#i hate the fact i cant work
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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For Liefer to pull up a Camus quote like this is quite laughable because of how the dynamics mirror each other. In the modern day, we have a status quo where Palestinians continue to be imprisoned and murdered and raped and segregated, denied basic medical care for years on end, all on their own land — while Jewish Israelis (to make distinction from Palestinians with Israeli citizenship, as many liberal zionists love to point out) suffer no consequences for anything, even if they play a direct role in the continued erasure and genocide of Palestinians. So if given a choice between suffering no consequences while benefiting from the status quo (that will not change unless the oppressed take it upon themselves to change their circumstance) and suffering consequences in the form of direct personal loss (with the strategy of forcing things to change by ennacting the same type of violence that the occupied experience on a daily basis onto the occupiers), of course someone who stands to lose nothing from the continuation of the status quo would rather the status quo continue if he has something to lose otherwise. Camus, when he said this quote, was not being righteous or overly sensitive. If anything, it shows how little he understood at the time of saying this quote. Because he didn't understand that an Algerian will suffer in both scenarios even if he (Camus) is safe, and for him to say something like this when people lived generations worth of violence for his and his family's (social) benefit is annoying and just plain offensive. Who is he, as a Frenchman born in occupied Algeria, to say what is worth justice when he only stands to lose anything in one scenario but not the other? He did not experience life as an Algerian native in French occupation. He might have observed it, growing up poor, yes, but he never LIVED it. Liefer might have observed the horror of settler colonialism, but that's nothing like experiencing it firsthand. To be the object of hatred to people who have higher status and more rights than you. It's just not his place as a person with nothing to lose if the status quo continues to comment on anything like this. What's the underlying meaning of this quote? "I'd rather others continue to suffer than myself experiencing suffering once."
I'm not saying Liefer doesn't have a right to mourn whoever. Im not even saying he has a duty to accept the consequences he experiences. But to say something so heartless as "I prefer the safety of my own rather than justice" within the larger, nearly century worth of context, is just insensitive and really belies his true opinions of the liberation of Palestine if he's so comfortable saying this outloud with moral authority in the middle of what is an outright bloodbath of Palestinians across Palestine. It's the timing of saying something like this because to say it now of all times when the entire world ignores or even encourages the violence in Gaza but mourns the death of Israelis? An Algerian born Frenchman and Israeli are going to be mourned on an international scale... but Palestinian and Algerian natives? Their deaths are regarded as facts of life by the rest of the world.
This makes it seem like I hate Camus, but I honestly don't, but I think the way Leifer is holding this quote up at face value and as the height of reason really is annoying. People like to mention Camus' "if" in this case as proof that he's actually saying "this is not real justice so therefore I do not have to accept it," but who is he to say what is or is not justice? The point I'm getting at is the people who benefit from occupation, in this case, Camus and Liefer have no right to determine what is or is not justice, despite their personal beliefs. The occupier has no right to tell the occupied what they should do to get freed. That alone is an arrogance in assertion that is so offending — the assertion that the occupier knows how to free the occupied in what *he* considers justice and the occupied just need to do whatever the occupier tells them to do. Because whether they both like it or not, they still benefit from and are part of the occupying force, and therefore have no real reason to fight the occupation at their own expense — the occupation is a violence that they are alright with inflicting if it means they cannot lose anything or anyone.
Also the idea that liefer indirectly compares himself to Camus is a little funny to me.
#this makes it seem like i really hate camus but i dont i think hes an alright writer#but to remove his works from his own sociopolitical context is annoying and a false evaluation of the meaning of his world#*his work#camus is somewhat orientalist in his works. he has some interesting ideas but it doesnt change the fact that a frenchman is of a different#class that other algerians#even if camus was poor growing up - even the richest of algerians suffered occupation in a way camus never did#im almost certain liefer was born affluent and is still affluent#so there is no class solidarity between liefer and a working class palestinian#like how there was between camus and working class algerians#so he cant even compare himself to camus
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i think a core component of the okumura twins relationship is that if you told them before the series what happens in the future, they would worry about each other before themselves
#i stand by this 100%#especially with yukio people act like he actually hates rin#when in reality he spends a lot of time worrying about his safety to his own detriment and to the detriment of him#cuz he thinks about it as an authority figure and not as a peer and he doesnt really know rin that well at this point#hes used to the 'if nothing bad happens he'll be same so if he does nothing nothing will happen' but of course that doesnt work anymore#rin is already a demon hes already an exorcist and yukio cant cope with the fact that bad things have ALREADY happened#and his problem solving method failed and continues to fail that he doesnt know what to do#in terms of rin of course he also has his own problems#rin does this too but more as a brother and less of an authority figure#its more of a 'yukio should have to deal with this so im gonna do it even if it kills me' even tho in this case yukio has more experience#rin needs to keep him safe and to keep him safe he needs to fight the things that threaten his little brother#but that also fails because of yukio's aformentioned experience but also rin's lack of experience#rin knows how to fight bullies but he doesnt know demons but hes still trying even if yukio doesnt want him to#anyway i think its sweet how hard they try for eachother despite being out of their element#and also how hard they're trying to appear like they're not trying to keep eachother safe to eachothers benefit#okumura twins#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki
#HELP. HEEEELPP <- THE FORGETTER#i have 18 different tabs open and im pretty sure half of them are duplicates. i have not made anything past 5000G i am so cooked#rn im at summer 11 ish?? i cant remember dates in real life either jesus christ GRIPPING THE COMMUNITY CALENDAR WITH MY BARE HANDS#my ass really went into this like “ill just take it easy and go into it blind so i get the newborn baby deer experience" completely ignoran#to the fact that i get anxious disappointing ppl and not having any background knowledge going into smth new. like a FOOL#also the walking speed is just slow enough to make me space out and forget where i was going and what i needed to do head in my hands#ive had to backtrack all over pelican town so many different times im in fucking adhd hell. resource management hell#im saying this like i hate it but its actually pretty fun and engaging when im not gripping my head trying to remember what i was doing#i got linus' 2 heart event and it made me whimper a little. LINUSSS LINUS I LIKE HIM. AND WILLY AND MARNIE THEYRE SO NICEYS#marnie kinda like.. reminds me of my friends mom even her face is pretty similar. shes sweet i like her. also willy calls me lad hes cool#i think im just gonna start a new save and NOT rely on the fucking mixed seed forages bc my ass was too stubborn to buy seeds#i just got sebastians 2 heart event too ughhh ive never had to work so hard for an emo boys approval. but it was satisfying#corn will fix me. its a replenishable summer-fall crop corn has to fucking fix me PLEASE#i also. made a stardew valley farmer. the one im playing as. their name is cosmo they have a backstory and everything im making#him a ref. his backstory is so fucking funny just wait#yapping#diary#puppy plays sdv
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tonight i'm gonna fall asleep and tonight i WILL dream about horrordust if i have anything to say about it,,,, i'm horrordustpilled they're everything to me right now. forever thinking about gshaewru's art of my hc,,,
the reluctant besties that they are. the assholes that they are. killer you should commit a koukatsu by maretu and kill their asses "you will never return here and the dead will not either"
#i have so much to say about how koukatsu is murder time trio coded#but anyways that's a seperate post for a seperate tine#EDUAGHGGG!!!! i cant believe i technically gave both dust and horror mourning wear in my designs#i just thought that horror's little cloak would be something stolen from undyne.....#but it can also be mourning wear like dust's cloak too!!! theyre mourning the past!!!! mourning what was lost!!!!!#i dont know where this came from but i saw some people say that dust wants to seperate himself from sans or something#or that he doesn't like the fact that he's sans#but idk to me it kinda seemed more like he just didn't like his inaction back then#but smh didnt you literally like how things were back then?? and ALSO is your form of action really the best possible choice???#i dont know dust's whole thing is being hypocritical but still!!! i dont think he'd try to seperate himself from classic#if he didn't want to cling onto the remnants of sans then why does he so enthusiastically and openly talk to phantom papyrus#killer is RIGHT THERE he's a REAL character that wants to be seperate from sans..... and you see how that works out for him#yeah the trio's awesome. the amount of parallels they have kills me#the more horrordust i come up with the more reasons i give killer to hate these 2#the mutual hate never stops :3#the kitsune the bunny and the pig. killer dust and horror#UGH koukatsu is SO trio coded..... i need to do another songs that remind me of the mtt but this time with better elaboration#I must Rest. It is 12 am. I have school. This week is Thanksgiving break Thankfully#hahaha take THAT non americans..... i get this day off and you dont :3333#tricule rant#hiding all of the horrordust content i have in my drafts rn but soon i'll unleash the beasts
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replaying mystic messenger is so crazy because why am i gentle parenting these grown men and teaching them how to handle their feelings
#mystic messenger#mysme#jumin han#saeyoung choi#this post is mainly about those two#i get so mad whenever jumin enters a chatroom like get out of my face im not joking I DO NOT LIKE YOU#like i get it blah blah blah CEO with a cold heart trope and you melt his icy exterior But im so tired...#i don't want to explain workers rights to him#or... basic human rights actually#when he goes “jaehee i need you to work overtime again” and my face contorts in disgust and horror as a sitcom laugh track plays in the bac#also seven's route is so frustrating#like there's genuine reasons for him acting cold and whatever and i get it#but i actually dont want to watch you break a robot cat and then change ur pfp to a dark and broody photo of yourself#I ALSO CANT TALK TO ZEN IM SORRY I HATE HIM SO MUCH#zen lovers do not hate me... i am just a simple person#at one point in seven's route he was like “omg there's an explosive in the apartment? i should send a pic of myself to comfort you...”#I CANNOT HANDLE YOU GO LOG OFF YOUR PHONE#sorry wow im really into this game#i played it four years ago and now it's come back to me#also all of my points are nullified by the fact that saeran is my favorite#doing his route is like pulling teeth and eating socks#i say that with love
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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Do you think you be Mayor could’ve been better friends (orsomethingmore) under different circumstances?
MASTER POST
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#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#lmk macaque#monkie kid macaque#blue and violet#literally the only reason these two know each other is because LBD needed the two of them to find the skeleton key#if it were not for that then these two would have never met#so I suppose you could say it always had to turn out this way#but that doesn't mean it cant get any better#BUT THEN AGAIN I SUPPOSE YOU COULD ALSO SAY THAT IT CAN GET WORSE#Macaque really doesn't know what to think of the Mayor#like the dude did some crazy and hurtful stuff to Macaque (kind of) with the whole kidnapping thing#but its not like Macaque can actually blame the Mayor for doing that#same goes for the fact that Macaque had to work with the Chief against his will all those years ago#the Mayor/Chief isnt the one ti blame here but the guy still did that stuff#so its complicated#in other words Macaque wants to hate the Mayor but literally cannot find a valid reason to do so#could these two habe been friends from the get go if things were different?#I don't think so#because they would have never met in the first place#because LBD is the reason these two met and LBD is also the reason why the relationship turned very very sour and bitter#at least in Macaque's POV
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"got a little smushed"
bitch how is that line so overtly romantic
and "you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer"
and then that LOOK???
#dude please idk#i just cant take the fact that people believed tbey were platonic#dude dean was so fucking in love with cas i cannot wven bEGIN-#shit was just so complicated#he couldn't work it out with the emotional time and space he had and i hate it#VERY MUCH i hate it#in love mfs#destiel#my ongoing spn relapse#spn blogging#spn season 15#spn 15x09#the trap#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel
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And my thing STILL is that as carmen gets a stronger sense of her past and better connections with her friends and allies the need/desire for Gray in her life doesn't decrease and dissapate, it INCREASES and is refined. All while constantly being more sincerely layered in romantic tones as the show goes on.
#red crackle#red crackle thoughts#op watches#imo you actually cant dismiss it as (well thats all VILE propaganda)#when the show said (and those encounters + possible romantic realizations pushed gray to pull his care for her to the surface)#and carmen knew it was a date! never let her off the hook for that! she knew it was a date and yearned to join him at that table!#i dont think a show so proud of its check->czech joke overlooked that framing#+ minor note even how he goes from she's attractive-> much more serious contemplating on who she is and affection#just because gray would in fact never say 🥺um goodness is important doesnt mean you can wholesale throw out what is happening#during the arc#carmen yearns#and she becomes more and more open about it as she stabilizes#as the shows parallels about love/redemption/and desire for reconciliation get stonger too like#hmmm i hate this show#never am i gonna find this specific kind of absolutely wild that leaves me bewiltered that the show does not in fact work in parts shdjflfk#part 1 is complete onto-....oh wait...oh wait yeah netflix ...#....anyway it has to be them#it has to be the girl who left the isle and the boy who found someone he never expected to love this much
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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Throwback to when station harassed and stalked me for 3+ months and 2 blog moves for simply LIKING its callout post when herocallout was active and then trying to bribe me into unfollowing & redacting the rb thet i did after it started harassing me when I was never w mutual, never involved, and didn't even know station
#I'll rb this with the screenshots in a minute#also the way station + cronies consistently try to use my money issues sgainst me? just say you hate poor disabled ppl who CANT work and go#also i only liked the callout to start bcs i had been at work and couldn't read it so i was bookmarking it to read and fact check after and#station immediately hopped down my throat and gave me strep
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i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am normal i am fine i am nor
#this isnt a cry for help this is in fact about my blorbos#and you. you know who you are. when i GET YOU bro when i fucking GET YOU ITS OVER I AM IN PIECES#I HAVE WORK BUT I CANT DO IT BECAUSE IVE BEEN PACING ABOUT THIS FOR THE PAST 20+ MINUTES#I REWATCHED THE FUCKING STAIRCASE SCENE LIKE FOUR TIMES NOW I HATE YOU I HAT EYOU I AHTE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU /LH /J WHY THE FUCK WOU#AUGHOUTGHAHHGAGUGHAHGOUHGAOURRHGHAHHGHAGOUCAUSHGAHG#mars says stuff
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what do you mean you don’t think you’re gonna be buried at my side
#I CANT STOP LAUGHINGGGG AT TOMS EXPRESSION IN THE THIRD SHOT HES LIKE. AND THATS THAT ON THAT#HES SO RIDICULOUS!!!!! I LOVE IT WHEN HE'S UNHINGED#greg you DUMMY if I get fired if I die you are coming with me!!!!!!#greg: he likes me so i'm safe tho#tom: huh???????????????????? how is that relevant???? we're one and the same????? if i die so do you ??? you're my soulmate? lmfao#the only mf you can trust is ME or did you forget that. idc if he likes you you're MINE and only i will take care of you#WHO HAS EVER LOOKED AFTER YOU IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY#ALO THE WAY HE LOOKSA T HIM WHEN HE SAYS THE HIGHEST PAID ASSISTANT GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#he can't even talk shit any more without looking at him like he's everything to him TOM YOU ARE SLIPPIIIIIING#''its the family death march'' stop SAYING that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 WE GET IT YOU COUNT GREG AS YOUR FAMILY!!!!!! YOU COUNT HIM AS#YOUR EVERYTHING!!!!!!! I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!11111111111#tomgreg#yall just. just ANNOYING#also alsooooo the fact that tom was like did i do good? did i sound good? like greg was his little spouse brought along to a#work meet thing. that sounded good to the boss right? what do you think honey? sounded okay?#i hate them fr#ALSO SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! S
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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