#i hate that it makes me feel so ugly
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wehh
#i hate feeling like this#i hate being jealous#i hate that it makes me feel so ugly#delete later#sorry sorry sorry just.... WEHHHHHHHHHHH
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So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.
See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.
But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...
What is the difference between this and this?
Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?
Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.
But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.
And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.
But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.
See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!
As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.
And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:
So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?
Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.
In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.
In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.
This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).
Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.
More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.
This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.
A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.
But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.
#everyone say 'thank you togas' for not including a long tangent about evil rimmer in red dwarf 5x05#Our Flag Means Death#Togas does meta#and yes these principles DO fall apart slightly in s2 and i DON'T like those costumes as much#don't get me wrong they're fun and gorgeous - but generally a bit less deep and more inaccurate. so. :(#I'm not sure this really says anything new about Our Flag but I just needed to get my thoughts out#i hate hate hate Gritty Period Drama costumes they're so boring and so ugly and so wrong#god bless OFMD for using more than 3 muted colours and actually putting men in heels (and not as a shorthand for rich/foppish villainy) <3#looking at that Tudors still is insane like they really will go to any lengths to not make men feel like they've got bare legs XD#image descriptions in alt text#and yes i DID just sink about two hours into those so you'd better appreciate them
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Disliking Tallchuck is a MAJOR skill issue.
#he isnt even ugly#you guys just don't like he doesnt look comically young for a 50 year old#that or you just dont like adult men...? maybe? idk#i love him so much#he is handsome you guys dont have eyes on your faces#also#splitted chin was a jumspcare sure but it doesnt make it worse??? why my people hating on it so much???#he is the handsomest tallman from this show and i wont be hearing anyone out. he could be the handsomest character if it werent for holm <3#lol#anyways#don't hate my beautifull tallchuck#he deserves love as an adult and as a (tallman) adult#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#dunmeshi#chilchuck tims#delicious in dungeon#tallchuck#my man makes me feel things#i loved him before but this?? this is a treat for me <3#btw#tallchuck is just mickbell version of chilchuck#my shit
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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.
though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rocky’s sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isn’t dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized it’s starting to spill out of him … which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is what’s currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasn’t had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous … and like.#when you’re constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others … etc#i could talk in depth about rocky’s traumas and why they’ve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly there’s a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill … which rocky is imo#it’s just the reality of things! this isn’t me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. i’m just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not … really rocky rickaby … rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#it’s amazing truly lol like … i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and i’m rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky … while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too … rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops i’ll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
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THE COMPARISON. never forget how there were some ppl actually saying tk8 just looks like tk7 2.0, and it just looks "slightly better" than tk7.... holy shit....
#// SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER HOW UGLY TK7 ACTUALLY WAS ... UNTIL YOU LOOK BACK ON IT#// LILI ... ASUKA ... AND LARS PROBABLY HAD IT THE WORST THO DFJDFJ#// well dj had it bad but solely bc they fucked up his devil features ...#// i hate hate HATED how asuka looked in tk7 fr#// like i barely make any icons for her from that game even tho i make tk7 jin icons#// just 'cos she ... she BARELY looked like asuka in the face in that game imo#// she just didn't feel like asuka#// also is it me ... or did everyone look like they were weirdly smiling in tk7?#// like compare lars' big goofy smile to his frown#// or how lili has a big smile by default when in tk8 ... her default face looks kinda focused + intense#// even jack 7 in tk7 looked like he was smiling by default vs the big frown jack 8 has#// the eyes looked SO BAD in tk7 as well ... the color is so faded#// you can't even tell lars is supposed to have blue eyes#// alisa's green eyes RLY pop in tk8#// never getting over how GORGEOUS alisa looks in tk8 compared to tk7#// god it's just an improvement for all of them rly
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I found some pictures of me from 2019 and I'm experiencing such indescribable emotions
#shes so much fatter her face is wider and its covered in acne and patchy red marks#her hair is still its natural colour#she still has black glasses#she is NOT dressing like somebody who is trying to look nice. i think she gave up#i like looking at her tho. i dont hate it. i used to hate looking at pictures at the time#but im actually happy i still have them. i like her#makes me very grateful that i found something to treat my skin. the acne used to make me so sad#im so happy i dyed my hair. im so happy i like looking at me now#her bodytype is actually very cute tho. i wouldnt have minded if that didnt change kinda makes me feel awkwardly scrawny by comparison#i dont know what im trying to say it just feels WEIRD and i wanna cry but im not sure in a happy or sad way#she just looks so different from me in so many uncomfortable ways. i know she feels very ugly#i like her. i liked seeing her. she was cute in her own way#im happy that she doesnt feel ugly anymore
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Whoever fucking does this in newer reboot shows or whatever. STOP IT. You’re hurting them. Their eyes aren’t meant to look like that, they’re being malnourished.
#thank you to my darling Luma for giving me the suggestion / idea to make this post#I hate the new pooh bear design okay. it’s ugly and it makes me feel violent#I LOVE pooh bear like SO MUCH (special interest!) so that should say everything#Drabuncat ramblings#winnie the pooh#wtp#pac man#pac-man
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2023 United States Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso
#making these as cope for the mental damage i received today#I HATE THIS OLD MAN!! STOP MAKING ME SAD!!!#and also stop looking so fucking sexy while you're depressed god damn#ASTONNNNNN FIX YOUR CAR!!!!#my fav moment of this wknd actutally was when my dad(known fernando stan) texted me after quali:#'they brought upgrades? more like fucking downgrades.'#im havinf fun dw!!! it just sucks a lot that my guy isnt doing well :(#killing myself out in the heat and my guy isnt even in the top 10 UGHHHHHHHHH#also guys the america hat is so ugly and expensive...but i kinda want it...should i buy it#i need to buy some nando or osc merch to feel fufilled this wknd hahaha so lmk :)#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#2023 us gp#2023 us grand prix#2023 united states grand prix#223 united states gp#fa14#we do a little bit of f1
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rk800 💙 rk900
#ok hear me out#i think they are blorbo shaped#if nines got a hug. he can be fixed. i know this. give him a chance. give him some connor#rk1700#????#i said theyre cute as platonic but i feel the tendrils of shipping lens activation slowly creeping up to my feet....#nobody asked me to give nines a lil blush there....but i did it anyway......software instability moment.....#its funny how i started out hating his guts i just called him an ugly bitch when he showed up and now i am becoming so soft for him#i just didnt understand why he was so popular then found out yall just want that love hate dynamic with the asshole cop which#i agree is valid and i do dabble in a little now#regardless#i looked at nines and connor for too long and something is stirring in me#i am afraid#hankcon going strong tho i just want connor to be loved by every single person in the game#mark my words one of these days im going to make some terrible decisions with kamski...#on another note im glad for the dbh obsession because its giving me a much needed push to learning a bit of form and rendering with art#usually i wing it and never colour but this is progress im kind of proud of :}#enjoy folks#my art#detroit become human#dbh#i forgot to tag for myself#id apologise for always rambling on in tags but you can choose not to read it#and whenever i see anyone mentioning getting a chuckle out of it it makes my day#you pressed that see all button. youre seeing it all man
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revisiting my roots as an artist - never sketching, never planning, and going straight to the inks. and also drawing traditionally again. with some digital colours
speaking of my roots as an artist, so many people say my art is cute/storybook/wholesome vibes which is funny cause i started off drawing a lot of bloody evil gorey demon things. 14 y/o me would not be happy with me for going down the route i ended up taking - i wanted to be edgy.
#my art#oc#pathos#drawing traditionally again is a big reminder that i have no set process and draw differently with every medium#i feel like i never do these sort of lines digitally. maybe because i don't have the right brushes to make it look good but idk#but also maybe i live with my work so much i see every minor difference whereas most people just see a more homogenous style#it's so funny to me that whenever i look at art that isn't my own i'm like wow this is all intentional and stylistic and cool#but i have no idea if that artist actually wanted to do that or it just happened by accident#or god forbid they don't even like what i like about their work and they see it as ugly and something to work on#anyone get me. i'm flying by the seat of my pants for so much of my process and i hate things about my work that other people might like#rambling again im sorry. it happens at night always i have 1000000 thoughts
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i wanna bleach my hair again sooooo bad i wanna be blonde again soooooooooooo bad i wanna be pretty again soooooooo bad
#please im so over this#i hate feeling ugly#my current hair color makes me look so weird#☆ ; dear diary ?#my hair really isnt strong enough for this rn tho#bUT I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE
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Sigh
#my days here are definitely numbered#we do this every week probably#there is so much to say. but its been said countless times before#convinced that too many of you are more passionate for collective hate than the actual issues going on#give some of you an inkling of power and you run with it#this isnt even about a particular situation. people just find it so oddly easy to be vile to each other#feels like humanity is just doomed. and it feels like I can't even say that lest I too be the “problem”#i havd to continuosly say I don't stand for *insert wrong action here* but I can't have empathy#i can only be rewarded for my good morales through shaming the person who messed up. then i get my badge of honour that shows people i'm not#like “them”. but I am like “them”. I'm human. i'm no better. but to avoid the ridicule of my own community. i will participate in this#execution of sorts. am I truly “good” if I am only doing it to avoid conequence. Are my morals as pure as I thought if I only get loud when#i know I have an audience? i get it. i'm generalizing. there are so many lovely people here...#the brain just remembers the bad so much easier. being in this communitt for as long as I have. seeing just how ugly it can get#makes this place not safe as it once was. maybe it wasn't for me in the first place. in my pursuit of a community#my very person was rotting. hm... i digress. back to tagging the funny meme#twordpinion#tword community#tickle community#ticklepinion#tword content#tickling community
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Thinking about that time when a popular artist was a prick to me personally (claimed that I "baited" them for a conflict when all I did was pointing out something in lore contradicting their claim, without any rudeness or condescension, and basically told me to go hang out with other autists instead of bothering them) but the reason I blocked them was not that, it was the fact that they've admitted on not even caring about the source material and just using scraps from it to do their own thing. Priorities hfngkfngj
#fandomry rambles#I can excuse asserting ego at my expense and acting as though my knowledge of lore is an offence but-#-I draw the line at taking advantage of an IP to get attention easier instead of 'just making an OC'#there is a line between creative liberties and not caring about source material!!! they are not the same thing!#and FANdoms are places for FANs of something! not for some pricks to advertise themselves!#again I just pointed out something that seemed like honestly forgetting or not knowing#and I instantly commented on how alternative they suggested wasn't bad and how it could still work!#but because they have super frail ego they perceived it as a personal attack apparently#and since Anna unblocked me right after to stalk me it just feels like they mocked me within their group later#again I wonder why popular artists with high skill but very little care for canon are SO insecure?#everyone admires them everyone wants to be their friend everyone draws fanart of their designs and ships#and yet slight event out of the line makes them turn into that one Wojack with a crying face behind smug mask#like how do you shovel notes and have more attention than what you can give back and STILL are this-#-insecure? really popularity can't heal you#if you fellow nobody artists feel as though your art being noticed would heal you: no it would not#honestly as for care for canon they already gave signal by boasting about prettyfying micolash because-#-they preferred 'aesthetic'#it is just something I've neglected because I was looking at redesigning characters differently#but seeing awful bimbo marikas for two years taught me better ngl#really I am dying to see them try to pull this one out with a female character#no really. try to pull the 'she looks ugly but I want me aesthetic so I polished her'.#hate double standards regarding drawing the character depending on their gender#but yeah in case you could not tell touching Bloodborne with ten yards stick just triggered a bad memory#I just.... I still love that game story and characters. I can feel it looking at these posts.#I really am the 'just make an OC' person#they should become friends with Eugene (champion of not caring for the source material) if not already
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alright that's it I'm bringing up my stupid unspecified vagina trauma in my next therapy session
#tried using a tampon again. once again did not work and now i can Feel it There and it makes me want to cry!#due to me being on my period and other such issues#girl i hate this stupid fucking thing so much. i'm gonna be honest chief i wish i just didn't have that#such a stupid fucking organ. archaic!!!!#you know WHAT if i had been amab i would be sooo hot & sexy rn because that's the way men in my family spawn#i would have had a better childhood because i wouldn't constantly have had massive gender struggles and would thus be less fucked up#and i would have a FUCKING AUTISM DIAGNOSIS BY NOW BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW AFAB PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE AUTISM#i would be much more confident and normal due to the way boys are socialised. and i wouldn't have this BITCHASS UGLY WRETCHED VAGINA#ohhhhh my god why wasn't i amab. kills herself#i wouldn't have tits...... oh my god my back would be intact..........#dreaming of a better world as the period hormones make me want to kill myself as is customary every month since i was 11#when i say i don't mind being a woman i'm LYING I LITERALLY MIND SO MUCH I HATE IT HERE
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listen to me. listen.
sometimes things are better when theyre worse.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#primarily talking about this in a worldbuilding perspective rn#where it irritates me a lot#when people treat the world being created being flawed or messy or ugly or hypocritical as like. a sign of the worldbuilding being bad.#like. no. this is ultimately why i hate a lot of wish fulfillment media.#because i dont want my fictional worlds to be perfect and exactly what id want and where i want to live#i want them to feel lived in#which is an entirely different metric#and too many wish fulfillment media feels so divorced from life and the ordeals of life that it makes me panic#and think far too much about for whom this would be a hell onto itself that they would never touch#and it feels far more sincere and Accurate when you acknowledge that. yeah. those people do and will always exist#and god knows ive been them plenty of times before#it feels better when the world is already flawed in the ways that everything is already flawed
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I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah
doggy doggy what now?
#sci speaks#i love mr peanutbutter.#i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him.#cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us.#i love him and i love that.#really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it.#i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love.#where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not.#bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great.#i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it.#i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes.#not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a .#i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices.#we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either.#it's not just me floating in the world with no direction.#it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??”#get out shut up i hate you.#try living LIFE for five days maybe.
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