#i had to use a fucking giftcard

[infernal-amadeus]

Ultrakill fandom i require your aid Anyone who bought the Gabriel makeship plushy i need to know; do they withdraw the money/payment immediately or is makeship one of those annoying fucker sites that waits until the thing ships to take the money out for it?

[authorwithissues]

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[hobbitunderthemountain]

crying screaming and throwing up - I've for the most part kicked the habit of doordashing shit all the time but since work has been crazy they gave us $25 grubhub giftcards so like what the hell i'll order myself chinese food so i have leftovers for the next two days

and this dude calls me and bitches me out bc he can't find my apartment and i don't know what my apartment number is (my apartment buildings are completely different than the next door apartment complex) and keeps me on the phone cursing me out and insisting i'm giving him bad directions when idek what direction he's coming from and eventually i had to drive over to the leasing center to pick up the food on the verge of tears that this fucking 'nice gesture' from my company turned into a fucking nightmare and I just got home, put the food on the counter and cried at how stupid it all was that even when they're trying to do something nice its still stressing me the fuck out and I'm already on my last fcuking straw with work recently. im going to commit crimes.

[roguemonsterfucker]

I hate doing this because I know there are people worse off financially than me, but this has been a rough month and I need to buy more pellets for my guinea pigs and rabbits. I only buy these pellets every few months because they last quite a while but when I do, it's... pricey. And financially this month has really fucking sucked lol.

If you would like to help, you can get a giftcard for Chewy and send it to my email.

https://www.chewy.com/chewy-egift-card/dp/226306

My email is: unknownmonsterhunter@gmail.com

It will cost $100 to get a bag of guinea pig pellets, a bag of rabbit pellets, and a box of hay. Any small amount (even $1) towards it would help! The whole amount doesn't have to be covered.

There's no pressure to send money. I'll be fine. This month is just particularly tight because of a lot of bills coming due at the same time. My animals will get fed regardless.

Update September 5th, 2023:

My pets' food has now been funded! Thank you very much!

That said, I do order hay for my guinea pigs and rabbits every month from Chewy, so if you would still like to help me out, any small amount of money would be appreciated.

Also, I had a few people asking if they could send Amazon giftcards instead, and the answer is yes, but I don't often order necessities from Amazon which is why Chewy would be my preference. If you want to send an Amazon giftcard, I promise it would be put to good use. You can use the same email above.

Again, thank you to the person that sent the giftcard. I am very appreciative. It really helps. 💖

[katzirra]

Life is funny. My job basically has such poor attendance that they gave us giftcards if you maintained a certain percentage. I miss a day or two a month so I generally am like 92-96% attendance. Thanks meds.

But the gift cards essentially allowed Becca and I to get a PS5 for free so that's fun. I'm still laughing. She bought me Unicorn Overlord as a very early birthday present so I had something to do while she was out of town next week between my job hunts.

I had kind of a weird realization moment on the couch where I thought to myself how much I was enjoying the game, how much I miss tactical games period and how bad my work/life balance is these days that I havent played a game since World of Horror came out on Switch....

I'm sleeping better thanks to, uh, mouth taping lmfao WHICH IS WILD LOL so that's something. But in my anxiety to keep producing art and forcing through my obvious depression and burn out, I kinda forgot I have hobbies and that I can't create if I'm not inspired and happy.... idiot.

I really need to let myself have fun so I can enjoy art again. I miss playing video games and feeling the desire to draw stuff, or joking about a show or movie and wanting to draw stuff. It's become this weird like secret thing of guilt like playing games or watching stuff isn't productive so I Shouldn't do it....

SIGH. THE INTERNET HAS FUCKED MY HEAD.

I'm still spending most of my freetime job hunting, dealing with weeding through recruiters.... :/ I have a month to get something hopefully. I am gonna restructure my life to allow myself time to actually play video games like I use to and to make art that sparks joy. I'm in an emotional limbo with everything right now and it sucks.

I'm stressed beyond measure about the job stuff, I've been applying to like five or six jobs a week on average now while weeding through stuff.... I need to manage my shit lmao. UGH. BUSINESS AS USUAL HOPEFULLY SOON......

[moongothic]

New Year, New Project! Here we have a stool in desperate need of a reupholstery, but not much else. Come watch this project spiral completely out of control

So I have no recollection of where this stool even came from. I THINK my mom might've brought it over from my grandparents' place when grandpa was moving out, but I can't even remember seeing this stool in their house, and I have no way to verify that story. Regardless of its origin, as you can see, this stool was in shit fucking condition. The original fabric was literally falling the fuck apart, completely shredded and worn away in a lot of places.

I did not want this to turn into A Thing, so genuinely, my only plan here was to remove that original upholstery and replace it. That is all. Nothing else. I am sad to report this did in fact turn into A Thing but we'll get there eventually, for now, we must start by removing the original fabric

Now I did actually want to remove the fabric Very Carefully, because I wanted to use it as a pattern for the new fabric pieces. AND I wanted to be careful taking the stool apart because I wanted to have a good idea of how to rebuild it I did really struggle with removing the upholstery nails from the bottom of the stool, to the point I thought I had no other choise but to cut the fabric off. But I got a giftcard to a hardware store for Christmas, so I went and I bought a thingamabob for removing staples and nails, and it unironically made removing the fabric much, MUCH easier

(There were a few nails that were driven so deep into the wood I couldn't pull them out, there were even a few that were so rusted they broke when I tried to remove them, so those I ended up having to just nail further in so nothing would stick out)

Once I had the bottom detached I started gently seamripping the fabric to remove it. Interestingly, the upholstery was done in like, three "layers"; the top piece on the seat, and the sides done in two layers. The bottom layer was sewn onto the top layer, some cushioning having been sandwiched almost in-between the layers (as they overlapped a little)

After seamripping the bottom layer I got to removing the top layer, and interestingly, they had used old newspapers as cushioning here! Which makes sense, it's affordable, it's reusing old trash, and most importantly probably, it really held it's shape! Like you can see the tubular, solid shape the paper shreddings had formed, it was actually kinda tricky to remove from the string it had been wrapped around

Once that cushioning had been removed I seamripped the top of the fabric off (you can vaguely see how it had been gently sewn down onto the seat with black thread on the top image). Underneath there was a dingy, thin piece of cushioning and under that, some stained, dingy fabric, under which was probably horsehair based on the... HAIRS that were peeking through

As I mentioned, I did only come here to do the Bare Minimum. I did not want to redo the whole stool from scratch, and so although I COULD'VE gone even further, removed that dingy fabric and the horsehair underneath it etc... Like, I had no reason to. There's technically nothing wrong with those original materials inside there. So this is where I chose to stop. I had more important things to do

Like, first off; scrub the shit out of the bottom

There was SO MUCH DIRT and DUST and... What even is that, HAY??? Just, so much gunk on the bottom of the stool AND inside it. I literally had to take it outside so I could agressively, with a force, scrub it all of with a nylon brush and shake the stool around so more dust would fall out through the bottom of the stool (I'd rather have it fall out when outside than inside my room)

While doing all that though... I noticed two of the feet on the stool were loose, they were jiggling around. Looking at them, they seemed to be attached with some screws so I figured... I could unscrew them, pop them off, apply some new glue on there and then reattach them. Hopefully more secure this time. To my delight and horror. The screws on the feet were too short. They did not reach the actual wood of the stool. They were literally doing NOTHING to hold the feet together. So there's that. And then there's the actual joints of the feet, which were just. Huh.

Why were there nails there........

Anyway, I was able to remove one of the loose feet fairly easily. The second one did not want to come out though, to the point I (using that hardwarestore gift card) had to buy a mallet to help things along

And I fucked it up

Like a clumsy dumbass, I accidentally hit the edge of the foot and broke it.

Oh, but get this;

That was going to be a very easy thing to fix. Step 1: Glue those broken pieces together, Step 2: Glue the single piece back onto the foot. So I did Step 1 while trying to figure out how to remove the foot (since Step 2 would be easier to do when the foot was fully removed). I ended up realizing I needed help from dad to remove it because I couldn't get it to come off, and I did that, I asked dad for help. But by the time this had happened, that broken piece? The one I had put on my sidetable to wait so I could glue it back onto the leg after it was pulled off the stool? The one I knew I could easily glue back on?

IT DISAPPEARED

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT WENT

And then I ragequit the project for like a week because I was so frustrated

Now, yeah, I could still have fixed this bit FAIRLY easily; just clean the damaged part up so I could get some scrap piece of wood, glue it on and then chisel, sand and shape it to fix the damage. But for one, I did not want to Do All That (this was supposed to be just a reupholstery!!! No woodworking required!!!), but also I knew I'd have no way to match the color of whatever new piece of wood I'd put on there to the original wood. But also, yeah, for a long time I was still hanging onto hope that maybe I'd run into the missing piece of wood somewhere, somehow, and I'd be able to glue it on there like nothing happened. Weeks later and I still have not been able to find it. It was taken by the elves, clearly (they also recently stole a ball of yarn off my desk, so that's nice)

ANYWAY. Yeah, because I was unable to get the foot off I ended up asking dad for help and he just. Twisted it with his bare hands and it popped the fuck off. Or more specifically, the two dowels holding the foot down broke.

Huh. But it was no issue really, as you can see I just took it ouside for a little bit and sanded the surface on the foot and the stool to get the glue residue and wood splinters off. Then I'd be able to reattach the foot with a new dowel and some fresh glue, no problem!

THERE WAS, IN FACT, A PROBLEM

(Don't mind the paper towel I tried to remove the glue before it finished drying but I was too slow)

The bigger dowel, the one that had been holding down so securely the foot would not pull out started SINKING INSIDE THE STOOL when I started trying to attach the foot with a new dowel And that WAS actually problem, not just because it was going to make attaching the foot harder, but ALSO because was deforming the shape of the stool by pushing the upholstery upwards Not to mention, the original fabric here on the stool was actually REALLY FRAGILE, it wasn't going to be able to handle the tension the dowel was putting on it.

So, to start; I wanted to try to stabilize the fabric by just dabbing a bunch of fabric glue onto it, just to keep it from shredding and falling apart. It's hard to see on the photo, so you'll just have to take my word on it when I say it worked

Then I very, very carefully removed the upholstery nails that were holding down the cushion so I could access the dowel WITHOUT removing the whole damn thing

Now, my plan had originally been to try to just hammer it back down by shoving some piece of metal into the stool, but it didn't work. Plan B: Cut The Fucker Out

And plop it on the bottom

Problem solved

And at this point I just said Fuck It and decided some generous amounts of glue and two new, long ass screws would hold this foot down tightly enough, not gonna even bother with the dowel

(I was using some scrap screws for this so none of them match, but that's fine, what matters is that they're long enough to actually reach and bite into the wood) (Yes there's only one screw on that first leg, again, scrap screws, and that one also has the original dowel doing work so I felt like a single screw was enough) (Yes it's jutting out weirdly, it would not go any further in, but it's fine, this is the bottom of the stool, you're not gonna see it, and it's arguably less of an issue that the missing piece of wood. It's a shitshow regardless)

But that wraps up the first few weeks of this Thing. It turned into a Two Parter much to my own dismay, because things kept on going wrong, and I can only have so many photos in one post

[tirfpikachu]

hiiii gyns!!! QUICK CHAOTIC UPDATE..................

a) new sapphic visual novel in the works?! we're currently looking for some awesome artists/writers/marketers to help us with it! everyone involved will be paid a giftcard once the game is complete, and we will make sure that it'll be great for everyone's portfolios. the project will go throughout 2025, with hopefully it being fully done by summer 2026 ish. i don't want it to be rushed!! and i want us to have fun with it too. it'll involve romance, dark elements, and feminist & lgbt politics in really cool ways!! i'm looking for some awesome OCs who are sapphic and visibly gnc in some way (hairy fems welcome!)

b) we are still looking for tirfy/nuancefem folks to interview! to be added on the list, dm me on my radblr discord @ bunnyrats. i will take a bit to respond, but i pwomise i will in late january! <33 if you're already on the server, just go in the interviews channel and apply.

c) we are going to be BUYING articles from tirfy/nuancefem radfems! you will be involved with our team of editors and published in our substack, and once the article is done you'll get a giftcard.

and d) the pokegyns/server staff are setting up a patreon!!! we are now going by Lay & The Gyns tm on most platforms. i have two assistants from my server now officially?! which is still batshit crazy to me, but they're incredible and really helping me so much :'] we're gonna be offering fun art, writing, really cool opportunities and marketing for any freelancing gyn who needs more publicity!!

we focus especially on sapphics, but any misogyny-affected creator is welcome on the team! we're a content making group, but i'm actually going to film school in september 2025?! so i'm also trying to find radfems to help me make movies & animated shows in the future. i'm so fucking tired of libfem tras being the only ones making media. i want to add nuance in the tv/film world.

if you're not tangibly misogyny-affected in your day-to-day life, we can still use your support and might still want to interview you if your pov is interesting enough. just please try to be a good ally, and don't speak over ppl who are directly affected by all the misogynistic bullshit in the world. we are actually not only focused on misogyny but also on homophobia and gncphobia, to analyze their part in the patriarchy. if you're not facing misogyny in your daily life but you are visibly gnc and face lots of shit for it, we will still eventually want to know your side of things. for now though, we're focusing 100% on fellow gyns. if you want to support us, check out our substack. we'll be posting more updates and really cool stuff!!

more info about the sapphic visual novel ic

sooooo my sapphic magazine/network The Gyns is looking for writers, artists and marketing ppl to help me out with a sapphic visual novel?? it'll be a mix of romcom and horror/dark elements!

everybody involved would be paid in giftcard(s) for the finished game, and it would receive lots of marketing & hopefully help all our careers. i have lots of connections to sapphic youtubers and bigger youtubers too, and i have a specific story in mind. i would be the main scriptwriter and director, and i already have a main team of artists i'm interviewing, but i need more scriptwriters, artists, marketers, etc. it would be tied to my own lgbt activist youtube channel (which in turn is tied to my magazine & my private discord, which will eventually be mostly patreon-locked). i also just REALLY FREAKING LOVE YURI VISUAL NOVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i want to help any sapphic visual novel makers get free marketing and really reach people. i know if i had found sapphic visual novels that really spoke to my heart when i was younger, i would've realized i was a lesbian MUUUUCH sooner. if you're involved and you're an artist/writer, your own writing & art will be promoted by the lay & the gyns staff throughout the process!!

if you're already in the industry or wanting to be, or just want to help out with a cool project, please add me on my alt discord account (my main is messy af lol) @ softbunmy! i can make us a discord server :] or at the very least initially a discord groupchat!!

we need scriptwriters, OC makers, marketing ppl, and ofc artists!!! it'll be a loooong project, but lots of fun opportunities.

you will be working closely with our magazine/yt staff. we interview radfems, sapphic influencers/businesses, write articles, and make videos! currently a lot of our content is server-exclusive, since we're still figuring things out and securing grants for Lay & The Gyns since it's like..... actually becoming a Real Thing?! we're offering marketing to sapphic people and helping them realize their dreams :'3 the first month of marketing is free so we just really help them with their freelancing and career building. i'm still a broke wheelchair dyke rn surviving on disability aid, but we got so many incredible connections thanks to networking B) and i want to connect tirfy/nuancefem sapphics to one another and help them not feel so alone!!!

all the $$ we will make goes directly to our sapphic radfem artists and writers who are trying to do this full-time. our motto is building bridges between feminism and trans/gnc communities, and calling out all the fucked up stuff going on with tras as well as the more extreme cases of unnuanced radfems who can be very harmful too. we also want to CELEBRATE gnc people, so the visual novel will be full to the brim with gnc OCs!!! the process for that will truly start in late spring, but we're trying to gather cool creative people already!

i know this shit sounds batshit crazy but it's actually becoming A Thing. my life feels like the most insane rollercoaster right now, but everything is also falling into place so smoothly?! in large part thanks to my beloved server gyns, who mean the world to me and really give me hope that we CAN solve the issues between true feminism and tras. thank you so much for following my little journey so far ;w; i can't wait to see what 2025 has in store for us!!!!!

[dr-davis-mde]

both my personal blog and my work blog. blanket trigger warning for potential gore, medical distress, drugs, and sex (discussed but not depicted)

keep the parahuman politics to a minimum, im trying to stay as out of that shit as i can

DNI if you are anti-Amy Dallon/Panacea, pro-Cauldron, or a Slaughterhouse Nine fanboy/wannabe

FAQ and commission info under the cut.

FAQ

Q: Wait, so your name is Riley Grace Davis?

A: yes my name is Riley Grace Davis. yes I used to go by Bonesaw. yes I used to be a member of the slaughterhouse nine.

Q: Are you the serial killer that (insert crime against nature here)?

A: probably. i did a lot of those. i dont really REGRET them but i wont do it again i prommy

Q: Are you still a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine?

A: its been 25 years and i legit still get this question like every week. NO!!!!!!! we disbanded when Jack died and I was captured and the apocalypse started. im not involved with any of the copycat killer groups either, they all suck :/

Q: You're a monster, you should be behind bars, you should be dead, you tortured/traumatized/murdered my family/friend/loved one, you were part of the chain of events that started the end of the world, its unthinkable that people like you get to walk free just because you're a parahuman while unpowered people are imprisoned for petty larceny, etc.

A: L+ratio+direct all questions about the amnesty to your local PRT chapter

Q: What's an MDE?

A: medical diploma equivalency, established by the PRT of Earth Bet in 2002 AD. allows Thinker-class capes whose powers give them medical knowledge to obtain licensure to practice medicine without needing to attend medical school. after two decades of pestering the PRT nonstop it was expanded in 24 GM to also include Tinker-class capes with medical specialties in what historians call the "for fucks sake riley shut up, fine" amendment.

Q: What sort of surgeries do you do?

A: i am capable of performing almost any medical intervention, though these days i mostly limit myself to cosmetic body modifications

Q: How do you cope with the unbearable trauma of having had your childhood ripped away from you by a serial killer, your mind filled with unending horrors by a fragment of a cosmic being, and trying to find out who you were and atone for the sins of your past while in the middle of a world-reshaping calamity?

hard drugs, amazing yet potentially unethical and illegal sex with my beautiful perfect wife, and staying silly :3

COMMISSION INFO

i AM open to taking clients currently but i live in New Brockton on Earth Gimel and have heavy travel restrictions as a result of my parole so you'll have to come to me. payment in cash preferred but i also take valuable gemstones or drugs, if they are at equivalent value to the price. (for legal reasons the drug part is a joke.) no cards. or well, no credit/debit. i guess if you gave me a giftcard to somewhere that the food doesnt suck id accept it. unfortunately no insurance plan recognizes me but my rates are very affordable ($50-200 for most standard procedures, up to $400 if unexpected complications arise, esoteric procedure price uncapped and depends on cost of materials, legality, ease of operation, and how interested in the operation i am.)

operations i will do include but are not limited to:

gender-affirming surgeries

therian-affirming surgeries

phantom limb replacement surgery

turning you into your fursona

kemonomimi-fication

tentacle prosthesis

non-lethal flaying

genital enhancement

most body plan restructurings (additional limbs, fewer limbs, wings, organs that you carry in a bag outside your body and are connected to your torso via strange fleshy tubes, etc.)

multi-person conjoinment

hard nos:

creation of any virus, plague, biological weapon, etc.

natural weapons - claws/teeth are okay but no ranged weapons, venom, acid, prehensile bladed spines, etc.

ANY operation on another parahuman - too many chances to accidentally become an accomplice to something

anything capable of reproducing. THIS IS A CONDITION OF MY PAROLE. i am allowed to give functioning reproductive organs but any resulting offspring will be baseline human regardless of the state the parent or parents is in

ANY operation without the consent of ALL parties being operated on. this includes if the party is incapable of giving consent and you are their power of attorney (pets, minors, mentally disabled, intoxicated, etc.)

i reserve the right to refuse any procedure for any non-discriminatory reason or for no stated reason.

if you're still interested let me know and we can work out an appointment. i do not use general anaesthesia so if youre coming over for your surgery i recommend you bring a book or game or something. or we can talk, but for some reason usually people dont want to talk to me while im rearranging their limbs

[paravillintiniay]

I’m gonna make a really really long vent post and put it under a read more because I’ve had a rough month and I’m like emotionally bleeding out and I don’t know what to do so idk maybe I’ll put a bandaid on it with this maybe not

I used to think that once I became an adult that I would become independent and no longer be a chronic misser outer and not have to rely on people who clearly do not care about me or my wants as much and that I’d be able to move on, but every year that passes by it feels farther and farther from my reach and even more shameful because everyone I talk to that I can’t speak openly to (extended family, neighbors, acquaintances that I’m not close to) thinks I am like a TOTAL loser because I’m 24 and can’t drive and have never had a consistent job and didn’t go to school and have nothing going for me but I can’t just be like “yeah well my parents won’t teach me to drive and I have to beg my mom for weeks to get her to take me to target when I need something and I don’t have any friends in town so what the fuck do you suggest I do” because it’s kind of a hostile trauma dump but also to them the answer is simple it’s just “take some initiative, stop being lazy” but no one ever taught me how to do that or encouraged independence and every time I ever did take initiative I would get shot down. They don’t get that my parents are so controlling that I CAN’T just Uber to the dmv and get my license because the consequences to that are great, and we don’t have public transit and our community isn’t walkable so I can’t just walk to a job.

Eventually I developed a sort of apathy as a defense mechanism and I just stopped caring about anything because caring about things only meant that I’d be disappointed but the problem is apathy only gets you so far because then people think they can walk all over you.

I just want to feel important. Not to my friends, I love my friends I care about my friends I know they care about me but they can only do so much from several states away. I want my family to care about me, but when my birthday fell on Mother’s Day we all decided “oh yeah we aren’t going to do anything because all the restaurants will be crowded” so instead *my mom and I* spent 2.5 hours cooking lunch, then my brother showed up 2.5 hours later than he said he would with his kids, handed me a card with a visa giftcard in it, and we all sat on the couch not doing anything with the tv off for a few hours not doing anything. I asked if he wanted to go to a concert with me and he blew me off. Then he left. The original plan was to instead go out on monday (Mother’s Day was on sunday) and take me to the book store and run some errands but my mom told me Sunday night “I’m really tired let’s do Tuesday” and then Tuesday night came and I asked if we could do Wednesday and my mom was like “well (grandma) has a thing on Thursday and dad has a thing on Friday and we had a thing we were going to do this weekend” so I said “oh so Wednesday is the only day that works huh?” To which the response was “we’ll see.” We did not go to the book store on Wednesday. We still have not gone to the book store a week later and of course, the ENTIRE week this week just has to be sooo busy we just caaaant make time. I’m tired of having to beg my mommy to spend at most two hours of her time doing something for me. I’m tired of her making it a big deal when I need or want to go somewhere when she’s the one who never taught me to drive. I made my own birthday cake. I just want to feel important. I just. Want to feel like I matter. That isn’t even touching on the fact that one of my brothers completely forgot/didn’t acknowledge my birthday. Thanks man. It’s not even the birthday that gets to me because I don’t expect anything it’s just the fact that they ASK me what I want to do and when I tell them they blow me off or ignore me or do something else that directly inconveniences me. I just want to feel like I matter. Like my wants and needs are valid.

I want to be independent. I’m tired of being a chronic misser outter I’m tired of not being able to do fun things just because no one wants to do them with me and I don’t have the means to do them by myself. It’s gotten to the point where everyone I know is moving on in life without me in so many important life milestone ways and I know it’s only a matter of time before I am simply alone. Before no one has time for me because that’s a natural part of life, you grow up you get a job you get married have kids but not for me. Never for me.

And you know what? My nephew was born late last year and I feel so much guilt for saying this because I love him so much but FUCK that kid. Everyone in my family forgot to be a there for me but now there’s a baby 🥺🥺🥺 he need so much love and time and attention 🥺🥺 you’ve had so many holidays and birthdays April you can be selfless and sacrifice for him 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I’m a grandparent now so I’m gonna drop everythinf whenever your brother asks and spend time with my grandbaby 🥺🥺🥺🥺 but what about ME? when am I going to get the support that I need? On top of not having very many friends or a support system I now no longer have my older brother to hang out with and go see movies or concerts with sometimes and it just. Sucks. I’m so tired.

I said the other day that my mental health feels like when you’re playing a survival game and you’re starving so the screen starts flashing and shaking and your health is constantly ticking down and you don’t have any food so you keep slapping bandages on to try to keep yourself alive until you can find food but you only ever find scraps and berries that keep you sustained for about 30 seconds before you’re starving and dying again. I can hang out with my friends and be happy and joyful but the second that’s over I’m back to bleeding out. Every time my parents rush to the aid of someone else and blow me off is like a stab to the gut. Every time my parents say “it’s the weekend I’m not leaving the house” but are just SOOOO busy during the week they can’t help me with what I need. Every time I miss something that’s important to me and time sensitive just because I can’t drive. I don’t know how to keep going. I’m tired of feeling like such a loser all the time. I just. Want. To feel. Important.

[1000-directions]

good stuff 3-3-25

i had really really good coffee this morning

the new hire has been doing such a good job and asking such good questions and catching on fast and i am so proud and also very relieved that i didn't fuck it up since she is the first person that i am pretty much training by myself

my friend and i went to cheesecake factory after work on a whim and it was so fun and also i discovered a giftcard in my email from 2021 that i never used so we got an unexpected discount

i finished reading the restaurant of lost recipes and it was so adorable, just a comfy cozy little snack of a book

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

me and fi

my daughter bought me a starbucks giftcard for christmas

and preloaded it into my phone today

so I knew where we were going

the lines were too long locally so we kept driving

I gave her the aux cord and call her dj fi

she loves all the makeup tutorials and style games

so I've gotten kind of used to her helping me know

how to put an outfit together or what she thinks about things

that I can take interest in but never really studied

today I told her that it was kind of fun to buy things

to sing in because now I'm more comfortable

with people looking at me and seeing it

a year ago I wouldn't have dreamed I'd be comfortable

on that stage let alone be excited and even miss it

she helped me pick out something that I'd have

looked at but never have bought to wear in public

especially now that I'm a little softer than I was

in the summer but I tried it on and wouldn't you know

it doesn't look half bad and I'll wear it with

this moon clip we picked out together

I don't usually like silver but my girl says

I should try my hair half up because it looks pretty

last time I tried to wear a choker we picked out

and once it was mentioned my body bloomed in a rash

so some things we are going to take slowly

a hair clip should be fine as something different

it's so different than shopping with my mother

she'd push things into my hand and tell me

that what I was drawn to wasn't the best for my figure

and it's interesting because my daughter who is nine

right now likes baggy shirts and flared pants

her motivation is comfort over anything else

I didn't get to dress like that until I was in college

without someone telling me I didn't look put together

no wonder my inner teenager is still mad

but it's okay because we're all coming together

and I think we're all finding things to admire

about one another even though sometimes it feels

like all these parts of me were born on different planets

it's difficult having weird conflicting desires

about being desperate to be known and seen

and actually getting seen and known

you long for something and when it's in front of you

suddenly you're filled with a weird sense of panic?

what the fuck is that all about?

I'm starting to realize that when I have

deep deep instincts of fleeing avoidance

there's often something therefrom a different situation

and the only thing to do is walk through it with myself

and find a way to soothe the nervous system

that cords itself down my spine and listens in whispers

to all the differently connected parts of my body

I don't always like the stories or the feelings

I had and have when the story is retold

but emotions are messengers not a jury

and though life sometimes feels like a movie

at the end of the day all those emotions are just yours

and you can feel them or share them or bury them

the choice is yours like cards in your hand

every day is a chance to collect wins and losses

and your heart gets to decide which they are

and your mind may have a different opinion

and sometimes getting caught between them is exhausting

but it makes everything worth everything

like a peppermint mocha and singing taylor swift

with that little girl I call a masterpiece

each of those babies are and I'll be forever biased

you reap what you sow and in so many ways

I've harvested so much magic

and isn't it cool that I get to keep on going?

surrounded by new friends and new loves

sometimes with all the changes and planning

for a future I can't quite envision

and heaping piles of uncertainty

I forget how magical the present moment can be

especially when I only see the present moment

as something to survive and try to outplan or outwit

I try to avoid the cold so often I forget how to chill

so I'll take what I can from all this and rest a bit

nothing starts again until after the new year

so I'll spend these timeless days as though

the sand is gold in the hourglass instead of on fire

[sehodreamsthoughts]

Shit I was reading gelato really good btw, and I remembered something that happened to me 😭

One day last year I had pulled an all night with a job so I was looking like shit and it was Sunday morning when my friend called me and told me to visit a store to buy some clothes with a giftcard she had because she was taking a trip a few days later and she needed my opinion in formal wardrobe.

But I was so tired I simply put on some jeans, washed my face and said okay, I was totally looking like shit, no lipgloss, blush or even a nice thing on (i was wearing grey washed jeans and a Loki t-shirt that was so worn out the picture was blurry), and we went to this store in a mall near my house to find her something.

It was all okay until it seemed like a shooting or something happened (yeah, I know), so the store closed and we all were sent to the basement of the store to be safe (I swear this is not normal, it was the first time that ever happened to me but I was calm and knew what to do because my dad is paranoid and always taught me how to be cautious at emergencies) and we were all there in silence waiting for the situation to finish when suddenly MY OLD FRIEND WHO I HAD A CRUSH ON AND HADN'T SEEN IN YEARS APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE (he worked there) and we did the most intense eye contact until he had to leave because duh it was an emergency and he had to follow protocol.

The thing is at least in gelato they talked but I couldn't utter a single word to him even when we kept crossing paths that day, and god he was looking so good AND I LOOKED LIKE SHIT.

I went to the store again (this time more decent) and tried to see him but he wasn't there and since then I haven't been able to see him again... The last time I knew about him he was in fucking Mexico but wtv, the point is the fic brought me the memory.

God and we went through so many things together, one of my core memories is with him too, we were young and I had declined to participate in a math competition only to go on a trip with him and we always used the pool but that day it was raining and we thought our mothers wouldn't let us enter but surprisingly they did and we went to the empty pool to swim and play as much as we wanted because like I said it was empty and it was all for us 😭😭😭😭

LIKE COULDN'T I AT LEAST SAY HI???? (I think it was because he was looking so fucking good)

[nectarine-neuroticism]

saw something insane at my local schnucks (grocery store) today.

there was a group of 20+ or so people (range of ages, race, gender, etc.; but at least 50% were white) lined up outside the schnucks in the spot where girl scouts usually stand.

i was really tempted to record them, but i was worried somehow things would be flipped on me and i would be pinned as harassing them. (i was also really tempted to swipe the shit off their stools they had set up, but then they could have reason to call the ops and press for assault charges or some shit; i kept my cool).

i was leaving w/ my groceries and this one girl called me out, "ma'am? would you like a starbucks giftcard?" and i stopped pushing my cart to turn around and see if i was the person being talked to. i was like "what's the catch lol... for free?" to which she agreed and handed me the card. i spotted BUNCHES of giftcards on the stool and that's what the other people were handing out too.

mind you, i have been boycotting starbucks since... september, i think? idk, it was whenever i found out the ceo was planning on suing their WORKERS UNION for freedom of speech (which i later learned was speaking about palestine on their social media page); and regardless of what the cause was even about, once i heard about a corpco suing their fucking workers union, i was like i'm out this bitch. so, i was like... cool, starbucks that's not on my dollar? i'll take it.

right as i was about to, dumbly, say thanks and ask what they're doing it for, this girl was like (idr if it was 1 or 2) (1) "it's the cost of the life of a palestinian child" or (2) "it's at the cost of the death of a palestinian child." it was something along those lines, but it was loud around me and i was in shock lmao. i just stood there and blinked for a moment, and she leaned back/crossed her arms like she was expecting some kind of argument, but i don't think she was expecting me to be "on their side." i just kind of stupidly said "this isn't even real, this is just... fake." i was meaning fake activisim, but my brain was fucking short circuiting.

i was like "this isn't on my dollar... it's on yours. starbucks already already has this money, if you don't use the card it is just plain waste."

because... if you buy a giftcard and don't put it towards the company that you paid, you are just saving them cups, ingredients, etc. they are SAVING money off you if you don't spend it. it is literally already paid for, so put it to use.

and she just stared at me dumbfounded, mouth open/close kind of thing, and the people next to her were not eager to intervene. so, i was like "this is on you. if this funds the war, you already funded it." and i just grabbed another off the stool and was like, "thanks for the free starbucks."

idk why, but i was jittering out of my skin. the adrenaline was high and i was pissed OFF. like... are you stupid? jesus christ, read a book and touch grass before you do some shit like this. there is a whole wide world of resources available to learn about how you can make a difference rather than give hundreds of dollars worth of revenue to a company you are boycotting. make it make sense??? idk, there was definitely some kind of disconnect there. i almost wished they would have said something back rather than me just awkwardly stutter at them, but maybe i just gave them food for thought and they were chewing?

i KNOW schnucks is damn well NOT letting y'all sit outside on their time for free lmao. once they see you, they will get you. someone is bound to complain.

<tl;dr> very misguided "pro-palestine" demonstration: a bunch of ppl bought out a starbucks of their giftcards and were handing them out for free*, then a very one-sided argument ensues. *free, meaning "at the cost of the life of a palestinian child," their words.

[hisadoringkitten]

Today was different...

You told me you were going in later this morning, I still woke early, but less so, I was tired after yesterday. I got to talk to you on your way in, having talked about your ex last night had you waking upset. I'm so glad that I was able to help, at least a little.

Today was to take on a new assignment, once a week, you've told me to go out by myself and do something. You've already arranged for me to go back to Scout Bar on Saturday, and as I do not have much in the way of an interesting wardrobe, I decided to go shopping. I figured that would be a great test of not only how my knee is doing but also my ability to make decisions on my own.

You seemed impressed when I told you my plan, I can't wait for you to see how I glow when you're proud of me. So I went to Goodwill first. It's hit or miss but inexpensive, so it's worth a shot. I found a few things, finding the decisions in the fitting room less daunting than I expected. I also didn't mind being there by myself, though I did find it a bit lonely. Where I really struggled with was where to go next.

I went for Boba tea. It was delicious as always, and I opted for the mall, knowing it would push me a bit. I started in Forever 21, found a few things, and moved on, I was headed towards hot topic but lost my bearing a bit, and I walked past curve, I have desperately needed a good bra. The girl who works there is one I pierced and she was incredibly helpful. I hit a few other stores and picked up a handful of things. It all went on my birthday giftcards.

You went to check out some apartments for me, well, for us in a way. They look beautiful! And they're so close to your work. The idea of me talking dirty to you at work and having you walk across to fuck me and put me in my place is delicious.

Shortly after I got home, you left work, and I got to talk to you on your way home until it was time to get the kids off to bed. It was wonderful. After bedtime, I listened to a few chapters of my audiobook and fell asleep on the couch. He came home, and we wound down for bed. Tomorrow is his birthday, I don't know how that will go, we'll see... and then Friday... the big talk... the one where I tell him we're taking a break and I'm moving out. It makes me nervous, but I'm ready to have it out, I think.

It's all because of you, Sir. Thank you.

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

@burntchickennugget2468 said to make a fic, and I was aided by @casuallydyinginthecorner with their incredible headcanons.

Don't Fuck With The Amateur Crochet Club

Tuesday, 4.30 pm:

"Hey, Shah, I'm heading out!" He grabbed his Plant Diva tote, the one Aru got him for Christmas and stuffed it with a few spools of yarn.

"Yeah, sure, when-" Aiden was already gone. Ammammas. She rolled her eyes.

The same Tuesday, at 4.58 pm:

Hira opened the door to their house, looking vexed as she greeted Aiden.

"What's up?" He asked cautiously. The Rao family were rage-y a lot of the time, all in good fun, but rage-y nonetheless.

"Brynne is kicking Amateur Crochet Club out of our living room," she huffed. "Despite me paying half the bills!" She yelled back, more for Brynne to hear than for him.

Aiden shook his head disapprovingly. He'd have to grill Brynne for a reason later. "So... where do we go?"

Hira sighed, shoulders slumping as she slammed the door behind her. "We could go to Joanne's. I got a 50$ giftcard," she waved the green plastic in front of him, a small grin breaking through her annoyed demeanor.

"Yesssssss." Aiden celebrated. Joanne's trips were a luxury with them, the giant craft retail store being way out of their budget.

As they drove, Hira showed Aiden the list of things she needed to pick up. Two new crochet hooks, and at least a few pounds worth of yarn. "Damn, what's the project?" He asked, looking at the extensive list. Hira pulled into the parking lot, grinning.

"I was thinking of gifting everyone a scarf- y'know, since climate change is fucking with the weather-"

She was bored, and the constant slew of snow and ice had inspired her to crochet scarves.

They splurged at Joanne's.

That Saturday, 3.15:

They were in Hira's car crocheting in the parking lot of Joanne's. It was cramped, sure, but the sound of the Backstreet Boys on the radio aided them in their efforts. Hira had finished her first scarf in the project, a pale yellow one for herself, with soft tassels at each end. Aiden was getting started on a cute little frog, the kind that needed stuffing and a pattern to be followed, when they heard a knock on the door.

They both looked up to see Nikita, hands filled with vibrant yarns and a confused scowl on her face. Hira rolled down the window, and she spoke to them, judgement clear in her voice. "Why are you parked outside of a store crocheting? It's creepy." Then, without another word, she got into the back of the car. "I need a ride home, and I would also like an explanation," she said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"We have a crochet club," Aiden said, seeing the hesitation on Hira's face.

"Yeah- we used to meet at my house, in the living room, but Brynne kicked us out for her stupid giant baking project-"

"You know she's doing it for your birthday, right?" Nikita interjected.

Hira sighed, dropping her shoulders. "Yeah, I know. I just would have liked to crochet there instead of here."

No response for Nikita. It didn't seem important to her. "Does your club have room for more? I say this mostly because you have a car and can drive me here whenever I want."

Aiden sighed- she was a kid. A kid who ran through her supplies faster than he ever did, and probably enjoyed crocheting as much as he and Hira did. "Alright- we meet every Tuesday and Saturday."

"I can see that," she snarked back, and sat in silence for the rest of the meeting till four, crochet hooks clicking together as she flew through whatever project she was making.

When their timer rang for the end of the meeting, Aiden looked back to check on her, amazed to see a crocheted top, rust and blue in color in her lap.

"That's- good stuff, Nikita."

She nudged her chin up proudly. "Thank you. I have an Etsy store. Code for 15% off is NIKIDESIGNS500. Go check it out."

One Week Later, At Hira's Birthday Party:

There were crochet streamers, and crochet balloons-

The blasted cake that had occupied the whole living room to make was decorated with little stitch designs in yellow and pink pastels.

"When did you get all this done?" Aru asked, nudging Aiden in the side.

He shrugged, smiling bashfully. "Amateur Crochet Club."

She grinned at him as they watched Nikita give Hira a crocheted top in turquois and pink with a flower design all around the torso. "If you start buying brownie bites from costco, I'll let y'all meet at our place."

"Deal."

hc that aiden and hira crochet. like grandmas, spend the whole day hanging out in each others rooms making scarves and blankets and shit

[diseasedcube]

ahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY BOL.COM IF YOU'RE GONNA LIE TO ME ABOUT SHIPPING AVAILABILITY,

I'LL JUST BLOW ALL MY COMMISSION MONEY ELSEWHERE :))))))