#i guess that’s just getting accommodations but still!
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How's bee and his human doin on the arc lately?
Last Night Pt 4
IDW Bumblebee x Reader
• Sitting down on his berth with one leg drawn up and the other stretched out, he watches you scrunch up your nose, but eat the nutrient bar Ratchet has given him for you. You’re not shaking uncontrollably anymore at least or cowering away from him. Between bites you still glance up at him as if to make sure he’s keeping his distance and his promise to not touch you. It’s an effort not to reach out and not to bombard you with questions. Trying to let you get used to him and to prove he’s not a threat. “When can I leave?” You ask, head down to look at your hands.
• “I don’t know,” your captor, Bumblebee, says and he sounds genuinely unhappy about it. Like maybe it bothers him to keep you trapped and even though he’d explained why, you don’t like it. But also know there’s little you can do about it. Sighing, you glance up at his earnest face and those intent, blue optics focused on you. No, you don’t like it, but he seems so upset on your behalf that it’s hard to hold it against him. As long as he’s not grabbing you or looming over you, he’s not so bad. “But I’ll try to get you whatever you need. Do you need anything?” He sounds almost eager and it’s cute.
• Unhappily watching you crumbling your food rather than eating it, the silence stretches between you two again, painfully awkward. “Well, being freed is off the table. Right?” You ask finally with a weak little huff of laughter that makes him smile despite the way his spark constricts at your words. Knows it’s wrong to be glad of what happened, but deep down he is. Because he’s not alone, even if you don’t want to be near him. Anything is better than that empty, loneliness.
• “Sorry,” he says, watching your little shoulders slump in defeat and he leans forward, stretching out a servo. Aware of the way you tense and lean away before he hesitates and turns his hand over, servos splayed but not touching you. Your attention flicks from his hand to his face and back, expression almost questioning before you cautiously stretch out your own arm, palm up over the tip of one of his servos and his spark warms. “We’re the same,” he says.
• That earnest, cheery tone almost makes you smile as you look from his big hand to your tiny one. And then it clicks. Same number of digits, his big metal hand shaped uncannily like your own. Lifting your head, you note the other similarities between your two very different species. “Yeah, I guess we are,” you murmur and he grins at you. Moving slowly, he curls that one servo until the tip of it barely ghosts the back of your hand while glancing at your face for your reaction. Uncertain, you turn your hand over, resting it on his warm servo and his expression brightens like that little touch means the world to him. He just smiles like that and it’s impossible to be afraid of him, because he’s trying so hard to be accommodating and to put you at ease. Understands that this is all new and frightening to you, and doesn’t push you. Doesn’t demand anything of you. That’s what makes you stand still wrapped in your blanket and cautiously trace your fingers along one of his servos, studying the way his joints work. Aware of the way he’s grinning at you as you pretend you don’t notice. Just a little thing, but it seems to mean so much to him.
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Bluestreak, Prowl, and Sideswipe added to the collection.
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"He had a spine injury, but he fought back", lol, what?
What do you mean he 'fought back'?
"Fully recovered, but the damage was still there", so in other words NOT Fully recovered.
Jokes aside, this is so sad. The man's internalised ableism was such a defeating force in his life that he thought a positive mental attitude cured his spine condition, and then ended up in chronic pain years later because he didn't do anything about it.
And then, while he was passing out and collapsing on a weak heart, he still punished himself by refusing to use an aid that wasn't here for people just like him
Pushing through the pain isn't noble when you have other options.
Imagine the stress on his family (his wife, I guess, since whoever this is seems to get off to inspo porn) wondering every time they go out and their husband is struggling if this'll be the final straw, if he's finally put too much stress on his body that wouldn't be there if he just used the mobility aid.
If I knew someone like this, I too wouldn't tell them shit about my amputation or accommodations.
The Abled's Guide to Being Disabled.
I've never seen such damaging ignorance in my life.
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Reply:
Hey able bodied people SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP AND NEVER TYPE THIS SHIT TO A DISABLED PERSON
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my stuff from crazy arron’s will be here tomorrow ^_^
#very excited!!!#i got pretty putties and AH#so happy to get them#i love getting things that help my brain and that make me feel a little more normal#i guess that’s just getting accommodations but still!#it’s really nice to get things that help me#it’s nice to feel a little more peace in my brain#ender.txt
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i think actually accommodating friends struggling with sobriety is not that hard. btw.
#i have the bestest friends in the whole world that were so kind to me this past couple months and so accommodating to my needs.#and i would similarly for them! its just kind of crazy to me that there are people like 'Well. cant go out drinking with you. Guess we#cant hang out.' WHAT! WHY NOT! like my message to you if youre trying to get sober or be more MINDFUL of drinking. see who still#will hang out with you regularly if drinking isnt involved. who is your friend when youre sober and still thinks youre a buddy when youre#sober. do u have to suggest bringing booze to every hang out in order to 'get the gang together?'#its just not worth it! i want friends and i have friends who like me sober and are mindful of how much i drink.#reading stories about people fully quitting drinking and their friends just. leave. because they want a party friend and not a friend.#SIGH. SIGH#alcohol
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I am really going to try to unmask this time. I don't know why I always think that if I mask, people will find me "normal" enough to be around or that I will finally understand how to follow social norms in a natural way, even though I Always fail in the end. Even if my masking is shit, it still takes so much energy from me. And in the end, I just spent time and energy making myself uncomfortable and trying to be someone else just to still get treated like crap.
#sometimes i also feel like such a shitty person when i am masking#like i do and say things i wouldnt just so that i can fit in#then I'll feel guilty about it#i said to myself that i had accepted the autism diagnosis and i really did but not in a way that changes things for me i guess#like I don't tell ppl that im autistic and i still mask and i never even let the school know so that i could get accommodations idk#i never really get good responses when i tell ppl that im autistic but i still struggle when i don't tell them#and if i tell it to someone and unmask in front of them and they're pieces of shit maybe i shouldn't want that person in my life#anyway#personal
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I just realized that Jesse Pinkman’s address in high school was his Aunt’s house. He was already living with her instead of his parents by the time he was in high school. The timeline of her cancer and death is a little fuzzy, but it’s likely he had to care for her while attending school. If that’s the case it’s clear he didn’t ask for accommodations or even use his Aunt’s illness as an excuse for his poor grades (Walt was surprised to hear she had been sick). Combined with his obviously untreated ADHD, it’s no wonder he turned to drug use and failed to ‘apply himself.’
And to think that through all this - taking care of his Aunt, struggling in school - his parents didn’t help; either directly with his Aunt’s illness or indirectly easing his responsibility for her by hiring care givers…
#ra speaks#jesse pinkman#breaking bad#brba#skrungly from my meth lab…#I am feeling shrimp emotions#ALSO also idk how old Jake is supposed to be (I’m guessing middle school?) which would mean Jesse has been absent from most of Jakes life#y’know I used to be in camp ‘Jesse parents are probably good parents and people Jesse just didn’t have support systems elsewhere in his life#to cope with his neurodiversity in a system that didn’t accommodate it for expectations far out of his reach’#but unless we get some clear revelation tha Jesse was bullshitting about taking care of his aunt while she was sick#his parents really did just. leave that to him.#and the way he accuses his mom of not doing anything for his aunt while she was sick…idk it just feels very real at least to him#*ticks another cell in the ‘jesse pinkman is trans and his parents had him move out to live with his trans aunt#because even though they’re supportive enough to help his transition and respect his pronouns they are still transphobic evangelicals#who can’t fully accept these people in their lives and are looking for excuses to never see them again’
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reading is… frustrating. I first read this thing when I was in an all too foggy state, I’ll think, so I didn’t really absorb it all too well �� I’d best read it again and really make sure to take it all in. And so I do, and I really do take it all in! Except then I’ll be all too foggy to read for a few days, and when I get back to it and continue on to the next chapter I’ll just have. Completely forgotten what happened in the last. Makes you feel rather defenceless to the fog
#sigh#it’s like. What do i even Do. Make personal little summaries of everything I read?#like yeah i Guess#but that would require rereading again…#which isnt bad in and of itself… i do enjoy the stuff i read. but it’s a really frustrating feeling to go over the same things seemingly -#- over and over again and none of it sticks#ultimately proof that even on good and less foggy days i still have so so so much brain fog#i was gonna do a little fic rereading to pass the time until i get off work#but i forgot which chapter i was even on and just That frustrated me to the point it really put me#off the whole thing. mostly wanna cry now#i hate this shit i really do#z talks#im gonna go cry in the work bathroom now. but you didnt hear me say that ahah#also i think part of what makes the summary idea feel so frustrating is just. still the internalised ableism…#it’s. i hate that this is what i’m like now (had to fight to not phrase that in a meaner way lol)#and every accommodation i make for myself is a reminder of just that#especially something like this — my brain fog is the thing i hate the absolute most about my current state#it makes everything. absolutely Everything. frustrating#as funny as it is to be haha a little stupid in the friend group i hate it so much it makes me want to fucking Scream. anyway
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Woman with a 20" waist: How DARE you try to talk over my lived experiences as a FAT WOMAN!! My doctor still tells me to lose weight so that makes me FAT and OPPRESSED!!
Woman with a 20" waist, literally 5 minutes later on her tiktok: omg guys I think Bougie Brand shrunk its sizes?? I had to get a LARGE can you believe it??
#I'm so fucking sick of this shit lololol#I can't even get a belt from a MEN'S DEPARTMENT to fit me#but sure GO AWF with your itty bitty thin pretty perfect self I guess#thin privilege#sizeism#fatphobia#I WISH I could just slide to an available size to still fit comfy!#but NO even if I find something that accommodates my form#it's cut like shit! it doesn't fit! it's tight in all the wrong places and loose in weird other places!!!
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forgot to mention but my therapist is literally encouraging me to get adhd testing :') she really did believe me and still does, and i'm not just losing it i (almost definitely) have A Disorder holy fuck
#i still cant afford it so im still not getting diagnosed unfortunately#but it means so fucking much that she took me seriously for that and AGREES#like thank fucking god im not the only one who sees smth wrong here this really ISNT me just being exceptionally lazy and stupid!!#and i was RIGHT i guessed the right condition thats not a huge deal here ofc but its fun to know#levi.txt#like. shes not a specialist but she does work w adhd clients and she said youre right you almost def have it you should get tested#and get accommodations for school or medication if you can(!!!!!!!!!!)#i just bjfdkjhkfhkdf. yes please god thank you#i never even considered accommodations holy shit that would make my life so much easier#id never thought abt it bc ive always gotten good grades anyways. my anxiety/rsd outweigh the executive dysfunction#but jesus it would help me so much to just have a bit of grace on deadlines or smth thatd be a dream
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#I find the ‘I do this thing because…’ way to determine whether a symptom is adhd or autism incredibly unhelpful personally#I don’t know! sounds bother me because they Do!#I can’t catch social cues because I can’t!#I don’t even know if I’m paying. attention to cues because I can’t make eye contact#do people MAKE other social cues?#I’ll read something like ‘this posture means someone doesn’t want to talk to you’ and try it and no one seems to notice#so how do I know it’s real?#I guess I’m feeling INCREDIBLY invalidated by… idk#people with adhd who don’t think they could possibly also have something else#whether that be autism or SPD or something#bc then all my symptoms are just adhd and I don’t IDENTIFY with my adhd#it doesn’t MATTER to me#unlike being autistic I don’t think I would be a different person if I weren’t adhd#I care about adhd advocacy and accommodations but I don’t care about MY adhd#people who insist that their symptoms are ONLY adhd (implying that mine also are)#make me feel small and insignificant and fake and like I don’t belong anywhere#and I get that that’s a me problem. but it’s still a problem I experience that hurts me#I’m feeling incredibly dysregulated now so I’m done#having a bad night I guess
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So, I went to get an autism diagnosis and accommodations for school and stuff. After a bunch of different tests, they determined that I don't have it. They said I have "autistic tendencies" but that these weren't enough to warrant a diagnosis. They also said I no longer have OCD. Which. Didn't know that could go away, but okay.
They said that my "autistic tendencies" could be explained by my severe social anxiety. And when they said that, all I could think was, "Well what about my sensory issues???" They did not even mention those when they were going over my test results.
Also, my sister just got diagnosed with autism and a bunch of anxiety disorders. The fact that my sister was diagnosed with autism but I wasn't really annoys me. She reminds me so much of me. We get each other in a way that no one else does. AND we're 9 years apart (she's 11 and I'm 20) so that makes that connection even weirder. UNLESS we are both autistic.
Maybe I didn't get diagnosed because I mask too well. Maybe it's the fact that I'm an adult. Or maybe I really don't have autism, I just have a bunch of "autistic tendencies."
I'm not sure which is more likely. All I know is that labeling myself as autistic makes sense to me, so I'm not going to stop using the label.
#personal#ok to rb#I did still get accommodations for my adhd and my anxiety and depression though#so I guess that's a good thing#they also said that in the accommodations they'll put that I should be allowed to wear headphones at certain times#so I guess that's also good#I just wanted something to explain why I'm so freaking weird#why I can't touch people without freaking out#why I can't stand loud noise#why everything I say seems to be wrong#*sigh*#autistic#not sure if I can use the actually autistic tag but I'm gonna#actually autistic
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aauauauuougghghs i need to move out 👁👁
^^^ [CHEC IT OUT] i need to move out moodboard (available now !!!(
#99.txt#my mom is like ''you seem upset with mee :('' yeah cos straight up like i think i just hate u now#when i got covid it was MY problem i stayed in my room. i wore a mask any time i left. i even wore gloves to the kitchen.#to make sure she didnt get it (and she didnt !!!) and i even cleaned the whole house while i had it lol. and still kept it away from her#so now that she has it guess what !!!!!!!!!!!! everyone guess what !!!! its STILL my problem !!!#i stay in my room ! i use the basement toilet !! i have to wear a mask outside my room at all times !!#and wash my hands so much im gettin rashes because she just goes around doing whatever touching whatever ?#coughing on whatever because she doesnt give a shit !!!!#i made it my mission when i had it to keep her safe#and now that she has it its ''well if you wanna keep safe thats your responsibility'' like ???????#i promise you the thought of making space for another person & accommodating or compromising has never occoured to her once#its all ''well its up to you !!! good luck !!!!!'' yeah fuck me i guess#and she keeps bothering me asking me to help her with shit still !!!!!!!!!!!#''how do i find my documents on the computer ive had for 10 years :('' are you stupid ?????? are you dumb for real ???????#and she puts me in the situation where. im busy clearly busy with my own shit#but she feels SO entitled to my time that she will just insist that i drop everything and do something for her#if i say no or have a slightly unenthusiastic response its ''oh youre SO mean to me youre SO mean. no one will want you :('' ...ok.#but if i ask for help from my own mother once in a while its ''wow you ask so much of me you know youre not a child anymore :\\\''#yeah. i know. i dont think ive been helped with anything by a parent since i was like 15 years old#''why are you mad at me ven you seem mad at me :('' yeah . i think like you just kinda fucking suck
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I guess what I think is that suicide is a symptom of a problem and not the problem to fix, you know what I mean? To stop suicides you have to stop people’s mental health from getting to the point where they consider it, you have to treat the disease, trying to treat the symptom itself is almost completely useless.
For instance, Japan has spent a great deal of money on anti-suicide infrastructure, doing genuinely cartoonishly things like putting rollers on bridge railings so you can’t climb over them and slide right off, putting blue lights in the subway so it’s harder to see to throw yourself in front of a train. It’s not working. Japan’s suicide rate rose again in 2022. They are not addressing the root causes and stressors in their citizen’s lives and social barriers to mental health care and psychiatric medication.
It’s the same with universities in America, many have spent an exorbitant amount of money on turning their dorms into psych ward like environments. Anti-hanging chairs that you can’t stand on, bunks you can’t hang yourself from, slanted doorknobs etc. And yet suicide is still the second leading cause of death for college students. They make no attempts to make college easier, to make pausing and resuming your studies better, to make the pressure of an academic environment feel less life or death. They make no accommodations for the individual. They just make it a little harder to hang yourself in a few rooms on campus and call it a day, say they’re being proactive in terms of mental health.
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it’s just frustrating because I cannot afford a life worth living and probably never will
#deity dialogue#‘you just gotta keep working harder and tell yourself it’ll be okay’ what if I died instead because that’s literally all I’ve been fucking#doing and guess what? shit still sucks despite my best fucking efforts#I’m beginning to think that maybe trying your best and doing everything within my own damn abilities isn’t enough#it’s almost as if the world isn’t built to accommodate or benefit people who aren’t already well off and that the majority of us will spend#the rest of our live struggling to live something even vaguely similar to a comfortable happy life#and maybe I’m tired of having to do so much for so fucking little for the rest of my piss poor life#I don’t want to be alive I don’t even want to live to be 25 I don’t want to be here#I didn’t ask to be born and then live a miserable life#I’m tired of being told ‘it’ll get better’ literally when. how and when lmao#because myself and so many people I know are constantly fucking struggling to get by and can’t even take care of basic needs and are passing#around the same $20 every fucking week I’m sick of this
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Tags by @neuromantis
Yeah definitely that’s why I’m always kinda hesitant to say much about snake as a disabled character cuz it’s like. Certainly not as bad as some shit ive seen but it’s mostly because it’s not incorporated into his character hardly at all, it’s only mentioned when plot convenient
Take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt since I wouldn’t say snake was really written to be A Gay Character but regardless the way snake’s gender and overall personality is portrayed is probably one of the best depictions of gay men I’ve ever seen. He’s very pretty, dressed in expensive clothes reminiscent of a prince, with beautiful wavy hair and an air of poise and sophistication. He’s the smartest person in the room and he KNOWS this and he will not hesitate to be a condescending prick. He’s delicate and funny and charming. He has no fear or hesitation about suggesting he and Junpei share a bed or referencing gay sex. All these things tend to make a character the butt of jokes or at the very least regarded as lesser than the other characters but with snake hes the most admired one here. He’s very capable and is in fact so capable he literally needed to be removed temporarily from the situation so that the others could solve the mystery on their own. He’s absolutely fearless, doesn’t care about pissing off Aoi or getting shot multiple times by Ace. He’s fucking strong as hell and is able to survive being shot multiple times and have enough strength to dig his claws into Ace and force them to burn to death together. Everyone loses their shit without him and he’s the key to escape. He’s cool as hell and he fucks severely
#i get not wanting to write a disabled character thats like helpless or weak but theres nothing helpless or weak about needing basic#accommodations like theres some implication that the way he does the escape rooms is people will tell him what any writing says#and he will feel anything that can be felt but theres not too much going on there#he just knows where everything is based off of. echo location i guess#and yeah he was just left to search alone like theres a lot of puzzles that rely on visual information so uhhh#they just didnt think that one through lol#i think it wouldve been nice if he was given one of those long canes used for walking and it wouldve fit him too#cuz hes very elegant and would lean into the cane thing really well#or maybe if hes specifically without accommodations and the puzzles are very reliant on visuals they can at least show how#it affects him as a blind person like maybe he just cant help in certain spots#or he overcompensates how much information hes able to gather because hes too proud to ask for help#idk its just like i can appreciate the fact that he has a whole character that isnt tied solely to being disabled like he has a personality#and thoughts and feelings and is loved and admired but at the same time its like#they ignore so much about his disability in the process and just dont write it being a thing cuz people cant seem to wrap their minds around#the fact that disabilities are legitimately disabling but theyre ultimately just a fact of life for these people#and they still have value and are 3 dimensional human beings#you cant help but wonder if snake wouldve been as admired by the group if he had been more visibly disabled and actually inconvenienced them#in any way
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i start school in like 12 hours im gonna explode /neg
#so scared im gonna throw up#none of my accommodations hav been like . Done yk#need an elevator pass and a staff bathroom pass .they said theyll send it to us or we can come pick it up from the school sometime#but as far as i know they havent even Made it#i need someone to help me get around the first couple days or I Will Die and they havent gotten back to us about that either#at least i got out of marching band but like#i really wanted to be in some kind of music class :(#but apparently ! in order to be in Any Music Class At All its Mandatory to take marching band for a year#girl that will kill me .i will die#but the band teacher was a huge ass about it and wouldnt even let me switch to another kind of band#like concert band or jazz band cause theres less physical activity than marching band#AND theyre Supposed to Do that for me anyways cause of my 504 plan#but idk the director just doesnt give a shit about it i guess#still rlly sad about that tho :( im taking music theory/history instead of an actual music class but like#it aint the same yk#OH YEAH!!! and the school introduced a new tardy policy!!!#if you're late to class At All theyre going to confiscate ur phone for the whole day#and report u to the dean#like#?????#but the thing is#im gonna be late to almost Every Class cause i gotta hustle my crippled ass around the school without any kind of mobility aid#cause they wont let me bring em#and im gonna hav to find someone with an elevator key to get to like . over half my classes#so gonna be late to a couple classes obviously#BUT !!!!!#if you're late more than 5 times u get in school suspension !#im gonna . Get That just in the first day#and they wont make exceptions for me#and it fucking sucks
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