#i guess?? i mean its been proven wrong now

[kozzax]

Back during the time between us knowing The Book existed and us knowing it was the Revival Book, I spent. Way too many hours thinking about it? And about what it could be, what it could mean. Something so powerful and dangerous and something that gave Schlatt so much power throughout his reign-- what could it possibly be?

I had two big ideas that I proposed to my friends at the time. One of them was what we got: the written directions for resurrection. I... was never as attached to this idea as I was to my other thought. Resurrection was a big topic on the server at the time and it seemed like other people were researching it too, as my qpp pointed out, but even if that weren't true-- my other idea was always more compelling to me.

Because my other idea? Was that it was the script.

[smusherina]

yard work - chapter 4 (regina george x reader)

fandom: Mean Girls (all media)

pairing: Regina George x OFC/Reader

summary: You'd been in the same class as Regina George since kindergarten. You'd lived on the same street even longer. Once upon a time, when life was sandbox disputes and who got the swing first arguments, you'd even been friends. Now, in junior year of high school, you doubted she even remembered you. The same couldn't be said about you. You definitely remembered her.

warning(s): homophobia becomes a central theme. mention of a close dead relative. internalized misogyny.

chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 5

You were sitting on the grass under the bleachers when Janis 'Imi'ike came up to you.

"I'm not selling right now." You said, suspecting she was here to see about buying alcohol or something. You had a contact and made a small bit in commissions around the school selling stuff.

"I'm- what? What're you selling?" Oh, well, guess not then.

"Nothing." You didn't want to incriminate yourself. It was bad enough you were smoking a cigarette right this moment. You took another drag. Usually, you didn't smoke during school but today was turning out to be a shittier day than usual.

"I'm not a nark, I could-" She seemed to shake herself. "Anyway. Why did you come to school with Regina today?"

"You saw that?" You inquired, alarmed but making an attempt to hide it.

"Yes. Now, why?"

"We live on the same street. Her car was having issues." You shrugged, trying to play it off.

"How'd you know her car was having issues?" She did not seem inclined to just let it go. It was beginning to annoy you.

"Because I fix it from time to time. Like I said, we live on the same street. We're not friends or anything." While you didn't like lying, especially not when you yourself were bitter about it, protecting Regina's rep was more important.

"I think that's a lie. We went to the same middle school for a while. You were close back then." She accused, crouching to be at level with you. You were officially annoyed now.

"You used to be close too." You took another drag and, noticing your cig was on its last leg, stamped it on the ground. "And how'd that turn out?"

Janis gritted her teeth. "Not well."

"Exactly." You gave her a tight, snarky smile and stood up. "Bye."

"Wait a minute!" She jogged after you as you made for the school building. "I'm not done!"

"I think you are." You called back, hastening your step. "There's nothing for us to talk about, Janis."

"Dude! You're being a huge dick right now." Janis caught up to you, gesturing as if she were offended. "Why are you so touchy?"

"I'm not touchy, I'm pissed that a stranger is getting all up in my business." You informed her curtly. "Lay off."

She held her hands up in surrender, an infuriating smirk on her face. "What business do you have with Regina?"

You halted and dropped your backpack on the ground. "What is your problem?" You advanced on her, not exactly squaring up but still getting a little too close for comfort.

"Woah, protective, aren't you?" She wasn't intimidated in the least. That only angered you more. "Has she ditched Cady already and found a new pet?"

"If I were you, I'd watch my mouth." You said as menacingly as you could.

"We could help each other out, y'know." She said, playing innocent.

"Why would I help you with anything?"

"Because she hurt both of us." You had to agree with that, however reluctantly. "I want revenge. She needs to go down." Now, that you did not agree with.

"What do you mean?" If they were planning a coup or something, you needed to get the details. You wouldn't be putting up with that shit.

"Cady's gotten an in with the Plastics." You'd never liked that stupid nickname Janis insisted on using. "She's still on the fence about them, but it's only a matter of time before I'm proven right."

"You've infiltrated the popular girl group like 007, great, because Regina wronged you somehow in middle school? Grow up." You rolled your eyes and picked up your backpack.

"She outed me, you douche!" She exclaimed before probably even thinking about it. Realizing what she'd said, she glanced around warily. Nobody was nearby since you were away from the courtyard.

Okay. Well. That made this a lot more complicated. You pinched the bridge of your nose. This was the exact reason you hung around skaters and stoner-wannabes. At least their drama was about graffiti and who had the good kush, not about whatever the fuck this was. You weren't aware you were living in a teen drama.

"Okay." You breathed in deeply. You did not want to be involved, no matter how justified Janis could've been. However, you needed information if you wanted to get in the way. "What've you got?"

A mean grin nearly split her face. Then, in just a second, it melted away. "You won't tell anybody, right? About, uh, that earlier-"

"I sell drugs behind the school, dude." You put it flatly. "You have more flak on me."

"True." She conceded. "So..."

Their plans weren't very well constructed, to be fair. Janis wanted to prove to Cady that Regina was a bitch, her words, and that was sort of just a waiting game. In the meantime, they were collecting information. So far they'd found out about the Burn Book, supposedly a scrapbook that Regina and her friends had filled with mean things about everybody at Northshore. Staff and teachers included. Apparently, Cady hadn't had much time to peruse it, so neither Janis nor you were in it for all she knew.

The concept made you nervous. You could very well be in that book and Cady just hadn't seen it. If everybody was in it, including nobodies like Mary Stigson and Amber D'Alessio, the chance was incredibly high.

You didn't even know what she could've written about you. Over the years you'd shared incredibly vulnerable bits of information with her. She'd shared with you too, but you weren't in any position to weaponize her secrets. You'd been through embarrassing moments that just the two of you knew of, had seen each other cry and rage and experience all sorts of overwhelming emotions, had made it through mortifying tweenhood phases together.

Regina could've written your whole life story, the nastiest highlights at least, without breaking a sweat.

You were like a zombie for the rest of the day. Barely paying attention in class, twirling a pencil in your fingers listlessly as whatever teacher went on and on. You looked up when a sharp, female voice called your name. You apologized to Ms Norbury and pretended to start working.

Calculus class, huh? You looked around, trying to be inconspicuous. You met eyes with Cady Heron. She quickly turned back to her work, writing numbers furiously. So Janis had told her about their new accomplice. Of course, you had every intention to tattle first thing once you talked to Regina again.

You knew she wouldn't want to be seen leaving with you, so you shot her a text that you'd be behind the bleachers waiting. You were her ride, after all. It would've been rude to leave her.

Relaxing somewhere quiet and alone wasn't too bad. You lifted your headphones over your ears and put on a Nirvana CD. Just this morning Regina had called you 'a hobo with a liking for grunge', or something along those lines. You did so love proving her right.

You lit a cigarette in honour of Kurt and closed your eyes. Something about this day, the utterly exhausting events, made you desperate to feel some release. Ever since dropping Regina off, you'd been a fucking mess. Janis having seen the whole thing and then coming to conspire against Queen Bee hadn't helped. You wished things could be spelt out for you.

Did Regina like you? Yes or no. You knew it wasn't that simple, that things weren't simple for her like they were for you. You liked her and so it was easy to let her walk all over you. You liked her so, of course, you sided with her even when Janis and you had a camaraderie. You liked her and so you chose not to think about the horrible thing she'd done to Janis.

Was it only a matter of time before she'd use that secret against you, too? Did it hang above your head even now?

"Hey, loser, stub the cig and let's get outta here. I'm sick of this joint."

"Who taught you to talk like that?" You opened your eyes and looked up at Regina. "Certainly not your father."

"What daddy doesn't know won't hurt him." She offered her hand to pull you up. "C'mon. I have a nail appointment to get to."

You hauled yourself up with her help. Over-balancing a little bit you tipped into her space, and for a moment there you breathed the same air. You took a hasty step back and tuned back into the conversation.

"And- and how're you gonna get there?" You already knew.

"We don't have enough time to go to mine first, so..." She smiled sweetly at you, getting that calculating look in her eye as she grabbed your arm and pulled it close to her chest. Looking up at you through her lashes, long nails stroking down your forearm, a smile so alluring it was evil on her face, she knew she had you. You couldn't say no.

Gulping, you inclined your head. "I'll take you."

"Thanks, babe." And with that, she pressed her purse into your arms to carry and skipped ahead.

Fuck. Fuck. You closed your eyes and fought off a groan. You'd almost forgotten the crush you'd nursed for her back then. It hadn't ever left, you knew that much, but it hadn't smacked you in the face quite like this before. You were familiar with moments that made your heart beat fast, scenarios that played on a loop in your head, and dreams you could never really make sense of. Now, though, hearing her call you babe and the physical reaction it evoked, there was no plausible explanation other than the obvious fact: You had a crush on Regina George.

You knew—knew—that it was hopeless. There was no world in which you and Regina could be a thing. Or maybe there was, but that was a pipe dream you'd do no good in entertaining. Your dad didn't care about who you dated, but you were sure he would be none too pleased. Regina's dad was a whole other case. He was way stricter than your dad, though just as distant.

You'd done this before. It would be fine. Admittedly, back when you'd been actively crushing on Regina you had been twelve and under. Back then you'd still tolerated skirts and girly hairstyles. Back then it'd been socially acceptable to cling to your friend like a koala, kiss her cheeks and hold her hand. If you tried that shit now, especially looking like you did, it would not slide.

(You'd been called slurs around the halls before. While you didn't generate much rumours or hubbub, you knew that you existed in people's peripherals in a certain way. They'd snidely ask if you liked the Ellen Show. Make vile hand gestures at you when you passed by. Garry Fort, resident church boy and social outcast, had even offered to pray for you. You had refused.)

"Jorts! Get a move on!" Regina shouted, a good distance away.

"Yeah yeah," You muttered, but picked up the pace.

"What took you so long?" She asked as she settled into the front seat.

"Lost in thought, I guess." Waxing melancholy about how we could never be together, sweetums. You opted not to say that. "So, where's this appointment?"

"Just drive to town, I'll give instructions."

"Sure thing." You bit your lip and tapped your fingers on the steering wheel. You hadn't had your licence for long but you'd been driving for much longer than that. You were a good driver. Back when you'd been young enough for your dad to feel obligated to spend time with you, he'd taken you to some backroads and taught you. Then, when that stopped, you'd done it illegally. Hey, girls gotta keep busy somehow.

"What's on your mind?" Regina asked, breaking the silence that'd turned uncomfortable.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." You swallowed. "How was your day?"

"How was my day, seriously?" She turned her body to face you, arms crossed and a displeased look on her face. "What is it?"

You tried to think of something to say. You didn't want to ruin her whole day by revealing she had a spy, of all things. You'd planned on waiting a little bit before telling her. You would've maybe taken her for a ride and then gently broken the news.

So, that was a bust.

"Cady Heron is spying on you. She's retelling everything you're doing together with Gretchen and Karen to Janis and her friend Damien Leigh." You blurted it all out. "I was smoking in my usual spot and she just came up to me. And, uh, recruited me. Apparently, she saw you leave my car this morning."

"What?" Regina screeched, face slack with shock as well as strained with fear, panic, and all sorts of jumbled emotions. "Did anybody else see?"

"I don't know!" Your shoulders lifted all the way up to your ears in a panicked shrug. Her emotions were rubbing off on you and you did not like it. "Did people act weird around you today?"

"No," She paused to think. "No, everything was fine. Karen liked my top."

"You mean my top?" You corrected.

"Whatever." Regina looked out of the window contemplatively. "Are you plotting against me?"

You rolled your eyes, and took your sights off the road for a second to shoot her a look. "If I was, would I be telling you?"

"I dunno, I vividly remember you being sorta stupid."

"Wow, thanks, Reg, that's high praise coming from you. Only sorta."

"Shut up. You're so annoying." She unfolded her arms and leaned back in the seat. "Cady Heron. A spy."

"Janis told me, and I quote: "She needs to go down." Which was pretty dramatic in my opinion." Regina didn't say anything. "I mean, we're in high school."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Regina inspected her nails. Pretty acrylics, sharp and lethal, decorated with gems and swirls. A little grown out, sure, but still in perfect condition.

"I just mean that..." You thought about what you wanted to say. "Y'know, on average women in America die, like, between seventy and eighty years old. We're less than a quarter of that right now. Five years from now, I bet the problems we have now will seem stupid and insignificant. And then five years, or ten, from that, the issues then will look the same way."

"Morbid." She turned to look at you. You couldn't tell what her expression was like, in the middle of changing lanes to pass a car going way under the limit. "Are you always this philosophical?"

"I could be. If you wanted me to be." You wondered if that edged a little too close to flirty.

"No. It's insufferable." You didn't know how to respond to that. "I don't fucking care about the grand scheme of things. My problems aren't stupid or insignificant now, so it's no fucking use thinking, oh, it'll all be fine with time! Well, it won't be, if I don't do something right now." She ranted, waving her hands as she did. "And I will argue that women die much earlier than that."

"It's a statistic, Reg-"

"No, women die at menopause at the latest. They get sad, saggy and undesirable and they die." She said with such conviction that it shook you. "When you stop being beautiful, it's all over."

"Regina, that's..." Wrong. Incorrect. A horrible way to think. "I don't think that's true."

"Women like my mom have nothing to offer. When dad stopped wanting her and started looking elsewhere, when she stopped being asked out at the grocery store and they started asking me, when Kylie poked at her flab and asked what her stretch marks were, she died."

Listening to her talk like that, about her mom nonetheless, was heartbreaking. Still, you couldn't help getting angry. "Your mom is alive and well, Reg. Your dad cheating isn't her fault, it's him being an awful human being. Being asked out at the grocery store isn't like receiving a fucking Nobel prize. Flab and stretch marks are what you did to her body. What Kylie did to her body." You bit your lip when it started wobbling. You bit down harshly to stop it.

You continued even when your voice crackled. "My mom's always gonna be young and beautiful. She's gonna always gonna have smooth, wrinkle-free skin. I won't get to ask about her flab or stretch marks. Not ever." Regina was quiet. You could feel her eyes on you. "You don't get to complain about growing old. Mrs George's been like a mom to me, you know that, so don't fucking insult her in front of me. You can get all the botox and surgeries you want, but I'm not gonna sit here and listen to that shit."

"Sorry." She said, quietly. She'd never been good at apologies.

"It's fine." You wiped at your eyes. "I'm sorry for freaking out."

"No, it's... That was stupid." She mostly muttered, now sunken into the seat.

You shouldn't have raved at her like that. Unpacking all that she said would've been much easier with a clear head. Now you were both stuck in this tension. Tears drying on your cheeks and snot in your nose, you wished things would be easier. You wished Regina had never been taught to think like she did, that she'd see herself like you saw her.

"I think you'll still be pretty when you're forty." You put it out there, going for casual.

"You don't have to lie." She huffed, assuredly rolling her eyes.

"I'm not lying. I don't think a few wrinkles are enough to ruin your face."

"I'm not gonna get wrinkles. By the time I'm old enough to get them, there's gonna be technology to prevent signs of ageing entirely."

You laughed at that. "Are you gonna pioneer that?"

"You think I'd be smart enough?"

"I think you're very intelligent, Regina."

"Hm." You could tell she was pleased, though she was looking away. "Take left here."

"Yes, ma'am."

Notes: I'm writing these abnormally fast. Usually, I'm a total sloth with these things. I guess the instant gratification of notes really is addicting. If I suddenly drop off, I promise I didn't die I just ran out of steam.

I have no idea how long this series will be. I have a general outline and character arcs going in my head, but I'm purposefully not drafting anything. I've noticed that when I plan too much I just feel like I've already written the story and don't wanna put any of the work in. So, with this method, though it has its flaws, I won't get bored of my own ideas!

Also, just to sort of put it out there in writing, they're meant to be flawed characters. OC might be self-aware to a point, but she too has her shortcomings. While Regina's more obviously flawed, neither of them are saints. They're teenagers with shitty home lives, they're gonna be fucked up. That also includes Janis and Cady. They're all dumb teenagers with unresolved issues.

Taglist: @autorasexy, @wedfan2, @unadulterated-moron, @modernsapphicism, @9unknown0, @sage-rose2000, @massive-honkas, @nattys-swiftie, @likefirenrain, @luz-enjoyer

[ur-mousey]

Benzo-Addict ~

- Yandere!Jeffery x F!Reader -

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Part One, Part Three

summary Drugs have always been your friend. A source of courage and tonight's no different. Now it's time to fuck a nerd. Hope your BF understands. 1k warning mature, non-con, hostage situation, abusive relationship cycle

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Oh... You came back. You aren't just a spinless quitter. Perhaps you’re a fucking psychopath. But fuck on, I guess.

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Jeffery had a lot of nervous ticks. He was a time bomb of sorts. And he was imploding at the seams right before your eyes. You noticed it as lab partners when research came out dry or when the hypothesis was proven wrong. But, you kept them noted in the recesses of your mind. Never thinking that you would see today as you do.

He rambled to himself, undiscernible to you. Jeffery picked his teeth with the tip of his knife. Like you'd caught him with his cutesy anime pens not too long ago. He would shake all over doing minuscule tasks and you joked about it with him. You'd wondered, cheekily, how could organizing papers cause someone to tremble more than a leaf?

But, in this case, he was gagging your boyfriend. Seem pretty fucking reasonable now. And you couldn't stop it. You watched. Wrist cleaned of bondage while Cody whipped his head around. It being all he could do. "Fuck off me! And my girl!!" His voice was a visceral growl, hoarse from his prior screeching. "You micro dick ince~ Hmhph."

"Stay silent like a good dog for a sec." Jeffery patted Cody's shoulder. He turned to you with a soft desolate smile. He padded over to you in a mere flash. "Hey you~ I'd told you to sleep, didn't I? It'll help. When I get you home, it'll be like this nightmare never happened."

"W-wh... Why?" You stuttered through the fatigue. The drugs were in the deepest reservoir of your stomach, begging to be felt in a dream. Yet you wheezed at the idea of losing this moment. This might be the last thing you ever see. "Don't hurt him."

Jeffery sighed, "Don't be like that, darling." He nodded towards your boyfriend. "He had it coming. Look at him. He's lookin' back at you." Shakily you looked over Jeffery's frame to see Cody more clearly. He was right, his eyes were on you. "Disgusting, ain't he."

Snot and tears choked him further than the soiled sock could. You'd never seen Cody so helpless. And you'd thought yourself capable of fleeing, but he would remain for dead, and your feet stilled at its iron gates. You've wished him gone a handful of times, but never like this.

"I have a few ideas," Jeffery continued, he gripped your hair, tugging you closer to his chest. "He's a shitty jock and a lowlife dragging you down. You've seen Corpse Party? Maybe I'll cut his tongue up like... Woah oh, easy there."

Every curse came to mind, aimed and sharpened at the back of his skill. You would damn him to hell and father down the pipeline if you could. But, You opted to squirm and whine out of Jeffery's grasp.

His slight hand tremors felt jarring against your scalp. You had held them once. The thought petrified you more so than Cody's muffled mulls.

"Calm down, please. You'd promise yourself that today would be the last, right? I'm giving that to you now!" You flinched at Jeffery's tone. Your eyes are wide and watering. "Don't give me that look. I knew you wouldn't see this from my perspective, but I'm doing this for you!"

You stilled, blanched, and mortified, by Jeffery's words. How would he know? You promised yourself throughout yesterday, Wednesday, and the day before that. You wanted out of this life. Cody wasn't the best. He was a sleaze, as Nicole puts it. But he was your definition of normal.

"That means jack shit," You squealed. The past doesn't matter. That promise doesn't, not at this moment.

Mornings started with arguments. You stoic in the face of him calling you the nastiest of names imaginable. Your insecurity set ablaze with accuracy. He never laid a hand on you. You couldn't say the same for the drywall, littered with the impressions of violent spouts. And Cody would be your most vocal supporter when you're high.

He'd call you the prettiest slut around for miles, rubbing his thumb over the flush of your checks from mystery shots. Cody begged for your lips to be on him constantly. And he desired your hips rocking over his shaft, causing you to spasm. He liked you sensitive. Despite your lack of control, he'd ask you to squeeze your drugged-up pussy around his cock, urging you to squirt down his balls.

Then by morning, he'll start tearing you down again, and you'll realize Cody hardly touches you sober.

It was normal. And each day you promised yourself you'd leave, you played further into the game. You'll think to yourself: What a fucking asshole, keeping praises locked behind a firewall of Xannies and Oxy.

But, you'll stay despite each passing day. You had told Jeffery about it, briefly -during a massive hangover no less. That didn't mean you wanted your boyfriend murdered. Without Cody, you'd be abnormal.

"It doesn't matter, he..." Jeffery laughed, his nerves spilling past his braced teeth. He nuzzled his nose along your eyebrow. And you felt on the verge of pissing yourself. "He brainwashed you. It's fine to be confused. Sleep off the drugs. We'll be home when you wake."

"Why?"

"Why what? Becoming sober would do you great."

You winced, "No? Why're you doing this."

Jeffery paused. He scratched at his temple. "Is it not obvious? I want you... badly. Not just your body, even though it's immaculate. You... um, have curves where I like them the most. And it's not every day I meet a pretty girl who loves anime and who's nice to me. Hello, you watched Pretty Cure and Sailor Moon. You were my only true friend. You could keep up with me like my Discord homies. And, um."

He was rambling. Fuck. You didn't know liking childish anime would get you here. Eight-year-old you was a bitch fucking whore~

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** Choice ** Skip past Jeffery's monologue a) end up in fucking the psycho anime freak, or b) end up in a ditch dead #yourimagination * click *

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Thank you for reading! Request rules are here. Follow my ig = lil.thoughts.xo!

Part One, Part Three

I am not a fan of Jeffery from 09'. That being said, I was shocked by the amount of people who liked part one! I hope this is good for y'all.

@opalineishere here's part twooo~

@sakurashana I tagged your ass because you had something to say the other day 😂

[cynthiesjmxazrielslover]

Bittersweet love

An original AUmodernAzriel x Reader

these songs remind me of them <3333

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, mention of trauma Summary: Growing up with your abusive father and your mother who never spoke up against him, you had truly given up hope of any chance of a real relationship, of real love, the ones of the kind that you read about in your books, till you're proven wrong.

A/N: this is my first fic ever+english isnt my first language, and I wrote this in a daze, the idea came to me at like 3 AM,so....enjoy muah<3 Thump.....thump. DAMN IT CAROLINE GET OUT HERE! Another night another fight, that too on their anniversary, a classic. I scoff thinking about all the picture-perfect smiles and the absolutely lovely speech my dad had read out for my mom tonight, a show, it was all a show, no one knew what went inside our house every week, how my dad hit my mom, screamed at her and then bought ridiculously expensive gifts for her as if that would fix everything. I was so so tired of their useless fights, every time it all ended the same way, with my mom never leaving. I heard the rain outside before I saw it. One thing about me was that I always loved the rain, growing up, and till now it just felt right to cry under its cover, to cry with it, to admire how beautiful it felt to be enveloped in her comfort and just...let everything go. I sneaked out my window and walked out of our backyard. There was an abandoned house right behind mine, I spread rumors just so everyone thought, it was either haunted or inhabited, in truth it was my den. Snacks, clothes, comfy blankets, duvets, you name it. It had all I needed to feel better. When I entered my lair I noticed that most of my snacks were empty and the empty packets pristine clean. Oh no, someone had discovered the truth, I turned around only to find a pair of hazel eyes staring back at me, the darkness enveloped him, I couldn't see him, but guessed well enough he was taller than me. I cursed at myself for being stupid enough to enter an abandoned place at night in the middle of a heavy down pour. No, no, no, no. I stepped back I couldn't die like this, not in this shit hole. "Um, hello there. Are you okay? you just seem a little pale" I gaped at him. He had the most alluring voice id ever heard on a man and damn did it mess with my senses. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Look I'm not armed plus I dont even have enough energy to argue right now." He stepped a bit closer enough that I could make out his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight. His hazel eyes were a sweet honey brown shade, tanned skin, muscles, tall as frick, and hot too. Holy crap this guy looked straight out of a book. "Hello?". Realizing I'd been gaping at it the whole time it took me second to remember the situation I'd found myself in before I said "Hi, Im Lana" I lied, my name wasnt lana but i wasnt gonna tell some random guy who ate my snacks AND all my blueberry sour candy my name, Im not that dumb. He steps out of the shadows so i could get a proper look at him, and so he could look at me i realize. "Hello Lana, Im Azriel". I looked at him, really looked at him noticed 3 things, 1. He didnt look much older than me, meaning either he was in school or in college, 2. He was wearing my oversized hoodie which looked a little too small on him, and 3. He looked in a bad shape. He had bruises on his face marring his body, burned hands, swollen eye and looked cold, very cold and malnourished. He looked almost......homeless.

I snuck a glance outside.

I silently swore, if this man- Azriel, stayed here any longer he would DIE, either of fever or due to infection. I might already have brought a one way ticket to the deepest darkest pits of hell but doesnt mean he did. Without a thought i spit out "Come to my house". "Im sorry what?" he chuckled out smirking at me as a flush crept over me. "I-I meant that you cant stay here, there's heavy rain and its cold here. pfft that's totally what i meant" i stammer out. Reminder to curl up and die in a corner later on. He furrows his brow at my statement, a hint of amusement on his face. "Haven't you heard of stranger danger Lana?" He pipes out, his voice low and gravelly. "I doubt an 18 year old guy who wears Minnie Mouse hoodies with dora the explorer socks and a pink bow pajamas would try to kidnap me" Okay now this dude was really crossing it for me. Reminder number 2- Drown these clothes in holy water before wearing them again. Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. "I still look better in these than you could ever. But you're smart and these clothes fit me like a fucking tank top and shorts, so yes, Lana, I'll come to your house. Only because Im freezing out here" He added FRICK. FRICK THIS WAS A BAD,BAD IDEA

Azriels POV I stepped out of the shower, steam rising from the hot water. I smelled like lavender soap and vanilla- The scent of real men. I put on the fresh pair of clothes Lana gave me, A little smaller than what i wore but better than those hoodies of hers anyway. I saw her reading a book when i stepped out, no gods not another book-obsessed psycho. She motioned for me to sit down and applied some bandages, honey, and anti-septic cream and gave me some medecine, pain killers i guessed. She seemed to know what she was doing, better than going to a doctor if it meant it was free and she wasn't going- "Who gave you get these" My chain of thoughts are interrupted by her words. "I got myself banged up by a....raccoon?" A raccoon? A RACCOON? Thats the best I could come up with? Telling a girl that i got banged up by a raccoon? She laughs at my answer. It's not a soft melodic sound like i expected but a burst of laughter. She snorts and smirks at me. "Damn, a raccoon huh? Wait,does that mean your're pregnant now?Plus,what? did it tackle you to the ground with its little toe beans? What were you even fighting over, who gets the last thrown out doughnuts from the dumpster, oh, or, did she kick you out of the house instead? You're lovely raccoon wife." She laughs out, barely able to form the sentence without controlling her laughter. I roll my eyes but I cant help smile, I knew very little about this girl but i did know 4 things, 1. She was a terrible liar, introducing herself under a fake name when her name was written under every single one of her drawings, 'y/n' I liked that name, it sounded different yet familiar on my tongue. 2.She might have just saved my life 3. She had a very good taste in candy and 4. we are about to become very, very, very good friends, something I hadn't had in a while. Tell me in the comments if you want to be tagged in the next parts, plus im open to supportive constructive criticism so let me know how i can improve =) taglist: @anarchiii @starlightazriel @velarisdusk @siriuslystyle1989 @scorpioriesling

[stillness-in-green]

sorry, didn't see the answer until today. thank you for that but I mean proving AFO wrong that Tenko is filled with hatred and destroying and no one can accept him. we know thats a lie now but Tenko still dies?

Hey again, anon. So, I went back and tried to fit this follow-up context into your original ask—answered here for anyone who wants to look over it again.  My initial answer was based on you meaning that AFO should have been “proven wrong” in his assertions about human frailty and how, once someone has been rejected by society and become a Villain, there’s no way for them to come back.  Reconsidering your issue (that Deku killing Shigaraki doesn’t prove AFO wrong) with the knowledge that what you meant was him saying Shigaraki is only capable of hating and destroying things…

I guess in the end I don’t think the story believes AFO is wrong about that either? I mean, obviously he was, back when he first told those words to at-the-time-still-Tenko. But now? Not so much, at least in the author's eyes.

Below, if you want to subject yourself to my reasoning again, you can follow along as I talk myself through getting to that quite jaded conclusion.  My apologies if I misunderstand or misrepresent you again anywhere along the way!  Admittedly, based on my experience with the fandom and what names we choose to use in talking about the characters, I suspect we’re coming at them from radically different positions, but my position is the one I’ve got to offer you. Please know that, to whatever extent we might disagree on how much "Shigaraki Tomura" was ever a legitimate persona, we are united in our opinion that Deku should have done more for him if the story was serious about him being the Greatest Hero.

......

So, okay, the biggest issue with asserting that Shigaraki has any kind of moral core or personality independent of his AFO-instilled hatred/destructiveness is that the best arguments for it all revolve around the League and how Shigaraki wants to be their “Hero,” how that’s contiguous with his personality even from when he was “Tenko” because both fit a pattern of reaching out to the outcasts that everyone else around them ignores or mistreats.

I believed that too!  I still do, in fact!  I want to be clear that I think Shigaraki still has legitimate grievances and that his desire to make a world in which Villains will be happier is still, in its own way, noble and true!

But.

But that glorious spread where Tomura says that even if every bit of his hatred is smashed, he’ll still keep going because he has to be a Hero for the Villains that need him?  That spread comes before the montage showing AFO’s involvement in the Shimuras’ lives from before Tenko was even born.  And part of that montage is the absolutely buffoonish reveal that AFO even influenced Tenko’s sense of heroism by leaning on Tomo and Mikkun (the aforementioned outcasts) to encourage him to be a Hero.  I tend to assume that the two of them were from one of Ujiko’s orphanages—I can’t imagine how else AFO would be in a position to give two random children direct orders!—but whatever the case, it means that even Tenko’s draw towards standing up for outcasts is something influenced by All For One.

If you take that away, what else is left?  I could pick a few little traits here and there, but ultimately, what Shigaraki comes back to in the end, in that very last conversation with Deku in the shared mindspace, is destruction.  He pursued it to the end, his last expressed regret is that he couldn’t carry it out, and his final messages to ally and enemy alike revolve around the destruction he sought—telling Spinner he died fighting for it and telling Deku that it’s up to him and his whether any of what he destroyed actually stays destroyed.

To me, that suggests that the manga does believe that Shigaraki Tomura was, ultimately, an existence that could only destroy, and the fact that some of what he targeted deserved to be destroyed doesn’t negate the fact that he was still ultimately defined by the destructiveness that AFO meticulously crafted him to embody.  Even Deku seems to think that, in the end!

Like, really working through the timeline here?  Deku did want to believe that the Crying Child indicated that Shigaraki had some drive other than destructiveness at his core.  One of the (vanishingly rare) times he actually spoke to Shigaraki during their fight was his refutation of Shigaraki’s claims that he’d successfully devoured The Crying Child and thus transcended his humanity.

Running on the desperate certainty that Shigaraki was wrong/lying, Deku smashes his way into Shigaraki’s core and metaphorically uproots his hatred and psychically holds his hands, and Shigaraki still says that even so, the Villains still need him…  And if it ended there, maybe we could say that AFO was “wrong” in the sense you describe—that while the method Shigaraki uses to Be A Hero For Villains is warped by AFO’s influence, his desire to be that Hero is genuinely his own.  But then we get That Reveal, and even the parts of Tenko that seemed to predate AFO are revealed to be just another aspect of AFO’s machinations—Tenko’s heroism, his sense of injustice, even his very existence, all are indelibly stamped with AFO’s mark.

After that reveal, Deku never again pushes back against claims that Shigaraki can only destroy.  He never pushes back on AFO’s claims of authorship of Shigaraki’s life; he never tries to encourage Shigaraki by insisting that his bonds to the League are real regardless of how AFO raised him.  Heck, he never even suggests Shigaraki still has the chance to figure out who Tenko could be as long as he can break AFO's hold and reject his teaching. No, Deku just…accepts AFO's premise, apparently.

And so I come back to the same conclusion I did before: Deku is angry at All For One, but he does not disagree with All For One.

I genuinely think that, as far as the narrative is concerned, the tragedy of Shigaraki’s ending is thus:

Anyone Shimura Tenko was or could have been was overwritten by All For One’s grooming long ago.  Maybe this could have been prevented if things had gone differently—if Nana had beaten AFO, if someone like Deku had been there to intervene the day of the tragedy, if someone on the street had reached out to him before AFO—but as it stands, Shigaraki Tomura is too far gone to save.[See Note]  Deku can end the monster that was behind it all and try to honor the victims that Shigaraki’s actions brought to light by changing the world that created them for the better, but he cannot save Shimura Tenko because Shimura Tenko was lost long before he and Midoriya Izuku ever met.

(Note: One of those "Maybe If..."s the story dangles is Spinner taking some ill-defined step to help his friend, but my opinions are that disingenuous suggestion are just a long string of profanity. Suffice to say, if Shigaraki could still have been "saved" all the way up to the start of the second war, then the Heroes bear way more responsibility for failing to do so than Spinner ever could, and Deku is even more of a fuckwit for not arguing with AFO's assertions that Tomura is nothing but what AFO made of him.)

Of course we wanted more than that.  Of course we wanted Deku to do more than that!  We spent all that time watching Shigaraki grow and bond with the League—why, if the only reason for that growth and those bonds was to prepare him as a vessel for AFO?  We watched Deku resolve to try to save and/or understand Shigaraki’s heart no matter what—why, if everything in that heart was written in someone else’s hand?

The story told us that the best heroes always manage to both win and save, and that we were reading the story of how Deku becomes the best hero—why, if the story was only going to conclude that Shigaraki’s death at Deku’s hand was inevitable because the harm All For One did was impossible for either of them to overcome?

And to me, at least, that’s why Shigaraki’s death and Deku’s role in it feel so wrong: not for the in-universe reason that Deku and Shigaraki don’t disprove/disavow AFO’s claims, but for the meta reason that My Hero Academia lied to us and wasted our goddamn time.  It spent over two hundred chapters building up Shigaraki Tomura—as a villain, yes, but also as a victim, a friend, an enemy, an ally, someone who existed in the world he was rebelling against—only to then turn around and spend its remaining two hundred chapters tearing him back down to nothing and then telling us that’s all he ever was anyway.

All For One killed that crying child a long time ago, and all Deku can do is wipe away his tears and then wave him goodbye. 

By punching him to death.

It’s hard to imagine a bleaker outcome for the “Tenko” that started Horikoshi’s whole career as a mangaka, but I guess that’s what happens when your chosen career brutalizes you so badly that you come to define a Hero as someone who helps people endure their suffering instead of saving them from it.

...…

...Uh.  So, this got pretty bleak itself in the end.  Sorry, anon, everyone.  I write that way to get my point across, and I’m no little bit bitter about the whole thing myself, but ultimately, I just want to remind everyone that the story is over.  I’m not going to try to turn this whole thing into a positivity post all the way at the end, but just embrace that much: your obligation to care about the things Horikoshi wrote—to the extent that that obligation ever existed—is fulfilled.  If you hate the ending, well, so do I.  But now and forever, we and everyone else can go and do what-the-hell-ever we want to do with the characters and world that Horikoshi left us.

I hope we do.  I’ll be rooting for us!

[itsnothingofinterest]

Yeah, even with the translation out; the language and circumstance used to describe Kurogiri's situation by Aizawa & Mic still does not sit right with me.

I mean Present Mic talking about Kurogiri in a dehumanizing manor isn't new, and one could even argue he's proven wrong for doing so in this chapter. I'm not too sure of that though, because even after stimulating Shirakumo's memories again, even Aizawa still talks about Kurogiri like this:

It still sounds less like they've awakened their old friend to their side, and more like they found a way to control him. It's...maybe...a bit better than my impression from the leaks; which were that he was a machine they working by metaphorically slapping it on its side (by which I mean...staring at him while talking to Mic? Why was this only 4 pages?), but my problem with this plotline persist where they don't see Kurogiri as a real person and they barely see him a Shirakumo; they just see an object made out of Shirakumo's desecrated body that they luckily found out how to use for themselves. Heck, Ectoplasm seems to be talking about Kurogiri more as if he's a person than Aizawa, his supposed best friend, is.

I mean I guess a part of me is glad that that 4 page 'conclusion' didn't really result in a real turnaround where Shirakumo's just back or Kurogiri just joined their side, that feels like it'd be especially rushed when everyone else has been busting their chops off to turn villains around. (And if you ask me, failing.) Plus it just might open the door to the chance that Kurogiri's own personality could make a long overdue return and play a part in things himself to help save Tomura. But it does make me not like Eraserhead & Mic very much right now I'm afraid, and also as of now it looks as though yet another villain story concluded without that villain's personality really factoring in. Still not a fan of that. Especially since I'm rather missing Kurogiri myself by now.

[ranfordgallus]

Sometimes i forget there are like actual adults in the internet, like- not that i dont KNOW, i follow many adults in social medias and i know theyre adults, im talking about... problematic ones.

Im so used to seeing things on tiktok where a person is being distasteful in there, they usually get called out (as they should) and most of them are just kids who doesnt know any better, you get me? Now.. whenever i see another person or a video talking about- or calling out a very problematic creator, i usually think "oh its probably just a teenager who doesnt know any better or just a rage baiter" and then i get flashbanged when i found out the person is like...almost at their 30's or 40's

and if theyre that age, that means theyre a millennial, meaning they would be in the internet most of the time im guessing.. so im like..i feel like you'd know if you've been in the internet for THAT long and old enough you'd know if you do these things you'd get called out or bullied, YET THEY STILL DO?

This is just a rant of mine, this isnt a target to ALL millennials obviously because...like i said this is abt problematic ones, gen z'ers just like me has also been in the internet too, and there ARE problematic ones im sure...ive seen them alot, i just thought that if you're like been in the internet longer than most gen z's you'd like be aware of what you do or post in the internet or atleast change from your mistakes but i guess ive been proven wrong yk LOL

[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 8}

Runaway Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: with too much pain in your heart. You run away. However Neteyam brings you Ao'nung. So what else to do but Runaway together.

You had been Avoiding Ao’nung. More in fact you’ve been avoiding the entire family. And Ao’nung knew why. He had fought with his mother tooth and nail about it wasn't fair. How it wasn’t fair that even if he had the option to choose from whoever. That they still had a say in who he got to be with. 

Thankfully his father. Eywa bless him, had tried to fight for him too. But Ronal was stubborn as she was ruthless. And they were nothing compared to what she chose. He knew you didnt mean to avoid him. 

He could see it in your eyes how you longed for him. For you to be able to talk to either him or his sister. If he could, he'd change it all for you. But he was just the son, Not the leader yet and never if he had no Tsahik. 

He didn’t understand. Had his mother not seen how wonderful you were? Had she not spoken of how brave and strong you were? He was so sure he didn’t need to worry about his mother. He was sure she adored you too. 

And he saw your brother’s pitying looks. And your sisters given him looks of sorries. 

He tried so desperately to talk with you. Secretly or not. But you had seem to take his mother’s words to heart. 

Avoiding him. Never meeting his gaze. Never once even being able to breathe around him. 

It was suffocating for the both of you. And he prayed to Eywa. He constantly prayed to her that if she was as kind as she had been now. To please let this love blossom much more. 

He had known the sea as cruel and Harsh. But his mother had proven her much more. 

It had been Lo’ak who was the most understanding. Your whole family had been so worried about you. Always weaving, never even seeing the sun unless absolutely necessary. It was Heartbreaking to Neytiri. You were her Eldest. The very spark of life that Jake and her needed. 

She had seen you blossom until a strong warrior and she had seen you nearly died. She swore that whatever happened if Eywa let you live she would fight for you and your happiness as much as she could. 

But you had stopped talking almost entirely. Never having that light in those eyes she knew since the day you took your first breath. 

Jake had done his best. But he didn’t know what to do. So Neytiri had to watch your flame dim and die. 

She couldn’t quiet say what it was. But she took a wild guess and was surprised by her youngest. It was confirmed. You were heartbroken. And she would not sit idle and watch it destroy you. 

So one day while you were alone she entered. Beginning to make food before turning to you. 

“Ma ‘Ite, Tell me what bothers you so” Neytiri finally asked. Watching as you stopped weaving to look at her. 

“Nothing bothers me Sa’nok ,  I am fine” You could only speak, You had known your actions have been less then desirable and you had been so miserable. 

You just wish you weren’t so easy to read. 

“Its about a boy is it not?”

You couldn’t answer. For it would make it all to real in your heart. 

“What is holding you back?”

“I am not enough for his mother” 

“When has that ever stopped you from following your heart” 

You looked at her. Eyes red from all the crying. How long it been? Months? You couldn’t remember, It had all blended together and it made your heart hurt so much worse. For you longed for those sweet words he told you. Wanting to repeat them back to him one day. But now you couldn’t

“Because i am not fit to be the Tsahik of this place” 

There it was. That final nail in the coffin as your father always put it. It had been to real. Neytiri hadn’t been stupid. She knew that there was something. But she watched you destroy yourself these past five months and she had enough. 

“I want to be enough. Why cant i be enough. I done everything as you all want me to. I done things right and ive done nothing wrong and yet I am not enough” You began to sob. A sob catching at your throat. “ Mother why cant it all go away”

Neytiri sighed. Holding you close to her. 

“ I want to go away. I want to disappear. But i dont want you to follow me. Everyone’s made their place here. Its just me. I don't want to have to look at his face or his family” You wept. 

Neytiri couldn’t hold you close enough. Couldn’t do much at all. 

Neytiri had grown over the year. She had learned to accept it all. To accept Spider into their family. Had learned that her Kids are growing. Had grown to accept it all. And she had to learn to do it all over again. 

“If you decide to leave, I will not stop you. If you think this is what will help with your heartache. If you do decide i will let the family know. We are Sully’s and Sully’s stick together my dearest” 

You could only nod. Falling asleep in her arms. A decision being left out in the open. A decision you had already made. 

—------------------------------------------------

It was night. The perfect time really. Your family had already bid their goodbyes to you. Your mother had already explained it all. You truly didn’t want to go. But being here brought you too much pain. 

Everyone was reluctant to let you go. But understood as to why. Your flame had died. 

You explained it would be only for a short while. Maybe making it like a short trip to ease your mind and soul. And would bring back things for them and the clan when you are to return.  

Your parents would pass by the message. Though you knew that Ronal would be more than happy. And you would come back hopefully with those feelings gone. 

You called to your Ikran. Silently praying that no one would wake. 

“So you are leaving..”

You turned. Seeing Neteyam look down Shamefully while Ao’nung was right beside him. His face was tired. Everything about him looked tired. 

“Nete!”

“I am sorry. But i am your brother. And as much as i dont like the idea of Ao’nung being my brother..No offense by the way. I cannot stand to sit by and watch it destroy the both of you” 

You avoided Ao’nung’s gaze. Neteyam brought your hand and intertwined it with his. A pit in your stomach forming. 

“I…Im sorry i avoided you for so long” You voiced. Looking at Ao’nung’ “but i didnt want to anger your mother more than she already was” 

“Is this why you’re running away?” 

“...yes..no” you sighed whipping your eyes again for who knows that time that day. “I want to get rid of these feelings for you. I had hoped you would too while i was gone”

“So you do regret what you feel for me?”

“I never did and i never will. But Lets face it. This thing we feel isn’t going to happen and you know it. So long as your mother is there. She will never see me for anything but a Sully. The outsider” 

It was Quiet. Far longer than you had hoped. Nothing but the sound of the ocean and the tide. 

You so longed for his touch and yet it felt like it was burning you. So long as he stood there and said nothing it was like a knife to your heart. May Eywa take away your pain now. 

“I wont let that happen” 

“Ao’nung-”

“In you is all Gentleness. All perfections of the world, so my spirit languishes perpetually by your absence” 

There they were again. Those sweet words that had swept you off your feet. The words you so longed and craved for. Staring at him. His eyes burning with a passion he had never known before until you. 

“Eywa know’s your name, I've been praying all these nights. For you are the only woman i have chosen according to my heart” 

He lifted your hand and placed it on his chest. There it was that sweet tune of his soul. You had heard it once and it ached to be with you. To forever hold you within its grasp. 

He didn’t know what he was saying. He just knew that if you were going. Well may as well say it all now. 

“And if you go what strength have i that i may bear it. That i may be and have patience while you are gone?”

You looked at him. Eye to eye. 

“Even if you go i will await you. Even if you chose another i will await until we are reborn again and we can be with each other. For no one’s ever made me feel this way. So what have you to leave, When i am all you think about?”

You bit your lip. Hand on his chest and one at your Ikran. 

“If you two leave. I will not say a word. I am just here to wish my sister a goodbye” 

Ao’nung nodded. Never breaking eye contact with you. 

“You cannot follow me” 

“Why not?”

“Because you are everything to this clan too. What say you, You aren’t build for the woods. And i am not for the sea” 

“I will follow you outside of Pandora if i must. I will follow you to the end of our lifetimes, So please do not push me away too. I cannot bear it any longer than i have” 

“Are you really willing to leave your family?” 

“I am” He hadn’t hesitated. 

“ I dont know when i’ll be back” 

“Doesn't matter so long as im there to have you” 

“We dont be able to mate as traditions say”

“But Eywa has blessed us with this now”

You wept. You cried again for who knows how long. But you just held onto Ao’nung Finally feeling that longing burning he always seemed to radiate. “What makes me so special to you”

“You make my heart beat far more than any other. I would hope that would be enough for you”

“It is. But Ao’nung what if i can never return. You won't be Olo’eyktan if you leave.”

“ a tittle is worthless if you do not call me yours”

 “And what about your family?”

“Father will understand if we ever return. Tsireya has your brother to take care of her. Ateyo has the whole clan to watch over him too. And mother…Mother will be alright too”

You stared at the sand. Ears flat down as all you could do was ponder your situation. For once happy someone was choosing you over all else. 

“You’re crazy”

“We already knew that” 

Resting your head on his shoulder as all he did was caress your back. It felt peaceful. To think only a few months ago you had become Metkayina. And now Ao’nung was throwing that all away. You could go home. Realistically you could live there. But Truth be told You didn’t know how Ao’nung could hold up to that life. Sky people were still a threat from what you had been told. And Yes you were Toruk Makto’s daughter. But he was no Olo’eyktan. Not anymore. Mo’at would take you in no doubt. Keep you safe with her and the people you had grown up with. But who’s to say they hadn’t relocated. 

You just stood there. Waiting for anything to tell you this was a bad idea. 

“ Do you really want to do this?” 

“If you allowed me so” 

You smiled. Watching as Ao’nung turned to Neteyam who had been there to see it all. 

“Please. Do not tell anyone i am leaving” 

“ I wont. I promise” Then he turned to you. “Will you be going back home?”

“I’ll see if they’re still there. And if they are and there is no danger of Sky people. I will stay there for as long as i am allowed” 

“And if they aren’t there?”

“Don’t worry. Big sis has that already covered” You quickly went to hug him. Tightening your arms around him. “Thank you ‘teyam” 

“Don’t worry. I owe you one you know?”

You could only laugh. Grabbing your stuff before hopping on your Ikran. Waiting for Ao’nung as he carefully sat behind you. 

“Eywa will let you know if we are home. And if not that we are safe” 

“Be carefully sister. Come back soon”

“I can only hope” 

Truthfully you knew you probably couldn’t Ao’nung had given up so much just this very moment. And you were taking a risk allowing him to do so. 

—-------------------------------------------

Home. It was nice to see the forest again. Something Familiar. But just as you had suspected. There was no one left. Everyone had moved as you predicted and realistically you didn’t blame them. 

“Ao’nung?”

“Yes?” 

“Would you be okay if we stayed close by to your home. There is nothing here anymore for me” 

“If you so ever wish Y/n” 

You knew the flight was tedious. So you set camp for the night. Thanking your mother for teaching you so much as you set a hammock for you and one for Ao’nung up high. 

By morning you would make a tiresome flight. Luckily for you it was Closer to Awa’atlu. You had seen it on the flight here. The clearing in the forest where a giant lake stood. Perhaps Eywa pitied you two. But you could live there for the time being. 

For you had a lot to think about. But Ao’nung was there to reassure you and your worries. 

For once you enjoyed sleeping in the trees and see the sky again up high. You had hoped to see your grandmother. But as things have it. Nothing ever goes your way. 

“Ao’nung?”

“Yes?”

“You know your mother will behead me once we come back right?”

“If we go back”

“Ao’nung..”

“I am serious. For you id start somewhere new. Im just sorry your home here is gone now”

You smiled at his words. Maybe some way you would see your grandmother again. You hoped at least. But for now you rest. 

Going back is a death wish for you. You knew as much that’s true. But that would be okay.

You would bear it all. 

So tonight. You went to sleep. Thinking of your family back at your new home. Did Ao’nung really not miss his family like you did? Either way you would have to settle it in the morning. You were glad you could take your bow and your spear with you. 

—------------------------------------------

By Morning Ronal had noticed her son’s disappearance. Not pleased with it she went to the Sully’s Marui noticing your lack of presence. So She burst. Demanding to know where he son was, Where you were. 

“Y/n? She left on her own accord Last night.” Jake stated. All of which your family agreed. 

“Ao’nung is missing. Did she take Ao’nung with her?”

“Neteyam. You were the last person to bid goodbye” Neytiri stated matter of factly bring Neteyam up front to Ronal. Look her dead in the eye too. 

“No. Y/n left on her own last night. She will back some time later she said tho we don't know when for sure” Neteyam said, lying through his teeth as he didnt waver under her gaze. 

“Ao’nung probably left early for hunting” Tonowari spoke leading Ronal out of the Marui. Quickly exchanging a look with the Sully’s 

Bowing his head and looking at Neteyam. “Do you know how long it will be for them to come back”

Neteyam sucked in his breath. He hadn’t known how to answer. Was he aware of what was happening. 

Jake stood up and headed towards him. “Y/n said anywhere between months to a year from now”

“I see. I hope in that time Ma Ronal can see that your daughter is a fine warrior to be Tsahik” He bid them goodbye before heading out as well. 

He knew. Though he didnt know exactly how Ao’nung left. He just knew. He had done Crazy things when he wanted to Court Ronal. He had done the most stupid and absurd things to win her heart until she was finally accepted as well. 

He could only hope that in that time while you were away. That Eywa would bless all of you. For people do crazy things when they’re in love

—--------------------------------

“Well this is something” Ao’nung commented as you two had landed in that clearing you saw a few days ago. He was exhausted and more so hungry. So he was thankful that you had taken the lead to hunt. 

“I’ll come and fix us a place up at the trees. Or would you like it in the middle of that lake?” You asked. 

The lake was by no means the ocean. But it was big. And from the looks of it connected underground by a tunnel. You wondered if one day you could go and explore it. See what's there and see the rest of the beauty Eywa has blessed you. 

“Since we aren’t mates and i do not wish to dishonor that until i have properly courted you. Ill make my place at the lake. And you in the trees.” Ao’nung Suggested. 

You smiled nodding as you left for your hunt. 

This wasn’t the forest you had grown around. It was different and more out. But you had managed to see creatures you knew and hunted. Alongside new ones you never had. 

Being on land was Amazing. 

However unknown to all of you, Reef people aren’t adapted to water outside the sea.

===========================

Taglist: @simp-erformarvelwomen / @luvlykrispy / @yeosxxx / @fanboyluvr / @littlethingsinlife / @eirianna / @elegantkidfansoul / @tsukibaby1 / @adaiasafira / @1-800-not-simping / @reggiesslutt / @cmfouatslota77 / @slutforsmut4ever / @zatarias-pandoraa / @valovesyou / @audigay / @sweetheartlizzie07 / @sseleniaa

[bitchface24-7]

We know the Winchester Brothers Obsess over one another, it’s canon and blatant text within Supernatural.

Here’s a little blurb I came up with cause I can’t sleep and it’s 2:10 in the morning :)

——————

Sam loves his big brother. It’s a given. After everything they’ve been through it’d be unfathomable for them not to love each other.

But Sam can’t stand the fact Dean doesn’t seem to love him as much as Sam loves him. Sam knows Dean loves him, would do anything for him. But it seems like Dean’s avoiding him.

He’s going to bars more often and hooking up with the first girl he sees. There’s been too many times Sam had to leave their shitty motel room cause Dean wanted to get his dick wet. It’s frustrating, it’s embarrassing. The only thing that weirdly enough makes it better is the fact Dean is constantly wearing his amulet Sam gifted him all those years ago.

Those girls may be there for the moment, but Sam is Dean’s for life.

Sam thinks Dean doesn’t love him as much as he loves Dean. He’s proven wrong on one of their hunts though.

By a Siren.

——————

“I gave him what he needed. And it wasn’t some bitch in a g-string. It was you, his little brother.” The siren taunts as Dean holds Sam, his sharp knife digging into Sam’s throat. Sam damn near blacks out at that. A demon known to take on its victims sexual fantasies; and Dean’s is Sam?

The confrontation goes rapidly with Bobby coming in and saving their asses. Stabbing Dean in the shoulder and the demon in the back.

Sam doesn’t know what to think, he doesn’t know what to say. So he keeps quiet. The pleading look on Dean’s face help him make that choice as well.

——————

“What did he mean?” Sam questions out of the blue one day, months after that fateful hunt.

Dean looks over to Sam in confusion from the motels couch, “Who Sammy, Darren? The waiter from the diner? It was an innuendo that meant butt se—“ before Dean can finish his taunt, Sam cuts him off with an eye roll, “No Dean, not Darren. I know what he meant. I meant the siren from a few months ago.”

At the mention of that hunt, Dean shuts down. His expression flattens and he somehow metaphysically pulls away from Sam. Sam can’t get a read on him; and he hasn’t been able to do that since he was a baby.

“Nothin’ Sammy. It means nothing.” Dean mutters as he takes a long swig from his beer, the sports game playing on the TV now Deans main focus.

Sam scoffs at that lame ass excuse, “Bullshit. It means something and I think I have the right to know what that is.”

“The hell you do! You don’t need to know everything you fucking snoop, leave it be!” Dean’s voice raises as his jaw clenches. Sam raises an eyebrow at his brothers aggressive reaction. He’ll get Dean to crack, one way or the other.

Sam decides to taunt Dean. With an over-exaggerated flip of his hair, Sam quotes the siren, “I gave him what he needed. And it wasn’t some bitch in a g-string. It was you, his little brother.” Sam says in a fake saccharine tone. Batting his eyelashes at his older brother before getting serious.

“Dean, Siren’s take on their victims greatest sexual fantasy. Their celebrity crush, the one that got away, the server from your favourite restaurant. All that shit. But yours was… me. Why?”

Dean purses his lips and takes an even bigger sip of his bear, wetting his lips as a drop trails down his neck. Dean wipes it away when the back of his hand with a morose sigh. Sam quickly averts his eyes from that gesture.

“You just answered your own damn question Sammy.”

Sam gapes, “I’m your biggest sexual fantasy? How, why?”

Dean rolls his eyes at his brothers shock, “I don’t even know where to begin Sammy. I’ve always loved you. I’m not sure when the wires got all tangled and fucked up but it happened. I guess being the main one to take care of you really messed everything up, huh?”

Sam wants to cry a bit. It does make sense, Dean is everything to him. His mother, his father, his brother, and his best friend. All they’ve known all their lives is each other. They’re each other’s greatest weakness.

“If it’s any consolidation Dean, my siren looked like you too.” Sam quietly states as he gets up from his laptop and moves to sit next to Dean. Stealing the beer from his limp hand and taking a massive swig. Deans eyes and lips part minutely.

“You… wait— what?” Dean questions, his words barely escaping his lips. Sam just smiles and kisses his brothers cheek; as close to his mouth as he can, before shuffling around and getting comfortable. Leaning into Dean’s side he makes himself small to cuddle up to Dean. “So… who’s winning?”

Dean just huffs a laugh at the blatant change of subject, steals back his beer and continues to watch the game, “Look at the top left corner. It tells you.” Sam rolls his eyes, “You know I’m not a big sports person. I don’t know the team names from just a few letters!” The two continue to bicker, as if nothings changed.

In all honesty, it really hasn’t. Their unspoken bond has finally been brought to the light.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

Remember that scene from episode 7, when Aemond tries to approach Jace on Driftmark, looking like he is about to offer his condolences but at the same time knows he shouldn't because even Jace can't acknowledge his real father? And Jace looks somewhat annoyed and Aemond leaves, then Jace glances at Aegon who is already in his cups and doesn't even notice him? There were no scenes like that in season 2. Short but meaningful, the scenes that reveal so much about the characters involved. We have Aemond who even after being mocked by his nephews still can sympathise with them in a way and the two (Aemond/Jace) can give us a 'what if' moment that creates the ultimate fallout more tragic. Then we have Jace who obviously is interested more in Aegon as a ringleader, an older boy he looks up to, and yet, it's Aemond, the boy he mocks for not having a dragon, the one who approaches him. These kind of scenes are important for the character building and also for making a stronger emotional impact on the audience when it comes to the fate of the mentioned characters. S2 had none of this and destroyed and undid whatever s1 built character and story-wise. Aemond's and Alicent's characters suffered the most, no doubt, but it was bad in general.

Also, in the balcony scene it's obvious how helaena and aemond have a great chemistry and it just made me even more mad because they had so little screentime together in both seasons. Same goes for Aegond. It's criminal they had zero good scenes , save for that one in e6 that is just used to not so subtly remind us that Aemond is a sadist. Also, why wouldn't Aemond just finish Aegon off because as long as he lives, Aemond is not safe? The answer: in the book he obviously didn't try to kill him at RR and therefore wouldn't want to kill him in the aftermath either, but these idiots just needed their shitty change to all of the sudden make Aemond a one dimensional villain, make Aegon as pitiful as possible and to show how terrible and dysfunctional the greens are as a family. However, they couldn't just kill Aegon off so early and that's why they attempted to fix their stupid plothole with that scene when Aemond threatens him. Like, what?? I'm supposed to believe that was enough for Aegon to shut up for weeks and then just leave? Nah. There were bunch of similar idiocies through the whole season and I'm sure that something seriously went wrong between s1 and 2 because the drop in quality is jarring. I'm not saying s1 was that great, but this one was abysmal. Probably Miguel leaving was one of the main reasons, but whatever it was, this season will remain a great example of what not to do when you make a TV show. I just feel sorry for the lost potential and also for the people who are planning to watch s3 because, unless you're a die hard tb stan with zero critical thinking skills, I can't see the appeal.

Ugh, I hope this rant makes sense 😅

Hello, and thank you for the ask!

You're making a very good point. Season 1 was by no means perfect; but there was at least some if not love then genuine investment in the story and the characters from the showrunners - one could feel that at least occasionally. I guess it really came from Sapochnik's end because Condal clearly couldn't care less. The show used to have a soul - and now it feels empty. And, as it has been proven time and time again through the entirety of cinematic history, it is virtually impossible to create a truly good film or TV show if you don't give a damn about its essence.

I saw some people calling season 2 "a trailer for season 3" - because of how underwhelming and lacking in substance it turned out to be, I assume. To me it feels like something in between a trailer for the things to come and a recap of an actual season that was filmed but not shown to us for some reason. Pretty much everything feels superficial - even the dragged out scenes supposedly added for symbolism purposes or whatnot. The relationships between the characters are underdeveloped at best, destroyed at most (for example, chemistry between Green siblings' actors is utterly wasted indeed); some plot points make no sense; quite a few characters seem to have got a personality transplant in between the seasons.

Actually, I can understand why people, even TG fans would still be willing to watch season 3 (some for Aegon and Larys storyline, some for Alysmond - whatever form it takes, some for other reasons which could be many). As for me though - at the risk of sounding too dramatic - I had too much heart poured into this show and got hurt too badly by what it has become to even think of continuing to watch it without feeling sick. At least, for now.

[thevoidisvoid]

Writing this because Sexy Dragon Man needs more love.

Adamai x Reader

Also cross-posted on Ao3, along with my NSFW works.

"Will you marry me?"

"What?"

You loved the rain. The way that it cleansed the air sending a fresh scent of pure earthy smells around you.

It was different here, then it had been on earth. Much more calming and relaxing despite all the evil in the World of Twelve. It was times like this that you didn't regret coming back.

Not that you had any control over that.

You'd built your cottage on the edge of the Sadida Kingdom, close enough where you could return in emergency situations, but far enough you remained undisturbed….

For the most part.

You finish the final touches on your painting, enjoying how easy it came to you now. It was simple here, and it was exactly what you needed. 

“______.”

You jump up immediately spinning around before breaking into a soft grin.

“Adamai.”

You hug him tightly, dragging him down slightly to your height. (Not that you were short of course, but he was so ridiculously tall.)

“I missed you.”

You stand there for a good while, enjoying his touch. It felt so good to be alive right now, that it brushed your anxieties away. His tail wraps loosely around your leg as he pulls away slightly to drag you into a kiss.

Everything was perfect.

You hum as a clawed hand comes up to hold your face, and you can't help but lean into his touch. You couldn't ask for anything better, this was all you need.

A few more long moments passed before he let you go. His tail still wrapped protectively around you. 

“I see you've been painting again.”

He sounds amused as he grasps your hands, inspecting the ink and paint splattered up your hands and arms. 

“Yes, and I think this is my best one yet.”

You sit back down on your stool, enjoying how he moved to cradle your body in his arms. You lean back against his chest. You're rewarded by a quiet purr, and his head resting on top of yours.

You both watch the rain fall from the view of your balcony. You didn't think this could get any better.

“We should get married.”

It takes you a moment to process what he said. And it was startling to realize what he had said, when you fully registered it.

“What?”

It's his turn to hum, his tail twisting a little tighter around your leg.

“I know you heard me.”

“Adamai, I thought you…”

You look downward, face ablaze at your shock and surprise. You now knew that you'd made an assumption about him, and had just been proven wrong.

“Thought I what..?”

His voice has a teasing tone as he looks down at you.

“I thought that you didn't want marriage or something…because you're a dragon..?”

There's no way you can't make that sound any better, and to your relief he laughs.

“Just because I disprove many of the traditions people have, doesn't mean I reject them all.”

That…made sense actually.

“I guess I just don't see you as the marriage type.”

“Oh really?”

His voice still has a teasing tone to it, and you stifle a giggle as his claws brush your side. 

“Does this mean no then?”

“No!”

You slap a hand over your mouth at that, cheeks flushed at your sudden outburst.

“I mean, ahem, no. I didn't mean it to come out like that.”

“What's your answer then?”

You don't miss how his tail pauses in its gentle movement, and how he remains silent. His whole body tense as he waits for your response.”

“Yes.”

Immediately all tension flees him, and he buries his face into your shoulder. 

“Good.”

You roll your eyes at his response, glad that he can't see how red your face is. He was stupid and prideful sometimes.

But he was your stupid dragon. And in that moment, it was all you needed.

[randombrambles]

Okay...going to wade into the Sabezra discussion. May the flying spaghetti monster in sky have mercy on my soul...

I guess you could call me a "causal viewer" because, despite being a life long Star Wars fan, I'd never watched an episode of Rebels before watching Ahsoka. I just never got around to it and I've only watched a handful of eps of The Clone Wars too. But anyway once I started Ahsoka I was like "this show will clearly make more sense if I watch Rebels" so I started. I'm almost done season 3 of Rebels as of writing this post. And really loving Rebels btw. Part of me of like "why didn't I watch this earlier?" but on the other hand I don't have to wait for the next episode and I know the major spoilers already so I'm not going to get the rug yanked out from under me.

So back to Ahsoka and Sabezra...the big questions. Did I see the romance "coding" (not sure I agree "coding" is the right word but whatever, that's semantics) in Ahsoka? Yes. Sabine's actions definitely come across as her being in love with Ezra to me. That said I can also see the platonic angle, especially after having watched some of Rebels, so I'm not going to tell anyone they are wrong for viewing Sabine and Ezra's relationship as platonic. These things are subjective and open to interpretation until anything definitively romantic or definitively not romantic happens on screen. And at this point nothing definitive has happened either way on screen. Nobody has been proven right and nobody has been proven wrong yet. Sabezra is basically schrodinger's cat right now.

Next how did I interpret the "like a sister" line in Ezra's holo. Um...full disclosure the first time I viewed that scene I didn't even register that he'd said she was "like a sister" to him. I'd never even seen Rebels at that point so I didn't know Ezra yet. So as a causal viewer my take away from that scene was Ezra meant a lot to Sabine and Sabine meant a lot to Ezra. And I'd be wiling to bet that that was the takeaway for most causal viewers.

So on rewatch do I think the "like a sister" line means that Ezra truly sees Sabine as a sister? No. On rewatch, paying close attention to the body language, and after having watched some Rebels, I think Ezra is both struggling to find the words to tell Sabine how important she is to him and telling her what he thinks she needs to hear in that moment. The problem is that in English we don't have a word to describe someone isn't technically family but who isn't a lover either but who's also way more than "just" a friend. Sister is the best word Ezra can come up with in that moment but you can tell from his awkward body language and his literal scoff as soon as he says it that its not the right word. And yeah I think Ezra thinks that Sabine sees him as a brother so he tells her what he thinks she wants to hear right before he heads of on what very well could have been a suicide mission.

Do I think Sabezra is going to be made canon on Tuesday's final episode of Ahsoka (of season 1 at least). No, but hold on nobody panic!!! I also don't think that means Sabezra is dead in the water either. And frankly I'm kind of mystified as to why Sabezra shippers seem to think that the next episode is make or break for Sabezra when its clearly not? If there isn't a love declaration or a kiss or both (which is what I'm assuming people would interpret can them being made canon) its not like either Sabine or Ezra are going to marry someone else on Tuesday either. And since much of Ahsoka has been set up, meaning not much is actually going to get resolved in the next ep (Thrawn hasn't even left Perida[?] yet! I fear we are ending on a cliff hanger), we'll be seeing Sabine and Ezra again. There's no rush for them to get together romantically (and I know that's hard to hear for people who've been shipping for years but its true).

And further to the "there's no rush" point I actually have to say I that I think its WAY too soon for anything definitively romantic to happen between Ezra and Sabine yet (and again I get how hard that is for those who've been shipping them for a long time). And I say that as both a "casual viewer" and someone who's also watched a good chunk of Rebels now. For the causal viewer who hasn't watched Rebels, which is probably a big chunk of the audience for Ahsoka, they barely know Sabine, have just met Ezra and have only seen them interacting for ONE episode and don't know any of their history. A kiss or a love declaration would seem out of the blue at this point I think. And as someone who's getting into Rebels I still think its too soon. While I agree that Sabine is very likely in love with Ezra I don't think she's admitted to herself yet (that's why Baylan used the word family when he was getting her to hand over the map thingy imho) no way is she ready to tell HIM. And as for Ezra...dude is clueless that Sabine might might have non platonic feelings for him so no way is he going to risk ruining their friendship by blurting out that he's in love with her. And not only that they've been separated for 10 YEARS ffs. They need to get to know each other again before anything romantic can happen, again imho. I want Sabezra to become canon but I want it done WELL. Sabezra is a friends to lovers ship, they are still firmly in the friends stage right now, it needs to be a sloooooow burn.

And finally do I think Sabezra will become canon? Honestly...I don't know. I'd like it to, it would be really nice to have a non problematic ship, especially after the sequel trilogy robbed us of FinnRey and tried to force freaking r*ylo. But I think Filoni and the other powers that be over at DLF (he is NOT the sole person calling the shots here, keep that in mind everyone) are probably testing the waters right now and waiting to see what the audience reactions are like before they make any decisions. I'd be wiling to bet that by the end of Tuesday's episode the door will be left wide open for pretty much anything to happening shipping wise. So we'll just have to wait and see. Time will tell, it always does.

[redeemed-wren]

Hmm.

What DO I have to offer?

Like. I'm not BAD. I don't think I'm unpleasant to be around. I'm friendly and can make people laugh sometimes and can listen and smile along and Do Tasks with or for people. I don't make anyone's life worse by being around.

But what do I have to offer that can't be found in someone else? I'm always One Of The Group--individual relationships just don't develop. And clearly that's a Me Thing, because i am the common denominator. I exist in the group and then I go home and people carry on with their lives. I leave early and there is nothing missed, they can continue having fun without me.

I am a net neutral existence. Which means that while I enjoy spending time with people, and maybe they'll enjoy the moment hanging out, I am forgotten in between. I don't create individual bonds, I don't become an important figure in people's lives, I'm not someone people message through the week or talk to casually.

I just Exist. And when I'm around, people can enjoy my presence, but I'm not enough of anything to stay in their mind. Which means I will never form strong, intimate, individual bonds because why form that with me when there's people who can offer more. Why settle with the net neutral when there's a net positive person just over there?

I just.... I'm not negative. This is not self deprecation. It's life; people don't see me as someone beyond One Of the Group. No point angsting over it, I will never be anything more than Average, and why would someone settle for Average as a partner or close friend when there's so many better options?

And it hurts a bit, because I will never be someone's priority. But I guess that's okay for now, because there isn't much alternative. But it's been twenty-four years and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if I can change, so I need to be okay with it. I am getting used to being one of the group, standing at the edge of the conversation, out of sight out of mind. That's life; I can't expect more.

And I'd love to be proven wrong, and id love to be important and a priority for someone, but that's one of those 'false hopes that will disappoint and turn me bitter' thoughts. Its better to just be okay with neutrality.

[evita-shelby]

Hello!! Happy first year! 🎉🎉✨✨

May I request: “Don't torture yourself... that's my job.” for Luca? Or "This is all so humiliating. Why did I marry you?" also for this handsome Italian. Your choice! ❤️ Thanks in advance, Juli!!

thank you Flor🖤🖤🖤🖤

Monster-in-law

Gif by @darkcrystals

“This is all so humiliating. Why did I marry you?” you said in a fit of exasperation made worse by him knocking out the cigarette you had pilfered from a waiter.

His mother did not like her, to say the least.

Luca didn’t know what it was, but neither women in his life could ever get along.

He had assumed things would have cooled down by the time his cousin’s wedding came, but he had just been proven wrong.

He loves his mother, he loves you, and yet he is the only thing stopping the two of you getting in a catfight.

His mother had correctly guessed you had not been a virgin on your wedding night, you had taken offense and before you could reach across the table to throttle her, he made up some bullshit excuse to get some air.

You needed a cigarette, to scratch that itch withdrawal was giving you.

But the two of you had promised to quit smoking, your son’s health trumped all, but you so desperately needed a smoke.

“You don’t mean that.” Luca dismissed your rather hurtful words and offered you a peppermint candy from the stash he kept just for you.

You take it gratefully, but its not enough to make you stop thinking about how badly you need a cigarette…so you pinch yourself.

You had started doing that, not often and always where the gloves cover it and Luca had been completely oblivious to it.

Until now that is.

“Don’t torture yourself… that’s my job.” He says taking both your hands and kissing the spot you had pinched with a wicked look in his pretty green eyes. “If you’re a good girl for me tonight, amore mio, I promise you’ll be rewarded.”

[thefallennightmare]

Solace-one shot

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 3kishh

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff.

Summary: When the past comes knocking, will reader give up her perfect, quiet life to be with the one man she vowed never to speak with again?

Authors Note: here is a little something I thought of in my sleep, so I hope you enjoy! Also, I suck at summaries so apologies ha.

The sound of rain slapping against large, glass windows, eased my body and consciousness deeper into sleep. My soft snores echoed in tangent with the rain and I could feel my body sink further into the mattress, the last day falling away around me. It hadn’t been an exciting day, just spent working in the garden and working on my art; the same thing I had done so much of the last handful of years. It may not have been exciting to some but to me, it was my own solace. 

To be honest, the world past the treeline of my back yard scared me, even after all this time. I thought I had adjusted well but every time I went out into public for whatever reason, I was proven wrong. 

I never found myself complaining, however, with everything I had gone through and seen, I ended up retreating to this small cottage in the middle of nowhere Washington, away from civilization that scared me. Washington had no meaning to me, the farther I got away from him the better. I hadn’t seen him in over six years so I knew that I might have been over reacting in how far I tried to get away but I could never be too safe in something like this. 

Even if I hadn't seen him in so long, that didn’t stop the news or rumors of him finding its way to me. I never believed it, though. I knew who he was, truly. This life I had been living, we used to talk about how it would be for the both of us. Building our home together on a large piece of land with either the mountains or a lake in the backyard, somewhere for our kids to grow up in and us to grow old in. 

But with how things ended between us, I opted in creating this future without him. 

My body turned to the other end of the bed, the rain sounding behind me however with the knocking that echoed from the front door drained out the rain. It was a quiet but familiar knock. 

Our knock. 

Three raps against the wood then one solo knock followed by two more. 

My eyes snapped open, the drowsiness from sleep evaporating as I sat up in bed, gazing to the dark hallway outside of my bedroom door. All I could hear now was the rain until the knock sounded once more, this time a bit more persistent. 

“No way,” I muttered while letting my feet guide me towards my front door. 

It couldn’t be him. There was no way he could have found me, I made sure to cover my tracks when I moved out here. 

My eyebrows raised up in confusion when I looked out of the little peep hole, seeing nothing but darkness. 

Maybe I dreamed it?

I turned to head back to bed but when the same knock blasted behind me, I swiftly opened the door only to be met with more darkness. 

“This isn’t funny!,” I yelled. “You’re fucking with the wrong person.” 

The knife I had snatched from the table next to the front door clenched tightly in my hand. 

“Y/N.” 

Out of the darkness emerged the man that had been taking over my dream tonight, only this time he was in front of me, in the flesh, looking very different from the last time I had seen him. 

Long hair slicked back, a thick beard covering his face, and his once patriotic and noticeable suit was now worn down and almost dark, matching the way his eyes looked. 

They used to be so bright, full of life and love. But now, they were almost unrecognizable. 

“St-steve?” I stammered, stumbling away from him. 

A small smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “Hey doll.” 

My head shook, still not believing that he was in front of me. “Wha-what are you-how did you find me-what happened-is that blood?” 

A million questions ran through my mind and I didn’t know which one to ask first

I pointed to a wet spot on his suit, blood seeping through from what I was guessing a wound on his thigh; the large tear in his suit also gave me the answer I was looking for. 

Steve glanced down at it before a sigh fell through his lips. “I’m okay.” 

Our eyes locked and suddenly I felt myself become filled with rage. I hadn't seen Steve in so long that this is how he showed up on my doorstep? In the middle of the night and what looks like fresh off of a fight? 

 “How in the hell did you find me?” 

His lips parted to speak but a red head came bounding up the stairs towards us. The porch light casted over her face and even if I never met her before, I knew exactly who she was. 

“That actually was me. It took me some time, you really took yourself off of the map.” 

I raised a brow at her. “For good reason. You’re with him?” 

She nodded. “Natasha Romanoff.” 

It was my turn to nod, my suspicion of who she was proved right. 

“Y/N, we need your help.” 

Steve reached for me and I snatched my hand away, eyes sliced into him. 

“You disappear on me for years, after everything we had gone through together, and have the fucking balls to show up here asking for a favor?” I seethed. 

“We told him it was a bad idea to come here but he wouldn’t listen.” 

Another figure emerged from the darkness up my steps and I groaned in annoyance. 

“How many people did you bring to my house, Rogers?” I asked. 

“I’m Sam, Sam Wilson.” He nodded an introduction. “I’m sure Steve would be the first to tell you that we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t actually need your help.” 

I took in all three of their appearances and noticed exactly how tired they were. I wasn’t sure what the three of them had gotten themselves into but did know that whatever they were running from was important enough to come here. 

With a hesitant nod, I opened the front door allowing the three bodies to quickly slip inside. Knife still clenched in my hand, I did a quick once over of my wrap around porch to make sure that no one had followed them. Once it was clear, I slipped back inside my house and locked the door behind me. 

“So you're wanted for treason because you guys didn’t sign some kind of accords to stop you from fighting? ” I asked Natasha. 

“It’s complicated, I know. But we really do appreciate you taking us in. We won't be here long, I’m sure.” 

We were sitting at my kitchen island, two cups of coffee placed in front of us, and I glanced over to my living room where Sam and Steve were quietly talking amongst themselves; most likely their next plan. 

Steve had his back to me and in the way his shoulders tensed, whatever they had been running from had kept them on the run for awhile. 

“How long have you guys been on the run?” I asked Natasha, looking back at her. 

Her shoulders dropped. “A long time.” 

“Well, feel free to stay as long as you guys need.” I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. 

The relief that washed over her face was immediately recognizable. “I don’t know what happened between you and Steve but I do know that this was the last place he wanted to hide out.” 

“Yeah, well I’m sure he was thrilled to come here,” I spoke with sarcasm.

Natasha raised a brow. “What exactly happened between the two of you?”  

Clearing my throat, I stood from the counter and motioned behind me. “There’s a guest room down the hall next to the bathroom that I’m sure Natasha will want.” 

She smiled a thanks before nodding. 

“Uh, are you two okay with the couches?” I asked more towards Sam. 

He nodded. “Better than what we’ve been sleeping on.” 

Steve refused to meet my gaze, keeping it trained hard on his boots, so I took it as a sign to retreat back to my room. 

“Help yourself to whatever you’d like. There’s extra towels in the hall closet if you guys want to take a shower.” 

Sam and Natsha said their thanks and without another look towards Steve, I slipped back into my bedroom, the door open ajar. 

Shaky hands ran through my hair as I began pacing my room, sputtering words falling from my lips. 

“Why is he here? I’ve done so well without him,” I muttered to myself. 

I could feel my heart hammer hard in my chest and it echoed loud in my ears when I thought of Steve, sitting in my living room; a sight I never thought I would see. My feet dragged over towards the desk in my room and I pulled out an old leather bound book. It was filled with my own thoughts and some pictures, the specific one I was looking for almost slipping away. 

The edges were frayed and the color was faded but the smiles in the picture were still there, bright as the day it was taking, almost a hundred years ago. 

Steve’s small arms wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me close. My hand squeezing the other man's face, the laughter from that day was still fresh in my mind. 

I traced a finger over the other man's face, a quiet sob echoing through the room. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” 

This picture was taken before Steve became the soldier he was now, back when everything was easier. The three of us grew up together since elementary school and Bucky and I became close as we reached highschool. Everyone said we were the perfect couple and I thought so too until I thought I had lost him. 

The night Steve had come to tell me that Bucky was gone was one of the hardest nights I had gone through; the night Steve left me behind was a close second. 

I loved Bucky, still do to this day, and will always love him. 

Guilt pulled at my heart because as much as I loved Bucky, I don’t think I could ever love him more than him. 

Steve. 

With a soft sigh, I placed the book back into the drawer of my desk and slipped underneath the covers of my bed, which had gone cold. I forced my eyes closed, hoping that the past wouldn’t resurface, however no matter how hard I kept them away, they slipped back. Loud, angry voices, bouncing around my head. 

Bucky’s alive but he’s not the same as you remember. You can’t go after him” 

Screw you, Rogers! You can’t keep him from me. 

Doll, I swear it’s not a good time for you to see him. He won’t remember you.” 

Is this part of your plan? Keeping us apart because we’re sleeping together?

With a loud groan, I turned over in bed, facing the doorway, and I found myself wondering what Steve was doing right now. 

I love you, Steve. 

I love you too, Y/N. But I have to do this. It’s the only way to keep you safe. 

Throwing the blankets off of me in an instant, I tugged on a sweater and quietly slipped out of my bedroom and back door, sleep being foreign now. Thankfully I was able to go unnoticed by the voices coming from the living room. 

The cold breeze blew past me, wrapping around my bare ankles, as I sat on the back step, allowing the sounds of the rain to ease my racing mind. 

“You always found the sound of the rain comforting.”

My heart hammered against the cage in my chest as I watched Steve lean against the post, arms crossed over his chest. 

I nodded. “Do you guys need anything?” 

Steve shook his head. “Sam and Natasha are already asleep.” 

“You can't?” I asked. 

“We’ve been on the run so long that my body is used to being on guard,” he confessed. 

I started chipping away at the polish on my fingers, nerves wrecking my body. This was the first time in so long that Steve and I were alone and there was the unsureness of if he had still felt the same. 

I did, there wasn’t any doubt about it. 

“Has he reached out?” Steve asked, treading lightly on the conversation. 

I nodded. “He called me a few weeks ago to check in. He’s doing really well where he’s at. The young girl is helping him get his memories back.” 

It was Steve’s turn to nod. “Shuri, she’s taking good care of him.” 

Silence fell between us and I looked up to the sky, the large moon casting a glow over the skin of my face; Steve’s as well. 

I didn’t want to admit it outloud but he looked absolutely breathtaking, especially with the long hair and beard. 

“Does he know-?” Steve trailed off. 

“About us?” I finally looked into his eyes.

When Steve nodded, I continued with a sigh. “Yeah but if I’m being honest, it’s been so long since Bucky and I were together that the love we shared isn’t the same as it used to be. We both agreed that although we love each other, we both needed to move on.”

He pulled his sweater closer to his chest, the sudden breeze causing us both to shiver. 

“What about me?” 

I was on my feet quickly as I walked back towards my house, not wanting to have this conversation with him. 

“I’m not doing this, Steve,” I informed while walking past him. 

“Doll, please,” He reached for me. 

“Don’t,” I seethed while pulling my hand away. “You lost the right to call me that when you left me behind.” ‘

“I didn’t have a choice, Y/N. It was the only way to keep you safe,” Steve defended. 

“I told you that I loved you that morning and that evening you were gone! If you never loved me all you had to do was say that.” I spat. 

Steve ran a hand over his face with a loud sigh. “I did love you, sweetheart. I did it for you; for us.” 

“You left me behind, Steve! When I needed you the most, you packed up and left! Who does that to someone they love, after everything we have been through!” 

My screams could be heard miles away and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that Sam and Natasha had awoken, probably wondering what Steve and I had been fighting about. 

“I was with you on that plane when you took it into the water, or did you forget?!” 

Steve’s face twisted with sorrow. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day, Y/N. I blame myself every day that I allowed you to be on the ship. I thought I could have kept you safe.” 

Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. “We both went to sleep together that day, in the ice. We both woke up together, seventy years later. But you weren’t the only one that had to adjust!” 

“I know, I should have been there for you,” Steve stepped towards me. 

I stepped back from him. “The second you left, Fury took me under his wing, trained me to be his next assassin, something that I never wanted for my life. You didn’t want it for me either. But I didn’t have a choice. I needed to survive somehow!” 

Steve parted his lips to speak but I continued to rant on, everything I had bottled up all these years finally spewing from my mouth. 

“I was in this new world where nothing made sense so Fury used that to his advantage. I did things I’m not proud of and it gives me nightmares to this day which is why I had to get away. I needed to get far away from that life.” 

“I’m sorry,” Steve apologized. 

It went in one ear and right out the other. 

“Why now? Why did you decide now to come back into my life? I was finally getting over you, settling into a life that wasn’t filled with death or heartbreak. Then you came back, looking like this, and it brought everything back,” I sobbed while motioning to his new look.

Steve inched closer to me. “We needed a safe space and I knew that Fury had some place set up for you where no one can find you.” 

“So you only came to hide out, then what? Plan to make me love you again, fall into my bed, then leave before the sun comes up?” I accused with a hard gaze. 

“That was never going to happen,” He reassured me. “I knew that if I were to come back to you that I would need to do whatever it took to make it up to you.” 

I sucked in my lip. “Do you still love me?” 

The question burned deep in my stomach, spewing out like vomit in wanting to know the answer. 

“Never stopped.” 

Steve didn’t hesitate his answer for a second. 

The dormant butterflies sparked, their wings fluttering in my stomach slightly. 

“Do you still love me?” Steve asked. 

Before, I wanted to avoid this question with every fiber in my being because I never knew how Steve felt so now that I had his answer, I knew what to say. 

“Never stopped.” I repeated his own words. 

We shared a small smile but I held up my hand to stop Steve, who wanted to take a step towards me. Even though we admitted that we still loved one another and no matter how many times he apologized, I don’t think I was ready to forgive Steve. 

Yet. 

My bottom lip trembled as I let out a shaky breath. “You guys don’t have to rush out of here. Stay as long as you need. To be honest, the company will be nice. And maybe we can talk more about our future.” 

“I’d like that,” Steve admitted, his voice breaking. 

Giving Steve a final smile, I made my way back towards my bedroom, silently hoping that I wasn’t going to regret letting him not only into my home but back into my life.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I made a mistake last time, I said that I read chapters 22-30 when I only read 22-29, but now I have read chapter 30 and also chapters 31-34 so lets talk about those

Its so frustrating how Im more than halfway through this 700 page book thats ostensibly supposed to be about Feyre and Rhysand's complicated relationship developing and theres been no development because the things that should make their relationship complicated have just been completely handwaved. Like, if this book HAS to focus so much on Rhys to the detriment of Feyre, and he also just HAS to be morally good, atleast give him some kind of character arc of bettering himself, right now Im basically just looking at this stagnant statue of a guy through someone elses eyes which doesnt make for a rewarding reading experience

Ive also been noticing more and more weird retcons and idk what to call it, justifications for why Rhys is better even when hes doing the same shit as Tamlin I guess? The two big ones being, when Tamlin blew up that room after Feyre told him that he was suffocating her he did it out of anger, and, Feyre is fine with wearing dresses for the night court because she knows she can go back to wearing Illyrian leathers anytime, which is not how it was at the spring court.

First of all, I keep saying this, I am not a Tamlin girlie, I dont like him that much and hes doing a bad job dealing with Feyre, but you dont need to make shit up to make Feyre's choice to leave feel justified. Like, he was not punching the walls in anger, he felt so bad and guilty about hurting Feyre when all he wants is to keep her safe that his magic went haywire over it. And thats bad enough! I mean Feyre, who has a lot of trouble communicating her feelings, finally managed to tell him everything thats wrong and makes her feel bad and makes healing from her trauma difficult, and he reacts by basically having a panic attack which makes his magic react in a dangerous way. Idk about you, but I would not feel comfortable or even safe expressing my feelings to him, even if he didnt react like that out of anger

Like, Feylin could have just not worked out, it couldve just been disfunctional without being portrayed as abuse but it cant be, I guess because it needs to be abuse in order to justify Feyre leaving him. And thats so strange to me because the idea that women need any kind of ("serious") justification for leaving a relationship is completely anti-thetical to the themes of feminism and choice that this book is trying to go for. Like, why cant a woman just break up with a guy because she stopped feeling it, theres no reason not to break up with a guy who makes you feel bad even if hes not being outright abusive. Although, in this particular story there actually is a reason, which is that if Feyre left Tamlin without a "good" justification then Amarantha would win, she would be proven right about the fickle nature of humans and the pointlessness of their un-eternal love from beyond the grave and that would be a bummer because the first book is about how Love Conquers All, as is the case with pretty much all great romances. So Tamlin's unambigiously abusive now so that that beautiful idea of Love Conquering All doesnt end up being dragged through the dirt. ACOMAF essentially posits that the Love that was supposed to Conquer All isn't real because neither Feyre nor Tamlin were willing or able to truly love each other through their trauma, ergo it didnt actually Conquer All. Thats also why Rhysand isnt meaningfully affected by what should be traumatic events; because while Feyre can love someone through her own trauma, she cant seem love someone whos traumatized themself

I feel like the way I phrased that was pretty harsh, but I do think its kinda true, in a way. Idk man, the thing that makes talking about Feyre's new UTM trauma so difficult is that everyone, including the narrative itself, is expecting her to have worked through it within less than half a year when its like, shes immortal and also living in a world with no therapists, she can take a bit longer than that. I mean hell, everyone in the inner circle is like 500 years and all of their major traumata happened when they were very young and most of them have still not learned how to actually cope with them aside from killing/avoiding the people who caused it (atleast from what Ive seen, especially of Cassian), Feyre might honestly be doing better than all of them but she keeps dogging on herself which, remember, her perspective is objectively correct as of this book, so that sucks

Alright, three paragraphs to talk about that first point, lets move on to talking about the dress thing. I have already observed that it seems like Feyre might stop wearing pants entirely at some point despite how much this particular book keeps going on and on about Tamlin forcing her to wear dresses in conjunction with going on about Tamlin forcing her into a subserviant mother-role, implying that dresses are inherently depowering, and well. I hate that for Feyre but I do love being proved right

And like, okay, I think Feyre hating dresses is another ACOMAF retcon, but its a retcon in a weirdly circular way. Let me explain; in ACOTAR I didnt get the impression that she hated dresses, I thought she just preferred pants because its what she was used to and because for a pretty large chunk of the book she was thinking about fleeing or was in situations where she needed to run away from something and pants were just more practical for that. But when she trusted the fae a bit more and a special occasion came up or she wanted to make Tamlin feel flustered (? that one doesnt make that much sense to me tbh), she did ask for dresses to wear and only felt a little embarrassed about it because she didnt usually wear them. I didnt even get the impression that she hated the impractical rich noblewoman dress they put her in when she was sent back to the human world, just that she found it really silly and unfitting for her. And I do think her being willing to wear dresses was supposed to be a signifier of her healing journey and her learning how to be gentle and let herself be loved in that book

Then ACOMAF comes around and she suddenly hates wearing dresses, which also ties into her suddenly becoming some kind of adrenaline junkie when she previously wanted to live a peaceful and comfortable life. Now, granted, the difference is that in ACOTAR she wore dresses that she explicitly asked to wear, whereas in ACOMAF Tamlin just assumes that she will always wear dresses by virtue of her being a woman without asking Feyre about it at any point (I know Ianthe was actually more involved in the dress-stuff, but the narrative is making Tamlin responsible for it so Im just gonna go along with it for simplicity's sake). Thats reasonable enough

But then a little further into ACOMAF we have Rhysand doing the exact same thing, hes assuming that she will wear dresses for the sake of keeping up appearances and helping him with his politics (and also, he's assuming that she will let herself be sexualized via the apple-breast comment in front of Tarquin (and later the CoN-UTM reeanactment scene)) and hes right, because of course he is. But the reason its fine when Rhysand does it, I guess, is because he keeps reassuring her that she has a choice in these matters when she really doesnt. Like, did he pack some illyrian leathers just in case Feyre didnt want to wear the dresses he got her? If he did, theres been no mention of it. Theres also been no mention of him asking her if she preferred to wear pants or a dress for the Summer Court mission, even though it seems to me that harem pants are considered to be unisex in the Night Court while they seem to be considered distinctly masculine in places like the Spring Court

And then we get to the thing about this dress-stuff that makes me call it a 'weirdly circular retcon'; while Nuala is dressing Feyre up for her date with Tarquin, for lack of a better term, she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks about how maybe, after everything shes been through that forced her to become hard, shes starting to heal and can finally let herself be feminine and soft and pretty. If you'll recall from a few paragraphs ago, that already happened to Feyre in ACOTAR except it was more subtle, I dont remember her just straight-up thinking about it like she does in this scene in ACOMAF. So its the same thing, but instead of her wearing dresses that she excplicitly asked to wear, shes wearing dresses that her new bf picked out for her and all but made her wear

And honestly, thats a really good way of summarizing the differences between Feylin and Feysand and the way Feyre gets treated in these book, which is why I wrote so fucking much about this pretty insignificant detail

Surprisingly enough, Im not done with this monster of a post yet, because I have some stuff to say about the Summer Court

The way Cresseida was introduced and treated made me have what Im just gonna call an angry epiphany. Like, before she came along I just thought the feminism of this series was very shallow and very white, but after her introduction I was just angrily thinking to myself "How the FUCK is this series considered feminist in any way?! The three types of women that exist in this story are literally Protagonist's Sisters (characterized as Haughty Bitch and Infantilized Clueless Cinnamon Roll Who Can Do No Wrong respectively), Protagonist's Slaves Servants Who Are Inexplicably Always Darkskinned Women and Promiscuous Bitches"

Varian seemed fine, but I dont like that he seems to have something going on with Amren. I know I said I didnt particularly like her, but I did still kinda latch onto her as my aroace rep so I find that very disappointing. But I guess thats on me for having expectations like that of the most amatonormative book series Ive ever read

So, from observing this part of the fandom prior to reading the books, it seemed that if sjm critical people dont like Feylin, theyll usually like Feyquin as an alternative to the horrible but canon Feysand. Despite that, I didnt have the highest expectations because honestly, it not much harder for a character to be a better love interest than ACOTAR!Tamlin and Rhysand. Like, the thing about Tamlin is that he was a really boring guy but hes a very good love interest, and the thing about Rhysand is that hes also really boring and hes a very bad love interest, so I thought "okay, I know Tarquin is the youngest and he has that whole thing about actively wanting equality for faeries but no one taking him seriously because everyone thinks hes inexperienced, OBVIOUSLY hes more interesting than the guys who can access their power with no issue, and then he'll just be kinda flirty towards Feyre, as SJM MaLeS usually are and that makes him a decent enough potential love interest I guess" and thats all true but idk, actually reading about him made me like him sooooo much. Like, him and Feyre telling each other theyre easy to love? Mwah, gorgeous. I bet Rhys is really glad he has that mating bond because without it his sorry ass would NOT be able to compete with Tarquin

So now my list of m/f Feyre ships goes Feyquin > Feycien > Feylin and Feyre/Azriel are on about the same level to me I think > Feysand (not including feyssian bc I think its a crime to ship cassian with a woman sry)

I specify m/f Feyre ships because if I included all of the Feyre ships, Feyanthe would be at the very top followed by Feyre/Amren. Idk, I know its obscure, but when she was describing how Amren was wearing a crop top she said something like "a sliver of skin was left exposed, as tempting as a calm lake" and I was like oh? 👀 Those guys have potentialllllllll I mean who needs Mates when youre both Made amiright fellas. Also, Feyre/Mor would go above Feysand

Anyway, thats it from me again, I hope you enjoyed this