking up the phone immediately after each call and rolled her eyes when she saw Claire.

When she found Jamie, her heart jumped into her throat watching him with the mares and their babies. He leaned against the bars separating two of the stalls. One baby was searching his jeans for the smell of treats, in the other stall, the baby was chewing on his shirt. The mares were pressed so close to him Claire almost missed him.

She watched him in his element, spending time with the future kings of the racetrack and the dams that would bring future generations to the world. This was so different from the actual track. The sport of kings required jockeys, trainers, grooms, and an unsung hero that made the matches, toiled year around, hoping for a miracle horse to drop its wet body into the hay. He worked very hard and he loved them, all of them. She could hardly take her eyes off him until he startled her calling her name.

“Come Sassenach, and see the beautiful babies we have this year.”

Claire opened the stall door and walked directly to him, wrapping her arms around his waist she looked in his eyes and kissed him.

“I love you so much, Jamie. I can’t wait to start our life together after the race next week.”

Jamie looked like he had just received a promised gift and pressed his forehead to hers, holding her hand to his lips.

“So, this is what you do all day. Play with baby horses and hide out in the dam’s wing?”

“Something like that.”

He was taking control of the kissing until Claire remembered the reason for finding him. She explained and Jamie went to meet Nosh. They agreed to do the interview in their kitchen while Claire and Jamie prepared a lovely dinner for three.

Nosh was very impressed with the house that Jamie built and toured the two levels while Claire pulled steaks out of the freezer and started cutting vegetables. Nosh was a pro, undaunted by the continuous movement of his hosts as they prepared dinner. When the grilling steaks reached his nose, he realized it had been too long since his last meal. So far he found out Claire was a veterinarian, who had saved Jamie’s horses on her first visit to the farm. During the sumptuous meal, he heard about Claire cutting the colt out of the dead dam in time to save him and Jamie hand-feeding the orphan for months until he was weaned.

Nosh looked at Jamie, impressed with his commitment to saving the colt’s life. It was no small task to play mommy to a growing colt and no one to help. Nosh laughed hearing about the FBI meetings with Runner pressed into Jamie’s side.

“Yep, he would come into my office and run to my side pressing his face into me, hungry and scared. When the dams rejected him, I knew I was in it for the long haul and didn’t expect he would ever run bein raised by a human.”

Nosh was so engrossed in the story he would just stare at Jamie for several minutes like he was trying to wrap his head around it all. Jamie took him through the impossible weaning and the next year of letting him grow into the monster he is now.

“Did you help Claire?”

“Me? No, I didn’t see Jamie or the colt for two years. When Jamie put him into the training program it was clear that Runner didn’t have a clue he was a horse. Jamie called me to help and to be honest, I thought Runner was a lost cause. I walked out to the round pens and saw two beautiful yearlings running on the lunge line while Runner was giving kisses to his handler.”

Something in Nosh went boom, boom, boom. He stared at Claire with his mouth open. “This would have been three months before his maiden race?”

“Yes, three months.”

“How did he learn to race then.”

“I taught him. I had to make it a game and told him I would beat him. He made it very difficult to keep my line in the dirt until I stood with my arms crossed fuming at him. When I took off for the finish line, he didn’t ge…”

“Wait, wait, wait. You raced him on foot? Runner. You ran on the track and he ran too?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Jamie sat back, enjoying Nosh’s face as the story unfolded.

“Just you…and Runner?”

“Yes. Jamie had to hide in the equipment barn so Runner wouldn’t see him. Otherwise, he would want kisses and wouldn’t work. Poor Jamie had to hide for the whole first month.”

Nosh shook his head a bit and flipped through the pages of his notebook. He wondered if they were playing him because a human doesn’t ordinarily teach a horse to run. What was happening here he wondered?

“Let’s talk about your training Claire. Did you always want to be a jockey?”

“Never wanted to be a jockey, had no jockey training, and was scared shitless of him the first time I mounted him.”

Nosh held his hand up, “wait.”

“You are a veterinarian with a completely green horse that has tossed every person off his back. Why would you get into the saddle?”

“Teaching him to love winning a race meant I had to be very pissed off when I lost. I played it up until he got it. He wanted to win every time and showed us speeds that blew us away. He beat me every time and told me I would be a winner if I got on his back.”

Claire’s voice started to quiver remembering his promise and her tears flowed down her cheeks. “He promised I would be a winner, like him, so I got on him and held my breath.”

There was the emotion Nosh was looking for, but he hardly noticed in his confusion. He stammered for a coherent question feeling like he just busted through the heart of the story.

“How did he tell you that?”

“I can’t tell you anymore. I’m sorry. Our trainer agreed to work with Runner for first rights to the story. After he is published, I can tell you the rest. I’m sorry, I promised.”

Nosh was feeling woozy from the disclosures and requested just a few more questions about general racing.

“Why do you hand ride? I have never seen you use your whip?”

“He doesn’t like the whip.”

“He what?” Nosh took a deep breath, “Alright, I have enough for a pre-race article. Thank you for talking with me on such short notice, and thank you for dinner. I believe Runner is a horse in a million. I also believe you will win at Belmont next week. I cannot wait to hear the rest of the story.”

Claire smiled at the reporter and they showed him out. As she rinsed dishes her eyes lost focus as she stared at nothing, thinking about the long race ahead. It was like Nosh had injected Claire with the reality of what was ahead. She read the papers, the industry magazines, and read through the messages coming into Jamie’s phone. The swell of support from the public had taken her mind off the actual dirt and grit of the one and a half mile race that was still ahead. She swallowed hard and felt the anxiety building in her stomach.

She spent time alone with Runner, always in the predawn hours when the cold bed would be noticed by Jamie. He would come and get her, pulling her into his warmth with the promise to love her forever, no matter what.

Claire and Michael spent hours each day watching video of the other horses they would be racing. When night came, Claire would become anxious and moody because another day was behind them. A day she should have found some peace. Jamie could only watch her helplessly and coax her to bed where she would promptly leave him in unconsciousness. He prayed for her strength as the pressure was beginning to take her apart. He prayed for himself, that life would become a new normal, full of love and enduring commitment. Win or lose, that is what he hoped for.

Finding Claire pacing in front of Runner’s stall, a day before they flew to New York was Jamie’s undoing. He gathered her in his arms and fought to keep her there as she tried to break free.

“Sassenach. There are two of ye racin in a couple days. Runner here looks calm, if not tired from bein up all night with ye. You, my love, look like yer ready to crumble. I’m worried about ye lass. Are you gonna fall apart and lose the race for him?”

Claire wanted to slap him at first. She was the one who rode his exercise every day, she is the one who risked life and limb in the races, she is the one who coached Runner. How dare he ask if she would throw the race. When he wouldn’t let her go, she quickly tired from trying to break free and the energy had to go somewhere so it came out in sobs. Deep, gut-wrenching sobs that broke his heart. He let her cry for several minutes until she wrapped her arms around his waist and told him how tired she was.

“Suppose we ask Runner how he feels about the coming race. Does he know why you are so wound up? Sassenach, does Runner know how important this next race is?”

Claire was lost in her thoughts for several minutes. “No, he doesn’t know. I didn’t want him loaded down with pressure.”

Jamie pulled Claire into Runner’s stall. “I think it’s time ye told him lass.” Claire looked up at Jamie’s face, so confident and knowing. “He can handle the truth of it.”

Claire reached shaking hands to Runners cheeks. She could talk to him now, but he often misinterpreted her words, so she spoke with her mind and showed him how important he was to the world at this moment. Several times he nickered, several times his muscles bulged with his understanding, but he never moved his head, the story was too important.

You are one in a million Runner. A miracle, to enchant the world and give hope for a hero. I know you can do this; I know you are faster than any other horse alive. Don’t be afraid. Just run like you own the world, as fast as you can. Now sleep, dearest boy, and know how much you are loved.

Jamie saw him relax into Claire’s hands and close his eyes. It was done. Runner knew the magnitude of this race and Jamie knew the level of difficulty they were facing. One and a half miles. Long enough to cause all his predecessors to tire and lose. He was running without an experienced jockey to hold him back and signal when to increase his speed. Jamie feared they were both running head-long into failure and didn’t know how to advise her. Claire now felt the calming effect of the truth and Jamie stopped sleeping all together.

By the time they landed in New York, Jamie had not slept a wink the night before. Dark circles under his eyes gave testament to the pressure he felt, and he glared at the world for making such a big deal out of this horse. Michael tried to talk to him and calm him down, Claire tried to coax him to sleep, but nothing worked. He was in it for love now, the gains they would reap no longer entered his thoughts. He loved Claire and he loved Runner, and he wanted them to win.

Sports Illustrated published Nosh’s article about Claire saving the colt, Jamie raising him, and Claire teaching him to run. Claire’s lack of jockey training and Runner’s choice of who would ride him made the pair seem unreal. The country doubled-down with their support.

At Belmont Park, the crowds pushed into the stands. Seasoned betters paced with anticipation and Runner lovers were in force to scream him to victory. Jamie walked the track trying to relax. He saw entire families pressed into the rail. Parents and children were there, not to bet, but to watch their hero horse win the third crown. He wanted to shout at them to go home. They could lose this race like so many double crown winners had done in the last thirty-seven years. He tried to remember them all. Superstars going into the race, soon to be forgotten when they lost. It was too much for him to deal with, so he went back to the shade of the stalls and by some miracle found Runner alone.

Jamie leaned against him and told the story of how he came to live in this world. He knew Runner couldn’t understand him, but he went on with the story of hope. He told him, no matter the outcome of the race today, it was his once in a lifetime pleasure to know him. When Jamie hugged his neck, Runner brought his head down and embraced him. Jamie couldn’t hear Runner asking if it was time to go, could they please go now, where is Sham, he wanted to race and show them all. When Jason approached loaded down with tack, he saw the two of them and gave them a moment before Jamie staggered out of the stall.

Claire was in new silks with “Highland Brothers Farms” emblazoned across the back and down the arms of her jacket. She was all smiles in front of Runner and the crew while she searched for Jamie. By some miracle, he had alleviated her worry and taken it upon himself. She was very worried about him.

The pre-race parade was starting, and Jamie lifted her to the saddle. She felt his arms shake with the effort and her worry deepened. She looked down at his haggard face and told him not to worry.

“I will see you in the winner’s circle, love.”

When she was ponied to the gate she twisted in her saddle and gave him a dazzling smile. The colt stood quiet, waiting to load into his number one post position. He was in his warrior stance looking ahead at the track while Claire told him to relax. He had looked at the stands during the parade. All the smiling faces calling his name were even more incentive to win. Claire reminded him it was the longest race and he should pace himself.

When the gate slammed open Runner leaped out and to the rail, no waiting for the other horses to break. Right from the start he and Sham were running nose to nose as they came through the first turn, changing lead position several times while the crowd roared. It was him and his nemesis battling it out in front of the world. They had gained a five-length lead on the rest of the horses and seemed to be in their own world. Running the backstretch, Runner was ahead by half a length until he moved forward, engaging his power. Claire felt the spike in energy as he stretched into each stride, moving ahead of Sham steadily. And the crowd lost their minds watching the widening gap between Runner and Sham.

Michael, Jamie, and Jason gripped the rail and pressed their chests into it to see the horses coming out of the second turn but they only saw Runner. Michael was going crazy, yelling about his speed, shouting that he couldn’t sustain it and would crash and burn. Jamie said nothing, moved not at all. If not for the tear that slid down his cheek he might look like a statue. He watched as Runner increased his speed yet again and widen the gap. He watched every stride hit the dirt as Claire tucked tightly and didn’t seem to move. Michael was holding his head, shaking it back and forth.

“He’s going way too fast! He is gonna have a heart attack or fade quickly to last place. They have a quarter-mile to go, he’ll never make it!”

That sentiment rippled through the crowd as every trainer, owner, and handler anticipated the worst. Jason shouted that Claire broke the track record for the quarter-mile, Michael was yelling at no one in particular. Jamie watched Claire and Runner, in his silence, he prayed for them both.

When Runner came out of the turn Claire felt him dig in and accelerate. She knew he was running too fast and they had a quarter mile left to the finish line. It felt like he continued to accelerate, and Claire just tucked and cleared her mind. He was running his own race as she promised. She heard the announcer’s voice sounding incredulous, calling the lengths between Runner and Sham and she heard the crowd going wild. She felt Runner dig in again and increase his speed, right about where the experienced horsemen in the crowd expected him to collapse or fade. He just ran faster, and the world watched an incredible athlete in the home stretch increase his speed again.

Claire could see the finish line and knew they were far ahead when her deafness crept in and she tucked tighter, keeping her mind blank, all she heard was Runner’s breathing and her own.

The sound in the stands, if she could hear it, was deafening. Runner was too far ahead to be beaten and was still accelerating. Jamie continued to stand stock-still and watch them run the race. His tears fell because he knew they couldn’t be caught. She won the Belmont. She won the Triple Crown. Michael grabbed Jamie and shook him, it didn’t matter, he couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Claire saw the finish line ahead and couldn’t resist looking behind her, but she was alone. She felt Runner accelerate again and knew he was showing the world just how fast he was. When his front legs crossed the finish line and the camera lit up, the noise of the crowd came rushing back and she heard the magic.

“Midnight Runner wins the Belmont by thirty-one lengths! He wins the Triple Crown!”

Claire worked hard at slowing Runner while she gushed that he did it. He won the hardest race. When she could stand in her stirrups her crop was raised above her head and the crowd went crazy. When she came around the turn, she saw that Jamie was surrounded by cameras and reporters, but with his extraordinary height, he could see her clearly and the kiss she blew.

Jason held the reins while people surrounded Runner and Claire. It felt surreal with the cheering fans that were weeping and holding their arms out to them. Claire took off her helmet and saluted the crowd only to have the deafening sound get louder. She dropped her upper body down on Runner’s neck and told him he was the king of horses, never to be forgotten.

It was thirty minutes before they made it to the winner’s circle where Claire leaned down to kiss Jamie.

“Ye alright, love?”

Claire nodded and smiled before Jason led them to walk in front of the stands to let people see Runner one more time. When he led them back, Claire was finally able to dismount, right into Jamie’s arms. When she looked into his beautiful eyes, she said the first thing that came to mind.

“Does this mean we can go on vacation again?”

“If we can call it a honeymoon, we can stretch it to a week, maybe more.” He kissed her and heard her answer seconds later.

“Is tomorrow too soon?”