#i guess I've just been forced to look “normal” to fit in so now I'm scared to stim and appear visibly autistic

[xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx]

i hate that whenever i feel strong emotions i start shaking like a fucking leaf 😭😭 at least i can pretend it's because it's super cold at the moment

[fillthattank]

How about a friend who has a crush on a jock and encourages them into a hot dog eating contest by claiming the jock couldn't do it. The result is a massive belching jock that headlocks his friend and admits he did it for him. Afterword it's the massive jock stuffing his face before bed to give his now boyfriend a comfy place to lay?

James had a crush. A boy who liked another boy. Perfectly normal, the kind of thing that happened to everyone, right?

Of course, that guy he had fallen for had to be Zack. 

Zack, the big bulked up jock, with dark hair and masculine features, who always seemed in a good mood and made a challenge out of everything. Zack, the guy who only really interacted with James when he needed his math homework done. Sure, Zack seemed to like him for it, but Zack liked everyone.

Perfectly normal for his crush to be on the hot popular jock,  he guessed, but not exactly easy. At least, he wasn't the only one crushing on Zack, that was for sure.

"Hey J, what's up!"

James felt a big slap against his shoulder. Before he could turn his head, Zack had alreast bounced into the chair in front of him, the massive jock completely filling the chair. James had spend more time than he'd be willing to admit looking at Zack, and he still couldn't process just how big that guy was.

"Uh, not much. I've finished reading your math paper- had to correct a few things, but you're getting there."

"Awesome dude! You're a real one!"

Zack jumped back up, and pulled James into a big bro-hug. The massive jock's arms pressing against him. Warm and firm. So close, yet so far...

Zack let go of him, then dropped back into the chair.

"You going to the fair Saturday?" He asked.

"Maybe?" James said. That wasn't entirely wrong. James had been wanting to go and watch Zack have a go at all the dumb challenges there. James also worried that spending a whole day pining over a guy out of his league might have a negative effect on his well-being. "You going?"

"Of course! Someone's gotta win all the games," he boasted.

"You think you can win all of them?"

"Nah. I know I can."

"Even the hot dog eating contest?"

"Especially the hot dog eating contest."

"You'd lose, you know?" James teased.

"What? No way J," Zack said, looking extremely offended. He was so cute with that puppy dog look on his face. Especially in contrast with his massive body.

"Yeah Zack, you'd get crushed. You can't be the best at everything."

"Bro that's so untrue," Zack said, on such a serious tone Jay had to force himself not to laugh. "You know I eat so damn much each day. I'm the biggest eater on the team. I gotta fuel these bad boys!"

Zack flexed one of his massive arms. He looked so masculine yet at the time so adorable. James wanted to hug him, but unlike Zack, he didn't dare get so touchy.

"Yeah, but that's a real challenge we're talking about. The amount of food you'd need to win, I don't think your stomach could hold it all. 

"J, my stomach is huge, you know it!"

James sure did. He'd seen how much Zack could put down. He'd seen how bloated he was after meals. Seen him rub that big belly, looking so comfortably full.

"And it's not just belly capacity, it's speed to. I'm not sure you'd do well."

So of course, when saturday came, James found Zack lined up with the other contesters, at the hot dog eating stand. It was a hot sunny day, and Zack had put on a lose fitting tank top, that gave a good view of his beefy arms and a few glimpes at his big pecs.

There had to bee at least 30 contesters, probably closer to 40. Guys, girls, all ages, all shapes and sizes, with a few other jock types like him in the lot. Some just there to have a good time, others clearly out there to win. James could see Zack eyeing up the competition, and he could see them eyeing him up too.

After a quick speech from the announcer, the contest began. Zack was eating like a wild beast. Just shovelling hot dogs into his mouth, barely chewing them, sometimes taking two or three at a time.

Some of the other contestants were using techniques, swallowing their hot dogs efficiently. Clearly, they were out to win as well, and knew what they were doing. Zack was putting up a real fight though, even holding onto a small lead, but his lack of precision had a cost: Zack's belly was bloating much faster than the other contesters. He was swallowing plenty of air.

After 10 hot dogs, Zack's loose tank top was hanging over the round curve of his abs starting to bloat. And after 15, it was clear he had the biggest bloat. Which really said something, as there was a lot more room to fill in the huge jock's beefy body than in the other contestants.

James was both impressed by Zack's performance, a bit worried he might get hurt, and turned on. He knew the jock was very competitive, but this was somethow more intense than what he was expecting.

Over half the contestants had dropped out by now. Some gracefully, others... less so. Some guys were sitting back, nursing a painfully bloated belly, others trying to deflate their overloaded stomachs one way or another.

The contest had become a two man race now, between Zack and another guy called Ethan. Ethan was about the same age as Zack, the same height, and clearly an athlete too, though not the same kind. While Zack was huge and bulky, Ethan was sleek and lean. A runner, likely.

Despite being much more slender, Ethan's long torso gave plenty of room for his stomach to expand. Through his tight shirt, you could see his bloated belly, tracing the outline of his ribcage and making a regular curve. His shirt had lifted up, revealing a comletely flattened belly button.

Most importantly, Ethan was downing it all neatly. He had a technique, that clearly didn't have him swallowing much air at all.

The two jocks were tied at 30, now. Ethan being clean and efficient, Zack brute-forcing his way through.

30 became 35, which became 40. They were both going steady, as their bellies were getting freakishly bloated. A stomach that full had to hurt, even on a big guy like Zack. Ethan's bloat wasn't as big - less air in there, probably, and less muscle than Zack -, but was at least as terrifying, on his lithe frame. At this point he was basically a huge mass of hot dogs and water with a guy around it.

Every extra hotdog was a herculean effort, but they kept going. The crowd was cheering them both on, at this point. Mostly, they were in awe that anyone could eat that much and enjoying the show. James could tell a fair amount were rooting for Ethan, and he couldn't blame them for wanting to see the skinny guy out eat the big massive jock, but he was 200% on Zack's team.

He wanted him to win, but he was also thinking about the aftermath. How would Zack be feeling? What if he hurt himself, or made himself sick? James loved the idea of comforting Zack after overeating, rubbing his overloaded gut, but wasn't that a bit selfish of him? Was he really going to make Zack sick just for his own pleasure? Would Zack even want to be with him after the contest ?

The crowd let out a huge cheer as they both crossed 50 at the same point. Ethan's belly was completely bare by now, sweat pearling on the huge balloon, and Zack's gut was filling up his once loose tank top like it was a compression shirt. Less than half an hour ago, both these guys had flat stomachs, now they looked 12 months pregnant, of that was a thing.

James had seen Zack get very bloated many times, but he'd never seen him - or anyone get this big. Zack couldn't be doing this just for James, he thought. Sure, he'd coaxed him on a bit, but Zack was a competition obsessed jock with a big belly capacity. Maybe he'd even forgotten James had started this by now.

The crowd gasped, and fell silent, making James jolt. Ethan had frozen, his 54th hot dog still in his mouth. Very, very slowly, he moved a hand towards his enormous stomach. It was full. Not full in the normal sense, no, full in the "defying the laws of the human body" sense. Harder than concrete, packed and stretched so tight that he couldn't even swallow his own saliva, let alone a hot dog. No amount of competitive spirit could change that, it was physically impossible.

Ethan grabbed a piece of kitchen roll, to dispose of that last hot dog. Staying neat and clean right up until the end.

The announced walked up to Zack, who had continued eating, getting up to 57, and held up his hand. After staying silent, the crowd broke out in cheers, shouting his name. James liked to think he was the loudest.

Zack was beaming with pride. The joy of victory outweighing having more food than any belly was meant to hold inside him. The jock triumphantly flexed his huge arms, but didn't slap his belly as he usually did after a huge meal. He gave a short victory speech, and shook Ethan's hand. Ethan then sat backon a reclining chair near the stand, as his girlfriend pulled some lotion out of a bag and started rubbing his belly. This looked like something they were used to doing.

"So, did you think I'd win?"

James jumped. As the competition was winding down, Zack had walked up to him.

"Did you really think I couldn't do it?," he said. "Or were you just saying that to get me geared up?"

Zack was towering over James, not just in height but in bulk. He was standing about two feet from him, but his musclegut was so stuffed it was almost touching him.

Zack was trying to look scary and imposing. And James would have been frightened, if it weren't for that smile Zack was failing to hide.

"Because I know why I did it," he continued, swinging one of his massive arms around James shoulder and pulling him into a headlock. James could feel Zack's giant musclegut pushing against him. Like the tire of a truck, firm muscle pushed out by a gigantic stomach filled with food and air.

"I did it to make you proud," Zack said. "And I think it worked."

Neither of them initiated the kiss, it just happened. James wanted to say he couldn't believe it was happening, but right now, he did. It all made so much sense now, and he was very happy for it. He felt so at home, against his big jock's bulk.

"I did think you were going to win," James said, after breaking the kiss. "But you still impressed me. I'm really proud of you."

Zack opened his mouth to speak, but instead...

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRP

It was loud, and long. James could feel the pressure inside Zack's stomach drop. When it was done, they both laughed.

"Duuude, that was crazy," Zack said, pulling James in a bit closer now that his stomach wasn't as cose to bursting. "I'm not sure I've ever burped like that ?"

"You know, I will say, while I never doubted that you were going to win, I was a bit worried at how much air you were swallowing!" James said. "You know you were only supposed to eat the hot dogs, right?"

They both laughed.

"It just happened ! I just knew I was supposed to eat really fast. I mean, it worked, right?"

"It sure did," said James. He shifted a little to the side, and placed a hand on Zack's huge stomach, slowly rubbing it. The tank top which had been so loose less than an hour ago was now so tight it looked painted over his gut.

"I really wanna take it off," Zack explained, "but it's so tight I-"

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

The next belch was somehow louder than the first, and way onger. Sam could feel his monster stomach deflate, as more of the air he'd swallowed was pushed out.

"How about now?" James said.

Zack gave it a go, bending around a bit, but it was still too tight. The sweat from the contest, the bloat, and the general heat had made the shirt sticky. Eventually, the jock ripped it off, making James laugh and fall for him like it was the first time.

"You look so good," James let out, now Zack was shirtless. "You look perfect."

Zack was. His extremely muscular build was on full display, and jutting out from inder his pecs was a huge firm gut. It was a sight, but it didn't look out of place. As if Zack's huge muscles were there to help carry the weight of his huge stomach. The only thing hotter than that belly on that body was knowing how and why he'd gotten so bloated.

"Hey now," Zack said, with a smirk. "You're not the only one here who likes someone."

He pulled him in for a hug, which turned into a kiss, and then another hug.

"How's that gut feeling?" James asked.

"Okay, now" Zack said. "Gonna be real, it was feeling really tight towards the end. Not too heavy, like the other times I've really stuffed myself, it was just so tight. Like, my stomach was just so bloated, but I've burped a lot of the g..."

On cue, another huge burp came out of the big jock. It went on, and on. By the end, Zack's stomach was sticking out a full 5 inches less than when he'd ended the contest.

"Wanna hear something crazy?" Zack said. Blushing a bit, but clearly knowing James was going to like what happened next. "Now that I've gotten all that air out of my stomach... I'm kinda hungry again?"

*

And boy was Zack hungry. They spent the rest of the afternoon at the fair, jumping from food stand to food stand. James didn't consider himself a particularly small eater, but even without having eaten anything so far, Zack still out-ate him 3 to 1. Sometimes Zack would order huge portions for both of them, and then "have" to finish James'.

Zack still wanted to participate in as many games as possible, even weighed down by a giant bloated stomach. Usually it got in the way, though he still managed to win the high strike. He let out another heavy burp after winning, which just made him hungrier.

That happened many times. Each time Zack's belly was starting to reach it's limit, he'd burp some more, and feel hungry again. They repeated the cycle a few times over, untill...

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaames I'm so stuffed," Zack said, falling back onto his bed. They'd stayed until near the end of the fair, and despite being already at his limit Zack had grabbed a bag of snacks to eat as they went to his place.

"For real?" James teased. The huge muscular jock was lying back, with a gigantic belly sticking up high, high into the air. Sticking out at a right angle from under his meaty pecs, curving as a perfect ball, down to his crotch. At the fair, he had looked so strong and masculine, carrying that big musclegut with ease, but now, weighed down by the massive volume of food inside him, he just looked so cute.

"For real. I think I need a belly rub," Zack said, with the biggest puppy dog look on his face. He was so perfect.

James pounced onto the bed, snuggled up against Zack, and kissed him as he started rubbing his belly.

[blueicequeen19]

Charter Ch. 4

Warnings: mentions of drug use, jealousy, violence, jj being a tease, protected sex

I didn’t know who this woman was just by looking at her but the moment she opened her mouth and JJ went rigid, I knew she was his ex. I could tell just by looking at her that there was a reason JJ was a single parent and most likely had full custody. She looked rough. Her clothes were dirty and barely fit her, her hair was matted and unwashed, her eyes red and glassy. The red marks on her arms told me all I needed to know and my heart broke for him. And Summer.

“I’m not doing this with you, Chelsea. Leave.” JJ barked, the tension radiating off him. I’d never seen him so angry. Chelsea smirked, her red eyes shooting to me and formed to a scowl.

“You the slut riding his cock this week?” My own chest flared with anger but JJ waved her off.

“Stop it. She’s my employee. And I’ve got nothing else to say to you.” JJ moved to open his truck door but she blocked his path.

“I want to see my daughter.” She bit out. JJ leaned in, his lips pulling back in a snarl.

“She’s mine. So until you get a fucking lawyer, stay away from us. Stay away from my shop and stay away from my employees.” I couldn’t move or breathe as I watched their stand off.

“You took her away from her mother! What kind of father does that?!”

“One that loves her enough to protect her no matter who it fucking is. You almost killed her. Then you left her in the NICU and didn’t look back. I took care of her, I raised her, I paid off the medical bills, not you. Having sex doesn’t make you a fucking parent so get out of my face.” JJ yanked his truck door open, shooting me an apologetic look as she stumbled to the side with a scoff.

I turned away, having heard enough, and jumped into my own car. His ex continued to yell and scream profanities even after we drove away.

JJ had barely said two words the whole next shift. I could tell that a storm was brewing and that he was stressed. He was no shittier than normal yet I knew it wasn't directed at me. The guy had a lot on his plate and an ex he clearly wanted nothing to do with so I left him to his thoughts while we worked. I felt the need to apologize for pushing and complicating matters further but he'd disappeared to the back with empty boxes.

"Hey Y/N, long time no see." My heart sank as I looked up from my catalog to see Jared, the Kook I'd been hooking up with before JJ. The one I ghosted.

"Hey, how are ya?" I forced a smile, hoping JJ stayed in the back awhile longer.

"I'm good. How are you? I've called and texted a few times but you never answered me.

"Yea, I, uh--."

"Are you seeing someone?"

"Well, not really but--."

"Y/N." We both looked to JJ who now stood with his arms crossed at the register. His eyes didn't hide their distaste for the guy in front of me. Jared only smirked, his gaze letting JJ know that he felt the same way. "Y/N, it's closing time. Lock up." JJ said, dismissing Jared with another shitty look before taking the cash drawer and disappearing in the back.

"Guess I'm not buying anything." Jared chuckled, leaning across the counter on his elbows.

"Yea." I chuckled humorlessly as I rounded the counter and moved to the door. Jared followed, his eyes no doubt checking me out. I moved to let him exit when his hand splayed across my lower back, pulling me towards him.

"Jared." I pushed at his chest, taking a step back with a sigh. His hands fell but he didn't step away, his eyes dark.

"We had fun didn't we? Why did you ghost me?"

"Jared, please go. I'm at work. This is not the place." I waved my hand at the door but he didn't budge.

"When is the place? You never answer me when I call or text. You deleted me off social media. How else am I supposed to talk to you?" Jared stepped towards me again, his glare predatory as he sized me up.

"I'm not--." I pushed against his chest but he took it as an invitation, pulling me closer by my hips and making me feel how hard he was. My stomach twisted in a knot, my lips pulling back in a snarl.

"Do you still have your nipples pierced? I always liked looking at them when you rode me." Jared murmured in a low, sultry voice that sent alarm bells off in my head.

"Remove yourself from my shop before I do it for you." I jumped back at the sound of JJ's voice, Jared barely lowering his hands and stepping back to look at JJ.

"Your shop? Like a fucking Pogue like you could actually own anything." Ugh. I suddenly remembered why I hated Jared outside the bedroom.

"My name is on the fucking sign, dipshit."

"Yea I've heard about you. The druggies son who's also a liar and a thief." Jared turned to me, "Be careful with this one, he'll steal your shit if it's not bolted to the floor."

"Jared, fucking leave."

"Is it him you're fucking? Had to resort to Pogue dick?" JJ stepped forward and Jared smiled, puffing out his chest as he grinned sadistically at JJ.

"I won't tell you again. Get out." JJ warned, his blue eyes blazing. Jared leaned in, his eyes finding mine.

"She still got that tattoo on her spine? I always did like running my tongue up it or covering it in cum." JJ moved fast, his hand wrapping around Jared's throat, his other fisting his shirt as he all but hauled him from the shop. I moved to race after him but he shoved him down on the dock with a snarl.

"Don't come back." JJ warned, turning on his heel as Jared coughed and laughed on the ground, his face beat red. I stepped back inside as JJ appeared in the door, locking it behind him and leveling me with a dangerous glare. I didn't know what to say as we looked at each other, his body shaking with rage.

"He doesn't come back in this shop. Ever." JJ finally bit out, his nostrils flared. I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"If I see him so much as look at you again I'll--." JJ trailed off, clamping his mouth shut like he's said too much. He takes a deep breath before speaking again, "So you fuck Kooks, huh?" The anger zaps through me again and I scoff, taking a step back from him.

"Oh, shut up. You're technically Kook now." I spat and he lunges, making me squeal as he throws me over his shoulder and walks to the back.

"I'm not a fucking Kook." JJ growls, slapping my ass hard as he rounds the corner and sits me on the workbench. I shove my hair from my face, panting as I glare up at him.

"What's your problem? I didn't do anything. I didn't bring him here." I move to slide off the workbench but he's suddenly there, shoving my legs apart and positioning himself there, caging me in.

"No, you never do, do you? You only get inside my fucking head and my fucking bed and tear me up inside but sure, you didn't do anything. Then you let that motherfucker put his hands on you and look at you like he's been inside you and--." I shove at his chest.

"You have a child. You don't get to act jealous. We aren't exclusive. You made that very fucking clear from the beginning. I can't help if guys want to come crawling back for more."

"Who can blame them? This pussy is so fucking good I'm surprised you don't have wedding proposals waiting."

"Maybe I do." My chest heaved with every word while my body burned and ached for him. The way he looked at me like he wanted to eat me alive had me buzzing with need. And wet. So fucking wet.

"I thought fucking you would get you out of my system." JJ bites out, leaning in so close I think he's going to kiss me. My heart skips a beat, my stomach filling with butterflies as his hands rest on top of my thighs at the edge of my shorts. He’s so close to touching me where I need..

“But it only made it worse.” JJ whispers, licking his lips and I nearly moan, needing his mouth on me.

“I want you. Not just here. I want you in a fucking bed. I want to lay down and eat your pussy until you cry. Until you’re ripping my hair out. Then I want to flip you over onto your stomach and fuck you until you cum so hard you forget the name of every guy that’s ever been inside you before me.” I lean in to kiss him but he pulls back an inch, a cocky smirk on his lips.

“I want you in my truck. On the beach. In the shower. At the fucking movies. On the side of the road. On the floor.” I couldn’t breathe. My core was pulsing in sync with my heartbeat. My panties were soaked. I was so empty and begging to be filled by him. There was a roaring in my ears.

“What’s wrong? You turned on? You want more?” JJ taunts.

“Stop teasing me.”

“Maybe now you feel a fraction of what I feel when I’m around you.” His lips finally meet mine and everything in me comes alive.

It’s not until he’s taken me on every surface in the back do we finally break apart, flushed and panting. I finally got him completely naked and it’s a beautiful sight as he stands there catching his breath, blonde hair stuck to his forehead and his lips wet with.. me.

“Stop looking at me like that or I’ll get hard again.” JJ smirks, letting his eyes trail over me in the same suggestive way. I chuckle, slowly pulling on my clothes even as my body protests with every ache and sore muscle I feel.

“I guess we both have crazy exs we’d rather forget.” I say, pulling my shirt on over my head as he starts to get dressed. JJ only nods, scooping up the condom wrapper off the floor and tossing it in the trash as he gets dressed.

“You know I have an IUD, right? You don’t have to wear those if you don’t want to.” My cheeks heat just thinking about his cum inside me.

“Yea a girl telling me she was on birth control is how I got into this mess.” JJ huffs sarcastically, buttoning his shorts. I can’t help the shot in the gut I feel as I wince at his words. I shake it off, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Not every girl you sleep with is going to turn out like your ex but I’m sure if you reach up in there far enough you can feel it and check for yourself.” I try to shove past him but JJ catches my arm, pinning my back against the wall. He’s smirking and I hate him.

“I’ve been in your guts plenty of times and I’ve never felt anything but I’ll take your word for it.” He breathes, letting his gaze fall to my lips. God, I hate him.

“Whatever.” I mumble, yanking my hand free of his grasp and pushing him away. JJ smirks, caging me in again and bringing his lips to my ear. If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to be ready for round two.

“Trust me, there’s nothing I want more than to feel you bare.” JJ whispers, his lips brushing the spot below my ear. “But I have a bit of a breeding kink so for now, I have to wear condoms. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll let you have it raw.” I grit my teeth, my pussy pulsing in response. He was fucking baiting me again. JJ pulled back with a smirk, pecking me on the lips and sauntering to the alarm panel to finish closing.

Suddenly I wanted nothing more than I feel him raw and that terrified me.

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Sleepy Swap

I absolutely hate family vacations. Don't get me wrong, the vacation part is pretty nice. The fact that I'm with my family is the problem. Each year we go to some new crazy location, which would've been fun if they didn't embarrass me every single moment. Normally it's some dumb place within the states, but this time we're going out of the country. I turned 18 a few months ago and just graduated high school, so my parents thought it was a special occasion. Oh, it's going to be special all right - it's the last time I'll be forced to go with them! As soon as the summer's over, I'm moving across the state for college, and hopefully I'll never see them again! But for now, my parents set their sights on Brazil. I guess that's where they went on their first trip together. But I'd rather go to much cooler countries like France or Japan.

So, arriving in Brazil, we moved through the airport - me, my dad, mom, and little sister. There were so many hot guys and good looking people in general walking through the halls. I wanted to flirt with them so badly! But my parents would probably call the police if I went out of their sight for a single minute. We took a taxi and arrived at our hotel room. I found out that there were only 2 bedrooms - one for my parents and one for my little sister and I. I can't even jerk off in the privacy of my own bedroom anymore! I unpacked my stuff anyway, just as my mom walked into the room.

"Are you hungry, kids?" I hate being called a kid. I'm 18! Nobody seems to understand that I'm a legal adult now!

"Yeah," we both replied.

"How about we visit some of the local places to see some culture?"

"Lame," I said.

"Jackson, YOU are going to go with us and YOU are going to like it!" My mom ordered.

"Fine."

Outside the hotel, my dad arrived with our rental car. We drove through the streets but ended up parking in what looked like the poor part of town. I thought we were going to a nice restaurant?

"What the hell are we doing here?"

"Language, Jackson! This is what I was talking about! What better way to see the local culture than to visit the local marketplace?"

We got out and I looked around. The roads and buildings were all run down and there was a gross scent in the air. The marketplace was thriving anyway, but the people there were all ugly. No hot guys! We bought some kind of pastry, eating it at a nearby table. It tasted awful! When we finished, we all split up to explore the rest of the marketplace; I didn't even bother to look at anything else because I knew I wouldn't find anything good.

I walked down the road and saw an open garage-like area with some people inside. Outside sleeping in a chair, was an obese guy with a belly so big, it hung right out of his blue tank top, and covered his knees entirely! His belly button was so big, you could probably fit an entire fist in there! He was probably the grossest human being I've ever seen in my life! It was guys like that that made me feel at least somewhat grateful that I'm so young and skinny.

I walked right past and suddenly he grabbed my arm. His eyes stayed closed though, so I guess it was some form of sleepwalking. I was disgusted anyway, so I jumped backwards and shouted at him.

"Get away from me you disgusting slob!" 

He stayed asleep even after that. But I definitely needed to wash my arm now. Who knows what kind of diseases he was carrying? I started walking towards a restroom, when I felt like I was being watched. I looked to my right to see a creepy old lady staring at me from between two buildings. She was so hideous, she looked like a witch! I ran inside and quickly washed my hands. I walked out of the bathroom, only to come face to face with the witch lady.

"Ahh! Who are you?"

"You don't like your family do you?" Is she trying to relate to me or something? Gross! I answered her anyway.

"Yeah. So?"

"Would you do anything to get away from them?"

"Yeah I guess. What are you getting at?"

"Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about." Anger rushed to my brain and out my mouth.

"Nothing? You can't just ask about my problems then offer to do nothing! Get out of my face you old hag!" Her smile changed to an angry frown but then back to a smile.

"Very well, you want me to do something? I will do something." She took a piece or chalk and started drawing a circle around my feet.

"What? Are you using your witchy magic or something?" I said, sarcastically. She ignored me and continued. With a full circle of purple chalk around me, she put her hands together and started mumbling something. The circle below me was glowing! Not just that, but I was actually sinking into the ground! Is this some kind of portal? If I could teleport to my college campus that would be great! Even better, a gay bar or somewhere I can freely be myself!

I sunk lower and lower until it was just my head and neck sticking out.  I looked up at her and said "Thank you." For some reason, instead of a friendly smile, it seemed like an evil smirk. As my eyes were about to fully submerge into the ground, I closed them.

When I opened them back up, I was sitting down inside, but was disappointed that the same bad smell was in the air. Looks like she teleported me, but it wasn't very far. I knew that witch was full of shit. I guess I should find my family again; it had been an hour and they were probably worried. I tried to get up but something was wrong. I looked down to see what was keeping me grounded when my heart started thumping extremely fast. Gone was my slim body, which was replaced with an overly large hanging gut. What the fuck happened to me? Is it touching my knees? Wait, I recognize that gut! It can't be! I've turned into that one gross slob! Was this that witch's way of getting revenge?

I didn’t want to, but I felt compelled to touch the gut. Unlike before, he was completely shirtless so the massive hanging blubber was visible for everyone to see. I looked at my huge sausage fingers, and poked it. It jiggled. I took my whole hand and pressed into the flab over and over. My whole belly rippled like a body of water. It was actually kinda fun and felt nice. No, what am I doing? I gotta get my body back.

Trying to get up was the hardest part. I had to summon all my strength in order to force the weight of the gut off of me, and plant my feet on the ground as hard as I possibly could. When I got my ass out of the chair, gravity took hold of my gut and I nearly fell over. Slowly, I got myself back onto my feet.

I couldn't even see the bottom of my gut but I could feel it touching my knees! I grabbed the bottom of it and shook. I stuck my hands between the overhang and my waist, and felt a river of sweat hiding underneath. I swear if I ever get back to my body, I'll never insult any fat guy ever again!

I tried walking back to the same bathroom I was just at, but it was more like a waddle. The gut was swinging back and forth, slapping my knees every time, pain with each slap. My back was killing me too. My entire body ached! How did this guy let himself go this far? I squeezed through the door and saw my face for the first time in the mirror. I had gray hair and silver stubble. I was an old man! My whole face was huge and I had a double chin. This can't be happening. I'm only 18!

I walked out of the bathroom just as my family strolled by. Finally! For once I was happy to see them! It'll be weird but I'm sure they can help me get back to normal somehow. I waddled over, approaching them, and freaked out when I saw…me! There was a college aged guy who looked exactly like me alongside them. Is he the owner of the body I'm in? He must be!

"Hey it's you! You have my body!" Everyone turned around, surprised to see me. My parents narrowed their eyes.

"What? What's this about bodies? Who are you?" My dad demanded.

"Mom, Dad, its me, Jackson! There was a witch that swapped our bodies! That guy isn't me!"

"What? Who do you think you are, talking to my son that way? Get out of here creep!" The guy in my body pretended to be just as confused as they were. That liar! Instead of taking any action, they just walked away, shaking me off as just some homeless creep. They probably assumed I wouldn't be able to catch up to them…and they were right. I felt exhausted already, but managed to shout one last sentence at them.

"Wait c-come back! I'm sorry! I'll never complain about vacations again!" The guy who stole my body turned his head around and gave an evil smirk at me. I looked to my right to see the witch again.

"You wanted to be away from them and your wish was granted. Here, you might want this." She tossed me what looked like a shirt, but it was huge. "Paolo gets especially lazy sometimes and doesn't feel like putting on a shirt. You'll get used to it, but here's one just in case."

I wanted to argue but I couldn’t. I just…gave up. I was feeling tired so I slipped the shirt on, pulling it as far over my belly as I could, and waddled over back to the garage area. My knees were killing me at this point so I stood next to the chair I was sitting on earlier, rotated myself, and firmly plopped onto it. All the pain went away and I started feeling drowsy. I rolled up the shirt a little and stuck my finger inside my belly button, playing with it. Am I getting hard? I shouldn't be so turned on but I am! I then pressed my belly in, seeing and feeling the ripples until I finally fell asleep. Haha…Maybe this won't be so bad afterall. I'm finally away from my family, and I can just sleep the day away…everyday…

[phightingconfessions]

here you go lmao

----

GOD banhammer is so fucking perfect, i've been staring at a picture of him in some way shape or form for probably like fifteen hours out of the last three days. he is just so very mwah i wanna bite his armor it looks so fucking cool bro. and his teeth, good LIRD his fucking teeth those chompers are driving me insane. i wanna put my hand in his mouth and i don't think i'd even be upset if he bit me for that, hell i want him to bite me. he could step on me too and pick me up and throw me down the stairs and i wouldn't even be mad. did i mention how fucking tall he is? mans is like 6 foot 11 inches, thats bonkers, he could punt me into the sun and i'd let him. his hands are probably huge as fuck too. i want him to hold me but i'd settle for being manhandled into a jail cell. he probably patrols the cells on occasion since he's just built different and i'd stand in my 'pathetic homosexual loser' cage and give him a gay little wave as he walks past. blow him a kiss and all that. he might not even notice because he's blindfolded which would be saddening but hey maybe i'll get to feel his touch when he drags me off to be executed or whatever. does he even execute his prisoners at all? if he doesn't i guess i will just rot in that cell until he sees fit to release me. bummer. or perhaps i could seduce him into letting me work as an assistant/maid/etc for him instead. he seems like he'd get off on having someone to order around directly, and i wouldn't mind obeying his every command. anyways as much as i'd enjoy letting him order me around it would probably get boring eventually. he'd probably melt immediately if i gave off even a whiff of dominance. mans still listens to his mom for fucks sake, he'll fold like a wet napkin if i yank him down to his knees and grab his chin. that might be tough with the size difference though. i could back him into a corner and grab his horns and pull his face down to mine and then kiss him or whisper to him or whatever. fuck yeah. not to mention he's blindfolded too, so i could mess around with that. he'd probably be kinda mouthy about it, especially if we have a significant strength difference, but he'd like it. putting a hand in his mouth would probably shut him up. god the thought of running my hand along his teeth is just so fucking enthralling. they look kinda similar to shark teeth. built to maul people and yet here i am touching them like the most foolish creature upon god's green earth. cough this is getting a little too immersive whoops fuck uhhh right! his armor. the gems everywhere is attractive. shiny objects are so cool and banhammer has a gem on like every section of his armor. they probably make cuddling a tiny bit uncomfortable but that's par for the course with armor. i'd put up with it. his weapon looks sick as hell too but i am not a weapons connoisseur, i am a men connoisseur. and this one is delicious cough right his armor. his boots look pretty tough. they probably have treads that'd leave a good mark if he stepped on my back. that'd be cool. i'd let him dig his heel into me with great force. god at this point i dont even wanna fuck him i just want to either destroy or be destroyed by this man. good fucking god why did i write so much. *checks wiki* right he has four eyes. assuming they look like his mom's do it'd probably be pretty cute. two little extra ones beside his normal eyes. he probably winks by closing half his eyes. and now i'm thinking of various seductive faces he could make. i am down so bad i can't even. i wanna kiss him choke him slam him into a wall. or have him do that to me. i'm not picky. one of us is gonna be pathetic, obedient, and submissive and i frankly do not give a fuck which one it ends up being. i'd let him put a collar on me. the thought of banhammer wearing a collar is making my brain do terrible horrible things so i will leave it at that. i do draw the line at like 'daddy' shit tho that's not for me at all & he probably has daddy issues anyway

I've read this like 5 times and I have determined. I will post it.

behold: the banhammer manifesto. I don't think it gets crazier than this I think we've reached craziest post about ban on this blog. well done everyone! I'm going to go cry now bye forever /j

[cc-cobalt-1043]

You're wanted *a Tails Wachowski One shot*

Tails has been hiding his whole life, but what if after thinking for so long he'd never find anyone who'd love him...he did

A few days after the fiasco with Robotnik Tom, Maddie, Knuckles, and Tails were sitting at the Wachowski family table.

Tom and Maddie were discussing something in hushed voices.

Tails had a horrible hunch on what they were talking about, but he hoped he was wrong.

His hunch was confirmed when Tom looked at Knuckles and Tails and asked the dreaded question.

"So, what do you guys plan on doing now?"

Tails and Knuckles looked at Tom confused.

"Well surely you guys have homes, and your parents must be worried sick, right?" Tom asked.

"Sadly no I'm afraid not, all my tribe have been dead for a long time, and I no longer have a home to return to." Knuckles said.

"I'm so sorry hon, but you're welcome to stay." Maddie said.

"Thank you miss Maddie, I appreciate it." Knuckles asked.

"What about you little guy?" Tom asked turning to Tails.

Tails was about to reply when he suddenly froze.

"They don't want you here." A faint but horrifyingly familiar voice hissed at him.

But surely they did...right.

"You're no good to them...all you are is a burden." The voice hissed.

Tails shook his head and covered his ears trying to drown out the voice.

Surely the Wachowski's wanted him, surely they loved him...didn't they.

"You're. A. FREAK." The voice hissed, yelling the last word with such venom.

Tails shrunk in slightly on himself but jumped when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

He looked and saw it was Sonic, with a very concerned frown on his face.

"Tails...you okay pal?" Sonic asked looking worried.

"Yeah, just zoned out for a moment...you know what I'm like." Tails lied.

Sonic nodded, but he wasn't convinced at all.

Tails turned back to Tom.

"Oh yeah, my old village probably are missing me, they just...love me there." Tails lied again.

Tom looked at Maddie who looked just as confused as him, clearly something was wrong, but they couldn't just force him to tell them.

"Well okay, if you're sure. But if you need us we're just a ring toss away." Tom said.

Tails nodded, pushing back the tears that were threatening to fill his eyes.

A couple of days later Tails was getting ready to leave, the others were saying their hopefully short lived farewells to the fox.

"You get everything hon?" Maddie asked.

"Yeah, I think I've got everything." Tails said adjusting his backpack straps.

"It's gonna be odd not having you around pal, you've already fit in so well with us." Tom said.

Tails was going to say something when he heard the voice again.

"They're lying." It growled into his ear.

"Thank you...Mr Wachowski." Tails nodded.

They all gave Tails a hug before the fox pulled out a ring and threw it down.

"Well...goodbye." Tails said giving them a small, sad wave before disappearing through the ring.

The ring closed behind him seconds later.

Sonic frowned as Tails went through the ring, he had a nagging feeling something was wrong.

"I don't know about you guys, but I don't like this." Sonic said still staring at the spot where Tails had vanished.

The others nodded, they all had a feeling Tails wasn't telling them something.

Meanwhile:

A ring opened in the middle of the forest and an all too familiar fox jumped out from it.

Tails looked around and saw a small cave in front of him, Sonic's old cave he guessed, only a lot more barren because Sonic's stuff was in his room at the Wachowski house.

Tails felt his heart clench when he thought of them.

Surely they'd liked him, did he do something wrong?

"They don't want you, nobody wants you, TWO. TAILED. FREAK." The voice roared, Tails could feel his eyes watering.

Tails curled up into a ball on the floor and wept.

Over the next few weeks Tails showed up very little, which was to be expected but Maddie and Tom couldn't help but notice some changes in the fox.

He seemed much quieter than normal and Tom and Maddie could both swear he'd gotten thinner.

Tails said he'd gone back to his parents, but clearly they weren't doing their jobs.

Plus he seemed awfully young, even younger than they'd first thought.

They decided to talk to him about it the next time they saw him.

Thankfully they didn't have to wait long as Tails showed up a few days later.

He'd just finished eating when Tom and Maddie sat next to him.

"Tails, honey can we talk for a minute?" Maddie asked.

Tails just nodded and looked at her.

"How old are you, if I may ask, you seem awfully young." Maddie said.

Tails frowned and was silent for a moment before speaking.

"Eight." He said looking at her dead in the eye.

Tom and Maddie were shocked, this kid was EIGHT and apparently hopping between planets by himself.

Sure some kids were allowed to travel small distances by themselves, but THIS was something else, Tails was far too young to literally travelling to different planets by himself.

Tails saw the looks on their faces and frowned, did he say something wrong.

"Is everything ok, did I do some wrong?" Tails asked.

"No no, of course not honey, you're just a bit young to be hopping planets by yourself." Maddie said stroking the Fox's bangs not noticing the way he seemed to tense at the contact.

"Maybe we should meet your parents Tails." Tom suggested, maybe Tails would be happy to introduce his family to them.

However this had the exact opposite effect they were expecting.

Tails mumbled about a million things at once and with speed that would make Sonic jealous he bolted out the first window and within moments was gone.

And he didn't come back.

It wasn't for another month Tails would be found.

That night Wade was driving into town when he suddenly saw something on the road in front of him.

Cursing and slamming on the breaks as hard as he could Wade prayed he didn't hit whatever it was.

Thankfully the car stopped just in the nick of time.

Wade hurriedly got out the car to investigate and to his utter shock his car lights illuminated...Tails.

Wade was no parent and he certainly wasn't very experienced with kids but he could tell Tails had been having a rough time of it.

His fur was dirty and seemed longer than the last time he saw the kid.

He could also see what looked like food scattered everywhere...but why would Tails need to steal food.

Nevermind that now, he needed to help this kid.

Wade slowly approached Tails, noting how the kid looked absolutely terrified.

"Hey Tails, it's me Wade, you remember me right?" Wade asked.

Tails nodded cautiously.

"That's good, I need you to come to the station with me, I'll call Tom." Wade said.

Tails frowned, he really wanted to see the others, but he didn't want to bother them either.

"Please kid, we've been looking for you for ages, they really want to see you." Wade said.

Tails sighed and nodded, he just couldn't keep this up anymore.

Once they got to the station Wade cleaned Tails up the best he could and made him a cup of hot chocolate, sticking some cream and marshmallows in there as well.

While Tails gratefully sipped his drink Wade called Tom and told him about Tails.

Not even ten minutes later Tom, Maddie, Knuckles and Sonic practically barreled into the police station.

"Tails, you're OK!" Sonic exclaimed joyfully running up to Tails and enveloping him in a hug.

To everyone's surprise Tails suddenly burst into tears.

"Tails?" Sonic asked confused.

"Hey, hey what's wrong baby?" Maddie asked worriedly kneeling down to Tails' height and looking at him worriedly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't go back." Tails sobbed clinging onto Sonic's fur, his entire body shaking as he sobbed with what seems like weeks and weeks of pent up sadness suddenly exploding.

"I should have just left and not let you all worry about me, this time I promise I'll go." Tails said still hobbling heavily into Sonic.

"Woah Woah, we aren't mad honey more concerned, but if you haven't been at home, where have you been?" Maddie asked.

"I'm the forest, I-In Sonic's old cave." Tails said trying to stop the tears now flowing down his face.

"But what about your parents, don't they miss you?" Tom asked confused.

Tails sniffled and looked at Tom with glassy eyes.

"They don't care about me, they left me years ago." Tails said.

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that enveloped the room, even Wade was speechless.

Sonic broke the silence.

"They-They left you." Sonic said gaping at Tails' slack jawed.

Tails just nodded.

"I don't know why, I don't even know if I did something wrong, but they just left me, in the middle of a field, I had to look after myself." Tails said.

"But didn't they...care for you?" Knuckles asked.

Tails laughed, but not his usual chirpy laugh, this was a cold, bitter laugh that sent chills down Knuckles's spine.

"Love me, they were as bad as the rest of my village, maybe worse, they didn't hug or kiss me, they didn't comfort me when I had nightmares or was scared of the storms, they'd even break my inventions because they believed they were "unnatural" and "freakish", they straight up told me I was nothing but a burden to them and a curse on our entire town, when my mother left me her last words to me were literally "Farewell Miles, you have been nothing but a burden to us since the moment you born, you're unnatural and scary and are a curse upon us and our village, now go, I never want to see you again. YOU. TWO. TAILED. FREAK"." Tails yelled his body shaking violently as a whole new round of sobbing commenced immediately after his rant.

Sonic stared at Tails with glassy eyes, he'd been fighting hard not to cry seeing Tails...no, his little brother break down like this, but that last part was the nail in the coffin, and sure enough Sonic found himself crying too.

"Oh Tails, that's so awful, I'm so sorry." Sonic choked out before pulling Tails into another almighty hug, the two just simply crying into each other's fur.

"I'm sorry Tails, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I wish I could have stopped it from happening to you." Sonic said clinging onto Tails for dear life.

"It doesn't matter, I guess they were right about me after all, no one wants me, I'm nothing but a little two tailed freak." Tails choked out.

Maddie cut Tails off before he could say anything else, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Miles prower, I never want to hear you say that again! You are one of the most precious things I have ever met, you are not a freak, you never were, and I swear to you if I ever find the people who've treated you this way, I will put them through hell and back." Maddie vowed.

Tails just nodded and Maddie hugged both him and Sonic, Tom and Knuckles joining in the hug.

Tails couldn't believe how loving and caring the Wachowski's had been to him and for the first time in years Tails finally believed there was someone out there who would love him.

And it was the Wachowski family.

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Meet the Writer Tag!

(Thank you so much to @mysticstarlightduck for tagging me! Sorry I took so long lol)

This is me!

(I don't normally wear this many accessories/jewellery lol. But I wish I did! I love it sm)

Three Fun Facts About Me:

I have never been in a relationship before. Ever. The only experience I have in that department is through other people's stories, not really my own. And by that, I mean that I'm used to watching my friends/people around me getting in and out of relationships, and listening to songs about romance and love and heartbreak... but not really relating to them due to not having any of those experiences myself (but it's alright, tho. It'll happen when it happens! In the meantime, I always have my made-up ships from my writing lol).

My favourite book growing up was "Matilda" by Roald Dahl. I thought Matilda was such a cool girl growing up lol. And lowkey relatable in a lot of ways. No, I wasn't a child genius. But she kind of fits into the archetype that I always found comfort in due to being that kind of person myself. Smart/intellectually curious, bookworm, introverted/independent, genuinely kind and has a heart in spite of being seen as cold by others (another example of this is Huey from Boondocks. Been rewatching some episodes of that show recently and wow... forgot how crazy it was lol. It's good, tho).

Christmas is my favourite holiday! 🎅❄️🎄I do get why some people may dislike it, I guess (like, my younger sister isn't a fan, and she's explained why... I get it. The over-commercialisation of it takes a lot of the "specialness" out of it, you know? Distracts from the actual meaning behind it and all. Plus, it can suck if you're just feeling sad and lonely during a time of celebration for everyone else. Aside from that, technically Easter is more significant if you look at it from the lens of which Christian holiday is most important). But I love the joyfulness and festiveness. Makes me feel all jolly and cosy inside. Plus, I love singing Christmas carols. And presents. And Christmas movies. I just love Christmas lol.

Favorite season:

Autumn. Or fall, as some others prefer to call it. That's when my birthday is!!

(Second place is summer because that's holiday season. Plus, that's when my sister's birthday is.)

Continent where I live:

I live in the UK, so Europe.

How I spend my (free) time:

Writing (duh)

Writeblr stuff (tag games, making OC playlists, answering questions, communicating with followers and having discussions with them about writing, etc)

YouTube (mainly watching videos... but I do want to start making videos myself at some point. Stay tuned for that, I guess)

Studying/school assignments (I'm in university)

Listening to music

Singing

Watching movies/TV shows

Reading

Eating lol

Are you published?

No. It'd be cool to be, though. Pretty sure I've mentioned this at least once before, but I want to self-publish the Stephanie Smith saga once I'm done with it.

Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert. 100% introvert lol. I feel most comfortable within myself when I'm by myself. As a kid, I was so painfully shy that the thought of going up to someone and asking a simple question would terrify me lol. As I got older, though, I was super duper lonely, and I realised that I had no real friends because I was keeping myself all closed off in a tight shell, so I'd literally force myself to open up and become more social and make friends with other kids. I practised it, like how you do with any skill. Now it's not so bad. I'd say I can carry a conversation with someone fairly well, even if I don't know them so well.

Favorite meal:

Ooooh.... this is hard. I love most foods lol.

I think I'll go with something a little bit more traditional. I'm Kenyan, and one of my favourite meals that I've grown up eating is chapatti and stew (any kind of stew, or soup. But my mum would usually make this stew with kidney beans. That was a big hit growing up). Haven't had it in almost a year, tho.

Aside from that, I love pizza. And Nandos.

Tagging: @clairelsonao3, @exquisitecrow, @mister-writes, @winterandwords, @mjparkerwriting, @e-everlasting-g, @erieautumnskies, @annethewittywriter, @writingwithfolklore, @ashwithapen

[potential-fate]

Sims Tag

Tagged by @andrevasims ~~

Tagging: uhm... idk this was quite long, so I don't wanna tag anyone, so I'm not going to.

anyways, my answers under a readmore, cause they're 26 questions.

1.What’s your favourite sims death?

there's so many funny deaths in ts2, but I rarely see them (I can't help it I like keeping my sims alive lmao....) I have seen the satellite death only twice in.... almost 20 years? Also think murphy bed death is pretty entertaining. oh, and that sims can spontaneously combust if too warm.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

funny I was just talking about this with @nappe-plays-the-sims on discord. My style is definitely maxis mix/semi-realistic. I think it'd probably be fully alpha in ts4 though, if my computer could handle it. but for ts2, I don't like how a lot of alpha cc looks, so it stays squarely in the mix category.

3.Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

hm. mostly not? there are certain sims that don't fit personality wise and I've cheated (in both directions both fat loss and gain) sheerly because their fitness just barely dipped and it didn't make sense. also as a storytelling simblr, I need consistency, so sometimes I'll cheat it for the moment, but then return them to their new fit/fat state once I have a bit of a time lapse.

4. Do you use move objects?

literally constantly. I mean, I have to to pose scenes, but also decoration in my game is ridiculously off grid so 🤷‍♀️

5. Favorite mod?

I legitimately don't think I can pick one. I have like 200 'curated' mods that I have mostly been using for literally a decade. Even in my "cc free" game I still have my mods folder and my defaults in. That being said, if forced to, I wouldn't be able to live without ACR/Romantic Standards, and the Traits Project.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

Glamour Life Stuff, but I pretty much followed the release date for ts2. for TS4, the entire reason I redownloaded the game was Cottage Living so... that one.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

Live as in 'we are Live 🎬" (because literally that's how I always pictured it. the game is in action now, it's live.)

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

uhm.... probably Evren, though no one has seen much of him yet. I just think he's pretty.

9. Have you made a simself?

I have.... about 12 years ago. and that sim can stay back there LMAO.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?

hm. I suppose Gloomy, Maker, Socially Awkward. it took me a while to decide though.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

in ts2, I guess the red is okay? idk there's a reason all my hair is defaulted.

in ts4, I specifically like the light blonde and the dirty blonde, but would like to set the one labeled "blonde" (the yellow one) on fire.

12. Favorite EA hair?

see above answer. I'm just... not a fan of ts2 hairs. When I was a baby, I used to use exclusively this hair on men (like they literally all had that hair it was kinda funny), before I discovered cc. but now I think I'd probably pic Caesar if I had to.

13. Favorite life stage?

Teen through Adult. I like them all probably equally, but I spend a LOT of time at Uni 😂 I don't understand why everyone wants shorter UNI mods lmaooo.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

can I say neither? what you guys are playing the game???? jk jk. uhm... I guess I'll say builder, but honestly a good portion of my time is literally posing. though said scenes are normally based off gameplay. but I don't get to play that often. like ie: the story posts I'm posting now are literally based off gameplay from 6 months ago so....

15. Are you a CC creator?

Yup!~ though it's not consistent, in posting schedule or what I tend to make so 🤷‍♀️ (that being said, I do have hair retextures I'm literally planning on posting this week.)

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

I feel like I do, but I don't wanna post favorites and hurt someone's feelings. 😂 that being said, there's like 3-5 people I talk to almost daily.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)

in case it's not obvious, it's ts2. I do like ts4 now with all the dlc now though. but ts2 will always be my ride or die tbh.

18. Do you have any sims merch?

I... don't think so.... I'm pretty sure I don't. I would be willing though probably. I mean, I sorta want a sims tattoo, and that's a lot more permanent than merch so.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

I do not. I don't really.... like youtube that much. or letsplays.... or filming myself.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

oh god. idk man, I was heavy into the whole scene kid 2008 type stuff back when I first started creating cc and stuff, let alone playing, so like.... "a lot" is really all I have. I'd like to say that it's improved? I definitely think my photo/editing skills are better.

21. What’s your Origin ID?

I want to say it's potential-x-fate but i am not 100% sure on that... I don't think I've ever shared anything for ts4 anyways though.

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

that depends heavily on what you're looking for. @deedee-sims, @mdpthatsme, and @serabiet for clothing come to mind.

Makeup by far is probably @lilith-sims. and JesstheEx (LJ).

Hair I do a lot of my own retextures, but @antoninko also does a lot of sunshine retextures.

For b/b I couldn't even begin to decide. I don't have as much and it's all over the place.

for TS4, like, literally 85% of my CAS is @pralinesims and I have 0 B/B so.... it's pretty much just Praline LMAO.

23. How long have you had a simblr?

technically? since 2008. I migrated here from LJ around then. but this account is newer than that, cause I used to have it as a side blog and that was not very convenient. the old account I deleted after I moved everything I wanted over. I also took a 3 year break from 2016-2019.

24. How do you edit your pictures?

Carefully. lmao. jk jk. uh.... lets see. I crop them (via my own action), apply actions (mostly other people's) depending on the scene, edit any clipping by hand painting, add in hair strands a lot of the time, and uh, then I add a 1% monochromatic noise filter, and the white border frame.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

since I play ts2 this isn't really applicable. but in the magical world of Allie Gets What They Want, I'd want a fix for ts2 to allow more customizability via CAS. by that I mean, I want more slots for skin details/tattoos/etc and accessories and such like they have in ts4, but in ts2. Obviously this is theoretical. but it's the thing I miss most in ts2.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

ahhh.... for ts2, I probably play with Uni the most, but ts2 was better at integrating gameplay elements into their EPs so I'd be hard pressed to drop any of them, even ones I "don't use" that often. (ie: nightlife came with chemistry and I'd die without it, even though I don't use any of the downtown functions often.)

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[flecks-of-stardust]

A summary and analysis of my thoughts on Rain World: Downpour

Since I've beat the game pretty thoroughly now, I can actually do this. The short version:

Campaign whose gameplay I enjoyed the most: Artificer, by a long shot Campaign whose lore I think fits into the preexisting world best: Gourmand Most interesting story concepts: Saint Heaviest hitting story: Three way tie between Rivulet, Saint, and Artificer, all for different reasons. Honorable mention to Spearmaster Cool specbio possibilities: Spearmaster

I definitely enjoyed Downpour as a whole, both as a DLC and for the additional lore it provides even if some things may not be objectively canon; some things have more wiggle room than others, but considering Downpour is essentially Videocult endorsed, I'm willing to put stock into certain aspects. The new mechanics were fun to learn and mess around with, the stories were overall very interesting, and I had a lot of fun losing my god damn mind over these slugs. There are some major issues I have with Downpour though, one of the most major being how some campaigns diverge explicitly from the core theme of the vanilla game. I appreciate what Downpour added, but this is definitely not going to be all cheers and praise.

The rest of this will be going under a cut cause it's gonna be long.

This will be split into sections for easier reading and for easier writing for my poor sleep deprived brain. Saint's campaign broke me, yall. I've been operating on 5 hours of sleep all day.

Raw gameplay enjoyment

This one definitely goes to Arti. Her movement is practically unmatched; while Riv goes really fast and Saint lets you climb a lot of surfaces, Arti's bomb jumping combined with her permanent spear pulling ability makes her able to traverse almost anything. This is the first time I've ever dared traverse the Underhang, one of my favorite areas, without bringing a grapple worm with me. It was honestly amazing.

Her whole campaign is also just really, really fun for me. I like fighting things, but being forced to learn how to fight scavengers was honestly a delight. This is the most fun I've ever had repeatedly dying in a game, and it was for a multitude of reasons too, be it a stupid platforming death (happened a lot while I was learning how to use her bomb jump), getting overwhelmed by enemies, or just cackling at some wild lucky hit by a scav. And even beyond scavengers, fighting other things that would normally make me shriek and run away as other characters just became... average, really. I took down my first king vulture in Arti's campaign, and all it really took was an explosive spear (and the KV wedging itself into the wall, but shh).

Mechanically she's just... fun. She's so fun. And! You have basically no consequence for dying anyway! You have food EVERYWHERE and it's extremely easy to kill things to eat, explosives thrown at point blank range do little more than stun you, and aggression is encouraged. So even if you fuck up and die 200 times (literally my count was 200+ in 27 cycles LMAO) there's like... zero bearing on your progress in the game. And I really like that. It was still brutal, don't get me wrong. I think around three quarters of those 200 deaths, probably more, were from scavengers. But part of Rain World's original difficulty was that losing karma would lock you out of traversing regions eventually, and Arti kind of... removes that restriction. I will say it's really fucking annoying to have to look for karma 5 scavengers if you're trying to pass a karma 5 gate, but I really only had to do that twice and that was because I wanted to explore. It's kind of just... natural, I guess, for the structure of her campaign. I'm not good enough at combat to really do it cleanly myself, but I imagine people who are even more confident in their ability to go full on warpath mode with scavengers had less of an issue with this.

Gourmand quite easily takes second place after Arti, with almost as much combat ability as her if you use their abilities right and the added benefit of being able to make like half the game's items if you have the right things. Their food requirement was kind of daunting at first, but I was almost always able to eat up to full food, and it really wasn't that much of a challenge. Mechanically, too, their body slam move is really fucking funny, and I will forever be sad they patched out the tendency of Gourmand launching enemies across the map when rolling into them. Shoutout to that one white lizard on the wall that I landed on and totally crushed the spine of without me even seeing it, because I was trying to go fast and was not expecting an enemy one screen down. The exhaustion mechanic didn't bother me too much and honestly made me more confident with the starving mechanic, which I'm grateful for; that was probably the only reason why I even tried to starve on Arti when I had to shelter because of the rain. And overall, Gourmand's campaign was pretty chill, a nice middle ground of difficulty between Survivor and Hunter. It was a good stepping stone after finishing my Hunter run.

Least favorite mechanically was Saint. It got really irritating really fast to not be able to throw spears, and not even to kill things. I can stun things with rocks, sure, but that doesn't help me if I'm in a narrow space (which Saint has a lot of) and the place I want to go to doesn't have alternate paths (which Saint has a lot of). It got so, so fucking tiring to have to wait for enemies to fucking move, especially with the ridiculous abundance of spiders and spitter spiders everywhere I went. This campaign was the one I used dev tools the most on because I genuinely just got sick of waiting, because not only did that mean I wouldn't get anywhere when exploring, I would also waste time that would otherwise be spent eating food—which is also harder to get because Saint is strictly vegetarian!—or finding a shelter so I didn't freeze to death. You can only get spawn camped so many times before you get annoyed and all. Except instead of spawn camping you get the same fucking enemies camping the same fucking pipes forever. Good luck trying to get anywhere if you don't have karma 10. My god. The tongue was fun, but again, it does Not help if you're in a cramped space.

Spearmaster and Riv were... eh. Average. Fun in that I enjoyed them, average in that they didn't invoke any particular feelings in me. Definitely irritating that they introduced Spearmaster's dual spear wielding gimmick and then. Took it away from you. Lmao. What the hell honestly. But I had fun with all the campaigns overall.

Vanilla Lore Compliance

Gourmand takes this one easily. I like it because it's one of the most removed from the iterators' stories, similar to Survivor and Monk's campaigns. While that's a little sad, I'll admit, it fits a lot better with the core theme of the game. You're not the protagonist. You're a slugcat, trying to survive in this hostile world that was never designed for your existence. You can stumble your way into the lives of beings truly godlike in comparison to you, but you're not even a speck of dust in the grander scheme of things. You're nothing.

But you are you, and Gourmand embodies that very well. Literally too fat to give a shit, good for them. Their whole journey is just to eat well and sleep well and that translates so well to both gameplay and lore, and it's lovely. Lore wise, I also really like that ascending Gourmand gets you almost nothing, and doesn't even count as a proper game clear, because Gourmand is so so removed from anything to do with the ancients as a whole, which is actually something i had a bit of an issue with even in the vanilla lore. Who gives a shit about ascending? You're a slugcat, god dammit. The only things you think about are food, shelter, and danger. And maybe shiny pearls. What does the cycle matter to you? You're just trying to survive. So I really like Gourmand's true, Outer Expanse ending, especially the story implications of the ending cutscenes if you also finish their food quest. You're just exploring this new land, looking for food and safe places to rest in, because you're a slugcat with a family. What more could you want as a slugcat?

Arti is also fairly lore compliant, mostly because she. Uh. Has like no bearing on the lore lmfao. Her story is the most isolated from those of the iterators; she would have done what she did regardless of Pebbles' input. (Gourmand too, but that's not relevant here.) But her story also doesn't really tie back into the original theme of the game, so I can't really comment much on her campaign in terms of lore compliance. Still loved it though! Really liked the reasoning behind letting Pebbles read pearls for you.

Riv and Saint are terrible in terms of lore compliance, and it's a big issue I have with both their campaigns. I'm sure everyone's thought along these lines already, but both of them go directly against the core theme of the vanilla game, which again, is that you are not the protagonist. Riv is probably worse than Saint in this regard, because the events of her campaign require her direct input to occur, while Saint, you can argue they're just an observer of the world in the distant future. But they're both really really bad on this. I still enjoyed the story, but seriously? You're going to tell me someone purposed a slugcat to intentionally go inside an interator to retrieve possibly the most dangerous item in this world to date? And apparently, according to dev notes, Riv wasn't created by an iterator. Which makes no sense and I've elected to ignore that piece of information considering Riv spawns in with the mark of communication and a pearl with schematics of the inner workings of iterator cans. This is peak protagonist behavior. It's nice to get character development on Pebbles, but this really is just... bad. Lol. For canon lore. I really don't take anything Riv does in her campaign as objective fact.

Spearmaster is kinda just there. Not implausible by any means, given Hunter's campaign, though there's some timeline inconsistencies with Moon's collapse if you look through the vanilla pearls and compare the years. It's not that big of an issue though.

Story Concept Execution

As much as I have issues with Saint's campaign, I have to give this one to them. From start to finish it's just shock after shock, blow after blow after blow of oh god, the world's so different. Every change was at least interesting, even if I don't approve of some of them; I liked piecing together that the rain cycle doesn't exist anymore, and rather it's now based on whether you're freezing or not. The little details in how the world has changed are really charming too, especially in how lots of things are now fluffy because it's bitterly cold. Though Riv, Spearmaster and Arti have marked world changes, none are quite as striking as those found in Saint's campaign. It's truly like exploring a new world, except you can still see the old one in it, and it's a strange, somewhat bittersweet, somewhat melancholy feeling to go through the various areas, especially when Saint's campaign naturally takes you through most of the regions. The Undergrowth as a whole, where it used to be Drainage System, really hammers it home I think. You're witnessing the world reclaim itself from what the ancients did to it, for better or for worse, and though it's sad to see the old world go, it's kind of a relief to see it start to push back.

The layout of the world on a more meta sense is also really, really cool. I loved the detail of the old Underhang-Five Pebbles The Region gate now being the link between Silent Construct and Frigid Coast. I loved seeing, despite how horrifying it is story wise, how Pebbles' can has decayed and changed after all these years, and how life has reclaimed his arrays and chambers. I also really really loved the fact that each area has been renamed to reflect its current state; going through Sky Islands (Windswept Spires) to Farm Arrays (Desolate Fields) to Outskirts (Suburban something, I missed the second word) and beyond... it's very haunting in a way I thoroughly enjoyed. It felt a lot like picking through shattered pieces of glass and trying to piece them back together into a coherent shape again, while also knowing that it's never going to be what it once was.

Additionally, I absolutely adored the monologue changes of the already existing echoes, just mentally comparing the differences between what they say in Saint's time and what they say to the other slugcats. And the new echoes too! I keep thinking about the Undergrowth echo, how they mention they never wanted to ascend. It hits you so so hard with how the old world the ancients built is nothing but rubble and ice now. How they, too, were just people, trying so hard to do what they thought would bring them peace, and some of them not finding it even after what they thought would be an eternal rest. It just adds to the overall melancholy feeling of Saint's version of the world.

I don't think I have a clear second place or last place campaign for this category. They all held up on story execution in their own right, but none stood out quite as starkly as Saint's campaign did. They did well to force you to play Spearmaster and Rivulet first before Saint would be unlocked; without the context of both Spearmaster's pre-collapse time and Riv's post-collapse, heavily Rot infested time, Saint's story wouldn't have hit as hard.

Story Impact

It's really hard for me to pick one definitive favorite for this category because all the Downpour cats have such good stories for such different reasons, but Arti, Riv and Saint's campaigns definitely gripped me really, really hard. Spearmaster's did too, but a little less so, and not for Spearmaster himself; I was in it for Moon.

Arti held my interest from the start. It's no secret I'm an avid tragedy and horror enjoyer, and Arti's whole campaign is painted in the blood of her pups. Besides just being mechanically fun, I found myself constantly on the edge for more of her story, always wanting to find out more about what happened to her, what happened to her pups, what happened to make her hate scavengers so much she committed to killing them all. Though the final execution of her actual story felt a little flat, I still really loved the ideas behind her story, and she was the first one to make me destroy my sleep schedule to try and finish her campaign. The whole concept of a mother's rage extending so far that it locks her out of a true release is so so sad and I love it. I love her rage, I love her grief, I love her ceaseless violence that only perpetuates the cycle further, I love how hard it hits when you kill the Chief Scav and how little you get out of that. Her story is an exercise in futility and yet you will root for her. It's gutting and it's beautiful. I also know most of what happens in her other ending, and that just drives it home even more, I think. That her love and her grief is so strong that it prevents her from obtaining a true rest, forever separated from her pups after fighting for them for so long. It's heartbreaking and yet it fits so well. Very fitting for Rain World's overall melancholy world.

Riv and Saint both went for my throat with Pebbles' state, but in different ways. With Riv you get to see the horror of how much the Rot has overtaken his can. It was a fun and horrifying moment to enter via the wall and drop down, and then get stunned by the fall to finally realize that wait, the zero gravity is broken. And then seeing the proto daddies at the end and then encrusted over the pipe that would normally lead to GSB, and also the gaping hole in the side of his chamber and him just sitting on the floor, dejected. He sounds so defeated from the start, so frustrated but in a way that's more just tired than angry, or angry at himself rather than at the world. How desperate do you have to be as something so powerful, wielding so much knowledge, to ask some random critter that flopped into your chamber to save your long time friend (whose state you yourself caused)? And to ask them to go deep into your systems and remove the power source keeping you alive, no less? It drives home the passage of time between Monk's campaign and Riv's, and really nicely shows how Pebbles has changed as a person, even if it took everything literally falling to pieces around him to finally get there. I really get it, though, the fear of yourself and your actions and knowing you objectively messed up, but being too afraid and ashamed to ask for help. It's very brave of him to even ask Riv to do what he did, when he spends the last six campaigns telling slugcats to fuck off in no uncertain terms because he's so certain he has to fix this on his own. And the post game too, when you go back to his chamber and he just looks sad and finally agrees that he doesn't have to do this alone? Gut wrenching. They really went for everyone's hearts with Riv.

Which is just driven further home in Saint's campaign, when you find him sitting out in the snow in the remains of his can, his chamber not even a chamber anymore, and with barely enough of himself together to greet Saint when they stumble into him. He has only his music pearl left, and even that is distorted by time, and if you take it to Moon she pleads you to bring it back to him because it's all he has left. Any of his former bite is gone, replaced only by stuttering curiosity and confusion, and he even thanks you for keeping him company if you return enough times. You spend so long seeing him as this unreachable, untouchable presence that gives you some directions in an aloof way and maybe helps you out a bit, just to see him in this state of ruin, barely alive. I've never had a more visceral reaction to seeing him than I did in Saint's campaign, nor have I ever been more determined to find him. Like, stepping into what used to be Shaded Citadel, finding the Husk and realizing Pebbles collapsed because of course he did, he tells you that when you play as Riv, realizing why it's not shaded anymore, and seeing the state of his can... it's heartbreaking. The fact that there's so little of him left is heartbreaking.

And then on top of that, you get to actively choose to end his misery. To grant him the one thing he spent literally his whole life toiling for. And to me, it felt cruel, almost. It didn't even feel like mercy. And you can choose to do the same thing to Moon, too. It's all framed in such desolate but clear terms: the old world is dying, and a new one is emerging. Is it better to leave Moon there and allow her to slowly decay? But is ascending her a good option either? Is Pebbles truly more at peace like this? And it just makes me think about how both iterators may have felt watching Saint start glowing and flying, and then suddenly their souls are wrenched out of their bodies. And then after you reach the end of Rubicon, if you ascended either one or both of them, you can find them at the end, talking to you and telling you, perhaps a bit vaguely, that none of this is real. That none of what you did has lasting impact, that Pebbles is likely still out there in the snow, that Moon is still going to slowly decay like he did, that Saint, despite it all, is still trying to do this over and over and over again, because that is what an echo does. I haven't cried this hard at a game in a really long time, and I immediately started sobbing when I poked my head into the chamber and saw both of them there, the way they looked when in their prime, just to be told that my actions meant nothing in the end. It was absolutely devastating, but that really just cements how powerful Saint's story is. And here I realize that probably means Saint has the most powerful story impact, but it's truly hard to compare to Arti's and Riv's because the impact is different for all of them.

Then you have Spearmaster, where you get to explore Moon before she collapsed. I sobbed when I got to Neural Terminus and saw Moon's gorgeous blue and pink interior with Reflection of the Moon playing, just mourning all that she lost, all that Pebbles took from her, and despite it all, somehow, she's still kind and patient. Getting to see her as powerful as we will ever see her, while also knowing how much she loses and that this is not even close to what she would have been like in her prime, was just so so gutting. We're never going to know what Moon was like before it all happened, but this comes close to it, and it hurts. In a sense, it's a nice juxtaposition to what Riv and Saint show of her and Pebbles, and also just draws on an objective fact. Before and after the events of the vanilla game, Pebbles and Moon were or will be different. We only get to see glimpses of it.

Gourmand really doesn't have any stock here. Their ending is sweet, for sure, I cried twice at their ending, but the impact of knowing how Moon and Pebbles change and also the impacts of Arti's grief and rage really stuck with me more.

Uh, a section just for Spearmaster?

As you may have been able to tell from the analysis and summary above, I kind of didn't really think much of Spearmaster's campaign. I personally did not find it too hard (though I had experience dragging around two pups before that, so I was used to only having one active hand by then), but it's just frustrating to be introduced to a cool mechanic and then have it removed from you if you give a shit about the story. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy the concept of them as a purposed being. Why do they have no mouth? Why are they able to secrete spears? How and why do they have to eat from these spears? Why did Suns choose to create this creature? Wouldn't it have been easier to just take an existing slugcat and modify it like Sig did? So many questions. Their biology is funky and I enjoy it.

That's sort of it, though. While I did like Spearmaster's campaign overall, it really doesn't hold up to any of the other campaigns. Which is a bit disappointing, but oh well.

Downpour Overall

The concepts and stories introduced here were absolutely stunning, and I had a blast playing through all the campaigns, even if I did employ the use of dev tools a fair bit in certain campaigns (mostly Saint and a bit in Riv tbh), and I also turned on 'keep key items on passage' to speed things up. I do have a little bit of an issue with how certain parts of some campaigns cough Spearmaster and Saint cough felt very much like you'd need your karma to be high to be able to effectively traverse the map, while also really limiting your options for actually gaining karma, but maybe that's a bit of a problem on my end for not being a good enough gamer lmao. I dunno. I just don't enjoy karma grinding on something so story focused. On Survivor and Monk it's whatever, but I know the world and the story by now. I really hated having to just eat and sleep just so I could move on in the story, and eventually I just resorted to spawning food in with Beastmaster here and there so I could actually fucking save my progress. But overall? It was so so fun.

I am a little miffed that some of the campaigns directly go against how the vanilla game was structured, but I'm also delighted that we pretty much have dev approval for character development of characters like Pebbles and Moon, and to some extent Sig(!) and Suns. I personally work with the iterators a lot with stories, so I'm just piling up all of this information and shoving my face into it. I'm so happy about this asdkfgkklsdkl and generally, I think I'm just going to take the different timelines you can see with the various campaigns as snapshots of different moments in time. Do I honestly believe Riv could have achieved what she did? Do I genuinely believe Saint could or should have helped either iterator ascend? No, not really. Spearmaster I could believe more, but he's really a footnote in the broader story, an observer to this world that he really has no say in. I think that would capture the nature of Rain World better. You may not be the main character, but you can still view this world through the lens of something that exists in it.

Difficulty wise, it was okay for me personally, and mostly the dev tooling and assists were to help with me getting irritated more than objective difficulty I'd say? Like, I definitely could have done it legit, but it would take about three times as long and I just wanted to explore, for fuck's sake, and I wanted the rest of the story. Saint and Spearmaster were definitely harder in some respects, and Arti is a difficulty Cliff for some people, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't enjoy the game, especially with remix options now.

Remix is definitely something I really really love though. For the longest time, I could not securely recommend Rain World to people because of the glaring accessibility issues it had. It still has some, but it's a great deal improved from what it used to be, and I'm very glad about that. Rain World's never going to be an easy game, but it's a really great one that deserves to be enjoyed by more people, and Remix is a great option for those who need more help along the way.

Some of the new creature concepts are really neat, honestly. I loved caramel lizards, these goofy little red x green lizard mixes with six (six!!!) legs, and also tiny cute pretty strawberry lizards. The Miros Vultures, as much as I fucking loathed having to deal with them, are so so cool conceptually. I just wish they didn't chase you across rooms :/ and, while terrifying, MLL was cool. I like the progression of the Rot. It's just cool details overall.

Would I recommend Downpour to people? Absolutely, but definitely play the base game first. Downpour is, as other people have put it, sort of its own game that shares mechanics and certain aspects of lore with Rain World. It was a mod originally, after all. But I think the MSC team deserves the money for the sheer amount of work they've put into this. It was an experience that was well worth the price and more.

[c-rowlesdraws]

Ooh these are some interesting questions!

1. Art programs you have but don't use? and/or 11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

I'll answer both! (But for the sake of my stamina + pathetic attention span I'd encourage people to ask just 1 question at a time)

1. ohhhhh I've got a few lol. I tend to be very bad about trying out new art programs, and really only shift from one to another when the one I was using stops being supported or I'm otherwise forced to change my workflow. The first digital art program I used for a very long time was Corel Painter, and then I switched to Photoshop, which I still use (I know, I know) despite friends trying to turn me on to Clip Studio. I have Clip Studio! It is by all accounts a wonderful program. I just can't bring myself to invest the time into learning all the quirks of a new program when Photoshop is still right here. Call me again when I finally get fed up with giving Adobe my money. I also have Autodesk Maya still sitting in my taskbar, from way back when I had a subscription... but I prefer Modo for 3D modeling and haven't touched Maya since the last time I had to animate something. So now the icon is just there for... decoration, I guess? Like a mantlepiece knick-knack for my computer. 11. Sometimes if I'm getting very frustrated or just need a break from Sounds, I will pause or turn off the stuff I'm listening to while drawing, but that's the exception rather than the normal state of things. I love listening to music, sometimes music that matches the mood or aesthetic of what I'm drawing (listening to Talisk when painting a nature scene, for example), but usually just my Spotify library on shuffle, or Radiooooo. "Good drawing music", to me, tends to be music with a good but not too repetitive beat, and either all instrumental or with lyrics that don't tell so specific a narrative that I'll get distracted. Lyrics in a language I don't understand also work well. Sometimes I'll go out of my way to listen to music that "fits" a particular character that I'm drawing.

When I'm not listening to music, I listen to podcasts, or put YouTube video essays on and try to not give in to the urge to look at them instead of the canvas. My favorite podcasts right now include Well There's Your Problem (a podcast about engineering disasters, with slides), "How Did This Get Made" (about bad movies), and "Maintenance Phase" (about diet and wellness industry trends, controversies, and influencers). My go-to YouTube video essayists used to be the holy trinity of hbomberguy, Jenny Nicholson, and Lindsay Ellis (who has been making new content exclusively on Nebula for a while now), but other favorites are Big Joel, Jacob Geller, Dan Olson (Folding Ideas), Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician), and Defunctland.

Sometimes I listen to/"watch" Let's Plays and video game streams while drawing, too! My current favorite streamers are supergreatfriend (also @supergreatfrien right here on tumblr!), Helloween4545, and my friends Kristi and Liana at Vodka Auntie Cabaret.

[timeoverload]

I don't understand why you are so afraid of me. I don't think I am very scary. I try to be welcoming but maybe I'm not doing a very good job. I know I have hurt your feelings in the past and I think that was due to my lack of understanding. I know I'm not a perfect person. I'm sorry for that and I never want to hurt you again. I would take good care of you and I know that I can be an amazing partner. I am very loyal. I don't know why you can't just give me a chance.

I am not trying to be impatient with you or be pushy. I know you are having a hard time right now. I know it's not easy to step out of your comfort zone.

I have to do that every time I come to see you. Of course I love seeing you and coming to the shop. I just get so nervous every time that I feel sick and forget how to act normal. I have literally had panic attacks in the car because my social anxiety is so bad. I think it was the worst when I tried to come to see you on walk-in days because I didn't know what was going to happen and it was very stressful for me.

I don't leave my house to see anyone else but you and my family. I don't hang out with friends outside of work or anything like that anymore. I don't have any extensive conversations with anybody and my phone rarely goes off unless someone is calling me trying to get my money. I think I have gone out with friends by myself less than 5 times in the past 10+ years because I wasn't allowed to go out alone for such a long time. I became so isolated when I moved to Florida and I had no friends down there and it only got worse when I moved back to Nebraska. I also wasn't allowed to have friends over either and I tried a couple times but it didn't end well. I think I became used to the feeling of isolation unfortunately. I have always had trouble socializing since I was a kid so that definitely doesn't help. I'm not sure if I can fix that because I have been trying my entire life. I am just weird I guess.

I don't think I have gone out to do anything since I moved back home. I haven't gone to any concerts. I can't remember the last time I went out to eat at a restaurant or to a bar. I don't go outside unless I'm driving somewhere or walking from the parking lot to and from work. I have to have a blood test on Friday and I think my vitamin D levels are very low because I rarely see the sun anymore unless I'm looking through the window. The world scares me more now because I've had a lot of bad experiences.

I don't know if you have the same problems with social anxiety or not but I totally understand if you do. It's not easy to deal with.

I want you to know that I'm not going to stop you from doing the things you enjoy or living your life. You are free to do the things that make you happy. All I ask is that you spend time with me when you can. I wouldn't force you to spend all of your time with me. I understand the need for quiet time. I'm not controlling. I would like to make your life easier and I don't want to stress you out.

If you have a problem with something I'm doing, you can just tell me. I'm not going to get mad about anything unless you yell at me or something. I would hope you wouldn't do that though. I know you are very caring and you have been gentle towards me in person. I avoid confrontation as much as possible because I don't like fighting.

I think it's kind of funny how we both sit in our rooms alone all the time. I don't understand why we can't sit together in OUR room. I think it would be more enjoyable than having to stalk each other on the internet. It isn't good for either of us. I also want you to know that I believe in you and I love you.

Anyway, it has been a long day. I don't want to stay up too late since I woke up too early because I couldn't stop coughing. Sometimes my acid reflux causes me to have coughing fits in the middle of the night. It doesn't happen as often as it used to but it's annoying when it does. If I go to the doctor, they will probably just put me on a PPI again and last time it hurt me more than it helped me. I got put on omeprazole for gastritis about 6 months before I got my kidney infection that caused sepsis. I read a study recently about how proton pump inhibitors can increase the risk of infections and suppress the immune system. They can also increase the amount of E. Coli bacteria in the body which is the strain of bacteria that caused my infection. I am going to stay far away from that stuff.

Work wasn't very exciting. I wasn't that busy and my cases should have been done at 3 but they added another one for 5 so I had to do other things for 2 hours while I waited. I only had to stay 30 minutes late. I suppose I shouldn't complain because I got off at 4 yesterday. I don't have any cases in the morning tomorrow. Thursday might be busy unless the weather gets bad again. I am planning on getting groceries tomorrow after work just in case.

It's getting late and I feel like I'm just rambling now. I don't really want to make food because I ate a lot earlier. I have some blueberry muffins I need to eat before they go bad so I will probably have those and some other snacks. I will probably get ready for bed after that because I'm already having trouble keeping my eyes open. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a great day tomorrow too!!! 💖💖💖

[soggymentos65]

GOD banhammer is so fucking perfect, i've been staring at a picture of him in some way shape or form for probably like fifteen hours out of the last three days. he is just so very mwah i wanna bite his armor it looks so fucking cool bro. and his teeth, good LIRD his fucking teeth those chompers are driving me insane. i wanna put my hand in his mouth and i don't think i'd even be upset if he bit me for that, hell i want him to bite me. he could step on me too and pick me up and throw me down the stairs and i wouldn't even be mad. did i mention how fucking tall he is? mans is like 6 foot 11 inches, thats bonkers, he could punt me into the sun and i'd let him. his hands are probably huge as fuck too. i want him to hold me but i'd settle for being manhandled into a jail cell. he probably patrols the cells on occasion since he's just built different and i'd stand in my 'pathetic homosexual loser' cage and give him a gay little wave as he walks past. blow him a kiss and all that. he might not even notice because he's blindfolded which would be saddening but hey maybe i'll get to feel his touch when he drags me off to be executed or whatever. does he even execute his prisoners at all? if he doesn't i guess i will just rot in that cell until he sees fit to release me. bummer. or perhaps i could seduce him into letting me work as an assistant/maid/etc for him instead. he seems like he'd get off on having someone to order around directly, and i wouldn't mind obeying his every command. anyways as much as i'd enjoy letting him order me around it would probably get boring eventually. he'd probably melt immediately if i gave off even a whiff of dominance. mans still listens to his mom for fucks sake, he'll fold like a wet napkin if i yank him down to his knees and grab his chin. that might be tough with the size difference though. i could back him into a corner and grab his horns and pull his face down to mine and then kiss him or whisper to him or whatever. fuck yeah. not to mention he's blindfolded too, so i could mess around with that. he'd probably be kinda mouthy about it, especially if we have a significant strength difference, but he'd like it. putting a hand in his mouth would probably shut him up. god the thought of running my hand along his teeth is just so fucking enthralling. they look kinda similar to shark teeth. built to maul people and yet here i am touching them like the most foolish creature upon god's green earth. cough this is getting a little too immersive whoops fuck uhhh right! his armor. the gems everywhere is attractive. shiny objects are so cool and banhammer has a gem on like every section of his armor. they probably make cuddling a tiny bit uncomfortable but that's par for the course with armor. i'd put up with it. his weapon looks sick as hell too but i am not a weapons connoisseur, i am a men connoisseur. and this one is delicious cough right his armor. his boots look pretty tough. they probably have treads that'd leave a good mark if he stepped on my back. that'd be cool. i'd let him dig his heel into me with great force. god at this point i dont even wanna fuck him i just want to either destroy or be destroyed by this man. good fucking god why did i write so much. checks wiki right he has four eyes. assuming they look like his mom's do it'd probably be pretty cute. two little extra ones beside his normal eyes. he probably winks by closing half his eyes. and now i'm thinking of various seductive faces he could make. i am down so bad i can't even. i wanna kiss him choke him slam him into a wall. or have him do that to me. i'm not picky. one of us is gonna be pathetic, obedient, and submissive and i frankly do not give a fuck which one it ends up being. i'd let him put a collar on me. the thought of banhammer wearing a collar is making my brain do terrible horrible things so i will leave it at that. i do draw the line at like 'daddy' shit tho that's not for me at all & he probably has daddy issues anyway

[eli-rooks-ni]

WBW Part 5: The Opening

  "Hush, Bishop Keller." The subtle force of an untrained Speech user prodded at Lyle's mind, and she countered that with an easy mental shove. "Say, Luke, what do you want?" Luke's grin widened, cornering his target and motioning to his backup squad. "Look where we found our M.I.A Bishop, huh? A slum? I guess we should burn this place down to find your new accomplices, don't you think so?" Two Rooks grabbed at her arms, and she made no move to struggle. It'd only look more suspicious. "I don't know what you're talking about, Knight Fletcher, and I'm glad you found me at last. This place is a maze-" The Knight laughed harshly, wiping at his eyes. "Ah, save your excuses for the Queen, my lady. We all know where your true allegiance lies." 

   

  Cipher paced around the underground lair, biting at their lower lip. "It's too soon… How did they manage to track her down? We aren't ready yet…" Solstice sighed, setting their vials aside. "Si, you know there's always a chance for your plans to go wrong, but you've always got a Plan B, right?" Cipher huffed, sitting down in the lower bunk with Solstice. "Right…" They couldn't really tell their friend what the tactic would imply… and it's meant to be a secret anyway. "You done with the poisons?" Solstice nodded, pulling up a sealed vial and shaking it slightly. "The same efficiency. Just working on it gives me the creeps, though. Good thing you're not the scientist here." Cipher hummed, pushing away the flashbacks of poisoned fingertips, and dead Pawns littered across the ground. Smothered down the memory of their desperate act to be fit and normal, the final attempts against the Selection, running off to where the government would never find them… "Yeah, you're right. It'd be too much for me. However, it would be the best way to gain an advantage against them. Also, it's ironic." Maven chuckled from across the room, tapping away on her phone. "You, Cipher, and your wicked sense of humor. It's too dark." The hacker shrugged, glancing at the hacked security feeds in the Queen's Palace. "Yeah, just like the situation right now." 

  

  "Child, where have you gone these days? Life here has been dull without your insights… I've missed you." Again, the gentle prodding of the Speech entered Lyle's brain, and she had to let it in. For the grand scheme… "I'm grateful for your concern, Your Majesty. I've been careless and had to deal with an accident. I'm sorry to have caused you so much distress." The Queen smiled, looking content at the reply, but the enhanced force of the Speech told Lyle otherwise. "I understand you might need rest after such an incident, but can you do me a favor?" Lyle held her polite smile firmly, bracing for what had to come… "Can you lead a Cleansing team? The slums must be so harsh on you, and it's a perfect way to ensure none of your colleagues would suffer the same fate. Will you do that for us?" Lyle smiled back, with an unwavering tone. "Of course, Your Majesty. I will see it done." 

  

  Having to work with the team she's given is the hardest part, worse than the verbal sparring with the Queen. The Archbishop, Ethan Heller, is her deputy in this operation. He is also the most corrupted, the Queen's close relative, and a master of charm and persuasion, rivaling Maven. Cipher correctly predicted the other two teammates, after pointing out the obvious inclusion of the Archbishop. The Knight, Luke Fletcher, and the loyalist Rook, Watson Lewis. "Close enough to the Queen, yet disposable as meat shields if need be.", Cipher stated.  Lyle closed her eyes as she stood in front of the slums, a baton in hand and another weapon in the holster.  

  The game begins. 

[ghostjelliess]

I call it smudging.

Like with charcoal, not sage.

When you say something, and the people around you feel a way, and so they smudge it until there are no edges around you, no identity, no accomplishment, forced assimilation in the most passive ways. It's annoying and I hate it.

I got an A! -> the test was easy

The doctor ordered a biopsy -> that's normal, don't worry

I studied hard -> you're just so smart

I had this scary surgery -> it's amazing what we can do with medicine these days

I finally accomplished my goal -> God is good

I've been trying to get more fit -> oh, you look fine

It's this small, dismissive minimization that denies any personal experience. (It's different from the gaslighting, that's a whole 'nother problem.) It's disengaged and uninterested, smudging you into the hive-mind, stripping identity and agency down to a generalized, controllable game piece, easy to manipulate or move.

That's the point, though, I guess. You are allowed a percentage of personal identity or struggle, and beyond that, you must be smudged. Maybe there was a time it was meant to share burdens, but I'm stopping my brainwashed-apologist cult-raised mind from seeking reasons or empathetic explanations right now. It's just annoying, like, let people be people, let yourself care. I don't mean trauma-dump or glory-seek, I'm just annoyed that these same smudgers are usually the victimizers who throw a dramatic fit about every movement in the water, and it's a little exhausting when they're family and just so obviously care more about how dramatically you tell a story than what you're sharing. Sure it has made me a better storyteller, but it also rewards worry and self-obsession. It means that every part of your life is waved away, and then my mom sighs and tells me in that annoyed tone "you've just always been more independent than your sisters."

Like... yeah. But you also treat us so differently.

It's weird, I don't like it. Any one else have this? Do you have better words or explanations for it? I'm struggling with this one. It feels the same as dirt under my nails or sticky on my hands, like a scarf wrapped around my neck, or that annoying dog-alarm people have in their yards now that I guess you're not supposed to hear, just this grinding gross feeling I want off me immediately. Maybe I'm the problem here, I don't know. It's not wanting praise, but engagement, in knowing people and being known despite our flaws, not smudging real people in real life until they look like an instagram feed, everything unsightly left blurred in the background, each image curated for a specific audience, it makes me feel claustrophobic.

[justafoox]

Gasters Scar - Part 1

It had been a couple weeks since the Monsters were all forced further underground into The Burrow. The monsters worked together to make it their new home, most working on digging out the new areas, while the monsters who didn't really need to breathe focused on going back up to the Underground for recon and collections. Chrystal, though she did need to breathe, wasn't immediately affected by the toxin… So she stayed up there longer than the others, just trying to make sure everyone got down to The Burrow safely.

Today, Chrystal was supposed to be meeting Gaster at the new lab that had been made for.. research. He had a bad habit of not really talking much about his projects, and given his work in the past… She was a bit worried about what he had planned. She knew he was doing research on the toxin, but.. that was it. Maybe he'd found out what it was? Maybe even a cure?

"How… that's not right, how is this..? Damn.. Why.. Why isn't this working..? This.. mixed with the.. no, it's.. but.. how..? I don't.. why can't I understand this.. what.. what isn't working..? Why is this.. happening.."

When Chrys got to the lab, she hesitated a second before stepping in and calling out "Gaster! I'm here!" There was no response until she'd walked down the hall towards his main work area, where she saw him standing at a table with papers and small vials scattered across it, hunched over and holding his head. "Uh.. Gaster..?" He immediately stood straight up and turned, looking at Chrys over his small circular glasses.

"Ah… Chrystal, welcome. My apologies, I didn't hear you come in.. Come, sit down" Gaster moved over to a large glass cylinder, looking almost like a giant test tube, and motioned to a chair and desk that sat beside it.

Chrystal sat down, looking over at the test tube in confusion for a moment before looking up at Gaster "So… What were you needing me to do today? Did you figure out more about the gas?"

Gaster nodded slowly "I have.. I've found that the main component is a flower from the surface.. Lilies. I borrowed a few books about surface flora from Doctor Alphys, and I found that Lilies are extremely toxic towards normal animals. I believe that's why it was used… They were trying to kill us." His hands balled into fists as he looked down at the papers scattered across the desk, his pupils glowing purple in their sockets.

"You really think so…? So.. Do you think that's why it doesn't really affect me?" Chrystals ears perked up as she listened to him "I mean.. I guess I had a couple coughing fits these past few days while being up there.."

Gaster seemed intrigued by this, using his magic to grab one of the many notebooks and pens that were scattered across his lab. The floating hands zipped across the room, almost as if looking for a notebook that wasn't already completely filled with notes, and after a few seconds they came back and floated in-front of him, with one hand holding the notebook and the other holding a pen. "Oh, is that so? That was.. actually why I asked you to come here today. I managed to contain a large amount of the toxin, both so I could research it… And test it. I have this chamber wired directly to the container with the gas, and I was wanting you to step inside so we could see if you really are immune"

Chrys tensed at his request "But.. We already know I'm immune, right? I can go up there and still breathe.. I dunno, what if something happens?" Her ears flattened against her head as she held her tail, petting it softly as she looked up at him… Her fur had started to bristle from anxiousness.

Another one of Gasters floating hands zipped over and opened up the test chamber as he spoke "I assure you, nothing will go wrong.. And in the unlikely chance that it does, I will turn off the machine and remove you from it. And.. I'm aware that as of right now, it seems you're immune… However, I want to see why. While you are in the chamber, your soul will be pulled out of you… And as we've done a few times before, I'll be pulling apart your human and monster souls to see if the gas targets either of them"

Chrys hesitated, looking down as she thought about it… Would this really be safe? Maybe.. if they found that she was really just completely immune, she could help actually make a cure for the toxin.. she.. she could bring Toriel back.. She had to try.. She nodded gently to herself as she stood up "Alright.. I just have to stand in there, right?"

Gaster stepped back so that he wasn't between Chrys and the chamber, nodding "Yes, that's all. It shouldn't take too long either.. And I'll need you to tell me if you feel anything. A cough, a headache, stomach upset.. anything"

"Alright.. " She nodded gently as she walked over to the chamber, taking a deep breath before stepping in, still holding her tail and petting it softly to try and calm her nerves

Gaster closed the chamber, which locked with a quiet whirring sound, before stepping back and watching Chrys through the glass. "Alright Chrystal, I'm going to pull your soul out now. I'll pour the gas in in small amounts as to not overwhelm your system"

She just stood there, still holding her tail as she watched her soul slowly being pulled out, floating in-front of her. It glowed light purple, though as Gaster worked to pull it apart, the separate colors could be seen.. Chrys shuddered as the feeling of her soul being tugged gave her chills, her fur bristling as she just focused on keeping her breathing slow and steady. After a few seconds, she could begin to smell the sweet scent of the gas.. it was faint for a moment, before quickly becoming overpowering. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand, coughing as she watched her soul slowly getting covered by the black dust of the toxin. "G-Gaster!"

Gaster stood still, just watching her as the gas was filtered into the chamber. "Stay calm, Chrystal. Working yourself up will make it harder to breathe.." He wrote as he watched her soul and her reactions, glancing up at the gauge at the top of the chamber that showed how much gas had been let in.. It didn't look like it was stopping

She tried to calm down and take a deep breath.. that was not the best idea. As she inhaled, she was immediately cut off by a coughing fit, her whole body shaking as she hunched over, holding her chest "C-Cant.. b.. b-breathe.." She could barely get the words out between coughs..

As she hunched over, Gaster sighed before going to open the chamber… But it wouldn't open. It looked like the lock was jammed, it wasn't supposed to open unless the gas had been filtered back out of the chamber… and the mechanism for that didn't look to be working correctly. It wasn't pulling the gas back out..

"G… Gas… ter…" She gasped for air as she leaned forward against the glass, slowly sliding down until she was sitting on her knees, still coughing while holding her chest.. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked down at the ground. Black inky gunk was being spattered across the floor as she coughed.. she could see faint tints of red mixed in with some of the globs. She slowly slumped over, her head hitting the glass of the chamber as she went unconscious "What have I done.."