#i guess technically educating about gender identity

[justtogetthrough]

Its wild that how I started my masters degree is not at all how I'm finishing it.

I went in with plans to be a master in how stress and self regulation affect learning

I'm coming out being a master in gender identity

Lmao

[starwarsanthropology]

Canon genders the clones, both individually and collectively, pretty aggressively. They're men, brothers, boys, sirs. Omega is notable for being the "female" clone, to the point where she's not recognized as a clone in a meaningful way.

But the clones grew up without gendered social groups! Despite how clones are gendered by external factors, gender is functionally a nonentity in their lives until they meet civilians, and civilians do a load of other weird shit anyway.

So why do they still use gendered language?

My argument is that feminine language isn't used as a gendered form of address, but as a form of address that reflects a specific kind of power dynamic and relationship between parties.

Given the structure of the clone army, the only people a vast majority of young clones interact with who could insist on being called ma'am are exclusively kaminoans.

The kaminoans view clones not as autonomous subjects, but as property. They have and expect complete control over their lives and actions. Incidentally, the female kaminoans we see (such as Nala Se) tend to demonstrate an even more proprietary perspectives on the clones.

You can question a sir, like your superiors or trainers, at your discretion, but you can't question a ma'am. A sir is someone who has power over you, but is somewhat responsible for you. The have personal accountability to you in some way. Sirs are responsible for men under them. A ma'am is someone whose power over you is absolute, an authority without accountability, who is not beholden to you but that you must obey. You are tool or a number to a ma'am.

And when you bring clones out into the wider galaxy, I'm not sure anyone would figure it out that quickly.

Say you're a new jedi general. You meet your men, and they address you as "ma'am". Maybe you correct and move on, figuring that they've grown up surrounded by thousands of identical men and aren't great at guessing genders based on social and appearance cues. Scuttlebutt has your forms of address spread through the men by the end of the day, and you don't think about it again.

The clones, on the other hand, take this correction as he/him jedi stating that they want to work with them and suppourt them despite having so much power over them, which fits with both what they know of the jedi and, most often, their leadership style.

She/her jedi (see Shaak Ti especially!), clones maybe treat a little more as absolute authorities. This gendered divide in behavior gets met with, "hm, maybe they're just not used to women." For many jedi, they eventually switch to calling them sir as well, especially as they build rapport.

For Shaak Ti specifically, she is an absolute authority as the representative of the Jedi on Kamino, not just as a figurehead but as a decision maker and educator. Even as the clones grow to trust and love her, she's a relatively distant and all-powered figure. She has near total authority over them, and clones might ask for help or suppourt, but there's no social obligation for those requests to be met, she's just kind. It's compassion, not duty.

Senators, there's a good mix of different factors that make it confusing. "Senator" is always an acceptable form of address if you're not sure how'd they react, even if they should be ma'ams by default, but they're either trying to build rapport for some reason or genuinely want to work with you when they say to call them sir, regardless of the actual power dynamic at play. The she/her senators that respect the clones are in the same boat as Shaak Ti: Padme Amidala may care about clone rights, but I am still just one of hundreds to her and she has no personal accountability to me. Her position is such that she should not and cannot owe me anything. Same with Riyo Chuchi, Mon Mothma, etc. etc.

And a civilian that insists on being called ma'am or sir is going to be an asshole either way, and they technically have power over clones without personal accountability or responsibility for them. It works.

Finally, Palpatine.

He's a slimy rat fuck who pretends to be affable and kind, so of course he's going to laugh and say, "Oh, no, call me Sir!" when you call him ma'am. He is not personally accountable to you, and he does not care about you, but it helps his image and it helps him manipulate people to pretend, so of course he's making you use sir to build false intimacy despite the fact that he's the ma'am of ma'ams, both in power gaps and lack of accountability for his treatment of clones.

So having clones using sir vs ma'am not as a reflection of gender but as a reflection of power? Yeah, I think it works.

[kledface]

Idk i guess i should consider an intro post or something?

Name:

Hi, im kledface, but you can call me kled. No, i have no association with league of legends and have been entirely turned off from playing it due to people asking if my name is because of the character. There is an origin story though!

Content:

I like sharing cute animals, pretty things, memes, and trans shit, cause i am a trans shit, people should be nicer/more normal about trans folks, especially those who are trans-fem and gender nonconforming. I also enjoy sharing art, both my own and others, because art is amazing. Sometimes i will post my weird little rambles here. Sometimes theyre serious, sometimes theyre just pissing in the wind. Life is full of wonder or some schist idk

Identity:

Im trans, genderfaun, my pronouns do change sometimes, but for the most part, he, they, and it are all fine for me. Go ahead and dabble in neos if you want, im not 100% sure what works and what doesnt there. Im also kinda coming to terms with being demi-aroace, or demian. This is a newer label for me, but i think its the right one. Im a pretty proud furry, and also an otherkin; hi, dragon speaking. My fursona is a dragon, but i have plenty of characters; some are even not dragons! I love dragons more than anything. I am mentally ill, with severe depression, social anxiety, schizophrenia, and a very troubled past that has caused splitting, and most likely either ADHD, autistic, or both, but nothing is confirmed yet besides being dyslexic. Currently am 19, though on the kalends of april i will be 20. This makes me nervous. I do not enjoy celebrating my birthday.

Likes and dislikes:

I love dragons, pineapple, rain and snow, fire, lightning, warhammers, birds, cats, the colours orange and blue, food, flowers, shiny rocks, dnd, mtg, drawing, reading, video games, a wide variety of music, the forest, and helping others, especially those im closer to. I hate conspiracy theories, aliens, bell pepper, chartreuse, intense heat, being short, bigots, and being treated like a demon. Some of these things are because of my past, others are just general hates

Personality:

Because of the splitting, sometimes its not just one person talking; there are eleven of us with different personalities. I, as the host, am the person you are most likely to catch though. I like to consider myself fun loving, though protective. Compassionate and easily scared. Some of us are much more grumpy, and cynical, while others are literal children. Please have patience with us, we are trying.

Other socials:

I do have some other platforms. This is the one im on second most often.

Discord: kledface [active]

Instagram: kartoffelzauberer [semi-active]

Twitter: kledface [inactive]

I have a reddit but i dont remember it

Technically i can invest in others but i dont really want to unless i have to, and there are some i havent listed but dont even worry about those, i dont want to be found

DNI:

Listen. Im a generally accepting person. But some people arent welcome here. No homophobes or transphobes, no terfs, no racists, no xenophobes, no ablists, no sexists, no ageists; If you hate someone for a fundamental aspect of their being, get the fuck out. Also, no anti-furs. This isnt the same, cause its more of a fandom thing, but if you hate someone for their fandom, i dont want to hear about it. Leave. Bye felicia. I will likely block you if you are a pro-shipper, because ew. And if you are any kind of pedophile, zoophile, or rapist, i would hunt you down and kill you myself if i could, i don't care how you excuse yourself, youre a disgraceful piece of shit who doesn't deserve to live, literally kill yourself. I hate saying and hearing that, but youre the kind of person who deserves it.

Finale:

I think that's it. Hit me up if you have questions or wanna talk, my askbox and messages are open. Thank you for coming to my KLEDtalk

[Kountenance, Lecturing, Education, Dick]

[ghostsandyoumightdie]

From a femme who saw so much familiarity in Harrow, and saw the femme in Harrow, thank you so much for such a thoughtful response on that post ridiculing people for interpreting Harrow as femme. We are a much more than our exterior aesthetics. We’re a community role. A relationship role. A gender performance that’s not just “50s housewife.” We can have complex and absolutely fucked relationships with gender too. Most femmes I have known do. It makes me so sad when the larger community things we’re just woman 2.0. It’s also deeply misogynistic to assume our gender is inherently just cis because… some of us like make up and to wear dresses? Basically patting us on the heads and saying “that’s nice dear. I guess you’re technically gay. ”

Anyways. Thank you for pushing back against it. So many other sapphics/wlw don’t understand us. And it hurts every time. Thank you for your deeper understanding on femme identity.

Thank you for the ask! I'm so glad it resonated. The topic is important to me because I used to be horrendously uninformed about the topic myself 2 or 3 years ago.

For years I thought I was butch because I cut my hair short and dressed a certain way, and was constantly stressed and awkward because (plot twist) I was out here equating butchness to aesthetic when it is so so so so much more than that.

I still have a lot to learn. I hope over time we all can be more widely educated about femme and butch identities. Our history is long, beautiful, and worth the time to learn about.

[thebroccolination]

Hello Key, are you watching any BLs currently, if so, which ones? Do you recommend any of the newer ones from this year

Hi Anon!

I’m not currently watching anything, no!

I’ve had a few series recommended to me recently, but I can’t remember much of what I’ve seen since Between Us ended. I think most of the series I’m looking forward to haven’t aired yet. I just got Tears of the Kingdom, too, so my brain has been consumed by fusing mushrooms to swords.

But in terms of what I’d recommend!

The Warp Effect is technically from 2022 but it started in late December so it feels like a 2023 series. It’s incredible, and it includes so many aspects of queer life and sexual/gender identities that it just puts every other series on blast. “You can’t have romances with lesbians and trans people? Weird, because The Warp Effect had both. And had the (alleged) heterosexuals promoting the benefits and discussing the complexities of kink in relationships.” New was fantastic in this, too. TWE is so good.

And on the total opposite end of the rating spectrum, I thought My School President was really fun and well executed. I loved both couples, I thought the writing was great, and I actively went looking for the songs after each episode, and I hadn’t done that since Cutie Pie. (And Between Us but we all know I recommend Between Us.)

I do really want to watch the Eclipse and MSP episodes of Our Skyy, but I’m having that block of “noooo if I watch then I won’t have any more to watch”, and apart from Only Friends, there doesn’t seem to be another FirstKhao series this year (a crime).

I’m also looking forward to Only Friends even though I’m going into it with a very different mindset (yay Jojo!) than I usually have (yay love!) just because I know I’m gonna get my heart busted if I’m not emotionally prepared.

The Next Prince is ZeeNuNew’s next project and I’m very ready for their brand of trope-y fun. I have no idea when they’re even filming so I guess it’ll air in autumn sometime.

It Lingers in the Air is an historical BL I’ve been looking forward to for ages now. I’ve been screaming for historical stuff from the start because Thai history interests me but I haven’t found as much easily accessible resources to educate myself on. So I’ll take what I can get and let some fictional gays teach me pseudo-history.

Naughty Babe is going to be pure nonsense garbage and I’m going to watch every episode as an Event with friends and snacks.

If BounPrem do literally anything together before the vampire series I highly recommend that. Whatever it is. #BounPrem #RideOrDie

And of course Be My Favorite starts next Friday on the 26th, and I’ve been excited about that since December of 2021, so I’m predicting now that that’s gonna be the one that really brings me back to hyperfixating on series. I’m a massive fan of time loops as a trope (see also my utter adoration for Triage), I love Krist and Gawin and Aye, and the supporting cast looks fantastic too. And the director has a good reputation (The Gifted) and apparently had Queer as Folk as a formative queer experience just like me, so I’m inclined to trust him.

I think that covers most of it? I feel like I’ve forgotten something I’ve seen and half of my brain says, “Then it wasn’t that memorable now was it,” but also sometimes my brain just likes to forget stuff until I’ve posted something.

Anyway, lemme know if you watch and enjoy any of these! <3

[willows-pjo-ocs]

I figured i should make an intro post for my ocs

Also btw if your not tagged in an open starter you can still do it idc just lmk if you want me to @ you ill make a list

And ill just edit this post when i have more stuff or change anything

Edit: im gonna unpin this and link it to a diff master post

Anyways

Kiara Belvedere

Age: 15

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Godly parent: Selene

Powers: healing (only at night), photokinesis (limited to moonlight and not that much, kinda like a glowstick when she's embarrassed), increased strength at night time particularly when the moon isn't obscured by the clouds (which does not change when the moon is new since its still the moon), she can transfer the pain you feel to herself, limited hydrokinesis since the moon controls the tides, and she sees better in the dark. Limited umbrakinesis plus she can shadow travel. Not really a power, but she is good at chariot driving since her mom is Selene.

(Slight tw/cw for transphobia)

General information: Kiara is a 15 year old transgender demigod daughter of Selene. She arrived at camp a bit before the Battle of the Labyrinth (the battle itself, not the book, but both are technically true), so she did end up fighting in the Battle of the Labyrinth, the Battle of Manhattan, and the Battle of Half-Blood Hill (plus if there was another one in toa i havent read it yet so dont spoil me.)

I would say she was about 12 or 13 when she arrived at camp so she's been there for a bit

She wasn't claimed until 2 or 3 years after she arrived since her mom didn't have a cabin yet

She is currently dating Aurelia Emerson, another oc of mine.

No father issues here since her dad is pretty awesome, but she does have mother issues, which comes with your godly parent being your mother.

She has a good deal of trauma from these battles, as do the other demigods who fought in said battles.

Kids used to tease her all the time and do stuff like pulling on her hair at school but she ended up finding her people

At some point (sometimes i rp before, during, or after this) she ended up going on a quest. I haven't planned out much of this quest or who she gets captured by, but she ends up getting captured by these monster or something who want a son of Selene even though she very much isn't a son, but a daughter. They only ever referred to her as a boy and made her wear raggedy ass "boy" clothes (even though i believe that clothes dont have gender idk how else to phrase it)

She ends up back at camp somehow, havent planned that part out yet, but yet another trauma she has to deal with (yay i guess..?)

Also, I apologize if I accidentally portray her a bit wrong since I'm not trans but feel free to critique me if I do something wrong bc I really want to know so I can do better/be more educated

Face claim:

Aurelia Emerson

Age: 15

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: lesbian

Godly parent: Eos

Powers: photokinesis (limited), hydrokinesis (only the morning dew), increased strength at dawn.

General information: Aurelia is a 15 year old demigod daughter of Eos. She is from small town Mississippi and she came to camp closer to when she was 14, so pretty recently. She is currently dating Kiara Belvedere, as said above. She arrived at camp after an emposai attacked her. (Probably a satyr who brought her, but idk.)

She arrived at camp post the events of the Heroes of Olympus books and thus didn't fight in those same battles that Kiara did. (Once again, if there was one in toa I didn't read it yet.)

She dealt with/deals with a lot of internalized homophobia and stuff like that since she grew up in small town Mississippi.

But she never really extended it towards others. It always confused her why people would be upset about who someone loves or what their gender identity was or anything like that

But as soon as it was her who happened to be a kiss-girl (im so sorry i cannot take myself seriously), she hated herself for it. It was fine when anyone else was like that, but not her.

She ends up being able to accept herself more slowly after she and Kiara don't start dating quite yet, but are kinda talking? Do you call it that if you've been best friends for a while and already acting pretty gay around her? Idk. Seriously, Marilene (head counselor for the Selene cabin) was waiting for the longest time for them to just kiss.

They do end up dating dw

This really reminds me of Once More to See You by Mitski because Kiara really just wanted to tell everyone and everything about how much she loved Aurelia, but Aurelia was still closeted at this point. (Sorry if im making it sound like it was a bad thing that she was closeted. it's not and, good on her for taking her time and doing it when she was comfortable)

Face claim:

Imagine her but just a bit tanner

Marilene Smith

Age: 19

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/they

Sexuality: idk but saphic

Godly parent: Selene

Powers: she can 'see' anything that the moon is in line of sight of (one part of the earth in the day the other part at night since thats how day and night work) (nothing underground plus trees and stuff) to a degree. It takes a good bit of energy and focus and stuff since she's not a goddess. Limited photokinesis and umbrakinesis though she is better at photokinesis. She can shadow travel. Like Kiara, she can heal. But only at night. She was the one who taught Kiara. She also gains strength from the moon. It does not change when the moon is new, since the moon is still out.

General information: Marilene has also been at camp for a pretty long time. She is one of the oldest campers there. She arrived at camp when she was maybe 15 and stays there full time. Being the head counselor of the Selene cabin, she cares about her sibling more than anything. When Kiara didn't return from her quest, she spent every moment she could trying to locate her and asking some of the Helios kids to help her. Even when Kiara was still doing the quest as normal she occasionally took a look just to see if she was alive and ok. She did end up having to promise Kiara that she wouldn't be looking too often. She also had to promise Amaia the same thing when she joined the Hunter of Artemis although the protective older sister part of her often made it very difficult not to.

Face claim:

Gender: female

I couldn't find any pictures that had her body type so imagine her as plus sized and you have the right idea

Amaia Hussain

Age: 13

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: idk/doesn't matter

Godly parent: Selene

Powers: Since Selene is also a goddess of Lunacy, Amaia has the ability to drive people and occasionally nymphs mad. She gains strength at night, particularly when the moon is not obscured by clouds. This stays the same even when the moon is new. Limited photokinesis and umbrakinesis though she is better at umbrakinesis. She also has zoolingualism since she is a Hunter of Artemis. She is immortal unless she falls in love or dies in battle, also because she is a Hunter.

General information: Amaia arrived at camp when she was 11 years old. When the Hunters visited camp at some point during Kiara's capture, she decided to join them after Marilene asked to see if they would be able to help her find Kiara. At some point with the help of some demigods from camp and some of the Hunters, including Amaia, they were able to find Kiara and bring her back to camp.

Face claim:

Melissa Hanning

Age: 16

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: aro/ace

Godly parent: Psyche

Powers: She is more sensitive to peoples emotions than others, she can look into someone's psyche kinda and see how their feeling. Although she cannot see super clear memories, she can get a sense for what thing in someone's past made them that way. She can temporarily alleviate someone's mental pain so to speak. In general, she is very emotionally mature and is the responsible one.

General information: I do not know when she arrived at caml but I do know that she only stays for the summer. Although she is very much a people person, sometimes being the voice of reason or being a therapist to traumatized demigods like the rest of her siblings is exhausting. Sometimes she'll cope with that by letting herself be reckless and not have to worry about things. Other times she'll just lay in her cabin for a while to soak in the quiet, or rather, what little quiet there is at camp. One day after Leo managed to basically undo the reprogramming Glykera had done to her, he went to Melissa to try and see if she would be able to help Glykera despite her being an automaton (see the oc bellow this one). She wasn't able to use her powers as well to help Glykera since she is an automaton, she was able to help her deal with these new emotions and find better coping skills.

Face claim:

Γλυκέρα (Glykera)

Age: ???

Gender: ???

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: ??? (Probably aroace)

Godly parent: None (except she was created by Hephaestus cus it was either that or Daedelus

Powers: ???

General information: (tw for mentions of sa and/or implied sa , physical abuse, and basically being jumped im sorry)

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Ok i just did the dots so it would give more space and stuff cus i know i accidentally read ahead all the time and i dont want anyone who doesn't want to to have to read what the tw is for on accident

Anyways, Glykera is an automaton from ancient Greece. Idk which period, probably closer to when they made more of those statues. She was made to resemble the beauty standard for women at that time period.

Since Hephaestus creates a lot of things, she ended up getting lost and ended up in the hands of her old master.

He would have her assist him with things and stuff, the whole schist. He wasn't the nicest man in Greece, but he wasn't the worst. When he first got her, he ended up reprogramming her so that she wouldn't feel or express her emotions as much. Then he reprogrammed her so that she couldn't really object to her order. Those reprogrammings did take a couple of tries however.

He also slammed a hammer or some thing else heavy onto her hand, to see if it would hurt. It did, but since her metal is pretty sturdy, she didn't get dented.

Her old master would have guests over all the time and she would serve them drinks or just stand there looking pretty while she waited for orders.

These drunken guests would occasionally get a bit too comfortable with her, and since she couldn't really do anything, they just continued. You know how those bronze statues of women sometimes have lighter spots on their breasts because people decide to just touch them? Kinda like that but her metal didn't get much lighter. She physically could not say no or move or express her discomfort because of the reprogrammings.

One time, for whatever reason, one of the guests ended up jumping her, almost beating her to robot-death or at least almost leaving her with pretty bad damage.

As a result, she hates being touched. She hates it when people talk about giving her or other automatons upgrades or reprogramming. She hates being called an it as well.

After days when her old master had guests over, he would erase her memory of what had happened if he knew one of the guests had assaulted her, but he wasn't always successful. He often tried to get them to just leave her alone, but he wasn't the most firm about it and they continued.

At some point she was basically powered off and didn't wake up for a few thousand years.

After Leo Valdez found her and did general repairs, he managed to undo the reprogrammings that stopped her from feeling her emotions as strong, expressing them, and he undid the one(s) that prevented her from protesting against orders and stuff like that.

He also accidentally brought back the memories that had been erased from her.

So for the next few days, the overwhelm of memories and suddenly much louder feelings left her in a pretty bad state for somr days. She would jump at every sound, curse herself for being unable to serve and just being in a heap, and sometimes she would have pretty bad panic attacks.

Since he was only really able to help her so much, Leo went to the Psyche cabin and now Melissa is her unofficial therapist.

She has since gotten better, but she is still pretty sensitive to sound, touch, and people being upset in general. She always tried to appease them, make them feel better, just to avoid potential consequences. Only a few people are allowed to touch her, and even then she's still not too big on it. She stays in Bunker 9 whenever they have fireworks displays, trying to avoid the noise, which is pretty effective.

Nowadays she spends most of her time in Bunker 9 although occasionally she will stroll around camp.

She also pretty tall. Either like 6'5 or closer to 7 feet tall

She's not as good as the Kourai Khyseai (Golden Maidens), who were also created by Hephaestus, and her facial expressions are limited and kinda uncanny

Also, I do not ship her with Leo or anyone else.

Face claim: ???/heres a picture of a greek or greek style statue i took at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts just imagine it was bronze

Oh my gods this was long

I even had to switch to the website just to finish adding all the pictures

Thanks if you read all this

Also all the divider things i used came from @firefly-graphics you should go check them out bc they were really a lifesaver when it came to making this

Seriously half the ones i tried to use from google looked like they were transparent but weren't so yeah

They ask that you just reblog the post you get the things from if you use it so im just gonna check that i did

[beebascloset]

Hey Snom? Am I disrespecting the LGBTQ+ community by using cloud/clouds/cloudself and trick/tricks/trickself pronouns? Asking because one of my friends said I am. I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community myself aswell

Look, I was pretty confused when I saw the term cloudgender as well, but since I'm an ally and technically not fully part of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm not the best person you should be asking, yet there are things to consider.

1. Cloudgender (according to the LGBTIA wiki) is a neurogender (describes when one's gender is in some way linked to one's neurodivergence, mental illness, or neurological conditions) where one's gender cannot be fully understood due to depersonalization and/or derealization. I guess a more broad term for this would be "queer" or "questioning", but if the description for cloudgender seems to fit you, then by all means, feel free to identify as so!

2. Is your "friend" part of the LGBTQ+ community? Or are they more homo/trans/etc. phobic? Do they get offended by things easily, or do they just wanna be an asshole? I know that sounds harsh, but don't feel upset about your identity just because someone said it's "offensive" (it's not offensive, at least you're not trying to offend anyone, right?)

3. The thing about pronouns is that everyone uses the dEfAuLt "he" and "she", and occasionally "they". I sometimes don't like they/them pronouns because they can also describe a group of people rather than one particular individual who doesn't want to identify with a certain pronoun. I believe that's why pronouns such as ze/zir were adopted to avoid this confusion. I don't know about trick/tricks/trickself, and neither do a lot of people, which is why your "friend" may have been offended in the first place.

To answer your question, no, I don't think you're disrespecting the community. I'm sure many people would agree with my stance as well. Also tell your friend to educate themselves.

[ascalonianpicnic]

Io’s oc Interview

I was tagged by the lovely @just-eyris-things​ and @i-mybrunettelady​ thanks guys <3 sorry i took so long lmao

INTRODUCTION

1. Can you introduce yourself?

“Iovara Mae Durand, founder and former Commander of the Pact. Hi.”

2. What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

“Butch lesbian, currently dating Firstborn Caithe, founder of the Crystal Bloom.”

“Uh, and your gender identity, commander?”

“Butch. Lesbian. What part did you miss.”

3. Where and when were you born?

“The very beginning of Scion, 1305, in a little fishing town on the shore of Lake Doric. My mother insisted on walking all the way to the midwife, a town over, when she went into labor. She wanted to make sure her first child was born somewhere ‘actually clean’ in her own words.” She rolls her eyes. “She was always like that, dedicated to being over the top.”

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

“My go to is my holoforge. I’ll use basically any gun or sword on hand whenever it’s cooling down.” She toys a little with the pistol hanging from her belt, thinking for a moment. “After Balthazar ruined all my shit, I actually just borrowed Canach’s sword for a while. His chain whip sword. That thing is actually really fun to use.”

5. Lastly, are you happy?

She just laughs.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

“It’s uh... it was... family’s complicated. I don’t know how else to put it.”

2. Have you ever ran away from home?

She genuinely smiles for a moment at the memory. “Sure did. When I was 8. My younger brother had just been born, and I was so upset, because my mom had had a nother kid, so I wasn’t the only one anymore, and why wasn’t I enough. You know, I was an only child for years, and I was young, and I suddenly wasn’t the center of attention. So in protest, because clearly my parents didn’t need me anymore, I ran away. I ran all the way up to this hidden grove in the wood north of the lake, and I found this absolutely ancient peach tree, watched over by this old nature spirit. That was when I decided I wanted to be a priestess of Melandru. I spent the night up there, but I did go home the next day. Turns out, taking care of yourself is hard when you’re 8. I returned to that little grove so many times after that though.”

3. Would you consider marriage or having children?

“Marriage, maybe, but no kids. I don’t want the responsibility. Or the extra stress.”

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

“No, I’m very open when I don’t like someone, and I don’t stay friends with them. Some people struggle to take a hint, but that isn’t my fault.”

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

“None know everything, but Lace knows the most I think.”

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

“I’m literate and educated. Went to a fancy ass school in Divinity’s Reach when I was a teen. My engineering skills are self taught from a lot of book research though.”

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

She gives an odd smile. “I once said ‘Balthazar smite me if I ever spend that much on shoes!’ to Kasmeer. My boots that he wrecked cost me about 150 gold.”

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

“I’m allergic to bananas and bell peppers.”

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues?

She laughs.

5. What is your current main goal?

“I’m helping Taimi, Gorrik, and Blish analyze some of my older memories. And,” she gives the interviewer a pointed look, “I’m trying to enjoy the festival.”

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

“Food. Nothing quite like a fresh piece of fruit straight from the garden, or a home cooked meal using veggies you grew yourself.”

2. Cats or dogs?

She leans down to pet the large black dog laying by her side. “Take a wild guess, go on.”

3. Early bird or night owl?

“Early bird.”

4. Optimist or pessimist?

She laughs again.

5. Sassy or sarcastic?

“Is there a difference?”

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

“Loads of times. My dad usually let it slide though.”

2. Broke a bone?

“Getting stabbed by a massive sword wielded by a god will break many bones if you’re lucky.”

3. Received flowers?

“No, I’m the one who gives flowers. Fresh cut from my garden. Don’t try to outdo my flowers, you can’t compete.”

4. Ghosted someone?

“Technically yeah, sorry Kas!”

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

“Yeah, it’s called flirting.”

[deco-devolution]

Sexuality & Gender In Columbia 

Okay, so this is a frankly huge topic to cover, and because there is so little direct reference to any non-heterosexual/cisgender culture in the games, a lot of this will be me sharing/explaining my headcanons/worldbuilding. My ideas will be based on historical record of LGBT+ struggles at the time (1890-1915) and mostly US-centric, as Columbia seems to be fairly westernized. in addition, I will be focusing purely on the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans communities to cut down on post size and research time. Here we go!

 Note: These all refer to Columbia (Rapture has a separate post) culture in the peak of the city’s life- a snapshot into queer Columbia circa 1910, roughly speaking. As such my talk about the culture is purely as I’d imagine it to be at that specific time only with no details as to the cultural development to that point.

cw for homophobia, transphobia, q slur

Sexuality In Columbia

If you’re not straight it’s over for you

Quips aside, just from playing the game you can tell Columbia is ruled by the most staunch of conservatism. The Edwardian Era in real-world history made heavy emphasis on modesty and a sense of duty but Columbia takes it a step beyond, and this can be seen in most every example of media or dialogue found in-game. Having such traditional Biblical leanings, it can easily argued that this also extends to sexuality.

Right off the bat, I feel like this is Heterosexual (& Cisgender) Land™. Any other sort of attraction, be it gay, bisexual, or anything else, is considered reckless experimentation at best and ungodly and deserving of punishment at worst. Aside from the religiously-motivated belief that only straight relationships are legit, there’s another reason they’re so heavily emphasized- population growth. Columbia, for all its pomp still has a relatively small population on a national scale- just from some educated guesses I’d put it around the borough to town region, as indicated on the settlement hierarchy of ekistics. While the limited space of the city means that the population can’t just continue to grow, a certain rate of births is needed to keep the population level.

Interestingly enough, even though Columbia is a hotspot of religious zealotry, the city still follows the conventions of Edwardian/Early WWI society- very proper, highly formalized in its ideals. Aside the propaganda and fearmongering, personal details are still taboo in polite conversation.

Cruising is done in places where social conventions are significantly different from formal events or even everyday conventions- namely the beach, pubs and lounges. 

In the same vein, hookups, flings, and dates are called vague things like “going out to lunch/drinks”, “going for a stroll” or “having a picnic” and same-gender partners are typically referred to as close friends. It’s all very underhanded, the result of both Edwardian discreetness and closeted language.

Gender In Columbia

Like most of Columbian society, the queer groups in Columbia tend to gather based on gender. Lesbians share space with bisexual women, and gay men stick with bisexual men. As far as trans communities go, however, the cisnormative, rigid interpretation of gender predominant in Columbia means that they tend to be misunderstood among the other queer groups. Typically not in a blatantly hostile way but rather an obnoxiously condescending “poor confused dear” way.

Gender is not so much an identifier as much as an determinator; whatever you are assigned will be the factor driving not only your upbringing but your life choices as well.

There are quite a few social clubs that operate as safe spaces for the community- they typically rotate between the members’ houses and frequently merge or splinter with or from other groups, going from book club, to knitting social to any other politely banal gathering. 

For those looking to dress how they’d like in safety, ‘costume clubs’ are popular among gender non-conforming, trans people and those interested in crossdressing. They present themselves as sort of novelty dance halls with every day being a masquerade. While technically legal, their image is strongly connected to immorality and looseness in Columbia and as such they’re rare and subject to higher levels scrutiny then other halls. 

Because of the rigidity of the culture, the LGBT+ culture in Columbia uses nonverbal queues to state their identities- for example men place certain flowers in buttonholes or alternatively pin them to their lapels to let outsiders know they’re in the community. Women can put these same blossoms in their hats, brooches and hair. These include flowers such as lavender, violets, pansies, carnations and daffodils.

There are HRT gene tonics for sale- they’re marketed under the guise of improving a woman’s femininity or man’s masculinity, they’re sold in pharmacies in the health and beauty aisles without the need for a prescription. This helps some looking to transition do so much easier, though the issue of financial barriers for those who are younger and/or living in poverty still linger. As far as options like SRS go, the procedure is entirely underground, practiced by surgeons of varying repute. While being able to do so successfully is considered a show of skill, most practitioners and citizens are morally opposed to the idea. 

Unlike Rapture, there’s not many fun or quirky terms for LGBT+ citizens. Those with same gender attraction are rudely referred to as “victims of unnatural passions” and those who ID as anything other then cisgender are accused of “falling into delusions of identity”. Among themselves though, WLW call themselves “Lady Lovers of Liberty” (as in the statue based on the Roman goddess Libertas) while MLM call themselves “Sons of Antinous” while trans citizens typically refer to themselves as “Children of Agdistis”. (Note that while Agdistis was portrayed as intersex in Roman mythology, their nonbinary existence and transformative identity made them a relatable icon for most trans people in Columbia)

Questions or comments? Let me know! Thanks for reading.

[mental-health-advice]

Having a bit of an identity crisis after seeing a tweet saying how we are all just dissociated parts of one person and not multiple people. I get we are dissociated, I guess we TECHNICALLY make up one person, but we aren't all the host. We aren't ... I'm not them. I'm my own person, have my own name and life inside, my own "backstory". We used to think of each other as just variants of each other but ... that seriously harmed us and our mental health. Please I'm not Host. I'm me. I've no co relation to them except we share a body and hold together one life with the others. I'm not them I'm not them I'm not them. If I was them why would I have an entire own identity?? I tell them theurvtweet seems badly worded and they just say "well I didn't mean that" WELL THAT'S WHY IT'S BADKY WORDED FFS

Hey there,

From my own understanding of DID, it is all still so misconstrued and not well understood by other people and especially those who do not have a thorough understanding of it or a personal experience with it. I want to make it clear that I do not have a DID diagnosis and nor am I a mental health professional but I have a few close friends who do have it so I have somewhat of an understanding of it if that makes sense.

DID is developed over a period of many years and when a person has DID they generally have one host (one person in charge, also known sometimes as the protector of everyone else when needed). There can be many different personalities within someone who has DID, and you are spot on and correct in saying that each personality/ person has their own name, own back story, own likes and dislikes and each are different ages and are of different genders depending on when they were created and for what reasons they were created for along with what they were/ are protecting you from.

It’s completely understandable that you are annoyed with the person who said what they did in that tweet. I’d be pretty mad too if someone were to make an incorrect statement over something they knew little about in regards to me. It does sound like what they said was just badly worded though, that and the fact they don’t have a deeper understanding of DID like you do. So I guess the question is, what do you do next?

Whilst it’s more than OK to be mad and pissed off for however long you need to be, feeling this way in the end may not fix the problem at hand though and may just keep you feeling pretty mad and annoyed which consequently may make you feel worse. Alternatively, another option may be to speak to this person and try to talk to them about why you got so mad at them and maybe even try to better educate them on what you are going through and experiencing and how you see things personally. Of course you do not have to do this if you do not want to, this is just an idea, but it may be more helpful in the end as it will allow you to get something more positive out of the situation. What do you think?

Unfortunately in life, people will say things that will make us mad, no one is perfect after all and sometimes people don’t think things through before saying what’s going around in their head. What is important though is how we react to this and what we can do about it in a positive non harmful way. This won’t be easy to do at all but I promise you that it will get easier to do in time.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you and the others are all going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[yndigot]

Howdy! For the '50 Writers Prompts' ask, may I request 3, 11, 13, and 33, and 38?

3. What was the first story you ever wrote about?

I was a pain in the ass at naptime in preschool and the teacher let me sit at a table and write a little story -- folded into a book, complete with illustrations -- about my doll. I also wrote Alvin and the Chipmunks fanfiction in the first grade, a good five or six years before I knew what fanfiction was, and wrote a weird sci-fi/fantasy play in the second grade. I tried to compel my friends to help me produce this play. They lost interest like ... 2 minutes into me explaining my vision and it never happened.

11. What’s your favorite book?

I don’t think I have a favorite because I go back to different things again and again depending on my mood. The “literary fiction” book that’s currently occupying the most space in my brain (like ... the thing that’s very well, artistically written) is probably The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne. The dumb popcorn book that reads like fanfiction that’s taking up brain space is Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. (I don’t want to bag on it because it’s hugely popular in certain corners of fandom ,and I probably would and will write fanfiction for it myself -- and I deeply love Alex as someone who does not see a lot of queer mixed tejanos in fiction and didn’t know how much I needed it -- but it is VERY much popcorn, improbable silliness, escapism, and little tidbits that probably could have used a fact check because they knock me out of the narrative for a minute). I also have tons of “favorite” books that I rely on for research with passages I read again and again, books I remember fondly from childhood and will go find particular passages to read over and over, a couple poetry collections I’m drawn to, short stories that really stuck with me that I’ll wander back to ... etc. It’s very dependent on my mood and what’s on my mind.

13. What’s your favorite trope?

I’m guessing this is in the fanfiction tropes sense, so I’ll say that I really like good kidfic, although the overwhelming majority of kidfic makes me cringe. But I keep trying because I love the good ones so much! Honestly most of the standards can be fun if the person writing them is good at it, though. I think some things that very clearly just ... retell canon but in a coffee shop can wear a little thin, but after 20 years in fandom, I have read and enjoyed at least a couple examples of every classic, constantly recycled trope.

33. Which themes do you like to write about the most?

Any time I answer questions like this, I know I biff “theme” in the literary analysis sense. Academically, I like to write about religious history and queer history. When I was writing a lot of creative nonfiction, it was about gender/sexuality and identity, social isolation and mental illness, and elder care (for obvious reasons). Fictionally I lean into ... slightly dysfunctional romantic relationships. Generally not horrible, explosive, abusive relationships, but ones where something isn’t quite working and everyone just keeps muddling along.

38. What is your ultimate writing goal?

I used to put quite a bit of effort into trying to be published in my late teens/early 20s (like ... trying to write things that were appropriate for specific calls for submissions and stuff), but it never really worked out for me. I had a couple small things published, but mostly I found that I wasn’t hugely motivated by the prompts, so I’d tend to give up. I got a good chunk of the way through a BFA with a memoir focus, but never completed it. The capstone for that would have probably been completing a collection of personal essays that would (allegedly) be publication ready. I got a few excellent essays completed, but didn’t ever finish enough for the collection. I might circle back to that at some point? I think, outside of fanfiction, that’s my strength, and once I finish my degree I’m working on at the moment, it might be nice to see if I could finish the BFA -- see how many of my credits are still good. I’ve dabbled in fiction (both short story and novel) but it never really clicked for me like creative nonfiction did. I enjoyed that, but I ended up dropping out of the program when my life got overwhelming and my mental health tanked.

Honestly, though, at the moment I just want to get into a headspace where I can write (creatively) as much as I used to and, ideally, finish a few fanfiction projects. I was going to try to do a Downton recap/commentary blog leading up to the release of the first movie. Maybe I’ll attempt it with the second? I’d forgot about that. It could be fun. The idea had been to use that as a sample to get some content writing gigs, but my mother and my classes I was teaching were overwhelming at the time, and I didn’t follow through. I sometimes apply for ad/social media or technical writing jobs, but those never seem to pan out. That’s not really a ‘writing goal’ so much as a type of writing I think I could do if I could catch a break, but no success so far.

Ideally, my current degree would help me get a job writing educational materials for a museum or other public history institution. Maybe that’s the real answer so far as “goals” go. “Complete my last few grad school class papers, then my thesis project, and then get a job writing educational materials.”

[a-polite-melody]

Truscum are always “honestly asking in good faith” why someone would transition without dysphoria.

Why the scare quotes?

Because while that’s what they say they’re doing, and what they’re portraying that they’re doing on the surface, what they’re actually doing is more insidious than that.

First of all, on any other posts made by truscum, where they’re trying to “educate” people, they say that their stance can be summarized just by, “you need dysphoria to be trans.” Anything else they say is built upon that assumption. And yes. That’s true.

And so, while asking why someone would want to transition if they aren’t dysphoric may seem like a harmless question and an opportunity to educate, it’s actually a trap.

Usually, as seen by how they move forward on those posts, they’re asking this question in lieu of asking how someone can be trans without dysphoria. They’re associating transness with transition, which is assimilationist bullshit that trans people have fought against for ages.

They’re perpetuating the societally held cisnormative believe that being cisgender is the default and trans people suffer because they’re “born with the wrong body” or “have a different brain sex than their body’s sex” or whatever the hell else nonesense cis people try to explain transness with (while coincidentally ignoring the extreme amounts of variation within even just cis people who share agabs’ primary sex characteristics, secondary sex characteristics, gonad structure, hormone levels, chromosomal make-up, etc. that demonstrate that the binary sexes aren’t two distinct categories, but a spectrum of different traits, and so “male brains and female brains” being in the wrong “female bodies and male bodies” is a gross oversimplification, as all sex-essentialist views are).

Basically, it’s a very reductionist stance that truscum/transmeds have taken by way of equating transness with transition with dysphoria (ie. clinicially significant levels of distress).

So, to answer their actual question of: “How can someone be trans without having dysphoria?” while also going over the answer to their ““good faith”” question’s answer as well.

Being trans is defined as “a person whose sex/gender assigned to them at birth differs from their actual gender.” If someone, when they were born, had a doctor exclaim about them, “it’s a girl!!” and then the person themself later, once they’ve started learning more about themself as a growing, developing person, says, “actually I think I’m a [insert-other-gender-descriptor-here],” then they’re trans.

No part of that requires dysphoria. And you aren’t entitled to know if they experienced it or not in realizing they’re trans.

That isn’t to say that dysphoria isn’t a very common way trans people realize that they’re trans, and that it’s not a common thing many trans people deal with. It just isn’t (and doesn’t have to be) a universal experience for every trans person. Every person is different. Every trans person is different. Your experience of having dysphoria may not accurately describe other trans people’s experiences, just like my experience of having had only euphoria may not accurately describe other trans people’s experiences.

I, personally, have fluctuating dysphoria. It took me multiple months after realizing that I’m trans to actually identify that feeling as dysphoria because it did fluctuate so much (and still does), while my gender euphoria stayed constant and very strong. And no, I’m not saying that to say, “take it from a real dysphoric trans,” I’m saying that for a long while, even after I’d realized I was trans, I didn’t actually have dysphoria. I still go through long spells of not having dysphoria.

I knew I wasn’t a woman. It never felt wrong to be called a woman, but saying that I’m not a woman feels more right. Which is why I want to socially transition to being nonbinary, and have in online spaces and offline safe spaces. Even before I experienced dysphoria, even when I haven’t experienced dysphoria in a long while, I still am nonbinary and want to be referred to as such. Same deal can happen with body parts. While I’ve basically resigned myself to not have gender affirming surgeries because I don’t need even more surgeries on top of the likely many I’ll have in the future because of chronic illness and disability... I should have a penis. I was born without one. I’m not dysphoric about what I have. I even kinda like what I’ve got going on down there when it’s not throwing a tantrum at me about one thing or another. But I also have. Basically a phantom penis. It’s there, even if it’s not physically there. I’m not dysphoric, but if it were viable for me to have that kind of intensive surgery paying out of pocket (because for me it’s not necessary, even though I want it), I totally would. There’s physical transition without dysphoria, and notice how it doesn’t steal resources considering even with universal healthcare where I live, non-necessary procedures usually can’t be covered, and also get pushed down to the very bottom of waiting lists in favour of people who have serious need of those surgeries within a shorter timeline so that the resource of time actually ends up getting taken from those of us who might get an improved quality of life, but don’t technically need the surgeries because we’re not dysphoric and often will end up with our lives on pause for years so that people who need it sooner can only have their lives paused for a few months. Just saying. (Resource stealing arguments have never made sense to me, especially now that I’m in the medical system for other non-“necessary” crap related to the disability/chronic conditions and keep getting sidelined and nothing is moving forward because I’m not imminently dying, so it’s fine, I guess. But I digress...)

My experience of transness has had so little dysphoria that the majority of what I’d consider to be that transness has nothing to do with dysphoria. Dysphoria has almost no role in my identity or my being trans.

It’s at about this point that I’m expecting comments like, “But you are dysphoric. It doesn’t matter that it’s rare, all that matters is that you’re dysphoric!”

And that misses the point entirely. I’m not looking for validation for myself. I’m not looking for edgy teens who think bullying people is fun and cool if you’re an oppressed person doing it to tell me that actually, I’m a “twue vawid twans uwuwuwu!!!”

I’m saying that propping dysphoria up as the one single thing that makes a person trans is reductionist and has assimilationist roots. It’s intrusive and a violation to require knowledge of someone’s medical conditions (which dysphoria is, transness is not).

Take trans people at our words. We know us best. And you being trans doesn’t make you the expert on each and every one of us. Instead of trying to prove if someone’s a cishet faker, take them at face value.

And, you know... just. Use their behaviour to gage if they should be asked to leave or not. I’ve been hurt waaaay more often and way more seriously by gatekeepers in LGBT+ spaces than people in queer spaces who are “““transtrending”””. I’d rather outsiders see people having harmless fun exploring their identities and thinking trans people are a joke than them seeing people infighting and making what is meant to be a safe and welcoming space for people figuring out gender stuff into a place of bullying and harassment and think trans people are a joke.

Because, in the end, people saying they’re stargender will never hurt trans people as much as someone probing into their medical history, assuming things about them based on parts of their appearance which they can’t hide about themself (like big hips, breasts that can’t be made flat or can’t be bound at all, etc.) that make them “present female” (whatever the hell that means), especially if that trans person has been trying to love all of their body anyway as part of self care, and as such triggering dysphoria in a whole bunch of trans people in doing so.

[ace-theatre-ghosts]

Hi, I Am Asexual/Ace

I am just sharing where I am coming from as an ace person. These are by no means guidelines for all ace people but the goal here is to inform or expose. To share with you personally a little bit about what it’s like to be ace. Lately, I’ve had to come out all over again to a variety of different kinds of people who don’t seem to know much about what being asexual actually implies.

Let’s start with a few definitions---

Asexual: someone who is not sexually attracted to others.

Demisexual: someone who only feels sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection.

Aromantic: someone who is not romantically attracted to others.

These definitions are important because there are people who think that being any of these things means that those who identify with them don’t have sex or are afraid or can’t have certain connections with others (whatever it may be). Breaking it down very basically- this is all about attraction not activities. It is all solely about the individual who identifies as one of these. It’s kind of like- someone who is Roma is not Romanian but there are Romanian Roma. So, someone who is asexual isn’t sexually attracted to someone but there are asexual people who are repulsed or indifferent about sex and prefer not to have  it. LIKE ME! Yeah.

I am indifferent about sex and in some ways repulsed by it. I don’t like it, I don’t want to have it, I don’t think it is necessary in relationships (and if you really want to get deep, I certainly don’t think it should play a major part in ANY relationship but that’s just me). You cannot change this. I have had a significant other that thought this was flexible, like if only the right dude came along (like he would be the right dude, uhm excuse me).

When I pursue deeper relationships beyond friendships, they are strictly platonic. I have yet to compromise my lack of sex life for a relationship and I don’t expect to.

^ Nor do I expect to become demisexual. But- who knows. Not current me’s problem.

I consider myself aromantic. Aromantic and asexual are different, you can be one or the other or both. I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship and lack romantic desires so therefore- aromantic.

I feel the need to say this a few times just so y’all get the point- THIS DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! Some asexual people just so happen to not desire a significant other- some do. A lot do, actually. While I am not chasing anyone down, I am not against being in a relationship.

I acknowledged that I might be ace when I was 15 or 16. I always thought the sexual feelings would just eventually be there- as if they are some vital part of development. Buuuut. They didn’t. SO... Uhm. I came to full terms with being ace when I was 17. But I’ve sort of always, I guess, known... I think that’s what I’m supposed to say but I really wasn’t too educated on the whole thing until I even got to high school.

I am not 100% out for a lot of reasons. This isn’t common knowledge among my family or even some of my closest friends. I’ve been close to someone since I was 13 who does not currently know I am asexual. Unless he’s reading this now in which case SURPRISE *as it rains gray, purple, white, black confetti* Some of my friends- it isn’t necessarily that they’ll reject me but that I don’t think they’ll understand to the point it would hurt our friendship. To be honest, everyone is different and being ace is important- but it isn’t all I am. Someone knowing or not knowing won’t change anything about me and our friendship means more.

I pursue intimate friendships. I tend to cling to small groups of people. Like “quality vs quantity” I guess. I’m an open book overall but I prefer being an open book to smaller amounts of people instead of a bunch-- if that makes any sense. There is a lot of potential it doesn’t.

Being ace doesn’t make friendships and feelings any easier and I don’t really know why people would think that. Then again- I don’t know why people think a lot of the things they do about asexuality or why they ask some of the things they do. I mean, even writing this I’m sitting here thinking, “I can’t believe I actually have to answer this question, why is this even important.” Or I am going through some of the things that have been said to me after coming out and I wonder what is so hard to understand. Anyway, you’ll of see why I would think that in a minute.

I have been in relationships beyond intimate friendships. I don’t really feel like going into depth about this but if you really want to know- certainly ask because I do tell. Usually with a lot of passive aggressive remarks for flavor but I do tell nonetheless.

I do not share my personal sex life (partner or no partner ;) ) with others so don’t ever ask. I’ve told you all you need to know.

I don’t identify as gay or straight or anything else that points me towards a particular gender. I can tell you that my type tends to be masculine and I don’t necessarily discriminate against genders. But as for the types of people I’ve had some serious feelings for: butchy girls, trans men, men... I think you get the point. And I would prefer to be with someone who is also asexual, I just see it going better when both parties are equally yoked and have an understanding agreement vs a compromising agreement. I think it would make everyone happier. But hey- I’ve also never really pursued a relationship with anyone who isn’t ace. Feelings for non-ace, yes. Relationship with non-ace, yes. Pursued non-ace, no... (yeah that probably tells you too much about my dating life...)

I feel alone. Like. A lot. Because while I tend to feel intimate with people without needing a relationship- they don’t. I can care a lot for people who aren’t my significant other but I don’t feel like anyone cares about me the way I care about them. And as for what it’s like to actually pursue relationships, I face the issue of losing out on a relationship because I won’t have sex. A lot of people don’t want a relationship with an ace person or they think they can change that ace person by, “being the right one,” and that just isn’t the case. In fact, a lot of ace people face the issue of sexual assault when with non-ace partners due to lack of good communication and failure to properly recognize signals (or lack there of). Anyway, I feel like no one really understands where I’m coming from and how I am feeling. Like there’s something missing and I don’t really know how to describe it so I wish I could just transfer my feelings to other people, and they magically understand. But. I can’t, so... Here I am writing about it I guess and that’s just how life goes.

yeah so I’ve never really felt like I’m missing out on sex. Logically speaking- if you were to feel that way then... Would you still identify as asexual? I am not entirely too sure about this answer. It’s probably a yes but... that just doesn’t really sit with me as being simple.

Yes... I know what sex is and how it’s done. Thanks. I really... Really could care less for your worldly wisdom and middle school health lesson. Honestly just- THINK about it (sorry this is personal, stick with me).

No I don’t take birth control so I don’t get pregnant... Like most girls don’t take birth control so they don’t get pregnant.

Why do you care if I’m a virgin or not? Why does this even matter? Who asks?! I know who asks... People ask. A lot. Like. Why is this relevant information. This may be (historically) one of my most asked questions. That and, “are you gaaay.”

Being ace is not my “identifying characteristic” and if anyone thinks it is- I would prefer to try to inform them or distance myself from them. Like this isn’t the most important thing going on in my life 24/7. And fuck no, I’m not (will not be) your token ace friend. I am a girl who just so happens to be ace. This is (btw) why I can’t believe I have to answer some of the questions I do (if you recall from a few answers ago).

When I dress in what is considered “sexually provocative clothing,” it is for my personal fashion (like it probably would be for anyone else)- not provocative purposes. I like my boobs, what can I say?

My friends really confuse what it means to be asexual. Having to re-explain this to new people is really frustrating and anxious because I never know how people will react or how I will react to those reactions. I am very open minded of what other people think but to me it should be really simple--- why should my sex life even matter all that much for it to make or break a friendship.

I support marriage and if I find the right person it actually is in my plans to get married one day. Children of my own however-- I am not too entirely interested in having them.

I definitely consistently imply that I’m ace, but some people lack the education or understanding to make the connection. And that’s fine. But I do “come out” formally to most of my friends. It doesn’t usually just lowkey drop in a conversation. I usually make a decision on rather or not to come out. It isn’t advertised on my public social medias, I don’t scream that I am ace when I am around friends I’m not out to. It’s a moment for me each and every time because... what if? What if they don’t like that? What if they really don’t know what the fuck this is? What if they say, “you’re not a plant.” Or assume I’m just some kind of robot?

Though, as someone who identifies as asexual I am technically apart of the LGBTQA+ Community- I don’t personally get that involved outside of being an ally of sorts to my friends. I guess I just feel like I get a lot of pressure to answer to additional sexual identities like “You’re asexual- do you like men or women?” Like. I don’t and that’s my answer. Why does it matter? But I have a lot of friends within the community who totally respect that too so-- depends on the day and phase of the moon, I guess.

I am not ashamed of my sexual orientation. But it’s my business and it’s for me to talk about. I don’t want to be outed by anyone else. This isn’t a card anyone else gets to pull, a joke to flaunt, a topic token they get to just throw around. My orientation is a very serious aspect of my life. It isn’t funny. It isn’t yours

My best advice for someone who doesn’t understand asexuality is to just ask. Don’t make assumptions. Make an effort to better understand especially if you have an ace friend in your life. We are still people with very real human emotions facing problems both just as unique and common as anyone else.

Some of these are answers to questions I personally get a lot or things I wish people knew/understood about me, and some are answers to questions I found online that other ace people get a lot since I do have a history of having very accepting and understanding people in my life over this issue (mostly other members of the LGBTQA+ Community). If you have any additional questions--- I would love to answer them but as I said my sex life as far as what I have done and will do with or without a partner is personal and I don’t care to keep people who don’t need to know informed (you would be surprised so put that eyebrow down, I know the stats). Just as I don’t really care to hear about other people’s sex life (please and thank you). Find another ace to ask if that’s the question.

Everyone is different. What I have shared are not guidelines for all ace people. There are many different kinds of people within this particular community and they are all coming from different experiences, orientations, and situations. For example- some ace people have and enjoy sex. I just so happen to not... It’s very much about the individual as most things tend to be. I hope this helps people understand a little about me or maybe someone you know. Thank much for reading! Continue on with your daily lives, disasters, existence, etc!

[trans-advice]

I feel like “if you find yourself overanalyzing, maybe the shoe doesn’t fit” is a weird message to deliver. Idk I guess it feels like “well if you have this much disphoria you AREN’T transgender. Sorry, I guess it just bothers me because I think everybody gets those type of moments or maybe they’re not out yet where the feelings get worse. Especially if your 18+ and still live with parents, you you’re STUUUUCK in that environment. Sometimes you can’t technically choose your battles ya know.

OMG i actually got squicked by that too. alas, i thought it was overall good & sometimes it’s other aspects too regarding gender. like gender expression, attribution, gender roles.

so while i would be reluctant to say that thing, i also am transgender. meanwhile i think one of our other mods had been gender questioning but eventually settled on being cis & gender non-conforming. point being they are educated on our community & they understand the struggle from a different angle (which is helpful).

so basically it’s not just lack of freedom to explore because of people hurting us. it’s that standards of say femininity, masculinity, agender, androgyny, etc are in fact harmful if used to invalidate your gender identity &or harm people.

exploration of gender isn’t just identity, but also like wardrobe, roles, style, so forth. like i know there’s more stuff but honestly “everything is unisex if we stop being little bitches about it” & i don’t remember the other complaints off the top of my head. point being, if you’re going to question your gender explore all of it. all of it as you safely can. (also try to build a safer living environment.)

and don’t worry people of your same gender identity can freak out about their own bodies & stuff & have their own gender issues as well. i know of older women worrying about their own body hair & stuff. toxic gender roles (aka masculinity, femininity, androgyny, so forth.) hurt cis people too because it’s a form of gender invalidation. in fact, truscum myths have been called the transgender intra-community’s version of this harmful b$hit. (as a kid i called toxic masculinity “macho bull$#!+”, so haha i just thought that antedote was cute.)

good luck, peace & love,

eve

[notjisa]

The Two Colors that Define the GENDER ROLES — Blue and Pink.

— a blog about Gender Roles in the Society by Janah Gavasan.

"Get back to the kitchen”, “Get back to fixing the car”

“You women should submit to men”, “You men should dominate the women”

“Pink is for girls”, “Blue is for boys”

Sexes? Genders? Sexualities?

Ano-ano ba ang pagkakaiba ng mga ito? Para mas maunawaan natin ang details sa blog na ito, gumawa ako ng table upang ma-tukoy natin ang mga differences ng mga terms na ito.

Since we are focusing in the Gender Roles, let us define this term more further,

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GENDER ROLES

Gender roles — in society means THE WAY we’re expected to act, speak, dress, groom, and conduct ourselves based upon our assigned sex.

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Based on the example sa table sa taas. Genders are generally associated with Masculinity and Femininity.

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Masculinity is the general expectation of men to be strong, aggressive and bold.

While Femininity is sought to be polite, accommodating and nurturing.

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Basically gender roles are the stereotypes of society to the two bases sexes, male and female based on their physical, emotional and social capability.

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Ito-ito ang iba’t ibang Characteristics na stereotype sa Masculinity and Femininity:

Base sa mga katangian na mababasa sa itaas, may napapansin ba kayo?

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Ang NEGATIVE ng characteristics na iniimply sa mga kababaihan.

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At mas expected na DOMINANT ang kalalakihan sa kanilang general traits.

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Ganito ba talaga sa social settings?

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MEDIA

Entertainment Media has been a crucial part in building the stereotypes of masculinity and femininity.

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Let’s take the Disney Princesses as examples.

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Earlier princesses were portrayed to be very lady-like and submissive to their respective princes. Beauty is one of the contributing factors too. Tignan natin ang mga examples:

SNOW WHITE

— Siya ay sinasabing pinaka-magandang dilag sa kingdom. But she was also a threat to someone with apparently inferior looks to her. So this threat attempted to kill her. But she was helpless. At KINAILANGAN ang kanyang kagandahan upang maligtas siya ng isang prinsipe.

ARIEL

— Kinailangan niya ibahin ang kaniyang physical appearance para maging as attractive sa kalalakihan. Kahit hindi siya makapag-salita, walang problema yun “Wala naman raw maambag ang kababaihan anything in value”. At nang nagkagulo ang lahat. Guess what...the prince saves the day again.

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Looking at our examples, the main keys we have to remember that, the pretty woman - is submissive and must be saved. And the ugly woman must be villain in the story. And a prince MUST save the princesses at all costs.

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This is what gender norms can affect young children to drill into their heads that: “young boys must save the princesses” and the “young girl must be saved by the princes and wait”.

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Ngunit paano ang princess na ito,

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si Mulan?

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Mulan was known to be a revolutionary figure of breaking the gender norms. Basically, her story was about a woman who disguised herself as a man for the Emperor’s request of mandatory military service. Gusto ni Mulan to make her father proud by participating on it.

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It broke the gender stereotype of a woman with masculine characteristics.

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Personally, I really liked this movie because it shows how a contrasting gender identity can affect one’s personal, social and family life.

EDUKASYON

Sa kasalukuyan, hindi malala ang gender roles sa paaralan sapagkat equal and holistic education for both sexes.

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However there are 2 subjects where males and females have differences in their quoted abilities.

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TLE o Technical Livelihood Education

Doon palang sa pangalan “Livelihood”. Iniisip palang natin na ang asignatura ay involved sa gawaing bahay. And who does the cooking and the cleaning. The women. I think that TLE has a stereotype na “mas magaling ang mga babae dito.”

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On the contrary, sa mga kalalakihan:

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PE o Physical Education

Makikita naman natin na mas well-built ang bodies ng mga lalaki kaysa sa mga babae. Mas refined ang muscles nila and they have the characteristics to always be strong. Sinasabi na mas magaling ang mga lalaki sa Physical Education dahil mas refined ang lalaki sa physical activities.

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TRABAHO

In general work, mas biased ang pagtanggap ng kalalakihan sa trabaho kaysa sa mga kababaihan. Dahil mas naniniwala ang mga employer na mas maganda ang performance ng kalalakihan sa trabaho kaysa sa mga kababaihan.

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Mostly, nakaka-apekto ito dahil sa stereotypes sa lalaki na they are supposed to be dominant, assertive and confident. While and mga babae ay known to be soft and emotional.

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Makikita ito sa sterotypes natin sa mga trabaho. Tulad ng:

Engineers/Carpenters - Lalaki

Nurse - Babae

Police - Lalaki

Pharmacists - Babae

Sports Player - Lalaki

Fashion designers - Babae

Sa mga stereotypes na ito, ang mga lalaki ay may trabahong mas involved in physical work. Sapagkat sa mga babae ay mas feminine and creative ang mga trabaho.

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Ngunit sa kasalukuyang panahon, maaaring lahat ng genders ay ma-involve sa kahit anong form ng trabaho. May be portrayed masculine or feminine jobs.

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PAMILYA

Simple lang ang stereotypes sa pamilya:

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The father (man) - works for a living.

The mother (female) - works in the house, doing chores like cooking and cleaning.

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Sa pamilya rin naiimpluwensiyahan ang gender colors sa mga anak dahil sa mga kulay ng kanilang kagamitan when they were still babies. Kahit nga sa gender reveal party, na hindi pa sila sinisilang sa mundo, it is normalized that blue - it is a boy and pink - it is a girl.

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Ang mga bata na lalaki pinapalaki na mas involved sa physical na laro at ang mga babae ay iniinvolve sa soft and feminine factors.

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Ngunit, mas open na ang mga pamilya sa contradicting norms. Dahil equal naman ang opportunity para sa lahat.

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LIPUNAN

“Pink is for girls and Blue is for boys”.

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Ito ang linya na drilled na sa ating mga isip simula bata pa lamang. These colors represent the two main genders. Iniisip din natin. Ang babae ay dapat maging soft, feminine, and other degrading factors while men must be strong, masculine and dominant.

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However, with the evolving world of the politically correct people;

We can disregard this stereotype. Genders are not supposed to be a rule everyone must follow.

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Everyone must be open on how they want to act as.

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My thoughts are simply: No, it is not good

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Tulad ng sinabi ko kanina, Everyone must be open on how they want to act as. A man can be feminine and submissive and a woman can be masculine and dominant without damaging and bashing their sexuality and beliefs.

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In this day and age we should accept factors that will not harm us at any way possible.

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I don’t think much of our gender stereotypes because I believe that in we must have an equal society that will not discriminate us from the “stereotypes” it teaches us.

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I personally think I only have a few feminine factors. Kahit it’s stereotyped that men plays violently, I admit I do play violently too. I don’t like dresses like other women and I’m not the “mahinhin” type.

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The society’s reaction? It's fine.

My family’s reaction? It’s okay.

My friends? They agree with me too.

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As long as us humans have the opportunity to live.

We must live it with how we want to live it .

...

Iyon lamang para sa blog na ito! Salamat sa pagbasa!

Remember that pink is not always for girls

And blue is not always for boys.

Everyone must be comfortable in how they want to act.

Take care everyone!

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- Jisa

[xavidotron]

I’m not bold enough to write this as a “Speculative Queerness Manifesto”

I don’t really write or talk about being genderqueer or queerness in general. It’s hard to talk about things I haven’t really figured out, I guess. I don’t really have self-consensus on much.

But in some ways, the story I’m the right person to tell should be based on who I am, I guess. (Technically I’ve written more with DID representation than genderqueer representation, but that just sorta happened.)

Anyways, a while back Jennachat folks, largely @geostatonary and @laenan, had some discourse about what a Queer Narrative might be, as distinct from queer representation. I won’t try to present their perspectives; I’m sure I’d get it wrong. But that, in combination with some other stuff like @templeofshame‘s Flying V JoCo show, Where The Water Tastes Like Wine, and my continual desire to figure out what a non-fanfic response to Hitherby would look like, has had me thinking about this stuff a lot.

The way I’m seeing it right now, there are different “levels” a… non-defaulting, or whatever, work can operate on. (I’m primarily thinking about queerness, but hypothetical distinctly queer examples are also hard for me to think of and insert concisely, and I feel like this same analysis also applies to other things like “feminist” gender-role subversions as well as other types of marginalization I’m less well-situated to speak on. I’m gonna mostly say “queer” here and handwave the fact that some of my examples are more properly gay, because it’s my party, but I think the same analysis applies to other forms of non-defaulting to varying extents.)

Level 1: Representation by Substitution/Normalizing Queerness

A knight rescues a princess from a dragon and they get married, except the knight’s a girl. Or maybe a girl rescues a prince. Nothing changes about the story.

Basic representation is good! I want there to be books like that for my kids to read, and not have everything fit in problematic defaults.

But it’s also sort of fundamentally boring and superficial? It doesn’t really acknowledge that there’s more to the queer, or gay, or whatever experience than just gender substitutions.

At least one queer character needs to be main or central to get this far. If you have people being queer in the background or whatever, I’mma knock you down to Level .5.

Level 2: Representation With Consequences/Informing

This is about media that deals with realistic or expected consequences of the non-defaulting aspects. Someone gets disowned for being a lesbian. People worry about how to come out. People deal with stereotypes, bias, and other types of marginalization.

These can be great. I love Freakboy a lot. In some ways these are educational, and they can be good in both showing queers dealing with these realistic issues that they’re not alone and show them possible positive paths forward.

I’d put Alanna and Protector of the Small in the feminism version of this category.

Level 1.5: Provocative Normalization 

There are some things that might be strictly in Level 1 but I really like them so I put them in their own category: straightforward substitutions that don’t necessarily have meaningful in-universe consequences but nevertheless are thought-provoking or boundary-pushing to the audience in a way that seems well-considered and perhaps designed to confront the audience with their preconceptions. Flying V’s Skullcrusher Mountain with a woman as the supervillian and a man as the helpless prisoner felt like this to me (for the gender roles ladder). Gems all being identified as female would maybe be this on its own (though Steven Universe overall is Level 3). In A World Rapidly Turning To Cards might barely sneak its way because of Mathilda’s last line.

I guess @prokopetz’s Costume Fairy Adventures is here, near as I can tell assuming that all characters are girls without ever actually saying this anywhere? Golden Sky Stories is in a similar but less punch-you-in-the-face place with the example characters being girls but not being prescriptive about it.

Level 3: Extended/Speculative Queerness

But there’s a different sort of queer reader, one that’s seen level 2 narratives, is generally well-informed, and maybe has figured out something about their life. While Level 2 issues are still hard in various ways, they’re familiar in a way they aren’t to a nonqueer or a “new” queer. Their queerness is no longer uncomfortable or transgressive.

At the same time, equality is not a checklist where you check off everything and then you’ve won. Gay marriage, check. Trans gender recognition, check. There’ll always be new pokemon to catch, so to speak. There will always be queerness on the margins, there will always be a new struggle.

So, to have this sort of impact, particularly in a work targeting a queer audience, you need to be speculative, go beyond the “standard” forms. You need to push the boundaries into what’s uncomfortable or transgressive even to queer readers.

In a sense, it’s similar to what magical realism does. If I was doing this as a proper manifesto, it’d include something like “A queer narrative can't be purely realistic. Queer lives don't fit into the consensus reality around them.”

Examples that I put in this category include:

Dream Askew, with gender presentations like “gargoyle” and “goddess”

Monsterhearts as well 

that story by @porpentine

presumably We Know The Devil, which I was totally actually going to play for real this time and then Where The Water Tastes Like Wine took over my quanta

Hitherby Dragons is arguably this for abuse victims? Though the analysis on why you take an indirect/speculative/magical realism approach is presumably quite a bit different.

Singularity, the transhuman dating show LARP

This is obviously the interesting, challenging space that I’d want to try to position myself in.

Level 3x: Metaphors with Plausible Deniability

Some things feel like they’re almost at Level 3 except they don’t come out and talk about the queerness of their metaphors, and they’re not blatant enough to have unambiguous authorial intent. The example that comes to mind is Flying V’s lesbian version of I’m Your Moon, which ends up making the song feel very trans to me (even though probably neither the song nor the staging had that in mind).

A trans reading of The Girl Who Was Plugged In might be in this category? (The presumably more-conventional feminist reading would be straight Level 3.)

I guess this whole category is questionable because it’s more a function of an analysis of the work than the work itself. But death of the author and all that.

A Different Lens

Another way to look at the concepts I’m thinking about here is in what terms things are defined. In a Level 1 story, relationships/identities/interactions are based on mainstream structures with superficial changes or swaps. At Level 2, mainstream structures are fundamentally not working but new structures are being understood in terms of more familiar mainstream structures because that’s the available basis point. At Level 3, perhaps there’s more active rejection of mainstream structures as a basis, or maybe there’s active pursuit of relationships/identities/interactions that are sufficiently radical as to not directly derive from familiar mainstream structures. Gem Fusion is like sex or dating in some ways, but it can’t be defined just in terms of sex and accurately reflect how it works in the show.

(I do feel like I like this as an aspect of queerness, an explicit refusal to be content to subvert expectations because that’s still defining oneself in terms of expectations. Something for me to think about more.)

I sorta want to make a case about queer narratives breaking medium assumptions, based on Queers in love at the End of the World, Undertale, and Dream Askew, but I don’t have enough examples or well-formed analysis as of currently. 

Closing Thoughts

All models are wrong. Some are useful. Do not mistake another’s model for your own truth.