#and provide emotional and physical support for my mom who i also 75% hate
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ohhhh i didn’t think it was possible to be more exhausted than i was this morning. but here i am
#was at my sister’s house for like 4 hours planning and talking abt what needs to be done#i felt So fucking bad this morning. now i am in slightly better spirits but im just Completely exhausted#i hate all of this. i hate that i have to be here in this house for this. i hate that so much falls onto me bc of that#i hate that i was ready to get stabilized here and then this shit happened#and i hate that no one else in my family hates him Nearly as much as i do so i feel completely alone in having No good memories#and i hate that i had to experience the entire process of him dying firsthand#between his deterioration and him being collapsed on the floor#i hate that no one seems to understand how deeply traumatizing that was#i hate that everyone is saying nice things about him and he traumatized me So deeply and was just a piece of shit imo#and i hate tjat i have to continue living here and grieving over someone who i have fucking hated my entire life#and provide emotional and physical support for my mom who i also 75% hate#anyway. fuck my life ig
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