#i hate my moms house so fucking much
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MY DAD JUST ASKED IF I WANTED CAKE AND MY BROTHER IMMEDIATELY SAID "no she doesn't deserve any" WHAT THE FUCK ??????
#IVE BEEN OUT FOR SO LONG HE KNOWS IM NOT A GIRL I HATE HIM SO MUCH#HE KNOWS I HAVE PROBLEMS AND HES JUST FUCKING MAKING FUN OF ME#AND EVERYONE JUST MOVED ON AND IGNORED IT???#i hate my moms house so fucking much#I LIVE WITH MY DAD. FOR A REASON !!!#i dont want to be here dude#im not making this up i swear this is fuckung normal
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Ive just progressively wanted to exist less and less and less in front of others for like years now and on my worst days it really gets to me
#kae.txt#i wish i was smaller in every sense of the word i dont want to be thought of#i cried to my mom and she had to leave the house and the way she said she'd be back sounded like she was really worried id do something and#i hate that i hate it so much i never wanna make her feel like that but i just cant help it im really tired#i hate even venting about it here cause god forbid i get a message about someone worrying about me#makes me feel fucking awful#sorry i started thinking again oops#ill be over it by tomorrow though thats always how this happens
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sorry to boohoo whine woe is me but girl i am so sick to death of being hungry. every DAY you have to eat sometimes multiple times a day. and while i know how lucky i am that i have the means to acquire food my options are 1. eat junk food 2. go out of my house and spend 1 million dollars at some fast food chain i'm probably supposed to boycotting 3. remain hungry. and i have to make this decision multiple times a day!!!!!
#personal#hurricane blogging lol#we were going to my brother's house for at least one hot meal a day#but he's out of town for work and he's also fucking sick of us#what's worse is that every time i do get access to hot food i eat as much as i can hoping that it will be longer before i get hungry again#and then overeating just makes me feel bad in a different direction#i'm gonna gain 20lbs and feel hungry the entire fucking time#anyway my mom had the bright idea to try hot dogs#the grill is too dirty to use and she hates cleaning it but we do have a little stove eye with it#so whwn they get back from some church concert theyre gonna go to the store and then drop by my aunts house so she can feed her cats#and THEN we will boil hot dogs. at least 2 hours from now. delicious.
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[ID in alt text] my magnum opus
#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#lilith clawthorne#i have hcs about their dynamic but they're mostly comedic tbh#like yeah it's fucked up that Lilith had beef with a child but it's also pathetic and i think that takes the edge off it tbh#hunter kinda knows this. he doesn't like her and i appreciate it when ppl read it as ''hes walking on eggshells around her''#based on that one dana art#i think it's a fair read#but i personally like to read it as equal parts nervousness and annoyance at having to be placed with Mean Un-Fun Lilith#hunter thinks she's a loser and has no idea why she hates him so much. he's just trying to do his job man#(my personal elaborate hc as to how this dynamic formed is that hunter as a child used to think Lilith was cool! he wanted to be like her!)#(unfortunately his braggadocios persona as the golden guard gave Lilith the impression that he was Out For Her Job and also Life)#(and bc she's Lilith these threats from a child are taken seriously. she will play nice when Belos is around but she DOES NOT TRUST HIM)#(and she's just not going to interrogate her own insecurities regarding yet another bubbly teen prodigy coming in and stealing her thunder)#(she is definitely not getting reminded of her own insecurities related to eda being better than her growing up. no sir)#(she totally doesn't see the emperor as her mom whaaat that's crazy)#(ANYWAY post canon i think they could be good friends. bitchy friends but good friends)#(someone the other comes to when they need a brutally honest opinion! steve hangs out with them too. ex emperor's coven buddies!)
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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
#Cw gun mention I guess#I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers#And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses#And NO curtains or blinds because she's old#And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot#And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard#But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold#Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us#Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid#It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn#But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid#And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot#Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US#Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like#I fuuuuucking hate it here
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Is that character gay? *points at Mine*
Allegedly.
#snap chats#depends on what day you check the wiki. schrodinger's homosexual#i couldnt FATHOM showing mine to my mom i know she'd be so annoying 😭😭😭#actually i cant even imagine what'd happen. 'is he gay' 'yeah' 'oh-' LIKE WHAT. WHAT NOW MOTHER WHAT HAVE YOU SAY TO THAT#like i think my mom asks that so much as a cope for my existence when i dont even like men mom As Per Usual mother you got it wrong#she's so weird because her. 'best work friend(? boss?)' is gay so she doesnt care about gay people she just doesnt like. me LMAO#but my moms selective hating aside i do wish i could show her characters i like#not because i want to bond with her but because it always seems funny when everyone else does it with their parents#but id just be too embarrassed ... or i can just imagine her saying like. every other chara is scary lookin. or ugly. liek my grandma did 💀#my sisters keep telling me to show her daigo since they think he looks like our dad and im always tempted to#god wait that just reminds me how when i did a daigo cosplay last year my dad saw me and he was like 'you're like a mini me :)'#like .... cmon dawg youre not helping LCKAEJLKCJAE love him. hope to see him again soon <- literally just saw him#wait while im rambling my dad came over and our 'uncle' (no actual relation just dad's friend) gave us. 12 fucking bottles of wine#when no one in this house drinks enough to warrant TWELVE BOTTLES ?? so funny. at least my sis and her husband drink#and i have one (1) friend who drinks LOL so thats cute. do i have any other unnecessary lore bits to drop before i disappear for a week#our ac broke and its been hot as balls. yeah thats it thats the end of it see you guys next week
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I promise none of you have family drama that even compares to mine
#i will always always have the craziest fucked up family in a room#not even in an abusive way even though my mother is nuts#some characters in my family: flat earther aunt; uncle whose day job is birthday magician but whose real job is landlord#(i dont like that uncle much.)#gay drag queen cousin x2#brother who ive met 5 times ever who is a cop?????#i dont like him (he illigally evicted me from my fucking house)#sister who owns 5 horses (she helped my brother evict me we also hate her)#cousin who got a trust fund from a law suit as a baby but bc she dropped out of school at age 10 (flat earther mother didnt bother to keep#her in school) she is spending thosuands on like. spa days. when she could buy a house#father who was cheated on by his first wife. with the neighbors wife.#as in his wife cheated with the neighbors wife in the fucking late 80s#dad who cheated on every woman he was ever with (exept the first wife) (who was a lesbian) (they had 3 kids) (so like 5 women) with my mom??#oh and my other brother was born missing like 4 chromosones or something and he is one of like 4 people in the world who have what he has#and didnt die at 5#like when i say my family is fucking bonkers i REALLY MEAN IT
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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now
#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today#and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#I’ve been showing what I’ve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself#and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one#but this is the third time it’s had to be replaced and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot more health issues#and they’re not even sure his heart can handle getting it replaced…. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out#and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and I’m so#like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them#I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did#they’re the only family members I’ve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz I’m queer#like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality#if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself#and idk the point is I love him and I’ve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I#hate the rest of my family#but what if he can’t have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if he’s dying and I’m only able to go down and see him one more time#and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine#but man I’m terrified that won’t happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS#and yeah no I’m fully crying now I can’t do this#he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping#and and and I’m gonna fucking throw up#kaz rambles
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many lines in tpn dub are delivered in such a way that they are able to take permanent residence in my brain and routinely beat the shit out of me. this is how you know if an anime dub is good
#skye's ramblings#thinks abt don's 'i... hate this. i wanna be stronger' in ep 6... actually the vast majority of don's lines in ep 6. and in every other ep#or any of ray's outbursts n how whenever he gets angry he sounds like he's about to cry bc hes just a kid n hes so fucking stressed! fuck!!#or how you can tell krone's va was having the time of her life. or 'even if it's fake. being a mom means you get to feel human.' AUUGH#phil is also really good especially in the last ep. my poor little fucking beepo........#or rays snarky little '...and you still don't trust me. i might cry.' to isabella in ep 5. i hate them so much#or the whole scene of norman n emma running back to the house after finding conny. fucking heartwrenching delivery from both of them. man#also gildas voice acting. no specific notes i just really love gildas dub voice <3#and after being held hostage in a call by my lovely friends to rewatch s2 i can confirm. the voice acting is the only redeeming quality#dub cast deserved better than s2 maan. laura stahl and cedric williams work so hard to keep my remaining sanity intact past ep 3 <3#maan its things like this that make me want to be a voice actor. ifucking love voice acting
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Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all
#personal#vent#my folks are real attached to tx#understandable thats where they grew up#but i kinda wonder if they realize that its not the same tx they grew up in anymore#its to be close to family and because one story houses being more of the norm over there means my mom could get some independence back#and i understand it from those angles#i already tried to have the fight with my mom years ago about just going back without me#not only did she say i was shortsighted for cutting myself off from a support structure#(i wanst i had friends who could help should shit happen but whatever)#she also called me selfish for being the only one who wanted to not go back and keeping everyone else here#at this point my folks would be better off going back because they're not going to see too much of the blowback of The Shit(tm)#but i would and that sucks#it was one thing when the plan was to stay around austin but now that's not even in the considerations anymore#i hate feeling like i have to martyr myself for their sake#when the easy answer is for them to go back and i stay here#its not like i visited home all that much when i was on my own in the same town#so cross country wouldnt be all that different#i guess i could get them there and then figure out how feasible it is to move to colorado or something after the fact#but then i really would be throwing out my whole support structure because i wouldnt even have friends to lean on#anyway i fucking hate being in this position
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yall guess whose dad is a fucking. wanted criminal apparently ‼️
also he is thousands of dollars in debt and ghosting his boss. what is wrong with my dad 😭
#janet rambles#vent#i guess?#honestly rn i am just. baffled#bro was supposed to go to jail in 2022 and straight up ditched it to go on vacation instea#and then proceeded to rack up debt gambling on said vacation#what is my life right now#i would call the cops on him but unfortunately hed probably lose his job if i did#and as much as i hate his fucking guts. i also would like to have a house#and my mom is unemployed so if my dad loses his job we are FUCKED#especially because we live in the number 1 most expensive state in the us lol
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#vent#things aren't going well in my house and i have no one to talk to since my friend is still recovering in the hospital#my parents just had the worst fight they've had in over a decade#no details but my dad tried to get my brother and i involved#threatened to leave or kill himself and all that#my mom broke down screaming that he hates her and she hates herself#it's such a fucking mess#thankfully my brother isn't too fazed by this because of his autism (his words) he just wants everyone to be okay#however hearing my parents in a screaming match is probably the biggest trigger for my anxiety#i feel sick#i miss my friend so much right now#it really feels like we'll never be happy again
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its me and my inability to compromise against the world
#i hate it when plans are changed i fucking hate it so much#i desperately need to rant about this im having an awful time ..Augh#my dad lost his job and is selling his house. we have at MOST 3 weeks to get out of here#so wrre moving to the house next to my moms. my grandpa owned b4 he died. HOWEVER#i hate that house its dirty as hell. i cant live with my mom theres barely 2 rooms there and i currently sleep on a couch in the living roo#there are 3(?) bedrooms where my dad is moving and they are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than. literally everything#so well have. not a lot of space. not to mention that all the rooms are shaped so fucking weird. shitty old house bonus#literally everything has the fucking landlord special cause my mom used to rent it except all of the tennants were jerks#so the house has A Vibe. /neg. and its a weird combo of dustu and sticky#Im getting off topic.#i was allowed to choose my room a while back and we all agreed on everything and made plans and thought everything was set in stone#the room i was supposed to get is small asf and has slanted walls. (attic room ig) but it was fine#but my mom was like noo! actually! your older brother is getting that room! we never agreed on anything!!#whicj is AWFUL#i HATE CHANGE#AND. i wish you could see the room im supposed to have now but im at My dad's rn#its so fucking small. the water heater is in there. there's a low hanging fucking duct pipe or whatever right by the door#its pink#it smells like shit#ots right next to the washer and dryer.#there is no light. i hate it so much#ITS SMALL. AND JUST FUCKING SUCKS#i might sound like a dick but everything is so stressful rn i dont want to move school starts in 2 weeks i dont know my schedule i don't#have anyone to talk to. we're all fucking broke as hell and my mom refuses to help my dad because. i dont even know why#sorry. btw#i need someone to talk to so bad#they won't get me a therapist because 1 its not covered by insurance and 2 my dad lost his job and said insurance#i can't get a job because i can't drive and am so mentally fucked up and its so hard for me to do literally anything#i cry at the most insignificant situations and im always on the verge of tears#i get overstimulated so easy i can't fucking do this
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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tomorrow is my first day of classes as I go back to school for the first time in eight years and my family has picked today to blow up at each other and drag me into it
#VERY long story short#after my Papa died my dad buying the house out from my mom became a real possibility again#so all of us slowed down on the house sale stuff#and that included me shifting my focus from packing and looking for a place to getting ready to start school#but as of about two and a half hours ago my father is again freaking the fuck out#and saying we need to have the house ready to go on the market in seven fucking days#bc my mom has asked for a downpayment which he says he can’t afford#(when I asked him how much she was asking for he said he didn’t know. so it’s less ‘can’t’ and more ‘doesn’t want to’ but whatever)#anyway I asked him to ask bc if it comes down to it I would prefer to loan my dad the money for the downpayment#bc in exchange I get stability while I go back to school and the money I lose in interest would just be going to increased rent anyway#so now I get a text from my mother saying ‘do not give your father money for the downpayment’#and I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive of them both without it seeming like I’m ‘taking sides’#but I kind of snapped and said ‘I love you but don’t tell me what to do. I’m not doing this to ‘bail dad out’’#‘I’m doing this bc it’s the best option for me right now.’#and now she’s not responding to me#I fucking hate this#she needs the money. I need a stable place to live. let me loan him the money so YOU have the money mom!#I know you’re worried he won’t pay me back bc he’s proven to be less than honest with his finances in the past but also.#I’m his only kid. not to be macabre but I’ll be getting it back eventually one way or another unless he somehow writes me out of his will.#just fuckin. I’m supposed to be reading through my syllabuses and figuring out bullshit websites for school rn.#I don’t want to be dealing with family drama and impending homelessness rn pls chill#personal
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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