#i had ii on there because i felt weird abt it at the time i think this was when the thing happened w taylor

[dawnleaf37]

imma be honest i remember tdos having like . deep lore but i never got into it and i genuinely dont know why . i even had moonlight tdos as my pfp on my old account . i think they had like ancients thats all i remember . oh and cobalt is a guy

[sco07ut]

how did i feel about the way rvb19 treated iys female characters:

dylan: weird???? she felt so mischaracterised. between that and the new voice she fully felt like a new character ☹️ it also felt like she was forced in for like no reason. in s15 she seemed to be like a pretty esteemed journalist so idk why she would be stammering on stage in a nearly empty comic con. peculiar and i think they could’ve made the intro so much better if it had been a bit more like s15. dylan having some sort of interview maybe, talking about the disappearance of the rnbs and still getting cut off by the meta but in a way that like actually feels like her ? like she wasn’t particularly afraid of spencer porkinsensen (or whatever the fuck he was called)

kai: i was hoping she’d get a cameo but christ not that short. where in the name of god was my kai + grif interaction. i also think she could’ve killed the meta with sheer cunt force alone, my girl was held back !!!! also so disappointed that she never got to see tex again

sheila: i was not expecting you!!!! but it’s so good to see you again. did they rescue her from charon or something?? honestly quite sweet.

479er: Really wasn’t expecting you ! she contributed to the plot really nicely, it didn’t feel like she was forced in at all. it would’ve been nice to see more of her though, i feel like her scenes happened Very quickly. i also would’ve loved to see her interact with the other freelancers (particularly carolina and tex) but whatever i can’t complain too much about her

grey: what did they do to you!!!!!!! who are you!!!!! you are not the emily grey i know and love!! you would have so much more consideration for wash ☹️ another case of being mischaracterised so bad that i fully didn’t realise it was grey until wash said her name. this might also be because the infinite armour looks absolutely nothing like her but i don’t know jack abt infinite so i can’t really say anything

tex: I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I CANNOT BELIEVE RT ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGED HER PAST ENDING WAS SO DIRTY. wish she had maybe had a small conversation with the rnbs but honestly her saying ‘and in their memories i always kicked their asses’ was enough. she knows she’s the woman ever. i wasn’t expecting her to get sucked into the unit though :( like i suppose it makes sense to let her finally rest with whatever iteration of church was created when the ais merged but man i was looking forward to her joining the rnbs again and like idk getting to know her daughter properly this time?? severely missing tex and carolina content

carolina: where did you even come from girl!! where were you before you dropped out of the sky!!!!! i also wish she had spoke to the others & had like an actual scene where she was told sarge was dead bc they had like a weird little friendship going on and he’s just gone !! i feel like she barely did anything. she just dropped into the fight, did fuck all, and then revealed that wash has apparently been hallucinating the dead body of doc. erm

bonus ct + south: ct’s speech was alr i guess it wasn’t particularly memorable but it was nice that she was included tbh. though i was surprised south was in the freelancer lineup given she lowk bullied wash idk

in conclusion: my girls deserved better

[aranarumei]

whenever I have Thoughts particularly abt gender I end up floating back to the fun quirks of hanzawa to tashiro so here is me inflicting my tashiro wip on the world. it is under the cut.

II.

last week hanzawa had pressed an ice cold water bottle against his neck, and when tashiro had shrieked with the voice of a high school girl he’d whirled around to see hanzawa doubled over and laughing, the wrinkles around his eyes deep and mysterious as always.

“tashiro-kun,” he’d said, “your face!” and the glee mapped out in the curve of his lips and eyes and the scrunch of his nose was maddening. in the kind of way that made tashiro feel like he needed to retaliate immediately but in the way it made him feel like he was also pinned to the ground and couldn’t.

“what was that for?” he asked.

hanzawa crouched down, water bottle swinging hypnotically in his hands. they’d been making eye contact the whole time, but now he was eye-level, and even though he hadn’t shrieked at this tashiro felt the distinct impression that there was a rug being pulled from underneath him. “hmm,” hanzawa said, only he stretched it out into three separate notes, like he was not just mulling over one thing but thousands in a few seconds. “because it’s fun?”

“you—“ tashiro said. he tugged the water bottle from the loose hold of hanzawa’s fingers. “why are you always like this?”

“aren’t I delivering you your precious water?” hanzawa asked, faking the most blatantly untruthful expression of sincerity and surprise. “my, tashiro-kun, how could you be so rude?”

tashiro stared at him for a while and then—and then hanzawa giggled, a little different from his regular laugh, a little quieter, and silly in a way that tashiro thought sometimes he only got to see, and it was hard not to crack a smile at it but he managed, settling on a pout instead. “you’re impossible,” he’d said, and that had been the end of that.

this, by itself, was not that weird. it was just the way that hanzawa masato operated.

only now he was sitting in his dorm and—well. the water bottle—hanzawa’s water bottle, that is, was still there. sitting on his desk.

he didn’t mean to forget it, okay? he’d noticed he’d taken it almost immediately and he’d left it on his desk so he would remember, only he didn’t remember, and even though he could give it back any time now it just felt strange to do so, especially considering the fact that hanzawa hadn’t asked him about it at all. and it wasn’t a disposable water bottle, either—it was a nice, unassuming kind of brand, and it was part of why tashiro had been so surprised in the first place when he’d felt it against his back, because cold plastic was different than cold metal and he was still in high school! his voice still cracked! it was fine if it sounded a little high!

but the water bottle was still in front of him. it wouldn’t be such a big deal if he just returned it, but he wondered if hanzawa had gotten another one for himself already. or if he was being tricky again, and the reason he hadn’t asked tashiro about where his water bottle had gone was because it was another kind of indirect and weird gift. like how he’d passed on the title of captain in a way that was irritating and sweet in the same breath.

[demons-and-demigods]

Demons and Demigods Part Thirteen: Dreams are Weird, and Everybody's Confused

Heyyyyyy sorry for dropping off the face of the earth, whoops. I got distracted by other projects and going on vacation so I haven't done much work on this au in a while. But! I have a short little update here for you! I had originally planned to turn at least some of this into a fully written scene, and I might come back to do that at some point, but for now, have some nonsense that amuses me.

I wanted to do some episode rewrites for the spn boys because I missed them, and decided I'd do it for Ghostfacers and/or Jus in Bello. However, it felt weird to just veer away from the Argo II crew since there's so much going on there, and my brother suggested doing the episode rewrites through the viewpoint of Percy's weird ass demigod dreams so I started whipping up ideas for that because it immediately tickled me thinking about Percy watching the Ghostfacers nonsense go down.

I don't think there's much of anything for Jus in Bello mentioned here, I kinda fixated on Ghostfacers and then another idea I had instead. Anyway, here's some incorrect quotes style things I was thinking about and a bit of stream-of-consciousness writing.

Percy, dreaming on the Argo II: [witnessing Sam and Dean dealing with the Ghostfacers bullshit] The Ghostfacers: you have to go be gay for that poor dead intern/gay love can pierce through the veil of death to save the day Percy, a queer, waking up: what the fuck?  ~ Percy, dreaming: [eavesdropping on Sam and Dean's convos] Sam and Dean: [bickering about Dean only having a few months left] Percy, waking up and immediately Iris Messaging them: hey, the FUCK you mean Dean only has a few months left what the hades are you talking about? Sam and Dean: [high-pitched, startled screaming and flailing that ends up disconnecting the IM] Percy: . . . Rude. 

PERCY PARTY CRASHES ONE OF SAM OR DEAN'S DREAMS JUST LIKE 'oh hey haven't done this in a while' AND SAM/DEAN IS JUST LIKE 'WHY TF IS THIS KID HERE?' Bonus points: it's Dean's dream and it's a ~Trauma~ dream abt John being an abusive shit stain when he was little and Percy is just like oh fuck that actually and intervenes in the dream-memory to kill John (like mother like son) and then he and Dean trauma-bond over abusive 'dads' (Percy: hey next time I'm in the underworld I'll ask Uncle H if he knows where John is. that fucker better be in Hell or the Fields of Punishment and if he's not, he will be. // Dean: 👁️👄👁️ ) 

Dean pov on Percy gate crashing his dream and killing dream-john and them trauma-bonding over abusive ‘dads’ (neither John nor Gabe should be called a dad but for the sake of brevity). Percy pov on him watching the Ghostfacers nonsense through his weird ass dreams and overhearing the ‘Dean, you only have a few months left’ convo and resolving to call/IM the boys when he has the time to do so to demand an explanation for that bullshit and then Sam dropped the bomb that his brother is a dumbass and sold his soul to bring Sam back to life and now Dean only has a few months left before hellhounds are gonna come after him to drag his ass down to Hell and Percy is just like gods damn dude that’s some serious shit why didn’t you ask for our help? Did you ask for help from anyone in the Greek world? 

And Dean is very firmly like no we didn’t and we aren’t going to. Aunt Sally has enough on her plate to worry about without adding my impending doom on top of it and we don’t exactly know anyone else in the Greek world, let alone how to get in contact with them. Also, anyone we do know would no doubt tell Aunt Sally about it and like I said, I’m not laying that on her. (Because he’s dumb.) 

And Percy’s just like, what the fuck man, I mean I get it I always sanitize my quest stories for mom so she doesn’t freak out too much but still. What the fuck dude. And they have that whole heavy conversation where Percy promises to look into things on his end for any way to get Dean outta his deal and if nothing else talk to Uncle H and see if he can’t jailbreak Dean’s soul for him or smth. (Percy does, in fact, later ask Hades, begs him actually, to help Dean, to bring him back, to at least steal him and put him somewhere better than the Christian equivalent of the Fields of Punishment. Hades has to gently tell him I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do and he is genuinely remorseful that he can’t help out his nephew because he has grown fond of him and he would be more than happy to personally place Dean Winchester’s soul in Elysium if he could but he can’t and so he holds his nephew as he sobs, mourning the loss of another loved one whose life was cut too short and prays that the Fates or the Christian God or whoever is in control of this all will give Percy a fucking break and that someone will free Dean Winchester from Hell.) (Enter Castiel, Gay Ass Angel of the Lord, who will grip Dean tight and raise his fine ass from perdition.) (But I am once again getting ahead of myself. So.) 

Devolved a bit into my Destiel agenda there at the end, but this is my weird ass au and I do what I want lmao

Like I said at the start, I might come back to this at some point and fully write out the Ghostfacers nonsense, but for now, I'm gonna leave it at this and try to focus on figuring out what scene to cover next for the Argo II crew. I'll try not to fuck off into oblivion again but no promises, sorry.

[xantheyyy]

Idk im bored sooo here are some of my fave and NOT fave yaoi/bl/shounen ai/manhwas:

I: The perfect prince loves me, his rival!?

•Ok so when I first read this, i thought its gonna be like a enemies to lovers trope but upon reading it further, its abt a young man obsessed with a game and then died later on by a truck and got isekaid in his fave game. Has a crush on the prince and prince was cold towards him cuz he was isekaid as the bad character smth like that

•Im gonna be honest here, mc is annoying as fuck

•Prince thinks Mc wants to kiss his fiance and tried to kill him like in a potion room idfk amd mc threw a love potion at him and they fucked

•Prince was kinda being a horny bitch

•ALL CHAPTERS ARE JUST SEX????

•mc still being annoying as hell LIKE UR A GROWN ASS MAN

•overall 4/10

II: Salad days

•OH MY FUCKING GOSH THIS MADE ME SQUEAL SO BAD

•No sex scenes (Stay away horny ppl)

•THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE A BALLERINA AND A BOXER 😭😭😭

•Boxer dude was nice to the ballerina boy AND KDJSKSNDKEJ THEY MAKE ME GO HEBSKDNSKZNDJD UEEUEUEUEUEE THEY MAKE ME FEEL SINGLE

•19237/10 I LOVE THIS OMFG 😭

III: Monetary love

•Debt shit ofc

•The bottom works as a sex worker to get money

•Ends up getting kidnapped by a yakuza

•Then yakuza kept him and made him his whore

•But the next few chapters they kinda like being lovey dovey

•The bottom joined the yakuza and the dude was worried for him cuz yea

•I'd give this aaaaa 6/10 its kinda cute but boring at the same time and theres sex scene

IV: Viva o muerto (Dead or alive)

•OK NOW THIS IS MY FAVORITE AND SHEESSSHHHH THE HUNTER IS HOT (ngl he looks like gallagher LMFAO)

•Wants to hunt down the scammer

•Scanmer is a cute baby boy ngl

•The hot hunter took the scammer

•Then they fucked they broke the bed at a random ass bar/motel (i think??? I forgot)

•EPILOGUE WAS ACTUALLY CUTE THEY HAD A DOG YAYY

•I dont wanna explain all so yea

•10/10 recommended if ur into men with big tits fr

V: Raoin Gotoki no Kuni Kara

•The cover was cute as hell

•THE MC IS CUTE

•Didnt realize it was yaoi the whole time i thought its just gonna be a cute bl story

•12/10 its cute as hell

VI: Waterside night

•When i first read this, i didnt know it was omegaverse

•PROTECT THE BABY AT ALL COST

•The omega needs a break fr

•Alpha was being an asshole and r worded the omega

•Dropped it because of that scene but then went back reading it again becauee of the updates

•BUT HE CHANGED

•Baby got taken away by his fucking dad

•Andd yea pretty messed up shit happening

•SUDDENLY THE ALPHA IS LIKE BEING NICE BECAUSE HE CANT FORGIVE HIMSELF FOR WHAT HE DID

•Worried as hell for the omega if hes near the water

•they got the baby back and lived at the alpha's house

•I'd rate it a solid 8.5/10

VII: Roses and champagne

•HELLOO??? LEE WON IS PRETTY AS FUCK 😩😫

•Caesar being horny for him

•And uhhh he r worded Lee won

•Dropped it because of that scene

•But went back reading it again I just felt bad for him :(

•Give Lee Won a break

•7/10

VIII: December rain

•THIS SHIT HAS ME BAWLING MY EYES OUT PLEASE

•THIS THIS RIGHT HERE HAD ME SCREAMING AND PUNCH THE WALLS

•PLEASE WHEN THEY SAW EACHOTHER AGAIN HAD ME SOBBING

•IN ANOTHER LIFEEEEE

•spoiler if u dont wanna get spoiled joke im not gonna spoil the rest i dont wanna ruin it for yall

•Happy ending tho

•12/10 if u wanna get depressed

VIII: Obey me

•I was curious and my friends also said i should try to read it

•First chap? Dropped it already

•Do i need to explain?

•-12237462827/10 if u like this, DNFI pls

IX: Pufferfish and Dolphin

•Oh my fucking gosh why did i even read the whole thing

•This had me crying and trying process what the fuck just happened

•Save the boy please

•-1928283736517172625115/10 pls stay away from it

X: Cherry blossoms after winter

•CUTE AS SHIT

•I just randomly got weirded out by sex scenes i cant rlly see them like that tbh

•PRECIOUS BABIES

•12/10 yes

[artificialqueens]

Pulling Leaves Off Trees, Chapter 1: Been Through the Wringer a Couple Times (Multi) - Sportkuras

Summary:

c’est bon: damnnn

c’est bon: wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s

human girl: @jansport spill

Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message.

“Oh, goddamn it.”

—

Or: The girls try to survive college, and everything else that comes with almost being an adult.

A/N: my first fic here on artificialqueens! i noticed that arent many college au’s and group chat fics of the s12 cast so i let myself be self-indulgent for once!! its unbeta’d so apologies lmao but you can talk to me here and you can find the ao3 link here! comment if you’d like!

***

Jan started her morning like almost every college student in their third year would: to be woken up by their alarm after a night of heavy drinking. She woke up with a start and groaned as Chromatica II started blaring from her phone, blindly reaching for it on her nightstand and peering at the time.

Damn. One in the afternoon, huh?

“Thank god I don’t have class today.” The blonde muttered as she checked her notifications: 7 from Twitter, 3 from Insta, and 1 from their group chat. She sat up from her bed and scrolled through the chat, trying to quell her pounding headache.

Bon Voy

Members: jaidaessencehall, heidininacloset, jansport, jackiecox, gigigoode, crystalmethyd, britafilter, dahliasin, nickydoll, aidenzhane, and widowvondu

lebron essence ball: okay so

lebron essence ball: me and shea are at the library rn and she’s complaining to me abt how she couldnt sleep right

lebron essence ball: and chile….it was bc someone was getting RAILED last night lmaooo

lebron essence ball: she said, and i quote, “the bitch had such a good time even I’M jealous”

c’est bon: damnnn

c’est bon:wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s

human girl: @jansport spill

human girl: also

human girl: feels weird that we didn’t start this day with a good morning announcement from jan

c’est bon: the vibes were off 😞

Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message, “Oh, goddamn it.” She’s now acutely aware of their apartment door opening and Rock’s footsteps padding from outside her room, most likely just coming home from her class. She suddenly remembered exactly what happened last night; most especially memories of what happened between her and her roommate . Memories of them being drunk as hell, coming back to their apartment from god knows how many bars, going to Jan’s room giggling like teenagers on a sleepover and well. You know.

Jan checked her phone again.

lebron essence ball: jannette….would you happen to know who was the lucky gal? 👀

backpack backpack: good morning to you too gigi 🙄

human girl: *Afternoon, actually

human girl: Now spill! I know you know almost everyone on that floor.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. How in the hell was she gonna say that her and Rock got drunk and hooked up as casually as possible? She could lie, but Jaida, Brita and Widow could smell bullshit coming from a mile away, and she’s a horrible liar. They’d know she was bluffing.

Might as well get it over it. She let out a sigh as she typed out a message, hoping that it was only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.

backpack backpack: haha yeah so um

backpack backpack: that was me & rock actually

Even though no one could see her, Jan hid her face behind her hands, bracing for the worst. Several dings!  had come from her phone as soon as she sent the message. Of course it wasn’t only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.

cox destroyers: Oh my god.

Jan’s eyes widened when she saw Jackie reply, although she’s not quite sure why she was panicking about Jackie knowing about her hook up with Rock in the first place. All she knows is that she’s gonna have to face Jackie (and everyone else, for that matter,) later.

sin city: ohhh bitch—

c’est bon: you and ROCK???

dom top: !!!

dom top: idk who Rock is but get it sister

backpack backpack: Thank you! Thank you, Heidi. It’s like you’re the only one who’s not acting weird right now.

c’est bon: lmao heidi

c’est bon: she’s jans roommate

human girl: Janice Elizabeth Sport.

von du for two: not this shit again i swear to god

tap water: Jan.

tap water: You know that I love you

tap water: BUT WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH YOUR ROOMMATES

Jan rolled her eyes at the messages, wanting the ‘news’ to be over as soon as possible. “And they say I’m the dramatic one.” She huffed as she quickly typed on her phone again.

backpack backpack: okay can y’all chill 🙄

backpack backpack: we just got drunk and slept together, that’s all.

backpack backpack: tell shea im sorry though xxxx @jaidaessencehall

lebron essence ball: bitch you know it ain’t about having a drunk hookup with someone

lebron essence ball: its about the fact that you banged your roommate AGAIN

backpack backpack: oh COME ON

backpack backpack: this was just the second time!!

backpack backpack: and lemon’s with priyanka now!!!

von du for two: girl you & lemon were fucking almost every week i can’t with u

von du for two: going at it like rabbits while we were outside your apartment getting ready to watch glee :/

tap water: and, frankly, i don’t want to come up to your apartment to run lines with you if i have to hear y’all fooling around. my good, christian ears have heard enough.

She felt her face heat up in embarrassment.

backpack backpack: oh my god can you guys please shut up!!!!

backpack backpack: it’s not gonna happen again bc it was a one time thing

backpack backpack: i promise

human girl: [dwayne the rock johnson voice] are you sure about that?

backpack backpack: yes georgina goode i am 100% sure

Jan bit her lip as she looked up at the door to her room. Okay, she’s not 100% sure, but not because she regretted it or anything. As much as her brain was allowing her to remember, last night was good. Great, even. But between auditions, college, and working in the café, her love life (or lack thereof) is on pause for now. Besides, it’s not like anyone has been actively pursuing her, or vice versa.

But it wouldn’t hurt to ask Rock, right?

Sighing in defeat, Jan quickly got up from her bed with her phone still in her hand (as much as her hangover allowed her), left her room and knocked on her roommates door, hoping that she wasn’t busy. She heard a faint “come in!” from the other side and opened the door softly.

“Hey, roomie.” She joked.

Rock looked up from her drawing tablet and slipped off the headphones from her ears. “Glad to see you’re finally awake, and here I thought you were a morning person.” Rock’s room was a mess of color and paraphernalia; while Jan’s was strictly purple, pop culture, and musical theater, hers was an array of figurines and albums on the shelves, kpop & anime posters tacked on the wall behind her bed reaching up to the ceiling, and a somewhat decent gaming setup in the corner of her room. Crystal and Nicky would be proud.

Jan rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well, last night was something,” She slightly cleared her throat at the mention of last night. “Also, about last night…”

Rock raised her brow, “Go on?”

“It was a one time thing, right?” Jan furrowed her brows in question, “I mean, last night was amazing , as much my brain is allowing me to remember. And you’re hot, so, I’m not complaining. Really dig the anime e-girl vibe, and I’m sure anyone would tap that ass! I mean, I did, but I’m just—”

“—Not looking for anything right now?” Rock cut her off, saving Jan from turning into a hungover, rambling mess.

She let out a sigh of relief, sitting on her roommates bed and putting her phone down, “Yeah, doll. Just been really busy right now, y’know? 3rd year isn’t a joke.”

The pink-haired girl let out a snort, “Oh, I know the feeling. And don’t worry, I wasn’t looking for anything either, and while last night was fun,” She looked at her pointedly, and Jan was calm enough to actually smirk at the incident between the two, “I’d much rather have you as my friend than as my fuck buddy, because you are loud , girl!”

Jan shrieked at that, “Oh my god, shut up!” She threw a pillow at Rock’s head while the girl let out a cackle, “My friends were on my ass about that too, some friends they are.”

“Wait, you told your friends about that? Aren’t you friends with Nicky?”

Jan huffed, “Mama, more like I was forced to tell them. Jaida’s friend, Shea—whose apartment is next to ours, by the way—was complaining to her about how she couldn’t sleep last night because of, um, my tendency to be vocal.”

“You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Rotted bitch!” Jan threw another pillow at Rock, this time missing because the girl was doubled over in laughter, “I can’t believe you! The disrespect, really. I shouldn’t be taking this from you, I still have a shift to do at 3.”

“But you took it from me real good last night, so,” this time Rock shielded her face as Jan threw pillow after pillow at her, trying to speak through her laughter, “Okay, okay! I give, I give! I’m sorry, mom!”

“Bitch! I can be a top if I want to!” Jan exclaimed in mock offense. As their laughter subsided, the blonde suddenly had an idea, “Oh! What if I invite you over for dinner?”

Rock smirked, “One: we’re roommates. It’s not really inviting me to dinner if we eat in the same room. And two: I thought you said you weren’t looking for anything?”

“I mean dinner with my friends, gorg. All 11 of us eat together at least once a week, this time we’re gonna crash at Heidi, Jaida and Brita’s. Maybe you wanna come and meet them? I know you and Nicky know each other somehow, so it wouldn’t be too awkward, right?”

“Introducing me to the family already? Ain’t that a bit too early for you, Ms. Sport?”

“More like introducing you to a bunch of kindergartners,” Jan muttered as she checked her phone for any new notifications, “But yeah, I want them to know you as my roommate and friend , not as my roommate who I slept with.”

Bon Voy

dom top: okay so jans sex life aside

dom top: y’all are still coming over tonight?

sin city: yes girl!! college sucks ass sm i need to eat my feelings

c’est bon: wouldn’t miss it for the world mon ami xoxo

cox destroyer: I’m gonna be a little late! I just have to return and borrow some stuff in the library.

human girl: can we please order pizza hut <3

lebron essence hall: no <3

von du for two: we are going to order dominoes like civilized people

human girl: ugh fine, all of you have 0 taste

human girl: crys said yes btw she just has class right now

tap water: aiden said she’s gonna come too, she just can’t message the chat bc she’s still in her shift

Jan grinned at Brita’s message, finally getting the chance to steer the conversation away from her.

backpack backpack: So if she can’t message the chat because of her shift, why’s she messaging you, miss brittany filter?? 👀

Jan can feel Brita’s eye roll from miles away.

tap water: She speaks!

tap water: And don’t act like this conversation isn’t over, Miss Janice Sport. You have a lot of explaining to do.

“So, are ya gonna introduce me as your forbidden, but passionate lover? Whose romance was short-lived, yet wild, fiery and unforgettable?”

Now it was Jan’s turn to let out a cackle as she left Rock’s room, “More like my chaotic mess of a roommate who farted herself awake!”

This time it was Rock’s turn to gasp in offense, “That was one time and you fucking know it! And my answer is yes, by the way!”

Jan sent a message to the chat before grabbing her towel and putting her phone away to take a shower.

backpack backpack: oh btw i’m inviting rock to hang out with us!!! I promise she’s super fun and that we’re just roommates and see y’all soon please dont kill me or make it awkward with rock xxxx

tap water: are you

tap water: kidding me.

von du for two: oh for the love of GOD

***

[idjitlili]

Stop wait and listen baby that’s my pilosophy.

A request for @medievalmage

'Hello! Would you do a Faramir x reader where you’re out scouting with him and his brother and it’s night time and you end up falling asleep on his shoulder. Then Boromir won’t stop teasing Faramir abt it the next day and it’s adorable af and you just sorta kiss Faramir to stop Boromir’s teasing. Thank you!'

Hiya my dude,so sorry this is very late, I just haven't been feeling Faramir at the moment,but honestly I cant deny requests ,so here we are. I've been very busy making a teapot and bread,plus being tired. I hope this is alright for you.

Summary:Imagine growing up with Faramir and Boromir,you had liked Boromir when you were younger,but as you matured you lost them feelings and gained them for his younger brother.

Word count:1430

It was no lie growing up you had deeply liked Boromir ,how could you not?Gorgerous hair ,gorgerous face,charming. You had been bestfriends growing up ,well with his brother Faramir ,just friends with Boromir. Faramir never knew of your feelings for his brother;and he was the person you trusted the most.

Anways growing up,you would often spar with them ,westle ,whatever ,they taught you how to fight in fact ,when you were young. They thought you being close to the stewards sons could cause evil to try get a hold of you ,to get what they wanted from the stewards sons, gold and such.Yeah so they taught you how to defend yourself from danger,it took a while but you got there eventually. In fact it caused you to become much more close to the brothers ;you would wrestle with them after that. As you became much more accustom to their physical contact.

Your mother would tease you asking which one would you marry,she didn't have any problem you being around them,knowing they would become noble men. She was very pleased to discover that you had een trained to be able to defend yourself. However your father was not so pleased with you for being so close to these men,well teenages right now,as the years progressed his hatred died down. They would often come over for dinner,as you all would ride into the freelands for training and camping. When you would come home the next day ,it would be time for supper,so you'd invite them round.

Your father grew to like them ,even laugh with them,but he did question in secret with your mother when your marriage with faramir would be revealed. Your mother may of knew who you had liked ,but she knew you would grow to love one of them ,more than a school girl crush. Your father already knew from the look in Faramir and your eyes when they would meet from across the table.

You were only a young adult when you had joined the rangers with Faramir,which he allowed because he wouldn't let any harm come to you,plus he knew you could defend yourself.  That is what he would tell himself ,but in reality ,he wanted to spent as much time with you ,and be close to your as much as he could without being weird.

Anyways you two did grow close after just a week of working together ,constantly in each others presences. Truthfully everyone else that were apart of the rangers were men,they kinda scared you ,so you stayed by someone you tursted with your your whole heart,faramir. After that week ,you began to fall in love with the stewards youngest son. One or two of the rangers had degraded you ,or made some sorta sexual comment ,Faramir would appear and give them shit. After he would make sure you were alright,looking at you deep in your eyes,within two weeks you definitely began to realise that you were in love with your life long bestfriend.

That was over two months ago,you Faramir were closer than ever ,but you were about to be closer. Denethor II your bestfriends father ,had sent you ,Faramir and Boromir out scounting. Well actually Denethor was like 'Boromir go scout with some other dudes' not those exact words of choice ,so Boromir had chosen you two of course.

So you had taken your horses to go scout the forests ,near Gondor for spiders nest ,or orcs that could be planning to attack. You three had spent all day searching ,only to find nothing. Before you all knew it ,it was almost dark,you had made camp before you all gathered firewood. With that soon a fire was lit and you were all sat around the fire.  

You had forced the boys to help you peel some potatoes ,before putting them in the pan on the fire in some water. Sam would be proud to know you were making mash potatoes. They didn't take long ,your bellies were quickly filled. You had sat very close to Faramir as you were used to with all the other rangers ,as there was less spaced. General conversations ,and some of Boromirs battle stories were shared.

Yet soon your eyes grew heavy ,as the night grew dark,you hadn't even realised you had been leaning on faramir. You could not think about such a thing ,as you fell into sleep ,causing your head to rest upon faramirs should, he had wrapped his arm around you to support you up,but actually it in a few minutes you were against his chest ,clinging onto him.

Faramir had just watched you peaceful in his arms ,until his brother had caused him to break that gaze. "you know she loves you?" he had spoken sincerely ,he had seen it for a long time,such as your father. "don't give me hope when there is none ,brother." faramir was annoyed at the state,ment ,as he really did love you ,but he couldn't see that you felt the same about him. "then why is she so comfortable to lay on top of you? It seems to me that is not the first time." faramifrhad blushed ,but thankfully the flames of the fire had hidden that ,it was true ,you had down this many times before.

"just you see tomorrow I shall get the truth."

And Boromir was true to his words he would get the truth ,even if he had to go to you and get you to admit your feelings. Instantly when you we awake ,being last up, Boromir had began the teasing. He had been sat upon a log ,carving a small piece of wood with a sharp small knife. You had sat upon out of Faramirs hold ,beginning to brush your hair,allowing Faramif to finally sit up.

"So brother, when can i expect a nice or a nephew?" the smirk was clear in his voice, Faramir had sighed ,you turned to the brothers confused. "w-what? you have a woman?"  you were beyond embarrassed you would not have dared to touch him ,he was your bestfriend why wouldn't he say anything. Now faramir's cheeks had flared up."n-no my brother is-" but Boromir had cut his bullshit off ,like a dogs nuts. " i just figured from how close you to were , that it can't be too long until you are pregnant." you had choked, lauching yourself at Boromir ,more like tackling him ,causing him to drop his knife ,straddling his chest,his arms above his head. "damn  I should expect one real soon then. Brother she has some moves." Faramir just watched in embarassment at the whole situation.

"you'd think for being my bestfriend,you would know im virgin,also we used to wrestle all the time ,it not kinky shit."  as soon as you were finished you had squeezed Boromirs cheekjs,before grinning. "you know as child ,I had a crush on you,Boromir." he had grinned back shaking his head no,faramir just stood a few feet away ,knowing you never liked him. "well uh that didn't last long,-" you had stood up ,holding out your hand for Boromir to take,in which he did.

"don't expect children soon ,but I do love your brother" you had walked over to Faramir cupping his cheeks ,pressing your lips swiftly to his,before walking over to your horse feeding it an apple from your bag on his saddle.   Boromir had smirked at his brother raising his eyebrows ,while ,Faramir was a beet still watching you.

"I heard everything last night,thats my pilosophy baby,."

[notrobyn]

okay gang i watched artemis fowl and my thoughts are SO LONG. (i literally was taking notes everytime something struck me lmao) so this is obvs gonna be under a read more!! (also there’s probs minor spoilers sorry!!)

the tl;dr for my opinion though is: it’s probably fine if you read the books but weren’t that into them. like if ur a hardcore fan u will be most likely not be that impressed, and if u have never read the books i am FASCINATED to know if u kept up with the plot!! there were bits i didn’t understand at all lol

okay so point no. 1 is that to me most of the changes from the book felt either a little unnecessary or straight up pointless. point no. 2 is that i don’t know how to organise my thoughts so im gonna separate these out by character lmaooooo i have s o much beef.

artemis fowl ii: the actor is sweet! he’s having fun, we’re introduced to him via him surfing and then on a lil hoverboard thing with one wheel? which is a frankly bizarre choice for book!artemis who notably doesn’t do physical activity. (this is a dumb thing but until about 2/3rds of the way through he wears jeans. unheard of for this lil snob). He’s also called ‘Arty’ several times without rebelling. aside from that though he really didn’t start out too badly!! we see him with his guidance counsellor where he is as much a little shit as he is in the book, he’s very self-assured and he clearly knows what he’s talking about.  It does kind of go downhill from there though - his character development pretty much doesn’t even start and by the end of the film I have NO idea what his motivations or even his personality are.  We hear more characters straight up Telling us “ARTEMIS IS SMART AND ALSO SCARY” than we see evidence of it.

artemis fowl i: the dad! this is Colin Farrell. which is fine. he’s fine. He wasn’t really in the first book since he’d been kidnapped before the events and wouldn’t be rescued til the next one but he’s.....not bad! He doesn’t give me ‘criminal mastermind’ vibes and he certainly doesn’t seem to have passed any of that down to Arty II.  The whole ‘hostage’ shit was wild, i’ll talk abt that later lmao

butler: oh MAN did they misuse butler!!! I fucking LOVE book!butler. he’s such a perfect surrogate-father-figure to Arty while being totally in charge of his welfare and stuff like I literally love him. what a badass. but in the film......he’s basically just the fowl’s servant??? Like he’s not even specifically in charge of Arty? He goes on stakeout on his own, he knows all about Artemis Fowl I’s private collections and secrets, and worst of all - Arty calls him Dom/Domovoi. What the fuck. (he also at no point puts on a suit of armour)

juliet butler: god okay I also love juliet, she’s so cool. change no. 1 to juliet is that she’s about artemis’s age? I’m pretty sure she was older. but not convinced. change no. 2 is that she’s butler’s niece??? why? what a pointless change. She’s really not in this film a lot, even parts that in the book were for her have been changed. don’t love that

holly short: okay, holly short in the books is my absolute fav. she’s the first female officer in LEPrecon, she’s making waves, she’s held to a higher standard and is angry about it.  but film!holly........she’s just sort of a normal fairy. Apparently her dad was some kind of human sympathiser so I guess she’s working through that but other than that she just seems nice. Not much characterisation, she’s the same height as Arty though so I guess he must be 1m tall. Cool uniform, cool wings, she did say D’Arvit once.

mulch diggums: tbh I did like him in the books but he got overwhelming in the film. He’s like....the main framing of the film? So it’s like him reporting everything that happened to HUMAN police (wtf). but for some reason he’s really tall. Why is he really tall. The jaw unhinging is truly horrific to watch though which is tbh probably the goal. idk he’s fine, he just...felt like too much, especially compared to the weaker characters of Arty and Holly.

julius root: so this is Judi Dench. and honestly it wasn’t awful. I was super worried about this one because having Commander Root be a woman genuinely takes away so much from Holly’s character of struggling in a male-dominated job. but since Holly didn’t have much of a character, judi did a fine job.  She wasn’t quite as angry but she is intimidating, and she did also say D’Arvit so that’s cool. I don’t hate it.

opal: why the fuck is opal in this film. she didn’t become an antagonist for a while. her motives were wild: there’s a new secret fairy artifact called an ‘aculos’ or ‘acuros’ (at no point did i understand what they were saying, i had it written as akhiros for ages) that artemis senior got hold of, so she kidnapped him to......get it? Even though she could have just stolen it? I don’t really understand this.

foaly: nowhere near as paranoid, nowhere near as fun. horse bit looked cool from a distance, BAD movement though.

OKAY that’s all the characters i can think of?? here’s some general shit though!!!!! sorry this is so long!!!!!

the music was great! it’s patrick doyle so that’s always good, but he did some really gorgeous things with having Irish-inspired folk music when we were in Fowl Manor and then an orchestral score for action scenes, and then darker music for Haven. I do like hearing those little bits weave in and out! 

didn’t love mulch being the framing device. not every film needs one, sometimes a film can just stand on its own!! kenneth branagh i hope you’re listening!!

don’t know why they didn’t just leave the main driving force behind arty kidnapping a fairy as being gold?? it had to be this weird new fairy secret acorn thing. nonsense.

there was a VERY confusing sequence with holly’s magic being “blocked” by the LEP that i would love to know if anyone understood. also if anyone actually understood the time freeze i very much did not. what was arty’s plan??? lmao

this is so long im so sorry. IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS FINE. I WILL NOT WATCH IT AGAIN, NOR DO I WANT THEM TO MAKE ANOTHER. I WISH IT HAD BEEN MORE ACCURATE BUT I UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE CHANGES WERE MADE FOR A DISNEY AUDIENCE. SOME OF THEM WERE NONSENSE THO. 

[fallingin-like]

november 4

“i hate you” sounds like “as you wish” by @luci-cunt

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a princess bride!au and as a person that has never read/watched it, this was a wild ride. a really funny fic, i thought this was such a fun read!!

wow okay so i’ve already talked to you a little bit on my thoughts regarding this fic so i’m just going to jump in and mention the bits i especially liked:

the part about the duchess realising annette loves chocolate and supplying so much of it so that she gains weight?? so funny (i watched an asian drama where a similar thing happens and it’s just so petty and dramatic i love it) also wowee 42 children, such goals

exCUSE me did you just say the duke fell in love with his mother in law because that’s wILd and also nasty

ohmygoodness early adulthood being 12 and 13 at that time. so true but also crazy to think about

”’so tell me, what’s your secret?’… ‘i feed them,’” THIS IS THE BEST

andrew moving to america to make money to build a home for him and neil is soooo cute!

part II is a good part. i love the author’s/authors editor’s notes and the repeated elaboration. i agree that other groom deserves no respect and his character shouldn’t be explored, although the additions to add more emotional depth was a good touch

queen bella is a blessing for being so wonderful and acting as a translator for the king

”’no one could be following us then?’… ‘no that would be inconceivable,’ she smirked… “why do you ask?’ ‘no reason… i just happened to look back and see a ship catching up to us’” oh i love this quote so so much. i’m pretty sure it’s a part of the original book/movie but it’s so good that i can’t not comment on it

”’i’m not a moron, i just can’t see that far,’ matt said defensively” yeah! don’t let lola boss you around matt!

”’how is this normal man gaining!?’…’i have to carry three people, and he only has to carry himself and-’” lola is the worst and matt is the best. he’s so lovely and is just trying his hardest~~

”you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means” this is the perfect line for kevin!! i can totally imagine him saying this phrase in the normal aftg universe in response to the rest of the foxes saying weird stuff as a meme without realising that it’s actually a quote. also could be used for neil every time andrew says he hates him ;)

iconic moment when kevin switches hands, just to be outshone by andrew doing tHE EXACT SAME THING

”lola was waiting for him, in fact, she’d set out a small picnic spread complete with blanket, wine, cheese, apples, and a tied up and blindfolded neil laying beside her with a knife to his throat” as yes, just the usual picnic things

dread pirate roberts being jeremy aka the human sunshine?? amazing

neil on andrew’s golden pillows!!!!

riko being super extra and riding four white horses like chill dude

i am definitely the count during the bit where riko is figuring out what happened “do we not want to hunt down the loser of the battle?”, “the count blinked at him, unsure how the prince was able to get as much from some stirred up dirt”, “the count only saw dirt and rocks” like what a big mood

this author’s note is hilarious! also i have not heard of phish food flavoured ice cream before but i just looked it up and it looks exactly like the kind of ice cream i would enjoy

”if i’m being honest, this is a bit underwhelming” typical neil josten, i think he would say this even if he was in the middle of being tortured

oh my goodness snow sand is terrifying and i definitely would have ended up being that person’s skeleton if i fell in. 

”every day jeremy told me ‘i’ll probably kill you tomorrow’ and while i didn’t believe him, i also didn’t want to risk that a letter to you could be my last” andrew! is! so! in! love! how soft, how can you argue against that logic?

hhh it breaks my heart when neil always sacrifices himself for andrew

OH DANG WAIT THE COUNT IS THE SIX FINGERED MAN

ngl i would have enjoyed reading a chapter abt the different types of food to be served at the wedding. 

thank you for summing up the bit about matt waking up. matt doesn’t deserve to be sad because he is amazing and lola sucks and those local boys who mocked him are terrible >:(

MATT RHYMING BACK WHEN KEVIN IS YELLING AT HIM AT FIRST I DIDN’T REALIZE AND THOUGHT HE WAS JUST SAYING GIBBERISH BACK ahhh he’s so precious!!

miracle minyard being aaron!!! i do not understand what miracle men are but this is great! “you look a lot like our dead man” “is that supposed to be a threat?” LOL 

”riko was to be married no later than a quarter to five, six wouldn’t do, and he still had to get ready and figure out how to force nathaniel into looking like a semi consensual groom” is a sentence i never thought i would ever read

MATT ON A WHEELBARROW WITH HIS ARMS OUT AND ON FIRE IS THE BEST THING EVER oh my goodness this is amazing

”andrew made his way as fast as he could-currently eighty year old man speed” this is me most of the time

”andrew, who was now moving closer to health-freak 80-year-old speed” this is me the rest of the time

i loved this so much! the tone of the story remains humourous and funny even when it gets really intense and emotional making this fic a really fun read. since i haven’t watched/read the princess bride before this was a really wild ride and i never knew what was coming next or how the story would be resolved. the author’s notes were really funny and were nice breaks from the plot of the story, especially since there was so much going on. even with me not knowing much of the context, you did a good job of explaining things without distracting from the main story too much. the characters that you matched up worked really well and this felt really true to the aftg characters, although maybe a little more dramatic (rip to king ichirou tho). thank you so much for writing this fic!

[felixsaussieaccent]

To All The (Stray) Kids I’ve Loved Before | i

Member: Jeongin/I.N

 ii  iii  iv  v  vi  vii  viii  ix

I was colouring in my colouring book and decided to start colouring with a red crayon. A guy next to me looked at me as I was looking for the crayon and being confused because I couldn’t find it. He tapped my shoulder and I turned my head towards him.

“Are you looking for this?”

He asked as he showed the red crayon I was looking for, in his hand. I nodded as he handed it to me with a smile. “Thank you!” I said, smiling back at him “I’m Jeongin” he said, sticking his arm out, excitedly. “Hi! I’m Y/N!” I introduced myself after shaking his hand.

We became really good friends from that day forward and as time went by, we became better friends. He would constantly come over for play dates and I’m 100% sure my parents love him more than they love me. I would also go to his house for play dates where his mom would always give us snacks and chocolate milk. She was always so nice to me and I saw her so often, she was like my second mother.

When me and Jeongin were starting school, we unfortunately didn’t go to the same school, which meant we had sleepovers on the weekends and went to a cat cafe after school as much as possible. We were at that cat cafe so often, that the owner would start giving us discounts on certain drinks that we always ordered. The cats were really friendly with us as well as they kept seeing us almost all the time.

Till this day, Jeongin remains as one of my best friends. He’s always there for me, some times he doesn’t really understand what I’m going through but he’s very thoughtful and an amazing listener, and an even better cuddle buddy. He also always supports me and hypes me up, no matter what I do or how I do it. He’s been there for basically my whole life and I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for him.

At times, he would let himself into my house and bring snacks and binge eat them with me as we watched movies on days I felt like I didn’t wanna see anyone, except him of course. We didn’t live too far away from each other either, allowing us to see each other whenever we wanted.

Today I was walking to the cat cafe when I got a text from Jeongin

Desert Fox 🖍❤️

I have lots of homework to do, can we meet up later? :(

Me

Sure! Do you wanna go to the grocery store near the park and go play on the swings?

Desert Fox 🖍❤️

Sounds like a plan :D

I went home and changed from my uniform into my regular clothes. I did some school work and then watched some videos on YouTube before getting a call from Jeongin at about 6pm, saying he’s in front of my house. I grabbed my stuff and quickly made my way to the door.

I opened the door, only to be greeted by Jeongin, with a devilish smile on his face and his hands behind his back, leaving me confused. “Why do you look like I should be scared?” I asked jokingly as he giggled. “This is for you!” He yelled, shoving a red gift bag into my face.

My eyes widened from shock as I took the bag and opened it to see a box of crayons, all filled with shades of red and a letter. “Happy Friendaversary!” Jeongin yelled as my eyes widened again. “Oh my god! I totally forgot! Now I feel bad for not getting you anything...” I said, the guilt in my voice intense.

“You’re enough of a present” Jeongin said smiling, making me blush. “But dont read the letter until we get back and you’re alone!” He added, seriously “A bit weird but ok...wait were you actually doing homework or writing this? ” I asked “And since when is homework a thing I do?” He answered as I laughed and we walked to the convenience store near our houses.

“Y/N! Can we get chocolate milk?! I haven’t had it in years!” Jeongin asked cutely “You drank like 3 servings at the cat cafe two days ago!” I reminded him, laughing “YEARS!” He yelled, taking 3 chocolate milks and walking into the snack isle. “We’re getting these chips, you can’t say no.” He said taking a bag of chips as I laugh at his cuteness.

“Ice cream?” I asked, pointing at the pints of ice cream. “Yes!” He yelled cutely as we bought a pint and two spoons. We made our way to the cashier and paid before heading to the park, where we ate the chips and ice cream.

“First one to the swings gets the extra chocolate milk!” He yelled as we both sprinted to the swings. We both got there at about the same time, but we still argued, not giving up on the chocolate milk. “I was here first!” “No I was!” “Half half?” I asked as he hesitated before nodding.

“How’s school?” I asked “The same...Chenle was talking about something that made me think.” Jeongin answered “Don’t over do it tho, doing something for the first time can be tough” I joked as he jokingly slapped my arm “and what did your classmate talk about?” I asked “Two of his friends, who were friends for a long time confessed to each other and are now dating...isn’t that weird? Like you’re friends with someone for so long and then you just...start dating?” He replied, confused.

My first thought was why did he bring this up? Did Jeongin just casually mention this because it was o his mind or did he actually mean to tell me something by saying this? Questions started forming in my head. The loudest one being “does Jeongin like me?”, which was soon followed by “do I like Jeongin?” After a few seconds. I’m not gonna lie, he’s very attractive, funny, nice, he’s there for me, he takes care of me, he’s cute,...I wouldn’t be surprised if someone were to fall for him.

My thoughts soon were shut down by Jeongin waving his hand in front of my face. “Sorry, what were you saying?” I asked “Do you think it’s weird if you like your friend?” He asked “I don’t know.” I replied “Oh god, I really want that chocolate milk now!” I said, changing the subject “We can drink it on our way home, it’s near my curfew” Jeongin said as I nodded. We took our stuff and walked home.

“Good night, don’t forget to read the letter!” Jeongin yelled as I walked to my door “I won’t and good night to you too!” I yelled back, smiling before opening the door and walking to my room. I got ready for bed and eyed the gift bag. I finally got up and took the letter out and read it.

Dear Y/N,

We have been friends for almost all of our lives. I’m so happy to have you in my life, you’re one of my best friends and I never want it our friendship to end! You make me feel happier just by existing and your existence itself is absolutely amazing.....

From your favourite Desert Fox, Jeongin

XOXO

The letter was about 2 pages long and had his cologne on it. It made me almost burst into tears. I was catching feelings for one of my best friends and I needed to tell anyone, but I couldn’t. So I thought about it for about 15 minutes before looking back at the letter and getting an idea.

I got out an old gift box and took some envelope, papers and a pen and started writing.

Dear Jeongin,

.....

A/N: I didn’t proof read this so if there are my mistakes, I apologize 😂😅 and it’s hella short, sorry abt that too lol but pls don’t let this flop

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering 

[earthpodd]

Chapter 4 – Ea, the Sword of Rupture

This is the last instalment in the Sword of Rupture arc. Next chapter we will start with a new arc, and the plot thickens, guys. Also, sorry for the wait.

Prologue, Parts I, II, III.

Read on AO3.

Here we go, @bl-gifs , @andwebegin .

After Kun Lun left his house that evening, Shen Wei was left alone with his thoughts. He was a man of eccentric beliefs, but none of them were exactly related to a divine figure, rather they were tied to the webs of destiny. This time, though, he wondered if there was someone pulling the strings, making all of this into a big plot for amusement. The archaeologist couldn’t explain what he saw, couldn’t make sense of it, in truth, he couldn’t even believe it and all of that was driving him to the edge of a breakdown, which was uncharacteristic of him. He had always been a composed man, able to face anything with a gentle smile and a clear mind, no matter how troubling things got. Scolding himself for his thoughts, the male moved to stand in front of the bookshelf in his bedroom. His digits skimmed through the spine of the books as he read the titles looking for a specific one, ‘The Order of the Guardian’. The book told tales of a war that happened over ten thousand years in the past between humans and Dixing-ians, a species that looked just like humans, but came from another planet and could develop abilities beyond the human capabilities. Despite most people’s belief that the tales in this were all truthful, Shen Wei had always treated it as a work of fiction. To him, it sounded more like the town’s biggest market strategy to attract tourists. He didn’t know why he felt like reading it all of sudden, but maybe it was his subconscious plagued by wishful thinking, believing that it would provide him with answers.

Removing the book from where it was located, Shen Wei returned to the couch where he and Kun Lun had previously been seated in and reclaimed his spot on it, opening the book to read. He was not really in-depth with the story, just merely passing the pages to see if there was any mention of the Sword of Rupture. It could help if he knew more about the relic, but what he found instead was the mention of a familiar name, Kun Lun. That could be a mere coincidence, but seeing the detective’s name being mentioned in the book made Shen Wei’s eyes widen slightly. The male pushed the frame of his glasses further up his nose, adjusting them against his face, so he could properly read what was being said on the book and try to make any connections. Sadly, for him, the story didn’t delve much into the personal stories of anyone, it just told their deeds and how the war was ended with the agreement between humans and Dixing-ians.

Seeing no more mentions of Kun Lun in the book, the archaeologist decided to drop the reading and get some rest. He was not one to ever go to bed early, but he felt drained with everything that had gone down since he met the detective. With a sigh, Shen Wei changed into his pyjamas and fell onto the bed, wrapping the covers around himself as he laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His glasses were removed when he turned off the light of the lamp on his bedside table. Despite his best efforts, the man couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep immediately, which was why he grabbed his phone to shoot a text to the other man.

From: Shen Wei

To: Detective Kun

We will talk to Huang Jin tomorrow. I have a plan.

                                                             11:35 p.m.

From: The Great Kun Lun

To: Xiao Wei <3

why r u still awake

did u miss so much u couldn’t wait till tmr

                                                11:36 p.m.

From: Shen Wei

To: Detective Kun

I just wanted to inform you, so you wouldn’t make any plans.

                                                                              11:35 p.m.

From: The Great Kun Lun

To: Xiao Wei <3

im sleepy now

we can talk abt out daet tmr

                            11:36 p.m.

It took Shen Wei some time to decipher Kun Lun’s texts, but once he did, he decided to stop bothering the man, who was probably only half awake at the moment. Not everyone had the same sleeping habits as he did. The archaeologist placed his phone back on the bedside table and turned to lie on his side. His efforts were directed towards trying to fall asleep. Like the detective had said, they could discuss all of this in the morning. There was no reason to overthink. With that in mind, the male finally managed to fall into the warm embrace of slumber.

⥲⍟⥳

“Hello!” The voice greeted, making Chu lose his composure for an instant. “So, you are the famous Chu Shu Zhi. Changcheng has good taste.” The female was quite humorous and chuckled delicately as she stepped aside to welcome her guest inside. “Are you disappointed that he wasn’t the one to greet you first?” The boxer was yet to say something, but once he recovered from the momentary stupor, Shu Zhi subtly shook his head, features hardening to cover any trace of embarrassment the woman’s question could have caused on him. “You must be his aunt. The one that was asleep when I came here to drop him off last night.” His tone was not outright rude, but it was laced with suspicion. A mere defence mechanism against the nervousness he was feeling. Guo Li Min chuckled again and nodded. One of her palms came to press against the male’s shoulder blade, urging him inside. “Come on, the dinner is not ready yet, but everyone is waiting in the living room.” The auntie smiled and then pointed in the direction of the room where Chu had been with Guo and his uncle the night before. As if only now remembering the box in his hand, he extended it towards Li Min. “I brought dessert.” The message was delivered straight to the point, and finally, he cast his gaze elsewhere. “I’ll go put in the fridge. You go on along first.” Once again the woman gestured towards the living room and then left the boxer alone. Shu Zhi took a deep breath and only then did he force himself to move towards where the hosts were waiting for him.

When Chu entered the room, Guo was the first to stand up to greet him. The boy rushed to his side as if they were long friends who had not seen each other in ages. It was strange, but he didn’t stop Changcheng as the writer came closer, welcoming him. “Chu Ge, you really came.” He said, as if he had spent the whole day doubting the boxer would stay true to his word. “Didn’t I say that I was going to come?” Shu Zhi looked at Guo in a stern way now, and then looked away to greet the boy’s uncle with a glance and a nod of his head. When he made to move and take a seat by Guo Ying’s side, Chu felt a tug on the bag of his shirt and found Changcheng looking shyly at him, and despite the huff he released, the boxer still followed the writer into the couch opposite Guo’s uncle. They sat side by side with not much space between them, since this couch was smaller than the other one. Shu Zhi was about to comment on that when Guo Li Min entered the room, sitting beside her husband. Her gaze was friendly when it landed on him again. “So, Chu Shu Zhi, tell me more about yourself.” Chu didn’t have much to say about himself, and if he were to be honest, that was never something he had had to do before, so he was a little lost on what to say, something that was probably translated to his expression. “I’m a boxer, I work at Dragon City Boxing Academy, I live at Crown Street and that’s about it. There is not much to tell.” A shrug is added to the end of his sentence, and despite not having said anything exciting he can see how giddy Guo has become by his side, so he glances at the boy questioningly. Before any of the two can say anything, Li Min continues her quest of getting to know Shu Zhi. “What about your family?” The boxer instinctively swallowed in dry when he heard the question. His expression soured visibly and he avoided looking anyone in the eye, even if they had no way of knowing how sensitive of a topic that was. “They are all dead.” He said, in a voice that sounded more scolding than anything else. It would probably ruin his image in the eyes of Guo’s family, but he couldn’t help himself.

A long moment of silence passed between them, and from the corners of his eyes, Chu could see Changcheng hesitantly reaching for him and with brimming tears in his eyes. What is this dumbass even crying for? It’s not his family, he thought, but even then he could feel something softening inside of him at the sight. The quiet was disturbed by the voice of the maid, announcing that the food was ready. They didn’t touch the subject of the conversation again, but also didn’t say anything else as they made their way over to the dining room. The room was actually kind of cosy, Shu Zhi noticed as he took his place by the table beside Changcheng and facing the writer’s uncle and aunt. There was still tension in the air and no one seemed to want to address the elephant in the room, so they just proceeded like that. Food was served, all delicious looking food. “You know, Changcheng helped me cook all of this.” Guo Li Min said after a little while, trying to bring the mood back to a lighter tone. Chu turned his gaze to look at Guo again, only to see that the boy was wearing a proud, albeit shy smile. It made him feel some kind of weird palpitations inside of his chest. “You helped make all this?” He asked, in a faked tone of disbelief, just so he could tease the younger male. The writer eagerly nodded to indicate that yes, he had helped make the food. The boxer wondered if it was because of him. “Let’s eat!” Guo Ying said at least, bringing everybody’s attention back on the food. And then they started digging in.

⥲⍟⥳

When they met up the next day it was already past noon. Shen Wei had been busy all morning running errands for the museum, even though he had asked for a leave. Kun Lun on the other hand slept late until he got a call from the other male asking him to meet at the archaeologist’s workplace at one in the afternoon, which gave him about half an hour to get ready and presentable enough for them to meet with Huang Jin, though this time he didn’t bother wearing a suit, just a button up and pants should be enough. Shen Wei was waiting for him at the museum’s entrance, he was dressed in a different suit than the day prior, but this one didn’t seem as new, that wasn’t to say that the man didn’t look just as stunning, though. The detective had to take a double take, his breath catching as he gazed at the man who had plagued his dreams, though in those dreams there was far less clothing involved. “You look too handsome, Xiao Wei. Are you trying to seduce me?” Those were the first words to leave Kun Lun’s mouth when the archaeologist approached him. He loved how the other male would always discreetly avert his gaze and shy away whenever he complimented him. “Are you ready to go?” Shen Wei asked and only then did the detective notice that the other man was not wearing glasses. “Say, Shen Wei, why do you not have your glasses on today?” He asked in curiosity, though he was a little distracted by how long the archaeologist’s eyelashes were. Shen Wei seemed like he was caught by surprise and instinctively smiled, shyly, lowered his head slightly and directing his gaze to the ground. “I seem to have scratched them somehow, so I had to wear contacts today.” Kun Lun, for his part, just nodded along, finally turning to walk back into the car, though not without commenting first. “You look good without them, too.” The archaeologist stopped at the car’s door, looking at Kun Lun at the other side, though he didn’t really say anything, even if words were at the tip of his tongue, ready to come out, but he swallowed them down. The detective looked back at him, chuckling faintly for a moment before opening the door to the driver’s side. “Aren’t you getting in Xiao Wei?” Shen Wei smiled, perhaps a bit timidly, but did exactly that.

Just like the last time, the drive to Huang Jin’s place didn’t take long. The only difference was that this time around the vendor was not expecting them, so when the maid welcomed them at the door, they were made to wait in the living room while she checked if her boss could meet with them at that moment. Kun Lun looked around them at the room with an analytical gaze, though he didn’t seem to be very appreciative of the decoration, that is, until his gaze landed on Shen Wei and he delivered that mischief filled smile that was one of his trademarks. “These rich people spend too much money on stupid things.” And with that he fished a lollipop from his pocket, unwrapping and then immediately sticking the candy between his lips as he kept looking at the archaeologist. “Some people compensate the emptiness of the house with decoration.” Shen Wei states matter-of-factly, but his attention is drawn to the way Kun Lun’s tongue is seemingly caressing the underside of the lollipop in slowly timed leaps. The detective doesn’t stop there, not now that he got the other male in a trance, so he circles the round candy with the tip of his tongue between wrapping his lips around it. Kun Lun applies light suction to the lollipop, only interested in the sound his action triggered and in the way the archaeologist seemed to swallow hardly while watching him. Sadly, they are interrupted by Huang Jin who came to greet them in person. “Gentlemen! I didn’t expect to see you two again so soon.” The vendor said, walking towards the two males and offering his hand in a greeting. “What can I do for you?” At first, both men remained silent, but then Shen Wei stood up, getting at eye level with Huang Jin and smiled reassuringly. “We would like to take another look at the sword.” The vendor looked at him in suspicion. He no longer seemed all that friendly. “Why? I thought everything was settled yesterday.” His tone was more accusing than inquisitive, but the archaeologist didn’t let himself be intimidated by that. “Mr Jiang said he has received another offer for the sword, but there can’t possibly be two Ea’s, so one of them must be a copy.” Shen Wei used the name of the owner of the museum to draw credibility into his words, but he also used all of his confidence into his speech, seeming apologetic at the proper time, as if he was ashamed of having to do such a thing. Huang Jin didn’t seem pleased, but he still conceded in the end. “Of course, of course.” He said, in a tone that made it obvious that it was against his will.

Anticipation had built inside of Shen Wei, and as they walked up towards Huang Jin’s office, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would have the same reaction upon touching the sword. Or even if Kun Lun, who had stayed silent during the conversation downstairs, would see anything. Upon entering the room they were told to sit while the vendor went to retrieve the sword. Not long after that Ea was brought to them. As they had agreed before, Shen Wei would be the first to touch the Sword of Rupture, pretending to be analysing it, and if he saw anything he would pass the sword over to Kun Lun to see if the detective would have the same reaction. So when Huang Jin opened the lid of the box where he kept Ea, the archaeologist approached the desk and took the relic into his hands. Even though he was more prepared for it this time around, it still took him a second to compute when his sight was suddenly replaced by that of a vision of the past.

Shen Wei was laid on a stretcher inside of what seemed to a laboratory. The archaeologist had wires attached to his body and looked like he was unconscious. Zhao Yun Lan was bent forward his nose almost touching the other male’s own as he smelt the unconscious man. The Chief was startled when the professor suddenly opened his eyes and then tried to play nonchalant, leaning back and looking sheepishly as if what he had done wasn’t completely weird, and even creepy in a way.

As he turned the sword over in his hands, the scene changed.

It was evening and they were inside a taxi. Zhao Yun Lan seemed like he was intoxicated, either that or profusely sleepy. The Chief dropped his head to Shen Wei’s shoulder, seeming comfort for a nap, but the professor didn’t allow it to go on for long, he gently extracted himself from the contact and place the other male’s head in an upright position, though he kept watching Yun Lan with contained adoration. Finally taking pity on the man, he went and pulled the Chief’s head back on his shoulder, which caused warmth to spread across his cheeks.

Shen Wei gulped soundlessly and bobbed his head in a nod, which was the planned signal for Kun Lun. His sight didn’t get back to the present time until the sword was off his grasp, but then his gaze was automatically directed to the detective, whom had an unreadable expression upon his features. In order to not let Huang Jin become suspicious, the archaeologist turned to him with a small smile. “It seems to be legitimate.” He said, nodding his head at the vendor, but Huang Jin didn’t seem to be looking at him, but rather at Kun Lun. “Why is he crying?” He asked, forcing Shen Wei’s head to quickly whip around to look at the detective. A sudden protectiveness broke inside of him, making him quickly unbutton and remove the top of his suit, so he could use it to take the sword from Kun Lun. The archaeologist rushed to deposit Ea back in the box where it was kept. “What happened to him?” Shen Wei ignored the vendor for the moment and, instead, walked back to the detective’s side. “What did you see?” He asked, face full of concern as one of his thumbs brushed against the corner of Kun Lun’s eyes, wiping the tears from there. “You were hurt… on the ground… There was… a lot of blood… I was chained to a pillar and… and there was someone hurting me, but then you got up… and stood in front of me to… protect me. I think you… died. I couldn’t see the rest.” The detective’s sentences were fragmented, as if he couldn’t say it all in one go. He also seemed so hurt. Huang Jin cleared his throat behind them. “What’s happening here?” He demanded, bringing the attention onto himself. Shen Wei turned to face him with a serious expression. “Let me ask you something.” He started, taking a couple steps closer to the vendor, features hardening. “Do you see anything when you touch this sword?” This time around the archaeologist was the one using an accusing tone. He demanded the answers as if entitled to them. Huang Jin seemed caught off guard by the way he cowered back closer to his desk, sweat pooling at his forehead all of sudden. The vendor raised a hand, using a single finger to tug at his collar, as if the shirt was suffocating him. “W-What kind of things?” The attempt at playing dumb only earned him a glare from Shen Wei. “Who sold you the sword?” He asked, taking another step closer to force a response out of Huang Jin. “His name is…”

⥲⍟⥳

The rest of the meal was spent with light conversation going around them. Sometimes either Guo’s uncle or aunt would ask something about Chu’s life, but they steered clear of the family subject in order to not make him upset. Another thing was how much happier Changcheng looked. Even if the two men before them were really not together, Guo Ying and Guo Li Min that it would be just a matter of time before they delved into that kind of relationship. The writer had clear adoration and admiration for the older man, which he displayed without an ounce of shame. Shu Zhi, for his part, seemed very protective of Guo, even if he played the part of a cold and distant person. The boxer never allowed any of the elders to look down on the boy, no matter what, but he was also not directly nice towards Changcheng either, it was all in the small things. Eventually, Guo Li Min got up to fetch the dessert, and they kept chatting for a little while longer before finishing their meal and returning to the living room.

“Wait here. I have a surprise for auntie.” Guo Ying said as they arrived at the living room, leaving the others to make themselves comfortable. Guo Li Min seemed happy with the news, so she was wearing a smile on her delicate features, and her tone was light and laced with excitement when she talked. “I wonder what he got this time.” She started, and then gestured towards some of the decoration, as if to bring attention to them. “Auntie likes collecting antiquaries, so uncle always brings her new things when he comes across them.” Guo explained, looking at Chu, who had his eyebrow raised, waiting for an explanation. The boxer then took a better look at the items around. They went from antique vases to painting and other stuff he couldn’t exactly name. It didn’t take long for Guo’s uncle to come back with a packet in hands. Standing up, Changcheng took the packet from his uncle, opening it curiously. “What is this?” The boy asked as he glanced at the golden shard, which was heavier than it looked. “It’s a piece of King Arthur’s Round Table.” The older male replied, full of pride in his voice. The writer’s eyes instantly widened and he quickly picked up the relic from the packet. In an instant, everything around him shifted, and Guo was no longer among his family, but instead, in a place he didn’t know. He was seeing himself walking by the riverside, a bag hanging to his side, but the weirdest part of the vision was the faint smile on Chu’s face and the way the boxer pulled him into a tight hug. Flabbergasted, Changcheng yelps loudly, hands being thrown up in the air, dropping the shard of the Round Table, but luckily for him, Shu Zhi’s reflexes were fast enough to catch it before the relic hit the ground. Just like the boy, the boxer was plagued with a vision from the past. Chu saw himself seated on a leather couch, a genuine smile playing on his lips as he looked at Guo, who had a similar expression on his face. Their hands were linked in a discreet hold that made him feel warm on the inside. The vision was broken when the golden piece slid from his hand to the floor, but the boxer picked it up again, not caring that he was basically lying on the ground by this point. He wanted to see what would happen next, but this time the shard showed him something different. He was seated behind a desk, looking at three other people. One of them was Changcheng, lying on a leather couch, different from the one in the last vision. There was a man he didn’t know talking to Guo, but next to them was Shen Wei, the man that had helped him a few years back, when he didn’t know what to do with his life. This time what pulled him from the past was a hand shaking his shoulder. Shu Zhi looked up at the owner of the palm touching him, it was the writer. The realisation that such a weird thing had happened made him scan the room around him. Both the boy’s uncle and aunt were staring at them in confusion, and even concern, but he didn’t have time for that. The boxer stood up in a single move, and then his fingers came around Changcheng’s wrist, tugging the younger male with him as he left the living room. The shard was left on a cushion on the sofa. He heard voices calling for them from behind, but paid them no mind.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Chu released Guo from his grasp. He could see the writer was slightly scared by his sudden action, but decided to brush it off for the moment. He had more concerning matters at hand. “You saw something when you touched the shard of the Round Table, didn’t you!?” His words were more of a statement than a question, but still, he was pleased by the fast response when he saw Changcheng nodding slowly. “I-I s-saw us h-hugging, b-but we looked d-different.” The boy seemed to still be in a state of shock, but Shu Zhi couldn’t blame him. “I saw weird things as well, but I know someone that might be able to give us answers.” The boxer was staring blankly at nothing as he said that, and it made Guo worry for him, but instead of saying anything, the boy just tugged on Chu’s shirt to keep himself grounded. This dinner had taken a turn of events he had not expected, and he also wondered who Shu Zhi was talking to. He figured he would find out soon, seeing as the boxer was now tugging him towards the front door.  

⥲⍟⥳

Zhang Shi. That was the name that Huang Jin had given them, causing a bolt of rage to fall upon Kun Lun, because that was the same person that had hired him to investigate the stolen sword. Shen Wei tried to calm him down, but in the end, it was to no avail and they just ended up leaving the vendor’s house to go after Zhang Shi. The detective was particularly not fond of being played like that and he wanted answers as to why that… psycho would do such a thing. Despite his best efforts, the archaeologist didn’t let him drive, which was why he was currently seated on the passenger’s seat, face closed off and forehead resting against the closed glass. It had started raining, which was such a cliché thing that it made him feel like he was in some sort of Korean drama. “Are you sure he really lives there?” Shen Wei asked, throwing a glance at him, but Kun Lun didn’t bother looking back when he responded. “I met him there three times already. I think he was just waiting for when I was going to find out about his little game.” His voice became progressively angrier by the end of the sentence and he even slammed the side of his fist against the car window. “Huang Jin has probably already called him, so we need to be careful when we get there.” The archaeologist reasoned, though deep down he was more concerned about how the detective was feeling. Kun Lun had been in a bad state ever since he touched the sword. The detective just opened the glove compartment of the car, exposing a gun. “I can use that if he tries anything.” Shen Wei didn’t like the idea of that, so he decided that he would do everything possible to make sure things wouldn’t escalate to that point.

The rest of the ride was made in silence and Shen Wei almost missed the light banter Kun Lun would always bring up or the way in which the detective would find ways to shamelessly flirt with him. This change was not one he appreciated, it made his heart feel tight and filled him with worry. When they pulled up in front of a modern mansion in the richer side of town he noticed how Kun Lun didn’t even think twice before picking up the weapon and exiting the vehicle, leaving him to emit a deep sigh and then follow behind the other male. He was sure things were not about to go well in this meeting.

[phoutube]

i'm sorry you're feeling sick!! i hate being sick it's the worst state in the world tbh. i feel like most ppl had some weird username that was like glitterkitty667 at one point when they were 11 lmao. mine was gamergamergirl111, which is ironic considering i've never played video games. and dw i won't stalk u. x reader stories are the worst??? full offense 2013 dannies but 14 yr olds writing abt being in a sexual relationship w dan howell is a bit weird. 1/2

also i mean i do remember the stories just not specfic plot details. one was my weird hybrid of rugrats (bc i was legit obsessively into it at the time when i was 13) and gravity falls. it was abt toddlers who were related with superpowers in graphic violent situations and demon magic. i imagined a whole fandom for it. the other was lesbain steven universe oc’s and i still love them a lot tbh. my babies.

yeah,, being sick sucks. and it came on so suddenly, too?? like at first I felt fine and then suddenly my throat felt so bad (I have the grossest cough too) and ughh I just wanna dieee… I have play rehearsal on friday too so I hope I feel better by then because singing like this is not fun

yeah?? even earlier back (when I was like eight or nine) my username was DuckDuckGummi??? for some reason?? and I wanted to become a famous minecraft youtuber so there’s your Embarrassing Ava Fact for the day I guess

x reader stories make me so uncomfy like please… nobody cares about your self-insert smut (which is kinda why I pretty much only read dnp fics?? NOT FOR THE SMUT, I meant that most other fandom fics are basically self-inserts with a throwaway character instead of y/n) also I hate being reminded of when people tagged fics tagged as “lemon” for the love of god stop

th-that’s really cool?? I don’t usually watch TV (I think I said this earlier) because I can’t sit still for it, also my mom didn’t let me watch most cartoons growing up because they were “too creepy” so I missed out on all of those nickolodean/cartoon network stuff. I don’t even get the spongebob memes, how sad is that??

anyway your alternate universes sound really cool!! I definitely think you should mentally revisit those because honestly they sound super cool. also lesbian steven universe??? sign me tf up

[foreheadface]

sorry sorry i just have to get this out

and you know what scares me more than people is people thinking im really weird because of my disability or i make them uncomfortable because of my self-deprecating jokes or the cancer thing or etc? and AR has such shit transportation so if someone wants to hang out with me like last semester i wont be able to do it because i can't drive and i don't expect anybody to waste gas money to pick me up bc also who even am i and i just  

*breath*

what if i fail at talking and i just i know i'ts not like going there TOMORROW but ii feel like i've already destroyed so many relationships in the past like 5 years i don't know if i can even handle it??? 

i feel burnt out and hurt all the time, all over again and its this same sinking feeling i've felt for like the last 5 years and i just feel like everyone's moving on but me and i've just stopped.

like sometimes i'll just stare at the wall and pretend that i'm someone else because i don't know... being me just really really sucks??? or at least i think it does??

i started crying like last.... week? i think?? and mom asked if i need to talk to a therapist but i said no.. because i honestly don't even think that will even help??? because like what will that even solve? it won't change the fact that i'm basically alone all the freaking time. or that i can't, like, leave this godforsaken house alone because i'm blind and can't remember anything as everyone so loves to tell me over and over because of a stroke and what if i can't find my way back home if i did leave by myself? theres just no point. 

like i remember doctors and my mother and lots of other ppl saying that im a fighter and i can get through anything but... i just don’t feel like there’s any point in fighting back? 

is that what hopelessness is? am i depressed? 

like... its not like i want to hurt myself or anything... im not wanting to die. i just feel like i'm sand on a beach and i want life to pass over me like water because i dont think theres anything i can do about it???

i want to go out and do things. draw landscapes. learn things. write about people. meet other humans. have a conversation. change the world. change what people perceive about b/vi disabled ppl but i dont have the means to even do that. like there's no way and (at least where i like) b/vi kids get out of high school, maybe go to college, but then they just sit on their ass in their house bc they can't go anywhere and accumulate an ssi check a month (although the repubes are trying to get rid of that so thanks, trump) or they start working for dsb (a division of dhs) and thats cool and all but they kinda suck and can't really help anyone without that person knowing what they need so ppl who just became blind/vi dont even know what to do and I JUST. 

both scenarios terrify me. 

i guess that's why i like Lamiroir from AA so much as a fictional character because she lost EVERYTHING. 

first her husband and (she believed) her first CHILD BURN TO DEATH IN A HORRIBLE FIRE DURING A KINGDOM OVERTHROW IN THIS FOREIGN COUNTRY then, she gets remarried (now at acceptance in her grief with all the trauma of the past) AND SHE GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD (in her occipital lobe, im assuming because thats vision. i am an expert) BY HER NEW HUSBAND AND HIS FRIEND AND LIVES and her father ships her off to a fucking foreign country where she sings in restaurants as a career (i wonder if she learned braille in Borginia??? hmmm new hc) AND SHE FUCKING MAKES IT. 

Thalassa makes it and consequently makes a living off of something she loves. i just... i don't hear about that a lot. successful b/vi people (at least in AR, like what... we’re like the third poorest state???) and it depresses me even more. 

the two other girls in my senior class both have kids now and thats usually what happens to blind women that graduate from that school. 

or, they get a degree and they start working at the very school they graduated from. which is nice i guess but... it sort of made me feel like... they've never been anywhere but at the Blind School. 

and... doesn't really relate but this relates to the "i destroy every meaningful relationship i've ever had" and the "giving up/ giving in" thing... i've starting to think that... maybe i'm the problem. 

i mean... i guess i've had issues with friends all throughout my life. i changed schools 4 times in elementary school, and one of those was because of bullying. 

i've never really felt like i belonged in a group. the only time i did was right before i got leukemia and right before that everyone was acting weird.... almost like... none of them really... liked me..?? 

and i dunno... i guess i just haven't ever met the ppl i really click with in college yet but i'm starting to think that maybe i'm the one who’s toxic? or a bomb or... something. 

i write about people all the time in meaningful relationships and i guess they're just daydreams and words but when i get to certain parts i stop because “is this really how ppl would act in this situation?” i don't know. i don't know any ppl to talk to to see. 

if you've been on my blog this past week, you'll probably already know that i was hanging out with/camping with my dad and his girlfriend. 

and that was.... weird, to say the least... 

like, she's kinda... weird... but she's nice and i have no right to judge her. i mean i don't even know her that well. and she doesn't have a driver's licensee anymore so we rode around in cabs all day which is kinda my future. she also talked badly abt stevie (which i mean is understandable bc my brother has major issues w/ dad and literally acts like an ass everytime he’s around him) but that kinda pissed me off- still kinda does... because she doesn’t know him and she doesn’t know the shit my dad hhas done. To all of us. like its not even her place to ever hate stevie for anyway he acts bc she has no fucking clue what happened b4 she met my dad.

 BUT ANYWAY this lady like has massive anxiety too abt like ppl and like doesn't go anywhere either a lot. but ANYWAY where was i going with this? smh 

IM JUST SCARED OKAY IM SCARED ABOUT SO MANY THINGS 

*sigh* its 12:48 whoops srry srry