#i had to go back and rewrite so many times before i was actually satisfied

[stevie-petey]

episode six: the spy

Steve looks like a kicked puppy as you storm ahead of him and Dustin, putting enough distance between you guys so that you can’t hear their conversion that follows.  “Shit…” “You’re awful with women.” Dustin says, now continuing to walk. He doesn’t bother to follow after you, knowing that you need your space to cool down. “I wouldn’t follow her, by the way. Let her cool off.” Steve sighs, now walking as well, “Yeah, I know.” 

Summary: dustin and steve haggle a butcher, you throw some meat at steve and then have a weird conversation about love, you stop dustin from becoming an incel, and then you wrestle some demodogs like any real woman would. side note: steve is hot protecting the kids.

Rating: general, violence and swearing

Warnings: fem!reader, use of y/n, violence and swearing, blood mention and ptsd mention, weapons, fire, probably more

Words: 17.1k (i fear how much longer these next few chapters become)

Before you swing in: its here !!! god, this chapter was ROUGH. the conversations between bug and steve took many rewrites and editing. i wanted to get it just right, and finally i think im satisfied with where they landed. bug and steve aside, i absolutely loved writing this chapter with the kids. i sincerely hope you guys enjoy, this chapter took blood, sweat, n tears lmao

-

You’re the first to break the silence as you all stare at the hole Dart created in the wall in shock.

An obnoxiously loud yawn escapes your lips, and Dustin and Steve shoot you simultaneous weird glances. You feel your face heat up in embarrassment. “Sorry… It’s been a long day.”

Steve huffs. “Yeah, no kidding.”

Dustin clears his throat before standing up. He wipes off some dirt that got on his jeans and then offers you his hand so that he can pull you up as well. You accept it and stand, your bones a deep, weary type of heavy that only comes from pure exhaustion. 

“Okay,” Dustin begins, and you can already see a plan forming in his mind. “Steve, you’ll spend the night here so that way we can all get up bright and early to start our search for Dart.” 

Steve attempts to argue, but Dustin puts his hand up to shush him and continues with his speech. The older boy throws his hands up in the air and gives you a look of disbelief over your brother’s antics. You stifle a laugh, which he only rolls his eyes at. Steve, whether he likes it or not, will have to get used to Dustin’s… Dustin-ness.

“If he escaped through the tunnel, then we have to assume that there’s an opening somewhere above ground.” Dustin finishes. 

You nod your head slowly, still unconvinced. “Okay, but how do we find him? Better yet, what happens when we do? It took Nancy with a shotgun, my knives, Steve’s batting skills, a ton of fire, and almost dying a bunch of times to take down the Demogorgon.” 

Dustin lets out a tired sigh. “I’ll figure it all out, alright? For now, let’s just get some sleep. Maybe it’ll come to me in a dream or something.” 

“A dream? Seriously?” Steve looks at the two of you as if you guys will start laughing and tell him it’s all a giant joke. Unfortunately, it isn’t. 

Steve spent all last year and most of the summer getting to know you. He’s used to your quips and soft spoken teasing, but Dustin? He’s uncharted territory and you’re secretly relishing in seeing Steve fumble around him. You’ve never had anyone else interact with your brother before, only Jonathan, so this change is odd, but welcomed. 

Dustin pays no attention to you and Steve as he begins heading up the steps, back to your home. Once he disappears, you nudge your shoulder against Steve’s. “You know you don’t actually have to spend the night, right?”

“Ya know, I can’t quite tell if the kid will let me leave or not.”

You laugh. “He’s harmless… Mostly. I promise I won’t let him bite, but I also understand if you want to leave.”

Steve looks away, sensing the undertones of what you’re saying. You’re giving him another out, one last chance to leave and go back to pretending like everything's okay. You wouldn’t blame him, and you get a sense of deja-vu from that night at Jonathan’s. When you tried coaxing Steve to leave, to spare himself from everything he inevitably ended up suffering from. 

After a minute or so, Steve shakes his head. “I’ll stay. You need my help.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say need–”

“Shut up and let me help you, Y/N.”

You sigh. There’s no arguing with him, he’s made up his mind and your truce that you shook on ten minutes ago burns your hand. He’s staying. 

“A ‘please’ would’ve sufficed, but fine.” You link your arm around Steve’s and make your way up the cellar steps. “C’mon, Dustin is probably waiting for us with some new insane plan for where you’ll sleep.”

– 

You know that your mom is safe, off at the other side of town, searching for your dead cat, but it’s still lonely walking into your empty home. Dustin is standing in the living room waiting, but you can see that it makes him uneasy as well. 

Steve follows behind you and takes a look around. When he spots the lumpy, old, sagging couch in front of the window, he frowns. It’s barely bigger than he is, his feet would definitely hang over the edge. “This my bed for tonight?”

“It’ll have to be, unless you want to come snuggle with me in my bed.” Dustin says. 

“I wouldn’t, he kicks in his sleep,” you tell Steve, attempting to make light of the situation. 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” he snorts. Then, as if he’s done this a million times before, Steve flings himself onto your couch and his feet do indeed hang over the edge. “Oh, yeah. This will definitely be cozy.”

You wince. “I’m sorry, you’re still free to go home. I completely understand and–”

“Unless…” Dustin begins to brighten up and he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Pure horror washes over you; you know that look on his face. He’s scheming. 

“Dustin, whatever is about to come out of your mouth–”

“Y/N has this giant bean bag in her room. Practically takes up the whole space, and, luckily for you, my new friend, it’s Steve-sized.”

Steve whips his head to face you, a curious look on his face. “You don’t say, Little Henderson?”

Both boys look at you, a matching glint of evil in their eyes, and you realize you’re trapped. When did they manage to sync up to make you miserable?

You weigh your options against your morals. On one hand, it’s your room and you and Steve are still warming back up to each other. However, on the other hand, Jonathan has spent countless nights on that bean bag himself. 

Dustin’s right. Steve would fit perfectly. 

Damn him. 

You shuffle your feet, averting Steve’s eyes. “I mean, I guess you’d fit.” 

“You guess? Steve, she’s had Jonathan sleep on that thing like a bajillion times.” Dustin waves his arms out, gleeful that he’s won. “In fact, I think our mom specifically bought it just for him.”

He now steps closer to Steve and eyes him up and down. “I’d bet money that you two are about the same size, so as I stated earlier: it’s Steve-sized.”

“I’m actually taller than him, so…” Steve mumbles to no one in particular, but quickly clears his throat and changes the subject. “And I’d finally be able to see Y/N Henderson’s room? Count me in.”

You blush furiously. He’s getting a kick out of all of this and he’s such a little shit, honestly. You’re not sure why the thought of having Steve Harrington in your room, eager to be in your room, makes your stomach flutter and your cheeks burn painfully. 

Steve sees your blush and he wiggles his eyebrows at you. “C’mon, Y/N. It’ll be like a sleepover.”

“You’re far too pleased about all of this.”

“We can pretend to be back at Bookstrordinary. I’ll even stack some books that you definitely have in your room.”

Dustin stands between you and Steve, his face alight with joy and curiosity. “Can I please know when you two became best friends?”

“No, you hid Dart from me.”

“I’m not gonna live that down, am I?”

“Nope.”

Steve clears his throat, clearly amused by your banter with Dustin but still unsure about everything going on. “So… What do ya say, Y/N?”

You bite your lip and look at him. He’s pathetically too large for the couch, it wouldn’t be fair to just force him to sleep there because of the weird way he makes you feel as if you’re floating yet falling all at the same time. 

Exhaling, you give in. “Fine, but do not touch any of my books in the room.”

“Yes!” Steve high fives Dustin and you roll your eyes at them both. 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. It’s late, can we please just go to bed now?”

Dustin sends you a wink, which thankfully Steve doesn’t see. “Sure, sis. Have a good night.”

And with that, probably because he senses you’re about to throw a shoe at him, Dustin flees the living room and runs to his room. As soon as he’s gone, Steve bats his eyelashes at you and playfully teases, “Take me to bed, Y/N.”

You snort, despite how exhausted you are. “Never say those words to me again.”

He laughs and stands up, following behind you as you guide him towards your own room. A part of you feels like you should give him a house tour, but logistically it’d be useless. You can’t imagine that Steve would be over at your house again once the Dart situation is handled. 

You have to remind yourself that there are still roses for Nancy, currently wilting, in the backseat of Steve’s car. 

They’ll work things out eventually, or maybe they won’t, but Nancy Wheeler still has Steve Harrington’s heart. He is her’s entirely. 

Lost in thought, you almost miss the turn to your room and have to grab the back of Steve’s jacket and yank him towards your bedroom door. 

“Hey–” 

“Sorry, my room is here.” 

“You Hendersons are just a delightful bunch, ya know that?” 

“Be thankful you don’t have to meet our mother, honestly.” You fling your bedroom door open and gently push Steve inside. 

As soon as he’s in your room, you watch as he takes it all in. His eyes scan every corner of the room, and you hold your breath as you wait for them to land on the Spider-Man poster he gave you for Christmas last year. 

When Steve sees it, he smiles shyly at you. “I see you kept the gift.”

“Duh,” you walk over to your bed and sit down. “Still one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given.”

“One of?” He asks, tone light but curious. 

Unconsciously, your fingers go to your bee necklace from Jonathan. You play with the pendant and smile softly. “Sorry, Jonathan kinda beat you to it.”

“I figured,” he shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable. “I noticed the necklace the day I gave you the poster. Didn’t want to, uh, assume. I guess. But the necklace was from him?”

“It was,” you clear your throat, talking about Jonathan with Steve has always been such a foreign feeling for you. 

Steve seems to be thinking the same thing and starts to wander around your room instead. You silently thank whatever god is up there for giving you the motivation to clean your room earlier that week. Normally you’re a neat person, but ever since Will started showing signs of post-traumatic stress, you’ve spent more time obsessively researching rather than tidying up.

Therefore, there’s still books strewn across your desk alongside some comics. Steve sees a Spidey one and holds it up with a laugh. “He’s everywhere.”

“He is.” You say proudly, now getting up to go into your closet to pull out the blankets and pillows usually reserved for Jonathan.

Steve wanders around some more as you dig through your closet. He lingers in front of your dresser, which holds photos of you, Dustin, and Jonathan. 

“Here,” you hand the bedding to Steve and motion to where the bean bag is. 

He looks up from a photo of you and Jonathan from last year. It’s your favorite of the two of you, he stands behind you in the picture with his arms wrapped around your waist and his chin on your shoulder. You’re both smiling widely at the camera, the moment captured by Will because he wanted to try out the camera Jonathan had gotten that summer. 

“You guys are really close, huh?” Steve asks.

You nod, although confused by his question. He spent half the summer with you and Jonathan at your job. You had conversations about your friendship together, but you suppose it’s different seeing the excess of love you have for the boy within your room. Jonathan is everywhere, if you look hard enough, you’ll find him. 

Steve pauses for a second, as if he wants to say something else, but shakes his head and turns towards the bean bag. He arranges the pillows so that they’re flush against the wall facing your bed, which you think is an odd choice, but say nothing. Once he’s arranged the pillows and blankets, Steve turns to you and clears his throat. 

“I hate to ask this, I really do, but I also don’t want to sleep in these jeans,” he waves his hands over his pants, which have always been a bit tighter than you thought was necessary. “Any chance I could wear something of Jonathan’s?”

You think for a moment and dig through your dresser. “I’m not sure, but if I can’t find anything of his then I think my old camp t-shirt can fit. As for pants, won’t your boxers work fine?”

Steve’s face turns red and he clears his throat once more, speaking in a slightly squeaky voice, “Y–yeah, I guess so.”

He’s stumbling over his words, which makes you pause. There’s no possible way that he’s nervous right now. He’s usually so confident and comfortable around you. Hell, last summer he offered to be your first kiss (by kissing his fingers and pressing them against your lips, but still). 

“Are you shy right now, Steve?”

“What? No!” He scrambles to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between the two of you as he can. 

You raise your eyebrows at him, but your cheeks are flushed as well. “Okay then, whatever you say.” 

It’s painfully quiet after that as you continue looking for something for Steve to wear. You swear that Jonathan has left behind some of his things, and right before you lose hope, you spot a pair of gray sweats and an old The Clash t-shirt of his. 

“Here,” you toss the clothes to Steve without even checking if he’s looking. You hear a crash and know that he, in fact, had not been looking. 

“Gee, thanks.” He says sarcastically, but you giggle. 

“No problem,” you begin to gather your own pajamas before pointing towards your door. “There’s a bathroom to the left, down the hall. You can change there.” 

“Then our sleepover can commence?”

You wave him off, but you smile anyway at his question. You missed his boyish charms. “Sure, buddy. Go change.”

Steve salutes you and then leaves the room, softly closing the door behind him. You change while he’s gone and tie your hair up. After a few minutes, you assume Steve has had enough time to change and make your way over to the bathroom so you can brush your teeth. You’re so excited to go to bed. 

However, the door is closed when you approach, meaning Steve is still changing. You knock on the door, “Are you almost done in there?”

“I’m having… problems.” 

Your hand hovers over the door, mid knock. “Problems?”

There’s only silence for a moment, almost as if Steve is contemplating elaborating. Finally, after several seconds, he says “I’m definitely taller than Byers.” 

You roll your eyes and begin knocking again, just to annoy Steve, until he finally swings the door open. Before you can even stop it, a loud laugh escapes you. The sweats are at least five inches too short on him, while Jonathan’s shirt is a size too small. He looks absolutely ridiculous. 

“It’s not funny!” Steve whines, his face once again red. “I thought you gave me Jonathan’s clothes, Y/N!” 

More laughter escapes you, making your ribs begin to hurt. Every time you try to speak, you laugh even harder, and it’s impossible for you to get any words out. Steve watches, not amused in the slightest, and crosses his arms as if to appear more dignified. 

“I’m sorry,” you manage to gasp out, more laughs threatening to spill from you. “I guess they’re clothes from when he was fourteen.”

“I’m reconsidering our truce from earlier.” 

This gets you to stop laughing, and you gasp and smack Steve’s chest. “You wouldn’t dare!”

He sighs, hanging his head low. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Exactly,” his admission makes you giddy. “Now, either make yourself cozy in the bean bag or watch as I brush my teeth. Your choice.”

Steve shrugs and steps to the side so that there’s room for you to enter the bathroom. It’s a tight fit, but he ends up sitting on the edge of the tub and just watches as you begin the process of brushing your teeth. “I didn’t actually think you’d stay, ya know.”

“I know, but I’m bored and you’re here.”

You spit into the sink. “Fair, I guess.”

“Plus,” he picks at his nails, trying to look disinterested while wearing Jonathan’s too small clothes. “We still need to have that talk.”

You pause, toothbrush hanging from your lips as you stare at Steve, wide eyed, in the mirror. Honestly, you were hoping he would’ve forgotten about that. It’s not that you don’t want to know whatever he has to tell you, but you’re tired and still reeling over the fact that he’s spending the entire night in your room. 

“Oh, right.” Turning the faucet off, you finish brushing your teeth and awkwardly wipe your face. Steve watches quietly, and once you’re done, you motion for him to follow you back towards your room. 

As soon as you’re back in your room, Steve immediately curls himself upon the bean bag and brings the blanket all the way up to his chin. Dustin, as always, is right: the bean bag truly is Steve-sized. “Cozy.”

You laugh at him as you crawl into your own bed. “Yeah, I’d hope so. Jonathan has slept in it for years now.”

“Well, uh. Speaking of Jonathan…” Steve sits up a bit so that he can properly look at you. “I wanted to talk. Ya know… About you and him. Nancy, too.”

He pauses, furrows his brows, and then adds. “Actually, I want to talk about what really happened this summer. Everything. I want to know everything.”

“Everything is a lot,” you dodge, turning away from the boy. 

Steve sighs. “Y/N… I missed you.”

Missed.

“I want to be friends again, be how we were before, but… I don’t know. There was a lot unsaid between us. Even from the start. I mean, I understand. I do.” His eyes never leave yours, despite how much you try not to look back at him. “You’re, well–If we’re going to be friends again, I want to start from the beginning.”

“The beginning?”

Now Steve is the one who looks away. “I don’t know, it’s stupid, I guess–”

“It’s not stupid, Steve.” You reassure him. He’s trying, he’s inviting you in after everything you did to him, and it’s all you could’ve asked for. 

But you’re fucking terrified. 

You and Steve became close before, sure, but it was something more surface level. An act between the two of you. While Steve was able to read you over time, learning and asking and paying attention to you, there was still so much you never let him in on. What you haven’t let anyone in on, besides Jonathan. 

If you start from the beginning with Steve, someone you know has come to view you as this selfless and kind person, you’re scared that it’ll change the way he sees you. 

But Steve is looking at you from the bean bag, looking ridiculously cozy with the blanket wrapped around him and his usually carefully curated hair has fallen in his eyes; his gaze is open and trusting. There isn’t a pressure behind it, he would understand if you backed down, but you promised him you’d try. 

To try is to be human.

And you really, really missed Steve. 

“I moved here when I was twelve. My family and I had moved all the way from Virginia after the divorce. I remember being really mean, back then. An angry kid with all this hurt within her that she perpetually displaced upon everyone else.” 

“Angry?” Steve asks, his voice soft. 

You shift uncomfortably in bed, but you remind yourself that you agreed to this. If you’re going to begin again with Steve, then he deserves to know the true person he’s befriending. “Angry. I didn’t take the divorce well. At all. I acted out a lot, closed myself off, and was just a fucking awful person.”

Shifting again, you take a deep breath. “My anger got to the point where Dustin, who was nine, had to practically plead with me to be nicer to him. He was a kid.”

“So were you,” Steve gently chimes in, but you roll your eyes at him. 

“Being a kid didn’t give me an excuse to abandon my loved ones like I did. Like my father did. It wasn’t until Dustin called me out on my bullshit that I realized the irony of the situation. There I was, blaming everyone else for my own problems and running away, because I was so hurt by my father doing the same to me.”

Steve clenches his jaw, and you know he wants to say more, but you watch as he exhales deeply and decides against it. “Okay, so you were mean and then you became kind again after something traumatic… So what?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean,” the boy sighs. “I was a dick for like, ten consecutive years. It took losing a fight to Jonathan, embarrassing myself in front of Nancy at least five times, losing my bullshit ‘friends’ Tommy and Carol, and some blonde guy with a fucking mullet before I was even able to become a decent person.” 

You frown. “What’s your point?” 

“My point is that you came back.” Steve shrugs. “The second someone you loved asked you to, you came back to being the selfless angel that you are. Which, by the way, is an impressive feat in itself.” 

He says this as if it’s obvious and that the months you spent hurting everyone around you can be redeemed. As if you haven’t spent every waking hour tirelessly devoting every piece of yourself to those around you to make up for them. To repent for your anger. 

Steve takes your silence as more defiance, and he runs a tired hand through his hair. He’s merely a few feet from you, at the foot of your bed on the bean bag, and yet it feels as if he’s inches yet yards away. “I know I can’t change your mind, but… I think that’s what matters the most in the end, ya know? You became kind.” 

“So did you,” you finally say, not quite ready to accept what he’s saying. 

Now it’s Steve who looks away. “Still working on the whole ‘kind’ thing.”

“Isn’t that what matters in the end?” You tease, feeling yourself warm with pride when you get him to laugh. 

“Touche.” 

Silence falls over the two of you, letting the tension lazily slip away for now. Your body hums with energy; the only other person you’ve told about your father to is Jonathan. You both have long since bonded over shitty father figures. However, even when you had whispered these truths to Jonathan back when you were thirteen, you don’t remember feeling quite so raw and vulnerable as you do right now with Steve. 

“I meant it, you know,” you catch Steve’s eye. “Back when you first drove me home last year. You’re alright. Not too shabby, honestly.”

This time a full body laugh cascades through the boy, He clutches at his stomach as he doubles over, breathless with joy. “Thanks, Y/N.” 

Steve is still laughing and this is the happiest you think you’ve seen him in months. The realization makes all the warmth you’ve felt earlier, vanish. You remember the hurt on his face earlier this week on Halloween, the tears in his eyes when he confessed that Nancy didn’t love him. 

You know how plagued Steve is about never being good enough, and for the first time since you’ve truly gotten to know him: you understand him in that very moment. 

Your eye catches on Steve’s adam’s apple as he swallows. It’s a tragedy, really, how attractive he is. You suppose it’s what caused his downfall, in the end. A pretty boy, rich and popular yet easily able to be taken down; it must be a lonely life with all that vulnerability.

“Can I tell you a secret?” You whisper, voice cutting through the darkness of your room as Steve seems to remember where he is, why and how the conversation started in the first place. 

“Always,”

“I’m scared of the compulsive need I feel to take care of everyone. It’s like… I don’t know, this debt that I feel I owe for existing, for the fear I feel because of my father leaving. I overcompensate for this fear now, terrified I’ll become mean again.”

Steve stares at your ceiling. “The whole ‘debt’ thing, I understand. Believe me. Rather than being a perfect angel, however, I just try my fucking hardest not to disappoint everyone around me and make them leave.”

Nancy, as she always seems to do, lingers between you and Steve now; you both can feel her presence without him having to say her name. He told you what she did to him, you tried to reassure him that it hadn’t been his fault, but Steve isn’t an idiot. 

Nancy never loved him. He knows this, now. 

You don’t say anything, you don’t think he’d want you to. Giving him some time, you allow Steve a few minutes to collect his thoughts, sensing he has more to say. Then, softly, he whispers back to you, “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Always,” you echo. 

“I just want to be loved.” 

With just one confession, a string of six words in succession, Steve Harrington crushes you. 

The words come crashing upon your chest and you wish you could tell him how easily you see yourself falling for him. How, even if you can’t admit it just yet, you’re already falling for him. You think you have been for some time now. 

Somewhere, in between him driving you home last year and the way the summer sun kissed his face months later, you began to fall in love with him. 

While you’re thinking this, Steve is laying in the bean bag, absolutely terrified of the words that have come out of his mouth. He’s always had the fear, deep down, that he was unlovable, but to admit the fear out loud… He’s never felt so weak before.

You’re silent and Steve thinks he’s finally done it. His pathetic need to be liked and loved by everyone around him has finally scared you away. How couldn’t it scare you away? You so naturally are loved by everyone while Steve compulsively demands it because he’s still that scared ten year old boy with a father who never showed him love. 

Then, because you’re an angel, you give Steve the response he hadn’t even known he needed to hear. “It’s natural to want to be loved. We all do. It’s human.”

He exhales at your words, still staring at the ceiling as if to somehow lessen the impact of what you’re telling him. There’s something there, hanging in the air after your words have disappeared, that Steve can’t quite understand. 

It almost sounded like you were trying to reassure yourself, as well.

“What’s the deal with you and Jonathan?” Though Steve’s voice is steady, you can tell that he’s trying not to sound too interested. 

The question is a simple one, but it’s the hardest question you’ve ever had to answer. Everyone asks you, sooner or later, if you and Jonathan are together. You never blame them for asking, because ultimately the two of you are  closer than the average friends, regardless of gender. 

It doesn’t make the question any less painful to answer, though. It doesn’t make hearing Jonathan’s laugh cut any less deeper.

As for Steve, he’s asked this question before, albeit with teasing and disbelief whenever you’ve told him there’s nothing there. Despite the numerous times you’ve corrected him, he’s never quite believed you.

This time, it feels different. There’s a weight behind Steve’s question, and your silence is all the answer that he needs. “You love him.”

The words aren’t a question, and they harbor no malice. He says them as if they are a fact; you suppose that it is. You don’t say anything, but you do nod your head at him. “I do… I think I’ve always loved him, honestly.”

You’ve never, ever said those words out loud. Not to anyone.

And now, you’re confessing them to Steve, who doesn’t have to ask you why your voice now holds melancholy within it. He knows, he’s always somehow known. Jonathan doesn’t love you, a fact in which Steve has never been able to wrap his head around. He’s watched the two of you for years, how easily you love one another, and yet somehow the love never blossomed into something more. 

Everything stills between you and Steve, allowing both your confessions to surround the two of you. “I’m sorry.”

Steve’s apology only causes you to shrug. “He’s still mine, at least for now. Is that so bad?”

“I mean, I guess not, but… Doesn’t it get exhausting?”

“God,” you squeeze your eyes shut, finally able to voice all you’ve been feeling to someone who can understand. “It feels like this crushing weight upon me every time I see him smile, like it’s a burden, carrying all this love within me without being able to express it freely. I just… I never thought that love could be so exhausting. ”

As the words start to come out, you find that you’re unable to stop. “I grew up with Jonathan, I learned the way he breathes and the way his hands feel pressed against my skin, but so much has changed and…” Your breath hitches. “He’s not someone I reach out to first anymore. It almost feels like I can’t. I love him, I do, but I also miss how it used to be before I realized everything.”

The pressure of tears builds behind your eyes and forces you to stop talking. If you say anything else, you’re afraid you’ll start crying. While Steve has been so lovely tonight, it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to console you so pathetically. 

Steve seems to hear the tears lacing your voice and speaks for you, having finally pieced together everything he’s been unable to articulate since November of last year. “With Nance, it feels like I’m always somehow two steps behind her and her feelings. Constantly playing catch up while the rules keep changing on me… I get the whole ‘love is exhausting’ thing.”

Though you know Steve means well, his words fucking terrify you. If he feels the same way towards Nancy, a girl who never ended up loving him despite how much he poured his heart out for her, what does that mean for you and Jonathan?

For the first time, you question if the exhaustion you feel surrounding your love for the boy is really something else. Something different, disguised as exhaustion. 

You wonder, deep down, if you’ve started to fall out of love with Jonathan.

Who are you if you have?

The boy has become so intertwined within your life, the threads and strings and lines have tied you to him indefinitely. He’s the reason behind your everything. If you no longer love Jonathan, then who are you, really?

The realization washes over you like cold rain in the middle of winter. It spills over you and pricks at your skin and you suddenly want the conversation to end. While you’re so relieved to be talking to Steve again, the conversation has left you with more realizations than resolutions. 

“It’s late,” you fake a yawn, desperate to cut the conversation short. “We should go to bed. Knowing Dustin, he’ll have us up at the crack of dawn to start looking for Dart.”

Steve sees right through you, he knows he’s somehow crossed a line and that you’re once again retreating. You’re closing yourself off from him again, but he’ll take whatever he can get from you. You’ve told him more than he ever thought you would, so for now he’ll play along. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He says, watching as you reach for your lamp and turn the light off. Then, as soon as you’ve rolled over and closed your eyes, you faintly hear his final words. “Don’t we make a pathetic pair?” 

You remember, before drifting off to sleep, feeling relief wash over you that Steve once again considers the two of you a pair.

– 

You wake up the next morning to the faint sounds of Dustin getting ready. His shower can be heard from your room, and through the years it's become your morning alarm. Yawning, you roll over and rub your eyes and take a few minutes to let your brain wake up. 

Bits of yesterday’s events come back to you. 

Dustin confessing about Dart. 

Locking the Demodog in your cellar. 

Radioing everyone in the party for help and getting no response. 

Going to the Wheelers for Mike and coming back with Steve. 

Dart going missing. 

And, most importantly, your bizarre conversation with Steve last night. 

The boy in question lets out a loud snore from the bean bag, blankets haphazardly twisted around his legs, and you stifle a laugh. Even in his sleep, Steve Harrington somehow catches all the attention in the room.  

You throw your blanket off and get out of bed, tiptoeing so as to not wake up the sleeping beauty, and head outside to your kitchen. If yesterday was any indication of how long today will be, then you need all the coffee in the world to get through it. 

The coffee has just finished brewing when you hear Steve stumble into the kitchen. His eyes are bleary and his hair is the worst it’s ever looked. “I guess even Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington can’t escape bed head, huh?”

Steve acknowledges your quip only by grunting, still stumbling around through your home. So he isn’t a morning person, you think with a smile while bringing your coffee mug to your lips and taking a careful sip. 

Eventually Steve makes it to your kitchen table and plops down, letting out a loud yawn and smacking his lips. He looks pathetically endearing, really, especially given his outfit that looks even worse after sleeping in it. The shirt has ridden further up, exposing a bit of his stomach (which you divert your gaze from, feeling yourself blush), and one of his too-short pant legs has ridden up to his knee. 

“You really are a natural beauty in the morning, Steve.” 

“Ha,” he says boredly, looking around the kitchen. “Do you guys have any food? I’m starving.” 

You toss him an apple from the fruit basket on the counter, and Steve only just manages to catch it in time to avoid it hitting his face.

“Christ!” He exclaims, glaring at you when you chuckle at his reaction. Maybe it was a little mean, but you see the small smile he tries to hide. 

“Is this all I get? An apple thrown at my face?”

You walk over to the table and set your mug down. “Were you expecting a home cooked meal?” 

“You’ll have to earn a Y/N Henderson breakfast,” Dustin says as he enters the kitchen and joins the two of you. His hair is still wet from his shower and he drips onto the counter, which makes you cringe. He’s such a boy, sometimes. 

He makes his way over to the fridge and rustles around, looking for something to eat. Truthfully, the reason you threw the apple at Steve is because there’s no food in your house at the moment. Your mom normally goes to the grocery store on Saturdays, and in her frantic rush to find Mews she hadn't left any money for you to go to the store. 

“There’s no food,” you inform your brother. 

He sighs dejectedly, grabbing a banana and then plopping himself next to Steve at the table. “All right, are you two awake enough to discuss the plan?” 

You nod immediately at Dustin’s question while Steve slumps further into his seat, groaning. You run a hand through his hair to try and settle down his theatrics. Dustin sees this and raises an eyebrow at you, but you shake your head and motion for him to keep quiet. 

“So,” he takes a bite from his banana and begins speaking with his mouth full, which you make a face at. “I was thinking we lure Dart with bait to a secure area that we can catch him in.” 

“Wait,” Steve sits up a bit in his seat, careful to not knock your hand off his head. “That’s all you got? That’s the entire plan?”

“Yes. Is there a problem?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he begins eating as well, his mouth also full and disgusting to look at, “Do you know how we’ll lure him? Or where? Better yet, how will we even catch him?” 

Dustin narrows his eyes. “Okay, so it’s a working idea. You got anything better?”

Steve opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He pauses for a second before seemingly drawing a blank and closing his mouth; he sinks back into his seat in defeat.

“That’s what I thought.” Dustin says smugly.

You take another sip of coffee, enjoying the mug’s warmth around your fingers. “Well, we at least know what Dart likes to eat.”

“We do?” Steve questions, looking up at you.

“Oh, just wait until you hear this,” you motion over to Dustin. “Go on, tell Steve what you’ve been feeding Dart.”

Now it’s your brother’s turn to sink into his seat, embarrassed. He mumbles something that Steve can’t quite hear.

“What?”

He mumbles again, only a tiny bit louder this time.

“Little Henderson, I can’t understand you.” Steve says, smirking when he feels you laugh against him. 

“I said he eats Musketeers Bars!” Dustin shouts, now incredibly defensive. 

In sync, you and Steve share a look. While you have an exasperated fondness on your face, Steve looks like he’s questioning every choice he’s made in his life. It’s cute that he thinks this is the weirdest things will get.

“Okay…” Steve looks over at your brother. “Unless you plan on buying out an entire candy store, we need something else for bait.”

In the corner of your eye you see Mews’ cat bed laying against the window, and an idea pops into your head. “Dustin, did Dart only eat the candy bars before he killed our cat?”

“Yeah, why?” 

As you walk over to the kitchen sink to place your mug in it, you begin explaining. “Then clearly he’s outgrown his sugar needs and would probably eat just about anything with flesh on it.”

Steve wrinkles his face with displeasure, not enjoying the thought of going after this monster that craves meat. He’s already done that, and call him crazy, but he really doesn’t want to experience anything like that ever again. 

Dustin’s eyes light up, following along with what you’re saying. “Raw meat! You’re a genius, Y/N!” 

“And then we can follow the train tracks to that old junkyard, the one that El brought you guys to last year. It’s a straight shot, Dart won’t get lost, and then we catch him.”

Dustin squeals. “That’s perfect!”

He stands up to hug you, which you gladly accept. “Yeah, yeah. We Hendersons are known for our genius,” you gently push your brother away and start exiting the kitchen. “I’m going to go shower and get ready. Steve, you’ll take Dustin to the butcher and see if you can haggle some raw meat out of him.” 

“Uh… can I change first?” He asks, running a hand through his hair with displeasure. 

Only now does Dustin notice Steve’s appearance and he lets out a loud cackle. “Oh, I think you look great!”

You shoot your brother a warning look, not wanting to upset Steve too much. He’s the only one with a car, and the party still hasn’t responded to Dustin’s calls, so he’s all you have right now. Plus, after last night’s conversation, you’re sure he’s feeling just as wound up and tense as you are. 

“We can swing by your place on our way to the train tracks. Your house is right next to it, anyways, and Dustin and I can scout the parameters while you shower and get yourself all pretty. For now, just go to the butcher's shop, please.” 

“But–” 

“Please, Steve?” You pout, daring him to argue with you again. Steve is only able to stand his ground for about five seconds before he groans and nods his head.

“Fine–” You quickly hug him before running towards the bathroom to get ready. 

Once you’re gone, Steve searches for his keys while Dustin stands in the kitchen, shocked. “I so need to know when you two became such good pals.”

“Go wait by the car, Little Henderson.” Steve waves him off, though he’s secretly pleased with how the morning is turning out so far.

–

“C’mon, man. It’s just chunks of raw meat, it doesn’t even matter what, uh, body parts they are, I guess.” Steve argues with the butcher, having no idea why you’ve sent him on this journey with Dustin. Neither of them have any idea about butchers and meat, so they’ve been arguing back and forth for a solid ten minutes with the guy. 

“And I already told you, it’ll be $15. Take it or leave it, pretty boy.” Pat, the butcher, says. 

Steve scowles at the name, “That’s insane for five pounds, you realize that? It’s just a bunch of meat chunks from god knows where, it’s not like we want prime rib you dirty sack of–” 

Dustin cuts him off, snatching the boy’s wallet from his back pocket and pulling out a twenty. “Ignore him, please! Here, thank you so much for your lovely service, good sir.”

Pat narrows his eyes at the boy, and for a split second Dustin is afraid that he’s trying to figure out the best way to skin them alive, before he simply grunts and takes the money. 

Relief washes over Dustin and he scrambles to grab the bags of meat, tugging at Steve’s sleeve in urgence until he gives in and begins to help as well. Within a few seconds, they’ve gathered all they need and head towards the car. 

“Keep the change!” Dustin calls out behind him. 

As soon as they’re in the car, he yells at Steve to step on it. It’s already been twenty minutes since they left the house, and he knows from experience to never keep you waiting. 

“Okay, okay, god.” Steve complies, pushing down on the gas and speeding away from the butcher’s shop. 

The smell of raw meat immediately infiltrates the car, so Steve rolls down the windows and sighs. This is definitely not the weekend he had in mind. He thought he’d apologize to Nancy, kiss and hopefully make up, and maybe even swing by your place to tell you the good news. 

Instead, he has buckets of raw meat in his car and his head is swimming from his conversation with you from last night. While he’s happy it happened, there’s still so much Steve feels like you aren’t telling him. To top it all off, he hadn’t been able to sleep in his own bed, but rather a bean bag that Jonathan apparently has slept in a million times before. 

As Steve is moping, he realizes that there actually wasn’t even a real need to spend the night. 

“Hey, Little Henderson,” Steve gently hits Dustin’s shoulder to get his attention. “Why did I have to spend the night at your place?” 

“Oh, you didn’t.” Dustin says as if it’s no big deal.

Steve turns his head towards him, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d actually spend the night if we’re being honest. I just thought it’d be funny to mess with you.” 

“I tried arguing with you, but you shushed me!” Steve exclaims, putting both hands back on the steering wheel aggressively. 

The younger boy shrugs, “What are you, seventeen? Eighteen? Why would you listen to a thirteen year old?” 

“Well, I–” As much as he wants to, Steve really can’t defend himself on this one. Shit. It’s not like he can tell Dustin that he mostly stayed because his sister is pretty and makes him feel safe.

Dustin smiles, happy to have won the conversation at hand, and decides to really rub it in as they pull up to the house. “I also thought it’d be hilarious to pair you up with my sister. Hope you two made smart choices last night.”

And with those words, Dustin springs out the car, leaving a speechless Steve behind. He turns the car off and sits there for a moment, completely at a loss for words. He’s only spent a total of sixteen hours with the kid, and already he knows he’s in for a world more of trouble. 

If you’re Hawkins’ sweetheart, then Dustin is the town’s horribly terrifying weasel. 

Meanwhile, you’ve just finished lacing up your shoes when Dustin walks in.

“Where are the rubber gloves that mom likes?” He asks in lieu of greeting you. 

“In the closet, second shelf, next to her cat figurines. Where’s Steve?”

Dustin rustles around the closet and pulls out three sets of gloves, “In the car, moping.” 

There’s a crash and then he tosses two buckets onto the carpet. You crouch down and grab the buckets, placing them on the table. “Why is he moping?”

“Why is who moping?” The man in question walks in, throwing himself on the couch and narrowly dodging the third bucket that Dustin throws out. “Why do you guys keep throwing shit at me, jesus!” 

“Language! There’s kids around,” You snap your fingers at Steve, who quickly cowers in shame. “And if it makes any difference, the bucket wasn’t intentional. The rest were, though.” 

Just as Dustin is finishing up in the closet, you spot a can of gasoline and an idea sparks in your head. If you learned anything at Jonathan’s house last year, it’s that these Demogorgon things really hate fire. “Hey, grab the gasoline as well.”

He does as he’s told, no questions asked, and then hands it to you. You add it to the pile on the table, along with two backpacks from your brother and your beloved switchblade. 

Steve gets up from the couch to investigate your stash, nodding approvingly. “Not bad, guys. What are we going to put in the backpacks, though?” 

Dustin goes into the kitchen and begins grabbing the few items within it. The remaining fruits in the basket, a few pieces of bread, a bag of chips, and some water bottles. “One bag will have our food, the other will have our weapons.” 

And with that, you guys are all set to head out. While Dustin is distracted with grabbing his backpack, you run towards Steve’s car and throw yourself into the passenger seat. Every man for himself. 

“What– Y/N!” He calls after you, but he’s too late. You’ve already buckled yourself up by the time he and Steve get into the car themselves. 

“She beat ya, buddy.” Steve teases, flashing you a proud smile. 

Dustin grumbles in the backseat, unamused, and for a moment you think he’ll leave it at that. However, because he’s Dustin, you see from the rearview mirror as his eyes spark with revenge. “So, Steve.”

The tone in his voice terrifies you. 

You place your head in your hands and sigh, mentally preparing for whatever your brother is about to say. 

“Yes, Dustin?”

“How long have you been friendly with my sister?”

“Dustin!” You whip your head around, lunging towards the back seat to swat at the boy, but he quickly scoots over to Steve’s side and avoids your hands. 

Steve, however, surprises you by simply shrugging and taking the question in stride. There’s no embarrassment on his face, no ounce of hesitation in his voice. “About a year now.”

“A year?” Dustin exclaims, having completely not expected such a response. “Y/N, how could you keep this from me?”

“She didn’t hide anything from you, buddy.” Steve defends you, eyes focused on the road. “I convinced her to be my friend after I saved her life–”

“You saved her life?”

“And then bought you boys snacks at the hospital afterwards. Then, because I really wanted to be her friend, I basically stalked her at work every day and annoyed my way into her life. We’ve been pretty close ever since.”

Dustin’s jaw is practically on the ground after Steve’s quick explanation, left speechless for the first time in his life. As for you, you’re admiring the way the early morning sun causes Steve to glow. You’ll never be over how often his beauty distracts you; you wonder how Nancy, or really anyone, could deny him love.

If you didn’t know Steve, if you passed by him on the street one day as complete strangers, you’re sure that a part of you would fall in love with him. 

Even with pieces of his hair standing all over the place, his shirt still being too small, he was a delicate kind of handsome that made you feel a certain warmth.

“Did I forget anything, Y/N?” Steve’s voice breaks you from your thoughts, and you quickly divert your eyes away from the way his arms look while holding the steering wheel. 

“No, uh.” You clear your throat, still recovering. Steve seems to be in good spirits for once, it’s a breath of fresh air seeing him so content, and yet it also serves as a stark reminder that you made the right choice when you first distanced yourself from him. He’s just too easy to love. “I think you pretty much covered everything. Unless Dustin has any questions?”

“Give me three to five business days to process this, please.” Your brother mumbles from the backseat, which you and Steve laugh at. 

The rest of the ride is relatively peaceful after that, and a few minutes later you arrive at Steve’s house. It’s different in the daylight, only ever having seen it late one night driving the boy home from the Halloween party. 

It’s a beautiful home, the smell of chlorine fills your nose. The pool, you remember Nancy mentioning his pool when she explained what happened to Barb. You shiver, now aware that you’re in the same place that your friend took her last breaths at, just a year ago. 

“The tracks are just over on the other side of the street, and I shouldn’t be too long, so you Hendersons can start figuring out the plan in the meantime.” Steve instructs you and Dustin, getting out of the car and entering his house. 

Dustin begins getting out as well, so you unbuckle your seatbelt and follow. Thankfully you decided to wear jeans today with a simple tank top and cardigan with your knit socks; though it was late October, it’s unusually sunny outside and the walk from Steve’s to the junkyard was easily four to five miles. 

The two of you walk over to the tracks and you survey the area. You’re not sure what exactly you’re looking for, but you figure it’s best to look focused in case Dustin yells at you. 

“We’ll need to go that way,” Dustin points in front of you, and you nod as you follow along. “We can drop the meat chunks every few sleepers so we don’t waste any of it.” 

“Sleepers?”

“These.” Dustin’s shoe scrapes against the bottom wooden planks. 

“You would know what they’re called.”

“Ha ha, any more quips or can I continue?”

You put your hands up in surrender and Dustin begins to speak again.

“Then once we get to the junkyard, we can dump whatever meat is left in a pile and put the gasoline on it. Once Dart is distracted and eating, we’ll light it on fire.” His words catch a bit at the end, and you suddenly feel bad for him. He clearly still cares about Dart, but you know your brother understands the risks of letting the Demodog live. 

Without saying anything, you reach over and pull Dustin in for a hug. He fights it at first, but after a couple seconds he gives in and hugs you back. You aren’t the most affectionate pair of siblings, but you love your younger brother fiercely. Not for the first time, you wish you could’ve done more to prevent him from discovering the Upside Down. 

You know it’s irrational to blame yourself and feel guilty, but maybe if you’d been more involved last year, then maybe he wouldn’t have so many nightmares. 

“I’m sorry about Dart,” you say softly against his hat. 

Dustin breaks away, shrugging his shoulders. “Gotta protect the party, right?”

“Right.” You flick his hat. “C’mon, let’s go back to the car and start putting the meat in the buckets.” 

True to his word, Steve is ready to go after about twenty minutes. He walks out of his house, freshly clean and put together, right as you and Dustin finish preparing the bait. He approaches from behind you, and you can smell his cologne. Memories from when he’d have his arms around you and you’d smell the familiar scent now wash over you. 

Clearing your throat, you turn to hand him gloves and a bucket, but almost drop it when you see him. 

He looks good. Like, frustratingly good. His hair is back in its usual style, but he’s wearing a dark blue polo and a gray jacket that fits him criminally well. You almost feel underdressed standing next to him with your ratty old cardigan, which you know is ridiculous to be concerned about. Plus, you’ve always known that Steve was attractive, so it’s stupid to be affected by it suddenly now. 

You guys had one emotional conversation. 

“Y/N?” 

Steve’s staring at you quizzically, and you quickly snap out of your thoughts and hand him the bucket full of bait and instruct him to put the gloves on. He listens, dutifully putting them on and placing the bucket on the ground and starts searching for one of the backpacks in the trunk. He’s seemingly in a much better mood now, which you’re thankful for. 

“Dustin! This is Lucas. Do you copy? Dustin?” 

Lucas’ voice rings out from Dustin’s walkie, and you perk your head up, relieved that he’s okay. The radio silence from the party was something that unnerved you immensely. With Dart on the loose, Will’s increasing episodes, who knows what else is happening in Hawkins at the moment? 

“Well, well, well, look who it is.” Dustin responds, placing his hands on his hips like a disappointed mother. You chuckle at him and continue helping Steve unload the trunk. 

You hear Lucas sigh into the walkie. “Sorry, man. My stupid sister turned it off.” 

“Tell Erica I say hi!” You call out, knowing Lucas will hear you. He always resented the fact that his sister is so nice to you. You’re the only living person who didn’t receive Erica’s insane insults, which is something you’re very proud of.

“Y/N?”

“Hi, Lucas!” 

Dustin shoos you away and continues to speak. “Well, when you were having sister problems, which really aren’t that hard to handle–” 

“Says you,” you butt in. 

“Dart grew again, he escaped, and I’m pretty sure he’s a baby Demogorgon.” Your brother finishes. By this point, you and Steve have pretty much unpacked everything in the car. 

“Wait, what?” You’d kill to see the look on Lucas’ face right now. 

“I’ll explain later, just meet me, Y/N, and Steve at the old junkyard.” As Dustin wraps up the conversation, Steve shoves his bat into the bag and you watch him with disappointment. He’s trying really hard to make it fit, and you almost pity the boy. Bless him. 

There’s a pause before Lucas asks, “Steve?”

Dustin doesn’t elaborate, instead instructing his friend to bring his binoculars and wrist rocket. You suppose it’s a good idea to add more weapons to your arsenal. Better safe than sorry.

“Steve Harrington?” Lucas asks again, this time even more confused. 

“He’s a friend,” you say, shoving your own weapons into the bag and slinging it over your shoulder. 

Steve closes the trunk and says, “Damn straight I am. Alright, let’s go.”

You follow after him, saying goodbye to Lucas as Dustin tells him to be at the junkyard stat. 

Dustin stashes his walkie in his own bag and then the three of you are off. Your brother and Steve walk a bit ahead of you as you all throw the meat chunks onto the ground, doing as Dustin instructed. It’s slow work, but you’re happy to have some time to yourself while the boys are distracted with each other. Their friendship wasn’t something you’d expect, but you’re incredibly happy about it.

You love the party, you’d do anything for them given all that you’ve been through together. However, as they grow older, you can’t help but notice how much they’re changing. Mike hasn’t been himself since El disappeared, Dustin is now hyper focused on science, Lucas is becoming his own person, and poor Will is just trying to recover from the trauma of last year. 

It’s been hard watching them grow apart, in a way. Nothing will ever be the same after the Upside Down, you know that, but watching the party slowly drift makes you sad for your brother. You’re glad he’s seemingly found someone like Steve to bounce jokes off of and feel appreciated by. You know that someday the kids will all come together again, it’d be impossible not to with how strong of a connection they all have, so you try not to worry too much.

You shove the thoughts down, you need to keep focused on Dart and contacting the rest of the party. So, you dutifully place the bait down and follow behind the boys and feel the time pass by. After about an hour of nonsensical conversation between Steve and Dustin, you hear the older boy finally ask the question of why your brother even hid Dart in the first place. 

“It’s complicated, okay?” Dustin defects, clearly uncomfortable with the change in conversation.

You keep your distance from them, but you keep an ear out just in case you need to intervene. 

“You claim you wanted to get famous off of it or whatever,” Steve drops meat onto the tracks and kicks his foot. “Call me crazy, but you don’t hide something that supposedly makes you famous.” 

He has a point, and Dustin scrunches his face up. He casts a glance your way and you do your best to appear distracted by the job at hand. You know Dustin’s guilty face well, so whatever he’s about to tell Steve will be good. When Dustin shuffles closer to Steve and lowers his voice, you get closer as well so you can listen.

You’re his older sister. It’s your damn job to be nosy.

“It was for this girl.” 

Simultaneously you and Steve react. He hums in approval, almost proud, while you scoff. “I knew it.”

Dustin turns around, horrified. “You knew?”

“Duh, you’re awful at hiding things from me. After Max was just conveniently outside the AV room when Dart originally escaped, I pieced it together immediately. Also, side note: you’re too young to be impressing girls. I told you to just be yourself, dummy.”

Steve lets out a snort. “Pretty ironic coming from you, Y/N.”

Suddenly you feel uncomfortable with his attention on you.

“I’m sorry?” Your voice is steady, but you can feel your hands shaking as you continue throwing the bait. 

“Ya know, your massive crush on Jonathan ever since you were twelve.” He laughs, as if it’s the funniest joke in the world. 

Dustin clears his throat aggressively, pointing to your hands. Steve sees the way that they shake, the tension you now carry in your shoulders, and he’s become familiar enough with you to know your anger cues. The teasing smile that had been on his face drops. He runs towards you so he’s now by your side, and Dustin sighs in disappointment. 

“I didn’t, like, mean anything by that, you know. I–uh, I was kidding, Y/N.” Steve tries to catch your gaze, but you pointedly stare straight ahead and clench your jaw. He’s stumbling over both his words and the tracks beneath his feet, trying desperately to appease you. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“You’re an asshole, Steve Harrington.” 

“Y/N, please, I said I was sorry–”

You finally face him, grabbing his elbow to ensure he doesn’t move. “I told you that stuff about Jonathan in confidence. You don’t get to throw it back in my face, joking or not.” 

It doesn’t help that you’re already confused enough as it is about the boy and your feelings towards him. To have Steve tease you about it, especially because he knows how painful jabs about Nancy are… It really fucking hurts. 

Steve looks like a kicked puppy as you storm ahead of him and Dustin, putting enough distance between you guys so that you can’t hear their conversion that follows. 

“Shit…”

“You’re awful with women.” Dustin says, now continuing to walk. He doesn’t bother to follow after you, knowing that you need your space to cool down. “I wouldn’t follow her, by the way. Let her cool off.”

Steve sighs, now walking as well, “Yeah, I know.” 

They walk in silence for a little while, Steve hanging his head in shame and Dustin leading the way, frustrated by being stuck with two overly emotional teens. 

After a while the silence eats at Steve, so he decides to continue the conversation from earlier. “So, this girl… is she someone you’ve known a while?” 

Dustin shakes his head, “No, she’s new at our school. She’s super cool, though.”

“I remember back when I based my attraction to girls on their coolness.” Steve mumbles. 

“And look where basing it off their hotness has gotten you.” 

“Ouch,” Steve rubs at his chest, wounded.

Dustin laughs and flings some bait at him. “I thought that if I showed her Dart, she’d think I was cool, too, and like me.”

Steve sidesteps the thrown bait and tries to comprehend what the younger boy is saying. “So, you kept something that you knew was probably dangerous in order to impress a girl who… you just met?”

“Alright, that’s grossly oversimplifying things. And anyways, who are you to give me girl advice? My sister is literally three hundred feet ahead of us because you pissed her off with one singular sentence.” Then, almost as if as an afterthought, Dustin adds, “congrats, by the way. I’ve never seen someone piss her off so quickly.” 

“Look, this isn’t about me, okay? Sure, I messed up with Y/N, but it isn’t like I was hitting on her to begin with,” Dustin makes a disgusted face as Steve quickly continues, panicked. “So she doesn’t count. I just feel like you’re trying way too hard, man.” 

“Well, not everyone can have your perfect hair, alright?” Dustin grumbles. 

Steve shakes his head, slightly amused by the boy’s antics. He’s so much like you, and yet so different, and Steve is realizing it’ll take a lot to keep up with the kid. “It’s not about the hair, dude. Chicks dig more than just a good hairstyle.” 

“You’re literally known as Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington.”

“Hey, ‘King Steve’ is also there.” 

Dustin flings even more bait at Steve, now annoyed with him. “Whatever man, it’s not like you’d be any help anyways.” 

“Oh really? Well, Little Henderson, I’m about to blow your mind: the key to girls is just acting like you don’t care.”

“Even if you do?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Steve now brightens up, happy to finally be getting through to the boy. For Steve, he’s long since learned that the best way to avoid getting hurt is to pretend that he doesn’t care. “It drives them nuts.”

“Then what?” 

“You just wait,” Steve looks ahead, watching you and feeling like a complete dick. He really hadn’t meant to hurt you, hell the two of you were finally starting to get somewhere and yet… Steve fucked it up. As always. 

He can see that your shoulders are still tensed up, you’re walking faster than you need to be. He feels a heavy weight in his stomach, one that he’s never felt before; he doesn’t like it. “You wait… until you feel it.”

Dustin furrows his brows. “Feel what?”

Steve tears his gaze away from you and turns back to Dustin, beginning to explain the electricity between someone you’re interested in. Being the geek that he is, Dustin turns it into a scientific discussion and Steve does his best to steer the conversation back. 

“No, like sexual electricity.” He explains.

As soon as the words leave Steve’s lips, you whip around and shout, “Are you seriously talking to my little brother about sexual electricity?”

Both Dustin and Steve freeze in place, dumbfounded. You let out a loud groan and continue stomping away, now even more aggressively throwing the chunks at the train tracks. 

“How did she even hear me?” Steve whispers, terrified. 

“I don’t know,” Your brother whispers back, also equally frightened. “Sometimes I think she has powers like El.”

Once you’re a safe enough distance away from them, Dustin hesitantly brings the girl conversation back up. “Hypothetically, what do girls like?”

Steve takes a second to answer, carefully rolling the question around in his mind. “It depends on the girl. Some girls want you to be aggressive, ya know? Go in for the kiss, make them feel protected. Strong, hot and heavy. Like a lion.” 

Dustin hums to indicate he’s following along, but ‘like a lion’ has him a little worried about the reliability of the conversation. He knows that Steve is a lady’s man, but he’s also never seen him with any girl besides Nancy, and the one time he saw him with you, he had immediately pissed you off. 

So for all Dustin knows, it could be lies. 

Steve continues his confusing explanation. “But others? You gotta be slow, you gotta be stealthy… like a ninja!”

“Okay, what type is Nancy?” Dustin asks, hoping to get the teen to stop making stupid analogies. Lions, ninjas… maybe it was all lies. 

The question catches Steve off guard and he stumbles a bit, feeling the familiar sense of protectiveness, insecurity, over the girl as well as a new sense of loss. What type is Nancy? If he had been asked this a week ago, Steve would’ve told Dustin that she’s a nice girl, a girl he could happily bring home to his parents and proudly wrap around his arms. Now? He’s not so sure. 

Not when he can still see the anger and disgust in Nancy’s eyes that night at the party. 

“Nancy’s different,” he recalls his conversation with you from last night, how he’d confessed to always feeling two steps behind the girl and how exhausting it all is. “She’s just different. Let’s move on to the next question.” 

Dustin notices Steve’s change in demeanor but doesn’t say anything. He supposes that you and him have a lot in common, then. “Okay, what type would you say Y/N is?”

Once again Steve isn’t expecting the question Dustin asks. “What–” he trips over a twig and just barely manages to catch himself. “Why would you ask me that? She’s your sister, and I don’t even like her–”

“Relax, Romeo. She’s just similar to Nancy and the girl I like, and I figured you’d know Y/N well enough by now considering you guys slept together–”

“I slept on her bean bag–”

“And have been friends for like, a year. Plus, she’s in love with Jonathan, you’re in love with Nancy, and coincidentally they’re in love with each other. Figures that there’s some type intermingling between the four of you.”

How the hell does everyone know about Nancy and Jonathan? Steve thinks bitterly. 

He’s silent for multiple seconds, absolutely at a loss for what to say. He doesn’t know where to begin or what to even deny. Technically the boy is right, as much as it hurts Steve to admit. He’s all but lost Nancy to Jonathan, and you’ve lost Jonathan to Nancy. 

In an extremely messed up way, you and Nancy do have the same type. On top of that, both you and Nancy are close to Jonathan, so it’s safe to assume there’s similarities to the both of you that Steve doesn’t even want to touch on right now.

Even more importantly, Steve has yet to really decipher why your presence alone can make or break his entire day. Why, after months of not talking, it now feels like he’s finally come home again with you back in his life. 

He looks at you again, still angrily throwing your bait, and he supposes that you’re a lot like Nancy in certain aspects, and yet completely different from her. “Y/N is also different, I guess. She’s incredibly intelligent both emotionally and academically. Isn’t she like the top of her class?”

Dustin nods, proud of the Henderson intelligence, and Steve continues. 

“Right. I’d say she’s like Nancy, except she’s softer?” Steve cringes at his own words, suddenly uncomfortable with comparing the two of you. In his mind, you’re both your own separate entities that infatuate him in different ways. 

You both burn Steve; Nancy is like a shot of whiskey, the thrill that follows the burn. But you? You’re a fireplace after hours of being out in the cold, the burn of it warming his bones.

“Y/N is just… she’s special, but everyone knows that. Your sister is the most caring person I’ve ever met, and I know I’m a lucky son of a bitch to be someone she trusts.” 

Dustin snorts. “Yeah you are.”

Up ahead, you finally slow down and face the boys, now waiting for them to catch up and call out, “C’mon, ladies! The sun sets soon, I don’t want Lucas waiting in the cold all alone.” 

“Looks like I’ve been forgiven.” Steve says, relief evident in his voice, something that your brother doesn’t miss.

Dustin lets out another loud snort, patting him on the chest, “Oh, my sister may be forgiving, but she never forgets.” With that, he walks away to catch up with you. 

“Well, isn’t that ominous.” 

You greet the boys with a tired smile, knowing there’s no use holding resentment towards Steve. He couldn’t have known about your mixed feelings towards Jonathan, you know he had only been trying to get along with Dustin. 

Things are still weird between you two, despite the conversation from last night, but it’s hard to stay mad at Steve and honestly, you don’t really want to be mad at him. It’s been so lovely having him around again, and your own confusing feelings can wait. 

Steve leans in close to you, gently grabbing at your hand so that you don’t walk away. “Hey, we okay?”

His eyes are full of concern and his voice is sickly sweet like honey. With the honey, the remaining bits of anger vanishes. “Of course we’re okay.”

Steve exhales deeply and you giggle at him before remembering that Dustin is quite literally a few feet away from you two. Coughing, you hold up your bucket to point out how it’s almost empty. “I guess in my rage, I flung more than I intended. How are your buckets holding up?” 

The two boys hold their buckets up, giving you a mock solute to indicate that all is good. You laugh, impressed by how synched they’ve become in such a short time. 

“Alright, then. Let’s get going.” As you all begin to walk in line again, you ask, “What were you guys even talking about, anyways?” 

The boys glance at each other in a conspiring way, which causes you to roll your eyes. They’re acting like you asked for their deepest and darkest secrets. They seem to have a silent conversation for a couple seconds before Steve finally speaks up. 

“I was just giving Little Henderson some girl advice. Nothing serious.” 

You raise your eyebrows, your heart swelling a bit at the idea of Steve giving your brother advice. It’s sweet, really. “Girl advice, huh?”

“Yeah, why do you sound so skeptical?” 

“Because you’re terrible with girls.” 

Dustin now butts in, “He told me to be aggressive.” 

“I did not!”

“He also said that you’re softer than Nancy.”

You make a face. “Thank you? I think?”

Steve tugs at his hair in frustration. “You two are the worst people I’ve ever met. You know that, right?” 

In unison, you and Dustin reply, “We get that a lot.” 

Steve stares at the two of you with slight horror in his eyes. “Yeah, alright. I’m out.” 

You grab at his sleeve, gently stopping him from storming away. You give him an apologetic look and pull him close so that your chest bumps against his. “You’ve gotta get used to the Henderson humor, Steve.”

He looks surprised by your tugging at his sleeve before he lets a smile cross his face. He doesn’t do anything else, but he also doesn’t back away, either, and you find yourself blushing a bit under his gaze. 

You clear your throat and let go of his sleeve, stepping back a bit. “Anyways, why don’t you tell me what wise advice you have for my brother.” 

The smile that was just on Steve’s face vanishes as he looks away from you. “I was just telling the kid to not fall in love with his little crush. He’s too young for heartbreak and all that other shit.” 

“I’m not in love with her!” Dustin exclaims in disgust, but you’re too distracted by Steve’s words to assure your brother that you believe him. 

“Well, I believe that love is something beautiful.” You say, your words only meeting Steve’s turned back. He doesn’t acknowledge you, but you know his indifference holds no malice. He’s still hurting, still in love with Nancy Wheeler. “Dustin, you may be too young to be in love, but don’t listen to Steve. To love and be loved is the luckiest thing we can ever do, regardless of how it ends.” 

Dustin blanches at your words, grossed out now. “Okay, okay, stop! Love is gross. I get it.” 

You softly mumble sorry to him, now suddenly remembering that he’s only thirteen. When you were his age, the idea of love also grossed you out. Now, love is a concept that you’ve found a comforting warmth in, even if it's burned you a few times and has left you more exhausted than exhilarated. One day he’ll understand (in the far off future, hopefully). 

For now, you flick your brother’s hat and follow after Steve, finishing the rest of the bait journey in silence. 

– 

By the time the three of you get to the junkyard, it’s already about midday. 

It’s different from how you imagined it, filled with old cars and a giant school bus. It’s more open, too, not as “junkyard” as you assumed. 

You, Steve, and Dustin stand at the top of the hill, surveying the area. Your feet ache from the walk and the sun is hurting your eyes. Seeing you squinting, Steve wordlessly hands you his signature Raybans and motions for you to put them on. 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, this will do. It’ll do just fine,” He says, satisfied as he begins to walk down the hill. Then, as an afterthought, he says to Dustin, “Good call, dude.”

Dustin beams with pride and you fill with so much happiness, seeing the boy getting along so well with Steve, that you almost regret not having them meet sooner. However, there’s no time to wallow in what-if’s and you put Steve’s sunglasses on to follow after the boys. 

Immediately you and Steve get to work, working seamlessly together side by side, months of him joining you in Bookstrordinary finally being put to use. While you and Steve silently scatter more meat and grab supplies, Dustin surveys the area.

Just as you’ve dumped the remaining meat in the middle of the field, you hear Lucas’ voice call from a few yards away, “I said medium well!”

The boy is with Max, who looks slightly displeased, yet curious, to be here. Despite her still obvious hesitation, you still feel excited seeing the girl. You’ve been meaning to talk more to her, she seems like such a lovely girl. 

“Who’s that?” Steve asks you.

“Max! She’s great, and–” You start gushing about the girl, eager to go and say hi, before you see the crestfallen look on Dustin’s face when he realizes why she’s with Lucas. You remember, then, the weird tug-of-war between the boys over her. Shit. 

You grab at Steve’s hand and pull him aside. “Actually, Steve, why don’t we start finding some panels to cover the bus?”

Steve gives you a questioning look, but when you silently motion towards Dustin and he sees his despair as well, he catches on and just nods, following along. Without having to tell him, he understands that you want to leave Dustin alone so he can talk to Lucas. 

As always, you’re forever thankful that he can read you so well. 

After guiding Steve away, you and him begin to prep the junkyard alongside Max. While the boys are talking, you take this as an opportunity to get to know the girl better. 

“So,” you begin, helping Max carry a large piece of wood over to the bus. “I see you’re back again.”

“Looks like it,” she shrugs, not really feeling like talking. Seems like she’s still mad at you for yesterday, taking Lucas’ side over hers. 

You sigh. “Well, I’m glad you’re here.”

“That’s a first.” Again she deflects, but you know she’s doing it out of hurt rather than maliciousness. 

“I know you don’t really like me right now, which I totally understand, I just wanted to let you know that while I don’t like that you’ve been dragged into this mess, I’m happy you’re here.”

Max frowns at you. “You guys act like I’m going to like, die or something.”

A scrap of metal that you’d been carrying slips from your hands. Steve hears this and comes rushing over to help, but you gently wave him away and focus on Max. “I don’t know what Lucas told you, but it’s all true. It’s dangerous, being here, and I just… If you ever get hurt, any of you kids, then it’d be on me and I’d never forgive myself.”

“Way to be a buzzkill, Y/N.” Steve nudges you, trying to get you to smile before your ever-present guilt bears down upon you. 

Max bites her lip, still disbelieving, but she recognizes the pained look of protectiveness on your face. It’s not something that someone can easily fake, and from what she’s heard about you, your kindness is one of the few genuine things in Hawkins. 

Before she can say anything else, Steve lets out a huff and grabs a chair to bang on the car that Lucas and Dustin are talking behind. “Hey! Dickheads! How come it’s only Y/N and some random girl helping me?”

“Language!” You chastise. 

Steve sends you a thumbs up, not really listening. “We lose light in forty minutes. Let’s go!”

Dustin and Lucas reluctantly start helping, both calling Steve an asshole and throwing him dirty looks, which you can’t help but laugh at. 

Lucas sees you laughing and points at you. “Are you the reason Harrington is here?”

“Mhm,” you respond, nailing another piece of wood to the bus. “He’s done more to help than you have, so either pick up some metal and help or go sit in a corner and sulk. Up to you.”

Steve high fives you. “Yeah! What she said!”

Lucas’ shoulders sag, completely at a loss as to how any of this has happened. “This is so weird.”

“Dude, I’ve spent all day with them. Imagine how I feel,” Dustin groans. “I think I died a little when I found out they’ve been friends for like, a year.”

“A year?” Lucas gasps. 

“Guys!” You throw pebbles at the two boys to break up their little gossip session. “One, I’m incredibly hurt you two didn’t think I had any friends besides Jonathan. Two, start helping before I throw more rocks.”

“Yes ma’am,” both boys grumble in unison, which Max finds pretty impressive. 

After that, the five of you get to work. You guys use every item available in the junkyard to secure the bus, hoping that with enough stacked against it, you’ll be safe from Dart once he’s lured. Barrels are rolled, more sheets of metal are placed against the bus, and within the next hour or so you’ve successfully managed to build a decent base. 

All that’s left is to pour the gasoline trail, which you help Steve with as the kids watch from inside the bus. 

“I’m getting major deja-vu right now,” you mumble as Steve pours. 

“Gasoline at Jonathan’s?” 

“Mhm. God, he wouldn’t believe what we’re doing right now.” You know he would’ve loved this bizarre interaction. You, Steve, and the kids all in a junkyard trying to lure a baby Demogorgon. 

You’ve definitely had better babysitting days, and Jonathan would have a field day with this one. 

Once you’re done with the gasoline, you and Steve return to the bus. He waits behind you, making sure you’re securely in the car, before he heaves the old bus door closed. As soon as the door is closed, you and Steve exhale together.

You share a look, both in silent agreement to keep the kids safe no matter what. It’s your guys’ job to keep them safe, to fight for and protect them. 

Deja-vu again. You’re back in Jonathan’s house, holding a switchblade while Steve wields his bat. 

“Ready?” He asks you, extending his hand out for you to grab. 

You interlock your fingers through his. “When am I ever?”

Steve laughs, dispelling away any remaining uncertainty and fear. You know, that no matter what, that he’ll be by your side to help. With this in mind, you join the kids further into the bus. 

Lucas climbs the ladder up to the top, something you’re not fully okay with, but he’s the one with the binoculars and you the switchblade, so it makes the most sense. As the boy climbs, you sit down next to Steve as he flicks his lighter on and off. You’re pressed shoulder to shoulder, his presence grounding you.

Dustin paces, and all you can do is watch him as you try to settle your own nerves. Max has seated herself at the other end of the bus, her arms crossed as usual. 

After a few moments of silence, she finally speaks. “So, you really fought one of these things before?”

Steve nods and you hum in agreement. “Unfortunately.”

“And you’re, like, totally, 100% sure it wasn’t a bear?”

“I mean, to be fair I also had that same thought last year–”

Dustin cuts you off. “Shit, don’t be an idiot, okay? It wasn’t a bear.”

You roughly grab at your brother, yanking him towards you to shut him up. “Dustin–”

“Why are you even here if you don’t believe us?” He sneers at Max, something you’ve never, ever seen your sweet brother do. “Just go home.”

Max clenches her jaw and you send her an apologetic look, but she rolls her eyes at you. “Geesh, someone’s cranky. Past your bedtime?” 

“Max, wait–” She ignores you and climbs up the ladder to join Lucas. You groan once she’s gone, now more than ever wanting to strangle your brother. “Dustin, what the hell was that?”

“That was good, Y/N!” Steve says, a proud smirk on his face. “He showed her he didn’t care, just like I told him to.”

“Oh, so it’s your fault my sweet, innocent baby brother is now some woman hating misogynistic piece of–”

“I don’t hate women, Y/N.” Dustin tiredly says, before directing his next words to Steve. “And I don’t care.”

Steve winks at the boy, but immediately flinches back when you raise your hand to smack him. “Yeah, cower away, you idiotic and moronic–”

“Y/N, stop overreacting and Steve, stop winking at me.”

You raise your eyebrows at Dustin’s tone and he quickly clears his throat and steps away from you. Steve puts some distance between you two as well, scooting away a bit so that he’s out of hitting range. 

It’s quiet again, both boys now scared of your anger, and you anxiously wait for Dart to show up. 

Steve goes back to flicking the lighter, Dustin paces again, and you tap your foot nervously. The silence is killing you, it’s always been your least favorite part of the Upside Down. The waiting, hoping you’re prepared for when all hell inevitably breaks loose. 

You flick your own blades out, admiring the way the blades catch in the moonlight, when you hear a loud growl come from outside. Instinctively you raise your blades to your face while Steve and Dusin scramble to peek through the metal sheets to look out the window. 

“You guys see him?” Dustin asks as he crouches next to you. 

You shake your head. “No,”

There’s nothing outside, only a thick haze of fog that has settled over the junkyard. 

“Lucas, what’s going on?” Your brother calls up to his friend.

“Hold on!” The boy responds. 

Your heart begins to beat faster, your blades never straying away from your face, poised for a fight. Steve sees the way your knuckles whiten over your weapon and he grabs your spare hand, gently coaxing you to calm down. 

Your fingers tighten around Steve’s and you remember his words from last night, promising you that he’ll be there, and you believe him. 

From the bus’ roof, you hear Lucas call down, “I’ve got eyes! Ten o’clock–ten o’clock!”

There, in the haze of fog, you see a hunched figure stalk its way towards the bus. Seeing Dart, you’re filled with complete dread. He’s grown again, much bigger than you’ve ever seen him.

He’s practically the size of the Demogorgon from last year, the same one that almost killed you and Steve. 

“What’s he doing?” Dustin asks, as if anyone else would have any more information than he does. 

“I don’t know,” Steve sighs, his eyes never leaving Dart. 

You squeeze his hand again and hold your breath as you watch the Demodog. He slowly approaches the bait, inspects the area, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in it. You send a silent prayer to whatever god is above that your plan will work. 

It has to work. 

However, Dart starts to back away from the bait and Steve leans even closer to the window. “He’s not taking the bait. Why isn’t he taking the bait?”

“I don’t know,” you want to cry from exhaustion and fear and defeat. 

Dustin looks over at you. “Maybe he’s not hungry?”

Something seems to click, then, for Steve. His eyes light up with an idea, and before he can even get his words out, you grasp at Steve’s arm and try to talk him out of it. “No, absolutely not. You’re not going out there.”

“Maybe he’s sick of cow.” Steve tries to make you let go of him, but you quickly tighten your hold on him and fight back. “Y/N, let me go, I can run fast and–”

“You can’t just use yourself as bait!” You plead, but Steve has always been stronger than you and he drags you behind him as he makes his way towards the bus door. “Steve, listen to me!”

“Steve? Steve!” Dustin finally catches on to what’s happening and he grabs at the teen as well. “What are you doing?”

Steve ignores you both and with a quick jerk of his arm, he frees himself from you. As soon as you’ve let go, he runs towards the door and snatches his bat from the ground. You curse, knowing there’s no way in hell he’s going out there alone, so you follow after him. 

Dustin sees this and panics. “Y/N, please don’t tell me you’re going–”

“Stay put!” You command, scrambling after Steve, who has now begun to open the door. He tosses you the lighter, which you toss to your brother. “Just get ready, Dustin!”

“Y/N!”

“I love you!”

Dustin continues to shout, his pleas laced with more fear than you’ve ever heard from him, but you force yourself to leave. Just as you’ve stepped outside and re-closed the bus door, Dustin pounds against the glass that you’ve locked, tears in his eyes.

You look away, despite how fucking hard it is, and it takes everythin within you to leave. 

Steve saved your life last year. 

Now it’s your turn. 

It’s tense outside as you and Steve walk back to back, weapons out. He twirls his bat a few times, a move that you find yourself smiling at due to its familiarity. With your back against his, you whisper to Steve, “You look for Dart, I keep an eye for anything else?”

He nods, and together the two of you slowly follow the sound of Dart’s chittering. 

“C’mon buddy,” Steve taunts, beginning to whistle. 

“I know we named it a Demodog, but I don’t think whistling will help.”

“We could be about to die, and you’re seriously questioning what I’m doing?”

You shrug, eyes now on the skyline as the fog slowly thickens. “Habit.”

Steve chuckles, which brings some comfort to the fucking awful situation at hand. He whistles some more, continuing to taunt Dart. “C’mon. Dinner time.”

“Again with offering Dart meals while we’re near him,” you shake your head, not at all liking where any of this is going.

“What? At least human tastes better than cat.” Steve responds, now at the pile of raw meat.

You both stop here, Steve facing the bait and you facing the bus, still scanning for literally anything else that could possibly go wrong. Because you’re Y/N Henderson and nothing can ever, ever go right for you. 

Dart lets out another growl, now having spotted Steve, and the teen swings his bat around. You spare a quick glance behind you and see Dart, who has placed all his focus on you and Steve. 

Well, at least the live bait plan is working. 

You turn away again, and as soon as you do, you see the other Demodogs now suddenly appear. Your blood runs cold when you see the two up ahead, one directly in front of you and one on top of the cars. 

For a moment, your words seem to fail you and no sound comes out when you try to speak. All you can do is stare at them, overcome with fear. You’re back in Jonathan’s once more, the fear strangling you as the memories paralyze you. 

From the top of the bus, Lucas yells, “Steve! Y/N! Watch out!”

“We’re a little busy here!” Steve yells back, eyes still on Dart. 

The Demodog in front of you starts to approach, which finally seems to break you from your spell. Shakily, you tell Steve, “There’s more.”

“What?” He tries to turn around, but you shove at him to not lose sight of Dart. You can’t distract him now. Another Demodog has joined.

“Three o’clock! Right in front of Y/N!” Lucas screams, his voice cracking with fear. 

“Y/N?” Steve fully turns around now when he realizes that you’re also in danger, and when he sees the three other Demodogs, he lets out a curse. “Shit.”

Suddenly, you and Steve are surrounded by Demodogs, more than you ever could’ve imagined. More than the two of you can even fight on your own. 

Back at Jonathan’s, it had taken guns, fire, knives, and bats to kill a grown Demogorgon. 

You don’t think your knives and Steve’s bat will be enough for Demodogs. 

“Steve! Y/N! Abort!” Dustin has flung the bus door open, screeching for the two of you to get out of there. 

It’s too late. Dart has opened his mouth and is running towards you two, his friends joining as well. 

“I go left, you go right!” Steve has just enough time to direct you before Dart lunges. 

You dodge, going right as instructed while Steve flings himself on top of a car to avoid the monsters. As Steve hits Dart with his bat, crouched against the car, you narrowly avoid the other Demodog and drop to the ground as it jumps over your head. “Shit!”

Steve swings his bat again and tries to make his way over to you, but you’re off the ground in a heartbeat and run to him instead. Two of the Demodogs are on him now, and there’s only so much damage his bat can do. Breathless, you run over and stab at their backs, doing everything you can to give Steve an opening to run. 

Faintly, you hear the kids in the background cheering you guys on, urging you two to come home.

One of the Demodogs lets out a harsh screech as your blade pierces its skin. It crumbles to the ground, giving Steve just enough of an opening to begin running towards the bus. When he goes to run, you notice one of the Demodogs eying him, and before you can even process what’s happening, you’re throwing yourself in front of him and you feel nails tear at your ribs.

You scream, clutching at your side in agony, feeling blood quickly beginning to spill from your wound. “Fuck!”

“Y/N!” Steve starts to run toward you, pale with fear. 

“No!” You shove him back towards the bus; you can’t let him get hurt because of you. “Go, I’ll be fine!” 

He tries to argue, but you take a deep breath and grip his jacket tightly, practically flinging him inside the bus just before Dart lunges again. Together, the two of you stumble up the steps and barricade the door. 

As soon as it’s closed, Dart begins slamming against it with his entire body. 

Steve uses his legs to hold the door closed while you lay sprawled on the ground, trying to steady your breathing as more blood spills from you. The room is spinning and you’re pretty sure you can taste blood in your mouth. 

Awesome. Cool. 

The kids are screaming and Dart’s body causes the entire bus to rock as his friends now join, throwing their own bodies against the bus as well.

“Are they rabid or something?” Max screams, but everyone ignores her. 

Steve, quick as ever, finds a spare piece of metal and wedges it against the door and uses his legs again to hold it in place. He looks over at you on the ground and feels his heart jump to his throat. You’re pale, a sheen of sweat now dotted across your forehead, and there’s now a concerningly large pool of blood where you lay. “Dustin, go help your sister!”

Dustin looks up and finally notices your injury and almost faints at the sight. In a daze, he runs over to you and kneels down, terrified of how much blood there is. “Oh my god.”

“I’m fine,” you wince, trying to clench your teeth and bear through the pain. “Honestly, this is like a paper cut.”

“Y/N–” The sound of glass shattering cuts Dustin off as a Demodog breaks through the window. Everyone screams, and your brother grabs your arms and drags you further towards the back of the bus to avoid any glass getting on you. 

Wearily, you watch as Steve does whatever he can with his bat, and a part of you wants to laugh. He looks like he’s playing the hardest game of wack-a-mole ever. 

Meanwhile, Lucas and Max have joined you and Dustin. When they see you, Lucas lets out a choked scream while Max covers her eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Lucas kneels over you as well, and you find his sincerity endearing. He’s always been the sweetest in the group, the most comforting. 

“Never been better,” you wheeze out. 

Dustin instructs Lucas to stay with you while he tries to radio for help. “Is anyone there? Mike? Will? God? Anyone!”

“God would be pretty nice to have.” You remark, pain making you even more delirious than usual. 

Max looks at Lucas. “She’s losing it.”

“I think I’m doing great, all things considered.”

Dustin continues to scream into his walkie for help while Lucas tries to stop your bleeding. Max is running around, looking for anything to help, and Steve is still stuck at the front of the bus playing wack-a-mole with Demodogs. 

The situation is so fucking grim, and you’ve never wanted to laugh more. 

Then, to make matters even worse, the ceiling of the bus starts to creak. You see the faint outlines of what suspiciously looks like Demodog footprints on the roof. In slow, agonizing footsteps, Dart makes his way over to the emergency exit on top.

He leers over, and Max, who is at the bottom of the ladder, screams. 

Steve shoves the kids back and you try to get up, but Lucas pushes you down and shakes his head at you. 

“You want some? Come get this!” Steve places himself between Dart and you and the kids, screaming at the thing and waving his bat around, and you’ve never been more attracted to him.

Dart lets out a blood curdling screech, his mouth full of rows of razor sharp teeth that killed your cat just the other day, and you cling onto Lucas’ hand. Another screech, and just before Dart strikes at Steve, it jumps off the bus and runs away. 

Everyone freezes, unsure what to do, as more distant growls and howls can be heard from outside. Steve and the rest stand up, and you notice Lucas holding Max’s hand, and at least something good came out of this hellhole of a day. 

“Any help here?” You finally ask after a minute or so, still lying helplessly on the ground as you bleed.

“Shit!” Steve drops his bat. “Where did it get you, where’s the bleeding? Dustin, did we pack any bandages, or–or an EMT stretcher or–”

“Steve,” you grab his hand, urging him to calm down. “It scratched the fuck out of my ribcage, but I’m not dying. I promise.”

“You’re not?” Dustin asks, tears in his eyes. 

“I’m not. I just…” you shift, wincing at the pain. “I just really need a bandage and I’ll be good as new.”

Steve swallows, a frenzied look in his eyes, and nods. Without thinking, he tears a piece of your bloodied cardigan off and gently lifts your body up so that he can wrap the shred of cloth around you. He weaves it tight, his movements slow and delicate, his eyes never leave yours. 

You can feel his hands shaking as he tends to your wound and ties the cloth with a knot. When he’s done, even though you’re aware of the kids’ eyes on you two, you bring his hands to your lips and kiss them. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” He whispers, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. Dustin coughs, which seems to make Steve remember where he is, and he clears his throat. “Right, well. Try not to lose any more blood, yeah?”

“I’ll try,” 

Steve nods and stands back up, knowing Dustin and Lucas will want a moment with you, and makes his way back outside. He knows that they’re all still in danger, even if for some reason the Demdogs seem to have left. 

Once Steve is gone, Dustin and Lucas help you stand, and as soon as you’re up, both boys try their best to give you a hug without hurting you. 

“Don’t do that ever again,” Dustin sniffs, squeezing your uninjured side tightly.

“What he said,” Lucas sniffs as well, though he tries to hide his tears from you. 

You laugh, your own tears evident as you hold the boys tight. “I promise.” 

“You saved Steve,” Max notes, though her tone is neutral, you can see she’s impressed.

“I had to even out a debt.” 

“Guys,” Steve calls from outside. “The coast is clear.”

Slowly, you and the kids make your way out of the bus. It takes some help from both Dustin and Lucas, but eventually you’re able to walk on your own, holding your side, and walk down the steps. 

“You okay?” Steve is by your side as soon as you’ve stepped down, holding you so that he’s not touching your cut. You’re thankful for his support, the pain still making you feel woozy. 

“We’ll talk later,” you motion towards the kids, not wanting to worry them any further. 

He nods, although he hates that you feel like you can’t focus on your own safety. 

“What happened?” Lucas asks the group. 

“I don’t know.” Max looks around, and you think she’s finally starting to understand what she’s gotten herself into. 

Dustin points to you and Steve. “Maybe they scared ‘em off?”

“No,” Steve shakes his head. It couldn’t have been that easy. “No way.”

“They’re going somewhere.” You finish for him, confirming your worst fears. Suddenly, more pain shoots through you and you wince again, squeezing your eyes shut. 

Steve bends his head down, guiding you a bit away from the kids so that they won’t hear. “Hey, we don’t have to follow them. We can go home, you know.”

“We can’t.” You clench your jaw as pain rings throughout your body. The goddamn Demodog got you good. “We have to follow. It’s all connected, Will and his episodes, Nancy and Jonathan with the detective, and I’ll be damned if I back down now.”

“So we follow?” Steve asks, trusting whatever call you make.

You nod, knowing you have to do this. While you guys are safe for now, you know that everyone else has to be in danger; you have to protect them. “Unfortunately.” 

-

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[ringsofsaturnnnn]

— [🪐] ·˚ ༘ ✎ pancakes

a.arlert x fem!reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 :: sweet boy makes you pancakes <3

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴) :: female reader, pet names, it’s implied that armin & the reader slept together but there’s no actual smut

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 :: saturn writes fluff?! this was a quick little drabble before i went to bed because i’m really craving pancakes for some reason 😭. this is completely self indulgent and not proofread (which may explain why it makes no sense ☠️) maybe i’ll rewrite this when i’m in a more awake state of mind.

© 2023 ringsofsaturn | please don't copy or repost my works! i have not given permission to anyone to repost my works. reblogs/comments/likes are okay!

𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥

tag list :: n/a

armin chuckled as he pressed a loving kiss to your forehead. his pretty girl was fast asleep on their shared bed, a result of the fun they had previously had together. running his fingers up your arm, he couldn’t help but press another gentle kiss to your forehead.

it wasn’t long before he carefully rolled out of your bed. leaning down, he grabbed the boxers he was previously wearing, along with his grey sweatpants. sauntering towards the door, he cast one look at your sleeping figure before heading out the door.

a goofy smile was plastered on his face as he walked into the kitchen. he immediately started getting out measuring cups, bowls, and ingredients. he also turned on the griddle that was built into your stove.

it wasn’t long before the smell of pancakes was filling the house. armin always made the best pancakes. it was something you had complimented him on many times, even when you first started dating.

since you were always hungry after you woke up from sleeping together, armin thought he’d surprise you with your favorite thing. his pancakes.

he hummed softly as he scooped some of his homemade batter onto the griddle. he repeated this action a few more times before putting the measuring cup down. he continued to hum as he watched the delicious pancakes cook.

after a bit, he had a plate full of his homemade pancakes. making sure to turn the griddle off, he smiled down at the full plate of nearly perfect circular pancakes. “my angel is going to be so happy..” he murmured under his breath. quickly fixing you up a plate, he poured you something to drink before quietly carrying it to your room,

tiptoeing in, he set your little meal down on the nightstand next to your side of the bed. right as he went to wake you up, he realized that he forgot to bring you a fork. “i’ll be right back.” he murmured to your sleeping form before scurrying back out to the kitchen.

he quickly grabbed a fork and a napkin before heading over to your fridge. opening it, he grabbed out the syrup and whipped cream. satisfied, he headed back into your room and placed the rest of the things on the bedside table.

leaning over you, he immediately started peppering your face in kisses. “c’mon angel, wake up.” he giggled as he continued to kiss you. it wasn’t long before you let out a groggy groan, your eyes slowly starting to open. “m-min?” you murmured drowsily.

he chuckled as you slowly came to. “there’s my sleepy girl..” he cooed. sitting down next to you, he gently took your hand. “how’re you feeling?” you closed your eyes again and smiled. “tired. and hungry..” the smell of pancakes filled your nose almost immediately after you spoke.

peeking an eye open, you looked at him. “is that-?” he nodded and smiled. “yes, my love, i made you pancakes.” that seemed to catch your attention quite quickly. slowly starting to sit up, he chuckled.

“you always wake up for pancakes..”

[thewulf]

That's a Kill Part 2 || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Y/N Kazansky. The Admiral's daughter. You always had to prove yourself to the boys. The good old boys. You never thought much of any of them, knowing you were better than them. That was until you were called back to Top Gun. You meet Lieutenant Jake "Hangman" Seresin falling for him quickly. You get selected for the infamous mission, leaving Jake terribly worried.

A/N: Longest one yet! I really enjoyed writing this one, thanks to Anon who requested! This has way less Hangman, I’m so sorry. More of an Admiral’s daughter part. Because of this I plan on doing a Part 3 to wrap it all up. This dives into the mission itself, don’t get me wrong it has cute Jake parts, just less of them. Also, apologies to Rooster… you stole his thunder. I really dislike simply rewriting parts of an already told story, but it just made sense for the plot of Part 3. That being said, the mission portion of this fic are just rewrites of what’s already in TGM changing which characters go through what. So, I didn’t do a lot of describing scenes during the actual mission. I really wanted this to focus more on the characters not the mission. There will be a Part 3 that’ll wrap everything up, meeting Ice and lots of fluff planned

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Y/N, Iceman x Daughter!Reader, Maverick X PlantonicFemale!Reader

Word Count: 9,200+

Part 3

The Dagger Squad officially wrapped up training that Monday afternoon with an all-out battle between you and Mav. You were sure you were going to get the shot on him this time. You had him locked but he did some Maverick piloting shit not even you have seen from him. You lost your lock on him, you were distracted as he locked onto you, “That’s a kill, Kazansky.”

“Fuck.” You tore your mask off slowing your jet down. Wanting to slam your fists down onto the control panel but deciding against it knowing that it could send your jet out of control.

You landed before Mav. He was showboating off in the air. Typical Mav shit. You threw your helmet off leaving it behind in the cockpit. Frustrated beyond belief. You had your eyes locked on Hondo, rather pissed off at yourself for letting Maverick get the better of you again.

You blew past Bradley, nearly knocking him off balance on your quest to get the damn pushups over. So many pushups.

“Lava you alright there?” You heard Bradley ask from behind you. You were so in your own head about the kill shot you almost didn’t hear him.

You spun around on your boots seeing Rooster looking at you with a cockeye, “Yeah, I’m good.” You stuck your thumbs up like a toddler who had just been caught doing something.

“You just ran me over.” He deadpanned, not satisfied with your answer.

You sighed, “Just a little pissed off Rooster. I was this close to finally getting Mav.” You pinched your fingers together, “Locked on and all. But he literally just stopped midair, did a flip or something and locked on to me.” You balled your fists up.

Rooster laughed seeing your unmitigated frustration walking closer to you, “Well damn, I missed quite the show.”

You could feel your hands beginning to tremble. Meaning that the adrenaline that was coursing through your veins was beginning to wear off. You cursed yourself and now Rooster because these pushups were going to be 20 times harder with dead arms, “Really quite the show.” You grumbled beginning your walk over to Hondo again.

This time he stopped you, grabbing your arm, “Yes, Rooster?” You stopped turning back to him.

“What’s the matter Kazansky?”

“Why does something have to be the matter? Why can’t I just have an off day?” You fired back at him, surprising even yourself. Way too aggressive for you. Your bad mood was stemming from this mission. You were terribly nervous, too nervous for your own good. Maverick had successfully broken into your mind, freaking you the hell out. Him shooting you down for the final time this afternoon really sent your thoughts into a whirlwind. Life or death. You really didn’t want to die. You finally felt like you were really starting to get good at all of this, finally finding your groove.

“Woah, Y/N. Relax.” He stood there with his hands crossed against his chest observing you. He noticed your shaking hands and your standoffish demeanor. However, Rooster telling you to relax was doing the exact opposite of what he intended. Indeed not very relaxed. You were stressed, more stressed than you’ve ever been tenfold. You thought you knew how to cope but your mind was starting to falter. At the worst possible moment too.

Mav popped around Bradley curiously looking at the duo, “Something wrong?” His lips parted slightly waiting for one of you to speak. The situation didn’t look great from Pete’s standpoint. He landed his jet with the intention of giving you a little shit about having to do the pushups. He stated walking over seeing you not doing pushups but looking rather agitated standing in front of Rooster. Rooster looked concerned as he eyed you up and down.

“Nothing’s wrong.” You snapped at him this time. Mav took the teeniest step backwards surprised by your response. He had quite literally known you his entire life, never once seeing you snap the way you just did. He turned to Rooster sending him off with his eyes.

He placed an arm around your shoulder pulling him into you, “What’s up kid?” He asked after Rooster was out of ear shot. You let the breath of air out that you were unknowingly holding in.

“You shot me down again.” You mumbled looking to the ground. Mav decided to wave Hondo off this time letting you skip your pushups for whatever conversation was about to go down.

“Just like the other thousand times, Kazansky. What’s the big deal?” He chuckled releasing you from the shoulder hold he had you in. You felt so vulnerable under Pete’s gaze as he turned to study you. He was somebody you had grown up around, who taught you everything you knew, yet you felt incredibly nervous about it all. You felt small as he inspected you, so small.

“I had you though!” You threw your head back reliving your failure, “I had a kill, and I still didn’t get it.”

Maverick frowned, guiding you out of the hangar. You weren’t sure where the two of you were off to, but you let him lead you, “Kazansky.” He sighed as he took a seat on the outside of the hangar facing the water. He patted the dirt he was sitting next to signaling for you to join, which you did, “Talk to me kid.”

You leaned your head against the cold metal steel of the building. The cold feeling euphoric against your sweating head, “You don’t get a second chance out there Mav.”

He nodded, “I’m aware.”

You wanted to squeeze him, he wasn’t getting the turmoil you had put yourself into, “If I can’t beat you, what makes you think I’m good enough for this Pete.” You buried your head into your heads feeling your frustration building up.

“What we aren’t going to do is that.” He grabbed your wrist gently attempting to get you to look back up at him, “Remember, I need you all here Kazansky. Every bit of you.”

“I’m trying.” You looked to him, “But all I hear in my head is you repeating, ‘this is life or death’”.

“It is.” He spoke harshly. Your brain wanted to start spiraling again but he continued, “And let me tell you something Y/N. You are the only one who has completed the course successfully. You are the only one here who has done that so far. You. Just you. You are the only pilot here who has even gotten close to shooting me down. You. Just you. And you are the only God damn pilot that made me think you’d get me. You Y/N. Just you.” He pointed his finger to you, speaking right from his heart. You were sure you were going to burst out into tears hearing this from him, “Do you hear me Kazansky?” He asked.

You nodded your head up and down, “Yes sir.” You spoke with more confidence than you had all afternoon. You were honored that he said such kind things to you. But you knew he wasn’t lying or joking around in any way. He really did think those things of you.

“Y/N.” He turned his whole body to face you, “I’m going back to make my final decision with Cyclone and Warlock.” He paused waiting for you to look him in the eyes, “Can you do this Y/N?”

You had to. You were the best. You couldn’t let his words send you into such a panic. You wanted to do this. You needed to do this, “Yes Pete. I can do this.”

He nodded after abruptly standing offering his hands to pull you up. Once you were both standing he place both his hands on your shoulders, “I know you can do this Y/N. I need you to know you can.”

His confidence in you was all consuming. It lit that fire beneath your ass that was burning so brightly when you showed up. Your flame kept getting smaller and smaller after every time you’ve been struck down. Leave it to Maverick to find it again for you, “I can do this Pete.” You spoke with such confidence it drew Mav into his signature grin.

“Good. Now go get changed. I’m not saying you’re in but…” He winked at you before heading off to the war room.

You slowly made your way back to the locker room, taking your time to change. What you didn’t expect to see when you left the locker room was the blonde haired pilot that made your heart do questionable things. You about lost your mind when he smiled at you, waiting for you.

The two of you decided you wanted to take things slow, ultra-slow. Too slow in your opinion. It was more of Jake’s idea with you going along with it, not wanting to screw whatever this was up before it started. He took you to a nice dinner on Saturday. You got to put on a nice dress and wear your hair down for him, a very rare occurrence. He showered you in sweet compliments and little touches throughout the night. He stopped at your doorstep giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead. When you whined and asked him to actually kiss you he just said, “I will darling, I promise I will.” Pulling you into a hug instead. You attempted to pout your way into a kiss just making him laugh instead.

That Dagger Squad met at the Hard Deck that Sunday for one last get together negating any plans you and Jake were going to make. The two of you had to play it cool, painfully cool. You actively had to remember not to look at him smiling. Phoenix caught you looking over at him a few times shaking her head at you. The two of you made sure you were the last to leave. Getting to chat for a few before you needed to part. He again kissed you on the forehead. You decided not to fight him this time knowing Jake would do what Jake wanted to.

You were sure the tension between you and Jake on top of all the pressure from the mission was what caused you to almost break earlier. You couldn’t understand why Jake wouldn’t kiss you especially after hearing all the stories about his previous escapades. You knew it wasn’t you. He wanted to be around you, to be close to you. He put his hands on you whenever he could. On the car ride to dinner, he placed his hand on your thigh. He grabbed for your hand when you walked in making sure to constantly touch you throughout dinner. Even when he refused to come inside he was still holding onto you.

You had only confessed your feelings two days prior, yet he was driving you crazy already. These feelings were all so new and fresh for you. You finally understood what those girls were going through in college, this man was making you feral.

“Where’ve you been?” He asked softly reaching for your hand. You looked around making sure nobody could see before taking it softly. You ran your thumb over his knuckles as you studied his hand. You didn’t notice the chills that went up his arm from your touch.

“Talking with Mav.” You turned your face looking up to his. His eyes gave him away. They looked like they didn’t quite believe what you were saying. Something about the way he was squinting at you gave him away this time. You knew you were going to have to understand his eyes if you wanted to understand Jake.

“All good?” He asked as he mimicked your actions, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles this time.

“Mhmm.” You wanted to lean into him, just melt into him. But you also didn’t want to let anybody know just yet, it was all too new.

He just watched you as you found his hand fascinating. He let you divulge as much or as little information as you wanted. He found you so effortlessly beautiful. With your hair slicked back and in full military uniform you just looked so profoundly stunning to him. He wanted to cup your face getting you to look to him, but he couldn’t, not in these hallways. He knew he really shouldn’t be holding your hand either. He just couldn’t resist when he saw you come out of the locker rooms. You looked like you were battling with something in your head before your eyes landed on his. Your reaction to seeing him nearly sent him spiraling. Your face lit up when you spotted him. He knew he was a goner.

Which is exactly why he was resisting you with every ounce of strength he could find. He wanted nothing more to take you home and have his way with you. He wanted you, every single piece of you. He wanted to study you. To explore you until he had nothing left to. He also knew that you were unlike any woman he had come across. You challenged him more in the three weeks he’s known you than any other person has in his life. You would never back down a challenge, not even when the guys are ganging up on you. You would flip them the bird and move on with your day. You were also the wittiest woman he’s come across. You made it seem like he knew what he was going to say before he even said it. Don’t even get Jake started on how sweet you were. Truly, you were just a kind person. Even with the quick wittedness you still came across as nothing but kind.

He also knew how much you wanted him. It killed him to say no to you. It was endearing just how bad you wanted a kiss from him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out that much longer.

“We should get to the classroom then.” He said softly.

Snapping out of your thoughts you looked up to him, “Yeah, guess it’s the moment of truth.” You bit your cheek not trying to think of the ramifications of the mission. You were sure Mav was going to pick Jake, absolutely sure of it. This sudden realization sent another wave of panic through you. You were really going to have to get this shit under control if you were going to be one of the few chosen.

He tugged your arm lightly before dropping your hand. You frowned but knew it was for the best, you never knew who was going to be walking around the corner. Once you reached the door you motioned for him to go on, “Go, I’ll wait a few before coming in.” You were being extra cautious. If there was anybody who was going to notice you two walking in together very late it’d be Phoenix. You weren’t ready from an ass-chewing from her just yet.

He nodded giving your arm a squeeze once more before heading in. You could see his demeanor change from his softer side with you to Lieutenant Jake Seresin, everybody’s pain in the ass. You waited a few more minutes before joining the rest of the Dagger Squad. You slid into the classroom as nonchalantly as you could. Phoenix met your eye questioning why you were back to much later than the rest of them. As you passed her you gave her the ‘I’ll tell you later’ look.

You slid down in a seat next to Harvard. The two of you had become quick friends after Yale’s accident. Yale was grounded a week ago due to a concussion and a broken leg after a bad ejection from the practice plane. The entire ordeal scared the living shit out of everybody in the Squadron. But he was fine, obviously upset he no longer had a shot. Yale also felt incredibly guilty after leaving Harvard high and dry. Mav started pairing Harvard with different solo fliers. Harvard seemed to click with you and Rooster the best. You enjoyed flying with Harvard, but it was a change. You were used to going solo. You enjoyed the challenge, the two of you fully taking it head on. You still secretly wanted to fly this mission alone.

“Miss Lava.” He tipped his head in your direction.

“Mr. Harvard.” You bowed back to him. Little things like that provided you comfort with your potential new air partner. Admittedly you tried avoided flying with a Wizzo as much as you could. You’d never say no to flying with one if it was needed but Mav’s past was always in your mind. Your dad told you just how bad it was for Maverick after he lost Goose in that freak training incident. So, you opted to fly solo.

“All good?” His brow lifted waiting for your response.

You smiled at him, getting tired of the question, “Oh yeah, you know how bad I am at pushups.”

He chuckled, “I see those guns, don’t lie Kazansky.”

“Shut up, Aardvark.” You rolled your eyes using the nickname you had unintentionally given him in the last week. Maverick was on your ass. You just couldn’t shake him. You had Harvard yelling in the comms getting you frazzled as you avoided getting target locked. There was so much going on you couldn’t think of his callsign for the life of you and Aardvark unfortunately came out instead of Harvard. You supposed Aardvark sounded like Harvard backwards.

He snorted, “You’re not going to drop it are you? My callsign gets a callsign now?”

You nodded leaning back into your seat hoping to catch a glimpse of Jake. He was sitting further up in the classroom next to Coyote. The pair seemed to be talking about something seriously. You brought your attention back to Harvard knowing you weren’t being very discreet, “Only for you Harvard.”

You noticed his eyes looking towards where your eyes had just left, yep you were being too obvious. He smirked eyeing you like he knew something, “Seresin hey?”

“What are you talking about Harvard?” Gaslight, gaslight, gaslight. You gave him a blank look, a slack expression.

He leaned forward giving you a small, delighted smile, “I’m not stupid Kazansky.”

“Did I say you were?” You questioned back to him, horrified how quickly he picked up on it.

“You like him.” His lips twitched into a smile as he narrowed in on you, observing your reaction.

You thanked your lucky stars that you put makeup on today, praying that it was enough to cover the tomato face you inevitably had, “Do not.”

“Yes you do.”

You turned so fast to him giving him a wild-eyed look, “Do not.” You repeated yourself. You weren’t sure how obvious you had been in front of the crew, but it looks like Harvard noticed. You thought you were doing a pretty good job of hiding it.

“Then why do you act all weird when you’re flying with him?” He cockily raised a single eyebrow.

Your lips parted ready to respond but nothing came out, your brain was failing you, “I have no idea what you’re talking about Aardvark.” You scrunched your nose turning away from him slightly.

“You’re unbelievable Kazansky.”

“You best believe that.” You threw him your most charming smile.

He shook his head laughing silently to himself. He was about to respond but the classroom doors opened with Mav, Cyclone and Warlock following closely behind, “Showtime.” Harvard clapped his hands.

The squadron was silent, everybody on edge to hear the assignments. Mav took a spot leaving only five pilots being selected. All eyes watched as the three men took the center of the room.

Mav looked at each pilot individually before continuing, “It has been an honor flying with you. Each one of you represents the best of the best. This is a very specific mission. My choice is a reflection of that and nothing more.”

He took a pause before Cyclone stepped in. Cyclone was cold. Even colder than your dad. You kept your eyes on Mav as Cyclone spoke, “Choose your two foxtrot teams.”

Mav smiled, “Phoenix and Bob.” He nodded to them before continuing, “Rooster and Harvard.” Your heart sunk knowing it was either you or Jake flying solo. Mav continued, “And your wingman. Lava.” You gave yourself a mini fist pump.

You turned to Harvard giving him the biggest hug, “We did it.” You clapped your hand on his back. You were so caught up in your emotions you almost forgot Jake, almost. Mav didn’t call Jakes name. You desperately wanted to go over to him. To pull him into a hug. To tell him he’s still the best pilot here. Jake would never admit to anybody but this one was going to hurt him. You saw just how hard he had trained through the last few weeks. You saw how he went from an incredible pilot to an exceptional one. You were genuinely surprised by Mav’s decision. There was one thing you learned early though, Mav always had his reasons.

Jake and Coyote sat at their desk as the rest of the Dagger Squad congratulated each other. After each hug and conversation, you had your eyes immediately went back over to Jake. You caught his eyes a few times seeing just how sad they looked. He softly smiled each time you made eye contact making you feel worse each time. You were sure Harvard was watching the two of you communicate silently just knowing he was going to give you shit for it later.

Jake walked out before the congratulations ended. You mentally forced the frown away from your face, this was supposed to be the best moment of your career. All you could think about was making Jake smile though. You wanted his full on Jake Seresin toothy grin that sent your heart racing. The one that could light up any room.

Despite everything you noticed his truck hadn’t left the lot even being the first one to leave. You walked over to it seeing Jake sitting there. He was deep in thought as you strolled up to him returning the soft smile from earlier. He unlocked the door motioning you to join him.

“Hey.” You said while jumping into his truck.

“Hi.” He didn’t turn to look at you. Your heart fell as you thought about what to do, what you could do.

Turning your full body to face him you spoke, “Jake, I’m so sorry…”

He cut you off, “Don’t be darling. Can you come here?” He opened his arms waiting for you to scoot across the bench style seating to him.

“You’re not worried about them seeing?”

He shook his head, just wanting to hold you. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t really that sad. He was disappointed that Mav didn’t see him as good enough to fly. Jake knew you were going to be picked. He was almost certain he would’ve been too had Rooster not flown the way he had been recently. He was a backup, sure, but it just wasn’t the same as flying. He wanted to fly with you.

You happily obliged scooting yourself into his arms. You leaned your head onto his shoulder breathing him in. Quickly becoming obsessed with his cologne. The second he wrapped his arms around you pulling you in, you knew you were home. The instant relief and comfort such a simple gesture gave you was astonishing. As cheesy as it sounded, all your worries melted away as soon as he was near. You craved his physical touch.

“I don’t care right now.” He sighed resting his head on top of yours, “Just want you.” Your body felt nearly weightless at his words.

“I want you to.” You wrapped your arms around his torso squeezing him lightly.

He placed a kiss on the crown of your head whispering, “You’re so pretty.”

The chill that coursed through your body was nearly lethal. You were so weak when you heard his sweet words, “You can’t say that if you’re not going to kiss me.”

His laugh reverberated throughout your chest sending a small smile to your face. You closed your eyes fully taking him in.

You frowned when he pulled back from you, “It’s cute when you pout like that.” He took his free hand gently placing it under your chin. He ran his thumb along your jawline. He was fully taking you in now. You were looking at him with those big dopey eyes begging him to kiss you. It’s all you wanted, you wanted it more than getting selected for deployment.

You blinked slowly letting him hold your chin, “I wish you were going to be up there with me.” You sighed looking away from him. He wouldn’t let your head move out of his grasp, so you settled on moving your eyes away from him.

“Me too. More than anything, sweetheart.” He let your head go pulling your entire body into his, having your head rest on his chest. You were so profoundly comfortable with this man you didn’t think twice. You listened to the steady beat of his heart as he brushed through your hair. He was so soft. So gentle with you.

 “But you’re going to do amazing up there. You’re going to be the best damn pilot up here. You’re going to hit that Uranium facility. And then you’re going to come back home. You were picked Y/N. You.” He kept brushing through your hair feeling you tense around him. His words driving the fear of not coming home back to him, Mav, and your dad. He continued trying to ease your stress, “You were picked. Mav picked you because he knows you can do it. You, Y/N Kazansky. One of the best pilots I’ve ever seen.” You shivered relaxing into him feeling terribly vulnerable at his words. He was comforting you right now when you were meant to be comforting him.

“Jake,” You brought your head off his chest, “Thank you.”

“Anytime beautiful.” He dopily smiled at you, “Let’s get you back home. Need to rest up before tomorrow.” He squeezed your thigh removing himself from you completely. You didn’t like that part, untangling yourself from Hangman.

“If we must.” You grumbled unhappily.

You didn’t realize that just being around him improved his mood. Your gentleness made his heart soar. Nobody had been so gentle with him before. He was Hangman, the cocky aviator who could get whomever he wanted. Why would he need somebody to be gentle with him? He was fine, he was getting through it just fine. Yes, you challenged him, but you never pushed him too far. When he needed the comfort there you were right there for him.

He was growing to adore the way you pouted when you didn’t get your way. Your eyebrows would stitch themselves together, nose crinkled up and lips parted. Jake just knew it was the way you got through to your dad, Admiral Kazansky. He was also sure it wouldn’t be much longer before he started caving to that face as well.

You and Jake talked for a few more moments before you left and got into your car. Your mind was swimming in thoughts as you drove back home. You knew you needed to get your head in the game before you all deployed the next morning. When you got home you changed before laying down on the couch. You were a big ball of anxiety not sure how to get yourself to stop thinking.

You pulled your phone out dialing the only person you knew could help, “Y/N.” You heard the smile in his voice.

“Dad.” You let out the big breath you were holding in.

“I heard. Congratulations.”

“Mav?” You questioned.

“Yes. Gave me a call not too long ago. I’ve been waiting on yours.”

You smiled, that was so like him, “Yeah sorry, talked with some of the other pilots for a little bit.”

“Getting along okay?” He pressed. What did Mav tell him? Mav was far too unobservant to be catching you ogling Jake.

“Mhmm.” You hummed placing him on speaker, “Getting along great.”

“So, I’ve heard.” He chuckled.

“What’d he tell you?” Groaning you got up to grab a drink from the fridge.

“Oh, nothing Lieutenant.”

“Dad!” You laughed, “Tell me.”

“Why are you getting so worked up about it kid?.” You heart dropped into your butt. He had to know. He had to know something. He was right though. You didn’t get worked up about stuff like this ever. He knew something was off. Your dad knew you better than you knew yourself.

“I’m not.” You replied, lying.

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad you’re getting along with everybody.”

“You know that’s not why I called you dad.” You ran your fingers through your hair.

He paused knowing the lighthearted conversation was shifting into something far more serious, “How are you feeling Y/N?” He asked, genuinely checking in on his daughter. Not many things scared Admiral Kazansky. Not even the throat cancer he beat. But his daughter doing this mission? That scared the living shit out of him. His little girl, his pride and joy was about to deploy for one of the most serious missions he’s ever seen. He knew the risk of you not returning were far greater than anything else you’ve previously done. He was so scared, but he couldn’t let you know this. He had to be your rock right now, somebody to help and guide you.

“I’m a little anxious, dad.” You admitted. You unknowingly began nibbling on your lip as a release.

“That’s okay. I’d be shocked if you weren’t. You need to find a routine.” He spoke softly trying not to raise the anxiety that was already bubbling in you.

“Routine?”

“Before big flights. You need to find the routine that helps you relax. Like a hot bath and a book, you like those right?” He asked.

You couldn’t help the stupid grin that spread across your face. He knew you so well, “Yeah dad, that sounds like my perfect night.”

“When we hang up I need you to do that Y/N. I need you to take your mind off it. You can’t think up there Y/N.”

You nodded, “Don’t think. Just do.” You recited Mav’s favorite lines to your dad. You had grown up flying with your dad and Mav. You always heard Mav yelling, “Don’t think. Just do.” Repeatedly through the comms. When it was your turn to actually start flying the planes Mav made sure to give you a lesson in ‘Don’t think. Just do.’ Mav scared the living shit out of you when you took your first jet up in the air.

You’d been flying with your dad for literally as long as you could remember. You learned how to fly a plane when you were ten. Of course, your dad was sitting right there with you, but he gave you full control and let you at it. He always said that it was a little secret between the two of you fully knowing your mom would throw a fit if she knew. These were civilian air crafts, naturally. Your dad had some pull unfortunately not taking a jet out for a ten year old pull though. You were a natural picking up on everything rather quickly.

You weren’t allowed to fly solo until you turned sixteen, thanks FAA. The day you did though you were up in the air on your own, your dad cheering you on the entire way. He made sure he was in the tower giving you instructions as you went about. You’ll never forget the look on his face when you landed. You’d never seen him so happy as he scooped you in his arms spinning you around telling you how proud he was of you.

The day you turned 17 you got your private pilot license. You, of course, passed with flying colors. Your dad threw a big party inviting anybody and everybody. He loved showing off your talents. Classic Iceman. You had yet to graduate high school but was further ahead than anybody in your class. You had your dad to thank for that. A Naval Academy graduation, Naval flight school, Top Gun, and a few deployments later you knew you were ready. You were more ready than anybody before you. You’ve wanted this your whole life. Don’t think, just do.

“Don’t think. Just do.” He repeated back to you.

You took a deep breath feeling better. He always made you feel calmer, “Thank you, dad. You always know what to say.”

“Give ‘em hell Y/N. Give them hell kid.”

“Yes sir.” Your eyes crinkled from the smile forming across your face. That was always his favorite line. Give ‘em hell. You would do exactly that for your dad, give them hell.

Don’t think. Just do. Go time.

Your F-18 was idling waiting on the go from command. Second in line. Eighteen hours ago you were in Miramar training. Now you were halfway across the world. You took a deep breath knowing you’d get the all clear soon.

You tapped the picture of your family, for good luck, “Let’s have a good flight.” You stuck your thumb up signaling your readiness.

“Dagger One, up and ready on catapult one.” Mav spoke through the comms. You let your breath out, letting it go one last time.

“Dagger Spare, standing by.” Jake spoke. Here it comes.

“Dagger Four, up and ready.” Phoenix came through.

“Dagger Three, up and ready.” Rooster this time. Showtime.

Your turn, “Dagger Two, up and ready.” Time slowed down like it always did when you were launching. Your best days included launching yourself from an aircraft carrier.

You heard the faint, “Send them.” And you were off just milliseconds after Mav was gone. Time to go.

“All systems online.” You confirmed to yourself. You flew to the left of Mav solely focusing on what the next ten minutes would be. Get in. Get out. Dog Fight. Breathe.

“Dagger Attack.” Mav spoke. You maneuvered your jet behind the Dagger One squad coming up on the valley quickly. Locked in you followed Rooster, close. You probably were a little too close, you weren’t going fast enough. Rooster wasn’t flying fast enough. Thirty seconds in you heard panic over the comms, Rooster was not flying fast enough. Maverick was far ahead trying not to leave his wingman, but Rooster was making it hard. You gulped knowing what was on the other side of the climb, knowing how bad it could be for the Dagger Squad if he didn’t pick up the pace.

Another thirty seconds pass with everybody yelling at him to pick up the pace. You shook it off focusing on flying behind Rooster, as close as you could. You were getting nervous now, having over ten seconds to make up.

“Impact. Enemy runway is destroyed!” Command let the Dagger Squad know. Really no turning back now. Focus. In. Out. Dogfight.

Another thirty seconds go by. Rooster finally kicked it into high gear. You thanked your lucky stars knowing Mav needed to be locked in to drop those bombs.

You were able to speed yourself up hightailing it behind Rooster and Harvard. Phoenix and Bob not far behind you.

“15 seconds.” You spoke getting Dagger Four ready. Mav and Rooster just made their climb and dive into the mountain. Things really felt like they were going in slow motion as you were approaching the Uranium enrichment plant.

“We’ve got impact! That’s a direct hit!” You heard Harvard cheer from the Dagger One squad. Breathe. Your turn.

“Go time.” You punched it seeing the first climb ahead of you.

“Dagger Two, status.” You heard Mav breathing hard. No fucking way he was talking to you while climbing that mounting.

“Almost there Mav. Almost there.” Your eyes were locked on, ready for it.

You pulled up breathing erratically forcing the plane into positions it did not want to be in. Just a few more seconds and you could breathe. You flipped the plane descending into the mounting spotting the blown up entryway.

“Bob, where’s my laser?”

“Working on it Lava.” You heard Phoenix and Bob both breathing heavily.

“Hurry up Bob.” You spoke to yourself starting to panic at the time crunch.

“Laser eye locked on.” Bob spoke calmly.

“Bombs away.” You hit the button praying for a hit. The second the bombs were dropped you pulled up, hard. You hardly heard the “Bulls-eye!” celebration as you were climbing the mountain. The G’s you, Phoenix and Bob were taking should’ve knocked you out cold. You vision started getting hazy fully knowing you were hitting 10 G’s. You squeezed every muscle in your body trying to get the blood pumping back into your brain. Focus. Get out. Dogfight.

The gasp you took once you finally crested the mountain was not for the light of heart. You had half a second to your thoughts before the SAM’s started firing.

“Fuck.” You muttered fully comprehending what was going down. You got in. You got out. Dogfight time. You punched it letting Phoenix and Bob know, you couldn’t lose them. They were your wingmen. Don’t think. Just do.

You were firing flares and bullets galore. You knew you needed to conserve them but there was just too many SAM’s coming in every direction. Phoenix was yelling. Mav was yelling. You were yelling right with them trying to get everybody out of it alive.

You felt a sense of peace wash over you as your flares were depleting far too fast. You used too many diverting a missile away from Phoenix. You used the last few blowing a missile up from behind.

“I’m out of flares.” You spoke, eerily calm into the radio. You rolled away right from the middle of the action trying to think of what to do, anything to do. What would Iceman do? They wouldn’t think. They would just do.

You grunted maneuvering every which way and direction. Fuck, there was so much going on.

“Smoke in the air!” You heard Phoenix yelling.

“Shit, I’m out Phoenix.” You panicked. No flares. Only bullets, that’d do you no good. Time to race and hope for the best.

“Evade! Evade!” Mav screamed into his comms. Horrified at what he saw happening before him he sprang into action.

“I can’t shake them!” You went right and left, up and down trying to get the missiles off your ass.

Mav flew above you releasing his flares. Eyes wide you let out a guttural scream when you saw Mav’s plane take a direct hit, “Mav! No!” You cried.

“Dagger one is hit! I repeat Dagger one it his! Maverick is down.” Phoenix yelled to command letting them know what was happening out in the field.

“Dagger one, come in!” You cried into the comms, desperate, “Did anyone see a parachute? Dagger one!” No response. The three planes began their flight back to the carrier. You couldn’t focus. Mav was down there.

“Lava! Those bandits are closing we can’t go back.” Phoenix tried to reason with you. You were breathing hard. You couldn’t believe your ears. They would just abandon him? Your Uncle Mav?

“Lava, he’s gone. Maverick’s gone.” Bob spoke up this time.

You shook your head, they didn’t understand. Fuck it. You dipped out of formation disobeying orders. Phoenix, Bob, Rooster and Harvard screaming at you. Ignore. Go find Mav. You flew as fast as you could. More screaming into the headset. There, a helicopter down below. It was firing at something. Mav?

You locked target, giddy with excitement. You released one of your only offensive missiles left. You watched as the helicopter exploded, unsure if Mav was down there. What you really hadn’t thought about was being defenseless and within SAM range again. You were hit almost immediately after you hit that helicopter. Lucky for you, you ejected.

You were wrapping your parachute up when Maverick came sprinting into your view. He was alive, cool, maybe you would be able to figure this one out after all. You went to greet him, but you received a rather hard push into the snow instead.

“What the hell Mav!” You yelled.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine.” You groaned standing back up, “That hurt though.”

“What are you doing here? You think I took that missile so you could be down here?” He yelled.

“Jesus Christ Mav! Did I not sure save your life?”

“I saved yours!” He huffed in frustration, “Ice is going to skin me alive, Y/N Kazansky. What the hell were you even thinking?”

“You taught me not to think!” You yelled back to him.

He clenched his fists in frustration, beaten on that one, “Well, it’s good to see you.”

You grinned laughing a little, “Good to see you too, Mav. Got a plan?” You smiled sweetly to your daredevil uncle. He always had some sort of plan. You found your way to the blown up air strip curious as to what he was thinking. You both jogged to an unmanned hanger. An F-14 sitting there, just waiting on Mav. He instructed you on what to do. Somehow finding a strip or concrete that could take the jet.

To your absolute astonishment the damn thing made it up in the air. Not after you making fun of it, calling it a museum piece. Mav instantly defended the worn down jet. You thought it’d be smooth flying back to the jet. But to your absolute horror two jets flew up next to you speaking a foreign language. Busted. You worked in the backseat to try and get something going, flipping every breaking you could. There was a reason you were a pilot and not a Wizzo, this stuff did not come easily to you.

“Come on Mav. Don’t think, just do.”

“Hang tight kid.” Mav began his crazy array of piloting shit, you getting to witness it front and center. Immediately taking one of the jets out.

“Smoke in the air!” You cried trying to help him out as much as you could.

“Flares. Now, now, now!” You let them rip from behind you defending yourself.

Mav dived getting low. Claiming that the terrain would confuse his targeting system. You gasped when the bullets came flying. Life or death.

“We took a hit!” You yelled.

“Brace yourself.” He almost stopped the jet hopping over the one that was chasing the duo. Mav unleased a flurry of attacks on the jet.

“You got them Mav!” Mav nailed the jet sending it down.

“Yes! Mav!” You shrieked happier than ever. Mav was certifiably the most insane pilot you’ve ever been around. You couldn’t believe what he was doing in the jet.

You thought you were all clear until you somehow managed to get the radar on. “Oh fuck.” You gasped seeing something not friendly pop up on the scan.

“Mav we got another one! Where is it?”

“On our nose.”

You were sent into a panic seeing a missile coming straight at you. Mav dodged the missile and the plane.

“We’re out of flares Mav.” You yelled not believing it was happening for a second time.

The bullets from the fifth gen started firing right at the inferior Tomcat, ripping into the back of it, “This is not good.” You cried looking behind you. Mav moved the aircraft back and forth somehow dodging most of the bullets.

“We took another hit!”

“No, no, no, no, no.” You heard Maverick begin to panic. Shit. You knew it was serious when he was sent into a frenzy.

“We can’t outrun this guy. Pull the ejection handles the second I tell you.” Mav spoke quickly realizing how dire the situation was.

“Mav wait!”

“Lava there’s no other way.” He pulled the aircraft up not giving you a second to argue with him.

“Eject, eject, eject. Lava, pull the handle! Eject!” Mav cried.

You tried. You really tried with all your might but the handles above you wouldn’t budge. You tried once more with no luck. A cold shiver ran through your body as you realized it really might be over for you.

“It’s not working! Mav!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry Ice.” He whispered. Your blood ran cold hearing the target lock. You tried with all your might to get the ejection handles to work.

As your luck would have it you heard an explosion from behind you. The jet had exploded out of thin air. That was until Jake came on through. You let out a cry realizing you’d make it home. It was hard to accept you’re the fate of death knowing what could happen at any time. It had never felt so serious before that moment. You would still love flying. You just had a newfound respect for it after this one.

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. This is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to their locked and upright positions, and prepare for landing.” You and Maverick both let out a laugh. You crying a little. Giving him a thumbs up.

“Hey, Hangman, you look good.” Mav spoke after catching his breath.

“I am good, Mav. I’m very good.” You could see the smugness from as far as you were. He’d never let you live this one down.

You and Mav had a not so spectacular landing without a tailhook or landing gear. You sat there for a moment collecting your breath not really believing you’d made it back with hardly a scratch.

“You good?” Mav asked.

You laughed, feeling more euphoric than anything, “Yeah Mav, I’m good.”

The Tomcat was surrounded by crew and pilots alike celebrating your arrival back safe and sound. Mav was swept up by Hondo and Rooster. Phoenix cried bear hugging you.

“You stupid fucking idiot Kazansky.” She released you letting Jake have at you.

“I had to Phoenix.” She shook her head.

“Your boyfriend wants a word.”

You spun around seeing Jake looking very un-Jake like face looking back to you. He was happy to see you. You could tell that much. He just looked terrified?

“Are you fucking insane? Do you have a death wish?” Jake asked as he pulled you aside from the celebration grabbing your shoulders, shaking you back to reality, “Y/N!” He pushed you up against the inside aircraft carrier’s walls lightly.

“I’m sorry Jake!” You tried prying his hands off you, but he wouldn’t relent. He wasn’t hurting you by any means. He needed to touch you. To know that you were real. Jake couldn’t comprehend the last 45 minutes. First Maverick getting shot down he fully expected to scramble. Then, the worst news he could have heard, Dagger Two had been hit. He felt his blood drain right out of his body, finding it hard to breath.

“You’re sorry? You were dead Kazansky. Dead to the military. They wouldn’t let me go.” He let out a frustrated groan. Not sure how to express himself to you.

“I had to. That’s Pete. I had to Jake.” You couldn’t look up to him. It was finally hitting you just how dumb you had been. Your dad wasn’t going to be too thrilled about this one.

“Please look at me.” He spoke more calmly, chest heaving in and out. Obliging you looked up to him fully seeing the distress on his face, “I thought you were dead Y/N. For forty minutes I thought you were gone.” A single tear rolled down his face. Shit. Fuck.

You reached up wiping it away with the pad of your thumb, “But you saved us.” You spoke so quietly.

“I shouldn’t have had to.” He leaned his forehead against yours pushing you back up against the wall completely, “What were you thinking.”

“I wasn’t.” You admitted for the second time that day.

He cupped your face with his hands, “Can I kiss you?”

Eyes wide you responded, “Here? They’re all going to see.” You looked out onto the deck seeing everybody still celebrating. You were pulled away quickly from the chaos by Jake not fully getting to celebrate just yet. Celebration first then comes the inevitable punishment. You did disobey direct orders.

He shook his head looking at you like you were the most important thing to him, “I don’t care anymore. I thought you were gone. I thought I was never going to be able to kiss you Kazansky.” He looked at you with those lovesick eyes.

“Finally.” You grinned pulling him into you. He kissed you softly not wanting to mess this up. You, however, wanted more. You flipped him around, so he was leaning on the wall backed up against it. You pulled him in closer kissing him with more fervor. You pressed your body into his making sure he felt the friction you desired. Parting your mouth, you allowed him entrance.

He felt every ounce of your eagerness. Happily kissing you more aggressively than he anticipated. The two of you were no longer just kissing one another, you were full on sucking face. He stifled a grunt as you kept pressing yourself into him.

He broke the make out up knowing he would never hear the end of it if he had a hard on when he rejoined the celebration, “Jesus Christ Lieutenant, you can’t do that here.”

You giggled staring right at his mouth, you wanted more. So much more. He looked so damn hot standing there a little dazed with a semi-swollen mouth, “Sorry Hangman.”

He licked his lips knowing exactly what he wanted to do to you later, “Doesn’t seem all that sincere of an apology.”

You winked at him, no apology whatsoever, “It’s not. Now let’s go.” You took his hand dragging him back out onto the deck joining right back in where you left off.

“Well, aren’t you just a vision.” Jake whistled when you opened your front door. He handed you a small bouquet of flowers, “For you my dear.”

“Lilies!” You grinned grabbing the flowers from him gingerly, “These are my favorite.” You smiled up to him.

“They’re the ones from that pretty dress you wear sometimes.” He blushed lightly, not sure why he admitted that to you. Jake wanted to tell you everything. He learned this quickly in your relationship. The first few weeks he struggled not to pick his phone up to call you about something inconvenient that happened. You had to keep your phone on silent, getting in trouble for having it on as you were back in class.

You were originally stationed out of Virginia Beach, far away from your family. After the mission, and the ass chewing from your father, you were transferred back to Miramar. Again, you were convinced it was your father pulling strings because Cyclone wasn’t your biggest fan these days after you disobeyed his orders. You were reassigned as a teacher at Top Gun. You did your best to stay away from Cyclone, but it was hard, Top Gun wasn’t a big place.

Jake was previously stationed in San Diego, at the base a little further South. You couldn’t help but to be excited when you were transferred back to Top Gun. Jake was down the road. Mav literally lived a few blocks from you and your family was within driving distance.

You jumped in headfirst at Top Gun, you were used as the Maverick of training in the field. You loved beating aviators that were much older than you, all cockier than the next. You loved knocking then down a peg, humbling them a bit. You were worried that your flying career was over with the transfer. Your fears were moot when you were given your next set of orders, a mission in the middle east. That wasn’t for another few weeks though.

You set the flowers in a vase and topped it with water. Smiling stupidly at the flowers. You were floored that he noticed something so small. You hurried back over to your charming date.

“You noticed that hmm?” You kissed him on the cheek smiling sweetly at the man. You weren’t sure but you thought you loved him. You wouldn’t dare admit that anytime soon knowing you’d sound crazy, but he was incredible in every way. It was the small things he did that made your days so much easier. He would make sure your car was filled up, bring you flowers, order you dinner, made sure you never opened a door when he was around. You couldn’t help but to fall in love with him. You were only a month and half in, but you knew. You knew he was it for you.

“I notice everything about you sweetheart.” He tapped your nose with his pointer finger. Grabbing your hand, he walked you to his truck opening his door for you, “You really do look beautiful.”

“Thank you, Jake.” You shook your head at him loving the flattery but shy about it nonetheless.

He nodded winking at you thinking how cute it was when you shied away. He knew how comfortable you were with him, but the simplest comments would make you shy away. He still had something up his sleeve.

The drive to the beach was mostly quiet albeit the radio humming away. You loved the comfortable silence between the too, never feeling the slightest bit awkward. You always moved closer to him making sure to not distract him too much when he was driving. You either played with his hand or he with yours. Seemingly not ever wanting to ever let him go.

He parked. Jumping out quickly to get to your door before you could. You laughed as he just beat you this time, “You know I can get the door.”

He cocked an eye, “Sure you can. But you won’t.” He took your hand helping you down.

He grabbed a picnic basket and a blanket out of the back leading you to the beach. You loved the beach at sunset. The colors in the sky, the birds chirping away, the people flying kites. Everything about it made you happy. Jake picked up on it quickly, you were always suggesting sunset walks or swims. He was learning to love it just as much as you did.

He laid everything out letting you pick which spot you wanted, “This is wonderful.” You softly smiled to the man who captured your heart.

“I know how much you love the beach sunset. Why not dinner and a beach sunset.” He grabbed your hands squeezing them.

“You’re so sweet.” You couldn’t take your eyes off him, sunset be dammed, “Phoenix never believes me when I tell her how it’s going.”

He grumbled, “You tell Phoenix?”

“Yeah, and Halo.”

“Kazansky.” He sighed peeking back up seeing your amused expression. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread brightly across his face.

“Seresin.” You giggle admiring the way the sun reflects off him.

“Gosh you’re pretty.”

“So are you.” You replied quickly. Suddenly feeling flustered by him as he scooted closer to you.

He chuckled reaching for your face, “Sweet girl.” He leaned in further sending your heart into a frenzy. He stopped just short of your lips letting you finish the kiss, only if you wanted to.

You wanted too, closing the gap quickly. You felt him smile as you kissed him. You just adored him. He only stopped when he heard your stomach grumble.

“Let’s eat.” He grinned handing you your dinner.

Part 3

[chaifootsteps]

For me, I think I would have leaned hard into Pentious as the envious, paranoid, yet brilliant inventor who did, in fact, have a son. A son he cherished and adored, but soon failed to show him actual love. So less goofy, more villainous and a bitter soul.

I want to lean into why pentious was able to stay alive in hell for well over 100 years of exterminations, and why in the polite he wanted to control the entire west side of the pentagram within ONE day. He was desperate to get back to his son and wife in heaven. (I feel like he deserves someone in heaven who had fallen in love with him back on Earth). He thinks he can 'conquer' his way into heaven, to break the rules that 'keep' him down. Why he is in hell/in this situation. He made so many inventions who could change the world, but they always were discredited, or stolen by rivals/big corpos. So Pentious got tired of trying to change the world, he decided to join the powerful elite. Becoming just as corrupted as them as he made the world worse because it is what got him the money and recognition he set out for. Especially since I hc him as half british white, half indian due to the time period, and say one of his parents lived in imperial India. Showing him never accepted no matter what he tried to be part of, not unlike how ppl dont accept him in hell. His inventions and horrible ways is what made his family break away from him, and eventually he died in a workplace accident, ironically, something he had just the day before ignored when one of his workers told him how dangerous it was.

So, now he is in Hell and he hears about Charlie's redemption project. At first, he goes there thinking if he can ally himself with the princess, he can use her as an in against her father to make it to heaven. But as he spends more time there, he soon admits why he conquers and destroys, and Charlie helps work with him on facing the bitterness inside his soul. But soon as he heals and apologizes and works on making amends how he can, as well as learning to be satisfied and confident with his own soul, he starts helping her help the other sinners, like Angel Dust. When the final battle happens, he uses the warship he swore off using when reforming, and badly hurts the main exterminator (NOT Adam cause, cmon, thats the first human), ultimately dies to the angelic weapon, and so instead of dying to something he failed to care about because it affected others, he dies intentionally helping others.

And thats when he makes it to heaven and is reunited with his family.

Sorry for the long rant thats just how I would rewrite Sir Pentious.

No apologies needed, that's lovely. I usually lean more towards "he doesn't have a son myself," but if we're going the route that he does, this is how I would want it to play out.

[saltywinteradult]

How would you have written 2x08 to be both pro Rhaenicent and pro Alicent/Team Green?

Gonna focus on the writing of Alicent here, as the show's treatment of the greens is such a big issue that I don't really have the spoons for right now. For the record, my issues with s2 in general and how Alicent and Rhaenicent were handled would unfortunately not be entirely solved by only rewriting 2x08. I'd need to rewrite every episode starting with 1x08.

If I were to only rewrite 2x08, well, first of all I would not make Alicent say she was "very fond" of her rapist husband. That line alone is... well, it's up there with Sansa crediting her abusers for making her strong 🤢 Removing that line alone would do a lot to make Alicent retain some agency and dignity.

I also just... would not have Alicent defect from the greens at all. I'd have her decide that the misunderstanding over the prophecy (which was a stupid and unnecessary plot point to begin with) doesn't matter. Even if this was all a misunderstanding it's too late to turn back and her family’s in danger, so she decides she's gonna do everything she can to protect her family instead of sacrificing one of her kids to save the others. Seriously, the real Alicent, the Alicent who violently attacked the love of her life on Driftmark in anger over her son's maiming would die before betraying her family like that. I will die mad about this character assassination. (Please do not try to convince me that this was not a character assassination - I've had it up to here with people trying to convince me that making Alicent betray her family was A Brilliant And Feminist Storytelling Choice, Actually.)

At this point in the story Alicent and Rhaenyra should be sworn enemies - sworn enemies who still miss each other deep down to be sure, but sworn enemies all the same. So I wouldn't make Alicent go meet Rhaenyra at all. I love seeing Emma and Olivia on screen together as much as anyone, but I don’t think the show is in danger of being cancelled anytime soon, so I don’t see anything wrong with putting that off until next season. Here's how I'd like that to go - book spoilers ahead.

Having Rhaenyra and Alicent remain enemies by the end of s2 would make their reunion when Rhaenyra takes King’s Landing hit all the harder, even moreso if we also remove the sept scene from episode 3. Like, they haven’t seen each other in a long time and they thought they hated each other, only to come face to face again and have a total ”oh fuck” moment in which they both realise that to some extent they do hate each other, and yet they still miss each other. They still love each other, but with so many war crimes and murdered children in the baggage, neither of them can forgive the other. Isn't that just so deliciously tragic?

Much like in the book I'd like for Rhaenyra to execute the rest of the greens but spare Alicent. In the book she said that was for the sake of Viserys's love for Alicent; she could say that in the show too, only it's really because she can't bear to execute Alicent. (It's hardly the first time one of these two used Viserys as a shield: "Your husband? Or you, his daughter's childhood companion?") But Rhaenyra also can’t set her enemy free, so she takes Alicent prisoner and hates every minute of it. Like @standbehindhousestark put it so brilliantly here, "imagine the queen in chains arc with the canon hostility mixed with their queer past." Can you imagine what incredible toxic homoerotic interactions we could get out of that? Maybe even have them on the brink of actually getting together, only for Helaena's death to drive them apart once and for all as Alicent blames Rhaenyra for it? I don't know exactly how I'd want it to play out, but as I have repeated ad nauseam, due to the story itself being a tragedy I think a tragic ending to their relationship would be more satisfying than a happy one. What can I say, I'm a tragedy enjoyer first and a human being second.

[shiny-jr]

Okay I've just been my lurker self the whole time so now I'm extremely late to the party but I just have to say sth bc personally contrary to my expectations rather than Pomfiore I really loved the Scarabia result a lot. Well I guess the ending messed with it a bit for me personally bc I just can't imagine it ending in a satisfying way no matter what, but anything up until then? JUICY you literally had me at the edge of my seat the whole time the tension between everyone was SOO good it felt like really. Exciting? Reading it honestly

I'm not good with wording things like this so I wish I could just beam by feelings and experiences into your brain so you can Understand but like. It was an absolutely amazing read and I can't believe so many people have and continue to brush past it

Like yeah I didn't expect it esp bc so far I don't think I ever came across anything centered around the Scarabia guys that didn't just make me feel extremely neutral but it might just be my fav so far. Rotating in my brain regularly.

(also on that note PLEASE post the results here too unless I somehow missed that!!! I need them in my Tumblr collection to re-read)

Okay passionate 4am rant over thank you for your time. Also yeah I'm extremely tired so I just wanted to add that i hope this doesn't come across as me not liking the other stuff or sth bc I absolutely LOVE it. Your writing in general but esp damnation it's so so good okay byeee back to my hermit existence I go

Seriously? Well, I'm glad people are still enjoying Scarabia. As I mentioned before, Scarabia along with Octavinelle are the two results I am not particularly proud of. But they're there. They're a thing. They exist. Out of all the results thus far, Scarabia gave me the most trouble with by far. There were just a lot of obstacles and pauses when writing that particular result, as it was actually the only result thus far that I had to rewrite.

Unfortunately, the Scarabia duo always get bypassed for other dorms, which is really unfortunate because their relationship and chemistry is very intriguing. I don't think I portrayed that all too well to be honest.

Anyways, all the results thus far on already on Tumblr. The only ones that are missing are Ignihyde and Diasomnia, because they are currently still in the works. But the progress with those two seem to be going pretty steady, actually, faster than anticipated. At this rate if it continues like this, I'll have both results ready in time for the next milestone. But that's far ahead in the future, so I'm currently not too worried about that at the moment.

Thank you very much for your words, anon! I really appreciate it. I hope you did end up finding the results on Tumblr alright, but just know that they're there already. Check the masterlist if you are having trouble finding them, or just send me a dm and I'll be glad to send a link.

[july-19th-club]

Fic writer interview

@goingsparebutwithprecision tagged me in this one and then i had it in my drafts for six or eight months so now it is out of the drafts and into the queue

How many works do you have on AO3? a grand NINE

What's your total AO3 word count? 82,429, which is almost the length of a short novel.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Grace (SPN), Between Friends (Magnus Archives), Yellow Asters (SPN), In the Valley of the Ever Young (Umbrella Academy), and The Steward (Discworld)

I guess i'd hoped Another Journey (The Untamed) would do better - but I'm not at all surprised that my quick and dirty post-finale (by like a DAY) Game of Thrones thing didn't do well. On the other end of the spectrum, my quick and dirty post-finale-by-eleven-hours SPN thing did great it's my top seller. That's 600ish kudos so we're not talking phenomenal, but still. Goes to show I think the difference between how game of thrones fans handled the ending (buried heads in sand, wept and gnashed teeth, rent hair and clothing, ranted for hours on a slow monday worknight shift to me while i listened, horrified and enraptured) versus how spn fans, who never had expectations to gradually and then all at once disappointing, handled the ending (shrug, make some jokes, cry not because it's ending but because it happened, and then crack open the laptops for some quality writing about the whole thing). We were already prepared for things to be bad, so when they were even more bad than all THAT? We were actually, I think, in a way kind of pleased and satisfied. If it had ended well i think it would've been a bit of anticlimax after all that time. Whereas in Game of Thrones there was still the slim chance that they might turn it all around at the eleventh hour, so when they didn't the viewers just wanted to hide and lick their wounds. Produced much less immediate fic.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? It really totally depends on the comment and my mood honestly. If it's especially long and glowing I try to give it at least a little bit of attention but it might not be right away.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Tie between Another Journey and In the Valley - In the Valley ends RIGHT before a character death in canon, Another Journey ends right after a non-canonical character death. So take your pic. I don't tend to do death for death's sake, but for these two stories it felt cheap to avoid it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? FINISHED fic? That people can SEE the ending of? Grace, which I now don't like because it's not complex enough and I completely mischaracterized Jack, but that's what Wishes Were Horses is for. Whenever I get around to it. You know.

Do you write crossovers? Not really. I love worldbuilding but trying to marry two disparate worlds is too much for me, I don't like having to do all the logistics. Probably a less pedantic writer would just not care about the logistics but I also don't READ crossovers because the logistics or lack thereof is such an issue for me, so.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? No but back when I was regularly updating Book of Gold (which I'm linking even though I'm probably going to retire that version at some point and start working on a better rewrite) I had a reader who REALLY liked Steve, a character I had no plans to write from the perspective of because I barely remembered him and did not care about him, and still don't really, and that reader would constantly ask me with waning hope if I was gonna do anything Steve related. And I'd avoid saying a definitive no.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Prev apparently has some good Cyrano de Bergerac smut which I now want to read. I personally have never posted any sex in fics, but not for lack of hoping someday to tastefully get it all out there. I just was raised catholic so if I say anything sexual where people can see it i get embarrassed.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not I haven't checked lol but I only have nine and they're not well known so who give a shit

Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nah. When it comes to writing I don't think I could ever split the work I'd want too much control.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? I do not have favorites because the other ones might get sad . this extends to foods, stuffed childhood animals, and books in my reading stack . also fountain pens

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? At this point any of them lkajslkdjfasdf but i really REALLY doubt the immediate future of the Book of Gold, which is a shame because I have all the major beats mapped out in my head. It's just so much more ambitious than even the other long fics I have in my documents files, the scope is years instead of days or months, and it's a lot of planning and prep work that I can't help but feel I should instead spend on either quicker-to-finish stories or original ones.

What are your writing strengths? I think I have a strong voice, a good turn of phrase, that sort of thing. I also think that after years of trying I have gotten good at realistic dialogue that's not TOO realistic as to be unreadable, and I've learned how to be funny. Worldbuilding.

What are your writing weaknesses? Complex plotting, which sucks because I love complex plotting and want to do more of it. Also punctuality, which is not a writing weakness so much as a regular one, and the really big one is character relationships and consistency over time. I struggle to fit all those pieces together/remember whether they fit together when I started. This probably has to do with my social struggles in real life lol it's very hard for me to write characters thinking/believing/philosophizing/reacting differently than I would, at least without falling back into the 'everybody is me' mode that risks them coming off flat. I think my way around this for most of my writing life has been to write from one person's first-person perspective, which helps alleviate that problem, but I'm trying to do different things and expand my skill set/comfort zone.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? It's cool and I like it but I only know one other language than the one I speak and I speak it at a second grade level. So I don't do this much but I enjoy reading it. Love to copy and paste the language I don't know into a dictionary of words and parse it out it's like a fun secret treat.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Discworld TECHNICALLY . but really The Outsiders and really really even before that I have an unnamed undescribed thing that I hope to turn into a short story that is almost not at all like the fic. so i will not discuss it

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? Star Trek (I've written for it but haven't finished and posted yet). Perhaps True Blood. I have some ideas.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Again I cant play favorites BUT. It's probably Another Journey. It just came together so easily and the structure fell right into place and I managed to do a lot of stuff that was challenging in a way that felt successful. Book of Gold is next to my heart so close that I'm sure it's not actually GOOD and I don't wanna call it 'favorite' because it's a different thing. It's a sibling.

@whileyoureinschoolidothisallday do you want to do a tag game? and any of the other writing mutuals on here who've plied their hands

[timeofjuly]

First off. I had to remake my tumblr because I lost the previous account and I had been away from the Undertale fandom for a while. Your fic is the first one i have read under the trope "anti-harem".

I AM LOVING IT???? IT'S SCRUMPTIOUS, I read it in one sitting and also read the others surrounding that particular one, I AM IN LOVE???? my mind is racing with hcs and excitement and so many conflicting emotions.

Because I will say!!! I am more than usual, almost always taking the girl's side, no matter the context and during that whole read I was so ready to fight 8 men FOR MY WIFE (Electrician). Idc what anyone says, THEY DON'T GET HER LIKE I DO😭 (Quinn probably agrees)

And it makes me TICK in all the right ways reading about a more true neutral/chaotic good aligned Reader, BECAUSE I LOVE COMPLEX GREY CHARACTERS. I resonated SO MUCH when the electrician said "There is no such thing as a good person, I only care about being a better one than I was before" (rough paraphrasing) BECAUSE THAT IS SO TRUE.

It makes it particularly difficult to me to relate to someone with a doormat savior complex instead of someone who has had to crawl out of hell, fight for their place and with themselves as an ultimate expression of self love. To prove to themselves that they deserve a good life and community despite their brain fighting them every step of the way.

I love journeys like that, they always leave my heart full. Like, I need to make this short or I will start yapping about how much I see in reader so many of the things I love in popular mc characterization.

I hope your pillow is always cool, that your makeup alwags turns out symmetrically satisfying, that you get a raise, I hope birds sing to you every morning and that the people you love are always the last ones to pull away in a hug.

This is so kind of you, thank you so much! I’m so glad you’re enjoying RTC, especially since it’s your first anti harem fic! Welcome back to the fandom :)

It makes me so happy that the line the electrician says about being a better person than they were yesterday resonated with you, because it really did for me too. It’s one of the things I love about undertale, too; in every encounter we have in the game, we get to choose to fight, flee, or befriend and show mercy. There are so many opportunities to make that choice, and each choice actually matters. Every good thing you do makes a difference to the outcome of the story. Even if you fuck up, you get another chance to be better.

“It makes it particularly difficult to me to relate to someone with a doormat savior complex instead of someone who has had to crawl out of hell, fight for their place and with themselves as an ultimate expression of self love. To prove to themselves that they deserve a good life and community despite their brain fighting them every step of the way.” I feel the same way and I love this description of the electrician, you’ve phrased this so well.

Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to send me this ask, it means a lot. I’ve been feeling down about rtc lately (I’ve written the next chapter but I just do not like it, so I’m going to reassess and rewrite it) and it makes a big difference to know that the story has had an impact on you.

[raeofalbion]

Fic Ask Meme:

Because it’s one of my go to favs: Shatter Albion Series.

Is there any scene that you cut from the main story that you wish you could go back to add? (Or alternatively, tell us about a cut scene that you wish you could have included)

( meme ) -- Thank you! :D <3 And thank you for reading! <3 I'm so glad you like the series.

Y'know, it's funny, cuz this is exactly why I rewrote MoI back in...my goodness, was it 2016? (Surely not that long ago??) There were just so many scenes that needed elaborating and missing bits that needed to be added and it felt necessary to do that before continuing on with the series.

But yes! There are still some I cut and either would like to add back in or might repurpose for later. (Sorry, this is long.)

From MoI:

The first time Victoria and Reaver sleep together. I've tried to write this so many times and it just...doesn't ever work out the way I'm picturing it. There's like...half a dozen-ish cut drafts in a document somewhere. Maybe one day I'll make it work.

The original, hand-written draft of MoI included a scene with Logan questioning Ben after Victoria disappears from Reaver's house, suspicious about why his sister's suddenly not writing him. In the end, it was cut cuz it didn't really make sense to have him go to Ben to find out if Victoria had somehow contacted him, but I still kinda like the idea.

Continuing along the Victoria-running-away track: there's a couple little outlines somewhere for a follow up to the scene where she decides to leave, showing how she got out of Reaver's house. One of them involved her actually shooting Reaver with his own gun; the other involved Reaver essentially stalking her through the house, not interacting or trying to stop her but watching her all the while. In the end, I couldn't make up my mind and I felt like nothing I wrote there would be 100% satisfying to readers, so I chose to scrap both ideas. Not sure if that was the right decision, tbh.

There was a scene before the wedding with Walter and Jasper playing cards in the original draft. Tonally, it didn't work, but I still like it.

There was a scene where Reaver sort of...playfully faux-crowned Victoria in the castle? He's being an ass and very sarcastic about it, and Victoria hates the entire thing, but it was supposed to lead to them having semi-public sex. ...which is also the reason it got cut. What smut I'd written was just...not good. And I never really had the will (no pun intended) to rewrite it, so I scrapped it.

An early on scene where Reaver and Victoria get into a proper row after she walks in on him with one of his...uh...friends. I actually had to check and make sure I didn't add this one back in and I'm not sure why I didn't. Reaver yelling at her about them "pretending to play house" and about how he was never going to choose Victoria above his own interests would've been very 👀👀👀 given how things turn out.

Not something I actually cut, but, if I were to do another rewrite, I'd like to add some more Logan scenes, just for the tragedy angle.

From DoV:

Cut one of the mystery dreams (well, I guess now that we're near the end of Blackout I can just say it: one of the dreams she shares with Scythe, where he's trying to contact her) cuz it was too repetitive.

A couple tiny (very tiny!) scenes with Faraday. Just chatting with him. In hindsight, they were unnecessary to cut.

I've talked about this one before, but the original scene where Victoria and Reaver talk about their relationship was cut and rewritten. Originally, Reaver was going to confess his feelings for her there. But it didn't fee organic and didn't really work and it kinda just pissed off Victoria worse. So instead the scene is -gestures to the story- but the line about the singing fish is as close to confessing as Reaver can get himself at that point.

From Blackout:

Technically the entire first draft was cut because my pc ate it, so I'm sure there's a lot of things on there I would like to add back in. T-T

Cut some flashbacks with the Crawler just for length, nothing really plot relevant, though. (I may come to regret this.)

Also cut some really stupid jokes of Reaver's. (I do not regret this.)

Cut a lot of political stuff that will affect the next story, and I...have begun to suspect this will come to bite me in the ass because a couple things were much more relevant than I thought they'd be. :S SO. I don't know what I'll do about that yet.

The next chapter has a rather large chunk from it that was cut and is in the process of being rewritten. Basically: Reaver and Victoria being horny now that they're reunited. It doesn't fit, tonally or pacing-wise, but I am a little sad y'all won't get to read Scythe interrupting them and Reaver complaining under his breath about not getting off. Maybe I'll turn it into a oneshot.

+ Bonus!

Technically there's an entire story I've cut from Shattered Albion (set between DoV and Blackout) about Reaver and Faraday investigating one of the DLCs together. I would really like to add it, cuz I think it would set up some things for the final book and I think it's fun, but I'm not sure if anyone actually would want to read it.

[lihikainanea]

I know you have had a little writers block and not much time to write but in case this can inspire more tiger and Bill hear goes. So Bill is working on a movie that is a mess. He took the job because because he really loved the director, but lets so with rewrites and other politics that director quit. Bill was still in a contracted he could not easily get out out and he did not want to quit something he had already put work into.

Filming finally started back up with a new script and he was doing his best to make his character believable. But his neppo-baby co-star was not helping. Of course he was also considered a neppo-baby by the US press but he did not think he was not a brat like this woman. She wanted to change things in the script. She wanted special foods and no one could talk to her unless she was officially on set. He could not even get her to go over lines or how he could respectfully touch her during scenes since they were playing a couple.

He of course talked though things with Tiger as much as he thought he could but this was a very tough shoot. He would come home late and only get about 6 hours before having to be back on set.

His mind is wheeling one night when he has to do a love scene with this awful girl the next day. Tiger calms him enough for him to fall asleep. His brain has other ideas to fix the thoughts he has about the next day. He dreams of actually having an affair with awful girl. And the sex is just....he wakes in cold sweat. He was moaning in his sleep and he can not even look at Tiger. And boy does he not want to go to work that day either.

Ohhhhh I like this.

Look, I mean, with how many films actors do--every once in awhile, they must work with fellow castmates that they just hate. Abhor. Their hatred is so thinly veiled that it's incredibly palpable to the crew onset, but thankfully things rarely ever make it to the press because of NDAs and big ass scary lawyers and the like. But every once in awhile--we, the ever little-seeing public--we get wind of it. Think Don't Worry Darling. The drama surrounding that production, for the so many reasons it seems to entail, was just--unf, chef kiss to those of us that still love the thrill of a little celebrity drama.

And I'm sure Bill, in all of his perfectionist nature, was also hated on a few sets. His perfectionist nature. His insistence on trying the scene 100 different ways, for 100 different takes, until he was satisfied. Not everyone performs to that calibre nor do they hold themselves accountable to such lofty expectations as that big swedish talking tree, but that's just who he is. That's how he works.

But y'know, I'd even venture to say that it's quite rare that Bill actually likes his castmates and fellows actors he works with. That's not to say that he hates their guts--not at all. But rather he's just pretty...ambivalent about the whole thing. Neutral. He's the Switzerland of film sets. He's a pretty private person in general, a pretty guarded individual, and for him this is a job. Onscreen chemistry is far more important than actual chemistry in this line of work, and he's able to separate the two. He can have great onscreen chemistry with someone that he's not super friendly with, and he doesn't feel any inclination to add the to the inner workings of his closest social circle. Beers after a long day on set is one thing, the occasional celebratory dinner, gifts for the make up and costume crew. Getting to know everyone on a first name basis. But beyond that, Bill is more than happy to go back to his trailer between takes, or go back to his apartment at the end of the day, and cook dinner with tiger or have drinks with some of his friends who flew out to spend a few days with him.

And on that note, he's probably had to work with a lot of actors that he really doesn't like. People who either take themselves way too seriously (Bill thinks method acting is the most ridiculous fucking thing anyone could ever do), or the opposite--people who don't take this seriously at all. And if you call Bill a nepo baby to his face you'll likely be tackled violently from stage left by tiger--but it's also why he's ultra sensitive about those nepo baby actors who don't have any talent, and don't even have the work ethic to build it up.

It's still like pulling teeth to get Bill to admit that his laast name opened up a few doors for him, but he'll also be the first to admit that his initial acting jobs weren't....uh, they weren't great. But he worked at it, he honed his craft, he worked his ass off, and now nobody can say the opportunities he's gotten have been handed to him.

But y'know, the thought of nepotism--well, it doesn't really bother some people.

And maybe on a recent film set, Bill is living in his version of hell. His love interest in the film is a girl in her young to mid-twenties, the type who grew up with two famous parents and all of a sudden decided she wanted to act--so roles were handed to her. Bill's not quite sure how she even got the job given how their chemistry read went, with Bill nearly glaring daggers at her the whole time. She's just the type of person he can't stand. She's loud about everything. She comes with an entourage to everything. It's always over the top, all the time. She never learns her lines. She doesn't give him anything to work with in a scene, reciting her lines like a robot and not leaving anything to improv, natural reactions. She needs a million takes for one scene--not because she's a perfectionist--but because she forgot her lines, or didn't listen to the notes the director gave her. Bill is pretty convinced this entire film could have shot in half the time if she'd just be a little bit of a fucking professional about it.

The whole thing irks him at first, then just pisses him right the hell off shortly after. She's late for the call time, when the other actors are sitting in the transport car well before the ass crack of dawn waiting for her to come out her house. She comes into the makeup trailer blasting her music and yelling along with her entourage, while Bill is reviewing his scene changes and trying to get his head into his character for the day--they knock over his coffee, get in everyone's way, and just never shut the fuck up. Her friends--and her--are all filming all the time, and Bill spends most of his time between takes trying to dodge ending up on someone's instagram or tiktok.

But y'know, it's just so pitifully ironic that the only scene this girl is keen to rehearse--a little too keen, actually--are any of the kissing scenes, or the sex scenes. And with one scheduled in just a few days time, this little nepo baby has been all over Bill trying to find proper times--evenings, of course, with a little wine to loosen up--for them to uh, practice. Bill's gag reflex has been barely contained.

And like, tiger bears the brunt of his rants at the end of every filming day. Whether it's 2AM or 2AM or anywhere in between, he always FaceTimes her when he wraps the day and tiger always thinks that vein in his neck is real damn close to bursting.

"She just...she doesn't get it tiger," he rants, pausing to take a drag of his cigarette, "This is a fucking joke to her. This is my job, my profession, and it's a fucking joke to her."

"Has anyone told her?" she asks, "Maybe she needs to be called out on it."

"Her dad's studio is partially funding this one," Bill exhales, the camera shaking as he continues to walk.

"You're fucked then," tiger smiles sadly. Bill just makes a frustrated noise before continuing to rant for the next hour.

And like, maybe tiger goes to visit him on set right? And she's not it before, the whole rehearsing an upcoming steamy scene with him--but wait wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

So, tiger visits him on set and sees firsthand what a fucking nightmare this girl is. Tiger spends most of her time in his trailer but somehow, she still has to dodge what feels like a million cameras all linked to a hundred different kinds of social media, all from her entourage. They ain't shy about questions that are none of their damn business either--shit like who she is, how she knows Bill, what she's doing there.

"I'm his bodyguard," she cracks, except tiger is kind of scary when she's pissed off and she's not really blinking so suddenly the gaggle of girls don't really know what to think.

In any case, tiger can definitely see why Bill has been so pissed off lately. Everything is a joke to this girl, she doesn't take anything seriously, and suddenly she's just real excited about the scenes coming up in a few days.

"We should practice tonight!" she says gleefully, as both her and Bill are sitting in the makeup trailer getting all un-done after the day. Tiger quirks a brow from the back of the room where she's playing with one of the other actor's dogs.

"No thanks," Bill says immediately.

"You can come by, I'll get some wine, we can loosen up."

"No," he says again.

"We need to rehearse," she continues, "We need to practice."

"I've had enough practice."

And thankfully one of the make up artists--tiger makes a note to give her a big hug after--one of the make up artists sees every single hair on Bill's neck stand up.

"Bill, sorry--can you stop talking? It's getting the make up caught in the creases and making it hard to remove," she says kindly. Bill gives her a wide smile.

"Sure, sorry," he says softly.

And that's the end of that.

But like, look. It's plain as day. Bill is chainsmoking. He didn't sleep that night, he just rants and rants at how repulsed he is, and how much he's dreading the next 1.5 weeks worth of scenes. Tiger does her best to distract him--keeps his whisky glass full, hell she even gets him in the sauna and sucks his soul out from his dick just to try and get his mind off it. But the sun rises the next morning as much as we sometimes wish it wouldn't, and Bill has to go to work.

I'll be waiting for you in your trailer bud," tiger says reassuringly, "Remember, you can take as many breaks as you need."

But y'know, here's the thing. Bill is getting through it, because he's a goddamned professional. Is he having fun? No. Does he hate every second of it? Yes. But it's not that. It doesn't take him long to figure out that this girl...she's purposely fucking up the scenes, just so they have to do them again. And again. And again. The scene where he has to push her up again a wall, rip her shirt open, and kiss the hell out of her? Somehow, that scene took the entire day to shoot. 57 takes.

The actual sex scene, him on top of her, both of them wearing nothing but tiny little pasties? Somehow, that took two entire days to shoot. More than 100 takes.

On any set that Bill has been on, things like that could usually be shot in anywhere from 4-6 takes--maybe half a day, depending on lighting and equipment needs.

Bill was livid. He drew the line initially and demanded a closed set, after she brought her entire entourage to watch that day. It took a lot of negotiating, but Bill wasn't budging on it.

And every single day that Bill went to set and have to film that, when he'd get home--man, he took it out on tiger. The poor girl was ravaged. Bill just needed her, needed to completely wreck her, just to get the taste and feel and everything of that other pain in the ass as far away from him as possible.

But y'know, Bill's mind is a cruel place.

And maybe its triggered by something small. He has a long day on set so tiger goes shopping, and when he comes back to his rented apartment she has some stuff strewn everywhere and Bill spots a shirt on the bed. His blood boils.

"What the fuck is this?" he marches over to it, holding it up.

"It's....my new shirt?" tiger says cautiously, "I thought it was cute."

"Get rid of it tiger," he snaps. He grabs his lighter from his pocket, flicking it open and holding it to the shirt.

"Okay whoa," tiger jumps, grabbing the shirt from him, "Easy bud. What's going on."

"She has this shirt," he seethes, "I don't ever want to see it on you."

"Ah," tiger says, "Right. You won't see it again bud."

"Promise?" he puts the lighter away.

"Promise.

But it's enough to just...kickstart some part of Bill's brain that should have stayed dormant. And that night, he drifts off to sleep with tiger in his arms and his thumb in her mouth--except he dreams of her. And it's ~spicy~. A stupid ass, unreasonable sex dream that felt really good. Amazing sex, actually, and from the noises he was making tiger wasn't sure if he was in pain or having the time of his life but the piece of plywood digging in to her back gave her a small inclination.

That is, until he woke up and all but shoved her away with enough force that she almost went tumbling off the bed.

"Bill!" she shrieked, but he was already scratching at his skin and lightly smacking his own face.

"No no no no no," he muttered, "No no no god fuck no."

"Bud?"

His eyes snap to hers and they're wild, pupils huge, his hair sticking up all over the place and his chest heaving.

"You," he says, out of breath, "Here. Now."

"What--"

"Now."

And tiger doesn't have time to do anything before two long arms wrap around her waist and haul her up with force, slamming her into his chest.

"Fuck me," he growls into her neck.

"What?" tiger's still trying to get her wits about her because a second ago she was asleep and comfy and now this wild ass enraged beast has his hands all over her and she can't quite keep up.

A hard spank lands on her ass and she squeals a little, but then he has his fist balled in her hair and his teeth biting at her neck.

"Fuck me," he growls again, "Fuck me into next fucking week."

"Bill, what the hell is going--"

But then suddenly she's in the air, and then she's pinned under his body as he looms--big and scary and totally wild--above her.

"Tiger, I just had a dream about her," he snaps, "And now you need to get it the fuck out of my head so that I never have to see it again. So I'm only going to ask you one more time."

He yanks her head back, licking up her neck before biting down hard on her earlobe. His other hand cups her harshly through her panties and she gasps.

"Fuck me," he growls.

Tiger is all too happy to oblige.

[zeroducks-2]

So I know that all the apprentice Dick stuff isn't really canon and it only happens in tt03 and that in 'reality' there was a Renegade arc... But I dont know anything about Renegade beside the fact that its a thing. Maybe you could tell me more about it?

It would be my pleasure! Sorry it took me so long to answer, tumblr ate my post and I had to rewrite it >_>

The first thing to know is that despite fanfictions/fanarts tend to portray Renegade!Dick as the "follow-up" to the Apprentice Arc, or anyway conflating the two stories (kind of mashing up stuff from tt03 and the comics), the two situations couldn't be more different from one another. They are in fact completely unrelated both thematically and narratively speaking.

In the comics, the Renegade idea comes from Dick, Dick is the one that insists on sticking around Slade, and Slade never forces/coerces him into doing anything (he has barely any participation in the whole thing). It's actually more about Dick and Rose than Dick and Slade, and in fact the "Renegade" alias itself is very nearly a thing, in the sense that Dick comes up with randomly it at some point, Rose uses it once and that's about it. Slade never even calls him that, sticking to "Nightwing", "Grayson" or just "kid".

A quick sum-up: Dick needs info about the society of supervillains but can't infiltrate them, because Slade is on their roster and he knows Dick's real identity, therefore he would recognize (and out) him easily. So he comes up with the idea of trying to convince Slade that he's a bad guy now and he can be trusted by villains - really Slade never actually trusts him, but in the process of testing him Rose grows very fond of Dick, and eventually Dick manages to thwart the society's plans and kick Slade out of Bludhaven. More or less.

That's not my favorite iteration of Dick, and especially not my favorite iteration of Slade and Rose, but all in all it's a fun, enjoyable story that's very in line with the overall mood and style of the (in)famous "Nightwing 1996" run.

Since we're here I'll go on to provide a more lengthy explanation of the plot with screenshots for poignancy (and because they're fun), but if you're already satisfied with the answer and you don't want more spoilers, go ahead and click away :)

The "Renegade" arc.

I'm going to start out with Issue #110 which opens with Dick leaving Sophia Tevis, the daughter of a mob boss, and her mother in a safe place for Sophia's safety.

Dick is having a rough time with just about everything in his life. This happens soon after the whole situation with Blockbuster and Tarantula and the aftermath of that, also he recently broke up with Barbara, lost his job as a cop and has gone no contact with Bruce. Tim drops by to check on him, and during their conversation, Dick finds out that Bruce was going to adopt Tim.

Dick is very bitter, and Tim keeps justifying Bruce this or that way, as usual enabling his behavior (no hate towards Tim whatsoever btw, that's just how their dynamic tended to function). At some point Tim goes out of his way to reel Dick back in the situation...

...And Dick gets understandably very upset

I love how he's about to yell at Tim but then tones it down. He keeps doing it throughout the whole story, swallowing his emotions and then apologizing when "he sounds too much like Bruce".

Despite everything Dick insists on doing his job as Nightwing and refusing everyone's help, at the point that he's embittered enough for it to be believable that he'd be in a "I lost everything, I want to try a new path" situation. The problem is, as I mentioned before, Dick can't infiltrate the society and uncover their nasty plans because they have Deathstroke on their payroll.

So Dick decides that the only way he has to do this is convince everyone, especially Deathstroke himself, that he's done being a hero, he wants to be a bad guy, he's been slapped in the face one time too many and he'll prove it to him. Only Dick has to talk to Slade for this to happen, and this leads to what's surely my favorite two panels of the entire story:

The infamous "message received" text on the mirror of Dick's bathroom as he showers. Dick is totally unfazed by this btw, makes me think this isn't the first time it happens

Slade, dramatic motherfucker that he is, decides to show up in the middle of the night together with Rose (I'm sharing the panels again cause they're really cool)

A fight ensues but Dick is outnumbered and in his civvies, so it's brief enough. Have I mentioned that Slade is also an idiot? I think I didn't, so here's Slade being an absolute idiot:

I love this panel. I want to print it and eat it I am so normal about it

By saying "undercover with the bad guys" Slade is referring to the fact that Dick has been cooperating with the Bludhaven mafia, fact that actually helps Dick sell the whole "I'm a bad guy now" narrative. Which is what Dick insists upon, saying that he has no more reasons to fight the good fight. Slade isn't impressed, but he still offers Dick a bargain:

Basically the idea is that Dick will prove himself trustworthy by watching over Rose, teaching her, and making her involved in his own things, and so he does; what follows is a number of short episodes in which he and Rose go around doing apparently random tings, bantering in the meantime.

The reason why I say this is not my favorite iteration of Rose Wilson is because she's VERY BABY. Which isn't bad per se but I prefer a version of Rose which is less naive. Also, "Nightstroke".

In the meantime Dick has found out that the place where Sophia Tevis was hiding for her safety wasn't safe at all - her mother has been killed by cops and the kid has been put in a state home. Dick promised to go get her, and this is what he brings Rose along to do.

They rescue Sophia and Dick hides her in yet another place, and makes Rose promise that she won't say anything to Slade about Sophia and what they did. The first thing baby does when she sees Slade is tell him everything.

Basically Rose is trying to make it so Slade will love her, or something like this. I'm actually not sure, their relationship here is a bit confusing to be honest.

So what keeps happening is that Dick brings Rose along - since he does not have a choice on that - while doing his things, pretending it's bad guys things while it really is good guys things. But, he does give her some valuable lessons and the two do grow quite close in the meantime.

The issue is that Slade isn't easily fooled, and to make sure he's got Dick under his thumb, he kidnaps Sophia Tevis to use her as a bargaining chip, and to make sure Dick won't do anything that goes against the society.

The brown haired kid is Sophia, but really this looks more dramatic than it actually is since nothing really changes, or maybe we could say it even backfires - Dick keeps doing his things, and if Rose wasn't convinced initially, now that she knows Sophia is being threatened (and she knows Dick cares for her since Rose helped him save her), she believes Dick more easily when they investigate the society's business and Dick says "it's all part of the plan I swear I'm not doing anything detrimental to your father, if I did he'd kill me and he'd kill Sophia".

And finally we have Dick calling himself Renegade: Rose insisted on calling him Nightwing since there was no alternative, so Dick comes up with Renegade just to get her to stop using "Nightwing"

Soon Dick finds out that the society is planning to use the Bane toxin to create supersoldiers or something like this, and in the meantime he bumps into Arsenal who's legitimately concerned about him (especially because there had been news circulating about Nightwing cooperating with the Bludhaven mafia, and he's been pushing his friends and family away). Dick is forced to knock him out, and eventually Roy tells Oracle, who tells Superman, and it ends up with everyone really worried for Dick.

I'm not really sure how Slade knew Superman would have been involved (I might not remember about it but yeah, Slade knew Supes was going to get involved) and devises a plan to neutralize him: He fixes Dick's glove with a radio transponder and surgically implants kryptonite in Rose's missing eye. During the following confrontation with Superman, Dick nonchalantly says "yeah I'm a bad guy now fuck you", knowing that Clark can hear his heartbeat and can therefore tell that Dick is lying - but Clark reacts in a very upset way, Rose gets scared and jumps him.

A brief scuffle follows but soon enough Superman lets them go, and Dick goes confront Slade with Rose, informing him that he uncovered the society' schemes and that his plan backfired.

Then Dick tells Slade something something along the lines of "Rose loves me and listens to me, while you implanted toxic kryptonite in her eye socket, so if you don't go away from Bludhaven I'll put her against you".

and somehow it works, Slade "admitting defeat" and letting Dick go, but threatening him with "you don't know what you're messing with".

Which actually is what happens soon after with the destruction of Bludhaven, Slade dropping chemo on it and all of that. But that's another story.

So here you have it, the brief story of Renegade and how it existed as Dick's alias for a short time. It's not much something that comes from Slade, more like it tangentially involves Slade while Dick is doing his thing. Again for whoever is interested in reading it first-hand, it spans from issue 110 to issue 115 of Nightwing 1996.

[miracleandplagueau]

What are your thoughts on the season 5 finale?

INHALE (S5 finale spoilers, duh)

Before I start, disclaimer, I didn't watch most of the season 5 episodes in full. I mosty watched the important lore things and completely gave up on filler. That being said I didn't need to apparently, so let's just get on with it.

✦ PART I. What the actual fuck just happened.

The entire episode felt like some kind of fever dream, like it was written by a 10 year old just starting their journey with original characters, power systems and stories on general and had little idea how to tie the plots together in a satisfying way. Unless we count the mass reunion of everyone from the past whereas I hoped that the NYC and Shanghai specials were just ""fun episodes"" in the vaccum.

The whole plot of both episodes is basically Marinette is badass for 1.5 episode, but fails at recognizing that Gabriel (cough cough THE Monarch) is way beyond redemption and fucks up the entire world (not really, will be explained later)

I'll say it right now, I hate how miraculous went from a magic-focused story to ending on so many science involving plotlines. I mean, come on. He suddenly got himself a laser to turn the miraculouses to rings, created brand new jewelry with floating displays. It sucks, I hate it all over.

✦ PART II. Gabriel and his shenanigans

Personally, I hate the one-wish quota. No matter what happens, I've always seen it boil down to two outcomes - either the villain is stopped from making the wish and he has to be dealt with in a regular way or he succeeds in making the wish and faces no consequences in the end because the world has changed so much

It's the latter with Gabriel, but at the same time not exactly. He succeeded in making the wish, bailed on everyone and get this - he not only got what he wanted, he also got away with it scot free. No, I don't care If he was trying to do the "good" thing by bringing back his dead wife because he loved her. He did horrible, horrible things to get to that. I'll tackle the lack of consequences a bit later on.

✦ PART III. After-wish consequences

HA what the fuck am I saying, CONSEQUENCES? IN MIRACULOUS LADYBUG? That's fucking hilarious. Apparently, not only Marinette doesn't have to worry about being called out, because Gabriel put n the earrings and suddenly he's the most lucky bastard in the universe. Spoiler alert: that's not how it works.

During the scenes that showcased how Emily and Nathalie are alive, how his house is no longer grim and is instead filled with life and roses and bushes. It was nice, It really was.... visually. It's one to look at it and think "yeah, that's a nice finale" and other to look at it while knowing the context.

Oh and by the way, Emilie. So happy we got to see her.... for 5 seconds without counting the video. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOTIVATION FOR GABRIEL TO REWRITE REALITY?!? I'll forever be salty about that.

Going back to the wish for a second and the outcome of making the wish,,, are you fucking serious. I thought the world was supposed to be rewritten when the wish is made, not fixed? What kind of wish did the fucker make, because clearly he brought back TWO people and nothing else seems to have changed. And do not get me with the "Oh but he sacrificed his life for the wish!!--" BULLSHIT. HE WAS AN HOUR AWAY FROM TURNING INTO DUST SMARTASS, THAT IS NOT A WORTHY SACRIFICE OF BRINGING SOMEONE FROM THE DEAD AND HEALING SOMEONE.

I'd at least enjoy it a little If he vanished. Like went poof, gone, no more Gabriel, because then the sacrifice would hold some weight. He gave up his existence so that Adrien is happy, but nooo motherfucker got a STATUE IN HIS HONOR.

Nobody took the blame for the Hawk Moth/Monarch situation either. To people of Paris he just appeared, caused chaos and destruction before fading away after GABRIEL AGRESTE SUDDENLY HAD THE POWER TO GIVE CIVILIANS WITH HIS NEW RINGS POWERS OF A HERO. Nobody found it weird? No? Just me? Okay.

✦ PART IV. Marinette more like Marynette Sue

Marinette was especially unbearable this finale. The fact that she was the only one who fought Monarch, that she's the only one that knows his identity, that she just casually got two most powerful miraculouses all for herself. It just. hurt me physically.

She thought she can be steven universe fr

✦ PART V. Can Adrien stop being a plot device FOR TWO EPISODES

I'm sorry, is this too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for Adrien to have a part in anything here. During my watch, I can confidently say that I forgot that Adrien existed and yes I know that he's closed off in a padded room, because Gabriel wants to "keep him safe", but come ON at least give us a take away back to him seeing Gabriel on the screen, struggling with the nightmare or considering taking the whole Miraculer deal. It shouldn't be like that in the first place where the secondary main character, the second hero is left to rot while the strong female lead do everything seamlessly.

In the end, the only thing he did is kiss Marinette and take Gabriel's rings. He didn't even find out about his father being the literal Monarch, It felt so cheaped out I dunno. It could've worked If he had a bit more part in the actual fight.

✦ PART VI. Oh yeah, and about Lila's cliffhanger (and season 6 and 7)

WHO THOUGHT OF THIS BRIGHT IDEA?! (I know damn well who did)

I hate the fact that Miraculous will actually continue with Lila as the new butterfly holder. I hate the fact that she got what she wanted and that she will continue to BE there. I do not give a single fuck about Lila and I will not be watching beyond season 5 because for me, the show of Miraculous: Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noir has ended and it has ended horrendously at that.

✦ PART VII. The little positives the finale had

I liked Bug Noir's design. VISUAL DESIGN. and the animation in Agreste's garden.

I also actually really enjoyed Tikki and Plagg's true forms and Gimmi's fun attitude. They really gave them that great look where you go "Oh yeah, these guys aren't JUST bugs and are actually something greater than a human being" and I like that a whole lot..

PART IX. Finally, final thoughts

There are so many things I still have to say about the finale like the Adrienette, other characters like Luka, Nathalie, Kagami's mother also getting away scot free (for now) and blah blah blah but I am TIRED. I'll likely talk about it in the future or just hopefully forget that it exists.

This one is rough as fuck I know but I'm just writing it as I go

In short, man, am I glad this is over. Am I glad this is over.

Thomas, get your fucking shit together, because middle schoolers write better and more consistent stories. Bringing in all your half-assly written characters to just fight a distraction of sort and having your main character face the villain all alone because she's a strong female lead is not good writing thank you for coming to my ted talk

[zyzix]

it’s been this long since the release of NEO and what happens to Neku is still like. the Hardest thing to swallow in the story. it’s so bad from both a character writing and thematic point of view

the first thing people think about when they meet Neku again is that he is seriously OOC, but it’s not that simple. it goes deeper than that. It seems like he’s behaving this way for a reason but the reason That seems to be is ALSO an alarming turn for his character with no apparent explanation. What i mean:

Stage One is thinking Neku is OOC because he gets along with everyone pretty easily and isn’t grumpy and doesn’t seem to have a lot of thoughts about being stuck in the ruins of a dead city for three years straight

Stage Two is realizing that we don’t see Neku’s internal monologue in this game except a SINGLE exception in Another Day. Suddenly, he seems like Neku again. So on top of the character development we can know and assume he has had, he’d probably sound really normal to us in his head. Things like his characteristic snark, his internal logic for doing things, and his feelings about being isolated from everything he cares about for three years must simply be hidden away from us and the other characters.

Stage Three is remembering how much disdain Neku originally had for insincerity or fake-ness.

That brings us back to just... how much our current Neku exists and bends to suit the story of NEO, as opposed to being an extension of his previous self. Before, Neku hated how people would pretend, and pretend to be friendly (though he’d conflate the two.) Now I have to assume that Neku is pretending himself. There was supposed to be middle ground here related to opening up, I thought.

Now is it possible for someone to do a 180 like that? Certainly! But it’s another form of development we can’t actually look at the source for, in NEO. We don’t have the evidence to know Neku is this way through any natural, watsonian means. We only have the doylist side, the things we can see. We can only feel the author’s hand, and it pushes us towards trying to write Neku’s actual character ourselves. Do the work to make it make sense ourselves. If you’re still around, that’s what you’re doing.

Because no one understands NEO. This extends beyond Neku, but it’s really severe with him because sometimes when you see a characterization mishap like this you can at least interrogate the story for what good it did. If you do that for Neku in NEO there’s not much to come back with. What’s one of the themes of NEO? Oh, like being proactive, and self determination, and thinking for yourself and that stuff right? Then surely it makes sense for our beloved previous protagonist who we dragged back into this story to return to a life he actually had no active part in building for years. He’s been written for NEO’s convenience, not NEO’s good.

Maybe the worst part is that even when acknowledging that we can only put bandaids onto this situation, none of them can really be satisfying. Sure, I can try to make this cohere with Neku’s existing character arc, but the answers that make the most sense are always going to be the ones that suck. You take what we have for Neku and all you get for working with it is like. Fret’s arc about bein real? Minus the narrative resolution, minus the foundations in the narrative for resolution, plus more narrative baggage. Or a story where Neku feels more at home in the UG than the RG. Or a story about coping with the nitty gritty unreality of reality rewriting, or imposter syndrome, or trying to make up for a time in your youth you can never really get back.

I’m rambling at this point but it makes it really painful to look back at where og TWEWY left off, doesn’t it? Enough that i lost count of how many times i thought about writing a post like this. It’s the kind of thing that’ll bum you out no matter how interestingly you spin it.

[raventroll80]

Stowaway

Prolog: The Shipyard

It's been a while since I last updated the story hasn't it... I wasn't too happy with how the original story was going so I've decided to do a bit of a rewrite for the story so far. We're starting off with a prolog this time, hope y'all enjoy!

Edit: this chapter contains Dead Bodies, Blood, and Death. (Sorry I forgot to add this when I posted!)

Through the thick haze of hellfire, a large bird could be seen soaring over the rubble of the city towards a shipyard. The bird circled the shipyard twice before landing on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. A small creature jumped off the bird as it began to slowly approach a dead body. The bird pecked at the corpse’s eyes to make sure that it was actually dead, the lack of response to the birds pecking satisfied the bird who whispered in its ear before they moved onto the next corpse.

While the bird was busy checking the other bodies the small furry thing approached the first corpse. At first glance one would think the small creature was a mouse, but upon closer inspection it would appear this small creature was not a mouse, but a borrower dressed as one! The borrower in question, Em peeled back the skin from her mask and quickly got to work.

First, she checked the corpse’s pockets for anything useful, but all the person had on them was a keycard and their gun which sat in the corpse’s hand, their finger still on the trigger. Em took out her knife and searched the body for the least bloodstained parts of their clothes. Only the pants had a section that wasn’t drenched in blood, she cut out the fabric and rolled it up, perhaps she could make some new clothes with it. She hadn’t gone borrowing that many times before, only practice runs in Hiram’s store where it was safe.

The borrower jogged over to the next body and was about to search it when she noticed the bird was starting to nibble on the corpse of a demon.

“HEY! Don’t eat that!” the borrower yelled at the bird. They looked around before their eyes landed on their tiny companion. The vulture gave an indignant squawk as it dropped the arm it was trying to rip off.

“Silas told you specifically to not eat the demons! Who knows what’d happen!” The bird mocked the borrower as she scolded them, mimicking Em as she spoke. The vulture awkwardly hobbled over to her grumbling in annoyance.

Em stuck her tongue out at her companion who gave her a shove with their talon. The borrower, tripping on her tail, stumbled backwards before falling down. She gave a chuckle before getting back up and continuing to check the body.

As she climbed onto the corpse every single hair on her tiny body stood on end as bright red energy crackled through the air, it surged towards the bodies that littered the flight deck. The smell of burning flesh drew the two’s attention to the body the borrower was standing on, its eyes flew open as a demonic sigil was burned into its head by an unseen force. Em yelped as the cadaver rose causing her to fall, her companion snarled before lunging towards the newly created zombie.

Em ran towards the open hangar doors pulling the skin back over her mask as she ran, only stopping when she reached an elevator. Its doors had been ripped open and the elevator itself was missing, presumably at the bottom of the shaft. She turned around and watched as her friend looked behind themselves and then flying away before the head of the zombie they were once latched onto was pulverized by a volley of blue energy as humans swarmed the ship. Am inhuman shriek echoed from the hangar as an imp charged towards a group of humans. It leapt forwards and pinned one of the unarmored humans to the ground and began tearing them apart.

Em turned away not wanting to watch, though she knew what happened from the sounds that followed. Instead, she continued to look for cover but was interrupted by a large form that hit the wall beside her with a wet crunch. A clawed hand twitched beside her and she could hear heavy footsteps approaching.

She knew what was coming before she even saw them, her instincts screamed at her to run but the only way was down. She braced herself before taking a running start and leapt into the elevator shaft, the scream of the demon quickly faded as she descended into the darkness.

Down and down Em plunged into the darkness. Pulling hard on two cords Em hooked each line onto her harness, two wing-like contraptions extended outwards and as Em leveled out, they began to catch air slowing her decent somewhat. The borrower gave a shout of excitement and extended both hands out triumphantly, though as she did it caused her to tip forwards back into a free-fall. Looking around frantically Em saw a dim red light emanating from a wall beneath her and dove towards it.

Gods she hoped this worked.

[asexual-fandom-queen]

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions

I was tagged by @nixie-deangel to do fanfic writer 20 questions, so let's dive in! Tagging @42wallaby-way-sydney @fatherofthebride @coldtomyflash to participate, if they are so inclined.

How many works do you have on AO3? 72

What's your AO3 word count? Just shy of 366,000

What fandoms do you write for? I started out doing most of my writing for The Flash/Arrowverse, but most recently have moved on to writing primarily for Stranger Things, Ted Lasso, 9-1-1, and Teen Wolf

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Turn And Face The Strange (Stranger Things, Stoncy) 2. All On The Line (9-1-1, Buddie) 3. Givin' Yourself to Me Can Never Be Wrong (The Flash, Coldflashwave) 4. Hands On Me (I Think I Wanna Let It Happen) (9-1-1, Buddie) 5. House Like a Homecoming (Stranger Things, Poly Monster Hunters)

Do you respond to comments? I do! I kinda never shut up about how important comments are to a fandom's ecosystem, so when I get them, I answer back!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't usually end fics in full angst mode, but maybe the fic with the most bittersweet ending is Unfair. It's a SethKate (From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series) fic set in the aftermath of a sex pollen situation that leaves them both hurt and vulnerable. But there's still that nugget of hope, because they're hurt and vulnerable together.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? If I'm going for not just pure fluff factor, but how satisfying the happy ending is in the context of the rest of the fic/the source material, I would say Maybe We'll Get Forty Years Together which is a Jamie/Keeley/Roy future fic set during their wedding where Jamie has a chance to hash things out with his father.

Do you get hate on fics? Every once in a blue moon. I write a lot of polyships, and sometimes those polyships are an amalgamation of two sides of a ship war, and people have opinions about that lol. But generally, no.

Do you write smut? What kind? Sure do! I'd say it's what I write primarily. Generally, I write smut with feelings, or angsty smut. Sometimes it's definitely just smut for smut's sake though, which is also fun! I'm a big supporter of being horny on main.

Do you write cross-overs? I don't. The closest I've gotten is writing an AU based on another tv/show. I don't dislike them in principle, I've just never written one myself.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes! Someone stole Taste of Your Lips (I'm On A Ride) and changed it from the original pairing of Zari/Amaya from Legends of Tomorrow to a Lauren/Camilla RPF and posted it on Wattpad. I'm very grateful to the person who messaged me on Tumblr to let me know, because the thief did take it down when I confronted them about it.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have, and it's really cool to have been asked. My Buddie fic Exploration has been translated to Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not exactly. I was part of a multi-creator rewrite for season 2 of Legends of Tomorrow, which involved re-plotting and re-drafting as a group, so you could technically count Episode 2: Crisis and Faith.

What's your all-time favourite ship? I'm actually gonna have the dumbest answer for this question because it's a ship I've never written for, probably never will, and don't even really read, but it's Frank Castle and Karen Page from Daredevil/The Punisher. Their dynamic is just exactly what I want out of a ship. No notes.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will? I have an Abby/Buck/Eddie fic that's on permanent hiatus that I almost certainly will never finish, especially because, in working on it, it started to splinter off a lot of ideas and dynamics and scenes I actually want to use for an original novel someday, so I don't see myself ever completing it. I would like to finish that novel though lol.

What are your writing strengths? I think I always feel most proud of my characterization being pretty on point, and I get enough comments to that effect that I don't think I'm just making that up. I also think I'm good at writing in small details that seem minor but make an impact.

What are your writing weaknesses? I fizzle out! I don't have good stamina to go back to something if it's gonna take me more than one sitting to write, which is why most of my stuff falls in the 2-4k range. I also lose steam without feedback and encouragement. My educational background is in creative writing, and I've been a long-time member of fandom, plus part of writer's groups even before then, so the idea of writing being a solitary thing is kinda wild to me.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? To each their own for this. For me, personally, I'll use a word or a very small sentence I'm reasonably confident is correct in a fic, but for longer sentences, I would write in English and just indicate it was said in another language in the dialogue tag. Plus, even if it was a language I do speak fluently like Frech, it doesn't mean readers do, so I think English is still the way to go.

First fandom you wrote for? So, if we're talking first fic ever, we have to go back to when I was five and six years old and I would make little "books" out of folded index cards where I'd write stories about Sailor Moon or Cardcaptors. My first fic on the Internet was back in my FF.net days, and it was a Kyoya/Haruhi fic for Ouran High School Host Club. My first fic on AO3 was actually a multi-chapter Sterek fic that was never completed and that I've since taken down. The oldest fic of mine you can still find posted on AO3 is a multi-chapter Coldflash fic We Could Keep Things Just The Same, the first chapter of which was posted on February 24th, 2016!

Favourite fic you've ever written? I still feel like I've never topped There's a Menace In My Bed; Can You See His Silhouette. There are some edits I might go back and make with my extra eight (EIGHT!?!) years of writing experience, but the core of what that fic accomplishes? The delicious angst? The emotional minefield of dubious consent/sex pollen/fuck-or-die? The smut as character study? The caretaking? This just hit on a lot of things I like, and I'm really proud of it even all these years later.

[fainthedcherry]

IT'S NEW YEARS OVER HERE SO LET ME LAUNCH MY BABIES AT YOU FOR IT!!!!

In case you want their backstories, I just recommend you go over to their Toyhou.ses respectively, as- typing on Tumblr is a pain for my PC. My PC hates Tumblr in particular for some reason, whenever I format text, and I can't LIVE without formatting text as a hobby-author man. xD

LINK TO MARCO'S STORY

LINK TO ZORRO'S STORY

For new users; Marco was made by Heavenly-Hellfire and Hollowed-Hartlocke. I bought him back in 2019! Still love him like it's day 1. My best, most adorable boy <3, he's become my actual role model, I love him sm ;:

In case you never read them before, hopefully you enjoy the reads!!! I hope you can forgive the older grammar on Zorro's. I def plan to rewrite it, once I finish working on my raider-code. (It's been taking so long bc I'm trying to learn to use the CSS mixin z-index class-type. I still can't figure out image borders for the life of me, but I learned rotation class-types LOL.)

I've wanted to redraw both their reference sheet for almost YEARS now. Ever since I've gotten Marco, I continuously evolved how I draw him, over and over, to a point his old ref had become a detriment, due to how differently I draw him nowadays LOL. One thing that desperately needed a redo for him especially, how his hair is supposed to be drawn + his wings. His wings looked like floppy chicken nuggets on the old one LOL. PLUS! I added a section of details, where I see artists I commissioned, struggle with or fail on. Hopefully the detail section is sufficient in fixing that! I'm not sure, if I should also add a mention, of Marco's dot details below the pink pattern, as even the distance between the dots is different. + I LOVE DRAWING EXPRESSIONS. So to also add a small box of extras for Marco's cool glowy eyes was a treat. <3

I plan to redraw his refs for his magic wind attacks perhaps, as for now, I have a shabby drawing, and I got a free animation program lately, so I can FINALLY unleash my years of experience animating, in the appropriate program now LMAO. My own limitations of using SAI to animate, was making my animations look choppy and bad for years unfortunately, so my art always looked very amateur-ish when I actually know how to animate..

Speaking of that, for the attentive...Yes, I plan to possibly try and draw a 360° turnaround of my characters, as the next natural progression of refs next. I am SO close, so so SO close to making my art finally look like it's part of my project I've been working on for years in private. Ever since this year, people have proven, that you CAN start an animated series on the internet, and it will receive an audience. I also wanted to start an animated series when I was a teen, and now that I'm an adult I can make it happen for sure, with the right talents. When the time comes, I might seek out a music producer and perhaps, if I'll have the money, hire animators, so that I'm not the only one who has to work on the series I planned.

For Zorro....He had it coming. Last time I drew his ref, he looked like a 16 yo/ mobian child, it pissed me off for so many years, once I learned how to properly make adult characters look adult lol. THE CEREAL SPITTER NOW ACTUALLY LOOKS ADULT AND LIKE THE BASTARD SELF HE SHOULD BE. I don't have too much to add to him, but I consider him still a WIP in my brain bc- RAIDER PAGE CODE. I WANNA FINISH. GRABBY HANDS. I CAN FEEL THAT IF I LEARN Z-INDEX FINALLY I CAN REALISE THAT CODE. I've wanted to make a code for my raiders 3 years ago already y'all it's painful to be patient w/ myself sdgkldslgdsg

I'm so satisfied, with my ref sheets finally looking, like a professional drew them imho!! If you disagree w/ that notion, feel free to tell me what's missing or where I need to improve on! :D

My 2024 started amazing and with laughter and appreciation for my friends, I'm so happy finally. 3 years in a row, all I did was cry each new year, and be in pain. 2024 feels like it could be my year. Year of the dragon, bless me with your energetic and powerful spirit please,, 🙏

ANYWAY. Forgive me in advance for watermarks, but I kind of? Am paranoid now over my art a bit bc my work is good now? Like I think I'm in the final stages of my artistry. I can feel, that I might find the perfect style soon. I need to experiment just a bit more. Just a bit more...I might consider loosening up my linework in 2024. I honestly still? Hate lineart? Like..My lineart looks good now, don't get me wrong but. I just love sketchy artwork so much more??? Sketching is so fun, creating is so joyful, when it's a sketch..But lineart kind of.....Ruins my art. I think I should loosen up. It's why I might change my approach a millionth time, but my artstyle has potential now. I don't feel, like my art is awful anymore or worth nothing, it now HAS worth, I now HAVE the right to have an ego about it, but some pieces still are missing, to give me the ultimate happiness and relief in my work. Perhaps if I do some more commissions, I might unlock my final potential? We'll see.

My aspirations for 2024;

Pass the prep-exam for my workplace (I LOVE MY WORK. I SINCERELY WISH I'LL PASS. I love work so much omg I don't wanna be fired so badly)

Draw more art of Finn & Marco so they finally pass Chloe in most images on TH (I REALLY DON'T WANT HER TO HAVE THE MOST IMAGES STILL. It should either be my comfort boys or C.I.Ta)

Be more experimental with mixing medias traditionally (I wanna start mixing mini craft-projects + my drawings or mix more pencils + markers and also glass pens + watercolours. I rlly rlly wanna experiment and go loose.)

Animate more and possibly even post said animations. I know animation takes me HELL OF A LOT of time, as I lack so much time to do so, but I'd love to do that

Stop stressing so hard over OTA's and commissions. I know I tell myself each year, "this year will be the year I wanna finish all my owed art!!" But every once and a while, I need to be a realist to myself, my optimism may be good, but it sometimes..Is a little over-eager. But I noticed in 2023, I really heavily strangle myself out. I haven't drawn any private art since 2020, really.....It says a lot about an artist, if they now haven't drawn a personal drawing and finished it, in the same quality of their owed work for 4 years now. I haven't been really honest to myself and my heart, and I'd like to forgive myself slowly, by allowing to both work on owed work, and start creative, passionate art-projects again, again, where I can let loose and just. Experiment. Do something new. Push the boundaries of my art. Combine medias, collages, etc, anything under the sun I wanna try. I limit myself so hard, over chasing a goal, I can't achieve, if I won't acknowledge, I'll cause my own death as an artist, if I continue to chase unattainable goals, I can't achieve, if I won't be gentle to myself.

Finish revamping my commission sheet. It requires, I draw new examples of course. The big thing I need to warn ahead; I will have a fat price-increase, due to work taking all the time I can have now. I can only work around 4hrs a day on art. My art takes around 20 hours to be finished. Every piece is done with love, with time, with effort. I'm not an artist, who adheres to algorithms. I'm an artist who lives with passion, with freedom in mind. I have an endless amount of ideas, I have an infinite amount of space and ways to create it. I am not a machine, I am, what an artist strives to be. To simply...Create. AI can go to hell, and drag NFTs along with it. I to this day get attempts to be hacked, by tech bros, believe it or not. I pissed off BAYC on Twitter once, and some butthurt idiot, is still trying to get to my Insta and Steam to this day. Won't happen anymore with 2FA idiot, lmao. I won't allow a 2nd hack to happen.

Finish giving ALL my characters on TH a floatie icon. I know w/ 100% certainty, that I got this task in the bag. This one is of no problem at all.

With that, thank you for reading my world-salad! Almost as tasty, as mom's olivier-salad. Yumyum. Btw secret lil teaser ig below here lmao. I started Finn's sheet too, and I've got it 1/3rds done, but I don't wanna burn myself out on ref-sheets, so perhaps you'll see Finn also reworked in a few months! ✨