#i have a feeling it'll only get worse
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readingduck · 2 years ago
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spoiler for parable of the sower
Wednesday, August 26, 2026
Today, my parents had to go downtown to identify the body of my brother Keith.
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fuckinart · 8 months ago
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(they'll never understand) How could I ever understand? No, I don't have to understand. I don't wanna understand. So I will never understand. (we could have everything)
#Danny Phantom#art#sketches#i do not feel like colouring this. you'll have to use your imagination#also i highly recommend listening to Nick Lutsko's Swords album because it is so Jack & Maddie it's not even funny#i've been listening to Superior on repeat for like 2 days which is why i whipped this comic up#but also Sideshow is how i was introduced to the album & is also very very very much Maddie & Jack coded#i want to write a fic about it. alas i'm already writing like 10 fics about everything right now so it'll have to wait#i just have this idea in my head of it actually being pretty obvious to Maddie & Jack who Phantom is#he's wearing their hazmat. using their inventions. can open their biometric locks. has their son's face. his voice.#Danny Fenton has an extremely high level of ectoplasm. he even has an ectosignature. the same ectosig as Phantom in fact.#but they're so in denial. so obsessed with their work up til then not being a waste of time & resources. that they just keep ignoring it#keep burying their heads in the sand#& things just keep getting worse. & they keep having a harder time committing to attacking Phantom#have a harder time believing in what they're doing. have a harder time explaining away the truth#but they can't face it. they have to keep refusing to see it#because the truth will never set them free. it will only confirm all the terrible things they've done.#they're good people. everything they do is good. there is no other side to this story. of course
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deoidesign · 5 months ago
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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skunkes · 7 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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gremzon · 2 months ago
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I might have OCD actually
#idk i can't tell if its ocd or paranoia#but all my life these “share this text to 10 contacts or your mum will die” always made me unreasonably panicked#and more and more because of posts like “donate now or you are a horrible person” make me deeply unwell#i feel so selfish because i know it's not their fault#im not blaming palestinians reaching out for help more like the people who share the posts and then guilt trip everyone#and i really dont wanna block the tags because it'll make me feel even worse and i still want to be informed#i have so many asks pilling up but idk what to do because I'm useless i can't help in anyway i dont have any reach and no money in my name#and i dont wanna close asks because i do enjoy ask games#but also idk what to do#because when i reply its so hard i feel miserable because i can't help but as soon as i reply i get 20 new ones and it's incredibly overwhel#overwhelming#but when i dont answer my brain is screaming at me “if you dont reply your while family will die in a car crash”#and it's a simple mental image to think of the more asks i answer the more i get the more my brain tells me awful things#I'm sorry to any mutual i may have unfollowed because they shared so many guilt tripping posts i genuinely can't do it anymore#and i feel terrible#and I don't wanna leave Tumblr because it's my only social platform left lmao and thevother ones are all awful its the inly one i like#I'm just not in the right mental state to constantly see “donate or you dont deserve to live even if youre poor” kinda posts#it's not even triggering its just making my “ocd” worse than it ever was#all day long my brian been telling me “you will die today because you didnt answer the asks!!”#it's genuinely horrible idk what to do and eother way i feel like a piece of shit i feel like i dont have the right to feel this way
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protect-namine · 12 days ago
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I actually have a fic idea but lc is a show that's like. you will never ever have all the information and context until the end. and I am a writer who writes best and more confidently when I have all the info and context at my fingertips. so now I'm just like 🧍‍♂️
anyway. ramble in the tags
#mine musings#it's an AU so it shouldn't even matter actually. but. whatever. i'll still try to write it. it'll take a while#it's more like character exploration anyway. a role reversal (my favorite kind of au)#i.e. what would the emma case look like if cxs is the one who keeps timelooping to save lg?#it's not a power swap or personality swap so i think it'll be an interesting exploration of the limits of their personalities#for example: in this au i think lg is still protective of cxs and acts as the guide. but he's closer to og!timeline lg#so i'm thinking that he's still very principled but perhaps less strict about doing small deviations from the timeline#cxs is still empathetic and reckless and i think that would actually get worse in a timelooping cxs#since he's the possessor he rationalizes to himself that he gets to shield lg from the messy parts of an operation#and how this self-matyrdom pulls at the fragile trust they have. because their partnership is never equal when someone is timelooping#i'm thinking in like the emma case this all comes to a head when emma gets the text from her parents#in S1 lg tells him “it's better not to look”#i think in this au. cxs would have already honed his acting skills and be like “lg. does she check the phone?”#and lg who is protective but a little naive and not as strict with rules is like#cxs looks so sad :( he's been missing his parents lately :( emma doesn't see the text until tomorrow but...#this probably won't change the timeline too much... right? i think cxs needs to feel loved right now :) “yes she checks her phone”#and cxs is like “... are you sure?”#lg: “yes i'm sure”#and then post-dive cxs finds out emma dies but he doesn't tell lg :) he just keeps it to himself :)#bc it's his job to handle all the messy parts :) like the emotions of their clients. their regrets and obsessions. their fates#in his mind. the more lg knows the more he tries to sacrifice himself to save cxs. so it's important that lg is kept in the dark#something something actor/scriptwriter metaphors idk still working on the idea#just. role reversal shiguang... cxs who keeps timelooping bc he has abandonment issues so he can't handle lg dying...#lg basically is like 9S from nier automata who always dooms himself by learning the truth#this could've been a read more instead of a tag essay i'm sorry. i keep forgetting that feature. i am a yapper in the tags#cxs after dragging lg out for dinner so he doesn't catch the news: “hey lg. we followed the script to a tee right?”#“i didn't forget any lines or anything?”#lg (confused) (lying): “yes. aside from getting the financial data part. we did everything right.”#cxs: “okay 😊 i trust you 😊 past or future let them be”#lg (internally): he's giving me his actor voice. he only does that when he's diving. why is he giving me his actor voice. did i mess up--
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#social anxiety is so much worse to deal with when only half of you is anxious because you never know when it'll happen#like. R is not anxious at all. she loves being around people and since we came out she's not scared anymore#but me on the other hand? being around people is a nightmare. agoraphobic for sure.#I wanted to go running again cause we woke up at six again. but the thought of going outside and being perceived? terrifying.#maybe I need to practice getting R to front. we're used to thinking of L as the defensive front but if R's sociability is the best strategy#then she would be the strongest front to present.#the problem is I've tried that and it just results in me feeling even more sullen and anxious because I feel dragged into things then.#because going out on public even with friends still makes me feel anxious and angry and generally annoyed.#ugh I'm so tired of being unpredictably two different people.#if I were just L all the time I could embrace that and find workarounds to these issues. but they hit me so unpredictably#so I don't have the reliability to trust. so my strategy is usually just 'wait until you change into someone without those problems'#because whatever issue I have can usually be fixed by the other half of me.#scared of upsetting people? turn into L. scared of socializing? turn into R. scared of doing tasks? turn into L.#it's also wild because when we're L we shift into a morning person. and R is definitely a night owl#so waking up at five am to go out and read a book on the couch is so great as L but staying up all night reading is R's sweet spot.#idk. I'm so tired of bouncing so much between these two people#and I'm beginning to suspect that we have different food preferences as well. which is.. frustrating#I wish it were as easy as going 'oh duh I'm making this up in my own head' and just stopping#like. yeah it's all in my head unfortunately that's where my sense of identity is too.
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rivilu · 1 year ago
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Hey hello can i be sad on main or will the heavens unleash 7 thousand ravenous hawks upon me
#river rambles#vent post#tw for basically everything bellow just saying it now#sorry the last 8 years of not a single reason to live are getting to me <3#i hate being alive i hate being trans I hate being autistic and not able to work like a normal person#to provide my transition to myself instead of having to rely on parents that kiind of support me? (dad) or are straight up pulling -#the 'you're making MEEE SUICIDAL!' card (mom)#i hate not being able to talk to people like a normal person#it's not even just the autism anymore i feel like i've been the worst version of me for such a long time i dont even know where to start#dysphoria is so fucking bad and getting worse every single day and any semblance of trans positivity winds up feeling toxic#like even body neutrality feels like an insult. im at a point where i want to tear myself apart just when i'm sitting still#i hate being told to wait for things to happen#the dreaded 'it'll get better'#it hasnt#it's been EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS#nothing helps. i've exhausted every option within reach. no words of encouragement help at all#literally the only OPTION is to wait. and i've had! ENOUGH OF IT!#I've dreaded pride every year because it feels more and more like i'm living a lie being there. im not PROUD of being trans.#All i feel about it is misery. All the time. I hate my body so fucking much i cant do a single thing i want to do#most of my early years after figuring out im trans i tried to just ignore it and focus on pride about my sexuality#since i couln't transition then anyway#but as time went on and i became an adult and there's still not a single glimpse of light on the horizon. I can't focus on it anymore#because you know. those things are interconnected. So now i just feel like an unlovable piece of shit!#Like i will never be what i was meant to be. what i want to look like.#and i dont even want to try for any manner of relationship before that . because even if anyone DID like the current version of me#that's not even me#birth is a curse and existence is a prison etcetera
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ningningkittie · 9 months ago
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🦩🌷🌺
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link-lonk · 9 months ago
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I need to stop going on Instagram it just makes me mad at this point
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risingsunresistance · 2 years ago
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ronanlynchbf · 11 months ago
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basically there's been a void inside of me since i was 6 and that's what's wrong with me.
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knifegremliin · 1 year ago
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HEARTBREAKING! man has worst headache known to man but can't take anything for it because he already took meds for a headache earlier and cannot take any more for the day
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running-in-the-dark · 1 year ago
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my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.
unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.
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meowmeowmessi · 2 years ago
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Honestly, as much as well talk about it, I kinda don't seen City as an option just becauss they've built their team over the last 2 years, including ofc Grealish who also plays as a 10 and is a starter, and it doesn't feel like they'd want to make any big transfers now. But still I guess we will see in the transfer window for sure, both for City's squad and Messi's decision.
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appreciate the reality check, anons 🥲 it's all on leo and whether he believes in whatever "sports project" nonsense pissg is feeding him atp. i seriously doubt he's going to stay in the tinpot club for much longer (dear god let this not be a jinx), but considering barça's financial situation rn, not to mention tebas,,, i really don't think it's a feasible option. and i don't want it to be, either :// not at this moment, anyway. so yes, we can only wait and see what happens in the next transfer window. i'm not too worried about his options tbh— it's fucking messi, not just any random player: all it takes is the news "he is wants to leave" to break out just like the burofax in 2020 and he'll have clubs lining up at his doorstep
#also i've heard grealish has been flopping lately?#saw some ppl on city twt saying they wouldn't mind messi in their squad in place of grealish that got me going HMMM fjdkfj#jokes aside tho. if he leaves pissg and barça can't sign him then i don't see him going anywhere other than city#bc messi enjoys familiarity. he has juli and pep over there. not to mention city was an actual option he was considering back in 2020#i'd love to see him in napoli too but they're broke so 🥲#but i really really don't want barça for him rn. administrative and political issues with la liga aside#the way true coolers are moving rn#coupled with PLAYERS saying they hope messi comes back and helps them win the ucl#it's not looking good bruv. hate to burst the bubble but the current squad is only good enough to win the league#there's still a long way to go if they want to conquer europe. and this isn't 2018/19 messi anymore#who can singlehandedly drag them to the ucl semis#if messi comes back and they flop he'll be made the scapegoat. and it'll be so much worse#i understand there's the romantic inside all of us that thinks messi can definitely help the club of his life win the ucl#bc he's the main character of football and a real life mary sue#but listen. even cinderella's magic runs out when the clock strikes midnight#some things are just impossible#and im tired of seeing messi taking the blame for everything. i can take french media throwing stones at him bc they're pests anyway#but i don't want him to get hurt by the club of his life. that'd be too much for me to bear#at the end of the day it's his decision but yeah. city or napoli for me. barça can be his pit stop right before he r words#i have a lot of feelings regarding this sorry ://#asks
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houseofwolvess · 2 years ago
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i hate the come-down period after doing literally anything fun at all at any point in time. i went to a movie theater on friday and then to a convention on the following weekend, which was incredibly fun! i loved it! but there's always a come-down period, where everything feels awful because i know im going to be stuck in my house again, rotting away like always, unable to do anything outside of these walls for who knows how long. its hard to keep doing things i enjoy if i know that im just going to feel awful afterwards.
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