#bill skarsgard fiction

[lihikainanea]

I know you have had a little writers block and not much time to write but in case this can inspire more tiger and Bill hear goes. So Bill is working on a movie that is a mess. He took the job because because he really loved the director, but lets so with rewrites and other politics that director quit. Bill was still in a contracted he could not easily get out out and he did not want to quit something he had already put work into.

Filming finally started back up with a new script and he was doing his best to make his character believable. But his neppo-baby co-star was not helping. Of course he was also considered a neppo-baby by the US press but he did not think he was not a brat like this woman. She wanted to change things in the script. She wanted special foods and no one could talk to her unless she was officially on set. He could not even get her to go over lines or how he could respectfully touch her during scenes since they were playing a couple.

He of course talked though things with Tiger as much as he thought he could but this was a very tough shoot. He would come home late and only get about 6 hours before having to be back on set.

His mind is wheeling one night when he has to do a love scene with this awful girl the next day. Tiger calms him enough for him to fall asleep. His brain has other ideas to fix the thoughts he has about the next day. He dreams of actually having an affair with awful girl. And the sex is just....he wakes in cold sweat. He was moaning in his sleep and he can not even look at Tiger. And boy does he not want to go to work that day either.

Ohhhhh I like this.

Look, I mean, with how many films actors do--every once in awhile, they must work with fellow castmates that they just hate. Abhor. Their hatred is so thinly veiled that it's incredibly palpable to the crew onset, but thankfully things rarely ever make it to the press because of NDAs and big ass scary lawyers and the like. But every once in awhile--we, the ever little-seeing public--we get wind of it. Think Don't Worry Darling. The drama surrounding that production, for the so many reasons it seems to entail, was just--unf, chef kiss to those of us that still love the thrill of a little celebrity drama.

And I'm sure Bill, in all of his perfectionist nature, was also hated on a few sets. His perfectionist nature. His insistence on trying the scene 100 different ways, for 100 different takes, until he was satisfied. Not everyone performs to that calibre nor do they hold themselves accountable to such lofty expectations as that big swedish talking tree, but that's just who he is. That's how he works.

But y'know, I'd even venture to say that it's quite rare that Bill actually likes his castmates and fellows actors he works with. That's not to say that he hates their guts--not at all. But rather he's just pretty...ambivalent about the whole thing. Neutral. He's the Switzerland of film sets. He's a pretty private person in general, a pretty guarded individual, and for him this is a job. Onscreen chemistry is far more important than actual chemistry in this line of work, and he's able to separate the two. He can have great onscreen chemistry with someone that he's not super friendly with, and he doesn't feel any inclination to add the to the inner workings of his closest social circle. Beers after a long day on set is one thing, the occasional celebratory dinner, gifts for the make up and costume crew. Getting to know everyone on a first name basis. But beyond that, Bill is more than happy to go back to his trailer between takes, or go back to his apartment at the end of the day, and cook dinner with tiger or have drinks with some of his friends who flew out to spend a few days with him.

And on that note, he's probably had to work with a lot of actors that he really doesn't like. People who either take themselves way too seriously (Bill thinks method acting is the most ridiculous fucking thing anyone could ever do), or the opposite--people who don't take this seriously at all. And if you call Bill a nepo baby to his face you'll likely be tackled violently from stage left by tiger--but it's also why he's ultra sensitive about those nepo baby actors who don't have any talent, and don't even have the work ethic to build it up.

It's still like pulling teeth to get Bill to admit that his laast name opened up a few doors for him, but he'll also be the first to admit that his initial acting jobs weren't....uh, they weren't great. But he worked at it, he honed his craft, he worked his ass off, and now nobody can say the opportunities he's gotten have been handed to him.

But y'know, the thought of nepotism--well, it doesn't really bother some people.

And maybe on a recent film set, Bill is living in his version of hell. His love interest in the film is a girl in her young to mid-twenties, the type who grew up with two famous parents and all of a sudden decided she wanted to act--so roles were handed to her. Bill's not quite sure how she even got the job given how their chemistry read went, with Bill nearly glaring daggers at her the whole time. She's just the type of person he can't stand. She's loud about everything. She comes with an entourage to everything. It's always over the top, all the time. She never learns her lines. She doesn't give him anything to work with in a scene, reciting her lines like a robot and not leaving anything to improv, natural reactions. She needs a million takes for one scene--not because she's a perfectionist--but because she forgot her lines, or didn't listen to the notes the director gave her. Bill is pretty convinced this entire film could have shot in half the time if she'd just be a little bit of a fucking professional about it.

The whole thing irks him at first, then just pisses him right the hell off shortly after. She's late for the call time, when the other actors are sitting in the transport car well before the ass crack of dawn waiting for her to come out her house. She comes into the makeup trailer blasting her music and yelling along with her entourage, while Bill is reviewing his scene changes and trying to get his head into his character for the day--they knock over his coffee, get in everyone's way, and just never shut the fuck up. Her friends--and her--are all filming all the time, and Bill spends most of his time between takes trying to dodge ending up on someone's instagram or tiktok.

But y'know, it's just so pitifully ironic that the only scene this girl is keen to rehearse--a little too keen, actually--are any of the kissing scenes, or the sex scenes. And with one scheduled in just a few days time, this little nepo baby has been all over Bill trying to find proper times--evenings, of course, with a little wine to loosen up--for them to uh, practice. Bill's gag reflex has been barely contained.

And like, tiger bears the brunt of his rants at the end of every filming day. Whether it's 2AM or 2AM or anywhere in between, he always FaceTimes her when he wraps the day and tiger always thinks that vein in his neck is real damn close to bursting.

"She just...she doesn't get it tiger," he rants, pausing to take a drag of his cigarette, "This is a fucking joke to her. This is my job, my profession, and it's a fucking joke to her."

"Has anyone told her?" she asks, "Maybe she needs to be called out on it."

"Her dad's studio is partially funding this one," Bill exhales, the camera shaking as he continues to walk.

"You're fucked then," tiger smiles sadly. Bill just makes a frustrated noise before continuing to rant for the next hour.

And like, maybe tiger goes to visit him on set right? And she's not it before, the whole rehearsing an upcoming steamy scene with him--but wait wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

So, tiger visits him on set and sees firsthand what a fucking nightmare this girl is. Tiger spends most of her time in his trailer but somehow, she still has to dodge what feels like a million cameras all linked to a hundred different kinds of social media, all from her entourage. They ain't shy about questions that are none of their damn business either--shit like who she is, how she knows Bill, what she's doing there.

"I'm his bodyguard," she cracks, except tiger is kind of scary when she's pissed off and she's not really blinking so suddenly the gaggle of girls don't really know what to think.

In any case, tiger can definitely see why Bill has been so pissed off lately. Everything is a joke to this girl, she doesn't take anything seriously, and suddenly she's just real excited about the scenes coming up in a few days.

"We should practice tonight!" she says gleefully, as both her and Bill are sitting in the makeup trailer getting all un-done after the day. Tiger quirks a brow from the back of the room where she's playing with one of the other actor's dogs.

"No thanks," Bill says immediately.

"You can come by, I'll get some wine, we can loosen up."

"No," he says again.

"We need to rehearse," she continues, "We need to practice."

"I've had enough practice."

And thankfully one of the make up artists--tiger makes a note to give her a big hug after--one of the make up artists sees every single hair on Bill's neck stand up.

"Bill, sorry--can you stop talking? It's getting the make up caught in the creases and making it hard to remove," she says kindly. Bill gives her a wide smile.

"Sure, sorry," he says softly.

And that's the end of that.

But like, look. It's plain as day. Bill is chainsmoking. He didn't sleep that night, he just rants and rants at how repulsed he is, and how much he's dreading the next 1.5 weeks worth of scenes. Tiger does her best to distract him--keeps his whisky glass full, hell she even gets him in the sauna and sucks his soul out from his dick just to try and get his mind off it. But the sun rises the next morning as much as we sometimes wish it wouldn't, and Bill has to go to work.

I'll be waiting for you in your trailer bud," tiger says reassuringly, "Remember, you can take as many breaks as you need."

But y'know, here's the thing. Bill is getting through it, because he's a goddamned professional. Is he having fun? No. Does he hate every second of it? Yes. But it's not that. It doesn't take him long to figure out that this girl...she's purposely fucking up the scenes, just so they have to do them again. And again. And again. The scene where he has to push her up again a wall, rip her shirt open, and kiss the hell out of her? Somehow, that scene took the entire day to shoot. 57 takes.

The actual sex scene, him on top of her, both of them wearing nothing but tiny little pasties? Somehow, that took two entire days to shoot. More than 100 takes.

On any set that Bill has been on, things like that could usually be shot in anywhere from 4-6 takes--maybe half a day, depending on lighting and equipment needs.

Bill was livid. He drew the line initially and demanded a closed set, after she brought her entire entourage to watch that day. It took a lot of negotiating, but Bill wasn't budging on it.

And every single day that Bill went to set and have to film that, when he'd get home--man, he took it out on tiger. The poor girl was ravaged. Bill just needed her, needed to completely wreck her, just to get the taste and feel and everything of that other pain in the ass as far away from him as possible.

But y'know, Bill's mind is a cruel place.

And maybe its triggered by something small. He has a long day on set so tiger goes shopping, and when he comes back to his rented apartment she has some stuff strewn everywhere and Bill spots a shirt on the bed. His blood boils.

"What the fuck is this?" he marches over to it, holding it up.

"It's....my new shirt?" tiger says cautiously, "I thought it was cute."

"Get rid of it tiger," he snaps. He grabs his lighter from his pocket, flicking it open and holding it to the shirt.

"Okay whoa," tiger jumps, grabbing the shirt from him, "Easy bud. What's going on."

"She has this shirt," he seethes, "I don't ever want to see it on you."

"Ah," tiger says, "Right. You won't see it again bud."

"Promise?" he puts the lighter away.

"Promise.

But it's enough to just...kickstart some part of Bill's brain that should have stayed dormant. And that night, he drifts off to sleep with tiger in his arms and his thumb in her mouth--except he dreams of her. And it's ~spicy~. A stupid ass, unreasonable sex dream that felt really good. Amazing sex, actually, and from the noises he was making tiger wasn't sure if he was in pain or having the time of his life but the piece of plywood digging in to her back gave her a small inclination.

That is, until he woke up and all but shoved her away with enough force that she almost went tumbling off the bed.

"Bill!" she shrieked, but he was already scratching at his skin and lightly smacking his own face.

"No no no no no," he muttered, "No no no god fuck no."

"Bud?"

His eyes snap to hers and they're wild, pupils huge, his hair sticking up all over the place and his chest heaving.

"You," he says, out of breath, "Here. Now."

"What--"

"Now."

And tiger doesn't have time to do anything before two long arms wrap around her waist and haul her up with force, slamming her into his chest.

"Fuck me," he growls into her neck.

"What?" tiger's still trying to get her wits about her because a second ago she was asleep and comfy and now this wild ass enraged beast has his hands all over her and she can't quite keep up.

A hard spank lands on her ass and she squeals a little, but then he has his fist balled in her hair and his teeth biting at her neck.

"Fuck me," he growls again, "Fuck me into next fucking week."

"Bill, what the hell is going--"

But then suddenly she's in the air, and then she's pinned under his body as he looms--big and scary and totally wild--above her.

"Tiger, I just had a dream about her," he snaps, "And now you need to get it the fuck out of my head so that I never have to see it again. So I'm only going to ask you one more time."

He yanks her head back, licking up her neck before biting down hard on her earlobe. His other hand cups her harshly through her panties and she gasps.

"Fuck me," he growls.

Tiger is all too happy to oblige.

[sweetbillwriting]

The Real Deal

Part 11 - Money Money

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård. A version of Bill where he becomes single 2017 and with a different timeline. AU Skarsgårds and others. The rest is my own original characters.

Setting: We have catched up with time now so this chapter is just set in 2021.

Warnings: 18+, mentions of cheating, mentions of rape and abuse, smut, mental health problems, sex work, slut shaming.

Cassie dragged her fingers through the hairs on Bill's left shin. She paused when she felt a little scar and touched it a few times then continued her exploration down to his ankle. She sat between his long legs in their bed and read her book from SFI, Swedish For Immigrants. Bill used her back as a support to read his script to his next project but was just as interested in Cassie's book and glanced down over her shoulder. 

"Hur erä me dej rå?" (So how are you?) He said with a broad Stockholm accent, what he didn't know was that his normal accent was more similar to that than he thought. Cassie smiled a little and sighed. 

"Det är bra." (It's good.)

She had known some Swedish before but had never been confident speaking it but felt forced to learn now that she lived in Sweden. 

"Shouldn't you practice your old school Swedish instead?" 

She asked it teasingly because she knew he was reading the script for a specific character and she had overheard him practice in the shower. 

Bill laughed a bit and hugged her from behind. 

"Nah, it feels off to do that." 

"You're shy. It's okay," said Cassie and looked up at him with a smile. 

Bill made a doubtful sound and looked a bit embarrassed. He was so comfortable in his craft but he still thought it was embarrassing to act with her as an opposite actor. 

Cassie kissed his cheek and with a smile lowered her eyes to the book again. Bill continued to look over her shoulder and played with the sleeves of the t-shirt she was wearing. It was his, an old black t-shirt that he had stretched out in the neck so much Cassie's shoulder was exposed. He himself wasn't better dressed, he wore a white tank top that was so washed out it was almost transparent, otherwise they were both just dressed in underwear. They had always been comfortable with each other but in the last couple of weeks a new intimacy had evolved between them. He had been home three weeks and in those weeks their relationship had moved forward in a way he wasn't prepared for. It felt like they had been a couple for years but in a good way. The apartment had started to look like a home, much thanks to a design interested colleague of Cassie's that had helped them. 

Cassie had got a job as a personal shopper in the luxury mall NK. Her English background was seen as just positive and she understood Swedish so well she could understand the customers. It was a good, fun job even if some things were new for her.

Bill felt the love flood over and hugged Cassie closer to his chest and nuzzled his nose into her neck. She laughed and even more so when she felt his hand creep under her t-shirt to drag his hands over her chest. 

"Billy… I must study," she said with fake annoyance and pushed away his hands. 

Bill sighed but with a smile and leaned back against the headboard. They were really a couple now, she even deneyed him sexual intimacy. He watched her study a while then he broke free to stand up. Cassie felt him disappear behind her and looked at him wondering when he had stood up next to the bed. 

"I think I want an espresso," Bill said and stretched his arms over his head. 

Cassie looked at the stretch of skin that got exposed between his boxers and tank top, the lack of happy trail, because she had helped him shave it off. 

"Espresso? Now? You just brushed your teeth?" 

"So?" 

Cassie furrowed her brows and looked at him pointedly. 

"You just brushed your teeth?" She said again and smiled amused. Bill smiled bigger and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I guess you don't want one then." 

Cassie sighed like she thought he was weird but continued to smile. 

"You can make hot chocolate for me." 

Bill laughed and shook his head. 

"You do the best hot chocolate." Cassie gave him an angelic look and bit her lip. Bill gave her a kiss and then walked out to the kitchen. None of them said anything about it being one of his exes' recipes on hot chocolate. It didn't bother her that he used it, it was really good and his ex sat somewhere without Bill while she shared a bed with him. She leaned back in the bed, laid down and smiled for herself because of the warm feeling in her chest. She wanted to stay in that feeling forever but the vibration of her phone disturbed it. She took the phone from the night stand and looked at it with a neutral expression but it was quickly changed to anxiety. 

GV. 

Georg Visser. She hadn't heard from him for two weeks. Then he called to say he had succeeded in getting the web site creators to take her picture down from the front page but they refused to take her account down. To know she wasn't on the front page, and also see it when she searched for it, was calming but she still wanted everything to disappear and Georg had promised to try a bit more. He was really a lifesaver and silently she had wondered if he wanted something for it. She sighed and shut off the vibration on the phone but let it continue to ring. It wasn't time for talking with him now, but tomorrow, tomorrow she would call him as soon as she was alone. 

On Cassie's lunch break the next day she went out outside of NK, looking at the luxury display showing summery dresses and powdery colors. Her phone was pressed to her ear while the June sun warmed her back. 

"Hey Beautiful," answered Georg Visser charmingly on the other side of the line. 

"Hello… My friend," answered Cassie uncomfortably, both of the nickname but also because of her nerves. 

"How's Sweden? I know it's beautiful this time of the year. Does your boy sail?" 

Cassie sighed and looked down at the ground to avoid people walking by. Cassie knew why he called last night and he knew now what she wanted to hear but she was too polite to just interrupt him. 

"No… He isn't that type of guy." 

"No? I thought all Swedes were." 

Cassie didn't really listen and had started to pace around in circles just waiting for him to give her the news. 

"Guess you want to hear what they said…" said Georg and sighed a little. Cassie nodded feverishly and bit her lip even if Georg couldn't see her. 

"I really tried Cassie… But they feel that they own the pictures and if you want them… You must pay." 

Cassie stood still and tried to understand what he said. Could they take her page down? 

"What does that mean?" She asked and looked down at her chunky sneakers she worked in. 

"They can take everything down if you pay them. Like buy back your pictures." 

Cassie felt her heart beat fast of excitement but didn't dare to get happy until she had all the details. 

"How much do they want?" 

Georg sighed and was then quiet for a moment. 

"50k." 

The excitement in Cassie's chest turned to anxiety in a heartbeat. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have 50,000 dollars. She didn't even have 5000 dollars.

"If you were my girl I could have helped you but… I want a little bit more than a thank you for doing such a thing…" continued Georg. Cassie understood what he was saying between the lines but still couldn't get a word out. Most of her facilities went into trying to keep calm. 

"But I guess your boyfriend might have that money, so he can maybe help you out?" 

Cassie walked to the closest bench and sat down to focus on her breathing. 

"I can get a meeting with the creator if you want? So you can discuss the price, maybe even write a contract for a confidentiality agreement? Hello Cassie?" 

Cassie took a deep breath with her hand on her chest. 

"Yeah, yeah. That sounds good… I just need to get the money somehow." 

"Well, I could help you… if you…" 

"I know, I know. But I have a man I love and want to be with… And…" 

Cassie was quiet again because the tears had slowly started to run down her cheeks. She knew there was only one answer for all this mess. She needed to do the thing she had avoided so long. She had to tell Bill. Not just because he was the only hope for her in getting rid of the pictures. Not even because it was a big risk he would find out anyway. She needed to tell him because if she really loved him and wanted a future with him he must know what had been such a big part of her life for five years and had affected her, and indirectly their relationship, so much. 

She knew she must tell him as soon as possible. If something would happen but also to protect both their hearts if he decided he couldn't be with her because of what kind of work she had done to support herself. 

After work she rode her bike, or rather Bill's mother's old one, from NK in Östermalm home to Södermalm. It was an easy way to get to work in Stockholm, where everything was quite close but still a bit too far away to walk and the bike roads were all so great in Sweden. Bill was a couple of blocks away at the gym so the apartment was empty when she got home. Cassie was glad for that. Now she had time to settle down before he came home. She walked around in the apartment, correcting things and looking at their shared memorabilia and continued to do that after dressing down in a silky playsuit. She didn't cry, even if she knew there was a big risk she would be single by the end of the night. She just felt a heavy pain in her chest that made it hard to breathe. A life without Bill would be so colorless she even wondered if she would want to continue it. While looking at the picture of them as teens she heard the front door open and a gym bag getting thrown on the floor. 

"Fuck, it's hot outside. You haven't opened the balcony door I hope? Shit, don't fucking let the warmth in. Ahh shit…" Bill said while kicking off his sneakers. He had even taken off his t-shirt in the hallway when Cassie turned to him with a small smile. Bill looked at her and furrowed his brows, it was obvious something was up. She looked upset and nervous. 

"Has something happened?" He asked and walked up to her. Cassie looked at his naked chest and up at his face. She tried to smile with more assurance and leaned up to give him a small peck on the lips. 

"We can talk after you have showered." He smelled faintly of sweat, something Cassie otherwise didn't have so much against but right now it was better if he was fresh and had his clothes on. Bill looked a bit worried but nodded. 

"Okay…" 

Bill showered faster than he was used to because of the feeling in his stomach. He could sense it was something serious by the looks of Cassie, something much more serious than he was used to. The only thing that he could imagine it being was cheating. She had cheated against him while he was filming and now she wanted to be with that guy instead. In one way he wanted to stay in the shower and pretend there wasn't anything happening but the feeling to just get it over with took over and he dried off and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt fast.

Cassie waited on the couch on him with a pillow in her lap. She fiddled with her nails and cuticles but looked up when Bill walked into the room. He felt his hands dampen with sweat already and dragged them over his thighs. He sighed deeply and sat down. The feeling of getting dumped started to take over and he just wanted to ask her to spit it out but kept quiet and sat down on the other corner of the couch. 

Cassie looked at him and took a deep breath. 

"I need to tell you something… Or several things I guess…" her voice was already shaking and Bill looked at her fiddling hands instead of her face. 

"Mhm?" 

"Em… I know you have wondered how I have been able to afford my lifestyle…" 

Bill looked up at her face because it wasn't really the subject he expected but quickly made the conclusion that she would tell him about some rich man she had had on the side. 

"Well I… I was like… I had this account on a web site…" she stuttered while looking between her nails and Bill's worried face. He just thought about dating sites and wondered why she must tell him how she met the guy. 

"A web site for sugerbabes." She finally said and looked at him to see his reaction. He didn't seem to understand and at that moment he couldn't really connect the word to a meaning. 

Cassie sighed when she realized she must say more than that for him to understand. 

"And there… I met men that payed me for my company…" 

Bill's eyes started to dart around then he suddenly laughed, but not of amusement.

"Sorry what?" He asked and dragged his hands through his hair. 

"I don't do it anymore but I did this in New York." 

Bill rubbed his neck, he smiled but it was obvious it was by uncomfort because she could see his jaw tick. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"So they payed for sex? Is that what you're saying?" It was painful to put those words in his mouth and surrealistic to discuss that sort of subject. Cassie could feel the tears behind her eyes and how it started to hurt around her mouth to control them. 

"Yeah but not like… I don't know… It was just…" 

Bill looked at her and waited for her to end her sentence but nothing came out. He nodded to himself while taking in what she had said. 

"So that guy… That older rich guy he… he payed you?" He said and looked at the bookshelf opposite him. Cassie looked at his profile and took a deep breath. 

"Yeah…" 

Bill smiled a little again and closed his eyes. He wished he knew what he felt and he wished the emotions he could find would be prettier but right then and there he could feel anger start to brew. He didn't really know if it was Cassie he was angry at but he felt such a heavy feeling of wrath he hadn't felt since that day she called and told her about that guy forcing himself on her. He also felt disgusted thinking about it all. Ugly, disgusting men fucking his Cassie. She gave herself away to be able to buy some dress that looked almost the same as several others she already had. He dragged his hands over his face and Cassie looked at him with shiny eyes. 

"What're you thinking?" She asked with a small voice. 

"That guy… That incident last summer… Was he..?"  He didn't ask the full question because he didn't know if he wanted to have the whole answer. They were almost a couple then, he had already forgiven her for meeting another guy then but it would feel different if she actually had sold sex while he had started to think about her as a girlfriend. He wasn't proud of his feelings, of the possessiveness and the disgust. 

Cassie didn't want to think about the incident he mentioned, her last client, and could feel the tears starting to run down her cheeks. 

"Yeah. Yeah. He was. But he still… He still… I didn't ask for that to happen…" she cried like Bill had accused her for bringing it on herself. 

"I didn't mean it like that," said Bill but he sounded colder than Cassie wanted. Bill didn't blame her for what happened but she still had met the man while he walked around in a love bubble. She had been prepared to recieve payment for sex. 

Cassie looked at Bill and expected to see his angry face instead she saw him blink slowly with a hand over his mouth and biting down hard. She could see the shine on his eyes. She didn't want to tell him more, she didn't want him to look at her with those shiny eyes but she knew she must. 

"But that's not all… That site… They refuse to take down my account.. So my profile as a sugarbabe is still up…" 

Bill turned his eyes to her. His eyes were so shiny but his jaw and brows showed anger. 

"What do you mean?" 

Cassie sighed and wiped her eyes. 

"I met that… "older guy" a couple of months ago, he knows one of the site creators and he said they want to get paid for taking the profile down…" 

Bill's eyes seem to get darker.

"You met.. that… guy?" He looked at her intensely with that stare that made him look scary. Cassie knew how it sounded and started to cry again. She could again hear Bill emotionless laugh and felt how he stood up from the couch. He paced around but then turned to her.

"What the fuck is this Cassie? What the fuck are you doing behind my back?" He took a deep breath. "Who even are you?" He said it heavy with emotions without raising his voice but he didn't need to. Cassie could hear the anger, the disgust, the sadness and the heartbreak. Cassie just cried in her hands and didn't dare to look at him. 

"I'm so sorry Billy, baby… I'm sorry… Please…" 

She heard Bill's heavy step against the wooden floor so she looked up and saw him walk towards the hallway. 

"Please Bill, please don't leave me!" She panicked and rushed after him. Bill turned towards her and looked at her with a face that couldn't be explained as anything else than demonic. 

"I'm not going to go but can I get some fucking privacy?" He spat. Cassie swallowed hard and felt herself shrink next to Bill's anger and height. She nodded and lowered her eyes. 

Bill walked to the wardrobe in the hallway and took out a cigarette pack he had hidden in a coat pocket. With heavy steps he walked to the balcony, opening the plastic wrapper on the pack and threw it on the floor. He put the cigarette between his lips even before he had come out, like it was soothing to just have it there. 

Cassie sat down on the edge of the couch; she couldn't stop herself from just watching Bill's back while he leaned against the balcony railing. If she could she would have walked out and hugged him from behind and begged for his forgiveness but she knew that would make everything worse. She knew Bill needed time to slow his heart rate and think things through with the help of logic instead of just getting caught in his emotions. She wished she was better at that herself instead of just acting on emotions all the time. 

Bill took one more cigarette and lit it. After the first deep inhalation he breathed slowly. He had succeeded to calm himself down now and had started to think of everything Cassie had said from the beginning. 

Cassie had offered men escort services while living in New York. She hadn't done it while they were a couple. She had done it to afford a fashionable lifestyle and live in New York. She had met a guy when the two of them had started to sleep with each other but they had never said that they were a couple. 

He thought of their friendship, all of it. Her dysfunctional family, her dream of creating a life better and bigger than the life her mother had offered. Bill thought about Chris, her boyfriend in 2016, his degradering way she had said she liked… 

He sighed and looked towards the living room fast. Cassie sat on the couch, looking towards him with red eyes and messy hair. He had questions she needed to answer before he even knew what he had to think through. 

Cassie hadn't taken her eyes from Bill when he walked in through the balcony door. He didn't look at her, just  threw the pack and lighter on a side table and then went into the kitchen. Cassie didn't say anything, she waited on him to say something. Bill didn't like when people talked just to talk and if she started to just say excuse after excuse he wouldn't want to listen more. 

Bill came out to the living room with a glass of water and then sat down on the same corner of the couch again. 

"Okay… Okay…" he said and took a deep breath. "I have some questions and I just want a honest answer…" 

Cassie nodded fast, eager to just make everything okay again. 

"Why did you meet that guy? Last summer?" 

Cassie laid a pillow in her lap again and licked her lips. 

"Like you know I had lost my job and my rent was so high so… I was just scared to lose my home." 

Bill didn't look at her, just looked at a point on the coffee table and took in what she said. 

"Okay… But why didn't you just ask me?" 

"You always help me. You always give me things. Don't misunderstand me now, I love your gifts and how generous you are but I knew I could handle it myself…" 

"By selling sex?" He sounded harder than before. Cassie shrugged her shoulders. 

"It was my job. A job like all others." 

Bill shook his head like he didn't believe her. 

"It isn't a job like all others. Or, is sex just a job for you? It's that what we're doing too?" He looked at her now with a provocative stare. 

"Stop. That's not the same thing." Cassie felt dirty by his words but she also knew it wasn't his word that actually was what she felt dirty of, but what she had done for money. 

"Okay… Sorry for asking this but I can't stop thinking it…" Bill looked down at the ground. His voice still sounded sharp even if he showed more sympathy. "Did you like it? Your "job"?" 

Cassie looked down at the pillow. She hadn't thought she would feel even more disgusted by herself but here she was. 

"Sometimes… I have had different clients…"

"Clients," whispered Bill bitterly to himself and shook his head. 

"I mean it isn't just sex. I go out on actual dates. I've been to great restaurants, slept at amazing hotels." Defended Cassie.

Bill dragged his hands through his hair and down on his neck. 

"This is so fucking messed up… But okay…" he took a deep breath. "Can you tell me from the beginning how you started this?" 

He gave her a softer look and it made Cassie relax a bit. Slowly she started to tell him about the relationship with Chris. His need for onesided, sometimes violent sex and how she couldn't see why she would be in such a relationship when all she just really wanted was some fun. She had started to give up on finding a good guy, to even be in love, a feeling she thought she had never felt. She gave Bill a longer look while saying it because they both knew now that they had always been in love with each other on and off. Bill cleared his throat and felt his emotions start to calm down, especially because another thought had arisen in him. 

"Is this about your dad?" 

Cassie looked up at him confused. 

"Hm?" 

"You know, because he divorced your mom and just… left you?" He said it with a careful, sympathetic voice. Cassie looked at Bill and furrowed her brows. 

"You mean like daddy issues? Sure. Sure. Poor little girl, needing a daddy." Her emotions had shifted to annoyance fast and she hugged the pillow in her lap hard. 

"I get that you wanted the "rich lifestyle", all the things you didn't get from your mother and that you had given up on love but there must be something more that made you do this to yourself? It's prostitution." Bill said in that soft but authoritative voice, his "dad-voice" and Cassie felt both annoyance but also the need to sit close to him and get all that comfort and warmth. 

"I don't know Bill… I just… I never thought it would affect anything in my life… I never thought I would… Sit here, live here with you as my boyfriend…" 

"Not even the thing last summer?" 

Cassie was quiet and felt the tears start to run again. 

"I get it. I get it… We weren't a couple and it was hard to see that we suddenly would be…" Bill sighed. He wasn't angry anymore and he understood that she probably needed to talk with a therapist before she could explain everything to him. He loved Cassie, even if she had done this because first and foremost she had done this to herself not to him.

He moved a bit closer to her to show he wasn't angry but didn't touch her because it was still too early for that. 

"So you need my help now?" He said and searched her eyes. Cassie looked up at him and swallowed hard. 

"In that case, ask me." 

Cassie looked at his eyes. She could see that he wanted to hear the whole question. He wanted her to be able to ask him, not him offering. It was hard to know how she would say it. How did you ask someone for 50,000 dollars? Even if it was Bill it was still awful. 

"Can you loan me 50,000 dollars?" She said carefully with a heavy chest. Bill was quiet. He knew it would take ages for her to pay back that kind of money and he didn't want her to either but it felt good she actually asked for a loan and saw that it would be a really big gift. 

Bill nodded a little and dragged a finger over his brow. 

"I will pay for it. It will not be a loan but… What will the deal with this web creator look like? I want to be a part of it if I'm going to pay. I want a contract and real legal help." 

The rest of the night was a bit stiff. They felt spent by the subject, Bill hadn't any more questions and Cassie didn't have anything more to tell now it was just time they needed. Bill didn't care that she had been an escort, he was just mad she had exposed herself in that way and how it had led to her getting raped. He was mad she lied and did things behind his back but he knew he would get over it even if it would be hard. Cassie was worried and anxious that Bill would give up on her. She regretted all of her sugarbabe work and wished she could be that unproblematic girl Bill wanted.

They put on a series, Snabba Cash and hoped the fast pace would distract them from all of their feelings. First they sat in a corner on either side the couch, a really unnatural position for them because most often Cassie laid half on top of his outstretched body or Bill had his head in her lap but they didn't sit like that for long because Bill sighed deep and laid down his head in her lap and stretched out over the rest of the couch. Cassie felt the tears were close just by that simple action and started to slowly drag her fingers through Bill's hair. 

"I love you Cassie," said Bill lowly and kissed her naked knee. Cassie couldn't stop the tears from falling and kissed Bill's temple. 

"I love you, Bill. I love you the most in the whole world." 

Bill turned to look up at her. 

"Don't cry babe, don't cry… I will not leave you okay? I get that you never wanted to hurt me, that you did this for money. But never again, okay? Never again." 

Cassie nodded and leaned down in an awkward position just to kiss him. She did it carefully but Bill deepened the kiss over and over. Let his tongue invade her mouth and mingle with hers in passion. He stood up and lifted her from the couch with ease. She laughed a little and kissed his neck while he carried her to the bedroom. Slowly they took off each other's clothes. They were not in a hurry but they could just look at each other's eyes to know everything was okay now. Bill just wanted to be close and so did Cassie so they just kissed deeply and touched each other with soft hands in bed. Cassie spread her legs and could feel the familiar stretch when he pushed into her slowly. He looked her deeply in the eyes while she made a sound because of the invasion. His breathing was heavy and he lifted her legs up to easily push in even further. Cassie kissed him and said lowly: 

"We make love. And you will always be my only love." 

Bill moved in and out with sensual movement and looked between her eyes and lips. He nodded a little and kissed her again. 

"But… So you really get that this is it… We will get married as soon as this shit is over…" He said breathlessly and made Cassie make a sound that was a mix of laugh, moan and cry. She smiled big with tears in her eyes while breathing heavily because of Bill's closeness. 

"Do you want that?" She asked and dragged her fingers through his hair. 

"That's the only thing I want." 

× 

SFI - Svenska För Invandrare - Swedish For Immigrants. Course in Swedish every immigrant can take.

Hur erä me dej rå? - Spelled "Hur är det med dig då?" but pronounced like this in Stockholmska, the Stockholm accent. Bill talks quite much Stockholmska when he have been home for a while. When he have been in the US you can here a bit of an American accent in his Swedish.

NK - Sweden's only luxury mall with a long history.

Östermalm - The more fancy part of Stockholm, compared to Södermalm that is more a hipster, multicultural area.

Snabba Cash - "Easy Money", popular Swedish Netflix series about drug-traffickers.

×

[texaschainsawmascara]

movies know exactly how I like my Skarsgårds

Boy Kills World / Infinity Pool

[peggyao3]

Tell me about your taste in ✨(fictional) men✨ in the reblogs and comments, I'll go first —

I like my men playing characters who are pale and sickly looking like Victorian children, with freaky sociopathic tendencies and a high chance of murder. Meanwhile, the actors are absolute sunshine looking, warm, golden boys with the biggest smiles in the universe.

I've also noticed that having a plush, pouty mouth, deep-set puppy eyes and a cute, straight nose drastically improves the score on the peggy-o-meter 🔥🥹

[chaptersleftunwritten]

A little mood board spinning off of this post!

[alphabetbill]

N E O N W O L V E S [ teaser? ]

“ this city is my [ h u n t i n g   g r o u n d ] . people like you will always fall prey. no matter how smart you are, now matter how fast or far you run, rabbit. [ y o u ’ l l  b e  d i n n e r  i n  t h e   e n d ] “

__________________________

He just wants to [ e s c a p e ] the city. She just wants to [ s u r v i v e ] it.

La LaXina is Rockett’s home– and she’ll fight dirty before she ever gives it up. The Neon City has many chips and cracks, sure, but she was born and raised on these rough streets, and her loyalty to them may just be what spells her end. She’s got debts to pay and her own grave waiting, that is, if the Southbanks King of crime can catch her first. Janes Hoffman wound himself stranded in La Laxina after a heist gone wrong sent him packing to the prison city, where the only way out is to climb the ranks and bribe one of the crime High Lords into smuggling you out. He works with lock picks, not fists, and he’ll need all the help he can get to make it out alive. A hungry wolf is a deadly wolf- and the King is out for blood, and he's got his whole pack of animals searching. Rockett can't run from her problems forever, and there are fights Janes won't come out of easily. They'll have to pull something out of their asses and come up with a plan to survive- because there are some fates not worth meeting.

-

____________________________________________________________

Just a little something I'm working on. I haven't put Rockett on the cover yet because I didn't really want to use a face claim for her, so I guess when the time comes for the first chapters to be posted, you'll be able to imagine her according to your own liking.

I'm working on the first chapter now so if all goes to plan, as many things don't, you'll get to see that pretty soon.

This story will take place in a futuristic cyberpunk city called La LaXina [ La-zeena], which is named after a fictional Goddess of Waste and Discourse. The city [otherwise known as The Neon City or LaLa] serves as a place for the mainland to dump their prisoners. The city is ruled by High Lords [crime bosses], who are Janes Hoffman's only ticket to being smuggled off the island and to another country where he can start out fresh. He teams up with Rockett, a street fighter who is on the run from one of those High Lords, who calls himself the King of the Southbanks. She'll teach him how to fight, how to work some snazzy futuristic weapons and how to move up in the ranks of street-fighting and racing in order to be scouted for jobs by any interested High Lords.

Looking forward to working on it and I hope I'll have some level of dedication but probably not. We'll see how it goes. A trigger warning list will come with each chapter.

[damienkarras73]

Been obsessed with Barbarian the past few weeks so I poured all my spoilery thoughts out onto the proverbial page.

[thewrathoffemalerage]

My other blog is @chaptersleftunwritten if you guys wanna give it a lil peep! I’m trying to make as many moots as I can 🫀

Let’s be friends!!

[teanderthalrex]

I know I'm finding out about this late, and since Murderbot is technically agender and could be any race, technically Bill Skarsgard could be what Murderbot looks like. But I gotta say, making MB a generic white man is fucking weird. We don't need another white man in a lead role in a science fiction story.

[susiephone]

one thing that never fails to delight me is when, whether in fiction or irl, is hearing stories of actors who play scary monsters and villains being absolutely lovely on set. various stories of the actors who played jason voorhees looking out for their costars. anthony hopkins being super nice by all accounts. that video of bill skarsgard in full pennywise makeup and costume, high-fiving all the child actors and asking "who's ready to beat the shit out of me??"

[lihikainanea]

I am picturing Bill having this specific hobby/thing he likes (a book, a game, an album, etc.) and Tiger knows about it. it's not really Her Thing but she can dabble into it (learn it, experience it). and then one day Bill talks about it and Tiger just simply agrees with him, says a few points of her own about how she's grown to like it, and Bill is just a bundle of emotions. because it's a lot of things at once. she took the time to see what it was about? and then as he listens to her talk about it more it's all OF COURSE she'd get it. OF COURSE she understands the joy he gets from it, why it means so much to him, and so on. it's just a simple moment, but Bill feels so seen and it hits him like a truck. he is so in love. they end up snuggling. :'D

oh god, what if it's something so completely out there and something so not-on-brand that he's actually a little bit shy about it? What if it's something so absurd like....like crochet, nani.

IT'S CROCHET ISN'T IT.

And I'll bet tiger thinks it's real sweet right? Because maybe Granny taught Bill how to crochet. Maybe they'd kind of spend hours together over tea and madeleines, Bill would be holding the ball of yarn while Granny's hands went a mile a minute, and eventually Bill just kind of...well, he picked it up too. And tiger thinks it's so sweet, this big dude with these huge clumsy hands, but the thing is...Bill is kind of really good at it. Like, really good. So tiger also appreciates having all kinds of warm socks and mittens and toques all custom made. And Bill is pretty damn talented, so he crochets all kinds of fancy patterns with all kinds of colours and every once in awhile when a mutual friend compliments tiger's new cute mittens, Bill just sort of smiles shyly and lets himself be a little proud.

And like, he's also super into it, you know? Once he lets go of the initial embarassment. Maybe once tiger points out that literally thousands--if not millions--of people have seen his ween (And literally the ween of nearly every male in his family) on a big screen so a little crafty habit is nothing to be ashamed of. He's part of groups. Facebook groups, online groups. One is for troubleshooting, which he turned to when he couldn't figure out why his current project was just getting wider and wider or when his chain was too tight or he was only crocheting in the front loop. One is for inspo, all kinds of things he wants to create. And one is a legit little support group in the area that meet up every so often, and Bill wishes so badly that he could go but he just doesn't want the visibility. He knows he's the only man in the group, and he's...well, he's him. it would cause a stir.

So my girl tiger--ever the one to indulge her Big Dude in all of his adorable weirdness--maybe there are like, CONS for these things. A Crochet-Con. And she gets wind of one happening about 2 hours away, way in the country side. There's only about 100 people or so who attend, it's so niche, and after some careful creeping tiger realizes that the average age of the participants is like, 80.

Nobody will know who he is there.

It's a whole 2-day event. There's discussion groups to troubleshoot common issues. There's a workshop on crocheting complex patterns. There's a small trade show area where you can sell some of your goods. So tiger gets two tickets, prints them out, and gets all giddy.

Maybe she wanted to keep it a surprise for longer, but when she bounced into the living room she saw her big dorky dude there on the couch, his thick rimmed glasses on, a foot propped up on the coffee table. His tongue was poking out the side of his mouth in concentration as his gaze was fixed on the small crochet hook, the ball of yarn, and this dainty, intricate pattern between his huge hands.

"I have a surprise for you," she smiles, plopping down on the couch. Without missing a beat Bill passes her the ball of yarn and she instinctively unravels some of it as his little crochet hook bobs and weaves at an impressive speed.

"Oh yeah?" he smirks but doesn't look away, "What's that?"

She puts her hand on the small pattern he's creating but he squawks.

"I'll drop a stitch!" he shrieks, then inspects the little piece of fabric thoroughly. Tiger just quirks a brow, and waits.

"Crisis averted?" she chuckles.

"Barely," he snarks, then he softens. "What's up kid?"

Tiger pulls the tickets out from behind her back and hands them to him, and he adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Hooker Con?" he asks skeptically.

"Keep reading."

He scans the rest of the writing, and then his eyes light up.

"It's a crochet con?" he asks excitedly. She nods, smiling.

"It's two days?" he continues reading, "Troubleshooting, discussions, workshop--oh my god, the Jasmine stitch?! that one's impossible to do!"

"It's in two weeks," she says, "I thought it might be fun."

But then suddenly, his face falls.

"Tiger, what about--"

"They won't," she answers his silent question, "I creeped a few past...Hookers. They're all in their 80s bud. I don't think it'll be an issue. And if you're worried, we can glue a beard on you. Slap a wig on."

He smiles at her, leaning over to kiss her.

"There's two tickets," he mumbles, "You're going to come?"

"Of course," she chuckles, "I'd love to."

"But it's crochet," he says shyly.

"It's you," she tells him with another kiss, "And I love this little hobby of yours. I think it's sweet."

"You do?"

"Of course. And I want to...FOTH and frog and HOTH all weekend with you."

Bill laughs boisterously.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," he chuckles.

[sweetbillwriting]

In The Dead of Night

NINE

Characters: AU Eric played by Bill Skarsgård from The Crow (2024)

Setting: This story is set in A WHOLE OTHER WORLD than the movie. Shelley isn't a part of this story. Eric will be different from the movie, especially because I haven't seen the movie.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: I have STILL not seen the movie because it hasn't premiered here yet!

“I just think about him a lot. I'm sorry, I don't have the right to do that; I haven't even met him; I just believe I would have really liked him…”

I sat opposite Lotti by her little table with Eric's photo albums in front of us. Sneakily, I had put back the photos I've stolen because I didn't need them anymore.

I shouldn't have been there; I was lying to her in the most awful way, but I also went behind Eric's back to find out things he didn't want to tell me. I had the answers right there, and my curiosity took over.

“You know, I think he would have liked you too. You have a curiosity he would have liked. You feel comfortable with yourself, but with optimism and creativity. He would have liked that,” Lotti said with a smile. She had a good day today and talked about Eric with a smile. I smiled back at her by her words, but the warmth in my chest was from the memory of hearing Eric say “I love you” to me. He had said it that morning on the phone. I would go to him later that night; he worked late that Saturday, so I didn't have a reason to go to him that early, but I had a key to his apartment, so I didn't need to wait for him.

“Can't you tell me more about him? Why do you think he started to take drugs?”

Lotti looked out through the window and smiled sadly. It felt like she had a need to talk about everything, and I was right; my simple question made her tell me stories I never thought I would hear.

×××

Lotti looked at the little boy in the playroom, through the plexiglas. He wore a striped long-sleeved shirt in green shades and red sweatpants. The clothes were a bit big and looked well-used, probably from other kids social services had rescued from dysfunctional homes. He was two years old but lacked the chubby cheeks other two-year-olds would have but also was disinterested in the toys surrounding him. A white rabbit stuffy lay just in front of him, but he didn't give it a look; he just looked around. A young social worker sat by his side and looked at him with wonder. He looked like a doll with his big green eyes, and he sat just as still with his small hands resting on his thighs.

“He can't stand up yet or crawl, so that's probably why he doesn't play,” said the social worker next to Lotti and her husband Eric. They nodded a little even if something else felt wrong.

“Why can't he do that? Does he have a disability?” Eric asked the social worker and looked at baby Eric again. He hadn't moved an inch.

“No, no. He's healthy. Just a little underweight and some rashes. Ehm… We believe he hasn't left the crib very often. Most of his time had probably been spent alone in the bed-”

“What? Has his mother left him in the crib?” Lotti looked between the social worker and the boy, upset.

"Yes, but that is nothing that will shape him. He's so young, so that's nothing you’ll need to worry about.”

The social worker said it with assurance, even if there wasn't any research on the subject in the 90s.

Lotti nodded but felt a lump in her throat.

"His mother is sentenced to six months in prison for drug trafficking, but we believe she needs help with the boy after that too. She must make changes to be able to get him back.”

Lotti was sure. She didn't need to know any more. She wouldn't leave that boy to his destiny. They had room for one more child in their home, and Eric, her husband, earned enough money as a seller in the technology field. It was a business growing every day, and his salary went up with it. He looked at Lotti with a calming smile. He knew his wife had already made a decision, and he felt the same. They could give the boy the security he never had. He looked at the papers, seeing the boy’s name, the surname they shared. It felt like a sign. He wasn't the religious type, but Eric was a family name, a name passed on with love and respect.

The social secretary opened the door to the room baby Eric was in, and the married couple saw him look towards it with a fast movement. They walked in slowly to him, afraid that their presence would scare him, but he sat the same way and looked at them with big eyes. Carefully, Eric lifted up the boy in his arms, and Lotti moved close to them. His eyes shifted from side to side, looking at them. He looked sad but with a calm curiosity.

“Hey Eric, hey sweetie…” said Lotti. He looked at her the same way, but his eyes gave away so many emotions. Lotti dragged a finger over her cheek, wiping away a tear. For her, it was impossible to think that the boy's mom didn't want to take care of him; he had an aura—a much stronger aura than other kids his age had. It was just something with him. Lotti looked at her husband, who had pulled the boy closer to his chest. Both could feel it in their bones, and they could see in the other's eyes they felt the same thing. This boy was theirs. This boy was theirs, and they would do everything in their power for him to only be theirs and save him from his mother and all the darkness.

×××

Little Eric stood on a chair by the sink next to Lotti. He was quite short for his four years but had a personality bigger than other boys his age, and so lovable Lotti could see how others envied her. He stood and washed the dishes with her and laughed while playing with the bubbles. He always wanted to be close to them, always wanting to help.

“You're so good at this, Eric!” Said Lotti with a laugh when he gave her a completely clean glass. Eric laughed again so she could see the deep dimple in his cheek. She kissed it hard and dragged her fingers through his messy hair. In just a few hours, he would go to his biological mother and then come back to them as a shell again. He never told them what happened at his mother's, and that was what made it harder for them to do something. There was no proof the bruises on his little body were from something else than rough playing, but Lotti knew her boy so well, his games well, and it wasn't bruises from the playground.

Lotti woke up from her thoughts when she heard her other son in the living room. He was playing video games and made sound effects for the game. Eric looked towards the living room, and when Lotti did it too, he waved with his little hand, showing that he wanted them to look at what Robin was doing. He always wanted skin-to-skin contact, so Lotti pulled him up on her hip and carried him out to the living room. Robin gave them a bit of an irritated look but wiped it away when his mom dragged her fingers through his hair.

“Are you winning?”

“Yes!” He screamed proudly, and Lotti giggled at him. She looked at Eric, who didn't seem to find the game amusing, and instead looked out from the living room's big window.

“It's sunny…” he said with a small voice. Lotti often got the feeling he didn't dare to use his full voice, and he almost whispered when he talked.

“Do you want to go out? Should we go out and draw a little?”

Eric nodded and dragged his hand over her neck. He was soon five years old but felt both younger and older at the same time.

They moved out to the back of the house, in the early spring sun. She could see Robin through the window and, at the same time, make the last few hours of Eric's time there the best she could. He sat in her lap, drawing whales and colorful birds. He was great at it and could disappear into it completely, but not today. She knew he knew what would happen soon. How they would put him in the car and drive him to the social service office, where his biological mom would get him. She knew he would cry in panic and how the social worker would need to pull him away from her neck. She knew Linda would look smug when she left with their son, not because he wanted her more, just that she was his mom, whatever they said. She didn't need Eric's love; she just wanted to win.

Lotti knew she would cry the rest of the day and think about what Eric did at his mom's place. She wondered in what state he would come home in. Eric hugged her hand hard in his and looked up at her with his big soulful eyes. They were shining with tears.

“I love you, mommy…”

It was a plea, a cry for help, but she couldn't do anything. She took a deep breath so she wouldn't start crying and hugged his little body against hers.

“I love you too, Eric. My baby, my son... I love you most in the entire world.”

×××

It was the third meeting they have had with Eric's school that year. Becoming a teenager was not easy for him, and it revealed sides in him they hadn't noticed before.

He had been such a calm child, and after he stopped seeing his mother, he also started to feel safe and comfortable in his own skin, but instead of those sides growing in him, other things took over.

While some teenagers became a bit moody, he got depressed and had a hard time getting up from bed in the mornings. When he finally was in school, he couldn't concentrate and did things you should absolutely not do in a classroom. Playing with a lighter and burning things up was his favorite, painting on the walls another. Even if all his teachers saw that he was a nice boy with serious problems, they kicked him out of the classroom, and Eric found himself chain smoking and listening to music that matched his mood. He was lonely. Extremely lonely, so when the wrong sort of people stretched a hand out to him, he was quick with taking it.

“We haven't seen Eric for a week now. If it continues like this, we're forced to call social service,” said the principal and leaned against his desk. Lotti looked at her husband and sighed deeply. It was always heartbreaking to hear about how Eric slowly destroyed his life. She knew it wasn't his fault. His biological mother had probably taken substances while pregnant; he had trauma since his childhood with her, and on top of that, he had such severe panic attacks that he had cried for death.

“Eric is a lovely young man and is really appreciated as a person-”

“So why don't you help him more? The only thing you do is throw him out of the classroom! Why should he go to school when no one wants him here?” Lotti said, upset. The principal gave her husband a look, like he thought he should calm his wife down, but Eric felt the same thing and looked at the principal with an angry look.

“We must think about the other students... You haven't thought about maybe taking Eric to a doctor? To get some help with his... problems?”

Lotti looked down at her hands and sighed deeply. She knew they probably needed to do that, but pulling him away to a doctor felt awful. He didn't need that on top of everything else.

×××

Robin always came home from school alone, even if they had told him to drive his brother home. They had given him a new metallic red Mercedes, and it’d been clear that he would give Eric a ride home. Robin always said Eric wanted to go home by himself, and their parents didn't know what to think. Eric liked being alone, but it was a long way home. Lotti looked at Robin disappear to his bedroom with two girls laughing while she sat down by the window. She worried the whole day for Eric and how the medications would affect him. He was such a sweet boy, and she didn't want to destroy that with all the pills he had been prescribed.

She smiled a little when she saw him come walking. He looked like a black raincloud in his black zip hoodie, black jeans, black hair, and black eyeliner around his eyes. He carried his khaki backpack on one shoulder, full of pins from different bands and motifs made to provoke. Still, the kids on the street jump around him. Eric smiled a little while they tried to impress him with their skateboards and MP3 players. Lotti got warm in her chest. It was just something really special with him, and everyone liked him.

“Hey mom!” He shouted when he came in through the door.

"Hey, honey,” answered Lotti and walked out to the hallway to meet him. He had pulled off his hoodie and surprised her with a yellow t-shirt, a sex pistol t-shirt, and he had put his converse neatly on the shoe rack.

He gave her a hug, like he always did when he came home and Lotti took his hand. They needed to talk but were interrupted by Robin's laugh. He came down with his two girlfriends, and Lotti let go of Eric's hand to not embarrass him in front of the older girls. They giggled when they saw him, and he got red in the cheeks and ears.

“Hey Eric,” said one of the girls, and the both of them giggled. Robin rolled his eyes.

“Don't forget to come home for dinner,” said Lotti to her oldest son while her younger son stood looking down on the floor.

“Yeah, yeah!” He answered and opened the door for the girls. Just before he closed it, both Lotti and Eric heard one of the girls say, excited:

“Your brother is so fucking cute!”

Lotti looked at her youngest son, who smiled embarrassed but tried to hide it from his mother. She smiled at him, amused. It was true; he was cute, and she knew he would be more than that one day. She wished she didn't need to have the talk she needed to have with him—let him bask in the girl’s words—but instead she needed to take him to the kitchen, where his medications stood in a row.

“So this is for your ADD, this is the antidepressants, these you can take if you have anxiety, these are for the OCD…” Lotti looked at a note while pointing at the medications in front of them. Eric looked at the medications and dragged his hand over a bruise on his neck he had told his parents was from his karate training. He saw something else than his mom did while looking at the pills.

“You can have them here in the kitchen, in a cabinet-”

Eric gave her a disliking look.

“Robin's friends are always here digging around; can't I just have it in my room?” He said and continued to drag his hand over the bruise. Lotti looked at her son. He was a trustworthy young man, and she trusted him with her life.

“Okay, but you must take them every day.”

Eric nodded, taking the medications in his hands, and walked up the stairs. He would take them every day, but also take more and more for every day.

×××

“That doctor… I can't understand why he felt it was a good idea to give a fourteen-year-old so many medications… But also…” Lotti sighed and looked down at the pictures of Eric. “I can't understand how I thought it was a good idea for him to take care of it all himself. I forgot he wasn't my own flesh and blood so many times…”

I sat in silence for a while, until Lotti sighed.

“But what happened then? I guess you noticed he had taken them all?”

Lotti nodded.

“Yes, and we didn't get him any more medications. He tried to tell us he wouldn't do it again, but we weren't that stupid this time. Then I kinda... Forgot about it all?” Lotti looked shameful. “You must understand, Eric was such a lovely young man with me and others around; I kind of forgot he actually didn't feel well, or maybe I didn't want to believe so? He was just sweet all the time, so we didn't notice he fixed his own drugs instead.”

“Like what?”

“First I think it was weed, then he started with ecstasy and amphetamine... I don't really know when he started to take opiates.”

It was all so sad. They had wanted to give him everything, but his background caught up with him. He had inherited the addiction gene and was also traumatized by abuse. He didn't have a chance. His anxiety had taken over his life, and he still was fighting so hard.

I looked at Lotti while she dried her tears with her floral napkin. I wanted to tell her that the person she loves the most was alive and quite happy, but I didn't dare. I didn't know how that would affect her, and I didn't want to create fights with either Robin or Eric. It was both their choice, and I wanted to give them both respect.

“Did he take drugs all the time after that?”

Lotti looked up at me again and made a loud exhalation. It probably took all her power to talk about Eric, but she continued anyway.

“No, he had a girlfriend that got him to stop, Felice, but when the relationship started to go south, he also felt a need for drugs. And then… With Simone, everything got so much worse.” I looked at Lotti with big eyes. I could feel a stir of anger in my stomach when I thought about Simone, but also jealousy, it was hard thinking about Eric with another woman.

“She broke his heart. Eric was a sensitive boy—so sensitive, and she didn't take his mental health problems seriously. She didn't understand where his addiction came from, so she broke up with him. The next I hear...” Lotti took a break and swallowed hard. “The next…” She swallowed hard again, but the tears had gathered in her eyes and would spill over even if she did everything in her power not to cry. I took her hand in mine, and she let herself cry silently.

“He had overdosed. Heroine. My boy… My little boy…” she cried. My heart beated hard in my chest, and my throat burned like I had swallowed a match. It was awful that she believed he was dead.

“When was this?” I asked carefully.

“Soon three years ago.”

I nodded slowly. It must have been around the same time she had been through her accident, so it was easy to fool her, but that was also what made it even worse. She had also lost her husband around the same time. Why did they do this to Lotti?

×××

The full moon looked at us while we made out. Big and round, it stared at us just like in my dreams, but this time we weren't alone. We sat outside on a cold autumn night after having danced at The Pulse. Four of his friends sat and looked at us while we made out on a teeter-totter on the playground. We had run around there like two kids while his friends passed around a joint.

I had his bomber jacket on top of my own coat while he just wore an oversized t-shirt with a big picture of Courtney Love in a thin neglige. Even if he had so few clothes on, I put my cold hands on his stomach to touch his skin and muscles.

“He's just skinny!” Shouted Jackie towards us, and both me and Eric looked at him amused. Eric dragged me closer to him so he could stuff his nose in my hair and breathe in, and I dragged my hands to his naked back.

“Should we go home?” He whispered, and I nodded. I wanted him to myself now.

“Do you know she stalked you?” Shouted Jackie just as loudly as he had done before. Eric looked at him with a smirk, like it was a bad joke. I, on the other hand, gave Jackie a worried look and swallowed hard.

“Yeah, she had seen you around and begged me for your address. It wasn't a coincidence you met her outside the store.”

Eric looked at me with a confused smirk. He didn't seem to believe Jackie, and neither would I, if it hadn’t been about me.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. We're going home now,” said Eric, who helped me off the teeter before he stood up himself. While doing that, his sleeve rode up, and I could see the aggressively purple bruise on his upper arm. I saw that Nick looked at it too, but I looked away when he looked at me.

“It's nice seeing you together. Seeing you with a girl. It suits you,” said Nick in a brotherly way, but there was a hint of worry there too. Eric lit up and pulled me close to him. He looked at me with big eyes.

“Yeah. It feels like a dream sometimes.” He didn't let me go with his eyes while his friends started to ‘oh and ah’ and whistle as a joke. Eric smirked at them but then lifted me up easily so I had my legs around his waist.

“Let's go home.”

×××

It was all so good between us, except when his anxiety crept on him in the night, like something heavy lay on his chest, and he couldn't get it away. I could see him touch his neck, like that was the solution. I dragged his hand away and let him lay against my chest and breathe deeply.

“Tell me. What do you think about?”

Eric laid quiet, like he expected the question to disappear if he just ignored it.

“Talk to me, please.”

“I don't know,” he said lowly. “Just shit. Old memories.”

“What kind of memories?” I wanted him to tell me about his childhood with his own words, but he was quiet again.

“It can help to talk about it.”

“I don't know what to say,” he said and shrugged his shoulders. “It's just bullshit things.” 

He was just the same as he was when he was four years old. I wondered if he had told anyone what had actually happened to him as a child. I dragged my fingers through his hair until he suddenly talked with a whisper, like he didn't dare to say it out loud.

“It was my own fault... I should have said something, but... I guess I was ashamed."

“You don't need to be ashamed; it wasn't your fault.” 

My comment could reveal I knew more than I should, but he didn't say anything about it; he just sighed deeply and laid a hand over his face. 

“Eric? You were a child; it's okay to talk about it. You don't have any responsibility for this.” 

He nodded a little but didn't remove his hand, so I moved him away from my chest and laid down so our faces were at the same height. 

I waited for him to say something, and at last he did. 

“I had the best parents... My foster parents. I love…” he swallowed hard and looked down at the sheets. “They were the best, but my biological mother... Eh fuck,” he sat up in bed and laid his hands over his face. I didn't move, hoping he would lay down when he was ready. 

“She was just fucked up.” He shrugged his shoulders like that was all. 

“Fucked up, how?” I asked and dragged my hand over his naked back. Eric put his hands on his head and dragged them back to his neck in an uncomfortable manner. 

“Eh fuck Della, I don't want to talk about this.” 

I nodded a little and pulled lightly on his forearm. 

“Okay, of course. Come now, baby, let's sleep…”  

He laid down on my chest again, and I hugged his head in my arms. I was disappointed he didn't want to tell me, and at the same time, I worried so much about him. It wasn't healthy to carry around such things in his chest without processing them. I also felt the bad conscience grow in my tummy. I knew so much about him but pretended to know nothing so he would tell me more. 

Eric fell asleep after having listened to my heart for a couple minutes; he didn't seem to notice it beating harder with anxiety. I was his girlfriend, but the only thing I did was lie. I wanted to be honest; I wanted our relationship to be true, but for that to happen, I needed to tell him I had stalked him, I had fooled his mom and brother, and I had lied to him. He would never forgive me for that. 

I pressed my cheek against the top of his head and breathed in his minty shampoo. I tried to calm myself with deep breaths, but my tears slipped down in his black hair and disappeared. I wished it could be as easy for my lies to disappear. 

 ××× 

I could see that all of my girlfriends looked at Eric with big eyes, even my sister, Desiree. 

We were out dancing at a club, celebrating Halloween, and getting tipsy on tequila shots. Eric was one of the few guys in the club that had some sort of Halloween costume. He had let me do his makeup, and we matched each other, with black tears streaming down our cheeks, and he also had my black lipstick on. He did what he wanted and didn't even think about how people would react. 

“I think you need a glass of water!” He said to me over the music and laughed at my disoriented look. “I’ll get one for you!”

Eric stood up and walked away to the bar. He towered over most people, and it made it easy for me to see where he went. I looked at my friends who also looked after him. He wore a dark gray tank top in a loose model that showed off his arms and muscular chest. He paired it with bleached jeans that sat baggy on his long legs. 

“He's hot as fuck!” Nessa said to me loudly over the music even if her boyfriend sat next to her. I giggled and laid my head against the couch. I was a bit too drunk, but I had the luxury to know I had a boyfriend who would be able to carry me home. 

“He is, but... He looks like a player! Are you sure he is a good guy?” asked Desiree and looked at me seriously. 

“He's not a player! I promise. Don't you notice how shy he is?” 

Eric had said hello to everyone but kept mostly quiet while we talked. He just nodded a little with a smile when he agreed with something. 

“Are you sure he's shy? It can just be a way to win you over,” said Nessa's boyfriend and took a sip of his beer. I gave him an irritated, pointed look.

“You think he has played shy for three months? He's shy! Even if he looks like a bad boy!” I said with a drunken giggle. Desiree shook her head amused and also giggled. We fell quiet when Eric came back, carrying a glass of water for me and a beer for himself. In my toxication, I crawled into his lap with a giggle and kissed his face several times. I was so proud to have such a hot, sweet boyfriend. I could see jealous eyes on us. Eric smirked at me but then pressed his lips against mine. 

“What's your training routine?” Paulina's boyfriend asked suddenly. I had seen him looking at Eric a lot, but I hadn't put so much thought into what it meant, but now I knew. I looked at Eric, who played with my short leather skirt with an uncomfortable expression. He was probably not so comfortable answering that because he trained a bit too much. It was sometimes many hours a day. 

“No, you don't really know, right? You just work out when you want to,” I said so he wouldn't need to answer the question. He looked at me with big eyes, then smiled. 

“Yeah, it's not scheduled, so I don't know,” said he with a shoulder shrug.

××× 

We became even more intoxicated, except Eric, who drank as much as the other guys but was completely unfazed. We were outside of the club, ready to go to the next destination, but we needed to wait on Nessa, who puked in an alley with Desiree as help. Paulina and Amanda looked between me and Eric, leaning against the building further away, closer to the alley. 

“He's super hot... Isn't that hard? I don't mean this in a bad way, but... He's a really hot guy, while you're more... Cute?” said Amanda.

I scoffed and looked at Eric, who had pulled up his tank top to show his abs for the men around him. It was silly behavior and probably nothing they would have done if they weren't drunk. 

“You mean I'm not hot enough for him?” 

“I don't mean it like that! Just that you maybe don't match?” 

I shook my head in disbelief but also wondered how she would continue the conversation, but instead both of my friends just looked at him when he laughed showing off his abs. I was so proud of him. So, so proud of that amazing human, but now I felt worried and jealous. Because of Demi's reaction to him, I had started to believe I was the only one seeing his beauty, but I was so wrong; even the guys stood and gawked at his body. I had been naive, and now I got worried some other girl was around the corner, prepared to steal my man. 

I left Paulina and Amanda without saying anything and walked up to my tall boyfriend. He was the tallest in the group. He was the fittest in the group. The hottest of them too. I wasn't the hottest of my friends; I wasn't even the tallest. 

“I'm tired,” I whined and pushed my face against his chest, acting like I was more drunk than I was. Eric looked down at me with a silly smile and put my hair behind my ear with soft fingers. 

“Do you want to go home?” He asked and lifted my chin so he could look me in the eyes. I pouted and nodded like a sour five-year-old. He played with my pouting underlip with his thumb in a teasing way and made the same face himself. 

“Then we go home, yeah?” 

I nodded but lifted my arms, and he lifted me up like it was obvious what I wanted. I could see my girlfriends look at me with some sort of envy. Maybe they just wanted their boyfriends to be more like Eric, or they wanted him. I didn't care, the only thing I knew was that I would never let him go. He was mine. 

××× 

How we ended up on the floor I couldn't remember. I could only remember what I saw right then and there. Eric had my naked leg in a tight grip, slung over his shoulder, while snapping his hips fast. His girthy cock pushed into me fast and hard and I could hear myself moaning in a pathetic way; sometimes I even mixed in his name, something I've never done with any guy before. When I looked up at him, I could see his dark gaze and open mouth. I could see a sweaty chest and abs and a v-line carved with the sharpest knife. He kissed my calf while slapping his hips against mine. He let me often lay down because I couldn't match his strength and stamina, but he didn't complain; it felt more like he fucked me even harder because he wanted to tease me.

“Can I come inside of you?” He said it between his pants, and I just nodded. He had learned he didn't need to do much to get me to come when he had transformed me into a pile of just lifeless body parts, he just pressed down with two fingers over my clit, like it was a button, and rubbed it a few times, then I came together with him. 

××× 

I really needed to start to work out again. Even if I hadn't really done any heavy lifting, I had pain in my thighs the next morning. I was happy my parents had been nice and had taken Odin for a night; in exchange, they could meet my boyfriend. I looked at my boyfriend snoring loudly with an open mouth. He always snored loudly when he had been drinking alcohol. Sometimes he even woke me up. I was nervous about bringing him to my parents. I knew he would be the best boy but I didn't know if my parents would be as well behaved. I don’t even think they had seen someone with as many tattoos as Eric. They would probably be uncomfortable but I hoped they at least would be nice. 

I laid my nose against his neck even if he was snoring and slung a leg over his hip. I just wanted to be close, and I hoped the sight of my pussy so close to his cock would make him perk up when he was awake. I smirked to myself, lost in filthy thoughts, so I didn't even hear the entrance door open. 

If I knew, I would have jumped up and closed the door to the bedroom. If I knew that Robin had taken his own key to surprise me early in the morning, I would have suggested Eric should take a run in my neighborhood. The last thing I would do was lay naked with his brother, who started to get hard in his sleep. 

I thought I heard the sound of keys but waved it away as nothing. Instead, I dug down my nose even further down in Eric's neck and let my pussy push against his hardened cock. I knew it was okay I did that; he just likes being woken up with sex.

“What the fuck?” I heard Robin say behind me in such a confused voice that I didn't even recognize his voice. I turned to the door and met his blue eyes that looked at us upset. First I couldn't move, even if he could see so much of our naked bodies, and when I started to realize what was actually happening, I moved away from Eric and covered us both up with covers. 

“Oh my god, oh my god... Robin, it wasn't meant…” I whined and put my hands over my face in shame. 

“You're fucking with him??” Said Robin, upset and waved with his arms, so he accidentally waved down a vase standing on my vanity table. It was crushed into hundreds of small pieces, but it also crushed Eric's sleep, and he looked up, confused. He sat up, exposing his whole naked torso, and it made Robin look away, like he thought the view was disgusting. Eric looked at Robin in silence than at me in confusion. 

“What, what, what is this?” He stuttered. His big green eyes were full of worry but also hurt. He already knew I had done something stupid that would break his trust in just as many pieces as the vase. 

×

[babygorewhore]

Pick 4 fictional characters to have an orgy with.

Then pick 4 celebrities to have an orgy with.

Then pick 4 mutuals to have an orgy with.

1. Rafe Cameron, Logan Howlett, Cooper Adams and Spencer Reid.

2. Bill Skarsgard, Drew Starkey, Josh Hartnett and Evan Peters.

3. @xxbimbobunnyxx @cxrrodedcoffin @webbluvrsugar @littlexdeaths hehehehehe

[forgottenghosty]

Dang I miss Immortal/Undead Male Whump with possible wholesome romance as tv shows...

I just got done rewatching FOREVER (2014) and Moonlight (2008) and want to watch more shows and even movies of the similar tastes and it’s hard to find.

(Forever 2014)

(Moonlight 2008) (Fun facts, the character Joseph from the show voices Terra in the Kingdom Hearts games. A book was published years after the show that inspired the series called “Angel of Vengeance” by  Trevor O’ Munson. The show went on hiatus due to the writers strikes and received 4 new episodes before ending, being cancelled, and not being picked up again.) 

I miss seeing shows where the male lead has to keep the secret or deal with someone knowing their secret and trying to live with it. All of it based more in a realistic reality of the actual world, while still be fictitious enough to have things that could never happen in reality as well.

I know there are some show or movies out there similar, but they don’t fit my tastes or I did watch them for a time and then stopped cause they started getting crazy or boring for me.

I’m not one for watching something with sex in it, nor a lot of demonic things in it either. Some exceptions have been Angel and Buffy, but those are more supernatural fiction. I tried watch Vampire Diaries and did enjoy it for a time, same with the Teen Wolf series, but they both got to a point I couldn’t stand them and just stopped watching and couldn’t get myself to watch them again. I’ve tried with Teen Wolf, but just got bored.

I did try watching some of True Blood to see what it was like and only came out enjoying the theme song and left that quick. I don’t think I made it past the first episode.

Tried watching Penny Dreadful and same thing happened. The Sabrina remake as well. One ep and then I ditched it. I hated the the demonic stuff and just dipped. Made me miss the 90s show I grew up all the more.

I used to watch Forever Knight as a kid, She Wolf, and Beauty and the Beast as well, but not really into watching the super older shows of late 80s early 90s right now.

Also sucks how I can’t get season 2 of Invisible Man (2000) in the US. UK is lucky and got the second season of Invisible Man, we only got Season 1, which I bought up so fast. Though based more in science, Invisible Man was another good one. Poor guy couldn’t catch a break. Miss it so much.

(The Invisible Man (2000) (Thankfully, though only 2 seasons, the series got to end with an actually ending.)

Thankful we keep getting Psych movies every few years or so, though movie 2 and 3 haven’t been available to buy yet, which is frustrating since they only show it on peacock, though 2 was on USA recently and 4 is in the works.

(Psych (2006-2014, Movies ongoing)

Enjoyed watching Dracula, the NBC, not the BBC one. That one I hated. I enjoyed Jekyll and Sherlock, but Dracula was horrible.

Dracula NBC ended too soon.

(Dracula (2013))

One I didn’t see until after it aired, that for a time was free to watch on old Hulu, was The Crow: Stairway to Heaven. Very 90′s, but enjoyable all the same.

(The Crow: Stairway to Heaven (1998) and yes that is Mark Dacascos probably known by many as The Chairman of Iron Cheif.)

Which I recently found out they finally have made a remake of the 90′s movie with Bill Skarsgard that I hope will be good. Just leaves adding any vfx and so on they need to before release.

Many will know him more as Pennywise the Clown and leads into why I sat through watching all of Hemlock Grove.

Only good reason to watch that show on Netflix. 

It has Vampires and Werewolves and more, but man, it isn’t worth it in the end with the plot they give.

So, yeah, really wish we got more immortal / undead whump with possible wholesome romances.

[chaptersleftunwritten]

I need help narrowing down a title for my story! Help?

Love y’all!

[emiliosandozsequence]

tell me about the novels bestie!

other than nebulous which you can read more about here (i'm putting this all under a cut bc it's going to be LONG

there is SPARROW is a southern gothic story about a fictional town and the wealthy family that is its namesake. the story itself involves family horror with stigmata and the plagues of egypt thrown in. the main character, basically, is a 33 year old priest having to learn to deal with his twin sister, who is already dying from heart disease and that he is in love with, having stigmata while the ten plagues of egypt strike their town and she becomes the second coming of christ. on top of all that, he has to deal with his incredibly abusive father and the disappearance of his mother 20 years earlier

anyway the fc list for these guys are as follows

father cesare michael sparrow: francois arnaud (main character, priest, in love with his sister and a sex addict bc of the abuse his father has put him and his sister through)

loa grace sparrow: olivia hussey [specifically in romeo and juliet] (twin sister of the main character; chronically ill, gets stigmata, and becomes the second coming of christ...in literally all that entails. this book is a tragedy)

cole isaac sparrow: bill skarsgard [specifically in hemlock grove] (the younger brother of cesare and loa by three years; he is a coke addict and goes out partying with his rich friends constantly)

father douglas sparrow: jeffrey dean morgan (the father of the sparrow children and the patriarch of the town)

minnie sparrow: holly hunter (the missing wife of father sparrow and mother to the sparrow children; cesare loved her very much and misses her deeply)

landry marceau: louis garrell (cesare's best friend; he's gay and jewish and works at the male strip club in town (the blue tulip) to help put himself through college to become a physicist)

this book was inspired by the borgias mostly negl as well as this idea i've actually had for a fanfic for a looong time. tbh i always wanted to use this as an original idea for a story instead, i just never knew how i wanted to it until recently

-------

there is also the HYMNS OF SIASMA which is a fantasy series that i plan to be 8 boks that i actually wrote once the first book of once before when i was 13-14. it was bad tho so i've completely overhauled the story and am redoing it. the main plot that i've got so far tho is an elf girl's mother, along with everyone else, is killed when the queen's army raids her village without explanation. the main character is then taken to the citadel in the capital and trained to be a swordsinger (a gymnastic swordsman basically) against her will. she's also put under a blood pact by the queen, so she cannot leave. she does the queen's dirty work against her will along with the other swordsingers, but, ofc, she eventually discovers she's much more involved in the violence of her world than she originally thought.

i don't have fcs for this book series yet, but these are the main characters in the first book (other characters come in later and there's a TON of other characters i want to develop that will probably also become main characters in this list later on)

ayia ellaster: the main character; kidnapped lowborn elf girl with dark hair and eyes and pale skin; now is a swordsinger; she is determined to avenge her mother and kill the man with orange eyes that slayed her

bretika 'bree' avis griellif: highborn elf lady with dark brown skin, dark eyes and hair, who's family was threatened into having her become a swordsinger to keep her family under control; she has the ability to summon water; her and the role her family plays (especially her younger sister who is a seer) become crucial in later books

diarmuid alexander desterra: a highborn elf leader in the rebellion with dark hair and pale skin and green eyes against the queen before his capture and subsequent forced blood pact; known as 'the flameborn prince' for the powers he possesses

ambet alayah lingeon: the half-elf niece of the queen with black hair, very pale skin, and silver eyes; she's evil and insane because of the trauma she's been through, but you don't know that until book 2-3

cris stelforen: lowborn human swordsinger with chestnut hair and pale skin that has been ambet's best friend since they were small children. he's under the blood pact to control ambet

verkerus espars: lowborn elf that is the commander of all the swordsingers. his family is pledged to the queen's; he has a very strange creepy relationship with ayia (he's a Lot older than her)

darik klaus lingeon: the twin brother of the queen with grey skin, white hair, and silver eyes (he's an arcanist and arcanists appearances are altered by the nature of the use of their powers). he's the father of ambet and is very weird with his twin sister >:)

sur merida lingeon: the usurper queen of siasma with grey skin, white hair and silver eyes (also an arcanist). she killed her father as revenge for him killing her mother after he usurped the throne from the last king. she carries on his legacy out of guilt

desten cordova: i have not developed him much yet, but so far i've got that he is a swordsinger with black hair, golden skin and dark eyes. he's a commander alongside cris and is his friend too

there's going to be a lot more to this, but the inspiration for this series comes from throne of glass (it is always morally correct to steal from sjm), lord of the rings, eragon, the seer and the sword, the healer's keep, the great tree of avalon, the song of the lionness quartet, and basically every book that i read as a kid when i was obsessed with fantasy mwah 💕

-------

and last but not least there is the ANAMNESIS TRILOGY which is a dystopian series that was originally going to be YA, but i'm making it an adult series now. anyway, it's about a girl who lives in the year 2048 after a nuclear apocalypse. when she was a child, rebels broke into her home and held her family hostage before killing her little brother in front of her. her mother was taken by the government and then put to death because she was once one of the Skilled which were supersoldiers that helped america (no longer the united states) win the war (tho half of the country was destroyed by bombs and nuclear fallout in the process), but after a certain amount of time, the genetic modifications the solidiers went through to become so strong made them lose their minds and become unexplainably violent. after, amber (the main character) was taken to be trained as an assassin to take down threats to the government. unquestionably loyal after watching her brother's murder, she agrees. until, ofc, she finds out the government is lying to her.

i wrote this book once and lost it, but thankfully i still have access to my plans for it. anyway here's the fc list from what i remember

amber latier: ko ah-sung (main character and assassin; has very bad ptsd and is suicidal bc her entire family is dead before the story even begins; this doesn't change. again i write tragedies fdashj)

dante addair: luke pasqualino (the love interest ngl and also an assassin. he's amber's partner in the field)

lia lellvan: juno temple (gets involved in everything by accident basically)

james kyser: garrett hedlund (trainer of all the assassins and personal trainer of amber)

drusian: jason isaacs (personal trainer of dante and arson; cruel and abusive)

arrow: i never found an fc i was happy with for her, but she's supposed to be japanese. anyway she's good with a bow which is the origin of her name and also very quiet, but very talented. isaac is her partner

isaac mechant: aaand he's in love with her. i also never came up with an fc for him, but he's supposed to be white

jem: another assassin who is supposed to be latina, but, again, don't have an fc for her.

arson: alexander ludwig (another assassin, who is the antagonist. he's an asshole to amber and jem is his cronie basically)

marcus shira: the leader of america. basically the king tho. he's dying of a disease that's never specified

these books were heavily inspired by the hunger games and the legend trilogy mostly, but also a bit of divergent too.

feel free to ask questions about any of these too!!