#i guess im okay now but ugh. i just havent been in a good place lately
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man oh man i sure do love being autistic and working a cashier job and having The Neurotypicals™ accuse me of being 'unfriendly' just because i'm being my not super talkative self and i didn't pick up on one of their social cues /s
#jess speaks#vent#today was so hard. gonna be honest with y'all i cried at work today ;w;#i guess im okay now but ugh. i just havent been in a good place lately
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back at it in zelda. i complain about the western half of the map but one region i do really like is tabantha, esp around the canyon. everything is very tall and pretty. im grabbing a few korok seeds here while i do shrines as a treat before i move on to satori mountain
flame gleeok where the "stop following me" memory was!! at least i'm equipped to fight them now
i figured out why flame armor doesn't work. you need hot weather armor ie gerudo clothes. wtf
TUNIC OF AWAKENING!!! gr8 reward
SHOOTING STAR!!!!! i didnt see it fall but i can see the light tower from here. it landed directly on the peak of satori mountain and i have no way to fast travel there. it's almost 3am, even with the bike there's no way i can make it. ugh!!! :(
geez i forgot how good the foraging was here. so many mushrooms......
wah. the ruins at the little horse shoe shaped area with the statue. there was a memory here too iirc!
wait...there's water flowing here! wasn't it dry in the last game?? wtf zelda has been at work restoring things AAAAAA
satori mountain cave is cool as hell. all these little guys running around and every time i think i've got to the end there's more of it. i keep going the wrong way on purpose so i can see everything lol
okay! i did some math and if i wanted to get every shrine and still have time to beat the game before pikmin 4, i'd need bare minimum to get 3 shrines per day. but i want FOUR shrines per day so i also have a bit of time to fuck around. today i've gotten the two on satori mountain and it is OFFICIALLY cleaned out. i didn't plan to get all the korok seeds, but they were RIGHT THERE, so.
not sure what shrines im getting next...maybe the horrible hand one by the tower just to get it out of the way lol. i can't believe i walked past those hands 3000 times w/o knowing they were close by. augh
break for now for Stuff tho.
break over. going to the scary shrine before i can chicken out :(
lindors brow cave, for the curious
im so scared im so scared Im So Scared
ok. the good news is. i think if i fly over this Big Pit That Looks Like An Arena i'll miss them. the bad news is. i don't get my frog if i do that. so i gotta spawn them and THEN run. i don't get out of this without spawning them.
AAAAAAAAAGH I DONT WANNA. ok. here we go.
spawned them by ACCIDENT while flying over. good fucking god. im waiting for them to despawn now but its taking forever. idw fight them bc then they'll just spawn phantom ganon
well. they are not leaving.
i'm not going down there. fuck that. i'm shooting them from up here til phantom ganon shows up to kick my ass
SOLO'D THAT MOTHERFUCKER WITH A LYNEL BOW AND BOMB ARROWS!!!!! BUDDY YOU AIN'T SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my hands are shaking. that was horrible. oh my god
ok. wheres that damn frog.
at least its a raurus blessing shrine. imagine having to do all that and THEN they hit u with puzzles
you know though i feel really lucky in some respects though bc. there are places on this map that indicate hand presence. and i remember being in those places and not running into hands there. a brush with fucking death and i didn't even know it
like i swear i walked RIGHT over their spawnpoint in maritta exchange ruins and...nope. nothing.
the biggest chunk of ground shrines i havent gotten yet are in hebra or gerudo desert, both areas i HATE bc of the walking speed debuff. might as well swipe a few more hebra ones and make it easier for future me
oops, i did this shrine quest out of order, i killed a talus which had a crystal on it and now i have to take it to a shrine which means dragging it behind me while i explore this whole cave. smh. at least i can cheat with my map to tell me where the shrine was tho lol
wtf how am i supposed to get it up this big tunnel...dont say hot air balloon.......
(im using a hot air balloon)
THE AIR CURRENT FUCKS WITH MY BALLOON
this is so harrowing. this is the worst cave, oh my god
ANOTHER vertical air column? for the love of god
i guess i have to make another balloon. i only have 1 floating platform and im saving it for worse emergencies than this :/
wait. i think i just went in a big circle?? IS THE SHRINE NOT IN THE CAVE?
oh my god it LITERALLY wasnt in the cave i dragged it around that whole time and made those annoying wonky hot air balloons for NOTHING!!! the beam didnt show up until i tried to pick it up with my hands (which didnt happen until near the end of the cave exploration), so i just assumed...
jesus goddamn christ. fucking bullshit lmao i'm an idiot
OKAY. shrine get.
another shrine which was some eventide bullshit. i wish you could keep the items from those i want arrows :(
ANOTHER BREAK.
ok. im back. gonna see whats in that big fuckoff hole (my map says a shrine)
i always feel so bad for addison when i find him in rough climates. he's shivering!! go home, buddy!!!
this froggy armor fucking sucks. i've got the whole set and i still slip on the ice >:(
ok, i got...5?? 6?? shrines today so well ahead of schedule lol. tomorrow i'm doing ANYTHING but hebra
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Tales from adhd/anxiety land
Wanted to wake up this morning early and go right away to a coffee shop so I could sit down and work on some school withdrawal paperwork and apply to jobs.
Well, I was so tired that I slept way later than I meant to. That's ok, I said to myself. We will take our time and make a Good Breakfast and Shower, and *then* go to coffee shop. The day is not lost.
I went to find my adhd meds. I havent been able to find them all week. A few days ago my mom and I laughed at how adhd it was that I lost them. Now I am beginning to feel panicked.
It's okay. We will go to the coffee shop anyway. Just being there will be helpful!
My brain is tired, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, I open my phone. I scroll through my phone, my bag packed beside me, and my brain saying we Need to get going. Two hours pass.
I finally stand up. We're not going to let this ruin the day. It's only noon. We can do this.
I arrive at the Cafe and can tell its crowded inside. My bag full of my laptop, papers, charging chords, seems to weigh heavier on my shoulder. I order my coffee to go - at least I got out of the house! It's going to be okay. Keep breathing. Why are there so many people?
Peaking around one of the corners while l wait for my coffee, I see that there are two free booths! Huzzah!
I tuck myself into the corner with my hot coffee and warm scarf. I open my laptop. It's dead. I look around for an outlet. There is no outlet.
I don't cry. I kind of want to, but I dont.don't.
I guess I'll sit here for a little while, maybe try to journal a bit.. but im definitely feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and like I just wasted the last hour and a half of effort to get here. If i had just chosen the other shop I was thinking of, I would have a charger.. there would probably be more space... but I also chose this place because it's cozy.
Idk now im rambling.
It's just hard to be reminded that sometimes you can make all the "right" decisions, you can push through those moments of anxiety, but sometimes it just doesn't work out and you still end up exhausted and not where you wanted.
But! I also have to believe moments like these are still valuable and help make me stronger, right?
Ugh. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be today! Maybe the universe is telling me to leave those job applications for tomorrow. For the new year.
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hi hi hello its your srs im so sorry for disappearing the end of semester is always super busy for me 😔 i will get better i promise
ah so you're the Tech Dude (gender neutral) of the film industry! it's such a huge responsibility to manage all that during performances, especially live ones! do you feel like a wizard when lights begin flashing at the wave of your hand? :D you said you like directing and writing, do you get to do that or do you still have to like, climb the ranks of the industry? and what kind of movies do you want to direct?
ooohh that boy is CHUNKY. such a serious guy. very businesslike fellow. he looks like a Grant to me. and you call him baby 😭 adorable omg. i would like you to give him one thousand kisses on his cute little forehead on my behalf
ugh it would be cool if it wasn't so politicized. which is logical, because it's politics after all, but sometimes the amount of sheer propaganda really grates on my nerves. i can now impress relatives with my scattered knowledge during family gatherings tho 😂 and it helped me realise that i don't want anything to do with politics whatsoever in my life so that's something i guess. i would like to translate books for a living, or become an editor, or video games writer, something similar to that.
well i havent been doing art very long so im still on the "redrawing photos" stage to get the hang of anatomy and lighting. i can't send any pictures or links while im on anon, but when the secret santas are revealed i can give you a link to my art blog, if you'd like :)
ah i love a lot of music from all the decades starting from the 60s, but my fave will always be the 80s glam metal i think. it's just so outrageously self-indulgent. but the emo and alternative music of 00s and 10s is a close second because of its concentration on emotions and inner life. also because ive never left my angst emo teen phase im a huge fan of hard rock and metal with female vocals too. my taste is firmly located in rock and metal genres but within those it's all over the place really 😅 and what about you?
p.s. if you ever feel an urge to attach photos of your cat to your replies, do not hesitate to do so <3
you are ABSOLUTELY okay, i've also been swinging wildly between everything. i hope that the end of the semester has been kind to you!!
i am!! and YES I DO,, i have Ultimate Power (well. to an extent...) and when i did the spotlight operating it was very amusing to watch people realize there were people up there, and then that they suddenly couldn't see those people because we got the light board turned on d:^)
because i'm still a student (and still learning how things go), i can do some work with it now (which i'm SUPER happy about)!! admittedly, i don't have a ton of experience yet... but that's what this is all for d:) ideally, once i can do the just-work part, i'll be able to go right into it... but there is a decent amount of having to climb up, depending on how things end up going for you!! which is okay with me, too, as long as the work is pleasant. and unfortunately,,, i'm still not quite positive what movies i'm most interested in working on, though i'd love to do something spies, or horror movies, and i also have some hopes for a few documentaries if i can get them to let me do it!!
YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!!!! he has a little business-like grant face. little working man, working hard at the bread factory (so i can steal all his bread) AND being a bedside doctor-nurse (there was one time where i was very sick and fell asleep in the floor and he jumped over to lead me back to the bed <3) he has been given SO MANY LITTLE FOREHEAD KISSES and he appreciates them all. he gives you many many purrs and also a little cheek lick in return d:)
ohhh god yeah that makes sense (and i’m so sorry you have to deal with all the propaganda stuff,,, it’s Super Very Not Good) BUT!! that’s still SUPER cool (you’re the kind of person to have for trivia nights!!) and it’s good that it’s helped you figure out a little bit about what you’re interested in!! anD ALL OF THAT SOUNDS SO COOL??? i think it could be possible to do a little of all, if you wanted to!! (also--once you can come off anon, don’t let me recruit you to my silly little project, too. ...do you happen to know any german?)
that’s very fair!! any work is still work, though, and i’m very proud of you!! i’d really like that d:’)
and YESSSS it’s about the same here--sometimes, having fun IS best!! you really are just A Legend™ and i’m honored to know you ALREADY,
i will!!! i’ll be attaching as many as possible. here, have the creation of catam d:)
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this isnt anything too serious im just contemplating
i guess one could say ive "settled into" my lesbianism, in a way? like I remember back when I first figured it out, I was like "im gay im a dyke i like girlls!!!!!" which was good obv, but now ive chilled the fuck out. and i feel like ive chilled to the point where im questioning again asjdhfals even though i know its dumb. but i remember my freshmen year I got like. three successive crushes back to back (no wonder I was a mess lmao) and the final one extended into sophomore year, so there was no doubt i liked girls.
i guess cause the pandemic hit i just havent been around women my own age, so that's why i went my entire junior year without really Feeling Anything. and now im back on campus and obv now im surrounded by women. but im not ~feeling anything~. perhaps this is just the normal state of a) being gay, b) being OKAY with it, and c) not having any desire for romance atm
like i do want a gf/wife (and kids) at some point. just not really feeling it now, i guess? and ik cultural pressure is dumb and pointless but im 21 and ive never made it past the talking stage akjshdfals but i also wanted to make sure im in 100% the right place mentally before I start dating--like i wanted to be sure I was comfortable with MYSELF and the idea of being alone (but not necessarily lonely) before trying to go out and date you know? maybe im not explaining it well. like i wanna date but i dont and i want to do stuff but i also DONT. ugh.
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Vestige - Interlude: The Party
Wattpad Version
As the night fills the sky
All my fears are dissipating
'Cause I feel reassured
That I might make it through
And if all my luck should burn
Then I guess it burned for you
---
April 13th, 2012
I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.
I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.
Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.
God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.
After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.
Shaela.
I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.
I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.
"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.
I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.
"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."
"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."
"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.
She's not wrong.
"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."
"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.
Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.
It's a message from Tyler.
He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.
Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?
Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.
Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?
Tyler: thinkin about it
think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin
Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole
Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there
The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.
Jake: i guess ill think about it
Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind
Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.
"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.
"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."
"What happened?"
"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"
"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.
Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."
"Sounds like typical Claire."
"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.
"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.
"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.
I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"
"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."
Wow.
"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.
Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"
"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.
"What? How does he know Chris?"
"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"
"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"
"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.
"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"
I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.
"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."
"Awesome!"
"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.
"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.
"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.
"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.
"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.
"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."
"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.
I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"
"Sure thing!"
We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.
"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.
"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"
"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"
"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.
"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.
"Oh yeah? What about you?"
"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."
"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"
"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.
"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.
"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.
I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"
---
"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.
"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.
"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.
"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.
"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.
"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.
"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.
"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"
"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.
"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"
"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.
"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.
"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."
"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.
"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"
"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.
It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.
"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.
"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.
We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.
Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.
"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.
"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.
Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.
"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.
I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.
"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.
"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.
---
The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!
"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.
I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.
"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.
"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"
"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."
' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"
"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"
"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.
"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.
"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.
As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.
When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.
"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.
"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.
"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.
"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.
"Duh!" Alex claimed.
Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.
After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.
"You guys ready?" Justin asks.
"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.
"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.
The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.
Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.
Oh fuck.
It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.
I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?
"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.
"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.
The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.
I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.
Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...
...
...
...Second?!?
"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.
"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.
"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.
"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.
"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.
"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.
"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.
"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.
"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.
"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.
"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.
A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...
...
Really? That's bullshit! Come on...
...
Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!
...
Yeah, I swear."
It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.
They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.
"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.
"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.
"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.
"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.
"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"
I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.
I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.
As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.
...Is he crying?
He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.
"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.
There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"
"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.
"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."
"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.
Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?
To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."
"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.
He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.
"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.
This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.
Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.
A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?
"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.
"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."
I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.
"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"
God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.
"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.
"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.
"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.
"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.
We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.
"At least it's a nice night out." I said.
"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.
"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.
I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.
I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.
"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"
"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.
"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.
"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"
"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.
When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-
"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.
Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.
"...You... think?"
"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.
"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"
"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.
"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.
A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.
"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"
He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."
I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.
"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."
"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.
Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?
"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.
Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."
"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"
He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."
"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."
After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"
"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.
---
Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.
I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.
Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"
"Hide-a-bed." He replies.
"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.
I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."
"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.
"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.
"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.
"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.
He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.
"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.
"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.
"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"
"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"
"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.
"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"
"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.
"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.
I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.
Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.
---
As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.
I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.
Tyler: hey
woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.
will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see
A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.
At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.
The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.
"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.
"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.
She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"
"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.
"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.
I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."
"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.
"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.
"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.
"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.
"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.
Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.
Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.
As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.
"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.
"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.
"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.
"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"
"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"
There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?
"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."
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My OUAT Rewatch -- S5E19 -- Sisters
Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive
You know, I hate to admit it, but this episode. . . no matter what my ranking tally ends up being . . . . did NOT suck.
And it was written by Hales and Goodman too! BTW this is the first episode that Hales has penned. Could have sworn that she started writing sooner but I guess it took a little longer to indoctrinate her into full ass-kisser since that didn’t work on Kalinda and she bailed as a writer. (Yes, I have conspiracy theories about that -- I think Kalinda either quit because A&E are hacks or was fired because she refused to kiss their asses. My money is on the latter. I have no proof its true -- but I also have no proof that its NOT true so there’s that.)
Okay, its not that I didn’t enjoy Zelena and Regina as kids -- I just -- you know -- wish they’d done this SOONER, like season THREE, before Zee just became unbearable to me. Because I like Bex as a person, and as an actress. But I will never -- EVER -- like Zelena. EVER. And a lot of that is my personal resentment. Because I fucking resent that the woman who MURDERED NEAL gets a family but Rumple is still persona non grata. He NEVER gets a break, even from his own WIFE. That’s some bullshit right there.
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143354978457/can-someone-sum-up-zelenas-sad-tale-for-me
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143350871527/casual-reminder-that-zelena-murdered-rumples-son
By the way, you know what would have been BOLD STORYTELLING?
Let DAVID be the one that fell into the river. JAMES takes his place. THAT would be bold storytelling. (Also look at the blond dingbat clinging to her dead boyfriend in the background. Ugh.)
Also, Cora may be awful, but its always fun to see Barbara Hershey again.
Please note that I do NOT think she was redeemed enough to get her happy ever after, but whatever. This show redeems everyone unless your name is Rumpelstiltskin, I guess.
Some fandom fun times that occurred around this time . . . .
1. Right on cue, the pearl clutchers were squawking “ERMAGOD, ABUSE!!!” at Rumple talking to sleeping Belle. By the way, most of these same people were people who praise Milah and think she did no wrong ever.
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143351461657/ugh-the-pearl-clutchers-are-at-it-again
2. Around this time there was someone coming into the Rumbelle tag to “knock some sense into us” for shipping them in case you were wondering the bullshit we had to endure.
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143432731717/i-havent-been-this-pissed-off-about-a-post-in-a
3. Oh, so here’s the point where I got kicked off the (now defunct) ABC Hook Advisory board. In case you wanted some proof that ABC really wanted to only praise and didn’t want to hear from bitter Rumbelle fans like me AT ALL.
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143459245517/emails-that-i-received-from-the-abc-studio
4. After this episode aired was when I went to an OUAT con. I’ll be honest -- I had a MISERABLE time. It was too crowded, VERY poorly organized, and I just didn’t have much fun. Here’s a sampling as to WHY:
https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/143693370917/you-know-maybe-im-just-a-bitter-dearie
I went to a con a couple years later that was much better, but this one just left me even more bitter about the show than I was when I got there.
Points tally:
40 points to start
5 points for in character Rumple
10 points deducted for Hook and Zelena
20 points deducted for Hales and Goodman
Despite who wrote it, this episode wasn’t terrible overall, and the David/James stuff was good, so I’ll give the full 25 bonus here. Also this:
You go, Rumple. Burn the bitch to the ground.
Total points: 40
Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!
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I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)
Rules:
1. Choose an OC.
2. Answer them as that OC.
3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)
What is your name?
"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.”
How old are you?
“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”
What do you look like?
He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”
Where are you from? Where do you live now?
Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”
What was your childhood like?
"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”
What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?
“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”
Tell me about your best friend.
He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”
Do you have a family? Tell me about them!
“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”
What about a partner or partners?
“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”
Who are your enemies, and why?
“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”
Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?
“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”
What about The Enclave?
"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”
How do you feel about Super Mutants?
He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”
What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?
“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”
Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?
He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”
Do you like fighting?
“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”
What’s your weapon of choice?
“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”
How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)
“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”
Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?
"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”
How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?
“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.
What’s your favorite wasteland critter?
“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”
What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?
“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”
How do you feel about robots?
"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”
How many caps do you have on you right now?
"Plenty.”
Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?
He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”
Do you do chems?
"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”
Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?
"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”
What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?
His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.”
What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?
“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”
What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?
“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.
#lucy grandchester#oc interview#this is a bit messy but hey thats fine#longpost#wow no wonder it took so long
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1-85 uwu
j esus okay
1. describe yourself.
uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch
2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?
idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.
3. do you have siblings?
the one thats still alive is my half brother
4. what is your favorite constellation, why?
orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio
5. favorite color.
yellow, pink, or blue.
6. what kind of music do you listen to?
almost anything. whatever catches my interest.
7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)
forgot what i said last time but those
yellow carnations i think?
8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?
maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk
9. favorite childhood memory.
my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.
10. have you ever been cheated on?
i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.
11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?
big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.
12. favorite animal.
river otter
13. what was the last photo you took of?
cat
14. do you believe in soul mates?
i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns
15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?
over is the one thats socially acceptable right
16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.
idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.
17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?
no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.
18. guilty pressures?
im assuming thats meant to be pleasures
umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,
19. favorite mythical creature, why?
merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t
20. something most people don’t know about you.
i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.
not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth
21. where did you grow up, what was it like?
grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.
22. do you believe aliens exist?
sure.
23. what was your last google search?
other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things
24. what did your last relationship teach you?
the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.
25. would you relocate for love?
honestly yeah
26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?
both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.
27. favorite book.
favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta
favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.
28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?
introvert by far
29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?
i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts
30. top 5 favorite movies.
in no particular order
little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched
31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
no
32. what is your greatest fear?
definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy
33. favorite alcoholic beverage.
im baby
34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.
im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing
35. do you believe in ghosts?
not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in
36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?
idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!
37. should you split the dinner bill?
i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.
38. are you a good liar?
most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so
39. what keeps you up at night?
depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.
40. would you rather go without your phone or music?
music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends
41. do you believe in god?
what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.
no. i don't.
42. how do you relax when frustrated?
cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper
43. what’s something that offends you?
when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway
44. favorite food
i hate myself whenever i eat food
45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?
@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee
46. when do you feel the most confident?
never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.
47. what do you do in your free time?
sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.
48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect
matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.
49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?
i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.
50. did/do you play sports in school?
i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.
51. when are you happiest?
talkin 2 jay prolly
52. coffee or tea?
tea
53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?
my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7
54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?
their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me
55. what is your favorite season, why?
fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.
56. what makes you laugh?
stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn
57. are you a clean or messy person?
a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.
58. what is important for a successful relationship?
communication communication communicati
talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.
59. what was your upcoming like?
if thats supposed to be upbringing
idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.
60. favorite holiday?
any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.
61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?
give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket
62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?
hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty
63. favorite outdoor activity.
frisbee
64. how are you? honestly.
not great. i want highschool to end.
65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?
idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that
66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?
waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.
67. favorite type of candy?
none
68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?
i can and will do arson, an autobiography
69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?
i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly
70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?
silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected
71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?
im mostly the one having the weird conversations
72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?
i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit
73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?
when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides
74. what do you like to cook?
whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot
75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?
really pretty tropical fish
76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?
idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing
77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?
heart at first but my head if things get bad
78. what is your favorite quote?
"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"
or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.
this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood
79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?
once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao
80. what’s your love language?
sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.
81. do you ever feel alone?
oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks
82. ever been bullied?
yeah
83. are you usually early or late?
late bc of my parents rip
84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?
drawing, or writing. also theater.
85. what do you wish you knew more about?
i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.
id like to know more about forensics tho
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A drarryish fanfic
-----------------------------------
Alright alright I'll write in a journal. Uncle sev gave me this journal, to write in about my "feelings". When did he become such a hufflepuff? Well I guess since I'm meant to write what I feel I guess I'll start with a rundown of my life: here goes everything
• I'm a slytherin
• I'm a pure blood, but kinda like muggles..
• My dad disowned me
• My godfather (snape) adopted me
• My dad was abusive
• I'm gay
• I'm in love with a half blood
• I think I'm falling for Harry Potter....
Sincerely, Draco Lucius Malfoy-Snape
-----------------------------------
A/N
I know. It's a cliche but I needed some drarry in my life. Itll go to Harry's diary journal thing in a minute. I'm not motivated tonight to write septiplier, I will, I promise.
-----------------------------------
Ugh. Stupid. Professor Snape is making us write in these journals, because he got stuck teaching health and couldn't think of anything to do. So as he suggested I'll just list some things about me.
• I'm a gryffindor but was almost put in slytherin
• I'm a half blood
• My parents were killed by Voldemort
• I'm known as the boy-who-lived
• I honestly hate the fame
• The dursleys abused me
• I'm bisexual (I think)
• And I may be crushing on a certain slytherin ice prince
From, Harry James Potter
-----------------------------------
A/N
It was a really short drarry drabble I know. But I gotta go update my wolfstar fics.
-----------------------------------
Here is a much darker fic, much much darker
A drarry fanfic
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Harry James Potter sat on a couch in the middle of a cluttered living room. After school had ended, things had went down the metaphorical drain for harry. He no longer looked liked the strong, happy boy people had come to know. He had dark circles under his eyes, his checks were sunken in, and he was a good deal paler and thinner than he used to be. Harry got up after hearing a knock on his door maybe its Ron or mione.....no they havent talked to me in years. When he opened his door he saw the last person he would ever except to see at his doorstep. There at the threshold was a unconscious Draco Malfoy.
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A/N
Short first chapter I know. It gets longer and better as we go. Will eventually be drarry. Also mentions of abuse and neglect. Will the boys make amends?
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Harry reacted immediately. He took draco inside for 3 reasons.
1. He was hurt. Badly
2. This was an old schoolmate.
3. He could relate
Most people would just try to wake the person up harry knew better and let draco rest, he had to be awake for him to fix his wounds. How ironic is this. Harry thought darkly. Why was draco half-dead on his doorstep anyway? When had he started calling him draco? He sat draco malfoy on his couch, to asses the damage. Draco had multiple cuts and bruises. He lied down, even in sleep, like his back hurt him horribly. Harry knew better then to check without consent though. He also no longer had that malfoy-esque appearance, his hair was dirty and dissolved, he himself was a mess, and his clothes were torn and ripped in multiple places. He also appeared to have neat rows of scars down his arms. His arms.....they look just like mine.....great.....what a great thing to have in common.... Draco stirred in his sleep but didn't wake. Harry checked his muggle clock. It was 6 45 AM. Well he wasn't going to get any sleep, he decided he would wait for draco to wake so he could check his injuries. If he allowed him too. Draco stirred, this time he awoke. "Harry?" He asked. He used my first name......he's also badly hurt. "Yes, Draco?" At the use of his name from harry, draco broke down sobbing. Harry held him knowing what he needed "shhhhh it's okay." He whispered soothing nothings to him, before both boys fell asleep curled together, holding on for dear life.
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Draco awoke to warm arm around his body. He was content for a minute until he realized who said Arm belonged to. "Ha-..Potter get off me." Draco said, still unable to have that sense of resentment in his voice. Harry responded very carefully. "I suppose so, you have wounds for me to tend too." "You...you don't have too." "Draco, yes I do, your back seems to hurt you, you have bruises everywhere, who knows what else! Besides Draco, those scars on your arm need to be taken care of." Draco looked shocked at the last statement, harry responded easily, with a softer tone than before. "Yes I noticed draco, there was a time when I had then too." He squeezed the others boys hand gently. "Now can you take your shirt off your backs bleeding." "But....you don't want to see that.....I'm too ugly Harry." Draco said with venom "Trust me draco your not ugly...Not at all....please let me help you." Draco responded with a soft whisper of "okay" as harry worked to get his shirt off without harming draco. When they finally got it off, Harry gasped "Draco, who did this to you." "My father."
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A/N
There will be weasley bashing. Warning. mainly Ron. Weasley bashing none the less
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Harry gripped dracos hand instinctively. "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry." "Its okay harry, I deserved all of it." Draco said solemnly with a tone harry never heard before, except from himself. "Draco. You deserved none of anything that ever happened to you. I swear on my soul....but draco this is bad, I'm sorry but to heal this I'm going to have to do this the muggle way. Stitches. It'll hurt a lot." Draco nodded. Harry gave him a calming drought and a numbing potion. Harry gently started to stitch, or as gently as you could stitch someone. He felt draco tense. He wanted to lie and tell him that it was fine. Draco has countless welts from what must've been a whip all the way from his neck to his waistline. He stitched the worst of it figuring he could spell the less awful ones. "Are you okay, draco. I mean in general." As much as draco wanted to stay he was fine and was okay he couldn't. He couldn't lie to him, he didn't know why, he just couldn't. "No....not at all." Draco felt tears building up as he spilled the whole thing. "After school ended my father noticed how I didn't hate muggles anymore. He caught me at a muggle bookstore. He thought he could beat some sense into me. It didn't work the first time. So he did it again. Again. Again. Again......he then disowned me, not for the muggle stuff...because I was gay. I was thrown in the dungeons and wanted nothing more than too die. My wrists suffered for it. It felt good harry to have something I could control. I didn't want to be a death eater. I slashed my arms and the dark mark over and over. It just won't go away. I was starved, which I didn't have a problem with. If he gave me food I wouldn't have eaten it. I'm too fat. When I fell asleep after days of exhaustion I thought of the one person who might care. Even remotely. You. You know the rest." By now draco was crying. Harry felt bad for the youngest malfoy, or whatever he was now. It was harry who spoke next. "You told me so much draco, I need to tell you what happened to me. You don't need to hear it. But I need to tell someone. When I was young, I stayed with awful muggles, the dursleys and their son Dudley. My uncle abused me, a lot. I slept in a cupboard under the stairs, I was locked in there half the time. Dudley hit me. My aunt hated me. They called me a freak and for a long time I believed them. It's why I cut, draco I have scars that line my arms just like yours. Anyway eventually I was moved to the second room. With a cat flap for food and bars on the window. It was awful. After school ended Ron and Hermione left me, they only had me for protection. The weasleys hate me. And now I'm here. I'm also gay. Then draco over and kissed him full on the lips.
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"Im sorry harry.. .I shouldn't have done that I'll just go." Draco made a move to get up but harry grabbed his arm gently pulling him back down. "No it's fine, besides you need to stay, not only because your hurt but because I.....I need you to stay."
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A/N
I'm sorry I'm an awful person but I'm ending it here. I'll write another I promise.
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@louithescribe
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Prince!Chenle
summary: you’re a member of the royal family and I didn’t know and you ran into me in the village and I completely told you off oh my god || prince!au
(A/N) o-oh my god i’m back from the dead with some prince chenle hope u enjoy (im a lil rusty so leave me some feedback Please! also,,, its not proofread haha aslkdjfhals Please Spare Me)
okay so you live in the village
your mom told you prior that you need to just walk over to your grandma’s house and drop sumn off
and to get to her house, you have to cut into the uhhh
the place where all the store stands are
u know like the market place ish
and so your holding a lot of stuff in your arms and you just walk with your eyes on the floor, watching where you step
and you lift your head up at times so you can see if you’re ever going to bump into someone
guess what
you rlly done goofed cause you Look Up and right as you do theres this body that collides with yours
and you drop
e v e r y t h i n g
then you just stop and you get rlly pissed off
you look up rly dramatically and slowly and you meet a pair of eyes that actually look a lil scared
(ugh poor bby chenle im rlly srry)
‘are you serious??? were you just not paying attention??? do you seriously have no coordination on where you’re going??????’
and then you let out a huff and start to pick up your things and place them back in your basket
while you do that you’re just muttering to yourself, ‘GOSH my mom is literally going to whoop me if she finds out i dropped gma’s stuff’
and then you see the guy kneel in front of you and start to help
‘um...... i can do this by myself, you can go ahead and bump into someone else now’
and he just looks at you with this expression you cant read
then he slowly gets up
‘prince chenle, we need you back at the kingdom right away, your mother is asking for you.’
and then you freeze up
p-prince ????? w-what ????????
two plus tw o equals pie ??????
then you start to panic and you hurriedly place the rest of your stuff in the basket and Run
you just Run To Your gma’s house
but you hear a soft ‘wait!’ when you run but you just Cannot
you’re SOOOOO embarrassed and when you arrive at your gma’s house your face is RED
and your ears are all flushed and your gma asks whats wrong
‘i just told off the prince because he bumped into me-’
in your defense he rlly didn’t look like a prince (wdym chenle ALWAYS looks like a prince smh)
he was wearing .... regular clothes so he Did Not Look Like A Prince
like,,,,,, yeah i dont know LOL
but then all your grandma does is LAUGH AT YOU
whats so funny??? blease omg hes gonna Have My Head omgomgomgsdhkjah
so your grandma just looks at you like you’re overreacting and says, “chenle is a nice boy!! he comes and visits me all the time sweetie.”
and then you freeze up because-
w hat ???? let me ??? move my ??? bang real quick ???
“grandma you what”
“chenle visits me all the time??? very nice boy, you’d like him !!”
and all she does is feed you then kick you outta the house to go home before it gets too dark
when you walk back your just rlly thinking ‘.... that happened huh ...’
AND THEN !!! you hear a lil yell of ‘hey!!’
and when you schnapp your head up you see the prince waving up at you with this Look on his face ???
so you just give him a weird glance and walk slowly towards him
“listen, about earlier i am so sor-”
“it’s fine !! hope you aren’t beating urself over it too much !! have a great evening ...?”
then u tell him ur name yadda yadda then he leaves and then ur like !!! haha what just happened !!!
so you go home and just sleep on it cause you kind of just dont want to think about it HAHA
so the next morning when you wake up your mom says to go to your gma’s again
just cause your gma wants to see you .. which is kind of odd
you only see your grandma during special occasions and when you drop things off
only because school/work has been taking a lot of your time
but just for your gma,,,,, you’ll visit her and forget the responsibilities for now
you walk there with confusion on your face because,,, although your grandma loves you, she doesn’t just spring on you and ask you to come over
so youre just curious about why she wants to see you (there isnt anything wrong with it !!! its just a lil odd)
when you arrive to her cottage you see this car outside and immediately become anxious
youre just treading slowly to the door, and then you raise your hand to knock,,, but youre hesitating A LOT
so time goes by (max. of like .. 5 minutes) and the door swings open to reveal your grandma
she puts you into a bone crushing hug, and then pulls you inside
“thank you for coming dear !! i want you to formally meet someone.”
and then you get SCARED scared
so when you turn to go into the living room, you nearly SCREAM
cause on the couch is mr prince chenle and you feel like one of the guards is going to strangle u with the glare they’re giving you
in your defense, you didnt Know ............ you told off the Prince .......
“chenle sweetie, this is my sweet grandchild i was telling you about !! they did tell me recently that you recently met.”
chenle blushes when he makes eye contact but you rlly dont now why cause You Told Him Off and thats rlly all you can think about HAHA
BUT in reality chenle isnt too bothered by that cause you didn’t immediately treat him like a Prince, you treated him like a regular person (albeit a lil ... Yikes)
and he actually thinks that you are the most gorgeous being in the World !! mayhaps lil prince even has a tiny crush on you !!!
when you Formally Introduce urself to him
ur grandma hits u w that, “sweetie can u help me n chenle garden some things !!”
and then she gestures u both to follow her in her backyard
she tells the guards to make themselves feel at home and leave out like lemonade or sumn
so you and chenle are just super awkward at first cause you dont know how to break the tension
also all you can think about once again: was that u rlly told him off
but then chenle starts to laugh really loudly at a joke your grandma says and then you just-
YOU WANT TO COO !! cause even tho his laugh is Super Loud, you find it endearing that he’s just letting loose like this
he catches you staring tho and he stops and he Blushes Again and you want to !!! squish !!
who doesnt want to squish chenle he’s literally such an angel and hes so adorable ugh i lov baby
so you both just start talking more and then by the end of the day you guys are just best buddies
you forget hes the prince too
but then u walk in to see the guards and ur all lik e... righ t...
its ok tho !! chenle is a person too !!
and honestly you guys make this a regular thing
you and chenle go to ur gmas house to garden every day or when you guys have the time
and essentially its just you guys pulling out weeds while talking about new and exciting things that happened to you recently
and your grandma just watches you guys get along and her heart is happy
cause chenle sometimes talks to her about him not making friends cause they always use him for his status
and so ur gma knows u arent like that and shes just really happy to see the two of you get along really well
days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months !! and you guys become really really close friends
some feelings develop too or .. whatever ..
but you dont acknowledge them cause youre just a person who lives in the viliage while hes a prince
chenle does though
and hes so shy about it that he blushes everytime you say his name or just smile at him
cause his heart goes !!!!!
he rlly likes you
and u rlly like him but u just dont know !!!
ye wutevr its 2018 and status rlly shouldnt matter but ur just rlly conscious about being judged and stuff
like even if u started to date him would his parents accept you
and then u snap out of ur thoughts cause chenle looks worried and you havent answered his question
haha he asked a question ???
‘you want to hang out with me tomorrow?? thats not gardening?? i-i mean its ok to say no haha i love gardening with you i just wanted to know if y-you wanted to try something new with me? i-i understand if you want to say no-’
‘chenle, sweetheart, breathe,’
and then he Blushes cause oh they just called me sweetheart and he just breathes
then you say you would love to !!!
and ur gma is just watching the Entire Thing with the guards
with popcorn and tea
and its literally the cutest little exchange ever cause youre both just blushing and red
so when tomorrow comes
chenle meets u at ur gmas house
and so like he holds his hand out for you to take and ur just !! heart into overdrive !!!
and then !!! he takes you to this ice skating rink cause youve mentioned before that you havent been
and he rented out the whole place so people wouldnt be bothering you two
and hes just nervous and so are you but since ur dont know how to skate youre just clinging to him for dear life
and hes such a blushing mess omg
the guards are just cooing at the both of you, some even join you on the ice
and you guys are just cracking jokes and having such a good time
there was a time where one of the guards fell on their ass and u two couldnt stop laughing
then chenle falls but since youre holding onto him you fall down too oops
and so ur just kinda ... laying down on him awkwardly and your guys’ faces are so CLOSE
but then you clear your throat and then you jump off of him
it gets kind of late and the guards are just like, “hate to break this cute and adorable moment, but your momma is calling you to be home prince”
and so chenle just blushes and gets up first, then holds his hand out again to help you up
it makes you sad when he has to leave, but he drops you off at home
when he does, he walks you to your door and then he says goodbye, but before he leaves
you feel a little bold and you kiss him on the cheek !!! so cute !!! cause then hes just RED ! and hes so flustured and he just waves bye and when he gets into his car
he just clutches his chest and has this big smile on his face and hes just so in awe
and the guards are teasing him but he really Does Not Care cause you just did : THAT
you kissed him on the cheek and hes so !!! about it
but you guys go out more often after this
and sometimes is just to hang out with your gma cause chenle has grown to love her HAHA
its become a thing where you kiss him on the cheek goodbye
wow cute
one day though, hes saying bye and hes looking away while youre about to kiss his cheek
but then he remembers he needs to tell you something
so right as your lips are about to kiss his cheek
his head turns and you two share a lil innocent peck
AND YOURE BOTH BLUSHING WOW
AND THE GUARDS ARE SO !!!!
o-ohmy gosh im so kilig you guys
CHENLE IS SO FLUSTURED THAT HE FORGETS WHAT HE WANTED TO TELL YOU
oh right he was about to CONFESS confess but like
ur flustered too so u rush out a goodbye and you LEAVE
and chenle is just !!!! ok ill tell them tomorrow !!!!
well tomorrow comes
and you dont show up
ur gma tells him that u’ve been exhausted cause of school, theyll probs be back tomorrow
so then he comes back tomorrow
and you arent there again
and this goes on for like a week
and he just Knows ur avoiding him
but like hes so fed up because he has been Waiting for the Right Time to confess to you
and so he goes over to ur house and then knocks
you answer the door and then your eyes grow wide and then u shut the door again
but chenle pushes it open and just “WAIT”
and so you just slowly open the door
“why have you been avoiding me??”
and ur just speechless cause haha avoiding you ?? why would i do that ???
and he gives you This Look
and then ur all like ... “OKAY !!! so ive been avoiding you .... what about it..”
and he just sighs and hes all serious and ur all !! cause chenle is barely serious alsdkf
“Listen,,, i really like you,”
you pause and you just look at him before grinning
“i really like you too chenle!!”
and he just looks Frustrated cause he thinks you arent getting it
“more than a friend way!!!”
and then you start to smile and ur all like .. “the feeling is mutual bub !”
and now HES pausing cause w-what
m-marty
but then you just hug him tightly and tell him how much you really like him !!!
and he goes !!!! oh my gosh !!!!
then you guys are just looking at each other and you really do forget that there are other people around you and he kisses you !!! wow !!!
please spare me ive never had my first kiss before HASKDJFHASD
BUT ANYWHO
you guys are always together now !! and he even lets you meet his parents and they immediately: love you
you basically hang around him a lot and when he says he has to do sum prince duties ur all like ... huh ... i forget ur a prince LMFOAJFH
but everything is good everything is well !!!
youre just content with what you have with chenle even tho u started off a lil rocky
you just !!! like him so much !!! life is good hehe
anway end !!! prince chenle: cutest lil headcannon but chenle is ALREADY a prince !!!
Masterlist
#nct#nct dream#nct scenarios#zhong chenle scenarios#abby writes#chenle scenario#zhong chenle#chenle#nct chenle#nct zhong chenle#chnel headcanon#prince!chenle#prince!au#nct dream scenarios#I AM BACK ... MOMENTARILY TO DROP THIS OFF .....#MAYBE ILL BE BACK AGAIN LATER !!!#MAYBE .#I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ..#UH PLEASE LEVAE SOME FEEDBACK !! I NEED SUMN CAUSE I FEEL SUUPER RUSTY AHH#SDKJLHFASD#I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS AND IM SORRY ITS SO OVERDUE I FEEL SO Basdskjasd#ANYWAY IM WORKING ON A FEW THINGS !!!#HOPEFULLY WHEN I GET THE MOTIVATION TO DO IT ILL BE BACK AGAIN !!!#love you all with my heart thank you so much for 800 !!!#this isnt a milestone post or anything its just been in my drafts ..... for y-years ....#OK PERIOD THIS ISNT PROOFREAD SO IF THERES MISTAKES LEAVE ME ALONE AND ILL PROBABLY FIX THEM ...#PROBABLY
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選擇 ° chpt 2.
genre 》 skz mafia!au
word count 》 1857
warning 》 angst, violence, gore, etc.
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YUBIN
i knocked a few times on changbin's door. i roll my eyes as i hear loud rap music being blasted on the other side of the door. i slide the door open anyways. i see changbin punching furiously at the punching bag.
i walk over to the speaker to stop the blaring music, only to have my brother spin around to glare at me. seeing me, he hesitates before taking off his boxing gloves and hanging them up on the rack. i toss a towel at him, grossed out at the sweat dripping down his body. as he caught the towel in midair and cocked an eyebrow at me.
" we havent had sibling heart to heart talk in a long while changbin."
he motioned for me to sit down on his bed. which i graciously took up his offer on. i hugged his plushie, gyu, the only clean thing around the room. i watch as he pulls out a fresh shirt from his closet. he drags a chair from his desk to sit infront of me. then i decide to start the ball rolling.
" so whats your deal with minjung? hm? "
i see him facepalm himself and groan into his palm. because changbin was older than me by two years, he always had trouble opening up to me. he felt as if he was not doing a good job as an older brother. thats why i started this heart to heart talk between the two of us. i waited as he lifted his head to look at me, thinking about how to put it in words.
" that woman simply ticks me off. shes single-handedly the most stubborn person i have met- "
" says you. "
i pressed my lips in a thin line as changbin gave me an unamused expression.
" i dont know we just dont work well together. i work well with anyone and everyone except her. she hates my guts, i hate her guts. we are even. then chan has to force us to work together. to be honest, i thought making the situation worse would make chan rethink about this shitty paring. guess i was wrong. "
" well from my point of view, i think the both of you should try to tolerate each other. i mean you have always been good at tolerating people. why not just tolerate each other. you guys cant jump at the first chance to kill each other. who knows maybe you guys will end up liking each other. "
he grabs a nearby soft toy and chucks it at me. probably from my last sentence. but i see him slowly consider my words.
" then whats with you and hyunjin trying to send each other to your respective graves huh? "
" thats a different situation! "
" mhmm tell me. how so? "
" ugh youre impossible. "
" lets make a deal then. if you try to get along with hyunjin, i promise to try to get along with minjung. "
i eyed him suspiciously and stuck out my pinky. he locked his pinky with mine. he shot me his goofy smile. i scoff at him as i lay down on his bed. he lies down next to me and we stay in a comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling. until i break the silence.
" do you ever miss mum and dad? "
he pauses before replying.
" all the time. i just wish they didnt leave so soon. maybe then we wouldnt have ended up like this. sure we have been through tougher things but i wonder how different things will be if they were still here. "
" remember that time we stole from the convenience store? we nearly ended up in jail. i still cant believe we survived by ourselves for so many years. "
he chuckles softly as he recalls the memories. ever since our parents died in a fire, changbin and i have always been relying on each other. i vaguely remember changbin sitting on the pavement and bawling his eyes out. his head was buried in his two hands as he sat there trying to comprehend the life-changing situation he had experienced. i remember twelve year old me being lost and clueless, wandering about in the crowd that had formed in front of the building. changbin shot up as soon as he heard my voice and engulfed me in a hug. the both of us had tried so hard to forget about that incident. but one of us would get a nightmare about it every now and then.
it has been five years since chan took us in and decided that we would have family members to look out for us. now we feel like SK is our family.
i watch as changbin stands up from the bed and looks at me in disdain before snatching gyu out of my hands. he strokes gyu before placing it down on the bed. changbin offers his hand to help me stand up. but i know better than to fall for that trick again. i push off the bed on my own. changbin looks offended that i didnt take his hand. i punched his left arm before walking towards the door. he gives me a look of pure pain and disbelief, while holding his left arm.
" did you just-? did you not hold back anything in that punch?"
" come on. dinner is about to be done. i bet you a hundred bucks that grandpa woojin is going to complain about how nobody helped him to prepare dinner. "
i chuckle as i slide the door open. i walked to living room, spotting hyunjin playing pool. changbin nudged me towards him. i scowled at my brother, only to have him flip me off. he shooed me off, mouthing "get along with him".
i walked to the pool table and picked up a cue stick. hyunjin pretended to not see me. i was going to give up being nice. but changbin was watching from the sofa. so i resorted to poking hyunjin in his ribs with the cue stick to get his attention. hyunjin saw it coming and dodged it before i even hit his ribcage. he sneered at me. i scoffed and threw my hands up.
changbin was still watching from the sofa. i took a deep breath before speaking.
" best out of three. loser treats the winner to a round of drinks. "
i sigh in relief as i see hyunjin consider my offer, nod and reset the pool table. i look towards changbin. he was giving me two thumbs up. i grin widely at him as i see him being awkward with minjung, who had just came out of the shower. he was trying so hard to start a conversation without being weird.
i turn my attention to hyunjin.
" ladies first. "
" wow hyunjin is being a gentleman for the first time. "
" hey take it or leave it. "
i say nothing as i rest my cue stick on my fingers.
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HYUNJIN
i eye the woman infront of me suspiciously. her behaviour seemed too abnormal today. she was actually being nice to me. just to clarify, that has never happened. ever.
yubin clears her throat and gestures to the pool table.
"um.... so i won and drinks after dinner are on you,"
i shrug and continue staring at her unknowingly, watching her put the cuestick down and run to the kitchen to help woojin with dinner.
i snap out of it when woojin shouted for everyone to eat dinner. i walked over to the dining table with jisung. dinner was the usual. everybody was talking loudly and enjoying dinner.
i noticed that changbin and minjung were talking to each other. i scrunched my nose in confusion. i nudged seungmin.
"whats with changbin and minjung?"
"what?"
"nobody realises that theyre being friendly to each other ????"
"yeah no dumbass. they are on a truce. they just said it just now. pay attention to the table conversation will you?"
"ouch, no need to snap at me like that. that hurt my feelings."
my mind wandered to yubin being not-so-hostile to me. she DID try to puncture my ribs with the cuestick.
__________________________________________________________
after dinner, i brought two bottles of beer up to the roof. i looked around looking for yubin but i couldnt see her anywhere.
"did she just bail on me?" i thought.
just then, i spotted a dark ball snuggled into one of the many oversized beanbags that jisung bought. i walked over to see her looking up at the sky. i plopped myself on the beanbag next to hers.
"so whats up there that got you staring for so long?"
she doesnt even look at me. no acknowledgement of my presence whatsoever. i scoff at her.
"wow so youre not even going to reply me? even after i got you beer? come on you have got to be kidding me."
after a few minutes of silence, i hear soft snoring coming from my right. "no way. no fucking way. is she sleeping?" unsure of what i had just heard, i snapped my head to look at her. leaning in closer to check if she was indeed asleep. upon a closer look, i realise i have been sitting next to a sleeping yubin.
i sigh as i sink back into my beanbag while taking a swig out of the bottle in my hand. after a few minutes, she stretches and somehow manages to hit my eye in a state of half conciousness. my right hand presses against the injured part. she recoils in shock and grabs onto my arm. her face was full of worry and she was starting the panic.
"ohmygod ohmygod i am so sorry. fuck fuck fuck. you need ice. wait here im going to go get ice for you. do not move."
i chuckle at her and removed my right hand.
"im not injured you dumbass. that was payback for making me wait for you to wake up."
she freezes with an unreadable expression. i stiffen at her reaction. she then slowly sinks back down in her beanbag with an almost inaudible "oh".
the atmosphere becomes awkward again. yubin clears her throat and reaches for her bottle of beer.
"um yubin?"
"what?"
"thats my bottle."
.
.
.
"yea i know. my bottle isnt open yet."
*awkward silence yet again*
*caw caw caw*
"so,, um hyunjin, do you have any siblings?"
*caw caw caw*
"uh....... sure yea of course i do. i have a twin sister and an older brother. my twin sister went missing when we were five and my older brother ran away from home when i was seven."
i looked over at yubin to see her mumbling to herself.
"hey dont worry its fine. really."
she looks at me with a forced smile.
"and your parents- ohmygod i just asked a stupid question didnt i? ah fuck sorry. im bad at this."
i let out a loud laugh as she facepalms herself. she gives me a questioning look.
"hey hey relax. no need to panic so much. just breathe okay? and yes to answer your question, i do have parents. both are healthy and fully alive."
"what about you, yubin? whats your story?"
"where do i even start?"
#skz#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids implied#bang chan#kim woojin#lee know#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#felix lee#kim seungmin#yang jeongin#jyp stray kids#stray kids angst#stray kids mafia
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Beta Affair Pt. 4
I felt like updating today! So here’s part 4! I hope you guys like it!!
1 2 3 4
Today was the day of the convention. You were kinda jumpy because you were excited, but you were trying to conceal it since it was your nature to not show your feelings.
Nikky said “Why are you so hyper? Calm down please.”
Emmy laughed at you and said “Aww! Leave her alone, she’s seeing her Taehyung today.” She made emphasis on his name.
You scuffed “Girls! Stop! I’m just going to a convention with him. Nothing extraordinary, just two random people going to a videogames convention. We might even fight and all.”
“Yeah, a kiss fight maybe,” said Aria.
You rolled your eyes and went to get dressed. Your choice of clothes for today were comfy but pretty. Some high-waisted jeans and a turtle neck, along with some Converse. To try to look decent, you decided to apply some makeup on.
When you went out of your room, your friends were all waiting for you. They all had smirks on their faces, you knew already what they were thinking. “I don’t wanna hear it!” You heard them giggle behind your back.
Amy said “Hey, you look pretty! Are we ready to go?”
“I think so, yeah,” you said kinda nervous. “Let me text him to check if he arrived.”
You: Hey, are you there already?
He replied almost instantly, as if he was waiting for your text.
Tae: Yeah, I’m waiting for you.
You: Then I’m on my way to kick your ass.
Tae: We’ll see about that.
“He’s there, let’s go!” You said all excited, grabbing Emmy by her wrist.
Nikky said “Someone’s excited. I swear if you don’t at least kiss today I’m gonna make it happen.”
You started thinking about that. What if you guys had to kiss? What if he wanted to kiss you? It’s not like you don’t wanted it to happen, but just the mere thought of his lips getting closer and touching yours was giving you chills. What if everything went wrong and you mess up the kiss?
When you came back to reality you saw Aria waving a hand in front of you “Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are we going or not?”
You shook your head “Y-yeah! What are we waiting for?!” You all walked outside to wait for the bus.
You guys were at the entrance of the place. The moment of truth hit you and suddenly you started panicking. “I don’t think this was a good idea… Let’s go back!”
“What are you saying?! We traveled thirty minutes for you to say you don’t want to enter?! You better get your ass in there or else I’m going to kick you!” said Caroline.
“Ugh fine!”
When you were about to enter you texted him again
You: Im here
Tae: Where? I’m gonna look for you
You: Catch me if you can!
Tae: Don’t play this game with me. Come to me if you see me first.
Why were you nervous? It was just a normal date with Taehyung. You needed to calm down, but the fact that you were going to see him any time now was making you anxious. Your eyes were everywhere when you entered, trying to spot him but there was a lot of people! Most of them were playing in some big TV’s while they had and audience screaming for their favorite.
You heard your friends giggling behind your back and when you were about to turn around, someone covered your eyes with their hands. By the length of the hands you already knew who it was.
“Taehyung I know it’s you,” you said with a fake annoyed voice.
He uncovered your eyes and you turned around to be greeted by his beautiful boxy smile. He hugged you tightly and this time, you hugged him back. He smelled really nice and you took your time to enjoy the scent.
“I found you quickly, you see?” He said with his beautiful deep voice.
“I see. Did they kick your ass already?” you asked trying to conceal your nerves.
“Not yet, I was waiting for you to do the honors.”
Aria suddenly reminded you they were there by saying “We’re gonna walk around, text if you need us.” And with that, they were gone, leaving you alone again.
Taehyung was looking at you when you looked at him. “Why are you staring? That’s rude.”
“I’m not staring, I’m just admiring your beauty.” Here we go again! He starts flirting with you and you start blushing while trying to deny that you like him too.
“Let’s see if we can find any free spot to play, so you could ‘kick my ass’ like you said,” he said, making the quotations with his fingers.
“I will kick your ass, don’t underestimate me, sir.”
“We’ll see about that.” He smirked!
You guys found a free console with Smash Bros in it. He sat on one of the chairs, inviting you to the other. “Do you know how to play this or is this where I kick your ass?”
You scuffed “Of course I know how to play this, who doesn’t know?” The truth is you did know how to play, you just weren’t a master in it so the chances of getting your ass kicked were high. Still, you decided to give it a try. He passed you the controller, you picked your character and quickly the game started. As expected, he was a master in it and he beat you. He started laughing and you laughed with him but also rolled his eyes.
“You were saying?” He said looking at you with a smirk.
“Oh shut up!” You pushed him playfully. “Look for something I play and see me kick your ass.”
You started walking around, looking for a free spot and also watching other people play. It was a fun day already.
Taehyung walked you where his friends were. You were shocked to see they were all attractive! You couldn’t stop looking at them. Taehyung noticed and said jokingly “Stop looking at them like that, I might get jealous.”
He introduced you to them “Hey guys! This is the girl I talked to you about, Y/N.” They all put their eyes on you and smiled. The one that was playing said without taking his eyes off the game “Hey! You’re the ass kicker? Nice to meet you! I want to play a match with you so stay around please.”
You looked at Taehyung and he smiled to you, leaving you breathless. You guys waited for Jungkook to finish and then he lend you his remote. You sat by his side and with an evil smirk you said “Im gonna kick your ass!”
“Suuure!” he said sarcastically.
You guys started the match and after a few minutes, you won. You screamed “HAH! I TOLD YOU!!” He started laughing, making you swoon on the inside, the sound of his laugh was the best.
Jungkook then asked to play a match with you and you kindly accepted. This time, you lost but it was okay, he was a master in this.
Taehyung placed his hand gently on your shoulder and said “Should we walk around again?”
“Sure! Let’s go.” Then you look at the other guys and said “It was nice meeting you!”
You and Tae were walking around, seeing the different booths and stuff when suddenly you felt his hand touching yours. The butterflies in your stomach started dancing instantly. He slid his hand in yours slowly, like asking silently to interwine his fingers with yours. Of course, you let him and suddenly you were holding hands. Your hand was small inside of his, but he held it cautiously, almost shyly. His hand was warm and soft, making you want to hold it forever.
You started blushing furiously and he noticed it because he smirked. You tried to hold your laugh but he also noticed it and said “I can let go if you want,” trying to unhand you but you almost ripped his wrist, holding his hand tightly. He hummed and said “I see. Can we talk about this?”
You tried to play the fool and asked “”About what?” He just answered raising your holding hands. You rolled your eyes and started laughing.
“Im being serious, Y/N. We need to talk about our feelings.”
“Just let me think about what I feel okay? I’m not sure of what Im feeling.”
“How arent you sure? Youre holding my hand. If you didnt want me, you wouldve let go a while ago.”
“I just like the feeling of your hand, okay? It’s nice.” You said holding a laugh and he laughed with you.
You were walking near a hidden hallway, guessing there were the bathrooms of the place, when out of nowhere Tae pulled you to it, making your back crash on the wall. He was now pinning you against the wall, each of his arms on each side of your head. You were sure you were hyperventilating now.
“Stop playing tough, I know what you’re doing.” he said, the breeze that emits his words hitting your face. His breath smelled like mint, making you want to kiss him.
“Oh yeah? And what is it that I’m doing?” You played the fool.
“Y/N, I know this may be the first you feel something like this but please, you need to be as clear as water with me. Do you like me?” His eyes were fixed on yours, expecting your answer.
“Taehyung I- I- I dont know.” you stuttered. You blushed because he was so close and he was making this questions, expecting you to answer right away. What if this was just something platonic? You were really sure that you liked him, hell! He made you feel things you havent felt before but what if after your dreams came true, he just disappears? Or what if you didnt feel the same spark again?
He didn’t let you think though, he started getting closer and closer to your mouth. You couldn’t think fast so you just let it happen. His perfect lips touched yours in a gentle kiss. You were in shock, you couldn’t move. Meanwhile he was pressing his lips on yours like if he had been waiting his whole life for this, with his eyes closed. You couldn’t close yours because of the shock, but you finally relaxed and eased into it, placing your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands held you by the waist, pushing you to the wall bur his body was all over yours. If you got any closer, you’ll have to merge into one. His lips were soft and warm and it seemed like if he stopped breathing just to savour the moment.
After a little while, he pulled away, looking deep into your eyes. “What do you feel now?” He said with a breathy tone, giving you goosebumps, not letting you process what just had happened.
“Taehyung, I like you. Heck I do! But I dont know if this would work. I mean, you’re from the other side of the world, we basically just met. I feel so much for you, like... I get a kaleidoscope of butterflies in my stomach everytime I see you, you held my hand and I just wanted you to hold me forever, and now you just kissed me and wow! I-” he interrupted you again, with another kiss. He pecked your lips sofly.
“That’s a nice way of telling me to shut up,” you smiled.
“Just let me love you, Y/N. Enjoy the moment while it last, we’ll make it work someway.” He said while hugging tightly. His arms were the safest place to be. “Now stop playing hard to get and kiss me.” He was holding you close and was about to kiss you again but you started laughing.
“Are we gonna spend the rest of the day here? In a sketchy hallway, kissing each other?” you asked jokingly. “If that’s what you want, why not? I could kiss you for hours and not get tired of your lips.” His confession made you blush. You just couldn’t believe yet that this was happening.
“Im joking. Let’s go around.” He took your hand in his, like if this was normal already and you started walking around.
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★ ・・・・・・ ★・・・・ ★
At the end of the day you were with Taehyung and his friends. Your friends were gone to go eat and, as always, left you alone. Jungkook was the winner of the Overwatch tournament and you guys went to a restaurant to celebrate. There you hung out with the guys and got to meet them a little. Some of them were drunk already and were making jokes while laughing hard. Taehyung didnt drink, so he was okay, he was all into you.
You guys couldnt stop looking at each other and he won’t let go of your hands. Drunk Jimin started making fun of you two, “Look at them. They look like lovebirds.” He was giggling cutely.
Jungkook took the chance too, “They won’t even get their hands off each other. I don’t want to imagine what would happen if we leave them alone.”
“Nothing! Taehyung is a chicken!” said Yoongi laughing while looking at Tae.
“Come on guys! Leave them alone! They are in love, that’s normal,” said Namjoon, acting like the father of the group. “Yah! Taehyungie! Safety always you know. If you need anything let me know,” said Jin while holding a laugh.
Suddenly your phone started ringing. It was Nikky: “Yo’ bitch! Where the fuck are you? We want to go already, we’re tired. Unless you’re getting the D.”
You started laughing. “No, Im not! We were eating, I’ll be on my way.”
After you hung up you told Tae “I need to go, my friends are tired.”
“It’s okay! I’ll take you to them,” he said while caressing your hair.
After saying your goodbyes to the drunken friends, you both headed out for where your friends were. They weren’t far from where you guys were, so you went walking, hand in hand of course.
“So did you have fun?” he asked, trying to make conversation. “Yeah, it was an interesting day,” you said and loo up at him. He smiled and you smiled back. “So? When are we going to see each other again?” “Whenever you want... you still have time here, dont you?” “Yeah, I’ll visit you. Or if you want, you can come to my hotel room.” “I’ll try to visit you.” You held his hand tightly. You could already see your friends’ faces while watching you being hand in hand with Tae. You were trying not to laugh.
You said hello as if nothing was happening, they were just in shock.
“Sooo... we leaving? Im sleepy,” said Nikky.
“Sure, let’s go.”
They also didnt expect what happened next: You hugged Taehyung tightly and without thinking, you crashed your lips with his. He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you to him.The kiss turned a little passionate.
While you guys were kissing, your friends were looking at each other confused, shocked but nevertheless, proud of you.
A little later, you guys pulled away, both with rossy cheeks. “Goodnight, see ya later.” He said while cupping your face and planting a kiss on your forehead. When you turned to your friends, they were all smirking. “What?” you said holding a laugh.
“I see you’re improving...” said Aria.
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★ ・・・・・・ ★・・・・ ★
You were about to go to sleep when your phone rang, it was Taehyung
Tae: Thanks for spending time with me today, it was fun <3 I still cant get off my mind your lips ;) Sleep well princess, see you soon.
#bts#bts imagines#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#fanfic#bts series#kim taehyung#taehyung imagine#taehyung fluff#taehyung smut#taehyung scenarios#taehyung fanfic#bts taehyung#bts v#bts smut#v imagine#v scenarios#v fanfic#v smut#v fluff#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#jeon jungkook
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394
Do you use public transport regularly? I would if it were safer, more efficient, and less crowded. But it’s none of these things, so I resort to driving my own car. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? My girlfriend. Do you usually have time for breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Not this sem, because my classes start at 8:30/9 so I usually go straight to the bathroom for a quick shower and off to the car. I never have time to pick up breakfast, unless my dad is home and packs me food. He usually makes me eggs and hotdogs. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? I’ve never had a job but yeah, they recently shot a movie in my school. Caused a lot of traffic that day but tbh I can’t be mad, the movie’s supposed to be really good (although I haven’t seen it so shame on me). Have you ever gotten an ailment just before you were going on holiday? Ugh I never get sick, my immune system doesn’t have a lot of stories to tell.
What’s your favourite colour of carnation? Light pink. When’s the last time you got to leave work earlier than scheduled? Not work, buuuut my communication research prof always dismisses us early for some reason. Last week he let us go 45 minutes before our scheduled dismissal. Do you play any “getting to know you” type of games with a friend on FB? No, that sounds very 2009. Are the roads basically rock solid frozen slush where you live right now? No snow where I’m from. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? Is there a winter break/half term coming along in your part of the world? No, we don’t get seasonal breaks like that except for summer and that doesn’t come around until May. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? My dog used to, but he’s gotten old and doesn’t really have the energy to go down the steps anymore haha. Still, he’s the first thing I see up the stairs when I get home. Have you had any assignments to finish lately? Yep, I did one before I drove home tonight. How about any long-running group assignments? I finished one last night but my groupmates were shit and I didn’t feel good about that homework at all. Do you have group chats with your friends that make you laugh? Yes, we have one for our friend group. Do you sing or whistle while you work? Sometimes, but it doesn’t last long because 1) I sing terribly, and 2) whistling is loud. Would you ever like a professional kitchen’s dishwasher at home? I’m fine with manually washing dishes tbh. Any exciting or fun plans for the weekend? Not this weekend. I do have to go to a volleyball game that’s required for my PR class, though. Not that I find it exciting. How about for this evening? I just got back home from a laidback date with Gab, so. We had cheap dinner and a study date at a coffee shop. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Hahaha, I don’t play video games. This is Gab’s question to answer. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? I don’t think so, no. What do you like in your omelet? We don’t usually make omelets at home, so when we’re staying at a place that makes omelets (usually a breakfast buffet at a hotel), I ask them to put everything that they have available–cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, bell peppers, whatever else they offer. Do you do anything physically taxing that makes your limbs or back sore? Yeah, I have a shoulder bag that worsens my scoliosis when I have to wear it, cos it only puts a lot of pressure and weight on one side of my body. Does a cat ever randomly jump on your desk and blocks your screen? Does said cat like to climb on your shoulder and kneads your arm? Was today surprisingly sunny where you live, too? It was just sunny, it’s never a surprise. Did you encounter many happy people today? Did it make you happy? Surprisingly no. My org’s hangout space is empty on Tuesdays. I guess people’s schedules are packed on that day. The only people I saw were Laurice, Jane, Jo, Jum, and Kate, and they all were okay, but I wouldn’t call them happy. Has anyone put their freezing cold hands on your body today? Uhhhh nope haha. Has anyone tickled you mercilessly today? No, I would’ve kicked them in the face. Has anyone hugged or kissed you today? Yes, Gabie gave me both :) Aaahahhhhhhh I love her so so so much. When do you normally come on Bzoink? Mmm once a week, cos that’s the only amount of time I get to take surveys these days. Have you had to change clothes more than twice today? Nope, just one constant outfit for today. What’s something that makes you feel confident? Gab giving me boosts. I trust anything she says, so if she says I can do this or I can finish that, I usually will. Do you have any presentations you have to give in the near future? Nah, I don’t think so. Have you ever had a shrove bun? (Look it up, they’re really good!) NO BUT THEY LOOK REALLY GOOD I WANT ONE NOW??????? Do you have time for regular coffee/tea breaks throughout the day? I can’t take coffee anymore dude haaah. I recently ~resigned from coffee, cos I realized that whenever I drink coffee now, I feel more sick than energized to finish work, and I always end up having chest pains now unlike before. I denied it for a long time and kept drinking coffee (and getting sick after) until I finally sucked it up last week. Haven’t had any since. Do your lips or hands go really dry in cold weather? Not really. Do you have any wine or rum in your fridge? Yes. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder when you got that old? Hahahaha yeah I look in the mirror but I don’t necessarily ask myself that. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. I get spurts of enthusiasm here and there, but they always die down quickly. Just three weeks ago I went back to studying Korean but I stopped after two days lol. Are you good at word games and anagrams? Yesssssss I love those. UBWHAECNI ^Give me the longest word you can make out of those letters Beach, china, whine, bench, bunch, cabin. Do you encounter eccentric looking people on a daily basis? In UP? Of course. I love it. Has a song been playing in your head today? What was it? imagine by Ariana Grande. Is there anything at the movie theaters right now that you’d like to see? Alone/Together, but I heard that the trailer is way better than the film itself. I’d see the movie but only if it were someone’s treat haha. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Nah. Do you have candy in your cupboards? We don’t keep candy in the cupboards, but yeah we have some lying around the house. Are you itching to do something else now? Eat, because I suddenly got hungry. Can you hear snoring from somewhere right now? Nope. Has the sun gone down by now? Yes, hours ago. It’s 11:36 in the evening.
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thurs 10th nov 2022 journal
today was a good day. yesterday was also a good day. mind has been sound. done alot of deep breathing these past couple of days. the benefits of utilising your highs i guess. I went to Mortimer House with Andre yesterday. that place is fucking beautiful. it’s the sort of place i want to be a part of if soho house wont accept me just yet ; but forreal it’s a great start for the lifestyle i want to live. so yeah that was good. really pushed myself on the treadmill yesterday. we did 30 mins. bearing in mind that i havent been to a gym in over two years i think im doing a great fucking job! Also bumped into Arseniy and Charlie in Goodge St and we had a conversation about third year and the fuckeries that take place and the life of a graduating actor. it was quite the convo i needed actually. i think im on the right path. I’d like to think i am. I think many things are a mindset thing for me. If i can’t get my mind behind it I cannot invest in it because mentally i didnt check in. I’ve been consciously doing alot of this work for 3 months now. I feel like a different person and im seeing small results. maybe they’re the results im meant to be seeing now and maybe i should wait and see how good things can get. its 21:33pm and i wanna eat. I might be seeing Alexandra tomorrow. i miss that sexy bitch ugh. I wanna see Geillo too. i can’t believe tomorrow is friday. my body is in pain from yesterday’s session. I took a towel from the place because fuck capitalism and they dont need that shit sorry. petty crimes are okay in my book. anyways karma is a cunt because i lost my fucking cocoa butter cream ( i think i left it at the place). i dont know if i have a lot of energy or if im just tired or if im hungry but i dont feel like having the same food again. i need to get back into my cooking bag cause yeah man i’ve been slacking just wasting money on outside food instead of cooking like the rest of these ppl. Ella is also a cunt for not putting me on a rota this weekend like i didnt fucking message her to put me on the shifts. i need to do some press ups. i need to bulk in three weeks. kinda. idk. i took the train with Camilla today. never done that before. she told me she had to get up at 6:30 in the morning to prep breakfast for her mum (she’s currently going thru chemo) and i honestly felt that. like i know the feeling of putting someone you love before yourself during the early hours of the morning and then acting like things are okay when deep down you want to break but you dont want to break infront of people. i get that. i need to feel sexy again. and truth be told i just want some head from a bad bitch. some head from a bead bitch this week would be GREAT. its 21:53pm. no food in my stomach STILL. i have grapes beside me though but they aren’t cold which sucks but its okay i guess. its better than nothing. im gonna listen to some music and call it a night me thinks. read a few pages of Revolutionary Suicide and then get ready for bed. currently listening to Foreword by Tyler the Creator. i did think about leaving drama school yesterday. like i really entertained the idea that maybe drama school isn’t for me and im still at a crossroads. i really hope that whatever decision i make is the most favourable for me in the long run. time to be somebody. i am somebody. i dont wanna be someone else. i wanna be me. that is all. sign out time: 22:00pm.
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The Flash 5x4!!!
I am HYPED, you guys! FINALLY WE FIND OUT WHAT'S UP WITH MOMMA AND BABY.
Whatever it is Im going to deeply empathize with and love both of them.
Idk who this stupid af bitch is running straight into a blazing hail of fireballs and trying to take selfies but I hate her.
Iris. Iris. Baby. Hahahahaha Nora knows what a disaster her Mom is in the kitchen. I love you sfm Iris.
Hey Nora this version of your Mom just met you so hold back on the teenage sass, okay?
Ok this isnt funny anymore my heart is aching for Iris.
Young lady sit back down and eat that breakfast your Mom made for you.
"Make you a banana" lmaoooo this is why Barry does all the cooking. Gawd I love the domesticity.
I love that Iris can't cook. It just adds to her perfection. I guess I really am a fool in love, huh?
Oh God this guy. Shut up shut up shut up. Did this buffoon just call Cisco Ramon not brave???
I wish Ralph would take the lead here. That's right, I like Ralph now. This season is magic.
I would find this softball thing adorkable and hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that Barry is literally the Flash. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Would have been much more interesting if Barry had turned into a star athlete overnight and everyone just boggled.
Otoh it provides an interesting (read: hilarious) look at their dynamic growing up. Their different dorknesses cancel each other out.
I am irked. Why is the Flash a hopeless athlete? HE CATCHES KNIVES OUT OF THE AIR. How does he just switch off his co-ordination?
Kinda nice seeing all the ladies together like that though. Cecile is a gift.
NORA IS A GAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL WE HAVE A BABY QUEER IN THE HOUSE aaaaaand you are seriously trying my patience here. Be rude to your mother one more time. See how that goes.
Oooh Momma Bear is on the case! *hearteyes*
See, Baby Giraffe is already better at this than The Fraudulent Frenchie.
I hate to say it but based on that lumberjane chic I think we have another queer in the house. But this one we don't want.
Loool "like her size extra small". I hate to say it but thats a way better reason for her codename than "excess" ugh.
No it was different because she never knowingly put the people she was writing about in danger you asshat. God I wish you weren't so pretty.
Another black man wrongly accused. What up, America.
...Joe what. You guys. Jesse Martin looks bad. IS HE OKAY I AM SERIOUSLY CONCERNED.
Momma coaching Baby through speedster things! Because Barry taught her that one time she was a speedster. I can't handle this. My heart.
She FINALLY thanked her! Iris's smile.
My girls. I can't.
OMG SOMEONE REMEMBERS EARLY EDITION! I loved that show!
Also. Iris West, ace reporter, always better than fake hoes. Watch and learn, padawan.
Am sad we're not getting any Cisco Ramon. I hope Carlos is enjoying his mini-vacay. Otoh, I really like that Caitlin is included in the West-Allen circle this ep.
I wonder why Nora doesnt call Cait and Cisco Aunt and Uncle. They must be the godparents.
It's okay Ralph. Some leads don't pan out. If Shitloque was an actual detective he'd know that.
But I love that the heroes of Central City can walk around in public and interact freely. Oliver's team would need to break in and scare the bejesus out of some poor unsuspecting sod.
NORA IS A DISASTER LESBIAN CONFIRMED. Or probably a disaster bi like her Dad. I AM LOVIN' THIS.
THAT MOMENT WHEN THE PENNY DROPS FOR BARRY THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS A GAY LMAOOO
Fuck I love that Iris never even blinked when Nora said Spencer was cute. She probably sussed it way before. I love you Momma West-Allen.
Oh no oh no I was right. Iris pulled a Joe West. Goddamn it. I mean I get why, I get how traumatized and scared she must have been but IRIS NO YOU DON'T LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN TO PROTECT THEM. Remember how you felt when your Dad did that to you?
I am legit heartbroken, you guys. I really wanted to be wrong. I blame Joe West's goddamn patriarchal shitty parenting for perpetuating this cycle of lies.
I swear to God if this show tries to justify lying and manipulating your kid again I'm going to give up on it. It's triggering as all fuck (I still havent recovered from S1 and 2) and I need Iris to be held accountable when she fucks up, not let her turn into another Fefe who can do no wrong.
Jesus Christ Iris, trying to force a conversation with Nora by invading her privacy and ignoring her need for space is not okay. BOUNDARIES, girl.
Oh okay but she's holding herself accountable thank fuck. I mean, Barry's right she can't be blamed for what she might do in the future but IT'S STILL WRONG.
I was actually shaking. Friendly reminder that survivors of parental abuse and manipulation are also watching this show, some of us with CPTSD.
"What if my Dad did something like that to you"?? Er. Iris? Remember when he lied to you for twenty years about your mother being dead and you didn't talk to him for six months?
Oh here we go. You've stood there like a gormless beanpole for three episodes without so much as trying to intervene Barry and this is how you choose to comfort your wife. Not "yes, it's a bad thing and we can't know what led you to the choices future you made but in the here and now you know not to. We can learn from the future and make different choices, Iris."
PUNCH HIM IN THE THROAT, CAITLIN.
...I just meant for frightening Caitlin, but he actually wants to be punched?
Ooooh that was satisfying! Pretty sure her form was all wrong but can't argue with the results.
I love how fucking competent Iris is??? She knows how to use the entire STAR Labs tech arsenal. Although that Vibe device kinda defeats the whole purpose of breechers. It's like if they had a device lying around that could give just anyone super speed.
Not sure how Spencer thinks XS can kill Flash. One's a n00b and the other is veteran.
Wait, Baby Flash can do what now?
I don't like that they had to dumb Barry down so much to give Iris a chance to shine. A couple can both be competent at the same time! It's called being a power couple! Not one-half Idiot Ball couple!
So her phone got powers? Huh??
Ah yes. Dark Matter. More multi-purpose than Quantum.
Okay cool Ralph is getting his due. "Less right" LOL
"That puts meta-human powers in the hands of anyone" kinda like having a Breeching device, no?
We have meta-humans, meta-phones, meta-daggers (a tech dagger??) HOLY SHIT WHAT IF THE DARK MATTER HIT A HOME DEPOT?? How many people now have meta-vacuum cleaners? Meta-dishwashers?? Meta-can openers??
Oh God. No. Not this.
No. You do not lie and manipulate your kids to protect them. You do not do that. Love is no justification.
Don't Barry don't. Stop stop.
I can't watch this. FUCK YOU.
FOR GOD'S SAKE SHE'S CRYING AND SHAKING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COMFORT HER AND MAKE HER FEEL SAFE NOT STAND ON YOUR PILE OF BULLSHIT WITHOUT GIVING A FLYING FUCK.
No, cry all you want. I have no sympathy for either one of you callous asshats. You fucking destroyed that girl. Fuck Joe West for having raised you to think this way.
Yeah no Joe West is not who you want to go to in these matters, Nora.
I don't even care about Cicada anymore.
I should have known this show would never get any less gross.
Look, I was fully prepared to be sympathetic to Iris, traumatized, alone and single mother to a meta-child in a dangerous world to have made some bad decisions. And I do empathize. But I wasn't prepared for present-day Barry and Iris to justify and rationalize that shit. I thought they were going to say "That was a bad thing your Mom did. I'm sure she thought she was protecting you but she may have lost sight of how much it hurts to have your choices taken away from you. But I'm not that woman, Nora. I know I could never bear to see you hurting like this. I can still make better choices. Please give me a chance?"
Not "No I am your Mom and everything I do is right and good because I love you, I'm sorry if you feel hurt about it but them's the facts."
They did this when Barry and Joe lied to Iris all through S1, when Joe lied to Iris about her mother. This show is still all about apologia for lying and manipulation because LOVE AND GOOD INTENTIONS AND TO PROTECT YOU BY DISRESPECTING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU AND TAKING AWAY YOUR AGENCY.
Parental love is not a justification. Most abuse takes place at the hands of parents who really believe they're doing it for their children's protection. Please never say "your parents have every right to hurt you to protect you because they love you". Do you even care at all.
I'm not okay. Gonna take a break from fandom for a while. Can't deal with people taking Iris's side to protect their Westallen feels. Fuck both of them.
I'm posting this but please don't engage me to argue about it. Massively triggered.
#this started out so good#why did they do this#fuck westallen#my heart is breaking for nora#fuck this whole damn show#the flash#5x4#liveblog
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