#i hate that in the back of my mind every post i do is to impress people. literally anyone
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IDK WHAT TO TITLE THIS??? Just read
I think by creating countless amounts of posts to help people reach the state of shifting or enter the void state is low key pointless
Because why do I have to continue to tell you
A bunch of people I’ll never actually talk to
Irl
How to do something we were all created and born TO DO??
You’re just read this and then proceed to not do it anyway
The reason you’re on here is actually why you “can’t do it”
It’s not that you can’t
You won’t
Because you’re procrastinating but not only are you procrastinating you’re also
Trying to figure out how to do something
You’ve always known what to do
I read somewhere some ppl can’t enter the void
Because it was scientifically proven that we all have different parts of brains that’ll allow it or something I don’t remember but google it
I think that’s weird
Because the void state is literally conscious
Every single human being has consciousness
And we can all access it through meditation hypnosis etc
Why some ppl enter it more easily
Is because they don’t overthink it most ppl look at it as a “oooh I wanna try it”
When you’re excited to try something you don’t over complicate it or assume it’s not gonna work
Even if you do you’re still too excited to try it to care
it’s important that if you’ve already discovered the loa void state and shifting
You should continue to believe in it
But the actions matter just as much as the intentions
Your actions shouldn’t be wavering like
Is it real?
But then saying you believe it is
Figure it out
Do you believe in it or not?
Stop confusing your subconscious mind
Now back to what I was saying earlier
You keep treating it like a chore or a job
When you finally lay down to meditate you think
“What’s takin so long?”
Babe
Your impatience is the reason you’re not getting it
The whole point is for relaxation but since you’ve all put it on a pedestal
With the manifesting
You act as if
It’s a wish granter
It’s not
You are the reason you get your desire
You could get in the void rn but you’d only get your desires if YOU say your affirmations
Stop
Waiting to enter the void
If you have this mindset it’s not gone happen
Think of it as a
You’re setting the intention and just vibing
That’s why my method with the music works so well
Because I don’t overthink with music on
Music keeps me awake mentally and certain songs keep me relaxed physically
Plus it’s a good energy then just depending on a subliminal or something
It’s not doing it for you
My method plus ppl on here literally getting in the void
With no background noise is proof that subliminals are just guiding you to a destination you were already going to reach on your own
So what to take from this post
1. Stop depending on subliminals it’s fine to use them but thinking it’s gonna get your results is putting power into something that isn’t as powerful as you
2. Procrastination is going to be the cost of a life you could be living The more you linger on this looking for the answers you already know the longer you’ll be living in a world you are desperately trying to escape from congrats you’ve got a Dr you can daydream and escape this reality mentally but what’s the fun in that? That life you keep fantasizing is real and the universe knows how bad you want it so why fantasize? Go there
3. Why are you wondering how ppl get in the void easily? Simply just stop thinking about it so much literally just meditate think affirm whatever don’t even think of the void but still have that intention in your mind you wanna move your body? Why? You hate this reality you wanna block out all the physicality it actually feels so good to just be in a moment of peace I’m telling y’all the key to entering the void shifting etc other OOB experiences is literally just stop paying attention
You know so many ppl with adhd
Or other neurodivergent disorders think it’s so difficult to focus
But I remember years ago I accidentally entered the void without knowing what it was
I was so sleepy I laid down
Got distracted by a thought
And literally it went black for like five seconds and I felt nothing
So literally just stop paying attention
Affirm
If you want
Set the intention count whatever
Or you could just set the intention and just think
Of literally anything
That doesn’t cause physical reactions like a funny thought you’d laugh at
But just pretend you’re dreaming like how you normally would
Which brings me to my method
THE DREAM METHOD:
You could pretend to be dreaming
Like if you can’t visualize it still use your sense
Image your dreaming
And in that dream you’re living your dream life or you could “dream” that you’re in the void
However you want your void to look
By not moving you’re tricking your body into thinking you’re asleep
And by pretending to be dreaming
You’re tricking your mind into thinking
You’re both sleeping and dreaming
This will make you either dream Forreal
Or you could use this to get in the void
When or if you feel symptoms
By the way
Those floaty etc symptoms are actually signs that you’re astral projecting because shifting your awareness is a mind thing
NOT an outer body experience
So if you feel floaty dizzy spinning etc
You are astral projecting
BUT
You can use astral projection to shift and to enter the void
You’re Welcome
Also P.S but have you ever zoned out and stared at something til your vision got all blurry and background noises get fuzzy and whatever you’re focused on is the only think you can subconsciously focus on?
Yeahhh it’s a trance
Try doing this while meditating with your eyes open then close them and keep doing it
What ever you were focus on
Close your eyes
Set the intention
Affirm for a bit
Breathe then
Imagine something
Anything you’d want
And pretend to dream
By just visualizing or thinking or using your senses
You could put on an instrumental and imagine your doing a music video
If you feel symptoms just remember
Nothings physically happening to you
So why focus on it?
If someone saw you you’d still be in bed
Not moving
Itchy feelings mean your body is feeling as if you’re awake
There’s no actual physical symptoms of entering the void
Because it’s not really an out of body experience it’s you shifting your awareness has nothing to do with your body
Since you’re shifting to the 4D
The 4D is not physical
I may have mentioned symptoms in my previous posts I don’t remember I’m not a hypocrite I just learn and get more educated
But no matter
Take this how you want
And even if I could help
I could never get you into the void state
It’s literally me trying to tell YOUR subconscious mind to do something you already know how to do
Like cmon
Also
You don’t need the void to shift
Trust me there’s a gagillion methods
Another also
You don’t even need a method just lay down don’t move
Trust me weird shit will happen
#law of assumption#void state#law of attraction#void#law of manifestation#manifesting#manifesation#loassumption#loassblog#subliminals#getyourdreamlife#neville goddard#loablr#loa blog#alpha waves#theta waves#shifting blog#shiftinconsciousness#reality shift#reality shifting#manifesting affirm and persist#robotically affirming#desired life#dream life#desired reality#meditating#manifestation#law of the universe#affirm and persist#astral projection
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easy mode
pairing: lee heeseung x f reader
genre: brother's best friend au
word count: 2.9k
warnings: not explicit but veeeery suggestive, alcohol consumption, swearing, lots and lots of jealousy aka very bthb coded
note: Another reupload! I wrote another ~3k of sacred monsters today and saw this in my drafts and realized I never posted it. If you read it before, I hope you like it just as much! If you haven't, I hope you enjoy!
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Lee Heeseung likes to do things the easy way.
It’s not that he’s lazy, just... efficient. A fan of the path of least resistance. He knows how to pick his battles and does so sparingly.
Heeseung minds his own business, keeps his eyes on the path in front of him and rarely lets them stray. And he definitely, definitely never pokes his nose into other people’s problems.
It’s a philosophy that keeps his head on straight, that allows his friendships to remain low-maintenance and sans drama. It’s what’s kept Jay at his side for the last fifteen years, even through the trials and tribulations of elementary school playground altercations, puberty-fueled fights in the middle school locker room, and most recently, the frustrating misalignment of their post-graduation work schedules.
Four years ago, Heeseung thought a bachelor’s degree would be his ticket to success, not a soul-sucking nine-to-five that leaves him itching for a drink or three most Friday nights. Luckily for him, Jay’s in the same boat.
But tonight, sitting next to his best friend on his favorite slightly wobbly bar stool, Heeseung almost misses the monotony of their usual Friday evening happy hours.
He’s nursing his third beer, which would usually go down like cold water, even though time and tipsiness have turned it lukewarm. Tonight, though, Heeseung’s eyes keep wandering towards the same corner table just over Jay’s shoulder.
And every time they do, the muscle in his jaw strains a little further. The beer on his tongue tastes a little more bitter.
Heeseung hates making things complicated. He doesn’t get involved. He doesn’t. But–
“Are you gonna do something about that?”
On the adjacent bar stool, Jay glances at Heeseung. “About what?”
Heeseung just keeps his eyes trained on that table, that spot over Jay’s shoulder.
Picking up on the hint even through the pleasant haze in his mind, Jay turns his gaze to follow Heeseung’s nonverbal cue. It takes him only a matter of seconds to locate what has his best friend in such a mood. Or rather, who. Although Jay isn’t quite sure why.
He’s digging for clarification when he looks back at his friend. “What do you mean? Did she do something weird?” It wouldn’t be exactly unlike his younger sister to do something slightly embarrassing in public.
Heeseung’s jaw just tightens further, betraying annoyance. Finally, he puts words to his irritation, saves Jay from his suspense. “You’re gonna let that idiot put his hands all over your little sister in the middle of the bar?”
Jay frowns, turns over his shoulder once again to make sure he isn’t seeing things.
He’s not. From this angle, at least, Sunghoon’s hands are at a perfectly respectable distance from you. Not that Jay could do much about it either way.
He tells Heeseung as much. “What am I supposed to do? Drag her out by her ear and force her to join a convent? Ship her off to a girls only boarding school?”
Jay laughs humorlessly. He’s not exactly thrilled that you and your friends chose to patronize the same bar as him and Heeseung tonight, but he doesn’t want to linger on it either. In fact, he doesn’t want to do anything but forget his woes this evening, drown his sorrows in overpriced pints of whatever’s on tap.
He’s perfectly happy with his back turned towards you. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. “She’s twenty-two.”
And that wasn’t what Heeseung was suggesting exactly, but now that Jay mentions it…
“You’re okay with Park trying to play tonsil tennis with her then?”
“Dude,” Jay winces, setting his beer down on the bar, stomach suddenly queasy. “Gross. That’s still my little sister.”
Which is exactly the card Heeseung is hoping he’ll play. But all Jay does is sigh. If Heeseung didn’t know better, he’d think the exasperation was directed at him instead of the loser he’s pretty sure is currently trying to make himself Jay’s future brother-in-law.
Jay checks over his shoulder one final time for good measure. It confirms whatever he’s looking for. Mostly the fact that Park Sunghoon’s lips are too busy cracking mediocre jokes to be making sloppy passes at his sister in public.
Hoping to put it to rest once and for all, he turns back to Heeseung. “Besides, it’s Sunghoon,” Jay reasons. He finds it in himself to reach for his beer again. “She’s known him since preschool. He’s practically like a second brother to her.” Jay takes a sip, misreading the rise in Heeseung’s agitation as familial affection. Trying to soothe it over, he concedes with a nod, “Or third, I guess. I’ll let you be her second.”
Like always, Heeseung lets it go. He goes with the flow, rolls with the punches.
Well, at least on the outside.
But even if he weren’t so committed to never rocking the boat, this is hardly the time or place to correct Jay’s assumptions that his feelings towards you are anything but brotherly.
That, he decides, will have to be a revelation for another time. Preferably in a situation where Heeseung is well out of arm’s reach and Jay is in restraints of some sort.
Those, after all, are the only circumstances in which he could ever disclose just how decidedly not brotherly his feelings towards you are.
In fact, his feelings are a lot more aligned with that stupid game you used to make him play as kids. The one where you put on the white dress you’d gotten from your cousin as a hand-me-down, an assortment of grape juice, finger paint, and pasta sauce stains scattered along the hemline.
The one where you’d gather a bunch of dandelions from your overgrown backyard and call them a bouquet.
The one where you’d live out all your grandest six-year-old dreams of walking down the aisle towards a handsome prince with the latest Kidz Bop rendition of whatever love song was most popular on the radio crackling through the cheap speaker you stole from Jay’s bedroom.
The one where you’d drag Heeseung away from the player number two console, much to Jay’s unending annoyance, and force him to play the part of your groom. Even at six, you were a force to be reckoned with. An argument-winning fiend that even your older brother could rarely best in a fight.
Heeseung played along, more than anything, because he was scared to face your wrath if he declined. But he’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t feel a little funny in his chest every time he watched you walk down a makeshift aisle made from your mother’s missing tablecloth.
So no, Heeseung doesn’t give a shit how long you’ve known Sunghoon. After all, what does Sunghoon know about your childhood dream to get married in a garden full of roses? Judging from the way it looks like he keeps trying to get you to take a sip of his drink, he doesn't even know you can’t stand the taste of Coke mixed with liquor.
But Heeseung knows. He was there the night you developed the aversion. The night you decided bottom shelf tequila and the soda you snuck from your parent’s fridge were your best friends for the evening after junior prom. The night he held your hair and rubbed soothing circles into the skin between your shoulders as it came back up a few hours later.
And he was there for the rest of it, too. All of the little moments, the big moments, and everything in between that spun the tapestry of your formative years.
The day you finally got your braces off and didn’t stop smiling for three weeks straight. The time you sprained your ankle trying to hide Jay’s favorite pair of sneakers in the alarmingly tall tree in your backyard. The night you cried for four hours straight when you found out Jake Sim from biology was a big, fat, liar that was indeed texting other girls for homework answers.
There may have been moments, tangled up in that swirling mix of memories, when Heeseung felt nothing but a brotherly sort of affection for you. A desire to protect you from the world and a distinct sort of pride when he inevitably failed and you rose to the challenge anyway.
But Heeseung also remembers what it felt like to stand across from you as you recited your six-year-old attempt at recreating marriage vows, and he thinks he never really stood a chance.
So tonight, glancing over Jay’s shoulder again, Heeseung watches as you lean a little further into Sunghoon, straining to hear him over the cacophony in the bar.
And the anger he feels in his gut is not brotherly in the slightest. Nor is the red, hot, scalding jealousy that burns his throat every time he forces himself to swallow it down.
Searching for a distraction, he busies himself with his beer once again, letting Jay’s unwanted evaluations fall to the wayside for the time being.
Immersed in the dregs of his own despair, he almost misses it. The flash of movement as you slide out from your seat next to Sunghoon.
His eyes track your movement with the quiet focus of a predator on the hunt, watching as you disappear around the corner.
Heeseung mumbles some excuse about needing to go to the bathroom that Jay only partially hears before he’s stepping off of his bar stool, beer forgotten on the counter behind him.
Your footsteps are easy to follow as he traces the predictable path you forge to the opposite corner of the bar. Heeseung’s bathroom excuse was a good one, he’s pleased to discover, once he realizes that’s precisely where he’ll be meeting you.
The line is long, but it moves quickly. Only a handful of minutes have passed when you emerge again. This time, Heeseung doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t give you the chance to walk back and make him watch you from a distance for the rest of the evening.
Doesn’t give you the chance to so much as look at Park Sunghoon again.
Instead, he wraps long fingers around the skin of your wrist, dragging you to the adjacent hallway where it’s empty, quiet. Secluded. Away from any wandering eyes or unwanted ears.
Any protests of yours are overtaken by surprise, and by the time you finally find them again, they’re replaced by questions.
Heeseung may be a captain of a steady ship, a firm believer in the merits of smooth sailing, but he’s never been able to resist the urge of liminal spaces like these. Moments with enough plausible deniability that Jay won’t have a reason to give him a bloody nose or threaten his life if he so much as looks at his little sister again. Exchanges that he hopes will linger with you long after the two of you have parted ways.
Desire for ambiguity aside, the position he puts you in is compromising no matter how you spin it. Your back against the wall, Heeseung leans over you, cages you in like he’s after something other than your answers.
Something more.
But the gap between your bodies is deliberate, a way for him to backtrack if the situation calls for it. An escape route if he needs it. He really, really hopes he won’t.
Your wrist is still in his grip, light but demanding, when he finally says, “Park Sunghoon? Really?”
He can’t help it, the way his words are warped with poorly disguised venom. He really cannot stand the guy.
“What?” You hope you can blame the obvious breathlessness in your voice on shock. “What are you–?”
Heeseung won’t leave you wondering for long. “You think he can handle you?” With the way you’re wrapped up in Heeseung’s hold, the challenge, the comparison, is apparent.
Your shock morphs. Hardens. Gaze narrowing, you relax a little into his grip.
Your words, however, remain combative. “Handle me? Am I a wild animal?” You scoff. “I don’t need to be han–”
And, oh, this is Heeseung’s favorite kind of tightrope. His very best balancing act. He loves it, thrives on it, revels in it.
This exchange of heated words that never go anyway but to your head. He hopes you’re seeing fucking stars.
Heeseung leans an inch closer. He’s breaching dangerous territory. He’ll blame it on the alcohol if he has to. Glancing at your eyes, holding your gaze, he doesn’t think he will.
“Who said anything about you needing it?” He’s so close that you feel his breath on your cheekbone, ghosting across your temple. It’s warm, leaves your skin tingling in its wake. “I’m talking about what you want.”
Something unreadable flickers through your gaze. If Heeseung didn’t know any better, he’d call it desire. But it disappears before he can name it, replaced with contempt. As if Heeseung is nothing but a pest, a fly to swat at until it stops buzzing. “Awful presumptuous, don’t you think?”
Heeseung only grins. He’s not like this, usually. Even when his intentions are less than pure. Just like everything else, he flirts in obvious ways. He doesn’t play games or speak in riddles or hope that subtleties will do the job for him.
But it’s just so easy with you. “I don’t know.” He leans in closer. “There are a few ways we could find out, though.”
If your breath stutters, you’ll disguise it as another scoff. “Pray tell.”
“Sorry, sweetheart,” Heeseung inclines his head in a mockery of an apology. Pet names are another thing he keeps reserved for these stolen moments with you. Another exception to the rule that he refuses to examine further.
For a moment, he lets his eyes do what they want. You feel the heat they scorch in their path from your nose to your chin back up to your molten gaze.
“I’d rather show you.” Heeseung pauses, biting at his bottom lip. “But I don’t think I can do any of the things I want in public.”
You hate the way he does this. The way he never says what he means. The way he skirts around his desires with such heavy footsteps but still leaves you feeling foolish for drawing obvious conclusions.
The way your heartbeat stutters regardless. But tonight, you’ll hold firm. If he wants anything from you, he’ll have to spell it out. “What are you saying?”
Heeseung is as evasive as always. “I’m saying that Sunghoon’s too nice for you.” There’s a hard edge in his eyes when he adds, “You’ll eat him alive and still be begging for more.”
Fine. If he wants to play games, then you’ll roll the dice too. Make scathing comments and heated taunts with whatever numbers you land on.
This time, it’s you that leans in. “Should I make sure to find you, then? When I’m all done with him?”
Heeseung’s eyes light up with a renewed vigor. You can’t tell if he’s furious or the most delighted you’ve ever seen him. “Careful,” he breathes. “That’s a dangerous game you’re playing at.”
You smile. Sweetly. Innocently. Leaning in further, your mouth is scant inches from his.
“I’m not playing at anything.” It’s a blatant lie, but you’ve become well acquainted with denial, too. Picked up a few tricks from the master himself. “You’re the one that dragged me here and started demanding that I ditch my friend.”
Heeseung grins as if you serve no purpose but to amuse him. But there’s a hard edge in his voice when he asks, “You let all your friends look at you like that?”
“Only the ones I really like.”
And now you’re under his skin. Exactly where you want to be. “Careful,” he repeats, even lower this time. “I’m not as nice as him.”
You won’t heed any warnings, and especially not ones given from him.
Heeseung is all talk. All bark and no bite. You almost wish he would bare teeth, just once.
But Jay is still sitting on a barstool just one room over, and no matter how much he likes toying with you, you have the sinking suspicion that Heeseung’s loyalty will always begin and end with his best friend.
He’ll press up against the line, will skirt the edge of the boundaries between you every chance he gets, but you’ve yet to see any indication that he’ll ever cross it.
Just once, you want to be the one with him wrapped around your finger. Want to watch him become putty in your hands.
“What are you gonna do?” Unblinking, you hold his gaze. “Handle me?”
A blurred line dissolves completely. Heeseung’s resolve slips, just a fraction. His eyes are still guarded, yes, but there’s a desperation that wasn’t there before. “Is that an invitation?”
“A challenge,” you correct, taking advantage of his sudden surprise to slide out of his grasp, maneuvering away from his hold. This time, he has no choice but to turn as you begin to back away, to let his eyes follow your lead.
The misstep might have been miniscule, but it was enough to tip the balance.
For once, the results of this game are under your sole control. You have choices, ones that would leave him in the dust and ones that would put a trophy in his wandering hands.
In the end, you discard it all. You have only one final demand for him. It’s a whisper that’s barely audible, “Rise to it.”
Heeseung doesn’t need to hear it twice.
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Thanks for reading :) If you enjoyed, let me know!
#heeseung fanfic#heeseung fanfiction#heeseung scenarios#heeseung imagines#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fanfiction#heeseung x you#heeseung x reader#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader
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JASON Realizes He's Got a Problem
Heeeello everyone! I've got a little tiny thing for you all of Jason realizing he's got a massive crush on Leo post Heroes of Juno. Technically, you don't have to have read HoJ for this to make sense, you just have to live in a world where Piper and Jason never dated. Also! I haven't posted this to Ao3 yet, so you all are getting special privileges. >;3c Have fun!
Jason liked Bunker Nine. It was noisy and crowded and just so lived in in a way that Jason couldn’t quite describe. Part of him thought he would hate it, seeing as it was loud and claustrophobic and messy, but he found himself admiring those very traits. He liked being in the Bunker because he felt like he could do anything, be anyone. The Bunker didn’t hold him to any expectation, it just welcomed him with wide open arms and tucked him in close to its chest so that he could feel the very heartbeat of the place thrumming warm and fast under his cheek. He sighed deeply and burrowed his face down into his arms with a contented smile.
“You know, I’m beginning to think you aren’t listening to me.”
Jason half lifted his head and blinked until the blurriness of his vision faded a little bit. His eyes crossed and the image of Leo came into focus, his chin resting on his palm and his bushy eyebrows furrowed up in a pout like a pair of affectionate caterpillars. Jason blinked again. “Huh?”
Leo sighed dramatically. “I have said, like, three jokes, and you haven’t laughed at any of them.”
Jason felt his lips curl up a little bit and he squished his cheek back into his folded arms. “Were they funny jokes?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Leo informed him. “Your only job is to laugh at them anyway and make me feel good about myself.”
“I thought my job was to ‘stand there and pick up heavy stuff when I tell you to.’”
“Do you see any heavy stuff for you to pick up?”
Jason didn’t bother to lift his head, but he pointedly looked around at all of the machinery and equipment that surrounded them. “Do you want me to answer that?”
Leo’s pout from before deepened until his face caterpillars almost kissed. “That is not what I meant and you know it. I’m still in the planning stages for this boat, so there’s nothing for you to carry.”
Jason snorted and hid his face again. “Okay, sorry I was slacking, in that case. Ha ha, Leo, you’re so funny.”
Jason felt something bounce off his head, and he got the feeling Leo was throwing eraser bits at him. “You are such a dick. You need to quit hanging out with Piper.” Jason just hummed in affirmation and Leo went silent. They stayed like that for a moment before Leo called out softly, “Jace?”
Jason hummed again to show he was listening but didn’t look up until he felt Leo poking him. He heaved a heavy sigh and turned his head. Leo was right in front of him, their faces so close that their noses nearly brushed. Leo’s features were all puckered up and his lips were turned down in a tight frown, which made Jason frown right back at him. “Yeah, Leo?”
“What’s wrong?” Leo asked. When Jason just blinked at him, he cut his eyes to the side and shrank back a little self-consciously. “Sorry, it’s probably none of my business, I just thought you–”
“I don’t mind you asking,” Jason interrupted. “I’m just… confused about why you would, I guess? There’s really, really nothing wrong. Honest. What made you think there was?”
“It’s nothing; just a feeling. Forget about it,” Leo hedged, still refusing to look Jason in the eye. They were silent just long enough for Leo to realize Jason was definitely not going to forget about it, and he huffed. “You just– You’ve been, I dunno, distracted. Like, the past week every other time I’ve talked to you, you’ve just been zoned out staring at me. Last time someone was acting all weird, it turned out Piper was having prophetic dreams about her dad being kidnapped by a giant, so I figured I should ask.”
Jason’s frown deepened. He kinda knew what Leo was talking about, but he hadn’t been zoning out. He was distracted, though. Every time Leo spoke, Jason gave him his undivided attention, but that attention wasn’t always on what Leo was saying. Instead, Jason found himself fixated on the little things like the way Leo’s nose scrunched up when he smiled just right, or how his curls bounced around his head like soft puffy clouds and captured the sunlight like a halo, or the way his crooked teeth flashed with every word he spoke, or the shape of the grease stain smeared over his chin, or–
He shook his head and sat up, realizing he’d been doing it again. “Sorry, man. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Leo looked startled. “Wait, that’s it? Why didn’t you say so? I would have let you nap, if you wanted. You don’t have to hang out with me, you know.”
Jason shrugged noncommittally. “I wanted to, though. I’d way rather hang out with you than nap.”
Leo ducked his head, his cheeks a little darker than before. “Oh. Okay, then.”
Neither of them said anything else, so Jason hunched back over the table and let his eyes slide shut, content to just bask in Leo’s warm presence while he rested. Leo fiddled with whatever it was he was working on for a while before he suddenly slammed his hands on the table and stood, making Jason snap to attention. “Alright! That’s it!”
“What’s it?” Jason asked.
“We’re leaving,” Leo said decisively.
“What? Why? I thought you were in the middle of something.”
Leo shrugged casually. “I’ll still be in the middle of it when I get back. It’ll be fine.” Jason’s frown just hardened, so Leo grinned. “C’mon, big guy. We can go to the strawberry fields.”
Jason felt his entire being perk up at the idea, but then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You don’t even like the strawberry fields. Why do you wanna go there?”
“I like the strawberry fields just fine when I don’t have to work in them,” Leo argued. Jason continued to stare until Leo deflated a bit. “Okay, fine. Look, it’s obvious that you need a nap, and I’m not gonna just sit here and watch you fuck up your back when there’s a perfectly nice sunbeam for you to curl up in somewhere out there. That’s just messed up, dude. C’mon. Come to the strawberry fields with me. It’ll be nice.”
Jason gaped at Leo for a moment. “But-But your boat.”
“Not to be embarrassing, but I do actually care about you more than a boat. You know that, right?”
Jason felt his cheeks go scarlet and he stared down at his fists clenched on the table and bit back a smile. “I– Yeah. Okay, then. Strawberry fields. If you want.”
Leo twisted around and ducked his head until Jason could see the wide, deliberately goofy grin he wore. “I very much do want. Let’s go, Jace.”
Jason’s face went even warmer and his heart thumped high in the back of his throat. He was suddenly very, very glad that he’d been given a second chance after his run-in with Juno and her true form. If he hadn’t, he’d never have gotten to see the way Leo’s eyes shone bright with warm affection and amusement when he looked at him. He’d never have gotten the opportunity to see that smile so close up. He’d never have realized just how much he wanted to cup those smudgy cheeks up in his palms and press a barrage of kisses on every inch of that wonderful face.
Oh, Jason thought to himself as his brain finally caught up to his feelings. He blinked at Leo in shock for a moment, but his desires didn’t even begin to fade. The more he thought about it, the more familiar those desires felt. They weren’t new, which meant that somewhere along the line, he’d managed to trip and fall in love with his best friend, and now he was stuck laying face down in the dirt with this realization.
Well, fuck.
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*His words make her irritation spike and she bares her teeth like a fox, furious at the way he twists her words into the truth underlain beneath them. Valeria burns holes through his skin with the look she gives him and even if he can't see it the uptick in the heat from her body says enough.*
No, you're not worth manipulating at all, Raz.
*Her hand stays comfortably warm despite her fury and upset, instead she makes sure her words are heard over the pain.*
You shouldn't want to be worth that kind of attention from me, nor anyone else. If I wanted you manipulated it would've been done already, just like Doom. I have destroyed people for less than the issues you've caused me, I've reduced people to nothing more than the things they hate about themselves and more,
and I'm sure you know very well what it's like being on the receiving end of that attention already.
*She clicks her tongue in annoyance, mentally tallying up the metaphysical strings in the air.*
You have never been worth the trouble of manipulating you but you are worth my time.
*They stay quiet after saying their piece as their temperature regulates, hand moving up and down in a slow rhythmic pattern on his back. Valeria's nails scrape just so in the way a mother may do to a child dozing off on her lap. When he leaned against her she remained firm and solid on the ground, stony almost in the way her muscles become rigid and tense. This was familiar finally, another moment where she is a pillar of strength and nothing more.*
*An eyebrow raises as Raz explains his symptoms and the assumed cause and she easily lets him go when he wishes to stand on his own feet again. Valeria certainly isn't opposed to having her personal space back, as if she hadn't willingly given it up to soothe him. Maybe just this once it was okay because the accompanying unseen hand on Raz's other side said it so.*
Thinking and talking about Don...no other thoughts do this? No other...feelings that are similar? Think about something that makes you feel the same way as Don but, do not think of him. You bleed as well which tells me it is not hallucinatory unless you are digging something against your ear drum...
*Now this, she could do with her hands tied behind her back.*
The rift...
*The little rift butterfly that had been hovering around them landed once on her eyelashes before fluttering back away and she pursed her lips as a text post came to mind.*
Don...Yes I remember, he had posted something that talked about the island rift. It was so vague I thought he was losing it finally but I didn't say anything at the time, but what could he have been so...
*With their mind running a mile a minute, overthinking every post and message from the man, they began to pace before pulling out their phone.*
Something happened, obviously. An island rift that only you and assuredly, Don saw.
Of course you still have a chance, why, I'm sure he'd be more than glad to welcome you with open arms! I'm sure he's just being patient with you. Couldn't hurt to make the first step for once.
...Shut the fuck up. I was asking myself more than anything else. You just HAD to show your bitchy face here too huh. Just glad to see your favorite person to pester suffer, hm?
Just a REMINDER.. Incase YOU forgot.. Last time I made the first step, he BEAT ME. SO HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE YOU BEING HERE CURES MY HEADACHE LONG ENOUGH TO KICK YOUR ASS.
#incinerated interactions#abuse mention#// ughh i hate them both so much#Ringing of The Rifted#// tag also for my sake lmfaooo
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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I'm actually so obsessed with him it's not even funny if i'm not listening to a TikTok or music directly related to him I can't focus free me free me
This is @/cherubpuppet's OC for a object show [au? pitch? wip show? How do I categorize this] and I've been destroyed by the fact that ruler art is infinitely superior [and 10x longer] and i don't have a good enough grasp on lip gloss's personality to make fanfiction so I am frozen in "want make fanart but fanart takes effort :["
#also object shows are the new mlp community change my mind /ref#from what ive seen a very large part of the community is centered around death/gore or mature topics? it reminds me of the mlp infection au#that and smile hd and everybody keeps saying object shiws are kids shows - if kids are making this stuff then good for them /gen#every fandom has its toxic/proship/18+ side obviously but from my pov gen alpha needed something they coudl handle age appropriate extremes#with - its just alot harder to make compelling emotional angst/gore with newer ultra sanitized shows or w/ mascot horror#and like thats a whole nother tooic but its obvious to me younger kids have flocked to mascot horror so harshly because average kids tv is#much more afraid of tackling any big topics to the point that the ones that DO [bluey] immediately are pushed into front and center#but i mean i also rewatched a few episodes of the shows i grew up with and ngl i think we need shit like ren and stimpy and invader zim#i hate ren and stimpy and i didnt grow up with zim but i grew up with pbs kids shit and that shit looking back was hella boring i never#cared for any of the tv shows i saw aside from elmos world and even then i was hoping that something gorey would happen. at like 5 yrs old#im rambling anyway im not sure if im actually going to get into the os communitg but i AM horribly attached to tape to the point that its#maybe possibly becoming harmful to my mental health so im gonna stick around for him for like months#just know that if im not posting anything its because im obsessed with this guy#oh also DID/MALE SA REP LETS FUCKIN GOOO#I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY AND IVE HAD LIKE 4 FRIENDS WITH DID/OSDD I NEED MORE POSITIVE REP OF STIGMATIZED/COMPLEX DISORDERS !!!!!#art#tape dispenser#search for smos#talk talks#EDIT NO. NO DONT SAY IM THE ONLY PERSON ON TUMBLR WHO HAS USED THE SMOS TAG NO. OH MY GOD#PLEASE BEING OBSESSED WITH SOMEONE ELSES OC IS SO GARD DONT LEAVE ME ALONE DO I NEED TO BUILD THIS FANDOM FROM THE GROUND UP??? NOO
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i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.
i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.
at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).
recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)
because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!
and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.
for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.
but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.
#melonposting#anti-zionism#israel#i am so madddd and frustrated and stressed#with the whole camp thing going on my parents will inevitably find out (and soon!) that i'm anti-zionist#and given their age and proximity -- they're so deeply entrenched in zionism that i can't even hope to sway them#it's so sad and scary (i don't want them to be mad at me -- even though that really isn't the important thing here)#but it's also philosophically bizarre... like these people have good principles!#it's just this one tiny stupid thing (believing in israel) that's effectively turned them into bad people!#<- it's weird saying something like that. because i don't think they're bad people. but they're zionist.#part of it is that they're my parents and i love them but also... they're so good otherwise. a single thing went wrong.#(okay well not a single thing but it's generally minute things y'know?)#i don't wanna hate my parents. and i don't want them to hate me. can they please for the love of god stop#(takes every jew i know by the shoulders and shakes them back and forth) PLEAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOPPPPPPP#anyway it's very hard for me to do work because i have this on my mind.#how do i break it to my parents that 1. i won't be working at camp this summer and 2. it's because i hate zionism?#i'm not cut out for situations like these ughhhhh why did i have to post that stupid anti-zionist instagram story in march#i could've just chosen not to take the job on my own accord and have enough time to come up with an excuse for my parents#whatever. too late for that. i dug my grave and now must lie in it#i guess it's character-building?? :')
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I think one of the main reasons why I don't go out of my way to follow a lot of people on socials even if I think their art is amazing is because at least half the time, they're shitting on the canon source material and act very big-headed. It happens too often.
#applies to all fandoms ofc#but especially ml atm#i remember i was suddenly being followed by this big artist on ig#and they drew so much pretty marinette art#and i was like okay i'll follow back#and then i see them posting marinette hate in their stories after Kuro Neko dropped#and i was like yo wtf#quickly unfollowed#i don't have time to background check every single artist whose art I like man#i genuinely love ml#with its flaws and everything#i don't mind when people do some sane critiques on the show#and i know everyone will have differing opinions#but my days it is such a pain when a hater comes into the fandom and draws fanart for the clout#and they get praised for it????#literally 10 years ago i used to follow soooooo many people on all socials#now i have to keep it as limited as possible#no one can enjoy anything in peace
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this isnt what i usually post on this blog but I'm already sick of all the memes and 'jokes'. I am almost certainly leaving the fandom for good now because of the book of bills release and NO it is not because billford's community has an influx of supporters.
So the worship and romanticization of asylums and other abusive practices for mental health have been steadily gaining traction in recent years, especially with the rise of tiktok's toxicity.
SO many people, especially younger people, regularly talk about how they want lobotomies or how women they don't like should be lobotomized. They get tattoos of lobotomy like it's some quirky fun thing and not one of the most horrific tortures someone can endure.
These same people, ESPECIALLY leftists, will look at anyone they disagree with or don't like and say "get institutionalized, loser" or "et therapy" and it's always in a mocking way. it's always in a policing way.
because these people know that mental wards strip everyone of their freedom and their bodily autonomy. they know these places arent for healing--theyre for silencing.
So the amount of people i see treating bill being institutionalized like a good thing---even the writers and alex himself?
Yeah. Im out ✌🏼
#you people try to act quirky and say you like weird stuff and you like crazy people and hate normies#but then when someone isnt a normie and actually does want to change things in radical ways you want to put them in an asylum#i do not want to interact with any of you people!#i still love gravity falls (obviously) but im just... so over the fandom at this point.#even people who LIKE bill are trying to act like this is all a good thing#guess what asylums dont help :) they almost always make things worse!#so in reality if bill ever got out he would just be 100x worse and more vengeful than before! congrats.#Play stupid games get stupid prizes!#gravity falls#antipsych#i seriously dont understand why anyone things mental wards are in any way different than how they used to be a hundred yeears ago.#because they arent. at all. like literally at all.#they forcefully medicate you with pills that you dont need and that actively harm you bc random ass nurses diagnose you with#someething different every other day and ust give you a new pill for every diagnosis#i know someone who was put on antipsychs when not only do they not have a psych disorder but they had a heart condition and#nearly died bc of it. I myself was put on three different pills the very night i went in. they never#even hesitated to wait and see if i would have a bad reaection or if i reeally needed it.#bc why would they when heavily meedicating you makes you unable to think or reaelize what theyre doing is extremely unethical?#i saw multiple people held down and strapped to their beds and given sedatives for doing nothing at all. For simply asking questions.#I saw staff harass and mock and disrespect very speciifc kids (specifically the poc kids.)#I saw staff lie and try to incite fear in other kids and myself.#one of them told me the night before i was cleared for release tat if i said 'im fine' at any point they would keep me for another month.#and that if i didnt continue to take the meds (ssris) that i was overdosing on that they would come grab me in a van and bring me back#against my will.#Keep in mind i was here based off of lies. There was no real reason for me to be in that asylum.#So yeah. literally dont come on this post trying to defend asylums bc i PROMISE you i have more experience in the reality than you#ever could.#Theyre horrible and romanticising it even against a fictional villain is repulsive behavior.
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Why would I continue being me
When better people are all I see?
There's nothing changed - doesn't matter if I'm here
This time I might just disappear
-Good Enough by atsuover
#ghost vents to the void#ow. these lyrics hit. way too deep#i love writing and things that i enjoy. I love talking with people and interacting#i just can’t stop trying to be the best. but i know i’m never going to be good enough for that#fuck. i can’t handle a single critque without deleting and scrapping and redoing everything#that’s lowkey why i’m technically on hiatus from writing. and everything#WHY CAN’T I JUST BE PRODUCTIVE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.#i love everyone. i love everything they do.#except me.#i don’t know why anyone likes me. or doesn’t hate me. i don’t know what led to such a warped version of viewing#everything i do#i hate that in the back of my mind every post i do is to impress people. literally anyone#and i think what happened to little me led to me seeking out people older than me for approval. which sounds horrible.#and then i think they are just pitying me#man. i fucking hate the mental gymnastics my brain does to justify hating myself
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vent
#content warning for detransition#it is hard to exist in the world as someone who regrets transitioning#i'm not transphobic. i support trans people. it just wasn't right for me#and yet my experiences get lumped in with people who spout hateful rhetoric#i'm not here to take away anyone's right to do anything. i believe in bodily autonomy.#i don't want to be a precautionary tale or a right wing news story. fuck terfs.#all i want is empathy#i can't talk about how traumatic my transition was without people assuming that i'm talking about all trans people#i'm just talking about me. my experiences are not normal.#i am a victim of homophobia and malpractice. i was tricked and abused.#i saw a post about detrans positivity and it was all about how you can change your mind and it's fine#it's not fine for me#there are major irreversible medical changes i underwent that i did not truly consent to#i struggle with it every day. i can't just turn back. and people tell me it's my fault.#i'm happy for people who feel supported by that sentiment but i don't feel supported by it#i need love and support for people who DO feel broken because of transitioning#the grief that people like me experience is unimaginable#and so often we have to face it alone because we are seen as traitors#i promise i still support you and your transition despite my pain#please. acknowledge that I exist.
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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Did that fav pkmn thing on a whim and I'm sorry for all my babies I didn't choose bc I really like too many by some.
Love how it's mostly pretty ones and then there's clodsire. Even tho I got it in my team since the beginning of violet do I continuously forget its name bc I just call it by the nickname blobby (one of the rare times I didn't spend hours googling the perfect nickname but it nonetheless is a perfect one)
And for fun without any legendaries as fav
Reg nicknames I even write all down so I only spend decades once for each pkmn (unless I don't like the prev one anymore). Need to update that someday since it's mostly old revolution ones but hey. Blaze do I use for arcanine nowadays more and ninetails got others. Gardevoir got soteria nowadays which I prefer more. Etc.
#a wild lux appears#(made this in december but for whatev reason left it in drafts until now. prob bc I wanted to limit non important posting idk)#Maybe you think garchomp is there bc of other reasons but I use it since dpp bc cynthia made kid me go 'woah!'#I remember having looked up as a kid to cynthia and juniper a lot and that fact n reason behind it makes me also go yeah no I was a girl wh#one day decided to be happier otherwise. Bc the reason was 'oh wow female and cool so I can indeed be that :0' most importantly with junipe#bc I never cared for battles. ye ye ignore fictional professions I was like 8. reason I loath alola tbh I missed doing non battle side stuf#I vividly remember picking my first pkmn game up (hg) and just immediately going fuck being a trainer let me be a prof and it's so funny ho#my horrendous sieve brain has that laser ingrained. Sometimes still brainstorm and I would prob study ghost pkmn tbh who by sheer luck isn'#dead yet. That and maybe being v charismatic to that type idk. Why bc I like those lil fellas.#What I also find extremely funny is having went by sonia prior to swordshield and there being a prof sonia. Wish I still went by it when it#dropped. Imagine. Kid sonia wanting to be a prof and meeting swsh sonia being on her way to be one. I either would've made her my#personality (which I think I nonetheless did I think I changed my icons to her) or would've wildly shaking her going 'it should have been#meeee'. which ig I mentally do by every rival or friend group person that takes that route like take me w you I hate battles please. Insane#that only blueberry academy me start to hate em slightly less. After over a decade of battles. Ig alpharad's n others streams w nuzlockes n#all started to also show me the appeal of actually strategizing instead of brute forcing which I did.#*that only blueberry academy MADE me#Whatev. Also no I don't got anything else that another pkmn would kickstart talking abt. Just know I drag my 2013 xerneas everywhere w me#and it is a fucking crime that I can't throw it into violet. What is this. You clearly don't mind throwing others into regions they don't#belong to at all (which I personally really dislike hc lore wise but gameplay wise whatever let new trainers catch old legendaries)#To come back to fav pkmn yes I'm in the dragonair boat. I hate evolving mine. Dragonite is fine I like it standalone but I like the#aesthetic of dragonair more. Idfc abt logic or whatever this is aesthetic talk. Yes I prefer some fan evos more.#I keep wanting to play that fusion fangame and if you want to know what pkmn I like I found out I have a huge overlap w alpharad there#Which sucks for us both! We adore pkmn that get lewded the most and I hate my life. You do you idc some are humanoid I have to admit that#but I personally would prefer to not see any art or even just jokes abt ANY of that. Humanoid or not I Do Not See.#I don't block let alone report over that just. tag and don't bring that to my doorstep thx.#What I will at most block n judge is if you touch any of the kids idc in this franchise if they're just pixels.#Can you tell I am writing this close to midnight anyways this is all. This became like a completely dif post in the tags welp
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“If you’re not constantly battling 24/7 you’re transphobic” maybe we’re just completely burnt out from the endless uphill battle you single braincelled amoeba
#i hate these kinds of posts#no room for nuance or understanding#just fucking#surzfuxtixgisit#you do your best day in and day out for years but if you dare grow tired from fighting both yours and others battles#you get labelled as uncaring and on the side of bigotry#I’m tired of being made to feel guilty for not having infinite mental energy#‘’if you’re not fighting every second forever clearly you hate trans people’’#first of all I AM TRANS YOU RUBE#Second of all I’ve tried arguing against the bigot-minded in my family#it’s literally the brick wall meme. and I’ve learnt some refuse to consider others (you learn this quick as an Autism Creature)#when minor disagreement is forced to be backed up with a colossal argument in defence you get life sucked from you like in The Mummy(1999)#black and white thinking helps few and hinders all#but I digress. I’m fucking exhausted from battling my own head and toxic unstable living situation#label me whatever I don’t give a fuck anymore I’m just venting and craving peace#I’ve forgotten how to relax. literally. my muscles are tense all damn day and night#i just want to relax for a second without seeing 200 posts saying if I’m not engaged in constant battle I’m siding with bigots and phobes#whatever
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