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yuri-is-online · 11 months ago

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Been brainrotting lately and now I present to you what I think is an underused story beat for Yuu. What if “Yuu” isn’t even the prefect’s real name?

Considering that Yuu’s first experience in Twisted Wonderland is waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes… I just think most people would not give their real name in such a sketchy situation.

Fast forward to when Yuu is more comfortable with the cast and there is both comedy and angst potential here. On one hand, the reactions to the deception could be pretty funny. (Cue a “woe is me” from Crowley. Of course he can’t find a way home for you when he doesn’t have your real name!) On the other, this could be a great way of exploring the prefect having a crisis. Yuu already lost so much in being taken to Twisted Wonderland, and now in a way even the prefect’s name has been taken.

What do you think?

waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes…

Annon, annon, annon, when you put it like that it sounds like Yuu woke up in the middle of a cult ritual of some sort. Which I suppose if you were an edgy Night Raven student idia you might argue that the enrollment ceremony totally is as an excuse not to go

But to be more serious, I have seen a few memes about this concept and I like it a lot σ(￣、￣=) It's a fun character concept, it's not everyday you get a chance to re-invent yourself completely.

That being said, just based off of the few dialogue options Yuu has at the start, I think Yuu is implied to believe that they are dreaming:

Which honestly doesn't make this idea any less valid. If you're dreaming about waking up in the middle of some weird necromancer's rite, why not give him a fake name? It's not meant to be serious anyway. Just go with the flow and hope things don't get too weird (and get offended when your dream doesn't give you magic powers) until it's too late and you realize everyone thinks your name really is that bad joke you made.

If you want to get darker, maybe Yuu really did think they died. A black carriage pulling a coffin really only goes to a funeral, and death has been depicted as an unmanned coach with black horses. Maybe Yuu is only just coming to grips with the fact that they really are alive when they see Riddle overblot and he hurts them. Maybe they now are sitting next to two people who have started to think about them as a friend, a really close one. Maybe they think Yuu is really brave because they charged headlong into danger without a second thought, and won, twice now. Maybe Yuu cries themselves to sleep that night because in a way... you died so yuu could live.

As for reactions, Crowley and the other staff members I think would be the most dramatic, followed by Adeuce and Grim. Jack I can see accepting your reasons and not thinking too hard about it, maybe even respecting your survival instincts, while Epel... well he says he's mad but mostly he's just concerned. He knows what it feels like to have two dueling parts of yourself and trying to find the middle ground. Ortho would be excited, you have a secret identity just like a magical girl/super sentai/anime idol/superhero take your pick really. He certainly doesn't mind getting to know you all over again.

Sebek screams at you for being a threat to Wakasama but it's clear to everyone who actually knows him that he's really just worried about the amount of stress you put on yourself. He would hate for you to have the same issues with self loathing he does. And Malleus? Well he lied to you about who he was because he was worried you would be afraid, even though you didn't know he existed. It would be very petty for him to hold a grudge against you for doing the same.

In general I think this would be something the others would have an easier time understanding as opposed to Yuu's sense of alienation or loneliness at not having magic. Identity issues are common themes in fiction, so I could see them actually seeing it as a problem as opposed to an abstract problem like no government papers (since these kids with one obvious exception don't do taxes.) But it would make for a great way to explore the prefect having a crisis just as you say, in a way it's the perfect example for every problem they might have with being in Twisted Wonderland.

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst yuu #i think azul jamil and ruggie? would probably be the most accepting of yuu in this situation #jamil understands wanting to start a new life but wanting it done on his terms #ruggie understands poverty and not trusting the government #and azul #well he does try to collect secrets on people #it's how he tries to make friends #but he's also clearly “sympathetic” to those he perceives to be living lies #in a way it could be a mirror to how yuu sees him at the end of book 3 #“hard work is harder to master than magic seriously your amazing you don't need to steal from people”#vs #“i too value hard work and incremental progress”#“you don't need to lie about who you are to be worthy of respect and admiration”#and let's not talk about cay cay #because i sort of might have spoiled his 800 followers entry if i squint at something i wrote up there

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olderthannetfic · 8 months ago

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Whenever I see the "there is no F/F content in fandoms, fandoms hate women" discussion on Tumblr, all I can think of is a phrase that is guaranteed to enrage half the Tumblr fandom audience, maybe more: "Have you tried imageboards?".

When I was younger, I used to frequent different anime and cartoon-themed imageboards. Big ones like 4Chan's /a/ and /co/, smaller ones meant for specific fandoms or kinks, non-English ones in my native language, you name it. The users were mostly straight men, and the F/F content and shipping flourished there. The "waifu threads" exclusively dedicated to gushing about female blorbos. The wast majority of kink content involving fictional women, either alone, with a nondescript self-insert man or with each other. The F/F fanart, fanfiction and ideas were just limitless, to the point where you would struggle to find one or two discussions about the guys in the midst of everyone celebrating the women.

The anime, cartoon or comic has a cast full of women? They will all get love. Women and men both? Women will generate much more discussion. One or two women amidst the cast full of men? People will mostly post about the two women, deal with it. Sure, there were designated boards and threads for the male characters, but good luck expecting there to be as much activity as there were in the waifu threads. The fandoms with lots of female characters, such as Touhou Project, thrived on these grounds, and much F/F shipping was had by everyone.

Now, of course, the imageboard culture is an entire separate beast. Right-leaning, edgy, bigoted - basically, what you get if you put a bunch of ostracized and lonely cishet male nerds in an echo chamber and let them feed each other bullshit all day long. A lot of the F/F art they made was sexual in nature, something that could be decried as sexualisation, but, the way I remember it, it was not much different from what is often done to male characters by straight women who ship M/M because they find the two dudes hot. A lot of gushing about waifus by the anonymous 4Chan dudes could be seen as misogynistic, despite the language being practically the same as when a Tumblr fandom girl is describing her blorboman and the things she wants to see done to him.

It all comes down to the the real life influencing the way we interact with fiction: male sexuality is viewed in a different light than female sexuality, despite both being more or less demonized in our society, just in different ways. Men are always predators, women are always victims. When a guy has sexual fantasies about a female character, he is a creep who wants to hurt real life women to enact these fantasies. When a woman has sexual fantasies about male characters, she cannot tell fiction from reality and is at risk of getting hurt by men while trying to enact these fantasies. And if either of them fantasizes about a same-sex couple, they are fetishizing queer people, obviously.

However, that's just how people roll - you cannot change what gender you are attracted to, and people with similar attractions stick together. It just so happens that the fandom side of Tumblr largely consists of straight women and queer men, so you get ships with guys, while the fandom side of 4Chan and the like largely consists of straight men, so you get ships with women. Both sides also happen to have cultures that don't mix well, and someone who frequents one place is likely to avoid the other.

I don't frequent 4Chan anymore, and I'm not big on fandom Tumblr, either, but Tumblr continues to be the unique place where I am more likely to stumble upon erotic fandom content featuring men than women, who are the majorly discussed and shipped characters practically everywhere else. I obviously do not excuse 4Chan's bigotry and rampant hateful bullshit, but my point still stands: if you want to see more F/F shipping and discussions of girl blorbos, but don't feel like making some yourself and creating a like-minded community on Tumblr, you should try your luck elsewhere on the Internet, especially when it comes to anime and cape comic fandoms. Tumblr is a unique place in terms of male-centric fandom content, and honestly, it's not that bad, if Tumblr isn't the only place you find your stuff at. It simply occupies a specific niche and doesn't offer much of everything else (though you can still find it if you look).

Now, be fair: plenty of imageboards are full of nominally straight guys who love millions of female blorbos... and art of Link getting wrecked.

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jinxed-sinner · 4 months ago

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Honestly it's really funny to me how much people look for reasons to hate Vivziepop. Not sure if it's happening here on Tumblr because I don't generally leave my dashboard but people on Twitter have been complaining about the part Spindehorse animated in Weird Al Yankovic's newest music video, specifically about the animation being weird and how Viv designed Weird Al looking "not accurate to Weird Al" and once you apply logic to it, all arguments basically die.

Viv didn't animate it, the Spindlehorse team did. Viv did the designing stuff for it

Weird Al would've told Viv if something looked off, so I am quite sure the part Spindlehorse worked on is exactly how Weird Al wanted it

Animation has, and probably always will, look weird because that's how animation works

I know fans like to joke about it but Viv isn't holding anyone hostage in her basement, that includes Weird Al (in fact Viv said Weird Al specifically asked her to animate the part of the music video she and Spindlehorse worked on)

Obviously it could be different off camera but everyone who works with Viv seems to genuinely enjoy being around her

You can not like something because it's not your thing. If edgy humor, swearing, and sex jokes aren't your thing, nobody's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to watch Viv's stuff. It's okay to just not like something lmao

I have yet to see someone bring up something about Viv that they see as a reason to hate her that isn't years old at this point or flat-out disproven. People can improve

please for the love of god just let keith david have fun with his husk plushies im begging

#vivziepop #weird al yankovic #idk how else to tag this #i also find it worth mentioning that i would consider myself mostly neutral towards viv #i don't hate her but i also wouldn't say i'm a fan of her specifically. i just like hazbin hotel and helluva boss lol #im in the furry fandom. the shit viv's done doesn't hold a candle to the shit that happens in the furry fandom #looking at vivziepop drama is like looking at a mild dent in a car. it was dented but that can be improved #on the other hand watching most furry drama unfold is like watching a plane crash in slow motion #it's all gonna go to shit at some point and you are physically unable to look away and once it crashes its in a million pieces

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oddygaul · 3 months ago

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Zenless Zone Zero

Well, I’ve been playing the shit out of this game, so fair warning, there will be significant brainrot ahead.

Overall, I really dig it. I’m a huge mark for character action games, and well-done life sims tend to suck me in; Zenless Zone Zero is nailing both those aspects pretty damn well. In fact, it’s nailing them well enough that… how do I put this… it starts to slip into the territory of being A Good Game Generally, rather than just a gacha. And while this is a big accomplishment for ZZZ, this also puts it into direct conversation with other full-price games, resulting in its gacha elements causing more friction than Honkai Star Rail’s ever did*.

*I’ll be comparing this to HSR a lot, because I play way too much of both and they’re made by the same developer. I recognize that it is pretty odd and potentially even problematic to A / B compare them when I could be looking at the game through the lens of, you know, Gaming At Large. But hey, that’s why this is a subjective journal and not a holistic review blog! It is what it is.

So, the aesthetic of this game fuckin rules - it’s like, late 90s to early 2000s VHS-core. The main characters run a Blockbuster, for Christ’s sake. Presentation-wise (and systems-wise, and, hell, music-wise), ZZZ is obviously borrowing a lot from the Persona series, but like… great? I’d love it if more things cribbed that style and made it their own, from the confidant hangouts, to the small but comfy explorable areas, to the dynamic menus with edgy character poses. The character design itself is all superb, all the way down to the crowd NPCs - some the shopkeepers here have cooler designs than the main characters of some other games. Even aside from the designs, ZZZ is doing a lot with lighting and color desaturation that really lends it its own unique vibe. They actually have a cohesive artstyle in here! wild.

The presentation of the story is also killer. Sure, a decent chunk of the conversations are just models lip-flapping at each other - although they at least emote and pose a bit here, unlike the Star Rail dialogue scenes with their demure princess waves. In the main story, though, we get not only a heap of fairly lengthy cutscenes, but also this really cool comic panel-style presentation.

I feel like there was a bit of a trend in the PS3/360 era of games to present a game’s story in this comic panel / storyboard style. I understood the motivation: games increasingly demanded a more involved, consistent storytelling approach, rather than the ‘One big rendered cutscene at the beginning and end’ they used to get away with, and the generation’s increased visual fidelity meant that doing even basic, in-engine cutscenes took a lot more resources to make something half-decent. In Spyro the Dragon on PS1 you could get away with a fun little 15-second gag with a barely animated polygonal yeti or whatever; in the PS3 era, you were going up against tryhards like Metal Gear Solid 4. Amidst this landscape, the pitch of having your illustrators pretty up some storyboards and put them in the game sounds like it’d save a lot of work - plus, consoles were finally outputting a high enough resolution that this sort of flat image wouldn’t be compressed to hell.

Thing is, I always kinda hated that approach. In some cases, I think that’s the popular opinion - I fuckin love Bayonetta, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone defend its weird slideshow cutscenes. Even in games where the execution is perfectly fine, though, it rubbed me the wrong way. I think of Infamous - objectively, the art’s solid and fits the tone of the game, and the motion graphics aim to capture some of the dynamism typical cutscenes would provide. Despite all that, it still feels cheap to me - all of the panning, effects, and graphic imagery feel like they’re trying to polish up something that inherently doesn’t fit.

In ZZZ, though, I’m loving every one I come across. It’s obviously still done for efficiency reasons - there’s already a handful of characters that exist only in these panel scenes, saving the team the effort of having to model and rig them. But the freedom this allows for staging and storytelling is huge; the characters are more expressive here than anywhere else in the game, and we’re able to see situations with huge crowds and new locales much more often than would be possible in typical cinematics. And the illustrations are genuinely good, too - full of character, cool poses and creative compositions/angles.

if everything actually had to be modeled, there's no way we would've gotten Legally Blonde Nicole

Plus, the cutscenes are constant, and boy do I love the animation here. It feels so rare nowadays for a high-budget game to do stylized 3D animation of this ilk. Your biggest budget games are all going for the cinematic look, and pushing realism as much as they can - and while I know an immense amount of work and craft goes into animating something like The Last of Us, boy, I just could not care less about something so lacking in flair*. Even bigger properties that use a stylized artstyle these days, like Breath of the Wild, still tend to lean towards fairly naturalistic animation. Zenless Zone Zero’s cutscenes, on the other hand, spin and stretch motherfuckers around like we’re back on the PS2, are filled with forced perspective, and I am absolutely living for it. It’s not even reserved only for bombastic action scenes, either - we get honest to god character acting-focused conversation cutscenes.

*Seriously, take me back to the Naughty Dog that animated Jak & Daxter. Jak’s hero animation is top tier to this day

youtube

Of course, the combat animation slaps too; each of the playable agents is absolutely dripping with character. Even characters whose designs initially left me cold won me over once I saw the amount of care put into their movement and combo strings. It’s honestly shocking to me that this is the same studio that made Genshin Impact, a game I dropped after about 2 hours because of how lifeless all the animation felt*. Unique run cycles for every character, actual non-human designs, the flourishes everyone has when stopping mid-combo to snap them back to idle, the absolute synergistic audiovisual bliss of the parry… it’s really impressive stuff from a young team.

*Same studio in name only, totally different team, I know, but still

Mechanically, I have some mixed feelings about the combat as a whole. Zenless Zone Zero is, without a doubt, aiming to present complexity and depth as a team battler - that is to say, it’s more about team synergy, tag combos, and knowing who to use when, rather than soloing as any particular character. Nonetheless, I really would’ve appreciated individual characters having a bit more depth to their movesets; a jump, a launcher, cancels, anything. As outstanding as all the animation work is, there’s some characters that only have a normal attack string on square and one special attack on triangle. Like, sub-Dynasty Warriors level of complexity here. It’s rough.

This is where ZZZ’s gacha nature gets a bit ugly: so far, more complex kits and skill expression are mostly locked behind rarity, which is kind of scummy. In Star Rail, for the most part, 4-star characters are defined as such due to their numbers: they still have mechanics and complexity, they just aren’t tuned as high as the limited characters. Hell, in some cases they have more complexity. Ruan Mei is an almost incomparably stronger unit than Asta, but Ruan Mei’s play pattern is fucking boring: you use skill every three turns when it runs out. Asta, meanwhile, basically has her own risk & reward minigame that demands more thoughtful SP management.

In ZZZ, on the other hand, the lower-rank characters straight up have less going on in their kits. Nicole has like… one tech, sorta. Anby has one single animation cancel to chain her normal into her special quicker. Lucy’s only skill expression is choosing whether to tap special or hold special. Meanwhile, Zhu Yuan, a limited character, has a normal string that bounces between melee and ranged attacks, can be dodge-canceled at any point in the combo to branch into variations of the string, and a hold-normal attack string that’s completely different and has the same branching dodge-cancel tech.

It’s one thing to lock raw damage and meta viability behind a gacha, but locking the characters that are mechanically more interesting to play straight up sucks. If I hadn’t been lucky enough on the standard banner to pull exactly the two characters I find the most mechanically satisfying, I don’t know that I’d still be playing - and this is the point where ZZZ begs comparison to other, non-live service character action games. Sure, it’s probably not fair to compare a random A-rank’s moveset to Devil May Cry V’s iteration of Dante, a feature-creeped nightmare of a kit 3 console generations in the making. But what about Sengoku Basara Sumeragi, my personal character-action GOAT? By all accounts a mid-budget title, yet it offers 40 full characters chock-full of more unique mechanics and animation cancels than you can shake a stick at.

Fuck, can we please get a new Sengoku Basara? Please? I’m desperate out here. I’ll take anything, y’all.

There’s also the inherent issue that plagues every action RPG (usually deftly avoided by the character action genre), which is the delicate balance of player success depending on the numbers vs actual mechanical skill - a balancing act made even more noticeable due to the gacha genre-standard of characters taking weeks of grinding to level up. This is a topic for another day, but suffice to say, a big part of the reason Honkai Star Rail works for me as a very pretty version of Cookie Clicker is because of the Autoplay option. In Zenless Zone Zero, if you’re not willing to grind out the same mob fight for a week or two, you’re gonna hit an endgame roadblock of doing chip damage to a boss you’ve mechanically mastered because you’re underleveled, and boy, that never feels good.

For all those issues stemming from the gacha, I will say, it’s great that the story missions let you use the characters that are actually supposed to be present for those missions, even if you don’t own them. Aside from how nice it is to have an opportunity to put the whole roster through their paces, it goes a long way for actually getting invested in the story. Honkai Star Rail’s storytelling is a hot mess for many reasons, but it’s always particularly jarring rolling up to a sidequest at like, a local theater troupe with a wanted space criminal, the sitting president of a completely different planet, a ten year old child, and a shirtless cyborg cowboy, none of whom have canonically met each other; ZZZ’s approach sidesteps this issue. The proxy angle even provides a pretty valid diegetic explanation for why agents that don’t know each other might be working together.

Now that we’ve sort of meandered back to the story after talking about animation led us on a long detour - the story is surprisingly solid. In particular, I really appreciate how straightforward the writing is. I don’t know if the issue lies with the original text or the localization, but Star Rail’s dialogue, even in simple missions, tends to be incredibly meandering and overstuffed; ZZZ is a lot better about letting all its characters talk like actual humans. It also helps that the plot so far is a lot more grounded, and spends more time focusing on each faction’s group dynamics rather than the overarching plot. These games live and die by their characters, so leaning into those strengths is a smart move.

Zenless Zone Zero is, unfortunately, fully in line with Hoyo’s weird conservative politics - in particular, 1.0 and 1.1 are absolutely stuffed full of copaganda. With how many safety regulation jokes they made at the construction company, I initially hoped they’d lampoon the police faction a bit, or make a commentary on how comically heavily armed New Eridu’s police force are. In a vacuum, Zhu Yuan shouting combat lines like “Stop resisting!” or “Freeze, hands up!” while blasting someone with her gigantic, ‘JUSTICE’-emblazoned rocket launcher shotgun feels like it ought to be satire. Every time we talk to the officers, though, it’s just line after line about their solemn duty to protect the people of the city, how essential and important they are for the community, and so on and so on.

This wholehearted embrace of the world’s current power structure is something Zenless Zone Zero approaches in nearly the exact same way as Star Rail. In both games, your playable character is someone that’s sort of operating outside the law - in Star Rail, as the maverick organization that is the Astral Express, while in ZZZ you work as an illegal proxy. Despite this setup, any time the protagonists come into contact with a governing body, they are no less than thrilled to help them enforce the will of the law.

In Star Rail, you aid the local governments (one of which is an undemocratic monarchy) in committing massive cover-ups to hide their failures from the populace not once but twice. In ZZZ, you aid the police to an obsequious degree - playing along with them to not arouse suspicion is one thing, but helping them organize a fucking community day on Sixth Street? Fuck that. Hell, said community day is even shown to initially be DOA because none of the local residents trust the police - and you best believe we get two full scenes of the MCs changing the resident’s minds, resulting in them spouting shit about “Oh, it was our fault for judging the police too harshly - they really do have our best interests at heart!”

is it tho

There’s an argument to be made that the N.E.P.S. are a little different, given that they exist in a post-apocalyptic world with monsters popping up every day - and ZZZ’s copaganda is certainly a little less flagrant than something like Spider-Man helping the NYPD install civilian surveillance networks in Insomniac’s Spider-Man. And, sure, perhaps this can help excuse why they post fully armored, rifle-wielding soldiers in the Lumina Square DMV, and provides some justification that their existence is more helpful than the real world’s civilian-murdering property guards.

Thing is, though, at every turn you’re hit with dialogue and situations which make it clear that, no, they’re the normal cops. Every other sidequest seems to involve calling the N.E.P.S. in on somebody or helping with an investigation, and for every time we see them handle ethereal activity, there’s two instances of them being called in for petty property theft or something similarly minor - even the playable character has heaps of dialogue choices threatening to call the police on someone*. Much like Star Rail’s reactionary politics were strangely at odds with the ‘blazing a new path’ ideals of the trailblaze, Zenless Zone Zero’s obsession with the police puts a damper on its underground, counterculture aesthetic.

*Including a case where both options threatened this, leaving me without a non-narc dialogue choice.

illustration by Lv01KOKUEN

And finally… I don’t know where to fit this in, so I guess it just goes in its own little section at the end here. Lots of people, myself included, have touched on the Persona inspirations - and they’re certainly significant. One thing I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone mention as a huge influence is Yasuhiro Nightow’s Kekkai Sensen / Blood Blockade Battlefront. From its sense of style to its worldbuilding, ZZZ damn near feels like fanfic to me. Hell, it’s right in the name - BBB? ZZZ? And this is on top of the dimensional crossover / big city vibe, the retro fashion, the different factions. Victoria Housekeeping might as well be Libra 2.0 - Von Lycaon is a damn near perfect 50/50 expy of Klaus and Stephen Starphase. And then Belle / Wise, who assist these powerful fighters in a noncombat role just like Leo, also turn out to have some sort of special magical eyes granted to them by untold powers from within the dimensional rift??

I’m here for it, don’t get me wrong - love Nightow. But that can’t be coincidence, right?

#will's media thoughts / virtual brain repository #long post #games #zenless zone zero #zzzero #kekkai sensen #blood blockade battlefront #Youtube

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aphverse-confessions · 6 months ago

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hello hey, self-proclaimed favourite anon tossing my hat about Jesson. I wanna take a crack at how people talk about Jesson because it's infuriating to see people be total extreme polars between the two. People think Jessica is an irredeemable monster, or they think Jessica gets way too much flack from her audience without understanding/acknowledging the questionable stuff.

REALLY HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE!!! I don't want this to be condoning the idea that people should be held accountable for 5+ year old behaviour. People can and will absolutely change, we shouldn't deny that people can change for the better and learn from their mistakes. Jess herself is capable of growth: she changed Kawaii~Chan's name to an actual name, Nana Ashida, actually gave a backstory to Nana and completely dropped Nana's weebish way of addressing people and dropped Kawaii~Chan as a name entirely. Give people credit where credit's due, treat people with grace and empathy.This entire confession is just my personal reflection on the Jesson debacle, just sorting out my own feelings about the two and trying to find a middle ground between the two extremes of hating Jesson and defending Jesson.

Speaking generally and not just in regards to Aphblr, a lot of people seem to completely completely blame Jess for everything wrong with the series and. Like, I don't think thats fair at all to Jess because it was Jason also contributing and helping out with the stories. We don't know who did what and quite frankly Jason did had an influence on the writing on the series so people shouldn't just scapegoat Jess.

Jess had self inserts, Jess was cringe, Jess butchered the love triangle are criticisms I saw during Youtube, Wattpad, etc during Jesson's hayday and some of these criticism's still persist. Which like... guys, Jess being cringey and self inserting into her stories isn't the most pressing issue you think it is, I'd LOVE to make mad dough self inserting and roleplaying with a harem of hot bishonen boys. I'm gonna be blunt, a very fair share of criticism towards Jess was quite misogynistic and I'm not going to deny that. Back in 2016-2019 people were awful and bashed her for the aforementioned which... ew. Hell!!! I even see some of this misogyny to current day on Youtube!!! Which . Fucking Sucks.

If you're gonna give Jess flack, give Jason flack. If you're gonna call Jess cringe and dumb for self inserting onto a cute perfect anime girl with her boy harem, call Jason 2x amount of that cringe for self inserting onto an edgy werewolf alpha + getting jealous over minecraft cubes. It takes two to tango and Jason definitely had a hand with how the series were written.

Something honestly more important to mention that people cite Jesson's badly written stories as a moral failing instead of actually criticizing the contents within the stories when portraying certain topics*** (put a pin in this, we will come back to this class). Like, people were putting more effort in dragging Jess about the bad writing of MCD and MyStreet with the love triangle + Aarmau, than actual problems with the portrayal of sensitive issues such as racism.

However, in spite of my defense of Jess, I'm gonna be blunt. There were a lot of fucking problems here, Scoob!!! Like. Actual problems with both Jessica and Jason as people that people sometimes overlook due to the more pettier criticisms/complaints. Yes, Jess was a victim of Internet's misogyny and that's 100% valid to acknowledge that, however I feel it's a disservice to handwave and not acknowledge the actual problems Jess had. Jess being a victim of misogyny and Jess doing bad shit are two statements that can co-exist.

Jesson being pariah-ed out of their own fandom isn't exactly undeserved considering all of the legitimate issues there were with the duo (not just Jess herself). It's not a 'hate-train' to not like Jesson or to still be discomforted by their previous behaviour because yeah. It. Was bad. Because we do point-proof-analysis round these parts bitches™, I will provide proof where I can.

To list the issues with Jesson off of the top of my head in no specific order: - Jess absolutely fetishized mlm on multiple occasions. Admitting she's Septiplier trash and fetishizing two real men's friendship when Jess was a 23 year old woman: (https://tinyurl.com/aph-confess) / (https://tinyurl.com/aph-septi-vid-react) - Adding onto the previous point, Jason 'Fans-shipping-my-wife's-Self-Insert-with-other-fictional-men-is-'whoring'-her-out' Bravura even admitted Jess's queerbaiting (https://tinyurl.com/jason-admits-the-queerbaiting) - Jason Bravura as a whole person: from his extremely possessive attitude towards the fanbase when it came to ships (https://tinyurl.com/jason-temper-tantrum), from how he absolutely fought with his tweenage fanbase back in 2016-2018-ish, him being really aggressive online in general, him having a horrible influence on the writing - Apparently Jason was responsible for the Ein-Aphmau incest??? I have no source for this, but would not be shocked if this was the case. - *** Romanticizing grooming/creepy as fuck age-gaps thru Aarmau and Gene PDH. I blame Jason for him being an alleged freak (going off of Jess's Draw my Life). Throw the whole man into the rancor pit at this point - *** The horribly done racism subplots of MCD and MyStreet. Oh my fucking god. I already went into this on my initial confession with Kip and Zoey+Aph being racist to him, the cutesy microaggressions. I already discussed about it in depth, here's the link to read more about it -> (https://tinyurl.com/confession-about-racism)

Jess using mlm to queerbait fans and fetishizing two REAL people as a grown ass woman was shitty, Jason is an entire cesspool of a person and was shitty. The horrible, tone-deaf messaging and portrayal of racism being so prominent throughout MCD/MyStreet was shitty. These problems don't suddenly stop being issues just because people raising petty points about Jesson.

Like there were a ton of problems with Jesson as people/content creators, it's not fair to just dismiss all of the listed as totally petty fandom wank. I feel like in modern day, it's a fair compromise to celebrate the media that they made without falling into praising them as people just because they made a cool Thang™. We can enjoy the stories they made without having to totally enjoy the people behind them. With my previous confessions, it sparked some healthy discussion within Aphblr and I hope this confession will raise some healthy discussion about Jesson as a whole where people can find a middle ground between totally loving/hating Jesson. This was a wholeass essay, so here's a shrimp as a reward 🦐

#aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #I agree with this #the Jesson debacle is a complex issue that includes a lot of misogyny directed at Jess #whilst simultaneously ignoring Jess's actual problematic behavior #but I don't think enough ppl are going to thoroughly read through this ask #but it's long enough it gives the proper nuance to the issue that countless confessions have tried to articulate before #jesson tag

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aotopmha · 15 days ago

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Since I'm back into playing Sonic games, I'm also catching some of the news.

Out of all of the Sonic games to remake, seems Sonic 06 is under consideration?

My opinion on remakes in general is that I'd rather have something new.

Right now I'd just like a 3D Sonic game with wholly new levels that are unique and fun to play.

Give me a new list of boost stages or adventure stages or even zones in Frontiers except less generic and messy. The last truly original level themes in 3D were in Colors, which came out 13 years ago. Everything after it was full of increasingly derivative Green Hill/Chemical Plant/Speed Highway imitations or a bunch of generic theming like Winter Zone or Forest Zone.

But if you're going to remake a game, remake one that would gain from it and Sonic 06 is kind of a genius risk/reward idea.

It's still one of the most famous failures in gaming history.

Were it to succeed, we'd have a success story not so unlike Final Fantasy 14's or No Man Sky's.

It would be fantastic publicity/marketing.

But were it to fail or be less than great, they'd double down on the failure.

I'm of the opinion they'd have to overhaul the uncanny hyper-realistic art (particularly character designs) and definitely entirely rewrite the story.

I think Sonic's design philosophy just is not compatible with that hyper-serious and hyper-realistic aesthetic. It has the same issue the initial Sonic movie design had to me: it looks wierd and creepy when it aims to be "realistic".

One counter-argument I've heard in regards of this aesthetic along with storytelling style is that other similar mascot properties can be dark, but I think all of the actually good ones understand how far they can take it before it reaches that uncanny valley, jarring threshold. They understand the limitations of the aesthetics they use.

Sonic can be "serious", but just like everything else, it has always had its own brand of serious.

Scrap Brain Zone, Doomsday Zone and even Hidden Palace are good Sonic serious.

The final stories of Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 are good Sonic serious. Gamma's story is Sonic Adventure 1 is good Sonic serious.

They understand Sonic is a joyful series that has meaningful, darker ideas within, but isn't only those elements.

For example, I think the edgy elements of Shadow are best when they're fully sincere and bombastic, not when telling you how dark, cool and edgy Shadow is and how much you have to think how dark, cool and edgy Shadow is.

(Yes, I am also aware Shadow The Hedgehog's reliance on it is very much a localisation choice, but these elements are still present in everything after it, too. These stories sometimes want you take them so seriously, anything actually fun in there is smothered.

You can argue interpretations, but I think Sonic definitely shouldn't be joyless.)

That's what people who criticise Sonic for having any serious moments also miss: these characters still do have arcs and stories. Most actually good cartoons work that way just like any other stories and people who like Sonic like the sincerity in it along with the dumb cheese.

More on 06, though, I hate the Elise and Sonic romance stuff. I don't find any part of that appealing.

A few fandoms I'm in have a furry contingent, and I find anything to do with it squicky. I guess it's better than some other groups of people who find far worse stuff sexually attractive?

Mascot fursuits at least don't resemble anything human (or even animal, actually, they're hyper-stylised cartoon creatures I'd rather not think about in any sexual sense), so it's better than some of the really, really bad stuff?

I don't want to think about it any deeper than that.

So, I'm 100% for the removal of this aspect.

Gerald and Maria were handled well in Shadow Generations, so maybe just making it a simple friendship is the best solution because Elise is still important to the original story. Also make her a character that's not just an object to be kidnapped every few levels?

But the most important aspect of a potential remake is that Sonic 06 could actually be a really good game because a bunch of the level design is actually solid and there are some really solid gameplay foundations.

They already have it all there, so they don't have to spend time on making stuff up from scratch.

So, an 06 remake does have merit due all of the above points.

Personally, if I had to choose any remake above a completely new game, though, I'd actually like an Heroes remake (or even just remaster, as I don't think it's a fundamentally broken game like Sonic 06 and apparently one is rumoured for it, as well, actually) because I love the variety of level themes and the foundational level design in that game.

A lot of Sonic games are messy in the polish sense, but Heroes is up there.

I think it actually deserves it the most because what ruined it to me were very specifically the glitches.

Awkward controls and stage design you can at least learn to play around, but glitches are sometimes pretty firmly out of your hand and dying to them so often just completely sucked out the fun of the game by the end more than any Sonic game to me.

And Sonic 06's level roster is a lot less unique/fun/cool.

Hang Castle? Frog Forest? Egg Fleet? Even Grand Metropolis and Rail Canyon? The Metal Sonic fight?

Adjust the controls and clean up the glitches and that alone would make for one of the best Sonic games, I think.

#Sonic The Hedgehog #Sonic 06 #Shadow The Hedgehog #Sonic Heroes #Shadow Generations #StH #Sonic The Hedgehog (series)#Sonic The Hedgehog (2006)

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eoieopda · 1 year ago

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[ateez as tinder dudes]

this is a joke, but i’m also convinced that i’m correct, so… there’s that. also, don’t look at me, incorporating a fourth (FOURTH!!!) group on my blog. i don’t want to talk about it 🫣

hongjoong

he’s treating this like a portfolio. he’s got the max number of pics uploaded, and they’re all editorial, like he’s expecting to be scouted. is he repping a brand? is he just flexing that he’s got better style than you ever will? he knows this is tinder, right? no.

absolutely no bio, whatsoever. his age isn’t even listed, somehow. you know nothing about him except that he owns more than one cowboy hat, and honestly? that’s all you need to know.

you’re actually 98.4% sure that he’s a catfish — who just looks like that? — but that’s not going to stop you from swiping right to see if he did, too.

he did not.

seonghwa

he’s intentionally using pics of him with his mother, with kids, with small animals, etc. because he’s calculating. couldn’t be more of a targeted attack if the profile was computer-generated. frankly, you can’t say if it was or wasn’t. suspiciously perfect.

that’s where the tinder prowess stops. he doesn’t know how the swiping feature works so he’s swiped right on everyone. oops.

his bio has subsections — plural — with endearingly dorky interests laid out in full. he’s well-rounded and objectively attractive to literally all people. man is everybody’s type, esp. yours.

tragically, he has never once responded to a message, and he never will.

yunho

he must’ve made this as a joke, right? every picture of him is hilariously unflattering or a recreation of a meme or some childhood photo, except the last one — which is a meme. it’s something obscure that appeals to the sense of humor of exactly .01% of the population. you can tell by looking at him that he is chronically online and had unrestricted internet access as a kid.

his bio is also absurd. this dude has something like “my first words were, ‘this human form is limiting’”, and it’s extremely polarizing. on purpose. puts his whole personality right there, right from the get-go because it will ward the wrong people off and flag down the exact niche he’s targeting.

i feel like he’s either a lukewarm conversationalist that makes you wonder how the rest of his profile was so funny, or the first conversation is an incredible, god-tier bit — and then, when the bit runs its course, you realize that he deleted his profile, never to be seen again.

rip

yeosang

all of his pictures paint an image of someone hard and edgy, and you’ve got it all wrong. you’ve been fully bamboozled, bestie. that is a whole ass fairy princess.

always messages first and/or responds immediately, revealing that he’s the most “uwu” person of all time. seriously, what the fuck? people unironically use “hehehe”? in this day and age? ^_^

unexpected gem. the person he actually is isn’t someone you would normally shoot your shot with, but you’re not mad about it.

one of the rare few on the app who would rather die than find a hookup (the idea makes him itchy, okay?) but he will actually seek and find a future spouse, just watch.

san

most of his photos are of him and his friend (it’s wooyoung. of course it’s wooyoung), and the subtext is so confusing that you can’t tell if they’re looking for a third or are just guys being buds ??? what is happening, and why are you so into it?

the photos that don’t include his friend (boyfriend? seriously, what is going on there?) are all action shots because he needs you to know that he is athletic and built. you do not need to wonder what he looks like naked because he’s not wearing a shirt in any of them.

he’s got the stock photo equivalent of a bio. most uninteresting thing you’ve ever seen, so you do not hit him up.

you should have :( you would’ve loved him.

mingi

i regret to inform you that this man has the most cringeworthy online presence of all time. god, he’s so fuckboi-coded!! and you hate him for it, but you hate yourself even more for being into because you sure are, diva!!!

i feel like the song on his profile is extremely questionable, either because it’s some bizarre, ambient instrumental; by someone that’s been justifiably cancelled and you don’t know whether or not he knows that; or worse, it’s his own.

all of his pictures are group pictures. you cannot tell for the life of you which one of them he is, requiring you to go to the instagram he’s referenced in his bio — which is exactly the point. the instagram links to his soundcloud because it can get worse.

if you actually bite the bullet and respond to his shitty pick-up line, he’s the bbygirl to end all bbygirls. absolute heart of gold. you almost want to smack him for being so bad at marketing himself.

get him a PR person to straighten his shit out; mingi is fired.

wooyoung

this motherfucker has deleted and remade his profile 8,000 times because he needs to “reset his matches” aka has spent every waking moment swiping.

he probably pays for tinder so he can swipe in other locations — not because he’s looking for anyone, but because he wants people to look at him.

you have to wonder who took the photos because they’re sure as shit not selfies but they’re all vaguely chic thirst traps (it was san. of course it was san.)

when it comes to messages, he either communicates exclusively with emojis or gifs, or he only responds to compliments. small talk? NOPE. tell him he’s pretty or get out :’)

if you do wind up linking (because the whole conversation thing is a lost cause), he’s insane. you’ll spend one night with him, never see him again, and you will remember him on your deathbed.

was he a ghost or a fever dream? you’ll never know.

jongho

he’s only here because his friends made him, and he will make that crystal clear. nothing else will be, though. he’s either got an extremely dry sense of humor + is deeply ironic, or he’s genuinely that odd.

all of his photos are identical selfies (expression, location, angle, etc.) and the only difference is the shirt he’s wearing. is…. is that on purpose? is he being funny, or is he seriously that much of a cartoon character? WHO KNOWS.

tbh, he’s the dude that makes a profile, finds an IRL partner immediately, and totally forgets he has a profile because he deleted the app ages ago. this is tragic; he would’ve been just your type.

message him all you want, bestie. it won’t work.

#ateez #ateez headcanons #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #atz

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g0rechan · 8 months ago

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🩸Obligatory “About me” post🩸

Hi, I’m G0rechan <3 You can also call me Mima or Mili or Mil

-I’m 22 years old

-I go by She/Her/He/Him/They/Them

-I am a Pisces and an INTP-T

-Hypersexual Demiromantic

—With a preference towards women. Men don’t HMU, I don’t have time for that shit.

-Extremely introverted and asocial

-ADD, ASD, Anxiety, OCD, and BPD. Sorry for any unhinged posts here and there.

-Pro-shipper/Pro-fiction/Anti-harassment

-Sebaciel, Sangbum, and Muchimido Shipper

🍖🌈,🍟🐾,🍋🌈

-I accept all asks and everything else in my inbox, even anon hate and those calling me sick/cringe/tryhard/edgy, just know that things like that only fuel me and make me wanna keep posting more fucked up stuff ❤️

-I’m an artist and I love fashion^^ You can see my stuff on my ig and tik tok @_g0rechan_

-I am 30% American and 70% Latina, my family is from Venezuela 🇻🇪

-My favorite animes are Shoujo Tsubaki, Perfect blue, The curse of Kazuo Umezu, Belladonna of sadness, Paranoia Agent, and Kite 1998

-Favorite manga: Berserk, Shoujo Tsubaki, Souichi, Dissolving classroom, Pumpkin night, Rainbow, Chainsaw man, Lychee light club, Jinmen, Black butler, LA blue girl, and The Rose of Versailles

—DM if you want the link to the Shoujo Tsubaki discord (STRICTLY 17+)

-Favorite movies: A Clockwork Orange, Pearl, Heathers, Joker (2019), American Psycho, Requiem for a dream, Kids (1995), Gummo, Thirteen, Little shop of horrors, Grease, Welcome to the dollhouse, Valerie and her week of wonders, Female trouble, Carrie (1976), Caligula (1979), Superbad, and Matilda <3

-Currently watching: 1001 nights and Cleopatra (1970) Osamu Tezuka is the best^^

-Currently reading (other than manga): Bizenghast, the 120 days of Sodom, and a clockwork orange

-My favorite video games: Bully, Cuphead, the Dead rising series, the Silent hill series, The Devil May cry series, GTA V, Dead space, Crash bandicoot, and Assassin’s Creed Unity

-Favorite artists: Guns N’ Roses, Quiet Riot, AC/DC, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Doors, Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Billie Eilish, and Zheani

-I RB a lot of gore. Most of it is either gore in art/anime, anatomy, or fake irl gore. I will never, however, rb torture/mutilation of real people or real animal gore. I just find that disrespectful and distasteful.

-Favorite aesthetics: Fairycore, gremlincore, Princesscore, 90s grunge, Jirai kei, Vampirecore, Angura Kei, Dai nippon gothic, Morute, kinderwhore, Royalcore, Rococo, 60s mod, 70s, 80s hard rock, Retro Japan, retro anything tbh lol I change aesthetics like I change clothes

-Pookies: Makima, Yoon Bum, Tokkuriji Muchisute, Benietsu, and Griffith 💕

-DNI list🚫 People under 16, Anti-shippers, Anti-kink, Conservatives, TERFs, SWERFs, Pedophiles, Zoophiles, Anti-feminists, Anti-LGBTQIA+, Racists, Ableists, Pro-ana blogs, if you justify the innocents being killed in both Palestine and Israel, and/or if you support Autism speaks, Russia, Hamas/Palestinian government, the Israeli government, or any corrupt government in general.

-I also make original characters and art every now and then, My stuff is not meant for a mainstream audience…

I will probably add more to this…

Thank you and have a good night

🪱🥩👁️🩸🪭

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teabiscs · 8 months ago

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here are some of my KaiMax HC's

How i see them getting together

Kai is oblivious to Max’s affection, he thinks it's just Max being Max when the blonde starts clinging to him and touching him. He does think its weird that Max has all of a sudden started touching him so freely. He brushes it off Max isn't scared of him anymore or intimidated by him

Max grows increasingly frustrated by how dense Kai is. And works to find more obvious ways (without straight out saying it) that he has a crush on Kai. Showering a confused Kai in praise ("Oh Kai, you’re so handsome with huge muscles" because he opened a jar) [insert Rei and Hiromi rolling their eyes] and affection (practically sitting in Kai’s lap while they're all on the couch watching a movie.

(watching their little game is a serious form of entertainment for everyone else. they make bets on it)

Max confiding in Rei, that Kai is actually kind of dumb and he doesnt understand why Kai cant see Max's crush. (And rei being like 'why dont you just tell him outright?' "BECAUSE THATS EMBARASSING")

and THEN Kai confiding in Rei about Max’s odd behavior and them laughing/giggling at him.

Okay so. Kai finally FINALLY puts two and two together when one night it’s just the two of them, everyone else has disappeared at the dojo. Sitting together. Alone. Max says somethings that go over Kai’s head. And Max has had enough and grabs Kai’s cheeks in his hands. His thumb smudging Kai’s painted cheek.Telling him to push him away if he’s not okay with it. And kissu kissu.

When they get together, Kai has to get used to how touchy Max is. He’s not used to it at all. He’s not used to gentle touches or the way Max will smoosh their cheeks together and affectionately rub them up and down. It makes Kai go red and a little embarrassed to be so loved on so openly in front of the others. (He does get used to it.)

They show affection in different ways. Kai’s is more muted, while Max’s is obnoxious and obvious. In your face affection. PDA expert. The first time Kai initiates them holding hands it shocks Max.

Headcanons

A moon/sun ship

Grump Edgy/sunshine energetic

The grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one

Max is the possessive one

Kai knows that Max is touchy but Kai is the only one who has his heart. It doesn't bother him (initially it did) when Max clings to Rei and Takao. Doesn’t mind when Max cuddles up with Rei on the couch. (Also because as soon as Kai sits down, Max find his way into Kai’s lap)

Max on the other hand? Is kind of insecure (DONT KNOW WHAT FOR). He hates the way people will look at Kai with hungry eyes. He hates that people don;t take him seriously, and continue to flirt with (an oblivious, uninterested) Kai.

Also the idea of Max’s eye twitching over Kai’s obsession with Takao. Is so… funny.

IMO it stems back to Judy, so now that Max has someone who clearly loves him and gives him his attention, he refuses to let go or let anyone take that from him.

Kai doesn’t think that Max is possessive/jealous and that its him showing affection.

Idk it’s funny to me if the ONLY ONE that makes Kai a little nervous (read: jealous) is Rick. Like that’s the only person Kai does not like Max getting cozy with. Something about it makes Kai itch.

Max is always able to get Kai to do things he would NEVER do otherwise. (I picture them wearing matching animal costumes with fluffy hats with ears. Max getting Kai to eat really cute.

Max pouting is Kai’s biggest weakness. (He cannot say no to Max, in general, but the pouting? Seals the deal. Kai is so weak to it. Max makes him so soft)

#beyblade ship headcanons #beyblade headcanons #KaiMax #theyre neat #max mizuhara #kai hiwatari #max tate #also hear me out the thought of there being kaimax while also yutaka #and Max and Yuriy going at it to keep their boyfriends away from each other.#oh actually that would be a silly picture to draw #both of them pointing their fingers at each other's chest #but yeah possessive!max is my favorite thing #wheres that quote about moon coded characters who are actually the sun and sun coded characters are the moon or whatever

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clay-cuttlefish · 8 months ago

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Vic Costume Tier List, featuring all the ones I remember plus a few I noticed while finding images. Under the cut because there are so many outfits.

S Tier

Cowan Trenchcoat - THE look. What can I say.

A Tier

Cowan Winter - Variations on this are the most common outfit in the O'Neil run for a reason. It works with every hair and hat style, and evokes the classic look without being too costume-y.

Cry for Blood - It's the simplest version of the costume, just hat, gloves, and coat all in the same colour, and it WORKS. Huge fan of the collar.

Trinity of Sin - It works as an update of the Ditko design, paring it down to the simplest elements while not quite losing the flair and muting the colors without getting into the sad gray-blue. It's just on the right side of simple vs boring and I'm very into it. Unfortunately.

B Tier

Ditko Original - Not that interesting out of context, but I actually really like that it seems more like a disguise than a hero costume, and the subdued blue works when he's in scenes with Ted. Loses points for ugly gloves.

Cowan Original - Excellent, but the trenchcoat is a direct upgrade.

Cowan Sleeveless - Banger. I'm so glad it came back in 52.

Batman Chronicles - Is it a little too edgy-anime-boy? Yes. I don't care, it's striking.

C Tier

Ditko V2 - I love the turtleneck, and it's the only design that makes the dark hair work over the blonde/red/light brown.

52 Miscellaneous - Vic doesn't generally repeat outfits in 52. He just wears his mask with normal clothes. It's the right choice for the series, but they aren't costumes. I'm only rating them at all because I love his and Renee's matching t-shirts for breaking and entering.

BatB - If you have to go for a darker, less saturated design, this one's really clean.

Worlds Collide - The stupid MMO design that got me making this, and the most mixed-bag of any design. The teal is great. I hate that he's shaped like that. The black gloves are a neat touch. His coat sucks. I'd love to see purple as an accent in more designs. The yellow's a bit much but it's also an interesting choice.

D Tier

L.A.W. - The least interesting version of this general look.

52 Trenchcoat - It works to establish him, and the short hair + no hat lets the blank face stand out, but it's forgettable.

Convergence - Eh. I get that it's meant to be a riff on his earliest colour scheme but it's just too washed out.

Urban Legends - It's just not quite right. Maybe because the trenchcoat seems stiff but it's also the same colour and texture as the waistcoat? Or something about the hat?

JLU - I swear I'm not just being a JLU Question hater here. I don't vibe with the dishevelledness or the colour scheme, and the BatB design executes the same concept in a way I like way more.

F Tier

2005 - This is nothing. It's just an outfit with incredibly ugly gloves. He looks so much better when the art gets weird.

Event Leviathan/Checkmate - Where are his ears.

DC Showcase - Started out way higher but the more I look at it while working on this the more I hate the colours.

#clayposts #the question #vic sage #i hate how high i put some of these but. i can't help it. i like them.

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chirpingfromthebox · 4 months ago

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Making Mischief

With all the depressing and worrying news from the league these days, I figured it was time to distract myself by dusting off and finishing this old draft o' mine.

I don't know enough about hockey to make posts making insightful comments on the intricacies and nuances of the sport. So I'll stay in my lane: hyperfixating on weirdly specific topics.

With that being said, here is my attempt to convince the higher ups (in this case this being all you cool kids on Tumblr) of my idea for the best name for PWHL New York.

First of all, I am not a New Yorker. Gotta get that out of the way upfront. So, New Yorkers, feel free to judge me all you want.

[jk, New Yorkers don't need permission. they were already doing it anyway.]

Second of all, there is no chance outside of the biggest "donation" you've ever dreamed of for them to be named the Pizza Rats.

It's just not gonna happen.

It's too much fun and too internety.

Sports teams tend to want names that are edgy or strong or cool. But more than anything they tend to want something that's as inoffensive as possible so as to be blandly palatable to everyone.

But I'm willing to compromise!

Part 1:

The Name

Okay, so we can't have Pizza Rats. I'm also going to imagine they'll never go for The Rats either. So I present to you an option that works for everyone:

The New York Mischief

Is it tough/cool/etc?

I would argue it's that perfect middle ground of tough, cool, and fun. This team is out here causing some trouble, but, you know, like misdemeanor-level trouble. The rebellious fun kind of trouble. And who doesn't love a rebel?

[Wait, does Canada have a Misdemeanor vs. Felony system for crimes? In case it doesn't, Misdemeanors are lesser crimes: shoplifting, graffiti, indecent exposure, simple assaults, trespassing, etc. As opposed to felonies, which are major crimes: treason, murder, arson, kidnapping, etc.]

Does it sound good?

I think so! It sounds like a special brand of trouble you can only find from the Empire State. You'd see someone do something wild and go, "Oh snap, that's some New York mischief right there."

But most importantly: Does it involve Rats?

Thank you for asking! And YES it does!

"Mischief" is the collective noun for a group of rats!

And this is how we sneak the rats into New York.

Part 2:

Rats are Amazing and If You Don't Agree You Are Wrong

I get it, people hate naming teams after animals they consider to be "common" or "pests". They want apex predators! They want something deadly and muscley with some pointy bits!

But please bear with me as I make a case for why rats are awesome.

Let's start by debunking the general reasons why people would be averse to associating their team with the humble rat.

Rats are the weak prey to stronger creatures. People love to name teams after apex predators and megafauna. But you know what's almost universally on the endangered species list? Apex predators. They sound cool, they're tough, they could kick my ass, but if you face the facts they are generally not survivors. But rats? People have been actively trying to kill them for centuries! And we have failed! At best you can hope to win a battle with them, because you aren't going to win the war.

Rats are disease carrying vermin. I can't really say this isn't technically true of some wild rats. But if we're scared of Sharks because they might eat us, we're afraid of rats because they are inevitable. You can stay away from sharks, but you can't stay away from rats. They're coming for you. You can see them lurking in the shadows. You can hear them in your walls. If you give them any chance they're going to gnaw their way into your house, shit in your oatmeal, and just generally fuck up your stuff. Just look at the definition of vermin: "small common harmful or objectionable animals...that are difficult to control" And remember, dear readers, the rats aren't bringing trouble upon rats, they are bringing it to everyone else. Only the non-rats have to fear the Mischief.

Rats don't have the values we want in a team. Ridiculous! Anyone who thinks such a thing doesn't know anything about rats. As anyone who has had pet rats before can tell you, rats are actually highly intelligent and very social. They love to play. They are excellent problem solvers. They are scrappy survivors capable of flourishing in almost any environment. And they laugh when you tickle them.

And what says "New York" better than scrappy survivors who won't go down without a fight, work together when things get tough, and are always disrespecting other people's homes?

And while I've never had the opportunity to try it, I suspect that New Yorkers might also laugh when tickled.

Part 3:

Imagery

Okay, so "Mischief." In terms of imagery, how can you sell that?

And I'll tell you!

You do it by NOT having a little cartoon Rat for a logo. I can't help but imagine whatever marketing firm they hire trying to do some San Jose Sharks style thing with a rat biting through the hockey stick. Or a Penguins-style thing with a rat in skates or something.

I know I might be alone in this, but little cartoon animals for logos is really hard to do right. It is just way too much of a representational image for something inherently ethereal: a sports team and the community around it.

Sure, there have been teams that have made it work. But it requires a truly skilled graphic designer and you can't bet on the suits upstairs finding one of those. Like, if you're going to have an animal logo you gotta get a little representational with it.

(speaking of which the MN Wild has a dope logo and I wanna throw hands with all the people who talk shit about it. From a graphic design standpoint that logo has more thought put into it than any other logo in the NHL.)

I also have beef with logos that are just letters. Listen, I love the art of typography, but if your logo is a letter that you added a modicum of flair too? You were out of ideas.

You told your graphic design team, "We don't want to seem boring, but we also want the bare minimum. Give us the most broadly palatable thing you can make."

I am not a great artist and definitely don't know anything about designing logos. But to put my money where my mouth is I sketched a couple of basic ideas just to prove that it's possible and that there's potential here.

I was trying to riff the idea of the Rat King because I think it fits in with the idea of rats as being more than animals, but part of legends and mythos all their own.

Throwing one onto the actual jersey for fun:

I dunno! This if this is just me messing around. Imagine what you could come up with if you paid someone with actual talent!

The End

Anyways, that's my pitch. Thank you for listening to my idea. Please feel free to come up with your own. It's not like they're listening, so we might as well have fun here in the shadows.

And you know who else likes to have fun in the shadows?

That's right!

THE RATS!

#pwhl #pwhl new york #rats4life #plus if you have a rat themed team the jokes will write themselves if the league ever expands to Alberta #that's just an added bonus

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