#i hate the part of me that believes in things despite having no genuine reason to believe them.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

won’t call what i’m doing “relapsing” bc that feels incredibly disingenuous but i am definitely backsliding again <3 why do i always wanna force myself back somewhere i don’t fit anymore. there’s nothing else for me there, nothing to accomplish by waiting or feeling this way, and yet.

[februarybluues]

You spin my head around (like a record)

summary: hobie never believed in throwing his money away to useless big corporations. but, when you started working at his favorite record shop, he decided to make a small exception. warnings: slight flirting, terrible british a/n: i love this idea so so much and have many ideas for it so if you want a part 2 let me know!!!

If there was one thing hobie hated most, it was capitalism. Having to spend money on things you didn’t need but were marketed in a way that made you feel like you needed them, pissed him off to no end. Especially when it came to big corporations. He didn’t see the purpose of having to feed these ‘money-hungry pigs’, which would only end up causing harm to everything and everyone that got in their way. The only exception was small businesses. He never gave his money away on anything unless he desperately needed it, but that wasn’t often. Until it came to you.

There was a particular record shop in the middle of the city that he occasionally visited. Mainly because it was the only one near him that actually had his favorite artists. – which were rarely sold due to how ‘underground’ they were. Don’t get me wrong, he liked his fair share of mainstream, popular artists, he just also liked his fair share of small garage punk bands. The kind of small bands you’d find playing at your local pub. But, the point is: that specific record shop was the only one he actually liked. But, that didn’t change his hatred for capitalism. Which meant he wasn’t shy to ‘borrow’ a few cd’s, or vinyls from that shop. Actually, he hadn’t once paid for anything, and he’d never once been caught. That’s just how things were. He’d never planned to feed into society’s corrupt ideations. Never. He would continue to visit that record shop whenever he pleased, but never once considered buying anything. That is, until a new employee started working there.

They were perfect. The living embodiment of utter perfection. Every time Hobie entered the shop he was greeted by a sweet smile from behind the till. Everything that person did drove Hobie crazy. - in the best way imaginable. That person was you. You’d only recently gotten the job, around a few weeks ago. It was simple enough, but it definitely was not your dream job. You only got it because you needed the money, even though the pay was barely enough to get you going for the week, it was something! Despite never once having a proper conversation, Hobie knew he liked you. From your genuine, unrelenting kindness, to your style. He was fond of everything you did. And before he knew it, his occasional visits turned to him visiting whenever he could. Not because he wanted to actually buy anything, but because he wanted to see you. Any chance he got, he would rush straight over to you. It got to a point where he had memorised when you were working and when you weren’t. And now, here he was.

“Are you actually gonna pay this time?” you asked him, familiar with his habit of pocketing cd’s and vinyls and then leaving. You never did anything about it for many reasons. One of which was because you did not get paid enough to deal with it. And also, because he was insanely attractive. He laughed. Not like an actual laugh. But, a small exhale, similar to scoffing. “Maybe I am,” he said, handing you the vinyl. You smiled at him and scanned the record, noticing the familiar album cover. “Oh sex pistols!” you exclaimed, mentally taking note of how his music taste was almost as beautiful as he was. “You’ve got good taste.” you said, before putting the record in a bag. You didn’t notice how he lit up at the sudden compliment; freaking out on the inside, but playing it off well. “You listen to ‘em?” he asked, his heavy accent now very prominent. Your smile never once faltered as you looked back at him. “I love them!” you said. You began to hum the tune to one of their songs, doing a dramatic little dance, which earned a small laugh from him. “You know… It’s surprising that you’re actually buying something for once.” you commented, jokingly but also genuinely. He tilted his head to the side in response. “Oh yeah? How so?”  he leaned against the till, hands in his pockets as he talked with you. “Well, I see you here all the time. - Almost every time I'm working, actually. And - I guess I kinda got used to you wandering around and then leaving. It’s kind of weird how this is the first time I’ve heard your voice.” you laughed, and his lips quirked up in a small, almost unnoticeable smile. “What’s wrong with havin’ a look around?” his voice was low, and he spoke innocently. Despite the both of you knowing he was anything but innocent. “We both know you’ve been having a bit more than a look around.” you said, in reference to the many times you’d seen him ‘borrowing’ a few cd’s. He laughed this time. In truth, he cherished this moment. As it had been the first time he’d heard your voice. You were sweet, funny, and apparently had good music taste. All three of those traits were almost impossible to be found in the people Hobie had met. There was just something about you that was so different from everything else. So unique and-

“That’ll be 24.99” you said, snapping him out of his thoughts. 24.99? He repeated in his head, confused. He could’ve sworn that the price tag said 30? Had you given him a discount? For literally the first time ever, he handed the money to you and paid. He regretted a lot of things, but getting to talk to you was not one of them. You handed him the bag and smiled at him once more. Hobie then realised this would probably be the only time he’d ever interact with you again. In a panic, he spoke up again. “D’ya wanna spend time together after this? We could maybe listen t’the record? See if it was worth th’money?” While the usual confidence in his voice remained, there were hints of hesitation laced under his words. “I’d love to!” you exclaimed, blatantly happy. He smiled, now exposing his teeth. “Lovely.”

“I almost forgot–here’s my number!” you pulled out a pen from your pocket and wrote your phone number on the paper bag that you put his vinyl in; trying to make it as neat and legible as possible. Once you were happy with it, you handed it back to him. “I get off work at 6. Call me then and we can organise something, yeah?” you offered, to which he nodded. “It’s a date.” he said, and winked before turning around and exiting the shop; the jingling of the door suddenly sounded way happier than it usually did. Maybe your new job wasn’t so bad after all.

hey pookie just wanted to let u know my requests are opennn and you wanna request something sooooo badly so why don't you just go over there and send one in thanks love u hope you liked that little fic

[l-in-the-light]

Law didn't know about the kids in Punk Hazard

This will be an unpopular opinion, because fandom loves to think Law is so shocked here because of Strawhats crazy antics. But I believe that the actual reason why Law looks so horrified is because of the kids. He didn't know Caesar was experimenting on kids and right under Law's nose. He spent months there and yet he didn't know.

How is that possible? Because Law had to agree to two conditions so Caesar would allow him to stay on that island: 1. give up his heart in exchange for Monett's 2. not be nosey about Caesar's research. And if Law would break that deal, his heart would get crushed at any moment. So why would he break the deal before he would figure out how to get his heart back? He stayed there for months and I doubt he needed to stay there for that long, he was just stuck there because of that stupid condition. And yet soon after he found out (thanks to Strawhats), he reacts like this and betrays Caesar:

I still have no idea who Caesar reminded Law of. At first I thought "Doffy, right?" but Doflamingo despite being manipulative never had to actually drug people not to leave his side, that's exactly why he is so scary in the first place. My current bet is Vegapunk, for two reasons:

1. Everything Caesar does or did is implied to be a copy of Vegapunk's inventions, just worse quality: artificial zoan fruit dragon = smile fruits, that's why Caesar knows how to "respawn" devil fruits as well, don't think it's his own achievement. Also we're being fed to a lie for the whole duration of Punk Hazard: Caesar isn't the only person capable of producing SAD, Law reveals it on Sunny on their way to Dressrosa: "he only found an use for Vegapunk's lineage factors" - which means any other scientist could have done the same as long as they knew the method. At first Vegapunk was also part of the illegal science group of Punk Hazard, which means both him and Caesar did experiments on humans (prisoners, Kaido, Alber, but not kids, but it's still experimenting on humans). All things considered it doesn't have to be a stretch that Law might mean Vegapunk here, after all he did read a lot about world government's experiments that were previously done on Punk Hazard (he did share a bit about gigantification for example and that was also an experiment Vegapunk was involved in!).

2. It could have been Judge, but I don't think Law ever met him. His surprise at seeing Stealth Black for real was enough of a proof to me, he never met any Germa before.

Remember Flevance and all the kids dying? Or Law's novel when one of the first feats Law does after forming Heart Pirates together with Bepo, Shachi and Penguin is to rescue people from pirates? I even think it mentions "rescue kids" specifically.

Staying on Punk Hazard and having a deal with Caesar who experimented on kids and Law having no idea about it must have been a big blow to him. He probably thought he's partially responsible for that. And despite the fact we don't see much of his emotions in that arc, we do see two little hints of it:

Overreacting much? He didn't really need to cut them up, seems like he released his anger there.

This one's easy to miss. He eats while looking at the kids, gulps his soup in one go and throws away the bowl. For someone so calm and composed that seems like such an uneccessary display and has like nothing to do with his talk with Smoker. But if we compare it to a certain someone having a flashback to his trauma, it all suddenly makes sense:

I see the parallel here, even though it's subtle.

In summary: Law wasn't a cold bitch, he was actually genuinely traumatized after Punk Hazard. That line between "good" and "evil" the marines painted feels even more symbolic, all things considered. Law believes himself to be a villain there and hates it.

Bonus: Yes, I remember that Law told Strawhats to forget about the kids when they told him they want to save them. He probably thought they can't pull it off or maybe he still felt bound by his deal with Caesar. Instead of being a counterargument I feel like it just makes the whole thing worse: he thought there's no way to save them which in turn for sure made him feel even worse about himself. He ended up being what he hated the most: the government's decision of not even trying to help Flevance and dooming it, just like Law himself doomed the kids.

Strawhats literally saved his heart a little bit there, in Punk Hazard. Didn't help him feel better about himself, but made him believe slightly more in miracles.

[ihopeiexplode]

📱 “Again and Again.” [←Previous | Next→]

—

"you can't be serious right?"

"I am."

"..."

—

You would stand there, eyes widening as he just finished his little confession..then suddenly he'd speak up

"is it really that hard to believe I have feelings for you?"

"coming from you Sukuna? Yes, yes it is hard to believe, if you think you can win my forgiveness with some petty confession that I doubt is real your wrong."

"how long did you practice saying that for?"

"y/n I'm dead serious, I like you, I really do.."

You refuse to believe he's telling the truth. A visible scowl would appear on your face before you clenched your fist as you stared at him as if you were on the verge of tears.

"You're lying, aren't you? Even if your confession is genuine do you really think I'd accept it that easily? You've been openly hating me for years for no absolute reason, do you think it's funny to play with my feelings? I've been hurt enough I don't need you to add more to that problem. If you really did like me then you should've spoken up sooner instead of now."

"I was about to. Remember when your ex confessed his feelings for you during high school? How did he get you those flowers and letters?"

"Just what are you implying Sukuna."

"guess what y/n that was all me. I got you those flowers and letters not him. It was all Me yet you were dating someone who never loved you like I did. yet? you chose him over me. I would've treated you better than him if you just used your Brain back then."

"if what you are saying is true..then how come you haven't spoken up? I would've believed you if you just told me that instead of ignoring me and acting as if you hated me. Did doing all that get you anywhere Sukuna?"

"No..."

"Exactly. It got you nowhere. You could've just told me then this whole thing could've been avoided but no. You just had to add more fuel to the fire, didn't you? You just had to make the situation worse."

"tell me Sukuna did you have fun toying with my emotions? Was it worth it? This doesn't mean I believe in your petty confession."

With that you'd immediately turn to leave, as you did you just left him standing there leaving him and his emotions alone together for him to figure it out himself.

He shouldn't have said that. Why were you being so difficult?

He really was a fool for believing he'd actually have a chance with you, but he knows his chances are low despite that he can't help but keep chasing after you no matter how hard he tries to deny the fact he hates you.

But you on the other hand..you wanted to believe what he said was genuine, but deep down you know. You know everything he says..it's still the same Sukuna deep down.—

—

[⛩️] @: Likes & Reblogs R appreciated! ^^

A/N: I didn't know what to do for this part because erm..the thing is....I make all the parts on the spot...🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

(I promise I'll make the next part longer 😞😞🙏‼️)

Taglist: @catobsessedlady @hellomeow12 @0-candlecove-0 @shivzypuff @swirlingcurses @1-800-choke-that-ho @attackonnat @chilichopsticks @getoxmahito @memenojutsu @uhnanix @ichorstainedskin @needtoloveoutloud @love-me-satoru @s-j320 @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @goj0sunglasses @svtvrnal @haitanibros0007 @punkhazardlaw @mslydiaa @jayathelostdragon @caileysdead @rixyaaaa @minzxec @rzcnlb

[fsfghgee]

Bi-Han Breakdown: because I think he deserves it. And unfortunately, he's receiving a lot of hate for no sane reason

Bi-Han is not a saint, but clearly complex and misunderstood. I hope this post can help you to understand his character and alignment in MK1 better.

1° HE LET HIS FATHER DIE, HE IS EVIL!

Bi-Han letting his father die is the main reason that make people think he is evil, but let's think about it...

Bi-Han let his father die, he didn't kill his father in cold blood and Liu Kang knew about it! Why he kept Bi-Han close, had high hopes for him (his words) and still wants him back if he is so evil?

Liu kang: Come in from the cold, Bi-Han. ("Come in from the cold" Definition & Meaning: to become part of a group or of normal society again after one has been outside it.)

Bi-Han: And again kneel before you?

Liu kang to Scorpion (about Bi-Han): I had such high hopes for your brother.

Scorpion to Geras: I want to see the moment my father died. (so yeah, Liu Kang knows how Bi- han/Tomas/Kuai Liang's father died. And he doesn't blame Bi-Han for his death)

Besides, who said his father couldn't have done the same thing with Bi-han's mother, since she was also a warrior who followed Liu Kang and letting someone die is not a big deal for Lord Liu Kang...

Tomas: Did you intend for me to be orphaned?

Liu Kang: Some threads must be cut to weave time's fabric. (Translation: YES, I DID. WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?)

Why doesn't he resent his mother for following Liu Kang like he does with his father? Why does he genuinely believes that she would be pround of his actions?

Tomas: If mother were alive...

Bi-Han: She would applaud my actions.

C'mon, look at his eyes! You can see the pain in them:

Bi-Han to Kitana: Your mother's death is regrettable.

He never shows remorse for anything, but he's truly sorry for Sindel's death, because he wasn't there to help them defeats Shang Tsung's god counterpart and maybe prevent her death. He truly admired Sindel. Also, Sindel was a mother. And he loves his mother.

Bi-Han to Sindel: You wield the power that I aspire to.

Bi-Han to Sindel: I don't want your throne. Just part of Earthrealm.

He only despise his father and Liu Kang's authority...

Bi-Han to Liu Kang: My father was a fool to follow you.

Kenshi to Bi-Han: Why do you so resent Liu Kang's authority?

He keep saying to everyone:

Father was a fool, lacked vision, never saw the Lin Kuei's potential etc. Then, you can say BUT HE NEVER SAID HIS FATHER WAS EVIL...

True. But who knows? He doesn't see himself as evil for not trying to save his father (nor Liu Kang, a GOD.) when he had the chance, but a lot of people thinks he is evil for it. And his father was a man of many secrets...

That demon who thinks it's cool kill "evil creatures" whithin her parameters to get what she wants "a pure form/soul": There are many in the Netherrealm (hell) just like you.

Bi-Han: You conflate ambition with evil, Ashrah.

Bi-Han to himself: Our father was a man of many secrets.

2°

HE IS MEAN TO TOMAS AND TRIED TO KILL HIM, HE IS EVIL!

I truly love Tomas, but Bi-Han not accepting him as a brother in front of him, doesn't make him evil. Tomas's family was murdered by Lin Kuei's warriors in front of him and the grandmaster (Bi-Han's father) took him in to make of that broken child a powerful warrior who could also kill! In Bi-Han's eyes, Tomas was always a potential threat to the clan and he state it in his face:

Bi-Han to Tomas: Your treachery does not surprise me.

But despite everything, he also, multiple times, recognize Tomas as a worthy fellow Lin Kuei and even as his brother:

Look at how proud Tomas seems to be 🥺

How could Bi-Han think about harm Tomas when everything happened so fast?! He couldn't even see where Tomas was, he rushed to check where he was and not even looked at the ground to purposely kick a rock on him:

Liu Kang: Your brothers regret losing your fellowship.

Bi-Han: Then they shouldn't have disobeyed my commands.

He clearly recognize Tomas as his youngest brother, just not in front of him. You ask me why he doesn't do the same in front of Tomas? Firstly, he always had a foot out the door in his relationship with Tomas because of his background (TOMAS'S BIOLOGICAL FAMILY WAS MURDERED BY HIS CLAN); Secondly, Tomas was supporting all that Kuai Liang's mourning for their father's death and Bi-Han was clearly fed up and lost it. You can even see how surprised Tomas was:

He clearly wasn't expecting to hear him talk like that.

And we can't forget that Bi-Han was Tomas's idol before his betrayal. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't idolize and really miss someone who is constantly mean to me, so yes, I don't believe that Bi-Han was constantly an asshole to Tomas, just cold how his own statement:

Tomas: You've always been cold to me.

Bi-Han: Because your blood is not Lin Kuei.

And after defeating Nitara and Ermac the first thing that comes to his mind is the physical integrity of his brothers. He checked BOTH of them:

3°

HE TRIED TO KILL KUAI LIANG, HE IS EVIL!

We must have been watching different things, because there's no way that the GRANDMASTER of an ancient warrior clan, who can easily kill and is trained for it since childhood, would miss this chance if killing his brother was his true intention:

They trained since childhood, Tomas not even tried to separate them...

You ask why? Because he is used to it! They trained since childhood, they fight against each other since childhood too.

He only shows up to check Kuai Liang when he worries that Bi-Han could have blinded him, that is, gone too far.

And he quickly goes back behind the scene when he sees it was just a scratch:

End this, brother! Embrace the future!

He wasn't trying to kill him (look how he deliberately made this blow go soft here), he was trying to PUNISH him for disobey. And then, I ask you, with whom do you think he learned to do that?

And after this blow, he was holding back so much that he lost to him

4°

HE BETRAYED HIS BROTHERS! HE IS EVIL!

They feel betrayed by him, Bi-Han also feel betrayed by them, but Bi-Han actually betrayed earthrealm and more than once offered them the chance to join him, which they refused because they just want to defend earthrealm not govern it. Which hurts Bi-Han so much, since the entire clan and his best friends (Cyrax and Sektor) believe in his vision, make the clan great again (lol, I mean, achieve greatness, bring glory and respect to his clan etc), but his brothers don't:

Kuai Liang to Tomas: You forget Cyrax and Sektor. Their loyalty to Bi-Han is absolute.

Tomas to Kuai Liang: That the Lin Kuei won't aid us is unforgivable. Bi-Han has corrupted them totally.

His only wrongdoing was trust in Shang Tsung and Shao. They fooled him with false promises. And he already regrets having believed in them:

Bi-Han: I was wrong to trust you.

Shao: Yes, Earthrealmer. You were.

Shang Tsung: You have been cold to my entreaties.

Bi-Han: Because you proved you can't be trusted.

Havik: We were both played for fools.

Bi-Han: Shang Tsung and Quan Chi will pay.

But, unfortunately he has been hunted for helping Shao break out of prison and they are calling him a traitor for it, nothing more:

Sindel: With one act you betrayed two realms.

Bi-Han: Neither deserved my loyalty.

Bi-Han: I helped you, but I've earned no respect.

Shao: Because there's nothing lower than a traitor.

Bi-Han: You would still be in prison, were it not for me!

Raiden: I never thought you would betray Earthrealm.

Bi-Han: My only loyalty is to the Lin Kuei.

[valtsv]

This isn't a gotcha, so please don't take it as such, but would yuou be willing to explain what it is about VAL that makes her such a favourite of yours? I can't stand her myself, she comes across to me as a bully given god-like power that she abuses for her own amusement, and I've seen you acknowledge as much, but we draw completely different conclusions from that. I just want to understand your perspective.

i've been anticipating a question like this for a while now, so i'm more than happy to answer for you!

you're right, VAL is in some ways a "bully given godlike power" as you put it, and there's no avoiding that (nor do i want to). and yeah, i do like her in part because of that, because i have a fondness for horrible fictional characters and in particular "bad victim" archetypes, of which VAL certainly is one. but i think what makes her compelling to me, rather than repulsive, is that she is fundamentally a cautionary tale and a tragedy. in-universe, she's the scapegoat. the example. the "make the right choices or this could be you". she's inescapably, heartbreakingly human in her awfulness, and that makes her terrifying, but it also makes her deeply sad (at least to me).

i also strongly believe in rehabilitative/restorative justice, so for me, wanting better for VAL is about my real-world principles to a degree. i can't and won't argue that VAL doesn't function as an uncomfortable allusion to a lot of atrocious crimes against humanity (by humanity) within the narative, and that anyone who finds her upsetting or even hateful for these reasons is absolutely justified in doing so. however, she's still a fantasy entity at the end of the day. she's not a 1:1 stand-in for real-world abuses any more than, say, a vampire or werewolf, which plenty of people are more than happy to explore the nuances of. and there's also the question of what punitive measures would even achieve in her case, beyond personal satisfaction for the one administering or spectating them (which is not to say that wanting to punch VAL makes you as bad as she is, just that her arc is, among other things, about how cycles of abuse and violence perpetuate). the worst that could possibly happen to her has already happened. she's been tortured. she's been taken advantage of for her mistaken belief that working for and with the system has the opportunity to benefit her, and died for it. there's nothing to be "learned" from her punishment that hasn't already been shown to us. that she hasn't already internalised. if she were ever to develop a stable conscience, that would be punishment enough in my opinion.

despite being a victim of people not entirely unlike VAL, i personally am not her victim, so treating her with sympathy and kindness whilst acknowledging the elephant in the room that is her many (fictional) war crimes is not something that requires any cognitive dissonance on my behalf. i would cautiously argue that the narrative agrees with me somewhat in this regard - the few times VAL is treated to a genuine act of kindness with no ulterior motives, it shatters her composure and outward conviction that what she's doing is necessary for her personal satisfaction, and even prompts her to reconsider on occasion (sparing the woodsman comes to mind). i'm not saying anyone needs to hug her and tell her she's valid, but if all it takes is some genuine good intent to get her to engage in introspection, i'm willing to be the person to offer it.

[aveline-amelia]

You know what I love about BBC Sherlock?

You only catch some things on your 2nd, or 5th or 10th rewatch.

Like with Mycroft and Sherlock.

You watch Mycroft be annoyed at Sherlock calling at Christmas, so you think he would rather be left alone and doesn't want to deal with anyone, including Sherlock.

But his initial expression is one of surprise. He doesn't want to believe that Sherlock could be calling for sentimental reasons because he cannot bear to be wrong.

He wants Sherlock to show him he cares, like he did back when they were children.

And notice his wording there. "Did they pass a new law?" Sherlock is not the one who cares about upholding the law, Mycroft is. He is setting the stage for Sherlock to banter, but Sherlock just tells him Irene Adler is dead and hangs up.

When Sherlock calls Mycroft (despite the fact he prefers to text) in TSO3 many speculate the reason he wants him at the wedding is to have someone for support.

Mycroft says they will spend more time together now that John is married. Just like old times. He knows Sherlock would hate that, yet Sherlock doesn't deny it. He could say he can spend extra time with Mrs Hudson, or Lestrade or Molly or Wiggins.

He could say he doesn't need him at all. But we know that's not quite true.

If Sherlock was being sincere here and said he needs someone on his side, by his side, someone to be there for him, so he feels less alone... Mycroft would most likely think he was being mocked. He wouldn't believe him. Why should he?

When Mycroft tells Sherlock his loss would break his heart, he isn't doing it because of the drugs.

The drugs are just an excuse to hide behind. A smokescreen. He can't even look at Sherlock while is he saying it because he knows what's coming. Mockery.

"What the hell am I supposed to say to that?"

Mycroft broke script. He said the quiet part, the subtextual part out loud. I do care about you and it would break my heart if you died.

Sherlock doesn't know what to say. You can even read his bewildered statement as a genuine question. Mycroft does, in a way. So he answers.

"Merry Christmas?"

"You hate Christmas."

"Perhaps there was something in the punch."

I know you are up to something.

On the tarmac, Sherlock didn't even want to say goodbye to his brother. But when Mycroft calls him in 4 minutes, Sherlock has no idea Moriarty might be back. He just thinks Mycroft couldn't go even five minutes without speaking to him again and checking up on him.

Sherlock didn't say goodbye to Mycroft because he knew that wouldn't be the last time he'd hear from him.

"I will always be there for you."

"Shouldn't you be out there getting me a pardon, like a proper big brother?"

"He was a rubbish big brother." Was, not is.

"You were great."

He didn't find Lady Bracknell convincing. He isn't talking about that.

"Dr Watson? Look after him, would you?"

"Mycroft. Make sure he's looked after. He's not as strong as he thinks he is."

Neither of them are.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

On Baz and unconditional love

Baz has a better understanding of love because, unlike Simon, he grew up being loved. But you can see something in Baz's responses to Simon's reaction every time the kidnapping incident is brought up: Baz doesn’t know what to do when he receives unconditional, unapologetic love. One that, when dealing with arguably the most traumatic moment of Baz’s life, doesn’t avoid vulnerability, doesn’t chastise him for “letting it happen” because “he’s a Pitch, he should be stronger than that” or awkwardly offers therapy but lets it all go like it never happened when Baz doesn’t take the offer on the first try.   

Baz has experience feeling unconditional love, but I don’t think he has much experience receiving it, perhaps to the point he doesn’t even expect it... Which doesn’t mean his family doesn’t genuinely love him, but he doesn’t perceive their love like it comes with no “buts” (and the adults are pretty bad at expressing it). All of them had made him feel small, shamed, and otherized in one way or another, like there wouldn’t be a place for him if he were to be himself and not conform to their wishes and expectations. It says so much that he wonders whether his dead mom, who he only remembers as loving him, would want him dead if she knew who he was. While Daphne seems to generally make his life easier, she’s not without fault (says much that Baz doesn’t know whether she means “the gay thing” or the “vampire thing” when speaking about being cured iirc, and his surprise when she wants to invite his “friend” Simon) and seems like a weaker figure. (Baz’s nuanced understanding of said adults screams of “child forced to grow up and mature too fast.”) 

When Simon says things like “I’d found you sooner, sparring you pain,” and “I’d slaughter anyone who hurts you” Baz doesn’t know how to react. He can’t believe it, and he tries to deny/downplay it with “nah you hated me then, what are you talking about.” Even after he has seen Simon go nuclear and kill because he was being sexually harassed, after having had this conversation with Simon in his house and already hearing Simon saying he would’ve saved him then, and after already hearing Simon says he loves him: Baz still “jokes” that Simon would’ve “just sent them a thank-you card, actually.” This upsets Simon, and with good reason: it’s fucked up to assume anyone would make light of someone they love getting hurt, and Simon is one to take this kind of thing very seriously... but this is pretty in line with the fucked up kind of “tough love” Baz is used to receiving from Fiona. She did slaughter his captors, but she also implies he should be embarrassed for being captured like that in the first place. She’s very unserious in a pretty messed up way with the whole “back seat” business. He gets no real reassurance from her. Baz wants to be loved gently, but “rough and unserious” in a delicate situation involving his well-being is what he got from her. Simon wants to do what Fiona did (slaughtering Baz’s captors) but unlike her, his first reaction (after he tellingly stops eating) is “why wasn’t I informed? I would have been faster and more efficient.” With this, Simon is criticizing the people who were in charge of protecting Baz. He’s saying he would have done a much better job of protecting him.  

When Simon tells Baz “there’s nothing about you I don’t want” it’s massive, and we don’t get Baz's reaction at all. The scene cuts there, with Simon running off. I don’t think Baz knew what to do with himself then, with that information. Until that point, the adults in his life have loved him despite certain parts of himself, pretending those parts don’t exist. So when he hears that Simon knows and loves every single part of him, he’s... blank. We don’t know how he feels then, and I don’t think he himself knows either. 

Simon expressing love

When Simon first tells Baz he loves him, he also tells him that murder is basically a love language for him (“I have killed so many things for you”). It sounds unhinged as hell, but makes perfect sense when you see his examples. Simon grew up unloved, and through the role that shaped half of his life, he learns to express love by being a protector (killing). With Baz, who has special dietary needs, he expresses love by also being a provider (also killing). As he works on himself and their relationship, as he becomes better at identifying and managing his feelings, he tells us that he can’t stand to see Baz unhappy, and that he wants to be the person who takes care of him and makes him happy. He specifically finds it thrilling to be the person who can do that for him. 

However, with everything Simon has done in his hero days, with all his power and training etc, etc, etc... when the love of his life needed to be saved, Simon “was useless” because he didn’t know. He looked for Baz everywhere he could, but he never got a real chance of finding him because no one knew shit.  This is the kind of thing that Simon avoids thinking about because it would fuck him up too much. His “I would have saved you” stands out to me, because the way he says it conveys the one way he knows to express love: murder (ha). (Considering Simon isn’t good with words, with voicing his feelings and what’s on his mind, he only starts communicating and voicing things after Baz lets him know he needs to hear it, after Baz lets him know the wordless ways he’s been conveying his love are not reaching Baz, they are getting lost in translation, etc)

It’s there in CO, even before Simon realizes the full extent of his feelings for Baz, in the way he stops eating (food is connected to love in the series) in his frustration with not being informed, in the way Penny can tell with a glance that Simon must be fantasizing with killing numpties. In awtwb, as Simon begins to work through his issues, we see how he can’t stop putting his hands on Baz. As Simon feels secure in their relationship, he’s a very touchy person (not being able to touch Baz is linked to torture and touching him to sustenance in SFC). And not all his touch is sexual. There are a lot of affectionate, playful cheek kisses, for instance... I bring this up because I noticed that in awtwb, when they talk about the numpties again, Simon incorporates touch. Alongside emphasizing he would’ve slaughtered his captors, he holds and kisses Baz, as if he could soothe and kiss the pain away. In both CO and awtwb, when the numpties incident comes up, Simon expresses love in the way that comes naturally to him, in the only ways he knows how. 

[rainbowlemonslices]

I hope you learn to listen to science. I genuinely wholeheartedly hope that your experience hasn't harmed you if you truly are a system. Trauma is tough, I hope you find peace.

Endos may be scientifically impossible, and the endo community has done horrible things to the system community as a whole, but I truly do hope you are okay, regardless of being horribly misinformed.

omg our first hate ask! our blog is big enough for that, yippee! /s

violet here! okay, so normally i wouldn’t respond to this kind of thing very intensely because honestly we don’t like getting into syscourse much. however, this is a good time and place to put our stance on things, as well as answer this ask anyways. (everything is going below the cut now since it is a bit long)

okay so first of all, i wanna address the fact that you are implying that we’ve had trauma, and this isn’t really true. sure we’ve had a few scary events and whatnot from when we were younger, but we don’t really have trauma. our family is and was, for the most part, kind and caring as well, and hasn’t informed us of any traumatic events.

back when we thought we were traumagenic, as it was the only type of system we had known of at the time, we were stumped on one thing. where our trauma was. and believe me when i say we dug and dug and dug, trying to find anything that would be traumatic. it became a major life focus, made us paranoid, and made us feel horrible that we hadn’t found anything. we tried to force memories that didn’t exist. starting becoming scared of things that had never happened to us. tried to reason that fictive exomemories must be telling us something about our past trauma. and yet, we found nothing.

so, despite having no trauma whatsoever, we still felt all of these things. we were scared, and felt horribly like frauds. during therapy sessions about plurality, we shared almost nothing because we were scared that because we couldn’t find our trauma, that we couldn’t be real. we were told by both the therapist and our mom that our headmates were not real. cyan started to push us away in fear. headmates began to hide themselves away too. even our happy littles, who are the whole reason we know we’re plural, hid. the only two people near the front were cyan and purple. both of them were screaming and crying at each other. cyan told purple to go away because e “wasn’t real”. purple broke, and after months of feeling so happy together, we broke apart, feeling more empty than before.

and yet, the headmates never really left. we continued to show up, even though many of us were in denial about being real. we are still there, a long time after being told we didn’t exist. we still experience changes in who controls the body, contrasting likes and dislikes, very different personalities from each other. we were still there.

so, we eventually stumbled onto the term endogenic, and things just kind of clicked. hearing that we are a system, even though it wasn’t caused by trauma was life changing. finally, we started to feel whole, we started to feel like we understood and belonged. we realized that we are still real, and much more real than we were when we were digging for trauma that didn’t exist. that’s how we know we’re real. we know our own experiences, and one person telling us that we’re “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community” isn’t going to change that fact that we exist.

however, i’m not done yet. you happened to say that endos are “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community”, as previously mentioned. however, these claims aren’t really very true.

firstly, i would love if you could provide me some actual evidence that endogenic systems can’t exist, since you are the one making such a claim. secondly, some evidence for endos being harmful would also be great as well.

thing number one, here is an article that is commonly brought up in endo related debates that i could not leave out. i suggest you check it out and give it a good read. since it is a source that mostly speaks for itself, i will simply let you read the many pages worth of information on endogenic systems.

in addition to that, here is another article i found on my own time, and while it is not particularly about endogenic systems, i felt it was informative regardless. i would like to preface this by saying i am not exact a fan of this article, as there were some parts that i didn’t like how it was written and what not, but it is a third person perspective, neutral group, with no bias. if i am reading it correctly (which i really do hope i am, though sometimes i do fail on my reading comprehension), the article is about the ties in plurality and other identities, as well as making comparisons in traumagenic plurality versus other pluralities, tulpas and endos. primarily, the comparison section is about tulpas and traumagenic, and i am not well educated on those, so i will be leaving that part at that. what i’m primarily here to call out is the way it describes how similar the experiences and symptoms are noted from both traumagenic systems and nontraumagenic systems, as well as the segments where it states that many traumagenic systems may not meet all the criteria’s for a diagnosis. i bring this up because it seems as if some anti endos think that to be plural you MUST fit all of the diagnostic criteria AND be traumagenic, when this does not appear to be true. the DSM is NOT a holy text, and scientists discover new things quite frequently.

for you last point, i’m a bit confused on where you’re getting that the endo community has “done horrible things to the system community as a whole”. i have never seen that before, and that is an incredibly bold claim to make without presenting any evidence of this happening. since i’m not exactly sure what you are talking about, or what you mean by “horrible things”, i will just says that endos are not harming the plural community. for starters, “plural” is a term that INCLUDES endos, and i believe it was MADE for this purpose (however i currently cannot find the source for this information, i have seen it many times). so, by pushing endos away, the PLURAL community is being harmed. i since i assume you are equating traumagenic to DID/OSDD (which i believe are not the same, but i am unsure of where any sources on that are either), i would also like to inform you that i have NEVER seen an endogenic system claim to have DID or OSDD. endogenic systems are NOT inherently claiming to be a disordered system. we are NOT taking away from traumagenic systems.

that being said, i would LOVE to inform you that we ARE okay, and are doing quite well as we are becoming informed on endogenic systems. thank you for your time to anyone who read this!

also please let me know if i said anything stupid, or messed up! i have no idea if i’m doing this right at all! i’ve never really done syscourse like this before so this is a first! (and please let me know if the second source is bad, since i bet someone is much better at reading and breaking down those types of studies and articles)

[midnightkolrath]

Dante and his deeper layers I've noticed in the 2007 anime

I originally meant for this to be a WAY bigger dig/analysis, as I want to go episode by episode...but I decided to minimize it for now because this anime gives me brainworms so often, lmao.

So, lets get into this light dig of added bits for Dante's character from the anime and just how neat the anime is on what it covers.

Early on in the anime, there's parts of the anime where Patty unknowingly berates Dante about having a picture of his "girlfriend" on his desk, not knowing its actually his mother. Same episode, she talks to Dante about her own mother, and how much she wishes to meet her, after being orphaned for unknown reasons (We learn why later but you know).

And BOTH times, Dante doesn't respond, save for a quiet distant stares off into space or seemingly ignoring her. For the first case, he very much likely excuses it with the fact that she's just not aware of the truth of the picture but not outright scolding her over it.

Like...he doesn't snap or correct her or anything. He just remains quiet. And we know how much Dante loved his mom (his color palette even matches hers for gods' sake) and how he got when facing Trish in DMC1 (which this takes place after). Shows just how those events really changed him afterwards. Especially since this is also after he thought he killed Vergil with his own hands...which the anime VERY MUCH shows the depression he has. He's in it deep for alot of it.

Back to the second part of the Patty thing though, as much as he pretends he isn't listening or doesn't care, he very much WAS listening to her, as later in that episode, he easily figures out where she went (into a trap where a demon disguised itself as her mother to lure her) due to the poster she was gazing at which reminded her of her mother, and the discussion they had right before she ran off.

Like, this man may be the way he is and PRETEND he isn't paying attention to people sometimes, but like...no, when its important, he VERY MUCH is. Speaking of which...episode 3.

This is one of the fun parallel episodes where the situation reflects a part of Dante's life...such as when a demon falls in love with a human, who was originally supposed to serve his master. Obviously, a parallel to Sparda and Eva's relationship, Dante's parents.

Even when its found out that the guy is the target dante's supposed to be after, Dante literally takes time to hear him out and question him over his love for a human woman. Dante's the result of such a relationship, so it makes sense he'd stop to listen.

In the end, he decides to go against killing this demon, despite what his client wanted. He sees firsthand and knows that this is actually a couple in love. Like...he gets it. For obvious reasons, but he also MADE SURE it was a true love relationship. Pretty wholesome actually.

An obvious one if you've seen the instruments and jukebox in his office, but episode 6 adds on that Dante 'gets' music and how it can touch/relate to people. I think its a cute additional touch. :' )

I wanna dig into this episode more eventually, but its obviously music themed. And Dante hangs out as a bodyguard for some fellow music enjoyers. Just one of those nice further looks on the general work Dante does, which this anime does a great job in doing.

Episode 7 onward is where shit gets deep into more parallels and just the kind of guy Dante is, while going through it this whole series. Helping a spirit get laid to rest by pulling a prison break and rescuing her brother (Episode 7)...

Having his status as the son of sparda ending up getting someone originally close to him (Supposedly anyway, its implied that Dante grew up with this guy and was raised by the same mother figure...which Dante denies, but we know how he can be, and he was likely trying to protect him in a way) hurt and said person thrusting hate on him for it as that was why a whole village got burned down...and the guy originally believed and had genuine faith that it wasn't Dante's fault (Episode 8)...

Meeting students (who are brothers, one older and one younger) of his father, arguably bonding with one of them and having to put both down in the end (Episode 10), which can be seen as a cruel parallel to himself and Vergil...(And even going through the effort of respectfully setting a grave site together for them)

And the final episodes, 11 and 12, are the conclusion of the whole arc that was built up in the background...but its also a show of Dante and Patty's relationship becoming so close as she goes to personally save him after he was impaled by the big bad. Its a pay off for the growing bits of them spending time together from episode 1, and later a neat easter egg nod in DMC5 where Patty calls to invite him to her birthday party, showing they still very much keep in touch. (And the novel Before the Nightmare goes more into why, exactly, he actually didn't want to go, but we'll dive more into that later one day).

I'll likely more deeply elaborate about the anime one day, but like...there's a reason why its such a gem in the series. Short, but did great with the episodes it had. A treat for those who want to see more layers for Dante. Its so SO good.

Like you may or may not like the 'slice of life' parts, but its necessary for what they were going for, I think. I know I skipped a few things, but I hope I got the big highlights atleast. Go check out the first anime, its a pretty damn solid ride.

[amethystpath-writes]

Could you do a story where a guard of a Supermax prison befriends a supervillain, because he treats him like a genuine human being instead of an animal; and later, the power-dampeners fail; and all these villains just revolt against the guards; but supervillain makes sure he’s safe since he was always kind to him?

I understand if you don’t wanna write this tho!!!

A/N...You know how I made that post like a month ago? About followers and how much they mean to me? And about how I recognize some of them as being frequents or long-time followers? I recognize you. I remember you. And I appreciate you.

As a secondary note, the cutoff is spicy, but it’s PG. Unless we’re looking for non-PG. Lord knows I’ve written terrible things here.

NOT A PR0MPT

******

It was the greatest pain he’d felt. Guard looked up at him with such fear that Villain felt himself quaking in his own shoes.

Empathy. What a horrible emotion.

He could have been like the others, tearing at the walls, ripping the floor up, cutting people down. But Guard…

Guard, who had brought him, not only his food, but dessert hidden in a folded napkin.

Guard, who had changed the bulb when it burnt out though no other guard would. And not just any bulb. Guard knew how Villain hated those damn LEDs.

‘I could never sleep like that. Why should you?’

Guard, who listened.

Guard, who understood.

When Villain looked at Guard, at the fright, the confusion...he couldn't be like the others, even as some other criminal shoved a broken pipe in his hands. Distantly, he saw the criminal nodding at guard, and heard them mumble, "For that one."

That one.

That one had a name. That one was kind and- and considerate, and everything these escapees were not. He was thoughtful, and he was everything Villain didn't deserve.

A monster. I'm a monster.

As Guard's eyes quickly shifted between the pipe in Villain's hands and his eyes, Villain felt a pang of both sadness and anger. The sadness struck his heart, something so deeply buried beneath his powers, he forgot it even existed. His anger, however, centered in his hands, hot against the broken pipe. Instinct screamed to join the chaos- the power he possessed, it had to be rid of somehow. It was the reason he was ever locked up.

"I'm not- I wouldn't-"

The pipe clattered against the hard floor. It had no room to echo, the thrill of the room silencing it- thankfully to Villain. It would have drawn attention to him. They would see his empty hands, see the pipe, then see Guard- unharmed. They would kill him, brutally, and then they would kill Villain.

"Where do I go?" Guard's voice was booming despite the noise around. A bang! here, a crash! there. Villain's head was pounding, but he heard Guard's voice like an angel sent from above. A scared angel, a delicate thing, all bright eyes and parted lips.

"Here, and keep your head down." Guard held his hand out, and swiftly, as he took Guard's hand, he also grabbed his sleeve, then tore it without a moment's notice. "You ever do roleplay?" Villain pulled Guard up to his feet.

Guard's eyes widened and he shook his head without a word. Villain didn't quite believe that, but he nodded anyway.

"You and I are going to switch roles right now, okay?"

Predictably, Guard's face went still. Act as a prisoner? Villain was sure he was thinking it. Guard would never so much as think he was above being a prisoner (of course, Guard never deserved to be as such), but it was frightening. Villain knew- or at least hoped- that Guard trusted him not to take advantage of the situation. If he thought differently of Villain, he would have never acted so kind.

"What happens if-"

"Don't worry. Look." Villain gestured with a nod, not only to the chaos down the hallway, but to the other villains. While some were destroying everything in sight, others were taking victims by the arm, by their hair, by anything they could grab onto. It wouldn't be unusual for Villain to walk Guard out of the prison, to take a hostage.

Villain's history, the reason he was imprisoned at all remained a mystery to everyone. Some were very open about their reasons; they relished in being villains. I'll be your bad guy, was the motto they seemed to live by. Villain kept to himself. While some believed it was a weakness, others believed Villain's nonchalant attitude meant he should be avoided.

"If there's police outside?" Guard said under his breath as they began walking.

"Then you'll be safe."

"And you'll be arrested."

"I was in prison before. Why shouldn't I go back?"

Villain was shocked. Guard ripped his arm from his grasp and stopped, dead in the middle of the hall.

"You don't deserve that, and you know it."

He gritted his teeth. No, prison wasn't what he deserved, but-

"What happened to you," Guard began, "is so far from your fault. I'm glad this is happening; I've wanted a revolt like this because it means you'll be free!"

"Keep your voice down; you're drawing attention."

"Then I'll draw attention, Villain!"

Now, his teeth were grinding. "You are going to get yourself killed if they hear you."

"I don't care," Guard argued. "I don't care if I die, or if I'm even tortured. I care about you."

Villain didn't think. His hand felt like an extension of him, one that acted on its own. He was holding onto Guard's collar, his face inches away from the one who had taken such great care of him. A fire was burning his hand. Villain let go, then released a breath. "I'm scared," he admitted. "That's why I haven't broken out."

"Scared? Villain, no one can hurt you out there."

"That," he asserted. "That is exactly why I'm scared. Guard, I can't control myself, and honestly, this?" He tapped his chest, where, under his shirt, there was a rectangle plastered-no burnt- into his skin. "I came here for this. They don't just hand these out on the streets. You have to do something wrong to get one, to have a shot at being normal, to be someone like you."

His hands were burning. Again. He was tired of this rage, that sunken feeling of despair. Red and flame. A gas stove left running overnight. He would blow the house up.

Fire.

Red.

Rage.

Ablaze.

"Villain, no!"

Buzzing.

Villain could hear buzzing. No, that wasn't the word. Something was squealing, high pitch in his ears.

Screaming.

Nagging.

What was that sound?

"Are you okay?" The words were on repeat. Broken record. God, Villain couldn't think. Were these words his own or did they belong to someone else?

“Hey. Hey, listen to me.”

“Burns,” Villain knew this was his voice; he felt it in his chest- a deep groan that, if he were anyone but himself, would have pierced his heart. So much pain. “My hands. My hands burn.”

Fire ran down his cheeks in the shape of tears. What had he done?

What had he done?

“The others-” he started, but Guard- Guard! Without a second’s notice, Villain sat straight up, all signs of pain vacant as he turned. His head, Villain realized, had been in Guard’s lap.

“They’re okay,” Guard said, stiffening now as Villain sat up. “No causalities, but we can’t go back.”

When Villain squinted, Guard explained, “They’re searching for you, as well as all the other prisoners. We’re safe, but we can’t leave. At least, you can’t. Shouldn’t. I would never tell you what to do.”

Of course not. Guard was kind and delicate and- “How did you make it out? I- you were- that should have killed you.”

If there was one thing Villain wasn’t expecting, it was this: “You’re not the only Super I’ve been kind to. One of the others saw what was about to happen. They saved me.”

Guard was nothing if not honest, and though Villain was truly a good person, he wouldn’t know a lie if he’d never told one himself. Right now, Guard was hiding something.

[agendabymooner]

thick and thin ! lewis h. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc)

“i could see my whole life with you, baby, now you got me thinking that i’m crazy.”

summary: glimpses of the relationship between a certain mercedes driver and stevie hearth. OR stevie marlene ford found herself nearly giving up on the love that she had for lewis, and lewis wasn’t going to easily let go of her.

content warning: yearning/childhood crush, age-gap (eight years), written AND social media parts, use of explicit language, kind of an asshole!Lewis but not really, mentions of ofc x zayn malik (based on face claim’s relationship but nothing personal), mentions of father figure issues.

notes: i am trying thy best. sorry guys :))

masterlist

2017

“Here,” Stevie reached for the water bottle that Lewis had given her, offering him a thanks as he nodded and sat next to her. 

August was quite a long month for everyone, to say the least. They have two weeks off before the next race and to say that Stevie was quite happy would be an understatement; she was more than fucking delighted. 

At least no one would bother her with the recently published report about the end of her relationship with a certain boy band member. She really hadn’t wanted that kind of attention right now— especially since her driver’s fighting to become a World Champion. The last thing that she wanted in case she’s put into a spotlight was to be questioned about her ex-boyfriend rather than the status of her team at the driver’s championship and constructor’s championship. 

So hiding away right now seemed easier. Between the races and her photoshoots, this was the kind of peace she wanted. No one’s asking anything, allowing her to do her work behind and in front of the cameras. 

Lewis had other plans though. Stevie hated that he could simply ask a question and she’d come screaming the answer. 

“How are you feeling now?” He asked genuinely. She hated him for being so… considerate and oblivious. 

“What I had with Zayn was good,” she murmured as she continued to type in her feedback to send to Sebastian’s PR manager. “It was nice while it lasted.”

“Two years,” Lewis reminded her. “You’ve been with him for two years and all you’re saying is that it was nice while it lasted?” 

“Yeah well,” she pursed her lips, “not everything could last longer than that, you know?” 

Lewis hummed, not knowing how to continue this conversation. Still, he was persistent— wanting to talk to his best friend’s sister as he said, “You two made a good pair.” 

She rolled her eyes, masking it as something playful as she quipped, “I’ll consider that thought when I ask for it.” 

She always wondered how a long term relationship could be considered a rebound. She had always lasted a year or two with her exes, but she remained guilty for stringing them along despite showing the affections and admiration that they deserved. 

She only felt guilty because while she had given them everything they wanted, she couldn’t afford to get what she wanted. Lewis. After all, he was the reason why relationships started and ended for her. Not that he would ever know that— that’s what Stevie told herself. 

2018

“Holy shit, girl,” Lewis’ mouth gaped open and wolf-whistled at the sight of her. She only giggled quietly as he stood straight, his eyes scanning her facial features before glancing down on her outfit. Clearly he liked her… but maybe that was nothing but a lie. Still, Stevie ate his attention like a starving dog. 

He still couldn’t believe that this was the same girl who practically followed him around the Mercedes area back when she didn’t work for her own team. It felt so wrong to look at her like this, but it’s something that he couldn’t help. He had known about her little crush and all he wanted was to pursue whatever this was. It was so wrong.

It’s not as if he’s planning to pursue her. His affection for her, however, was mistaken for love. Stevie hated it. 

The drive to the Tommy Hilfiger campaign afterparty was not as eventful as the confrontation between Stevie and Lewis. If they were as young as they were back then, one would assume that it was just a petty feud between two young people. This argument felt more… personal and hurtful.

“Steve, come on! Talk to me!” Lewis felt her yank her wrist away from his grip, turning her back to him as she attempted to walk away. “How are you even going back?! It’s not safe out there!” 

“I’m not a fucking child, Lew! I’ll be fine,” Stevie spewed out venomously, “just like I was whenever I had to pick you up after ringing me with another woman’s scent all over you. Just like I am whenever I pick up your calls after your girlfriends broke up with you. I’ll be alright— I broke up with men without having to reach out to you— I don’t need you to worry about me.” 

“You’re just being petty,” Lewis told her firmly, “I’m driving you home.”

“Give up, already! Jesus Christ!” Stevie cursed out, stomping her foot down. “Just because your guilt is washing over your whole soul right now it doesn’t mean that dropping me off would simply make things right. You never should’ve taken me here as your date Lewis. You should’ve just considered me a coworker— not someone who you’ll let go of the moment you make it inside the club. This isn’t fair for me!” 

“Why can’t you be upfront about it then?” Lewis challenged her. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner about how you feel, hm? We could have been together but instead you’re parading your boyfriends around me like I should’ve done something more.” 

“Because you kept telling me that I’m a child, Lew,” she sniffled. “I’m not. I’m old enough. I’m old enough to know that I deserve better than to have my opinions and feelings be overseen as something childish. I don’t care if it’s anyone or you— I’m a fully grown woman, Lewis. I’m not going to let your mindset dictate who I’ll be for you or for anyone. If you’re not going to see me as someone who loves you, then you ought to let go.

“Because I’m ready to go, Lewis,” she hid away the tears that threatened to fall. She refused to lose the little dignity she had left, too. “You only see me as an adult when you find it convenient. I can’t be bothered with your shitty objections anymore. Aren’t you the childish one for not looking at me in a different way?” 

2018

tagged steviemarlz, aimeeyh, lewishamilton, sylvieeford, max33verstappen

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, landonorris

comments have been limited

steviemarlz anything for my mini toto 😍

aimeeyh toto jr. is so biiiig now 😭

sylvieeford the trip to the hundred acre wood was wild last friday huh

lewishamilton happy to spoil my ren-man 😘😍

tillywolff next thing you know he’d be as grumpy as toto when he doesn’t get what he wants 😂

lewishamilton ren had been a saint so far 😂😂

“Can I?” Soren Wolff’s second birthday party was anything but simple, and as the godmother Stevie Marlene made sure that it could be as extravagant as it was intimate. She made everyone aware that the day was special for the boy who loved his Winnie the Pooh characters. 

As if she hadn’t hired a coordinator for the occasion, she helped them set up the Hundred Acre Wood at her childhood home in Brackley by setting up the Heffalump Trap (which is really just a bouncy house with inflated obstacles) and placing the mini Heffalumps by the area.

Lewis Hamilton had a different plan as the godfather, though. Now he was offering some support just in case Stevie needed it. Well… that and he did not exactly want to go through his godson’s birthday party ignored by his partner in crime. They were both Soren’s godparents— the least that they could do was cooperate and get their shit together. 

And so, Stevie sighed exasperatedly and passed him the garland of mini heffalumps. She merely offered him a grateful smile before turning away to see if her box of decorations was empty. 

“You can’t keep avoiding me, you know?” He spoke up, making her glance back at him before he continued, “I can’t hold off our relationship if I want to talk to you.” 

“I can,” Stevie huffed out quietly. “And I will.”

“Steve,” Lewis sighed, leaning his head against the soft surface of the bouncy castle before looking back at her. His dark eyes found her brighter ones staring back. “I should have admitted that it was wrong of me to string you along.”

“You should have,” she nodded in agreement, not wanting to appease him or his ego. 

“I was scared because they’ll think I’m controlling you,” Lewis admitted. “Truthfully, I still am. I know that you’ve grown and I want to be the right decision you would make.” 

“Would you like me to say it aloud?” She glowered, annoyed at his irrational fear. “I, Stevie Marlene Ford, at the age of 25, believe that Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton is the best decision I could have made. I believe that he needs to stop using my age as a weapon to justify his decision to see me as a child and not someone that he could love—“ 

“Can I take you out for dinner?”

“What?” Stevie paused at her rambling. 

“You said that you don’t want me to see you as a child,” Lewis said confidently, “would it be such a shame if I stopped seeing you as such the moment you became Ferrari’s acting Liaison?” 

“No,” she shook her head, “but you could have done so much about it. I became the Liaison last year.” 

“Well then, let me make it up to you,” he proposed. “One dinner. Should you decide that I’m still worth your time, then I’ll make sure to take you to more places.” 

FEBRUARY 14, 2023

“Psst, Stevie.” 

“Lewis?!” 

“Yes. It’s me.” 

“What the hell are you doing out there? Do you want Toto to kill you? Right before our wedding, even?” 

“No but I want to talk.” 

“You can’t see me right now, Lew!” 

“I know, but no one’s here but us. Do you think you can just listen from there?” 

“Fine. But you’ll be back to your own suite after, yes?” 

“Yes I will. Anyway, I want to tell you that I love you. Not once did I regret asking you to go out for dinner with me after Soren’s second birthday.” 

“You’ve told me. Once or five times. Some of which were when you were piss drunk.” 

“I wish I had seen your love sooner,” Lewis sighed, his braided hair leaning against the mahogany door as he continued, “We would’ve been married a year ago.” 

“Well you’re here now, aren’t you?” Stevie chuckled.

“Lucky me,” he murmured. “I can’t wait to marry you… in about two hours. This is the longest time I’ve ever experienced.” 

“You’ve got two hours, Hamilton,” she teased. “Still enough time to think things through.”

“With you? Never,” he scoffed out. “I don’t think I’d appreciate it if you and Sylvie would kill me. Besides, if anything, you’ve got two hours to decide if you’d marry my dumb ass.” 

“And miss out on changing my surname to yours? No thanks,” Stevie snorted.

“I’ve always known you’re only after my surname,” Lewis joked. 

“Yeah, my daddy issues won in the end,” they both shared a laugh despite it being quiet, not being able to hear much due to the closed door that separated them. 

The laughter turned into silence. 

“Can’t wait to see you, Sir Hamilton,” Stevie voiced out her thoughts. 

“And I can’t wait to cry after seeing you in your dress,” Lewis told her. “I honestly think you’d one-up Tia.” 

“No way,” Stevie laughed. “Tia’s our best girl. She’ll always be prettier than us.”

“Well… I should leave you for now,” Stevie could hear him standing before hearing a thud against the door. His forehead rested against the mahogany wood. “I’ll see you soon, Mrs. Hamilton.” 

“Through thick and thin?” 

“Through thick and thin.”

“Good.”

tagged steviemarlz

comments have been disabled

[yesimwriting]

Final Girl (Part 6)

A/n your comments, reblogs, and likes have helped me through this rough patch immensely :)) not to be pushy but,, comments really make my day :)

Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at  Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s. 

Chapter Summary: The aftermath of Ghostface’s phone call leaves Y/n a little reliant on some good friends. 

Final Girl Series Masterlist  (updated parts 1 - 9 and extras)

----

Billy’s breathing doesn’t reveal enough about what he’s feeling, but considering how silent the two of us have been, I have absolutely nothing else to go off of. 

I should leave him alone, I stomped on his foot, locked him outside while a murderer was watching us, threatened him with a knife, and accused him of being a murderer. It’s a miracle that he doesn’t hate me, I really shouldn’t push. 

If it wasn’t for Billy, I don’t think I would have gotten through the aftermath of the phone call. He convinced me that the police wouldn’t care that I had been drinking and when I couldn’t form the words, he gave them the information over the phone. He also helped me call my mom. 

When Dewey finally got to the house, he seemed a little more like an older brother asking me what happened with genuine care and compassion instead of some kind of officer desperate for answers. It was nice, the kind of energy and patience I needed. He even offered to take me to his house so I could sleep over with Tatum, but remembering how drunk she was at the party, I had a feeling she might not be coming home. I don’t know what she told her parents and I really don’t want to get her in trouble or interrupt her time with Stu (since he threw such a hissy fit this morning), so I insisted I could tough it out. Dewey didn’t seem convinced until Billy offered to stay the night, just so I wouldn’t be alone. 

The offer comforted me as much as it annoyed me. All I wanted was to prove that I didn’t need anyone, and now Billy’s weird group date night party thing has been cut short because of me. Technically, it’s not my fault. It’s not like I asked some murderer to call me, and he’s trying to be nice. Or at least, I think he is. And it’s not like he was the one complaining about me today, he even tried making me feel better by saying he’d take me to the bookstore tomorrow. 

Despite knowing all of this, my awkward and uncomfortable emotions that have been amplified by both panic and alcohol would have had me sending Billy home if I had the chance. But Billy’s offer was the only thing that seemed to get Dewey to relax and before he left he made both of us promise that we’d stay put and keep a phone on us in case of emergency. I couldn’t kick Billy out after that, not with the way Dewey physically eased. 

I guess it’s fair. Two is always better than one in these kinds of things, that’s why splitting up in a scary movie is always a bad idea. And if I had to make a cursory assumption about Billy’s physical appearance, he seems kind of strong, I guess. Not that I’ve ever paid attention to his physique or anything. And it’s not like he’s going fight off a killer, or whatever. But Dewey seemed to be comforted by the idea, and after tonight, if I have to choose between potentially bothering Billy and potentially bothering Stu by stealing Tate from him... 

And, if I’m being completely honest, the thought of being alone is absolutely nauseating. Before leaving, my mom always drills me on self defense. The whole ‘gun’s in the safe’ talk. Honestly, I’m pretty sure the fact that my mom’s been taking me to the shooting range since I was legally old enough to in Texas is the only reason she felt comfortable leaving me alone. But I’ve been drinking, and shooting at a target is nothing compared to shooting at a person. 

Also, unfortunately, I’ve come to realization that Billy’s presence is comforting. He lingers, sometimes at a distance, sometimes close. Like a cat.

“What are you thinking about?” It’s a fair question, I guess. We’ve both been through some stuff tonight, and we’re both tense, but it’s not like we can both sit at an awkward distance from each other and stare off into space until morning. 

Not trusting myself to not stare at him, I drop my gaze from the wall and onto my lap. My mind is racing a mile a minute, and a weird combination of dread, panic, and guilt have been drowning out all rational thoughts since Dewey left, but none of that feels like the right thing to say, so I go with the literal answer. “Nothing much, just that you’re kind of like the cat my mom never let me get.” 

He lets out a breath that could be annoyed or amused. I’m too much of a coward to look up at him and check. “You’re not that predictable.” 

His tone is so specific it takes a second to sink in. The words came out low and cautious, like he was admitting some kind of weakness he didn’t expect himself to express. But they also felt a little like shy praise.

 “Thanks, I guess, weirdo.” Finally looking up at him, I realize that he’s already looking at me. “Thought I was easy to read.” 

Billy tilts his head downwards, a strand of hair falling across his face. “You can’t hide what you’re feeling, but that doesn’t make me a mind reader.” 

Did Billy move closer to me at some point and I just didn’t notice? Or did...I somehow move? “That was a very polite way of telling me that I say weird things.” 

“No,” if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was smiling, “I meant it in a good way. It’s...refreshing.” Billy pauses, eyebrows just barely drawing together like he’s debating something, “You’re refreshing.” 

The admission comes out almost soft. I grin at his awkward wording. “Keeping you on your toes, just how I like it.” 

My bad joke lands even though Billy tries to hide his slight smile behind a controlled smirk. “One minute you’re accusing me of murder and the next you’re making jokes. I’m definitely on my toes.” 

I can’t tell if the switch is meant to be lighthearted, but I react regardless. Turning my head away, I clasp a hand over my mouth a little too dramatically. “I am so so sorry about that. Did I apologize for--” 

“Yes,” he cuts me off easily, “Relax, I was joking, and I get that you were scared and Stu told me that Noel said Casey’s name in front of you.” Billy hesitates, voice dropping slightly, “And I know that I said the wrong thing, but it was a lot to know that you thought I could do something like that to you.” 

Guilt feels like a spear cutting through me. All of my other feelings are small in comparison. One conversation with someone that only knows surface level Billy and that’s all it took for me to get that freaked out? And right after I started wondering if Stu could have done it just because he happened to date Casey at one point? 

Maybe it was the alcohol or the desperation to have some sense of closure. There’s a chance that I was just mad at them and my subconscious ran with that.

I let myself watch Billy openly. There’s a strange flicker of vulnerability adding a quality to his features that makes him feel less sharp. If I squint, it’s similar to the way he looked when he mentioned his mom earlier.

That strand of hair is still out of place, just barely brushing against the tip of his nose. I don’t know what gets my hand to move, but while I’m imagining how satisfying it’d be to have that strand pushed back into place, my arm extends. My movements are slow as I tuck his hair behind his ear. 

Billy lets me, only reacting to wrap long fingers around my wrist once I’ve accomplished my goal. There’s a lot I could say about my down spiral. I could tell him that he was my second suspect during a 10 minute trail down a dark rabbit hole. I could tell him that I was so out of it that I wanted to go to Casey’s house alone at night while drunk. 

Instead I say, “I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” It’s the truth, and somehow it feels like the only thing worth saying. 

He holds my gaze for a little too long. With no warning, Billy moves my arm, pressing a quick kiss to the inside of my wrist. 

Ignoring the strange warmth that follows the gesture, I turn my head. “I was so out of it and desperate for answers I wanted to go to Casey’s house. You were right to make me go home.” With a self deprecating laugh, I pull my hand back. “I just wish I could’ve proven that I could go one night without having some sort of crisis.”

“I like your crises,” Billy says after a beat, “They end up making me look like a good guy and it’s nice to be needed every once in awhile.” 

I look over at him, glaring as he grins. His sudden lightheartedness is shocking, and a tiny bit infuriating, but not unwelcome. I like the way he gets when it’s just us or us and Stu. 

The thought of Stu hits me a little too hard. It’d be nice to know that things with Stu are okay. Plus I...begrudgingly kind of, maybe miss him a tiny bit.

Billy being around is great, but after tonight, it’d feel settling to have our trio all together and safe. 

Rolling my eyes, I adjust my position on the couch. “One, I don’t think you need me to make you look like a good guy, and two, I’d keep you around even if I was completely stable.” 

“Really?” There’s a bit of smugness behind the humor in his voice. “Keep me around?” 

I halfheartedly glare at him, shoving his arm. “Maybe I like you.”

“Maybe?” 

“Don’t make it weird.” 

He grabs my hand, squeezing it slightly. “You okay?” 

Ugh. Of course he’d notice that tiny shift. Billy’s so perceptive it’d unnerve me if he was anyone else. “If I admit something you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone.”

“I can keep a secret.” 

It’s not exactly the assurance I wanted, because him being able to and willing to keep a secret are separate things. Something tells me not much goes unshared between him and Stu. “Is it weird I kinda miss Stu?” The admission is embarrassing, but it’s probably the least awkward thing I’ve said all night. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad at him and he was a total asshole, but he’s like my asshole, y’know?” 

The corner of Billy’s mouth turns upwards. There’s something about his expression that I don’t understand, but it’s not a bad thing. “I get it.” He shifts slightly without letting go of my hand. “You should call him tomorrow, he’d like it more than he’d admit. Not a lot of people go out of their way to reach out to him first.”  

I’m not wasted or naive enough to not notice how intentional Billy’s final comment feels. I can see why he’d want Stu and I to make up sooner rather than later. No one likes it when their friends are fighting. I have half a mind to call him out on it, but decide against it. Sure, it might have been a point he kept to himself under different circumstances, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

It’s hard to picture Stu, who’s always so outgoing and himself as lonely or unwanted. He’s always throwing parties and included in things. But parties don’t necessarily mean a lot of friends. Anyone would be willing to spend a Saturday night drinking free alcohol in a parentless house. And it’s possible to feel like you’re not important while surrounded by a large friend group. Plus his parents are always gone. Two nights without my mom and I’m losing it, I can’t imagine what coming home to an empty house every day must feel like.

But it’s no excuse. It’s not like I’ll be mad at him forever, but it’s deserved for now. “I will when I feel a little better.” 

Billy pauses, thinking through what I just said. “He’ll cool off. It’s more about this week than you.” Right. His sister, his parents.

I must be more tipsy than I realized because I blurt out a question that I’ve managed to keep to myself for awhile, “What is the whole thing with his sister?”

A switch immediately flips. He doesn’t really move or do anything, but there’s a shift behind his eyes. A change so slight and certain I wouldn’t have noticed if it had felt any less harsh. I don’t know why, but I know that that was the wrong thing to say. I’m pushing us towards what’s considered unsteady territory.

“I-I just mean that I know they don’t get along because of that time at his house with the picture, remember? I’m not saying it’s anything, just that I--I don’t have any siblings, so for all I know all siblings are like that.” I scratch the back of my wrist, vaguely reflecting on that cliche expression about cats. “I-I have a step-sister, technically, and I can barely stand her and I only see her on holidays, so actual siblings must be...”  

He turns his head enough to watch my expression. There’s something about the draw of Billy’s eyebrows that eases me. Something in my jumble of words has intrigued him. “You have a step-sister?” 

Ugh. I think I’d rather him be mad at me. Shrugging, I answer honestly, “My dad got married when I was nine. His wife had a daughter that was ten.” 

“You don’t like them.” 

It’s not a question, but I can feel that he’s expecting some kind of elaboration from me. “Not particularly.” It’s not what he wants, but I’m not exactly chatty when it comes to my step family. Maybe that’s how Stu and Billy feel about the parents they live with. The thought leaves me more sympathetic than before. “It killed my mom.” 

“I didn’t ask about your mom, I asked about you.” 

Wiping my palms on the couch, I stare off at nothing in particular. There’s no nice way to summarize the whole step family thing. The competition, the terrorizing while adults weren’t looking, the feeling of being replaced. The feeling of knowing the kind of dad my dad would have been to me if he had just had me a little later.  There’s an anger there that’s hard for me to acknowledge.

“The whole thing with my dad’s fucked up, and I can’t talk about it without sounding fucked up, too.” My voice is both too harsh and too honest and I regret it instantly. “Sorry, that was a lot.” 

Billy’s quiet for a long moment, expression unreadable. “Fucked up doesn’t bother me.” 

He sounds so genuine and patient that I believe him wholeheartedly. I don’t think that’s a good thing, but I tell him everything regardless. My dad, the on and off addiction, locking myself in the bathroom while he dealt with withdrawals, the way he completely changed for Charlotte and her mother, and watching my mom fall apart for someone that never loved her as much as she loved him. And, for the first time ever, I don’t keep it just factual. I tell him how it all made me feel, even though it’s not pretty.

Drinking and emotional conversations never go well together. By the time I’m done with the story, my eyes are watery. Maybe I could have blinked the tears away and played them off in front of someone else, but Billy notices everything. I take a settling breath before gently wiping my thumb across the corner of my eyes.

 “...Sorry, this is stupid. I’m too old to get this upset over my dad and his family.” I’m too self conscious to look at him, so I stare at my lap instead. “It’s extra stupid, because my mom’s so great, she’s more than enough, but it’s always been just us, and sometimes that gets lonely. Especially now that she has someone else and I--” 

It’s ridiculous. I’m not jealous of my mom having a boyfriend, but I do miss the way things were before Wells. She’s never had a super serious boyfriend before, and it’s starting to feel like she’s getting more family and I’m not.

Billy’s arm moves around my shoulder. I don’t think twice about the gesture until he pulls me into his side. His strength is surprising, but his touch isn’t harsh or overwhelming. It’s actually kind of nice. After a second, I relax into the contact.

“You don’t need him.” His body is as rigid and tense as his voice. The change in mood is fleeting. Billy recovers so quickly I nearly get whiplash as he teasingly taps his knee against mine, “You do have someone else.” 

He watches me for a long second, dark eyes taking in every detail of my expression. Up close like this, there’s something nearly soft about his features. I can make out the individual hairs of his lashes and a faint touch of barely-there freckles beneath his left eye. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed the slope of his lips before. 

I don’t know if he finds what he’s looking for in my expression because all at once, his intensity retreats with the drop of his head. “Two someones,” it’s practically shy, “Stu might be an asshole that doesn’t think before speaking, but the good thing about him is that he’s always there.” 

The sincerity and obvious fondness  that’s just so thinly veiled I know better than to call him out on it leaves me warm in a different way. It clutches at my chest. 

“Maybe for you,” I hum, hoping that my tone lightens the mood, “But I don’t think Stu’s in the mood to be there for me.” 

Letting out a slight sigh that I can’t interpret, Billy rests his head against the back of the couch. He keeps his head turned in my direction. We’re close enough that this new angle doesn’t create any distance, it just changes things a little. His breaths just barely reach my lower cheek. 

“He’s just moody because of his parents and sister. They’re both in town at the same time maybe twice a year.” Sympathy’s fangs graze against me, ready to sink in. “He cares about you, you know that.” When I don’t react immediately, Billy continues, “You’d have to considering the way he babies you.” 

Did he just? Shock and embarrassment twist oddly in my chest, making it impossible to take a full breath. My scoff comes out too small as a result. “He. Does. Not.” 

The corner of Billy’s mouth turns upwards. Great. I’ve given away that he’s struck a nerve. “You let him.” 

It’s a second bullet wound. “What? I--he doesn’t try--I wouldn’t if--you’re just making stuff up.” 

Billy takes my stuttering and inability to decide where to look like he has all the time in the world. “He peels your oranges, angel.” 

“I don’t ask him to.” My answer escapes me too quickly, too defensively. Stu does peel my oranges, but he only dos that so he can make a joke about not minding getting his hands dirty. He also does it so he can steal as many orange slices as he wants. “I--I don’t, he does it because he has a whole bit about getting his hands dirty. That’s it.”

“He waits with you by your locker at the end of the day.” 

That is not the big deal Billy is making it out to me. Stu stands next to me while I sort through my books before going home and sometimes he’ll hold things for me for a second to make things easier...but that’s not babying me. 

I open my mouth to tell Billy all of that. Before I can get the words out, a realization that I could have gone my entire life without strikes me in the chest. Hard and fast enough to nearly knock the breath out of my chest. 

Because, yes, Stu peeling oranges for me and hanging out by my locker while I go through my backpack doesn’t add up to him babying me. But that paired with Stu walking me to our shared first period after homeroom because one time a super rude football player ran into me; Stu always offering to wait up with me on the phone after a bad dream; Stu caring about my class schedule more than he cares about his.

“That’s just being a friend.” Maybe that defense could have worked if I had managed to say it normally, but I can feel my own awkwardness. There’s no way that Billy didn’t pick up on it.

He’s enjoying this too much. “I’ve been friends with him for years and he’s never peeled an orange for me. Maybe it’s because I’m not as pretty as you.” 

Stu’s reputation for flirting often outshines Billy’s. I think that’s something Billy relies on, it lets him get away with a little more. Rolling my eyes instinctually, I move to shove Billy’s shoulder. 

My fingers have just barely grazed against the fabric of his shirt before Billy’s hand wraps around my wrist. He holds me there for a second, staring at where our skin meets. In a move so quick I barely notice it, Billy pulls me closer by my arm. 

His grip tightens in a way that feels instinctual. It doesn’t hurt, but there’s something almost panicked about it. Billy’s jaw seems to lock but I can’t convince myself that it’s not just the lighting. “You should go to bed.” 

The words feel strained by something I don’t get. I’m too lost to his proximity to care. He’s so warm and there’s a sense of safety radiating off of him that I can’t think to question his intensity. It’s too relieving, too comforting. I want closer. 

That realization is worse than what we were joking about earlier. That thought scares the shit out of me. It’s a sign that I should jump back. Get away. But I--

“Don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.”

He blinks. My reaction seems to ease him enough to let his hand relax. His fingers ghost down my forearm. “Should still go to bed. You need rest.”

I nod, thinking that that’s my cue to scoot back, but Billy’s still holding onto my arm. This close, the bags under his eyes seem so much more prominent. A tiny pinch of guilt flares through me. He’s the one that could have been murdered because I’m slowly going insane. “So do you.”

“Then go to bed so I can.” The correlation only somewhat makes sense.

Right. He’s staying over. “You can stay in my room and I’ll sleep in my mom and Wells’s.”

It feels awkward, but there’s not much else I can do. Despite the decent size of the house, the only guest room on the property was turned into my room. The other rooms are mainly storage that Wells hasn’t gotten around to cleaning out. I guess his grandparents and great grandparents were hoarders. Maybe that’s just what happens in family homes, the stuff that’s saved to be passed down just gets shoved into back closets and unused rooms.

“You don’t want to have another sleepover?” His slight smile reveals that he does want to fluster me. That should make it less effective, but I still struggle to hold his gaze.

I try to glare, but I really doubt it comes off right. “Not sure us falling asleep in the same bed because we were too drunk to think ahead counts.”

Billy gilts his head forward. The shift is small but still oddly noticeable. I guess that’s how it is when you’re this close. Any movement closer or farther is noticeable because it feels more significant. “You’re saying you need to be drunk to get into bed with me?”

It’s just cheesy enough to get me to laugh. “You know what I mean.”

At the somewhat serious answer, Billy straightens slightly. “I want to know that you’re there.” His words are so hushed, so unlike him in their closeness to nervousness that my heart stills. “That you’re okay.”

He’s regarding me with a sharpness that doesn’t fit the low way he’s speaking. I’m struck with the feeling that there’s another layer to what he’s asking me. I almost feel like I’m being tested. If he seemed any less vulnerable I’d question it.

“You don’t think Sid would...” I don’t even know what I’m asking. Am I asking if she’d mind? If she’d think that there was something weird about it?

“No.” Billy’s answer is quick and hard, leaving no room for argument. His fingers tighten around my forearm. The change is so quick it almost feels needy. It’s different than when Stu holds on a little too authoritatively. It’s more desperate and that makes it feel more volatile.

All at once, he softens again. His hold returns to bearable. Not quite as casual as before but no longer unsettling. “She wouldn’t. She’d understand.” He says it so simply, like he has absolutely no doubts. 

He’d know better than me, I guess. They’re the ones dating, which means Billy knows Sid’s boundaries about this stuff better than I do. Which means it is really up to me.

I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t. I can’t take anymore grief tonight, anymore worries or arguments. I also know that I don’t want to be alone and that latching onto Billy like this is the most peace I’ve felt all night. “O-okay.”

He exhales, something in him relaxing at my answer. “Okay.” Billy’s voice is more sure than mine. It’s comforting enough to cut through my uncertainty. “Let’s go to bed.” 

---- 

Rationally, I know that technically this is my second time having Billy stay in my room, but it feels a lot different without excessive alcohol. I’m not completely sober yet, I don’t think it’s physically possible to sober up that fast.

The call and panic definitely cut through my buzz, leaving me only with sluggishness that follows drinking. A tired that I can’t give into because of anxiety. 

Billy’s laying next to me, and from what I can tell, he’s breathing easily but I’m not convinced he’s asleep. Despite that, I can’t bring myself to even glance at him from the corner of my eyes. Billy has a way of noticing things like that no matter how subtle I try to be.

He moves, the hand that’s closest to mine brushes against the back of my palm. It’s likely an accident but the small rush of warmth that runs up my fingertips until it reaches my chest is so soothing it nearly gets me to ease. Or jump. Those two feelings are often hard to tell apart around him. 

“Can’t sleep?” 

He hasn’t moved any more so I remain just as still, eyes trained on the ceiling. “I’ll pass out eventually.”

“Might help if you close your eyes.” 

The way Billy just knows things would be scary if it wasn’t so annoying. “Wow, a crystal ball and a deck of cards and you could have your own booth at the fair.” 

Billy lets out a quiet laugh that’s meant to be a scoff. “The fair?” 

I roll my eyes before dutifully returning my gaze to the ceiling. “Come on, don’t tell me that there’s no fair here. It’s not like Woodsboro is some metropolitan, crowded--” 

“Sometimes I forget you’re from Texas and then you start talking about--” 

“Shut up.” 

He sighs in good humor again, his fingers stretching and brushing against my knuckles. “Then go to sleep.” 

If only it was that easy. Ever since what happened at Casey’s, sleep is more of enemy than an escape. When I don’t have dreams that make my stomach turn with guilt, my mind goes over everything that I did wrong. And when I’m spared from that, my thoughts panic over what I’m not sure I remember. 

Sometimes I think that doubting my mind is the worst of it and then the guilt doubles. At least I’m alive. I bet Casey would give anything to feel like she’s going crazy if it meant she could be alive. 

With no warning, Billy turns his hand, pressing fingers in between mine so naturally that I instinctually adjust so that we’re loosely holding hands. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.” 

Promises like that, promises that no one can guarantee, are the most gentle. They come from such good intentions. “Can I ask you something?” Before I can back out, I blurt out the important part, “And you’ll be honest? Promise you’ll be honest?” 

A small moment of silence followed by the squeezing of my palm. “I promise.” 

Slowly, I turn, pulling my hand away. Billy’s hold briefly tightens, but when I persist he lets go. He moves to face me after a second and when he sees that I’m now holding out my pinky, something about his expression softens. He covers his reaction with a pointed look meant to make fun of what I’m asking.

He links his pinky to mine. “You think this actually makes people not lie?” 

It’s a light comment, probably meant to help me shake my mood, so I ignore it. “Do you think I’m crazy?” He’s watching me in a way I can’t interpret. “Or going it?” 

“You’re hurting and you need time.” Billy’s answer isn’t careful or fragile or overly sweet like the sympathetic answers I’m used to. It’s straight forward and blunt enough to pass as honest. “You’re not crazy. You’re smart and that’s the problem.” I draw my eyebrows together. “Smart people always want answers but this isn’t about that. Answers won’t fix anything or bring anyone back.” 

I nod somberly, surprisingly relieved. When my mood doesn’t get better, Billy pulls my hand towards him by my pinky. He presses his lips to my knuckle quickly. It’s enough to make me crack a tired smile, which I guess was his goal. “Thank you.” 

“For telling you you’re not crazy after you accused me of murder?” 

Partially glaring at him, I answer, “Just thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” he mumbles, “Now go to sleep.” 

“You sound like a mother.” 

His lips press together briefly. “Like your mom has ever had to ask you to do anything twice.” 

That joke’s getting old. “I’m tired of the jokes. So I listen to my mom, she deserves the lack of stress.”

Billy hesitates, “She’s a good mom.” 

“It’s weird without her around.” My mom is the life of the house. She’s always on the phone with friends or playing music or yelling at the TV when characters on a TV show she likes do stupid things. “Quiet.” 

He drops his gaze towards our hands. Our pinkies are still together. “There are worse things than quiet.” His tone reminds me of the way he was when he mentioned his mom. It’s a flash of something wounded. “Quiet’s easier.” 

Another tally in a column about his home life. “What are you thinking about?” The question is a surprise for us both.

“My mom knew how to keep things quiet.” 

I must be in total shock because after a second I ask, “What happened?” His eyes snap up and I regret not swallowing my words. “Not that--I just--I know it’s just your dad and it wasn’t always just your dad.” It’s my turn to stare at our hands. “You don’t need to tell me. Honestly, I--I didn’t mean to ask.” 

He turns over my hand, something about the motion feels strained. Billy’s pointer finger traces patterns against my palm. “It’s fucked up.” 

“Fucked up doesn’t bother me.” My repetition of his earlier words is awkward and much less sure than the original.

Billy’s quiet for a second, an odd tension floating through the room. “Not much to tell. Some whore fucked my dad and my mom did what she had to. My dad didn’t take it too well.”  

Oh. His words hit me a little too hard. I don’t know if the story or the unexpected harshness is what gets to me. Before I can react, Billy places a hand on my shoulder. With no warning, he pushes me so that I’m laying flat against my bed. A tiny yelp escapes me, but Billy doesn’t move. “Now that we’ve done the whole deep dark secrets thing, go to sleep.”

His voice leaves no room for argument but his touch is harder to ignore. “You know the deep dark secrets thing is a major part of girl’s sleepovers. One minute everyone’s painting their nails and the next we’re all crying over our dads or moms or the messed up things we did in middle school.” 

“Go to sleep,” he sighs, hand that’s not pinning me down sliding downwards, just barely touching my hip.

I nod slowly, not trusting myself to speak again. Satisfied, Billy takes his time moving back to the position he was in. This time, he stays closer than he was before.

Hating myself for it a little, I break the comfortable silence, “Billy?” He huffs slightly, like I’ve woken him up after a deep sleep that only took him minutes to find. “If you ever want quiet and can’t get it anywhere you can come over.” I already regret this. “Not--not in a pity way, just a--just so you know, I guess.” 

He shifts closer, pulling my arm towards him. “Might end up moving in then.” 

His muffled words make me let out a partial laugh. “Should let you know it’s like a metaphorical quiet because half the time you can hear my mom talking on the phone to her friends or talking to the TV.” 

“Might have to rethink it then.” The edge in his voice is ruined by the slight smile that I can feel through his tone. 

Billy’s hold on my arm is an anchor I’ve gone too long without. Thoughtlessly, I move my free hand towards his back. My fingers brush against his skin gently. “Did you offer the same thing to your boyfriend?” 

It takes me longer than it should for me to realize what he’s talking about. “Noel?” His silence is enough of an answer. “No, I guess that means I like you more.” He stays quiet. “And he’s not my boyfriend. I just--” 

“Weren’t getting enough attention?” 

With a sigh, I let my hand rest on his back. “I can still kick you out.” He doesn’t move. “And for the record, I just...I thought it’d make me feel normal.” 

“Did he?” 

The question sits with me for longer than it should because I know the answer immediately. It sinks into my chest like a weight threatening to suffocate my lungs. “Not as much as you.” I shut my eyes as if that will save me from his reaction. “I’m going to sleep.” 

---- a few days later ----

“You fucking love it.” Stu makes no attempts to hide petty bitterness as he pulls a joint back to his lips. The whole point of smoking was to stop thinking about you, but weed doesn’t always work the way you want it. “At least admit it.” 

Billy lifts his head enough to reach over for the joint, taking it from Stu. “What’s there to love?” 

Stu sighs. “Fuck off.” Billy breathes in slowly, letting smoke fill his lungs. “You love that Y/n can’t do anything without you. That she lets you sleep in her room more than you sleep in yours.” 

“Just say you’re sorry, give her one of your looks, and say something about your parents.”

Dropping his head back, Stu frowns. “You remember how quick she was to go after some other guy. Like she didn’t give a shit.” Billy patiently watches Stu, noting the way tension continues to expand across Stu’s demeanor. “Even Casey used to--” 

“She gives a shit.” When Stu scoffs, Billy sits up a little more. “She does. Asks about you all the time and then makes me promise to not tell you.” 

There’s only the tiniest shift in Stu’s demeanor, but it’s a start. Your little spat has lasted longer than Stu thought it would, and with each day that you go without initiating conversation, the more the sting of silent rejection bubbles. Billy’s had to keep up with his moods, making sure that Stu’s feelings remain contained. 

“It’s cute,” Billy continues, “Like she has a crush she doesn’t know what to do with.” When Stu stays silent, Billy decides to keep going, “She likes you and she misses you. Use that.” 

“With the way Tatum’s always breathing down my neck now?” 

Maybe if Stu was in a better mood he’d make a joke about how even he can’t really blame Tatum. Stu’s been in a shitty mood for almost two weeks now, which means he hasn’t exactly been devoted. “I’ve got an idea that’ll get you alone with Y/n. No friends, no class, just you and her somewhere she can’t avoid you.” 

At that, Stu manages to crack a grin. “Sounds like my type of situation.” 

----

Taglist: Tags: @cole22ann @womenarecannibals @fand0mskullfa1ry @princessleah129 @i-amnotokaywiththis @fvcking-gxddess @suckmyass-things @im-better-than-your-newborn @michibuni @bigenargy @marli-lavellan @mushy-mushroom04 @neenieweenie @lone-ray @the-ruler-of-death @andthevillainshallrises 

[elasticitymudflap]

If Betty returns in season two, what kind of plot lines and character arcs would you like to see for her? Which characters do you want to see her interact with?

oh man. okay buckle up because you are about to endure my full frontal autism.

first you're going to have to go into this post knowing that i am insane about betty grof. i am aware of this. but they also called me crazy back in 2012 when i said simon and betty probably loved each other very much despite the fact she disappeared, and that she was probably a huge chaotic badass, AND I WAS RIGHT so.

all of this aside, here are a couple things i think would be epic and sexy of them to address:

~betty's past~

GIRL WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

no, seriously. i hate that the cut content from the storyboards revealed so much about her that didn't make the final 'jerry' cut. betty is passionate, intense, and liked simon's work because he was this weird little guy who proudly had all these "out there" theories. she even stated that "ancient magic" was once her major, so it's no fucking wonder she was so jazzed to find the one other guy who studied and believed in the strange things she did.

how did betty come to have these strange beliefs, and to the point of pursuing it in fucking grad school? was she just always like this? did her interests and beliefs put her at odds with others when she was growing up, little miss dig-her-way-down-to-the-devil, and that's part of the reason she wanted all the more to support simon?

reading that scene in temple of mars where magic betty laments "what remains" of her original self after spending so long dedicated to simon, even if you take into account the way MMS is warping her perspectives and cranking her obsessive tendencies to 11, i find it hard to believe betty didn't grow up with some kind of instability or trauma that made her more prone to throw herself completely at someone who showed her genuine love and kindness. this isn't necessarily a fault on simon's part, he probably didn't even clock it because he was so caught up with trying not to fuck things up with her (he's got his own issues). but it definitely seems like this is something deeply coded into her being, especially when you consider she was willing to leave everything she knew behind in an instant for him.

and i NEED to know more about the wacky shit she was up to in ooo, before and after becoming magic betty. did she ever go to wizard city? did other wizards even know about her? what does she think about her time as magic betty? moreover, how the hell did king man even get betty to agree to his weird idea of cognitive behavioural therapy?? how did she actually go from literally willing to kill herself via time travel to actually accepting that she needed help getting over simon?? did prismo and the cosmic owl get involved?? what is their connection to king man and mars anyway, i mean we know grob gob glob grod hung out with them?? do you think betty knew at any point about simon's head holding the fionna and cake universe?? SO MANY QUESTIONS RAAARRGHGHHGHH

also, not to get super sappy, but i want to see the enchiridion expedition from her perspective!! i want to see her progression from 'hell yeah im going on an adventure with that guy whose research i admire' to 'oh my god i love his stupid ass help????'.

~betty's guilt (feat. regrets)~

i don't care what the alternate bus stop scene said, you will never convince me betty grof has "no regrets". i think she has 'no regrets' in terms of loving simon, and she would never want him to think that she regrets their relationship because of what it "did" to her (turned her into a kaiju). i think this scene was betty trying to give simon a modicum of closure by reassuring him of that fact, and trying to help him reckon with the fact that there's no going back and changing how things ended up for the two of them; from here on out they can only move forward.

that being said, we know that betty will often push simon into doing things she thinks are best for him, whether he wants these things or not, such as not getting held up by snakes or not dying. she's a quick thinker and a risk taker who doesn't like looking at the 'big picture', and these are things she's probably very aware about herself.

i think, in the 12 years that they were apart, betty probably had a lot of time to reflect on her decisions after the crown came into their lives. how her hubris in trying to study magic ended up in her becoming "magic betty", how magic betty nearly ended/condoned the end of the world multiple times, how she ultimately did cure simon but almost killed him in the process. most of all, you cannot convince me betty wouldn't agonize over how her split-second decision to jump into the future affected simon. you really think betty fucking grof would've have been totally unaffected by the revelation that simon spent nearly ten human lifetimes agonizing over driving her away?

in her last interaction with him, magic betty's recklessness cured them... only to then be grotesquely crushed to death inside of golb. but he didn't get upset with her, he didn't panic, he didn't even fight it, he just... gave in. there's this air of acceptance to him, an acceptance that comes after prolonged and complicated grief, that i'd argue, wasn't the culmination of being cured, but the culmination of his long and painful battle over losing her; he was content to die as long as he was with her. that must have been... really something for her to mull over.

i could easily see her developing a bit of a complex over it. i think it would be fascinating to see a betty who now, after all the dust as settled, has looked at their history and concluded that she was the common denominator in all of this, that she is bad for simon, that in a way she is a "curse" to him. and that it would be the perfect justification for her staying away from him all these years, thinking without her influence he could finally move on from her and live the rest of his human life happily with his new magic future friends.

i don't think betty has necessarily "moved on" from simon, i think she still loves him dearly... but as i said, thoroughly convinced she'll only damage him further if she keeps trying to pursue him, and that simon's breakdown during season 1 was only more evidence to that fact.

i think she's trying to lead him to get over her 'for his own good', and that she's purposefully being vague and simplifying conclusions about their relationship so he doesn't try to fight her on it like he always does when she makes these huge decisions for them. she's not bringing any of the stuff she actually regrets up with him because only betty sees it as a problem. simon is so enamoured with her he probably wouldn't even entertain the possibility that she had negative effect on him, but he would believe the reverse in a heartbeat.

this isn't me saying they're ""toxic"" at all, i'm saying that these are two very damaged people who would benefit from multiple types of therapy. and that, as they are, they currently are more likely to keep going in loops with unhealthy behaviours and blaming themselves ad infinitum rather than try to reckon with how they can change, and how it is a problem that they'll always do it for the other, but never for themselves.

even if all of my above ramblings turn out to be bunk: betty grof needs some kind of therapy for her pre-existing self sacrificial tendencies and self worth issues, a space for her to process and work through all of the things that happened to her in ooo, couple's counselling, and the biggest blunt known to man.

you might be wondering "emery, why are you talking about her like she isn't beyond such things? she's golb now, the embodiment of chaos! her ""arc"" is over."

~golbetty conspiracy theory time~

i'm not entirely convinced betty is golbetty as we've come to understand her. i stand by this with my crumbs of a conspiracy theory in that when simon first did the ritual, it was ORIGINAL golb's face that flashed over the scene (not golbetty or even the statue's face), and how golbetty seemed to transform back into Golb Classic after she blew simon away into the void. there's also this weird thing where golbetty had these holes or rips on her leg when she rotated; i thought it was an animation error but then it was also in the storyboards so idk what to believe...

plus the boards ive seen seem to only refer to them as "GOLB", never 'GOLBetty', which i just find... interesting

and i keep thinking about simon info-dumping about golb to betty in the 'come along with me' flashback and the specific wording that was used: "imagine if we could somehow harness all that dank energy..." and then comparing it to the specific wording of betty's wish "... however it has to happen, I wish for the power to keep Simon safe"

there's a couple lines in 'you forgot your floaties' regarding betty's work before becoming magic betty that i feel often get overlooked, one being how tiny manticore describes the situation as "she thinks she can save her BF, Simon, by finding the source of magic," and in betty's own words: "studying [magic madness and sadness] could lead me to their underlying cause, and then I'll control the forces that hold sway over Simon"

i've always wondered if part of the reason betty's wishes to "banish golb from this world/for golb to disappear" didn't work was not just because they didn't tap into her heart's deepest wish (keeping simon safe), but because a wish like that would also require some kind of fundamental change to the laws of the universe first in order for it to work. magic betty even references golb as "the most powerful force in the universe," so how would the crown ever hope to compete with that? according the ancient candy elemental, wish magic has the potential to cause "irreversible damage to the very structure of existence". maybe the crown itself couldn't banish golb with a simple wish, but it could restructure the world to create someone who was powerful enough to control even golb, if only it were structured through the correct wishing language.

and it would make total sense for betty to become that person.

i've been thinking about the way the candy elemental tries to warn evergreen from using the crown: "this wish may see things in you you cannot see yourself, can you truly say you know your heart's truest desire?"

i wonder if there may have been two elements to betty's wish, and the part of it that betty "didn't see in herself" was her worded in the language of "power"; betty's desire to gain control over forces of the universe no human could ever hope to fight against, let alone win.

she spent her human life fascinated by ancient magic, fighting to get her's and simon's work recognized as valid and worthwhile. then, she's suddenly in the future, fighting to stop simon from dying, physically fighting at times, and fighting to find a way to gain control over these "forces" that held him prisoner. she essentially is fighting to become the conqueror of magic, madness, and sadness... and she fails, becomes a victim of it. and it all goes downhill from there, the loss of control over herself, over her mind, over her goals, yet the most 'betty' thing about her is that she's still fighting, albeit a bit crooked and to the detriment of all else. in the end, she's even fighting with herself, fighting to remember who she even is without the fight, not even sure if that person exists anymore.

and then she's freed, suddenly, from the confines of MMS to the literal confines of a quickly shrinking prison. when you watch the two of them in that scene, she isn't fighting to escape the same way finn is literally fighting the wall, but you can tell she's not giving up. part of her is still fighting to think of a way out, even when it feels like there's absolutely no hope left.

her desire "for the power" could mean, in a sense, to have the ability to be in control of all that she couldn't at one time or another: time, fate, magic, life, death, chaos... but this was articulated through her love for simon, because it's the only way she probably even recognizes it within herself.

this is why i don't entirely think betty and golb are fused, or that betty is solely "golbetty". i think being "fused" with no possibility of escape would be antithetical to the language and possible wider implications of her wish. this is why i think she's something above even golb, like a being with the ability to possess/harness the power of other deities. and i think she does this specifically in scenarios where simon is in immediate danger and she needs to control them or harness their power in order to protect him.

i'm ready to be proven wrong, and i probably will be. still, i rotate these thoughts in my head at a dangerous velocity, and none of you can stop me.

~ok i'm done ill stop being insane now (lying)~

so to... actually answer your question, i REALLY want betty to meet fionna and cake, because it sounds to me like they remind simon a lot of her. i would just love to see the absolute fucking tornado they'd be when put in a room together.

also, obviously first and foremost, I NEED BETTY TO TALK TO MARCELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, as far as season 2 goes, something is definitely up with prismo. and since he's guardian/creator of multiverse entities, who the fuck knows what that means for the fabric of existence if he's glitching out.

all im saying is, i wouldn't be surprised if our main trio end up having to save the multiverse and have to do so with help from other... entities. bettities, even. (hehe. bettity)

[dross-the-fish]

First of all I just really want to say I absolutely LOVE your art and specially the way you draw Erik, Leroux-Erik my beloved 😭💕

Ok ANYWAY. I saw your posts discussing about Erik and how the Phandom portray him and Raou, and I really want to point out some of my views (in the healthiest and most polite way possible!!!)

I'm not trying to deny Erik's flaws nor that I have an obvious bias since he's my favorite character ever AAAND Raoul is a character I dislike a LOT for multiple reasons lol but, I want to adress that: Erik is a person that endured multiple ways of abuse and humiliation in his life, since he was a child. He has multiple scenes of trauma response and, as you pointed out your post, acts impulsively many times and also shows clear remorse for his actions. What I think separates him from Raoul is (aside from the obvious class diference and the fact that Erik has a whole history of trauma and evidences of mental illness) the fact that Erik learns something from his selfish, self-destructive behaviour. He *had* a chance to end up with Christine if he didn't so shitty with her, and this is very impactful in the end specially because Leroux didn't treat him as a villain who deserved punishment, but as a traumatized AND completely abandoned person who fucked up pretty bad

Obviously, despite my personal beef with Raoul, I don't think he's some sort of abusive devil or any shit like that. I just think Christine would be better at her own. Forgetting Erik's flaws for a minute — Raoul *is* very manipulative, childish and uncaring towards Christine. He, unlike Erik, doesn't learn from his mistakes and presents the same behavior until the end of the story. Idk my girl Christine could be better at her own, single, following her career. The fact that Raoul was born in a rich family in the 19th century and didn't face any of the poberty or struggles that lower-classed people like Daroga, Erik and Christine had also make his character waaaay more difficult to like in my point of view. I'm NOT SAYING THAT "being rich makes you evil" (duh) nor that Erik's actions are ok, just to be clear! It just bothers me how so many people treat Raoul like a saint little puppy and Erik as a monster, like COME ON

Now, back to Erik: I'm not saying you intended to mean that, but I have a huge problem with how part of the Phandom thinks Erik had malicious intentions when approaching Christine, or that his feelings for her are fake. The "Erik knew precisely what he was doing since the start" really makes sense considering how his redemption arc went in the novel. Obviously this changes a lot in many adaptations (for example he's clearly much more self-aware and manipulative in the musical). But Leroux-Erik *genuinely* believed he was doing the right thing. Maybe he had an idea of "uuuugh maybe this is pretty bad maybe i should stop" but the self-destructive-fear-of-abandoment-everything-is-fine voice spoke louder. Let's not forget that what turned Erik into having such a violent mental breakdown was not "Christine doesn't love me and I must punish her" bullshit, it was when he heard her speaking not so many cool things about him and his appearance at his back (NOT BLAMING OR HATING HER, I love Christine, I'm talking about Erik's pov). If Erik didn't love Christine, or if he was a monster, he wouldn't feel any guilty for his actions. The most impactful thing in the ending of POTO is that Erik realized he had treated the woman he loved like trash and even still she showed him the compassion he needed

Ok ending this long ass text, I just wanted to state that I agree with a lot of your points specially how the Phandom tends to summarize everything to black and white even though most of the characters are all morally grey. I wanted people to stop dehumanizing a mentally ill abuse survivor like Erik while also stop hating on a poor woman who never asked to be put into Raoul's or Erik's bullshit lol thanks for having the patience to read, I'm really curious to know what your thoughts about this are 💕💕💕

I appreciate your courtesy, I understand where you are coming from but there are a few points i'm not sure I fully agree with. While it is fair to depict Erik as traumatized or mentally ill, I feel these are ultimately reasons for his behavior, not justifications. I agree that he is a sympathetic character and his story is a tragic one, I also agree that Erik had a great capacity for good under better circumstances. Leroux says "he had a heart that could hold empires but had to content himself with a cellar," or something to that effect and I believe that's true. But some of Erik's behavior cannot be written off as impulse or trauma response. He was still an assassin who built torture chambers and even when no longer in Persia he still had a torture chamber in his home that he made use of. He has enough agency that he can still be held responsible for all of the death and destruction he caused even as we acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy killing and feels remorse. How he deals with his remorse in particular is a bit of a sticking point for me. Erik's consistent ability to willfully "forget" what he does or completely deny the severity of his crimes is very likely a product of guilt but the presence of guilt is not a sign of virtue and after awhile it starts to feel like he is first and foremost dodging accountability. He never feels guilty enough to stop and prefers instead to alleviate his internal discomfort by emotionally distance himself from his actions. I also think it's important to acknowledge that Erik is a villainous character and he is violent with Christine. He does try terrorize her and coerce her into marrying him by threatening to kill her and everyone else. To be honest that's why I like his redemption, because he actually NEEDS to be redeemed. You can't redeem a character that never fell from grace. If we can't hold him accountable for his choices and acknowledge the full harm he did then his redemption is hollow. On the subject of Raoul, Leroux tends to write him as being kind of young and stupid and most of his boorish behavior the product of youthful impulse and the older I get the more I'm inclined to agree. This doesn't make Raoul right or even necessarily likeable but if we're giving Erik grace based on the author's sentiments towards the character we should probably give some to Raoul as well. Ultimately I feel Raoul redeems himself by proving he's willing to die for Christine. He throws himself into mortal peril to save her because he does love her. Yes, he has a lot of privilege compared to other characters and it certainly contributes to him coming off spoiled and bratty at times but at the end of the day he and Christine do love each other and he is who she chose. I'll admit I sometimes feel compelled to defend Raoul even if he's not remotely close to my favorite character just because the fandom tends to over inflate his flaws and hold him to the worst faith interpretation while making every excuse under the sun for Erik. The phandom will go to great lengths to see nuance and humanity in Erik's behavior but not in Raoul's and, while I have my own character preferences and Erik is certainly my favorite by a long shot, I try to be fair and empathetic to ALL the characters in the story, whether I actually like them or not.

[sweetcloverheart]

Clover Rants Miraculously: Painting With The Same Brush

You know, I think the most saddest (and kind of funny in an ironic way) things about “Derision” and other episodes/scenes like it is that in the writers attempts to get Chloe to seem “irredeemably evil” to the audience, all they’ve done is make the rest of the cast look bad. Like those scenes don’t effect my view of her because the show already told us Chloe was a brat and bully from the get-go, so learning about the date prank and her forcing Marinette to stay home and the entire plot of “Collusion” and “Confrontation” just come off as learning nothing new. Complete net-zero information. Meanwhile...

Bustier (and by extension Damocles and Mendeleiev) looks like an even worse teacher for ignoring her misbehavior and constantly putting the onus on Marinette to solve the issue if things were this bad already, especially when “Revelation” shows she’s so oblivious to the things going on in class that she's actually genuinely shocked Chloe hasn’t been doing her own homework for the entirety of her middle school career and then some. Like I know the fandom likes to joke that she’s a kindergarten teacher at the wrong school and “haha public education sucks because teachers bad” but DAMN woman, are you telling me you never side-eyed how similar Sabrina and “Chloe” homework tended to be even once (or maybe Sabrina’s just that good at forging handwriting like I often headcanon)? Just how little is FD’s overall funding that no one ever tried double checking this stuff?! No wonder Chloe treats y’all like a joke!

The class comes off as pretty fairweather/uncaring as Marinette was being bullied by Chloe for years (especially since it was stated in canon that Marinette had no friends until “Origins”) but only are only now seem to care about it. Even with the potential excuse of “Well Marinette grew a backbone/they’re less scared of Chloe now”, “Derision” showed the kids cared less about Chloe’s opinion than they do now and were willing to comfort Marinette after the prank, so what was stopping them from openly helping her out up until “Origins”?

The school faculty, despite Chloe having a reputation for exaggerating things and being purposely petty when demanding “punishments” when she feels slighted, constantly not only immediately believing her when she’s clearly making stuff up, but also still refusing to put their foots down (waiting until the grand coincidence of an Akumatized!Bustier forcing Andre to step down as opposed to, IDK, showing solidarity and care for their students by choosing to refuse Chloe’s demands and meeting her threats head on?). Again, what is the school paying you for?

Kim looks like a complete jerk now seeing as how he doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with that he did to Marinette in “Derision” and gives a rather poor apology afterwards - one he had to be shamed into rather than realizing and giving it on his own. Heck the only reason he even gets Akumatized over it is because everyone else was riding him on how messed up it was and he got fed up with it. It also kind of puts into question why Marinette is so friendly with him/still gave him a Miraculous if he participated in what was such a traumatic event for her. And that’s not even getting into poor Ondine having to hear her own boyfriend call another girl (whom is established as a huge jerk) “The prettiest girl in the world” Kim bby I’m so sorry the writers are doing you so dirty

Sabrina’s upgrade to Miraculous holder/her redemption feels even more unearned now because like above, she shows no remorse for her actions in “Derision” or the bullying she’s been (willingly in some parts) participating in for the last four seasons and before then, and only ends up leaving Chloe because Lila takes her spot as Chloe’s bestie and she hated having to share (and because their latest scheme in “Collusion” potentially involved jail time for her if they got caught) instead of genuine disgust at Chloe’s growing nastiness or her own mistreatment because of it. All those years of waiting and fics about Sabrina finally breaking free and realizing she could be better - rewarded with her instead abandoning Chloe to save her own skin and hopping onto the SS.Marinette because it benefited her more (and again, doesn’t involve jail time) rather than genuine regret of her actions. So inspiring

Andre basically allowed Chloe to get away with using his position as mayor to mistreat her classmates+the citizens and flaunt her status as his daughter for years, and only starts caring/putting his foot down when she starts doing it to Zoe and only for Zoe (the “good” non-blood daughter that the original script had him state he “liked better”) before he immediately abandons her to Audrey the first chance he gets, despite understanding what a terrible and abusive person his wife is - And let’s not forget him calling his 14 year old daughter that he raised “heartless” and terrible (to the man who frequently overrides his own child’s freewill with magic mind you). What’s worse is that the show plays this off like it’s his reward for having “suffered” under Chloe’s demands and that it’s all her fault he’s a terrible mayor (like he hadn’t often willingly broken laws or abused his position on his own with no prompting from her for his personal benefit). I’m sure all the neglectful dads who replace affection towards their children with gifts and indulgences watching feel totally respected and represented now.

Poor Sabine and Tom already get a bad enough rep as it is thanks to some of the story decisions made *COUGH*A//doration*COUGH*Ladybug*COUGHCOUGH*, but now we’ve been basically informed that they knew Marinette was being bullied to the point of actually pretending to be sick and...did nothing. And not even in a “We want to help but we’re limited thanks to school bureaucracy and/or our own financial situation” way but at “Yeah we know you’re terrified of your classmate tormenting you again and that this constant slew of harassment from all sides is slowly destroying your mental health but we’re just gonna tell you to buck up”. Yeah, they gave her Socqueline keeping an eye out but that ultimately ended up doing nothing to really protect her in the end

Zoe, for all her goodness and being portrayed as a “better redeemed!Chloe” as her claim to fame, does nothing to make good on her promise to love Chloe no matter what in “Queen Banana” and watches her half-sister being abandoned by her entire immediate family while reaping all the benefits from it (Not to say that’s her fault or she’s required to, just that it’s...well, not a good look for her tbh). While Zoe isn’t obligated to put up with Chloe’s mistreatment (and she isn’t), it def makes her look super hypocritical to claim to love Chloe “even if the whole world hates [her]” and then do/say nothing as her stepdad basically leaves her half sister to suffer from the same fate she escaped from in New York.

Adrien, despite having a front row seat to how awful and nasty Chloe can be to people who aren’t him and watching her torment his classmates for the past 9 months in canon, only now ends their friendship - and over an event that happened a year ago when he wasn’t there that she isn’t sorry for, when she’s been doing worse since he arrived with no remorse then either, with his only response back then being to chuckle and go “Chloe will never change” like a wistful friend. After 5 whole seasons of handwaving his handwaving of Chloe’s bullying, they only now have him care, with the catalyst being that Marinette won’t give him happy-smoochy-times because of whatever happened - and then make it worst by having him try to kill Kim for it, after having him have a near mental breakdown over accidentally giving the terrorist responsible for every one of his current life issues a death sentence with the same method (and also trying to do it to another akuma victim). My sincerest condolences Adrien please join Kim in the “You got screwed badly by the episode narrative” corner

Like, I genuinely have to wonder how they wrote out those episodes and thought anyone involved looked good afterwards. Peoples opinions on Chloe can’t sink any lower than they already are (and if they can, that’s mostly because they already disliked her), but you aren’t making her look worse by slinging mud on everyone else, even unintentionally.