#i have 4 doses of vaccine and i feel ok | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kira-akira · 8 months ago

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when did you get the covid vaccine

Cool! So I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're a well-meaning person who has been misinformed about vaccine injury and give you some information.

Here's the CDC's page about adverse events after COVID vaccination. Here are some highlights:

"Anaphylaxis after COVID-19 vaccination is rare." "It has occurred at a rate of approximately 5 cases per one million vaccine doses administered."

"People receiving COVID-19 vaccines are less likely to die from COVID-19 and its complications and are at no greater risk of death from non-COVID causes, than unvaccinated people."

Now this part is interesting, because the J&J vaccine has been linked with higher incidence of Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS)! So that is concerning but in studying this link, they also found that Moderna and Pfizer vaccines showed no increase in GBS. If you were concerned that maybe I had the J&J vaccine, don't worry! I didn't.

"Myocarditis and pericarditis after COVID-19 vaccination are rare." "To date, evidence indicates that the benefits of mRNA COVID-19 vaccination outweigh the risk of myocarditis."

"Thrombosis with thrombocytopenia syndrome (TTS) has been rarely observed after J&J/Janssen COVID-19 vaccination and has occurred in approximately 4 cases per one million doses administered."

But let's say you don't trust what the CDC says. That's understandable, we should all try to do our own research, especially about things that could affect our lives and health. Ok so here are some specific research papers with some quotes of their conclusions.

COVID vaccine-induced liver injury: "The overall incidence of this phenomenon appears to be exceedingly low." "Providers should remain vigilant [...] and yet feel reassured by the low incidence and high likelihood of recovery."

COVID vaccine-associated myocarditis: "Myocarditis following immunization is a rare event." "At short-term follow-up, all patients with vaccine-associated myocarditis were asymptomatic with no adverse events."

Or perhaps you read the recent report about COVID vaccine injury incidence, or no, sorry, maybe you didn't read it but you saw an inflammatory and irresponsible news report about the study. Well here is a quote from Anne Bass, who is the lead author of the study, about the results: "It is important to note, however, that identifying a harm does not mean that it occurs frequently. Harms associated with vaccines are rare.”

Now, I see you also sent my friend Jack the same ask, thank you for your concern about our health. If you want to know more about my specific circumstances, I've messaged with many people about Long COVID who either sent me an ask or who asked a question in the tags of my Long COVID post, so don't be shy! If you need help understanding any of the studies linked then feel free to message me. And if you're personally concerned about vaccination for yourself, talk to your doctor, they know your medical history.

The funny thing is, I've met vaccine-injured people in Long COVID circles and they were all incredibly nice people who would never go into someone's inbox to anonymously ask and fearmonger about the vaccine. Have a nice day.

#covid #covid 19 #long covid #vaccine injury

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rizahawkeye1380 · 1 year ago

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Crossing the Webs

Chapter 1 - The Other One Inside Me

If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The Spider-Men?

“Date, September 3, 1984. Time, 4:34 PM Eastern Standard. Location, Columbia University. This is Dr. Egon Spengler performing the first documented experiment regarding the reaction of spider DNA affected by a dose of radiation with human DNA.”

He picks up the syringe, checking to make sure everything was in place; no air bubbles to be seen, the injection site was already sanitized, and the elastic band was tight enough that the vein was swelling just enough for the needle. “For the past few months, ten species of the Arachnida class were subjected to small doses of radiation. Of those ten species, five of them were exposed to a higher concentration of protonic energy, one of which is currently being used for today’s experiment. As I assumed, there are a lack of volunteers, so I will be self-experimenting with a 0.25-mL dose of Ummidia audouini ’s radioactive blood, half of the dose for the regular influenza vaccine. If I do not see a result by the two-week mark, I will attempt another test with the same condition with another 0.25-mL dose.” He slowly inserted the needle in, making sure that the blood was a darker red to indicate he had pierced the vein and loosened the elastic band a tad before gently pushing the plunger all the way. “The injection is complete and any further observations will be recorded in my notebook, thus concluding today’s recording.” He presses the stop button and disposes of the needle, wiping away the pulling spot of blood, and putting a swab of cotton over it and wrapping it tight with the ace bandage he had precut. After feeding the spiders and making sure they were safe and secured, Egon grabs his notebook and pens as he goes to another lab. He had been meaning to make a few adjustments to the PKE meter, hopefully calibrating it so that it would be able to pick up enough psychokinetic energy to detect any apparitions roaming around this world. It must have only been around half an hour when Egon started to feel a headache coming on; he tried to ignore it but the harder he tried, the more it came back harder than before. Had it only been a headache he could have soldiered on, but then he felt himself heating up…..a lot. He checked his temperature, 103°F, definitely a fever.

As he started to head toward his shared dorm with Ray and Peter, he could feel his vision starting to blur and his clothes sticking to him because of how much he was sweating. He sat down for a moment to rest and recorded the signs and symptoms before stumbling his way onto the dorm room.

Ray yawned as he was cleaning up the table; Peter had gone out on a date so he had treated himself to some Chinese takeout and some television, but before he could turn it on he heard the door open. “Oh, hey Pete, how was your-?” Ray stood up straight at the sight of Egon looking feverish and sluggish. It even looked like he was sweating excessively through his clothes. “Holy shit!” Ray put a hand on Egon’s forehead and violently jerked it back. “You’re burning up a lot. Did you catch some bug in the lab?” The fact that Egon didn’t respond at all was alarming to him, he just seemed to be looking pass him. “I’ll heat up some soup. We should have some medicine to help your fever, do you need help getting changed?”

It seemed that was what seemed to snap Egon out of his stupor. “Yes….” Shit, his voice sounded like sandpaper. “Ok, don’t talk too much, can’t have you straining your throat anymore.” Egon headed to his room and carefully removed his clothing and folded them neatly on his bed. Next to his bed, a full-length mirror was mounted and while Egon rarely ever used it, the moment he laid his eyes on it, he froze.

The first thing he noted was that there was…something that was growing in his inner forearms, and another thing beginning to form over his serratus posterior muscles.

The second thing was how much more gaunt he was, how his ribs became so much more obvious even from a distance.

The third and most concerning thing he noticed was how…hungry he was. Well, it wasn’t much hunger as it was that he was starving for something soft? Yes, but also smooth. Then he landed on the word; liquified. Spiders liquify their prey before consuming them…

He put on his pajamas, notably the long-sleeved ones, although it did little to hide his thin frame, and wobbled to the kitchen table where a piping hot bowl of chicken noodle was placed in front of him. He skipped the spoon and just slurped the whole thing from the bowl, coughing a bit as some of the soup went down the wrong windpipe. “Geez Egie, slow down a bit,” He stopped at the edge of the table with the two tablets for Egon’s fever, “....you didn’t eat lunch I guess?” Ray asked as he held them out for him.

He then watched as Egon silently nodded and swallowed the medicine dry before going back to his room to try to get some semblance of sleep.

Hopefully, Egie gets well soon, never saw him this sick since that time he stayed up in the lab for three days straight…..

Running…that was the last thing Egon remembered doing before he woke up with a start. He looked around, he was still in his room, but it was clearly night. He looked at the clock next to him, 3:24 AM.

The medication must have knocked me out…

While he tried to go back to sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about running…but what was he running from…? He couldn't remember…or maybe he didn't want to remember…

He stared at the ceiling for a while, contemplating. Maybe the injection gave hallucinations and whatever thing was growing in his arms was just something his brain conjured up. Except… Except when he ran his fingers along his forearm it was still there, squishy like a blister, minus the searing pain he was familiar with, but then......he felt it.

He felt his flexors, pronator, and palmaris muscles shifting beneath his skin, making room for whatever that...thing was...but it didn't stop there...

The next thing that happened felt as if something was ripping under the serratus posterior muscles, yet Egon didn't feel like he was bleeding.

With each stretch, he swore he could hear his muscle fibers tearing and repairing itself as they tried to make more room.

Now suddenly everything was blurry, too blurry!

Egon wanted to scream for help but it felt like his voice was stolen away as his cheeks stretched more than humanly possible to accommodate for new protrusions that he knew were coming out from the sides of his mouth.

He laid there, tears slowly falling down his face, helpless as he faced the horrors that were flowing in his blood.

#ghostbusters #egon spengler #ray stantz #peter venkman #winston zeddemore #janine melnitz #dana barrett #ghostbusters and spiderman crossover #basically #what if they got spider powers to bust ghosts AND criminals??#tw: body horror

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kodoku-roxi · 2 years ago

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(1/2)

I said I’d come back with an update, right? Right. This post is about health and i will write another one after this one about the more important things ( i have a new laptop!!! and it’s amazing :DDD )

So my state health is fine, I am fine, I didn’t lose any internal organs, (I just... that was my biggest fear, ok) and my back doesn’t hurt anymore, witch is fantastic!!

I had to stop drinking coffee, and you know, you can’t stop drinking coffee instantly... in a day.... you can’t do that. It was bad.

And I had as well to stop my regular meds so I could take the NEW meds for the problem I was having….. fun! my body didn’t like that. And now it's been a week since I returned to the previous meds, and you know, again, my body didn’t like that. If I had a nickel for every time I stopped taking my meds for a period of time and then went back on them and instead of helping me not to pass out on the middle of the street it made me feel worse.. I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but let’s just say that it happened only 2 times.

I had terrible insomnia. It was worst than ever, literally only one or 2 or 4 hours a day of sleep for like 2 weeks. The walls were moving, and I had the feeling that the door was opening from time to time, sometimes even seeing it opening for a second, and the room was spinning, but that’s normal for me, it happens right now when I’m moving my head

So I was in the kitchen, making some tea and the house owner saw my condition, and that I could barely walk.... she. called. my. mom. Let me tell you something, she almost kicked me out when I had the first dose of the vaccine because I was feeling sick as fuck and I couldn’t take her grandson to the school bla bla, this woman doesn’t give a fuck about my well being. Anyway, her act made me realize how dead I was looking and how serious the problem was.. However, mom didn't help me at all. But I had already talked to the mother of a friend who works as a nurse (as far as I remember…) and she helped me a lot, i mean i knew what i had to do but talking with her (through my friend, i couldn’t talk directly with her...) made me less scared and she told me to take some extra stuff. Even Mariana helped me with the correct painkillers... my mother came to me with some things that didn’t helped me with the condition I had, I told her “ok but at least.. can you bring me some painkillers (i told her the pills i take for pain, she knows well what pills i take for this but noooo she brings me paracetamol sinus instead of nurofen express forte because why the fuck not) and bonus she told me that she will talk to the doctor in more details but she didn’t, and this is the second time when she does this. I don’t have my doc’s phone number, she does, and one day I will ask her to give me doc’s number, one day. Idk what’s with my mom... she’s a smart woman... why is she doin this, she drives me crazy sometimes.

Now I’m doin well, I am ignoring her most of the time since then because it seems to me, more and more, that we are a family only on paper, I will not stop talking with her because she has cancer and i need to know that she’s fine and i have to help her when she needs help

Anyway I’m no longer in pain, i repaired my sleep, kind of, but my mental state is more unstable. Fortunately, i can deal with this, i know what to do, so this is not a problem. I can say that i am ready to come back to share my drawings and maybe i will write some stuff to end a certain story and honestly i will start talking more, most because i will stop stressing about my english, i’m just tired... this was supposed to be my happy place, yeah i will try to control my anxiety, surprisingly im tired of being stressed about anything and everything all of the time

a little bit of everything all of the time, apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime, anything and everything all of the time -

#words words la la la

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thecampbellfam · 3 years ago

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Jodi, are you and your family OK? I haven't seen you post for a while.

It’s true, I haven’t posted in forever. I’m better about updating my Instagram (if you want to follow, message me with your handle name and then I’ll send you mine).

Life has been full and hectic and wonderful and challenging. My kids are almost 5, 2.5 and 3 months. The older two are busssyyyy and have big emotions. It’s a constant battle to keep them engaged, regulated and entertained, but we’re making progress. I’m learning so much from parenting them.

The baby is a literal angel. Sleeps well, eats well, and is content when she’s awake. I helped a friend set up her wedding last week and baby girl was with me for 10 of the 14 hours that I was there. She barely made a peep and was happy to sleep, eat, and watch what we did.

Our pandemic regulations are finally lifting now that cases are decreasing and vaccines are increasing. While we’re behind in the vaccine roll out, now that it’s happening we are apparently a world leader in vaccination rates (nearly 80% of adults 18+ have their first dose and 30%+ have their second dose). I should get my second dose in the next 2-3 weeks and I’m excited to have that done. We have lost so much in the last 1.5 years so I’m grateful that normalcy is returning.

We are visiting friends this weekend who have two kids. My kids and their oldest were struggling to get along on the first night and I was terrified that we’d made the wrong decision about visiting for 3 nights, 4 days. I thought that we may need to leave after the 2nd night. But the kids are getting along better now PLUS last night our friend’s 1 year old had a medical emergency so our friends have been at the hospital with her since 11pm last night (it’s 1:30pm now). We’re grateful that we are here and could watch him so they could leave immediately and feel safe while they were caring for her.

Not sure what else to update on but feel free to message questions I guess. 😅

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lokilickedme · 4 years ago

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Submitted by @fudgemuffinanon

Ok I think I’m up to date….

1. HOLY SHIT WOMAN! You had Covid and just learned about it? How did you find out? Was it with a test? And you handled the asshat at the grocery store way better than I would have. I’m not patient, nor diplomatic, and I have major RBF syndrome… The temper goes with the face more ofter than I care to admit…

2. Your grandmother’s story was incredible. I know you don’t need another project but this could be a beautiful book. No fandom incorporated, just her story.

3. As @mollage said, the Universe is after you! But you may be one of the strongest woman I know, going through all your adventures with that attitude. Thank you Elizabeth for passing down your fiery spirit!

4. With everything that happened to you in the last few weeks, I can’t expect you to write anything. I’ll just wait and take what you give us. Fuck, I just have to deal with Baby Girl’s online school - Big Boy is responsible enough to deal with his class mostly alone - and I have to tell her to go back to the computer every 5 minutes and I’m going NUTS! And we have one more month to go…

Ontario has been in stay-at-home order since April 8th, and non-essential stores MAY reopen mid-June at 15% capacity and outdoor activities in small groups MAY resume IF we have 60% of population vaccinated with their first dose. We’re about 58% now according to Health Minister but they stopped giving Aztra as first dose, so all the pharmacies that could give it now can’t. There’s a lot less Pfizer and Moderna doses available so I don’t know how fast it will happen. But it means I will most likely get my second dose quicker than August. Yay me! Second phase won’t happen until we get 70% 1st dose vaccination. So we’re stuck for a while. We’re going out in the woods for walks once in a while so we don’t get too close to people but I want to go to a fabric store sooooo bad!! I’m done picking ticks off hubby everytime we get out. And I’m running out of crafts to learn on youtube.

Ok, enough ranting… gotta go finish knitting Baby girl’s bday gift. A 6" turtle. With clothes. And a shawl. And boots. Yeah… Love ya!

*******************************************************

Fudgey!!

Yup. All four of us had covid back in November of 2019, before it broke wide and before anyone really knew it was in the US. Husband was able to track it back to a coworker who’d returned from a family visit to China (he works with a large community of Asian Americans who travel back and forth a lot). The coworker came home sick, and shortly after that our household got the worst “flu” any of us have ever had (that was what we thought it was, a weirdly violent flu that hit each of us differently). I’ve never been sicker in my life, my husband thought I was going to die and he claims I told him to just let me go if it looked like I wasn’t going to make it. I’m pretty sure I meant it…it was that bad. I may have actually requested an assist to the other side at one point.

So anyway, a little while later it broke wide and when the symptom lists started coming out we started wondering if that wasn’t what we’d had. Husband finally a few weeks ago went and talked to the guy that had come back sick from overseas and the guy said “Oh yeah, I had the covid, did you get it too?”

By that time there had been approximately 150 known cases at husband’s workplace and six confirmed deaths from it. Grrrr.

At this point it was too late for us to get confirmed, but husband contacted a friend in Colorado who is a covid specialty ER nurse and described our symptoms and the timeframe of our illness to her. She said we absolutely had it - she’d had it too during that same timeframe, before it broke wide and before anyone knew what it was.

So now all my lingering weird-ass symptoms make sense. Big and Little are fine, they don’t seem to have any long-term problems, though I’m keeping an eye on them (especially Big). Husband is fine as well. Me? I took it in the seat of the pants, but like I was telling someone the other day, as soon as one of the longhaul clinics sets up here I’m gonna be there.

The putz in the grocery store was nothing unusual for here. What really gets me is the way people glare at us for continuing to wear masks - it’s almost scary. WTF is wrong with people.

Glad you liked my grandma’s story. Honestly I don’t know enough to write a book about her without having to speculate on a lot of in-between stuff because she was a very secretive person (probably for a good reason tbh) but what a tale it would be. She was a mess :D My mother has always been mad at me for taking after her - she never liked my grandmother much, there was some bad blood between them from decades back, and yeah that’s kind of a good story too lol

Ah, speaking of writing, I’m going to toss out a short chap of that silly self indulgent side-thing for The Department tonight (probably as soon as I send this reply off) and then I’m shooting for a chapter of the actual fic tomorrow at some point. Taking advantage of the husbandary absence (yes I know that’s not a word but it works)

I feel ya on the homeschooling - the boys finished their semester two weeks ago and the stress of that final week for Big (9th grade) was insane.

I wish we were under a stay-at-home order, but where I live hardly anyone obeyed it when we WERE. I love living here but I swear sometimes the people make me want to move off-planet just to find a higher intelligence demographic.

Anyway, I gotta see this turtle when you’re finished with it. You mentioned it so now you gotta show it. I’m going to bug you every day until you provide pictures because even though I can crochet a blanket like nobody’s business I cannot crochet a doll to save my own ass. Gonna have to rely on you for that ;P

@fudgemuffinanon

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mcatmemoranda · 3 years ago

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I'm trying to do a good job and get the most out my rotations. I just don't know what I should be studying. So I asked the attending on today (Dr. Krasnica) what the expectations are for me. I also asked about how I can learn about ventilators because I never got any formal teaching on them. I just want to understand what people are talking about when they talk about the ventilator settings and such. He said to look at The ICU Book by Marino.

Topics to study include DKA, ARDS, targeting plateau pressures, antibiotics, pressors, dopamine and why you don't use it (he said there's no such thing as renally dosed DA), being able to identify sick patients who need critical care.

Today, I kept hearing about Precedex. It's dexmedetomidine. I gathered that it was used to help pts sleep, but I think he was saying that it's more for people being weaned off of sedation and ventilators, not so much for insomnia. It also helps with pain. I think he said it's not good for high grade heart block. The pt I'm following said he hadn't slept in 4 days. So I asked if giving him Precedex would be ok. He said melatonin or trazodone would be better. Could give 25 mg trazodone. Melatonin isn't regulated, so you can't actually be sure how much you're giving. But I prescribed 3 mg melatonin qhs PRN to start for my pt.

I want to know how to properly present pts in morning rounds. You do a head to toe systems-based assessment. Mention whether the pt is on pressors and if not, when they were stopped; urine output; ventilator stuff. I'm just going to try to listen to how everyone else presents so I can get an idea of how to present. But I looked up a template: here

I also need to start actually reading journals and keeping up to date with COVID tx. I just don't feel like studying or reading. But I want to know everything and pts ask me stuff, so I need to know. We have a COVID pt who is probably going to die. He's prone, got remdesivir. He didn't get vaccinated and doesn't see a doctor regularly. His wife asked what the tx is and the other provider told her the tx is vaccination! It's sad when people don't get vaccinated and then they die. Get vaccinated! There's no reason not to unless you have a severe allergic reaction or something. I got my flu shot last Friday and the Pfizer booster.

#ventilators #ICU #MICU #COVID

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faithhopeloveandtherapy · 4 years ago

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Vaccine dose 2 side effects report, 12 hours post-vaccine. I went to bed last night with a box of paracetamol next to me, just in case I woke in the night all hot and cold and shivery. Woke up this morning having slept fine all night. Just got a killer sore arm, which I also had the first time round. I don’t know what others think, but anecdotally the Pfizer does seem to cause more of a sore arm than the AZ. And I’ve heard more reports of the AZ causing generally flu-ey symptoms than the Pfizer.

So anyway, I feel ok so far. Which is good because I’m back to work at the vaccine clinic this afternoon. Every shift pays enough for a 2 hr driving lesson for d2, who will be ready to learn to drive later this year. I’ve got 4 lessons covered so far.

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ingek73 · 4 years ago

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Catriona Stewart: #BeKind? The reaction to Meghan Markle's miscarriage shows Britain is a nation of bullies

By Catriona Stewart

THERE are some topics on which you would expect the old maxim of saying nothing when there is nothing nice to say to hold fast.

When Meghan Markle revealed she had recently endured a miscarriage in an essay in the New York Times, the only humane response was to express well wishes, acknowledge the succour her candour will give to other women who have experienced similar loss, or just keep walking.

Of course, this is too much to expect.

While there was plenty of the first of those two suggested responses, there was also an unhealthy dose of whataboutery. "This is terrible news," whined talk show hosts and Twitter users, "But if she wanted to leave the UK to secure her privacy then why is she telling everyone?"

This is such an obtuse misreading of the situation as to feel deliberate. The Duchess of Sussex did not want to retreat from public life. She wanted to reclaim the power to control her own narrative. That is precisely what she is doing now.

And what a way to do it. Rather than having the story leak and be splashed across hostile tabloids, she wrote a first person piece for a paper of record. No speculation, no gossip, only her own words.

The revelation of her miscarriage has understandably became the main focal point but it isn't the only focus of the essay. The essay is, with some irony, about how to heal a fractured society. She speaks of the polarisation caused by the US elections and the newly fragile nature of facts.

Where facts should be sacred, they are now open to interpretation, whether that's the outgoing President of the United States attempting to undermine his incumbent or anti-vaccine campaigners trying to throw people off accepting the Covid-19 inoculation.

She asks how we heal in a post-coronavirus world; how America grieves as a country where young black Americans are killed by police; how we mend divisions in communities. She makes a nice observation about masks partially obscuring faces and so forcing us to look each other in the eyes.

All worthy points; all reasonable points. And yet it can't merely be left at that because of who Markle is. A woman who felt she was being bullied for her sex, her race and her audacity to reject British tradition but had the temerity to reject everything she should have felt grateful for. A woman with the temerity to do something different.

A younger audience, one that will have no memory of Princess Diana, is being introduced to her story in the new season of The Crown. It is a fictionalised account but that relies on the true story, painting Diana as a sacrificial lamb. I wonder what young women make of it. I wonder if they listen to the dialogue between the Queen Mother and Princess Margaret - "What happens if she doesn't bend?" "She will break" - and recoil at a woman's life being defined in such a way.

Well, there's Meghan Markle. She didn't bend, she didn't break - she walked out. Whether you like her not, whether you value you the traditions of the Royal establishment or not, you should be glad of a princess who did not break. After last time.

The past week has shown there is really a lot of work to be done on how we frame bullying and what the response to bullying should be. The public conversation around the investigation of allegations Priti Patel bullied staff in three government departments felt somewhat retro, particularly the relentless minimising of the effects of "shouting and swearing". It was "just" shouting, it was "just" swearing - how could any real harm be done.

While there seems to be a view in some quarters that Meghan Markle is a reasonable target for bullying because she is famous, wealthy and privileged, there emerges a more surprising view that civil servants should be open to demeaning rough treatment because politics is a tough game.

The notion that some people deserve to be bullied, or should be willing to put up with it or should simply be able to deal with it well, feels like it should have faded long before now.

There was a caller to Radio 4 on Saturday who made some comment about the home secretary being unable to bully as she is a "small woman". When pressed, he seemed to think that a small woman wouldn't be capable of thumping anyone, but would merely shout to make her point known. It wasn't the most coherent take but seemed to suggest, again, that bullying isn't bullying unless it's physical.

The host, Anita Anand, was quite quick to point out that she, also petite in stature, found it quite easy not to shout and swear at colleagues. She did, though, leave listeners hanging as to the power of her left hook.

The issue of size was addressed again in the press with a right-leaning columnist asking how on earth 5ft Patel could possibly terrorise a 6ft mandarin. Attila the Hun was 4ft 11in yet seems to have known how to make his presence felt.

Boris Johnson's support of his minister is not surprising, nor was his statement that Patel is "getting on with delivering the people's priorities". Is she? What priorities? The hostile, racist, dare I say it, bullying treatment of refugees to the country? The deployment of Navy ships against motorised dinghies?

The social media hashtag "Be Kind" - to be found now on t shirts, mugs and other memorabilia - is frustratingly reductive and, while obviously well meaning, serves to stymie discussion. It's often used now as a passive aggressive full stop to any sort of lively disagreement, no nuance for cruelness in its performative niceness.

I wonder if #UseEmpathy might be better. You can disagree strongly using empathy. You can dissent firmly using empathy. You cannot bully using empathy.

When excuses are made for aggressive shouting and swearing in public office, when a hiatus can't be taken on disassembling a grieving mother, there is no empathy. That can't be where we are now, a nation of bullies. Meghan Markle asks in her column a simple question, 'Are we ok'? The response to her suggests we are not.

#royals #meghan markle #prince harry #be kind #baby loss #scotland herald #are you ok

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cranes-winter · 3 years ago

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Just got the vaccine, been a couple minutes and arm's already sore... Taking it easy today

Editing to keep up with symptoms/feelings

Day 1

Injection

Soreness in arm as expected, only when I move the arm

Dehydrated feeling crept in slowly over course of an hour; definitely didn't stay hydrated enough leading up to this

Headache started up after 2 hours, took Tylenol

Body feels warm, in a I should drink more fluids this day is hot way though, not feverish, 4-5 hrs after

Took a nap, still dehydrated, drinking fluids to compensate.. eyes so dry bruh

Arm still sore 😔 hurting a little more, took Tylenol again, 11 hrs after

Feels kinda like pre head cold

Temp regulation sucks XP

Day 2

Slept so bad 😩 woke up feeling more like I had a head cold, took something for it

Arm soreness was also the worst since getting the shot

Basically me vs dehydration this whole time

Appetite all over the place, but generally in a 'not hungry but need to eat.? Oh I'm eating... Oh ok there's my appetite.. and it's gone but I still need to finish eating 😔' place

Sooooore

Coughing

My skin feels so sensitive 😩 in a painful way

Definitely having joint pain fml

My skin hurts 😩 it feels scrubbed raw wtf

Day 3

Skin hurt the whole damn day

Throat sore a little

Appetite still mostly gone, woke up hungry as soon as I got moving though, rest of day just gone until too close to oh shiti should've eaten

Joint pain and skin pain merged to have unholy offspring and torture me.. now 4am on technically day 4 and it's only just going down to ignorable...bruh

Day 4

Eh.. 6am so it counts

Arm soreness goin down finally yayy

Area still tender but I can move my arm more without triggering the hurt so I'll take it

Skin hurts still tho so that was a false alarm for like 2 hours that it was going down

Sniffles all day, and chills

Basically flu like symptoms kicking my butt

Congested😢

Arm soreness gone to pretty much normal by midnight ayyyy

Rest of skin sensitivity/pain is also down so hopefully by morning will be normal

Sniffling still, and coughing

Day 5

Congested

Trouble breathing through congestion

Chills

Feels like fever but apparently don't have one

Night time, just threw up 😔

Day 6

Suffering all day😩

Literally could not breathe, so congested

Pain when sneezing or coughing

Like legit freaked me out

Used nose spray

Passed out around midnight

Day 7

Woke up miraculously feeling way better

Feels like a head cold again tbh

Most other symptoms gone

Hoping it'll be gone by end of day

Read that second dose is worse for symptoms and honestly that freaks me tf out

Day 8

Same as yesterday

Apparently can only taste sweet things wtf

Sense of smell shot and I'm freaking out a little.. hoping it's just from my liberal use of the nose spray and not the panoramic finally come for me

Josh says he lost his taste for like a day but it came back so fingers crossed

Josh also didn't get half my side effects wtf

#vaccine #don't reblog

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uzuuzuking · 4 years ago

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For the simple & soft asks: 4, 10, 14, 15, 20 and 30 :D 💗

simple & soft asks

4. Have you ever wished on a shooting star? up until i was about 13/14 maybe? after i wished upon one for money it was all downhill from there

10. What is something (or someone) you’re in love with? alvin from backstage pass otome my beloved💙

14. Talk about one of your most cherished childhood memories. performing all the songs from barbie as the princess and the pauper with my childhood bestie (there were many performances. we watched it a lot)

15. Talk about something exciting or good that happened to you this year. i got my first dose of vaccine and will be getting my second dose tomorrow 😌

20. What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you? ok real talk getting to spend time with my friends is the sweetest thing and i can’t just pick one moment because i cherish them all 🥺

30. What do you do to feel at peace? look at nature, breathe fresh air, play solitaire, read an old comfort book, walk on the beach. i can’t do the last one very often but it’s what makes me most at peace

thank you for sending these pau!!💖

#answers #these asks made me believe that perhaps i could be a studio ghibli protagonist 🥺#pauleonotis

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builder051 · 4 years ago

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Starbucks Sunday

Hello, beautiful people. I’m sick as anything; though doing better this afternoon. I was up vomiting on and off all night (it’s a chronic GI thing, and it should improve once the drain is put in next month). I’m really not doing well overall, for I’m having rheumatic symptoms as well (probably as an inflammatory reaction to a vaccine--NOT the covid vacc, though, of which I’ve had my first dose). I’m trying to have a doctor’s appointment this week to have it addressed...

I’ve had a bunch of new followers lately, so if you don’t know what’s going on, welcome, and let me briefly explain the game:

SS is a writing session I host weekly on Sundays 4-6pm US Eastern time where I write prompts and answer Qs (always feel free to ask anything, even if it’s not on the ask game). It’s a good time to get ahold of me if you want to chat or have something answered in real time, and I usually try to write blitz-style short drabbles (though I haven’t been able to lately due to a backlog).

Anyway, here’s a pic of me out in the hammock the other day:

And here’s today’s plan:

1. fill a couple of prompts from the inbox. There are 2 I want to get to today. I won’t be able to respond to new prompts, but if you need to send one, that’s ok by. me. Sorry for minimal writing during the week; little buddy’s little buddy is visiting again (and probably will frequently for the next several weeks; his baby bro is in NICU) and things have been chaotic at home.

2. put up an ask game. I’m going to return to the book of questions this week (which we haven’t seen in 1000 years, I know).

3. blog maintenance and AO3 comments, which have been rotting in my inbox for waaay too long.

#starbucks sunday

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normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke · 4 years ago

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As I’ve mentioned before, I have a very severe phobia of needles. I actually had a medical exemption from vaccines at one point because my phobia was so bad that I had accidentally hurt nurses (and my sibling) in my panic. It’s gotten better over the years because I’ve actively searched out ways to improve my experience.

So for my fellow trypanophobes, here are some tips that have helped me reduce my panic when I have to get blood drawn:

1) tell the phlebotomist (person who draws blood) that you have a phobia. Usually they’ll be more gentle and understanding if they know that you’re panicking and not just being stubborn. They might also have you lay down, which might help you relax a bit more.

2) keep your eyes closed during the blood drawing. I find that just looking away isn’t enough, and I end up glancing over at the needle and freaking myself out.

3) get a benzo like ativan or xanax to take ~20 minutes before the blood draw. Benzo aren’t super safe to take all the time, but you can ask your doctor or psychiatrist to give you a single dose to take to help control your panic. The first time you do this it might not reduce your phobia that much, but over the course of a few blood drawings with a benzo in play your phobia will fade slowly. Make sure you take the meds at least once before you take it at an appointment so you know how it effects you. I don’t recommend driving while on benzos because they can cause extreme drowsiness in some people.

4) if benzos are scary for you, you can take something more mild like CBD or an herbal anxiety relief.

5) bring someone with you. It might be helpful to have someone with you to talk to you while you’re getting your blood drawn. Also, if your anxiety causes you to have trouble speaking, you can instruct them on what to say to the phlebotomist. They can also drive you to and from the appointment if your anxiety makes it difficult to drive safely.

6) have the phlebotomist take blood from your hand. I know, you probably just cringed at that because it sound super uncomfortable, but hear me out. It tends to hurt and bruise less, especially if they have a lot of trouble getting blood from you normally. The needle they use (a butterfly needle I think?) is much smaller so it you don’t feel it going in or coming out as much. Usually the veins on your hand are pretty pronounced as well, so they don’t have to spend as much time poking around to find the right spot. I had my blood taken from my hand today and I was in and out in 5 minutes. The less time you spend in the office, the less time you have to work yourself into a frenzy.

7) plan to take the day off if you can. Having to face your phobia is exhausting. Chances are you’re probably not going to feel well for the rest of the day. It’s ok to just chill in bed for the day to recover.

8) treat yourself to something afterwards. For fasting blood work, the obvious choice is to take yourself out for a nice breakfast afterwards. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, it can be a McDonalds breakfast sandwich if that’s what you really want. If it’s a non-fasting blood work, I usually get an icee or a soda for myself, but you could also get ice cream or frozen yogurt or whatever you really want but don’t get often. That way, while you’re getting the blood work done, you can think “when this is done I’m going to get x thing” instead of thinking about what’s going on in the room.

Do keep in mind that this phobia isn’t trauma-related as far as I’m aware. I’ve just always been like this. So I don’t really know if these tips will work for trauma-based phobias. Feel free to try them anyway though, I assume most of them are pretty universal.

#please signal boost #phobia recovery #mental health awareness #mental health #mental illness #chronic illness

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vetisntdead · 6 years ago

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Murder, By Internet

From the vets behaving badly blog

Feb 24, 2014

I apologize in advance for the length of this, but the story is a bit involved, and I believe illustrative.

Blood ran down my arm, across the back of my hand, and dripped onto the exam table. I stood there quietly taking the verbal abuse from an outraged pet owner, my hands resting on the metal surfaced table. It's better to let them rave themselves breathless rather than trying to interrupt. Ya learn this after a while. Once they've spewed their piece, they eventually stop to take a breath. Then they are not talking. No one can listen when they are talking. It's an A/B switch kinda thing.

I'm pretty thin skinned. Don't mean by this that I'm overly-sensitive. Far from it. Nah, I'm just old. Skin gets thinner when you get old, so when the dog rakes you with those front toenails little furrows appear, followed shortly by that red stuff. And when you follow the physician's advice and take those little aspirin daily, this inhibits platelet aggregation. Oh sorry. Big words, This means you bleed with enthusiasm from little furrows.

I learn from such encounters, even after all these decades of playing this game. I listened intently to the young man, occasionally glancing over at his embarrassed wife. I wanted to learn what he thought I'd done incorrectly. She was dumbfounded by his tirade. I was a mite taken aback myself, but I too stood there taking it in.

By the time he finished, it was completely obvious that I need not try to respond. Why waste the oxygen? This guy had it all figured out, and reality had nothing to do with our little predicament. The first words out of his mouth when he had entered the exam room with his dog, “We didn't like the last vet”, would be the first words out of his mouth at the next veterinary practice. Nothing I had to say was going to change that.

I shook my head and turned away, ignoring that little bit of his spittle hanging off his lower lip. I left him puffing in the exam room. Time to bandage the arm again.

“We should have listened to your internet reviews.”

Yeah, you should have. Thought it but didn't say it. I don't read my reviews, No point in that. But someone, (the mayor of our little city) had mentioned those reviews just the week before. Apparently next to all the good ones were two rather nasty ones. I figured I knew what those were about, and when I replied the mayor simply nodded.

One was a young woman who was incensed when I excused her dog before my exam could even begin. It had something to do with not being able to touch her vicious little dog. Her boyfriend had screamed into my face that I get paid to get bit, and I took some small exception to that bit of misinformation.

The second bad review concerned another client who announced as she entered the exam room, (yep, another who didn't like her last vet) that she was dissatisfied with the dose of the pain killing drug the last doctor had prescribed for her cat, so she had raised the dose without asking if this was appropriate.

The second sentence out of her mouth was to demand from me more of the drug, long before I had the opportunity to become familiar with the animal's condition, the history and the physical exam. I didn't jump at this opportunity for a fast sale, in as much as this was a controlled substance, and prudence suggests we not simply supply these to the public .

Numerous other demands poured from this woman's mouth with each new statement she made. And then the complaints as I began my exam. I was to do it the way she required and how dare I do it my way. I smiled and continued my exam. She continued to rail against every single thing I did. I smiled again.

Goodbye.

The mayor has been a client of mine for roughly thirty years, so I don't know why he consulted those on line reviews, but I'll get back to this thought later.

Anyway, the young couple and their dog entered my exam room. It was a busy Saturday morning and we were completely booked. We'd set aside the usual 15 minute slot for what should have been a routine visit. The chart hinted at an ear problem, and they needed a rabies vaccination. I greeted them in my usual ingratiating fashion. I'm a heck of a nice person after all. The dog was about 45 pounds of one and a half year old mix-breed.

Warning #1: “We didn't like the last vet.”

#2: Dog is wearing a harness rather than a collar. This is where self-preservation kicks in. It's kinda like how you feel when the guy walks into the convenience store wearing a ski mask. Maybe he just has bad acne, but ya still watch em closely.

#3: I get down into my squat that I use to greet every dog that comes into my exam room. This is diplomacy in the dog world. It invites the dog to come over and make friends. It often begins the process that defuses doggie anxiety in the vet's office. It makes the job easier. The friendly dogs just love it. The clients love it. And I really enjoy the dogs. This dog approaches to a four foot distance, stares at me, raises it's lip about a half inch, and then runs behind the man.

#4: “The last vet took a foxtail out of his ear.” When was this? “Last July.” OK, that's foxtail season. Seems reasonable. “But it didn't get better.” (Seemed he intimated that the other vet faked taking a foxtail out of the ear. Heard that nonsense before, too)

OK, how long has he had this ear infection? “I don't know.” Well, how old was he when you first noticed it? “He was about 7 months old.” So, about last February. And it's been infected ever since? “Yes. It didn't get better after the last vet treated it.”

Small wonder. Ears infected for a year, treated once, didn't get better. We gonna need more than 15 minutes for this.

Dog had erect ears, so from across the room I could see a bit of the inside of the ears. They were pigmented black. Bad sign. Usually takes years of neglect before the ears turn black. Turning black is scaring from chronic inflammation, and it portends other damage that is not only permanent but often requires what we call salvage surgery to keep the dog from suffering needlessly. Poor dog's owners clearly lacked the clue.

The young woman showed me the crinkled flattened tube of ear infection medicine. It contained plenty to treat the ears for the usual 10-14 day treatment. “We've been using this ever since, and he didn't get better.”

Sigh.

Without understanding the reasons for chronic or recurring ear infections in dogs, the poor owners who are treating these ears are unlikely to get it right. No knock on owners ( this time), but when not handled correctly such infections often turn into disasters, and even when handled correctly they are often not cured, but merely managed. The sun comes up in the east, and some dog ear infections are extremely challenging to treat. That's just how it is.

Educating pet owners is the single most important thing veterinarians do. This is how we best help the animals. It is critical. It prevents a lot of the preventable disasters. It is also the most challenging aspect of the job. (there he goes, picking on pet owners again) So I spent a half hour explaining the basics to this young couple. My receptionist stopped by to wag two fingers in my face. The next two clients were already waiting. But I was getting somewhere with these two and I didn't want to stop. They seemed to be learning.

Now you might wonder why I still hadn't examined this dog. Normally, this would precede the education part, but I like to give the fearful dogs time to become accustomed to the room and me, and it gives me time to defuse some of the anxiety or hostility residing in the owners, for they set these dogs off by how they react. So I laid on the whole lesson, going back over each concept in different ways when they didn't understand. I'm good at this. Done it for decades. Most clients thank me once they figure things out. I made my other clients wait while investing important time with this couple. It began to feel as if we might make this work.

The time arrived when I would try to examine the dog. Prospects for this hadn't improved much. The dog still would not come over to sniff me. It had sniffed the entire room, wandered out of the room when the owner didn't pull him back by the leash, but never once approached me. You don't simply reach for a dog behaving like this.

I got into my squat again, and it approached to that same 4 feet, and then headed for the other side of the room. The man holding the leash stood right beside me. His dog was over there, giving me the eye. Silly veterinarians often wonder why the owners don't simply use the leash to pull the dog to them so we can actually do our job. Rarely happens. So after a bit, I reached up and took the leash from his hand, and gently pulled the dog toward me. He stopped at that magic 4 foot distances. A bit more tug on the leash as I entreated the dog to come. Harness goes up and over head, landing limply on the floor. Dog hurries over to stand beside the woman, over there.

I held up the useless and turned to the man. “This is why you don't use a harness. They give you no control over your dog.”

Woman stands next to dog. Doesn't grab his collar. Doesn't try to bring the dog over to me. Man does nothing. Woman speaks, “Maybe I should leave the room. He gets real protective of me.”

Ah...warning #5. I shouldn't need to explain this one.

I turn to look at the man standing next to me. Why don't you go over there, take the dog by the collar, and bring him over here? A novel concept he had apparently not considered.

He squats next to me, dog cradled between his legs, biting part facing out. Perfectly wrong set up for dealing with an untrained fearful dog.

I take collar and pull dog in front of me. He lunges left, he lunges right, he lunges left again. I hold collar. He stops lunging and I turn him to face away and induce him to sit. Soft calming voice, praising him for a sit, petting and scratching his back. He settles a bit. I touch an ear.

Dog lunges left, dog lunges right. For expedience I will not repeat this part over and again. The dog did. Take my word for it. After some considerable time, I give up on examining ears. I turn to look at the man who is still squatting right next to me. No attempt whatsoever to control his own dog.

Your dog really needs a good obedience training course. Not only will it teach him to behave, but it will impart him with some badly needed confidence so he won't misbehave like this. Nothing.

OK, enough wasted time. I give the dog his rabies vaccine, and go to stand up. Dog launches one more time, spinning in a circle, which locks my hand in the collar. Not a good thing if he begins to nibble on my arm. Manage to untangle my hand without injury, but dog rears on his hind legs and rakes my arm with his claws. I know that feeling. I'm done with dog and turn him loose.

I'm washing the blood off my arm when the man launches on me. He doesn't like how I held his dog by the collar. Really? How else does one hold a dog by the collar? Silly me. Took me a bit before I realized that he didn't want the dog held at all. That thing where I always say that the use of a harness is the owner's concession that he has no desire to control the dog at all. That's this guy.

So I stood beside my exam table, bleeding, while he assailed me. And then I walked out of the room, bandaged my arm, and then put on my smile for the next client. Excuse me for trying to help. The day went on, as they have for all these decades.

Will this guy put up a bad review on line? Don't know. Don't care. I don't read reviews. I don't defend myself when a bad one shows up. Don't care. My practice has been growing for decades because satisfied clients send their friends to me, and people who don't like how I try to help their animals are welcome find someone who does it differently. Lot's of ways to skin a cat. (sorry cat lovers)

Does it hurt my feelings after all these years of dedicating my life to helping people and their pets to have someone scream at me like that. Yeah....a little. I got into this profession to help, and I've sacrificed a lot to continue doing this for a lifetime. Mostly it is rewarding. Sometimes it breaks my heart.

So why the longs story? Well, last week a few people killed a veterinarian I know.

Oh, they didn't poke her with a knife or shoot her with a gun. But they killed her.

Shirley was in practice for over thirty years, and although a bit unconventional at times, she was always compassionate, up to date, hard working. She finally got the chance to start her own little practice. On a shoestring, she opened a small place in the city of New York. As all start-ups do, it was a struggle. The economy still sucked. The weather sucked. The likely illegal collusion between landlord, banker, contractor and maybe even organized crime nearly bankrupted her. But it took crazy cat ladies to kill her.

A feeder of feral cat colonies in the city adopted a cat from a shelter and then turned it loose in a city park, in the snow and the 2014 winter, to struggle on its own. This lady thinks this is good for cats. Some friends of hers brought the sick cat to Shirley for a medical problem, but of course declined most everything necessary due to cost. So as she had done in the past, Shirley asked them to surrender their cat so she could care for it and then try to find it a nice home. Because they could not provide properly for the cat, they agreed. Later, the woman who had turned the cat loose in the park showed up to claim the cat, and Shirley refused. She didn't want to see the cat abandoned again. And she didn't at that point even know who owned the cat. For she had been duped into believing the first two people owned it.

That's when it started. Vicious evil people have the same voice on the internet as the rest. An organized assault on Shirley began on the net. An on-line blog that specializes in character assassination zeroed in on her. Protesters with signs lined the street in front of her hospital, and had to be removed from her clinic by the police. People who had no idea of the facts hopped on board with the mob because the evil rich veterinarian deserved it. They were vicious, conscienceless, and evil. But they got their wish.

Shirley killed herself the other night.

And the vermin on the blog celebrated, cheering her death in their posts.

Ask any veterinarian out here. This hurts us. So I guess they win.

#veterinary #VetMed #mentions of suicide #suicide #mental health #i have no words

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bleedingcoffee42 · 6 years ago

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Eureka AU- Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

No pause to research. Only write.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Roy was mentally operating at a level he hadn't operated at in years. His mind was fueled by fear, something he hadn't experienced since his teenage years when his career and future hinged on the decisions of others. Thankfully Dr. Knox and Dr. Marcoh were not intimidated by him. He had already thrown a tablet across the room and shattered it for denying him access to Riza's military records. He had been close to putting his fist through a very very expensive piece of equipment when Knox had thrown him into the wall and told him to stop lashing out and start thinking. Prove he was the smartest fucking person in the goddamned building. Stop being an asshole to everyone trying to help.

Still, there were no answers and Riza's condition was getting worse. Knox had no information about the vaccination, Raven knew nothing just quoted protocol and 'you don't have clearance for that' when Knox asked for Riza's complete military file. Marcoh had pulled microscopic residue from the vaccination syringe but it had already been contaminated by the Sharps container. Phone calls to the military would get him nowhere and he instinctively wanted to keep this all in house. So he said 'fuck it' and ordered his best IT guy to hack the fucking military and get him her files. Fuery was working on it, but almost everything he could find had been redacted.

He stood in the observation room with his hand on the glass and looked in the intensive care room at his wife. Temperature was climbing, there was fear of internal bleeding, she was in pain. He ordered Knox to go get some pain reliever and the doctor tried to argue with him and lost. So when the door opened and Knox came in the observation room instead of going in to administer the drug he was downright irate.

“Shut up, kid, and let me talk.” Knox said and walked over to him. He doubted Mustang knew about the pregnancy, he didn't think Hawkeye was in the sate of mind to walk in and drop a bomb on him like that. Not from the look on her face when she left his office. “How much did she tell you when she got home?”

“I told you, “ Roy hissed. “All she said was that it was a booster of some kind and Raven brought it with him.”

“Anything else?” Knox asked.

“I don't have time for twenty questions, just ask me.” Roy spat.

“She's pregnant.” Knox was going to break it to him easy, but he was being a dick. He saw Roy's reaction, shock and disbelief. Good. “She found out when she came in for the vaccination, I gathered this was not a planned pregnancy.”

“No..I...” Roy felt his mind go blank. Something that never happened and he wondered if that was what death felt like. He couldn't even stammer out a response.

“Normally I wouldn't say anything, except that you're about to start giving orders and ordering me to carry out your wishes. I'm the doctor, not you.” Knox raised the syringe. “Anything we do for her from here on out is going to be in her system and possibly pass through to the baby. “

Roy closed his eyes. “So the booster came with enough information that you didn't have concerns about giving it to her?”

“I had the data sheet and it said it was fine.” Knox said. “It was a booster and already in her system. However any treatments at this stage of development are a concern going forward.”

“She's in pain.” Roy said. That wasn't what Knox was asking. He was asking for consent from the baby's father to proceed with treatment. “We both understand that whatever is going on is putting her life at risk. Elevated temperature, heart rate, bleeding. I'm not going to withhold proper medical care because of a baby. I accept that means we might lose a life, but it's better than two lives.”

“Are you sure you want to make this call without consulting her?”

“She's in and out of consciousness.” Roy said. “I'll shoulder that burden, do what you need to do Knox.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Roy had a team working on a cure. A team of the best scientists in the world. A team that was still at a loss as to what they were dealing with. So he sat by his wife's bedside and felt useless.

Fuery couldn't come up with her records, which made him suspect Raven. There was no reason a 1st Lieutenant would have a file that was above his own clearance. Especially since he had seen the file on her in order to select the town's new Sheriff over a year ago. It was part of her hiring process, he had seen everything from her academy test scores to her list of commendations and personal after action reports. That was all still there, but a deeper look into the actual combat she had see had resulted in a suspicious lack of results. Either Riza Hawkeye's profile was fabricated and there was holes to be found after the cursory glance or someone was trying to hide something.

He looked at her sleeping and listened to all the machines beeping around them. He certainly didn't question her. His wife was the genuine article, however he felt it in his heart that someone was counting on him to question her. Their decision to keep their marriage quiet from the outside world, to avoid a name change, seemed like it may have all been a wise move now. He was certain that Raven didn't make the connection that they were married, and Roy made sure to never imply she was more than the Sheriff. Riza wouldn't volunteer that information either, not unless ordered.

He leaned over and took her hand hand held it to his lips to lay a kiss on her knuckles. Right now he was feeling an ache in his heart and it was from a piece that had been missing for almost three years. From before he met Riza, from the Sheriff before her; Maes Hughes.

He wished more than anything his best friend was here right now, to help him investigate this possible corruption in the military ranks and to be a shoulder to cry into. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought of his friend, murdered in the line of duty as he uncovered moles in Eureka planted by Raven's predecessor, Fessler. Now it seemed like it was happening again, another soldier turned politician trying to use the advancements made here for his own gain. Another expendable soldier sacrificed for someone else's greed.

He didn't talk about Maes much, to anyone. He had, of course, told Riza about it when she asked why the position had come available. That was when they first met and of course it had put them on the wrong foot. He went for a long time without a replacement Sheriff, but when the military pushed back hard enough he had to relent and give them what they wanted: their own representative in a position of authority within the town. He wiped a tear away as he thought about his first meeting with Riza and how she almost shot him for overstepping his authority. Back then their first case was Shou Tucker's chimera clusterfuck and he had Riza had butted heads on how to handle the situation. Roy, of course, wanted to keep his scientist in Eureka instead of unleashing him into the world, Riza wanted to send him to federal prison for murder.

He kissed her hand again. If Maes had been there he would have nudged his arm as Riza pointed a gun at his chest telling him to back the fuck off. They compromised, under gunpoint. Tucker would remain at work under supervision, his daughter would be put in a foster home. They would all stay in Eureka and the incident would just be a footnote in history. In that moment back then all he could think about was how much he missed Hughes as Sheriff because they would have never had that stand off. In this moment, he knew Hughes would be telling him it was a match made in heaven to have a woman who would not take his shit. The kind of wife he needed.

Well he needed her. He needed a cure too. He needed Hughes to be able to work his fucking investigative magic and find out what Raven was up to and what exactly he dosed Riza with in order to get what he wanted. In a flutter of helplessness he considered asking Elric to use his damned necromancy portal to bring back his best friend to help him work this out.

Then it hit him. Elric. That child prodigy running loose downstairs in hos own labratory was his often literally earth-shattering ideas, was who he needed. That kid's resentment of the military had to have spawned some projects to counter it's corruption. �� His ideas were outlandish and he had such an atypical way of thinking that even without having a medial doctorate he could see something they were all missing. He took out his phone, wiped his eyes and composed himself. He called Ed.

“What do you want, Mustang?”

“I need your help.” There was silence and Roy looked at his phone to make sure he wasn't hung up on. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah....I just didn't think that was a four letter word in your vocabulary.”

“Just meet me in the infirmary.” Roy said and hung up. Then he felt Riza stir and immediately put his phone down to lean closer to her. “Hey, how are you feeling? Do you need more painkiller?”

“Roy.” She felt horrible. In ways she never thought possible.

“I'm here.” He said and hovered closer. She was so quiet. His mouth went dry and he felt tears start to well up again. “I need to ask you something, it's really important and I know you're going to tell me it's confidential and we really don't have time for you to debate on ethics with me.”

“I need...to tell you something.” She said and bit her lip. Why did this have to happen now, of all times.

“I know.” He said and the tears fell.

She looked at him and they exchanged glances. Of course he knew. He would have been pouring over her medical records and tests. He knew she was pregnant. Hardly the magic this moment deserved. “I was going to tell you.”

“Later OK?” He said and squeezed her hand. “We'll do it all over and I promise I can be just as surprised when you tell me.”

“I'm not quite in the mood for sex on your desk right now.” She nodded and closed her eyes. She head him sniffle instead of laugh. She had to be in bad shape.

“Hey, stay with me.” Roy said and squeezed her hand. “It's really important that I know where you were stationed, what campaigns you were in.”

“Roy, if you're asking...we both know I can't tell you.” She opened her eyes to ask him not to push this subject.

“If you were part of some special operation I don't have clearance to know about...I understand you not being able to tell me. But this vaccination booster, it implies a previous vaccine required for an engagement you participated in. I need to know when and where so I can track down the original information.”

“Roy...I swore an oath.”

“Is there some other way you can tell me that won't compromise your integrity?” He plead. She would take this secret with her to the grave and Raven knew it. Duty above all else. He saw her hesitate, her eyes dart away, an indication that there was something. “What? Please, Riza, tell me.”

“I kept a journal.” She said. “It's in my foot locker. There is a small pistol gun-safe with my service weapon.”

“The code?” He asked.

“0611” She said and he kissed her. She could see him crying and knew she didn't need to ask how bad her condition was. She was dying.

“Don't worry, I got this. Maybe you'll start respecting me for my brains and not just my body after I save your life, huh?”

She smiled. Their little joke. It was said without humor though, his voice was cracking. “You're still not a medical doctor.”

He started crying and had to look away so he didn't drop hot tears on her face. “I swear I'm going to go to medical school just to spite you.”

“You are really good with people.” She said and closed her eyes. She was so damned tired. She wanted to console him, she hated seeing him upset, but it was too much.

He wiped his eyes and placed a kiss on her forehead. Then he turned around and saw Edward Elric staring at him, wide-eyed behind the glass of the observation room. He tried to compose himself as he left his wife's side to go in there and talk with him. This kid who he had battled from day one, this kid he never showed a sign of weakness to. Now he would beg for his help if he had to. He walked in and said, “So how much did you hear?”

“Everything that implies you think the military is behind this.” Ed said. He didn't give Mustang any shit, the man was a mess. Emotionally, physically...hardly recognizable. He looked human. Wearing a shirt without a tie, no three piece suit, hair a mess. Red eyes and snot dropping from his nose. “It doesn't take a genius to see that this would be the perfect murder. Get rid of a witness to something that might condemn a military officer. If Hawkeye didn't come home to you, we would have found her dead in her office today. What do you need me to do?”

Roy had to rub his eyes to stop from crying again. “I'm going home to get an exact time and date from Riza's journal. I'll call you with that information, take it to Fuery and have him find out what the fuck went down. What these soldiers were injected with. Then I need you to help Marcoh and Knox think around the typical avenues and come up with ideas about how this technology can be warped by a corrupt military official to cover his tracks.”

“I can do that.” Ed said.

“Use whatever resources you need, but under no circumstances engage with General Raven.” Roy said and Ed's eyes lit up, a fire of anger burning behind them as he finally put a name to the face behind this. “Raven's trying to kill my wife, I need you to find out what he has to cover up. I have no evidence, Ed.”

“Yet.”

Roy nodded. “Thank you.”

Ed went to leave, his own mind racing around the information just dropped in his lap. He put his hand on the door and paused. “You...don't think this has anything to do with what Hughes was working on...do you?”

Roy had purposely shut that door in his mind when the thought occurred to him. Hughes was dead, Riza was dying. There was time to investigate that when she was safe. “It occurred to me, but right now Hawkeye is our priority. She doesn't have much time.”

“Then go home and get me that information.” Ed snapped and left.

#fic #royai #eureka au

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