#but its really really hard and this is like the 6th thing this week to send me into a mwntal breakdown and cry on my bathroom floor

[songmingisthighs]

Lonely Breeze

group : ateez

pairing : poly!yungi × reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort

wc : 3.1 k

tw : angst, poly relationship, heavy stuff maybe; relationship issues, psychological issues, mentions of blood (injury), mentions of anxiety, ngl I'm just rambling at this point so if this is not your thing, pls skip lol.

a/n : this is why i don't listen to anything produced by mingi. I'm textbook kubler-ross every single time and idk how to feel about it. and yea i wrote this in 2 hours

buy me coffee ?

It had been three days since you ran away.

Can it be counted as running away? You're a full-grown adult with intact mental faculties and 'running away' sounds rather juvenile.

Life had gotten too hard and you were overwhelmed. Despite having wonderful boyfriends like Yunho and Mingi, this time you truly didn't know what to do but you knew that you had to get out of there before you completely exploded.

To be honest, Yunho and Mingi were one of the reasons you had to run away.

It was nothing against them per se but you felt bad for having to always rely on them all the time.

The three of you met on the cusp of adulthood, at a dance academy workshop. The three of you didn't mean to join that joint workshop because each of you was from different area branches of the academy but you all just clicked. From then, you and they planned your lives together even down to which university you three will attend. But it wasn't until nearing the senior year that you three decided to pursue a romantic relationship. You still remembered it like it was yesterday. How you, Mingi, and Yunho join your other friends on a countryside trip to celebrate the end of the 6th semester only to find out that the cabin was at maxed capacity so you three had to rent a small, dusty place on your own. Little did you know, you, Yunho and Mingi had each planned separately to come clean about your feelings. You were the first to confess after having a particularly tiring clean-up session (just so you won't inhale the dust that had accumulated in the cabin), accidentally telling them how you could see the three of you in your 30s cleaning the apartment you will share together. You remembered the dread that washed down on you when Mingi asked what you meant. Like the reliable pillar he is, Yunho was the one who helped you calm yourself down and told you that he could see the same thing, how he felt the same way about you and Mingi. Then Mingi confessed his own feelings and from then on, you three were even more inseparable than you had ever been before.

While it surprised people that the three of you decided to commit to a relationship that was far from orthodox, no one was really fazed. Everyone who knew the three of you had at least assumed you three were sleeping together which was why no one approached either one of you romantically all through university.

Some called it fate, some called it dedication.

You believed in the former more than the latter.

But recently?

You feared that you had trapped them.

Maybe it was a quarter-life crisis but you suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of your life. It wasn't like things were falling apart. On the contrary, the pieces of your life were finally falling into place; you were starting to really shine at work, and you were finally able to start saving whilst resolving some of your financial issues. Your relationship with your boyfriends was even at its peak, there was more love than the three of you ever needed and you three were beyond happy.

Then one day, one day a week ago, things crashed down on you.

You didn't know what it was, you didn't know what caused it, but you suddenly couldn't breathe. You remembered holding onto the bathroom sink while your body trembled, tears streaming down your face like a busted faucet and you couldn't move. The cool bathroom suddenly felt suffocating and the sound of your boyfriends laughing just on the other side of the door felt deafening. It took you a long while to break free from that state and you only managed to do so because Mingi had knocked on the bathroom door asking for you to let him in because he needed to use the bathroom. That night, you found yourself unable to sleep and even finding their presence too much for you to handle even after switching position with Mingi so you could be at the edge. You had slipped away and cried yourself to sleep on the couch, sobbing silently until fatigue took over.

That whole week you were distant until three days ago when you came home from work to see a note on the table from Yunho who let you know that they were out for a bit to get something special for you.

One second you were pouring yourself a glass of water to calm your trembling hands and the next, you were in a train with a duffle bag heading to the countryside, cradling your hand that had a gash and fresh dried blood.

When you arrived at the dark and lonely cabin, you finally broke down, wailing into the emptiness as you hugged yourself in the middle of the room.

Neither of them was aware of what happened.

Or so you thought.

The first person who noticed how distant you became was Yunho. He had sensed that something was wrong since that day in the bathroom. He could never forget the look on your face as you stepped out. Your usually lively eyes were empty and you didn't even react when Mingi pressed a kiss on your forehead. At first, he thought that you might have had a bad day and that you were just not in the mood but as the days passed, you seemed more silent and distant. Yunho wanted to ask what was wrong but he didn't want to make it seem like he was prying so he tried to let you know that he was there for you in different ways; soft touches, words of affirmation, little presents in the form of your favourite drink or plans of going on a trip. He wanted you to have all the space you needed.

Mingi on the other hand immediately jumped into worrying about you. Suddenly he kept texting about your whereabouts and your feelings. He had even asked if he should pick you up early from work and even showed that he was already in front of your building. Mingi knew what it felt like to be all alone stuck in a headspace and it had taken him so long and finally relent, letting you and Yunho pull him out and believing you two that you were there for him. So he wanted to repay all that especially since you were the one who gently washed his tear-stained face and slowly fed him until he regained his own strength. He remembered the pit and he didn't like the idea of you being there.

So when they were met with an empty apartment the day you left, they went into panic mode. The sight of a couple droplets of blood near the broken glass and your work bag thrown carelessly on the couch was enough to send them into a frenzy and sadly, they even turned on each other.

Yunho wanted to calm himself and Mingi down first because neither of them even knew what happened and where you had gone to while Mingi, pointing that out, stated that they both needed to catch you before you could even go far. Then they fought over the fact that they were fighting when they should be looking for you and it ended with Mingi leaving the apartment when Yunho ran into your shared room, trying to charge his phone to see if you had contacted either of them.

Essentially, the three of you were alone at that moment in time. Nothing made sense and none of you had any ways of getting an answer.

You were alone in the cabin, crying your eyes out about... Nothing. You felt stupid for feeling bad over your life that was going rather well and you felt bad for leaving your boyfriends without an explanation. It was simple, you could've simply grabbed the phone and texted either one of them to let them know... Something. You could tell them that you needed time alone. But do you really? You could tell them that you were sorry. But were you really? You could tell them that you were overwhelmed and that they were not making your situation any better by being so supportive. But were they really? You felt like you were not worthy to even send them a text because who the fuck were you to be acting like that and then asking for understanding?

Mingi was running around aimlessly with worry sitting deep in the pit of his stomach. He had gone to several of your friends' places, friends you trusted who wouldn't blab about your disappearance. He hated being in a state of not knowing because he felt helpless. He hated being helpless. Mingi was not a helpless person so he didn't want to be associated with the feeling. First things first, he had to find you. But where could you be? Why had he never taken the time to ask you places you wanted to go to, thinking that you had gone alone because he was too busy with himself. Seeds of doubt planted by the negativity of the situation started sprouting its ugliness. Was your leaving his fault? Was he too self-involved to not have taken the time to dedicate his attention to you once in a while? Was he taking too much of Yunho and your attention? His head hurts.

Yunho, in defeat, slumped against the bed you three shared. Your pillar, your rock finally broke down and with each sob, his mind found it even harder to make sense of things. All the decision in his life was made on a strong foundation, Yunho was a sure man, and he didn't regret the choices he made and the path he took. But was he too sure of himself this time? Out of the three of you, Yunho was always the tie-breaker because he makes his decisions carefully and with logic. He never found any reason to resent that part of him until you left. Did he miss something? Were there signs that you had needed a different kind of treatment? Had he gotten too overconfident this time? Had his so-called level-headedness cost him something important?

Whatever it was you hoped could happen or appear by running away alone never came. Each hour you spent trying to make sense of things or finding a way to calm yourself only made it clear that you were all alone.

Dark thoughts started plaguing your brain, skewing your happy memories into something that was far from reality. The memories you had of banding together into a trio with Yunho and Mingi turned into fear that maybe you had inserted yourself into their friendship. After all, they found themselves together first before you bumped into Yunho and told him how you were alone, effectively guilt-tripping him. The thought of how they have always had your back turned into anxiety that maybe you had leaned on them too much. You relied on them more than you should and now you were a burden to them. The things you told them, should you have told them? Especially the dark ones, the ones that stemmed from your bad mental state. Were you manipulating them without realizing it? Were your promises of the future even really promises? How could you be sure that it wasn't you pressuring your expectations to them?

It had been three days. Were you still alone because they thought you were better off alone? That they too, needed time away from you? Maybe you never needed your own space, maybe it was your subconscious telling you that you needed to give them space from you.

Loud bangs broke the train of thought and the more you came back to reality, the more you recognized the voices.

"Mingi?" you inhaled sharply, seeing the face of one of your lovers on the window as he banged the wall.

Thinking that you were hallucinating, you turned your head away and stood up. There was no way he could be there.

More bangs were heard and when you turned around again, you saw both Mingi who was now with Yunho staring at you from the window.

"(y/n), open up!" Yunho called out.

Normally, you would register his voice as is but your brain, in its unstable state, thought that he was demanding you to let him in. Mingi too, though he was only standing there looking at you, sending knocks on the window as he wanted to hold you once again, your brain took that as him glaring at you and being in fury.

Anxiety shot up and your head shook violently. "N-no..." you whimpered, bottom lip trembling as you took a step back only to trip on a carpet and fall.

The sight of you on the floor caused Mingi and Yunho to abandon all reasons and logic and all they wanted to do was to help you. They started banging and trying to pry the door open, needing to get inside to be there for you but all it did was send you into a deeper spiral without them realizing. Your body curled into a ball while they were yelling for you to open the door. The more you heard them, the worse you felt and before you knew it, you were yelling for them to leave you be, leave you alone, you didn't deserve them.

It wasn't until you started yelling at how you should have never burdened yourself on them that they stopped banging on the door. Their eyes welled with tears hearing the things, untrue things, you hurled at yourself. It hurt them to hear you think so low of yourself like that. You were everything to them, you were something so precious and special and to think that you believe they would be better without you, it was like a serrated knife had been plunged into their hearts multiple times.

"That's not true (y/n), please..." Mingi rested his forehead on the door as his eyes closed slowly, letting tears wet his cheeks, "Please let me in, I... We... (y/n), please," he whimpered.

Looking around, Yunho remembered that the owner of the cabin had told him about a spare key a long time ago. Thinking that it was worth a shot, Yunho was glad to see that there was still a key hidden under the cushion of the porch lounger.

You were too busy bawling to realize that Yunho had opened the door successfully which was a good thing because had you realized, you would have done something stupid like run out into the field in the cold January breeze.

Mingi tried to rush inside only for Yunho to stop him, holding onto his arm as he watched you cry with a broken heart.

"Yunho, wha-"

Wordlessly, Yunho pulled Mingi down to sit in the doorway while maintaining his gaze on you.

Though confused, Mingi followed along, sitting down and looking between Yunho and you.

"We should go in there. She needs us," Mingi said, voice cracking as he shook Yunho slightly, trying to convince him to go inside. He knew he could definitely go inside himself, but for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't.

For once, Yunho didn't give any explanation and just shook his head one more time. Soon, however, his hand took one of Mingi's and they sat there with you with hands linked, waiting for you to... Well, they weren't sure what they were waiting for but they were sure they would understand soon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You must have passed out from crying because you remembered feeling cold and alone but the moment you came to again, you realized that this time, you were... Warm.

Sitting up, you noticed that the skies outside were dark and when you turned your body around, you saw Yunho and Mingi attending to the fireplace. The cabin was dark save for the illumination provided by the warm fire.

It took a bit of time for your eyes to adjust but when your eyes really focused, you noticed that Mingi was holding onto your favourite blanket that you forgot to bring. How did they even got inside?

For a moment, you only watched them do their thing, comfortably sitting in silence as if enjoying conversation done by the soft crackles of the fireplace.

Mingi felt something on the back of his neck and when he turned his body slightly, he saw that you were staring at him with puffy eyes. His instinct told him to run to you and envelop you in a hug and tell you how worried he was and how much he regretted things that he thought he did. But his better judgement stopped him from making a move forward. Instead, he cracked a gentle smile and ducked his head down, carefully opening your folded blanket as a silent invitation.

Your body moved automatically towards him and before you knew it, you were suddenly sat in between Mingi and Yunho.

While Mingi draped you with your blanket, Yunho made final adjustments on the firewood before he sat down close to you and even moved so that you and he were shoulder-to-shoulder.

You were sure that they were going to ask what happened, what was wrong with you, why you ran away. But minutes passed and all there was was... Silence. You were sure that when you saw them again you'd be anxious because you had to explain yourself but all you felt was a sense of calm. It was rather ridiculous but you could feel the anxiety melting off of your body.

"I'm tired," finally you opened up even though your voice cracked due to how hoarse your throat felt. "I'm so tired," you exhaled as you closed your eyes, your bottom lip trembling once again.

This time, Yunho moved to sidle even closer to you so he could guide your head gently to rest on his chest. "You... Can you find it in your heart... To rest in mine?" Yunho spoke up finally, voice cracking as well. Mingi then moved closer until he was able to wrap his hands around your waist whilst leaning his head on Yunho's strong shoulder, effectively caging you securely between them. "You can rest in our hearts, love," he added, ducking to press a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

Nothing else needed to be said because nothing else should. The three of you had been through so much together in your youth that it felt like you were all alone. But, with the stars as your witness and the fire as your companion, you realized something that was always true. Even lonely, you were always together and your inadequacies made you whole. While pain exists and will always find its way back to remind you of your faults, it allows you to remember who and what you are, but most importantly, what you now have from that.

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[tyunkus]

imagine overstimulation with tyun😵‍💫 youre literally crying while hes holding a vibrator to your cunny and he just sits there looking so calm, so when youve came for like the 6th time that night u look at him with teary eyes, begging him to stop and thats its too much ( u both know u love it tho ) and he just stays so calm its scary and says something like “dont be an ungrateful slut” or like “you wanted to cum so bad but now u cant take it?”

(im not sure if u have any guidelines but i hope it passes them, if not just ignore it!)

This is what i mean when i say all solomons are telepathically connected because WHY HAS THIS BEEN THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND FORTHE PAST 2 MONTHS AND U JUST ARTICULATED IT SO PERFECTLY.

LIKE. nobody talk sbaout taehyun with a vibrator enough. it would be so sexy and hot and also SO FUN FOR HIM? imagine his pretty doe eyes looking up at urs all innocently while he makes you come over and over and over again like literally no remorse he just loves the way you look and sound when all the pleasure washes over you. cant get enough of how fucking wet you get, even if it hurts he's gonna pull orgasm after orgasm out of you to see every little twitch of your lips and flutter of your lashes he's just THAT obsessed with u.

you come for the 6th time and he's just. so inwardly pleased with himself because now you're really begging, hips bucking up towards nothing but more sensations and your eyes all teary and glossy and pretty <3 you make his cock so fucking hard just by lying down in bed all sniffly cuz he's treating your pussy so well <3 can't help but find you so cute like "aww, why are you crying? feels too good? sweet girl is sobbing because i'm making her feel so fucking good, right? right? take all of it, baby, can you do that for me?" AND HE SOUNDS SO FUCKIN SWEET hes so good at buttering you up just to rip another orgasm out of you so you're losing your mind n begging him to stop <3 but that won't work, he knows what you really want, knows that even if you're crying and sobbing for him to turn it off, you just want more n more n more cause you're his greedy little bitch <33!!!

as for guidelines i havent made up any yet but i will eventually! if im uncomfy with an ask i just wont answer it so if i dont answer urs after a week i probably just wasnt comfortable hehe

[rune-rambles-art]

Okay I have to yell about Koleda Belobog Zenless Zone Zero because I feel like I love her in a very specific way that I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about. More under the cut because I have,,, so many thoughts.

Koleda is such a good portrayal of someone who struggles with their perception as an adult. A pretty easy conclusion to make with the first thing she usually says on the character select screen being “Hey, don’t look down on me!”, but it definitely goes a lot deeper the more you spend time with her. Specifically, she seems to struggle in her perception of herself as someone much more mature than her younger peers, but still not on the same level as the adults in similar positions of power as her. I kinda. Hate zenless for not explicitly stating how old she is, but given she rose to her position at Belobog “when she came of age” (which honestly, I still can’t give a concrete answer to what hoyo means by this? Some searches I found claimed the working age to be 16 in China, I’ve seen others online claim 18 but that’s not reliable. Hoyo I'm begging you put official ages on your characters it's a cool and based practice), she waited for a significant amount of time before taking up her role as president. She is an adult from what the game implies, and a core part of her character is fighting against the constant infantilization she faces due to how she looks.

Let’s start with her love of desserts (and a honestly this is the reason I started writing this). It’s her most highlighted character trait (it is also the first known attribute in her trust rank profile when you unlock her), and most of her trust events on 6th street revolves around them. Initially, she hesitates in proclaiming her love for them, likely to avoid being perceived as childish.

Her rank 4 trust special event is, admittedly, my favorite, but it’s one of the best breakdowns of this.

In order to maintain her image as a mature adult, she uses her position as company president to get around having to request a special dessert drink by name (in her defense, "Sweet Girl Fluffy Marshmallow Lambkin Milk" is an insane mouthful of a product name). At the end of the event she admits that saying its name “wasn’t as bad as she thought”, but her initial kneejerk reaction was a complete rejection of even entertaining the idea of doing something that could put the image she worked so hard to create and maintain at risk. Despite this, she still refuses desserts that aren't tooth-rottingly sweet, even if they are seen as the more mature or "refined" option. It's only around people that she really trusts does she allow this part of herself to be known, because she knows they wouldn't misconstrue this behavior as childish.

I also think her perception on the differences between kids and adults is interesting ("thank you agent story quest" we all say in unison). She doesn't ever feel like she fits in with other kids, probably due to all the responsibility she had to take on as the eventual heir to her father's company. But she also holds a vocal distain for many of her adult peers. Her declaration of "When I was younger, I thought the whole world was rotten, trying to make people just as rotten when they grow up." is a reflection of how she struggled to find her place in the world as she was forced to suddenly transition into adulthood, while still trying to understand the actions of the adults around her.

Her relationship with her father becoming strained contributed significantly to her world outlook as well, and may have caused such a specific distinction of what she deems "the world of adults". I don't want to dive too specifically into that because spoilers and the game is only a few weeks old so. Pin that for another time maybe? It definitely matters in the sense that the loss of her father is the catalyst for the loss of her childhood, but a lot of the specifics in how that affected her are speculative (and I don't wanna get too headcanon-y in this particular post) and she explicitly chooses not to discuss it too in-depth with the proxy (which, girl. Valid). But she's slowly learning to cope with that loss, at least it seems that way by the end of chapter 3. Honestly I could probably find more to add about the agent story in particular, but I would have to replay it to get a better idea.

To me, Koleda Belobog is very solid representation for women who had to grow up too fast, struggle with the perception of being seen as an adult, and hold guilt about indulging in acts that can be perceived as childish by their peers because they never fully got the chance to just be a kid. It truly did resonate with me, and it feels like such a specific "if you know, you know" kind of experience that I don't feel is talked about as much in media, especially with people who identify as female during their youth.

Also, also! I hope they dive in a bit more on how she got/has so much hollow corruption at a young age. Because they imply that she is so short as a result of this hollow corruption. Like that's so damn interesting conceptually and I know they delved on it more in Rina's agent story but. It was more of a mental affliction than a physical one.

Anyway I've been working on this for like 2 days now but that's all I have in terms of like. A canon-compliant character analysis.

TLDR; Koleda is such a perfect example of "God forbid short women exist" and I love her for that. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[burning-academia-if]

Hi again. If you've been around a while you're probably going to be like "Em, again??" But guess who got sick for the 6th time this year and this time it was a full on chest infection!! It has been three weeks, and somehow I am still Not Free!!

Anyway, BA fell to the wayside this month because it was Velox Fabula time and I've yet to miss a Velox jam (also...chest infection). I also needed to get my sudden and newfound Pirates of the Caribbean obsession out of the way so! I made a short pirate visual novel for the jam and I'm normal again. I also released the prologue of my side IF To Taste Sweet Silver (@sweetsilver-if) just to have it out. Feel free to check it out if you want, but it likely won't be updated for a while as I'm shifting gears back to BA for September!

I don't have much to report but:

UI update should be out in the next week or two depending on how I'm feeling. It won't look like much to y'all since it's more for my sake via cleaning up the code LOL but there were things added (friendship indicators, open dyslexic font option, character page updated, stat page updated, glossary page added) I'm not a graphic designer but it's better organized I think. There won't be an Official Post about it because it isn't new content, but I will make a small announcement when it's out. It'll also include the originally deleted Lars/Zoe/Nevio lunch scene in Chapter 2 as well. Sorry this is taking so long, I just really struggle with the coding side of things which has made the process slow.

Writing in August was also slow, and honestly, I think I really needed those few weeks off not thinking about BA. My inbox being very quiet helped as well, so I really did take a real break from BA. When I opened up the writing doc, I felt a whole lot better about working on BA again, and we have hit 100k words finally!

Anyway, I don't want to lament much, but I did have a personal goal of releasing up to Chapter 4 this year which obviously is Not Going to Happen. It honestly sucks I got sick so often this year because it cut into so much time for creative projects, be it BA or anything else.

I'm not really going to be hard on myself for it, though. I think releasing 3 chapters this year considering everything that kept Going Wrong this year is actually pretty good. I just think its annoying when I know I could have done it but the universe said no instead akfjalfa Anyway, I'm not sure when Chapter 3 will release but I do have a good feeling about September and I think I'll be able to at least get a decent chunk done this month!

Finally, September marks the one year anniversary for this blog and October marks the one year anniversary of BA releasing!! I feel like I literally just started writing this, the fact it's September already is wild.

I was going to do art commissions, but due to surprise car issues, I don't really have the money for that now (next year for sure though!!), so I was thinking of maybe doing character Q&As to celebrate? I've also seen some authors do raffles, but I'm not entirely sure what I would raffle off? Maybe personalized short stories with readers MCs if there's interest in that? I'm not sure yet, but I have a month to figure it out lol

But also thank you to everyone who has followed along!! It's been a really fun time both writing BA and on the blog. I know I say this a lot, but I'm really glad this is such a chill place. It's nice for me the author obviously, but it's also nice because I always want the spaces I have to feel like safe places for others as well so! Thanks again!

Lastly, I normally would end on a little snippet or preview but since most of what I wrote was just the two different openings, I feel like I have nothing fun to tease (or maybe I'm too picky about snippets idk). Hopefully Zoe's bday post tomorrow makes up for it, and I'll post some snippets later in the month instead!

Thanks for reading!

[dailydemonspotlight]

Dormarth - Day 105

Race: Beast

Alignment: Dark-Neutral

September 6th, 2024

Many mythological dogs fall into a set of strangely similar tropes, even beyond just the idea of them having multiple heads, as observed in the Orthrus analysis. One that I find particularly interesting, though, has to be in their common connections to death. Likely stemming from how dogs were, and still are, seen as intrinsically connected to hunting, many dogs in mythology are connected to death, the spiritual realm, and many such things. We've already seen this with the Inugami analysis earlier this week, but another curious example, and a personal favorite of mine, has to be in the Celtic Wild Hunt's goodest boy, Dormarth.

While the Wild Hunt is a demon itself in SMT, its intrinsic connection to death and the afterlife makes it a very curious topic in connection to Dormarth, also known as Dormarch, a hunting hound that joins in during said hunt. Originating in Wales, Dormarth is a beast that accompanies the riders during the Welsh version of the Wild Hunt. The Wild Hunt itself is a common motif throughout many different European mythologies and cultures, with many cultures offering their own spins on the general concept. This, naturally, leads to differing figures throughout the recurring motif, and the Welsh version has its own fair share of unique ideas, with one of them being the collection of souls of warriors to join in on the hunt, and who else does that collection than Dormarth?

The games' recollections of Dormarth are somewhat inaccurate, from what I can tell- for the most part, they paint the dog as being a guardian of the Celtic version of hell, but most actual historical references of Dormarth seem to split that between many other concepts regarding death and the afterlife. In fact, we don't really know much about Dormarth, given that the dog only appears in one passage throughout old Welsh literature, being in The Black Book of Carmarthen. The name Dormarth is also rather controversial, as the original text is somewhat fragmented, missing a letter in the name that could be either Dormarch or Dormarth, both of which carrying wholly different meanings. To quote the only reference we actually have of Dormarth,

My hound is sleek and fair, The best of hounds; Dormach he is, who was with Maelgwn. Dormach rednose – why stare you so? Because I cannot comprehend Your wanderings in the firmament.

A lot of controversy has surrounded Dormarth for years, but that's beside the point. Dormarth, as a name, seems to roughly translate to mean an 'embodiment of death,' giving light to the idea of Dormarth being just that. Combine that with Dormarth's connection to the dead due to being in the Wild Hunt, a hunt made up entirely of spirits, and one can easily draw a connection between it and Cerberus or other such guard dogs of the underworld. On top of this, though, its connection to death may also be it guiding lost souls to the underworld, or even collecting dead warriors to join in on the Wild Hunt. Language is fun like that, no?

Given that its natural habitat is described as being 'among the clouds,' being associated with the Wild Hunt, it's commonly believed that Dormarth accompanies the Wild Hunt, and observations in the Black Book of Carmarthen by one John Gwenogvryn Evans in 1906 seem to also give a physical description of the hound as being a two-legged dog with swirling fish tails behind it. Its overall role is rather unclear, as I've gone over in extensive detail, but Dormarth does seem to play a rather interesting role in the Wild Hunt overall, whether it be a guardian of the gates of Annwn (the Welsh underworld) or a hunting dog that accompanies the Wild Hunt, to even one that collects new hunters for it. With all of that, though, how's it portrayed in SMT?

I love Dormarth's design, but given everything related to the dog, it's really hard to see where a lot of the elements came from. Like, come on, where's the fish tail? Where are the only two front legs? Why is she bipedal, and why is she a girl? As strange as it is for a Dormarth design, though, I do like how it looks. She is incredibly gender, and I like the spike collar- it plays well into the whole themes of death- and helmet, which ties her (though vaguely) to the Wild Hunt. Overall, a pretty good design, though not one I quite understand for the hound of the hunt.

[solarpunkani]

Solarpunk Aesthetic Week Plans... 2!!!!

It's the official second-ever Solarpunk Aesthetic Week tomorrow, and so I'm gonna share my plans for the event!

Let's be real, the odds of me doing everything on this list are low--I'm easily distracted, the bed is oh so cozy, and The Christmas Weekend means I've got Christmas Things to do.

However, as one of the co-hosts of @solarpunkaestheticweek, I'll try and do what I can, so here's what I'm hoping to get done!

In the perfect ideal world I'll finally turn some old jeans I've been holding onto into a vest that I can turn into a cool battle jacket-vest-thing! I'll wanna get it dyed (probably after I make it a vest though?), but I've got a sewing machine and I just bought some denim needles recently so fingers crossed!

I have an embroidery kit I'd gotten started on, and another one I still haven't opened yet, so maybe I'll try finishing those! I got stuck on how to do french knots, but one of my friends said they're easier than I'm finding them, so I'll probably ask her for advice.

I'm learning how to crochet! I actually just started learning Tuesday the 12th! I'm decently far into a tote bag out of granny squares, and maybe if I'm corageous after that I'll try and make a hooded scarf! Or if I'm feeling super daring, I might even make a hooded cloak!

Maybe I'll learn a recipe! I at least want to bake some cookies, which is a bit basic but it feels solarpunk to me so its on the list.

Writing! I have a solarpunk short story I was working on thats almost done (endings are hard) that I might post when I finish and get it beta read! Otherwise, I also have a solarpunk zombie apocalypse story I've been poking at off and on.

Art! Ideally, I would work on some of the more solarpunky drawing ideas I have--solarpunk train cars, greenhouse-friendly societies, zine on milkweeds of Florida, stuff like that. Unfortunately I have a long list of people I really should be drawing Christmas art for, so we'll see if this actually happens.

I have some collard greens growing in the garden, and I planted carrot and bunching onion seeds on the 6th, so I'm gonna count 'water the garden at least once' as a Solarpunk Aesthetic Week event so I actually remember to do it.

If my family goes out anywhere and I see a bare patch that looks like it'd work well for wildflowers I always carry some wildflower seeds in my purse so uh. We'll see if any guerrilla gardening happens but who knows.

I need to go biking more often so my knees stop being cringe while I'm biking so I'll count that as participating because bikes are pogchamp

[foster-the-world]

Writing is really hard for him. This is so much better then he was doing last school year. I think maybe its in the realm of whats normal for a kid who just turned four. Last year he was def not in that realm. I know four year old's don’t need to know how to write in general. I didn't make my daughters do any of this stuff besides write their name before Kindergarten. However in his case it’s very obvious this is something that will be a challenge and he needs to be working on the muscles. We do a lot of playdoh, etc. He told me he wants to go to “tracing camp.” 😂🤣

Toured a Kindergarten yesterday. Could def be a good fit. Very fancy which is not my vibe but other things looked promising. Only 78 kids for K-5th. Then another 78 for 6th-8th. One of the middle schoolers is our neighbor. Baby boy would die with excitement if he gets to ride the school bus with him. Small classes which is probably what he needs. Right now only 6 kids in the Kindergarten with two teachers but they mix the ages. Which could be really great for him. Its hard to tell now but I would not be surprised if he is ahead a grade or two in some subjects. While being behind in other areas the school focuses on. Some other things about the school are not something I'm excited about but def not a bad option. Need to get the neuropsychologist results back to understand the best fit. I’m feeling strong about how ahead of the game we are. I’m really hoping by Jan we have his Kindergarten placement figured out. I am not into having it hanging over my head. Planners are going to plan. Be damned difficult bureaucracies. Please ignore me when I'm crying in January because nothing is close to being figured out. But it won't be because I didn't try.

*He got a haircut the afternoon after this picture. His perfect curls grow like weeds. We are going every 4-6 weeks now that sitting in the chair is pretty manageable. So much growth. When he first started going to the Barber sitting in a chair seemed impossible. I read the old assessments before sending them to the Neuropsych. There are so many things we used to worry about that aren't a thing anymore. Its tough when his sensory seeking behaviors are worse instead of better. But its nice to be reminded that he is still growing in so many other areas.

[habeascorpseus]

when i was in 7th grade, i had my first boyfriend. corny shit, i know. in many cases i dont think middle school relationships are enough to be classified as dating- but to this day, i do firmly believe our clumsy attempts at recreating the behavior of couples barely older than us did count. there was an emotional connection there. we had met in 6th grade and bonded over fnaf and minecraft 3 animations and all those other things that people still found found entertaining in 2014.

another notable thing in 7th grade that happened was that i had discovered i was transgender. well, i say "discovered", but it was honestly a long time coming. between my obsession with being seen as a "tomboy," my favorite song on the Kidz Bop 16 CD being Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" (but sung in a way to make it so much less about cheating that it really became more of a call to action to imagine life as a man) to the point where i manually would loop it on my cd player for hours, and my growing love for mlm shipping— i had been a certified egg since i was in 4th grade. but despite being raised around and parented with about a dozen lesbian and gay couples since birth, i didnt know whether or not my parents were transphobic or not. so, after looking through a list of trans identities, i decided to just come out as genderfluid to my parents as sort of a compromise to the intimidating rigidity of being a trans boy. and even though it wasn't entirely fitting to what i'd ultimately figure out about myself, i grew pretty attached to it.

back to the middle school boyfriend.

at the end of 7th grade— like, a week before summer vacation— i publically came out as genderfluid. while my ex, who i will from now on refer to as Lou, had initially taken it well, albeit with some confusion, over the summer, a much different series of feelings began unfolding. unfortunately, as middle school boys are wont to do whenever one of them begins to act even slightly against the norm, his friends began asking him if he was gay. "if michael¹ is a boy sometimes, does that make you straight, or bisexual?" are some of the things i later heard them ask. and since i, phoneless till the age of 16, was unable to talk to him throughout this relentless picking apart of his own identity, by the time we got back to school, things were... different.

¹ Michael is the name i went by irl for 3 years from 7th-9th grade.

for one, there were the jokes. he was a big leafy fan (and i really did try even back then to steer him away from that but its hard when youre a cringe nerd middle schooler) and back then "attack helicopter" jokes were kind of all the rage, so he began jokingly identifying as a toaster. then he made a toaster mask out of a cardboard box, spray paint, and duct tape that he brought to school and began putting on whenever i walked by him in the hallway. and then, and possibly worst of all- a simple html website shared between his friends called "what gender is Michael today?" which lead to a random generator of options like, "boy", "girl", "toaster", and "attack helicopter." all of which is kind of a lot to deal with when youre a middle schooler with a pretty rough time of it already, and suddenly your main bully is the guy youve effectively been in a relationship with for 6 months.

and now you may be asking: hey habeas, why this sudden autobiographical deep dive into the most traumatic period of your life? what spawned this? how is this story relevant to literally anything going on? well, that's where the next part of the story comes in.

that year, our sex ed teacher was a 5ft transgender man named Mudd. Mudd had a buzzcut, and a higher pitched voice, and small hands, but beyond all of that, there was nothing visibly different about him than any other boy or man in the school. in fact, the boys thought he was cool as hell. they were fascinated by the idea of transformation of the self into an unrecognizable body. they never misgendered him, even after learning his status as a trans man. in fact, they were comfortable enough around him to be transphobic towards me. and Mudd, like a good trans mentor, told them to cut that shit out, and told me that regardless of how complicated and occasionally contradictory my identity was, it was still me, and i needed to stand up for who i was as a person.

a week later, Lou called me a tranny, and in response, i punched him in the nose and promptly stopped talking to him.

so again, why is this relevant? well, I'm not sure how terminally online (or specifically, on twitter) some of you are, but recently there's been a bit of a tiff in a certain fandom about bi lesbianism. specifically, how it, as an identity, is harmful to both the bisexual and lesbian communities. which, one: nooooo....??? bisexuality and lesbianism arent separate so much fraternal twins, and I've already talked too much to include further definitions to prove it. but my argument is really less about its validity as an identity and more about the principle of there being limits to acceptance, even within our community.

like with my experience, people were fine when they were faced with binary identities. a trans man like mudd is cool, or a trans girl like Jazz Jennings (we watched a lot of I Am Jazz in homeroom) could be seen as normal, and more so, inspiring. but when i came in with an identity people found to be contradictory or "too confusing," it resulted in backlash. the entire definition of being "queer" is to be abnormal to what general society finds acceptable, and even then, some things are "too weird" to be tolerated. even amongst "weird" people. which i find to be a pretty troubling trend amongst queer leftist young people who's only real experience with an "lgbt community" has been online. here, we prioritize and find catharsis in labels and categories to the point where the "queer community" has become instead split between identities- the gays, the lesbians, the bis, the transes, the aros and aces and the whatnot. in the real world, it doesnt matter what flavor of queer you are, nobody's going to stop and ask before they call you a groomer and then legislate your freedom away. which is why we, as an online queer community, have to get rid of the notion that some identities are "too contradictory" or "dont exist" enough to be worth giving support and love.

im saying all this here... because, well, one: nobody wants to read a 40+ tweet thread about my personal brush with irl homophobia and how that radicalized me against community separation in general, and two: i am deeply afraid of 14 year olds on twitter with too much time on their hands. but also im saying this because it was infuriating yesterday to watch my entire twitter feed suddenly turn into a puritanical campaign against the very concept of someones identity and have the ability to say nothing. it disgusted me how quickly we turn against our own simply because the way they are is confusing to our tiny fucking peanut brains. and i know none of those people who went on that tirade will read this, but i felt like it needed to be said anyways.

don't let society's impulse to ostracize the confusing and strange win out over human decency. don't do conservatives' strategy to divide and conquer us for them. a person's identity not being comprehensible to you is not inherently an attack on who you, yourself, are. you are your identity and you should stand up for it, and you should stand up for others' identities too. punch your bullies in the nose.

long live the confusing, the contradictory, and most importantly, the queer.

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

trying to explain to every single adult around me that we get way too much schoolwork is like talking to a wall

i understand that i go to technically a college prep school but truly with the amount of work i have even that isnt comprable. i have 8 hours of school then go home and have 8-10 hours of homework counting an hour of studying because i have at least 3 tests a week in various classes sometimes w/ only 1-2 days notice. its legit either be a genius, be a good student, or take care of ur mental health. i dont even have a job or play sports and im up till at least 12 doing schoolwork. and every single godamn adult in my life is like "u go to a good school tho!" "its college prep!" u wouldnt give 7 hours of homework to a 6th grader to "prepare" them for high school. literally all this teaches us is how to cram and how to bottle up stress. i mean really i havent like actually relaxed in years thanks to my school and its either this or a city public school w/ no funding. i dont want to sound ungrateful i know my school is great they just push us so hard that so many of us have just like accepted that wanting to kys is a normal thing. u could walk into the hallway and yell "IM GONNA SHOOT MYSELF" and no student (or probably teacher) would bat an eye. no one will even listen, ive brought it up w teachers, councilors, my parents everyone and no one will help the councilors even say "well make sure u do ur assignments on time! :3" when u tell them how insanely stressed school is making u. ive had to up my anxiety/antidepressant twice since starting high school just so i didnt legit off myself because of school. i had to be more medicated because of school. and no one is helping. it feels like im drowning sometimes. adults arent even concerned anymore. ive just accepted that my permanent state until im out of schooling is stressed. ive been saying it for years, other students have been saying it for years and all the adults just say were overreacting and that no one likes homework.

idk maybe i’m just a fucking idiot

[adenei]

Welcome to My Life

New fic! New fic! New fic!

Well, it's not really new. It's been sitting in my drive for about a month and I honestly just forgot to post it.

Summary:

Being in a relationship is not all it's cracked up to be—especially when it's not with the right person. But what can Ron do? He's stuck between a rock and a hard place, not knowing how to let Lavender down easy OR how to find a way back into Hermione's good graces. So, he does the next best thing: ignores the problem. Which is fine until he and Harry run into a bit of a sticky switchuation.

6th year AU a la Freaky Friday with an Advanced Switching Spell gone terribly wrong—or perhaps right, depending on how you look at it.

Chapter 1 on AO3 or read below

Likes, comments, reblogs appreciated!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Trouble in paradise?” 

Ron flips off a sniggering Harry, but keeps his pace as he ignores the calls of his girlfriend. “Won-Won! Wait! Where are you going? I thought you were going to walk me to Divination.” 

Fuck that.

He can practically hear the pout in her voice, but there’s no way he’s turning around or walking all the way across the castle just to double back to the common room. It’s his free period for fuck’s sake. And he’s never been more excited for one.

Ron is desperate for the break—both from the constant, never-ending rigor his teachers keep pressing upon him and from her. It seems like every time he turns around she’s right there waiting for him. After class, during meals, in the common room after a long day of classes. Can’t a bloke just have some time to himself? Why does she feel the need to be attached to his hip all the damn time?

It’s not that he doesn’t like Lavender. She’s his girlfriend for crying out loud. But Merlin, has she always been this annoying? And clingy? It definitely wasn’t like this before Christmas. At least he doesn’t think so. But ever since they returned from the holidays, it's been ten times worse. All she wants to do is snog and he…doesn’t. 

Maybe it’s because everything about her lost its appeal when he opened that horrific gift on Christmas morning. A gaudy, fake necklace? In what reality could she ever believe he’d want something like that? It was a simultaneous slap in the face while having a bucket of ice water dumped on his head. A stark reality of how well she didn’t know him—how well they didn’t know each other—and it was something he couldn’t overlook anymore. 

Of course, it was all made worse when his first thought upon receiving the gift (after a hearty what the fuck?) was ‘Hermione would have never given me something like this.’ And while it was true, it was also the catalyst that spurred the downward spiral contributing to the very obvious, very slow demise of his current relationship. Which would go faster if Lav could cotton on to the fact that Ron’s lost interest. But he is losing hope that she’s going to get the hint, even in the midst of him blowing her off for the sixth time this week.

Once he and Harry round the corner and are well on their way up the grand staircase toward the common room, his best mate speaks again. “I still don’t understand why you can’t just chuck her.”

“Have you ever chucked a girl?” Ron sighs, tightening his grip on the bag slung over his shoulder. 

“No, but—”

“Exactly. I don’t want to, like, hurt her or anything. Or blindside her.”

Harry snorts. “Well, if she’s blindsided at this point, then that’s entirely her fault.”

“She has to start getting the hints eventually. Maybe I just need to be more obvious,” he mutters.

“I don’t think you can be, mate.”

Harry’s probably right. Lav has to be ignoring the signs on purpose. Because in addition to bolting out of the room following any shared classes, Ron’s also taken up extra Prefect duties, rearranged his meal schedules, taken to studying in empty classrooms in the evenings (but never the same one so she doesn’t find him), and encouraged Harry to go out to the pitch for extra practices to avoid her over the last four weeks.

Only once has he been dragged out of the common room for an underwhelming snogging session where he succumbed to it for about twenty minutes—and only because he was thinking of someone else—before he made up some excuse about not feeling great and disappeared back to the boys’ dormitory. It’s amazing how much clearer his mind can be when it’s not distracted by a constant assault of sticky lip gloss and a tongue being shoved down his throat. And how much more he can accomplish. Ron’s pretty sure he’s further ahead on his coursework than Hermione is at this point. Not that he understood all of it. He still missed Hermione’s help with that.

Fuck. Hermione.

As if reading his thoughts, Harry contributes more to their stilted conversation. “Yeah, well, if she doesn’t, I’m sure you could just make nice with Hermione again. I bet that’d help her get the hint.”

Ron rolls his eyes. He knows why Harry’s suggesting it. His best mate is sick of splitting his time between the two because they can’t seem to get their shit together. And yeah, Ron would like everything to go back to the way it was, with the three of them being friends again, but he has no fucking clue how to fix things. And it’s not like breaking up with Lavender is going to magically solve anything.

According to Ginny, Hermione still snogged Viktor. Which is why Ron let Lavender snog him. Then Hermione set those fucking birds on him, they didn’t go to Slughorn’s fucking party together, and now they haven’t spoken in two fucking months. Ron wouldn’t even know where to begin to try and rectify the shit show that is their friendship—if there’s anything left to salvage at all.

Ignoring Harry’s suggestion, he changes the subject, desperate to talk about anything other than Lavender or Hermione. “Want to get that advanced switching spell practice out of the way when we get back to the common room?”

“You actually want to do work? Thought you were planning on taking a kip by the fire.”

Ron shrugs. “Yeah, but it seems dead useful. Might be a good skill to have for the Aurors.”

“True. Alright, yeah, we can give it a go. McGonagall might give us extra house points if we can pull one off too.”

For whatever reason, Professor McGonagall had revisited switching spells today. At first, Ron thought it was laughable, given they were first-year spells. But then he’d actually paid attention to her lecture. Like really paid attention. More than usual. It was during her explanation of the types of objects and animals you could use that Ron realized there was more the professor was saying if you read between the lines. Especially with the war against You-Know-Who looming outside the castle walls.

Who knew when something like this could be beneficial to them? Like switching owls to gain intel through intercepted letters or even switching places with someone else if Polyjuice wasn’t a ready-made option. Not that McGonagall had expressed any of that in the lesson, but Ron could extrapolate. It wasn’t that difficult.

And if they could pull this off, it’d be beneficial to have in the future, which Ron plans to tell Harry once they’re alone. A fleeting thought to include Hermione passes through his mind, but now isn’t the time. Maybe when they’re on better terms. If that ever happens.

“What are we going to use though?” Harry must have been rambling because he stops and stares at Ron after giving the Fat Lady the password.

Oops. 

Ron must have tuned him out. “Oh, er, hadn’t thought that far ahead.” 

They climb through the portrait hole as Ron considers their options. Sure, they could play it safe and stick to switching similar objects, but that wouldn’t be enough to impress their Transfiguration professor. They had to challenge themselves. But with what?

And then, it hits him clear as day. Owls. Sure, they’re still the same, but also different.

“Is Hedwig in the dorms? Pig was there this morning. I bet we could use them!”

Harry looks warily at Ron. “Er, are you sure? We’ve never attempted the spell.”

“We’ve done it hundreds of times on animals that were similar in size. Hedgehogs, rabbits, tortoises. Pig’s small, yeah, but Hedwig isn’t a giant, so that shouldn’t cause an issue. Plus, they’re so different, we’ll know right away if the spell worked and then switch them back.”

Harry eyes him a moment more before giving in. “If you say so.”

“Brilliant. I’ll go grab them.”

It doesn’t take long to retrieve the owls, and by the time he returns back to the common room, he sets their cages on the table in the center of the room. Hedwig stares curiously at Harry while Pig flits to every corner of the cage, eager for whatever is about to happen. Harry puts his hand against the metal, stroking the snowy owl’s feathers from between the bars. 

“It’ll be alright, just a quick practice for Transfiguration.” Then he turns to Ron. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“Right. What’s the spell again?” Ron asks.

“You don’t remember?”

“Uh...”

Harry groans. It’s not Ron’s fault Lavender chose the exact moment McGonagall was going over the incantation to slide a note under the desk to him, her fingertips grazing his inner thigh in the process. Parts of him hadn’t gotten the memo that he really wasn’t interested in her like that, so he’d had to crumple the paper in his fist to get a grip. 

All he can offer Harry is a weak look in response, and he’s pretty sure his best friend puts the pieces together. Holding up his hand, he shakes his head. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know. It’s either Inter se Mutatio or Altera Mutatio. But I don’t remember which.”

“Is it in the text?” Ron reaches for his bag, but stops when Harry’s eyes bug out of his head.

“Okay, you and Hermione seriously need to get sorted because I don’t need two of you.”

“Fuck off.” Ron snorts. “You know I wouldn’t care about looking it up, but since we’re about to perform a switching spell on our owls, I’d rather be accurate. Unless you want something to go wrong.”

“Yeah…right,” Harry begrudgingly agrees, but doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, it’s not in there. At least I don’t think it is. McGonagall usually tells us what page to open to if we’re working on something out of the book. This…wasn’t.”

“Ah, right. Well, do you remember the difference between the two?”

“No. Just that one should rarely be used, unless it’s a dire circumstance. Whatever she meant by that.”

Ron resists the urge to smack his forehead. He has a distinct feeling that McGonagall is teaching them this on purpose, yet Harry can’t be bothered to pay—fuck, maybe he is starting to sound a bit too much like his other—former—best friend. He seriously needs to lay off the studying. And he will. After they practice this.

“Okay, well, think. Which one did she discuss first?”

Usually, McGonagall will tell them the spell first, and then end the lecture by reiterating it before giving them time to practice. So, chances are, whatever she said in the middle was the one they shouldn’t use.

“Er…” Harry squeezes his eyes shut to think. “‘Inter se’. She definitely said ‘inter se’ first.”

Ron nods. He seems to have some recollection of this. But then he remembers the end of the explanation. Just before the bell rang. “Didn’t she end with ‘altera’ though?”

“Yeah, but that was right after she explained what not to do.”

“Right. Yeah. Alright, let’s go with ‘inter se’ then.” 

They each practice the wand movement a couple of times before Harry gestures for Ron to try. “Want to go?”

“Y-yeah. Sure. It’s not gonna be, like, painful for them, is it?” All of a sudden, hesitation swept over him. 

“She never said. But when we did it with animals and stationary objects, they always seemed fine. Besides, McGonagall wouldn’t have taught it to us if it was dangerous. Right?”

“Y-yeah. That makes sense. Didn’t Sirius always used to say Animagi transformations weren’t painful too? Just uncomfortable until he got used to it.”

“Exactly. So, they’ll be fine. Just don’t fuck up the incantation.”

“If I fuck it up, it’ll be because you told me to use the wrong one.”

Harry waves him off. “Just do it so we can enjoy the rest of our free period, will you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ron raises his wand, pointing it at Hedwig. Always start with the bigger object and move to the smaller one. Harry stands behind his owl, and it appears as if he’s holding his breath.

Bloody tosser doesn’t have faith. Well, I’ll show him.

Without delaying the attempt any longer, Ron begins the spiral motion with his wand while stating the incantation confidently. “Inter se Mutatio.”

As he finishes the flourish of the spell, his wand jerks off course, seemingly of its own accord. The tip is pointed at himself by the time it settles. For a moment, nothing happens.

“What the fu—”

“Uh, Ron, what did you—”

Then, a weird rippling feeling comes over his entire body. His wand clatters to the floor and Pig and Hedwig begin hooting frantically in their cages. Ron tries to look for Harry, uncertain of what is happening, but before he can lay eyes on his best friend, another peculiar sight distracts him. The spitting image of his body appears before him in ghost form.

Oh shit. This isn’t good.

He’s not sure what he’s just done, but he doesn’t have a chance to make sense of anything more. Unconsciousness threatens to take over, and the next thing he knows, his lifeless frame crumples to the ground.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Fourteen

College is cancelled as the snow gets worse, so Claire and I spend the week in our apartment hanging out with each other, just like we used to during the long weekends of our 6th year, nobody but each other. We agree to leave the heating on all day because it’s a weather emergency and I try not to think too much about the bill, justifying that if I’m not going out to bars and clubs I’m saving money, so I can funnel it into keeping our cold feet warm during the storm.

We take her big feather down duvet from her bed and watch nineties chick flicks on the couch all day, eating through every last morsel of food in the apartment so that we don’t have to brave the weather to get supplies from the nearest supermarket, which has already been raided of all its bread and eggs as the hysterical Irish have once again entered panic mode over five inches of snow. 

We send Shane on a mission to Marks & Spencers on Henry Street to get fancy food to make up for the miserable offerings of the local Tesco Express, but even the trains have stopped by now, so he has to cycle from Clonskeagh. When he arrives hours later we rejoice. Claire kisses him all over his face while I dive for the carrier bags, pulling out the fancy oven dinners we requested, huge bars of Dairy Milk chocolate, Percy Pigs and gourmet crisps with fancy flavours like flame grilled steak and sour cream and shamrock.

“I’ve another thing for you as well, Evie.” He says, and throws something at me which I fail to catch. “Happy birthday.”

I dive for it, a small soft packet that’s ended up under the kitchen table. “You shouldn’t have.��� I say. “What is it?”

“Well you’ll find out if you open it.” He says. 

“Right.” I rip open the clumsily taped paper and there’s a cute little knitted hat inside. It’s red, my favourite colour, and I gasp with surprise and hug it to my chest. It’s so warm and soft to the touch. “Oh wow! Did your mam make this?”

“I asked her to yeah. You said you needed a new hat so…”

“I love it.” I pull it over my ears and pull a model face for Claire who laughs. I don’t get up and try to hug Shane because I know how much he would hate it, so I settle for beaming at him until he goes a bit red instead. “I always wanted her to teach me how to knit.”

“She’d definitely do it, just ask her sometime.”

“I can see it, me becoming someone who knits stuff, like big ugly lumpy scarves and horrible mittens.” I sigh. “I miss your mam.” 

“I’d say she probably misses you as well.” 

Our conversation is interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket and my heart instantly does an anxious skip when I feel it, but then I’m just frustrated to see another message from Dean. 

Bored. Do you want to hang out?

I sigh and stuff it back into my pocket. I’ve been trying to ignore him all week but he’s texted me three times now, and the more he sends the more obvious it is that I’m trying to avoid him, which I’m sure he will consider some sort of childish drama.

“Who’s that?” Claire wants to know, and I admit to her that it’s Dean, which makes a muscle twitch in Shane’s jaw. 

“What’s he want off you?” He asks tersely.

“Just to hang out.” I say. 

“Are you saying no, or?”

“Well, I’m saying nothing at all. I don’t know how to approach it, you know, like, giving him a hard ‘no’. It seems harsh.”

Shane takes the bag from the table and starts unpacking the groceries. “It’s spelled N O.” He explains. “Very easy.”

“Yes but I feel bad, like I couldn’t explain to him why I suddenly don’t want to see him, because really, it’s out of pure awkwardness, and I just can’t face him at the moment.”

“Can’t you say ‘I don’t hang around with boys who… do drugs’?” Claire offers, delivering the word “drugs” in that uncomfortable way that a mother would. I shake my head. “Well, no, because I’m embarrassed that I didn’t know that already, considering how obvious it apparently was.” I sigh, flashing back to the vigour with which he was rubbing his nose at my party. “I suppose it’s not really him, it’s me.”

“Nah I’d say it’s him, probably.” Shane says as he shoves the crisp packets into the cupboard beside the oven. “Just leave it, don’t talk to him anymore.”

I lope over to the couch and flop down onto it heavily. “It must be very easy to be you, Shane.” I say. “Able to just say whatever you’re thinking to anybody who annoys you.”

“As can you.”

“I couldn’t.” I insist, because whenever I do something that causes somebody to dislike me I feel the desire to move towns to get away from seeing them. Or I wish I was never born. Whichever. “I don’t want any conflict.” 

“You know that sometimes conflict isn’t a bad thing, don’t you?”

“Shh.” I say, grabbing the remote and turning up the volume of whatever movie we had playing in the background. “I’m watching TV.”

 The next day, Friday, I finally venture out of the apartment in pursuit of a coffee, also to stretch my legs and get some exercise after being entirely sedentary for the bones of four straight days, but mostly for a coffee as I’ve got wind of a rumour that a café on Dame Street is still open. 

The outside world is crisp, clear and shockingly bright, a thick white shawl over the city, shaken out of the arms of the trees and grown on the roofs of buildings like moss. It crunches underfoot as I make my way past the park where a group of children are taking turns on a plastic sled, and further up the street where the paths have been salted and the snow has turned into slush there are more of them building a lumpen snowman that is more brown than white, snow mixed with the dirt from the ground.

One boy yanks another out of my way as I pass them. “Get out of the way of the lady.” He scolds, and it makes my eyebrows shoot up my forehead. Since when do people see me as a lady? It’s freaky to think about a society that is increasingly thinking about me in terms of being a woman when in fact I feel as much like a girl as I ever have. I shuffle on towards the promise of hot coffee. 

It turns out that the rumours were true, and a small café and bookshop is miraculously open despite the weather. The snow outside has been cleared from the path and the icy ground salted so the whole thing is this inviting haven, the smell of coffee beans wafting out into the frosty air as I approach it. 

I order a flat white, which is this new, fancy Australian coffee that all the hipsters are into, and I settle into a soft armchair at the window, cradling the little cup in my cold hands and looking out over the flurries of soft snow that have begun to fall outside.

I look at my phone then, lingering on the messages from Dean again and I realise that this whole situation makes me feel a bit sick. I’m confused. It’s clear that he made a fool of himself at my party, it’s clear that my friends vehemently disapprove of him and it’s also clear that I deserve better than him and yet it’s hard for me to shake the feelings I have for him. It’s not like I’m in love with him or anything, not by a long shot, but I haven’t felt much of anything for anybody in what feels like the longest time. It’s hard to let it go. My thumb lingers over the keyboard, almost ready to tell him that I’m free and willing to see him again, but then I stop myself and take a book from the shelf behind me so I can keep my hands distracted. 

The caffeine leaves me feeling a bit jittery and anxious when I leave the café and head back outside, so I decide to take a brisk walk down the street and into the Christchurch Cathedral grounds, where the same flower beds that bloomed with tulips last week are covered in a thick sheet of snow. The roof of the cathedral is dusted in white and gives the entire building the quaint, nostalgic appearance of a gingerbread house, an ostentatiously festive scene considering it’s early spring now. I do a lap of the grounds, my feet sinking into the virgin snow with a satisfying crunch. 

Prev // Next

[simplysnowbarry]

MARK YOUR CALENDARS ❄️⚡

Big thanks to everyone who voted in our poll recently. We can now announce that Snowbarry Week 2023 - our final full-length Snowbarry Week - will run from Monday December 4th to Sunday December 10th this year!

We’ve chosen the prompts from those submitted to us so as to speed the process along and give everyone plenty of time to create. And we’ve also got extras for artists, as well as a few song prompts.

prompts:

day 1, Mon Dec 4th - First + Last Time

day 2, Tues Dec 5th - Innovation

day 3, Weds Dec 6th - Reconnecting

day 4, Thurs Dec 7th - FREE DAY + any past prompts

day 5, Fri Dec 8th - Fantasy / Fairytale

day 6, Sat Dec 9th - "Just a normal day"

day 7, Sun Dec 10th - Post-canon / Future AUs

extras for artists:

silver and gold

hues of red and/or blue

song prompts:

The Script - No Good In Goodbye

Picture This - Take My Hand

The Heydaze - New Religion

Posting guidelines will be posted closer to the date. We hope to see you all in December, and in the mean time, HAPPY CREATING!

(!) F.A.Q

Who can participate in Snowbarry Week?

ANYONE! Writers, giffers, manip-ers (?), fan artists smol and toll. We welcome fan fiction, gifsets, manips, fanart, fanmixes, …

Can days be combined?

YES! Reconnecting with future AU? Or innovation and fairytale? All joking aside, you can combine whichever prompts you’d like.

Can I create work for both the artists prompts and the writer prompts?

ABSOLUTELY YES!

Can I use the artists prompts for a fic, or the writer prompts for art work?

GO CRAZY!

If I want to contribute something do I have to do something for every day?

Not at all. You’re free to commit to a single day, and we will be so flipping excited to see it. The point is just to have fun with the prompts, even if it’s just the one.

Can I post a WIP that I started working on before that fits a Snowbarry Week theme?

Yes, of course! We’re not a Big Bang, or even a Mini Bang, we don’t require art or fic to have been created from scratch for exactly this week.

I’m going to be busy/out of town during Snowbarry Week. Can I post early/late?

We’d really like to avoid early posting. If you’re out of town or too busy the week itself you can always schedule posts for the correct dates.

Posting late shouldn’t be a problem. Posting Day 1 on Day 3 is also perfectly fine, just make sure we can tell which day you’re posting for, so our heads don’t start spinning.

What does free day mean?

Basically, free day is where you decide what prompt you want to do something with. As long as it’s Snowbarry (or one of its variations like Savifrost, Flashfrost, etc), you’re okay to do whatever you want. A free day in the middle of the week might also provide some much needed breathing space for all the contributors.

Also, the same as last year, our free day now doubles as an opportunity to create for any of our past prompts! If there was a prompt you didn’t manage to finish something for, or just always liked the sound of doing but missed the opportunity, we’d love to see that for this day to have a fun revival of some of the great prompts from past events.

What does [insert theme] mean?

Oh man, this is a hard one to answer. Reconnecting could be about Barry and Caitlin getting to know each other after falling out, or after drifting apart, but it could also be about reconnecting with other things in their life or even as literal as reconnecting cables on some tech as part of an action plot! We can’t tell you which roles to cast your characters in, because everyone has different interpretations. If you can justify the connection, we’re pretty sure you’re good.

Does my idea fit the theme?

Like we said above, if you can justify it, we’re pretty sure you’re good. If you’re really not sure, hit us up!

If there are more questions, please don’t hesitate to drop us an ask. Any questions you don’t want published, feel free to come off anon and ask us as well - we promise we won’t publish what you’re not comfortable with, just let us know if you want it answered privately.

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

No because the more I - and many, many others think about it, why five chapters to wrap everything up? I keep thinking of reasons and only one makes sense to me, but.

BNHA is considered a world-wide best-seller, being WSJ's 6th most sold manga (last I checked, which was a few months ago). So many mangakas and artists taking notice and praising it, its big demograohic getting bigger because of its 10th anniversary in two weeks (!), more people are inclined to see it through the end. Hell, even taking out worldwide demographic, it's still very beloved in Japan- they had an entire tour event for the manga, for goodness' sake. It's a weird decision from a financial and commercial standpoint.

From a creator standpoint, Horikoshi likes taking his time writing his arcs down to the most ridiculously minimal details- the most likely possible positive outcomes is that Horikoshi is either planning a sequel or changing publishers but that's a whole leap in logic-

1. A sequel implies we aren't following the Hero Academia like stated by 424's release; and there's a whole bulletpoint of things that need to be addressed; a sequel wouldn't make sense because why tackle everything in a different part of the story?

I've seen people suggesting another MC, but. Remember BNHA as of now took place in the span of 2 years in-universe, but in real life, 10. Izuku's story isn't finished and we have another character (which now I'm certain it's Tenko) to meet, that would be more cluttered than the PLFW Arc.

Others mentioned a possible spin-off, or a time skip, but that's a another can of worms because that's a new world/POV with missing development from the characters we know, which would be interesting but. Again, a whole list of plot points to address; why not address here and now? Surely that's not what we imagined when 424 said "we need to go even further beyond" the end of the story, right? And one more thing: Volume 41 still does not have enough pages to fill in a tankobon unless the page count is huge and that's why we got a two/three-week break. Even then it doesn't fully solve the problem.

2. Publisher changing is another story, because it implies WSJ is falling on hard times, cutting corners, Horikoshi's contract wasn't renewed, or someone offered a better deal, but once again, big money-maker. Which we know it's BS. Not to mention the amount of legal jargon and time it'd take for that to happen behind the scenes for this to be possible- a month ago we got Hori saying he didn't know how long it'd take to reach the ending, and all of these complications would delay, if not officially put the series on a hiatus similar to OP, right?

And then there's the "five chapters is a long epilogue" or the argument, which I do agree, unfortunately. But this is why I'm so baffled; the amount of shit that needed to be addressed in the story- Todofam, Himichako, Spinner, Rooftop Trio, Hitoshi in Class 2-A (Class 2-A in general, really), Izuku and Katsuki's state, future and relationship, societal rebuild and re-evaluation of pro-heroes, what happens to Toshinori now, if OFA is really gone or not, Hero Commission, Mr. Compress's fate, Hawks being Quirkless now, the mystery man from 425, the list goes on and on. Nothing about hero society in BNHA was shown to change, then what's all that talk of long epilogue for if we can barely focus on five of these? So much to answer and not enough time for all.

IDK, there are more "positive"* theories of Horikoshi ending the "Academia" part of Boku no Hero and focusing on the more ambitious part of the manga in a part two, a la Chainsaw Man, but even that feels like wishful thinking- especially because of so many second series being. A mess, to put it lightly.

Horikoshi does deserve the break from writing and drawing, don't get me wrong, ten years of pumping up a story of this quality is not an easy feat, but it's so weird considering all the loose ends. If he did decide to end on his terms, well. His decision, I guess, even if it still feels off. But it is the only explanation that makes sense, in my opinion. Especially with the amount of breaks he needed to get because of health conditions- Shonen Jump is very harsh on their mangakas after all.

*I say "positive" because he said he didn't want it to be a long runner, and he did say he's interested in a BNHA spin-off and elevating the light novels. And that he'd "see us again in Jump" on the countdown announcement, so. There's that, take that as you will.

Maybe I should try and be positive as well, there is a chance this is not the end of the main series yet, and we're getting, Idk, a rebrand of sorts? Maybe Horikoshi will show up at Jump Festa and be like "surprise I got more tricks up my sleeve". Back to the beginning, but not quite the same. Hell imagine if he decided to go to the actual beginning: Boku No Hero one-shot from 2008. Call it Boku no Hero Agency or something like that. Hah.

Won't erase that I am feeling shitty about this right now- but, what do I know, I wanna choose hoping for something as wishful as this until the end of the ride rather than dwell on the doomerism of it all. Just wanted to talk about it. Makes me regret I chose to get into BNHA late in the game, but I'm still glad I got to ride in at all. I hope this "final bow" isn't gonna feel as incomplete as I fear it will.

I. Guess we'll have to wait and see with fingers crossed then. *sigh* So, with that said.

I guess I wanna hope for the handhold, at least.

[wellthebardsdead]

Riiju-Lei: *steps out of the wretching netch, tying a piece of cloth around his forehead covering his third eye as he does so* right, back to skyrim the- *backs up as he’s suddenly surrounded by temple guards* I- what? What’s going on?!

Galdrus Hlervu: *emerges from behind the guards dragging Elder Othreloth by his arm* Oh you know exactly what’s going on here Sharmat! You may have everyone else on this island fooled but I know the truth!

Elder Othreloth: Galdrus! Stop this at once!!

Captain Veleth: *walks over with his men seeing the situation unfolding* What’s the meaning of this?! This lads put our settlement back on the map and even cleared your temple of Ash spawn! You have no grounds to threaten him in the street like this!

Galdrus Hlervu: With all do respect captain this is a matter concerning the ancestral temple so kindly run along. And as for grounds- *suddenly grabs the cloth from Riiju’s face pulling it from his head and showing his third eye* SEE?! I TOLD YOU! HE HAD YOU ALL FOOLED! THE COUNCILLORS AND THE CAPTAIN KNEW ABOUT IT!

Elder Othreloth: Galdrus you’re causing a scene-

Captain Veleth: A third eye does not the false dreamer make him. I once met an argonian with two tails, a dunmer with a third eyeball could be anybody-

Galdrus Hlervu: Oh really captain? Then how is it that both he and the Hortator were both reported to have coincidentally returned late last evening and now lord nerevar is missing hm?!

Riiju-Lei: p-please I can explain everything-

Galdrus Hlervu: Silence! You’ve spread your lies throughout this entire settlement to trick the good people here into thinking highly of you! But I know exactly who you are you n’wa-

Nerevar: You’d best think before you say what I think you’re about to, priest. *steps out of the doorway to the wretching netch, team dragonborn following behind him as the temple guards back up in shock to be in his presence*

Galdrus Hlervu: I- l-lord nerevar you’re alive-

Nerevar: Yes. I am. *grabs the cloth from his hand and yanks it away before gently tying it back around Leis brow, smiling at him adoringly as he does so* And he’s not the Sharmat. However he is the reincarnation of Voryn Dagoth. My closest friend, now much more… *flares down at the slimy weasel of a priest before him* And from what I hear. *glances around before looking back at him* He’s been kinder to the people of raven rock in the weeks he’s been here than you’ve been since you were stationed to this temple. Perhaps I should have him replace you.

Galdrus Hlervu: I- wh-what? *drops down to his knees* m-my lord wait-

Elder Othreloth: *catching on that nerevar just wants to make him squirm* Yes I’ve heard splendid things about you all around solstheim and word has even reached my ears from skyrim about you lad. Hard working, kind, and- *holds up the bag of coin he’d tried paying him for clearing out the ash spawn* Very generous. Shall I try giving this to you again or will you hide it in my coat pocket this time?

Riiju-Lei: *visibly blushes at being called out* I-h-heh, I don’t feel right accepting money from the temple sir, or from anyone here on raven rock it’s been hard- *looks around finally noticing how busy it is in the settlement* I? Gods what’s happened? This place is- booming.

Captain Veleth: *enjoying seeing Galdrus meltdown* Oh all this? This is all your work lad! You and your friends, this place is finally back on its feet and we have you lot to thank for it!

Elder Othreloth: And that’s yet another reason why I’ve been considering asking you to replace Galdrus!

Galdrus Hlervu: *on the verge of tears grovelling at nerevars feet, looks back at the elder priest* m-Master Othreloth! You can’t be serious!!

Nerevar: *trying not to laugh* Then it’s settled. By my right as Hortator, I hereby discommunicate you from the ancestral temple and appoint Riiju-Lei Dagoth, head of the 6th house now mourned as you’re replacement.

Galdrus Hlervu: *literally having a tantrum as his life’s work collapses before him, banging his fists on the ground and screaming between wailing sobs* NOOOO! NOOOO PLEASE NOOOO!!!

Riiju-Lei: *gently pats nerevars arm* as amusing as it is it is cruel, besides I swear too much to be a priest… don’t think I could get used to the underwear either. Let him keep his job… please?…

Nerevar: *smiles at him fondly before looking down at the snivelling elf at his feet* oh fine. Consider my decree null and void. You may keep your job if your superior sees fit.

Galdrus Hlervu: *snot and tears running down his face as he stops mid meltdown* I-I? M-my lord?

Elder Othreloth: hmmm, very well then. Though my offer still stands if he steps out of line like this again~

Captain Veleth: and speaking of which. *suddenly cuffs the priest pulling him off the ground and to his feet* Youre getting a night in the slammer for threatening a civilian with undo cause or writ, and for causing a public disturbance!

Galdrus Hlervu: I- w-wait no! No I’m sorry! IM SORRY! MASTER OTHRELOTH HELP ME!!

Elder Othreloth: No I think this’ll be good for you. And once you’re back your studying the lies of Vivec and cleaning the chamber pots!

Galdrus Hlervu: *screams as he’s dragged off*

Nerevar: *snickers watching him disappear through the crowd before looking at Riiju* are you okay?

Riiju-Lei: you… called me Riiju-Lei Dagoth… head of the 6th house, now mourned?…

Nerevar: I… yes. I apologise I should have made sure you were comfortable with the titles but I wanted him to know how important you are… to me… and to a lot of people in morrowind…

Riiju-Lei: *smiles softly* thank you… it’ll… take me a while to get used to it…

Nerevar: it’s okay… we have a long while yet before you’ll be hearing it often… but before then. *holds his hands* I want to go to skyrim. And see everything there is of Riiju-Lei, the last dragonborn~

Riiju-Lei: *smiles and starts laughing again, unable to contain his giddiness or control his emotions yet but honestly not wanting to in the slightest* okay!

Taliesin: …are we getting back on the water now?… *groans already feeling sea sick*

Miraak: you can ride on one of my dragons if you’d like-

Kaidan: *jealously yoinks Taliesin to his side* We. Will take the ship, and I’ll hold his pretty hair out of his face as he gets sea sick thank you!

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 9, Episode 3

I love how they did this scene so much, the editing in this show is one of the reasons why I fell so hard in love with all of it and not just the Phoenixes

Crowdin' ya? But really if I turned and Johnson was suddenly beside me like that I'd crash the car

I know it's so then they could do this cool as hell scene but I wanna know why it was Johnson who suggested this? In my fic it's for plot reasons that're slowly getting revealed, but why is it so complicated for canon Johnson to need this? I need a full week of interviews with everyone who wrote this show as well as these men before I lose my mind, my curiosity can't survive this many unanswered questions

They're so fucking close 😳 but Matty giving them that look, fully convinced he wouldn't have done them without Johnson suggesting it

POV of me giving into peer pressure because of Matty Reprisal 😳 also closeup of his ring! It's so pretty, I wonder its meaning (Johnson gave it to him for his 6th anniversary as a Phoenix) what who said that

I like this shot x1

Thanks Matty you guys definitely won't crash now that the driver's high

I like this shot x2

I like this shot x3

God he's so pretty here

I like this shot x4 😳

Okay let's get back to the details and not the pretty men. Full disclosure, first watch I missed so much because I was only looking at Johnson, I completely missed this speech. Just, right over my head, totally blocked out everything they were saying about the opening of the entire show.

Johnson is so interesting here, again I have him acting a -aheem- different way in my fic because this topic is hard for him, but why interrupt Matty when he's in the middle of explaining it? He's either even more distant or vibing while Matty talks, but when he does talk it's about Katherine or the cause, everything else he leaves to Matty

I have an extreme fear of spiders and I get caught looking at it every. Single. Time. Instead of at the safety of Matty right there. Still it's such a cool shot though

I went back to get the gif above and realized why I always look, goddamn Johnson is right there on the previous shot so my eyes are still there on the transition, I've been betrayed

I like this shot x5

I like these shots x6, I could watch Johnson forever during this, I wonder what Ethan is seeing to make him get up so urgently, I also can't get enough of them all switching seats lol it's cute

I like this shot x7, and I'm holding back from saying so many thoughts right now because the story is only half over, so let's just look at Johnson for now and the fact that this is where I caught on that that's not Betty with the roof down it's a completely different totally white car while I was writing this scene

I like this shot x8, he's so pretty I wish he'd stayed in focus a bit longer. This entire scene is so interesting to me because this is what Matty believes, and what he believes in, and it's just a lie

I love this shot x9

This is why I'm in love with Matty. He heard all of this and fell in love with the idea and the desire to wanna be a Brawler, Burt's betrayal and campaign for peace and takeover, how he could find what he was looking for with them, and he did. He found family with Johnson and Meredith and even Joel. He's not a Brawler but he's a Phoenix and he can still have everything he was looking for with them, and he needs Ethan to believe that he can also have that with them. And this is why Burt can never be forgiven to me for what he does to him.

I'm also in love because this is what I myself want, and have been looking for for a long time. If by some miracle he showed up on my doorstep and gave me this speech I'd follow him anywhere, not because I really wanna kiss him, but because I believe it too. And if Hulu refuses to give him and Johnson and Ethan a proper happy ending then I'll sure as fuck do it myself

I love this shot x10, this is the face of someone who's finally starting to get it

And now it's back to the river, Matty's out of it, Johnson is staring at Ethan but also Matty the moment he looks back, and Ethan now has to drive without crashing

Another full episode, I adore this show so much and it's only episode 3, thankfully ep4 has less so it should be wrapped up in 2, since I love Ethan and Meredith's scene a bunch and might end up paying special attention to it 💙💛❤️

[when-are-you-coming-back-steve]

What’s your new Anger? (this is the inaction to tell me I am a big fan of your crit posts. You make them consider and understandable while not being condescending to the reader (so so affectionate :) ))

OHOH BOY Heres the thing, I dont really post crit for much. Usually I will like and reblog some valid posts that come up naturally and if its really a problem for me I tend to leave easy. But Thomas Sanders is killing me and takeover is a bad influence /j

But basically he reminds me of the worst coworkers you've had and he's just. Terrible at the job he ASSIGNED HIMSELF. He brands himself as a youtuber. He promises videos for one of his most popular endeavors which was lowkey a rebranding after vine was shut down and he was no longer a popular comedian on vine. And then he abandoned his largest project. And that wouldn't be a problem! If he did what majority of other cc's do. So many youtubers leave behind what made them popular, the move on the other things because it makes them happy and allows them to continue to bring content. There's usually some fans who are angry at this move but atleast most of those youtubers are transparent about this change. They communicate with their community setting the expectations going forward and they stick with them! Thomas has not done this.

He promised us a large amount of work going into making a season finale, and then making another season and he might not be able to push out content at the rate he has done before but thats because he's putting everything into the finale

But we've had very little sander sides content since then. And these have their own problems as being short and "not being part of the main storyline" or being blatant ads. But Thomas is still cranking out other content, he took up tiktok where he is reliving his vine era, he plays games on a side channel. He streams but only for people that pay him. We took the long wait and said fine. Its nothing these fans haven't done before. But then he goes and months and months after he promised us the finale, he tells us he has began working on the script. What was he doing in those months? How is he only just starting bare basics of this thing we have been waiting on forever. Can you imagine this in a professional setting? You're coworker hell your boss has major procrastination on important projects and refuses to give you a timeline? But they still expect to be paid and continue their job while they are doodling in their office.

He attempts to reason this away with not having a lot of people and the pandemic inhibiting the team from filming. First of all they haven't hadnt had anything to film with the finale because they are still working on the script. The pandemic is no longer a major world problem right now. And when it was that wouldn't of had to stopped planning or filming, it might be harder to do with only one person there but it is possible and manageable!

When he does have his team it boggles my mind! I was in schools news in middle school, we worked in teams of 5-7. Each team was pushing out a video every week/every two weeks. Each video had an original hand crafted intro that was never done before on another episode in our show. We had multiple skits. We had announcements and weather and what we were having thst day. We had news anchors thst led us into each segment. This was all planned, filmed and edited by the team. Was it perfect? No but we had content constantly coming out with completely original ideas everytime while we were still learning how to edit videos. We spent an hour every school day on these, we also split those hours with assignments we had due. We cranked this stuff out in a max total of 14 hours. These tiny 6th graders did amazing work despite being children who are using Adobe for the first time and having such little time. This experience has made me more understanding of what exactly these youtubers do, its hard time consuming work. And this understanding is what makes me so angry about Thomas not having any progress in the finale. This absolutely could have been done by now. This absolutely could have been done months ago.

Tldr: Thomas sanders refuses to communicate effectively with his fans and to work efficiently on this project. The fact that this has been going on for over 900 days is absolutely atrocious. This is his job, one that he signed up for. If he was working for anyone in any field including this one he would have been fired. We deserved better than this and deserve better than him continuing to drag this out.