#i guess i can tag

[madisoncounty]

Philip Pullman and Ruth Wilson on His Dark Materials | His Dark Materials, The Botanic Garden (S3E08)

[severeweatheralert]

I called the file "healthycopingmechinisms.png". Like an adult

[teecupangel]

I've been replaying Nobodies and in the middle of the second game I thought "Hey this guy talks like Desmond!" then I thought it would be pretty funny if Desmond became a murder cleaner lol

Nobodies: Murder Cleaner is available for Android, PC (via Steam) and Apple if you want to try it. It’s a point and click game where you play as a member of a secret government organization and your job is to clean up after other members have killed the target.

So we have two option for this idea.

Option 1: Canon ‘Verse where Desmond becomes a Cleaner instead of a Bartender

In this one, the only thing we have to tweak is what Desmond’s history becomes when he left the Farm. Maybe he saw one of the Cleaners doing their job in Rapid City and the Cleaner didn’t want to kill a kid to cover his tracks so he makes Desmond his accomplice, helping him clean it up, all the while teaching him the ‘craft’. After that, Desmond tags along because the Cleaner says that’s the only way he’ll survive and maybe Desmond’s upbringing mess him up enough that he thinks this is okay. That this kind of life is actually better than the life he had back on the Farm. The Cleaner keeps a close eye on him and notices how ‘unique’ Desmond’s upbringing is. He even thinks Desmond has what it takes to actually be one of the ‘messy ones’ but Desmond preferred to clean. It feels… more distant to his life before.

We get our timeskip and Desmond is one of the best cleaners out there. His identity is ironclad because his Cleaner mentor gave him a new one and their organization made it official since they do have a bit of leeway with the government. In exchange, Desmond will be in their service which he doesn’t mind because the organization pays for everything he needs (other than the equipment and items he might actually need when it was time to clean up because having such equipment with him when he gets to the scene would be security guard bait).

At this point, the organization has an idea that Abstergo is very sus and there’s a shadowy organization that does questionable things against Abstergo most of the time. They don’t know the full story though but Desmond believes that his parents’ cult is actually an ecoterrorist group. He keeps it to himself though since he doesn’t want to be anywhere close to them.

With the backing of the organization and his more honed skills and espionage, Desmond is actually more or less a ghost even to Abstergo. They know Desmond Miles exist but they also know that he disappeared nine years ago. Desmond’s government records are all fake data but authenticated by the government itself. Hell, he even has an SSN and tax records. (Your call if he keeps his Desmond Miles name or he changes to like Desmond Miller or full on fake name like Derek Milton or something XD)

If you still want Desmond to be part of the Animus Project or to kickstart the main plot, Desmond gets caught because the organization has traitors and one of them took him while he was cleaning a scene that turned out to be a trap. However, Desmond knows how to play the game and his childhood training only help him become better at his job.

If Vidic kept the same ‘security’ in AC1 (cameras only, no visible guards), Desmond would find a way to kill Vidic and (maybe) Lucy before the guards even get there. Once he gets access to the computer (thanks, Lucy), tampering with the security feed would be easy because he’s done it before as a Cleaner. He’s also used to using items and devices he sees on the ‘scene’ so yeah…

Before the even finishes Altaïr’s memories, he’d most probably already made his escape after cleaning the scene.

And that’s when…

The Bleeding Effect starts…

Option 2: Full Spy AU where every Assassin is messy and Desmond has to clean after them

Okay, this one plays loose with the lore.

In this one, the Brotherhood is a secret organization that has the capital and the influence that a usual Hollywood super spy organization has.

And Desmond is the poor son of a high ranking member of the organization. He was being trained to be an operative but he didn’t want to be an operative like his father.

So… he became a cleaner instead.

In this one, I think it would be fun if Desmond is just some poor cleaner who has to clean up for the messiest of the operatives because he’s one of the best cleaners.

So the setup could be Desmond appearing on the scene and deducing which of his messy ‘regulars’ did this one and he all have nicknames for each of them.

One of them is super good at his job that Desmond just have to take care of the body most of the time. That one he calls “the light of my life” because it means a quick easy job then Desmond can just chill somewhere and see the sights until he’s called again.

Another one is someone who always has to chase their target and dear god, Desmond wants to strangle this operative so badly because Desmond has to clean up multiple places and that includes CCTVs used by the local government for the roads and such. That one he calls ‘the bane of my existence’.

The funny thing?

Both operative are the same person: Altaïr who seesaw between absolutely the best or having a bad day that can only be summed up as “the universe is conspiring against him to get some cardio today”.

Of course, there’s a lot more operatives that Desmond cleans after.

There’s one that liked to actually steal shit and Desmond just usually make that a burglary gone wrong most of the time.

There’s another operative who may or may not have a dog that he uses to rip apart his target and Desmond always prays the scene is somewhere outside so he can just make it look like a wild animal attack and always hate it whenever it happens in an office building or anywhere indoors to be completely honest.

There’s another one that tries to be sneaky but that only makes Desmond’s life harder because he has to make sure to look everywhere just to be sure that the sneaky operative didn’t miss or fuck up somewhere.

In other words, Desmond has a lot of complaints for his regular operatives XD

[shockwaveassassin]

I don't normally post schoolwork, but I wanted to share this one - the project was to make a fake magazine cover, table of contents, and an article spread!

Big big big thanks to @paper-mario-wiki for the pull quote! ♥

[12neonlit-stage]

you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something

You have 1 week, good luck!

[arttuff]

bruce wayne becoming nightwing reminds me of those mums that are like 'im sooo skinny, i can fit into my preteen daughter's clothes!!!' but like. with vigilante personas

[sanjiaftersex]

Honestly, no one is doing it like Vinsmoke Sanji. He's royalty. He's homeless. He's a convicted criminal. He is a damsel in distress. He's a knight in shining armor. He takes down the Government at 10 am then makes a Bouchée à la reine from scratch at 11. He has the empathy of a buddhist monk in the Himalayas. He will beat up a 90 year old. He has never given a fuck, he cant sleep at night cz of how much he cares. He is a ballerina. He sets his legs on fire. He is a slut. He is a virgin. He is a feminist He is a pervert. He's a fashion icon. He wears Alexander McQueen suits to the beach. He has never known happiness. God has personal beef with him.

[me-beef]

@strangeravatar made a great point

i was gonna focus on the spike-hotboxing-celestia aspect but i got distracted somewhere along the way and i think i forgot what joke i was trying to make

but dont you think its interesting how many guards of the exact same color/body type she's managed to accrue?? i do

ooohh you want to go look at our stickers so bad

[mikokat]

any tiger zoro fans?

[awriterandabird]

i made this fuckass table in spore [2008]

[shepscapades]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [PART 3]

Xbralis as the first canon dbhc pairing with the steel chair!

[teecupangel]

i was gonna come in here with a Really Cool crossover idea w/ another game i've been playing recently, but then i realized i've only been playing minecraft (other than ac), which then led me to the idea of all the assassin's creed charas on a server together, and then i realized that the Normal, Logical thing would be for it to be a modern au, but the Hilarious and Chaotic option would be if it was, instead, that the server just. magically exists in all time periods. there's been weirder Isu BS before, i'm sure.

Man, can you just imagine this though?

The Gray is a vast empty space. It’s boring.

So when Desmond and Clay got stuck in it because Juno has a sick sense of ‘reward’, that bitch, they’re about to go crazy when they see something pop into existence.

It’s Altaïr just the way he looked when he had gotten married to Maria.

Altaïr had sorta-kinda maybe been fiddling with this little coin-like thing to get away from the mountain of paperwork that needed his attention because he had just been hopping all around the nearby area with his then-sorta-girlfriend-sorta-we’re-not-labeling-it before finally returning to Masyaf. They found the coin in one of the hidden rooms in Alamut. The Assassins there just sent it to ask if maybe Altaïr could figure out if it’s related to the Apple or not.

And Desmond and Clay are like “Isu bullshit?” “(nods) Isu bullshit.”

They try different things out and figure out that Altaïr could create small blocks of white light if he rubs the coin.

And he disappears when he drops the coin.

He visits again a few minutes later and they realize that rubbing the coin in ‘the real world’ transfers him to the Gray and he returns to the real world if he drops it here in the Gray.

They experiment some more. They learn time does not pass if Altaïr stays in the Gray and he can’t take any item with him to the Gray nor can he drop anything he already has.

Altaïr: If that’s true then why am I still wearing my clothes?

Desmond: Isu bullshit.

Altaïr: Are we truly making that the excuse for everything we cannot explain?

Desmond: Clay…

Clay: We believe that your real body isn’t being transferred here, it’s your mind. And it’s your mind that’s telling this place that you need clothes so you get clothes.

Desmond: In other words: Isu Bullshit.

Altaïr: (stares at Desmond for a moment before turning to look at Clay) He’s going to say that every time he thinks it’s too much of a pain to explain things, isn’t he?

Clay/Desmond: Yeah/Yup.

By the time Ezio ‘visits’ the Gray, they’re halfway on their way into making their first ‘home’ because what else are they supposed to do with Altaïr’s block-making coin anyway?

Ezio has so many questions and Desmond just goes “help us with this and we’ll talk”.

By the time Ratonhnhaké:ton gets there, they’ve just finished creating the walls of Monteriggioni and he had to play third vote as to what their main home would look like: Villa Auditore or Masyaf Fortress.

Ratonhnhaké:ton (at this point used to the weirdness because of Juno’s whole ‘drink this drug so we can communicate’ thing with the crystal skull) just shrugs and went “why not just combine the two?”

Edward was pretty sure he was sooooo drunk he was dreaming the first time he got there. So when these weird men ask him what he wanted to build, he went “My ship!” and proceeded to give them a rough description of his ship before dropping his coin because he was SO drunk.

The next time he got there, he was definitely sober and absolutely confused why he needed to build the Jackdaw in what he assumed to be the afterlife or purgatory.

All he got was “We already started it so we’re finishing it. This was your idea, drunk or not. You’re helping!”

When Arno got there, he was greeted by a ‘oh my god my eyes!’ glowing walled town that he can walk into. At the edge of the walled town stood a large fortress.

… Arno is SO confused right now.

When he entered the fortress, there was a large training ring with a castle keep up ahead that leads… to a mansion… with a forest behind it???

… And there was a ship in the middle of it.

The glowing walled town had a forest AND a ship as well???

Arno is so confused and his confusion only grows when he is greeted by a heated debate by two Assassins he was sure were cosplaying as the two great mentors of the Brotherhood (just how drunk was he right now???) about what to build next.

A chill dude sees him and says, “Why don’t we just get the new guy to pick our next project?”

And that is how the Gray starts the development of the courtyard of Versailles on the empty space to the left of the glowing town of…

Desmond: Monteyafport.

Altaïr: We are not calling it that.

Ratonhnhaké:ton: This place doesn’t even have anything from the Davenport Homestead?

Clay: Well, you picked the forest near your village, not Davenport Homestead. That’s on you, buddy.

By the time Evie and Jacob find their way to the Gray, Jacob is pretty sure he’s going to be blind any time soon, and Evie…

Evie lets out a loud squeaking sound and grabbed her brother’s arm so tight he shouts, making everyone look at them.

In the end, they decided to add Big Ben next to the villa. (“And a pub!” “Yes, Jacob. You and Arno can renovate one of the houses in town to be a pub.”)

[onesidedradiostatic]

stayed gone but you're the sinners watching/listening

(AKA I spend an unnecessary amount of time editing)

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[verflares]

(click for higher quality!) draconified link concept ive been chipping away at this past week ..... here's my funny little compendium concept for him:

"A heroic spirit has taken the form of this bestial dragon. Unlike it's kin, this creature exhibits an extremely aggressive disposition. It appears highly territorial, and will relentlessly chase down those who disturb its skywide patrols - of which it seems to be endlessly searching for either a long-time vassal or foe. Unfortunately, it seems the spirit within has long since forgotten exactly who it was looking for…"

[wotchernewt]

cool new life series! very serious very dramatic!