#i have a LOT of unhinged ideas
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side note, i doubt sylus is just baring his chest to the world. but can you just imagine if someone in onichynus just happens to get a glimpse of their big, bad dangerous leader, in all his ominous aura with red eyes, intimidating power and creepy crows and on his skin is just the phrase noting his connection to his soulmate 'sorry, i'm not into subs' and now they're all questioning what his personal life is like asdffghskdgp
#i have a LOT of unhinged ideas#but like this is actually the funniest concept ive had in awhile#windy 💭#i need to come up with a tag for this hmmmmmmm#contrast&catalyst
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*look at Mezato's parents* Did they Know.
#I don't know if the most unhinged answer would be Mezato's parents knowing and supporting their daughter's project of a cult#or Mezato indocrinating her own family#thats a lot of middle schoolers getting in problems without anyone having an idea#I had to redraw her hair from scratch because I forgot she has this onion hairstyle#the previous version was cuter but I stand for the truth#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#ichi mezato#mezato ichi#lalarts
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just got a unhinged Hangster idea where Jake comes from a RICH family and who moonlights as a contract killer and is a serial killer, who meets completely ordinary Bradley, who is just absolutely drowning in debt, most from his mom's medical care and his university school and is working three jobs and just barely managing to scrape by and doesn't question this rich goes sudden interest in him.
nor does Bradly care when Jake starts insisting on buying him things, or paying for things because he's just so tried and lonely and just desperately wants someone to take care of him.
and who better to do that then a hot unhinged man, who seems to have money he wants to spend and just wants to make him happy?
just. Pillow princess pampered Bradley (it's what he deserves!!!) and service top Jake, who's covered in blood and blushing so pretty as Bradley breathily tells him how good he is, while he rails Bradley within an inch of his life.
I just have a mighty need y'all.
#hangster#sereshaw#nixie personal#nixie's ideas#it won't leave my head now#and just the thought of a moral dark/evil jake who's solution to bradley's problems is to throw money#or kill someone to make life easier for him is just#I've just been watching a lot of mobster docs because that's my comfort niche -DON'T JUDGE ME!!#just#OKAY#I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED FOR IT!!!#tgm#top gun maverick#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin#bradley bradshaw#bradley rooster bradshaw#nixie's story idea#pillow princess bradley#unhinged jake#moonlighting my love
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I was watching a Youtube video of all the Cinematic from the new Overwatch Invasion update (cause heaven knows I ain't buying it) and I noticed at the end Ramattra has this like.. Burn? Mark?? On his chest that goes through his cape
So I downloaded Overwatch on my PC to get a look at the Wandering/Traveling Monk skins this scene is using and I noticed..
Traveling and Wandering have a lot of visual differences, most notably in the burn the originally got my attention.
Wandering has been used canonically to show Ramattra's monk days previously, in his origin story and in the Developer commentary, but interestingly the artwork in those videos is lacking that very burn
Overwatch character designers are very good at visual storytelling, especially with Omnics (I could write an essay on what they've done with Zenyatta), so I believe this burn may very well be what became the Last Straw for Ramattra, what pushed him to leave the Shambali, what caused his fall into violence and eventually Talon.
Was he attacked? Or was he attempting to protect someone else? Despite his best efforts to shield them, the shot fired right past him, scorching his metal, cutting through his cape, and taking their life...
I hope we learn more about it.
#Overwatch#Ramattra#It's Emile goes insane about Overwatch Lore but only for the Omnics time again#Also while gathering screen shots for this I did become mildly obsessed with the red?? bag?? Cloth??? Ramattra is wearing when he meets Zen#99% because Zenyatta is wearing it on their walk to the Shambali#But also because Zen seems to STILL be wearing it AT the Shambali but as an obi(?) and he was also still wearing it in OW1#But not anymore in OW2???#Where'd Zenyatta's comfort red fabric go??? What happened???#(well his ow2 design would have been cluttered with it with all the red cables is the real answer but kfdjgkdf)#I'M OBSESSED WITH ZENYATTA'S VISUAL STORYTELLING#Other Omnics have it too like Maximilien who has a lot of Human Augmentations like opening his mouth#Because he's a class traitor#Love that for him#Or how Bars has Tribalera Boots implying she's originally from Northern Mexico#I might be wrong about that one actually fkjgkf Assumption there#Anyway RAMATTRA'S BURN#I'm sooooooo unhinged about it actually#The idea of hims shielding someone begging the humans around him to put down their weapons not to shoot etc#Watching them die... Ooooh yeah#It wasn't his first time seeing his siblings die at human hands.. But he vowed it to be the last time...#It could also have been Zenyatta who got shot#We're still not 100% about that whole#'Those were the exact words I'd said to Zenyatta.. Right before I nearly got him killed'#Like when it happened or how it went down#I ASSUMED that was post First Meeting before Shambali#But it could have been while they were traveling and serving the community around them....#God I have you Activation Blizzard but I LOVE you Overwatch Creative Team#Can't wait to know more
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I've been on a manhwa bender this summer lol here are some low effort doodles of some of the ones I read 😌
(anyways everyone please read concubine walkthrough oooooh you wanna read it so bad oooooooh)
#sketch#scribbles#manhwa#concubine walkthrough#the guild member next door#netkama punch#pearl boy#anyways EVERYONE READ CONCUBINE WALKTHROUGH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i have been reading a Lot...i felt like i opened the door to narnia or sumn i had no idea what id been missing out on#been especially getting into bl manhwa like i get why so many ppl go feral over them....shit slaps yo....#i do have Thoughts regarding some popular tropes that give me the ick but i digress#also netkama punch just ended ystd 😔 im gonna miss my unhinged aita weird ass couple
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i'm not writing this and i never will so i'm setting it free into the wild but there was a period of time that i wanted desperately to write a hermitcraft psych au
#i have nothing else on this idea. i don't even know what hermits i would've put loosely in each role#(i went back on forth on this a lot)#i do think that mumbo has gus energy. in the sense that you THINK he looks like the normal responsible one and is actually highly unhinged#if you can make this work....send it to me LOL#hermitcraft
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Its kinda funny how different I sketch things out when I intend of fully rendering it VS doodles and pose explorations
It seemsssssss mindset changes things hmmm - Who woulda thought?
#I still think the doodles helped a lot though#Having a better idea of what design I wanted for an actual render instead of pure mind power is great#Though the stylization is a litttlleeee lost#But thats okay bb#The unhinged smile would ironically not fit the unhinged render of Sun#Story purposes bbbbbbb#dca fandom#dca fnaf#fnaf dca#dca au#sun fnaf#sundrop#daycare attendant#sketches#my art#sketch#doodle#art comparison
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Since Barbatos is a glitched soul, he doesn't fully "exist" in all realities unlike others and if he dies in one, he will disappear in everyone of them. this is something all "sentient" version of him know though, trying to keep the peace between themselves.
however... that does not mean that it's all chocolate and rainbows. only gods know the number of ruined realities and non-existing places created by one to torture the self, or to keep one from killing himself.
#I'm going to make self-whump a thing. I mean we have selfcest so-#I'll be posting scraps of my lore and headcanons till I finish my first oneshot#om#obey me#obey me headcanons#obey me hcs#obey me barbatos#oh I have a lot of ideas about nb interacting with his own selves. unhinged little guy.#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me swd#obey me nb#yeah i may or may not delete it later idk.#Kizhu#ICBBH au
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Spoilers for the new digital circus episode
THE NEW EPISODE WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! They totally teased us with that Jax angst, but it was still amazing! They better bring back Gumigoo in a future adventure. Man did not deserve what happened to him. He had his entire reality crushed and just when things were going well for him again, he got deleted. And of course it was Pomni who had to get close to him. My poor girl just can't catch a break. ALSO, THEY HAD A FUNERAL FOR KAUFO. THEY HAVE FUNERALS. I AM NOT OKAY. THE ENDING WAS SO FUCKING SWEET MY GOD!!!! POMNI HAS FRIENDS NOW AAUGDKDVAJSG!!! All it took was for her to get trapped in a digital hell hole. Good for her! Also there's a Kinger plush. I must have it. I need to cuddle him.
#still got a little bit of Jax angst at the very least!#I saw his face when they were talking about the funeral he cares!#love idiot men that don't know how to deal with their emotions#Kinger has a father and daughter relatsonship with Ragatha and you cannot tell me otherwise#THAT SCENE THEY HAD ON TOP OF THE TRUCK WAS SO SWEET!!!!#this episode was just really sweet honestly#I swear I didn't intend that pun#Caine has absolutely no idea how much trauma he's causing these people and I fucking love it#he's so unhinged my god#I also love how the characters react in the worlds kinda show how different people play video games#there's the ones who treat the npcs as if they're actual people#and there's the ones who just want to cause chaos and bloodshed#and the ones in between either have no idea what they're doing or they're just goofing off#I love this show a lot can you tell#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc episode 2#spoilers#tadc spoilers
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Please infodump about the JayTimSteph Grotesquerie AU WIP if possible.
OF COURSE i've been thinking about it since i saw the trailer and now it's a little brainworm. (disclaimer i've not watched the first two episodes yet, this is like. solely on the vibes of the trailer. some details might change once i. watch the show depending on if i follow it or just go with the vibes the trailer gave me. which also means there will be no spoilers for the show if you care about that.)
the current idea involves Detective!Tim, Nun!Steph, and Priest!Jason. the vague idea for the plot so far is that a serial killer leaves a *very* artful display of a crime scene inside of the church that Jason and Steph operate out of. Tim is assigned as the leading detective on the case and ends up in a relationship with the both of them as he spirals in madness trying to catch the killer.
for Steph, i want to explore the idea of her father, Cluemaster, being a *very* prolific and artful serial killer who's whole gimmick was sending clues to the police until he was caught when Steph was still a child, and her and her mother were forced to go into witness protection for their own safety, which led her down the path of becoming a nun. it was a defining childhood moment for her to walk in on one of her father's crimes, so when she's the one who finds the crime scene in the church, it *immediately* sends her back to her childhood and she's caught between PTSD-fueled horror and a sick, enticing fascination. she wanted to become a journalist before going into WITSEC but that career was basically all but ruined for her. now she runs the small newspaper for the church and is desperate to write on the first "real" story she's ever had, dragging her into an intense obsession over the crime and trying to prove she can solve it.
for Jason, i want to deal with his history as Bruce. the current idea is that Bruce is Tim's police chief who adopted Jason and Dick from a young-ish age and raised them to be detectives, taking them to crime scenes as teenagers and teaching them the ins and outs of how criminals think. it leads to Dick becoming a detective, but when taking them to crime scenes led to Jason being kidnapped and brutally tortured by "Jack Napier", almost dying. Dick kills Napier to save Jason and it fractures their little family so badly that Dick switches departments to another city and Jason runs away at 17, eventually happening upon joining the clergy. he's the new, young priest in the church who's known for being very pretty but very emotionally distant even if he's nice enough. and he's *pissed* that Bruce is in his church investigating a murder and that no matter where Jason goes, he can't seem to get away from the horrors.
and for Tim, he's the young new detective in his department who is *entirely* unaware that he's been taken under Bruce's wing bc Bruce is treating him as a surrogate replacement for Dick and Jason. haven't fully decided his backstory yet, but it'll likely be similar to canon with losing his mother and father. i kind of want him to be lost and lacking a sense of direction. very gifted in noticing patterns and detective work, but it's clear he doesn't *really* want this job. and when he's assigned as the lead on a case that feels *way* too big for his experience bc Bruce is showing clear favoritism, he's forced to go to Steph for help, which leads to Jason ending up wrapped up with them too.
despite how heavy the plot *sounds*, i honestly want this fic to be like. 40% porn. like the show i want to explore a lot of fucked up sexual interests in Jason who's punishing himself for it, Steph being too interested in things for her own good and desperate for a taste of what "real life" feels like, and Tim just being incredibly repressed. like i want the line between horror and erotic to feel like a jumprope. lots of fucked up sex balanced with like. them actually trying to catch the killer. and then of course the emotional aspect of how Jason's baggage with Bruce works into all of it. also want Tim to have a mild hero worship for "the great Detective Dick Grayson" while being clueless that he's Bruce's son and Jason's brother. i sort of want it to be Steph-centric, but still have POVs from Tim and Jason just to round out their emotional arcs. i haven't fully decided everyone else who'll be in the fic but i know i want Cass to be a fellow nun and friend of Steph's, Babs to also work at the church, Helena to be Tim's favorite coworker, and possibly for Damian to be around somehow. those roles will probably get more fleshed out when i. watch the damn show tho.
anyway TLDR: religious imagery, body horror, kinky sex, and a mystery that might break everyone psychologically once they get to the bottom of it. i have some very specific scenes and dialogue planned out. probably cannibalism as a metaphor for love thrown in there too. idk i just want these three to be as fucked up as possible and unhinged about each other but fighting their repressed side with their unhinged feral side. and since it doesn't exist by god I'll create it.
#necrotic answerings#necrotic works in progress#jaytimsteph grotesquerie au#<- temp tag until this fic gets a real name#jaytimsteph#when i shared this idea with my partner they were like. this should just be an original book#and yeah they're right but given it's derrivative of a show i don't think it *can* be. ergo. fanfic.#and i'm *already* writing one fucked up romance book with serial killers and a nun okay i've hit my quota.#but tysm for asking about this anon i was so excited to talk about it.#also! one scene idea i have in my head involves the three of them getting attacked#and jason killing the attacker with tim's firearm. which tim basically snatches from him and takes the blame for the kill#and even tho he's in the clear legally bruce sitll forces him to do a psyche eval that he hates.#and meanwhile jason asks tim to “punish him” not bc he killed the guy but bc he *enjoyed* it.#very fun scene for like. the descent into madness of the three of them getting more and more unhinged trying to solve this case.#like how far are they willing to go type shit#also i have a *lot* of sex scenes planned.#don't ask me who the killer is i haven't decided yet#i'm leaning on it being someone connected to tim tho#just to flesh out his backstory more. so we'll see#anyway i'mso happy to ramble about this fic idea to anyone who wants to ask more about it bc it'll help me develop it more#i've got the basics down but i'm an outline girlie at heart so i need evertrhing planned out for it to work yk.#this is my petition to make more ppl care about jaytimsteph. they're so cool i swear.
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So, what is your Elder Scrolls/Skyrim lore headcanon?
There's so many so I will give a brief unhinged overview
The entire dragon cult are my blorbos and I want to expand on their lore so much. I have in depth headcanons about each dragon priest which is funny bc my source is I made it the fuck up.
Highlights include: nahkriin is essentially the leader/closest to Alduin. Rather than convenient time travel she uses the Sovngarde portal to release Alduin from a place beyond time where he was banished by the elder scroll.
Volsung was granted the right to ride on dragonback, befitting of his name meaning roughly "horror of the air." The dragon he flew with is the one resting with his grave.
Similarly Krosis fought alongside a dragon, who watches over his grave, though he never flew with it.
The divines use all pronouns interchangeably
Dragons are genderless, some have preferred pronoun sets, others don't give a shit, but having them all be male and only mention the females in vague lore is a boring cop out.
Dragons fit into the ethereal pantheon in a similar position to angels, as messengers of akatosh. However, the message is usually "you're fucked."
Daedric princes should be a lot more imposing than they are. Hermaeus Mora is honestly the only one I take particularly seriously. His appearances are effectively mysterious in the Dragonborn dlc and I think if other daedra had as much love put into their quests they'd feel more threatening and like. Y'know. Dread gods of fantasy hell. Rather than marvel villains.
The college of winterhold quest needs a lot of work. I could fix her.
The dragon priests should be so much more relevant!! Give me the resurrection of the dragon cult! Give me draugr armies overtaking cities because both sides of the civil war are too occupied with each other! Give me rallying skyrim's people, no matter what side they're on, against the dragon cult and the thalmor! I want narrative beats that feel emotionally devastating. Imagine watching whiterun fall under the reign of the cult and fighting to take back the place that was your first home in this strange land.
I think the Dragonborn should narratively represent the mortal people vs the apathetic divine. A hero not just for the nords, but for all humans, elves, and beastfolk. Their conflict is with the concept of fate itself, fighting to defy the destined end of the world that was decided by powers which cannot comprehend the meaning of a single life lost.
Part of that struggle is the dragonborn's nature as both mortal and dragon. In their many choices they are pushed to choose a side, but maybe there's a secret third thing...
#skyrim#the elder scrolls#tes#i have many thoughts head very full#this turned into more of a narrative wishlist than lore headcanons oops#most of my actual unhinged headcanons are about the dragon cult#and vampire politics#i have lots of ideas about completely changing the dawnguard dlc
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shoving my two interests together bc I'm unhinged ehehehehe this happened bc my hyperfixation of rdr came back full force then all the sudden me and some friends are talking abt a hackett quarry western au 🤠✨
these are some of my hc's plus designs I have of trio atm! imma try to draw out the rest of the gang too, prob Emma and Abi is next :) (some notes from discord under the cut lol)
these are a lil bit unorganized adsgs but some general ideas ig also Dyl still has his kitty, I can't separate them 💕
#text#my art#the quarry#western au#ryan erzahler#dylan lenivy#kaitlyn ka#rylan#radioheads#it still counts lol#western quarry au#ive risen from the grave aka an art block shehdjdb what better thing to draw than my silly faves as silly cowboys 💖#tysm to my friends who made me so unhinged abt this au/concept especially percy hehe#i have a lot of thoughts/hcs abt it honestly#also i was going back and forth w listening to the rdr2 ost and orville peck while drawing this lol gotta set the mood yknow#tbh im really content w how these guy's outfits came out wahh cant wait to draw out everyone else! 🤗 got lots of ideas
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Just recently snooped through your wip list, oh boy I can't wait. Three yandere fic incoming is indeed satisfying my deepest part In my brain.
just know that i'm rubbing my hands together and cackling like an evil little fly
#i LOOOVE writing weird/unhinged reader perspectives and there is going to be a Lot of that coming shortly#i also have an idea for a fourth chapter of Say It where the reader is finally all in on homelander's homicidal madness but#i dare not add to my wip list any further lmaooo#ask and you shall receive#darling anon
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Absolutely adore your OPM writing but I am also living for your recent takes about Dorian Gray. Easily one of the best books I’ve had to read back in school. I just love when I find other people who are also obsessed with jt!
THANKS FOR ACTIVATING MY TRAP CARD I'M GOING TO GO OFF ON WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT YESTERDAY
okay. okAY so like. so i finish Dorian Gray right. It still feels so cold and ruthless and bitter, and once AGAIN I'm left thinking "oh damn, Henry is probably gonna be a little devastated by this one, he spent the last twenty years hanging out with this dude who he was absolutely fucking almost daily, and THEN he's going to find out that Basil really is dead, AND his wife left him, he can't sardonic his way out of feeling for this"
and he's hot right like that's a plot-critical point, Henry is seductive. SO HERE I GO LIKE "okay tumblr let's try this again SUREly you have art of the fucked up sexy old bastard right"
AND FUCKING THEN (under the cut this is SO LONG and i'm not apologizing for it)
i go on and see????? like not only is there almost nothing of him??? people GENUINELY hate him??? but they LOVE Basil??? and I'm like no, no this CAN'T be right, maybe--like okay, Tumblr is a unique place, maybe this is one of those cases where my opinion falls more in line with the majority, so I go to google and I just. Type in "Dorian Gray Henry Wotton"
AND IT'S ALL THE SAME. ALL!!! ALL THE SAME!!!! He's awful, he's the villain, he's the worst, blablabla, and i'm like. okya. OKAY. ALRIGHT OKAY yes he was terrible but it was so painfully obvious he was in love with/obsessed with/infatuated with Dorian, S U R E L Y that's gotten him some brownie points there. Like. He sees Dorian, and then goes onto spend every single day with him if he can, morning, noon, and night, taking him out on dates and trips and giving him anything he asks, for EIGHTEEN YEARS, to the extent that when his wife divorces and leaves him he begs Dorian to stay with him.
Like even his whole issue with women, specifically romance with women, like---did???? did fucking no one???? ?DID FUCKING NO ONE READ THAT AND SEE A GAY MAN PISSED OFF THAT HE HAS TO PLAY A PART??????? HOW MUCH FUCKING CLEARER CAN YOU GET. All in all he does the EXACT SAME THING Basil does, just in his own way, so i figure there must, there MUST, there has GOT TO BE sympathy for him *somehwere*
AND!!!!! NO/!1!!!!! NOT!!!!1 NO!!!!!!!!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! i loook EVERYWHERE!!! for "Henry Wotton in love with Dorian" AND IT'S ALL LIKE!!! oh no, he just wanted power, oh no, he just wanted to see dorian fall, oh no, he NEVER felt ANYTHING for this guy he fucking DEVOTED ALL HIS WAKING HOURS TO IF HE COULD and i just. i.
so i go to my last recourse right??? i'm fucking desperate. i am DESPERATE. I go to Reddit. Surely, FUCKING SURELY--and at this point i just want to know I'm not insane, you KNOW you are in the absolute fucking trenches when you're going to reddit for opinions on literature but fuck at least if I can find a mirror in the cesspool i know that I exist right like i'm not some fucking ghost right SOMEONE will have seen what I saw--and
overwhelmingly
OVERWHELMINGLY
it's people talking about how much they hate Henry.
i. And like. SOME people are like "oh he was so interesting, he was the best part of the book," which yes, gratifying, but???? I????
As i was reading it, it was unbelievably--UNBEARABLY--again ****OVERWHELMINGLY**** obvious that a) both Basil and Henry were in love with Dorian b) they were BOTH older men taking advantage of him and dominating his time and attention so they could try to mold him into something for their own personal viewing pleasure c) Dorian was bare minimum a little bit shit from the start--as in, BEFORE WE SEE HIM he's introduced as someone who likes to hurt his friends because he enjoys it. This was so obviously a mean book about bad people and we're watching a train wreck unfold. a sexy, sexy, SEXY train wreck because wanting to fuck Dorian is a critical pull for the whole thing, but!!!!
BUT!!!!! ALSO CRITICALLY!!!!! ESSENTIALLY!!!!! HENRY WOTTON IS A SEXY ASSHOLE YOU NEED TO WANT TO FUCK
LIKE!!!!!! It's like the whole thing with stories about Satan, where he HAS to be hot so you understand why people would do what he says despite knowing it's bad for them. Henry is designed to be the dangerous, hot, older worldly dude stepping further and further into the shadows while beckoning for Dorian to follow after him, and to a certain extent you NEEED to understand that pull so you understand what Dorian is going through. AND THIS IS SO COMMON IT'S A MYTHOLOGICAL TROPE!!!
DO YOU HATE SATAN IN THE BOOK OF JOB. DO YOU HATE MEPHISTOPHELES IN MEPHISTOPHELES. Henry is performing the exact same role!!! All his lines are written sex!!!! it is fucking LEGITIMATELY some of the most sensual shit I have EVER read!! "talking to him was like playing upon an exquisite violin" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. aND YOU!!! You're supposed to be pulled in!!! that's SO IMPORTANT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU READ THE BOOK AND ENJOYED IT BUT HATED HIM AND DIDN'T WANT TO READ HIS LINES. WHAT DID YOU FUCKING READ.
But okay. Alright okay. EVEN DISREGARDING that Henry is a hot sexy bastard and that's necessary for the story and for Dorian's characterization. I would fucking GET IT if he was the ONLY person in the story that's like that. I would give it a pass if this is a story where everyone is good and sweet and everything is all daisies and niceness. FUCKING BUT.
THE ENTIRE NOVEL IS FULL OF ABSOLUTELY SHIT ASS PEOPLE FROM START TO END
Everyone uwu-ifies Basil, but that man is the same age as Henry. He saw this barely legal???? Not yet legal???? I'm not entirely sure how that works at that time with people of that status, but he saw the equivalent of a fresh-faced "i've been 18 for one day and have never left my house" angel of a boy who lost his parents young and was raised with family that fucking hated him and was like "yes well i want to look at him forever I'm going to keep him with me as much as I can and tell him how perfect and pretty he is so he does what i say and lets me paint him in whatever pose i can think of" and like
HE DOES TEH SAME THING AS HENRY???!!! IT'S TEH SAME THING???????
IT'S NOT BETTER JUST BECAUSE BASIL IS PATHETIC?
He does the same thing Henry does!!!! Henry is also a manipulative predatory asshole!! HENRY IS JUST MORE FORWARD ABOUT IT.
like WHAT??? what is it better when he does it because he's a sad wet cat of a man??? why, because he says he loves Dorian? He loves Dorian SOOOOOO MUCH he watches as he falls down a worse and worse path, refusing to believe any of the rumors he heard about him FOR TWENTY YEARS because they don't line up with how he personally sees Dorian, and only steps in to try to make a positive difference the HOUR before he was going to leave for an unknown amount of time???? he loves him THAT MUCH he just gives up every time he runs into legitimate resistance when it comes to helping Dorian out????
And!!!!! fuckin!!!! Everyone uwu-ifies Dorian too!!!!! ONCE AGAIN, LITERALLY ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS WE LEARN ABOUT HIM--no, I'm just gonna write out the paragraph:
"He likes me," he answered after a pause; "I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."
HALF OF THAT IS DEVOTED TO SAYING HE'S KIND OF A DICK. The *other* half is Basil saying being with him makes him happy, but, but, but, but, but. There's SO MANY conditions on that happiness. Dorian is NOT a purely good person--he's capable of good, but he's also capable of bad, and he chooses which he's going to be. He's capricious. And he's not an idiot!! He can tell Henry is bad news!! and he gets PLENTY of warning about it! But he's curious and he chooses to go back to Henry, over and over and over again.
AND THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!!!!!
Dorian chooses!!!! DORIAN CHOOSES!! Basil and Henry are both different forks on the same kind of hedonistic, idolatrous paths. Basil wants to put him in art; Henry wants to put him into the world. They're BOTH fucking Pygmalion and Dorian is their Galatea--it's just that the medium they both use is different. And Dorian can tell!!! He can see!! He realizes that Basil sees him like a pretty thing to keep around to inspire him! He KNOWS that Henry's ideas poisoned him!! AND YET!!
HE CONTINUES TO GO BACK TO BOTH, depending on what he wants the most at that moment!!
AND IN THE END HE BECOMES A WORSE VERSION OF BOTH OF THEM BECAUSE HE CONTINUES TO CHOOSE BAD DESPITE HAVING SEVERAL OPPORTUNITIES TO STOP.
The manipulation? Using people for his own pleasure and then throwing them away when he's bored of it? The hateful, bigoted, judgemental thoughts? Ruining lives because that's convenient for him? The deaths of MULTIPLE people, probably considerably more than we know about? Dorian does ALL OF IT, again and again and again, because he wants to.
We revisit him throughout SEVERAL points in his life, all of which it's very apparent he wants for nothing and can do whatever he pleases. At ANY OF THOSE MOMENTS, or any of the ones between, he could have chosen to do good. But the same way he chose to hurt Basil because he enjoyed it, he chooses to fuck around and cause chaos because he likes it. The ability to do bad was always, ALWAYS inside Dorian, and both Basil and Henry were fascinated by it because it served different parts of their own vanity.
Basil liked Dorian the way you like a filter on a camera, and he thought Dorian left everything that HE made looking more beautiful. It's made abundantly clear that his biggest concern was the art he was creating, and Dorian was key to it. Henry liked Dorian the way you'd like a phonograph, where you can hear everything you've said reflected back at you, but in a different way with different tones. They are BOTH narcissistic in their approach towards Dorian, WHO IN HIMSELF IS NARCISSISTIC IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE. No one is good here!!! No one is a purely good person!!!!!!!!
And everyone else, except fuckin' Sybil Vane, is bare minimum kind of shit. We don't meet a SINGLE other character that's a glowing representation of what mankind can be, who doesn't have some sort of flaw. And like.
THERE IS A LITERAL LIST OF RULES AT THE BEGINNING THAT MAKE IT CLEAR NOTHING IN THIS BOOK IS SUPPOSED TO BE MORALLY GOOD.
It says it!!!!!! Again and again and again!!!!!! It makes it SO FUCKING CLEAR that this isn't concerned with right and wrong and you need to abandon that at the doorstep!! There are no good characters, the same way there aren't any evil characters, because that doesn't apply here.
SO FUCKING. TO COME BACK TO IT. AFTER ALL THAT. AFTER!!!! ALL!!!!! THAT!!!!!!!
TO HAVE PEOPLE SAY HENRY IS EVIL AND THE VILLAIN OF THE BOOK!!!!
DORIAN IS THE VILLAIN OF THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY. DORIAN IS THE BAD GUY!!!
Basil and Henry were paths!!!! They were choices!!! They were options AND DORIAN FUCKING CHOSE!!!!!!! And you're not supposed to feel good about it!! It's not supposed to make you happy!! We're supposed to see that Dorian was doomed from the start and we're watching his downfall!!
And it just!!!!! IT IS MAKING ME INSANE. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY THAT I'M NOT SEEING THIS OUTSIDE OF MY OWN HEAD. Gosh even just!!! Even the way the "Henry is the antagonist" removes agency from Dorian, and everyone else, when it involves Henry?? As if they don't all willingly go to him and talk to him and want to be with him??
Not to get fucking spicy about it but it comes WAAAAYYY too close to the idea that thoughts and ideas are guilty/sinful/actions in themselves and they need to be shut up, and there's little to no responsibility on the shoulders of the people hearing them to dissect them and decide whether or not they're a) legitimate and b) something they want for themselves. It's the reason it drives me absolutely I N S A N E when people say the devil made someone do bad or it was just God's influence who made something good happen, as if there weren't real actual living fucking human beings who made choices and put in the work, good AND bad, to make those things happen. It's like throwing up your hands and going "well! everything is predetermined and there's no point in fighting."
Like. The complete villainization of Henry, and the hand-waving on what Dorian and Basil do, is just---TUM,BLR. TUMBLR!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! I CAME TO YOU FOR HELP. I CAME TO YOU FOR NUANCE. TUMBLR!!!!!!!!! HENRY IS THE FOREFATHER TO ALL YOUR SEXYMEN!!!!! HE'S GAY!!! HE'S MANIPULATIVE!!!! HE'S HOT!!!! HE'S WEIRD AND OLD AND LURKS IN CORNERS ALL THE TIME!!!!! WHAT !!! THE FUCK!!!!!!!
#I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS AND HONESTLY THIS STILL ISN'T ALL OF THEM BUT THIS IS ALREADY SO LONG#I GET THAT DORIAN WAS GROOMED BUT IT WAS BY BOTH OF THOSE MEN DO NOT FUCKING DELUDE YOURSELF#AND BEING ABUSED DOESN'T ABSOLVE YOU FROM BEING AN ABUSER NOR DOES IT TURN YOU INTO A STUPID MINDLESS DOLL WHO CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES#ALSO WHY IS THERE SO MUCH FUCKING NUANCE FOR THE TWINK AND NO ONE ELSE COME THE FUCK ON WHAT#THE HELL ELSE#IS STORY FOR BUT DIVING INTO BIG COMPLICATED IDEAS AND RIPPING INTO THEM WITH YOUR TEETH LIKE A DOG WITH A CHEW TOY#WHY ARE WE STOPPING AT DORIAN AND BASIL WHY DOESN'T THE ANALYSIS CONTINUE PAST THERE#IF THE ANSWER MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE WHY HAVEN'T YOU ASKED YOURSELF THAT QUESTION ALREADY#okay i'm sorry I'M SORRY here i'll apologize this honestly sounds unhinged and i completely get why but also my blog and i WILL go on#unhinged literary rants here#i just.#henry is so so so so so so so so so SO SO SO SO ****SO**** CRITICAL TO THE STORY#and specifically HIS APPEAL IS THE BACKBONE AND SOUL OF IT#it is absolutely fucking mind-blowing to me that so many people would hate him#PEOPLE LOVE LOKI#PEOPLE LOVE THE SHITTY SNEAKY UNDERHANDED MANIPULATIVE FUCKS#i was entirely and COMPLETELY taken off-guard#talk dirty to me#the picture of dorian gray#oh gosh people are gonna fight me over this and i just. don't. I GET IT I GET WHY PEOPLE LIKE BASIL I GET HOW WE GOT THERE#I JUST EXPECTED MORE FLAVOR TEXT FROM CRIMINALLY GAY BOOK ON THE CRIMINALLY GAY WEBSITE
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it's wild to me when people assume the things that i say are whole and concrete and not just part of an ever shifting process of consciousness that changes literally 5 seconds later with the following rumination.
you're telling me most people just have straightforward thoughts that they then just simply communicate? what???
#this sounds a bit unhinged to explain but. it's something i realized a lot putting myself out there in the past couple years#people will just hear you say something and assume so much of yourself based off of that#when i literally changed my mind and moved on 5 seconds later BUT people don't understand that that's the way my brain works!#they just assume that “wait you said a thing earlier so that must be true”#instead of me literally questioning and conflicting with myself at will at all times. it's part of a process.#and it makes me think that it's not that people don't vocalize their thought processes - but rather they often don't have one to begin with#because if you hear me say wildly conflicting things from one moment to another#you must realize that i am not sticking to any specific idea. and yet...#and let me clarify. i'm not saying this with the sentiment that a lot of people are dumb or mean or whatever?#but rather that i guess i am kind of a freak and so is my brain.
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Substance, Shadow, and Spirit [remixed, abridged] by Tao Yuanming
#liv in the replies#patrice bergeron#boston bruins#brad marchand#do you ever think about how brad marchand said that when bergy retired he would retire or are you capable of normal thought i'm not at all#please say a gratitude for both my sanity& y'all that this poem (which has been saved in my camera roll with the vague idea of using it for#??? long) & not one of the poems i had saved for carey for a really long time & remixed & everything with another poem until i found a poem#that absolutely murdered me in cold blood but there is an alternate universe where i did& then had to explain my unhinged thoughts to you.#anyway how are we feeling about bergy retirement. pspspspsp sara & luna are y'all doing okay like. the doc title for this one was#patrice the hockey player means a lot to me but patrice the person means so much more#which is why the end line of the other poem was so *%"@^)! (you love / what you are) because patrice does. like he is a whole ass good huma#& now since no one asked i need to tell you all the details about everything also y'all please clap i made an edit with NO baby pictures#although i did find one & save it & minimal genres of photo i always use in edits because they're my taste & aesthetic but anyway.#when i saved the first photo and marked it as one i wanted i accidentally wrote “how will he know they love him” which is not the line but#makes me feel feral about patrice & the rest of them all had hurtful names too but also. the third picture is literally a CELLY like brad#just scored a goal & he is clinging to bergy for dear life with that shit i saved that as “oh the agony on his face for unendurable”#& yes it is one of my cliches to have a draft day picture but in my defense the lifelong bond that patrice has/d with boston deserved to be#there even if i put in the love story & YES that picture is from the 2011 playoff right below it shared joy & pain & i couldn't tell you#when the brad marchy photo for together forever is except for the fact that i saw it & just the gut punch of oh my god the way he looks at#things men will praise you for is the stanley cup. duh. but i love the contrast of “some deed” being the stanley cup but then#bergy's choice to do noble deeds (ends up still earning praise &that's my note to his efforts outside of hockey we love a supportive captai#should also mention the first two i came up with & had the photos i knew i wanted for were the first and last one alskaldk but i KNEW i#wanted chara somewhere in the paragraph about leaving & then while i was looking found the one of bergy playing tuukka on accident & yes#i do have to make goalie jokes every time. no reprieve . no dice/no deal/no goal goalies have no rest/reprieve etc etc the one that killed#me though was looking for a patrice award pic & i wanted basically the one that i got for “how will you know any will praise you” & instead#also got the picture of patrice winning the some community hero award for charity work that he does & i love him mama & of COURSE that puck#is from bergy's 1000 game who do you think I am (if you guessed sleepy and emotional about patrice you'd be right) and ALSO please be ready#for all the patrice posts/bruins posts that have been sitting in my drafts to be released on this occasion of patrice retirement#I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT TUUKKA ALSO RETIRED THAT’S WHY HE WAS ON WISE OR SIMPLE NO REPRIEVE AND THAT LATE OR SOON WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE#CHARA BECAUSE CHARA LEFT FIRST TO GO TO THE CAPS AND THEN LEFT IN RETIRMENT HE LEFT SOON BUT NOT FOR REAL THEN LATER LEFT FOR REAL (RETIRED)
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