#i hate water decals

[tinyalechardy]

... I gave him a motorised vehicle. The horse needed a break from his stubborn personality.

[jlf23tumble]

The production design on the Barbie movie is so good. Love that they actually built it and didn���t just go for CGI.

https://youtu.be/uKgaVlMN7IY

FUCKING OBSESSED! Also? I love the bizarro DWD energy, I sure hope someone somewhere gifs it all up

[necrowizard]

i’m so enamored with the zaku designs its unfortunate...

[justhereforthemeta]

Romantic expectations and the story we didn't see: A magic trick hiding in plain sight

Here's a hopeful meta for all my fellow celestial brainrot sufferers out there. Cheers! :)

This idea started as a dead end, trying to track the movements of Crowley’s sideburns/tattoo because I thought time travel shenanigans were afoot. I had to abandon that theory when it was pointed out that David was simultaneously filming as the sideburns-having Fourteenth Doctor, and in-universe Crowley can do whatever he wants with his facial hair whenever he feels like it. But hey - null findings are still findings!

On the bright side, pausing the show to make notations in a spreadsheet forced me to slow down and notice other changes I'd overlooked the first time around: acting choices, costuming choices, references to book lore. And possibly a few surreptitious flicks of the wrist, in places where we’re meant to be focused on the magician’s other hand.

@amuseoffyre and @ineffablefood had a great exchange recently about romance and “the significance of misdirection and three-in-one (magic) tricks” throughout the show. I suspect Neil has done something brilliant with the audience’s long-standing expectations (since the 1990s, really) for the love story between Crowley and Aziraphale to develop. And while it is a wonderful story indeed, playing to this expectation lets Neil distract his audience from the blink-and-you'll-miss-them seeds he's planting for the final chapter.

Continued below the cut...

Let’s start at the beginning of Episode 2. First, context: In the previous installment, Crowley stormed out of the bookshop, was whisked away to Hell by Beelzebub where he learns about the Book of Life threat to Aziraphale’s existence, then returned to the bookshop to dance a little apology dance and hide Gabriel with an unintentionally massive joint miracle. In S2E2, we and Shax catch up with Crowley as he's snoozing in the Bentley.

Shax: “You’re in trouble”

A. J. Crowley, cool as a cucumber: “Obviously. Former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”

Interesting! Sarcastic? Yes, absolutely; but that’s also a good 4500 years and an averted apocalypse away from “I’m a demon. I lie,” wouldn’t you say? Someone is sounding a whole lot less depressed and aimless and navel-gazey (do snakes have navels?), and a whole lot more like he’s got a project to focus on, since his "what's the point?" ruminations on the park bench in E1.

And of course we all noticed the costume change right away. Hello, black turtleneck. Feeling cute today, thought I’d cover up my graceful long neck? That sounds unlikely. Let’s put a pin in this one.

There’s also an interesting acting choice going on here. Crowley speaks to Shax in a funny, drawling, too-cool-for-you voice that we haven’t heard in a while. Specifically, not since 1967. If you go back and give the S1E3 scene in the Dirty Donkey a listen, you’ll hear it (and if you know of another instance of it that I've missed, please let me know!). In S2E2, he keeps up this odd voice (if anybody knows what kind of affect this is supposed to be, please do tell!) throughout this dialogue with Shax, except for the brief moment when she first surprises him about the joint miracle having been detected.

1967 was a fun year. Crowley masterminded a heist! And seemed like he was having a ball doing it, right up until his little caper was called off after Aziraphale brought him the thermos of holy water. Crowley spoke to his co-conspirators in that same funny, very 60’s-caper-film voice. He wore a hip 60’s turtleneck. He bought petrol for the only time ever, so he could get those sweet James Bond bullet hole decals for his car (per the book, seen on the Bentley in the show).

Those James Bond bullet hole decals would of course have been part of a promotion for this 1967 release, which you just know our film-enjoying demon went to see in the theater:

Starring this suave, be-turtlenecked guy:

And now - begging your forgiveness - a brief rant.

There are a number of posts out there that refer to Crowley’s S2E2 turtleneck as a flirtatious sartorial choice - actually, ‘slutty’ seems to be the favored accusation. There are even a few posts floating around commenting on how sweet it is that Crowley swaps out his slutty, kinky, throw-me-over-your-desk-and-take-me turtleneck for a more dressy and appropriate collared shirt specifically to attend Aziraphale’s Jane Austen ball. 

Now this is all in good fun, and Crowley does indeed look fantastic here, and I do love a good fangirling sesh as much as the next person. However, fandom’s collective tendency to interpret what we are seeing on the screen through the lens of romantic expectation can, at times, give rise to a kind of blinkered enthusiasm that obscures the original text in a haze that is part Mandela Effect, part unrestrained horniness, and part in-group code talking and identity reinforcement.

Respectfully, Crowley’s black turtleneck does not appear at all in S2E5: The Ball. In fact, it never appears again after the end of S2E2.

For Someone’s sake, let’s collectively pull our heads out of the romantic fog/gutter for a moment and focus on what we are actually seeing in the book and on the screen. For Crowley, this is an uncharacteristic within-period costume change. There is a surreptitious flick of the wrist happening here, out in broad daylight, and we are all missing it.

So here’s a thing. Aziraphale appears to have settled comfortably into life on Earth, his neighborhood, his books, using Crowley as an outlet for sharing his good deeds that he would once have reported to Heaven. Meanwhile, at first glance, Crowley appears stuck in a rut. There he slouches on a park bench with Shax in S2E1: a guy who lives in his car, stagnantly clinging to old familiar habits, mulling over the pointlessness of it all.

Setting aside the bit about living in the Bentley (I’m going to attribute this to well-documented issues between him and Aziraphale, discussed in many other excellent metas, and move on), Crowley has at least two very good, proactive reasons for maintaining his contact with Hell through Shax. First and foremost, it’s a source of information he can use to keep ahead of potential threats to Aziraphale and himself.

But also, I would posit…he kinda likes it.

Recall that book GO was first conceived as a parody, with Aziraphale and Crowley as spy-against-spy (but not really) field operatives in an ages-old cold war between Heaven and Hell. Their entire book dynamic is rooted in the trope of two opposing agents who have been in the field for so long that they now have more in common with each other than with their respective head offices. Their St. James’s Park meetings among other spies and ministers trading secrets are a sendup of what was once a well-known Cold War-era cliché. 

Our contemporary Crowley still likes slick outfits and hellaciously expensive watches and high-performing vintage cars and pens that write underwater while looking like they could break the speed limit. He coaches Shax on how to blend in as a demon on Earth, and he helpfully redirects the wayward contact looking for the Azerbaijani sector chief. He loves improvising and getting away with shenanigans under the institutional radar. And boy golly was he impressed with Jane Austen: master spy, brandy smuggler, and mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. 

And if you look at it a certain way, for as long as Crowley has considered himself to be on “[his] own side” - going at least as far back as Job - he could almost think of himself as a sort of double agent. It’s actually a very romantic sort of notion, befitting our hopeless romantic of a (professedly former) demon; but it’s romantic in a very different way than we, the audience, have been primed to watch for.

In other words, in a very “on my own side” kind of way, Crowley really gets a kick out of being a spy. Or at least, dressing up and accessorizing as one, and moonlighting as a good-doing double agent when he can get away with it. And also being a plotting criminal mastermind. Two sides of a coin, really. Just look at Jane Austen.

My point is: No, Crowley did not wait around for Shax to come find him in a turtleneck so that he could go flirt with Aziraphale later. He’ll flirt with Aziraphale no matter what. No, this:

is actually this:

Much like the one he wears to the Dirty Donkey in 1967: 

whilst holy water heist-plotting. Here's a clearer shot with gratuitous Bentley, because I love them:

…and which he'll wear again, with appropriate camouflage, while infiltrating Heaven in S2E6:

That is the 1967 planning a HEIST turtleneck for committing ESPIONAGE and STEALING THINGS in. Because turtlenecks are what modern human master spies wear to get their hands dirty - after all, he saw it in a movie once. 

Crowley dons his tactical turtleneck sometime during the first major break in the action (which doesn't happen until after the joint miracle to hide Gabriel) after he learns about the threat the Book of Life poses to Aziraphale. Loverboy started mentally preparing himself to go after that book immediately upon learning that it was in play as a genuine threat. 

Now let’s pick up at the S2E2 Dirty Donkey scene, reading the story from this angle. Of course, Crowley enables Aziraphale’s delusions about Heaven by hiding information from him, and does not disclose the Book of Life threat when they meet again. They go into the pub, Aziraphale shamelessly paws Crowley’s chest like the seductive Bond Girl he is, and Crowley gets to act all smooth and suave and intimidating as he chases off the interloping Mr. Brown (or Mr. Collins for the Pride & Prejudice fans, take your pick).

Ergo, theory: beginning in S2E2, Crowley is already thinking of himself as a Jane Austen/James Bond action hero (“How will our hero cope?”), psyching himself up to rescue Aziraphale by getting his spy game on and stealing the Book of Life.

Now, watch closely...This is where Aziraphale and Crowley brainstorm their plans to solve the problem they both know about: getting Maggie and Nina to fall in love and thereby get Heaven off their backs. Crowley’s vavoom plan is drawn from yet another movie (“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes - vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.”). But Crowley also implicitly shares his solution to the problem he hasn’t told Aziraphale about. And true to form, Crowley’s Jane Austen solution isn’t the same as Aziraphale’s Jane Austen solution. 

Two solutions that fail by the end of Season 2, and a secret third one that might still work...and there's our magic trick of three.

‘“I’m lost. Am I doing a rainstorm?” Yes, babe. And a heist, too - just not until season three. Can I get a wahoo!? 

I won’t spend time on A Companion to Owls during this meta, except to note that in all three minisodes, we get to watch stories that involve Crowley acting as a double agent on “his/their own side” - successfully making Hell and Heaven think he’s fulfilling their will while saving Job’s goats and children; failing to fool Hell when he does a good deed in Edinburgh; and of course, collaborating with Aziraphale whilst evading detection as an infernal turncoat during the Blitz.

(Because this is getting long, I'll also skip over Crowley's interrogation of Jim in this episode - I'll probably come back to that in another meta. But interrogating is a rather spy-ish thing to do.)

When we catch up with Crowley again later, he’s already slipped out of the bookshop, having left Aziraphale to his biblical reverie about Job. He saunters snakily down Whickber Street as usual, but with a very pointed and swift glance over his shoulder (see pic above). This demon is up to something - possibly something we didn’t get to see, something that may have happened offscreen while he stepped out. In any case, knowing there’ve been unfriendly angels in the neighborhood that morning, he’s rightly concerned about being spied on.

From this point until the beginning of episode six, there isn’t a whole lot of opportunity for Crowley to make any next moves. He babysits the bookshop, during which time he manages to wring some crucial information out of Jim; he follows his Crowley’s Angel around like a puppy, and downs a bottle of red like a good old fashioned lovesick boy once that’s been pointed out to him. If any plotting or scheming is underway, this occult being is keeping stumm for now.

This has been a long one, so I’ll wrap up with Crowley’s infiltration of Heaven with Muriel. The turtleneck disguise works (Archer fans, be vindicated!) long enough to gather some information that will be crucial not just to the denouement of S2, but also to Crowley’s journey in S3 (previous post on Crowley's Fall, Saraqael, and memory wiping). And Aziraphale gets to enjoy that view exactly zero times. The point isn’t oh, a turtleneck! How flirty! So cunty! So cute! Y’all. Everything matters. The costume change was a deliberate choice. In-universe, Crowley’s decision to wear his special spy turtleneck for spying in is a signal that he is out doing spy things, even as we watch.

In sum: Beginning in S2E2 and continuing through the end of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley are actively living out the scripts of two parallel, concurrent, and completely different Jane Austen stories. But you and I, dear fellow audience member, we came here for a comedy with a hefty jigger of romance, and that’s what Neil gave us to focus on. And right up until the Final 15, that was the only story we saw.

Meanwhile, Special Agent A. J. Crowley doesn’t have time to mope around at the end of S2E6. He’s kicked down, but he’s not out. He's got a Book of Life to steal, a very serious bone to pick with a certain memory-wiping angel, and his Angel and the world to save. 

“‘Heigh ho,’ said [romantic, optimist, former demon, hero, master spy] Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway.”

[marigold-hills]

July 5: burnt | @jegulus-microfic | word count: 1048

It’s July now, but it’s been happening for at least three months.

Every evening at half past seven an ice cream van comes hurtling down the street, blearing out its tune. It stops on the corner. No one ever comes out to it. After five minutes of silence, it starts up again, the sound somehow even louder for the reprieve.

James Potter is sick and tired of it - because every evening at seven, five-month-old Harry falls asleep only to be woken up by the noise.

It’s been a bad week. Teething. Crying. James hadn’t had longer than forty minutes of sleep at a stretch in days and it’s starting to get to him. Every single smile Harry gives him makes it worth it, every kicked off sock makes him laugh and every little cuddle leaves him in awe – but.

(He hates the but. Hates adding it. There shouldn’t be one, he thinks, he should be endlessly grateful for every moment, take it all in stride. Because Harry – because his son - isn’t a but. Isn’t a burden.)

But.

Harry falls asleep, little arms stretched out to the sides. James puts him in the crib and the little thing turns himself onto his belly (a brand-new trick, that). Deep breathing, sleepy little sighs.

James is burning and burnt out. Eyes filled with sand. Back half numb from carrying a heavier-by-the-day infant for days with little break.

I’ll have a cup of tea, he thinks, and drink it while it’s still hot. Then sleep.

The kettle boils. James picks out his favourite tea, adds in the sugar. Just finishes pouring in the water when the music starts.

A precarious moment between sleep and waking but Harry tips into consciousness, little face scrunched up with dissatisfaction and cries mounting, building, louder by the second.

James Potter is a patient man, a kind man. But he’s had enough.

He picks up Harry, shushes him. It’s a quick thing, for him to stop crying once he’s in his daddy’s arms, but his brilliant eyes are wide open now, sleep all but forgotten.

It’s the thought of his nice hot cup of tea that does it. He’s barefoot, when he leaves the house, Harry hoisted up on one hip. Babbling happily now because it’s a great adventure, every time they leave the house.

The music stops and there it is, the thrice-blasted ice cream van. James stomps up to it in a manner certainly not dignified. There is no one at the open window.

“Excuse me?” James shouts into the interior.

A head pops up from below the counter and James thinks oh, fuck me, because:

1.        He’s ready and rearing to have a go, furious and fuelled by exhaustion, but the man is the most beautiful creature James had ever had the misfortune of seeing, and

2.        Literally just fuck me, but

3.        He has Harry on his arm and pieces of mashed up carrot in his hair, some unknown substance on his shirt, and the man is stunning, and

4.        James is just so, so tired.

“Yes?” The beautiful man asks, looking a bit confused and that’s fair enough actually because James is the first customer on that spot in the last three months.

���Err…,” he stutters, “a flake, please?”

“I don’t sell ice cream,” says the beautiful, stunned man driving an ice cream van.

James takes a look at the menu on the back wall, and on the decal on the side of the van that says a .99 flake is £2.50.

“No?”

“No,” and somehow the beautiful man is the one who sounds confused, and he won’t stop staring between James and Harry, big round eyes striking underneath black curls, “I sell drugs.”

“Huh. Like… pharmaceuticals?”

“No. Like weed.”

“Huh.”

Harry takes that as a queue to start babbling at a new person he’s never seen before and the man in the van visibly melts. “Hi there little one,” he says, and James knows he should be walking off right this fucking moment, because a self-confessed drug dealer is speaking to his son and that’s just, categorically, not on…

 But.

“Can I get some of that?” He blurts out because it’s been so long since he got high and he’s so so tired, and maybe tomorrow he’ll take his mum up on the offer to babysit, sit in his garden and just smoke.

“Absolutely the fuck not,” the beautiful man says like it’s the biggest affront and isn’t he the one selling?

”But… why?”it sounds weak and petulant even to his own ears.

Harry makes a few giggling sounds and stuffs his little fist into his mouth. James switches him onto the other hip. The man points to the baby, like it answers the question, and actually, fair enough, it does.

(His hand is also rather slender and fragile looking, and there are pretty silver rings on his fingers and James’ sleep deprived brain says bite.)

“I wasn’t… I wouldn’t…” James tries to explain himself, but it all comes out wrong and awkward. “Anyway, no,” he gathers himself and remembers he had a reason to storm out of his house and just because the man was pretty it wouldn’t change that, “you wake him up every day.”

Somehow, he manages to sound stern and he’s pretty proud of himself for that, actually.

The man’s face falls. Just… collapses. Like it’s the worst news he’s ever heard.

“I do?”

“Yeah. You come by just after his bedtime and the music is really loud, don’t know if you noticed. And it’s been months.”

It’s something akin to pure devastation that spreads through the man’s features like a sun burn. “I’m very sorry, little one,” he tells Harry, seriously. “I won’t play it anymore.”

There, job done, James thinks, and finds he doesn’t actually like that, not at all. Still, “thank you,” he tells the man because that’s what polite people do when their requests are granted, and his mum raised a polite man.

They stare at each other, him and the man, and James knows that this is when he should turn around go home, put Harry back down and then maybe have a shower, but…

“Can I have your number?”

And the most surprising thing? It’s not James who asks.

PART 2

[abnomi]

random assorted headcanons for Turbo because I like thinking and having fun !!!! 🎉

Read More to Find Out...or are you too scared?... i bet ur too scared ahaha youre too scared Lol! Hahaahaaa!!!

The steering wheel of his kart is covered in bite marks, similar to how one would bite their favorite pencil. he bites things to mark his territory because Nobody is gonna touch that unless they want all of his diseases (150+).

i just know he was fighting to restrain himself not to chew on any of the candy civilians

when it comes to music, he doesn't see the point of listening to it. he doesn't have enough patience to really take it in; to him, it's just a thing that exists and not much more than that ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ ∵⁠ )⁠_⁠/⁠¯

adding onto that point, this guy listens to metal clanking sounds and loud engine roaring for entertainment because he likes things that would overstimulate any normal person. turbo is incredibly sensory-seeking and will do anything for The Sensations

someone should take him to a heavy rock concert i think it would change him a little. keep that thang on a leash

related to being sensory-seeking, i think he would absolutely love running his hands over random textures. if anyone has run their hands along a wall while walking alongside it...He does that...If u know u know... he is SO stimmy its unbelievable. Unreal.

very pain-tolerant. he'll whine and complain about it for attention, but physical hurt really doesnt bother him much until it gets in the way of what he wants to do.

funnily enough, he is very picky when it comes to temperature. he can handle getting ran over but if its 1° too hot or cold he'll start nagging and nagging for it to go back to normal. turbo really needs his own enclosure i think it'd do him a lot of good

this is a more popular headcanon and its canon-leaning, but he's an artist :-] he usually sticks to graffiti art because its generally considered more "rebellious and cool" but he also sketches cars, design decals, and other stuff when hes alone!

i would love to see his process of character designing king candy because i dont think he really knew what he was doing

he was just like "ok what does a generic king look like. uhhhhh.... 1, old and jolly like santa claus.... 2.... uhh crown..... 3......... purple.... FUCK YEAH im so good at this!!!!🔥🔥🔥"

i just noticed how his design has like 0 actual candy motifs aside from his bow being a candy wrapper and his shoes having those little gumdrop end pieces. what was he THINKING

while King Candy has a lisp, i think it's a coverup for his actual voice because of how goofy and recognizable it is. Overall its the same as his regular voice, he just gets silly with it. i noticed that he still does retain some of his lisp when hes screaming his lungs out at Vanellope, however, so maybe he genuinely does have a lisp that makes itself known when furious :3

another thing i noticed is how he hisses his S's. very cool very cool the reptilian

@/tasticturbo made a post abt how he has tinnitus from the constant noise in his game and i couldnt agree more

AND THE PRESCRIPTION GLASSES. where did he get those...he needs to See

side note, the aforementioned account has made so many interesting analyses on turbo and theyre all so insightful. i recommend u check them out

i think he gets migraines from stress. constant buzzing or pain flood his head but hes like "IDGAF i need to DO something at ALL TIMES no matter what"

hes like a shark in that way. if hes not moving he'll die instantly. idk a lot about sharks or if thats how it works srry but im going off of what the Worms are saying to me and i dont have much to work with

i think a really big contributer as to why he lacks in the self care department is because he fails to notice that something in his body is wrong. hes far too distracted on something he thinks is more important than remembering to Eat Food or Drink Water or Wash Himself or

he's like "WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL OF THE TIME!!! I HATE MY LIFE" and he hasn't slept in 4 days

hes so me. Sorry.

i dont think turbo is necessarily suicidal, but the way he behaves shows a clear disregard for his own safety and wellbeing. he thinks that he knows what he needs but he really doesnt :-[ i think he has some kind of immortality complex, feeling untouchable and like nothing could get to him. as scared as he was when ralph was about to turn him into sloppy mush, he didnt take the threat very seriously. like it was some kind of joke

his kart regenerates every time his game starts up, so what if he smashed it into buildings for fun. He's the number one fan of car accidents. he is all about that shit

i think his living space would literally be a garage btw. its a place to sleep and a space for his car all in one!! he thinks its very convenient and awesome but i think he is coping. he has some old dingy stained sheetless mattress that he has never washed in his life and its covered in dirt and smoke particles. no wonder he has such heavy eye bags Dude Please

the turbo twins have a garage used in a similar way, and while its still pretty shitty, they still at least TRY to maintain it. they just fight a lot over who has to care of it. nobody taught them how to take turns ever

but this aint about them. maybe another day

i think that turbo would find comfort in garbage and keeping it around because its familiar to him. a big clean empty space would make him so mad and if anyone moves even an inch of scrap off to the side he will throw a fit. he generally doesnt pay attention to his surroundings but when its his personal space he is 1093 times more neurotic

i think the big empty castle he stole wouldve been a big transition for him. maybe it helped him clear his mind a little more to practice his tricky schemes...it helped him get more subtle

thats all i have for nowww ty for reading ^_^ if anyone else has any wacky ideas pleeeease tell me i would love to hear them!!

[l0t4n]

CAN THEY DRIVE??

a/n this is my first time posting to this account... Exciting... Please feel free to lmk any of ur thoughts I feel like I kinda exaggerated certain characters teehee

Contains the brothers + dateables. Occasional mentions of gn mc. Truly about their driving skill

LUCIFER

-yes, has his driver's license

-puts on the appearance of someone who is good at driving and well-adjusted

-when he's alone or when things ramp up even a little, however, his road rage is actually insane

-will literally lay on the horn at anyone who slights him, even a little

-when he's not alone and feels the need to protect his pride, will still be an angry driver but in a far more subtle way

-turns on his high beams, rides people's bumpers, cuts people off and break-checks them any time he can't quite make a big scene

-even when he isn't driving, he's an insane backseat driver, but to different degrees depending on who's driving

-occasionally backseat drives for Beel, Asmo or Satan but definitely plays it up just to mess with Mammon in particular

-will backseat drive for mc out of concern rather than jest

-still annoying

-good at driving on the surface but his anger makes him far more prone to accidents than most, third best driver out of the brothers

MAMMON

-Yes, has his license - otherwise the car in his room would be redundant

-surprisingly good at driving, understands and obeys traffic laws, overly cautious at times

-not out of genuine respect for those laws, just out of care for his car

-wouldn't bother being subtle if another driver pulls a maneuver that has the potential to mess up his paint job, will scream out the window or lay on the horn

-immediately stops and speeds off if the other driver tries to reciprocate

-will be SO annoying if anyone tries to eat or drink in his car

-even water he'll demand is thrown out before entry

-his brothers hate it. Isn't as harsh about it towards mc, but will quickly revoke their special privileges if they end up actually spilling something

-constant cycle of those cologne-y tree air fresheners hanging from his rear view mirror

-has a million more unopened ones in the glove box

-car is clean at a glance, but trash is just barely hidden out of sight under car seats and in cup holders

-honestly pretty reliable driver, second best out of all his brothers

LEVIATHAN

-no, doesn't have a driver's license or a car

-says it's because he wouldn't even have anywhere to go, is partially correct in that assertion

-Mammon and Asmo tried to teach him to drive a while ago, he wanted to drive to a convention that was farther away

-couldn't so much as put the car in drive without panicking that he was imminently at threat of hitting something

-any time his foot even grazed the gas, he'd slam the breaks to the floor

-didn't take long to start crying about it

-Mammon stopped the short-lived lessons there, didn't want Levi's tears to ruin the interior of his car

-any time Levi needs a ride now, he'll either walk (very short distances), use public transportation (only if he can secure an isolated seat away from everyone else), or ask one of his brothers for a ride

-prefers when Barbatos drives him places the most and Mammon the least, although probably ends up being driven by Asmo the most

-if he did have a car, it would undoubtedly be painful

-COVERED in anime decals, maybe a custom wrap of Ruri-chan

-would probably be decent at driving if he got over his initial fears, but that's not going to happen

SATAN

-yes, he has his driver's license - it's just frequently suspended

-unlike Lucifer, will not wait until he's alone to exhibit severe road rage

-even worse than Lucifer, isn't above getting out of the car and slamming his fists against the driver's side window of whoever he's mad at

-backseat of his car is piled high with books he doesn't have room for at the HoL

-”sorry, you can just throw those in the back” -Satan, any time mc is trying to get into the front seat of his car

-seats and interior are probably also coated in cat hair, he can't stand to get rid of it

-so anyways back to his horrible road rage

-his repeated verbal (and physical) assaults on other drivers means his license is repeatedly (often) suspended

-when he needs transportation during these times he usually defaults to Beel

-on the few occasions he needs to resort to riding with Lucifer, he intentionally does shit to get him into trouble - diverting his eyes from the road and ruining his focus, reaching over and wiggling the wheel from Lucifer's hands, etc

-doesn't seem to truly question why his license, after being repeatedly suspended, has yet to be permanently revoked from him

-nor why it keeps getting reinstated faster than promised

-hint: it's Lucifer

-not a very good driver at all - being on the road has a way of bringing out anger even in people who are not normally prone to it, and sadly, Satan is nothing if not prone to anger

-when he isn't angry, he's exceptional at following traffic laws and probably has obscure details about them memorized

-jumps out of his car, even on the busiest intersections, whenever he sees a cat on the side of the road

-takes it home every time without fail

-this is actually a more pressing reason to keep him off the road compared to the traffic violations in the mind of Lucifer

-fifth best driver out of the brothers

ASMODEUS

-yes, has his driver's license

-his car is fucking insane

-fluffy pink steering wheel cover and dashboard cover AND seat covers, maybe a little leopard print thrown in, but only a little he's not an animal

-car is more heavily perfumed than Mammon’s, his air freshener hanging right next to the fluffy dice off of his rear view mirror

-backseat windows are tinted and one-directional, for Reasons

-will not drive unless music is blasting at full volume

-you can feel the vibrations from Britney Spears’s (or devildom equivalent) dulcet tones in your seat

-constantly on his phone while driving, taking photos and videos of himself, occasionally livestreaming

-projects the image of someone who does not care about traffic laws

-secretly a very good driver, never gets into accidents

-significantly more forgiving of other cars and much less prone to road rage than his brothers

-the best driver out of all of them

BEELZEBUB

-yes, has his license

-probably the most unremarkable driver out of all of them

-only got his license to take Belphie places, since he was the only one out of the two who could actually stay awake behind the wheel

-his shortcomings do not lie in his sin like Satan or Lucifer, but instead just from being a beefbrain

-not very perceptive, especially when he's driving to a restaurant or something - easily distracted by other goals and forgets the most important goal of driving

-don't hit things

-doesn't ever end up in a major accident, but may need to slam on the breaks from time to time

-apologizes accordingly for these instances

-car is overall not notable, depending on when you enter

-Lucifer makes him clean it weekly, otherwise fast food wrappers accumulate to the point of blocking the windshield

-keeps a pillow and blanket in the car for Belphie to nap with

-not a terrible driver, but not excellent either - fourth best out of the brothers

BELPHEGOR

-no driver's license

-literally no way he's going to stay awake behind the wheel

-tried to learn how to drive first so he could drive Beel places, but fell asleep while driving enough times and ran into enough things that they will not let him anymore

-felt apologetic about it at first, but got used to being driven by Beel everywhere quickly

-the movement of the car lulls him right to sleep anyways

-even if it isn't Beel driving he will fall asleep

-would prefer to sprawl out over the back seats but can fold himself up in the front seat if need be

-if he was capable of staying awake, would probably be a decent driver, if not very passive-aggressive

-would chronically drive under the speed limit like he's elderly

DIAVOLO

-Yes, has a driver's license - Barbatos insisted he got one, yet he hardly ever uses it

-almost always escorted places by designated chauffeurs or, less commonly, Barbatos himself

-thought getting his license would be his ticket to freedom, his teenage girl escape

-was so upset when he found out he wasn't even allowed to go to the DMV, everything was filed from the castle

-felt deprived of yet another commoner experience, still doesn't know why everyone hates the DMV so bad

-(stands for “devildom motor vehicles”)

-driving was fun for him at first, but since he doesn't really get the chance to drive normally it stopped being fun after a while

-even when he does get to drive, Barbatos’s backseat driving is insane

-double whammy if Lucifer is in the car too

-actually a pretty good driver, made sure to be responsible and study laws and techniques in advance

-doesn't even understand the concept of road rage, probably laughs it off every time someone pulls a dangerous maneuver in his proximity

-better driver than Lucifer, yet not on par with Asmo

BARBADOS

-yes, of COURSE he has a driver's license

-he's the one virtually everyone defaults to when they need a ride, anyways

-primarily transports Diavolo, but frequently helps the brothers get around too

-literally the safest possible driver you could ever dream of

-always doing the exact speed limit. Predicts unsafe drivers in his vicinity before they're even in his line of sight. Never slams the breaks or swerves for any reason

-got distracted once while parking, lightly scraped a curb

-the most horrified he's ever been

-dedicated the next few years to improving his driving skill, even though it was already exceptional

-dedicated driving gloves for every time he gets in the car

-very anal retentive about cleanliness in the car, especially

-hates having to crawl in there to clean shit up

-will obviously end up doing it eventually anyways. Sigh

-easily the best driver out of every other character, if not in the entire devildom

SIMEON

-no, he doesn't have a driver's license

-so fucking scared of cars

-he can hardly use a phone properly, still manages to cause problems with that, although understands how it could be worse

-a car is where it gets worse

-if he misclicks something on his phone, he may end up embarrassing himself a little, worst case scenario is a virus or needing to buy a new phone

-operating a car incorrectly could result in injury or death

-nobody bothers teaching him regardless, although he did greatly consider learning for a while, to help Luke get around easier

-just defaults to Barbatos instead

-it's probably a good thing he doesn't drive - without that fear of technology, especially of technology with high capacity to be harmful, he would probably be one of the worst drivers overall

SOLOMON

-yes, has a driver's license. Regrettably

-hardly uses it, only has a human world license, never bothered getting licensed in the devildom

-just teleports everywhere. Wiggles his fingers and does magic and goes where he wants instantly

-he literally predates the invention of cars so massively anyways so that's definitely what he did before cars too

-got a license because he thought it would be fun

-also the human world started actually cracking down on ID, he couldn't get away with the trust-based system that humanity used to operate off of

-human world officials are confused when he presents them with a driver's license twenty whole years out of date, however

-especially when his face is the exact same as the photo on his crazy old, visibly weathered license - as if he mysteriously hadn't aged…

-probably ends up in some kind of “man from Taured” style myth eventually

-might be the man from Taured actually

-fucking sucks at driving also

[konan720]

-Logs from Sapphire-

(Log 1: New Crew)

"Is this thing working?" A rattling, mic-popping noise could be heard as the device was shifted "I think so… if that red blinking light means anything…" a woman sat in front of it, an old relic from a time long past. "Hello! My name is Sapphire! I work for… the 'Company'."

Her work suit color had been customized, whether it was against company policy or not was a guess in the dark. It is two shades of blue (light and dark) with yellow and white trims, the oxygen tanks she carries off on mission are also two shades of teal (light and dark). She had a few decals here and there, but she was mostly proud of the three-leaf clover on her chest.

"I wish I could tell you more, but even I don't know… maybe I did at some point?" She scratched at her cover head, teal visor glistening in the ship light.

The lady sighed.

"My crew…" you could hear clicking in the background, then scuttling, then buzzing with the side of even more annoyed clicking. "Hey- hey! No fighting in the ship!" The lady gave off a few annoyed clicks of her own as she stood up. The noise had quieted down as she walked back.

"My previous crew didn't… survive…" she leaned back and stretched her legs, "I don't know how I'm alive, or why they left me to live…" Sapphire put tired hands down after holding them up like she was explaining a theory board. "Maybe they pitied me, maybe they cared about me… it's hard to be sure with anyone at all nowadays."

"I've asked for a transfer! Or at least new crewmen to join! No one came!" She raised her voice, "Not an answer at all!" The insect-like chatter came back, though it only responded to her loud voice. After that it was quite "now-, and don't ask me how! I'm not even sure! I don't think it's even heard off!" She shifted the camera over to the left "My new 'crew' is a bunch of bugs that followed me back to my ship!"

"They wouldn't leave!?" She gestured to them "But they brought me stuff!?" Saying Sapphire was confused was an understatement. She was probably breaking company rules by doing this as well, but the little guys work hard and she's pretty sure they don't understand her. "Four hoarding bugs! There was… five? But the little pest with wing started attacking me, and I had to defend myself."

The group of bugs looked up at her, then at the thing pointed at them. They carefully walked up to her and politely reached for the old camera "After that, they all started following me." She handed one of them the camera as it was shifted around being inspected "I thought they attacked as a pack once threatened, but I guess they hated that guy too."

There was fighting again, over the camera this time. Sapphire quickly snatched it away before they got too rough.

"They do a good job finding scrap, especially since more of the hostile entities don't bother with the bugs." She placed it back on the command console "Except for bunkers spiders, they can't deal with those. So I take care of them, the bugs take care of me. I find the big stuff, they run off for the little things."

"I think they see the ship as their new nest. A magical box that changes the outside." She chuckled at that. "I hadn't run into much trouble, yet. And I'm thankful for these little suckers… I probably couldn't have made it this far without them."

She didn't want to think about what would happen if she didn't make the quota.

"The job is hard, the company is ignoring me, my crew are a bunch of hoarding bugs; I have to survive somehow." She sighed again, tired about everything "I can still request rations and water, I can still work and move; I guess that's all the company cares about."

"It's not about how it gets done; it's if it gets done, now." She had thoughts about leaving the company, but… she'd heard some rumors, and to be fair she didn't want to test them. If she died a horrible death, it might as well look like she died a good employee. Maybe then the company will notice her again.

But in the end, she's just tired, and this is all she can do. Pass the time before her untimely end.

"End of log one…"

[putnamcapital]

S2/E3 rewatch notes

really only just figured out that the reason August called his stepfather, who he hates, is because Sara got through to him — he was actually thinking about confessing. and his stepfather informing him about a potential prison sentence was a real shock

i swear even their periods are sync’ed - when they’re running splits in the gym, and Vincent blows the whistle, Wille leans over on his knees breathless, and then Simon does exactly the same thing, for no apparent reason. also now, post-concert, very obvious that Omar’s finest acting moment across both seasons was ever being remotely out of breath due to athletic exertion

Sara, you need to take lessons from Wille about bro-taps. For them to actually be read ‘as’ bro-taps. that one didn’t work very well.

there’s a brilliant contrast between Simon confessing his frustration to Rosh & Ayub that he can’t just fall in love with Marcus, and Wille admitting to Boris that his ‘friend’ ‘stirred up new feelings in him’. in both cases, they’ve got the verb / nature of their feelings totally wrong and flipped. But Simon is able to be open with his friends, and there’s real contact between them as he tries to work through his emotions. Wille, in contrast, looks like he’s doing a cameo in an early 20th century English period drama starring Anthony Hopkins and last experienced an actual feeling on his face sometime in the late 1970s. And the camera work shows the ‘space’ for Simon’s emotions — it’s a wide shot - whereas for Wille, the camera is practically sitting on his shoulder, you see only his face. It’s almost only a shot of his insides.

Nils winning the prize this episode again for revealing to W several world-shaking pieces of information in a very awkward time and place. Extra credit for not holding his dick at the time though.

“that wasn’t so difficult” okay for real Wille you are talking to yourself there. and then Simon pauses for an eternity, and you watch him go through the same mental moves as he did with his mother (and his father!), “what can i say or do that will take this pain away because watching him/her hurting is physically unbearable to me”

Wille’s music video moment, the fence blocking him from his emotions, his true self (the water)

i hadn’t realized that Marcus puts the same kind of pressure on Simon as Wille does, “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for us.” no one is listening to Simon. Burn it all down, my beloved.

what for the love of god is Vincent wearing when he goes full toxic masculinity and drowns Henry’s lunch. It’s tie-dye. It’s got decals. It’s an awful shade of neither beige nor brown. he looks like he could be eating his necklace. Someone deliver him.

I’m going to get yelled at, but I didn’t think the kiss between Felice and Wille was that bad. I think it actually made a lot of sense. Kissing someone you love, even non-platonically, because it might temporarily feel good, because who the hell really cares about the line between friendship and romance if you’re both consenting. What didn’t make sense was Felice saying, Hey, wait - and implying “what are we doing here” - and then neither of them actually using their words. Then things went downhill. I really need to know, however, if Edvin hit his head on that shelf at any point filming this scene.

August stands up for Simon, in the locker room after they lose the race - but it’s not exactly for Simon, it’s for some sense of fairness and honour that is very aristocratic male-coded. he’s a much more complex character than we might wish he was.

[dreamieparadise]

🥊 & 🍩, for both Monina and the ur lil guy

Random, it's so annoying because my inbox claims to have 4 messages but this is the last one? Ahhh it's irritating me!! Go away!

Anyway hiiiiii, I love you!! Kissy kissy kissy!!! Thank you for indulging me!

Momina:

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

Momina loves to help people! It's genuinely something that gives her joy. I said it in another answer for a different ask meme but her love language is acts of service, it feels really good to do this for anyone but especially her loves ones. Other things she loves to do: she is a creative, loves to design, sew, decal things, cooking and baking [although admittedly this also falls under Acts Of Service.] She absolutely loves spending time with her loved ones, she is clingy but also is someone that needs her own space so she can spend hours alone as well and enjoy it.

Momina is someone who is extremely responsible and has a tendency to pile responsibilities onto her shoulders but actually? She hates this! It's fine when it's going well but sometimes being responsible is such a drag, it's like pulling teeth with some. For example, she takes it upon herself to take care of the Kokuyo gang [i.e: buying their groceries, making their food, making their living space more livable] she despises them and won't ever forgive them but she does it all for Fran. She knows if she were to just give to Fran, the others would steal from him so she grins and bears it for him.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Unserious Serious answer: Mukuro. Mukuro and Momina have some things that are very alike [i.e two traumatized abused children betrayed by people who were supposed to care for them and have an affinity for the supernatural] but despite that they can get at each other's throats. Mukuro is someone who denies and suppresses the love he has for his crew and is an "anything goes for my goals" type, whereas Momina is someone who tries her very best to be there for people, she wants to protect victims like her and make the world a better place [violently, this they have in common] but they can not see eye to eye because Mukuro is willing to hurt people like them for his goal whereas Momina isn't. Also? Mukuro is someone who violates consent and that is something both triggering and greatly disturbing for her. Lastly, he can invade dreams and Momina was someone who also had her dreams invaded so really these two are like oil and water. [Yet they keep finding their way around each other...]

Mukhtar:

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

Mukhtar absolutely loves music. He has many music devices which actually include record players! It was something he inherited from his maternal grandfather [both the record player and his love for blues, Somali music and jazz.] Mukhtar is someone who likes to take it easy [but not that easy because he did go down the criminal route...] he's a very chill and laid back person so other things he enjoys doing is laying around [or floating around], drinking [don't tell Momina] and just enjoying the atmosphere. He also has a home theater to further enjoy music.

Mukhtar hates having to bust his ass [why'd you become a criminal, goofy?] and pain [why'd you become a criminal, goofy?] he just wants to live life easily and in luxury for himself and his family. But alas...the world was never so easy. [Why'd you become a criminal, goofy?]

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Personally, if you asked Mukhtar, he'd say no one! What a waste of time, how bothersome, wouldn't you rather smell the roses and drink champagne? [Don't tell Momina.] But if you asked, say, Mammon, they would agree no one is important enough to be that for them [Mammon desperately not trying to think of Fon] but they'll concede that Mukhtar is an annoying fuck and if possible they'd want him eliminated [unless of course they enter a business venture together, now it's fine. Mukhtar may live.]

[https-chaos]

Do you have a screenprinted shirt/hoodie that's stained? A pair of jeans that you hate the color of? Do you really want that cool merch hoodie but it's only sold in an ugly ass color? Do you want to dye something but not mess up the decal?

You need: fiber reactive dye! This is my how-to; it's enough stuff for a hoodie, a couple t-shirts, and a pair of jeans. About 5lb of cloth when it's dry.

Here's how this hoodie was sold and how it turned out. I bought it before he had the black one in the shop, back when the only color options were pink and blue.

Note: these instructions are for a front-loading washing machine and natural plant fabrics like cotton. Other methods are listed here:

Supplies:

The dye (1 8-ounce jar) https://a.co/d/aR1U5tP

The activator (soda ash, get 2 1-lb bags) https://a.co/d/9di48gH

3 26-ounce containers of non-iodized salt https://www.walmart.com/ip/10448311

A 5-gallon bucket https://a.co/d/12sZoPR

Something to boil 1gal of water in (I did it in 2 batches with my kettle)

Something to stir with (I used a big serving spoon, this dye will NOT stain anything but fabric)

A washing machine, regular laundry stuff

Vinegar

How I did it:

1. Wash the clothes you want to dye normally, but don't add fabric softener.

2. While the load is finishing, put all 3 things of salt, 3 cups (700ish ml) of soda ash, and half a cup (115ish ml) of dye, in the bucket.

3. Boil 1 gallon (4ish liters) of water and pour it in the bucket (I did this by boiling 2L at a time in my kettle)

4. Stir stir stir! Dissolve it as well as you possibly can.

5. When the load is done, take the clothes out.

6. Pour the whole bucket of dye mix straight into the washing machine. I was able to tip the whole bucket into my machine, but do be careful and think ahead on how you're going do this part.

7. Put the wet clothes back in the machine. Don't add anything else like soap.

8. Start the machine, using the hottest and longest cycle possible (on my machine this is the 'whites' setting).

9. Once the cycle is finished, add your regular laundry stuff to the machine (soap, fabric softener), and fill the bleach compartment with vinegar.

10. Run the machine again on the hottest and longest cycle.

11. Tumble or hang dry. Enjoy!

[nwreric]

So the other day, I made a little impulse purchase on Amazon. That being the 2021 Percy and the Tanker set.

The Percy that came with it was mid (hence why I replaced it with my 2002 Trackmaster Percy in the provided images). What I was interested in was the rolling stock.

Especially this guy, who I have named BronCo.

Not only was this the first desent looking tanker we've gotten for a while, IT HAS A SEASON 4 FACE!!!!!

I do still have my grievance, though. The proportions are still off, lack of detailing, and it reuses the normal truck chassis, making it taller than it needs to be.

I may make more modifications in the future, but for now, I've added some black lining, several coats of matte clear, and I even came up with some lore (what else was I suppose to do, something "productive" with my life? Lol.).

In the early 20th century, a hydraulics company, known as the "The Brohn Company", commissioned a number of specialized water tankers. They were built in a way that would would work better with their machinery (hence the strange proportions). Unfortunately, the company would go belly up fairly quickly, so only one prototype was built. This tanker would eventually go on auction, eventually being purchased by the NWR. This tanker eventually gained a bit of a reputation amongst work men and engines alike, mostly for his squashed look, bright orange livery, and water themed decals held over from builders. He would also be dubbed "BronCo" (again, after his builders).

I also imagine he's less troublesome than your average truck. Like, he would still go along with mischief if it happened, but he never starts it.

As much as I hate Mattel's handling of the merchandise, I have to admit, there was a definite rise in quality before the AEG rebrand.

Oh, there's also this guy.

Idk, it's fine, I guess. I'll call him Craig, or something.

[tearsoftime0086]

seeing people showing off their hobby kits on (mostly western) websites is really interesting since most people are super into weathering and realism.

the way I learned from my dad, I only ever do panel lining (even top coats are rare, which uh... I don't recommend lol, coat your kits) and then limited decals (I hate you water slides). grew up on the vanilla look too much I guess

[radio-charlie]

"Well. Looks like your butthead god had a golden boy brand to maintain. So he outsourced the power-tripping sadism he really wants to indulge all the time to me."

The sinners look at you, their lips quivering, some eyes brimming with tears. One starts screaming uncontrollably.

"O Satan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please spare me. I didn't mean to kill him, he was just trying to get into our room and really angry and crazy like how he gets after work sometimes. And I was worried about my Abby." The person gulps, heaves, gradually goes glassy-eyed. Fingers clutching at their clothes absently, like the ghosts of little spiders. " Where's my Abby...? Where did my little girl go. Are you in heaven. Are you here with me too. "

You look at them for a bit, then guide them to a little fire decal chair in the corner. It's surprisingly comfortable. There's a glass of water on the side table next to it.

"I don't think Abby is here, but I'll check the registry for you later."

There's an Arab hijabi woman who's been hiding away from the rest, watchful and silent the entire time. You look over at her and ask:

"Hello ma'am. And what are you here for, may I ask...?"

The woman takes a bit of time to size you up, then answers:

"I don't know. My life was sunnah. I loved and gave as much as I could. But I am here with my whole village. One day we were alive, next day we weren't."

Somebody else moves to speak after she's finished, but cringes back into the shadows. You can't make out much of their features, but notice that they have a hoodie on. It has a blue, pink and white flag of some kind on the left sleeve.

Some familiar bile rises in your throat, but you know by now that you have to swallow it back down. You have to be strong, for God's most hated sinners.

"I see." You step away so that you can address everybody at once. "Okay. Now that you're all here, there are just some things I have to explain to you."

"You're not here because you did anything wrong. You're just here because God doesn't like you."

"Isn't that... Kind of the same thing though?“

"Not anymore it ain't."

Your charges' eyes are saucer wide now.

"What do you mean...? We get an eternity of horrific torment just because some really powerful and shitty guy thinks we're gross? Figures. “ The person in the hoodie is finally talking. There isn't even a hint of tremor in their voice. "Y'know, they really had us going with the whole 'oooh, we'll be so different from the old system, we'll set things right and give you all heaven on earth if you just help us to where we need to be' schtick. And now we're just fucking stuck here with you. After everything."

You don't say anything, instead hitting a little fire-shaped button with your paw. The temperature suddenly descends to a nice and balmy 22 degrees Celsius. A minibar pops out of the floor, as does a massive buffet filled with goodies to satisfy all dietary restrictions. Some really cheesy bossanova begins to play from an invisible PA setup.

Inexplicably, there's also an onsen and a couple of massage chairs all of a sudden.

"Look kid. God told me I'm your punishment. And if you're really as bad as all that, nothing should be worse than an eternity of comfort that your monstrous sinner self does not deserve."

You waggle your eyebrows in what you believe is a conspiratorial manner. There's another button next to the fire shape. You hit that too and some very convincing screams start playing on loop.

"Sorry, just try to tune that out while you're here. Daddy God's a loser who doesn't like getting his hands dirty, but he wants to know I'm meeting my KPI."

The souls of the damned balk at everything for a bit, and then start wandering around to check out all the different doohickeys that have manifested in the space.

"Have fun guys. Remember: you're here forever."

There’s good news and bad news. Bad news, you’re in hell. Good news, you’re not being punished. You are the punishment.

[boythirteen]

I loved that you posted things all day. I found you everywhere. I love you. It was mostly a rainy day here and I read all your posts and finished writing my sermon and made a drawing, too. In the sermon I had to make the present tense be like it was past because of when I’ll be reading it to them. It doesn’t have a title yet.

SERMON Hello everyone. Thank you, Rev. Pat, for inviting me to preach today. I started writing this sermon from a motel room in Myrtle Beach, which is where Frances and I ended up on our bike trip. I remember preaching at almost this same time last year and telling everyone about our bike trip in Florida. But this year we didn’t go to Florida, mainly because the government in Florida hates lgbtq+ people, especially trans people, more overtly than most other states, and we didn’t want to be there. So, instead, we rode our bikes from here to Myrtle Beach, which was another kind of adventure that did include ugly things like confederate flags and Trump flags and Lets go Brandon signs. But supportive things, too, like Love is Love banners and gay flags and conscientious drivers who passed us with such care. This was a new feeling I had about cars passing around us on the narrow 2-lane roads, how some cars were gentle and others menacing like the wide trucks with revved up engines seeming to want to blow us off the edge. I don’t mean to stereotype but it simply was true that the revved up trucks were the aggressive ones. And something else I felt, an unsettling thing, was the implied threat in American flags and worse, in signs praising Jesus. Which were threats I’d been feeling already but in a starker way now, and with a more pronounced personal vulnerability. I felt more literally exposed. A few times along the way I had disturbing flashes of scenes from the movie Easy Rider, even. And when I took off my t-shirt to swim, when I bared my manly trans chest as I’ve always so loved to do, I felt an acute self-consciousness that alarmed me. I had a fearful sense that, because of anti-trans sentiment, people would be far more aware of what trans-masculine top surgery scars looked like and so would spot mine and be hostile to me. Which didn’t happen, though. And the trucks didn’t really blow us off the road. And no one was mean to us except once a teenager screamed faggot at me and a girl in a convertible VW bug with peace signs and flower decals all over it flipped us the bird as she passed by. Overall the bike trip was full of fun and sun and wholesome encounters and challenges and feelings of awe at creation. I’m telling you about the insecurities, too, because I think that all of this has something to do with the gospel verse about faith, or with my own relationship to faith that I can explore. Faith in God and in myself and in humanity.

This is the verse from Matthew:

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”    

So, a lot of things have happened in this chapter before the verses we’re reading today. John the Baptist has been be-headed and Jesus has been told about it. Jesus tries to have a solitary time to process this but crowds of people follow him, becoming the multitude that Jesus feeds with the scant loaves and fishes. Then Jesus sends the disciples ahead in the boat and takes time alone on a mountainside. Then he walks on the water.

Something else about our bike trip was that we rode on ferries, 5 of them I think, and 2 of them that were really long rides. Which was kind of like riding bikes across the water, or like getting across the water in a miraculous way. And still another thing was the wind, how strong it was, and whether it was a head wind or a tail wind, and how it made so much difference which one. Riding the bike could either feel like flying or like pushing against a solid wall, or something in between. Mostly, for us, it felt like flying. Having the wind at one’s back is a wonderful thing to wish for people, I’ve learned. May the wind be ever at your back. But the wind in the gospel verse was a head wind.

The reading from I Kings also talks about wind. When Elijah is standing on the mountain waiting for God to pass by, a great and powerful wind {tears} the mountains apart and {shatters} the rocks before God, but God {is} not in the wind. God isn’t in the earthquake or the fire, either. God is a gentle whisper Elijah hears. Which seems, to me, to mean that God isn’t using dramatically elemental, external things to impress or overwhelm or intimidate Elijah, but is instead a gentle voice that Elijah can hear inside of himself. God is internal. And what stands out to me in the reading about Jesus walking on the water is that the faith—and lack of faith—being exemplified by Peter isn’t faith in Jesus’s power to do a miraculous thing, but Peter’s faith in himself to do it. Jesus doesn’t need Peter to believe in what Jesus is doing. Jesus is walking on the water whether Peter believes it or not. He’s not being a show-off about it, either, but is just calmly doing it almost absent-mindedly.  And Peter doesn’t fully believe anyway. He needs the proof of Jesus calling out to him to come. So Jesus says “come” and Peter walks on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter becomes afraid he starts to sink and cries out to Jesus to save him. And Jesus reaches out to him to save him and says: You of little faith. But Peter seems to have enough faith in Jesus’s ability to save him. He just doesn’t have enough to believe that he, Peter, can walk on the water, even after Jesus tells him to come and proves to him that yes, he actually can. Peter’s lack of faith is in himself, not in Jesus.

I keep running this around in my thoughts and kind of arguing with myself about it, though. I’m thinking to myself: But still Peter’s faith needed to be in Jesus initially, in a belief that Jesus’s power would enable Peter to walk on the water. It wasn’t a belief in some personal power Peter could find in himself to do it. Peter’s short-lived demonstration of faith required that Jesus be there to speak it, to say come.

But what if Peter’s belief in divine power and also in his own power are the same thing, the same belief, the same presence and/or absence of faith? Peter can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. I think this is what’s revelatory. We have divinity inside of us and can believe in it and do all things. We can believe in ourselves because of believing in the divinity inside of us. This is our individual faith.

And we can have a collective faith in humanity, too, in our collective ability to do all things. I’m thinking of us as a whole perhaps being of greater faith collectively than we are individually, with all of us having differing measures of individual faith, sometimes with spurts of great individual faith like Peter’s first steps and other times with faith-shattering fear like Peter’s. It was fear that negated Peter’s faith and caused him to sink, so an aspect of faith must be that we face our fear. But when Peter’s fear overcomes him, Jesus steps in. And maybe we can step in for each other in instances when fear overcomes one of us.

Something on our trip that so moved me about people stepping in for each other was the bicycle policy of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel. This is a bridge and tunnel construction that traverses 17 miles of the Chesapeake Bay but doesn’t allow bicycles to cross. Instead, the official policy is that bicyclists are to call ahead to say they’re coming, and a person in a van will meet them and load up the bikes and drive them across. The service is free. Our bike route took us to this point along the east coast where we were cared for by strangers in this way of being whisked  across the Chesapeake Bay almost like teleportation. But the even more amazing thing I learned was that there was also a special free service for anyone who felt afraid of driving across the long bridge. The driving service involved having someone from the bridge and tunnel agency step in and ride with the frightened person as the driver of their vehicle in their stead. Because maybe sometimes, instead of cheering on a person and having extra faith in them to do a thing that frightens them, the caring thing is to help them do the frightening thing, to let them have faith in you to help. Where your faith is hindered by fear, I will be confident for you, and you will offer me your faith in me to do what frightens you.

An even more touching instance of someone stepping in to help a frightened person was something I read online about a person on the autism spectrum posting on social media that they’d never been to a Subway restaurant before and were scared to go. They wished that someone could explain to them the process of ordering a Subway sandwich and what they would be asked to do by the server. So a caring person responded to their post in a matter-of-fact way of writing out a detailed, step by step instruction of what the server would ask and the different ways the scared person could respond, such as choosing 6 inches or 12 inches and what kind of bread and what kind of fillings and condiments and do you want a drink or not. And the scared person later reported back that they’d carefully followed the instructions and had successfully ordered a sandwich from Subway. They now believed that they could visit a Subway in the future and would follow the instructions and be ok. They were grateful for the kind help and also empowered by it, by their faith in it, and by their new faith in themselves to do it. And this is a story that was a welcome boost to my faith in humanity all around, and also gave me ideas about ways I could ask for such instructive help and could have faith in another’s willingness to step in for me and help me. And ways I could be called upon to give help to someone else, to let someone else have faith in me to help. I would want to be as plainly helpful as this example without any motive of changing the nervous person into a more daring one but simply filling in what they needed for their nervous self to move forward. A mingling and enlarging of our individual measures of faith. A balancing of faith.

I’m not sure if this what the gospel verse is talking about, but I feel led here by the verse. Whatever is happening in the verse from Matthew, it does involve differing measures and kinds of faith interacting with each other. Also, I think I’ve been influenced by the Barbie movie to not need everyone to be exceptionally confident. Is faith the same as confidence? I think so, or it’s something very much like it. But we went to see the Barbie movie on our bike trip at an especially magical place called Emerald Isle after having ridden through a desolate marshy area that felt so far away from safety to me, and with little towns scattered in between the marshes with occasional Confederate flags waving from the porches and no gay flags at all. I felt heavy with existential anxieties like Barbie was feeling. And then I felt lightened and healed to a great degree by sharing my feelings with Barbie. I’m not kidding. I remember after the movie was over and we were standing up from our seats and I said to Frances that I truly felt helped by the movie. And just then I caught the eye of a man sitting behind us with a group of older people and knew that he’d heard what I said. And I think I saw him smiling inside himself about me being helped as if he’d been helped by Barbie, too.    

But l want to think more about what it means to have abundant confidence, or faith. Is faith a belief in someone’s power to do particular things? If I have faith in you to do something, it means that I confidently believe that you can certainly do it. And we can also have faith in our own power to do things. Faith in ourselves. Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can. To have faith in God means to believe in God. Great faith is a combination of confidence and belief. But do you believe in faith in a literal way? I mean do you believe that a person can literally move mountains with faith the size of a mustard seed? That they can walk on the water or fly through the air if they just can believe in themselves enough? Is faith a potential for exhibiting an exceptional ability like a supernatural power? I know that throughout my life I’ve read or been told or otherwise led to believe that human beings are only using a fraction of their brain power, that somehow studies show that we have unused parts or under-used parts of our brains, that we can’t even imagine what we might achieve with a wholly confident application of our total brain potential. Maybe it’s an evolutionary thing that will happen to us if we get to evolve more on the earth, if we haven’t already gone too far with abusing the natural world because of how greedy we are. Do you think we’ve already gone too far? But that’s a different topic. But maybe our development of greater faith will be what allows us to change course and heal the earth.

Someone I follow on Instagram, a drag queen performer, is often highlighting instances of bigotry and ignorance on their page and calling for the hateful, stubborn people to evolve already! Maybe when we can evolve enough to love each other we will also be able to walk on the water like Jesus.

Do you ever think of Jesus as being a kind of prototype of an evolved human being? That all of Jesus’s compassion and healing power and other miracle-working and insight and connection to loving creation, to God, are ways that all of us are meant to be? That Jesus is the example to follow but also the model of who we’re designed to ultimately be.

Sometimes I think of Jesus as being an Alien Being sent by God the Creator to steer us from our selfish ways and set us on this evolutionary path. I don’t believe it’s disrespectful of Jesus or God or humanity to imagine Jesus as an Alien Being akin to us but far more fully evolved. Is it? I’m trying to exercise confidence in my own thought processes but am prone to doubt them, too. I wonder how everyone else envisions God. Do you see God as a solid being or more as a misty kind of force or invisible force that permeates everything? Do you have a certain image of God or is God an overall sense of something that doesn’t have a form? Something too vast and mind-boggling for our thoughts to contain, like infinity. Does the awesomeness of something like infinite space inspire you to confidently believe in God?

Do you believe that we’ve encountered aliens on the earth and that the government is hiding it from us? Why aren’t we talking more about this? Would knowing about it change anything? Has the world gotten so weird now that aliens aren’t even that interesting to us? I feel worried about how we might have been treating them, if we actually have had close encounters. That we aren’t being open enough to be awed and excited and welcoming. That we’ve been treating them like undesirable others, like Greg Abbott is treating immigrant people. Evolve already, Greg Abbott!

Something I came across recently was a report about time and how new research has determined that time has fits and starts and isn’t a smooth thing. I can’t find the source of this now and am not sure if I’m mis-remembering it or getting it wrong altogether, but something I do remember is someone commenting that they didn’t understand the physics of this new research at all, but did feel inspired by it to just be awed by the miraculous mechanics of creation. When I was in Myrtle Beach the first day, I walked on the beach access walkway to the end where I could look out onto the ocean. A group  of women were gathered there who seemed to me to be lesbians, which was a plus, and one of them was looking out on the ocean, too, and turned to me and said God’s creation. And we shared a moment of awe at this, a moment of faith. Maybe being faithful is also being amazed. It’s when something almost like fear, like a gasp, turns into amazement. Maybe fear, instead of always being an antithesis to faith, is something that can also inspire faith. In the reading from Matthew, the disciples in the boat are first terrified and then amazed by what transpires—by Jesus walking on the water, by Peter’s moment of walking on the water, by Jesus’s reaching out to save Peter, by the wind subsiding when Jesus enters the boat. This amazement is what forms the basis of their belief in Jesus as the Child of God. It isn’t confidence that forms their faith. It’s awe, or more specifically, fear transformed into awe. Maybe something we can do, as well as working on our confidence and sharing our measures of faith with each other and evolving together, is just let our fears turn into awe and be amazed more. That’s my prayer for everyone right now. That we feel awe-struck more than afraid.

Amen

[thekadhai]

Top 15 animal themed kitchen products people buy also gift your friend partners

Guys, I hate cooking and I hate doing any kind of kitchen activities what-so-ever. But it’s one of those inescapable daily tasks, so when I found the adorable Animal House kitchen gagets, I found the perfect way to make my time in the kitchen suck less, like, WAY less.

the first time we talked about animal themed kitchen tools and today we have another cool collection of 10 for you. Why animal? You might ask? Maybe cooking just needs to have more fun for someone or maybe it is a good way to encourage your kids to cook with you? Anyway, in today’s collection, animals

15. Cat Funny Hand Towels

When this cat hand towel is hung on the towel rack, the cat's body stretches out! The lifelike pattern will make you feel that having such a towel is like having a kitten by your side to keep you company. Wiping your face and hands seems to become a kind of enjoyment of petting the cat, who can refuse the healing feeling of petting the cat every day?

Perfect Gifts : The cats decorative towel is a perfect gift for all occasions,house warming presents for new home,Mother's Day,Christmas,Valentine'S Day,birthdays,wedding showers,etc.

Funny Cat Hand Towel:When you wipe your hands with the feeling of touching a cat's belly,you will be healed by the soft fabric touch!The pattern on the back,tail and paws are very realistic,so cute that even the towels also make you want to hug them!

Cute Decorative: 25 inch by 6 inch. Tired of boring bathrooms and kitchens? Maybe it's time for you to have a cat towel to liven them up,make your home full of warmth and vibrant.

Cat hand towel made of 85% polyester 15% nylon,soft and comfortable fabric with strong water absorption.

Cat towels can be used for machine washing, washing trouble-free.Decorate your kitchen and bathroom,make your home full of pleasure and vibrant.

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14. Cow Mug

This mug comes presented in a fun and graphic quality gift box, making gifting even easier!This fab cow shaped gift mug complete with a graphic print, hilarious text decal and unique udder base, makes the perfect funny gift to help friends and family turn their frowns upside down!

PERFECT GIFT FOR HER OR HIM -Know friends and family who need cheering up? Or are they just cow crazy?

UDDERLY UNIQUE - Resting on four udder-style feet, this mug is uniquely designed with fun in mind!

PERFECT GIFT FOR HER OR HIM -Know friends and family who need cheering up? Or are they just cow crazy?

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13. Salad Servers

Come and 'Spaghet-it'-Looking for durable, lightweight, and BPA-free pasta and salad utensils for serving? 'Sauce'-picious about our Pasta Monsters set? OTOTO's multi-purpose pasta and salad servers would be a great addition to your kitchen!

Nifty Kitchen Critters- Meal teams are always tons of fun when you're with these friendly kitchen critters!

Monster Servers- Having spaghetti for dinner? Or perhaps some leafy greens? Made by the design awarded OTOTO Studio, Pasta Monsters, the salad spoon and fork duo are ready to swoop and serve at your command.

A Sprinkle of Fun - Ever heard of the one where they lived happily ever after? Well, that's always the story with OTOTO's household products

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12. Spaghetti Monster

A 'pasta'-tively amazing gift- Looking for new home gift ideas for your friends and family? Give your loved ones a special surprise with the not-so-scary Spaghetti Monster. OTOTO's kitchen tools and gadgets are best sellers for a reason.

Sauce'-some cooking partner- Food strainers for the kitchen are a big necessity for every home cook. According to our 'sauces', Spaghetti Monster's innovative and fun design makes for a handy kitchen tool to have.

Come and 'Spaghet'-it- Looking for durable, lightweight, and BPA-free strainers and colanders? 'Sauce'-picious about our Spaghetti Monster? OTOTO's multi-purpose kitchen strainer would be a great addition to your kitchen!

A 'pasta'-tively amazing gift- Looking for new home gift ideas for your friends and family? Give your loved ones a special surprise with the not-so-scary Spaghetti Monster.

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11. Wine Cork Holder

By Picnic Plus. Whether its Spring romance or a Summer beach and patio, Fall tailgating or Winter holiday entertaining and gifting, Picnic Plus by Spectrum products are in style, in season and in demand.

Our Picnic Plus whimsical Dog Cork Caddy is great for collecting and saving your wine bottle corks. Makes a fun conversation piece and looks great on a bar or mantel. Made with durable steel and has a patina finish and chalkboard plate.

In fact, each season we continue to develop and introduce new fashionable lunch bags, insulated food carriers, cheeseboards, wine totes, and products for every type of party imaginable.

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10. Barry Grater Sharpener

100% Food Safe Made of BPA-free plastic and stainless steel

Cheese, vegetables, fruits, chocolates and nuts create a great spot and will definitely match when you meet Barry

Compact and functional Dimensions: 5.1 x 3.3 x 2.2 inches

Dishwasher safe

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9.Farm Animals

EASY CARE: Dishwasher-safe silicone

INCREASE AIR CIRCULATION: By giving the sauce, pasta water, vegetables, or other ingredients room to breathe, the steam can escape, reducing the chances of water boiling over and onto your stovetop.

MULTI-USE BUDDIES: These buddies do more than protect your food! They also make great tea buddies, holding the string on the tea bag to prevent it from sliding into the hot water

CUTE SILICONE ANIMALS: The set of 3 ensures you always have a buddy to cook with! These cute silicone animals add a bit of fun and whimsy to weeknight dinners or cups of tea at work.

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8. Toothpick Holder

Even the biggest mammal on the planet knows how to keep his teeth clean. There are tons of toothpicks waiting in the belly of the whale- just shake it and pick one!

Even the biggest mammal on the planet knows how to keep his teeth clean. There are tons of toothpicks waiting in the belly of the whale- just shake it and pick one!

EASY TO USE- Your funny kitchen gadget, simply flip upside down and shake to get a toothpick out.

WHIMSICAL AND FUN- The best part is the fun factor! Get ready for tons of compliments.

PREMIUM QUALITY MATERIALS-Made of premium resistible hard solid Plastic. Lightweight and durable but yet sturdy and stable so it can contain multiple things in it. Will not rust, crack, scratch or stain.

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7. Pot Holders

The Resistant oven Gloves Heat are great kitchen accessory and necessary.

Silicone potholders Shaped like red lobster claw, creative design, very cute and easy to get clean by hand-washing or machine-washing.

Mitts nest inside each other for easy storage, flexible, comfortable and easy to wear. Included are lobster claw two pot holders, useful as a hot spoon holder or moving a hot trivet to protect you hands from hot pots, lids and handles.

High temperature resistant silicone can withstand temperatures from -40°C to 230°C.

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6. Egg Holder

Boil, serve and store eggs in the coolest way! This small colony of penguins will hold up to 6 eggs together in the Arctic winter of your fridge or in the hot springs of your pot.

The handle will always stay cool for pulling out safely from the boiling water and comfortable carrying to the table or fridge.

EGG-CELLENT GIFT: Surprise your family and friends with this one-of-a-kind boiled egg maker and holder.

HEAT RESISTANT & EASY TO USE: No need to worry about cracking eggs when placing them in the pot or fishing around with a spoon once they’re cooked.

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5. Salt and Pepper Shakers

Great for Gifting: Measures 6 inches long, 5.5 inches wide, and 5.5 inches tall and is enclosed in a beautiful four-color box that is the perfect gift for your friends or family who enjoy horse-themed home décor

Crafted by Hand: Meticulously hand-painted to achieve a highly detailed design of a campy horse wearing a cowboy outfit for a fun, unique accent piece on your kitchen counter or dinner table

Perfect Amount of Spice: The top of each stainless steel spice dispenser is designed with holes that sprinkle just the right amount of salt and pepper to prevent your food from being overly seasoned

The salt and pepper shaker set is crafted with high-quality poly resin for easy cleaning and durability; professionally coated with paint for a long-lasting, vivid finish

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4. creature cups

Creature Cups was founded by an avid coffee-drinking designer while working late nights in a Brooklyn, NY studio. We draw inspiration from all parts of life, from the coffee in the morning to the gargoyles on the Notre Dame Cathedral. Creature Cups draws a wide array of audience, from design kitchen enthusiasts to the cult followers of H.P. Lovecraft. Our collection of creatures continues to grow as broad as our imaginations. Join us as we create, staying current, thought provoking, humorous, fun. And, always caffeinated.

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3. Blade Knife Sharpener

Slice, Slice, Baby!- Blade isn't like other knife sharpeners, this sleepy rhino is a real monster in the kitchen. Made of BPA-free and 100% food-grade material, Blade is a real treat in the kitchen.

A Cut Above The Rest- Is your knife not cutting like it used to? Bring back its cutting-edge abilities with Blade, the knife sharpening master! Get slicing and dicing like a pro in no time with the best knife sharpener in the game.

A 'Knife' Friend To Have- What could be worse than a slow knife? A dull one. Keep your knives sharp to the touch with Blade, the knife sharpener.

Cutting Edge Gift- Looking for fun kitchen gadgets for your loved ones? OTOTO has a great selection of funny kitchen gadgets that will tickle anyone's fancy.

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2. Leaf Tea Infuser

Brew-tea-ful' Gift for Anyone - Looking for new home gift ideas or housewarming gifts? No one can resist funny kitchen gadgets, like novelty loose leaf tea infusers!

Fun and 'Unbe-leaf-ably' Functional - Baby Nessie is not just fun to hang out with. This baby monster is also made with functionality in mind.

Have a Mug-nificent Tea Time - Never 'kettle' for less! Have a tea-rrific tea time with Baby Nessie, the monster infuser. Unlike a tea press, this infuser is very convenient to use, especially for beginners.

Par-tea' with Nessie - Get the 'par-tea' started with Baby Nessie, the one-of-a-kind dinosaur tea infuser for loose tea leaves

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1. Spoon Holder

Fun meets function - A pot of smoldering soup or boiling liquid ain't got nothing on this durable silicone utensil holder and steam releaser. Watch his legs grip the lids and there he'll be chillin' like a villain until you're done cookin'!

Claw-some' gift for anyone - Looking for new home gift ideas or funny housewarming gifts? No one can resist fun kitchen gadgets! Seek no more for he's here from the ocean floor!

Kitchen 'Es-sea-ntial'- This silicone spoon rest is something to 'shell-ebrate'! It's BPA-free and made of 100% food grade silicone, which means it's made to withstand rust and chipping. This kitchen and grill utensil holder and spoon rest for stove top is a staple for a tidy cooking space.

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