#i hadn't had any recent trauma that might have started them

[tic-loud-tic-proud]

Lengthy and rambling personal life/medical update beneath the cut

TL;DR I had a neurologist appointment yesterday, and he said I'm having functional seizures, and that I likely have FND in addition to Tourette's syndrome.

For context, I've had tics since I was a few months old, but started having weird "events" occur when I was 10. By "weird events" I mean having sudden moments where I would fall to the floor and be unable to move for a few minutes, having times where I couldn't move any of my fingers, and, the worst one, sudden moments where I would convulse pretty violently and be unable to process or respond to my surroundings despite still being conscious (I've always referred to these as "dying fish impressions").

When I tried to talk about this a couple years ago with my primary care physician (I think I was 13?) he told me that all of this was normal for teenage girls with anxiety. Despite being able to look back and realize that doctor was terribly misogynistic, for a long time I just internalized what he said and thought these "events" were no big deal and weren't important enough to discuss with other medical professionals.

Fast forward to last June. This was the tipping point. I had 5 dying fish impressions in one day, with one of them lasting more than an hour. I was at work and my coworker ended up calling an ambulance because she didn't know what was going on. But when the EMS arrived, they saw my medical alert bracelet that says "Severe Tourette Syndrome" on it and thought the dying fish impression was a tic (which is something I also thought for a while). Once the dying fish impression stopped I was able to tell the EMS that I didn't need to be taken to the hospital because this had happened before and I would be fine eventually (but honestly it was mostly because I didn't want to be in thousands of dollars of medical debt from an ambulance ride).

After I'd taken a few days off to recover I made an emergency appointment with a medical professional, unfortunately my usual neurologist was on vacation at the time but I was able to get an appointment with one of his assistants a week later.

She said that my symptoms sounded very similar to FND, and got an appointment scheduled with my usual neurologist.

I described everything that'd been happening and he said that the dying fish impressions are actually functional seizures. And after listening to some of my other symptoms, said that I probably have FND. However, he said that he usually doesn't officially diagnose patients with FND unless it is absolutely necessary to receive accommodations and treatment (accommodations and treatment that, for me, are already covered with a diagnosis of TS) because of the extremely high rate of medical negligence and discrimination that happens to people diagnosed with FND.

So, even though I'm very critical of the FND diagnosis, I think that for me, it could be accurate. I have a couple more appointments and testing coming up to ensure that I don't have other neurological issues like epilepsy or multiple sclerosis that could better explain what's going on. But after doing some research into functional seizures and FND symptoms, I think that FND could possibly be the most reasonable explanation for my symptoms.

I still need time to process but right now I'm just really grateful to have a neurologist that believes my symptoms and doesn't dismiss me for being a woman.

[awriterinthenight]

Stolen Ring, Part 3-Luke Castellan

words: 1373

warnings: swearing, Luke being angsty, sword fighting, fighting, banter, reader being a horrible person (I swear she's going to get better its just part of the plot I swear), btw idk if you've noticed or not if you've read all the parts currently, but these are only parts for chapter 1, so this is going to be a slow burn btw

summary: Ever since Luke's shoes went missing he's been mopey and refuses to do anything. That is until you challenge him to a duel, allegedly for fun, but you have an ulterior motive

Luke had been pissed from his shoes being stolen. They were the only thing his father had given him (besides a lot of trauma, off topic though). He treasured the shoes deeply. Every Hermes kid knew not to try and steal them unless they wanted Luke to go ballistic on them. They were the one thing his father had been generous enough to even acknowledge him with. No matter how much he resented his dad, he still appreciated them, so them being stolen made Luke turn from annoyed, to miserable, and downright insufferable to be around.

"Hey, Luke aren't you supposed to be leading the sword fighting lesson right now?" an Ares counsellor asked, annoyed at how other counsellors were having to pick up his slack since he hadn't been doing much recently.

Luke shrugged, unbothered by having to do anything in his moodiness, "Yeah, but who cares," he said, not wanting to.

"Chiron," she said blatantly, "Chiron does, and if you don't start doing your job he said he might consider taking it away, so if I were you I'd start doing your fucking job," she, along with other counsellors, were at the end of their straw with Luke not doing any counsellor duties.

"Fine," he uttered under his breath, walking towards the arena reluctantly. This class he was about to lead was definitely going to be an interesting experience, and major gossip for the camp.

So far Luke's lesson had been a small free for all. It was organized chaos, but with no organization, so just chaos then. He told the campers to just practice defensive moves on each other, or something like that. He didn't care that much to pay attention, only lent back again a wall, observing the mess. He was in as much peace as he could find, till a voice sounded next to him.

"I knew you were a bad counsellor, but I think this is a new low, even for you."

Of course it was you. Recently you'd been on his nerves more than ever, taunting him on how gloomy he was. He still didn't know you were the one with his shoes, so he thought your taunting was your usual banter.

"What do you want, sunshine," he asked, the nickname slipping out by force of habit.

Even in his mood he still found a way to annoy you, "Oh nothing, just came to see this trainwreck," you answered, shrugging your shoulders, taking a step back to look at what was happening.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" he asked, getting frustrated by you just being near him.

"No," you said shrugging, "Besides, your too moody currently, its annoying," which was ironic, since you were the one that caused this. You took a few steps back, unveiling your sword from its ring form, and twirling it in your hand.

"I challenge you to a duel," you stated, throwing Luke his sword.

Luckily for him he caught it in time before it hit the ground. He was a bit surprised at your declaration to fight him, but wasn't going to question it.

"No way I'm fighting you, sunshine," he stated, shaking his head.

You groaned, "Oh come on, it'll be fun, besides I'm bored," you said, backing up to get into position.

"Fine, but when you lose don't be disappointed," he taunted, getting into a fighting stance.

"I think you mean when you lose, don't be disappointed," you teased, circling him.

Luke let out a chuckle, something he hadn't done in awhile, "Haven't you heard sunshine, I'm the best swordsman at camp, you're not going to win."

You shrugged, never one to back down from a fight, "Well I'd say I'm the best swordswoman, which is just as good if not better, I could take you any day," you stated boldly.

"We'll see about that," he said, lunging at you, but impressively you were able to block in time.

You took a few slashes and strikes at each other before getting close enough to really fight. He'd tried to sweep your legs multiple time, but you always jumped, or shadow travelled away just in time to keep your shins. You took multiple slashes at his hands to try and disarm him, but him being the so called 'best swordsman in years' he was able to parry effortlessly.

Your fight has already amassed a small crowd, growing larger as the fight went on. The fight only really got interesting when Luke managed to get a cut straight your nasal bridge, to just on your cheek bone.

"You ready to give up, sunshine?" he taunted, smiling which he also hadn't done in a while.

You gasped for breath, but managed to get out a sentence, "Not until you do." Luke was still in awe of your boldness (cowardness), making it easy for you to shadow travel behind him. You took this as your opportunity to strike, kicking him firm in the small of his back to knock him to the ground.

"You ready to give up?" you asked, throwing his words back in his face. Your sword was pointed at his throat, as his sword was barely in his hand now.

Luke knew what to do, so he grabbed your wrist forcing your sword out of your hand, bringing you down to the ground with him. Now having abandoned your swords, it had become a whole different fight now, both of you were throwing punches instead of slashes now.

You were currently under Luke, not your favorite position to be honest, but you took advantage of it, wrapping your legs around him to flip him under you, your hand on his grabbing at his neck. From shadow travelling, sword fighting, and now fighting to win, you were out of breath, and quickly losing energy. You managed to get on top of Luke, your knees pinning him down, but you didn't stay like that for long. Your vision was blurring in and out, as your breaths got a bit heavier. Trying your best to not lose, you did your best to fight him, but it was no use. In seconds he had you back under him, then a sword pointed at your throat.

"Looks like I win, sunshine," he said in between breaths, proud of his victory against you.

You were dizzy, dazed, and done with this fight, "Woohoo, you won a fight against a girl with no energy, how great," you sassed, being a bit of a sore loser from your loss.

Luke moved off of you, letting you get up, but instead of that you used the last of your energy to shadow travel back to your cabin. You collapsed against your bed, clutching your real prize in your hands. The fight was never about fighting him because you were bored, it was about your next move for petty revenge. Stealing his flying shoes had an impact, but not enough for him to figure out it was you, and confront you about it. All you wanted was to taunt him about how you finally beat him at his own game. Deeper inside you, a part of you was still doing to show how much resentment it caused towards him.

This was by no means the healthiest option, but you and Luke aren't the smartest currently, so driving each other crazy was your current form of expression. You might've lost the fight, but in this hopeless war you were determined to be the winner, to finally be better than him. That's why you used the sword fight as a distraction to steal Luke's necklace.

His flying shoes from his dad were just one of his favorite possessions. His other was his Camp Halfblood necklace with all the years he'd been there. It showed the friends he made, and the good times he had there.

Stealing something so precious from him was bound to make him go crazy. But you were too busy being blindsided by the feeling and vision of one upping him at his own game. This really was war in the sense that both of you were willing to risk everything over unsaid words and feelings. You might win this, but what will it really cost you?

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[sysmedsaresexist]

An explanation of the Theory of Structural Dissociation

This post, originally, was attached to a syscourse argument. I realized that it might be nice to have a version that can be reblogged without any syscourse or ugliness behind it. This post has no DNI, it's meant to be educational, and if it helped you, maybe consider giving it a share.

The ToSD is a very scary, highly misunderstood monster to the system community. When you think you understand it-- Stop. Because you don't.

This post, though, might be an okay place to start learning about it. I hope it helps others understand some ToSD basics.

[Some ToSD facts to know before reading]

The ToSD

The ToSD was actually started in the late 1800s by Pierre Janet. Many, many other doctors have worked on and contributed to the theory over the last century. This was the competing theory against Freud's work, happening within years of each other. If Freud hadn't been such a dramatic pervert, Janet's work might be more well-known.

It is what it is, though.

If you've heard of the ToSD, though, you probably know it from The Haunted Self.

This (now) infamous book was written by three people. One of which lost his license for abusing his patient.

Many people think The Haunted Self is the ToSD. That this is the book that started it.

These two facts have been used in the recent past to discredit the theory.

Let's talk about it.

The Haunted Self came out at a time that allowed it to really gain traction based on technology. Being able to SEE it happening on brain scans was mind-blowing, and the proof for the theory continues to grow.

Opposition to the ToSD is based on atrogenic and sociocognitive models (fantasy, no plurality is real). It really is the best model we have and one that continues to consistently hold true. So... to explain the ToSD in very a semi-simple way...

The theory states that everyone is born with an unintegrated sense of self. Children have action systems, and these are the base building blocks of who we become. These are things like energy management, attachment, caretaking, survival (ex. hunger and thirst), and many more. From these, we build responses to our environment and people around us. When looked at from afar, or as a larger picture, these action systems can be said to, "exist for their own sake", which is where the confusion stems from.

For example, a child screams for food because he's hungry, and that action system has been activated. Once activated, it becomes the primary concern, but it is still the same child. This sense of hunger and how to deal with it is integrated into the sense of self (unless you're like me and a lot of your trauma is around food, and then a division occurs, and you refuse to care for that part of yourself or reject it entirely), and slowly begins to interact with other action systems, with no delay or divisions.

For example, you learn to balance your hunger and bathing needs, prioritizing and compromising needs/wants without issue.

Typically, as we get older and develop, we build on these base states and have easy access to them at all times. They interact in a healthy, cohesive way that makes you, you.

In structural dissociation, these parts become divided due to interruption, losing access to other action systems, and they begin to build within themselves.

The amount of integration before disruption (basically age) can help explain why there are levels and why some people develop PTSD vs OSDD vs BPD vs DID. For example trauma at age 4 will likely result in DID and a lot more amnesia because there was so little integration to begin with-- the walls are built higher, before any part had a chance to meet the others (this doesn't take into account predisposition to dissociate-- this is why some children in similar situations develop a CDD and some don't-- some people are not physically capable of dissociating like that).

Trauma at 9 could result in OSDD, as parts have already had a chance to start working together. Like, you met your neighbor before the fence was built. You still know them. This level of integration can't go TOO far backwards. Once the sense of self has come together without interruption, or once those formative years pass, you can't make those same changes to the brain. Someone who's 25 and becomes traumatized won't see the same level of damage to certain brain areas as someone with early life traumatization, and they won't have developed similar neural pathways that lead to the disordered behavior.

From action systems, we get into defense responses. In structural dissociation, these responses tend to fall on the EPs-- parts that are still stuck in trauma. Emotional reactions and triggers are so far divided that they can activate unchecked, and with volatility. A big misconception is that ANPs won't know about trauma, but that's not necessarily true. Dissociation as a mechanism, on all levels of structural dissociation, is meant to detach feelings from memories, so I remember a lot of trauma but have no emotional connection to that trauma. The "not me" part of dissociation. And this happens in PTSD and DID and everything in-between.

The difference is how much autonomy that part has. In DID, that part is so far separated that it's essentially its own person (l don't want to get into parts language or "less than" conversations in this post, this is just about developing autonomy). In PTSD, these parts are still connected, so the "main", or whatever word you want to use, still accepts that the experience is their own and can integrate it into their sense of self. For example, you learn not to go down those dark alleys, but know that the rest of the world is safe. You change a few habits, become a little more cautious, and maybe the memory fades, maybe it doesn't, but you're still you.

And this can be because of age (someone was already highly integrated) or because of duration (ongoing repeated traumas, with little sense of reprieve, end up with higher walls and more division-- one time use vs longtime use).

In this way, the longer the duration, the more parts are created, and you end up with multiple EPs and ANPS (secondary and tertiary SD). Keep in mind that there have been updates to the ToSD that show there are more than just the two types of parts, and that functions very often overlap.

And that's the basics.

[pancake404]

Speed/Lazuli/Silvia: a Romantic Relationship that's not great...(2)

If you hadn't seen the first post about me explaining why it's not great in my opinion, then I recommend seeing reading through that one first.

Now before I move on to Speed and Silvia, I want to first get through extra stuff I hadn't been able to get through with Lazuli.

This is an answer Lazuli had during the character Q&A in case anyone is confused on where this came from.

This response confirms a few things, one the first few punches and beatdowns toward Speed were from hatred and dislike(from being a...weirdo) but even after Lazuli started having feelings for Speed(for several months now), she still continued to physically hurt Speed.

According to her, she knows it's wrong but she stills hits him because it's the only way she knows that would get his attention. To me, it doubles also as a way to avoid any chance of them liking you back if the treatment doesn't stop. Not only that, Lazuli thinks of him as a "really nice guy"...which she beats up.

Personally, this is a pretty bad excuse and even she isn't using it as an excuse, it's pretty bad logic in general. We don't know if she's even tried other ways to get his attention or if she talked to other characters like Flare(Speed's little brother), Pearl(someone close to Speed), etc. (This could've also allowed the opportunity for more character interactions and development) And if she did, did she still think it was a good idea to continue hurting Speed?

Say what you think is the cause of this thought process whether of backstory or other factors, but realistically, anyone in Speed's place after finding out that those months of getting hurt was just for their attention would not take that answer with open arms. And even if you make the argument that Speed is super forgiving and would forget about it, then well:

Safe to say he did not forget about that and he probably wouldn't for a long time as not only this is months we're talking about but this is also when Speed is suffering from past traumas. Now Lazuli decided to change her tune? (Exactly what Speed would be thinking)

Speed is going through a PTSD moment right now and Lazuli...kisses him to "calm him down", they are not together at all at this point and this probably also counts as an unconsented kiss.

This is finally her apology (in a moment where Speed is not going through other issues) that she take the blame completely for hitting him over and over for months. Due to the writing needing them together, Speed gives Lazuli a chance....way too early and not out of love but more of giving the relationship a shot. Listen, there is a difference between forgiving someone and being a forgiving person to jumping into a romantic relationship with someone who had been abusing you for the past months.

Speaking of Speed's feelings, let's address that, shall we?

The first time we see a hint of romantic feelings for Lazuli from Speed's POV, this is what he thinks/feels:

Speed finds her cute(ironically enough, he too, realizes this bizarre thought). But as the story progresses, you might wonder what else he sees in her and whenever the the topic of what Speed thinks of Lazuli appears, this is what he says and thinks:

...Yeah no, nothing changes. As you can see, Speed hadn't described much else he sees in her so in my perspective, I think this might just be something for the fans again to pair them up together while in the same time, not giving any clear reason or good quality that Speed sees in Lazuli. Again...Speed is also confused as hell on this thought which is funny but it also shows that he finds it weird considering what Lazuli had done so far. Keep in mind, the left image is Special Chapter Seven, pretty recent and a couple of days before Lazuli's confession and the fight.

Now then, I think I talked enough about Lazuli, let's now talk about Silvia where she's arguably a little better but not great either.

So what is there to describe her and her treatment toward Speed?

First off, it had been mainly shown that she struggles with boundaries a lot. Which can be a fair character flaw if it wasn't mostly directed toward Speed and Speed only.

For context, Silvia had gotten Sunshine(Speed's adopted daughter) to kiss his cheek as well as teaching Sunshine her move set which I believe one move consists of "attract". Uncalled for.

She also lacks the ability of consent apparently considering her first and second kiss were without it and toward Speed. I'm willing to give a second one a little bit of a break but the first one is just blatant.

Speed clearly said he wasn't interested nor in love so Silvia's solution to this was to kiss him unexpectantly to "change his mind". Apparently this was a "test" which is screwed up in a lot of levels.

The second time though is the kiss to the cheek where Speed mentions the first time which Silvia comments on how he hadn't forgotten it(which makes sense, any normal individual would not forget an encounter like that) and she proceeds to kiss him on the cheek this time. Speed reasonably freaks out by this and Silvia comments on how he is now blushing(which can indicate that she was aware that he wasn't in the past which may mean he didn't enjoy it or it was all unexpected).

I'm willing to let go of the second example as it isn't as bad but in the same time, Speed is being drawn crawling away, telling Silvia to get away, asking to get out of there, screaming on the inside, and also looks like he's trembling/shaking. So you may pick your opinion from this description.

Speed has to bribe her in order to get her to stop the "big brother act" which she had been using to embarrass Speed(or for fun which either way, made others look down on Speed).

She also has her own track record of hurting others, Black once, and Speed twice. She also has the strength to break one's back and Speed is aware of this which may mean he had seen or literary experienced a back breaking. Of course, he could have been told.

To Lazuli's credit, she at least knows she had committed wrongs and later finally apologizes for it, Silvia however, on the topic of physically hurting Speed finds saying something weird enough of an excuse and justification for punching Speed.

From past moments, apparently it's stablished when Speed assumes something wrongly, Speed gets punched in the face. When Lazuli assumes something wrongly, Speed gets punched in the face(the only reason why it didn't land was because he unintentionally dodged). Keep in mind, Silvia states it was justified that time when Lazuli starts to think rationally about not needing to hurt Speed. Which means, that most if not all other times, it wasn't.

No boundaries again.

Despite Silvia knowing her older brother's creepy behavior, Silvia also has creepy behaviors like sneaking to the boys room during the night to visit and to do something unknown with them, specifically Speed. Lazuli agrees to this because even she's concerned about what Silvia is planning and this is coming from the girl who had been beating Speed the past few months.

She also can't keep a secret for her life(as well as lie to create drama).

It can be another character flaw but again, it's all directed mostly to Speed and once toward Lazuli which made Lazuli try to ice beam Silvia which Speed blocked and got hurt because of it once again.

It's starting to appear like a bad cycle of Silvia does a dumb move/makes stuff up/tells truth bombs about Speed he isn't ready to reveal yet, Lazuli gets the wrong idea, and Speed gets punched.

I wonder why Speed doesn't listen to Silvia after everything she had also done and a lot of it she didn't apologize for.

Also, by the way, slapping someone sometimes is not the greatest way to convince someone, just letting you know...nor is shouting at them that their an idiot. Especially when insults and punches had been given enough by love interest 1.0(or 2.0 since Silvia and Speed met first instead of Lazuli and Speed).

To add further to this, Speed doesn't even look surprised, he just looks at her normally and hopelessly which is admittedly a depressing thing to notice. I kind of wish other characters mentioned this more or be concerned about Speed's mental state if this is his reaction.

Now then, since we've looked at Silvia and her treatment and "love" toward Speed. What about the side of Speed? Now, unlike Lazuli where his opinion is mostly that he finds her cute and nothing else, Speed has a lot more of an interesting opinion and explains more about his feelings for Silvia.

Speed views Silvia like a little sister because of her childish behavior and that dating her is weird for him as he feels like he's dating his own sister. This...makes sense given his character, again, Speed acts like an older brother to others for the most part. Despite his denseness(which that idea had been smashed to our time and time again), he still is mature compared to the rest as he had lived under constant responsibility over his siblings.

Also if you don't know, Pearl and Silvia body swapped in Special Chapter Seven.

This idea had already been brought up as Speed is willing to let Silvia call him her big brother and treat him like one. Of course, this is before Silvia goes overboard and Speed quickly regrets his decision in trusting her.

To further add to the idea that he doesn't have feelings for her, he pulls this trick which he clarifies is not meant to be taken seriously as it was not meant for any romantic feelings. He also does this trick again to fully identify that Silvia was in Pearl's body.

Then there's this:

In case you didn't know, at the end, Speed picks both up as his girlfriends. Why would he do this with Silvia after time and time again Speed had shown disinterest in her and focused more on her being an older brother figure? Most likely the same reason why Lazuli and Speed got together, the fans wanted it and since one group was going to be unhappy no matter what was picked, EV decided to choose both for Speed. Of course, this may tie in the fact that Jolteon and Sylveon were supposed to be the main pairing but if that pairing was supposed to be included, then at the cost of it, Speed's character and main feelings toward Silvia got looked over.

Remember, he gave the same offer to Silvia that he did for Lazuli, to give their relationship a shot. Which also means, Speed is not doing this because he has feelings for Silvia but is just...willing to try.

So yeah, that concludes Silvia and Lazuli and why their romance with Speed isn't great, especially for the side of Speed. But unfortunately(or fortunately for those that wanted to see more me just going against this relationship) I still have more to talk about as well as other side things I wanted to get into while looking into Eeveelution Squad.

I realize looking things over that there could have been ways to improve this a bit by simply making a few changes especially to the character flaws already presented in Silvia and Lazuli. Lazuli could've had more development and chemistry(how characters bounce of each other with their individual traits and uniqueness) with other characters if she had been aggressive or quick to violence with the other members of the squad instead of just Speed. Silvia, with her flaws of unable to keep secrets and lack of boundaries could've led to potential conflict with other main characters instead of it just screwing Speed over.

Through her acts against Speed, we never see how Silvia treats Black or what Black truly sees in Silvia, Speed even questions it in the beginning. Half of the crap that Silvia pulls on Speed is never shown against anyone else, particularly Black.

If I had to give more writing advice for others(and also myself again), then think like this. Ask yourself "Why?" on every character's treatment to the rest. Why does Silvia not spill dirt about Pearl but does for Speed? Why does Lazuli not hit Flare or Kris even once? Why is Speed so forgiving and how do the others react to Speed's forgiveness? The more questions answered the better and I wish there could've been more seen with how other characters interact with each other instead of it being Speed focused and the abuse against him and seemingly only him.

Anyway, I hope this potentially granted another perspective for anyone that still plans on assassinating me for the supporting the relationship in this fictional work. Next time, I will be focusing more on both of them(the harem...) together as well as missed opportunities and solutions.

For a hint on some other screenshots:

Oh no...

Oh I have some words prepared soon.

Anyway, this is not meant to be any attack on EV but more of a criticism against the writing which they themselves admitted was confusing and had struggles. There already a lot of it but like I said, I feel like there isn't enough people realize the flaws between these two relationships separate let alone together.

I did try to avoid sounding too harsh or in an attacking way since I don't believe that's how things change for the better or how stories can be crafted with less flaws but in the same time, in order to fix said flaws, they have to be called out. Remember, criticism is not just hate, but more of things that can work some improvements. In a way, some of those that criticize, do so because they believe the work can be better.

Regardless, whether EV continues or not, I hope their happy and content with whatever position their in(or at least for things to be hopefully better as some "fans" were...not great). Same goes for anyone reading this, I hope you all have a great day and thank you for possibly reading through this rant/essay/critique/whatever it truly is.

[magentagalaxies]

16, 17, 23!

thank you will!!

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

january 9th, me in the first greenroom of scott's buddy cole tour (pittsburgh). i took a mirror-selfie backstage at every tour stop

17. Post a picture from the end of the year

november 25th, me onstage with scott thompson during his toronto show with the kids in the hall (i know i've already posted this photo but 1. it's the most recent pic of myself that i have and 2. isn't it kind of bizarre that i happened to wear the same outfit???)

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

"if you make a deal with someone that needs to be fulfilled at a later date, especially for your documentary, GET THAT SHIT IN WRITING!!!!"

this obviously refers to the whole debacle i went through at college this year (scott visited my college on february 9th and i was supposed to interview him alongside another comedy professor and the comedy department told me they'd give me the footage for my documentary since that was the whole reason they got this celebrity appearance. however the professor who was leading the event treated both me and scott super shitty, and since he didn't like the way me and scott talked about gender while respectfully disagreeing he went on to fucking out me on twitter in an attempt to "cancel" scott for "misgendering" me in a separate interview even tho i go by any pronouns, dipshit. after the tour was done, i realized i'd never gotten the footage, so i checked in again and the professor told me he wasn't releasing the footage bc it "violates the college's community guidelines of respect and inclusion." after a LONG back-and-forth with the department head, they eventually released the footage to me. this whole debacle lasted 2 months and left me with some lasting trauma bc of how so many professors i looked up to were treating me like i was somehow in the wrong for being friends with someone who "disrespected my identity" (again, i've gone by "any pronouns" the entire time)

so with all that context, that advice might almost seem too small. like, you might think i'd rather say "don't trust [insert name of professor who outed me]" (bc he genuinely made me think he was a trustworthy person so that betrayal blindsided me). or maybe even go as far as to say "don't invite scott to your college" bc even tho this started as both me and scott wanting to do a nice thing for each other, it was such a shitty experience for both of us that maybe it's not worth the trouble

but aside from the fact that this event had been planned since the end of 2023, i wouldn't want to avoid it completely. as shitty as being outed by a self-serving asshole in an attempt to discredit your close friend is, and as much as i'm still reconciling with how it changed my view on whether i even want to call myself "nonbinary", i'm glad it happened. bc those problems i have with labels would exist even if someone didn't bring them to the forefront, and i've been able to grow so much as a person since i stopped worrying about being "good queer representation." and also, i have no idea where my friendship with scott would be if that hadn't happened. helping me through that shit allowed us to connect on a much deeper level (and is also the reason he let me keep his jacket lmao), i don't know if we'd be quite as close as we are without going through some of the worst shit we've been through together.

but to say i "wouldn't change a thing" is inaccurate bc that month-long email back-and-forth about whether my school promised me that footage (they fucking did) was so shitty and unnecessary. they might have still pulled the same crap even if i'd gotten it in writing, but then i'd at least have proof on my side. oh well, next time.

thanks for the ask!!

End of year ask prompt

[tranakin-skywalker]

Wait you're making a fic for your torgruta au?? Tell me more please

Yeah, I've been thinking about writing a fic about it for a while now. Most likely it's going to be a series of oneshots so I can hop around to different parts of the story I find interesting.

A lot of the ideas are coming from the hyena discord, so I can't claim them as my own. But they are just too good to pass up. Like togruta making infrasound with their montrals and constantly projecting their moods. So when Anakin first gets to the Temple he's constantly screaming for him mom at a pitch that only other togruta can hear.

I've decided that that's actually how he first meets Ahsoka. She hears him making his lost, scared, where's mom, where's family sounds and seeks him out to comfort him. Ahsoka would be about four here, and would have left Shili recently enough that she could still remember what those noises mean, even if Tatooine togruta sound different from Shili togruta. (to a Shili tog Anakin's distressed noises sound like he's being maimed, but that's just because of the generational trauma and general awfulness of being a togruta on Tatooine. What they would think of the vocalizations he makes when actually being maimed we will not think about)

So Anakin and Ahsoka end up growing up together right from the start, and the main reason Anakin is so insistent on being knighted early is so that Ahsoka can be his padawan. It's a private thought he has to himself at first, but as Ahsoka gets older and no masters are showing any interest in taking her on she starts to panic. Anakin tells her that he'll just have to get knighted before she ages out so that he can be her master. And then the Clone War starts and he realizes that keeping his promise means bringing her onto the battlefield with him where she could die and he's not sure if he'll be enough to keep her alive :)

Because Shmi is a togruta too she does not get bought by Cleigg Lars. I am just. not dealing with the implications of that. (Listen. I want to read Shmi's marriage to him as a good thing, but I have a very hard time doing that.)

Now, there's actually a comic (Legands, I think, not Disney canon) where Gardulla goes to Watto and tries to buy Anakin back after he wins the Boonta Eve Classic. So have some fun thoughts about what would have happened to Anakin if he hadn't gone with Qui-Gon.

In the fic, Gardulla goes to buy Anakin but of course he left with the Jedi, so Gardulla decides she'll take Shmi as payment for Watto's debts. After all, if Shmi already had one child who turned out to be a talented podracer, well, she might have more. Hence the younger sibling that comes about shortly after Anakin leaves.

When Anakin goes back to Tatooine because of the nightmares about his mom he finds out that Watto sold his mom back to Gardulla and has to go to her to buy his mom's freedom. Which would be traumatic, on multiple levels. Anakin finds out that a month before he arrived, Shmi tried to escape with the sister Anakin didn't know he had, and Gardulla had their chips detonated. Gardulla even gives him their triggered remotes as proof.

(Of course unbeknownst to Anakin, Shmi and the sister survived and are living with a village of other escaped togruta.)

A lot of canon still happens the same, including Anakin's fall, Order 66, Mustafar, etc. But when Bail Organa sees Ahsoka at Padme's funeral he tells her that he can take her to a mutual friend of theirs. Ahsoka thinks (hopes) it's Anakin at first, and is devastated when she realizes it's Obi-Wan (and then hates herself for feeling disappointment because she should be happy that Obi-Wan is still alive, but he's not Anakin, and this means that Anakin must be dead).

There's no Lars family and the Organas would have a harder time explaining a non-human daughter, so Ahsoka and Obi-Wan end up taking care of the twins. They eventually find their way to Tatooine because it's out of the Empire's notice and, well, because it's a connection to Anakin (Ahsoka's trying to hold onto anything she can that connects her to her brother and Obi-Wan is in his self-harming phase.)

And it's there that they eventually run into a little community of togruta and a woman who looks suspiciously like Anakin who has the last name Skywalker. But hey, Shmi gets to meet her grandkids at least. Even if it happens at the same time that she finds out that son she thought she'd sent away to a better life and hasn't seen in 13 years is dead. (Obi-Wan sees how much Anakin's death destroys Shmi and decides to never, ever tell her what he became. Vader will be his burden and it's a secret he will take to his grave. Anakin Vader is dead, and he'll save them from ever finding out how it really happened)

Of course, 15 years later Ahsoka goes to rescue some rebels from a walking death omen in black when she realizes the infrasound calls he's shrieking out of his mangled montrals is devastatingly familiar.

[f1-disaster-bi]

hi!!!! hope you are well!!! paddock hoe lando is my favorite au, and with the recent posts about it (which i loved!!) it got me thinking about how when lando escapes and still has the rope around his wrists, you mention that max is the only person lando trusted to do that with, would you ever write more about the aftermath of the incident/how max and landon’s relationship might have been impacted by that violation? how did it affect them? obvi i feel like it would take a long time for them to ever consider using ropes again, if ever, and even then maybe like silk instead? how did it effect the dynamic between them, having that trust they both had, violated by someone else? weird emotions from max knowing that he had tied lando up and now it’s a place of trauma? sorry for the length but i’ve been thinking about this au so much lately and max/lando is my happy place haha

Never apologise for the length!!! I am so happy to get this ask and see so much love and interest for Paddock hoe au and for Max/Lando in this cause I love their dynamic 🥹

I am so close to writing a second part to that fic. I have like two drafts of it going with @f1-birb. I just need to sit down and actually write it 👀

In that fic, when Lando is found with the ropes and the marks on his wrists and it's Max who sees him first, it definitely shifts their dynamic because Max never wants to hurt Lando and even when they engage in rough play and bandage, they have so many checks and they always discuss it beforehand.

Max is the only one Lando has ever let tie him down or gag him or blindfold him. It's something he feels safe doing with Max, and something they're both interested in. He trusts Max with him being submissive and vulnerable and knows (like with all his partners) Max would never hurt him or cross his boundaries.

And when he shows up like that, they're both shaken.

Lando doesn't really want any type of sexual touch for a while after that. He's still wrapping his head around it. He's dealing with it in therapy, and he's learning slowly to differentiate between good touches and bad touches again because the first time he tried to do something a little sexual with a partner, he froze and panicked and couldn't tell who was touching him.

Even when he gets better, he notices that Max hangs back. Their time together is more cuddling and soft making out and more frottage than sex and while Lando likes that, he's worried he's fucked up and eventually asks Max about it.

"I don't want to remind you of Him" is all Max manages to get out before Lando would be hugging him tight and planting himself in Max's lap because he knew Max was struggling with seeing Lando like that, but he hadn't realised Max was scared Lando would see him differently.

There would be a lot of talking and measuring each other. Lots of Lando promising that this hasn't changed anything about how he sees Max or feels about him because Max would never have done that to him. He knows that like he knows his own body.

It would still take a while before Max and Lando were comfortable doing anything with restraints again. Max even hesitates to pin Lando down when they eventually start having sex again but they make it fun. Lots of teasing words and soft kisses and colour checks and sweet kisses.

Max definetly gets rid of the rope he had and used before. He can't stand the sight of it after seeing Lando so distressed and hurt and he doesn't want something that's meant to be about trust tinged with bad memories so I can see him moving to something different.

The first time he breaks out the padded fluffy handcuffs, Lando laughs so hard he cries but he also smothers Max in kisses because he knows why he has those and he's reminded again of how much his boys love him and care for him.

After that, I can see them using a mix of silks and soft items and maybe padded cuffs that Lando can let himself out of if he wants. It's trail and error, and takes a long time to get back to that space but Max and Lando get there eventually with lots of talking and reassurances from both sides 🥹

[vaalthus]

Convergence Part 1 (spoilers)

*Deep inhale*

*Long exhale*

THE TIME IS NIGH!!!

So to start,

I have to say I was utterly shocked that Jaania chose not sacrifice any more of her forces to buy her more time weave her spell but after giving it some thought it's an action that makes sense for her. As I mentioned in commenting on the Final Steps release, Jaania is finally able to see that our motivations we're always intended to strive for everyone's sake in the best of ways we knew how. As a result, she's hoping we can see and have faith in the good she's trying to bring about through her ascension.

As such, it makes no sense in her eyes to waste the lives of those who have been so loyal to her in helping her reach this moment when there's a chance their lives can be spared by us and they in turn be able to experience the world she seeks to achieve. Though those same troops would have been more than happy to lay down their lives for her so that world is brought to fruition. It's just a pity Jaania didn't give the order to retreat sooner otherwise the last of the Pelekoans might have survived.

What troubles me is the comments like these:

It's no secret to anyone that the last of Jaania's forces were those who were most loyal to her and her vision but what I find troubling here is the inevitable aftermath of these people once this conflict reaches its conclusion. As Hansa, pointed out to us in the Awakened Depths, Jaania became a beacon for those who had a simple wish to be achieved: to be free of any and all magical threats that Lore offers. However, it's not just these soldiers that want that, it's the nobles, the farmers, the little guys that have been supporting the Rose all these years across Greenguard and likely still do, sure that number has definitely taken a dive since the start of Book 3 but I doubt it's still insignificant. All of those people will soon find their dreams and the person who was meant to bring back a sense of uninterrupted peace in their lives is about to be dashed. We can only hope their response to this reality is constructive as opposed to the opposite.

What I've been saying all along folks :3

Miss me with that "we're not so different you and I" speech.

I like to think this is the Hero taking all they've learned about the ability to make choices in the Maleurous saga and is just throwing that much needed wisdom back at Jaania who feels the need to instill order in the world.

This comment is interesting to me because we have seen the Hero effectively try and be everywhere all at once for eveyone's sake, quite almost obsessively I might add, and I feel if Jaania hadn't recently just had a change of heart on her perspective on them, and taken the time to analyze the Hero's deal, she might have been able to more strongly appeal to their need, their desperation, in protecting everyone they can. Not that it would work either way, the Hero's distrust and deep-rooted fear of her, as seen in Fear, showed that getting us on her side was simply not possible.

If she was more predatory, of course, she would have used that aspect against us as every other villain that attacks our psyche has done before. A neat contrast here is what I'm pointing out.

*sigh* Every single new questionable scene with this woman continues to force me to find comfort in the fact that her and the other Magesters too dependent on the Mana Core Fragment will be dead eventually thanks to Roirr's actions. I truly want to believe there's a positive future for the Shapeless Empire that doesn't involve exploiting its citizens through this agreed upon cycle without violence but the rotting hands of the past never want to let go of control easily.

YOU GAVE THEM TRAUMA AND WEREN'T EVEN SORRY!!!

Okay technically this right here is the more sensible reasoning, but I stand by what I said! What I like most in this scene is that we simply reaffirm what we've been trying to tell her since this whole mess started with her organization. Everything we bring up about the harm the Rose has done thus far has been consistent and aren't negated by the fact that Jaania, at heart, wants to do what she believes is best for everyone's sake.

What I love even more however is how she averts her eyes the moment we bring up Akanthus because she knows she can't even reasonably, or delusionally for that matter, deny she has made a grave error in judgement in allowing Akanthus' abuses on, well, basically everyone, and soon everything, in his wake. It's that "Yeah, ya got me there look" that just sends warm feelings down my spine.

Now if you told me at the start of this saga Jaania was going to offer us a bargain to effectively play as the puppeteer god of fate alongside her, I definitely would have called you insane. It's moment I'm sure comes as a complete shock to everyone, it certainly did to me anyway. And honestly why wouldn't it? It's one thing to ask us to stand down and simply allow her to achieve apotheosis but it's a completely different matter to propose to come and play god. But it's one that sadly makes all too much sense.

Jaania has admitted that she has made terrible mistakes and has been too much of an imperfect being in her quest to achieve peace and prosperity for Lore. So better way to accommodate for her ham-fisted actions and judgement so far then to have someone like the Hero to hopefully keep her worse tendencies in check. As opposed to someone like Akanthus or Zadd who would, in all likelihood, make things worse had they been afforded the opportunity. There's another reason I believe she makes this offer but I'll get to that later.

Nothing else to say here beyond epic callback!

Out of all the Hero's moments in this quest, I believe this is where their experiences throughout the Maleurous saga shines through the brightest.

In a way, you could argue that, in spite of the obvious chaos that will come with it, Jaania's plan is to instill an eternal order, a Destiny, upon Lore itself, one in which she will insists never ends as she dictates. Yet the Hero knows the importance of others being able to decide the paths they choose to walk, I'd argue they've known that since Calamity, without some transcendental hand to yank them in another direction against their own will. So they certainly would not agree to be the one to dictate the fate of all those that live on Lore let alone allow someone as misguided as Jaania to do it.

Okay, I think we all knew that the void pearl was too easy a solution to deal with Akanthus and was likely not going to work but there's something absolutely amusing about Hesperrhodos being used a shield to be sent to the Void and then teleport immediately back to Lore without issue since, ya know, Elemental Spirits can just do that at any time. Hell I at least would have thought that thing would have let a monster through or something. The downside to seeing Zvezdana looking completely slack-jawed after these events unfolded is the fact that we still don't have a damned plan to take Akanthus out of commission...so yeah.

I have to say I love this final appeal Jaania gives to the trio of combatants because it shows a few things. First, that she still fails to understand that her organization was really only giving the illusion of peace to all those the dwelt within range of the Rose's reach and even then only really through the lens of normal humans. Second, it displays that she never truly had a proper grasp on the relationship she fostered with those she worked alongside. Lastly, she places too much hope that wanting the same things is not the same as agreeing ideologically how get those things.

Which inevitably leads to one option: Violence

I have waited 12. long. years. for this very moment. 12 years spent waiting since we broke free from that ice cap. 8 years I waited since from the first time we saw her again in Timelines. 7 years since the original Gala and our spat. 4 years since dealing with the second rift and I had a deeper appreciation for her mental state which motivates her.

And now I am finally here to fight Jaania one on one. So, you best believe I fought alone to prove which of us was could beat the other!

The following boss fight that ensues is perhaps one of the best thematic story fights in the entire game at this point, as it should be for the antagonist that is the face for this entire saga. I'm quite pleased that devs designed her to be difficult, hell I'm even glad that couldn't easily soul gambit my way out of this one.

In terms of mechanics, it's everything you could expect, Jaania does everything she can to debuff us and each time she fails and has her health cut down in bulk she commands even more strength to take us down, even attempting to go for the old freeze'em solid trick and when that doesn't draw any purchase thanks to Aegis she relies on her new found soul weaving arts to dispatch us. All the while we deal with the tragic music in the background tugging at the heart strings for a conflict that should have been avoided.

How far we've come since the Doom Amulet was our first real challenge in-game for year, eh?

And can I say how amusing it is that Jaania trapping us in ice is something that could only work once? Aegis apparently always had the means of unfreezing, he simply couldn't due to Draco keeping everyone away from where we were placed. So, with him already being close by to protect our soul from going poof, there's no way he's going to let us get trapped again. Even more amusing is to think about how Jaania is basically using the old ice soul weaver meta to take us on.

But after all of that we prove in the end, with or without aid, to be stronger than Jaania, at least in this exact moment.

It's a pity though that the moment does not last as expected Jaania will not let it end without fighting at her full potential.

This right here is the reason I believe Jaania made her initial proposal to us and why I bring up the Maleurous saga. For me at least, it's easy to see the similarities between Jaania and Notha. Both are exceptionally powerful accomplished mages that desperately sought out to change a world that gave them deep rooted traumas that they wished to change that world so that the suffering they experienced could not continue. However, where Notha wanted to bring about chaos to change the order of the world; Jaania is hellbent on imposing order on the chaos the world of Lore and its magic offers its inhabitants. Furthermore, I suspect, unlike Notha, that Jaania cannot bring herself to reconcile with the trauma magic has placed on her life and the people she cared about. Most defining of all though, which will likely be her downfall, is her need to be in control of everything so that she or anyone else might never hurt again.

Antagonists like Jaania are always left in a hard spot. They seek to rid the world of suffering and conflict forever and while that is a noble desire they fail to realize how unfortunately intrinsic those things are to existence. Thusly they bang their heads on a wall until they're bloodied and broken only for that dream they longed for to dissipate before their very eyes.

And so, her last option is to go full synchronization. I can't guess what happens next here with Jaania. Judging by the increased streaks of white in her hair, her soul is continuing to unravel though I think she's in no worse of a state than Tomix was when he was at the end. I was originally going to say synchronizing with a corrupt spirit created through forbidden magic would spell instant catastrophe for Jaania but then I remembered Aspar was created through the same means, although he was just a fragment, so she might pull off the effect with little issue.

I suppose we must simply wait and see what becomes of our troublesome Arch Magus and where the winds will turn for her ambitions.

And of course, there's still this asshole and the doom device.

[no-i-cant-decide]

Love Unwavering (ao3 link)

Rating: Teen & Up

Word count: 1.2k

Tags: Mild Hurt/Comfort, Rape Recovery, Anxiety

Ben let out a contented sigh as he snuggled himself closer to Callum, relishing the comforting warmth he felt from his husband's chest and the arm draped over his shoulder as they sat on the sofa in their flat. The telly was on, the bright colours from the screen the only source of light in their living room, but Ben wasn't paying much attention to whatever show Callum had clicked on. Instead, Ben's mind had been on something he had discussed with his therapist that afternoon.

Therapy had been going well, Ben felt. He had become more and more comfortable in the group sessions the longer he attended, and had found himself volunteering to speak during one recently. He'd even been able to start one-on-one visits with a therapist, a kind young woman called Jody, and somehow she had made talking about what had happened to him less daunting. It was slow but it was progress, and the weight that had been filling his bones, festering in the pit of his stomach for the better part of the last year and a half, was beginning to feel a little less heavy.

He was far from being his old self—he probably wouldn't ever feel like his old self again—but Ben had found there were more and more instances where he was able to laugh, to enjoy the small moments of peace with his husband and daughter without the clouds of his trauma hanging over him. Jody had taught him ways to cope when things got too overwhelming, which didn't always work and most of them made him feel silly at first, but they helped. Ben was starting to move forward with his life, giving himself the time and space to heal from everything that had happened.

There was one thing that still weighed down his shoulders: intimacy, or the lack of it in his marriage. Callum had been so understanding, full of patience and willingness to wait until Ben was ready. He'd never once pushed him, hadn't even brought it up again since that initial conversation, and knowing that Callum loved him enough—still loved him—to put his own desires aside for him made Ben's heart feel so full.

But, as he had brought up to his therapist at his session earlier that day, Ben was still troubled by one part of Callum's reassurances.

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

Jody had encouraged Ben to bring it up, reminding him that he wouldn't know how Callum would react for sure until he actually asked. "You remember the night, a few months ago, when I told you about everything?"

"Yeah," Callum said, his fingertips still dancing delicately over Ben's arm.

"And we talked about how, erm, how we haven't been intimate since before?"

Ben was trying his best to keep his voice even, to not let Callum hear how scared he was to bring this up again. He knew he didn't have to hide what he was feeling, that Callum wasn't going to judge him or laugh at him, but it didn't make it any easier to speak the words.

He continued, "And you told me that we could wait as long as I needed until I was ready to try?"

Callum's fingers stopped their movements. “’Course, and I meant it then and still mean it now.”

"What if I'll never be ready?" Ben whispered the question, afraid his words would choke him if spoken too loudly.

"You don't have to rush yourself, babe," Callum told him softly, echoing his answer from the night in question. "I want you to be completely, one hundred percent sure that you're ready. I promise I'm good to wait."

"But I might never get there."

Callum paused for only a moment or two, but even that was enough to fill Ben with dread at the possibility that his anxieties were warranted. But when he spoke next, Callum's voice gave nothing away.

"Do you not want to?" he asked. "I don't mean now, but do you think you won't want to ever in the future either?"

"I dunno," Ben answered honestly, unable to bring himself to look his husband in the eye. He didn't want to see disappointment in them, didn't think he could handle the possibility of Callum living out their marriage regretfully and full of resentment.

"It's okay if you don't," Callum assured him gently, pressing his lips into Ben's hair. "I won't be upset."

Ben took a deep breath, in and out, but said nothing. A quiet fell over them, but it wasn't tense. He knew Callum wasn't lying, wasn't just saying what he thought he should say. He hadn't stormed off, hadn't chastised Ben, or tried to convince him that he'd need to push through his hesitation. Callum stayed with him, his arm around Ben's shoulders, solid and soothing.

"It scares me to think about it, really," Ben finally admitted, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "And it's hard for me to think that things might be different later on, because they haven't been yet. It's like he's always there, lurking beneath the surface. Taunting me."

Ben felt Callum pull him a little closer at the mention of Lewis, holding him a little tighter. Protective and safe, strong in the ways Ben loved most about him.

"After it happened," he continued, "I was so desperate to replace the feeling of him, and I tried but even though it weren't him I kept smelling his aftershave or feeling his hands on me. Hearing his voice. I had to be completely off my head to do anything and it still didn't work. He was still right there, it just made him fuzzier."

Gaining a bit of courage, Ben turned his head to meet Callum's gaze. He didn't see any of the emotions he had been afraid to find, only love and care in those crystal blue eyes.

"I don't want it to be like that with you," he confessed with watery eyes and half a smile.

Callum reached out to cup Ben's jaw, running his thumb gently over his cheek. "I don't either, darling. If, well enough into the future, you decide you want to try, then I'm here. But if that day never comes, or we do try and we can't because it doesn't feel right, then that is okay, too. I ain't going anywhere."

And then Callum said what Ben needed to hear most, the words that he knew were true and had the power to burn away the fears that continuously scratched at the back of his mind.

"I still love you."

"Even if I'm too broken to have sex?" Ben had tried to say it like a joke, but the words came out too harsh.

"I love you right now today just as much as yesterday and the day before that. Every day for the last four years and every day after." Callum leaned down and left a lingering kiss on Ben's forehead. When he pulled back they shared warm smiles, and it was like this moment between them was the only one that mattered; the culmination of every moment in their relationship thus far, and every moment after. Their love was unconditional, forever, just like they had promised. "Sex ain't a deal-breaker for me, Ben. We'll cross that bridge when, or if, we come to it. But I'm happy so long as I'm with you."

[pynkhues]

https://x.com/Sima_loustat/status/1843759021205139933

this is funny and somehow so sad. despite his outgoing nature Lestat is so closed up in NOLA. he doesn't share his past even with the love of his life :'(

I mean, I actually wouldn't assume that Louis doesn't know what bruises he's pressing on in that argument? His fight with Armand in 2.05 shows that there's not a low he won't stoop to when it comes to a fight after all, including weaponising the trauma of someone he cares about, and honestly, it's one of the things that I love about Louis. If someone goes low, he'll go lower, haha.

It's an interesting thing to think about how much Lestat actually told Louis about his life in their NOLA chapter though. He obviously told him bits and pieces about Nicki, given the weight placed on the music box, and Louis was of course present for the reveal of Lestat wanting to be a priest and the hint of his father's abuse at the du Lac family dinner table (and honestly, I kind of get the vibe in 1.01 that Louis already knew a little bit about that when Lestat weaponises it against Paul). He clearly hadn't told him anything about Paris, given Louis and Claudia go in completely blind to the Coven, or about his turning prior to Claudia forcing his hand almost 30 years into their relationship. I strongly suspect he hasn't told him about turning Gabrielle, but has he told him about her at all? (Also one of the things I desperately want in s3 is a flashback to the moment Armand realises Lestat had never told Louis about her, haha).

I don't know! I kind of go back and forth on what I think Lestat wanted to paint of his past to Louis. Lestat in the books does typically avoid conversations about truama (and literally never deals with any of it lol), so I can see him alluding to things being bad and then handwaving them away, but they did have a chapter early in their relationship where they seemed to try to get to know each other. In that sense, learning to read on the boat to America can be something I can see Lestat sharing as this sort of romantic aside to his recent travels and growth (because he does love to romanticise everything, haha). I almost feel it might depend partially though on what Louis chose to vocally reveal about himself, and also what you think Louis' education level is?

I tend to think Louis' university educated, particularly given it seems his father passed not that long before the start of the series, meaning Louis was probably in his late 20s when it happened. There were historically black universities open by the late-1800s when Louis would've gone, and I kind of have a loose headcanon (and am writing it into fic, haha) that he probably went to what's now Dillard University (New Orleans University at the time) to stay close to home (and I headcanon Florence probably would've wanted him to, particularly if Paul had already been sent away at this time).

Nicki being (partially) university educated while Lestat was completely uneducated to the point of illiteracy was a bit of a loaded dynamic between the two of them, and I can see Lestat wanting to play it differently with Louis? I don't know though, haha, this has gone down a winding road of speculation that isn't really what you're ask was about at all so what do you (and others!) think? Do you think Louis knew what he was saying (even just partially) in that fight? And what do you think he knows about Lestat's past in general?

[last-flight-of-fancy]

Backstory exploration time for WoL~

WoL: Hallima, he/they Au Ra

Timeline: Heavensward up to Dark Knight Level 50 (Wages of Mercy)

Hallima thought he was some sort of mutation his whole life. There might be some trauma around that.

Hallima was an orphan.

Well, he is an orphan. It's not like this fact has changed- he may have gained some troublesome pseudo-siblings recently, but the fact remains that Hallima spent a great deal of his life until recently hopping from town to town taking odd jobs from whoever would hire him to get by.

He considers himself lucky, in a way. He's hardier than the average eorzean, covered in scales and thick skin, and most illnesses seem to pass him by. It offered him advantages most wandering urchin's simply don't have. That said however, he is not immune to things like exhaustion and hunger, and it was not without the ocassional helping hand that he had made it to adulthood.

He considers himself lucky to have made it to adulthood at all.

People rarely ask him about his past, a fact he is quietly grateful for. The calamity had rendered so many with lost loved ones that it has become considered somewhat gouche to ask after such things unless needed. Perhaps that's why it surprised him so much when Alphinaud- prim, proper, polite, Alphinaud- had done exactly that late one night as they rested in the Fortemps residence.

"Does anyone worry for you?" He asks, laying on his back in his cot and staring at the darkned ceilings. Hallima looks up from the weapon he's doing some maintenance on, lit by only a dim candle on a nearby table.

"Why?" A practiced evasion, though it feels somewhat wrong to use on Alphinaud in particular. To say he's come to care about the kid would be something of an understatement.

"Ah, that was rude, wasn't it? I'm sorry. I just... started thinking about Alisaie and wondering what she's doing... if the Crystal Braves had targeted her too..."

Hallima hums softly to indicate he's listening. A thought spiral, common to these sorts of late hours, and considering everything that has happened... He gets it.

"Then I wondered if she worries for us in turn... And then I realised how silly that was. She sent the carraige for us, of course she worries. Not that she would admit it, mind."

That tracks from what Hallima has seen of the girl. Stubborn and independant, but fiercly loyal besides. He's met the type before.

"Anyroad, the thought crossed my mind and it left my mouth before I could consider it. Forgive me."

"It's fine." The darkness within writhes at the lie, but is mollified with a glance towards Alphinaud's contrition, mixed with his own fear and anxiety hidden just beneath the surface. "... No. No one worries for me."

"I see." Alphinaud sits up then, and the candlelight makes the bags under his eyes all the more distinct, but it does not lessen the earnestness of his gaze. "Well. You may increase that number by at least one."

Hallima doesn't really know how to react in the face of Alphinaud's sincerity, so he gives a generic smile and a thank you before encouraging the boy to try and sleep once more. It's only after Alphinaud's breathing slows into a steady snore that Hallima smothers the candle with a bare hand and lets the mask drop.

-

Hallima grew up thinking he was some form of monster with ideas above its station. Or perhaps a Mi'quote who's fur turned hard and rough instead of soft and downy. Or any number of things that might occur to a child who has never met anyone quite like them. By the time he hit adulthood, Hallima thought that he had come to terms with the reality that he would probably never know.

And then he'd met Yugiri, who kept her face covered at all times, but there was no mistaking the rough texture of her tail or the shape of things beneath her hood which are too stiff and improperly placed to be even the strangest of mi'quote ears.

Hallima had not asked.

She had stared at him, long and hard, and in the end she hadn't asked either.

(or maybe she had, in her own surreptious way. She was an expert ninja and infiltrator after all)

Why hadn't Hallima asked, despite his suspicions? He's still not sure.

He can imagine the scoffing his companions would give if he told them it was fear.

He has no other words for it, though.

-

Hallima looks into Fray's face- their face- and feels at once rage and grief. His face, their face, and one both familiar and not. It tugs at memories long buried, and Hallima doesn't want them.

Reality has never cared much for such things, however.

Fray- or rather, Esteem- falls defeated, and two become one once more.

-

Hallima's earliest memories are of horrible, biting cold and numb fingers that he cannot bend.

-

There's no time for that, not with the war between Ishgard and the Dragons looming ever present.

-

Midgardsormer had called them kin.

-

Meeting Sidurgu was like looking into an inverted mirror, and after their experiance with Esteem there is an undeniable moment where Hallima is sure that their other has somehow made their own form somehow.

This is not the case.

Sidurgu asks their help with Rielle -the girl soft and familiar in ways that Hallima can't quite pinpoint- and they quickly agree. They see the bond between the two easily, one simultaneously fireforged and silk-web delicate, and want to protect it.

(They do not say this. Sidurgu would probably hate the sentiment. but still the sentiment remains).

But then Sidurgu tells them of his people's arrival in Ishgard, fleeing the Empire and seeking refuge, only to be cut down by fearful Ishgardians who assumed them in league with the dragons.

"Everyone." Sidurgu stresses. "Man, woman, child. None escaped the slaughter."

Hallima's earliest memories are of freezing cold, staggering through snow drifts and desperately alone.

They do not ask.

[mistycarolina]

I HAD THE SHINIEST WHEELS NOW THEYR'E RUSTING;

What’s it like to be someone who has messed up a million second chances? How miserable can you make yourself, in the grand scheme of the human experience? Twelve Steps seems to be determined to find the answer. Though they never turned inward quite as hard as their sister did, Twelve’s trauma has never exactly laid beneath the surface. Watching your own mother become a killer — being chased after her blade? It’s a feeling you don’t let go of, like a constant nuisance in the back of the brain. Realizing they could calm the noise was a revelation. It started with a few rolled up joints, bought off of one of the ladies who lived on the corner. Joints became a pill here-and-there. Here-and-there became syringes, and sickness, and isolation. They’re a hothead. They’ve got a flare for the dramatic, and they’ll do just about anything  to feel something – the drugs just made it all bigger. At some point, the people in Misty Mountain stopped having any faith that Twelve might get better. They detached themselves, one-by-one… Set boundaries to stop themselves from being taken advantage of, time and time again. Their second overdose — a public affair, set in the Town Square! Nothing makes a fourth of July festival pop quite like a near-death emergency! — only drove more nails into the picket fence between them and their neighbors. Twelve is trying to start over now… at least that’s what they’re telling people. It might not be true; it could just be some story to try and lure their loved ones back in. But supposedly, they saw something in the woods with the Preacher’s Son that changed them; something that finally scared them straight after years of using and abusing… But since the Son is denying that anything ever happened? It’s sort of just making Twelve look more unreliable than ever lately. 

SPECIAL CONNECTIONS:

CABIN IN THE WOODS: Cabin in the Woods and Twelve Steps, siblings bound by shared trauma and a strained love, have both spent their lives struggling to survive in the aftermath of their mother's attack. Twelve, once a protective figure, now grapples with addiction, leaving them ill-equipped to soothe Cabin's deep-seated paranoia. Cabin feels helpless in the face of Twelve's self-destructive behavior. Since the attack, their relationship has devolved into a cycle of not-so-silent resentment, and Twelve's recent overdose has further deepened the rift with Cabin shutting them out completely. Twelve's persistent attempts to check on their sister, though, sometimes even enduring the physical punishments of Cabin and her home's elaborate traps, reveal a desperate longing for reconciliation. Both siblings yearn for healing - to love each other without resentment - but the path forward remains obscured by the weight of their past. SON OF A PREACHER MAN: Twelve Steps, haunted by the memory of the night he spent with Son of a Preacher Man, carries a heavy burden of guilt and terror... They went seeking refuge in the Son's kindness that night, during a desperate bout of withdrawal from their drug of choice. They hadn't meant to scream in his face; they hadn't meant to burn any bridges. They certainly didn't think they would become one of two witnesses to a horrifying ritual in the woods. And maybe the Son doesn't owe them shit, but his denial of the event, and his insistence on normalcy? The notion that Twelve must be making it all up? It feels like a cruel betrayal, and it's only fueled frustration; it's transformed Twelve into a thorn in the side of the Son. They mean to force the truth into the light - to alleviate the crushing weight of their own haunted conscience, by just about any means necessary... and maybe Twelve doesn't exactly know how yet? But he'll be damned if he isn't going to make the Son's life hell until then. JINKIES: An unlikely friendship blossoming amidst the Misty Mountain Museum - that's not cliche at all, right? Their connection, sparked during Twelve's support group meetings held at the museum (and hosted by her father), have become a regular weekly gathering for the two. Twelve is rough around the edges, and their dark humor is enough to make her flinch nearly every time they open their mouth - it's clear that two of them are complete opposites, and completely unmatched in all realms of possibilities... But Twelve likes her for the lack of judgment, the way she sees them, instead of just looking through them. While Twelve's eagerness to extend their friendship outside the museum's walls seems to make Jinkies wary, there's no giving up on this one for Twelve. It's not often they make new friends... and it seems like she might be sort of into the idea lately. Twelve is willing to be patient, and willing to reassure - not exactly in their wheelhouse, but there's a first time for everything, right? They just sorta wanna see where this one goes - and don't call it a crush! It might not be. Could be, though.

join here.

ACCEPTING DECEMBER 7th!

[im-always-the-problem-its-me]

let's get lost and break down in a town we've never been in. let's not sleep and wander around a hotel parking lot after midnight, chainsmoking, flooding people's inboxes with insanity, all while trying to decide whether or not to cut your entire family out of your life.

jesus christ. since i made it through a ridiculous family ordeal recently of course my mind starts thinking about camille preaker. so i'm day drinking and watching sharp objects for the fifth time.

i had a dumb call from my stepdad. and an even dumber call from my mother less than an hour later. i'm not your fucking parent anymore. i cannot help you with anything. just like you told me while you were raising me that you couldn't help me with anything. when i tried to break away from you at 19 i was beat up in the driveway. i didn't even bother calling the cops because i really wished you'd killed me.

fuck. as i'm writing i get a dumbass call from my sister. i already know what she's going to say when she calls me back after being interrupted by a call.

phone tag in my family isn't even our most dangerous game.

fuck. i don't want to deal with this.

i've cut off family in the past and when i guiltily crawled back a few years later (like i had done something wrong when i hadn't) i STILL hear about it every time there's some issue.

i'm too fucking old for this.

other 'not so immediate' family doesn't understand. i had to hear 'why do you hate your mom?' 'you're a bitch just like your mom' etc etc for two days stuck with cousins after our car broke down. jokes. but dammit they cut deep. especially since one of the main reasons i was even on this trip was as a favor to my mother that she didn't even give me the option to say no to.

if one more person says 'you're ok, you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you' etc to me i might just scream. this week all i wanted to do was sleep. i vowed not to touch my phone, not to write, etc.

but honestly, if i don't write, i lose it. it's not healthy to not write and just try to keep everything inside of me. and also, i'm not sleeping well but at least i'm getting some.

i was supposed to see HIM tomorrow but i told him not to come because i didn't know if i'd even be home. probably for the best. since SO and i had the little fight before i left i really don't need to be fucking around and have something dumb happen because i'm in a fucked up place. i've never cheated. why start now? i know how to keep my feelings in check and not act on them. i know how to behave. i just worry about the 'fuck everything' attitude i have lately.

on the creative front, i really want to enter stuff into a couple of writing contests and a few submission deadlines are looming as well that i was going to try for. but i can't seem to get past my own bullshit when it comes to writing and end up journaling angrily or writing posts like this. i'm trying to alchemize these fucked up feelings into fiction or poetry and it's just not happening. dammit.

and not that i want to get into it too deeply because i really can't or i'll lose it, but the world is so fucked up right now and i feel that and try to avoid it at all costs but how can anyone? it's like, what's the point of anything?

but survival mechanisms and whatnot. the drive to keep going until you really can't anymore. those are the fumes i'm living on.

i'm also suddenly reminded of a conversation between us cousins on the trip where it felt like a fucking trauma or oppression pissing contest. like, come on. (we're native by the way) the last thing i wanted to do was get into a dumb political discussion but there i was. i listen. i speak. i don't debate. one cousin wanted a debate and i politely told him to fuck off. everyone has an opinion and everyone's allowed one and i'm not here to change anyone's mind on anything. so that got shut down real quick.

i'm a little buzzed so I'm going to just veg out and watch camille preaker lose her fucking mind (and i don't blame her). i'm not answering any more phone calls if any family member calls cuz i'm done for the day.

this too shall pass and all that, right?

but fuck it needs to hurry up and pass already.

[beifong-brainrot]

The white lotus weren't forced into child soldierhood at 12 to 14, weren't made to leave their homes and change the world as traumatised preteens, weren't forced to resculpt the political lanscape around them after almost dying multiple times, hadn't endured being hunted by the most well developed militia in the entire world at the time.

The White Lotus didn't have to go through the life ruining trauma of being so let down by all the adults in your life that you had to save and then reshape everything about the world because it was destroying itself.

Because the white lotus were the adults who let the gaang down.

Bumi couldn't be fucked to actually guide his people and city. Pindao was busy chilling out and blocking the world out in his lil fortress. Pakku spent his years being misogynistic and bitter about his fiancée rightfully leaving his ass. Jeong Jeong fucked off to the swamp to assumedly stare at candles all day. And don't get me started on Uncle warcrimes who chose to redeem himself by roadtripping across the world with his extremely traumatised nephew onto whom he's projecting his love for his dead son.

The least this coalition of deadbeats could do was secure an ultimately small in the grand theme of things victory while they sent SIX CHILDREN to fight: an armada of war baloons, an unstable and incredibly volatile child prodigy (who Uncle Iroh also completely fucked over thanks for that one buddy) and the fucking FIRELORD. Have at the, kiddos, you'll do swimmingly.

"Oooh but they were doing stuff behind the scenes" the only time we see any implications of a net of conspiracy or anything of the sort it's when uncle Iroh needs a solid. How bout they do something useful instead of helping the relatively recently 'redeemed' war criminal sneak into the site of his greatest military defeat?

Pipe the fuck down with that 'oooh but the white lotus...' shit. These situations aren't even remotely similar.

Haven't the gaang done enough? Aren't they allowed to enjoy the remainder of their sad, tragic lives in peace?

Excuse Katara for wanting to live her life out peacefully healing and mourning her dead brother and husband, after her entire childhood has been saturated with rage and combat and war.

Excuse Zuko for wanting to stay at his daughter's side after having to restructure an entire country, going against everything he knew and almost his entire family. (While uncle iroh fucked off to his tea shop might i add)

Excuse Toph for wanting to live her remaining days with no strings attached, after being forced into a war at age 12 and becoming responsible for hundreds if not thousands of lives while acting as law enforcement in the new frontier that Republic City was. After all she ever wanted was freedom from her fucked up parents???

God, let them rest.

Actually I get really annoyed when people are like 'Katara, Zuko and Toph should've helped more during legend of korra ' like bitch they're like 80 leave them alone they have arthritis.

[whateverthedragonswant]

Hi! I was wondering if you saw Kit’s recent Q&A session about Jon Snow? He made some really interesting comments that I appreciate him finally starting to feel safe about coming out in support of Jon’s actions and mindset. One of things I found interesting, that I think you have touched on well, is Jon’s relationships with women. In a nut shell that he’s drawn to abusive relationship dynamics because of his childhood with Catlyn. Would love to hear your thoughts and analysis.

Hey, Anon! =) Actually, I had no idea until you just told me. I feel horrible that I had no idea a convention was happening. That is definitely one I might try out in the future! So thank you for letting me know about it.

The questions were great and Kit's answers were very well thought out, and really gave us a glimpse into how he works as an actor and how he approaches his career and life as well. So I completely agree with you! It was nice to see him starting to finally feel comfortable enough to be honest with his answers about the show, no matter what people might say. As soon as he said he felt it was right when he saw that Jon was going to kill Dany, I literally clapped and went "Say it a little louder for the Dany/Jonerys stans in the back! Someone was paying attention in class!" And it gave me even more respect for him, not only for being able to say that in that room (and the ensuing boos in the mix of reactions was ridiculous but predictable) but also because he gets it. Like he said, Dany gave Jon no other choice realistically; he had to do it. I also appreciated what he said about Jon, Arya, and the NK. I felt he was very respectful to the show but still shared his opinion, while making sure to state that this was his own personal feeling on it. A lot of good stuff.

Before I get to the Catelyn topic, I will mention that the one answer I sort of didn't agree with was his answer about Jon loving Dany. And that's not because it wasn't what I wanted to hear but because that's not the story the show is telling up until Dany's death in 8x06. That wasn't in the final product that made it to air. Tbf to Kit, perhaps he knows something we don't whether that be through conversations with D&D, GRRM, or what the scripts originally stated in a certain draft. Jon fiercely loving Dany or however he phrased it does not match up to what we were shown on screen. But I do believe when the final season aired, Kit hadn't seen it yet. So it's possible, in post production, several changes happened (like certain scenes getting cut, certain takes used instead, etc.) that neither he, Emilia, nor any of the cast members had seen. But I'm pretty sure he implied he has seen it by now so I'm not quite sure, based on his own reasoning, how he still feels Jon loved Dany. But then again, and also tbf to him again, he did not say how Jon loved Dany and he did not directly answer the relation/incest portion of the question. It's obvious in the show that Jon cared for Dany as family and he may have had some feelings for Dany herself, but the show purposely makes sure to focus on the physical with them, never the emotional. So for me, when he talks about how Jon never got time to focus on finding out who he is, this again lines up better to the show/story we got than the one D&D/the cast/HBO/promo was trying to sell us at the time.

Now this leads into the Catelyn comment he made. I found that particular viewpoint interesting but I didn't lend it a lot of weight if that makes sense? Because he kind of mentions it off the cuff in relation to him thinking about it the night prior which makes complete sense that he would be thinking "what if I get asked about Dany? What do I say?" and that leading to that whole thought track. But while I found this amusing as a mention, I not only didn't take it seriously but I also tend to disagree with that take. Yes, Catelyn's treatment of Jon as a child was horrible, and like with any type of trauma, this can be impactful on a person in ways that they don't always know. But for him to seek it out subconsciously or even purposefully? No, I disagree.

Speaking purely from the show perspective, Ygritte challenges him and she can be dominating like Kit says, but she doesn't mistreat him the way Catelyn does. Even when she gets angry at his betrayal and shoots him full of arrows, she doesn't mistreat him. If anything, she proves to be his ally in many ways and even accepts him for who he is (not only as a crow but also knowing that he's not really a turncoat). She wants him for him because she loves him, and every one of her actions speaks to that fact. So that blows the Catelyn thing out of the water for Ygritte.

As for Dany, no matter what Kit's personal opinion might be on the Jon's love for her aspect, she was no good for Jon. And the show made sure to tell that to the viewers in each episode and even Kit himself said "She turns a corner and doesn't really leave any room for him to continue being with her". We all knew that had Dany survived, Jon was going to become her latest barbecue grill project. Dany was abusive to him, she abused the authority she had over him, and she definitely abused the power dynamics between them. And on top of that, she didn't want Jon to be who he was, not just his Targaryen heritage but also being King in the North, a Stark but not in name, all of it. She wouldn't accept him for who he was and wanted him to stay a bastard, same as Catelyn when he was a boy, and stay subservient to her. So for Jon to go from Point A (Catelyn) to Point B (Ygritte) back to Point A again (Dany), speaking strictly from character development's sake, this doesn't jive. Why would Jon go back to that and want to be subject to that type of cruelty (and this time way worse imho) after he broke away from it and not only did he start to get to know himself as a person and what he stood for, but also after he had a different type of relationship altogether? Story wise this doesn't make sense, and that's even before we look at the story the show actually ended up telling. (and this is why Sansa as a potential romantic interest for Jon would have made so much sense imho, she's set up as Catelyn 2.0 in framing but she's not actually Catelyn and she echoes more closely to Ygritte than Dany ever did like some Jonerys stans try to claim; she accepted Jon for who he was & wanted him for him - she should have been Point C imho)

I'm not saying Jon wasn't traumatized by Catelyn's treatment; I believe he was. But in telling this linear narrative that the show did, and comparing it to other characters and how they were developed, it wouldn't make sense for Jon to go back to this type of woman/treatment as Kit's comment infers. So that's why I don't give any weight to it: it doesn't make sense speaking from character development, it doesn't jive with the story we saw, and the way Kit said it was more conversational than it was a full-on answer.

I hope I was able to answer your question thoroughly, Anon! Again, thank you for telling me about the con. =) I still have to check out Kit's general panel. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening!!! <3

[shadowynn]

Lol the way I literally went 'what's sleep idk her' after I saw the update is unreal. Apologies for any unhinged comments because I'm totally not okay after whatever seonghwa pulled in the live.

Oh no... I honestly feel bad for mc, being an outcast on both sides (for no fault of one's own) sucks. And it's especially frustrating when you're trying hard to overcome something *sigh*... I'm glad that hyunwoo has found friendship even though they were basically uprooted from their home because of everything. Loved the interaction with Wooyoung, really. I mean I understand the MC's thought processes but at the same time it is interesting to see how the bond works and how much control it can have over those who are a part of it.

The guard being hurt and the whole fiasco that went down spiked my adrenaline istg. I was literally on the edge of my seat ksksksksks. I wonder what happened and who the person was and what's going on... I feel like the group might be that of halfdemons considering how they reacted but I can't be sure. Honestly, thank you for another great update hehe❤️❤️ loved it so much!

oops, i accidentally wrote a lot, my bad, so reply will be beneath the cut.

hehe, yeah, i really wanted to get the update out yesterday, but didn't think it would actually happen and then it did. and it's crazy because when i started writing it, i was hoping i would at least get about 6k words in length and then it doubled and i think i am now incapable of writing shorter chapters just like i'm incapable of writing short pieces. like, i'm addicted to writing novel length pieces, but not so much addicted to finishing them and have only like ever completed two in my life out of the many, many i've started and those were written when i was like fourteen and complete trash that i cringe every time i think about them.

and yes! i think a lot of it stems from mc's past and the way the humans always pointed out differences and how she would never be one of them, so now that she's with the daemons, she's constantly seeing these differences once more. and though the boys do their best to not mention them, she's letting past trauma dictate her thought process, especially because she knows it's going to be rough when she gets to taeyang. (little tidbit of info here, hongjoong's father may be dead, but his mother isn't and let's just say, drama may ensue)

i always find it kind of weird which side characters i get attached to when writing, and i think it starts to show in the works because i tend to involve/develop them more than others. hyunwoo is definitely one of my favorites (only second to seoyun, who i literally cannot wait to introduce in person and may or may not have mentioned her in ch. eight just because i love her so much and couldn't resist not mentioning any longer) i don't know why, but whenever i started, i always just pictured hyunwoo and jongho getting along and becoming friends, but i think as things have developed, he really fits in well with the others and i do want to expand upon that down the road.

the line between bond and natural feelings is a bit tricky, and i think it ultimately just comes down to daemons vs. humans. to daemons, who entire relationships revolve around soulmates, find the pull from the maetha as something natural. it's simply a way of life and how things work. humans, however, don't have soulmates and do life more like real life, so mc, who's lived a life dictated by human standards and cultures and customs, finds it really foreign. and since she's not at all familiar with the way it works and how important mates are to daemons, it'll definitely going to cause friction.

as for the attack, you'll just have to wait to find out. i always planned on an attack happening on their travels, but who or why hadn't quite been set in stone until now. originally, i had a different plan i was going with, and while that idea is still going to play out, i recently came up with another idea that i'm really excited to expand upon. and i recently had an epiphany about a certain character in this new idea that i really like and it's taking all my self control to not just say it because while, it might not give too much, it's definitely a big chunk of information that is probably better left unsaid for now.

as always, thank you so much for your feedback! i genuinely get so excited when i see your asks after posting a new chapter and love diving deeper into them with you! hope all is going well for you and remember to take care of yourself! <3