#i guess my year starts today!
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78/? - Underline the Black (omegaverse) - Efnisien/Gary
Title: Underline the Black
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Efnisien ap Wledig/Dr Gary Konowalous
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Darkfic, Disturbing themes, Age Gap, Omegaverse, Alpha/Alpha, no Mpreg, Medical experimentation, Medical trauma, Dominance/Submission, Dystopian universe, Forced bonding, Forced relationship, Imprisonment, Nonconsensual medical procedures, PTSD, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Chronic illness, Mating cycles/Heats, Knotting, Miscommunication, Trauma recovery, Mind control, Child Abuse, Hope, Hopeful ending.
Summary: Efnisien ap Wledig is an omega born into an all-alpha family. Abandoned by his birth mother and raised by his aunt, he is subjected to a lifetime of medical experimentation and brainwashing and believes himself to be an alpha. But the experiments begin to fail, and he is abandoned yet again to an Omega Rehabilitation Facility, where the family expects he will be retrained into the ‘perfect omega’ and placed in an arranged marriage, or be eliminated if this is no longer possible.
The Facility don’t know about the experiments, and Efnisien doesn’t even know why he’s in there in the first place, since he’s an alpha…isn’t he? One thing’s for certain, he definitely doesn’t need an alpha companion, no matter what the staff at the facility seem to think.
Underline the Black - Chapter 78 - I Missed You @ AO3
In which Efnisien meets some new people for the first time without Gary watching over him, and it doesn't go too badly. Later, Gary returns from his visit to Perth, learns about Efnisien's adventures, and talks to him about the state of his heart.
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Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this story possible!
The following early access extras are also currently available on the Augus & Gwyn, and Efnisien & Gary tiers at Patreon and Ream:
Underline the Red - 05 - Caleb/Faber
Underline the Red - 06 - Caleb/Faber
Underline the Gold - 07 - Flitmouse/Anton
The Nascent Diplomat - 41 - Augus/Gwyn
Constellations - 03 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars)
Constellations - 04 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars)
Constellations - 05 - Efnisien + Gwyn (post Falling Falling Stars)
Underline the Blue - 10 - Nate/Janusz
Underline the Blue - 11 - Nate/Janusz
Underline the Blue - 12 - Nate/Janusz
Want another way to support my writing? // I have a Patreon account! // Come check out REAM! (Patreon mirror) // Buy a Ko-Fi!
#chapter update#underline the black#underline the rainbow#omegaverse#efnisien ap wledig#dr gary konowalous#hurt/comfort#angst with a happy ending#whump#queer romance#mm romance#alpha alpha#i literally thought today was the first day of 2024#i cannot tell you how much i believed that#because i have existed in like#dead-ass timelessness#goddamn#i guess my year starts today!
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#motogp#elie.jpg#who let me cook#started this yesterday on a whim and finished it today....yes this is what i do on the last day of 2023 what about it#this is my end of the year gift to y'all i guess <3
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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new di x warrior cats
name explanations and more info below :3
basic stuff
-each agency is a clan, not each unit. 14-15 clans would be silly and then we would have some clans with 5 cats and some with 2.
-starpro -> lightclan. i couldn’t call them “starclan” for obvious reasons. light is somewhat synonymous with star, so i’m going with that.
-cospro -> nightclan. i don’t think the cats in warriors know the word “cosmic”, but cosmic implies cosmos implies night sky, so we’re going with night
-rhyth lin -> rippleclan. ripple is sort of a synonym to rhythm….? this one was hard
-new di -> fortuneclan. this one is a stretch but neither “new” or “dimension” have synonyms that really fit a clan name. fortune is something that relates to multiple characters in new di though
-starclan still sort of exists, but the cats do not believe in them the way they do in warriors. they are more of a nursery tale than anything, and select cats (ex: tatsumi) believe in them, but it is not written into their code. medicine cats can still interpret signs, but they do not necessarily think of them as coming from starclan.
-medicine cat forbidden romance is not a thing here
-intermingling of clans is ok and common
-there’s like. other cats in their clans besides just the enstars cast i assume
cat names/why i chose them
fortuneclan:
knights
-tsukasa -> scarletstar (scarletblossom) . he is the leader of fortuneclan because he is one of the new di reps for the summits. both scarlet and blossom were chosen bc of his last name (scarlet is a red color… kinda similar to cherry…. and blossom for the cherry blossom).
-leo -> lionheart. ok this one is kind of cheating because lionheart is already an existing warrior, but…come on….
-izumi -> silverspring. sora describes his color as silver, and spring is in his first name
-ritsu -> frostmoon. his first name means cold moon according to the wiki so i just rehashed it
-naru -> goldenroar. since she doesn’t like her first name i didn’t want to use “storm”, and her last name can be read as “thunder” but that’s a little too close to storm? so golden for her hair and roar for her last name
switch
-natsume -> sageeye. a sage is similar to a wizard, and eye is in his first name . also the “dovesong” mentioned is wataru :)
-tsumugi -> bluewing. he is a bluebird. warrior cats probably wouldn’t straight up call a cat “bluebird” so i put wing there instead. deputy cause he’s the vp
-sora -> skyspring . sora means sky. spring is in his last name. i could have used “stream” instead to differentiate him from sena but i think spring is cuter
mam/df
-madara -> tawnystripe . tawny bc it’s like kind of close to calico if you squint. stripe(s) is in his last name
#my art#enstars#ok so maybe we WOULD have 5 clans bc guess what was announced today#a new agency. and a new unit (or fucking 5? idk)#BUTWHATEVER#um i don’t know why i did this it was a joke at first but#then i started getting really into choosing names….#like originally it was just gonna be switch but then i was like hmmm… what if the agency is the clan#i’ve been reading so so much warrior cats i’m about to finish avos and then i’ll be caught back up to where i was#when i started this rereading journey last year#so like i have to apply it to my other interests#i’m proud of the names i chose i think they’re fun#yes leo’s is a cheat but idc#i hope someone else will appreciate this it’s mostly just me doing stuff for fun#i want to do the other units/agencies too but that might be a while cause yall this took#like a week . granted i’m busy rn but god damn picking designs for cats is hard!!#that’s why so many ended up being tabbies i just can’t resist they’re my favorites i’m definitely not biased#but also realistically tabby is a pretty common pattern so it’s fine#my fave design is naru’s btw i wanted to make her really pretty and i think i did ok#ok i’m going to bed bye#also forgot to mention i wanted to keep the names as close to canon warriors as i could so i had to find words similar to things that#the cats in warriors would know#sage is pushing it i don’t think they use sage in medicine . they def don’t know what a fortune is either but i don’t care
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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Carpe Diem, Joker Out | Slovenia, Eurovision Song Contest 2023
#eurovision#eurovision 2023#esc#joker out#slovenia#slovenia '23#carpe diem#another one that underperformed I guess#but I'm sure they'll be fine#how have you guys been? today I had an interview for a job I'm pretty sure I don't actually want#it's too far away and it's in 3 shifts#I could do either but both?? we didn't talk actual €€ but I don't think it'll be worth it#driving more than 45 mins to start at midnight?? I don't think so#I got there and the hr person is actually a woman my age I went to high school with (and same university too)#and one of the other women also looked familiar and that's because she went to the same high school too only she's a year older#ofc the job I actually want has been silent since last week when they did confirm they got my resume#idk it doesn't take that long to look at it and conclude I don't fit the profile (and I don't)#and just tell me 'no thank you'
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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I am pretty responsible when it comes to money... someone could also use the word "stingy"
However:
Snacks
Little stupid but actually useful gadgets that ALSO look cool/nice
Museums/art related stuff
Make me act... unwisely
#and this is the reason i can NEVER go to Japan kids...#steel rambles#by the way this is the difference between living and surviving#if you want to survive you can spend as little as possible#but you still will find yourself paying a bit too much on things that costed less (once)#if you want to LIVE you will find yourself having to pay even more for things that 100% costed less once and shouldn't be so overpriced now#if you want to add something fun or more of a guilty pleasure well buckle up buckaroo your wallet is going to bleed...#some prices are fucking nuts btw#I'm talking about water bottles#like#dude#no.#hey udk what happened in these tags and what I'm yapping about#but yesterday and tonight my friends and i talked about politics and made some cool hypoteticals and had passionate (but respectful) debates#we finally reached a conclusion whennit was... 1 am i think?#and today i was going to start a rant about swimsuits and feminism after finally going to sea after 3 years...#so uh#this is the feeling I guess
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when freedom is in sight!!!!!!!!
#(aka it’s my last day of work!!!!!!!!! i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!)#it’s like 2.30 in the am rn and i have to get up in less than 4 hours but. still!!!!!#im too happy to sleep lmao i feel like a kid on christmas eve again#this weirdass company culture says that we (the leavers) have to treat everyone to pizza or sth#isn’t it usually the other way round though? shouldn’t they be treating the leavers as a show of gratitude for their hard work?#but eh. the place is filled with cheapskates who only think about working us to the bone for the sake of their profits (i think)#so ✨s o r r y✨ dear managers no treats for you~~~~~ im giving ind*m*e (censored for copyright) to my immediate colleagues only~~~~~~#you can always feel free to treat me though~~~~~ :)))) my wallet is always open for donations dear managers o’ mine~~~#(this manager who expects me to treat everyone also outright refused when i asked her to treat me to beef wellington though :( sads :( )#(i worked sooooooooooo hard for you over the past couple o’ years and i dont even get free beef wellington~~~? :( )#but euuuugghhhhhhhhh since the team lead’s on leave today ig i’ll be the one in charge for the morning shift today too…#but it’s my last day~~~~ i wanna relaxxxxxxxxxx (<-same person who took a short nap on the clock earlier)#anyways!!!!!! i’ll finally have time for idol sengen after this aw yissssssssss wait for me asuna-chan im almost freeeeeeee#though. speaking of idol sengen… im still waffling about whether to have asuna drop swear words during the [spoiler] scene…#i mean. it’d make sense in terms of context/how abrasive she was being but. she’s an idol!!!!!!! choices man..#well. i guess that it’s retirement-me’s problem to think about lol. i need to get through just 1 day of work first!!!!!!#‘it’s starting to sound like you quit your job to tl idol sengen—’ n-noooooooo~~~? totally not i s w e a r!!!!
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I cried so hard while writing all of that. headache now. worth it. I'm so glad other people care about this just as much as I do. let's never give up hope ever
#listen to my gibberish boy#AND LIKE. I SLEPT 8 HOURS. I'VE HAD ENOUGH WATER. I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK I'VE TALKED TO MY FRIENDS AND WHANAU TODAY#this isn't the product of me being overemotional. this is just how much this topic means to me#I just start crying whenever I think about it too hard#I'm so glad other people haven't given up. I'm so glad I get to devote my life to species that would otherwise have no hope of surviving#I am going to learn the FUCK out of these university courses#and in 40 years time I will see more birds than I ever did growing up#in 40 years we will have too many takahē to individually name#in 40 years I'll be 58 and I'll be walking on a coastal trail and I'll see pīwakawaka and tūī and kerurū and I'll think to myself#hey! I did that! they're alive because of me!!#CRYING AGAIN. HAVING A TIME WITH THIS ONE I GUESS
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As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.
Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3
It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do
#it feels more like im using grief as an excuse to not do anything and i find it really upsetting#i just dont kno what to do. i have a lightning talk to give tomorrow and i cant get anywhere bc when i try to get anything done i just start#crying and everything feels like a mess that i have no motivation to clean up#just everything. why did i decide to do this with my life? why couldnt i have chosen a functional career path?#i dont kno what im doing. i dont kno how im going yo get things together for my committee meeting Friday#or how ill get thru it without crying. i dont even kno what i want. i wanna talk to my dad i guess but ive never told anyone in my family#when im having a hard time and i dont kno how to do that without making him worry#ugh. tomorrow's gonna suck. so does today. i just want the semester to be over. but then i cant escape my project. so idk what i want#i want sleep for 1000 years or at least until all my problems are gone#unrelated
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i really need to just let it go
#i just don't understand my parents at all#they're not even selfish people#it's just like nothing i could ever need warrants helping me if it's an imposition at all#and it's not just me. i highly doubt they've ever helped out my brother either#and the one time they did help my sister it was for something that arguably benefited them too#and it was just kind of a lucky coincidence for her it didn't really put them out at all#but like what the hell why doesn't my health/quality of life matter to them seemingly at all#i often feel guilty for the way i prioritize my close friends over my family but time and time again theyre the ones who come through for m#idk why im making whiny oversharing posts at 2am but whatever#got a reality check today that i apparently needed#i don't know why i can't get this through my head#as if i wasn't literally dying right under their noses and they didn't care then either#that's literally why i left#but being across the country and only seeing them once a year has a way of making you forget i suppose#im mad at myself for expecting anything tbh like it's 100% on me. I've never done it before and there's no reason to start now#i let myself get carried awsy i guess after my mother expressed some sort of concern for the first time in my entire life
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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[ what
#; mun speaks#[ hUH ]#[ i feel like i just aged 30 years in a single minute. i've been here for a DECADE ]#[ oh my god i was SEVENTEEN??????????????? WHEN I STARTED THIS?????????????? ]#[ thanks tumblr really needed a vibe check this violent today ]#[ well now i gotta celebrate. somehow. i guess. thoughts (and prayer) lads?? ]
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maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone
#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol#my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c)#well. im happy if i get to do it now#cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !!#okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment#so im writing things im proud of!#brushed my teeth for more than two mins today#n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross#but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night!#that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time#and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<)#and oh. i want to start going on walks..#itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me#just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside#n thats not good :<#those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends!#ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol#its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well-#i guess i wanna get closer to people?#and.. talk to ny old friends too#i feel to guilty#im not good with this stuff. it drains me#but anyways. baby steps right? who knows#maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good#ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol#but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright#<333#posts.nae/rambles
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well guys
i finally did it
i started watching lupin part 3
i didn't know the short term memory bubble and biker jigen were in the same episode. i didn't know that episode was only the second one of the whole show. this is gonna be fun
#part 3 has been probably my biggest blind spot with the lupin franchise for years now#i think starting city hunter today made me feel like 'y'know what i should really start watching this already'#i'm having a bright colorful 80s crime themed anime day today i guess lol#lupin the third
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