#i have a binder and im wearing it now and its great but like it does not go with the cut of this womans tank top

[thanatoseyes]

I bought a bra because sometimes I want to actually wear shirts that don't show everything and I hate undershirts and why is my tank top defining my boobs, literally can see everything through the tank top. Who is this for? Certainly not me!

[that-1-gay-writer]

Harvey x Trans!man reader (HEADCANONS)

A/N: BY CONTINUING TO READ YOU ARE ABY CONTINUING TO READ YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO READ NSFW CONTENT AND THAT IS ONES ONLY WARNING, THANK YOU, AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN. ALSO I GUESS CALL THIS A COMING OUT POST BECAUSE FOR 3 YEARS I SUCESSFULLY HID THAT IM A TRANS MAN. NOW IM UNVEILING THAT TO YOU ALL. SO YIPPIE I GUESS. ALSO SORRY FOR JOT REALLY GETTING TO REQUESTS OR FINISHING OTHER DRAFTS. HARVEY IS LITERALLY ROTTING MY BRAIN-K🍃💚

Disclaimers: readers genitalia is called "boy cunt," or "boypussy,". Praise kink, size kink, hand kink, roleplay, uhm there might be more but idk. I did not proofread this before posting it. I just wanted to make content

EDIT ♡♡ (5/28/24):

I have proofread and edited it even adding more there you go loves

SFW: AFTERCARE HCS ARS UNDER THE NSFW STRIP

-Harvey was proud of his beautiful husband. No matter what people tried to say about him. Harvey loved his beautiful boy.

-he definetley kisses your hand in public, he will take you on cute dates too.

-if you wear binders (so before top surgery) he will definetley remind you to take it off, and he will help putting it on. He also buys you new ones when the time occurs.

-he always helps with T-shots, but if you use T-Gel then he just helps put it on your shoulders. He dosent touch it because he knows it could mess with his T levels too.

-he bakes for you, and cooks for you. If its been a long day and he was just making model planes and hasn't seen you all day, he makes sure you have dinner ready for you; along with a shower, freshly dried clothes, and bed sheets.

-on days where your dysphoria is very bad, he compliments you, and will provide you large clothing, such as his own.

- "Please my handsome boy, don't say that about yourself. You're a real boy, and I see you as such. You're my husband and nothing will change that." Definetley accompanied by many kisses inbetween his words.

-he helps you shave. Since hes experienced with it. Your first shaving experience on your face was with Harvey, and he provided comfort, support and help the entire way through.

-Harvey is the tallest man in the valley so clearly he was taller than you. He enjoyed how small you where so when you and him cuddle he coddles you in his arm and caressing your face as he kisses your cheeks, forehead, and nose.

NSFW:

-The first time he fucks you was your wedding night, and damn it was a great first time on your end.

-the foreplay was crazy, the way he teased your boy cunt made you tremble and shudder.

-"Oh pretty boy, this pretty boy pussy is taking my fingers so well. Do you think you're ready for my cock?" Oh and you know his voice was so condescending, so teasing but all for you.

-he enjoys giving rather than receiving, and when he eats you out, oh his words are dirty, he laps at you like a starving man. Always claiming about how wonderful you taste, how gorgeous you look.

-"Oh god, my love. You look so gorgeous. I just want all of this beautiful boycunt, its so pretty. It tastes as good as it looks, and my God I can't get enough." He groans out, as his hands on your hips start moving, making you grind against his tongue. He knew it made you see stars.

-he is older, so his stamina is pretty well however when he cums, it takes him a while to recover. He gets so very sensitive. And will start moaning and begging you to make him cum again if you start teasing him.

-when you ride him. God his green eyes are rolling back. You had to check in on him a few times because of how good you were doing.

-"fuck darling I'm gonna cum inside of you're pretty pussy. Oh god the way you roll your hips. I cant take anymore," he wines out and trembles. He tries to look like he's okay, but God he feels like he's in heaven.

-he fucks for you. Like he never had a real sex drive, sure he experminted in college and what not. But you changed that completely

-he kisses all over your neck, shoulders, face, and chest when he fucks you. Anywhere his mouth can latch. Trust it is, he loves kissing all over your body.

AFTERCARE♡:

-he is an absolute king of after care. Like bath ready you don't have to do anything he will do everything for you.

-if you show any sort of hence of pain he will start slowly massaging whatever it is that is in slight pain

-he cuddles you, and spoons you. He loves you with every fiber of his being and he only wants the best for you, and will give the best to you.

-constantly reassures you about how good you did for him and how wonderful he feels, and about how he lobes you for more than just your body.

-"Even as wonderful as it is, your body is not the only reason I love you. I love you for you, and for every part of you. Head to toe, inside and out, I love you, my pretty husband"

[baileythebean]

Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

[your-queer-dad]

hey dad i did an ask once before though idk if it was answered i cant tell but i came out to my parents and siblings almost six months ago now my dad is very ignorant doesnt care but still supports when he does remember. my mom is a bit complicated. i am pretty young for an enby, and she feels like i may not know for certain whilst i may be agender or nonbinary i am definitely not a girl or boy and definitely prefer my preferred name and they/them pronouns my mom isn't straight idk what she is my parents dont have a good relationship but i think they try to support me she says she will continue to deadname me cause shes worried she'll use it in front of my grandparents who are super bigoted i am not out to ym grandparents on either side and she has said she'll try to be better with pronouns but we'll see on that my siblings are all super supportive and i plan on asking them to start using my preferred name i also fogured out one of my siblings are gay and one is bi which im glad im not the only one though im the only non cis person which does make me feel a little odd or abnormal recently my dysphoria has been getting horrid used to just have chest dysphoria but not i feel like im getting bottom dysphoria I've talked to my mom about it originally she said i couldn't get a binder till om 18!? after a bit of an argument with mom me and my sister it was eventually moved to not allowed till 15 i have to wait 2 whole years i also am not allowed to change my preffered name on stuff like library cards until ive been out for 12 months so only around 6-7 months but still pretty annoying like she thinks its a phase or something she grew up with extremely bigoted parents so i cant completely be mad i recently told my cousin though shes got a bad influence from school and tends to spill secrets shes also pretty close with my nana who is in fact queerphobic i really regretted it right after idk if shes told anyone yet but im really worried she will im worried by the time im 18 i wont be able to get top surgery or bottom surgery due to the current political stance i also am intrigued by furry like things such as wearing cat ears and a tail but feel super self conscious i dont have ny own room to wear such things i also dont have my own credit card to buy these things without anyone knowing and im super nervous i want to explore things like cat ears and tail but i dont have a private space to wear them my family is unemployed my dad has stopped trying to get a job i dont have anyway to get money for what i want my family isnt well off im super sorry for such a long vent i just really am confused right now and my situation is very complicated

-a little enby buddy (they/them ei/eim it/its)

Hey kiddo! It's okay, please don't apologise for the long rant. That sounds like a really complicated situation and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of that. I'm glad your siblings and mom are supportive, even if they aren't great and I'm always here to listen no matter what 🫂🫂

- dad x

[planetcruspy]

VIDCON AFTER THOUGHTS: a review of my first and sadly final day of vidcon anaheim

SO I'm just making this because I have a lot of thoughts AND for anyone who didn't get to go this year who wants to know what the experience is like! This is going to be really long post so apologies for that :3

Registration was pretty easy for me, but I also could just ask literally anyone for help if I was confused.

FIRST MEET AND GREET: MR. TELEVISION aka AIMSEY TV

The queue had 5 lines, the first ones being those with disabilities, so that they could go first. I was in the fourth (or fifth depending) line. The wait wasn't very long, plus we could sit on the floor. They sadly couldn't sign anything due to time, BUT gifts were allowed and there was a little box to put them in. OKAY SO the actually meeting and greeting was VERY quick, infact I think aimsey made a tweet about how they had 20 minutes to spare when they thought the time was up. This being my first ever meet and greet I was SO NERVOUS, as was probably everyone in the line. This being said ITS OKAY TO BE NERVOUS. The best thing to do is plan out everything you want to do and say in the line or even before you arrive! I would make sure you can get everything done, including poses, in under 15 seconds. NOW don't be like me a rush so much you regret it. Here's how my turn went:

ME: Haiii

armsey: hiii you look amazing :000

mE: thankss! :3

oh yeah i gave them a hug

and then we went 👍👍 and ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ and i gave them another hug and then i ran away as fast as i could/j

I really wish I did more, like chatted some and I also thought of some killer poses the day after, but it was my first time like I said and i was nervous so i dont blame me! BUT they were super nice and gave great hugs too!! By far the best M&G

Next I jumped right into another line for ranboos meet and greet!

The wait was the second longest wait out of the three, but I talked to some awesome people in the line so it wasnt that bad. Plus by that time I was a little tired and dehydrated so that didnt help the wait feel any shorter lmao. I planed literally two poses I think and those were just thumbs up and me sucker punching them in the face :3 Other that I honestly couldnt think that good with the nervousness paired with the dehydration and shortness of breath from my binder. AND QUICK DISCLAIMER: DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR A BINDER THAT IT TOO SMALL FOR YOU, I had a new one waiting at home for me and the smaller one was sadly the only one I had. I also didnt bind at all that week except for that day because I knew how small it was. ALSO DRINK WATER, BRING WATER BOTTLES. I wasn't that badly dehydrated but I still made the mistake of not bringing a water bottle. SO please please bring some water with you, Especially at conventions. Disclaimer over :) SO heres how it went

The photographer was having trouble with the camera (or maybe not just something held him up) so he didnt get to scan my wristband right away, so I just stood there awkwardly for a minute lol. And then he scanned it and then I didn't hear the thing go off immediately so I stopped AGAIN.

Me: Hiii

Ran: Hello! :D

mE: so erm can we do thumbs up?

RRAN: yuh!

Me: and then can I like punch you..

Ran: sure! lets do it

and then i said my goodbye and ran

ran: Nice to meet you!!

THOUGHTS:

I DIDNT ASK FOR A HUG AND IM SO PISSED ACTUALL SOBBING ABOUT IT

I really wanted to talk more but I got in my head about time and stuff and ended up not saying much of anything 😭 And of course I thought of better poses the day after. But again all on my part and it was lovely to get to meet them ^ ^

NOW my third and last M&G was Jack manifold!

This was probably the longest wait out of the three, since there was also someone finishing up their meet and greet when we got there. As well as he was signing things too, which I am so happy about! so I didn't mind the wait.

By now I had loosened up, got something to eat, so I was feeling a lot better. Heres how it went!

Me: HIII

J munee: Helloo :)

me: Thank you sm for being here! (and then something about all the people)

Jack: Its alright!

Then we did thumbs up, mewed like gods and um

WHICH TOOK HIM LIKE 4 TRIES TO GET IT RIGHT BTW

ANYWAYS Then he signed my House of Leaves book! So awesome, big thanks to jack for staying to sign things and chat with everyone!

SO that was my big post talking about vidcon and my thoughts. A big reason why I did this was to also process everything myself lmao. Um thanks for reading lol, sorry this was long tbh I was debating on posting this for a minute cuz of cringe but i am free

[noeysnowy]

Binding for newbies

(This is not a comprehensive list and your welcome to add if i missed anything)

SO! You want to bind your chest, well your in luck i have some info and tips so you have somewhere to start off!

The 2 ways im familiar with binding is by using transtape and a chest binder.

Ill be talking about:

- What they are

- The pros and cons

- Application/usage (and removal)

- And the potential dangers

transtape:

is a tape made from cotton and spandex that you apply to you chest, you cut two strips that you apply on your boobs and then pull your boobs out to each side. Youll find it in rolls like this

Chest binders:

are a vest that compresses your chest. Theyre a very popular method of binding. They’ll typically look like this (you can also get a swim binder)

Pros!

Transtape:

- is great for shaping the chest into a masculine shape! It’s incredibly customisable because you cut the peices yourself and decide how flat you want it.

- It can be worn for up to 5 days! You can work out, shower, swim and do practically anything with it on and itll stick! Itll get a little icky after those days but you can enjoy your flattened chest for a whole week!

It usually comes in a range of skin-colours to match or you can get fun patterns and colours!

Binder:

- its much quicker to put on and its an easy everyday solution

- many say their chest feels flatter with a binder

-feels very secure because of the pressure

- its just one purchase that last years!

Cons

Transtape

- When you take it off your skin is sensitive and in my experience my nipples are very sensitive

-if applied wrong it can seriously irritate the skin, so the proper application method is a little slow

-its all about practice so you might not get the flatness you want on your very first try

- you have to continuously buy some instead of it just being one purchase (make sure to cross reference so you dont have to way wayyyy to much)

Binder:

- you cant do any sports because you arent able to breathe like you should. I mean it, do not do sports with a binder. (You can get a specific swim binder though)

- it can get dangerous if you where it for more than 8 hours a day

- its a bit tricky to put on and take off

- get sweaty so you have to wash them

Application/usage (and removal):

So the most important part about binding is doing it correctly, but its often hard to find info on what not to do and what to do, so I’ve compiled everything you need to know.

Transtape:

Application is tricky and i find writtten instruction is basically useless so i found some great video tutorials on how to apply it!

Small chest:

Medium chest:

Big chest:

And a very important part is taking transtape off again, now i have personally commited the cardinal sin of just ripping it off, dont do that you will fuck up your skin. Instead you have to lather the peice of tape in oil (any oil is good, i use coconut) and lather the whole thing so its very saturated, then wait a 1-3 minutes for the adhesive to let go and then peal it off. If you feel its sticking to your skin still, put some more on and pull softly.

And heres a video for good measure:

In general the TransTape youtube channel is great for info about transtape, so definetly check them out if you buy some. Their website also offers transtape, nipple covers and oil.

Binder:

Binders are a lot quicker to put on as its just a vest, but its tight and its a bit tricky so if you can get someone to help you on your first try id recommend that.

Now there are a few important things to know about wearing binders, so you can wear them properly and not fuck up your ribs

1. Make sure to get the right size, this is very important for your chest health (your website should have a measurement chart)

2. Never wear it longer than 8 hours

3. Take a minimum of 2 break days a week (as in dont wear it) I usually do that in the weekend.

4. Never double bind, as in wear two at once, and never wear a tight sportsbra over or under it to make it flatter, again you will fuck up your ribs and you cant fix that.

5. If it hurts take it off, I know dysphoria is an incredibly tough battle but your health is more important. I believe in you <3

6. Never and i mean never do sports with a binder on

7. Wash it! it gets sweaty and stinky over time so definetly wash it. I wash by hand with some warm water and delicate laundry detergent but your specific binder should have instructions on how to wash it on the tag.

Dangers:

Both of these methods sadly have some downsides, but they are avoidable if you use them correctly

Transtape:

can irritate your skin if you put it on wrong, it gets itchy and if you scratch, you can cause sores, which then means you cant wear your tape till its healed. Ive tried this and it is a HELL so put it on properly!

Binders:

Are dangerous because they compress your entire chest and that means your ribs and all the important organs inside em, so when buying i binder make sure to buy yours size and if youre in between, buy the bigger one, under no sircumstance should you but a binder that is to small, it can seriously harm you.

When your ribs are bent, you cant unbend them and they will hurt when you sleep and breathe so please wear it correctly

All in all thats it! I sadly dont know every website for binders and transtape out there but these are the ones ive used (theyre DK specific)

Transting (for binders)

Peech (For transtape)

if you know of any other websites you trust your welcome to add them!

I hope this was a help on your journey with gender expression and euphoria, i love you, I believe in you and happy fucking with gender out there <333

[ganjies]

hii!! i rlly like ur blog :D! uhm i wanted to request hcs of kou, hanako, tsukasa, nene, and mitsuba with a transmasc y/n that wears their binder too often so it effects them. or just transmasc y/n overall! feel free to ignore if ur uncomfy w the request! - 🐝

hii im glad you enjoy my blog <33 i never wrote for a trans reader in general not being too familiar with the topic so i'll do just general headcanons :) IM SORRY IF THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU EXPECTED 😿

transmasc reader

( hanako , nene , kou , mitsuba , tsukasa )

; hanako :

ok so

if you didn't tell him , he will probably figure it out in a couple of days

when he does , he doesn't say anything

he just ,, doesn't care but in a good way

he doesn't mind that you're trans and he will not do any remarks about it

maybe after you get close to him enough he will ask you questions like "how did you figure out you are trans" or something like that

just out of curiosity

now onto the relationship headcanons

after being by your side for some time

he realizes how much of a great person you are

he wants to be with you every time

he doesn't care if you're a girl or a boy , trans or not

he just loves you for who you are ( cheesy )

( he calls you pretty boy canon !! )

( at first he had some problems remembering the right pronouns .. )

; yashiro :

tbh

she just saw you and thought

" that new boy is kinda cute .. "

when you told her you're trans she was like

" OH "

she still thinks you're cute

she doesn't have problems remembering your pronouns

expect her to bomb you with questions

she doesn't want to sound rude or anything she just wants to know more about you 😾

she's a blushing mess around you tbh

when she confessed she thought you were gonna reject her because of her ankles ..

but when you accepted her she was literally the happiest girl in the world <3

( she helps you choosing some clothes when yall are shopping togheter )

; kou :

when you told him you're trans he was like " ok ! :D "

but he's relivied that you told him

IM SORRY BUT HES STRUGGLING TO REMEBER THE RIGHT PRONOUNS

MY BB IS TRYING I SWEAR

when he get them right give him headpats /hj

anyways

best friends to lovers real

teru supports your relationship

he realize that he has feeling for you when he notice his heartbeat going faster around you

but being dense as he is it takes a lot of time before he notice

he struggle to confess , he never experienced this situation

so you do that for him

he's flustred and tries to hide it

; mitsuba :

i feel like

he made a joke about it

but you took it wrong

he felt bad

and apologized for the first time in his life

like fr he's mean towards anyone but he didn't want you to feel bad pls forgive him :(

from then he tried to think about what he wanted to say before actually saying it

you're lucky fr

you're his only exception

like hanako tho he doesn't ask questions about it

he actually gets the pronouns right

he felt comfortable enough to share his past with you

that's when he realized he took a liking towards you

he tried to talk about it to natsuhiko

bad idea

then he tried to talk to sakura about it

she suggested to confess to you but his ego is to big

so he decided to hint his interest towards you praying you would understeand them

when you confessed he acted so big but he was flustered in the inside 😸

; tsukasa :

let's be honest he doesn't even know what being trans means

you have to explain it to him

but he's still confused

he's a mess with the pronouns 😓

like hanako he doesn't see anything wrong with it

he spends a lot of time attached to you sm that you can't understand if it's because he likes you or its just normal for him

you could be start dating to a day from another

like ,, he will just state that you're his and that's it

good luck 😻

i hate how this turned out but i rll hope you like it 😓 i swear i will improve

[sucktacular]

okay so while taking it off is kinda a huge pain in the ass I LOVE TRANS TAPE??? gonna ramble about it for a sec

It's been an absolute game changer. I get really dysphoric about bra bands on my ribs and binders have been very uncomfortable and bulky and hot and yucky and I just can't comfortably wear them very often. THe best binder Ive had is my velcro closure tritop but anyway

trans tape... wow... on days I dont need to be completely flat I can just slap one piece on and get myself back down to like a small A cup and wowowow so comfy AND AND AND I CAN WALK AROUND THE HOUSE WITHOUT WORRYING MY NIPS AND BOOBS ARE FLOPPING ABOUT IN FRONT OF POTENTIAL ROOMMATES!!! its really great as an alternative to a bra honestly???

idk ive been using it for a few months now and I really love it. wear it for 5 days and then it comes off easily with some medical goo gone (i know you can use oil but idk i didnt have much luck with it so i just went straight to the medical adhesive remover that is body safe) the only hang up is the adhesive likes to stick around so it takes a couple passes and washes to come off before I can put a shirt on... so im in the bathroom for like an hour trying to get it all off otherwise my arms stick to my ribs and its painful to peel yourself apart skjdhfkjsdh or your shirts will stick to you. BUT the goo gone stuff helps a lot to wipe it off

anyway yeah uhhhh if you cant wear binders or dont like binders it might be worth trying trans tape or similar tapes??? esp if you have a smaller chest cuz youll probably get easily flat with it + the freedom of your bare chest im very excited for hot boy summer and not being SWEATY binder boy summer

for ref i gained a bit in my chest the past couple years and i think im maybe like a solid B cup? maybe? idk i wear a large calvin kline bra anyway definitely like an A cup on my chill just vibing days layer up a bunch of clothes and you cant even tell you got a chest

[mordeiswrld]

“Im drained...im unmotivated...im tired...im done. So many hurtful things have been said to me by the ones who were supposed to care for me...i still rememeber it, and some of it still goes on. Why do I remember the things that hurt me...?”

“Wear some makeup maybe that’ll make it better” -because i wouldnt smile for a picture i didnt wanna be in

“She’s a grown woman she knows what she’s doing”- my great grabdmother & mom when i got mad about my siblings (1-2 and 6-7 years old) being out without me and with my grandma who hasnt had a baby in over a decade

“You need to stop dressing that way”- my great grandma when i showed up to my her house in an oversized sweater

“Your too young”- my mom when i told her i wanted a binder and that i was a boy at 11-12 years old

“ive always wanted a boy”- my mom. Then she got what she wanted and started being ‘better’ as if she couldn’t do that with her 1st 2 kids

“Yeah mhm, or girl what?😒”-my mom, dismissing me whenever i try to tell her something im happy about

“You need to start talking to your grandparents”- my mom everytime i ask her for something, now im scared to ask since everything i ask for is “too much” even though she buys herself stuff everyday

“Ill talk to him”- my mom whenever me and my dad get into our fights...it never gets better and she never talks to him and always takes his side

“Shut the fuck up”- my dad whenever i try to explain something to him even if it’s not that serious(its never that serious)

“Stop being selfish”- my dad whenever i say no to my siblings using my stuff that is strictly MINE and that i dont have to share if i dont want to

“Watch your brother” my dad almost all the time everyday and they’ll just be lying around doing nothing with the excuse of ‘i work i need a break’ you dont need a break all damn week while i have to go to school and handle your wild 3 year old while your in your mid 30s

“Sounds like a personal problem” my mom whenever i tell her that I genuinely can't handle my siblings and am on the verge of snapping (violently)

“Maybe if you had a bedtime then yknow...i dont wanna have to say it”- my mom around her friend talking about my low grade in a class and thinking its bc of electronics when in reality my mental health is in hell and ive been crying more than usual and i dont have the motivation to keep pushing on anymore, but she thinks im up at 12:30 bc of a phone...

“Congratulations”- my mom when i show her my all As. But won’t be as nice and be a bit irritated that i got a low C in something she knows I struggle in

“I'm so proud of you”- my dad hugging me for the straight As. He doesnt hug me ever and he never says those words to me. Not even when its a minor accomplishment

“Has your father ever told you he loves you?” my mom years ago in a random parking lot that got me realizing last week that he never says he loves me willingly, he has to be forced

“I'm obligated to be there” my grandfather after getting married and never calling us to see how we are

“Your ___ eye is bigger than your ___” my friend. I always liked my eyes growing up...not anymore

“She ugly as hell” my 9th grade classmate he just says it whenever he can. I dont even have to be talking to him

It’s getting worse day by day...nothing i do is enough...im tired..

admin zjay

[lillianlilie]

THE PROBLEM IS that i would probably be fine if i didnt get top surgery. i would. yes my posture would be horrible and i would probably have really bad back pain as soon as im in my thirties but it would be fine. im great at compartmentalising. but then i think about the joy i felt the first time i wore my binder. i think about the fact that i actually love wearing slutty clothes and tops! and that i cant because it makes me miserable. i think about the front guy of fable cry wearing skin tight see through shirts and how badly I WANT TO WEAR THEM. and not worry about them not fitting because my binder isnt able to flatten my boobs down enough and even if it would I WANT TO WEAR THAT AND NOT HAVE TO COVER MY CHEST. i think about how i can only think of myself as a woman or a girl and how incredibly uncomfortable those terms are. theyre not true but i have boobs and a hourglass shape and i know it doesnt mean anything but whenever i want to call myself he i think of my body and automatically correct myself. and i think about how the people i get the most gender envy from are middle aged men dressing like theyre noble men from the nineteenth century. and i cant picture myself like them because i cant grow a beard or wear vests without seeing a hint of my boobs. and then i think i have to get top surgery because i dont think life has a reason or a meaning so your only job is trying to be happy and living a life worth living because what else is there? and if its my responsibility to be happy then i want to get top surgery. but whenever i talk to people about it they always say that its too early and that i need to think about it more but i have been thinking about it since i was 14 and my opinion never changed that I WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH IT. i would be happier with it. but i dont need it. i would be fine without. i havent gotten really bad dysphoria attacks in years now. i would always hate looking in the mirror but i would be fine. so i cant decide yet. because is that imagined happiness really worth mutilating myself like my family says? (thanks dad.) i dont know. i want to think it is. i want to believe so bad that it would be fine. that its like dying my hair black, where i did it once and never looked back. but i dont know. maybe at some time ill miss my boobs. and i think its harder to seem like i have boobs than it is to just bind them. but i cant imagine a situation where that would be the case. i cant imagine a situation where i would regret it. but im scared of taking that chance.

[mejomonster]

just a rant about gender and dysphoria and happiness and frustrations i guess?

im gonna go on a few more tangents fuck it ToT so for one: while i love that binders exist (truly they're amazing), i personally hate wearing them because for me they feel just like a bra, and a bra makes me feel Not-Great, and i'd much rather wear layers and bigger clothes to hide my chest (while being pissed all genders cannot simply wear no shirt and no Nothing and be treated the same), because the simple thing of Some Constricting Thing on My Chest makes me feel more dysphoric ddkdkd

and then second: so when i was lets say a teenager to in college, i did a lot of varying with my self expression. high school saw me volley from very butch to lazy femme looking frequently. i chopped all my hair off, then got wigs so i could still do those high glam looks when i wanted. in college i tried out long bleached hair deep side part with undercut and cut off sleeve t-shirts (think Pat in Bad Buddy if he was a punk lesbian) and then 1 inch hair when i got fucking sick of long hair like i always do (and many a dad sweater). i got a tiny waist and big fucking hips. big shoulders. so im an hourglass i guess, when i wear anything that fits me. its pretty easy to read 'feminine' to a stranger, when all u gotta do is put on clothes that fit, 1 line of eyeliner, and there u go (and i'd learn later w a face like mine there was no need for the eyeliner... or the rest).

but for a while i just did not Want to Ever read feminine, unless i was on a date with a cute girl, so at work nonstop i wore loose pants to hide my waist size, baggy sweaters, binder, my hair was cut off, no makeup, my usual glasses. on paper i shoulda looked like a hipster guy i guess. in reality every fucking day some customer would say 'ma'am, miss, young lady' to get my attention. and lo and behold i find out i just wont really ever read as butch to a stranger. not with my face -3-)/ i mean yeah. maybe if i took testosterone, if it changes the shape of my face enough. i already have a mustache. i've grown it out, and bleached it, and shaved it, and even at it's longest strangers were like 'hi miss could u help me'. and that was i dunno. an interesting thing for me to realize. to realize that for every stranger i meet, generally, they're going to look at me and think 'marilyn monroe' no matter how i decide to present visually.

and well. i DO like some feminine presenting appearance things. i like lolita dresses, i like dying my hair every color i can get a hold of, i love eyeliner because that part of the teen emo phase never left me. i like bright colored eyeshadows, and drawing fun things with my eyeliner. i like dressing up as high femme as i can if i'm going on a date with a femme, because it's fun to dress up with someone else going to the nines. i like my waist, it's like Link! and Raiden! and Axel! And if they are guys, i can be a guy too (and honestly this is to all guys - you a guy? then you ARE a guy. you don't have to prove that to anyone, or meet some arbitrary standards, there's a wonderful rant Enterprise Incidents Podcast did about 'what is a man? a woman? anything they want' because humans come in infinite diversity and what is a man to one man is not the same as another, its just who that guy themselves IS.)

and well. i decided - if strangers are gonna misgender me no matter what, i might as well stop trying to change my looks to what 'strangers' might prefer from me, and instead just look the way i want to anyway. and of course, college was a good time in some ways. i found tumblr, i found other bisexual people and felt a hell of a lot less alone, i found trans people sharing their experiences, and realize Ayyyyy Dysphoria is what i felt all through high school now it all makes sense why i kept praying for god to turn me into a dude! I already AM a dude! feeling SO much like u are one... u probably ARE already one.

(y'all have no idea how uninformed my knowledge was of trans people in high school was... my school had zero out kids, most kids as naive and uninformed as me - some who would later realize they were trans like me, and the only info i had on trans people was the movie Boys Don't Cry which... that movie's got a host of issues. But what teen mejo took from it was: no one in the world would acknowledge me as a man unless i got surgery. And since i never heard of transgender before, i assumed that meant 'ur gender has to match ur body' hence the praying for years to just wake up a guy. jokes on me! i was already! wishes do come true dkdkdkd. Anyway. It wasn't until getting to college, finding educational resources online, and finding community on tumblr, that i realized Simply Already Feeling I Was a Guy internally... made me one.

And also the much broader, more healing realization for many people including cisgender people: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, whatever makes you HAPPY, you are the gender you feel you are and that's literally all it requires. You already ARE whatever you are, and your heart knows. Or your heart doesn't, and you explore. But my point is: cisgender men can wear makeup and love it and still be men. Cisgender women can shave their heads and grow lots of body hair and be 6 feet tall and love fishing. Your gender doesn't mean you can't like something or can't do something or can't be something, you can like/do/be WHATEVER YOU WANT. No matter who you are.

And being trans doesn't change that. Yes, there's additional factors: a trans woman who doesn't want big boobs and loves short hair is at risk of being misgendered by strangers more... but so are cis women. So are all women. That doesn't mean masculine hobbies or looks or likes makes you a man, it's just whatever. Strangers making judgements happens for so much bullshit, it doesn't mean they get to define you, strangers opinions do not Decide what you are. Only you do. Cis men and trans men can love makeup, can love baking, whatever the fuck! What makes you a man? Feeling you are a man. What makes you a woman (or anyone)? Feeling she is. Simple as that. What can you do/be/look like in this world? WHATEVER the fuck you WANT.

So yeah. I go through all those realizations in college. (and to get down in the weeds, I probably related to bigender the most as in line with my feelings, which i just label as nonbinary for strangers because... to be honest the number of people who even knew what Nonbinary was when i realized i felt nonbinary was miniscule, even less then the ppl who knew what bisexuality was. i mostly feel like a dude. i still connect with being a woman. maybe its because im nonbinary, but i feel like gender is so dumb in some ways. i'm so happy for y'all who feel gender euphoria, and i recognize a huge portion of people find solace and comfort in strongly feeling like their gender. but at the same time i feel like straight ppl could figure out how to only be attracted to the ppl they like now, even if gender didn't exist. knowing humans, we'd make up a new system to divide humans into classifications like a gender-equivalent construct based on nose shape or eyebrows idk. so its not like humans are about to stop caring about gender, and there'd still be some made up human way of splitting people apart they'd probably use to build inequality idk. humans already do that with a lot of other concepts they made up besides gender.)

the point i'm circling back to is: gender is great for many a person, and the only important thing to really remember is you can be whatever you want in this world, you're allowed. if you're a boy, if you're a girl, if you're nonbinary, if you're agender, whatever body you have, whatever hobbies or likes or talents or whatever. you do not have to be trapped in a box, you're allowed to be Fully You. Whoever that is. You're allowed to conform to expectations of A or B or whatever, you're allowed to do your own thing, you're a human being and whoever you are - is you. You are not broken just because YOU are a bit different than someone else.

and then a third tangent: i hope for cis people to internalize that fucking realization too. I dunno if it's people older than me, or younger, or in the same boat, but sometimes i am just hit Hard by the terror i'll be hearing cis people distraught about. i'll hear how horrified they, a cis woman, are to be 'masculine' or simply to be 'not interpreted by strangers as feminine Enough' (whatever the fuck the Enough Impossible-Standard is that society perpetuates to them - usually a white classist patriarchal conservative ideal, where an ideal woman is 1. white. 2. long haired. 3. wears full makeup. 4. is very skinny 5. is upper class and wears expensive things 6. has no body hair 7. is 'demure' and submissive and caretaking and sweet and innocent OR sexy and appealing to others etc).

So many cis women I see crying, full on horrified, because they're overweight. Dieting to dangerous degrees, because they're overweight (like most of the population in my country, their weight is perfectly average it's not like most other ppl aren't just like them), and overweight = ugly = poor = black = masculine = man in the fucked up mainstream ideals of beauty and white womanhood. So many cis women freaking out they have boxy bodies instead of curves, have hair on their face (newsflash all humans have at least this thin peach fuzz on their face - if you are not white and blonde then Yes, Sometimes that peach fuzz is darker colored or you get a mustache like me) and just shaving it isn't enough - they still feel they aren't inherently allowed to be a 'woman' because of it. SOOOOOOO many of these cis women would benefit greatly from the recognition of a woman as 'anything.' A woman IS anything. Any appearance, any hobbies, any likes.

So many cis men horrified they don't live up to a strict fucked up box of an ideal as well - terrified they don't make enough money to be a 'real' man. Terrified they aren't skinny enough, or aren't muscular enough, or aren't assertive enough, or can't provide Enough to others, or show Too Much emotion. (A lot of these limiting gender ideals coming from the same white patriarchal upper class ideal, so by design MOST men will probably never manage to reach such ideals - the ideals causing them to fight each other, to prove who's 'most alpha', the ideals causing them to abandon themselves - because to be a 'real man' is to not cry or show weakness or admit to struggling to live up to the ideal, the ideals causing them to lash out at others - and rewarding them for it, because if they harm others then they'll help perpetuate this fucked up system by hurting more people and putting the pressure on more people To Strive to Live Up to The Ideal in the hopes of finally gaining enough acceptance to avoid further attacks). Every incel in some degree is so internally distraught trying to live up to the Ideal Real Man, who 'gets bitches' and feels they'll never really be a 'real man' until they can too. Every dude sucked into the manosphere has heard so much awful stuff about what a man has to do in order to 'prove he's a man and Deserve to be treated as a man' that they've taken to heart. And now they're perpetuating that harm, hurting MORE guys and insisting even more other guys aren't REAL unless they conform as well (and hell - probably still don't deserve to be respected as Real Men unless they also get rich and successful).

How many of these cisgender people would be so much fucking happier, and hurt significantly less people (and stop hurting themselves) if they just realized, really fucking took to heart, that a person is their gender JUST BECAUSE they feel they are. My guy, do you think you're a guy? CONGRATS you're a real man and whatever kind of guy you are IS a real guy. Miss over there, you are desperate to prove you're a woman? You ALREADY are. You do not need to diet more to prove that, or change your hobbies or quit your fucking job.

It's frustrating to see that giant system hurting people on so many levels. Just everywhere.

[zaenight]

Chapter 4

Continues from chapter 3.....

----------

"Here put this on." José said passing some gear to the boys.

"You gonna pitch to us?" Pete questioned.

"You could say that." Ethal said as the four laughed.

"Im getting a bad feeling." Brad said as they heard a knock.

"Yoohoo!" a woman exclaimed as another batboy entered.

"Well now! who's this?" Luca said , oh this poor woman had no Idea what her child will go through.

"That's francis! he works with us." Lucy said walking over.

"Didn't want to miss the sleepover." The blonde told them.

"Oh no way , can't miss out on all the fun , Hey! glad to have you francis my man." José said as Lucy had his hands on his shoulders.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth and take your benadrill(?)." The blonde said

blowing a kiss as Lucy waved,wacking the boy once the mother was out of sight.

José then threw his bag,and locked the door as Luca turned off the lights.

"What's going on?" francis questioned as they started laughing.

"It's hell night , what isn't going on?" Luca said with a smirk.

first they pitched to them in the batting cage , machine full speed,they yelled out ows and ouches, oh the brusies these boys would have,no matter how much padding they were wearing.

secondly they made them sing the star spangled banner as they squirted them with Ketchup and mustard, oh and Pickles, oh and Luca may or may not have dumped mayonoise on them.

thirdly they pushed them in a laundry bin full speed , making them human bowling balls.

And right now the three boys were scrubbing the floors with toothbrushes , and Luca wanted a shower , and Luca gets what Luca wants.

--------

"

Hey scrubs look like your working up a sweat." José told them.

"Maybe you need somthing to cool ya down?" Luca said as the four drank from their beer cans.

They then made them get into ice baths,the boys were screaming and shivering as the four hollered and laughed.

The phone then rang as Luca told them to hush up , answering the phone.

"Clubhouse!,Just a minute." Luca said waving an arm to cutoff the music.

"Yo Petey its for you , Mommy wants to speak with you." Luca snickered , voice going normal , to the guys it sounded like Luca was mocking Pete in a high pitched voice , but in reality Gabriella gets tired of using a deep voice and its cracks.

"Damn you really sounded like a chick for a minute." Ethal said.

"I have many talants." Luca whispered as Her and José leaned down listening to Pete

speaking to his mother.

"Ha-hello?,G-great ra-really great!,I w-won't goodnight." Pete said shivering as José hung up the phone,They laughed at the boys .

-------------

"Ready Go!" José yelled as the three boys spinned with their forheads on bats.

"Five times around." He said.

"Thats one!" Luca yelled.

"C'mon fatboy." One of the boys said to brad.

Francis dropped the bat prompting José to say he better pick it up.

They then gave them eggs on a spoon , the three racing to the field.

"Yo Im gonna take a shower!" Luca said to them , the three were taunting the boys , José nodded .

She could hear them chanting , she really hoped they weren't doing anything

stupid,Taking off her clothes , her chest binder , and her hair out of her really tight bun.

She started the shower,steam covered Everything.

Speaking of the boy's they put poor Francis in the dryer , the boy crying for help , the other two saying to stop,they almost got a heart attack when they thought Francis stopped breathing,he didn't,but he was freaked , when José took things to far Luca usually wacks him over the head and may or may not have broke his nose once.

But Luca wasn't their to keep him in line now , was she?

The boy had puked on José causing the three to gag .

"It's not on my saint sebastion medal." José said taking it off , placing it on the washing machine.

"hey lets go look at Lou's porn stash!" The other two exclaimed going out of the room still gagging.

"Im gonna go take a shower to get this puke off me." José said walking to the showers , Luca not having any Idea as She dried her hair off , Her Chest binders already on along with her underwear.

-------

"Yo Luca you in He- Woah!" José exclaimed seeing Luca?,who started cursing him in spanish.

"I- Can explain- Yes Im a chick , and - STOP LOOKING!" 

Gabriella Yelled covering herself .

"I-you , Eres una niña, tú- ¡por qué no me lo dijiste! , jesus , mi mejor amiga es una chica!? , ¿Alguna vez me ibas a decir?" José said , he wasn't mad , he just felt lied too.

(Your a girl , you- why didn't you tell me! , jesus , my bestfriend is a chick!? , Were you ever gonna tell me?)

"Okay , I - My dad and the others have a bet going on , I wanted to tell you I did , but then I knew if I told you you wouldn't look at me the same , your not even looking at me right now." Luc- No Gabriella said to him.

"Your in a towell Im giving you privacy , guess I know why you don't look at me when I have my shirt off, Two years Luca , two years we've known eachother,you thought you couldn't trust me or somthing !?" José exclaimed.

"I wanted to tell you , I was going to tell you  a year ago , on that trip we took , but then the guys came in , sent you to do somthing." Gabriella said.

"I remember , they looked like they were plotting somthing , and I guess that's why your dad always slips up, Híjole! is that why your always so moody once a mon-OW!" José says thinking back,Exclaiming as he got wacked.

"I-Shut up!,Assuming you went to far because of the puke." Gabriella said wacking him again.

"No-Maybe,Look Im not mad , Okay I am - Wait Mom knew didn't she! That's why she likes you!" José exclaimed.

"My time of the month came a bit early once , the extra matress was stained ,that's how she found out,Are you mad,your mad , I'll leave and never com- Actually I can't do that Dad forces me to come here for extra credit." Gabriella said puting on a Black long sleeve and basket ball shorts.

"Lu- Is that even your name!" José exclaimed , he was going through it , damn She owes him for life.

"Guess I should re-introduced myself , Hi im

Gabriella "Luca" Tavares I'm the second best bat boy or in my case girl, and I really hope nothing is going to change between us." She stated.

José realized why he felt the way he felt , because in the back of his mind he knew

somthing was up , he knew why H-She never did things like come into the clubhouse without her eyes covered , never wore clothing that wasn't baggy , and never took of her hat , and he never see's her Play baseball alot , She would pitch but never was seen practicing , and Carlos would always make excuses for her to why She couldn't do this or that.

"I always knew somthing was off , but it was worth it , Cause I know no matter what

I'll always have you by my side,as my bestfriend , and as my - Girl?, which sounds really weird to say, Damn I've been hitting a chick!" He said.

"Yeah you have - But you better not treat me any different!" Gabriella sais pointing at him.

"Yea-yeah , I think I always knew , and I think I always Liked- no loved you , Boy or girl , and I didn't act on it , cause I didn't want our relationship to be ruined." José said as He took of his puke covered shirt.

"I - so we should- I should - Don't tell my dad you saw me half nsked , Imma go!" Gabriella exclaimed.

"Lu- Gabriela! , I meant it." José said.

"You did?" She questioned.

" I did , and I would totally kiss you right now if I didn't smell like puke , and we should probably take it slow- if you want our relationship to go there , do you want go there?" José asked , giving those puppy eyes he does.

honestly if you were to see the two of them you could say they were an alternate version of Eric and Jack or sean and Corey from boy meets world , you know with the plot twist were Bestfriend finds out the other is a girl , and they fall for eachother , Blah blah blah.

Anyways.....

"Don't give me those eyes - but yeah I would like that - I would like that alot actually, Also don't tell those four morons , I still wanna screw with them." She said as he let out a laugh.

"You meant it right? , nothings gonna change?" She said as she heard the shower start.

"I meant it ! , Luca , or Gabriella , now go see what they're doing." He exclaimed back.

She than left the restroom and José could have sworn a loud yes , Did he fall in love , yes he did , was it a plot twist , yeah it was.

Speaking of those morons they were up to no good.

------------

Im not even don with this episode yet lmao stay tuned for part three 🤣🤣

[slutdge]

........really considering a name change tbh

[virmillion]

I understand the desire to be out in the middle of the night. But the precieved girl-ness of me (genderfluid/non-binary/???) Means it's not safe and that sucks. ❄️

oh yeehaw it’s absolute Trash my dude like i’m transmasc but i don’t present that way in the Slightest bc word gets around and uhhhhhhhh the fam Does Not Know This Yet so. we just sit at a chair and bounce out our leg jitters to make up for the fact that we can’t banshee sprint across the country at midnight

[pinemothhs]

m

[butchpositivity]

(HRT discussion cw) Are there other butch trans women who experience butch dysphoria? Like. I've been on E and my chest is bigger now, and that's mostly great, but not that they've had some time to grow...a little more than intended, sometimes I get dysphoric? Like, i love having them there but they're too big? So I actually wear a binder sometimes when how big they've gotten gets to me? But its never an "oh no i shouldn't have transitioned" its more like my tits just overshot the "butch" mark?

(same transfem butch) Or like. Just in general it feels like my dysphoria now has gone from mostly wanting womanhood at all in any form to specifically transitioning to *butch* womanhood, which means dancing around how to "look like a woman" while also trying to be butch and embrace masculinity in yourself? And it's just a weird back and forth of dysphoria?

i’m gonna put this out there for my butch trans women followers bc i feel like im probs not the best person to answer! but imo like that sounds totally understandable and normal for a trans butch, it reminds me of the article “M2B: Male to Butch” by,, Kelly something. i’ll find it and update with a link here later bc i feel like you’d feel very seen in her words !

edit: ok so i was thinking of Kylie Paintain! Here’s the article i mentioned :o)