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godzillabreath · 2 days ago

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unfortunately I do have more to say about wwdits.

I think one of the most egregious things about the development of the show over the seasons is the tonal shift. I was watching it from the beginning to convince myself I wasn’t crazy for feeling the first three seasons were better, and I felt vindicated.

It was always a dark comedy, but it wasn’t always a zany dark comedy. It had been grounded in real, everyday life. The vampires prey on a LARP group, the vampires ride a late night bus to go to a city council meeting, Nandor tries for citizenship, etc. I think once they started introducing a slew of supernatural creatures like a monster-of-the-week a la carte, the show became increasingly less focused and outlandish. There are episode I don’t like even in seasons 2 and 3 that are emblematic of this shift. The siren, the gargoyles, the troll—they just feel out of place in a story that is supposed to focus on out-of-time vampires and how they engage with the modern world. They aren’t really adding anything to the characters or the plot when they appear either. They just make a flashy CGI appearance and give some quippy line, which ultimately eats up time where our main cast that we actually care about could otherwise be on screen, doing things. And then there was a point in time where this show just did not allow itself any more sentimental moments between characters. These moments, for me, made for refreshing moments between comedic situations. It balanced the humanity in all of the main cast. But the show opted out of those moments, and it just became a back-to-back comedic situation with less and less interesting character moments to look forward to. Anyway, I just find it kind of sad that the writers completely detonated all of the characters’ inner emotional lives by the series finale. I liked to see Nadja bored in her marriage and pursuing this lustful encounter with Gregor through reincarnated generations. I liked to see Colin challenged by another energy vampire undermining his territory. I liked to see Guillermo struggling with his fractured relationship with his family, his discomfort in his own sexual identity, and his need to cling on to this group of vampires that disrespect him if only to find family and personal liberation in their company. I liked Nandor being so disconnected from modernity that he became listless and depressed and lonely and clung on to the idea that he might make himself human again. I liked the romance that the writers were building literally textually and in all of their marketing material from season 3: that Guillermo (at least) had these unrequited and very frustrating feelings for Nandor and how that affected their relationship with each other. I liked the idea of Laszlo forming these personal connections with both Sean and Colin, even if I found their conclusive arcs to be lackluster, strange, or unpalatable (baby Colin to weird co-parent Colin was a bizarre arc.) I liked the idea of Nadja wanting power and community because of the impoverished, desolate conditions she grew up under (especially the class dynamic of marrying Laszlo and how that could be at times a schism in their relationship), even if the writers did not care to expand upon this. The potential just drives me crazy. I can’t believe they opted out of tying up any of these emotional hooks. I think it might drive me crazy forever.

#Wwdits #what we do in the shadows

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gingernut1314 · 21 hours ago

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Blue Christmas

Summary: You find yourself with the Winchesters on Christmas, but this year is bluer than usual and Dean is right there for you.

Content: gender-neutral reader, implied reader is a hunter, Dean comports reader, slight spoilers in regards to the bunker

Word Count: 1.2K

Song: Blue Christmas

A/N: I haven't written for Dean in a hot minute but I had this little idea and needed to share it. I hope you all enjoy and have a happy holidays!

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The world was quiet outside the bunker. A quiet that the snow littering the ground only seemed to amplify and it was a quiet that was broken by the creaking of the bunker’s front door opening.

“Damn--colder than a witches tit out here.” Dean Winchester called as he came out into the night air. You couldn’t help the small huff of amusement that puffed out your nose, which created a cloud of white thanks to the frigid weather.

“Bet that’s somethin’ you’d know for a fact huh?” You teased, resting your cheek against your shoulder so you could watch him out of the corner of your eye. Dean gave you a cheesy shrug, that goofy smile you’d come to adore pulling at those full lips.

“Maybe I figured the truth out once…twice. The third time was just a shifter parading ‘round like the damn witch we’d been huntin’.”

“Course.” You chuckled as he started to struggle to shut the door, the two white mugs full of something warm in his hands making it all the more difficult. His brows furrowed in concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out as he used his middle and ring finger to grab the handle. He gave a loud curse when hot liquid sloshed over the lip of one of the mugs, burning at his fingers before he got the door semi-shut.

A small laugh of triumph left his lips before he turned to find you again, lifting the two mugs your way.

“I made wassail.” Dean beamed proudly as he walked up the snow-covered steps to come stand beside where you sat on the front edge of the stairwell.

“Ooo. Sounds fancy.” You playfully said.

“Oh yeah. Real fancy.” Dean joked, passing off one of the mugs to you, which you took gratefully. The warmth seeping from the ceramic mug instantly began to thaw out your near-frozen fingers and you pulled it close to your face, hoping it might do the same for your nose. “Always wanted to make it. Never had a stove till now.” You watched him take a sip of his creation, a happy little hum on his lips. You followed his lead and tested the drink out yourself.

Warm apple cider and an overwhelming amount of spiced rum met your taste buds. It made your nose scrunch up at the taste as you swallowed it down, the warmth of both the heated cider and alcohol spreading throughout your body.

“Warms the soul right there.” Dean cheered.

“Gahk! Hell--right.” Dean laughed at your reaction.

“Mind if I join ya for a while?” He asked and you nodded, scooting closer to the railing next to you to make space for him on the ledge. Dean sat down with a small grunt, shifting a bit to get more comfortable on the cold stone.

A small silence fell between you two as you took another brave sip of the wassail, craving its warmth despite its horrid taste. You watched as Dean did the same, the eldest Winchester’s eyes taking in the dark, snowy scenery before you.

“Sorry…for being out here. I know you said it’s risky. I just--needed some air.” You breathed. Dean’s spring green eyes found yours then, giving you a small shrug.

“Eh, it’s okay.” A cocky little smirk pulled to his lips. “I’m here now to protect you.” You gave a scoffed laugh.

The brothers had told you to not be out here too much as to not risk their man cave being found out, not because you needed any sort of protection. You’d taken down your fair share of spooky things that go bump in the night all by your lonesome.

“My hero.” You mused.

“You bet your ass I am,” Dean spoke in goofy confidence. You let an easy smile pull at your lips as another handful of silence passed between you two. “You want to talk about it?” He was the one to break the silence this time round.

“‘Bout what?” You took another sip of your drink, pretending like you didn’t know what he was talking about. About what had been nagging at your mind all night.

All week since you’d frantically found the Winchesters having some much-needed time off.

“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m not so good with the pep talks. But I understand what you are feeling. You know I do.” You took a deep drink of the wassail, letting it burn at your throat and take away the tightness of your throat. “And I know we promised we’d get them back by the holidays--”

“It was wishful thinking--getting them by now. Don’t blame anyone for that.” Dean was quiet as he listened, serious eyes never leaving yours. “I’m just--It’s killing me--the not knowing. Not knowing where they are but knowing wherever it is they are in hell.” Your eyes stung as if sand had been thrown in your eyes. You forced yourself to look away from Dean, blurring eyes finding the brown colored cider in your hands. To keep him from seeing how truly hopeless you felt.

A solid shoulder pressed against yours followed quickly by a side as Dean scooted over, closing the small distance that lay between you two. You felt nothing but grateful, moving so that you could press even closer as if you could steal the body heat he gave off. As if you could steal even a speck of his strength.

Dean snaked his arm around your shoulders, letting you know it was okay to lean on him. Okay to use him for support and god did you need some support.

“I know. Wish I didn’t, but I do.” Dean spoke as you rested your head on him. “Just remember they’re strong. I’ve seen them fight. They’re something else--badasses.” You gave a little chuckle that came out more pathetic sounding than you had wished. “And remember that Sammy and I won’t stop helping you till we find them.” You nodded, the soft flannel he wore rubbing against your freezing cheek.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“No need for thanks.” Dean gave you a tight squeeze. “How ‘bout we go back inside. Get warm and hit the books. Keep looking.”

“It’s okay. We’re not gonna find anything we hadn’t seen before tonight.” You sighed, pulling out of his hold with a shake of your head. “I don’t want to make you and Sam’s Christmas any bluer than I’ve already managed to make it.” Dean shook his head right back at you.

“Nah. Haven’t done a thing.” He brushed his cooling fingers over your cheeks, wiping away the streaking tears that had managed to escape your eyes. “Anyway, if there weren’t any blue Christmas’, Elvis wouldn’t have had anything to sing about.” You laughed, leaning into his touch.

“You’re right.”

“Hell yeah, I am.” He proudly spoke. “Inside?” He questioned, gently grabbing for your hand. You nodded, intertwining your fingers between his calloused ones as you let him guide you to your feet.

“Hey--I’d feel even better if you gave me a little performance.” You bumped his shoulder playfully as you two made your way down the stairs towards the entrance. “Sang some Elvis. Think Sam would love it too, don’t ya think?” Dean gave a chest-rumbling laugh, as he started the struggle to open the door with one, mug-filled hand again.

“You know I think you’re on to somethin’.” And as he swung the door back open, the lyrics of Blue Christmas bellowed from his lips in his best swaggering Elvis impression.

Sam was far from loving it, but you drank in every last second.

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s0fter-sin · 14 days ago

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one of my favourite aspects of supernatural that you very rarely see in paranormal shows is that sam and dean are already versed in the world they live in. there’s no sudden discovery of ghosts and demons and now they have to learn about them along with the audience; they are born into it and already know all about it. it allows the audience to follow their personal story instead of also trying to figure out this new world and its rules

the first season is full of knowledge we never see them learn; “w*ndigoes are in the minnesota woods or- or northern michigan. i’ve never even heard of one this far west.” […] “great. well then this [his gun] is useless.” (1x02), “you don’t break a curse. you get the hell out of its way.” (1x08), d: “it’s a god. a pagan god, anyway.” […] “the annual cycle of its killings? and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman. like some kind of fertility right.” […] s: “the last meal. given to sacrificial victims. d: “yeah, i’m thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god.” (1x11)

almost every episode in the first season is a monster they’ve faced before that they then explain to the audience in a way that should feel patronising; like it’s the same speech given over and over again but instead, the audience almost feels included in the knowledge. it’s stated with such an innate confidence and comfort in said knowledge that it feels like we already knew it too; “spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. if they want inside, they just go through the walls.” […] “the claws, the speed that it moves; could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog.” (1x02), “it's biblical numerology. you know noah's ark, it rained for forty days. the number means death.” (1x04), “no no no, not the reaper, a reaper. there's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names.” […] “you said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? reapers stop time. and you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why i could see it and you couldn't.” (1x12)

they already know and, at least in the first season, already have what they need to kill whatever they’re hunting; already know to salt and burn bones for spirits, fire for a w*ndigo, exorcisms for demons, a silver bullet to the heart for shapeshifters. there’s only three times in the entire first season that they run into something new to them; 1x14 when sam gets his first vision that leads him to another psychic, 1x16 when dean calls caleb for help on the sigil he put together and he tells him about daevas, and 1x20 when they find out vampires are real- and they only don’t know that bc john thought they were hunted to extinction and not worth mentioning

(there’s also technically two half instances if you count one of them knowing something the other doesn’t - sam figuring out the tulpa in 1x17 and dean already knowing about the shtriga in 1x18 - but those still rely on sam and dean having prior knowledge)

even when they’re uncertain about facing something, it’s not bc they don’t know what it is; it’s precisely bc they know what it is and acknowledge that it’ll be a difficult hunt (“i don't know, man. this isn't our normal gig. i mean, demons, they don't want anything, just death and destruction for its own sake. this is big. and i wish dad was here.” 1x04)

so much of the tension in paranormal shows typically comes from the main character(s) not knowing what is happening to them/the people around them and having to find out how to resolve it. supernatural is unique in that it operates more like a police procedural. the tension comes from solving the clues and identifying patterns to figure out who (what) the killer is and intercepting before they can take another victim

it’s such a different tone to go for when compared to other shows that came both before, during, and after its run. it sets sam and dean on even footing with each other since they both have the same knowledge going in, and it puts them in a place of authority usually reserved for an outside character

the shows i compare spn to most is charmed, buffy and teen wolf; every main character in those shows are brought into the paranormal world knowing nothing, putting them on the same level as the audience, and they have their mc interact with others already knowledgeable about that world in order to overcome their problem/monster of the week. the audience organically learns about this new world as the characters learn about it. it’s a sound writing strategy that prevents “as we already know”-style exposition but something that complicates it is if your world building isn’t unique or intriguing enough, this slow introduction can become boring

we’ve seen shows like these before; sitting through the same tropes of characters learning to use their powers, struggling with no longer feeling normal/relating to the regular world around them, and not knowing how much they can trust the people already involved in this new world gets repetitive. all three shows eventually reach the same level of comfort with their new world that spn starts with but if the characters aren’t enough to draw you in, you can end up dropping it before they reach that point (and often, before the overarching plot can really kick in and evolve the show beyond the villain of the week format)

it’s the superhero origin movie in tv format; dragged out and overplayed. dropping the audience into an established world of course comes with its own problems but you also have the benefit of pre-existing established character dynamics that let the audience slot in like they’ve always been there instead of just getting to know all the characters while the characters also get to know each other

sam and dean already knowing about the supernatural lets the audience immediately get to the core of the story; the conflict between sam and dean, the search for their father, and the mystery of what killed their mother

#i could go on forever theres literally so many examples #dean figuring the ‘two dark doubles’ is a shapeshifter sam figuring out the changing ghost is a tulpa #also peak how many of these examples come from dean despite them pushing so hard for sam to be the one knowing hunting theory #this format is why i cant stand watching the first season of charmed despite loving it so much #i just cant be bothered watching them have the same struggle ive seen a hundred times play out again #different genre but sons of anarchy does this well too; all the characters are already in the club life and already have inner conflict #spn having such a natural introduction makes me so glad they didnt go with the original plan of sam not knowing about hunting #that wouldve been Painful #watching spn so young has really shaped my view of media bc i legit cant stand things with a learning curve #give me an established world damnit #lord of the rings never stops to explain what a dwarf is! you just go with it! and it rules!#dean is just as theoretical and lore savvy as sam and id go as far to say he actually knows more #instead of trying to do this bullshit brains v brawn divide they shouldve done new tech vs analogue #sams laptop is famous and he also knows how to hack thing where the second dean doesnt know something he defaults to books #have dean be the one where if its written down he can find it almost like a proto bobby #they even kind of support that by him being the one to find the phoenix in s6 when they go through all their books #but this was 2005 and characters could only be so conplex and theyd already decided dean needed to be the hot one and sams the nerd one #side note how many of these metas am i going to write on this rewatch? tbd #side side note included all the quotes and episode numbers makes me feel so academic #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #carry on my wayward son #talk meta to me #meta #supernatural meta #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester

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deangril · 2 months ago

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Hello, Dean

#THIS. THIS ACTUALLY TOOK ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE PLEASE WATCH THIS #I migh or might not have also edited a bit the ending because fuck my life I can't see that tiktok-cut scene it just kills me. also fuck all #that yellow #i have mo regrets but please watch it #i tried my best it's now 4 am i have again. been possesed by the Destiel of November 5th #basically. basically 4 years ago i figured out that castiel always says Hello Dean #and . and just Once. Just once Goodbye Dean #honestly. i wish i could. eat god #anyway. i jave yes indeed edited the ending too because OT WAS ALREADY TWO AM WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DOEN??? STOPPED THEREEEE??? WHAT FOR????#so yeha. whatever fuck me fuck you fuck the cw and fuck everything we deserved at least a GOO d edited ending.#at least that #fuck fuck fuck #no but really you know #i understand everything and it's okay #but at least if you have to spit on my face one last time. at least make it count. make it worth it. make me FEEL LIKE YOU CARED #we deserved better. at least a good editing. at least that #but yeah happy nov 5h #nov 5th #nov 5 2024 #spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #:(#the internet is so lucky I'm not unemployed anymore. so. lucky #also it's so sad that Cas doesn't say Hello dean after season 11(12 if u wanna be precise) and all the others are just fake cas trying to #trick dean :((( i miss you cas i miss youuu

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burgerspeople · 5 months ago

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my laptop randomly closed out my browser while i was writing. like. excuse me laptop ghost that is rude

#for the record i don't actually believe in ghosts #at least i don't think so lol #i have been watching supernatural again so there's that #oopsie daisies

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fromthegraveyard · 1 year ago

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why didn't anyone make a destiel meme about spn possibly coming back i can't believe i had to find out about this the normal way

#destiel #spn #supernatural #also dear god why won't you let this show DIE?#it's almost funny that the characters that kept being brought back to life against their will #are part of a show that keeps coming back to life against everyone's will #did you read that?? ALMOST #listen i love spn so much i grew up with this show it is so special to me and recently i've been getting full on obsessed with it again #BUT IT'S OVER LET IT DIE #the ending was absolute shit so just leave it as it is #stop trying to add on to it “the winchesters” made it clear that it doesn't work #just please leave spn alone you guys have fucked it over again and again after season six just let it REST #that said yes i will at least try to watch if it does come back #but i couldn't get through the first few minutes of “the winchesters” so possibly the same thing will happen again

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remythologise · 1 year ago

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2023 fujoshi wrapped

you got baited 24 times

you debated the difference between queer-coding, queerbaiting and censorship in the comments section 4 times

you revisited fanfiction for 7 hit ships from the 2000s

you got blocked 5 times for tagging paragraphs of old man yaoi ship meta on unrelated text posts

you played 585 hours of video games for a combined total of 10 minutes of gay subtext and/or sex scenes

you judged a BL manga or light novel by its cover 948 times

you told 39 friends to watch 3 gay tv shows that are 'actually really really well written and enjoyable and not just gay' and 0 of them did

#respectively: 1) my new boss is goofy. and I enjoyed it. 5 stars. would get baited relentlessly again #2) literally like. is anything queerbaiting but supernatural and maybe parts of sherlock. up for debate. anyway I still can't believe #someone called GAME OF THRONES queerbaiting. I'm still reeling from that.#3) Oh You Know.#4) I can't believe I found out paragraphs of tags annoys people. sorry for being alive on the Paragraphs of Tags blogging website I guess.#(this is because they now show up in notifications I know. I have been trying not to post like. Personal Lore as much like I used to.#trying to keep it related!!! :( sorry for annoying people... it's just how I've always blogged...)#5) disco elysium is the joke here but the hour count really. let's be real. bg3 #6) I do have a pretty good accuracy rate on whether a BL is going to be good based on the front cover art alone honestly. you can just tell #7) AND THIS IS ONLY ABOUT DEADLOCH AND IWTV WHICH I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SO MANY OF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED #do NOT get it twisted. 6) is about THOSE two shows. and also black sails eternally #kira for ts #bored at work. ama

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bsotted · 6 days ago

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ok well. unfortunate news: sometimes ur niche is so niche u've already niched the niche. this is exactly the same as the feeling of hitting the end of ur ship tag in ao3 🥲

#*slowly morosely untucks the bib and folds it up again #smh #idk if that post breached containment in the wrong direction or what but there were like 3ppl apiece talking about good actual examples #and those were like 99% media i already reaaaadddd im tearjngn my hair out #but far and away most ppl flat out missed the brief #like i think out of almost four thousand tags about four tagged ghost. four tagged geralt. three andrew minyard. etc #sobbung im sad for me AND for yall like this is ur jam and the best u can put up for example is dean winchester????#listen i know im on the supernatural site. voluntarily. but ur really gonna tell me thats the best u can do 😭😭#like a solid handful said bucky barnes. good solid classic example i'll give it to u but its 2024 😭😭😭😭😭😭#all respect to the ppl tagging ocs tho y'all are real 🫡 bc its looking like if we want it we do gotta get in the trenches and write it 😔✊#anywya i came away with approximately one and a half recs and then 3-4 repeated vouchers for media i know i am just never gonna consume rip #and the rest of yall.. have some kinda different media literacy situation going on we went thru v different english programs i fear #😔😔#angie.txt #like i believe the boba fett girlies are right and on to something but i am simply not going down the mouse route on my own dime #so those recs are. moot #not a single trigun mention i dont think.. not vash or nick or i wouldve even given a pass to a shoutout for knives #some of u said kaz and i havent read the books but even just based on the tv series p sure i can respect that.#one i have to look into asap is whoever evan kelmp(?) is- whatever hes from im not familiar and seems promising.#izzy hands im so sorry. im fundamentally incapable of watching ofmd unfortunately i watched black sails first #wasnt aware it was going to ruin other pirate related media for me when i made that decision 😭😭#i respect the arcane shoutouts but i do think it's hilarious that no two of u called out the same character.#murderbot obviously #i just think some of yall are so close yet so far and i want better for us all so goddamn badlyyy #update: i checked and op seems to have been generalizing off of boba fett/wolverine/magneto etc and yeah that tracks #smbdy said john wick - more than one actually- and while i hear u i also invite u to consider:#that man's singular desire is literally to go back into retirement in peace all he wanted was a quiet night in a rocking chair w that dog..#i dont think id go so far as to say he wouldnt know what to do with a warm bed if he got it. or attach himself to sbdy attack dog style atp #ykwim #somebody said patrick bateman.. yall are just listing names atp. darth vader? kylo? all right pack it up folks

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wheelercore · 18 days ago

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Theory with no coherent proof on my part: brenner only visibly ages rapidly when a portal is open.

#brenner 'dies' very early on after rhe portal opens in s1 so we dont see the effects #but in s4 he looks considerably older.#then in s5 he apparently has a whole bald cap - portal that opened at the end of s4 has been open for approx 1.5 years #theres the tie in to the ptsd/trauma metaphor with the UD representing repressed memories #or repressed memories aka 'lost time' in someone memory #the whole thing where ppl with traumatic childhoods cant remember their childhoods very well and it comes back sooner or later #i wonder if there is a supernatural tie into that in st? like when a portal opens to the UD all that 'lost time' suddenly is allowed back #into the light aka out of the subconscious and into the conscious re flashbacks and memory retrieval #i dont believe NINA at all beyond the flashbacks el has before brenner got involved #bc it seems to me that brenner possibly took advtg of els vulnerable state to possibly manipulate her memory retrieval #which irl has been a long time point of controversy which is psychologists convinving patients that they have memories of trauma #they dont actually have. which idk how valid that is but brenner is a psychologist so if anyone he could find a way #also when the 'lost time' comes back to the surface brenner ages bc of those time loops begin to unravel. the real years brenner has lived #take its toll rather than him de aging as time loops back again to the beginning #very dr who of him. or at least every time he dies its another time loop thats created except from our perspective as the audience we #wouldnt know. because we are only watching from a set linear timeline (1983-1986) and we dont see the time line resetting itself #since all the timelines are similar enough with only small differences ('easter eggs')#tying this into the wheelers- their name literally means 'creator/operator of wheels' aka time loops. so are they The Source?#with the subtext surrounding 'truths' and 'lies' in ST i dont necessarily believe all timeloops are created equal #one must be the 'true' timeline while the others must be 'lies'. aka lonnie saying how people sometimes make things up 'to cope'#that and the heavy subtext behind hawkins being a cursed town. not necessarily anywhere else in the US #and how you can only open portals in hawkins per alexei #makes me thinks these arent legitimate timeloops. like time isnt physically looping back and rerunning events bc otherwise it wouldnt only #affect one small town in indiana. also we dont see the UD/the MF be able to affect time itself but rather ppls perception of time aka #mind control and memories. meaning that could it be time isnt actually looping but rather everyone in hawkins has their memories wiped and #recreated every time there is an inciting incident (which is unknown)#^this doesnt really explain how brenner is able to revive every time he dies unless brenner is actually an admin of this system and lives #'outside' the time loop. so. brenner is a video game character actually whos actual player is blissfully safe from harm outside of the the #computer screen #isnt this just the plot of the matrix. with 'the source' (the central computing core aka the wheelers?) and keymakers etc etc

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6mayhem · 2 months ago

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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL #i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort #but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome #and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP #he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him #were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond #its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other #there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes #while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time #theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car #and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk #in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time #to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship #him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil #he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits #all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did #they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him #also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now #but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other #he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that #makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary #if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself #sorry oversharing oh wow

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patolemus · 2 months ago

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heyyyy just wanted to say i'm not dead, life is just very busy right now so I swear i'm not ignoring messages and i'll reply to everything as soon as i cannnnnn ily you're all lovelyyyy!!

#I'll be back as soon as I become a person again #im afraid I currently belong to end of term papers and finals prep work #but I did write a bunch for my time travel au the other day so hope is not lost yet #also I've been on a supernatural rabbit hole lately so my little free time has been going to watch that god forsaken show (pun SO intended)#I have so many questions about it but that's also waiting for once I have time again lmao #anyways see you once im done with my exams (or maybe a little bit earlier because I do finish in november)#if im not back im afraid finals did in fact end me instead #patolemus speaks #not fandom related

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 5 months ago

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hang on are cougars like panthers

#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM #dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires #you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no #i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay #and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself #like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter #actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well #idk how letter grades work tbh #also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check #bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table #but i also think a lot went over my head #even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words #also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too #now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot #like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that #bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh #but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger #just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all #like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they #depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for #centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO #like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much #at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human #in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover #sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho #anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*

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andi-o-geyser · 2 years ago

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characters with the nickname ‘cass’ are so scrumbly and graceful and smart in such a fun way i want to give them all hugs

#cassandra de rolo #cassandra cain #cassian andor #clarification: i specifically do not mean supernatural; never watched it and dont want to; but live your best life :)#just realized that ive been writing 'cass' a lot and i now have three cass's's(??) to organize in my brain #i love them all so much its unbelievable #tlovm is back and that mean im going crazy over one cassandra de rolo again #my love my life traumatized white streak in hair baby girl im love you #tlovm #cr1 #critical role #the legend of vox machina #andor #star wars #batman #dc #comics

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autumnrory · 2 years ago

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just started rewatching ugly betty bc i had read some v excellent betty/daniel fic i thought recently but i guess it was a couple years ago lol, i just couldn’t follow everything, because i didn’t remember all the characters/plots that well ANYWAY from what i remember idt i really thought of betty/daniel romantically until the end of the series, i remember liking her with henry before he became a shit (at least i’m pretty sure that’s what happened, i haven’t watched since this show since it ended 13 years ago) but other than that there’s not TOO much that sticks with me, i just know i loved the ending but ofc was left wanting more at the time but ya while i think i was reading fic on ff.net in 2010 there were only a few things i would’ve been searching for at that point SO once i get through the series i’m gonna have so much fun bc i read 3 fics from that author and they’ve published like 12 more stories this year and i’m gonna be able to understand them so much better, but yeah just now rewatching the pilot i’m like oh my god how did i not immediately love them i mean obviously daniel was a dick but he apologized and at the end of the ep he’s watching her fondly and i’m just ahhhh over them already bc i know the romantic aspect aside there’s such excellent growth in them and their relationship and i can’t wait to watch it play out

#ik there will be the storylines i DON'T love and ofc rebecca romijn playing a trans woman #and i'm sure loads of transphobia in her storyline itself #but yeah like i remember the characters fondly and everything but so much is of course gone from my head #also obvs it at least got a proper finale which is something but i wonder if it would've gone longer if not for the writers strike #i need to add all the things i watched in that period of time to my watchlist bc there's a lot i loved #and some i drifted away from bc that was in the time where like you had to watch it live #and were lucky to catch the episode repeating later #so like i stopped watching bones and heroes and supernatural (actually not sure i got past season 1 of supernatural at the time #though...i should not have been watching that at 10 probably lol and ofc i later watched it through in college then stopped again #so. i still have to actually finish that eventually)#and then pushing daisies i THINK i watched all of #but i remember they had like the last few episodes air after ages and ages or something and i'm not sure i got to watch them #once it got to like 2009/2010 i was able to watch stuff online though all i remember is starting glee from the beginning a little bit late #maybe still in season 1 just the first episodes idk but it was only 72 minutes at a time and it was the WOOOORST #love having everything at my fingertips now lol for the most part anyway #but yeah other than like one tree hill and gg and charmed most things from the mid-2000s i have not watched since then so #i gotta think of what else there is bc much as i love it i do not actually need to rewatch gg every year

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xxc4rt3rxx · 2 years ago

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Can y’all picture me 13 years old high off my mind from anesthesia and for some reason YouTube shuffle plays Thursday and I discover good music exists that wasn’t made before 1990 or Coldplay’s Viva la Vida

#god built me to be a theatre kid and then when I was 12 I discovered EDM and briefly got really really in to msi #yes I was an msi girlie in my defense it was like 2017 and again I was literally like 12 #god there was a period of time where I only knew Gerard way as lyn-z’s husband that all the weird red eyeshadow kids are obsessed with #GOD I WAS AN EDM THATERE KID WHO WAS A CLOSET NERD WHO WAS OBSESSED WITH MSI #LITERALLY ASHAMED THAT I WAS WATCHING SUPERNATURAL AND DR WO ALONE IN MY ROOM BEC MY FRIENDS BULLIED ME #AND I THOUGHT MCR KIDS WERE BELOW ME #I am so fucking glad I never bullied anyone because I can barely live with myself that I made fun of ppl in my head I don’t think I coul ev #ever move on with my life if I was an actual middle school bully #to be clear I would have been clowned on so hard if I had tried to the mcr kids were not below me in the nyc middle school food chain #I was only punching down in my mind #in relailty I was just punching the ground repeatedly because I was dead last #thursday

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thebiggestmenace · 11 months ago

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I finally understand this,,,,,,

sobbing btw

pt.1 :)

Agent Lizzo 🤭

so Jack is back? *

so glad Dean agrees, Lactaid works

* yes, but mainly no

is Billie sending Jack on this mission? to get Grigori stuff?

are they good now?

wait, so he wasn't dead dead?

nothing happens to Jody, right? right?

it's Dark Kaia???

KAIA'S ALIVE?

oh, my gosh, Jody's never met Cas before?? I never realized that :o

I forgot that Death literally said he'd reap God, too

meteors, really?

omg not the recap having the pizza man scene 🤭 why was there so many pizzas in the recap???

OMG ITS THIS EPISODE???

oh they're gone now nvm

GENEVIEVE??? HELLO MY LOVE

MEG?

Ruby, hiiiiiiiiiiiii <3333

"you're gonna have to lose the manbun" "I will not." this is so fun 🤭

I was gonna ask if his soul was back after going to the Garden, but Cas just answered that, so everyone's back, baby!!

a wood nymph?! that's so cool

let's be honest, this is probably the last time they all get a break :(

wait, are they gonna celebrate all of the holidays? just mashed up into one? **

** THEY ARE!!!! that's so sweet :((( fucking love Mrs. Butters

okay jk I don't know if I like her anymore wtf

ugh, Cas is such a good dad

Cas, ily, please don't start with the goodbyes yet

so. everyone dies? minus Sam? everybody dies?

Sam just assuming Cas and Dean got in a fight and that's why he left 🏳️‍🌈

wait, we get baby Sam and Dean, too??

wait a minute. did they bring back the og soundtrack???

and it's starting, yaaaaaaaay

yes, he is, Dean

wait, does this all happen in the Bunker???

I don't think that's a good idea, Sam

Dean. do not.

did he just consume her??? what the hell

here is ep18, all I know is pain. I wish so badly that Sam could've said goodbye to him

this feels like infinity war

he killed Jody and everybody, too, didn't he?

he found a dog!! and named him Miracle!!

are you kidding me

Michael??

that can't actually be Cas

LUCIFER????

you forgot about Jack

all that power went to Jack, didn't it?

Jack is so fucking cool

he did it

oh, they're doing a fucking montage, it's over for me

ep20 :') we did it and I am in pain

I still do not have words, but we are done :') I want to go watch s1e1 now. my eyes hurt from crying so hard lmao this isn't really how I thought the show would end, yet it still fits. I want to know who Sam married, though. and if Cas and Jack ever check in on the boys in Heaven. also what about Jody and Donna and them? I totally thought we wouldn't gotten to see them one more time

s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6, s7, s8, s9, s10, s11, s12, s13, s14, s15

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