#i hate a certain person theyre who ive been ranting about but i will not out them

[nomoremrnicefag]

it is always so wild to me when cis people try to get me to shit talk non binary identities with them just because I present to them as a binary trans guy bc I will always defend them and whatever those fuckers have deemed as the "weird identity" this time. nothing about me gives off the vibe that a) i would ever feel the need to grift for cis approval and b)that I would ever give cis people the opportunity to talk badly about non binary people with a transgender pat on the back from me, just because they didn't follow the exact same path as I did. its stupid as hell and I sympathize with any non binary person that has the misfortune of crossing their path

[the-unicorn-system]

reminder that proshippers are fucking DISGUSTING. if you support or are "neutral" on them i want you to get the FUCK. AWAY. FROM US. im sick and FUCKING TIRED OF BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO REVEAL TO US "OH! YOUR DNI? YOUR DISCOMFORTS THAT YOU STATE STRAIGHT UP? WELL I IGNORED THAT, IM ONE OF THESE SHITFUCKS."

I HAVE FUCKING ALTERS OF THE TMNT AND IT MAKES US FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK WHEN THEY SEE ART OR FICS BEING SHARED OF THEMSELVES HAVING ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS. I KNOW YOU FUCKS DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SYSTEMS AND DONT CARE IF THEY EXIST OR NOT BUT HOLY FUCK. WE ARE THE WALKING DISPROOF OF YOUR "FICTION ISNT REAL!11!!" BULLSHIT.

AND IF YOU DONT WANT TO LISTEN TO A SYSTEM TELLING YOU THAT, THERE IS SCIENTIFIC PROOF THAT FICTION AFFECTS REAL LIFE, AND REAL LIFE AFFECTS FICTION.

SO, AGAIN. IF YOU ARE A PROSHIPPER THAT IS HIDING AWAY IN THE CORNER PRETENDING TO BE OUR FRIEND, OR FOLLOWING OUR ACCOUNT;

YOU ARE NOT WELCOME. GET THE FUCK BACK OVER TO THE CORNER OF THE INTERNET THAT LIKES YOU AND GET AWAY FROM THE ONES WHO WANT YOU OFF OF THIS TOXIC HELL HOLE.

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[vamossainz55]

Yeah, no doubt Charles gets his share of hate, in fact every driver does, more or less, I was just talking specifically about Carlos. I’d never fault Charles for what people do online, he’s not responsible for them. I do kinda wish ferrari would speak up and ask everyone to stop trying to create a rift between Charles and Carlos but that’s very unlikely to happen, in fact it might enrage people even more haha

It’s always, always the same type of people hating drivers, some of them even basically admit they find it fun to be mean which absolutely baffles me. To each their own I guess.

Carlos in his Mclaren era was a delight, that combination of his own decision to be more himself than he was before (like he said in some interview) and also being paired up with Lando who instantly connected with him worked really well. To me it seems like Carlos needs a much more lighthearted environment to thrive in it, and Ferrari are really far from that… like, being a Ferrari driver puts a certain label on you that you have to be more put together, since it’s a team with such history. Ferrari as a whole need to unclench, stop living off their past victories and truly move forward if they want to be the winning team again. Idk, that’s just how I see things, there’s too much focus on the past, on their legacy, and it’s hurting them more than helping

Anyway, the fact that Tifosi were totally behind Carlos from the moment the weekend started until the very end was really heartwarming ahhh I think the support from everyone was one of the factors why it all went so well for him because ngl, at times this year it seemed like he’d lost some confidence in himself. Hopefully I’m wrong or that it’s all resolved now if I’m not. If only the car was good enough to fight for wins 😭

I guess I’m in a rant mood as well haha, feel free to tell me to stop spamming you 🫶

waaah ! i hope you didnt take it any wrong way- didnt mean you specifically with the charles hate, its just something thats been a bit more conscious in my mind recently and i just wanted to let it out. but yeah, charles is the last person responsible of the hate ofc. i actually prefer ferrari saying nothing about it, i do think itll make matters worse and ultimately ferrari need to fix themselves first 😂.

but yes its usually the same type of people and sometimes its just so so embarrassing. like i get second hand embarrassment sometimes seeing some the things people post to hate on the driver, i just don’t understand how some of them can lack self awareness. ive also been blocked by some accounts on tumblr even though ive never said anything about their fav or interacted w them (infact i love their fav too) but maybe ita cause im a carlos account haha.

mclaren era was so so beautiful i miss it so dearly and i get saddened that he isnt there anymore but ultimately i do think ferrari was a good mood. even though it hurts and sucks ita good that carlos is outside of his comfort zone and that he needs to push his elbows out a little but i agree with all your points, ferrari does need to get off the highhorse theyre on (pun not intended 😂) and reflect as to why they arent performing and the type of environment they have. i do think theyre the team thats stuck in old ways, they need to innovate and think outside the box myb idk.

as for carlos this year and his confidence- i think last year really took a toll on him but hes much more confident in himself this year in terms of consistency. hes back to his old self and i think even though the car isnt performing as good hes still pushing the limits whilst being aware of when to stop. but if its the case where hes missing a bit of confidence still i really hope he finds it after monza. we all are really rooting for him. the car and where its at is a pity, but im hoping both charles and carlos just need this breather this season and in some miraculous way the car will catch up next year.

also do not apologize for the rant, i wrote a whole essay i think 😂. but im enjoying this so dont worry your little pretty head about it

[musicoftheheart]

if i was at a concert: idk if this means im peeforming or im attending but either way im singing my damn heart out ahaha

biggest pet peeve: people who ask unnecessary questions. especially when they then get frustrated that i give sarcastic answers back. like, if youre gonna ask me what im eating when you can literally see the garlic bread on my plate then i have the right to say its chicken bloody nuggets. if youre trying to start a conversation with me, find something fucking interesting to talk about (apologies for the rant lol)

biggest insecurity about yourself: i guess its less an insecurity and more just something i dont like about myself, but i hate that im always all or nothing. i give nothing, no effort, to start with and then suddenly all my devotion is out there and ive given my everything, only for one tiny little thing to happen and i retreat back to cold nothings again. it makes it impossible to form any sort of meaningful relationships, because people either get sick of either (or both) extremes, or because i worry that its only an obsession/obsessive stage and that i dont have genuine care or like for the person/thing

whats your favourite quality about yourself: oh my eyes, for sure. im so incredibly proud of my eyes, because theyre grey. theyre grey and in certain lights/when i wear green eyeliner they look green but almost always theyre grey and i fucking love them <333

favourite season: autumn, 100%. the colours are gorgeous, its a good temperature (especially because near the start, theres still enough warmth from summer for me to wear nicer clothes, but by the end, i can start wearing my cozy jumpers without it being freezing outside)

job i want to have: in an ideal world, id be an actor/singer/musician. id love to be in musical theatre, because it combines both acting and singing and ive been in a couple small shows in my area and it was some of the most fun ive ever had, but it would still be a dream to do either acting or singing/perfoming. realistically though, im very excited to be a teacher :)

fav thing i own: my guitairs, probably. each of them mean so much to me and playing them makes me very happy <3

if i could buy anything, regardless of cost/size: a castle. do you know how bloody cool itd be to have an actual castle?? if i ever get rich, you know where to find me

open tag! if anyone sees this, feel free to come take part!

Thank you so much!🌹 @cookieswithforksandknifes and @ant-thebooknerd for tagging me.

Get-into-it questions

If I was at a concert: I would definitely like to be a singer. I have always dreamed of having my own concert where I can sing my heart out 💕 (Don't worry, my voice is not bad!)

Biggest pet peeve : I always start clicking a ballpoint pen whenever I sit to study. I can't seem to stop myself 😭 ( my mum is very annoyed by this )

Biggest insecurity about yourself: My body and looks. I am a glasses girl so...you know, it's kind of embarrassing wearing them among my friends who can see very well. And also, my body is very curvy so that's a big insecurity ( I am sorry if I annoyed someone 😶 )

What's your favourite quality about yourself? : I love making people happy. I love the smiles and laughs so much that I am unable to bear silence and the grumpy faces🌟

Any pets ( current or previous ):

I have fishes!!! Lots of them!!! Almost 30 in total. 10 are Goldfish, 5 are Clownfish, 10 Angelfish and 5 sharks.

Also, there is a starfish ⭐ and a turtle 🐢 ( I love all of them so much 💞)

Favourite season: I like rainy season. 🌧️ The smell and touch of raindrops feels fascinating 😍

Job you want to have: I have never thought about a serious job but I really want to own a bookstore in the future with hundreds and thousands of books all around me 📚 The thought seems very thrilling!!!

Favourite thing you own: I have a collection of handmade bookmarks which I adore the most. Plus, the Shatter Me book set. ( I almost killed my brother since he touched it with dirty hands 🔪 )

If you could buy one thing in this entire world ( price or size doesn't matter ) what would you buy? :

I would love to buy the companies Rockstar Games and Electronic Arts. It would be a dream come true!!!

______________

Tags :

@ant-thebooknerd @his-littlefox @cookieswithforksandknifes @n0t-an-en3my @nqds @preetrambles @reebslibrary @adelinereillysblog @zozosnothere @wessasbitch @warnersboxers @tingraveyard13 @alastaircarstairsismybff @iminyourwalls70 @aireenwarner @thiefofthecrowns @thefunkyspoon @satori333 @bookoholic-rosie @blairrwaldorfs @weallknowyoulikeme @gracie-221 @emeraldviridiansage @dltnr @arronwarnerfan @aaron-warnerswife4 @insane-eli @bookworm1o1 @sc11vb @bookish-phile @hthn123 @usernameblackpink @yuyananana @idkmyusernamesucks @hannahmarie71 @poeticabomination @shuhuaspookie @kenjisnr1 @theesweetest-princess @ayeshad8744 @crenna @the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see @kenjik1shimoto

Forgive me if I forgot anyone!🙏🏻

(DM me @shattermelyhfmlblog if you wish to remove your username.)

[izzyliker]

Hey, asking you this as nicely as I can but can you give the immediate victim blaming a break. The absolute lack of respect you have for the people tmc abused is genuinely disheartening. Yes, he’s a shitty person, you’re entitled to hate him but immediately going “well you should’ve seen it coming earlier lol we’ve been saying this” is just ASTONISHINGLY shortsighted and cruel. Have your opinions about him and the situation all you want I would just ask that you please keep it to yourself due to the many many people he’s hurt that are still on here and can see you disparaging them.

ok, that is not what i have been saying. "well you should've known" is not an accurate summary of my feelings on this matter but apologies if thats how it came across. i have been in an abusive relationship where the person did a lot of the same things and i, too, defended that person without considering how it impacted other people. i almost lost my best friend because of how i acted as a result of keeping him in my life while people around me kept telling me to get tf out. i know.

what i am is im frustrated and annoyed by how long people were willing to publicly and passionately defend this guy while apparently fully aware what kind of shit he was doing to other people, many of which is detailed in the callout itself, and how this is now being framed as news. before the document itself was published all me (or anyone) had to go off of was vague posts that amounted to a "callout trailer" and almost all of the information on it was shit that was 100% completely public knowledge. 20+ people being aware of all that goddamn stuff and not one of them publicly stopping associating with him is frustrating. it comes across as spineless and yes, like one anon told GD, gaslighty (although i have my own issues with this being used on a large scale instead of in interpersonal relationships but i understand where they were coming from). his lesbophobia, transphobia (strange that none of the transphobia towards trans men was mentioned?), and panphobia/aphobia/biphobia were widely documented and seeing that on a callout post as if it were news was extremely tiring.

ive since read the callout. the interpersonal actions seem to have been horrible but sadly im not surprised (by which i dont mean "and neither should you" but rather. my spidey senses for this sort of behavior are pretty accurate most of the time and i did see this coming. this isnt me saying im Better than these people or that they shouldve as well but rather that i have learned to identify people of this genre.) by any of them.

also im 75% sure this is tumblr user GD. hello. if not then apologies, its just that the typing here is very similar. if it is, i think you trying to both take accountability for this and process whatever it is youre processing at the same time on tumblr is a bad idea and going to just lead to people feeling hurt and betrayed because while i truly do see where the reaction is coming from (like, truly, i understand, believe me), if you say "i take responsibility for how i acted while being manipulated" but then when people voice their negative feelings you tell them theyre victim blaming you it is going to reflect poorly on you. i dont think you understand how many people were absolutely hurt by the enabling you and your large, massively popular group of friends did for him, including the MASSIVE defense rant you typed up in defense of him when someone sent an ask to the bi jon event about him being panphobic and aphobic. whether its fair for people to expect you to immediately go into depth about it is questionable but dont invite people to do this when you obviously cannot handle it (i dont mean this in a bad way like "oh you should handle it". i mean genuinely this is how you get burnt out and possibly worsen possible future trauma. by trying to immediately placate people without having the mental resources to do so.)

i think the "we dont condone these views and never did!" without ever specifying what they were or doing any other work there is a lazy fucking cop-out. your circle was/is massively popular and a lot of people took all of you as authorities on stuff like headcanons and respectful portrayals of certain characters or identities to the point of accepting your meta as canon (something you havent really dissuaded ever), and associating publicly with someone who would constantly do this kind of shit and then defending him publicly while also positing yourself as an authority isnt something you can just "oops! we never agreed with him!" yourself out of. GD & TF specifically, you are massive blogs. you are babys first TMA blog. people in your askbox hurt and betrayed by this shit are not necessarily there to victim blame you. they are there because they trusted your word when they said "hey seraf reblogged anti pan and anti ace and weird transphobic posts" and you said "seraf is one of my dearest friends and would never do any of those things and im personally offended youd even imply that." i think you dont understand the real life consequences of the massively popular posts and sentiments he made & published and that you helped spread (despite apparently knowing that he was being a massive hypocrite and bigoted towards those groups or identities in his personal life). obviously interpersonal abuse/conflict is going to be "worse" but dear god i hope you collectively understand that "oh btw we never endorsed his views" is a massive copout and a shit apology for the hurt this association and endorsement caused. tmc has been terrorizing this fucking fandom for months with his bullshit and bigotry and you have not been passive bystandars but active enablers.

anyways, hope everyone involved gets to uh, heal i suppose, but i think expecting the people who seraf suicide baited, the groups of trans men he misgendered, the people who he targeted and harassed, the genuine fucking long lasting dysphoria he caused real people to have over his shitty takes re: transness and dysphoria, and the general shit behavior he was allowed to keep up with zero pushback from anyone in his circle of the fandom to drop all the anger or frustration they have for the people who enabled him and defended him aggressively is... unrealistic. and makes you look bad. especially when the doc doesnt even clarify which opinions you still support.

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

[artemiburakh]

sui/personal mental health fuckery stuff

delete later

i just need someplace to rant and i know everyone around me is just tolerating me at this point because you can only be supportive for so long and listen to the same complaints over and over before getting drained. i dont want any pity or messages about how ~uwu i care about you~ or whatever but if you do read even a part of this leave a like or an emoji or what have you so i can know who read this.

no matter how hard i try, whenever i think its gonna get better i end up taking two steps back and no matter how good i think im getting i always end up changing for the worse. i was the happiest ive ever in my life been when i was with them but when i got dumped, the reasons why i was dumped and looking back at how they treated me during the relationship and after the breakup really fucked me up and helped me realize certain things. im ugly and weird and creepy and gross and edgy and im cant change that to appeal to people, so everyones always gonna be repulsed by me unless they pity me or feel just as broken as me. thats how its always been for me and how it always will be.

i know their friends were just waiting for them to dump me, because, again, im the freak and theyre the cute one. ffs one of them warned them about abuse just because i have bpd. and so it goes, someone feels pity for me, gets close to me, uses me to feel better about themselves in some way shape or form, and finally i get thrown away when they break me, my novelty wears off or im just not convenient and fun anymore.

ive started cutting again. i hadnt cut in over a year but i started up a few days after i was dumped. ive been cutting deeper than i would before because cutting any shallower makes me feel pathetic, like i cant even do that right and i really want my scars to last. ive been wanting to indulge in unhealthy impulses but i dont have enough energy to go through with them and ive given up on any values i used to hold.

before i even had the words for it i hated myself. i wanted to disappear and i wanted to wear masks everywhere as a young child. i was a resentful and angry and bitter child. i hate everything about myself i cant control. i wanna be special so desperately, even if its just to one person but i never am and i doubt i ever will be because im just not special like some people are.

ive never had a direction in life i get bored so quickly and just give up. no matter how much i practice and try and try and try im never good enough and i just dont have anything special about me. i dont know if i believe in fate or destiny but i doubt i was meant to live past 18 and i feel like im living on borrowed time. i was supposed to die as a child or teenager. some people are meant for this world and i never was.

i decided a good month ago that im gonna kill myself. usually all my suicide attempts are done as an impulse and i give up at the last second or talk to someone or whatever but i decided that, if nothing in my life gets better like it never does, ill just finally get it over with. if i talk to anyone about it, even just writing it down, i feel manipulative but thinking about it and planning it out just puts me in a really calm and happy state, and i think its the first right direction ive ever felt in my life. even if certain people do genuinely love me, and dont just care about me because they like the idea of me or feel bad for me, i know theyd be better off without me. righting a wrong.

again. i dont want pity for this post. i just needed somewhere to vent.

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[jinglyjangly]

(ex fo4 friend anon again) nah i never did it obnoxiously or anything just a few reblogs every now and again which i DID tag so they could be blacklisted. tbh though i dont miss her anymore esp bc she just became a toxic unlikable person since fo4s release

yeah sorry if i sounded skeptical or accusing, i didnt actually mean to! but i have been on the opposite end where ive had no opinion over something and someones constant berating (over ships no less) made me just hate the whole series all together. so its just something i pointed out since i dont want anyone feeling discredited if theyve had that problem!but tbh i havent explored the fandom past a handful of random people, i try to stick to a certain niche of lgbt fnv fans because i have really obvious criticism over fo4. and i cant really handle people who victimize themselves and take it personally because its legitimate and has nothing to do with fans, but has everything to do with it being a videogame i bought! i even kinda tried to get into fo4 fandom at the beginning but there was a blatant disregard for like... lgbt fans? specifically lg and t though. like i bought the game because people were saying the companions were bi/poly and i guess i should've realized what that ACTUALLY meant but everyone kinda taking that to face value and using it as "representation" rubbed me so wrong. like im pretty fucking sick and tired of people using bisexuality as a means to end all "shipping discourse" and throwing lesbian/gay people under the bus, but also like... ive never seen anyone develop and make any character have agency with their bisexuality past just saying theyre bi so it really feels like no one actually cares about "representation" and only whether the character can be shipped with men and women. it makes me end up in this weird predicament where i prefer gay/lesbian characters and headcanons because it feels more genuine, even though i do really want bi characters since bi characters are pretty much none existent in the whole series.idk sorry about the rant on fandom but im pretty much saying you dodged a bullet! and its too bad fo4 fandom is "like that" because it is enjoyable with the right niche of fans but i think the right niche is too busy on there 100th playthrough of fnv :P

[buggerjagger646]

nobody is going to like this and i just dont care at all.

alright.

im gonna rant

because my head hurts and maybe this will make it a little less terrible. 

How very not buddhist of me, but fuck you “fat acceptance” or “mental health acceptance”. fuck. you.

allow me to introduce myself in a way that makes me cringe at my very core, for this is the way that so many talk about themselves these days and i find it fucking deplorable to define yourself not by the content of your character or the achievements which you have brought to yourself, but instead these fucking bullshit words which hold little to no meaning of who YOU are. fuck that. but for the sake of the argument of this rant, ive been seeing a therapist for several months after what i can only think of as a fairly serious break and im being monitored for some variation of depression and suicidal whatever, and also for anorexia, apparently.

to the “accept my mental illness” bullshit - screw off. just screw off. it was suggested at my most recent session that i might need to enter a hospital facility for the apparent severity of my thoughts. i have to go to a long, pain in the ass diagnostic session in a couple of weeks to see if theyre going to medicate me, and that session was very difficult to get because hey apparently very few prescribing mental doctors who take my insurance deal with people who have eating issues. so fuck that first of all. 

“accept my mental illness, i dont need to see a therapist.” go to hell, quite frankly. i force myself to be honest with my therapist. i keep a stupid log of my “emotion states” because she asks me to even though i think is ridiculous. i read and listen to many psychological figures and ideas and force my own self to do everything i can to try to figure out some way to get around all of this. fuck you and your “accept me as i am because i dont want to/am too scared to do any real work for my own wellbeing”. fuck you. get fucking help, do some fucking work, get the hell over yourself for the love of everything. stop moaning and telling ME, ME who is working herself raw to figure out what the hell to do, that you dont have to do the same damn work as me. get off it. get yourself together, damnit. do some damn work. 

moving along, 

“fat acceptance” can fuck. the hell. off. right off. so far off that i never have to see that bullshit again in my life. they weigh me once per month at my doctor. the doctor who i had to sit in front of like a little kid and admit that i was barely eating and watch THAT look. you dont know THAT look unless you know THAT look. the doctor who i was given the (appropriate) ultimatum of ‘go to the doctor to be sure youre not dying or we cannot continue’ by the therapist i already mentioned. i just happened to find and like the one who had a specialization in eating disorders. lucky me. i keep a food journal on and off where i have to describe my feelings around what im eating. and when i hand them off i get to watch her get that little look of repressed concern, going ‘this cant be all that there is’. they primarily consist of the feeling “i hate this” and “im forcing this down my throat and i feel terrible”.

so fuck your fat acceptance. dont give me bullshit about “glandular” this and “hereditary” that. the overwhelming majority of you who are fat are so because your food intake is complete and total shit and entirely more than it should be, and you dont fucking care. or, frankly, youre lazy. and dont sass me, ive had a number of fat people admit to me directly that they are too fucking lazy to learn to cook or to cook for themselves or to eat within healthful bounds.

fuck. you. 

you know what? if you want to destroy your body and your general well being and youre somehow content there, fucking go for it. but dont fucking demand that i accept the fact that youre too stubborn or lazy to do well for yourself. fuck you. if i have to shove food into my mouth and i have to be fucking uncomfortable and i have to fucking deal with this, fuck you, you can fix your diet and stop being an ass. and for the record, anyone who is pushing this shit for children is absolutely, sickeningly, deplorable. children should not be fat. they have every metabolic and physical reason to not be fat unless their jackass parents are too ignorant or arrogant to do something. and yes, thats fucking child abuse. if your kid is fat, its almost certain that you are doing something wrong and you need to either seek assistance or have some kind of repercussion. fuck up your life if you must but dont try to bring kids into this. 

fuck you. if i have to force myself to eat, if i have to make myself be honest with what not eating does to me, then you assholes should be held to the same accountability. you know that the food you eat is shit and/or too plentiful. you KNOW it. dont give me this shit about “fat acceptance”. get your shit together and learn how to accept yourself and you might find that in most cases, youre well aware that youre fucking killing your body and you really dont actually like it. if anorexia is an eating disorder, then most of the overeating is so as well. your relationship with food is just as unhealthy as mine is, stop fucking lying to yourself because youre too lazy to be honest and to find the better solutions. 

fuck your acceptance bullshit. 

almost no one knows whats broken in me right now and im damn well going to fucking keep it that way. because i will be fucking damned if i am going to be defined by this shit as opposed to the things that i have done or will do or the person who i am or my long thought and pondered ideas. and even better, ive been completely betrayed by one person i trusted with this information of me who was so enamored with these labels. and ill tell you, it certainly hasnt helped my view of these label lovers. 

get over yourselves. figure yourselves out, give therapists something to do. if youve got problems, fucking address them. if you want something, fucking go and do the work for it. you dont get things just because you think that you somehow deserve them. work for it. and be someone worthy of what you want. dont be a weak little cowering barely person who demands things from people to try to fulfill something youre not willing to work for. and jesus fucking christ, dont just sit there being broken and insist that we have to take you as you are broken or accept your delusions.

i force myself to eat. i work my mind in circles trying to figure out how to be in a better mind. you “accept me” people are so full of shit i can barely stand it.  

[busaned-blog]

dude your tags on tht post abt hobi+jin not having any lines (+ the discrepancy in ppl's reaction to those awful distributions) is WHEW coldblooded but accurate. ive also seen it happen, ppl leaving bc they can't GET WORK in their own group, and beyond hating awful distributions for wht they are, theyre bad for group longevity esp w/jin whos getting his college degree, who i cld see walking away frm bts w/work+network options even outside of ent. industry. like, bight cherish wht u got rn, dang

Hello anon, thank you so much for your message! It’s nice to know some people actually read my tags I guess haha. I’m not gonna lie, at first when I read your message I was thinking of not replying… simply because we all know tumblr tags are messed up (especially on mobile) and I did not feel like people interpreting my response as hate towards Bangtan or to any of the members. But then I realized that for me in my heart I know my feelings about this whole situation are not based on hate towards either of those so I decided to respond anyways and I just hope that I will word everything correctly so that people reallize I am not a hater. It will be a long response, because as I said in my tags I have a lot of feelings about this, so I’m putting it under a read more :)

When I reblogged that post we’re talking about and put all those tags in, I was extremely angry. I can’t lie about that right now, because I was. Maybe it’s a petty response, but in a song that is 4 minutes and 34 seconds long you just cannot convince me there was no room for Hobi at all. That there was no room for him to get like four lines on his own or for Jin to have more than the two he did? Especially when some members take up like half the song? I just refuse to believe that I’m sorry… And especially to realize, if you look objectively, that the difference in ‘talent’, to put it as such, in Bangtan is not that big let’s be real. They are all extremely talented and no one is 1000 steps above the rest at all in my opinion.

I’ve been a fan since about July 2015, a little after the Dope era, so I have been around for four comebacks now (and a hell of a lot of other groups’ members leaving/groups disbanding) and I’ve said this before on twitter: I feel like the line distribution is getting worse in stead of better with Bangtan. Run was sort of okay for me, especially if you keep in mind the idea of main/lead vocals and sub-vocals, but after that it just got worse and worse imo. And apparently, judging by the response to Hobi having no lines in Spring Day and Jin having barely any solo lines in BST, people really don’t give a shit and want to disguise it under the ‘I love ot7 so let me reblog some posts complaining about the awful line distribution and be done with it’.

The outrage on my dash with the Hobi situation was pitiful, because (and maybe I follow the wrong people who knows) the only ones actually being mad were Hobi stans and some Jin/ot7 stans. The outrage for Jin was basically non existent and it still pisses me off till this day. And the biggest discourse was that people needed to just basically shut up and support Bangtan because otherwise, and wow guilt tripping much?, they would hurt Hobi in the process too. And I get that we all have our favorites, we all have our ranking of the members whatever, but how can you look at this situation and just not realize how damaging it could be in the long run? How damaging it could be for ot7. You don’t have to love and cry and yell about Hobi and Jin as much as you do your bias, but to stay mostly silent cause it doesn’t concern your fave? I just can’t relate…

I’m a Jimin stan, but that means to me I am realistic enough to realize I have nothing to worry about with him. That he will get his lines and his screentime and the attention from his fans. So why should I be blind towards the mistreatment of some of the others? Because I’m settled? Because Jimin is my bias so I have no worries? And I’m not trying to say people who don’t stan Hobi or Jin feel like this, but this is really how it comes across to me. And then everyone, and this annoys me the most, wants to hide behind one of two defenses, a) Bangtan love each other more than anything and they want to stay together forever so awul line distribution won’t break them up and b) Bangtan have a lot of creative control so they probably decided this was best for the song…

Which is funny, because in the same breath they want to oppose haters, which they should don’t get me wrong, by saying ‘don’t hate on *insert their bias here* because it’s not their fault, Big Hit makes the decisions not them’. Excuse me? But that is not how this works. You can’t want to claim they have full creative control and make the decisions themselves and then turn around and say it’s actually Big Hit. It’s either they make the decisions themselves and they are basically assholes for ignoring Hobi, and more specifically Jin in like every song, or they are all subjected to what Big Hit wants.

But to come to the actual point: whether people want to close their eyes to this situation or not, in the end this could be damaging for Bangtan. Do you really think Minzy from 2ne1 didn’t love her group and her members? Do you really believe that guy from Teen Top that wants to leave doesn’t love his group and his members? Do you really believe that someone like Minzy, to take her as an example, who was in one of the biggest girl groups in kpop, just casually decided to leave? Do you not think that she didn’t realize that if she left she will probably never have the income she had with 2ne1 again or that she most likely will never ever be as popular as she was when in the group? Yet she freaking decided to leave anyways, because as you said she got no work! And ofcourse she wanted some, even if that meant not living the live she did with 2ne1, but it would be at least some sort of a life. And this happens to idols all the time, and then they, shocking I know, leave… Awful line distribution, and awful equal promotion, will be the death of any group no matter how much they love each other and the fans or how successful they are.

And I just wish as a fandom we could collectively come together on these subjects a bit more. You don’t have to be a Hobi or Jin stan to be critical of Bangtan’s efforts and in this case their line distribution. And there is also nothing wrong with being a critical fan and trying to let them and Big Hit know that no fan is going to leave if they make everything a little bit more fair. I just don’t want it to come to Bangtan’s contract renewals in a few years and having one or two of them even contemplating leaving. As you said, Jin is graduating soon and many people in the industry have already said that he is a lovely person, easy to work with, funny, clever, hard working and on top of that a lot more multi-talented then people want to give him credit for. You really believe he has no chance of a career outside of Bangtan?

Let me say something positive though for once. If we move beyond the line distribution and take a look at the promo, Big Hit gives me a little bit of hope. 2016 has been a rather good year for all of them in my opinion. Yoongi had his mixtape, Jin had Law of the Jungle and some other variety shows, Tae had his acting, the Taejin OST (where they both proved even more that Bangtan’s line distribution is shit), some MC jobs for all of them on music shows, etc. I think that if you would write it down then their promotion seems to definitely be sort of equal, which gives me great hope that Big Hit will at least always try to promote them equally in that area. But it also seems to me they want them stuck in certain positions: Hobi being the dancer, Jin being the visual, Jungkook being the main vocalist etc. When they are so much more then that!

So what I’m trying to say is that I’m not trying to convince anyone that Hobi or Jin are going to want to leave over this whole thing, but please can we all for once as a fandom acknowledge Bangtan’s shortcomings and realize that if nothing changes (because this is not a one time thing with them), and if we don’t try to voice our concerns, it could come to a Minzy situation (or any other group member that has ever left their group due to disrespect basically). I just don’t want them in the future to break up or have some members leaving, and then have everyone cry their eyes out for a day when we could have done something about it now…

This became so much longer then I wanted to, and I probably didn’t even say everything I wanted to say, so I’m really sorry. And I mostly ranted about nothing you were talking about in your ask, but I needed to get this all of my chest. I always say this and I will say it again: I love Bangtan with all my heart, and I don’t plan on abandoning them anytime soon, but these comebacks just slowly become a little less enjoyable and I will keep hoping that next time will be better. That next time I won’t have to sit through the music video waiting for a glimpse of Hobi or Jin or anyone. I just want Bangtan to reach their full potential, because I really feel they haven’t yet, because I think they are 7 wonderful individuals who deserve nothing less.

[mefukimeme-gonebithc]

SWINGS OPEN DOOR FRANTICALLY AND POINTS AT ALL THE EMOJIS: do it

.........................oh boy

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

HMMM most of them id rather not talk about since theyre really personal/a lot of them arent really secrets since i have talked abt them but they can easily go unnoticed sooooo

im confessing to having a thing for gloves i guess??? specifically black cloth gloves (im not a fan of leather, feels Weird) so. ye. 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

All (in the end id probably be getting hugged tho haha im v awkward at hugging vs being hugged)

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

CARBINKS!!! anything that i deem cute is my favourite (ex. r/owlets, m/imikyus, bonus since theyre a dark/fairy >:3c!!, pum/pkaboo, etc) 

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

donald trump would be dead and obama can stay president for another 4 years until the world gains potential candidates that arent shitty

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

I Dont Think I Want To Talk About It. ill just link the post. (btw thats my dream journal blog, i should use it more)

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i have multiple so hmm.....maybe the fact they put up with my gay bullshit

😘 talk about your crush or partner

gay. moving on.

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya betch

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

-hair

-singing

-cuteness factor

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

HMM im mainly scared of losing my friends and thatll take more than just mental training to move on, but uhh i DO have a mild fear of getting assaulted..........idk how to fix that bc its actually really bad paired up w paranoia

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

kuro kiryu. he can also easily make me cRY WHEN HES A FUCKING RANKING CARD.

💙 what annoys you about some people?

when they do stuff theyre not asked to do and complain like “oh my GOd [persons name] why cant you do this??? im so tired, i just wanna rest, but i HAVE to do this!!” like shut up no one asked you to do it, if youre so tired to rest first and then do it.

another irritating thing is people who use the term “special snowflake” unironically especially on kids who make edgy/mary sue ocs like shut up ugly let them grow up and regret their choices by themselves, dont teach them its okay to make fun of younger people for their edgy ocs

😤 do you get angry easily?

irritated??? ya, angry??? no

youd have to do some fucked shit to get me angry, but i do get irritated fast

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

I DONT THINK I CAN TALK ABOUT THEM HERE,,,

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

-education system

-change how the U.S. ignores the struggles of third world countries unless it profits them/benefits them

-solar energy  

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

“GKL JGAE THE ODDBALLS”

kiss - wataru

befriend - rei

marry - natsume

kill - shu

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

SAN DIEGO!!! its got such a nice vibe, its never too hot there, NATURE!!! I LOVE THE SCENERY THERE EVEN IN THE CITY THERES TREES AND ITS SO NICE!! its just got such a nice vibe to it i havent felt anywhere else and its SO NICE!!

☕️ talk about your ideal day

ideal day, i get to be home alone, play both of AKATSUKI’s albums while talking and playing games with friends without worry ill be too loud to anyone else, i get good food, and i have a nice dream that i remember vividly

alternatively, visiting a bunch of greenhouses/nature filled areas would be Great

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

uhh im gonna go with ambivert/introvert leaning

💧 when was the last time you cried?

crying as in “i feel like Death”, literally a few hours ago because i remember the daikagura kuro.....

as in actually breaking down, yesterday was really bad grhgra

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

1. love letter of the brilliance of cherry blossoms

2. temptation magic

3. ryusei hanabi

4. hinakura to neji ama 

5. the living ghost is alive

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

HMMM this is actually hard for me to pick bc ive had multiple kins where i had powers fuc UHHH

its really hard for me to pick just one, so i guess ill just list off top 5 and why

1. teleportation - i could teleport to my friends cities, also i could prob trick people into thinking im running when im just teleporting inch by inch/foot by foot >:3c

2. deceiving ability like kano - ,,,it seems pretty neat

3. the ability to cheer people up - ,,, it seems pre

4. shapeshifting/transformation - theres absolutely no consequences to being able to make myself taller.........

5. weapon/item creation - i could just make headphones instead of buying them AND i can ensure theyll last

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont worry about how youre being treated now, itll get better

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

ahh, its hard for me to be jealous uhh

in one aspect, i guess te/tora since hes so energetic and hes paired so often with ku/ro...im pretty jealous

in another aspect, j/acksep/ticeye or th/omas san/ders. id love to be able to make a difference to others like how they do, not to mention id love to be as energetic as them

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

bravery definitely. im fairly kind, i have enough brain power (OOOOO AIEOU JOO-) to get by, im fine with how cute i am >;3c, wealth is good but over bravery which im very much lacking in, id rather be brave so i could do so many things id love to do......

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

in a joking manner: my kink for intimidating characters. @ me chill

in a serious matter: probably the fact im awful at trying to cheer people up and i feel awful fornot even trying anymore

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i know english, im VERY limited in thai/lao/japanese, and i know next to nothing of spanish/german/french but i did take a few notes about them bc i was bored. i wanna learn thai/lao the most so i can connect with my culture more, but japanese would be nice since a lot of stuff i enjoy is japanese and i dont wanna hastle others to translate stuff for me haha

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

KURO KIRYU I LOVE HIM

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

a universe where im energetic, not lazy, and motivated to continue on in life and make the world just a tad bit better. and i live with my friends in a nice house in san diego!!

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

,,, i really dont know, and thats why im disappointed in myself

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

demon. theres so many types of demons i dont have to be malicious, plus i could blend in fairly well. theres no rly big downside except ill be frowned upon by other divines

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

someone: you hurt my boyfriend you take away his fp you pretty much fuck him over and you proceed to have gross/abusive kinks shut the fuck up ugly i hate you so much and i never even talked to you i never want to see you mention his url or name ever again youre so awful

something: school fucking sucks and i can bring up a lot of reasons for this. 1: some of the teachers hired are only hired to educate, so personality wise they could be oppressive towards their students. 2: while i do feel like having a core lesson plan is okay, FORCING kids into certain core subjects is bad and they end up not learning because they feel like they HAVE to be their best or else theyll fail, and thats awful. the grading system isnt completely awful, since it shows kids areas that need to be improved, but making it some life changing thing is just...bad...because at that point it goes from “well you need to improve in these areas, so why dont we offer you help so theyll be easier!!” to “GET BETTER AT THIS OR BE FOREVER UNEMPLOYED” and i hate it. i could rant about this.

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

ive just been.....depressed bc of low swing my dude. a big issue would be my entire “i want to do good but i suck” thing, and yesterday i had a really bad dream as stated earlier and it made me extremely anxious for the entire day until i finally talked to my friend about it. theres also the fact i have school but theres no way i can finish it now

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

vet, now im like...im unsure... i wanna get into architech/floor planning/house designing and also be sort of like a youtube/internet idol??? if that makes sense......idk

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

ice cream is one of the only ones i can tolerate haha- i LOVE mochi ice cream but i cant get them fresh here since theres no east asian centric stores here (only southeast/hispanic fusion stores) so rip... ia lso like cheesecake a fair bit

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

kur/o kiryu. or e/nstars in general i guess

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

my breathing gets a bit faster, my chest starts vaguely aching and i get nauseous

😪 what are you sick of?

THE COLD. ITS S O C O L D. PLEASE HELP.

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

nope, not really. i do awful at horror games, im terrified of roller coasters, and the thought of jumping out of a plane makes me wanna decay

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

sh/u it/suki is Bad. the y/oi fandom is made up 80% of really bad fuj/oshi who later hopped onto an extremely controversial manhwa. hea/thens wasnt too bad of a song. i still like mi/necraft/happy tr/ee friends. i like rh/ythm games but dont like rh/ythm heaven. mc/a wasnt awful. ut/apri as an anime isnt too bad but definitely doesnt match up to the games quality in both art and story telling. id/olm@st/er is a tad bit over rated. ens/tars should be localized to ENG.

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

haha nope

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

draw/VERY rarely sew/read tarot, which is what im supposed to be doing anyways

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

uhhh it was either te/mptation magic or love letter of the brilliance of cherry blossoms

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

how i cant cheer people up or help people be more positive. ir aelly dont know how i can improve it my dude, but im thinking.

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

usually bunnies, but if im feelin crafty ill doodle an anime char

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

age mostly

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

INTP, and idk its just there

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

“the battle: ra*bits” MMMMMMMMM nito. dgmw i love mits/uru and i loved how energetic he was + i liked mitsuru too but ni/to introduced me to ku/ro in my canon and he was very supporting of me/tried his best to help me

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont really have a CELEBRITY celebrity fave but itd def be t/homas sanders internet wise

🐴 opinion on __?

“holds up kiibo”

a good boi. i trust him

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

ehh its actually really hard for me to become emotionally unless im deeply attached to something sooo not really

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

ghost girl, maximum ride, and cr*zy

i dont remember any quotes from the first and last books BUT “WE’RE LIKE FREAKIN BALLERINAS AND YOU ARE LIKE A FRIDGE WITH WINGS” will always be my fave

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

listen to music, isolate myself justtt a tad bit, and try to distract myself. it helps to a certain extent, but it wont save my ass

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

k/uro ki

🌍 which country do you live in?

america

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

a fucking asshole

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“you think youre ugly but youre just not your type” -some tumblr post i cant find atm

💭 do you keep a diary?

i keep a dream journal, but i stopped keeping diaries because im wayyy too paranoid someones gonna snoop

💫 who inspires you?

HMMMM chi/aki morisawa, tho/mas sanders, and j/acksepticeye

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

ye, theres no proof that they DONT exist (although you could argue theres also no evidence that they DO exist), PLUS i have had some experiences with ghosts! also itd be fuckin....awkward if id idnt considering i wanna get into s/pirit work

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

ko/toko ut/sugi is the only way i could describe it. kinda gothic-punk??? i used to be into yum/ekawaii and fa/iry kei but i ended up falling out of them.

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

MMM ri/se of the gua/rdians was pretty good, zo/otopia was also good...the book of life was really good and i wanna watch it again now ahhh

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

idonthaveonemymemorypastsixmonthsisgoneandmychildhoodwasfilledwithmebeinginsulted UHH one time in 6th grade i dated a dude and he gave me a teddybear/candy for valentines day and it was really nice, i felt bad since i didnt get him anything and i feel bad for not even breaking up with him to his face

🐱 what’s your dream pet like?

bunny. thats all

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be?

KURO KI

[ashleynrhodesss-blog]

a psa to what ive learned

this is sorta mixture of a rant & psa???? in a way??? im 17 yrs old now & in my short life that i have lived i have slowly learned that judging ppl based off of the words of others is a v ignorant thing to do. im not perfect & in my life, i have been known to talk shit about some ppl based off the words of what a "friend" has told me. i have said rude things about ppl b4 souly based off no proof. i have been rude to ppl & ignored ppl based off words of others. im not perfect in anyway & i have recently disliked a person bc of what a "friend" who i thought i could trust, has told me about this certain person. but the reason i bring this up is bc yes i have done this but over the oast couple months i have tried rlly hard to change my ways & to not go off of others words. the point of this is, yes its v easy to just believe whatever ur "friend" has said, yes they might b ur bff or whatever the case maybe & yes its possible that this person would nvr lie to u or maybe theyve always said in the past that they nvr would lie to but to think that a person wouldnt ever lie to even if it would highly benefit them to lie to u, is an ignorant way of thinking. yes ur bff in the whole wide world that u think nvr would lie to u, ever, could b lying to u about a certain person over the fact ur bff wants u to believe them & hate the other person just bc they dont want u being friends w a person theyre not friends w. ppl who r closest to u, will lie to u about anything, if in some sort of way it benefits them. so to just simply believe some1s words w/o proof or screenshots or what-not is ignorant. another thing. if ur a person that goes around & talks shit about others to make urself look better or to make others hate that person & like u, u need to stop. bc #1 its rude bc if u dont have proof of a certain person being an asshole to u or treating u badly, then u do not have the place to go around & say certain things about them bc u hate them. (look @ my next post to read the rest).